#I'm sure it might also have something to do with some internalized transphobia of ''well if i think of myself as adjacent to straight rathe

[contagious-watermelon]

so, fellow aspec people, what are y'all's relationship to gay as an umbrella term? I've seen a lot of aroace people call themselves gay despite *technically* not being, and personally I've always been confused by that

(and also— I'd imagine that aroallo or alloace people who are gay for their other orientation would automatically include themselves with that term, but what about the arohets and acehets? how do y'all feel about the use of gay as an umbrella term?)

I'm just curious about other people's experiences bc i as an aromantic person feel rather uncomfortable being grouped in as gay because I've never been attracted to another man before, but anecdotally i seem to be in the minority

[the-everqueen]

Definitely curious about the genderflip Sandman fic 👀

SAME. as in, this is only a concept on the back burner of my brain because i haven't really worked out a satisfying answer to the central q of the thing which is: what does a gender flip DO to these characters?

because here's the thing. i think 99.9% of the time a genderswap au is unnecessary and boring. (not to mention essentialist as hell.) boys have pussies, girls have dicks, people of all genders are intersex, etc. some of us notgirls and failguys just want to vicariously experience our fave getting his clit sucked or her prostate massaged. i personally hate fics that go "but what if these [cis] dudes were [cis] GIRLS" and then proceed to strip the characters of everything that makes them compelling, that makes THEM, because at that point you might as well just flesh out your OCs and maybe interrogate your internalized misogyny and transphobia while you're at it.

anyways.

in the case of sandman, i am (transparently, obviously) curious about what happens if the Corinthian is not designed to be (read as) a man. in the comix, he very much embodies the fears and risks associated with gayness in the 90s (the AIDS epidemic, the dual violence of the closet and/or being outed, the culture around cruising, intersections of race and class with queerness in U.S. urban areas, etc). in the show that's subtly shifted to be a broader umbrella of queerness as well as a very 21st century anxiety around surveillance/public vs private that also taps into a cultural fascination with serial killers. in both cases, him reading as white, middle-aged U.S. man is a CRUCIAL part of what he signifies. he looks like (and takes advantage of being) someone with a lot of social privilege, across multiple categories. no one is going to question why he's in a fancy hotel, a conference room, a seedy bar, a suburb. OBVIOUSLY that changes if any one of these categories changes. i'm thinking about how and also what that means.

(the dreaming spinoff comix tried to do a Thing with a female Corinthian: while Coco spends a year as a real boy, a trans woman named Echo takes his place in the Dreaming. the spinoff handles Echo...really poorly. [i wrote a whole paragraph here trying to distill her arc but it's tangential to this post so suffice to say: it was Bad.] Echo is posed as this "femme fatale" type because i guess if the Corinthian is a woman, she'd also have to be sexy and alluring to the (heterosexist) male gaze. imho this was a cop-out, but then again...what about that spinoff wasn't.)

on some level i'm not sure the Corinthian could ever be anything besides the Corinthian, if that makes sense. as in, if you change anything about him, maybe then he ceases to be the Corinthian and becomes something else entirely. Dream can take different forms (and Overture has a femme!Dream) because stories can take different forms across cultures and times and species. but the Corinthian is intrinsically tied up in humanity and its biomythic nature. and what we think of as Human, as Sylvia Wynter reminds us, is very much tied up in narratives around identity including race, gender, and class.

at the same time my id absolutely wants a butch lesbian Corinthian who uses he/him pronouns. mostly because lesbian and wlw sex STILL gets dismissed or sanitized or erased or pathologized, even though queer women remain subject to state, police, and domestic violence at higher rates than their straight and/or cis counterparts. (also yes i'm counting my trans hermanas y primas, t*rfs can fuck right off.) but also because i'm a fagdyke with religious trauma who relates very hard to god's failed masterpiece.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi! I kinda need a second opinion on something from someone unbiased, so I hope you don’t mind me asking you.

I’m concerned I might be transphobic, or more accurately, that I have internalized transphobia. It’s kinda relevant so I’ll add that I’m Afab, genderfluid and Bi with a preference for women.

So my concern stems from that like, women with male anatomy make me uncomfortable. I don’t mean that interacting with trans ladies make me feel that, just like, the mental image of a hypothetical trans woman with the part. Other than that I don’t care.

the thing is, the grossed out feeling isn’t there when it’s a hypothetical trans man in my head. But in the opposite side, the idea of seeing the trans men I do know undressed makes me even more uncomfortable (as they’re my friends; most of my circle is made of trans boys). I actually don’t know any trans women irl, but once there’s a face to the name, I just assume it would be awkward but then we’d move on, if you know what I mean? Like the hypothetical trans girl weirds me out, but like not one I’ve met via the socials ig.

I don’t know if it’s like, internalized sexism and dislike for Cis Straight men ( I have a fear of men if that’s relevant. I’m trying to give you the full picture without any of my own personal biases, so I’m sorry if I’ve overloading you with useless facts about myself) or if it’s that bc I’m more attracted to women and I think male anatomy isn’t attractive?

I also don’t headcanon female characters as trans like I do for my favorite male characters. Not in a I-relate-to-the-transmasc experience sorta way but like, i don’t want my favorite female characters to be trans. Ew I don’t like that I feel that way EW.

Like, I’m actually pretty sure after typing all this out that I DO have some internalized stuff, and I just wanna know how to get rid of it. It’s not nice. I don’t wanna think and feel like that, because that’s gross.

Like, to reiterate I don’t like or have any opposition to talking, interacting etc with trans women. idk. Maybe it’s bc I’m trans opposite direction. Like I remember seeing trans women and being like “oh why would you want to be a girl” before I realized I shouldn’t like, be feeling that way so idk it could be related?

Usally I would just expose myself to that sorta stuff, ex: scrolling on the trans fem tag until it was normalized in my brain, but idk.

again, sorry to dump this on you! No pressure to answer I know it’s long!

Hi!!!

Sorry it took me a while to get back to you, I was honestly thinking through my answer.

So I'm not an expert and I'm not in your head, but it kind of sounds like a mixture of reasons.

You're transmasc, so you've said yourself that you don't identify as much with the transfem experience. That could be part of it.

You said you're not attracted to traditionally male anatomy and that could definitely be part of it as well. And that's nothing to be sorry about!

I also think it could be some internalized transphobia.

I think the most important part, though, is that you've said yourself that you haven't interacted much with mtf trans people. I think this is probably a huge part of the problem. You're probably basing a lot of your ideas and preconceived notions on stereotypes, you know? I would encourage you to like..think through some of the thoughts you have and where they come from. And what they're based on, if that makes sense? You're allowed to have preferences when it comes to sex and even what characters you read, but it seems like you might need to open your mind a bit more about mtf trans people in general.

I hope that helps!

[barbthebuilder]

Do you have any advice on how to come to terms with my genderfluidity? Like i want to ask people to use multiple pronouns for me and not just pick one and use that all the time and i want to ask people to use 2 names for me but i feel really selfish doing it which is really stupid considering i have a friend who goes by 2 names and all pronouns and i dont think he's selfish for it and i get pissed off when people say they are for it

Yo, thank you for the great ask!

I won't pretend I know the perfect answer for your question, but I can try helping anyway :)

I would start by a little bit of introspection. Be honest with yourself. What is selfish about demanding a right name and pronoun? Rationally, we both know that there is nothing selfish about that. But what do you feel? Try understanding where does this view come from and challange it. This could be some internalized transphobia. Pronouns are not a perk, a privilege - They are an act of a basic respect. It's important to aknowledge it doesn't always feel that way because of the way our society is structured around gender and sex.

Reading your ask I kinda deduced another thing. I might be VERY wrong tho haha. You have mentioned a friend that uses more pronouns and two names and how some people don't like that. Are you afraid of people's reactions? Do you think they will think you are selfish as well? It feels to me you internalized the thing they say about your friend and you're scared that may happen to you too. Or maybe not. I dunno.

I think you could ask your friend how he did it. If they had a similar experience I'm sure they will be thrilled to help you! It's also good to prepare some pharses. Like, practce the way you will communicate to other people your name and pronoun. Something along the lines of "Hey, guys! Just letting you know I'm genderfluid and I would appreciate if you used pronouns interchangebly for me, and also adress me as >name1< and >name2<. It's okay if you mess up sometimes but it's really important to me you try. That would mean a world to me! Thanks." Be clear about what you expect and make sure you show your appreciation. Sadly, we can't force people to adress us properly but we can try letting them know how it affects us.

Most importantly, be patient with yourself. Give yourself a pat on the back. This shit is tough and it's not easy to accept yourself when it feels like you haven't been prepared for all of this. But remember your friends love you. Ask yourself: "Would my friends want me to feel comfortable, respected and loved?".

That's all I can help with haha. Thank you for trusting me with this. By all means, seek more support if it feels like I didn't really help! I am not an expert, after all haha ^^

[seradae]

The following is an extremely rambling personal post

I came out as a trans woman when I was 32. Before then, I had identified as genderfluid for ages, but it was more how I felt than the way I presented. To virtually everyone, I was a man, and I was okay with that. Sort of.

While I had known GNC and trans folks growing up, it wasn't something I knew much about, and I certainly didn't consider it as an option. Even if I had spent a decade online "pretending" to be a woman and playing one in every game I could. Hell, I even had a name picked out (Erica), but it was fantasy... Right?

I first seriously considered transitioning when I was 18. At the time, I was friends with a whole bunch of furries, all of whom were queer and many of whom were trans (and all the ones I still keep up with have since come out as some flavor of trans). They were able to answer my questions, and ask me the right ones to make me realize that no, not everyone feels the way I do. Not everyone wishes with every fiber of their being that they had been AFAB. Not everyone thinks about whether they're worthy of feeling right in their body.

I spent so much time thinking about it, and frankly I knew it was what I wanted, but I also thought I knew why it was impossible. Why it was a terrible idea. Not because I wasn't a woman, but for two very specific reasons.

Reason #1: My business partner at the time (I was doing the tech startup thing) and closest friend was a massive transphobe. Unashamedly so. His influence left me with a ton of internalized transphobia, and I knew that it would be the end of that relationship. When I came out on Facebook 14 years later, I blocked him that day so I wouldn't have to see the vitriol.

Reason #2: I thought I would be an ugly woman. Or worse, that I'd look like an ugly man trying to look like a woman. In retrospect, this was a dumb reason, and seeing a post to the effect of "if the thing holding you back from transitioning is that you think you'd be an ugly woman, you're already a woman" was actually a huge part of what spurred me to finally do it. I never liked my face, never liked my skin, never liked my body. Untangling the body dysmorphia from gender dysphoria is still an ongoing process for me, but I feel better about my body now than I ever have before.

So, I'm 32 and I'm a baby trans woman. I don't know shit, but I have an incredibly supportive wife to help me explore myself and learn who I am. I have all these wonderful resources, and things are going well. But I am absolutely full of regret that I can't shake.

Every day, I oscillate between two states: wishing I had transitioned earlier, and knowing that I wouldn't have the life I have now if I had. I knew I couldn't rewind time and change things, but I still felt guilty. I have a wife and kid that I love and wouldn't trade for anything, but I kept thinking about the opportunities I missed.

I thought often about what it could've been like to experience my first makeup (aside from some simple gothy eyeliner and black nail polish) as a teen. Sleepovers with girl friends. Shopping for clothes that would've made me feel comfortable and happy.

I'm sure I would've faced hell, but I already was. I was a depressed kid, bullied throughout my school years, the first out and proud bisexual in a rural high school, fat, and awkward as fuck. But I could've hated myself less, or at least differently.

But a few years in, I don't feel these same regrets anymore. I might not be a teenager, but it doesn't make those firsts any less special. I get to experience them with my loving wife. I get to experience them with money, which is a far cry from my childhood. I get to experience them with the knowledge of how far I've come, and that I fucking made it.

I didn't think I would make it to 18. I didn't think I would make it to 21. I knew I wouldn't make it to 25, for sure. And now I'm closer to 50 than I am 21, even if I've got a ways to go. While I can't see the future, I can say that if I don't make it there, it won't be at my own hand. That's not something I would've been able to say before.

I still think about the "what if"s. It's impossible not to. But I don't regret my transition timeline anymore. I am living my damn life and I'm living it well. It's a good time to be me. Every day is; even the hard ones.

[vtori73]

CW: BIPHOBIA mainly but also arophobia & some acephobia and homophobia mentions

Hot take that isn't a hot take to most Bi/Mspec people...

I don't think non-mspec people should bother speaking on our issues MOST of the time, even if they are trying to be helpful, because OFTEN they themselves believe in biphobic rhetoric thus end up spreading it (intentionally or not). I'm not saying they can't or shouldn't ever though because we really need allies we REALLY do BUT y'all shouldn't try going deeper then "this is biphobic/biphobia."

I say this because I saw someone defending us but using the term "compulsory heterosexuality" which has roots in Biphobia/Transphobia (I think the person who coined it is also is friends with or thanks a terf at some point idr & searching for shit on Tumblr is a NIGHTMARE & she herself could also be a terf not really sure). BUT, while I say that I VERY VERY much stress that I'm not saying the concept doesn't exist because it does but I just think we as a community shouldn't be so okay with accepting terminology/ideas/etc that come from terfs or are supported/support terfs. I mean... how are we supposed to know if you'e not internalizing bigoted beliefs otherwise? How do we not know ur not secretly a terf or supporter of them? Or just biphobic/transphobic? Many of us who are not comfortable with using the term use "heteronormativity" which just seems like a better term overall but idk I could be biased for it.

It just reminds of gold star lesbian attitudes as well (not necessarily the concept moreso how people have been using it) which is why I think a decent chunk of people (mspec, trans, lesbian, etc) find the term uncomfortable. And again, I get that other things we use/have in the community may have "problematic" origins BUT I will forever say and believe there is a difference between "problematic" stuff that comes within the community versus stuff that comes from outside OR supports outsiders. Yes, the original coiner of the term is a lesbian but if this lesbian was friendly with terfs I do believe it's our job to not sweep that info under the table just because people don't want to hold our own accountable (in only specific instances oddly enough... its as if some people within the LGBTQIA community can get away with anything but specific members are held to much more unfairly high standards).

I will admit though that might be a more personal opinion so not everyone has to agree on it (comphet vs heteronormativity). But, the other thing the defender went into was how this woman that was being criticized on Twitter, who people were using as an excuse to be biphobic, said was how her only wanting to sleep with woman and not be in a relationship with them is internalized sexism and just brings up that some woman only date other woman and that they don't get flack for that BUT doesn't go into it further so basically it comes off as though they are saying that ANYONE who just wants sexual relationships with women only do so because of sexism. Now look, I agree she probably does have internalized sexism but NOT because she only sleeps with women but because of how she talked about it, it very much sounded like how sexist men talk about women & their relationships with them. Maybe I'm wrong though, maybe that's what op meant but like the internalized sexist bi woman just ALSO worded things poorly! I'm willing to admit it's possible, BUT for now I will be going by what it seems like our defender meant for now because I think it's only fair to critique something based on the info we have and not what we don't.

The person defending us (AND like so many others even other bi people) seems to think it's homophobic/biphobic/sexist to not want to be in relationships with women & to just want to sleep with them & that it's wrong in any way/form. And look this might be a controversial take but... I STRONGLY disagree with that mindset!!!! One of my main reasons for disagreeing with this mindset though is that there are plenty of SPECIFICALLY women who do the latter, who only sleep with men but have sex & romantic relationships with women or honestly even just straight woman who just sleep with men but don't have romantic relationships with them too and yet no one seems to think that's a problem so... WHY exactly is the other one seen as such a big deal (not counting those who slut shame obviously be a use that diff thing or those who would consider those mspec woman as just gay/lesbian woman who "need to work on their compheterosexuality"). Y'all just really want any excuse to hate on bi people, but ESPECIALLY the ones who are stereotypical.

The real problem you have with these bi people is that y'all feel they are using you/have used you and look I do think it's wrong if a Bi person is disingenuous with there intentions but BUT BUTTTTT... can y'all stop acting like this is a huge problem that ONLY bi people engage in and not LITERALLY something anyone is capable of doing (& also how it's MAYBE possible that a lot of you just very much lie to yourselves & others & say Bi people used u when u get butt hurt that they dumped you for the opposite sex... because a lot of y'all like to use that as an excuse for Buohobia so it hard for me to want to believe you but not main point so moving on...). Lesbians do this, Bi people do this STRAIGHT PEOPLE DO THIS ALL THE TIME, yet why do y'all LOOOOVE to target us in these conversations specifically? Not to mention that this lady people are being bigoted towards seem to miss that while she could have worded her tweet thread MUCH better... she is LITERALLY being open about what she wants/likes LITERALLY what y'all supposedly want from us or rather complain that we don't do!!!! Yet it seems it's ALSO wrong for us to be open about our specific attractions and not lead people on??? Y'all can't just pick and choose what you think is right or wrong just to fit y'all's biphobic narrative... Well, I mean y'all can because I can't stop you but that doesn't make it okay OR right.

ALSO ALSO ALSO what makes this easier for me to see through as nothing but bullshit surrounding this new Twitter event of the day is that... Y'all REALLY like to hold up some relationships in higher regards then others. Aromantic people who aren't also asexual exist, they tend to only or moreso want sexual relationships then most and yet many of you think poorly of them because y'all don't see sexual relationships as valid unless romance is involved OR do find sexual relationships valid but only in specific instances and context. Even though WE (Tweeters) just recently had a huge discussion on sex in media and while most of these same people were/would have argued sex is important because it's sex, "people have sex", "that sex is big part of being human etc" & shit change their tune VERY much once we go into discussing real life relationships. Suddenly we see people paint only sexual relationships as nothing but just shallow, greedy, useless, or whatever. And it is wrong, just because most people need/want romantic relationships doesn't mean everyone does and that DOESNT make sexual relationships lesser because of that.

It's just REALLY weird how so many of these queer people would also be some of the first to say not to fall for our cisheteronormative patriarchy culture yet... don't seem to see they are falling for it as well. Our society in general doesn't view sex greatly, mainly due to the influence of Christianity but probably other factors too. But I bring that up because our society VERY much pushes romance over anything else, too only have sex after marriage, after a thing "most" people do for "love" (or what our culture PUSHES as to why most people should/would get married). Sex is a byproduct seen as useful mainly/only for procreation in our society which is a big reason why bigots have a problem with gay people. They see what we do as selfish because we can't "naturally" procreate so we only do it for pleasure which is wrong and at least they can so for the most part anything they do isn't viewed as negatively as gay people just existing. And this is why gay people push that we shouldn't be afraid to discuss, talk about, or show that we have sex and sex lives because our society demonized/demonizes it so much, there were and are laws that criminalize gay sex.

So why exactly are y'all STILL falling for our society's perceptions on things? I wouldn't be so willing to uphold romance as the only valid/true relationship (whether intentionally or not) if I was you because our culture is VERY much against ANY of our relationships and views them ALL as lesser than then allocishetero ones. Even romance is pushed as only REALLY valid unless sex is involved at some point. Obviously because when it comes to man/woman relationships it's because it's pushed the ultimate goal is procreation but for LGBTQIA ones... I don't really know besides the aftereffects of our society pushing that romance and sex have to be involved in cishetero relationships that were pushed on to all of us. So many of us do think that ANY relationships, gay or straight, need to have romance and sex to be valid. And also the assimilators don't help either who are trying to make it okay to be gay so long as we are aiming to be a nuclear family.

So yeah anyway, all I see coming out of this discussion is just how much we as a community need to grow and stop willingly believing what our white supremacists allocishetero patriarchy society forces us to believe is a valid relationship. This conversation was and is mostly biphobic but also greatly affects those who are aro and/or ace and probably others too. Also I do know there are other types of relationships outside of romantic/sexual and I know our society hates those too I just didn't't really know where to add that.

[phoenixyfriend]

Yeah I mean it's not like the NYT is an employee base of nearly six thousand people of varying identities and backgrounds and opinions, and published several pro-trans articles after getting called out by Human Rights Watch. Definitely not like this is a massive group of people under complicated pressures and a strained workforce that may well have a whole lot of trans employees engaging in office politics with the terf who wrote the transphobic articles in the first place. It's totally not a noted trend that the NYT has been scaling back it's 'show both sides' approach since the 1950s and this particular article may have been a dying gasp of that old mentality.

So is a certain writer and their editor a transphobe? Yes. Should the NYT have issued an apology, and didn't, indicating that upper management is part of the problem? Also yes. Should the article have been at least buried deeper in the paper instead of plastered on teh front page? Also yes.

Do I think that condemns all 5,800 employees to the label of transphobe, including the people fighting for trans-friendly articles? Gee, I wonder.

As for the imperialism, I tried looking up any trends or examples and ngl I can't find anything from the last decade, but that's just because so much of what comes up in the search is Times articles on the topic of imperialism. Mostly, what I'm finding is articles about conservatives being pissed it's condemning American imperialism. They also do share vital anti-imperialist media, like this article on the deaths of Palestinian journalists, which is a massively important topic, as the targeting of journalists is a major violation of international law. Yeah, it's just one example, but I'm sure you could find more with a quick search.

I'm not going to deny that the Times isn't the most leftist of media, and it certainly has American-style 'well... maybe these guys in our way are also bad for other reasons' moments, and I've complained about lackluster research on some topics myself, but it's kind of questionable to be trying to tear down the biggest name in left-leaning (print) news. It's the second largest newspaper in the country, and it's a damn sight more left than the first place winner, The Wall Street Journal.

I need you to ask yourself, really ask yourself, if it's a good idea to try to get people to hate a left-leaning news source instead of encouraging them to think critically about it. It's a very good resource for things like 'convincing an older relative to start thinking a bit more modern,' because the NYT is trusted. It's old. It's established. Center-right folks might think it's a bit too modern-acting and 'communist' or whatever, but they certainly give it more weight than Huffington Post or Vox. This newspaper is an important tool to wield in moving people left. Yes, it fucks up. But 'burn it down' is not the answer to an imperfect tool, especially not when that 'tool' is actually nearly six thousand people who cannot, statistically, all agree.

Yes, demand that apology from the NYT for the transphobia. Yes, call it out on the hidden biases and sometimes-questionable framing. Yes, call it out for occasionally irresponsible opinions articles.

But maybe don't call for an important news source to be torn down. You cannot, cannot, get all your information from just one or two sources.

You cannot live life just condemning anything with a shade of problematic behavior to the bin forever, especially not when that problematic behavior is one or two or five people out of five thousand eight hundred. You have to think critically. You have to live critically. Being able to analyze and criticize and assess is ten times more important than being able to spout off a pithy one-liner about how Bad something that's scoring 85% on moral purity instead of 101% is.

Adulthood is hard but holy fuck is it important to approach these things with a magnifying glass instead of a match.

Also did you know that the reason NYT can sue openAI with the expectation of success is that the AI cites its sources about as well as James Somerton.

It regurgitates long sections of paywalled NYT articles verbatim, and then cites it wrong, if at all. It's not just a matter of stealing traffic and clicks etc, but also illegal redistribution and damaging the NYT's brand regarding journalistic integrity by misquoting or citing incorrectly.

OpenAI cannot claim fair use under these circumstances lmao.

[octazumi]

Rules

1. I am a minor. My self-insert is also a minor. Any mildly suggestive things are okay (think kissing, flirting, etc), but nothing full on explicit/NSFW. Platonic relationships are definitely okay!! Any blogs that don't want to interact with minors should steer clear.

2. Please remember to be kind! I am doing this for fun. Any asks that I deem harmful will be deleted.

3. I (Mun) will most likely be speaking in the tags because I talk a lot. Please feel free to ignore this! I absolutely don't mind.

4. Absolutely no homophobia, racism, transphobia, etc from MUNs. I can make slight exceptions if OCs have like, internalized transphobia (because I have that too even though I'm under the trans umbrella ajsklfafjkljlka), but other than that? Regular DNI criteria applies here.

5. I am a full-time high school student, and so it is likely that my replies will be fully messed up (read: I tend to procrastinate by doing fun things and then I have a week to catch up on all my schoolwork). Please be mindful of that and don't spam me.

6. OCs? Absolutely! I love seeing your OCs. (I mean... This is a self-insert/OC, why would I say no-) Make sure to send in a description of them either beforehand or in your starter because I need a reference point (unless our characters don't know each other...? But still it would be nice). Romantic or platonic is okay, it doesn't matter.

7. I can speak a little bit of Japanese (my parents are Japanese but I haven't actually tried to learn it well so it may be messy (though I'm working on it)) and I am learning Spanish (in school) so! I am willing to write replies using those languages as well as English (and I might use honorifics like "-san" so keep that in mind). Spanish I can't guarantee though because it kind of can suck.

8. I also love shipping and am not very selective. However, they need to have at least some sort of interaction beforehand. To add to that, I am a multishipper, so each relationship happens in its own verse.

9. OOC talks? I love them, but if you aren't talking directly to my self-insert or something about him, then I'd redirect you to @kazumirambles which is my regular ol' talking blog (so I don't spam too much).

10. Anons will always be treated platonically (as we don't know y'all that much).

11. Although this is technically a self-insert. some actions may be exaggerated. As such, mun does not equal muse! If I only did things that I would do in real life, roleplays would be boring. So-

[sizzlingpatrolfox]

I think my anxiety is getting the best of me but I’m afraid about what is going with this whole thing about Busan and all. Busan is very conservative and jimin’s dad is really into politics. I know being in bts must have educated the boys a lot but I’m scared bc of jimin’s dad that he is also conservative like this is so stupid

- It's crazy like my brain legit fried seeing how JM antis got a way on Busan article, that acc is said to be anti acc. Some hypocrisy of this so called armies is the other day they trended proud of you my babies blah blah are same people who are saying like omg so they got forced like? And some are talking bad on JM father is literally sad. I don't understand why people are so vile and talks so bad on someone's family? Some have this weird superior complexity like they are talking on what JM dad shouldnt do? Ahh I'm leaving this fandom and even better twt..didn't even see this much vile in our side celebrities..like even if there are fan wars here there is dignity of not bringing families..! Somehow, Tumblr is better.

---

Well, these are two different reactions to the same issue 😅

First of all, since anxiety is being mentioned, I would tell you to ask yourself "would I feel this way if I didn't read all the bad comments?" "Do I feel this way when I close the twitter app?"

Sometimes, anxiety is triggered because of all the negativity that we are exposed to, not necessarily because we really believe there's something wrong. It's just all the negativity and weird people making a lot of noise inside one's head. We should all take a step back and ask ourselves "do I really care about this or it's a reaction to other people talking about it?"

In my experience, being involved in politics and being a politican are two different things. In my family, a few people are involved in politics but they're not politicians. Nobody is making money from it or has a job in the government. I've personally done my share of volunteer work. I was supposed to work for the elections this year (but forgot to sign up 😆).

I might be wrong, but I've always seen Jimin's dad as being involved but I doubt that he's actively gaining anything from it, except maybe some more clients at his restaurant. And I very much support people who are involved in politics, so it's really not that big of a deal to me. I'm sure too that there's a lot at stake because of him being Jimin's dad, so I don't think he would jeopardize Jimin's reputation or career for his own interests. At this point everyone who's close to BTS must know how what's being said of them can affect BTS themselves. I don't know, it seems like Jimin is very well loved and cared for by his dad, and I doubt that a father who loves you would knowingly involve himself in shady business when he knows you would have to deal with the consequences.

Jimin and his brother both have unisex names, their names can be for women or men. It's not proof that he's not a bigoted man but I personally think it's a nice detail. Jimin has wondered if he could do his dad's make up, he has talked about painting his mother's nails. I've yet to see a conservative bigoted dad who's just okay with his son doing stuff like that, but maybe that's just me.

Obviously I'm not here to vouch for Jimin's dad, and I don't want to do that, if anything I can only vouch for Jimin and even that has a limit; but there's also nothing wrong about thinking the best of someone. In the same way, there's also nothing bad if you eventually are proven wrong. If you think someone is good and they end up being bad, you're not a fool, you're not to blame. It's okay to sometimes be wrong about people too but it's also healthy to not get ahead of yourselves and think that something's wrong when there are no real reasons to believe so.

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(this was posted on the international day against homophobia, biphobia and transphobia).

[tmitransitioning]

I know that only I can know my gender and that everyone has a different experience, but are there any ways of knowing for sure if I'm trans? I feel like I need some concrete, scientifically proven (or really really well supported) method of knowing before I can accept myself. I've been questioning for roughly a year and I'm fairly sure I'm ftm, but I'm still so scared to take that label and try to live my life 'cause "what if it's really a phase?" hits me on the regular.

We don’t have a brain scan to tell you if you’re trans, but: Wanting to be a different gender is enough. If you want to be a man, congratulations! You are, and every step you take towards that is bringing yourself in alignment with what that means to you.

Cis people do not generally spend a lot of time questioning their gender. I say generally because sometimes, for example, cis women will go “ugh! I wish I wasn’t a woman, because I’m treated so badly as one”, but they don’t go “I wish I wasn’t a woman because being viewed as one is like being viewed as something I’m inherently not”. They don’t usually spend a lot of time stressing or worrying over their gender, and questioning whether or not they’re really trans. The fact that you’ve already come to this conclusion of “pretty sure” means that you are already some flavour of not cis.

But me giving you platitudes doesn’t necessarily help this kind of anxiety. So, instead, here’s a list of questions I asked myself when I was trying to figure out if I was really trans or if I was just going through a phase. For context, when I first realized I was trans, I identified as a demigirl, and this was during the first peak of reactionary “ugh these neogenders”, and the fact that knowing one’s identity is inherently an internal process scared the shit out of me, because I felt like I would always be second-guessing myself. And I felt like if I stopped identifying as trans in the future, I would be playing into the stereotypes about trans people, that we don’t really know ourselves. So, I asked myself:

When someone calls me a girl or a woman, how do I feel?

When someone calls me the gender label I’m questioning, how do I feel?

When someone calls me she/her, how do I feel?

When someone calls me they/them, how do I feel?

If I feel bad about being called she, or a girl, do I feel bad because I think they are viewing me with misogynist stereotypes, or because of another feeling I can’t label?

When I think about being “mistaken” for the gender I’m questioning, does the idea that someone might view me like that on first impression make me feel good or bad? Does it make me feel scared because I’m afraid of how people might react if they find out I’m “really” a girl?

If I hypothetically decide that I am the gender I’m questioning, and I look at previous times in my life where people have called me a girl/she/cute/feminine/etc., does my reaction at those times make sense with this new context?

When I see other trans people being out, how do I feel? Do I feel jealous? Do I feel afraid, and is that fear because I’m scared for them? Do I want to be part of their community? Do I want them to notice me?

When people comment on things about me or my body that they think are feminine, how do I feel? Do I feel repulsed? Does it make me upset? Does it make me just feel weird inside? Does that feeling change if it’s a stranger versus someone I know?

Usually, when we worry about something about our gender being a phase, it’s either a fear of conforming to stereotypes or a fear of being invalidated. Sometimes, if we have previous relationships where we’ve been routinely invalidated or put down, it’s also a fear of opening ourselves up to more of that. Those fears are rational. I hate describing fears as irrational, and in this case, you are worried about things that, for you, are real and salient threats.

But:

Stereotypes about the trans community, including that we’re going through “phases” or that we’re in some way delusional, are the product of transphobia, and not our fault. Just like how a butch lesbian fitting some stereotypes does not justify those stereotypes existing or being levelled as part of homophobia.

Even if we do turn out to have been going through a phase, that’s okay. If we are part of the incredibly small percentage of people who decide later on that we’re actually cis, that’s okay, and we know more about our experiences of gender as a result.

Other people invalidating us cannot touch our internal experiences.

Someone else exercising power to invalidate or hurt us because of our gender is because of their transphobia, and not because of anything we did.

You also don’t have to do this all at once. You can go as slow as you feel, and you can do trial runs. You can try calling yourself a boy or a man in your head for a day, or a week. If you have sympathetic friends, you can ask them to call you he for a day or a week, or use a different name. You don’t have to come out all at once, and you’re allowed to test things out before you feel sure enough to do those things long-term.

- Mod Wolf

[omglr]

You're now chatting with a random stranger.

You both like feminism.

You: hi

Stranger: m

Stranger: hi

You: F

Stranger: age

You: 34

Stranger: what do you think of men

You: meh

Stranger: what do you think of women

You: yeah!

Stranger: is this what feminism is about?

You: no i'm just a lesbian

Stranger: hahaha you know our conversation up until now can be a great meme

Stranger: with 'lesbian' as the perfect punchline

You: well, we do like fisting

Stranger: why are lesbian lol, why dont u switch to me haha

Stranger: are u*

Stranger: men*

You: idk, thats how it worked out

You: women are attractive to me

Stranger: Is it you being a lesbian a display of resistance against patriarchy?

You: its a perk

You: but i'm not a "political lesbian"

Stranger: what kind are u

You: a lesbian,

You: also, fairly political,

You: but in the 70s there were a variety of 2nd wave feminists who swore off men even though they were straight and became "political lesbians" even though they weren't atttracted to women

Stranger: you mean turning lesbian as a resistance to patriarchy was really a thing?

You: yeah

Stranger: damn. Did it work?

You: eh... idk

You: its similar to MGTOW

You: but with gay lady sex

You: and forrest communes

You: it was a whole movement

Stranger: tell me this. when you talk to men. what emotion do you internally go through? Do you feel prejudice against him? Or Is it something like 'I gotta be on guard I dont know whether this person is rapist', or '

You: eh, yeah, i sometimes worry about violence or rape from dudes, but i can get along with a lot of guys fine,

Stranger: the ones you get along with, do you interactions with them any different than with other women? or do you have certain coldness towards because you know this is the gender that oppressed you all history?

Stranger: are interactions*

Stranger: towards them*

You: eh, not really, i can be friendly and affectionate with guys i like, i generally want to like people

You: but like, i don't hang out with rich dudes or loud jock dudes

You: and yeah, i'm way more upset at the rich for their oppression than men at this point

Stranger: how is the rich oppressing u more than men

You: capitalism man

You: i live in an oligarchy

You: rich people can do what ever they want and shape society to benefit them

You: we are probably all gonna suffer greatly due to climate change cause the people who are making money off of how the system works now, don't want to give up their power or change anything

You: so its butts

Stranger: you can't change this tho. better be mad about things that can be changed

You: nah, i'm gonna be mad about shit that is effecting me and my loved ones, its healthy to be aware of what the cause is

You: and direct my anger to the cause, other wise i'm gonna misdirect it towards my friends

You: plus, its not hopeless, we can stand up to rich

You: folks

You: we have numbers, and most their money is digital / artificial

You: anyway, that's basically what feminism is for me

You: its a useful tool for class analysis

You: and a guidance for justice

Stranger: feminism isnt related to class

Stranger: as far as i know

You: c'mon bud

You: have you heard of intersectionality?

Stranger: I stopped paying attention to terms now

You: well it came in big during 3rd wave feminism in the 90s

You: when feminism was trying to refocus to cover more understandings of oppression than like white lady feels

You: thinking about the intersections of sexism, racism and classism,

You: as well as ableism, homophobia, transphobia, and so on

Stranger: did that start in the 90s?

You: i'm sure convos were happening earlier too

You: roughly late 80s early 90s is where i would put 3rd wave

Stranger: I don't know, but I think current one now has refocused purely on lady issues again. atleast that's the kind that stays in the spotlight

You: well, i think that's mostly the click bait phenomenon

Stranger: look at twitter

You: like shit that is sorta outrageous sounding gets a lot more attention

You: like, "manspreading"

You: like, men taking up space in general is an issue, but the politics of crossing your legs on a bus gets clicks on both sides of the issue and is talked about way more than the complex economic trickery that rich people can do to avoid paying taxes

You: and one is kinda more important than the other

Stranger: how're the women around you? are they like the manspreading feminists or they're more like you?

You: eh, idk, a bit of both

You: like i get bored and can use shit i've learned about feminism to analyze situations and can come up with hot takes that are at least 50% stupid cause society is atleast 50% stupid and ridiculous,

You: so idk, if my shitposting tweets ever went viral or got shared on mra forums maybe i would be the postergirl for how ridiculous and pointless feminism is too

You: sorry, i am just ranting now

Stranger: it's alright. so you're part of the man hating culture of twitter too huh? :p

You: sure

Stranger: do you feel when u do that?

Stranger: feel good*

You: nah, i mean i try not to get into shit on twitter

You: i kinda use twitter to get out my energy that might be put towards flame wars

You: its not a good feeling to get involved in

Stranger: ok, do you atleast get the psychology of them that do these? Why do they do it? Is it the loneliness or something?

You: oh, yeah idon't know.

You: probably boredom, or for building social capital

You: for the lolz of ammusing their friends/followers

You: but some folks are crazy dedicated to twitter fights and ideological warfare

You: like terfs or gamergaters or fandoms

Stranger: I mean how do they have meaningful relationships in real life after all the flame wars. Aren't their relationships affected?

You: i am not sure

You: i mean, i stopped getting into fights on facebook over concerns for a larger community

You: but my personal relationships aren't really effected

You: cause i'm super smart and my loved ones agree with me

You: lol, that's a joke

Stranger: where are you from

You: canada

You: you?

Stranger: I see. Canada is a very pro-women

Stranger: uk

You: it tries

You: what time is it there?

Stranger: I see countless answers on quora of men complaining that men are becoming second citizens to women now. is it true?

Stranger: 6 am

You: its 1:17am where i am

You: i think that's some kinda weird bias

You: like, where if women talk 30% of the time, men come away with the impression that women were talking much more than 50% of the time

You: idk if that's true, but that was a study that was popular on social media a few years back

Stranger: it's not about talking, i see them mostly talking about rights, and in general specialised treatment of women.

You: anyhoo, i'm getting real sleepy

You: yeah, idk,

You: i am gonna head out, nice chatting with you

Stranger: sure, it was nice talking to you!

You: :) take care

You have disconnected.