#I'm sure it exists like Im pretty sure I've seen it with my eyes

[the-tenth-arcanum]

I need a gifset of cam and mitchell from modern family bodily venn-diagramming mlm/wlw hostility

[calcitedraws]

FENS DIARY

Tw: Mentions of death, suicide, depression, brief mentions of sexuality and Fen being generally sort of creepy and trying to rationionalize it.

Around 2,300 words

This was supposed to be a few entries and I got too invested lol and I use y/n because I'm old school. Also when Fen says 'Im not a girl' that isn't indicating a bio or gender identity I was just including the fact that they're nonbinary.

November 17th

I haven't written in a while, eh? After… what happened I sort of shut down for a while. Even now I want to shut down, but my dad always said I should face things head on. Ok, as my therapist used to say: if I don't know how to word something I should just say it as plainly as I can to get started.

I'm in pain.

I can't sleep I can't eat and I can't fucking breathe. The only person making sure I have a moderately healthy sleep/wake cycle is Dandelion, and even then he doesn't seem to mind if I sleep on the couch all day as long as he's fed.

I'm packing to head down to the funeral and I came by my journal. I don't even know why I'm doing this. This is fucking stupid.

I'm scared of seeing them. I haven't seen my mom or siblings in… 5 odd years? I never even came out to them. I'll have to explain so much that I'm just not in the goddamn mood to. I don't even think they want to see me. Dad told me that once they figured out the whole situation that they didn't take it well.

Dandelion keeps curling up in my suitcase. If he behaved better in crates, I'd bring my little man with. But he chews on the bars and yowls, so I'm leaving him at one of those pet boarding places.

November 19th

I don't want to go tomorrow. I'm sitting here at this shitty hotel desk that's sticky in this shitty hotel room that smells like booze and mothballs. There's a weird mark on the carpet and I can't decide if it's old blood or a shit stain. Either way it's suspiciously big. The people in the other room keep having really loud and bad sounding sex, all the damn time. Like, literally, their headboard is apparently against the same spot as mine, because the thumping keeps me awake. I tried to move my bed and found another stain that I'm convinced is blood. I put the bed back and slept on the tiny couch in the room. I'm pretty sure there's bedbugs on every fabric surface.

OH MY GOD THOSE TWO ASSHATS ARE HAVING SEX AGAIN!!! WHY ARE THEY BLASTING THAT ONE SONG FROM SHREK 2 I HATE THIS HOTEL

November 20

I'm just sitting here. At this sticky desk again. I don't think I can do this. It's 3:30 AM and I can't go back to sleep. Waiting for my sleeping meds to kick in.

My therapist always said that the best time to journal about something is when it's the hardest to think about.

I wish I had someone. I like to think soulmates exist. Maybe Dad was right and that's all horse shit. Maybe I should just throw myself into oncoming traffic instead of going to his funeral.

I've been paying more attention to cars recently. Funny how many look like my dad's.

I think the meds are kicking in? No clue, maybe I'm just too angry to think.

—---------------

It's 8:10 AM and I need to leave in 20 minutes.

I've decided to go, because I owe it to him. I think I'd hate myself more if I didn't go.

What do I even do if I see my mom again? Is she even my mom? Am I allowed to wave if she spots me? Will she even recognize me. I can recognize her. I've been cyber talking her Facebook. Her husband and her just got back from a weekend trip to the Bahamas.

I haven't dared look for my siblings. I miss Sherry.

Had to take a minute to reign myself in.

I'm glad my aunt (my dad's sister) took care of the funeral prep. Shes nice. Haven't talked to her in a half a decade, I should send a nice letter after the funeral.

The thought of coming back to that house alone is killing me. No more face times. No more random phone calls. No more sending him pictures of weird stuff Dandelion did.

I need to head out soon. My hair is greasy. My eyes hurt. I look like shit. But I have to go.

I forgot to charge my phone last night but there should be enough juice in it to get me there and back. Don't know where I'm headed since I've never been here. My dad said I wouldn't like where he lived because it's crowded. Maybe I can just throw myself into oncoming traffic after.

—----------------

I think I met an angel.

I got lost after the funeral and my phone died. I started crying in the middle of the side walk like some fucking weirdo when I spotted them.

They were so cute, in their cozy sweater and jeans. They asked what was wrong and I said I was lost and that my phone died.

They actually lead me back to the hotel! Apparently they live here in the city too but near the outskirts. I never got their name, I'm such a fucking idiot.

I've always felt like there's been a wall between me and other people. But with them… I didn't feel that. I felt I had known them all my life.

Shit, here I am rambling about someone I just met after going to my dad's funeral.

It was awkward. Like, painfully awkward. No one approached me. My dad's funeral was closed casket, which all things considered, makes sense. But I felt like if I opened that casket it'd be empty. It was a weird feeling.

I didn't know any of his friends and only Sherry showed up to the funeral. I don't know why but that somehow made everything worse. Sherry couldn't even look at me. I didn't stick around long afterwards. She looks so different from when I last saw her (why did she go blonde?) but I recognized her instantly.

I'm packing up to head home. I technically don't need to go until tomorrow but the longer I stay here the more I feel the need to itch the back of my throat with a shotgun. At least at home I can cry into Dandelions fluffy belly.

January 8th

—------------------

Guess who's forced me out of rotting in my bed? My boss threatening to fire me if I don't log on and do my job!

A fair point, but fuck him anyway.

I said I'd log on today and he seemed satisfied.

So here I am instead, procrastinating. I can't keep my eyes open for very long. I mean, I logged on and have been reading meeting notes. That's progress.

Dandelion has been very accommodating with allowing me to randomly pick him up and cry loudly into his fur.

Oh! I found a new cat! Her name is Queenie and she's a little black cat. I found her right outside the hotel I was staying at before the funeral. I thought she had that lethal cat bloat I had heard about, but she was just really pregnant! Like, ready to pop pregnant. She gave birth on Christmas and now I have a small army of tiny black and orange kittens! I woke up to 6 of them on Christmas morning. They're all so small and cute and they won't stop meowing very very loudly. I got Queenie spayed as quickly as I could afterwards.

Queenie warmed up to my quickly despite being a stray. I named her that because she's a little diva. The amount of times I had to separate her and Dandelion from fighting over mutually favorited spots is well, embarrassing since these are two adults. But now? Queenie just lays on top of Dandelion and he seems to enjoy it.

Why am I jealous of two cats?

January 15th

—----------------

Oh my God I found them. The person who saved me and lead me back to the hotel, I found them!

Ok, so, I'm a penetration tester, which means I hack into systems. It's boring so I never talk about it. But, the job we were handed made us pen test a random hospital and I found them! They went in for a checkup recently and I found their data while spelunking! I took a picture of their government ID before I could stop myself.

I can't believe I found them! I clicked on a random name because I liked the way it looked and it leads me right to them! I know it's them, because the ID card looks like them and says they live near where they said they did.

I've been looking at our star signs. I also found their social media and they're so chatty! I think they just think their friends are watching because they post sporadically. I scrolled through everything I could find during my lunch break.

Oh my God I sound insane. This is insane and totally illegal. I need to step back and calm down.

January 25th

—----------

I tried!! Couldn't step back couldn't calm down. I've been cyber talking a stranger for like, a week now.

But I've come to a revelation: I'm very greasy. I haven't showered in… no clue to be honest. I only realized because I accidentally leaned against the sliding glass door and my head left a strong imprint on the glass.

I haven't changed my bedsheets in a while either. Or vacuumed, or cleaned the kitchen, or swept the patio. So instead of any of that I have spent the entire afternoon paralyzed on the couch in sustained fear. Dandelion has joined me.

February 4th

—----------------

I finally got fed up of being greasy and took an actual shower instead of sitting under the water staring at the floor and disassociating for like, half an hour. The sheer amount of dead skin I scrubbed off is embarrassing.

*Y/n* (the name of my angel) talked about spring cleaning early online. They even have the link to their favorite songs to listen to while cleaning. I recognize some of the songs but most of them are new to me. Maybe if I listen to the playlist it'll make me want to clean?

Update: It did. Managed to clean the kitchen and living room before getting tired. Maybe I should start working out again…?

Feb 14th

—-------------

Y/n is single! (Very good information to know)

When I clean I just put y/n’s play list on and I'm suddenly full of energy.

I think it eases the loneliness. I miss my dad.

Feb 20th

—--------------

I've discovered something about myself that I can't unlearn. I think I have a praise kink?? I was watching my favorite show with Dandelion and one of the characters that kind of looks y/n said ‘good girl' to the main character and. I got so horny I had to pause the show and sit in silence. I'm not even a girl. What the fuck just happened? I think the cats know because they've been staring at me judgementally all afternoon.

March 1st

—-------------

Lasagna is my enemy.

April 29th

—------------

It was my dad's birthday yesterday. He would've been 46 today.

I sort of shut down for the entire month, again. House is a fucking mess. Only think I can manage is taking care of the cats, who don't seem to mind the mess.

I just wish I had someone. The house is pretty quiet. Sometimes I put the TV on to avoid how quiet it is. I miss talking to my dad, about literally anything. The weather, what my cats were up to, about my dad's new girlfriend of the week, literally anything. I miss how funny he was. I remember when I was in secondary school how him and I would watch TV every Friday night and eat Mac n cheese from the box.

May 1st

—--------------

I think I'm in love with y/n?? Is that a thing you can do? I had a dream we went on a date to a coffee shop and then we went home and made dinner and I kept making them laugh and smile and when I woke up I just burst out sobbing. I literally couldn't calm down for who knows how long.

But I want something like that! I want it so badly! I want to make them dinner while they talk with me! I want to cozy up to them on the couch while watching a movie! I want to hear them breathe next to me at night!

So I might've done something maybe unethical. I located their IP Address. Which isn't bad since I already know their physical address and their safe with me and it's not like it's illegal to find it!

May 10th

—------

So I did something stupid. I did something really fucking stupid I hacked into their email. All it took was a phishing scheme and bam, I was in. And Lord knows how everything is connected to emails nowadays. I'm a criminal now. I've been reading their emails for like, three hours. I mean… the government can like totally see your emails so it's not that big of a deal?? Right???

Oh my God I'm a criminal now!

But I'm learning so much!

May 18th

—-----

The time has come. Queenies kittens have all found new homes, I can't have all these cats in the house. But I kept my favorite kitten; Cali, the little calico. Short of Hotel California, My dad's favorite song.

Cali is a menace against society. He's chewn through wires, eaten pillows, and I've had to take him to the vet twice for eating batteries. I don't think another family can handle him.

I like to think he gets this from Dandelion, who despite being well over ten years old still chews on wooden furniture.

June 19th

—-------

I've been trying to find a way to say this that doesn't sound bad. But like, I literally can't? So I'll just say it.

I broke into y/n’s phone.

I'm not doing anything bad! I just want to see what they're up to! I won't use this to hurt them so it isn't bad, is it?

I've been watching them play candy crush for 45 minutes. They're bad at candy crush but something about that is so cute! I've downloaded candy crush. Maybe I can play the same levels at the same time as them…?

I've also been eating meals with them. They watch stuff on their phone as they eat and I've started eating at a regular schedule again. But their diet sucks so much?? Why the fuck are they eating gas station sushi so often? I'm scared they'll get worms!!

July 1st

—----------

What if my cats tell me neighbor I got high???

July 2nd

—----------

So um, I tried edibles for the first time yesterday. You'll never guess how it went.

Anyways, high me decided that cleaning the entire house was their sole mission. Thank you, high me.

July 19th

—---------

I finally gathered the courage to go into my old room.

I only had the attic room because everyone had their own rooms and I was sick of sharing with Sherry. So, my dad fixed up the attic and gave that room to me for my 10th birthday. When everyone left, I took over Sherry's old room. Mom only left the mattress and headboard, so it didn't feel like Sherry's anymore. All that's left is the thumbtacks from her old posters.

Anyway, my old room is just how I left it. Dusty, but the same. I even found Howie, my old plushie! I took all of Howie's stuffing out and it's in the wash right now, but they still have the old lavender satchet I put in them. I don't know what to replace it with, to be honest.

[emjiroki]

You’re the only one I really enjoy sharing my Enji thoughts with. I hope you like this

But imagine being Enji’s cute little housewife. You take good care of him. Making sure everything is nice and tidy, the food you cook is ALWAYS amazing and you always look so pretty for him. He can’t control himself around you. When he’s home he has to be to touching you in some way. Even if it’s to kiss your neck and smell the perfume he bought you (his favorite scent ofc). He loves you so much.

You’re are use to making love with him at the very least 4 times a week so it comes as a surprise when a whole week goes by and he hasn’t even initiated any thing sexual. You ask him if there is anything wrong and he just says he’s not in a good mood because of a case he’s working on. You rub his back and tell him you understand.

A mother week goes by and it’s becoming harder for you to remain understanding. You try to wear cute little lingerie to hopefully get him to even look at you but it doesn’t work. You sigh and decide to give him space. Another week goes by. You’re a little calmer. Your days have been filled with things you never got to do. You read your favorite book again, go out with friends to a new restaurant you’ve wanted to try and even go for a walk at a park you never knew existed. It was nice.

You come home and it’s quiet. You drop your keys and bag and decide to get something cold to drink. You sit on the couch to take a breather until you hear the front burst open and loud footsteps treading down the hall. You jump up with fear swimming in your mind.

You tip toe to the kitchen door to see what’s going on only to see that it’s your husband frantically looking for something. “Enji!?” You call. He spins on his heels and stomps over to you and slings you over his shoulder and takes you to the bathroom. Looking into your eyes with the most lust filled and dangerous look you’ve ever seen he says” I’ve miss you so much my Angel. Need you now…right now.” He rips both yours and his cloths of and picks you up like you were weightless. You both have the most passionate and sensual shower of your life. Feeling his hands all over your body and his lips on yours makes you shiver. You have your husband back.

Sorry this was long but it’s all I was thinking about for the last week 😭

-🔥🎀

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE IM SCREAMING anon I'm so sorry this took so long to answer but I've been reading it over and over again and just soaking it in OMFG

I love a feral man! And feral Enji is always my favorite 😍 and I feel like he would get so pent up and sexually frustrated too! That man needs the release just as much as he wants to give it to you

I'm gonna go read this again...

[phantombandit-films]

Ranking the Alien and Predator movies as I watch them for the first time.

Okay, before I start I just want to explain again that for years I've tried to get into the Alien movies, I've seen the first bit of Alien a few times when I've tried to watch them and I have seen all of Aliens but don't really remember it. I also watched Alien vs Predator a while ago and absolutely loved it. I'm also pretty sure I've seen the first bit of Predator maybe two times but never finished it, I've also seen Prey when It came out and really enjoyed that. So with the new Alien film coming out, and it looks SO GOOD! I thought I would actually sit down and properly watch the movies, and of course the Predator movies too. So enjoy!

Alien (1979) - The OG! Im sure if I saw this when it first came out it would have been an experience, unfortunately I wasn't alive then so, but I can very much appreciate the impact it had on audiences. A very good introduction to Ripley, and it was so nice to see John Hurt!! (Merlin OG here) Also Jonesy, I love you.

Aliens (1986) - Fav! I don't even have to finish the others, this is my favorite one. HICKS I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. It was just incredible and I can't even tell you why, wait yes I can! HICKS FLIRTING WITH RIPLEY. Justice for this little family! we should of had Ripley, Newt and Hicks as a little family unit going around a killing Aliens. We were ROBBED. Also the start of Bill Paxton cameos.

Predator (1987) - Amazing, very suspenseful and just a very good introduction to the Yautja. I also think the scenery and them being in a jungle was a very good choice, especially with the whole camouflage. Got very attached to Billy though which was a mistake, I mean I knew he was going to die but still was very upset when he actually died.

Predator 2 (1990) - Okay, let's get the good things out of the way first, Bill Paxton cameo part 2, he was so good! I wonder how he felt knowing he was one of only two actors to be killed by a Xenomorph, a Yautja and Terminator. Other than that this was terrible, I found it so hard to finish, I don;t know why but the atmosphere that was in the first one just wasn't here.

Alien 3 (1992) - What the actual hell was this?? First Killing Hicks and Newt, like??? HOW DARE YOU. But this movie just wasn't it. I will now refuse to acknowledge this movie exists. I was however surprised and felt quite sad about finding out about Ripley gaining an Alien in her chest during hypersleep and then killing herself so that the company couldn't have it.

Alien: Resurrection: (1997) - Just going to say this now, I don't know how I feel about the whole thing of Ripley being cloned, I felt it really took away from her sacrifice in Alien 3, But on the other hand Creepy Clone Ripley did grow on me. WINONA RYDER?! I love Call so much, I did not see that coming! I was so upset when she got shot. Also! (Robin Hood Prince of Thieves here!) Hi Michael Wincott! nice to see you again. Not going to lie, however I feel about the Cloning I did really enjoy this one, and was please to see it brought back some hope for me after Alien 3. Also the new Alien that came out of the queen, giving everyone puppy dog eyes and then just attacking them pahahha! Amazing.

Alien vs Predator (2004) - Now this is the movie that I remember seeing and loving and rewatching it just proved that I still loved it, The whole hidden pyramid was so interesting, and I'm really glad they did it like that. Not really much to say, I just really like this one.

AVPR: Alien vs Predator - Requiem: (2007) - I honestly don't remember most of this, not going to lie. Safe to say I didn't like it.

Predators: (2010) - Started to watch this but turned it off, I think i'm just going to stick with Predator, Alien vs Predator and prey.

Prometheus: (2012) - I did like this one! it was very different from the other Alien movies, wouldn't say it was one of my favs though.

Alien: Covenant: (2017) - This one unfortunately is going to the bottom of the list, did not like it at all.

Alien: Romulus: (2024) - ABSOLUTELY LOVED THIS FILM. I really need to rewatch it but my god it was good! it very much felt like aliens did and i love that!

All in all I think the ones I will rewatch many times are Aliens, Alien; resurrection (I'll overlook the Ripley clone thing) and Alien; Romulus. Most definitely Aliens because Hicks I love you and I haven't stopped thinking about you! Also Joansey was the best character.

[dogcrate]

I'm suspecting that I may be a clinical lycanthrope. I have a history of delusions and psychotic episodes and this just feels... So real?

I've always heavily identified with werewolves and recently realized I was werewolfkin (about a year ago?) But lately I've been suspecting it's more than kin.

Sometimes I can feel fur sprouting from my skin. My face feels like it's pulling forward, I can feel a tail, my eyes dilate, my mouth salivates. I'll get into this weird "hunting mode" where I genuinely feel I could strike at others any moment... The uncontrollable growling then starts. I lock myself in my room in the dark, the tension in my body gets so bad I feel like I'll explode, my brain gets so lost in it and then... nothing?

I'll look in the mirror and all these changes that FEEL SO REAL are just... non-existent and it's so jarring and confusing and awful and it scares me so bad...

Are these just really strong kinshifts or CL? I genuinely do not know and I'm having trouble finding resources that aren't just vague reports from apathetic doctors.

Whether the answer is yes or no, I don't have the means to seek professional diagnosis, but I just want comfort in all of this, I feel so unsettled by it. I don't want to self diagnose at all, and if anything I really just want this to be weird shifts but I can't help but shake the feeling that something is deeply wrong.

Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this/answer...

okay so before i even start i gotta disclaimer: im not a professional by any means. i am literally just some dog with a special interest in abnormal psych and lived experience as a schizophrenic with CL.

with that, im not entirely sure what youre wanting out of this ask. you dont want to self dx at all but i cannot provide you a professional dx. i can tell you that what youre experiencing sounds like psychotic symptoms over kinshifts, they track more with hallucinations and delusions, especially when it seems to be causing significant distress (plus your history of psychosis).

clinical zoanthropy specifically requires a belief that you are physically changing into a animal. youve described experiences that might lead one to believe that is happening but havent explicitly expressed that sentiment. cause like, theres a difference between "i am growing fur" and "im growing fur in the process of turning into something", if that makes sense? so i cant really tell you if its CL specifically or a related delusion.

i hope this was helpful to you in some way, im not the Most qualified to talk abt it and i don't really have resources but im pretty sure ive seen @scarsmood + @strawberrybabydog + @wilczak all either provide resources or talk in depth about the subject so maybe they can provide other insight (no pressure tho :°])

[sillylilho3]

Idk what I wrote but I kept going and now I got this......Idk what to do with it so enjoy!

Why does it physically hurt this much? Like a bruise or a pulling feeling. When I read of other peoples love. I want to be angery, I want to be mean and say how they won't last.....but I cant, because I'm envious. Green with envy, I crave it, I want it, I NEED it. I'm crying and down on my knees begging for what I know won't come yet, what I know the universe won't give me yet, waiting arms open for whoever needs me. Not wants me. Needs me.

ive let so many people in, i tried being everything they wanted and needed me to be......and they still left. I gave them what they needed in the moment. So i was useful to them at least, but never once did i want it to end till i saw that they didnt love me anymore.... I knew they didnt want to be with me, i felt it, i saw it, a few flat out said it. One cheated with someone of a completley different body type.........lets just say i knew they didnt even LIKE me anymore at that point. I felt like I was giving pieces of myself away each time. I dont care about the many of eyes that see or hear me in my pain, good. See it. Know Im hurt and know pain...... I don't care for the people that don't see me. Or worse only see me for what THEY themselves want. It scares me. Watching and seeing everyone and how they interact. Everyday I'm convinced love doesn't exist. Divorce is at the least 50% how marriages end. The amount of times I've seen and witnessed people cheat, or how one falls out of love. Or has a "hall-pass". I cant, it hurts. Everyone I know is divorced or unhappily married. It hurts to think of it, how ill never have love. I don't care for temporary love I want eternal love. I don't want a fling, I don't want anything temporary. Like I said I want to grow up and know each other and grow old together in love... I don't want to cherish something for a small amount of time, only for it to be thrown out later. I want to grow up and old together...... And it hurts so bad. Everywhere I look I just see hookup culture.....and it makes me nauseous. how most people don't even care to love......don't want to, To think all ill ever be to someone is some jerk off material....... It hurts, I want to share my mind and soul.

I want to grow my mind and soul..I want someone smarter than me. I want someone who's just as needy and possessive and OBSESSIVE as me. I need someone matching my crazy! Someone who matches my " freak". Someone to go play human bowling with! Someone to set fires with! Someone id run away from security guards with………

I want someone who needs me to be theirs so bad saying it isn't enough, a ring isn't enough, a baby isn't enough. I need their name on and in me, tattoos with little small hidden signatures of their name, tattoos with secret areas where if you look too hard, you notice sentences claiming me. Claiming me as theirs, numbing my skin so I "don't freak out too much" when they do it themselves cuz "why would i want or need anyone seeing whats mine?" And maybe giving me something so i don't move. Cleaning off the skin so effortlessly due to my unconscious frame. Numbing it, so I don't wake up. But when I do, ill have pretty little tattoos on me that I've always wanted, with little secret writing hidden in the tattoo claiming me as yours, showing me later when I'm gushing to my friends about it. Making sure I keep it moisturized and taken care of.

No arguments to be had. God forbid if I can't take the stupid argument anymore, I try to walk out. They wouldn't let me, trapping me with their body or simply just picking me up and not letting me go. When I start thrashing and yelling they warn me how they "only want what's best and how its in my best interest to behave." When I dont, eventually drugging me and "chaining me up" not with actual chains tho. That's be overkill for someone who's barely 90 pounds. Rationalizing with me. "What do you need sweet thing, cuz you're not leaving me..I've already made that decision." Caressing my tear stained face, "Nono hun, this isn't forever. Just till you understand your mine, your life belongs here. With me. I promise you, you can go outside, sniff flowers, do whatever you want. You just need to understand your mine. And ill do anything to show you" Caressing my body, even when I reject them, too angry to be in the mood. They'd sigh and take a step back, "I just want a family hon, is that too much to ask? I know your scared but your body was made for it! You'd look so pretty, tits huge with milk, belly full of my baby, or even after coming home with them on your hip, please! Hun I'm begging you. I know you'll be fine! Ill be here, do whatever you and mini want and need! Just, trust me...."

The type to "just remember" my period is on its way because of "how much time we spend together"..........even tho I myself have a hard time keeping track. Telling me/remind I need to take my pills, rather it'll be for my anemia, my period, depression or lactose intolerance. I'd know in my mind what each one would look like. Until he handed me a new pill. Different, when giving him a curious look they might just say, " they ran out of the brand I usually get you for ____" I'd chuck it up to that and take the pill without a second thought. He's my bf, my husband, my other half, my soul mate. They only want what's best for me. I'd trust them soooooo much. Little do I know they've been swapping my bc pills for hormone pills, everytime 1 hour after I take the pills. I slowly get more hot and tingly. I think it's just me and take off some layers, then the tingling starts getting worse, its like I'm on fire. Eventually giving up on whatever I was doing and heading to the bedroom, hiding myself under the covers embarrassed and grinding my cunt against the pillows in a fetal position. Whimpering, moaning softly and even crying. But they've been watching. My husband, my partner. Been planning and watching. Opens the door a crack and peers in. Looks in upon his little desperate puppy. Rubbing and humping on anything she can find. He'd step in, dropping his pants to the floor and getting under the covers with me. Shocked I'd stop and try to control myself. They wouldn't let me, setting me in front of them, looking down at the mess between my thighs, "awww baby, your so wet~ is puppys pussy crying? Huh? Does it need daddy to take care of it?" All I would be able to do is whimper while they lick up and taste my juices, prepping me for them, tongue fucking me. Flipping me over and completely mounting me, like I'm an animal. Arms around me holding me in place as he lines up and shoves himself inside me inch by inch. I'd be moaning, whimpering, screaming depending on how deep they went. His legs and hips keeping mine open and following my hips trying to stay connected everytime a thrust sent me running. Keeping me in place and breeding me over and over. This happening for weeks till he was sure his potent seed was planted inside me. Signaled by the increased size of my breasts and continuous grow of my tummy, our baby...

[m333myselfandiii]

Awww you're welcome! I have a bad aesthetic problem, I try to be it so bad but it turns out bland. You, on the other hand, made an amazing blog aesthetic. Great job ^^

NONO actually good thing! I stopped watching anime because I got into TV series more! Do u have animes you would recommend?

For the manga question,, well, i kind of like to read some out of WebToon or illegally on some website I find. I love some popular choices like Death Note, My Hero Academia, Assassination Classroom, Tokyo Ghoul, Haikyuu (very cute, and im not into sports, just grew up with those silly volleyball players), Black Butler, but uhhh not a great fan of Dragon Ball or One Piece unfortunately. Kind of liking the hype on Jojo but I didnt got into it. I also like to shop but rarely since they cost a lot. Love me some random, unknown shōjo mangas. Come on, soft romance stories are amazing sometimes,,,,, Oh! Plus!!! There are Mahwas (i probably spelt it wrong) which are basically mangas but korean. And that's where I get very ignorant <3 i would recommend going through many lists online!!! People share very underrated mangas you don't know existed haha.

Thank u for replying to me.

-🪩anon

AWW thank you sm I'm so happy you say that cos I spent hours on Pinterest for HOURS to make it look good yk but it still looks kinda bland to me, im glad you think otherwise 😭 and also, I'm pretty sure yours isn't bad at all :33

GURL BYE-

WHY IS YOUR TASTE EXACTLY LIKE MINE OMG? I've never seen anyone else like assassination classroom (not anyone I've personally interacted with 😭), N THT MAKES ME SO HAPPY HHHHHHHH. I've watched Death Note, Black Butler and My Hero Academia, and Haikyuu's been on my watch list since forEVERR I just keep procrastinating lol :') as for Tokyo Ghoul, I really did try to get into it but it js... wasn't my type sadly 😭 I've heard of dragon ball and have dipped a little here and there into One Piece but I'm not rlly attached to it lol :') n same with Jojo lol!! I've heard the hype but I've never checked it out for myself lmao

Nd tbh where I live buying Mangas n other stuff sadly isn't available :') so online shopping it is that I hv to resort to lmao. And you're totally right bout the soft romantic shojo Mangas that somehow nobody seems to know about lol 😭 like,, they're SO SWEEETTTTT <3 they're like,, so random- but somehow manage to be the best pieces of literature that bless my eyes lol ✨️😔 there was this one I rlly liked a while back- tho the name was kinda odd. It went smth like "is long term employment possible - my pre-employment life with an unsociable magician" n I rlly liked it lol cos it was js so SWEETT ugh :33

Ngl I've been looking to get into Manhwas for a while- do you have any recommendations? Also with the movies since you mentioned you like TV series :3

Also also also- for the anime recommendations- I don't think I have good taste, but there are some rlly precious ones you can check out if ur not too busy lol :3 there's "horimiya" which is a short n sweet high-school romance, and "ancient magus's bride" which I don't see get talked abt a lot, but is still just as cute and sweet lol :33

And thank you so much for the ask, I'm rlly happy to get to interact wth you!! I'm so sorry for the late reply btw I was kinda busy 😭😭

Hope you have a great day, anon!! :3

[seekinginnerwisdom]

I am an older female INFP and I first took the test as a teen and have consistently gotten the same results, regardless of website or version of test. And I was always kinda secretly proud to be one because my mom was struggling with my teen sister's bipolar/hormone powered rage and my dad, I think, was one of us too. He was a reserved, weird, sweet, unfocused mess who avoided conflict unless drafted (little war humor, get it from my dad). So I became my mom's confidant which made me feel helpful and special at the time but i now know probably wasnt "healthy".

Fast forward to now and I've earned a number of invisible "survivor of *insert trauma*" medals for myself. And just recently earned myself a small one for "surviving break up with first boyfriend after divorce" Its doesnt have a catchy title and I dont know how I they fit all the words on such a small surface but I'm proud of my small accomplishment. 13 years married, 6 years single, 2.5 years with him...alone again.

Shouldn't I be devastated longer than a week? He did it really poorly, too. Asked for a break a week before which took me by surprise, then 4 days later he told me he loved me and didnt want to break up but still needed time to figure things out, a few days later and its I want to be your friend but nothing more.

It was a back and forth conversation and he's telling me he's not attracted to me anymore and quickly adds "it's not because of the weight" (to clarify I have been struggling with my stomach and have lost 40 lbs which sounds great, unless you weren't overweight before and now I look like a skeleton). When he said that I couldn't help but laugh in that hurt way, where its brevity and pain mixed with a scoff (just me?) And not expecting a reply I rolled my eyes away from him and ask "so it's just me as a person" and there wasnt much hesitation before I hear a soft but steady "yes" behind me. As you can imagine, I didnt respond well to having my entire existence be rejected so i did something he had never seen me do. I yelled at him and kicked him out of my car. Then I tried to go back to work. Yup, he broke up with me in the middle of the work day. I'm sorry this is so long and I even skipped parts.

I left early and took a pill or two more than recommended and just ran away from consciousness as fast as modern medicine could get me there. (I dont post much so I dont know if I need to worry about responses but I took low doses of anti anxiety meds that wouldnt harm me unless i consume the whole bottle. I took 1 mg more than normal. Dont attack me). I got him to be more specific in his choice of break up methods the next week after texting to let him know I wrote a 7 page goodbye letter and how he has come out of this looking like a psychopath.

Is it an INFP thing? When someone hurts me or angers me and I'm trying to speak it's a lot of ums or long pauses. But hand me a pen or a keyboard and fill me will righteous rage...you cant stop me. If I know anything at all about you then you will receive a paragraph like you are reading right now filled with oddly observational criticism, I will hit upon at least one thing your sensitive about and end it all with a guilt trip so strong only the Catholically trained can weather it well.

I think he was afraid of the letter because he had been receiving the texts but not replying. He responded pretty quickly after that. After days of contradicting actions, trains of thought that burst into flames as it derailed and red string theory memes he finally told me that his decision to take a break, reassure me and then dump me in such an abrupt manner on a workday, twice btw, was because he really hadn't thought about it...

Now this is going to sound strange but I am so glad my exhusband had been abusive because it taught me control. Otherwise I would have hit him. Who does that?! Im 99% sure he wasnt lying because he's a blunt INTJ and he explained his incomprehensible thought process earlier and I've had previous experience with his type of obliviousness. He really didnt mean to hurt me, he doesnt have any social circle to speak of so when planned this whole thing his feedback was a crowd of 1.

But I saved the best for last. He appears to genuinely like me and really doesnt want to lose me. He wants to be friends...and my dumb ass said yes. With a caveat that the second he starts dating I'm out. I dont do lover to friends. I'm possessive and wont share. So as long as he stays single I'll be his friend. I know I'm dumb. I know I'm just going to be hurt by another display of thoughtlessness from him. But except for the week of hell I've been truly happy with him until I got sick. He's a jerk. I deserve better. But did you know, that INFP can be shallow too. I didnt until i met him. He is so pretty (in my eyes, he is definitely not to everyone's taste) and 7 years younger and he picked me 2.5 years ago. I am not pretty. Hard marriage, lifetime of depression, rather read another chapter than apply a layer of makeup, etc. but he eavesdrop me talking to my work friend and liked what he heard and asked me out.

God I'm dumb. Wow. I'm so sorry. It just happened today and I needed to let it out and when it started I tried another forum to get perspective from similar wired people as my boyfriend so I could do whatever was best for him and some responses were productive and informative if a tad blunt. One or two tried with all their might to be kind and I love them for that. The rest can burn in hell. I know I'm what people consider an "unhealthy" version of my type but I've just been considering myself a survival INFP. I think we all get broken a lot thanks to our inner compass. And when we build ourselves back up again our structure gains or loses new aspects. My corners are sharper, and someone broke my glasses so things arent clear all the time and when my belief in human goodness broke off I wasnt able to find all the pieces but it's still there. I'm still here. And now I will shut up. Sorry again. Still gonna post it though! :p

[flaming-thing]

Oh my god is this the 'claudia is incredibly racist to/in front of the elves' chapter?

Andromedas trying to be conspicuous but i can almost garuntee they know she's there. The elves only seem to be able to be sneaky when they aren't meaning to

I don't think lujannes concerned about much to be honest. The only time I've seen her be serious was when she told the kids that 'dark forces were pursuing them'

'Stalking the human teenagers" right well that's a slight step up from "keeping an eye on the children". Made me laugh

How *did* claudia know they were illusions? Did she use a spell and it poofed out of existence? Did she already know? I can't see how she would though

Oh? New moonshadow lore just dropped! I love when people add in gestures that have a specific meaning in a culture

Oh no somethings about to happen. I fear fooor.... actually I'm not sure. Probably claudia, there's a good chance she won't make it out in one piece if she goes to far

Yk I ALWAYS wondered why lujanne never really reacted to claudia straight up grabbing her face. Did she genuinely not care and it was just a minor annoyance? Did she not want to retaliate? Was she trying to be polite?? I have so many questions about that scene

Help I just had to dig through the internet to find Claudia's character model and check if she actually wears heels

My thoughts here go as follows: 'claudia, just because you're at the moon nexus that doesn't mean everything is an illu- CLAUDIA. NO. WHY'. Seriously claudia have you learnt nothing from the very short time you've known them. This is not the done thing when you're talking to someone you met literally the day before

Has it been confirmed in canon that elves can smell/sense dark magic, or is it just a headcanon that's widely accepted by the fandom? I know dragons/archdragons can, but it's been longer than I'd like to admit since I watched the show and i can't really remember

SHE *PULLED* HER HAIR?? Touching someone's hair is bad enough (especially for moonshadow elves ig, and even more so if it's one of their braids) but PULLING someone's hair?? New lows have been reached

See lujanne this is a much more reasonable reaction to someone grabbing your face. Take notes

...forgot callum was here. If he takes Claudia's side in this I'll be very annoyed with him

LITERALLY ONLY THE ILLUSION SPIDER THINGS ARE ILLUSIONS?? IM LIKE 90% CERTAIN EVERYTHING ELSE IS REAL?? CLAUDIA WHERE IS YOUR RESPECT FOR OTHERS??

Off topic but lujannes cloak cape thing is so cool. How does it stay up?? Magic I'd assume but??

Backup is a great idea I agree

OH GOOD CALLUMS ON THEIR SIDE. I was worried for a minute

CLAUDIA YOU LITTLE MANIPULATOR I SEE WHAT YOURE TRYING TO DO. Unfortunately for you callum is a good person and will not fall for your tricks (I hope)

Oh NO. She just called andromeda a liar this will not end well for anyone involved

See callum gets it! And it's been... what, a week? Maybe 2? I've lost count slightly? Come in claudia do better. The 14 (and ¾) year old is doing better than you are

YES HE DOES TRUST THEM MKRE THAN HE TRUSTS YOU BECAUSE YOU *ATTACKED THEM WITH SMOKE WOLVES*!?!??

Oh I wasn't expecting that from callum. Well done callum! Realising she's not nice sooner could probably save you a lot of trouble down the line

'The witch' I mean it's an accurate description but I laughed a bit at that. I can't tell if it's being used to describe the fact she can do magic, the fact she's horrible, or both

CLAUDIA YOU CANT JUST?? SAY NO??

Wait since when did andromeda have a glaive? Have I missed something?

:( poor beetle

No callum probably wouldn't be alright with that. I'm pretty sure he still has a crush on her

ANDROMEDA?? MAYBE DONT PUT LUJANNE AT GRAVE RISK?? I'm sure someone will think of something

Different Path Taken Ch31 P1

Callum, Claudia, Andromeda, and Lujanne have a moment that changes Callum's mind.

Andromeda was trying not to be too conspicuous, but hover near to where Callum was showing Claudia around.  Something rankled under her skin at the dark mage being shown the most sacred places of ancient Moonshadow society, witnessing more of their history than most living elves would ever see, but she didn’t stop them.  What was there to stop?  Nothing functioned anymore.  It was all just a ruin.

It was up to the Guardian to make a judgment on that, and she had failed to prevent the dark mage from making it to the Nexus.  She certainly didn’t seem as concerned about it as Andromeda would have expected.  She caught herself halfway to pouting at the older woman’s back as Lujanne finished cleaning up one of the broken, cleared rooms.  She was perched on the wall outside where she could reasonably be assumed to be spending time casually with Lujanne rather than stalking the human teenagers as they mounted the stairs towards the old temple grounds.

“Still keeping a close eye on the children, I take it?” Lujanne asked knowingly as she exited the room with her usual grace. 

Andromeda sighed through her nose and nodded. “Why did you let them get up here?” She asked, eyes still fixed on the two dark figures coming up the lower flights of stairs.

Lujanne shook her head. “Protecting this place is a delicate balance.  I must frighten them away, but to kill them would be to incite more of them to follow.  It is rare that my illusions fail to drive them away.” She frowned down at the ground. “I daresay I may have met my match in the young mage.”

Andromeda grimaced, conceding this answer.  She had been equally frightened by the illusions before Callisto realized they were fake, after all.  A mage, young and overconfident and full of herself, who was convinced she could handle anything, would certainly be able to come up with something to get past illusions. 

She had never appreciated before just how precarious the Guardian’s position must be, and she hopped down from the wall to give Lujanne a respectful little bow, her hands forming a closed circle before her chest in the familiar old sign.  Lujanne returned it with a weary smile.

They began to descend the stairs together, and there was an abrupt hitch in Lujanne’s step when she noticed the teenagers so close.  Andromeda could practically see her back stiffen even beneath her cape. 

“Oh, uh,” Callum said, hands spreading out to the sides, as if nervous, but he was smiling. “Claudia, this is Lujanne.  She’s a Moon Mage - an illusionist.”

Andromeda stiffened and her hands went to her scythes when Claudia rushed the older mage, brightly exclaiming, “Wow!  Are you an illusion yourself?”

“Well, no,” Lujanne said, but didn’t get a chance to continue. “I’m -”

Claudia was grabbing at the older woman’s face, hard enough that Lujanne leaned backwards, ears flattening with displeasure.  She pinched and squeezed at the loose flesh. “But you feel so real!”

“I am real,” Lujanne growled with a trace of irritation, her hands braced between herself and the mage, and Andromeda realized she wasn’t going to physically defend herself.

So she took it upon herself to do it for her, stepping abruptly between them and pushing Claudia back.  While she guessed they would be about the same height ordinarily, the girl’s heels forced Andromeda to look up an inch or two to meet her eyes from this proximity. “She said she’s real,” She said pointedly. 

“Huh, that’s exactly what an illusion would say.” Claudia’s eyes widened and she gasped theatrically. “Or, no wait!  If she’s real, that means you’re the illusion!” She grabbed for Andromeda’s braid and face. 

Her hands were unpleasantly cold and smelled of death, and Andromeda recoiled from it, snarling with the grip on her hair tugged it.  She flipped her scythe up between them as she freed herself and snapped, “Touch me again and you’ll get a graphic demonstration of just how ‘illusory’ this is,” She warned, brandishing the weapon. “We are both real people.  Even if we weren’t, you didn’t even wait for us to answer before grabbing a’ us!  Who taught you it was all right to touch people without permission?”

Callum’s smile had rapidly faded and he braced his hands out as if to soothe the elves, but Claudia responded with a roll of her eyes and a careless laugh. “Oh, come on.  How was I supposed to know?  Almost everything on this mountain’s an illusion.  I bet these walls aren’t even real.”

“You wait for an answer,” Andromeda said through gritted teeth, and Lujanne gripped her cape in her hands to sidestep around them, keeping her eyes on Claudia.  She glanced briefly back at Andromeda, and Andromeda nodded; she could go, get away from this violation and perhaps tell the others.

She had a feeling backup wouldn’t be a bad idea here.

Callum seemed to be fighting with himself a bit, and he shrank a little as he looked up at Claudia, putting out his hands as if to soothe her. “Andromeda’s right,” He said hesitantly. “Maybe next time really wait for permission first, they did say that they’re real - and you probably just didn’t hear, I know you get really focused on things and that’s okay!  Just try to listen more, okay?  They’re our friends now too.”

Claudia huffed in disbelief and rolled her eyes, smiling sweetly at Callum. “Callum, they’re Moonshadow elves.  Lying is kind of their whole thing!  Illusions, deception - they make things up all the time.  You can’t really just trust whatever they say without question.”

“You shouldn’t trust anyone without question,” Andromeda snapped, burning with righteous fury. “But lying and understanding how the truth may differ from a new perspective are worlds apart!”

“I do trust them,” Callum said more firmly, frowning at Claudia. “And they’re not lying!  That’s not what they do, especially not Andromeda.”

Claudia frowned too. “So you trust these elves more than your best friend?” She wheedled.

Andromeda bristled, recognizing the manipulation for what it was. 

To her surprise, Callum did too, gesturing at her. “She’s right there, Claudia.  You can’t talk about people like that.  It’s mean!”

The young mage’s light demeanor cracked for a moment and her fists clenched before she relaxed pointedly and sighed as if put upon. “Okay.  So let’s go have a talk by ourselves for a little while, like we planned.  We’ll set all this aside, and you can just keep showing me around all the magical places here.”

Callum shook his head slowly, taking a step back and glancing between them, biting his lip and his brows furrowing almost apologetically at Andromeda. “I . . . No.  I’m - I’m sorry, Claudia.  This place isn’t mine to show anyway, and - if this is how you’re going to treat the elves I don’t really feel comfortable showing you their sacred places.”

“Callum!” The witch cried, dismayed, as Callum continued to back up, eyes visibly welling up at the betrayal.

“I’m sorry, Claudia.  I just - I can’t.” Callum shook his head quickly and turned and ran back down the stairs.

The witch started after him and Andromeda hooked her scythe around the girl’s wrist on reflex. “You and I are going to have a little chat about boundaries,” She growled when the witch whirled on her. “And why when a boy tells you no, it means no, and you should leave him alone.”

Claudia’s sweet facade faded into a nasty sneer. “I don’t have to listen to anything you have to say.” She huffed arrogantly and pushed Andromeda’s glaive away, reaching in her bag.  Andromeda braced herself for a magical attack, but the girl just crushed something in her hand - a beetle, it looked like - and a barrier shimmered into existence around her so she stomped off.

Andromeda had a feeling her scythes wouldn’t pierce the barrier if she tried, so she didn’t.  Fighting with a mage alone, without magic, could be a foolish decision, even if the Nexus was a place of power.  She would have to use lethal force, and despite what had just happened, she doubted Callum would be alright with that.  Somehow they had to escape the Nexus without this girl.  Hopefully this conversation would convince Callum of the necessity.  As for the method . . . Andromeda hoped someone else had an idea, because she wasn’t sure how to escape without putting Lujanne at grave risk.

[redrosesandforgetmenots]

Through Your Eyes

Pretty Little Liars (Chapter Four)

3,974 words

The storage closet of Art Room B was quiet, the stiff air smelling like oil paint with a lingering under current of pencil shavings and paper. Tweek was tucked away into a corner, working on the project that would make or break his grade this semester- a mixed media project meant to "evoke the image of the written word." He sometimes wanted to know what was going through his teachers head when she assigned this type of shit.

He had chosen to depict a poem from "Crank" by Ellen Hopkins. And was trying to figure out what picture from a magazine evoked the word "coalescing." Tweek gently pulled the magazines out of his bag, the folder Craig had given him earlier falling out as well. Distracted by remembering its existence, he opened it, curious to see what he had dropped.

He was immediately greeted by Craig's face, the half finished portrait of the boy who sat next to him in first period. Tweek quickly closed the folder, flushed. Craig had seen it? It was the first thing in the folder that the other had assembled. Questions flooded his mind. Is that why Craig came out to him? Did he think Tweek had a crush on him? Did him coming out mean he had a crush?

Tweek quickly shoved the folder back in his bag, turning his attention back to the magazines. He stared blankly at the images in question, but his mind was still racing with thoughts about Craig. Soon the bell rang, and he made his way into the actual classroom, quickly zipping past everyone on their way out and running to Wends' locker. 

Thankfully, they were actually there, in an animated conversation with Stan. Tweek stood behind the dark haired boy, not saying anything. Luckily he was quickly spotted. "TT?" Wends asked, looking behind Stan.

"Hey, Tweek! We were just talking about this weekend-" Stan noticed Tweek absolutely shaking, his breathing ragged. "... You okay man?"

"I-Im- What if I like Craig?" Wends expression went vacant, eyes empty as they measured their response.

"That … would be okay. But hes… I don't think you know him well enough to like him." Wends pointed out, before mustering up a pitiful smile. "I'm not sure he's exactly boyfriend material, T…"

"Craig's a dick!" Stan exclaimed.

"I know." Tweek replied bluntly. "B-but I could get to know him better!" Wends and Stan shared a glance.

"... Well dude… I know parties aren't your thing, but … my dad's taking my mom to a cannabis convention so I have the farm to myself. I was gonna have a little get together. I could invite Craig, if you want?"

Tweek paused for a moment. He knew Stan meant the best, but he was also inviting Bebe and Eric, so chances were their little get together would become a full on rager, and that was absolutely not his scene. But if Craig went, it'd be a nice neutral place to talk. "I'd be okay with that." 

"Cool! Chances are he won't show up unless I invite the other guys he hangs with… I guess this little party isn't going to be that little." Stan said, looking to Wends, who shrugged. With who he was inviting, it didn't seek like it ever would've been in the first place. 

"Charge a door fee, see who still shows up," Tweek joked, before the bell started ringing. He quickly scurried to his next class, dodging others in the hallway.

*****

"Its not l-like it's a full on date Bebe, i-its just a party!" Tweek had once again been dragged out shopping. This time it was just the two who were out thrifting, Bebe holding an assortment of women's blouses up to Tweek, attempting to visualize him in them.

"Mmm… this isn't gonna work, you're gonna have to actually try stuff on." Bebe said, putting her choices into the cart. "And besides, Craig dressed up to give you your papers back! You need to like, return the favor?"

Tweek shrugged. "He probably had s-something else to do, or he just ran out of clean laundry-"

"I've seen Craig wear the same exact shirt for a week straight. And there definitely wasn't anything else going on today, I would know!" Bebe pointed out. She went to the sweater section next, pulling out a mint green cardigan. "Cute… but not super you. Yknow?"

"That colour is f-fucking ugly." Bebe gasped in faux shock, horrified by his hatred for pastels. 

"Excuse you, it's almost spring! You really need to experiment with florals, or something." She pulled another cardigan off the rack. Brown, with little crochet leaves hanging off it in various shades of green, vines giving it more texture as they ran parallel down the front and sleeves. It looked handmade.. Tweek had to admit he liked it. They put it in the cart.

"OK so like… cargo pants are not going to go with my Spring Awakening forest academia vibe I'm trying to go for..  how do you feel about shorts."

"Abhorrent." Tweek replied, but was dragged over to the rack anyway, this time on the men's section. 

Bebe huffed. "You're not being a very good dress up doll!" She joked, pulling a pair of very short corduroy shorts off the rack. They matched the brown of the cardigan, but Tweek shook his head. Who would ever want to see that much of his legs? "Pleeeaaaassseee at least try them on? You'll be so cute!"

"Im n-not supposed to be cute, Bebe." Tweek replied, "I-Im trying to not get peoples attention." He already looked weird enough.

"Okay but, do you wanna look cute for Craig?" She asked, putting the shorts in the cart. Tweek flushed, but didn't push any further. He had to admit, he regretted not putting in any effort today. He literally just picked the same sweater from yesterday off the floor because he knew it was still mostly clean from being washed two days ago. Should he have worn a button down too today? No- he could never get the buttons right. Which was concerning considering how many of them were in the cart right now. 

Bebe rifled through them, picking out one that looked pretty sheer, it was white, and had way too many ruffles for Tweek's liking. They lined the collar, down the front, and the ends of the sleeves. "It's not perfect," she said, "But I have an idea!" She handed him the shorts, shirt, and cardigan. "Go try these on right now!" Tweek groaned, but did as asked, entering the dressing room.

There was a slew of hangers already in the dressing room, and the mirror was cracked on one side. Still, it would work. Tweek changed as quickly as possible, avoiding his reflection before stepping back outside for Bebes reaction. He hid in the door frame, pulling down the hem of the shorts. They couldn't even make it past the middle of the middle of his thighs. 

"You look so perfect!" Bebe replied, but swooped in to make adjustments. She tucked the top into the pants and thankfully did up the cardigan. It left only about an inch of shorts hanging out the bottom of it, and Tweek glanced down to his bony, bruised knees with a grimace. "Okay, so I'm gonna take this blouse, wash it obvi, and then dye it green. So then for jewelry-"

"No." Tweek stopped her in her tracks. He was already uncomfortable enough, the party was bound to be overstimulating, the last thing he needed was the feeling of accessories. "Th-this isn't girls go games, Bebe. I-I was just gonna wear jeans and a t shirt or something. This is… i-its too much."

Bebe was pouting. "Okay… no jewelry, I can do that but please, please at least come in with this? We can bring you a change of clothes, I promise! But you'd look so good next to me and Wends in our matching sweater dresses!" Tweek sighed, but relented. 

"A-as long as I can change … c-can we go now?" The music was loud, and the smell was really starting to get to him, it made his exhaustion feel all the more prominent. 

"Totally, thanks for doing this, TT! You're like, the first customer in my new stylist business!" She joked. Tweek quickly went into change back, ignoring the mirror once more. Now he was gonna smell like thrift store all day… hopefully Bebes trip to Ulta wouldn't take that long, he desperately wanted a shower.

Tweeks phone buzzed in one of his pockets, and he pulled it out as he exited the dressing room.

Unknown Number:

Have a good weekend everyone! Enjoy the party, I'm sure it's gonna be killer!

-L

Okay, what the actual shit? Tweek rolled his eyes and blocked the number. How cheesy, who even signed their texts anymore?

The shopping trip wrapped up with relative ease, and Tweek and Bebe made it to Wends house for the pre party sleepover. 

*****

"But, are you sure you like like him?" Marjorine asked while Bebe was pushing Tweeks cuticles back. Tweek groaned.

"I-I don't know! He's just- AGH! This is too much pressure!" Tweek pulled his hands away from Bebe to grab at his hair. He wasn't sure how the topic of his liking of Craig came about, but he wanted this conversation to be over. 

"Isn't he straight?" Nichole asked, looking up from the TV where she and Heidi were trying to figure out a movie to watch. Tweek simply buried his head in his hands, refusing to answer. He knew Craig wasn't, but that wasn't anyone else's business. He was good at keeping secrets- he'd kept his parents for long enough after all. 

"Didn't he have that crush on that kid with tourettes in the fourth grade?" Heidi offered.

"Craig is definitely gay." Red piped up, "at every family reunion it always gets brought up. He's never had a girlfriend, at least."

"Guys! It's uncouth the speculate on someone's sexuality!" Wends said, "... but I remember in fifth grade he held hands with Tweek all the time until Cartman called him… well, you know."

"Fags?" Tweek replied for them, before letting out a sigh. "I-i mean.. he's always been like that though! H-he was a very clingy kid."

"To you," Nichole said, "I don't remember him ever holding hands with Tolkien or Jimmy."

"H-he held hands with Clyde!"

"Yeah, but Clyde was a cry baby. I mean like, I get it after his mom died, but it's like he never stopped." Bebe replied, gently taking Tweeks hand again to finish her task.

"Well, I think Craig's just afraid of what other people will think! And you can't live your life that way!" Marjorine said with a smile. "And I think all the fellas just gave him shit because they're too afraid of themselves."

"Well said," Wends said, handing Marjorine a bag of Cheesy Poofs. 

"C-can we just not talk about Craig tonight?" Tweek asked, and all the girls nodded and replied in agreement. 

*****

Craig couldn't believe he got dragged to a lame party and Stan's house. He would have absolutely said no, if Stan hadn't promised that Tweek would be there. Now he was in the living room, sitting on the couch with Kenny and Jimmy as they passed a blunt back and forth. 

He still hadn't seen Tweek, but honestly he was just trying to zone out the overly loud music and chatter around him. Thankfully the lights were dimmed, but he still could hardly think. "..  I wanna go home." He mumbled, more to himself than anything.

"H-hang on, the girls aren't even-arent even here yet!" Jimmy replied, before taking a hit. That was a lie. There were plenty of girls at this party, but he knew which ones Jimmy meant. 

"Yeah dude! And they're bringing the tweeksterrrrr!" Kenny replied, sing songing the nickname for Tweek in a teasing tone. "And I heard from Marj that he's gonna look super hot tonight." Craig rolled his eyes, leaning back. He guess he could at least hold out to see Tweek, then go home…

The door swung open, letting in a blast of cold air. Bebe, Wends, and their friends all entered in, Tweek bringing up the rear, wearing the shortest shorts he'd ever seen. Wasn't he freezing? Still, Craig took a long, appreciative look at his legs. They were pale, and covered in light blonde hair and bruises- they looked like they were sculpted out of marble… at least to Craig. Tweeks internal monologue was far less kind.

"Everyone is looking at me- these shorts are too short, I'm fucking freezing! Are my legs turning blue? Oh god fuck everyone can see my goosebumps they must look so gross-" Tweek's mind rant was cut short when he made eye contact with brown eyes from across the room. The door closed behind him,but he didn't move to get closer inside. He and Craig stared at each other for a moment, before Craig finally made a move to get up. 

"...Hey." Craig greeted, feeling much less confident on his feet than he had sitting down. He finally felt the full effects of the weed hitting him, and he was probably staring a little too intensely at the shorter blonde in front of him. 

"Hey…" Tweek greeted back, wrapping the cardigan tighter around the sheer green blouse underneath it. Luckily the cardigan covered everything, but it still made Tweek nervous.

"You look cold." Craig said simply. "Do you want a blanket?" He had no fucking clue where the Marshs kept their spare blankets, but he could figure it out.

"Uuuhh… kinda.. kinda wanted to get a drink first? Maybe a snack or something?" Tweek couldn't give a shit about snacks right now. Truth be told he wanted the blunt sitting plainly in Kenny's hand, but he needed to get a scope of the party first. At least make the rounds before bailing. 

"Oh… yeah, for sure. I'll come with you." The song changed, playing Speed Drive by Charli XCX, which effectively got most people dancing. Craig absent-mindedly took Tweeks hand to lead him through the surprisingly thick crowd and into the kitchen. Thankfully it was mildly quiet, Stan and Kyle having a conversation by the fridge withstanding. There was a good amount of alcohol on the kitchen counter, mostly stolen from Randy's stash. 

"What did you want?" He asked, dropping Tweeks hand, who looked at them briefly, before grabbing a beer off the table. "Gross… that's all?"

Tweek shrugged, "I'm a simple man." Craig cracked a smile, before pouring midori into a mountain dew. "That's disgusting…"

"You have your drinks, I got mine." Craig replied, now secured with his stereotypical red solo cup. "Wanna head back out to Kenny and Jimmy?"

"... Not really? I-i mean… it's kinda loud in here, man." Tweek replied, shifting from foot to foot as he looked around. 

"I brought my car. I'm sure we could just sit in it with the heater on and smoke." Craig replied. "Come back in when we're good and stoned."

"... I'd like that. Yeah…" Tweek replied, grabbing another beer. Just in case he finished it in the car. Craig took Tweeks hand again to lead him outside, out to his shitty PT Cruiser. 

"So…" Craig started once they were inside with the heater blasting, and he pulled out a joint from his pocket in a plastic baggie. "You look really nice tonight."

"... Thanks man." Tweek replied, and Craig could swear he saw Tweeks cheeks redden in the dim light. "I never dress like this though… i-its um… I-I'm pretty cold?" Craig passed him the joint, and finally noticed the polish on the others fingers.

"Did you paint your nails?" Olive green had been perfectly manicured onto them, with flecks of gold sitting on top.

"Ummmm… B-Bebe did, actually. Said my outfit needed more green tones." Tweek pulled his hand away protectively, before taking a hit off the joint. 

"Maybe she can do mine sometime." Craig replied, showing off the manicure he'd done in sharpie. It was mostly faded by now, but the black was still managing to just barely hang on. "I think nail polish is pretty cool."

"Damn, you really are gay." Tweek said without thinking, immediately shutting his mouth and looking towards Craig, who was… laughing? He didn't seem to be upset at all.

"I mean… yeah I guess… I mean I had to think about it and..  I guess everyone else realized before I did, and that sucks ass but, I am pretty damn gay." He locked eyes with Tweek again, his gaze hazy. "And you look really pretty…"

"You are so stoned right now!" Tweek replied, going to take a few more sips of his drink. The way Craig was looking at Tweek made him feel butterflies, but he was so obviously high out of his mind- he couldn't really mean it, right?

"Tweek… I am so serious. You're the prettiest boy in the whole damn school I swear- you-you..  fuck man, I don't know what I'm saying."

"...Clearly." Tweek replied. "I-I'm just going to smoke the rest of this, if you don't mind." 

Craig nodded, focusing more on his drink instead. He still stared at Tweek, his eyes drinking in the way moon light looked on him. It highlighted the curve of his nose in pale light, caressing his gaunt cheekbones and long eyelashes. He even looked pretty smoking a joint, his lips wrapping around it in a way that made Craig's recent realizations about his wants prove more than true. "You look like an angel," he said after a while of silence, feeling the warmth of the alcohol fill him.

"D-dont say cheesy shit like that man!" Tweek replied with a laugh, "I'll think y-you have a crush on me or-or something!" The joint was almost done, looking like it was down to the tips of Tweeks long fingers. Piano hands, Craig remembered.

"Do you still play piano?" He asked quietly, now staring at Tweeks hands.

"Uhh… y-yeah. Thankfully my-my parents never cooked anything or brought any-anything to the house so I got to umm… sorry I got to keep my stuff? S-s-sorry I didn't mean to talk about it."

"No its okay… I'm glad you gotta keep your piano." Craig replied. Tweek was still shivering slightly, and Craig took off his hoodie, handing it to Tweek. Tweek graciously took it, immediately putting it on. He'd tolerate the teenage boy stink if it meant that he'd be warm..  and honestly, Craig didn't smell that bad.

"Thank you," Tweek said, zipping the hoodie up.

"Ready to go back inside?" Craig asked, to which Tweek just shrugged, but got out of the car anyway. The hoodie was so long it actually covered his shorts. Something about the sight made Craig feel warm inside- or maybe that was the alcohol. Either way, the warmth kept him going until they got back into the house, where rain started pattering on the windows. It went unheard over the music.

"You do look really nice tonight, that outfit looks good on you." Craig complimented. It looked like Tweek had even made an attempt to tame his wild blonde hair, though any effort was destroyed by the wind outside.

"I feel l-like a ti-tik tok alt kid circa twenty twenty."Tweek replied bitterly. "But thanks man… B-Bebe just wanted t-to dress me up t-to-FUCK. … Tonight. She just wanted to dress me up tonight."

Craig slid a little closer to him, taking his hand again. It was subconscious. It honestly felt natural. He could feel Kenny gleefully staring at them, he looked up to see the bastard flashing him a thumbs up. "Why'd she wanna do that?"

Instead of a reply, Tweek just smiled awkwardly at him, squeezing his hand. "... I think I need another drink."

"Third beer of the night… I'm surprised you're not a lightweight." Tweek just shrugged.

"M-my bodys been through worse."

They made their way back into the kitchen, which had gotten busier in their absence. Tweek quickly grabbed another beer before he was pushed out of the way by a girl with long black hair, and he and Craig retreated to a corner. "T-too loud in here…" Tweek mumbled.

"Hey queers," Came the ever grating voice of Eric Cartman. "You guys need a room or what?"

"Fuck you-w-wait… is that an offer?" Tweek looked at the larger boy in confusion. Eric had the most smug look on his face, but it wasn't evil… it was so odd.

"Figured if you two fags wanted to hook up you should at least have your own room! They've got a spare bedroom now, I could take you to it." Cartman offered. Craig and Tweek looked at each other incredulously.

"I… we.. we're not gonna fuck, dude." Craig replied, incredibly confused.

".... sure, whatever, but isn't it too loud in here, aren't there too many people here for your autistic asses? Don't you guys wanna confess all your gay feelings and shit?" Craig tensed at that, but nodded. There were too many people here for his autistic ass, actually.

They followed Eric up the stairs to a bedroom that looked like it belonged to Stan's older sister once upon a time, and Eric quickly shut the two of them inside alone. Never in his life did Tweek think Eric Cartman would be his saving grace.

Tweek went to sit on the bed, immediately pulling the blanket up over his legs, kicking off his boots. He leaned back against the wall, letting out a sigh of relief as the noise was finally muffled enough for him to relax.

But now the two were alone. In a room. Together.

Sure they'd been in the car together, but being in a bedroom had more expectations. People would certainly talk, especially since Cartman was absolutely running his mouth right now. "Hey so… we aren't gonna be…y-yknow… sleeping together?"

"I'm not interested in sex." Craig said plainly. It sounded almost rehearsed.

"C-cool! Just checking!" Tweek replied, "me neither… a-anyways um… I guess we could talk?" Craig nodded, sitting on the bed next to him, but reached out to hold Tweeks hand again. Tweek didn't protest. Actually, it was kind of nice.

"W-we held hands all the time when we were kids…" Tweek whispered. Staring at the interlaced fingers between them.

"Yeah… why'd we stop?" Craig asked, his words slurring slightly.

"Cartman called you a fag and you stopped."

"Oh…"Craig had a look of concentration on his face. "... sorry." He mumbled finally, his thumb stroking the back of Tweeks hand. 

"D-dont worry about it. A-a-after that I came out and we stopped talking as much."

"Wait- I thought we stopped talking because your parents got arrested?"

"A-are you kid-kidding me? Dude, I came out and you never texted me again! Y-y-you wouldn't pick up my calls-"

"My dad took my phone that year. Shit grades."

"What-why didn't you say that then?"

"I didn't know you were texting me!" 

Tweek and Craig stared at each other for a moment, mouths agape in mirroring expressions of shock.

"Oh… I… I guess I didn't think to ask… wh-why you weren't picking up."

"And then your parents got arrested and you kind of… you kind of stopped talking to anyone but Wendy and Bebe." 

"Yeah…." Tweek bit his lip in thought, before looking back up at Craig. "Everyone thinks you're a complete dick, you know?"

"I know." 

"I-i-its kind of funny… y-you have a reputation of being such an ass wipe, b-but you've always been nice to me… I mean-usually."

"I like you." Craig stated bluntly, putting his other hand on top of the one he was holding.

"Man, y-you can't say shit like that-"

"No. Tweek. I like you. I have a crush on you. I have for years."

"I-you-I-WHAT?"

[vaatistaxevasion]

Lonely. Lonely. Lonely. Lonely. Repeat

Im sure it's hormones and i shouldnt be taking my feelings seriously.

Wish I knew how to be a better person. I miss my cat, she was so many things to me. A daughter, a companion, a little judgemental but full of love baby who laid in my blankets and curled up in my arms. But she'll never come back no matter how long I stare at videos of her, and all i can do is swallow that reality. She's been gone for a year and most of her things have been put away, my family borrowed her ladder and let it get destroyed, but I still feel the ghost of her sometimes when I'm alone. Because she was always there no matter how little else I had over the years. For years she was a crutch for me as much as I was for her. looking at all my old pictures and videos, she looked so happy and loved. She was so sick in her last months and she held onto life until she stopped being able to get up and just peed in my bed. She couldnt give up herself, she made me call someone to come put her down. I like to think that was how much she loved her life, but it hurt. She suffered so much in the end. Sometimes I wish I'd put her down sooner, but she still had light in her eyes up until she couldn't stand anymore. The day before then I came home and knew she was done. She was so slow. Her head turned at a snail's pace while i pet her, and when the people came to my home to take care of her, she tried to make biscuits on me for the first time in months. I'm glad I've kept things, made an album, made a little shelf for her ashes and favorite toys. But i miss her still. I feel like I've moved on and im better, more or less, most of the time, but moments like these will still continue to creep up on me, it seems.

I knew loss was hard to deal with. I lost a cat who was my best friend when i was younger, he was only 4 and I was probably 12 at most. But as with most things from that age, i blocked out trauma pretty fast and in a year it was like he'd never existed at all. And ive never had any external family to care about so i've never seen any of them die. I guess my little girl really was an eye-opener into just. How unending grief is. I dont even know what im rambling about or why i have work at 5 in the morning. Going to sleep

[raccoonbatz]

Can I tell you a secret?

[Robbie Shapiro x F!Reader]

A/N: Hi! This fic is inspired by the gif above :) I've only seen a handfull robbie fanfics and I am still completely in love with that man so I wanted to write one myself :) oh and english isn't my first language! so sorry if some words are weird lol

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

Summary: Robbie finally confessing his feelings for the girl he's been in love with for the past months.

Warnings: None, just extreme fluff.

It was the big night, the cow-wow dance was tonight and Y/n was pretty excited. It was her first schoolevent at Hollywood Arts.

"Earth to Y/n?" Jade said as they walked towards the school. In the 5 months that y/n attended HA Jade became her closest friend. Sure, she can be bit mean but for some reason she took y/n under her wing and since then they kinda became inseperable.

"Sorry, I'm just kinda nervous I guess?" Y/n said as she fixed the bowties in her ponytails.

"Nervous? for what? Sinjin in a hula?" Jade snickered

"No- no, not that." Y/n chuckled. "Even tho it is something I should avoid." She said.

"For what are u nervous then?" Jade asked once again. They finally arrived at the school and everything was very well decorated.

"I- eh-" Y/n stuttered but before she could finish her sentence, someone yelled her name.

"Y/n! Y/n!" She heard a familliar voice yell. She turned around and locked eyes with the cute curly haired boy. She smiled, but her smile faded quickly as she saw that he was with an unfamiliar face. Jade saw her smile fade.

"Ur finally here!" He said as he approched her.

"Yea, uh- we had some stuff we still had to fix-" She said but he interupted her.

"This is Gabriela, my date!" He said proudly and smiled. Gabriela looked up and gave Y/n and Jade a small smile.

"Hey" She said, a bit cold.

Y/n gave a weak smile and looked back at Jade, who was just staring with an angry look on her face.

Robbie didn't really knew what was going on as he looked at the girls confused.

"Well.. Okay, Im going to get something to drink for Gabriela, u guys want something?" He asked a bit hesitant.

"Yea s-" Y/n said but was interupted by Jade.

"We can get it ourselves." She said annoyed. Robbie shrugged and took Gabriela's arm as he wandered off with her. As they walked off Beck arrived, sneaking an arm around Jade's waist.

"Hey you guys, what just happend?" He asked as he took a sip of his drink.

"Robbie happend." Jade said annoyed as she took the drink from becks hand and took a sip herself.

"It's fine Jade, Really.." Y/n said a bit sad.

"No, it's not okay." Jade said and looked at Beck.

"We got work to do." Jade said and Beck just nodded.

"No, Jade, please. It's fi-" Y/n tried to say, but before she could finish her sentence Jade and Beck were already on their way. Y/n sighed as she walked towards the drink booth and took a cup of whatever. The first big event at her new school and it was already a shitshow.

"Hey y/n/n." She heard from behind her. She looked around and saw Andre and Tori walking up to her.

"Hey guys." Y/n said a bit devistated.

"What's wrong?" Andre asked a bit worried.

"I don't really know, I'm feeling all these things that I didn't knew existed until now." Y/n said as she took a sip of her drink.

"U wanna talk about it?" Tori offered.

"Not really, sorry." Y/n said and gave a weak smile. "Thanks tho." She added.

"It's no problem." Andre said as he looked at the time.

"Shit, we have to go on in like 10 minutes-" Andre said worried and Tori looked up.

"Sorry y/n, we gotta prepare for the show. But after that, we're going to hang and make the best out of tonight. Okay?" Tori said and y/n nodded.

"Thanks guys" Y/n said a bit happier and hugged them both.

"Imma cheer u guys on the whole show, u know that right?" Y/n chuckled and they nodded.

"You better!" Andre said as they walked away. Y/n was alone, again. Jade and beck were nowhere to be found, Robbie was probably dancing with that girl of his and cat? Cat was also nowhere to be found. Y/n decided to sit on one of the picnic tables in the corner of the parkinglot, still sipping her drink. Everyone was having fun time, why couldn't she?

In the meantime Robbie was being harassed by Jade.

"What did u do, shapiro?" Jade asked angrily as she grabbed the collar of his button-up.

"I don't know! What did I do?" Robbie asked confused, looking pannicked back at Beck.

"I have no clue my friend, but u better fix it now." Beck said, trying not to intervine with what going on.

"Jade- please. Tell me what I did wrong so I can f-fix it, please?" Robbie asked and Jade loosend her grip.

"You hurted Y/n, stop playing dumb." She said annoyed as she let him go.

"How- You know I would never ever hurt her on purpose!" He said, still a bit panicked.

"Did I hurt her..?" He added, now a bit worried.

"Are you fucking blind?" She basically screamed.

"I mean, kinda? I have pretty strong gla-" Robbie said but got interupted by Jade.

"She likes you!" Jade said while facepalming. Robbie's eyes wident.

"She didn't even have to tell me and I already knew by the way she acts around you. How can you be so incredibly dumb?" Jade added and sighed.

"Where is she?" Robbie asked in a hurry.

"I don't know, probably around here somewh-" Jade couldn't even finish her sentence or Robbie was already gone. Jade looked at Beck who was still just standing there.

"Let's get something to drink-" Jade said.

"Yea, good idea." Beck added as they walked away.

Y/n was still sitting on top of the picnic table, listening to the music. Her feet were dangeling off the side.

"There you are-" She heard a familiar voice say.

"Oh, hey Robs." She said without looking up.

Robbie sat down next to her and gave her a cup with something to drink. She took the drink from his hands and looked up.

"Thanks-" She said but looked confused.

"Where is ur date?" She added and looked confused. Robbie chuckled.

"I don't know, haven't seen her all night." He said as he placed down his drink next to him.

"I have a small feeling that we gotta talk" He said as he turned his head towards her. Y/n felt her cheeks heat up a bit.

"Okay- I don't know what Jade told u-" She started and looked down again but he interupted her.

"Look, Y/n," He paused for a second. The look on his face gave away that he was struggeling to find the right words. Y/n got a bit anxious, because most of the times when people are looking for the right words it's not positive.

"Can I tell you a secret?" He finally said and smiled a bit.

'Sure" Y/n said, still looking at the ground.

Robbie got close to her ear, as if he wanted to whisper something but instead he stopped, slowly raised his hand and slowly turned her head with his finger and gave her a soft, sweet kiss. She was taken a bit back at first. Butterflies exploded in her stomach as she melted away in the kiss. Robbie then pulled away, not breaking eye contact.

"Now I still don't know your secret-" Y/n said to break the silence. They both chuckled.

"I've liked you since the moment i've met you, y/n." He said softly which grew a huge smile on Y/n face.

"Well, good to know. Because I like you too, Shapiro." Y/n said and Robbie smiled.

"That's good, because it would've been weird if I kissed you and you didn't." He said and the both laughed for a bit. Robbie took y/n hand and sat closer to her. Y/n looked up again, stealing a quick kiss from him.

"Couldn't resist, sorry." She said and they both chuckled again.

"You can steal all the kisses you want from now on, no need to worry." He said and smiled. Y/n leaned her head on his shoulder.

[dumbazzsz]

Im sorry I'm having more thoughts- Less focused on the story and more worldbuilding kinda.

I'm always interested in the way God/ gods are portrayed in stories. I'm religious myself so that probably also plays some role in it, but I don't see "Gods" in stories or fics as a "God". My of 'God' is an absolute, unflawed being. Typically in stories, God's have a certain 'role' or 'job/classification/thing' that they rule over, and are also usually flawed in some way so in my eyes they feel more like demigods in a way.

I like to think of them as general managers in a way if that makes sense, who have their own jurisdictions, and with it limitations. You also can't really call them another species because they're in an entirely different plane of existence. They have no actual body in the world, unlike angels or demons, but they can manifest themselves in a way for them to be physically present. So, some of them rule over a 'concept', for example a God of War, others are simply the God of a group of people or an area, such as a hypothetical 'Earth's God'.

(I have some other au ideas that revolve around this concept of gods hehe)

Anyways, in this particular au, after Phil falls you KNOW that is a perfect place to put some religious trauma cuz OHHHH BOY. I imagine he'd been extremely devout in the early periods of his life, but slowly starts to doubt himself after he grows older, more open minded and strats truly seeing whats happening around him. Even before his fall you know he was questioning the morality of his people and what they were taught and made to be like. But even when he realises that all of what he knew was wrong, theres still that part of him that aches to be with his brethren- its his very nature, after all. And then afterwards, being abandoned and condemned, separated from the one he was created to worship? There's a book titled "Hell is the absence of God" and that actually fits really well with (some) religious beliefs. how he felt, and how guilty he feels if given the chance, he would make the same choice he did a thousand times over.

But slowly, over the course of time, with techno, with tommy he starts to heal and break off from that mindset. Him and techno both but I've not thought that far yet lol.

Uhh one more thing. We love our Kristen here, obviously, out beloved godess of death. Over the course of his development, Phil does become her believer yesyes that is a given. But she's different. It wouldn't really fit with how I see gods in stories. God's do have different power levels based on their domain and authority, and so obviously 'death' and 'life' would be at the top, the strongest no? That I'd essentially correct and not correct at the same time. They both have equal power that is leagues above any other god, but they're not actually gods. They're more like 'concepts' in a way, something close to a true god but not exactly. It's kind of like Minecrafts cannon 'Universe'. I'm not too caught up on my minecraft lore but I'm pretty sure it's a thing and I've seen it be portrayed (VERY NICELY too) in some fics (i might be misremembering but i think there's a great emduo one called something along the lines of 'the greatest adventure' that sprinkles that lore in). Basically, you know after you kill the ender dragon and there's the dialogue and the poem? They're that.

Sentient but not. Everywhere but nowhere. Alive and dead. All powerful and weak. All encompassing. They are the very foundations of the world, the 'concepts' that allow existence to, well, exist.

(This all started because of that one 'Phil worships on his knees' post I KNOW U FUCKIN SAW IT LOL)

Techza au where Technoblade is a hunter of demons. He rids the world from fowl, evil creatures. He sends them back to where they should have never left - hell.

However... he himself is a half-demon. And he hates it. He hates *himself*.

So he is shocked when one night he mets a fallen angel and his companion... A small, defenseless demon baby. And he gets conflicted, because all his life he had heard that demons were monsters, heartless and their very nature was sinful and yet that demon - that *baby* - was everything but that.

He makes an ally out of the angel - Phil - because suddenly, there are a lot more creatures going after both him and the baby then they had first thought.

And maybe... Maybe Techno would slowly start seeing the world in a new light. A better one.

[chuuyrr]

Hello!! I love this series very much ☺️ I was wondering maybe Utahime watches bb scarlet for a day cause everyone is busy and bb gets really attached to her and when it’s time to leave she cries and clings in to her really tight and probably says “I want

utahime babysits scarlet witch! baby fushiguro! reader

jujutsu kaisen x reader

masterlist of the series

warning(s): possible jjk spoilers(?), very light gojo x utahime if you squint

i'm glad you're enjoying the series :) your feedbacks means a whole lot to me!! i also saw your other note about you accidentally submitted it unfinished, it's all good anon no worries. i saw the continuation :D

thank you for requesting and for being patient, happy reading <3

(p.s. i've been meaning to write utahime and scarlet bb fushiguro interactions but i wasn't sure if anyone wanted scarlet bb fushiguro to see utahime as a mama-figure, im so glad you requested this omg,, my heart is so happy 😭)

not only was your father busy that day, but everyone was. they either had missions or agendas for that day so they couldn't babysit you. your father had to leave you as well since he had a very important mission.

gojo was running out of options who to leave you for a day when he remembered a certain someone from tokyo jujutsu high's sister school.

you haven't been to kyoto jujutsu high before, so you were thrilled when gojo told you he was going to leave you there for a day in someone's care.

by the time you got there, you were greeted by a very pretty lady at the entrance of the campus who was wearing a traditional miko outfit of white and red.

"[name], this is iori, utahime." gojo introduced you to the young woman, placing you down on your feet after carrying you in his arms. "she will be looking after you today."

although you could see her evident annoyance towards gojo, her gaze softened when her eyes fell onto you. utahime may or may not have disliked the idea of babysitting as she had no experience with it, but seeing you in person—made her genuinely smile.

gojo loved to brag about you everytime he was in kyoto jujutsu high. he'd tell everyone how amazing and adorable you are, but he doesn't talk much about your powers in here because of principal gakuganji, who was one of the higher ups, deemed you as a threat when gojo refused to have you study in their school.

he'd rather send you to tokyo jujutsu high since principal yaga is much nicer and he was one of the people who supported gojo when he faced and argued with the higher ups who found out about your existence.

before gojo and utahime could even say a thing, you ran up to her and hugged her by the waist, smiling. utahime had a very alluring aura, one that was calm but comforting. you could easily tell you were going to like her just like when you met tsumiki.

"[name] is.." utahime blushed, looking down at you.

gojo simply laughed at her reaction, "she's very sweet, i know."

after a small talk with your father about when he was going to pick you up, gojo left but not before he kissed your forehead, gave you a hug and reminded to not give your auntie iori any trouble.

"i'll be right back before you know it, okay kikufuku? be nice to utahime, now." gojo says to you, ruffling your hair as you nodded with a smile.

"i will!" you say in response.

once gojo left, you walked back to utahime who was smiling at the little interaction you just had with your father-figure. that was probably one of the rarest moments where she had seen gojo being genuinely loving and not being an annoying ass.

"come on, i'll give you a tour of kyoto jujutsu high." utahime motions you to come to her.

you nodded and ran up to her before you two walked, and just as you two began your little tour, you couldn't help but reach for her hand. utahime blushed once again at your adorable gesture as she held your hand.

utahime showed you around the campus, telling you it was a little different from the tokyo jujutsu high you were more familiar with. unfortunately, she wasn't able to introduce you to the kyoto students since they were busy just like everyone else.

she couldn't help but feel protective towards you when you two came across principal gakuganji. she immediately sensed your distress and picked you up instead of just holding your hand.

you, on the other hand, love her comforting touch and embrace. you ended up clinging onto her after that as she took you outside the school to eat lunch.

"thank you for the food, mam—auntie iori!" you tell her before munching on your favorite food with a smile.

utahime returns your smile. "it's no problem, i'm supposed to look after you after all."

as you two had lunch together, you two shared a conversation that she will never forget.

"auntie iori?" you called out to her.

utahime hummed, "hmm?"

"i think you're really pretty." you exclaimed, earning a small fit of laughter from the purplish-black haired woman.

"thanks, [name]." she tells you.

"i like you a lot! i wish daddy introduced you to me sooner." you say with a small huff escaping your breath.

her heart melted. "i like you too, [name]."

after eating lunch, you ended up dragging utahime down the streets as you didn't want to return to kyoto jujutsu high just yet.

she ended up taking you to the park and found out your love for zoomies. you got her to join you and your heart was incredibly happy.

apart from zoomies, utahime bought you ice cream and got to know your favorite flavor, and it turns out, you two liked the same one!

instead of seeing her as an older sister figure just like you saw tsumiki as one, she was more motherly so you saw her as otherwise.

utahime never stopped holding your hand and she always made sure she had you under her watchful gaze, may it be crossing the streets or going to stores.

she wiped your face and lips when you got sauce and ice cream on them, tied your hair when she noticed it getting in the way when you did your zoomies or ate.

you also noticed how she didn't seem to mind everytime you rambled about something.

"auntie iori, do you think daddy will let me ride a motorcycle like that someday?"

"of course, he will. when you get older that is."

"oh! did you know i met sukuna and he was nice. he had pretty clothes just like you."

"that's nic—wait, what?"

it was only a matter of time until you got attached to utahime. you absolutely loved her company and she liked your company too :)

after spending the entire day with utahime, you two returned to kyoto jujutsu high and found gojo in one of the offices along with some kyoto students.

you greeted the kyoto students and had miwa cooing at how adorable you were in person while the others commented at how you looked just like megumi and they noticed how you shyly hid behind utahime while holding her hand.

your timidness, however, disappeared when gojo turned his attention to you.

"there's my little kikufuku! hi, baby!"

gojo greets you with a warm smile and open arms. you left utahime's side, releasing her hand to tackle your dad in a hug.

"daddy! i missed you!" you say, giggling as he peppers your face with kisses.

"aw, i missed you too baby." gojo grins at you, "did you have fun with utahime?"

you nodded your head vigorously with a beaming smile, "yes! we ate [favorite food], ice cream, we went to the park and went to stores!"

"that's nice, kikufuku." gojo gave you a headpat, releasing you from his embrace. "we'll be heading home now, so say thank you and goodbye to utahime for looking after you today."

everyone watched as your bright and happy expression changed at instant. you immediately shook your head and cried out a "no!" which left them in shock.

"eh? you don't want to go home?" gojo was confused.

"i don't wanna." you shook your head again with persistence in your tone of voice.

this was the first time you weren't eager to head home after being away from him for an entire day. you always looked forward it.

"honey, we need to go home now."

gojo attempted to persuade you, gently taking a hold of your hand. "i know! i'll order us some pizza for dinner. how about it? we'll watch barbie movies too."

you immediately start tearing up as your lips quivered which alarmed and confused everyone, especially gojo.

"baby, what's wrong?" gojo watched you pull your hand away from his.

"[name]?" utahime looks at you in concern, kneeling down to your height. "do you not want to go with gojo?"

"no!" you say with persistence again.

you picked up your legs and bolted towards utahime, instantly clinging onto her with your tiny arms wrapped around her neck as you buried your head in her chest.

"[name]?!"

a gasp escaped utahime's lips and a blush spread across her cheekbones once again at your sudden action.

"i wanna stay with mama!" you cried.

gojo's mouth hangs in agape as he looks at you in astonishment along with the kyoto students who were in the office. utahime is frozen from surprise, she wasn't expecting you to see her as your mother-figure.

utahime tries to pull you away from her but you merely hold onto her tighter.

"[name], i'm not your mama.." utahime tried to reason with you. "you need to go home with gojo."

you shook your head, pressing your head further to the crook of her neck as you whined. "but, i wanna stay with you! please don't go!"

gojo smirks at this. he was probably going to blackmail utahime about this now. he was definitely amused asides from being surprised because he never seen you this attached to someone before.

sure, you can be clingy towards certain people like megumi and sukuna, but this type of attachment you were displaying was the same one you had towards no other than your father himself, gojo.

utahime had to hold you for two hours and went to yours and gojo's home because you wouldn't stop crying and clinging onto her.

eventually, she had gotten you to let go when she promised she'd be seeing you again when she babysits you or when you come to kyoto jujutsu high.

ever since that eventful incident, you started seeing her more often and gojo now calls utahime "mama" because of how you see her as such and he'd probably get punched in the face a couple of times by now if it weren't for his infinity.

when it comes to you, however, utahime simply blushes and gives you a headpat or something. gojo is literally the only exception for this kind of treatment.

she knows you grew up without a mother-figure in your life and how you longed for one as told by gojo, so she lets you call her as such now.

[utilitycaster]

Putting this below a cut as it’s long and is a response to a callout of me. If you'd like to ignore, I wouldn't blame you. Currently rebloggable; will be made non-rebloggable if people cannot behave themselves.

This is in reference to this post. It’s also going to reference ongoing, though, to be honest, relatively minor harassment by at least one other person who ships Imogen and Laudna.

The person making the callout came to my attention shortly after Laudna’s death, in which I came across this post while looking for content on Laudna. I recognized this was in reference to these posts from me, and I've kept an eye on them since. I finally blocked them about a month ago in the hopes that if I did so, they’d stop obsessing over me as they have since their very first post; they even say they made this blog because of me. Unfortunately, they seem to only have escalated in this obsession. 

[Sidebar: it is very interesting the inciting cause was that I seemingly liked Imogen more than Laudna, and now I don’t like Imogen enough, when I’m pretty sure I’ve been about the same on Imogen throughout, but that’s a tangent I’d love to get into another day.]

Anyway, here’s what’s I've done:

I post my opinions a lot on my own blog. This is how blogs typically work.

In those posts I sometimes disagree with statements I’ve seen other people in the fandom make, in a general sense.

I truly almost never reblog someone else’s post with commentary outside of tags unless it’s their reblog on my original post, which is what has this person in a snit right now. (Note: it is not even their post.)

I sometimes disagree with people who ask me questions in my inbox

I don’t find im*dna compelling

That’s it. You’ll have to take it on my word, but I do not send anon hate or indeed any questions other than the occasional ask meme. This is a side blog (which I’m open about in my bio), so I don’t even post replies. It’s reblogs with tags and original posts and that’s it. I don't consider myself an arbiter of the fandom (I actually, in one of the two posts from me linked above, outright say I'm not) and I doubt anyone thinks that of me. I write meta and funny posts and I reblog things. That’s it. Any popularity I have stems from that alone. Honestly, I’d be more popular if I did post positive things about im*dna.

It is not policing or shutting someone down for me to express opinions - even if they are in disagreement with other people’s. It is not policing or harassment to respond to comments on one’s own posts. And it is the tantrum of a spoiled child to claim that it is.

For those wondering: in terms of shutting down and harassment, another blog unrelated to the person I'm linking above (here shown reblogging my post) regularly harasses not just people who don’t ship im*dna, but people who don’t ship them in the same exact way they do. I’m pretty sure this is their side blog, incidentally, given the patterns of fandoms they’ve been in, which, if true, would mean that the second post is block evasion since I’d blocked them on their other one. 

Now, obviously, that’s only one case, and a couple bad apples in a large ship says nothing about most people, but here’s the truth of the matter: despite the harassment above and the general victim complex on display here, Im*dna is far and away the most popular ship for Campaign 3. A check of other popular C3 ships did not even give me a tag follower count. It’s also worth noting Laudna is by far the most popular of the C3 characters; FCG and Chetney don’t even get follower counts on their tags. Im*dna has almost as many fics as some canon Campaign 2 ships do, after far less time. If such a thing as a fandom arbiter existed, and I were one of them? I’d be failing miserably.

Here’s the other truth of the matter. I don’t have any secret insight into Marisha or Laura’s decisions nor any control over what happens in canon. I could stop posting today and it wouldn’t change a thing about what happens on the actual show. I think it’s worth considering why someone primarily known for textual analysis isn’t terribly enamored with a ship, the bulk of the canon content of which stems from unseen backstory or scenes when one of the parties wasn’t even there, but if you're into it? Go ahead.

You know those videos in which a dog is desperately trying to reach something outside of its cage, and they pan out to show that the door is fully open? This is me telling you the door is open. No one is forcing you to see my posts and no one is stopping you from saying what you want. You’re getting in your own way and making yourself mad. If that's what you want to do, that's fine, but leave me out of it.

[mx-misty-eyed]

The Outside theories/observations

Three fucking theories posts three days in a row. I haven't slept. I've seen the new items on dmaorg but we'll tackle that tomorrow (or tonight if I don't sleep) Lets get started shall we. So the video starts out with the bishops, one bishop seems to be channeling trash(?) with antlers,

They use it to kill trash which kills the bishop (its either nico because he's powerful or the least important bishop because they're fine if they die, it could also be sacarver because she said she wanted to leave)

Then it shows Clancy on the beach, the camera turns to josh(?) and the line "I'm pretty sure I've seen this one before" plays, probably a coincidence, just wanted to point it out in case it meant something.

Josh(?) leads Clancy with a torch but he sees something in the bushes and the torch goes out. Josh(?) runs into the forest with Clancy following. Josh(?) seems to be finding his way with weird stick things.

there are vulture(?) skulls along the way and antlers pop up and disappear

Clancy and Josh(?) arrive at a cave and NED IS THERE, his antlers have gotten a lot bigger too. There are two packs made with sticks, and coats with the skeleton and alien symbols

Clancy walks into the cave, migraine is playing quietly in the background (THIS ACTUALLY FITS WITH ALL THE MIGRAINE THEORIES). They venture farther into the tunnel where they come across two ned's (i'm gonna call them ned's until we know what the species is named)

Further in the tunnel theres a little campfire with about 7 ned's. They must be a lot more intelligent than we thought, like they know how to make fire and they understand what's going on and stuff.

Clancy finds Ned outside the cave with his antlers off, Clancy looks around and it almost exactly the same as jumpsuit

he gives them to clancy and disappears (magic? hallucination? or did he just die/cease to exist once his antlers were gone?) clancy holds them like how the bishop did in the beginning of the video which my brilliant buddy, Crow, pointed out was just like the statue in dema

Doing this makes his eyes glow and the bishops eyes glow (can he see through the bishops eyes?), the bishop comes back to life and Clancy does a cute little dance and the bishop, controlled by him, does too (im so confused, so the antlers come from the neds and they control trash but they also control the bishop(s)?). The other bishops look shocked/confused, probably not expecting this to happen. Then clancy uses him to ruin the ritual and start a fire by throwing something neon down (could be a metaphor for breaking the cycle) which seemed to kill a bishop and start a fire. Maybe the neon things are the bishops life forces?

Clancy and Josh(?) hold up their torches and from the other side of the water, banditos mirror the signal, their (the banditos) torches spell out east is up in morse code. Then it shows two young looking banditos, (dema is on fire in the background)

there's a quick flash and it shows the banditos are those two kids (crow has this awesome theory, im just gonna quote them because he said it better than I could "i think the kids are us, because they found tyler's jumpsuit or whatever in natn, they found tøp and everything they stand for if that makes sense, what they created, their ideals, and they became banditos. I think the kids are us, the clique, and I think its like how were fighting back against our own struggles") from the NATN video (SERIOUSLY HOLY FUCK!!!!!!!) who found Clancy and Josh's(?) stuff

and thats where it ends.

First of all, how did josh(?) know where to go, had he been there before, was he planted by the Bandito's or was he in hiding?

How do the antlers work, they controlled the bishop and brought him back to life but they also were used by the bishop to control trash. Obviously the bishops were surprised someone could control them with it, is/was Clancy one of them, or from the same place they are?

WHAT ARE THE NED'S CALLED??

That's all we have for now. Sorry it took so long, me (frankie) and crow have been really busy today. Feel free to add anything or comment as usual.

Edit: So I just realized the boy was wearing Clancy's jacket that he left behind in NATN