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Farewell, My Friend | [A.H]
Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x fem!reader (x Jack) | WC: 1.9k | CW: Angst, Pet loss, grief, crying, vet scene, doggy funeral scene, discussions of death with child
A/N: Friday night is not for partying, it's for crying. At least I'm crying. This is really really sad
The house was quiet when you woke up, something felt off. Normally, the faintest sound or smell of food would have your dog’s nose twitching, his head lifting from his basket with a spark of interest waiting for you to call for him. But now, he just lay there, curled tightly, his chest rising and falling in shallow breaths. You’d seen him slowing down over the past few months, but this — this was different. His favorite treats lay untouched beside him, and his eyes, once bright and alert, seemed glassy and grey — they were distant. He didn’t even lift his head when you crouched beside him, concern settling into an aching certainty that you knew what was about to happen.
“Hey, buddy…” Your voice trembled as you reached out, smoothing a gentle hand over his fur. His coat was still warm, still soft, but you could feel the frailty in his bones. He blinked slowly, giving you the faintest flicker of acknowledgment. A tear slipped down your cheek, your heart breaking at the sight of him so still, so quiet.
Lowering yourself onto the floor, you lay next to his basket, bringing your face close to his, close enough that you could feel his warm breaths against your skin. You pressed a hand to his back, feeling the gentle rise and fall beneath your fingertips. “It’s okay,” you whispered, voice cracking. “You’ve been so good… You’ve taken such good care of us. We’ll be fine, okay? I’ll be okay.” But the words were more for you than for him, an attempt to soothe the fear settling in your chest. You’d known this day would come eventually, but knowing hadn’t made it any easier.
Tears spilled down, falling onto the blanket under him as you continued to stroke his back, trying to hold onto every last moment. You didn’t want him to see you fall apart, to know how deeply this hurt. But the silence was broken by a small voice behind you.
“Why are you crying?”
You turned, seeing Jack standing a few steps away, his little face filled with confusion and concern. His eyes flicked between you and the dog, searching for an answer. For a moment, you struggled to find the words, feeling the hurt build up even stronger.
Swallowing thickly, you wiped your eyes and patted the floor beside you. “Come here, buddy,” you said gently, and Jack approached slowly, glancing down at the quiet figure in the basket, his brow furrowing in that thoughtful way that reminded you so much of his father.
“You remember how we talked about how some dogs get very, very old?” you said softly, keeping your voice steady for his sake.
Jack nodded, his small hand reaching out hesitantly to stroke the dog’s fur. “Yeah,” he whispered, his eyes widening as he began to understand.
You took a breath, voice shaking as you tried to explain. “When dogs get really old, sometimes they go to sleep… and they don’t wake up. They go to a place where they’re young again, where they don’t hurt anymore, and they get to run around and play all day. We call it heaven.”
Jack’s face crumpled, and he bit his lip, looking back at the dog with a quiet, sad understanding that seemed beyond his years — he wasn't supposed to feel this heartbreak yet. “He’s going to heaven?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
You nodded, unable to hold back the tears that slipped down your cheeks. Reaching over, you gently pulled him close, wrapping an arm around his shoulders as he rested his head against you. His small hand remained on your dog’s fur, his fingers petting softly, as though trying to say goodbye in his own way.
With trembling hands, you reached for your phone, swallowing hard as you typed out the message to Hotch, who was away on a case. The words felt heavy, final, but you knew he needed to know — he needed to know what he would be coming home to.
It’s time.
The drive to the vet’s office felt like an eternity. Jack sat in the passenger seat, holding your hand tightly. Your dog was cradled in a soft blanket in the backseat, and you stole glances at him in the rearview mirror ever so often. Each look tore at your heart a little more, seeing the once-lively dog lying so still, his head resting on the edge of the seat as if he was simply exhausted.
When you finally arrived, the vet greeted you with gentle understanding, leading you both to a small room filled immediately — away from prying eyes. The room was clearly designed for moments like these with its soft lighting and cozy atmosphere. The vet left you alone as he gave you a quiet moment to say goodbye.
You knelt down on the floor, pulling your dog into your arms as you pressed a tender kiss to his forehead. He lay peacefully, his breathing slow and shallow, as though he understood. Jack knelt beside you, his little hand resting gently on his furry head, his expression mirroring yours. You murmured soft words of love and gratitude, stroking his fur and promising him he’d always be part of your family.
The vet eventually came back into the room, moving with a gentle care that reassured you both. He crouched down, speaking softly as he prepared for the procedure, describing each step with the kind of gentleness reserved for grieving souls. When he asked if you were ready, you managed a small nod, feeling your voice catch in your throat. Jack sniffled quietly but stayed close, pressing into your side, his hand tightening around yours.
The vet administered a gentle sedative first, to relax him, and you felt your dog lean a little heavier against you, his breaths slowing as he began to drift. You whispered to him, your voice choked but steady: It’s okay, buddy… you’re such a good boy…
Finally, the vet administered the final injection, and you held him tighter, feeling each heartbeat grow softer, each breath fading. Jack leaned his head against you, and you both stayed close, united in your grief. You felt his heart stop, his warmth still lingering in your arms. In that stillness, it felt as if a piece of you had gone with him. But as you pressed your cheek to his fur one last time, there was a gentle peace in knowing he was no longer in pain, that his final moments had been filled with love and comfort. The vet made his final checks before officially pronouncing that he had passed peacefully.
Later, when you and Jack had returned home, your dog was gently wrapped in a soft blanket — his favorite blanket, his familiar weight in your arms was comforting despite the sorrow you felt deep within your bones.
The house felt different, quieter somehow, as if even the walls understood what had been lost this afternoon. Together, you stepped out into the backyard, where the last warm light of the sun filtered gently through the trees, casting a golden glow over the grass. It was the same light your dog had once basked in on lazy afternoons, rolling in the grass or lying happily in the sun’s warmth.
Jack stood beside you, watching as you began to dig at the spot you’d chosen near the edge of the yard. Each shovel of dirt felt heavier than the last, the weight of your grief pressing down on every movement. After a moment, Jack knelt beside you, he'd found his toy shovel in the shed to help with the work — the one he reserved for when he was helping Aaron garden. He didn’t speak much, just stayed close, occasionally brushing his arm against yours as he mirrored your movements in silence.
Finally, the hole was ready, and with a trembling breath, you lowered your dog into the small grave, cradling him with the same gentleness you’d shown him every day. Jack reached into his pocket, pulling out a small toy — a little car he’d cherished. Without hesitation, he placed it beside your dog, his hand lingering for a moment as he whispered, “Goodbye, buddy.”
You knelt beside him, saying your own goodbye, your voice catching as you murmured a final, heartfelt thank-you for all the love he’d given. Tears slipped down your cheeks, falling freely, and for a moment, you closed your eyes, remembering the joy, the laughter, the countless memories he’d been part of. The pain was raw, but the gratitude was there, too.
Jack, seeing your tears, wrapped his small arm around your torso, leaning into you with a tenderness that broke and soothed you all at once. “It’s okay,” he whispered softly, his voice filled with a compassion far beyond his years — he had learned from his dad. You felt his small hand resting on your back, and for a moment, you allowed yourself to lean into his comfort, finding strength in the quiet support of a little boy, who you'd come to love as if he were your own.
Night had fallen, wrapping the world in darkness, the house was finally still. Jack was fast asleep, his form curled up peacefully, unaware of the grief settling over you. Out on the porch, you stared at the patch of freshly turned earth in the backyard, the collar of your beloved dog held tightly in your hands. The metal of his tags pressed against your palm, their familiar jingle echoing faintly in your mind, bringing with it a flood of memories and tears.
The tears slipped silently down your cheeks as the moments you’d shared together played through your mind, each one bittersweet. You remembered the warmth of his body pressed against your legs during long winter nights, the way his tail wagged in pure joy whenever you walked through the door, the silent moments when he’d simply rest his head on your lap, offering comfort that words never could. He’d been there for everything, for laughter and heartbreak, for quiet Sunday mornings and busy, chaotic days, for the day you had met the love of your life. He had been with you ever since he was 8 weeks old. And now, that constant, loyal presence was gone.
The door creaked softly behind you, breaking through your thoughts, and a familiar figure settled beside you. Hotch wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you into his side. He didn’t speak, didn’t offer empty words he knew wouldn't help — he just held you, his presence enough to ground you in ways that only he knew how to. His hand moved in soothing circles on your back, a gentle rhythm that began to calm the whirlwind of emotions swirling inside you.
You let yourself lean into him, feeling his heartbeat steady against your shoulder. Together, you looked out over the yard, at the small grave under the trees, a simple but loving farewell to the friend who’d meant so much.
After a long silence, you found your voice, hardly more than a whisper. “He was a good dog.”
Hotch’s arm tightened around you, and he hummed softly in agreement. “The best,” he murmured, pressing a gentle kiss to your temple. You closed your eyes, letting the warmth of his embrace soothe the edges of your grief. Slowly, you felt the weight begin to ease, just a little, just for now, as his presence reminded you that, somehow, you’d find a way to carry on — you had to.
As the night stretched on, you stayed there together in the quiet, watching over the place where love, friendship, and loyalty had been laid to rest, feeling that though a chapter had closed, you wouldn’t have to face the next one alone.
#aaron hotchner#criminal minds#aaron hotchner x reader#hotch#hotch thoughts#criminal minds x reader#hotchner#x reader#hotch x you#aaron hotchner x y/n#aaron hotchner x you#aaron hotchner x female reader#aaron hotchner fanfiction#aaron hotchner fic#aaron hotchner fanfic#ssa aaron hotchner#aaron hotchner imagine#aaron hotch hotchner#aaron hotchner one shot#aaron hotch fanfiction#aaron hotch x reader#aaron hotch imagine#thomas gibson#criminal minds fic#criminal minds fandom#criminal minds fanfiction#criminal minds one shot#criminal minds fanfic#aaron hotchner angst#criminal minds angst
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A (long) interpretation of the 8x06 BuckTommy ending
I've been trying to make sense of why Tommy responded to Buck's monologue by breaking up and here are my thoughts. This is all my interpretation and my interpretation only. I'm choosing to believe it because it's the only way the scene makes sense to me. Pls dont get mad about it.
Please feel free to add on and discuss.
I think Tommy was completely ready to overlook the Abby connection until Buck started talking about his relationship with her. I don't think it's the relationship that changed Tommy's mind, but how Buck applied it to their relationship.
Buck said "My relationship with Abby was the most transformative of my life... until now" and I think that's what the nail in the coffin was. While it's incredibly sweet was he was trying to say, what he essentially actually said was "this relationship is another transformation point in my life".
Then when talking about Tommy being confident with himself, Buck says "honestly, it just makes me admire you more". If this weren't a breakup scene, Buck should have said "makes me love you more" here. Again, what he's essentially actually said is "I'm looking up to you and admiring you and learning how to be that way".
While Buck has the absolute best intentions with what he's saying, he's trying to convey to Tommy how much he likes him and appreciates him and wants to be with him (hence why he follows it up by asking Tommy to move in with him), I think Tommy took this as Buck seeing him as a guide.
With the way Buck phrased things, and the things I interpreted from it, it does come off as "you're guiding me through my first gay relationship". Again, I absolutely don't think this is what Buck meant, but I wonder if this is what we were meant to see.
Tommy knew he was Buck's first boyfriend, they'd gotten over this hurdle in 7x05 when Tommy leaves Buck as the restaurant and says he's not ready. Buck proved he was ready by coming out and calling Tommy and announcing their relationship publicly.
But here we are, six months later, and instead of Buck telling Tommy he loves him, he's telling him their relationship is transformative for Buck and he admires Tommy. He said the wrong things with good intentions. I think Tommy thought Buck was ready for this, especially after all the progress they made and Buck saying "im ready to take the next step" and move in together, but Buck's monologue comes off as maybe he isn't ready. Whether he is or isn't, I suppose, is up to further interpretation entirely. I think Buck is just Bad with words. If Buck really thinks what he's said and implied, maybe he isn't ready in Tommy's mind.
Now this is where I divert into two points:
I think Tommy was somewhat justified in not wanting to be Buck's gay guide. Tommy says "no matter how bad I want it to be... I'm not your last". He's falling for Buck, he wants a forever with Buck. But here Buck is telling him, six months into their relationship, that their relationship is just transformative for him. Or at least that's how it's coming across. At 40 years old, Tommy doesn't need to be someones gay Yoda, and if that's what he's being led to believe he is to Buck, I do think he's justified in breaking up. Nevermind the horrendous miscommunication of this conversation, they should've talked more in-depth and avoided this. Tommy knows, possibly from experience, that relationships like that don't last, and it's in that moment he thinks that's what their relationship is. I dont wholly blame him for ending it if this was his thought process.
The writing. Oh boy. Even Lou in interviews is interpreting the scene and I think when you have actors interpreting a scene they were in, it hasn't been particularly well written. This is the only instance we get where it's implied Tommy is Buck's guide. In every other episode he appears in, their relationship is completely normal and healthy. It seems to be in 8x06 he has been pivoted to act as an Abby 2.0, just a moving point for Buck. Obviously this links back to my points above. They've had to outright spell it to Buck and the audience that Tommy is Buck's first, not his last, and that Buck is still figuring himself out. Now to me, that reads as "we haven't displayed this well enough" which is again poor writing and borderline backtracking on 8x05. If it has to be explicitly said, then they haven't done a good job at showing it, which they haven't. Like I said, their relationship was perfectly normal and healthy up until this point, and it wasn't explicit or even hinted that this was Buck's 'starter relationship'. Buck, Tommy, and the audience were blindsided.
Knowing this still, the breakup still feels like it came out of nowhere. No foreshadowing, no hints. Even the characters dont see it coming (and apparently Lou didnt either). I don't like how it was written, and I believe the reason they gave for the breakup (first not last) is a bit of a cop out. That's not a valid reason. Buck didn't want to breakup, Tommy didn't want to break-up... Both characters were left unhappy. They have every reason to go back to one another.
Buck and Tommy should have been able to talk through it, work through it. This was all a miscommunication because Buck has never exactly had a way with words... There was no reason for it to go down this way and it feels out of character and abrupt. This should have been the hurdle. Instead, the show chose the easy way out to break them up and that sucks because it feels unfinished.
Ironically, because it feels unfinished, it also feels open. There's already fix-it fics that are completely logical. There are so many ways Buck and Tommy can reconcile following this that will be satisfying and beautiful. They can absolutely find their way back to each other and it won't feel forced.
#without this interpretation the scene feels like the dialogue just doesn't connect#I dont get how Tommy got to breaking up after Tommy said what he said without this interpretation#bucktommy#Tommy kinard#Evan buckley#911#911onabc#tevan#episode analysis#8x06#8x06 spoilers#8x06 confessions#911 8x06
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Sims In Bloom: Generation 2 Pt. 86 (Family Drama)
The next evening, before Heather and Conrad left for their date, her youngest sister, Hazel, arrived in Brindleton Bay to watch her niece and nephew.
Ash excitedly called to her from the computer as soon as she walked in the door. "Aunt Hazel, Aunt Hazel, come check out my new game!"
"Thanks for driving out here so Conrad and I can have a night out," Heather said. "The security cameras are working and Conrad's getting the kids fed before we go, so just get them to bed at a decent hour and no horror movies."
"It's just food colouring," she protested, but with Heather's stern glance she nodded obediently. "Sorry, Ashy. No Moonlight Massacre tonight, after all."
Heather changed the subject before Ash could complain. "I'm sad you won't be in town when we're in Henford this weekend to meet River and Cass' new baby boy. Dad says you don't call home enough."
Hazel laughed. "Dad tells me you don't call enough! None of us could ever call home enough. River still lives there and Dad probably thinks he doesn't get to see enough of him, either."
"Missing out on Dad guilt tripping us to visit for a political conference in San Myshuno's pretty cool, though. Ash, that's enough game time. Conrad's almost finished making your dinner."
Ash moaned, but he turned off the computer and headed for the kitchen as Hazel picked up her niece for a cuddle in her unicorn onesie. "I'm kind of glad to be out of Henford for the night to get in time with Ashy and Lava. Has that weird old dude been a problem lately?"
Heather made sure Ash was out of earshot. "Not since the restraining order," she said, the relief on her face more than evident. "And you're stuck on those nicknames, huh? I thought nicknames were too corny for you."
"It's not my fault your kids are just as cool as volcanoes, big sis."
Heather grinned. Hazel, the baby of their family, could get away with anything and dripped charm to spare, but Heather could tell something was weighing on her mind. "Are you doing okay?"
Hazel took a deep breath, setting Lavender down before she moved to the sofa. "What made you realize you wanted to be single when we were in high school?"
Heather laughed. "It was just easier than having feelings. It's still easier than having feelings, but finding the right person is better. What's wrong?"
She frowned. "What if Nicola and I got married too young? We're different people than we were as teens. When her dad died of a heart attack a few months ago, it felt like I wasn't married to the same person anymore. I know she's grieving, but what if we didn't wait long enough into young adulthood to figure it all out?"
Heather could empathize with her sister's confusion over love and relationships. Not too long ago, Heather would have found it unthinkable to offer her siblings, of all people, relationship advice, but Conrad had shown her what great love could be.
"You know I've never been very flirty or romantic, and I held on to my relationship with Malcolm too long because I didn't think I deserved any better. I'd never recommend it, but I also know Nicola's not Malcolm Landgraab. If you trust her, you can tell her the truth."
Hazel nodded. "No, she's definitely not like Malcolm."
"If you're truly unhappy, don't force it because you think you're supposed to. But if you're asking me, I think it means there's still some fight in you to keep it together."
(Lovestruck's new relationship and chemistry features went after Hazel and her new wife, and I'm rolling with it to see what happens. I cheated their relationship back up a bit - as if what Heather said encouraged her to fight a little more - and we'll see how it goes with them.
The way I said that probably gave away what might happen but pfft you don't know!)
Grateful for her eldest sister's advice, Hazel turned her attention back to Lavender, while Heather joined Ash and Conrad in the kitchen.
"Tomorrow night we'll pack some things into your backpack for your weekend at your dad's," Heather said to her son. "He'll pick you up after school on Friday and take you to his place for the weekend."
"He'll probably send their driver like usual," he shrugged. "But Ray's cool."
"What do you mean, 'like usual?'"
Ash looked at her with confusion etched on his face. "Daddy's reporting til seven on the news every weeknight, Mommy!"
Heather stared at Conrad, wide-eyed. "He told me he does those hits pre-recorded."
"He always sends Ray, and Ray always takes me to get ice cream before we get to Daddy's penthouse. Why do you look pretend happy, Mommy? I love ice cream!"
"Your mom just hasn't met Ray, buddy."
"But Mommy, he's not a stranger. He's Ray!"
Heather plastered a smile, and Conrad reached under the table to caress her clenched fist. "I'll be at school on Friday afternoon when Ray's there to pick you up at three," she said. "If he's as nice as you say, I don't want him to be a stranger to me."
Ash smiled. "Okay, Mommy, that's a good a idea."
Heather felt constantly undermined by the Landgraabs. But there was little she could say without disappointing her son, and she didn't want bitterness to affect her night with Conrad. ->
<- Previous Chapter | Gen 2 Start | Gen 1 Summary | Gen 1 Start
NOTE: Their date continues Monday but tomorrow there will be a bonus post inspired by @purplesimmer455! 👀
NOTE 2: Also noting, since this is an episode where nothing much seems to be happening, there are a few subtle hints in here, too, about how Conrad is on a pedestal, especially when Heather compares him to Malcolm, even though we all know he's keeping this massive secret from her, too.
#sims 4#sims 4 gameplay#sims 4 screenshots#sims 4 legacy#sims in bloom#ts4#ts4 gameplay#ts4 legacy#ts4 screenshots#sims 4 story#ts4 story#legacy challenge#sims legacy#ts4 legacy challenge#gen 2#brindleton bay
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Fic Request for @fidgetmetimbers! "Something sweet with Edwin and Thomas"
This got very fluffy and schmoopy! I hope you like it!
Edwin felt something shift next to him where he lay and smiled to himself. He wasn't surprised when he had discovered that the Cat King was a cuddler.
The night before had been... Wonderful, to put it simply.
He had been going on dates with Thomas for a handful of months at this point and every part of it had felt like an adventure in self-discovery. He hadn't realised just how much he would be capable of once he started to become comfortable in a romantic relationship. It was still so new and fresh, but Thomas made it so easy to sink into the new dynamic between them.
He had been so patient and accommodating, and had openly expressed his own wants and expectations, and it had greatly helped in acclimating him to being in a relationship. What could have very well been intimidating for him was made easy and relatively seamless.
The open discussion, and easy answering of any questions he had, helped shake any remaining nerves around seeming inexperienced. It didn't matter. They were discovering everything together and Thomas having more intimate experience was never something that made him feel in any way inferior as a partner.
The night prior, they had hardly been able to keep their hands off of each other as they went about their date. He supposed that it must have been a bit much for anyone able to see them, but he couldn't find it within himself to care.
They had walked, talked, laughed together. Thomas had gotten a cup of whipped cream from a coffee shop and when he had gotten some at the corner of his mouth, Edwin had felt confident enough in the moment to lean down and kiss it off. The subtle taste of sand be damned. It was worth it just for the expression it had left on his lover's face.
At the end of their date, neither of them had wanted to part ways and so they hadn't. Thomas had used his magic to counjur some soft pyjamas and they had snuggled up together under the thick duvet.
Edwin shuffled closer, himself and lifted the blanket a bit to get a look at Thomas' face as he slept. He really was beautiful. Moreso when he was off guard, and truly relaxed. He always felt himself drawn to this soft, pink lips, the delicate curve of his cupids bow, the small scar on the left (Thomas' left). They begged to be kissed. Or, perhaps it was Edwin that begged to be kissed by them.
Now, knowing that it was allowed, he leaned forward and placed a soft kiss to those lips, to the scar, then to Thomas' cheeks and nose and forehead and when he pulled back, those golden eyes were looking back at him in affectionate wonderment.
"Having fun?" Thomas' voice was raspy with sleep.
Edwin smiled, "Indubitably." punctuating it with another quick kiss to Thomas' forehead.
"Oh? Indubitably? My boyfriend is fancier than your boyfriend~" Thomas purred, snuggling against Edwin's arm (that was conveniently placed under his head like a pillow).
Edwin used his free hand to brush a few stray curls from Thomas' face. "Not possible, I'm afraid. You see, my boyfriend is a King."
Thomas let out a mock gasp and batted his eyes at Edwin. "Oh my, I do apologise for my audacious mistake. I hope that you can find it in your heart to overlook my blunder."
"I suppose I am feeling rather gracious, though it will require adequate penance." Edwin couldn't help the broad smile, despite trying to keep his tone as serious as he could in jest.
"Oh, thank you! I'll do anything! What price must I pay to make this up to you?"
"Hmm." Edwin pretended to contemplate it for a moment. "Your debt shall be paid in one hundred kisses."
"One hundred kisses? I better get started~" Thomas grinned as he leant up, one hand on Edwin's shoulder, and kissed him all over his face, counting as he went. "That was twenty-five, I'm a quarter of the way done~" He leaned back up and placed several quick pecks to Edwin's lips, before being caught.
Edwin leaned in to the last peck and drew it out, deepening it, reveling in it, basking on every second. It was inevitable that Thomas started purring, especially as Edwin's free hand found it's way back to his hair.
Edwin pulled back only when Thomas needed a moment to breathe, and carefully pressed their foreheads together, their noses just barely brushing.
"I love you." Edwin said, with all the surety in his heart.
"You love me?" Thomas echoed it in question, expression suddenly so vulnerable, not unlike when Edwin had called him out over their shared loneliness.
"I love you dearly." Edwin reinforced, placing another peck to Thomas' lips before pulling back a little further, to look at him properly. "I can no longer imagine a future without you in it."
"You can't?" Thomas' voice was small, though the purring was still a constant.
"What would a day be without seeing your face at least once? How much duller? How much more colourless would life be without your wonderfully flamoyant presence?" Edwin smiled. He knew he was being dramatic, and yet he also believed his own words with certainty. "Thomas, you add so much happiness and love to my life, I could never dream of being without you now."
"I love you too." Thomas swallowed thickly, finding it hard to contain his emotions, especially when Edwin looked at him like that; in that way that made it impossible to find any sort of fault in his words. "You have to know that."
"Of course I know. You show it to me all the time. It would be impossible to miss, even if I weren't such an excellent detective." Edwin smirked as Thomas playfully rolled his eyes.
"You're so modest, it's really admirable." Thomas struggled not to laugh.
"Yes, I really am the whole package, aren't I? You are a lucky cat indeed." Edwin teasesd. Heavens knew that he thought himself a lucky ghost.
Thomas' expression softened and he smiled gently up at Edwin. It was almost reverant. "I really am."
#dead boy detectives#catwin#save dead boy detectives#dbda#the cat king#edwin payne#thomas the cat king#Edwin paine#Cat king#Fic requests
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I just got paid and I took care of all my expenses and put money away. I deserve a small treat, right?
*spends $$$ on stickers from Japan* Oh no.
*then hits up TheCoffeeMonsterzCo for more planner stickers* Oh, oh NO.
*And don't get them started on their Temu and Stickii Club orders* OH NO.
#I think I overdid it#wait i know i overdid it#how am I supposed to store this stuff#I'm supposed to be getting more next month#oh no#oh nooo#oh heck#f*ck it we ball!#journal#journaling#my journal
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Wait, why am I seeing pages from the new chapter? I thought it didn't come out fot another 24 hours. Was it leaked?
#I'm not bothered at all if the raws were illegally leaked btw I just want to understand what happened to know how to act in the future#Because if it's just an official preview. Weird. Will it happen again?#If it will then next month I might refrain from visitng Tumblr for the 48 hours preceeding the release of a new chapter#If it was an unofficial leak: is it the whole chapter? Then I'm getting off Tumblr this second#I saw synopsis were already released (officially I suppose) in the previous days and as someone who enjoys much more going into chapters–#blind it bothers me quite a bit. I just want to know if it's a new way to release chapters so I can better avoid spoilers in the future#So far I seem more inclined to believe it's an official preview of the new chapter.#It's still very weird they did something like that this time. Idk#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd ch 113
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i hate feeling ambitionless aimless the future is so bleak
#this is about me not the events#i really don't think i have a plan lol and i ever will...#because all through school i had this thing. need to pass this unit test this half yearly this 2nd unit test final exams need to do this#cocurricular activity and the absolute relief when i flipped the report to see i was promoted every year. that was the aim right#now i don't know what's happening#a set set of friends i met everyday sat next to permanent place in the field where we had lunch. like?#it was all so permanent#i knew teachers did not like me or how people there felt about me#and i think a lot of it comes from the fact that i never changed schools#14 years in the same place then one random tuesday it ends everything ends and im supposed to start from scratch#losing friends was all my fault but goddddddf. i used to be good at things#like when i was in 10th grade i gave my everything to studying maths because mom threatened me that if do not get science here we'll change#your school#to wherever you get science#so i studied like crazy did not touch my phone for months and got science#like that is my level of attachment to that place#i just miss it so much probably more than my own home#and i can't belong anywhere because i'm so stuck and nothings good enough and i miss being good and being academically productive#it was my only win i think#this is so sad but i don't think i'll ever get that past work ethic back and it will never be good enough for me to feel good about myself#which can only be through study or work because im a loser who thinks she's worthless if not for a successful career#and I've felt this way for three years now. it is going to be permanent#everything is lonely
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So busy with Sparkstember that I almost forgot that I go back to school on tuesday
#honestly maybe it's better this way. i'd rather just not care at all rather than be super stressed about it#just like i've been doing with every little thing for most of my life#might have missed the date when we were supposed to choose our elective courses. well whatever Lol#and i still don't even know what my schedule is or what classes i have this semester oopsie#well the university itself doesn't seem particularly pressed about giving us the schedule either#but i'd probably better still read up on the classes at least before they start#i don't have high hopes for this year just like with the last. probably should just stop pretending that i still want to study anything atp#this wasn't even my first choice of a course bcs i had to prepare for that damn exam to be accepted for my preffered one#but i couldn't be bothered to study for it again which probably should have told me enough abt whether going into this again is a good idea#i'm so tired just thinking about it but i know that actually looking for a job and then having a job will be a thousand times worse so uh#but at least i'd have my own money and start doing something ughhhh. useful maybe. who knows what it will be though#i have no ideaaaaaa. but this feels like just putting off the inevitable. like at some point i need to get my shit together#i will probably report at the end of the next week about how i'm so done already#i don't really knowwww mannnnnm. i don't feel like i had any vacation at all even though 3 months have already passed#and i also sort of didn't prepare something relatively easy to do that would have given me an actual document#that would confirm that i actually finished that part-time school thing last semester#can't really be bothered to come back to it at this point though#well at least i learned something actually useful and interesting from that and that's enough for me tbh#and a lot of it is also relevant to my current area of interest (digital drawing and computer graphics in general)#well speaking of which i'd better just get back to drawing now lol. just one more left to finish!!!#in short i guess that my new way of dealing with stress is just ignoring it all#well it's worked in some way at least so it can't be an entirely bad thing lol#goosepost
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I snapped today at work, and by snapped I mean I politely commented on a help desk ticket by summing up an mess of an (type of) issue that's come up for at least the fourth time in the 2+ months I've been managing user accounts, and asked the person responsible to fix it (himself for once) because last time I fixed his mess-up it took me two whole days to work out the details with at least four other colleagues from different departments and I really don't want to do it again. there's other shit that needs doing, I've been working 10+ hour days for most of this week already, so I need to cut down not add on more.
(good thing tho - at least we managed to fix the issue where the dataset of a newer employee got mixed up with another one of the same name and therefore wasn't able to apply for any of the access/accounts she needed. technically not entirely my area but it does impact us not being allowed to create an account for her so I figured I might as well track that issue down. took three days and at least three other people, but hey - it should all work out now. yay for that)
#been feeling anxious af ever since bc it's the first time I've been this firm in a reply and idk how they'll take it#there's underlying issues in inter-departmental communication that need fixing that cause these issues to happen again and again#but my boss is on parental leave and his substitute is sick not that she cares or is up for doing her job where communication is concerned#so there's no real sense in addressing that rn esp by me who's only been there since June. but it does frustrate me a lot#anyway. I'm sure I'll get over this too. but yeah.. ppl not thinking things through for the two mins it takes to create an account#or the twenty seconds it takes to check if one already exists before creating a new one#or the minute it takes to check if folks still have an active contract past their time working in your department before deleting an accoun#just jfc. put in a smidge of effort and five mins total and save the rest of us from spending half a day to fix your mistake#oh well. if I get a pissy response I'll just blame it on being new as an intern and being too motivated and idealistic I guess#god forbid I expect people to do their jobs thoroughly or with at least a singular thought..#anyway. I feel like I'm allowed to be grumpy abt this since we are the folks who end up having to fix this shit#and by we I mean pretty much mostly me at this point bc one colleague is sick atm. my boss barely has time for this and is on leave#and my other colleague only works half time so I'm the one who's been handling most of these over the past month or so#which.. is still insane considering how I'm a goddamn intern who shouldn't even have admin rights tbh#but without them I couldn't do anything at all lol so here I am. nice that they trust and believe in me I suppose#that's why I try to do my best. (who am I kidding that's always the case anyway)#but yeah. definitely a 50% staff support job and only 50% of the other important things that need doing rn it's more like 90/10#and it's funny how I still dread my two hours of hotline. but every time the line is too busy I still jump in#we are also only 6 people atm out of 10 and three of us are still in training. and one of the trained folks had to come back in mid time of#next week we'll likely be 4#depending on if our substitute boss lady is back.. not that I'd look forward to it. she's a mess and she's been horrible to deal with latel#sure. she's stressed. but she's either snapping at me when I ask abt shit I can't know yet or she's ignoring me. great basis for team work.#so honestly I'd rather she not return on Monday. esp not if she's gonna spread her germs everywhere#but now sleep. sorry for the rant. it's certainly been quite the month since I returned from my own wisdom tooth rated sick leave..#gotta be up again in 6.5 hrs so I can be at work at 6 to let the electrician in. I'm gonna sleep so hard over the weekend I stg#a day in the life of..
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roof leaking. ugly water spot on ceiling of bedroom. despair. agony. panic. millions of phone calls to different contractors. finally. a single kindly older man. very professional. fully licensed. his company can come this week. his company can accept half payment now and half later. no problem. can we actually come earlier? like today? I am 🥹🥹
#the water spot still needs to be taken care of which is.... a lot. need a drywall contractor to literally#cut open my ceiling and replace a bunch of shit but. I have some estimates and guys on the line so hopefully 🤞 next week. maybe.#idk the roof was the main concern cause without it fixed like it's just gonna keep leaking#and it's supposed to rain this weekend and more this month#and now they're in the process of fixing it. before it rains. for like. half payment up front#to say this is uhhhhh like a birthday present to me from the universe is an understatement#my family kept asking me yesterday what I wanted to do for my birthday given the circumstances and I was like#well uhhhh idk I gotta wait to see like. if I'm gonna have a giant hole in my bedroom ceiling from rain or not soooo....#idk man I just. I'm so thankful for this old man's roofing company lol#but I am also so very very very tired from all this. job hunting and trying to get a leaking roof repaired is#exhausting. 0/10 would not recommend#erin explains it all
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Magenta 🤬
#my state is complaining about not having enough customers for psilocybin treatments#well as someone that heavily advocated for it to be legalized because of research and science lemme tell you why:#you gatekept your whole client base via outpricing them because you don't want to serve people with medium to low incomes#you only want rich people as your clients when the majority of people who could legitimately benefit from this treatment#are one paycheck away from homelessness or have to choose between an 800-1200 dose or buying groceries for the next month for their families#now look I get it you gotta get your cake and eat it too#but that's no excuse for isolating a large client base just because you're offended that poor people with mental health issues exist#if you want to keep this shit rolling and not have the state overturn anything#make it more accessible to people that truly need it and I'm telling you word of mouth travels fast#you'll get more clients more advocacy and more investment into research#by giving people an opportunity#and making them feel included in the process#thats what yall did when you started the petitions to get lawmakers to take the benefits seriously#so what changed?#what turned you into greedy cunts?#oh yeah money and again you're offended poor people exist#y'all know too folks will just go to a dealer they know and get it for cheaper right?#i mean whats the point in paying 3 to 5k for a special “retreat” where you pay an additional 1k to 2k for 3 doses#when johnny boy down the street can hook you up with 10 doses for 100 bucks and a bag of chips?#and btw guys wtf happened to all that money that was supposed to go to creating state of the art mental health clinics and facilities#when measure 110 got passed that decriminalized drugs?#no one has an answer???#hmmm#it's no wonder we are near dead last in mental health in this country#its like i said in the meeting: you guys love to profit off the suffering of others#magenta#magenta is my vent word
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Im so normal about them
#was hoping we'd get to hear angry's voice in the trailer but whatever I take what I can get#its next month I'm!!! so excited!!!#tokyo revengers#my post#edit; I FORGOT THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SMILEYS FIGHT WTF#takemichi stealing the spotlight cmon man youre the protagonist you dont need more😭
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I'm so upset I could cry.
#kel vents#a month before my planned tour of Ireland#they cancel the tour#apparently not enough people signed up for it#I'm trying to find another 10-day tour with a similar itinerary#but this late there's nothing available#my next option is a 7 day tour and getting them to book me a couple of day trips from Dublin#but this means i need to add more nights to my hostel stay#and the 7 day tour isn't as relaxed as the 10 day option#I'm legit so upset#i know it's a first world problem#but this was supposed to be my dream trip to Ireland#personal
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Negative post / pet health stuff
Sorry for not reblogging promos after I made mine. My pets got fleas again bc my father lied about getting them new flea collars before I moved back in, so I got distracted trying to deal with that. Maybe I'll dig them up and rb them from you guys later. Idk.
#talking about it more in the tags hiiiiii hi hello. sorry. I'm just upset.#I can't drive and he won't drive me to the next town over to buy new flea collars so I had to order them online.......#it'll be three days :(((#three days of bugs in this damn house and on my animals :(((#I'm so mad and also sad#he SAID they were wearing new ones. OBVIOUSLY they aren't bc they're supposed to last 8 MONTHS#I KNEW he was lying too. I was just hoping he'd admit it and buy new ones BEFORE they got bugs again#I had to fucking. pick a bunch of fleas off my dog by hand. it makes me so upset. I hate this I hate this I hate this#we have a bit of flea deterrent / ''killer'' for on furniture left over but it doesn't really work#I used it anyway in certain pet-heavy spots#but I can't do much else until the collars come#AND. worst part? my dad's partner who lives with us has a dog but she won't let us give that dog a flea collar#so if she gets fleas she'll keep them around :((((#dad says ''no [partner] will pick them off by hand bc she cares about that dog so much'' but like#it doesn't work like that#she's gonna get fleas too :(((#they keep getting fleas bc CLEARLY we have them in the yard but we're part of an hoa so we can't do much about that#plus my dad straight up Won't do anything even if he could#at least he gave me some money to buy the collars#whatever. whatever.#roz posts#delete later
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My entire brain is probably going to be consumed by yellowjackets this month but I also am drowning just a lil
I have multiple papers I have to write & research to do & stats assignments etc this month. The semester ends 4/27 and then I have a month off before summer classes but have to work on a paper then too. Suffice to say I want to be here but final stretch of the semester so you know. Weeps.
#im just a little burned out#ooc.#tbd.#i have to write a paper over the summer that basically shows that i understand methods and stats and am capable of conducting a research#paper. and the first half of the summer i have an online asynchronous class thats like 4 mini papers from my understanding#but the back half i have class tuesday thursday 8am-12pm#so basically its just A Lot#i want to write i have a lot of muse but also im Tired All The Time#this weekend im gonna try and write one of my final papers#and next weekend i want to write my methods paper but i have a whole book i have to read for methods for the following week + 3? articles?#so we shall see lmao!#my gaship also apparently is supposed to pick up this month with more work for me to do and im like hehe fuck me#im writing my white collar crime final exam potentially 2 days before its due at this point bc thats when ill have class on the final part#fjdjksksa#and then there's stats! where i have an assignment due next tuesday which hopefully i will complete tomorrow#and then our final assignment is due the 20th and the final exam is on the 25th#so fkdososo lots to do and no time to do it#get your phd they said it will be fun they said#they also said the first year would be the hardest and compared to everyone in my cohort I've actually had it pretty good#I'm just a little frayed and ready for ths semester to be over
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Thinking about what happened in the summer
Kids are... Really different when it comes to spending three weeks without their parents
Some start crying near the end of first day
Some start crying after couple of days
And some don't show anything while feeling the same
And being... I think English has a good word for that, let's go with a teacher but mix it with caretaker a little bit
I think seeing a kid cry at the end of that first day finally short circuited my brain, teens are way harder to understand that pre-teens who are literally still kids
They come around after a week, settle down and find new friends and your job stays the same mostly to be the one controlling their behavior
And then you'd have a kid crying again, because they miss home and the only thing you can really do is comfort them that they're not stuck here forever and that time flows so fast they won't notice it
And maybe they didn't. Time really did flew and they were leaving
Parents visited kids sometimes, of course, and it was so scary at first but they were mostly friendly and nice
Maybe because of that group chat that let them see that their kids are fine and are having fun
In the end for kids it was painful at first, but fun in the end. I got hugged more times than I could count when they were all leaving
And then poof
Back to your own life you go, like nothing happened
#not art#irl stuff#some thoughts#Every time I tried mixing my 'usual' behavior with the one I had back in the camp it felt like adding acid into water in the wrong order#Because it didn't feel right and it felt right at the same time#Like I just suddenly got a brand new way of behavior all together and it was so different that I stopped recognizing myself#Literally I'd work all day without much of a thought head full of WHERE EVERYONE IS ARE THEY SAFE??? And then at break near night go 'huh'#And at first I tried desperately to catch the usual behavior and bring it back on the break#And it never led to anything good because I'm supposed to be fully like in daytime 24/7#I did that one sketch of silly guys to just keep at least something in my head aside from being fully aware 24/7 of every passing second#I still don't know if I miss that or not#It felt so nice to not feel like I have no goal in mind anymore#A goal of 'get to the end of this with all of the kids fine and safe' without ever swearing or making them feel threatened was... Exhaustin#I never became some super sweet person to know so I did what I knew best - talked a lot telling about the things they liked#And if a kid is curious being interesting by telling stories that they didn't know about the things they liked is a way to be liked#Most of them probably forgot about me existing there but some probably didn't and would return next year again#Honestly I don't know why I failed so many exams when becoming a teacher is the only thing that makes me truly happy now#And super tired because THAT'S WORK and it's exhausting as hell some kids love to fight and you need all your diplomacy to work with it#Maybe that's just me missing my time with siblings when they were little I didn't get much time being a good elder sibling to them#I can't associate this work with becoming a parent for a month because I'm still not so different from those kids#Like... I've literally have been told by older kids that they mistook me for a teen like them#Excuse you but I'm like 7 years older than that#It was funny tho because I was considered a bit closer to them all instead of being a big bad grown-up#Yet some kids despised me because of that in the first group because welp not being an authority figure sucks#That being my first job sucks even more because I had no idea about the unspoken rules while everyone had aside from me and mom#Second try was way better because I knew exactly what I had to do even if I was terrible at making us participate in dances and songs#Thankfully it started raining and don't you dare let kids get cold from being in the rain at night that's just ridiculous#So it was like we had a slumber party with me letting them watch GF on my laptop and read some comics#It was way better than being forced to look at the other groups winning all over again. Kids disliked losing so many times in a row#And in the end the things we planned weren't exactly enough but when they were kids were happy and I was happy because we put so much effor
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