#I'm still pretty proud of that comic. I wanna do more like it

[northstarscowboyhat]

How did you take a joke about Clover snoring and make it into one of the most genuinely wholesome and sad things I've ever seen?

I'm asking

"How did I get here from a joke about Clover snoring" was a question I asked myself a lot making that comic LOL. I'm very flattered you think it was wholesome and sad!

[fqirysim]

untitled--

genre(s): angst, some fluff at the end, exes to best friends to lovers, highschool au, lowercase intended, lots of pov changes

requested: nope !

pairing(s): yang jungwon x reader, ft. yuna (itzy), and intak (p1h)

word count: 7.2k (my longest fic yet ! ) 

warning(s): cursing, underage drinking, a tiny bit of infidelity 

synopsis: you had been in love with yang jungwon since the day you met him. 

note: lowercase is intended, lots of pov changes! (read carefully so you don’t get confused lol). this took me a year to make PLEASE don't judge too harshly i put my heart and soul into this 😭. took me a year to make but could not come up with a title for the life of me, hence why it is called untitled, silly silly me. this was really fun to make though and although it took me a while to make, i'm very proud of it. lmk if you want to be added to my taglist and i will gladly do so !! special thanks to my bestie abby and my bf dean for proofreading love you both <3333

—------

you were certain this was the end of your friendship with jungwon. again. but this time you knew it would be permanent.

he was the boy who lived next door. growing up, you had always admired him from afar. the class president who everyone, including the upperclassmen, seemed to get along with.  

you had liked him until freshman year, when you got tired of pining over someone who didn’t seem to hold any interest in you. as comical as it seems, that was around the time that he had started to take an interest in you. 

and so he courted you, bringing you your favorite drink, walking you home, even coming over for dinner and hanging out at your house. this helped blossom a friendship that no one saw coming, and it wasn’t long until people started to wonder if you two were an item. 

it took two months for jungwon to muster up the courage to ask you to be his girlfriend. 

you were sure you were over your crush on him, that it was just a silly childhood crush. but as you hung out with him more and more, you couldn’t help but fall for him all over again. of course you said yes, because who wouldn’t say yes to the pretty starry-eyed boy standing before you?

jungwon was a nice boyfriend; going on dates quite often, never fought, and he would buy you flowers without being asked.. maybe the latter was why the whirlwind relationship only lasted five months. 

you remember the day so vividly, sitting on the bench at your favorite park; the same park where jungwon had asked you to be his, and here he was, asking you to break up.

 it seemed poetic in a kind of way, starting as his, and leaving as no one’s.

“i’m sorry. i’ve just lost romantic feelings,” jungwon stated, staring down at the grass as a breeze of wind came, the blades of grass swaying slightly. “it’s just that we’ve both been so busy with other things, and i guess we kinda just like, drifted apart because of it.”

“yeah, i think so too,” you replied nonchalantly, ignoring the slight sting in your heart. 

his head snapped up, your eyes finally meeting his, “wait, actually? you’re not lying?” the sound of relief in his voice made your heart feel like it was being squeezed.

“do you want to get rid of me that bad?” you instead teased with a grin. 

“no!” he exclaimed with wide eyes. “i still wanna be friends with you. i might not like you romantically anymore, but i don’t wanna like, lose the friendship we have, you know?”

“yeah,” you replied, “we can still be friends.”

and you two meant it. there were no tears, and no broken hearts (that you would like to admit). it was just a simple case of the right person and the wrong time, and as the years continued, you tried to convince yourself that it was just nothing. that jungwon was not your “right” anything- he was just your best friend, nothing more, nothing less. 

you were almost successful. until your last year of high school approached. 

you and jungwon kept your word, you stayed friends. always being seen together; walking to class, walking home, studying in the library, eating lunch in the cafeteria. 

people still believed you were together, and you always had to correct them, because no you and jungwon were no longer together and no you were not a thing.

they never believed you, though. 

there was always a small part of you that wanted to say yes when someone would ask. that you and jungwon were a thing and that he was yours and you were his. but you never did, callingyourself crazy for even thinking of doing so. 

you found yourself doing it again as yuna had asked you earlier in the week. 

yuna was the new girl this year, having transferred from jyp high. from what you heard, she was nice, smart, and she was gorgeous. you were never one to put yourself down, but you couldn’t say that you didn’t feel insecure standing next to her. 

“no, jungwon and i are not dating,” you smiled politely. it was almost like a script at this point. “we’re just good friends.”

“that’s good to hear,” yuna smiled, her eyes sparkling. “i just wanted to ask him out, but i wasn’t going to if you had a thing!”

“oh, you’re thinking of confessing to him?” you questioned. there was that little part of you again. the part that always said no! tell them you’re a thing! tell them to not do it!

“yeah, he’s in a bunch of my classes. he’s super smart and polite and he always knows how to make me laugh. and he has such pretty eyes,” she sighed dreamily as her mouth formed into a lovesick smile. 

“well, he has that effect on people,” you grinned. 

i would know, you thought.

 “i say go for it! he’s not particularly interested in anyone, you have a good chance.”

“you really think so?” she asked, eyes wide. 

god, i hope not, you thought. as shitty as it was, you didn’t want jungwon to move on. you felt sick at the thought of him being with someone else. 

“why not?” you said instead. “he’ll be at the library after school today studying, i’m supposed to meet him, but i can just tell him something came up.” 

“oh my god, you’re the best!” she squealed, engulfing you in a hug. “thank you thank you thank you.”

“you’re welcome,” you smiled, wrapping your arms around her, ignoring the green monster growing within you.

—----

it had been four days since your conversation with yuna. every time you saw him, you waited for him to bring up the date with baited breath- but he hadn’t said anything. not yet at least.

or maybe yuna simply didn’t ask him on a date. that’s what you were secretly hoping, at least.

it seemed hoping wasn’t enough. on the fifth day jungwon approached you from down the hall with those twinkling eyes and a bright smile you love so much, he seemed more energetic than usual with a little hop in his step. 

“you’re not gonna believe what happened today!” he exclaimed as he reached you at your locker. 

you could believe it. you were the one who hooked yuna up after all. yet you feigned curiosity as you looked at him quizzically, “what is it?”

“yuna asked me on a date! me! of all people! she’s so cool and smart and nice and pretty,” he said with a dreamy look on his face. 

you knew that look. the far away gaze as he thought of her. it was one you would never forget. it’s how he used to look at you. that lovesick grin and those twinkling eyes.

 it had never bothered you before when jungwon had crushes on other girls, because well, that’s all they were. they never escalated into anything more. looking at his lovestruck expression, realization hit that jungwon wasn’t yours anymore. 

you shouldn’t have thought of it that way. you should be happy for him! you should’ve been celebrating with him and cheering him on!  

you couldn’t help the bittersweet smile on your face as you replied, “oh, well that’s nice.”

his smile faltered slightly at your expression, concern slowly forming on his face.  

“are you okay?” he asked. 

“i’m fine, don’t worry,” you said, regaining your composure. “i’m happy for you! and don’t worry about spending less time with me, you’re gonna be a busy guy now! with a girlfriend…”

“okay, she is not my girlfriend. and even if she was, I would never ditch you!” 

“yeah whatever you say, loverboy,” you joked, giving him a playful nudge with your shoulder. 

“no seriously, y/n,” he replied, softly. “are you okay with yuna and i being a thing? i just don’t want it to be weird because you and i used to be a thing, and i know we’re both over that but i just wanted to make sure-,”

“what, me?” you scoffed, cutting the boy off. “what you and i had wasn’t serious, it was just some dumb high school fling.”

even as you spoke those words, you knew they weren’t true. it was more than just a fling. you loved him and maybe you still did. 

silence hung between you, the hallway getting quieter as the remaining students scrambled to their classes, the late bell ringing, leaving you and jungwon in the hallway alone. 

he looked hurt at what you said. you immediately wanted to take it back, to say you didn’t mean it and that he was your first love and you didn’t want him going on that date with yuna. 

“sorry, i shouldn’t have said that,” you muttered, not being able to meet his eyes and instead turning to close your locker. 

“no, you don’t have anything to apologize for,” he replied, as he started to back away, making his way to his class down the hall. “you’re right, it was just a fling, and honestly, it’s so weird to think of us as a couple.” 

it was like your world was falling apart around you as he spoke. did you interpret his hurt expression wrong? maybe this all was one-sided. did he not feel his heart breaking like you did? did he not wonder occasionally (or everyday) how his life would be if you were still together? did he not miss what you had?

maybe there really was nothing between you and jungwon but friendship. 

“yeah, so weird,” you awkwardly smiled, walking to catch up with him. “but you and i, we’re good, right?”

“yep, no worries,” he grinned back. 

“good,” you smiled. “so when’s your date?” 

his eyes brightened ever so slightly as you asked. he started to describe his date– how he was going to take her to the beach and have a picnic and play in the sand. 

you nodded along, your mind wandering off to when jungwon would take you on beach dates, burying him in the sand, splashing him with water and swimming away before he could splash you back. 

you looked over at the boy in question, his starry eyes wide as he talked about his date plans, his smile wide and giddy, his tone as sweet as honey as he talked about her. 

you knew you shouldn’t villainize yuna– she was a nice girl, a very nice one. it wasn’t her fault you were still in love with jungwon, and it surely wasn’t her fault that she liked him. it’s not like you could choose who you could fall in love with. 

you of all people would know. 

so you smiled and nodded along as you walked him to class, listening to him go on and on about his plans. you finally settled with the fact then and there, that jungwon would never be yours again. you had to let go. 

—--------

it has been six months since that day. the day that you had decided to give up. yuna and jungwon have been inseparable since then. 

he kept to his word though; still studying with you after school, showing up when you needed him, hanging out together. sometimes yuna would tag along, which you didn’t mind. she was fun to be around. 

you also didn’t mind being the third wheel when she was around, instead teasing the couple and even offering to take pictures for them. they were a lovely couple and they were seemingly happy– jungwon especially, and that was all that mattered. 

the school year was coming to an end, and seeing as it was your senior year, people were throwing parties almost every weekend. 

you went every once in a while, had some fun, did some underage drinking, even flirted with a couple of people. 

tonight was the party though. 

intak was throwing his first party of the year, and everyone knew his parties were legendary. 

you sat in the uber with jungwon and yuna, anticipating the night before you. you were excited, to say the least. the last time you went to a party was a  month ago, and you were ready to have fun. you even put on your best party outfit for tonight!

you arrived at intak’s house (or more like a mansion), and started to make your way inside until jungwon stopped you. 

“wait! before we go in, i think we should go over some basic safety rules!” jungwon exclaimed. 

you rolled your eyes with a small laugh as you replied, “only you would go over safety rules at a party.” 

“i’m serious, y/n, really bad things could happen,” he shot back with a pointed expression. 

“okay wonie, go ahead, we’re all ears,” yuna smiled supportively.

you ignored the slight heart ache at yuna using your old nickname for jungwon- the one you used when you were together. 

get it together, y/n you thought. letting go, remember?  

you instead smiled and nodded reassuringly at jungwon, who looked over at you to make sure you were paying attention. 

he sighed before continuing, “okay, i won’t be doing any drinking so i can babysit you guys all night. if you need to use the bathroom give your drinks to me so i can watch them. and y/n, if you leave the party at any point, for any reason, please let me know first.”

“sir, yes sir,” you muttered. 

“now let’s go have some fun!” yuna exclaimed, dragging the both of you by the wrists. 

you finally entered the house, where there seemed to be everyone from your school. even kids who graduated last year were in attendance, and as you searched the party for a familiar face that wasn’t jungwon or yuna, intak strolled over, a wide smile on his face. 

“you guys made it!” he shouted over the loud thumping of the music. he was wearing a letterman jacket with a white shirt underneath, and a pair of baggy straight legged jeans. the outfit looked so good on him that you had almost forgotten that you were talking to intak of all people. 

“you look nice, y/n,” he grinned.

you would’ve had a crush on him if he didn’t flirt with every girl he laid eyes on, and it seemed like his victim of the night was you. but damn did he look good right now. 

intak wasn’t a bad guy, he seemed harmless, not like the guys who wouldn’t take no for an answer. he just always flirted, with no intentions of making anything serious. most of the girls he talked to never knew the latter though. 

but you thought it couldn’t hurt, you were here to have fun, and if flirting with intak was the way to do it, then so be it. 

you saw jungwon step forward, about to tell intak to back off and go flirt with someone else, causing you to put your hand on his arm to stop him. 

you also noticed how yuna examined the scene in front of her; jungwon trying to be your knight in shining armor, and you with your hand on his arm to stop him. her eyes narrowed slightly in thought as you dropped your hand and turned to intak. 

“why don’t you get me a drink and then we can talk?” you smiled dazzlingly. you usually reserved smiles like that for when you wanted to flirt and get wasted, and just as usual, it worked like a charm.

“i’ll be right back then,” intak smiled, before making his way through the crowd of bodies in search of a drink for you. 

“really, y/n, intak out of all people?” jungwon questioned, arms crossed. 

“yeah, and what about it?” you replied, feeling slightly annoyed at his tone of voice. he had never acted this way towards you before, but you didn’t like it. it wasn’t his business who you flirted with. he talked to you like you were an idiot and you hated the thought of him looking down on you.  

yuna awkwardly stood between the two of you, not wanting to be in the middle of your fight, but not wanting to go off by herself at a party filled with people she barely knew. 

“‘what about it?’” jungwon mocked your voice in a high pitched tone. “you know how he is, don’t be dumb.”

“dumb? i’m here to have fun, jungwon, not to play third wheel again,” you snapped back. “and why does it matter, you’re not my boyfriend, and you’re not my brother, so it’s really none of your fucking business.”

yuna had been looking back and forth between you and jungwon, watching as you glared at each other, waiting for someone to say something. it was like watching a tennis match. 

at that moment, intak arrived, back with a red solo cup in hand. 

“a drink for the prettiest girl here,” he announced, handing the cup over to you. 

“why thank you love,” you replied with an innocent smile as you looked over at jungwon, still glaring at you, his arms crossed against his chest.

ignoring him, you took a sip of the drink you were given, your face scrunching up at the bitter taste. 

“hey intak, why don’t we go dance?” you asked, reaching for his hand. 

“that sounds like fun,” he replied with a smile of his own before you led him to the dance floor, leaving an enraged jungwon, and a slightly annoyed yuna behind you.

—-----

yuna had seen the way jungwon looked at you. she might have been a bit oblivious at first, but as time went on and she spent more time with the two of you, it became more and more apparent– jungwon had never gotten over you. 

at first yuna thought she could sway him, to get him to fall for her the way he fell for you. but it never worked. he looked at you like you were his own personal angel. no matter where you were, who you were with, how you looked, he was absolutely enraptured by you, and oh, how yuna wished he looked at her like that. 

it had been fifty minutes since your small tussle, and yuna and jungwon sat outside, occupying two pool chairs as he angrily took sips of his water. 

“it’s like she doesn’t even care, she just ran off with him knowing he’ll never want anything serious, knowing he’s gonna lead her on, and i swear when she comes crying to me, i’m gonna tell her ‘i told you’ right to her stupid dumb face,” he rambled, placing his bottle of water harder on the table than he intended to, spilling droplets in the process. 

“well, she’s young and single, and she just wants to have fun baby, there’s nothing wrong with that,” yuna replied. “and she has a point, you’re not her brother or anything, so why do you care so much?”

jungwon  looked up at yuna, not being able to ignore the bitter tone in her voice, “wait, you’re supposed to be on my side.”

“i’m not on anyone’s side, i’m just asking as your girlfriend why you care so much. because honestly, if i didn’t know any better, i would think that you were still in love with her,” yuna sighed, exasperated. 

“i am not in love with her, i like you!” he exclaimed, way faster than he should have. 

yuna wanted to believe him. she wanted to ignore every bit of doubt in her body and believe every lie he fed to her, but she couldn’t. not when she knew you loved him too. it was heartbreaking, really. to watch the person you love pine over someone else. but it was even worse knowing the feelings were reciprocated. 

“don’t lie to me, jungwon,” she deadpanned, feeling her eyes start to water with tears of frustration. “i see the way you look at her, and i know for sure you haven’t gotten over her. you have never once looked at me the way you look at her, and if you like her, just say that. just say that and we can end things here, without having to make this any more heartbreaking than it already is.”

yuna didn’t want to cry. the last thing she wanted to do was cry, but the feelings of anger and embarrassment had overwhelmed her, causing a few traitorous tears to spill. she was angry at herself for letting it get this far, for falling in love with a boy that she knew would never love her back. 

but she was also embarrassed. embarrassed that she had even tried to make an effort, that she had thought she could win him over. 

she wiped her face with the back of her hand, only for more to spill out, a sob fighting for an escape from her quivering lips. 

jungwon raised his hand to wipe the tears away for her, to cup her face and tell her everything would be okay and that he was sorry. but what was he sorry for? sorry for trying to keep you away from intak? or sorry that maybe yuna was right and he did still love you?

just as he opened his mouth to speak, you stumbled out, words slurring and barely able to walk as you stumbled your way over to them. 

“hey guys!” you exclaimed, as a worried intak came rushing out the house behind you. 

“oh god, y/n, are you okay?” jungwon asked, immediately walking over to your side to support your stumbling figure. yuna would have felt bitter over jungwon rushing to your side faster than he had ever run to hers. yet, despite the devil on her shoulder that told her to be petty, she instead felt worried for you. you could barely even stand up straight.

“what the fuck did you do to her?” jungwon asked, throwing an accusatory look at intak.

“nothing dude, i promise! she was the one who wanted to drink, she had like 5 drinks within the span of like, 10 minutes,” intak replied, panicked. “is she going to be okay? does she have a way to get home safely?”

jungwon looked from yuna to you, who was falling asleep just standing there.

“just take her home,” yuna sighed. “i’m not gonna make you choose because we all know who you’d choose every single time.”

“yuna it’s not like that,” jungwon groaned. “listen, i’ll bring her home, and then i’ll come over tomorrow and we can talk this out, okay? i promise.”

“okay, just get her home safe first,” yuna replied. 

you might have been the biggest obstacle in her relationship, but you were still a nice girl, and you had technically done nothing wrong, so yuna had no reason to want to keep you and jungwon apart. you were also wasted as fuck and there was no way you would be able to get home by yourself without something horrible potentially happen to you. 

jungwon grabbed his almost full water bottle from the table he was sitting at, muttering that he would “need it to sober you up”.

he gave yuna one last reassuring smile before he walked away, you on his back as he tried his best to carry you home. 

yuna sighed as she watched you go. she felt like something bad would happen today, something worse than her argument with jungwon, and she wanted nothing else but to go home and cry. 

all she could do was trust jungwon, even if she knew she already lost him, even if she knew she was never a contestant in the first place.

—------

jungwon almost did it. 

he almost carried you all the way home, but his legs felt like they were gonna give out once he reached the park near your house, and he decided then and there that he needed a break. 

he sat you on the playground set, sitting beside you with a huff. 

you were awake by this point, taking long sips of the water bottle jungwon had given you. you wanted to sober up by the time you got home, but it wasn’t really working, with your words still slurring slightly and your mind all dizzy.

the two of you sat in silence as you gazed at the stars and jungwon thought of his argument with yuna. 

maybe she was right. 

even now, as he glanced over at you, studying the stars, his heart skipped a beat and he felt his face warm up. 

“do you remember when you asked me to be your girlfriend in this park?” you chuckled. “we were so young then, it feels like forever ago.”

jungwon was thrown off by the sudden conversation starter, but still smiled, “yeah, i remember it very well. i felt like i was gonna throw up because i was so nervous.”

you turned your head to look at him and giggled as his smile grew wider. 

“what, what are you laughing at?” 

“nothing, i was just so in love with you then. i used to think that we would be together forever and ride off into the sunset in a carriage.” 

jungwon inspected you as you talked, trying to decipher if there was any meaning behind your words or if it was just the liquor talking. 

“i just thought we were some high school fling?” he half-joked as he nudged you with his shoulder. he didn’t want it to seem like he was serious if you were sobering up. 

he felt his heart start to race as he stared at your slightly flushed face from the drinks you had, your hair fluttering as a soft breeze blew by. you were everything that jungwon had ever wanted, and here you were, telling him how much you used to love him. 

wait, no, what the hell am i doing? jungwon thought to himself. it wasn’t fair to yuna. it was already unfair to her that he only started to date her to get over you. he thought that if he dated her long enough, he would stop loving you and love her instead. 

and he genuinely thought it worked. fuck, he thought. i’m such a shitty person. 

until he saw you with intak, flirting, dancing with him, laughing at his jokes, he had never felt so jealous in his life, and yuna had noticed. and she was upset, which was fair. what wasn’t fair was jungwon using her to get over you. 

use. he hated the icky feeling that word gave him. 

“i lied,” you muttered, snapping him out of his thoughts. 

“what did you say?” jungwon asked, making sure that he had heard you right. 

“i lied,” you repeated, eyes on everything but him. “i loved you, and i think i still do.” 

your eyes finally met his as you continued, “you are everything to me, jungwon. i’ve been in love with you since forever, and i only agreed to break up because you said you wanted to.”

jungwon could feel his heart starting to beat faster as he searched your eyes for any hesitation, any sign that this was a lie, or some sort of joke. his heart beat so fast he felt like he was gonna explode as he looked into your eyes, so earnest and so genuine and so filled with love that he knew you had sobered up. 

you reached for his hands in his lap, interlacing your fingers with his. 

“i can’t keep this from you,” you breathed. “i love you, yang jungwon, and i know you’re dating yuna, but i just have to tell you that i love you, that i always have and it’s okay if you don’t feel the same. i don’t expect you to leave her for me or anything, but i can’t help it anymore. i love you, i love you, i love you.”

silence hung over the two of you as he tried to form a coherent sentence after your confession. it felt like suddenly his brain didn’t know how to make him talk, to make him say i love you too, or to make him do anything, really. 

a minute passed, and then two as jungwon searched your eyes with the same desperation yours had– desperate to love and to be loved by the person sitting in front of you. 

jungwon didn’t know who leaned closer first. he thought it was you but maybe it was him. he didn’t even feel like he was in control of his body as he leaned closer and closer, his hand moving to hold your face, searching your face for any hesitation, for any kind of doubt.

 you were so close that he could smell the perfume you sprayed before you left your house and the drinks that you had earlier that night. 

impatient, jungwon finally closed the gap between the two of you, your soft lips colliding with his. he could have kissed you forever, wanting to stay forever in time there. until realization hit him.

yuna.

he pulled away abruptly, your eyes still closed as you chased his lips with yours. he would have found it cute if he weren’t trying his best not to panic right now. he just kissed you. while he was still dating yuna. 

he thought of the look on yuna’s face if she found out– the angry, hurt expression that she had at the party, and even worse, the tears. he would break the poor girl’s heart. 

“i should go,” jungwon breathed, quickly standing up from his seat beside you. “it’s almost past my curfew.”

“wait, jungwon,” you said, grabbing onto the sleeve of his shirt before he could walk away. “i think we should talk about this before you go.”

“yeah, we can talk later,” he replied dismissively. “i just need some time to think.”

you opened your mouth to say something else– anything else to make him stay, but closed it as you saw he was already speed-walking in the direction of his house. 

you thought that you would lose him forever after your breakup.  you had almost lost jungwon once, and you were nearly positive that you won’t be so lucky to keep him this time. 

you felt sick to your stomach, and you didn’t know if it was from the drinks or from the events that had just occurred, but nonetheless you felt nauseous. 

you hunched over as you started to gag, your vomit flowing out of your mouth, tears streaming down your face. 

you wiped your mouth with your sleeve, rinsing your mouth out with water as you started to tear up. 

before you knew it, you felt sobs rising, your nose stuffed from crying,  your throat getting dry from the sobbing. the embarrassment and sorrow was finally catching up to you– all of the years of repressed love you felt for jungwon, all of the embarrassment from him leaving after you confessed, embarrassment from being a homewrecker– it all came crashing down on you. 

you couldn’t go home like this. you were sober enough to know that, with your tear streaked face, ruined makeup, and vomit smelling breath your parents would put two and two together. 

your hands shakily reached for your phone in your back pocket, dialing your brother’s number and waiting for him to pick up with baited breath. your brother was your only hope. 

“hello?” 

“chan?” you breathed into the phone. “i need to sleepover at your place.”

—----

yuna hated this. 

the waiting, the feeling of dread as she sat on her bed, awaiting jungwon’s arrival. 

the fight that had ensued was horrible, but she believed she made a valid point. if he likes y/n so much he should just go be with her, she thought bitterly. 

jungwon had texted her last night at around 1 in the morning, just to make sure she got home safe. yuna didn’t respond. she instead left him on read, still pissed off from the fight.

she used to get butterflies when he would send her texts to make sure she got home safe. but now she didn’t know if he did it because he liked her or if it was just out of common courtesy. 

yuna was about to just walk to his house herself before she heard a knock on her door. 

“hey it’s uh, me,” she heard jungwon’s muffled voice through the door. “is it okay if i come in?” 

“yeah, let’s get this over with.”

she couldn’t meet his eyes as he walked in, striding over to the corner of her bed. yuna hated waiting, but she now felt dread as the pair sat in silence for a bit, the tension so thick you could cut it with a knife. she had sat nowhere near him.

 usually she’d be cuddled into his side, but she instead opted to sit at the head of her bed, seemingly as far away from him as possible. she was worried that if she was too close to him, she’d crack; she’d look at his doe eyes and forgive him and that would ruin the entire point of her argument. 

“so,” she cleared her throat, interrupting the silence. “did y/n get home safe?” 

“yeah, she’s at her brother’s apartment. he texted me when she got there.”

 “‘when she got there?’ did you not walk her there?” 

“no, he picked her up from the park near our houses. but anyways, i have something important to tell you.” 

yuna felt even more dread seeping into her as he finished his sentence. she should’ve seen this coming from the start. here it comes: the breakup. 

“i kissed y/n last night.” 

yuna’s eyes widened in surprise. she had expected the breakup, yes. she knew jungwon was emotionally cheating, but now he was physically cheating? 

“wait, are you being serious right now?” she laughed in astonishment. she couldn’t believe the audacity of the man sitting in front of her. 

“i know it’s bad. i feel horrible, because an amazing woman like you should never be treated as horrible as i’ve treated you, and i am so so sorry,” jungwon started, tearing up from how bad he felt. “all of the apologies in the world could never make up for how i’ve treated you. i’ve made you feel terrible and i’m just making it worse by breaking up with you to be with her.” 

“i love y/n, yuna. and i’m sorry that i didn’t tell you, or that you had to find out for yourself before i even knew. you are so so perfect yuna-,”

“but i’m just not perfect for you?” she replied, tears starting to form as she breathed those words. 

the silence that followed was more than enough to answer her question. 

she hated this. she hated this so so much. but she didn’t hate you, or jungwon. she just hated how love worked, how she had to fall in love with the one boy who couldn’t love her back. she hated that she gave her heart away to a boy that was never going to belong to her– not fully. 

she wanted to scream, to throw something, hell, maybe even hit him. she instead took a deep breath, composing herself before she said, “okay. go be with her then.” 

jungwon looked over at her, wanting nothing but to comfort yuna. he may not be in love with her, but he did love her, and he still cared for her. 

“i’m sorry, yuna,” jungwon said instead. “you’re an amazing girl, but you should never be anyone’s second choice, and i’m sorry for making you feel like mine.” 

yuna couldn’t even look at him, fidgeting with the strings of the hoodie she wore. 

“just leave, please,” she muttered. 

she didn’t want him to see her cry, he had already broken her once, she didn’t want him to see her fall apart again. 

with a guilty expression, jungwon hurried away, also not wanting to see her cry again. he felt gross. he felt disgusted with himself for treating her that way. he didn’t like the person he was with yuna, and he felt sick thinking about how heartbroken she was; how she was so hurt that she couldn’t even look at him. 

—------

it has been two weeks since your kiss with jungwon, and you hadn’t heard a word from him since. not a single call or text, hell, he didn’t even acknowledge your existence when you walked by him in the halls. 

you had seen yuna around, but seeing as jungwon wasn’t joined at her hip like he used to be, you assumed that things didn’t end quite so well between the two. knowing that you were the cause made you want to never show your face ever again, especially because of the dirty looks yuna’s friends have been giving you. 

you were relieved it was the last day of the school year; you’d never have to see yuna again and feel the guilt at seeing the sadness in her eyes. 

you walked into the bathroom, wanting to wash your hands after eating your lunch, when you saw yuna, touching up on her makeup in the mirror. she looked at you through the mirror above the sink, before going back to her makeup. 

the tension was so thick you didn’t know if you should just leave or hide in a bathroom stall until she left. 

“i’m not gonna bite, you know,” yuna chuckled. 

you smiled back nervously as you started to make your way to the sink. 

“yuna i’m really sorry,” you sighed, mustering whatever courage and dignity you had left. 

“it’s okay,” yuna replied, finally meeting your gaze. “although it was wrong for you guys to have kissed, i saw the breakup coming from miles away. he was never mine to begin with.” 

you were taken aback just by how calm she was, with the way she spoke those words with such elegance and grace. she had every right to be angry with you, to yell at you and call you a homewrecker. 

“even if you did think you were going to break up, that still doesn’t excuse what i did, and i really am sorry,” you said, trying to project every feeling of sympathy and sincerity you could in that one sentence. “i’m not asking you to forgive me, or jungwon, but i just wanted to tell you that you really are a cool person, and you’ve always been so kind to me, even now. all of this for a boy, and he hasn’t even talked to me in the past two weeks.”

“wait, he hasn’t reached out to you at all?” yuna asked, confused. “i thought he would say something to you at least.” 

“did he say he would?” you replied, confusion reaching you as well. 

“no,” yuna replied, fixing her hair in the mirror. “i just assumed so because he’s in love with you.”

once again, you were stunned by her nonchalance. “he’s not in love with me.” 

“don’t be silly,” yuna smiled softly. “i can’t tell if dating jungwon was the best or worst six months of my life, to be honest.” 

“don’t get me wrong, he was a good boyfriend,” yuna backtracked quickly after seeing the guilt on your face. “he did the usual boyfriend stuff, and he really did try, but i could just always tell that his heart was always yours.” 

you couldn’t meet yuna’s gaze as she said this, your face hot with shame. you felt so bad for her, and you didn’t quite know what to say in response. 

“i’m sorry that things ended this way,” you finally said. 

“it’s okay, it was gonna happen sooner or later,” yuna replied. “but if i’m right, then you should probably go talk to him, he’s probably going insane with guilt right now over me, and over you. bro’s got a lot on his plate.” 

you gave a small chuckle at the last sentence, making yuna smile a bit. 

“well thank you for the talk yuna, but i’ve gotta go. i think i need to go find jungwon.” 

yuna felt her heart break a bit at the words, but she smiled anyways and said bye as she watched you leave the bathroom. yuna didn’t know if she was supposed to cry or feel happy for you and jungwon, but she did know that she was right. again. she knew his heart had always belonged to you. anyone could see that. 

—--------

trying to find jungwon was easier than you expected. he was sitting on a swing, at the park that you became his, then wasn’t his anymore, and then confessed your love to him. there was so much that had happened at this park that it made your head hurt a bit just thinking about it. 

“is it okay if i sit here?” you asked, motioning to the swing beside him. 

“of course you can,” jungwon replied. 

the two of you sat in silence.

“i don’t think we should be friends anymore,” you finally spoke up. 

he jerked his head to look at you, shock coursing through him. “wait, why not?”

you took a deep breath before saying, “i can’t be friends with you anymore because i’m in love with you. there hasn’t been a moment since i’ve met you that i haven’t been.” 

his heart skipped a beat at your words. 

this was it, this is what you’d been waiting for since the day you laid eyes on jungwon. but you didn’t think it would go quite like this. you sat there for a moment as jungwon studied you, and you wished he would say something, anything. 

“but did you ever consider how i felt?” he finally asked, his voice cracking ever so slightly. “have you ever considered that maybe i’ve felt the same way?” 

you felt your breath catch in your throat as he continued, “i’ve seen you everyday since we were five when your family moved in next door. but i didn’t really see you until freshman year, sitting in class by the window, your hair flowing from the breeze that came through, doodling in your notebook instead of paying attention to the lesson. and when you caught me staring, you smiled and waved, and i swear i fell in love with you that day. that day, i knew my heart would always be yours.” 

“so please,” jungwon pleaded. “please, do whatever you want with it. you could break it a million times over and it would still be yours.”

now this, this was exactly you had always dreamed of. 

you couldn’t stop yourself from kissing him, trying to convey all the repressed love you’ve had for him for years through the kiss. you loved him. you loved every single part of jungwon, every flaw, every imperfection, everything that made him him. 

“so does this mean we’re official?” jungwon grinned as he pulled away, a playful look in his eyes. you smiled back, feeling the heart eyes in your gaze and the way your heart melted just by looking at him. 

“took you long enough.” 

[elleloquently]

the wretched and joyful [ 2 ] : ellie williams

ellie williams x female reader | eventual angst + slowburn

───⋆☆ But we don't have to talk about it, I can walk you home and practice method acting - I'll pretend being with you doesn't feel like drowning ♪

───⋆☆ I'm trying to be cool about it, Feelin' like an absolute fool about it Wishin' you were kind enough to be cruel about it - Tellin' myself I can always do without it, Knowin' that it probably isn't true ♪

| a/n - part two!! tags are at the bottom, let me know if u wanna be added! if you enjoyed reading, please considering reblogging/leaving a comment <3 thank you! | c/w - swearing, vague depictions of anxiety.. reader is in love with her best friend idk what to tell you!!

nearly everything that belonged to you used to belong to someone else. that's just the way things were.

you tried to find the thought comforting, but it really felt haunting.

when you moved into your house in jackson, it was like a still life museum. you couldn't help but try to imagine who lived there first, before the world went to shit. you tried to imagine what their daily life was like. how scared they must've been when...

it made you feel like you were living in a haunted house, and you were scared of ghosts.

maria was kind enough to set you up with some things that she thought you would like, but it still felt like you were living somewhere that you didn't belong.

the house felt like it was full of ghosts, so you rearranged and redecorated until it finally felt like your own.

years later, after a lot of trading and sorting through items ellie might find on patrol, you were actually pretty proud of the space that you presented for yourself. adeline once joked that you seemed to have a taste for "the frills," but you didn't mind.

you liked girly things, things that you could keep in secret and feel pretty without worrying about whether or not you seemed tough enough.

ellie had her comics, and you had your own things too.

your guilty pleasure was old magazines, filled with toxic drama, interior design tips, and how to's for all of your accessorizing needs. the pages were cheap and worn but good enough. the silly quizzes were the best part.

you liked pretending. pretending to live in that world instead of this one, wishing you could've been a girl picking out nail polish to match her outfits and deciding which color scheme suited her best. it flooded your senses with longing and never failed to give you a pit in your stomach.

it was like some kind of morbid obsession, wishing for better than what you had.

you didn't really talk about it, especially with ellie. you already knew how she felt about that sort of thing. besides, it made you feel weak. she just knew that you liked silly magazines, and would bring you them without a second thought if she had ever managed to find one.

jesse was actually the first to help you build your little collection. dina had found one on patrol, and brought it back so you could all laugh at the ridiculous headlines. when everything was winding down and you sheepishly asked if you could keep it, jesse seemed to take note.

besides ellie, jesse was one of your closest friends. he was a little more understanding to the sensitive side of you, which you appreciated. you hated feeling like you had to defend every little thought or feeling, to prove you weren't weak.

you'd been spending more time together as of late, especially since his patrol schedule was pretty much opposite of dina's.

you hated when they fought, always over something small and immature and it left you feeling like a child stuck in the middle. any group hangouts were typically reserved for when dina and jesse were on - so according to the news you had received from ellie, things were looking up.

when a knock at your door earned your attention, you jumped to answer it right away. you already knew who you were expecting.

"morning," you grinned as you held the door open. "are you coming in or am i coming out?" you wore shoes just in case, standing in the doorway.

"you're coming out," jesse replied, wearing a light jacket that he would most likely shed later. summer would be here soon, and the change in weather was certainly improving the mood of everyone in jackson.

you nodded once and tugged a sweater over your arms, closing the door behind you as you stepped outside. you loved mornings like this, warm and peaceful. it felt full of promise.

"where to?" you questioned, allowing jesse to take the lead. he grinned when he replied.

"the stables. hope you're not wearing your best clothes."

you scowled but only as a joke. you weren't wearing your "best" anything but even if you were, it wouldn't have mattered.

"you know i never mind," you chirped, bumping jesse's arm. "how come?"

"we're training more people for patrol so we might need more help in the stables for a bit. think you're willing to give an extra hand when you aren't wrangling the children?" jesse asked, raising an eyebrow as the corners of his lips turned upward.

there was somewhat of a school in jackson, and during the week you helped out with the younger kids. there weren't many, but enough so that they were glad to have your help.

"i would love to help," you said honestly, and jesse's smile turned sly.

"i know that," he replied. "that's why i already signed you up."

you snorted, rolling your eyes at his confident response. "whatever. i would've helped regardless, anytime."

"i know," jesse repeated. "thanks, kid."

this made you roll your eyes again, scoffing. there was barely even an age difference.

"you sound like joel." you wrinkled your nose, tilting your head. "all of you patrol people have such a complex," you grumbled, trying your very best not to smile.

"yeah, yeah." jesse slung an arm over your shoulders, causing you to gasp at the audacity. "you love us."

"us?" you questioned, falling into step with him.

jesse couldn't contain the shit-eating grin that plastered itself onto his face. "us. me, dina... ellie."

you laughed once, loud and embarrassed.

"you're so full of it," you replied, stepping out from under his arm.

"what? what did i say?"

"you're not funny. besides, i'm actually very upset with you," you confessed, staring down at your shoes while you walked.

your shift in tone was enough to concern jesse, and he almost seemed bewildered as he questioned you.

"what? why? what did i do?" he slowed his pace, waiting for you to respond.

you waited just a moment to linger it over his head before grabbing his arm, shaking it while you bounced on your feet like an excited child.

"for not telling me that you have a girlfriend!" you gushed, causing jesse to roll his eyes and quickly walk away from you.

"what's her name? what does she look like? is she gonna meet your family?" you continued on as jesse swatted at you. "you know i had to find out from ellie?"

"you're ridiculous," jesse grumbled.

"and you're keeping things from me?" you were really playing it up, finding satisfaction in the way he shook his head.

"you know, you're not funny," jesse mocked.

you laughed, catching back up with him. "really though, is everything all good?"

a small smile slipped in the place of jesse's scowl. "all good," he confirmed softly.

jesse seemed content so you let that be enough, finishing your walk to the stables in peaceful silence.

you didn't need much instruction since you were already quite familiar with the tasks. instead, it was mostly jesse explaining which horses would be in and out and when. you carried on with some light maintenance, chatting through each chore. jesse didn't really need to stay and help, but you appreciated the conversation.

"so," you started, placing a bucket of supplies on the ground. "what're we doing tonight?"

"huh?" jesse huffed, looking uncharacteristically caught off guard.

"the four of us," you clarified, brushing your palms on your pants. "i figured since things were cool again that we could finally hang out," you explained, though your use of finally might've been a bit overdramatic. jesse and dina were broken up for about a week, which meant a week of splitting your time between the two of them.

though lately you've been seeing less of dina, maybe because of her and ellie having plans or similar schedules.

"oh!" jesse exclaimed, the sudden loudness catching you off guard. "right. well, you know," jesse stammered.

you raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to put together a coherent sentence that wasn't just him shrugging his shoulders and shaking his head.

"you know," he repeated, even though you obviously didn't. "dina and i just thought that maybe... it would just be the two of us tonight. to um," jesse coughed. "catch up?"

you nodded silently, eyes wide with embarrassment. "of course!" you choked out, desperately wanting to save jesse from any more you know's and awkward stammering.

"hey, maybe tomorrow night," jesse offered, awkwardly clapping you on the shoulder. "you'll still hang with ellie, right?"

you nodded again, kicking your shoe against the ground.

you hoped that ellie would want to see you again, even though you just slept over. the matter wouldn't usually even be a factor, but you felt different lately. a little weird, like you were bothering her too much or something.

"for sure," you muttered, tossing a rag into the bucket with a clang.

jesse was quick to catch your change in tone.

"did something happen?" he questioned, leaning against a stable door.

his question felt like an assumption and you found yourself growing insecure as if everyone had noticed that something was different too.

you wanted to confide in him, you should've confided in him, about how ellie could be so hot and cold and was it normal to get stomach aches whenever you were around her?

instead, you forced out a short laugh and shook your head.

"'course not. she'll probably just sleep after she gets back."

jesse studied you briefly before kicking his weight off of the door, brushing his hands together.

"right. well, dina will probably be back soon so i should..."

"go on," you grinned, waving him away.

"you wanna come with?" jesse offered, knowing ellie would be returning as well.

"i actually think i'll stick around here. for... a little bit," you responded shyly, but jesse already knew why. "go on," you encouraged. "go!"

you watched as jesse walked away, casual at first but his stride turned into a sprint when he turned the corner, assuming he was out of view.

you laughed to yourself, standing awkwardly in the now empty stable. ellie would show up soon enough, which was good. you wanted a chance to talk to her. you were starting to feel pretty weird about how often you slept in her bed while she left for patrol in the morning.

you waited around a bit, standing awkwardly in the middle of the stables until you started to feel stupid and instead made yourself look busy. you rearranged some cleaning supplies in the buckets, and even wiped stall doors that you had already cleaned, just to look busy.

of course, ellie didn't appear until you were seemingly making small talk with a horse in the stable.

"-like it better when the weather is warm, right?"

ellie snorted, the sound cutting through the otherwise silent atmosphere that was only filled by your own chattering and the occasional horse sigh.

"who are you talking to?" ellie questioned, her tone lazy and amused.

ellie already knew, of course, but the startled look on your face was priceless.

"how was patrol?" you asked awkwardly. ellie led shimmer into the stables as you spoke.

"uneventful," ellie answered simply.

"that's good, right?" you asked, coming up to pet shimmer as she was being placed into her stall.

"uh, yeah, i guess," ellie shrugged, her tone sounding distant.

you deflated, just a little. maybe she needed some space.

"i'm gonna... get going," you announced, a little quieter than you intended but you had found your footing by the end of the sentence. finally, ellie turned and looked at you.

"what? you've been hanging around but now all of a sudden i'm here, and you're leaving?" ellie questioned, her eyebrows pinching together.

"just don't wanna be in the way," you replied, not knowing if you should take a step closer or a step further away.

"please," ellie huffed. you weren't sure if it was kind or insulting.

please like you're always in the way and don't seem to mind, or please like you're never in the way?

you opened your mouth, almost to ask for clarification, but the thought alone made your cheeks burn.

"i'm serious," you said instead, but didn't make any effort actually leave.

“of course you are,” ellie said, rolling her eyes. you caught the hint of a smile on her face though, just before she turned her back to you.

silent minutes ticked by while ellie was busy, and it was only awkward because you truly couldn't decide if you should just leave or stay. after the hesitation it seemed quite obvious that you would stay, but the dilemma made your face grow hot anyway. when did you start overthinking your interactions with ellie so much??

you really didn't want things with ellie to start being complicated, everything else was already complicated enough.

who was at fault, anyway? or was it simply nothing other than growing restless as the days grew longer?

your thoughts did a better job of occupying you than you had expected, because ellie blinked at you, unmoving.

"are you coming or what?" she asked, with that same unreadable tone that she seemed to love using lately.

you blinked. then nodded.

is this how things were going to be now? is this how they always were, you were only just now noticing?

you almost physically shook your head at the thought.

"coming where?" you asked instead.

ellie shrugged, something like a smile twitching at her lips.

you couldn't tell if she was trying to force a smile, or hide a real one and what the fuck, when did you start having so much trouble reading her?

"we could see joel," you suggested, trying to sound more upbeat than you had felt. you were in such a good mood yesterday, where did it go?

ellie raised her eyebrows at you.

"it's been a long time since we all had dinner together, just the three of us," you said nonchalantly, not wanting it to sound like a hint.

"yeah, well," ellie muttered, her gaze dropping to the ground. "a bit early for dinner, don't you think?"

"that's not really the point, but okay," you dismissed.

"what is the point then?" ellie asked, her voice suddenly more loud and pointed compared to just a few seconds ago.

the immediate switch in her demeanor caused your eyebrows to pinch together. "i thought you were.. doing better?"

the look on ellie's face was all of the confirmation that you had needed. it was the kind of expression that made you feel guilty for even bringing it up.

"sorry. i just thought.. you know, the boots," you practically stammered, not wanting ellie to be annoyed with you.

"'just being nice," ellie replied tightly, to which you nodded solemnly in return.

"forget it then. sorry. i shouldn't have mentioned it," you spoke, wiping your palms on your pants.

the fight, or, whatever it was that happened between ellie and joel was possibly the biggest and only secret that ellie had ever kept from you, to your knowledge. she was so frustratingly vague about it, skating around answers and reasons as to why joel didn't seem like her joel anymore.

they were friendlier now, more so than right after it had happened, but still it felt strained. it had practically happened overnight, much to the confusion of nearly everyone around the two, and things were still not back to the way in which they used to be.

you missed the dinners.

truthfully, you still had dinner with joel occasionally. you weren't sure if ellie knew, but you had never mentioned it to her.

considering, ellie wasn't the only one keeping secrets.

"forget it," ellie repeated quietly. for a moment, she looked kind of awkward, like she was trying to think of something else to say.

it actually sort of made you feel better.

the silence that followed lingered, but not too long, making it possible to recover from.

"let's just get out of here," ellie mumbled, so quietly that you nearly missed it. she began walking without even glancing back at you, surely assuming that you would just follow.

and you did.

you almost tripped over your own feet when you realized how seamlessly you would follow her without another word. it was dangerous, nearly.

"we could go to tipsy?" you suggested lightly, trying to catch up to ellie so it didn't seem as though you were trailing after her.

at your suggestion, ellie snorted.

"what, tough day or something? it's the afternoon," ellie denied, and you were simply grateful that the lighthearted teasing tone had returned to her voice.

"maybe another time. jesse and dina could come, we could make it a thing."

ellie raised an eyebrow, peering sideways at you as your lazy steps fell into sync.

"a thing," ellie repeated softly, shaking her head with a soft chuckle.

"is something wrong with that?" you questioned, squinting your eyes as the bright sun invaded your sightline.

"huh? no. just cute the way you always try to like... i don't know, make an event out of things," ellie explained.

your cheeks warmed, but the guise of the heat helped it to go unnoticed.

cute.

you didn't want ellie's words to linger, so you scrambled fast.

"hey, i still need to debut my new skirt, right?" you managed.

"that you do," ellie sighed. "or you could just- i don't know, hear me out.. just, put it on?"

you frowned at her teasing, even though it made your heart swell with affection. "that's boring, ellie. don't you know me at all?"

"best of all, actually," ellie retorted. you opened your mouth to fire back a reply, but nothing came.

ellie was right usually, always, when it came to you. she knew you better than anyone. in the world that you lived in, it was practically the best gift that you could give to someone that you cared for. vulnerability, loyalty. the ability to trust and be trusted. being known and feeling seen was like a reward.

sure, jackson was your home. but you weren't sure how much it truly would feel like home if ellie wasn't there.

it was funny, sometimes you had forgotten that you hadn't actually known ellie your whole life.

sometimes, you pathetically wondered what things might've been like if you had known ellie forever.

a few years ago, when ellie was prone to more laughter, she would tell fabricated stories about your friendship if you had met before. you would never forget the look on her face the first time that you had confided in her about the mistreatment from the QZ crowd.

"i would've fucked 'em up," ellie said solemnly, causing you to laugh in disbelief.

"what? ellie, i was... thirteen. you would've been too."

"yeah, and? i would've fucked them up. and then..-"

she would continue until you were in a fit of giggles, wheezing through laughter.

neither of you had much of a childhood, but ellie had some lucky moments. your time together though, it almost felt healing. despite everything.

"i know," you said finally, falling short of thinking up a witty response.

"you don't need to make any stops today, do you?" ellie questioned suddenly.

an evident look of confusion crossed your face as you answered. "hm? you mean addie? no, why?"

"just wondering," ellie grumbled, and your lips twisted into a teasing smile.

"why do you get so weird about her?" you questioned, closing your fingers around her wrist to keep her walking pace in tune with your own.

"i don't get weird," ellie disagreed, her tone bordering on childish. "i just feel like she's always judging me or something."

"judging you?" you laughed, the sudden loudness cutting through the hazy, quiet afternoon of jackson. "ellie, adeline does not judge you."

"she looks at me funny," ellie complained, wrinkling her nose.

"she does not!" you released your hold on ellie's wrist, limply wacking her arm instead. ellie only reacted by rolling her eyes.

"besides, if she looks at you funny, she probably has a reason for it," you contemplated with a click of your tongue.

"what? what did i do?" ellie questioned, her cheeks turning red.

you laughed again, loud, causing ellie to reach over and shove your side. you only momentarily stumbled, the clumsy reaction not halting your laughter.

"whatever. see you later," ellie grumbled, making no effort to walk ahead of you.

"okay, see you later," you chirped, settling your giggles but the aftermath still made your cheeks sting. ellie glanced at you quickly, and you could tell that she was wondering if you were actually going to leave.

your hand accidentally brushed against ellie's and you moved to put some distance between your bodies, ignoring the way that it sent jolts through your body.

"are you gonna stay again?" ellie asked, her tone sounding a little too forced to be nonchalant, but the attempt was there.

"at yours? sure. i feel like i haven't slept in my own bed in ages," you responded.

"you don't have to come," ellie said simply.

"no, it's not a bad thing," you clarified. really, it wasn't.

"i could come to yours?" ellie asked, a look crossing her face that you couldn't quite depict, almost like she had remembered something. maybe she didn't want to risk a run in with joel, as your dinner comment had unsettled her.

"only if you want," you shrugged.

"just let me grab some stuff first," ellie told you, to which you silently obliged with a nod of your head.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"you're... okay, you're doing it wrong." ellie's snappy tone caused you to huff.

"i'm doing exactly what you said."

"no, you're not listening."

"you're not explaining!"

ellie rolled her eyes, moving to sit closer to you on the floor.

"your fingers are supposed to stay down, right here," ellie delicately pressed your fingers into place as you hold her guitar. you have to swallow hard, willing yourself not to react to her touch.

"one finger per fret, like this," ellie explains, her voice softer as she regained her patience.

"you know i'm never gonna be good at this," you complained, letting your fingers go limp under ellie's pressure.

"then why do you keep saying that you want to learn?" ellie questioned, sitting back and dropping her hands to her lap.

"because i want to be good at it," you sighed. you stretched your arms, handing the guitar to ellie. "it wouldn't be the same anyway. i just like when you play for me."

ellie's cheeks go crimson. "shut up."

she strummed anyway, showing you how the song that you were 'attempting' to learn was supposed to sound.

you leaned your back against the side of your bed, the wooden floor beneath you providing little comfort. ellie explained chords as the dreamlike sounds filled your bedroom. you listened intently, more focused on the sound of ellie's voice than the actual information that it was providing.

you spend a lot of nights like this, being the only two people in the world, the moon being your only light until you fall asleep.

your curtains, dingy and laced, were drawn back purposefully for that very reason, you had admired the late sunset as the moon finally began to peek its way into the night sky.

the moon, the sound of ellie's voice, the feeling of your surroundings seeming slightly fuzzy from how tired you were.. you wished you could bottle up these moments and keep them forever.

in these moments, when you watched her, your feelings seemed clear as day. ellie's eyebrows furrowed in concentration, the way her fingers seemed to strum effortlessly on the guitar, the little strands of hair that kept escaping her bun and falling into her face.

surely you loved her. there was simply no other way around it.

when it was dark, you could think it over and over.

i think i love her. i really think i might love her. it would make your pulse quicken and your insides explode, but the thought was fathomable. for some reason though, during the day, it couldn't even be a question. you would deny it. you wouldn't even allow the thought to slip into your mind as long as you could help it.

you really, truly weren't sure why it made such a big difference.

"i love it," you murmured, referring to the song that ellie was playing.

"i remember," ellie replied, feeling the need to whisper though she wasn't exactly sure why. "it's why i learned it, anyway."

ellie said it so simply, so casually, that you wouldn't have given it a second thought until you noticed the way that she refused to meet your gaze, even after she stopped playing.

"maybe i will be good at it one day," you hummed.

"maybe," ellie snorted. "if you ever get any patience."

"says you," you replied with a frown. "i'm super patient," you argued, but you had a hard time believing your own words. not that you were determined to change ellie's mind, anyway. your thoughts were elsewhere.

"maybe," ellie mumbled suddenly, catching you slightly off guard. you slip off into your own thoughts entirely too easily. "if you're always with those kids. i couldn't fucking stand it."

"i guess that's true. it just feels.. different? i don't know." your slight laugh turns into a yawn as you shake your head. "jesse told me you guys are trying to put more people on patrol?"

ellie nodded, rolling her eyes. "yeah. 'been a pain in the ass, that's for sure."

"that bad, huh?" you questioned, toying with the hem of your cardigan that you had thrown over your pajamas.

"i'm just.. i don't like the teaching stuff. i just want to get it done, you know?"

you nodded, and wondered if that's why ellie has seemed more exhausted than usual. "i get it. you can't blame maria for pairing people with you, though."

"i wish she wouldn't."

"yeah, but ellie, you're one of the best. you know that."

ellie shook her head, causing more strands of hair to frame her face. you could've laughed at her dedication to leaving the few strands still pulled back in a bun, instead of just taking it out entirely.

"maybe i should sign up," you said, partly joking. "finally give patrol a real try.

"no," ellie responded firmly, a little too quickly. you had only been kidding, you knew you would be no good, but regardless her reaction was a little much.

"why not?"

"because you can't.. you're not.. it's just, not your thing, alright?" ellie huffed.

you crossed your arms and wanted to be offended but ellie was right. you were no good for it. still, you rolled your eyes and refused to make eye contact until your name slipped from ellie's lips like an apology.

"just forget it, alright?" ellie pleaded, her voice regaining its softness.

you looked at her, the lighting was dim but your eyes were adjusted to the dark that had fallen over the room. she felt the most familiar like this, like your ellie.

ellie was softer in the moonlight. maybe she felt more like herself in it, too. the way she looked now - messy hair, pink cheeks, almost gave you a dreamlike feeling as if you could spill your guts to her and everything would be fine.

"alright," you murmured, allowing your eyes to lock with ellie's green ones. the darkness was safe, you wouldn't shy under her gaze. you were brave. "i was only kidding anyway. and i know that you only said no because you know that i would be the best at patrol and steal your crown."

"okay, you need to go to sleep," ellie replied simply. she stood from the floor, stretching and fidgeting with her hoodie.

"you hate when i have fun," you mumbled bitterly as ellie crossed to your window, closing the curtains. they didn't provide much coverage, but the room was suddenly consumed with less light than before.

"you hate when i'm right." ellie reached her hand down to you, and you allowed yourself to be pulled up from the floor. ellie pulled back the bedding as you discarded your cardigan onto the floor.

there was a couch in the living room. plenty of blankets and pillows for a comfortable enough spot on the floor. sharing the bed was never a discussion, you just did. you never really considered otherwise. it didn't really seem like ellie ever did either. if she did, she didn't show it.

you tried to swallow your feelings as you slid into bed next to ellie, wondering if it was normal to always share a bed like this. wondering if it was normal to always overthink it.

"if i threw my sweater on the ground like that, you would be pissed at me," ellie remarked. you could hear the smile in her tone.

you couldn't help but roll your eyes at her exaggeration, and you hoped that she could see it. "bullshit, i would not."

despite your tone, you wanted nothing more than to reach out and swipe away the strands of hair covering ellie's face.

you honestly could have. you knew ellie wouldn't have minded, not in the privacy of your dim room. you would have, but it felt wrong if your feelings weren't purely platonic. you couldn't live in denial forever, at least not when it came to your feelings for ellie.

"liar," ellie mumbled, leaning on her arm. the proximity was daunting.

you couldn't do anything but shake your head. you certainly liked to keep a tidy space, not much like ellie, but you didn't mind her stuff around your room one bit.

"huh, that's what i thought," ellie said with a satisfied huff, as if your silence could be taken as agreement.

your brows furrowed instantly. surely she could read your expression.

"quit it," you sighed. "you're making things up. and being difficult," you added.

ellie shook her head, the remnants of her bun bobbing around the back of her neck.

"don't know what to tell you babe," she replied, the sarcasm in her voice prompting an eye roll from you.

"shut up and go to sleep," you complained, picking up your pillow and tossing it over her face.

"ow, what the hell?" ellie whined. she was genuinely making a fuss and you laughed plainly at her. maybe she really hadn't changed that much over the years. at least not when it was just the two of you.

"don't say ow. pillows don't hurt," you said simply. your lack of concern made ellie's jaw drop as she leaned forward and twisted to the side, looking over you as you rested your back against the soft mattress.

ellie was practically looming over you. you stifled a nervous giggle but didn't bother tearing your eyes away from ellie's.

she stared at you for a moment, any hint of a joke on her face quickly leaving. ellie looked like she was going to say something at first, but maybe she had forgotten or changed her mind because she only remained silent as if she were studying you.

the steadiness of her gaze began to make you uncomfortable as nerves swirled around your stomach. ellie's eyes flickered over your face, and you would've done anything to read her mind. was she actually annoyed or was it something else? ellie's lips parted slightly and your breath hitched, guilty once again for the thoughts clouding your mind.

you sat up to break the tension, say a stupid joke maybe, but you moved too quickly and your face was too close to ellie's now. before you had a moment to feel embarrassed, ellie pressed a palm to your chest and promptly shoved you back down. you fell back against the bed with a huff.

the moment of whatever it was was quickly erased as ellie tore her gaze away from you and settled back into her spot.

you didn't speak again and neither did ellie. she simply handed you your pillow and turned on her side, putting her back to you. you remained still for too long, trying desperately to settle your breathing.

you held a heavy hand over your chest, pressing down firmly as you attempted to set your mind straight.

thoughts of just friends, don't fuck up- plagued your mind for only what you could've assumed to be hours on end.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

you left ellie alone in your bed that morning.

you tried not to wonder how it would make her feel as you pulled on your cardigan from the floor and tip toed out of the room.

she must've been exhausted.

the mornings were still cold before the sunshine had a chance to warm up the earth around you, so you walked quickly through the quiet streets of jackson.

there were some people, of course, out and about, but not quite as often as usual considering it was the weekend.

you were lucky.

you were lucky to know ellie and lucky to have ellie. that could be enough. you never wanted to lose her, so you could never do anything that would cause you to lose her. you were lucky, and you would be happy to swallow your feelings and keep a secret as long as it resulted in your friendship always remaining.

your hands balled into fists at your sides, mentally pushing away any stray, worrying thoughts.

"where are you goin' all dressed up this morning?"

you halted at the familiar voice, your cheeks sheepishly growing warm at the teasing. regardless, your smile was genuine.

"to dina's, i think," you replied, turning to meet tommy. you looked down at your pajama pants and top, realizing the cardigan didn't disguise it as much as you had hoped.

tommy had been the first person to ever give you a break. even though you were already a teenager when they brought you into jackson, tommy and joel practically raised you up more than anybody else ever had. with adeline hollis included, they were the closest thing to family you ever had.

"everything alright?" he questioned, frown lines deepening.

"of course, why?" you responded, squinting curiously at the older man.

"oh, nothin'. just, ellie isn't with you is all."

you swallowed hard, swatting at the air to distract from the fact that your smile had tightened. "she's sleeping!" then, for good measure, you changed the subject. "are you getting back from patrol?"

"yes ma'am," tommy replied in a way that drew a laugh out of you.

"you better go get some sleep too then," you warned, and he waved you away.

"go on, get outta here," tommy gruffed, sending you on your way.

your steps were more hurried now and you bounced nervously on your feet when you reached dina's front door.

you figured it was your best bet.

you knocked three times, and you only had to wait a few moments before the door creaked open an inch.

"hey honey, what's the matter?" dina inquired, eyebrows rising in concern as she looked at you.

you noticeably deflated. "what? why does everybody keep asking me that?" you laughed, and it sounded a little too forced. "i'm fine!"

dina scanned your features but visibly relaxed at your words, opening the door wider. "what's up then?"

"i was wondering if- hi jesse," you cut yourself off as his figure appeared in the doorway.

"is everything okay?" he asked, placing a gentle hand on dina's shoulder.

you groaned, causing a look of bewilderment to cross jesse's face.

"she's fine," dina murmured, offering you a small smile.

"i just wanted to ask if you guys wanted to go to the tipsy bison. with me. and ellie, probably." you offered, clasping your hands together in front of you.

"it's pretty early, i don't think seth would even- ow!"

dina cut jesse off with a jab. "when?" she asked, which pleased you very much.

"meet at sunset?" you suggested hopefully, eyes darting between the couple.

you were thrilled when they agreed. of course, they had said, and you left them to enjoy their morning.

on your walk back to your house, you forced yourself to breathe steady. ellie would probably be awake, and that was fine. you were friends, and that was fine. lucky. the best gift you could ask for.

you plastered a smile on your face, swallowing down every negative feeling and emotion.

you were in a good mood. you had to be.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

tags :

@dinoastronaut @skylerwhitwyo @muthafuckingstargirl @minustwofingers @mirrorballels @macaroni676

[bloggingboutburgers]

heyo!! i just wanna say that ive seen a lot of ur aroace positivity lil comic strips recently (well recently bc i joined tumblr literally earlier this year)

im so thankful and happy that out here, across the world, united by this website, there are people who are genuinely welcoming and are proud to not need *romantic* love but still have genuine interactions with ppl without romance

i remember last year worrying that i would not be a 'normal' student if i was not in a romantic relationship, then end up in a relationship when all I really wanted was a platonic bond, then end it a few weeks later and spend months questioning if i was wrong for not wanting a rushed romance, or romance at all

this space, and especially this blog, taught me that being aroace is okay, that it still makes me a person, and that there are ppl out there like me, and it's a part of my development to discover that

in short, thank you <33

Thank YOU for reaching out and for all the positivity!^^

It... Definitely wasn't as easy and aroace-friendly around here or anywhere in the past, and it's still very much an uphill battle, considering how much systemic aphobia there is in a lot of fandom spaces sadly (whether people mean it or not, which in most cases they don't, but... yeah), but it's definitely better than it's ever been, I feel. And I didn't think it'd get to such a good point in my lifetime to begin with, so that's definitely things to be grateful for.^^

Either way, I'm really glad this can be helpful, and I'm glad you're feeling more confident in your identity, because hell yeah it's valid to be aro or ace, or both, and don't you let the systemic aphobia of the world around make you forget it èwé We're here and we're doing OK and it's pretty fucking great!

[egg-emperor]

WHAT DID I FUCKING SAY Y'ALL????

Eggman isn't the overly physically affectionate gushing and throwing arms around people type, it doesn't suit his demeanor and behavior and I'm glad to see that hasn't been suddenly forced with Sage. And that's even aside the way she's still actually not a physical being in the way she's a digital program so he'd surely just phase through her anyway since I'm pretty sure there isn't a solid physical sense of touch actually going on here between them, but again that's besides the point anyway-

This isn't over the top and uncomfortable OOC like in fanon. I like how it's a subtle and small gesture, with him extending his arm with hand out to her but looking away and forward. He's quiet, solemn, and reserved. His demeanor and body language is very important. He takes a breath that seems like a "sigh well, here goes" kind of way then mumbles it, not much, just small words of praise towards her doing the very things he created and praised her for before- doing what he wants her to and serving her purpose as his protector like she protected him in the fight, and calling her his daughter also has the same effect in encouraging her and he knows it, as well as how it's appealing to him for his pride as he said in the memo.

Also wow his bear paws are so fucking big do you see what I'm saying god damn lol I wanna hold them so bad too ahhgufdbkgshj 🥰 Speaking of, this is literally exactly how I imagine such gestures with him in my self sh!pp!ng too and I think anything different would be OOC, this is the way that works in any form I think

It's very important to acknowledge that he's not shy at all, that's the last word to describe him. He has the highest self esteem, self love, and confidence and it's all genuine. It's just that hyper affectionate super warm and mushy gushy-ness, be it through feelings, words, or actions isn't his thing. The most he's ever going to hype someone up close to it is in a performative manipulative way to urge them to continue doing what pleases him, and he forces it in some cases more than others, you get varying degrees.

But I like how it's on the more subtle side here a lot because it's even more telling of his true character. When he's acting like this it aligns with that reasoning again but with a new look at his style of showing it in a physical subtle manner, with his behavior being similar to the scene where she saved him in Cyber Space and said he was proud of her for it- only it was only through words then. We've now seen how he can show this verbally and physically and I like it a lot, it's the only way this can work and they did it. This is the best outcome.

Let me elaborate further; I truly believe that he doesn't know how to feel the typical conventional idea of "love" for anyone but himself because he is the biggest egotist and narcissist in all of existence and is extremely selfish and y'all seem to be forgetting what that entails for his behavior and personality feelings, and mindset with his self absorption and low empathy. There are no sudden exceptions to this, Sage is literally just another perfect example of it, nothing has changed with him.

The only way he can value anyone that isn't himself is in what they can do for him, what's in it for him is always his mindset, so it's the same thing of self praising, self serving, and self-centered, just being served through another person appealing to that through serving him, agreeing with his outlook, and having a willingness to serve and good use to him. And guess what? That's still the exact reasoning behind it with Sage. This is known and true in the prequel comic, memos, and Flynn's words and hasn't changed.

And why wouldn't he be pleased with her for this and praise her for it when it goes along the exact lines of that?

It's in character because Sage is the one giving some thing to him, protecting him, serving him, and showing loyalty, support, and respect for his desires. She does exactly what he wants as she's created for and is genuinely willing and enthusiastic about it unlike a lot of other creations of his. Eggman still hasn't done shit for Sage except praise her when she does what he wants but then becomes grumpy and snaps at her every time she does something he doesn't.

In fact he does it again in this scene too where he's seemingly really jealous and pissed when he notices her looking at Super Sonic with admiration lol

It's selfish on Eggman's side and selfless on Sage's side, so it works.

That's why I still wouldn't put the word "love" to Eggman's side of the dynamic because I feel it has connotations that don't accurately define his feelings. Though you could at least say he "loves" and "cares" for her "in his… own way" as Sonic put it, because there's actually selfish and unsettling reasons behind it as Flynn himself put it too. But it's not hyper affectionate, unconditional, or genuinely selfless like people are acting like it is. And it's so much more interesting that way and fun to analyze.

Eggman commending Sage for her work and for serving her purpose makes sense and is in character. It's nothing different to the reasons I said the standard base game ending was. The only difference is a hand hold presented in the best way. He finally has a creation genuinely enthusiastic and willing to serve him and being her creator and father gives him a lot of pride for being the one to create her and make her that way and his success and pride in doing so with the ways she benefits him and values his selfish desires are what his value is factually rooted in in the game.

So overall yeah, I really like how Eggman and Sage and their dynamic were handled in this update. They'll probably be a lot more in depth thoughts to come because I'm short on time right now, this is a mini essay in itself but l have tons more like always lol. But for now, since nobody seems to understand my take on their dynamic despite me just relaying what the game itself showed and repeating what Ian Flynn says, let me just remind you of my actual summarized take on how I see it is and how I cleared up misconceptions people have about my take on it here.

And everything we saw in this update aligns with and doesn't contradict any of what I've perceived and analyzed and discussed throughout my Sonic Frontiers tag on my blog! Very pleased. 👏

[twistedchristianscience]

forgot to post about him here BUT I finished my silly little Vashraptor fursuit just before Emerald City Comic Con (and Vancoufur)

except he's not actually "finished", just finished enough for me to wear him to those cons for a bit. he still needs a few more details, namely feetpaws, the stitches on his torso, a more raptor-like hand for his prosthetic, and claws. plus I'm not totally happy with his ears so I might redo them. I'll make legs and different prosthetics eventually, but that probably won't be for a while.

as per usual of raptors, he looks pretty silly at any angle other than side profiles, so its a little difficult to get good photos while im actually wearing him.

more ramblings + WIP shots under the cut because this was the most complicated project ive ever done and im insane

so far, he's taken about $700 worth of materials and 150 hours but I'll make another post with updated numbers when he's fully finished.

the headbase is made of EVA foam, with a hinge from WeaselsOnEasels (covered with that pink fabric because I accidentally put it on the inside, rip) and 40 teeth from DreamVisionCreations. the eyes and antorbital fenestrae have .5mm computer fan pvc mesh-- his vision and ventilation are fantastic, rivaling my suit with a 3d printed base, but fine details like writing and text are lost as per usual with vision meshes (that's not normally much of a problem for me with the furry conventions I go to annually and know the layout of, but it made navigating ECCC a nightmare since ive never been before and the venue is HUGE. I imagine ill have the same struggles if I go to sakuracon-- anyone wanna be my handler for that? lol). the unfurred section is coated with Plastidip and spraypainted dark brown. most of his mane is zippered on both sides so I can remove it and make interchangable versions (I plan to make spiked-up hair in yellow, half yellow/black, and fully black) while the tip of it is magnetic so it lies flat against the base. his tongue is also magnetic. I was originally going to make magnetic eyelids, but in all honesty, I might prefer to make them velcro as they tend to be easier to adjust + more secure than magnetic ones.

the part I hated making the most was his tail, not because it's bad, but because when I was almost done with it my dog got to it and chewed it apart.

you can see there's an awkward little bump along the top near where the light yellow and black fur connect-- when im wearing the tail that bump makes it look broken. but since he's so mangled anyway it can just be considered part of his design since I didn't add any scars to it

the tail feathers were a bit of a nightmare to make but the progress shots are cool

the part I loved making the most, and that im most proud of, is the bodysuit. I thought the scars were going to be a nightmare to sew, but they were actually the most fun and I love how they turned out!! he will be getting an interchangable mane down his back as well but I didn't have the time to finish it. I might also extend the shoulders a little for a better fit, particularly the left as theres a noticeable gap between the suit and the prosthetic as it is.

I showed this video of the pattern to a friend at When Furballs Strike a few weeks back and she told me I was insane. she is correct, and I'm fairly sure me actually finishing the bodysuit in a week only proves it further. but I did it anyway, and I had fun doing it.

Fur used: Yellow (Hair/Mane, Tail Feathers): HowlFabric Buttercup Luxury Shag Light Yellow (Main Body/Face): MofuMofu Mi Yellow Long Fur White (Neck, Top Surgery Scars, Tail): BigZFabric White Short Shag Brown (Ears, Tail Feathers): HowlFabric Fossil Grey Luxury Teddy Black (Arm, Tail): HowlFabric Natural Black Luxury Teddy Scars: HowlFabric Salmon Minky Tongue: HowlFabric Banana Minky Inner Mouth: HowlFabric Vanilla Minky Inner Ears: BigZFabric White Minky

note about the mofumofu fur: it's pretty thin, if you trim too much you can see the backing through it. HOWEVER. this proved to be a positive for the bodysuit, as it's MUCH more breathable than thicker furs like howl's and bigz's. (for the one day I could make it to ECCC and two days of Vancoufur, I wore this suit for 10-12 hours straight with a sweatshirt underneath and never felt like I was overheating, the minky scars most likely helped with it but STILL??) it also doesn't get as matted. whether or not it's worth the $55/yd price depends on what you need it for, if it's within your price range and you're particularly sensitive to heat, I'd say go for it. I only needed a yard for this as I'm kindof a little guy (5'5", 120lbs) so it was worth it for me.

[pico-digital-studios]

Into, Across and Beyond! Scripting: Let's do this one last time.

One More Hero

OMT!Sonic (represented by a PC game box)

(Find his here.)

Detective Ghost / Kaede Titan (represented by a comic cover)

"Okey-doke! Let's do this one last time. My name is Kaede Titan. I gained my own ability to go at super-speed, and for a couple of years, I've been the one and only Detective Ghost! Sure some of you out there might know the rest. I've foiled Razereye's schemes, fell in love with Luna, adopted Max into my family, and then I saved the island from crooks time and time again!

Compared to Sonic, I got a whole secret identity thing going on, and though it's tough, I can say with confidence that I've loved helping save the day. And no matter how many times I get hit, I always find my way to keep on moving. Because right now (before OMT!Tails helped her out), the only thing standing between South Island and oblivion... is me.

There's only one Detective Ghost out there. And you're lookin' at her!"

CR!Sonic (represented by a comic cover)

"Alright, people, let's do this one last time. My name is Sonic Maurice Hedgehog. I was transformed by one of Robotnik's machines, and for the last seven years, I thought I was the one and only hero of Mobius. What a day, huh? I'm pretty sure you know the rest.

I saved Mobius, fell in love with Sal, saved Mobius some more, maybe too much, beat the heck out of Exegod and Corrupt, and blah blah blah, saved Mobius again... and again... and again. Fast forward! One of Robuttnik's robots flew at my face and broke my back, my relationships got testy, made some dicey money choices - Don't invest in a Sonic-themed restaurant, by the way. - then, like, 2 more years passed, yada yada yada.

A freaking drone flew at my face, I hurt my back again, entities that want to kill this stupid lemon idiot came around, I buried Uncle Chuck, who passed from old age, I realized I'm reaching adulthood, Sally and I... split up. But I handled it like a champion! (cut to him crying in a shower) 'Cause you know what? No matter how many times I get hit, I always keep on moving without regrets. I also got a lot of time to reflect and work on myself.

Did you know that seahorses mate for life? Could you imagine a seahorse seeing another seahorse and making it work? She wanted a family and kids, and for us both to rule over Mobius... and it scared me. I'm pretty sure I broke her heart. [...] Flash forward, I'm doing my part, doing ab crunches, getting "strong"... when this weird thing happened.

I gotta say, weird things happen to me a lot, given I live in a crossover multiverse and stuff, but this one was especially weird. [...] You see, I was still in Mobius, but... a lot of things were different. I was this... embodiment of hope the island looked up to. Also, I was dead... and young. It felt... nostalgic. It was like going back in time! I got a feeling that, whatever brought me here, it must've been the thing that got him killed.

Wanna know what happened next? [...] Yeah, me too."

Nine (represented by a DVD case)

"*sigh* Alright, then. Let's get it out of the way, one last time, if you will. My name is Nine. In my youth, I engineered seven mechanical tails to defend myself with, and for a couple of years at this point, I've been looking out for myself in this hellscape known only as New Yolk. Kinda sure a few of you will know the rest. [...] I met Sonic, beelined with a Paradox Prism shard, discovered the Grim, and even helped Sonic keep those shards out of the greedy hands of the Chaos Council.

That said, the more recent endeavours are ones I'm not proud of. Turns out, holding a whole Prism in your hands to terraform a Shatterspace is the worst idea I could think of, and it almost killed everyone around me. I... got what I deserved in those days...

[...] After Sonic and Shadow left for good, I ditched my mechanical namesakes and just... gave up. Left the Grim behind, and spent a long time in my workshop just passing the days.

Thankfully, it wasn't all doom and gloom for me. A young rabbit girl, whose name was... Crème Brûlée, I think? She often came down to check up on me, and always let me know how the city was recovering after we sent the Chaos Council's sorry butts into the Shatterverse's depths.

And then one day, something pretty crazy happened. I know I've seen crazy things before, but the fact an entirely different Sonic wound up here confirmed my theory that there were MANY worlds beyond the Shatterverse. [...]

It also had me thinking; with all the times life has knocked me down, even when I've been thrown curveballs, is it really an easy feat to just get back up again? Well, with what's coming next and a chance to look into the further multiverse, not really much point in pondering so much."

OMT!Mina (represented by a SEGA Saturn disc)

"Alright, people. Let's start from the beginning one last time. My name is Mina Mongoose. I gained super-speed in my own fashion, and for a couple of years, I've been the leading star hero of my universe. You guys know the rest. I led a band, saved my buddies... I couldn't save my best friends, Sonic and Tails, so now I save everyone else. And I barely do friends anymore, just to keep distractions to a minimum.

And one day, this weird thing happened. And I mean, like, really weird. When I was leaving my dimension with another Sonic, I ended up getting blown into last week by something. Literally! I landed in Central City, which wasn't my Station Square. [...] My instincts told me to head to Bumper High School, and well, the rest is history with that one! I didn't know why I needed to until I met you."

Mini Sonic (represented by a Nokia phone)

"Okay, let's do it one last time, and cut to the chase. I'm Sonic the Hedgehog! Well, arguably smaller than one would expect, of course, but I'm still the hero of my land. Pretty sure you know the rest by now. Freed my animal friends from robots, and fought my Robotnik a couple of dozen times by that point.

In my universe, it's constantly 1992 tops, and I'm pretty quick to leap into action! I like to chow on chilli dogs, and I like fighting robots. A lot. [...] Well, I mean, I have fallen victim to getting knocked out every 10 minutes or so at West Side Island, even when I've already gotten past an area.

Okay, so something weird happened earlier today. How I got here? It's a long story. (cut to a shot of Mini Sonic flying out a portal and being bounced around Balloon Park) Er, okay, maybe not that long, then. But yeah, no matter how many times I get knocked about, I can definitely keep moving each time!"

Mr. Needlemouse (represented by a VHS tape)

(Will come a little later.)

EX!Alice (represented by a SEGA CD/EX disc)

"Okay, then. Let's do this one last time. My name's Alice, and I'm a survivor of the twisted crystalline demon known only as Xenophanes. I don't know if you know the rest, so I'll sum it up for you; I used to work under him, but eventually defected and left for a quiet, isolated life away. I never told my family where I was, but at least it spared them the heartache when he and his new assistant, Caffrin, claimed me and took me into his world, sealing me in a vessel akin to Amy Rose.

But I was soon tired of being a punching bag to them, and so I decided to act. I patched myself up and fought valiantly, but lost. And I lost again. And again and again, and again. However, things changed when Veronica, Caffrin's big sister, wound up in that world solely by choice. And together, we actually made a difference. Caff defected in the end and helped us kill Xeno, but... it cost her her life in the end.

I stayed behind to pick up the pieces that the monster left behind, even after the other souls moved on. It got me dabbling in tech maintenance, and I eventually was able to integrate some of the leftover dark matter into "Sonic 3 - Zone 6: Round 3", or "E4-R6:3", for short. It essentially gave me a psychic link with that modified Big Arms mech, saving me some effort in pulling levers and pushing buttons.

Just today, something weird happened. Yes, the same weird thing that everyone else here ended up in, so it's not really a long story. Good thing I was piloting E4 at the time, so I didn't suffer any injuries on my way here. I was able to figure where I needed to get to from there, and the rest is history."

More than One Universe

Antho (represented by a comic cover)

"Alright, let’s back it up from here. My name is Anthony Miller the Hedgehog, or just "Antho", for short, and for the past year or so, I and a group of friends have become the new heroes of my Mobius. But it wasn’t always like that you see.

You see, I was just your average normal nerdy hedgehog until something with a super collider changed my appearance and gave me some knowledge of a multiverse or something. Oh, and I’m pretty sure there was a T-Rex-. Oh no, wait! That was added to the script to make it more dramatic.

Anyways, aside from that. It was also the day we lost our Sonic… and I saw it with my own eyes… thanks to that monster, Mammoth Mogul. Ever since then, the Dark Ages happened, and I was never the same again. But not until I stood up and took vengeance against Mogul himself and since then, I’ve restored the faith of Mobius, met new friends and allies, some of which I can now consider family, and am now living in our beloved hero’s legacy.

But despite that, it's still kinda hard work, and I sometimes feel like I can’t live up to Sonic’s standards and how he was the saviour of us all. But deep down, I know he's proud of me, and having my friends, family and the main cast by my side has helped.

I can’t be the next Sonic, even if some otherworldly hedgehog says otherwise. But this is my world and my rules. And I’m doing my own thing, whether you like it or not."

Nitro (represented by a comic cover)

"Well, you probably know the drill by this point, so let's do it one last time. Or... is it the SECOND last time? Eh, never mind. My name is Christopher Smith, and for a couple of years, I've been the one and only... Nitro the Hedgehog. I doubt you know the rest, so I'll sum it up; I fled from my old home into Mobius, helped in the war against Eggman, and even saved the multiverse from possible destruction at the hands of Toxinfect. [...]

That said, with all the times I've been knocked down, I haven't always been able to keep on moving. In an older timeline I came from, I suffered from long-term depression that I hid from everyone. At least, until a mini "Smol" version of myself revealed it, by which point I got some much-needed therapy. [...] But of course, there have been positives. I saved a newer friend from the clutches of a corrupt corporate boss, met amazing friends across the multiverse, and even got girlfriends out of my Amy and Mina. [...]

Just today, of course, something weird happened. A portal opened under my feet, and I had to go to the hospital for a bit after some creatures gnawed at my legs. We waited a little bit, and then we saw that portal open into OMT!Tails's house. Wanna see what comes next now? Same! But before we do..."

CU!Sonic and CU!Sonia (represented by a comic cover)

CU!Sonic: ...It's time for us to do this-

CU!Sonia: -one last time!

CU!Sonic: Heh, knew you'd get the drill, mini-blue! So anyway, I'm Sonic, and this is my little daughter, Sonia. For a while, I've been the hero of my world. Pretty sure you know the rest! I got together with Amy, we had Sonia, and I've continued saving the world countless times. We did get into some tough love at times, but we always sorted it out!

CU!Sonia: Ah, erm... You gonna mention what happened with... mom?

CU!Sonic: Oh, er... I'm... not really sure if I can muster up the courage myself...

CU!Sonia: Come to think of it, I don't really remember what happened, but... she's no longer with us. Ever since, dad's been raising me on his own.

CU!Sonic: Right. Sonia's really the only family I have left, so while looking after her (and a mix of her keeping me right, of course), I've also been helping keep my home safe from criminal organisations trying to take advantage of things. [...] One day, however, something weird happened.

CU!Sonia: We saw a portal just open up in front of us during our walk, and we met other friends on the other side!

CU!Sonic: Sure you wanna know what happens next as much as me, so let's cut it here.

D-Sides Mighty (represented by a SEGA Genesis box art)

"Well, let's get this out of the way once more, and I doubt it'll be the last time. So my name's Mighty the Armadillo. As you can see, I'm not red, but purple. I've been generally going my own route in life, but I'm pretty sure you know the basic gist of it; I've helped defend the world from Maria Robotnik, who IS still living in my universe, before you ask, spent plenty of time with my little bro, Ray, and aspired to do things off-the-script.

Of course, you know about those "EXE" things or whatever you call 'em, right? Well, there's a few of them that take my shape instead of that of Claws, for whatever reason. Shows how inconsistent my whole multiverse is, huh? So, fast-forward a bit, I met a sweet kid named Hefty, he fell in love with my version of Honey... Kinda similar to how EV had it on his end. But even with the script loose and literally no sense of "canon", I always find a way to keep on moving, no matter what tries to knock me down. Even with that... MightMurderer entity.

Trust me, I felt that cosmic tremor as much as anybody else did, and me and my crew felt it warranted some investigation. Claws and Tails picked to hang behind just in case anything broke into our universe, while me, Ray, Honey and Hefty came here to figure out just what was going on. Guess we found the answer quicker than I expected, huh?"

Black Knight Amy (represented by the Sonic & The Black Knight cover art)

More than One Universe Intro

"Well, you know the drill. Let's get this explained, one last time. I'm Amy, Amy Rose! I'm sure you know a lot about me; my love for Sonic, my enjoyment in tarot card reading, and my Piko-Piko Hammer packs a punch against Eggman's tricks. Though, one day, things went pretty crazy for me.

I was dragged into the kingdom of Camelot by a spell Merlina cast, and I gained these amazing amulets that allow me to control water. Using them, I was able to calm the Knights of the Round Table and halt King Arthur in his tracks. However, the sword Merlina was with, Caliburn, revolted immediately after, citing that all mistakes are to be vanquished from the "perfect world" he envisioned. It took us both to stop him, and I showed that everybody is flawed, but mistakes make us who we are in the end.

After that, I was allowed to use the amulets outside of Camelot, and Merlina kept the gateway between those worlds open so I can visit anytime I want! I also started crushing on Honey a lot more, hehe. Well, as for how I got here, I felt the big tremor shaking the area and knew it warranted me to check it out. When I came through that portal, that's when I came across a version of Sonic who looked like he was on drugs, and... yeah!"

Into the Sonic-verse Expanded Explanation

"You know, I've found things pretty easy going to begin with! I even got a daily routine going. I wake up, skip workouts since I'm already naturally strong and I don't want to get any muscles, you know? I don't need to do anything with my wondrous hair...

OMT!Tails: You don't use any product on it?

BK!Amy: I only really need strawberry shampoo and a dash of coconut oil to keep it fresh, hehe!

So anyway, I also read my tarot cards daily to plan out my luck, fight some of Eggy's goons, bring fruit for the local Chao Garden in Station Square... The usual stuff! And I even have a quick break for a cup of chai with Yasmine and Samia in Shamar!

OMT!Tails: Chai tea, huh?

(record scratch)

BK!Amy: Tails! "Chai" means "tea"! It's like you're saying "tea tea"! Would I ask you for a "coffee coffee" with a side of "cream cream"? O-Oh! Sorry, heh. Got a little carried away there.

OMT!Tails: Yeah, sorry about that.

Well, I've started hanging out more with Honey as well. She's a really amazing fashion designer, and she's quite strong to boot! And while helping out Sonic, I also help keep good old Camelot safe from harm! Quick tour for you guys; Misty Lake, Camelot Castle, the Deep Woods, Titanic Plain, the Crystal Caves and Molten Mine, Faraway Avalon, Knight's Passage, Shrouded Forest, Great Megalith, the Cauldron, and the Dragon's Lair! Phew, that sure was a lot, huh?"

Ex-Prince Brian (represented by a SEGA Genesis cartridge)

(Will come a little later.)

Hog (represented by the GIGA console)

"Okay, then. I'm getting this off my chest one last time. I'm a bootleg, yes, but I still got my own super-speed on the table! And for a while, I've been the one and only... Hog the Tenrec! Pretty sure you know the rest; met some cool buddies, defeated ol' Dr. Yolkman dozens of times, and showed my rival Fists who's boss.

Well, that was until... HE struck. I lost control of my body, and this hedgehog who accused me and my friends of "replacing" his world laid torment upon my home, until I broke free. Needless to say, I was furious and itchin' to get back at him. Though, it all came at the cost of my world. I shouldn't've survived that, but I got warped out to CrossRealm Sonic's world before I perished.

It took me some time to recover, but I'm still ready to help protect a world no matter what. Because, no matter how many times I'm knocked down, for the sake of my fallen friends, I'll keep on movin'! I got here with Sonic after we felt that soft tremor and some portals popped up at one spot. So, yeah! That pretty much sums it up for me."

Wacky (represented by a special disc of her own)

"Well, let's do this one last time! I'm Wacky the Erizo, a bootleg just like Hog, and I got my own world to boot. I'm kinda sure you know the rest; I saved my world from Dr. Sunnyside, fell in love with Starburst, saved the land a few more times, blah blah blah. You know how it is. I also got sucked into a new land, and met this creepy broken being that called itself "Bizarro".

They tried to possess me, but as long as I kept my eyes shut, they couldn't take full control of me. I really didn't like them. But other than that, you really expect me to take things seriously all the time? I barely take anything seriously. I still remain curious about that big screen in my world's sky, though. Why is someone new always appearing on it...?

Though, I felt that tremor as much as I imagine anyone else did, and it happened to knock Bizarro right out of me. They faded away soon after. After that, while I was glad I was still in full control for good, I knew something needed to be done about whatever the heck happened.

So, Zanie provided me a way between worlds, using that same tech Dr. Sunnyside used to knock us into next week, quite literally in this case. I've seen crazy things, but nothing could be crazier than trying to get a black and red ghost under control just now."

Devy (represented by a comic strip)

(Will come a little later.)

EV!Sonic (represented by a comic strip)

"Yeah, they figured out the reality, so I'm just gonna do this one last time. My name is Maurice. I gained super-speed in my own fashion, and for some time, I've been the one and only... Sonic the Hedgehog! ...of my universe, I mean. Pretty sure you know the rest.

I overcame depression from fans' harsh criticism on my games, beat Phantom Ruby cases THREE times, fell in love with Nova, and saved my world and surrounding universe countless times. Same here as it was in the old timeline. "Old timeline?", I hear you ask?

Well, in that old timeline, I stepped down and passed on the mantle of protecting Mobius to Nitro, who I trained quite well. Though, I lost a close friend there, and we had to put up with a heartless company replacing people with clones of themselves.

Then a whole bright light consumed everything and the entire universe underwent a full-blown reset, if you will. Brian's all safe and sound, the Puhoi Curse is now non-existent, Clover's been enjoying life on the surface again with Frisk and Chara and the other ex-fallen humans, and ol' Eggy's been split between his old self and Mr. Tinker. To be honest, I like Tinker a lot more.

EV!Eggman (in the background): I HEARD THAT! ...Wait, what did you say about timelines?

EV!Sonic: Eh, just ignore him.

So anyway, sometime after Eggman Prime got all these supervillains together in one place to try and kill my original self, Sonic Prime, I met Tekno the Canary with my friends, and the two of us started our elite strike force dedicated to protecting the multiverse. It started with eight of us, and by this point, it's pretty much in the hundreds! And better still, I'm still available to actively keep my world safe from harm.

Me and Nitro already knew what was coming when those portals showed up, and that brings us to this point. Wanna know how it continues? Me too!"

OMT!Tails (represented by his own PC game box)

(Find his here.)

Across All Worlds

"Alright, then. Let's do this one last time. This time, I mean it! My name is Miles Prower. One day, my twin tail became my blessing, Sonic saved me from some bullies, and for the last 33 years, I've been the one and only... Tails! Of my universe, of course. And things have been pretty awesome since I strung out on my own a year and 9 months ago. Catching all sorts of bad guys...

I refurbished my nanomachine suit, with a metal sheen to blend in with robots. Kaede and her siblings moved over to Emerald Town, Dr. Robotnik got graduated as a professor at Balloon Park University, I guest-hosted Speed-Three, endorsed in motion sickness prevention classes, developing a new twist on my electric hand thing...

How much longer can I keep things under a steady hold? I mean, would every world get it if I shared my stories? Eh, maybe in another timeline. Sometimes, I just wish me and Detective Ghost weren't the only ones doing this gig. But I haven't been dwelling too much on it. (cut to him doing child-like sketches of the Blur Gang, a LOT of which are of Mina)

I do miss Sonic and Sally a lot, though. Even with everything that went down with them, I try to do what Sally told me... "Enjoy the future for her". But at the end of the day, I am the hero of Mobius. And nobody can take that away from me!"

Many More Heroes (as a taunt to LM!Sonic)

"My name is Miles "Tails" Prower... [...] I inherited my best friend's mantle because he wanted me to. [...] I'm pretty sure you know the rest, jerk!"

Funkinverse Crossover

Benjamin Miku (Boyfriend of Earth-111723)

"Alright! Let's do this one last time! ...again. My name is Benjamin Miku. I dropped out of high-school, got a snazzy microphone, and for the last 2 years, I've been my universe's one and only... Boyfriend! I'm pretty sure you know the rest. I sang with some people, fell in love with Grace Dearest, fought off the Corruption, befriended the other Dearests... you know the drill! And, uh... I did this. (footage of "Really Happy") Yeah, we don't really talk about this.

Of course, one day, a year after my musical career kickstarted, the gateway to our wider universe opened. One minute, I remember being 17 with Grace, then the next, us and our siblings got younger. I remember me being 13 as part of some "age-halt" last I checked. Though it got me more involved in action and helped me achieve new feats, like becoming the hero I know my world needs and deserves.

And through it all, even with the bumps in the road, I've really enjoyed my career as a fellow successor to my big sister, and being the "Boyfriend" as a whole! And to me, being a kind and selfless soul is what I feel should encapsulate any Boyfriend out there. Music is something that's all around us, everywhere in the whole world. And if we share it with each other in harmony, it really brings us all together.

I may not be the exact same Boyfriend my world intended on, but if anyone needs my help, I'll be ready to do my job! And if you expect me to abide by supposed fate? Nah. I'll be doing things my way, whether you like it or not. In my eyes, anyone can wield the microphone if they wish to, and I'm sure as heck not the only one out there by far. I'm the hero of my own story, and nothing can take that from me!"

Across All Worlds

Scourge (represented by one of his own comic covers)

(Inspired by this)

"HEY! Sit down, shut up, and lemme cut this short! The name's Scourge, and yeah, you can say me an' the multiverse ain't exactly 'friends', per se. The runts of the litter around my planet like calling me "Evil Sonic". "Anti-Sonic". Pft! Can't imagine why. With my speed, and a leg up on the royal ladder, I took over my entire planet! Took down any pretty punk who dared disobeying me, and made anarchy my one way or the highway!

And to think, through all that... I was still a nobody! A cheap knock-off of the real Sonics across time and space! A dull flash in a pan of big blue wimps. I needed a change, and a total... royal... makeover! [...] A quick trip to my blue alternate's goody-goody dimension, a magic power boost and a little setback later... Ooh, yeah! I was a frickin' beast!

And when the Sonic connected to me tried steppin' up to my plate? Super Scourge showed 'im a thing or two! ...Didn't last very long, though. Got me thrown into f*ckin' multiverse prison! But with my gang of crooks bustin' me out and lickin' the Zone Cops off my tail, we were stakin' on BIG plans for the Sonic of my line and his pigs! The key word almost being, er... "were".

This alternate Eggman once hired me to trash this Sonic Prime fella, though that didn't work out as we hoped. But when this creepy Doc Finitevus guy proposed a plan for us to conquer the whole multiverse without an Eggman? Hell yeah I was on-board! Look out, however many Sonics plan to come for us, and get ready to hail to the king, baby!"

Many More Heroes

LM!Sonic (during the prologue) (represented by a picture of his fic of origin's artwork on a printed picture)

"I am Sonic the Hedgehog from Dimension SS-2001. I am part of an elite strike force dedicated to the protection of the multiverse-."

OMT!Mina: Actually, forget it.

LEGO Sonic (based on this) (represented by his LEGO Dimensions pack)

"Alright, let's do this one last time! ...again. My name is Sonic. I gained super-speed from being brick-built, and I became the one and only-! (numerous LEGO Sonic figures, including the bootleg ones, appear around him) Okay, scratch that.

After acquiring a keystone device from Baldy McNosehair, I helped heroes across my multiverse take down Joker, Green Goblin, the Cybermen, Lord Business, GLaDOS, the Wicked Witch of the West... You know, the big ones! I even teamed up with some bad guys to take down Lord Vortech that one time! Although... we don't really talk about that. And I even saved the original LEGO HQ from Eggy when he took the place over!

Anyways, that's just me. What about you?"

(cut to show he was talking to an unamused Crimtake)

Pana Der Hejhog (represented by a SEGA Genesis cartridge)

"Aight. My name is Pana. Pana Der Hejhog. I gained my-. Eh, wouldn't you like to know? And for the past 13 years, I've been the one and only... Look, didn't I state my name to you already? C'mon outta it!

That's when I'm not running around Mystic Island, keeping forced winter at bay, chasing off my Robotnik, chilling out in the sunshine, practicing music with Mina or having a laugh at Gust Planet's bar. I'm no role model, but I was briefly a runway model.

I dislike political fronts, I hate slimy companies, and I'm especially not into labels. I don't call myself a hero despite the good deeds I do, because the absolute jerks in society who claim they're in the right are self-mythologizing narcissistic fools!"

[tabieeee]

30 Day Fandom Challenge

4. If you make fan content, what's your favourite thing that you've created?

Oh man, I love a lot of my art. Um.

...I swear I tried to pick only a few.

Let's divide them into a few categories instead:

First Arts

These I adore because they were the first I made and they hold a special place in my heart, even if they're a lil sloppy :)

First digital fanart of TCam (and Optical) - I loved studying TCam's design Optical's design doodle - Literally zoned out and somehow ended up with an OC. Lead to me doing a lot more fanart <3 Fan of speakermen comic - First comic! I had a ton of fun with it. This one surprised me the most with the amount of attention it got despite it being a really really sloppy doodle-comic ;pp

Really enjoyable good or funny art

Art that I like looking at or sharing again and again! (Almost all art that includes TCam counts here but I didn't wanna link literally everything lmfao)

Titan Speakerman holding lots of speakermen - It's so cute, I love it. It's very soft and nice and orang :))

Optical goes BONK - Goofy OC thing I adore, I still love the joke of Optical smacking into TCam constantly

Proud!

Art that I am really proud of or where I think I exceeded my skills.

Chief Engineer Trio - I love how they turned out here and I love that I got all three in. Goofballs <3

Tarot card Chief Engineers - This turned out so pretty by accident I adore it. They look so cool!

Optical getting TCam pats - THESE HANDS ARE SO GOOD. I loved making this drawing and I'm so surprised at how well it looks

Great awesome proud yes good arts!

Same shit as the two categories above but more. I love these ones so much and I'm very proud of them!

Chief Engi Trio in GMod - I made these models in GMod! I never did that before and I played that game when I was like 12! (2010s) I'm amazed by what I learned to do in GMod :D

Optical and TCam antenna wiggles - ANIMATION!!!! I did an animation! It's so good how did I draw it?! It's hella adorable and I love looking at it <3

Optical getting the TINIEST pats - ANIMATION AGAIN BUT MORE!!!! Dude making animated gifs is so cool and I love this one so much. The lil squish! The bounce! I love it <3

Holy shit how did I make this

This one gets its own category because I still have no idea how I managed to make an EIGHT-PAGE COMIC in about a week-ish.

Eight-page comic on how Larges & Titans are made - This is the first "large" comic I've ever made and I LOVE it.

I love the idea, I love how I executed it, I love that it shows off Optical's personality, I love that people seem to really like and vibe with this idea! I'm very touched that people accept this as their canon.

When I first shared it, I got to watch people discuss it! It was so cool to see people talk about what I was trying to show/explore in the comic! That's the best shit ever! and something I really thrive to do as an artist! Share the creativity, inspire and spark conversation!! <3

.....Well that was a lot of words.

If you read it all, THAMKU 👍

[chaussur-blog]

Fuck you! (English translation)

So this is a comic that i made during the summer 21 (and thought out during the year before). So it's a lil old but i'm still very proud of it! I made it with watercolors, on paper of about 17cm x 17 cm.

The original is in French so if you understand it, you can find it: here.

There's the transcription of the text at the bottom of each page in case my handwriting is a lil hard to understand (original is paper, it was made more to be read like that)

Anyhow, enjoy!

Right that moment, i felt like dying

This meant, that some things had to change

Name change : Elliott

Delete these 28 contacts? yes / no

Reorientation : sociology - economy

Hi. I am non-binary. If you can’t respect that, please go to hell xoxo. Some people, 98 [redacted]

That’s why I am here !

University ♡

red hair / unconditional love for crop tops / emo 4 ever / uncertain gender expression / new in town / side-cut

Well. This year will at least be interesting

This precise second, my world exploded

I saw \*this girl - person\*

hair!! / nice smile / hypnotizing eyes / heck of a style/ real cool piercings

… and huge gay vibes

I needed a way, a pretext to talk to them, quickly

Fortunately, the universe wasn’t relying on my subtle flirting skills (& it’s fair)

Hi, do you know where the classroom is ? For orientation

I know where that is! I’ll show you. By the way, I’m Antoine.

Nice to meet you! I’m Elliott!

Little by little, we became pretty close

Coming!

A little too close

Fuck no

of course i wanna have sex with them but i really fucked up i want to have a romantic relationship with them too and this is not what they’re gonna think fuck

of course ; but not like that

solution 1 : talk about it (that’s the right one) / solution 2 : flee

yes ; i’m an asshole

What the hell?

Hi! I can’t be your sexfriend! Sorry (yesterday was fun tho)

Jerk.

Nothing matters anymore!

I am stupid

2 missed calls

Living in a world so cold, wasting away / Living in a shell with no soul, since you’ve gone away / Living in a world so cold, counting the days / Since you’ve gone away from me

Those were bad times.

Do not sit

I found shelter in books

and I, in a whole lot of things

Lectures were really awkward

But I wanted to explain.

Elliott!

Why are you talking to me?

I’m sorry. Can we talk ?

No, not really.

I really / screwed up.

Now is high time for my best coping mechanism

Hi! I’m Alice / I’m Leo! What do you do? / I study sociology and economy. / Could you explain inflation to me? Where do the money disappear to? / Let’s dance instead.

Sure!

Using strangers / Destroying myself

Bottoms-up

Elliott… / I haven’t seen you around, I’m worried about you

Talk to me.

Please let me give you my notes

Hi.

I'm sorry you have to see that, / Antoine

Okay. So you’re obviously feeling too bad for me to help you. But I’ll support you.

Everything will be alright. / There are several steps.

But firstly, do you see your current situation as a problem? / …Yes. / Are you ready,

To try to improve it? / Yes. / You’re sure? / Yes. I’m sick of living like this.

Neat! That was step 1

Thanks, Antoine

Step 2 is to clean your flat and keep it tidy enough

doing the dishes is better than piling them in your bathtub / air is great / changing your sheets, too / getting rid of the harmful stuff

Step 3: restructuring your days and getting rid of your bad habits

Every day: / hydrate eat (3 times) / go out at least once / rest, sleep / go to class & study

Every week: / plan meals / laundry / grocery shopping / do sport

uninstall Webtoons, Twitter and Instagram. / sober of self-harm (2 days) / quit alcohol and smoking / do sport / study, but not too much / journal

But Antoine was very clear: / We’re friends. We’ll see if we can be more when you get better.

There was one step left, last but not least: going to therapy

It took me time and energy. But it was worth it.

Thank you. / No problem, Elliott

Of course, I had some trouble

But Antoine helped me each time I asked him.

Sorry / Progress isn’t linear

That’s rich, prick

I feel much better, so I’m going to ask Antoine out. Well, that’s the plan

stressed out / black dye / attempt at a fancy outfit

Knock knock

Oh hi Elliott ! Looking very smart today!

Er…

Hi… Last time, we did not communicate very well. So I’d like to ask you properly, would you go on a date (with me)?

Of course, Eliott. / Glad to know that you are still interested.

and this date,

was the first of many,

and many other rendez-vous.

Thanks, the universe

***

If you're here i would really love for you to tell me that you read it / what you thought about it so please don't hesitate to! I hearing about it 🥰

And also you can find some more drawings of them on my Instagram: here.

But yeah, thank you, i send you much love, take care of yourself :)

[hypnag0g]

Do you have examples of your web/graphic design-ish art on hand? I've caught glimpses and it's some REALLY excellent stuff

howdy! thank you so much for this wonderful ask, i very rarely get the chance to talk about my web/graphic design stuff, so seize any chance i can get! you'll have to forgive me for how scattered this everything is, my graphic design stuff normally ends up as a smaller part of illustrations, so a lot of it is gonna be cropped, haha.

my hypnagog header is probably the thing i'm most proud of, it was the first custom font i ever made that felt like i captured what i saw in my head. kind of a clunky way to put it but before this i'd change my header logo and general "branding" like once every three months, yet this one has stuck around for like 2ish years!! here it is in my classic colorway and my new green/orange one.

here are a couple of my older logos for a bunch of random projects (a comic about evil horses, a defunct community project, a bunch of little glyphs for hypnagog before i settled on my current aesthetic, and one for story about evil clones)

here are three posters i did for a couple of classes, they're more illustrative than graphic design but there's still elements that feel close enough to gd for me to post lol (a pitch poster for ANOTHER comic i was working on, an editorial piece about the recent HPAI surge, and a quick zine about my experiences with internet horror)

and FINALLY. here's my web design stuff. full disclaimer, i learned how to code on neopets, and i've never been able to break free of it's pull, so p much everything i've ever done for web design has all been on neopets, or on clone sites that emulate it pre-2007.

i'd love to link you these two but they're unfortunately behind a login screen on my current petsim of choice, so i hope the screenshots will do! these two are pet lookups coded from the ground up to look like social media profile pages (fun sidenote: Butch has a normal profile, Ransom is a silly hacker stereotype, and he had no choice but to "customize" his profile when faced with the insanely unsecured back-end of LUNET.)

aside from that, my other most recent web project was developing a really sleek character directory for my toyhou.se. i made all the graphics on this page and i'm super proud of it, haha.

oh i almost forgot. i also have a bunch of really dumb banners that my friends and i use in discord in tandem with a bot that posts them on command - most of them are intentionally designed to look bad, but some of em (especially the data "webba" banner) were made with a lot of care, haha.

i think i might be forgetting some things, but that's pretty much it! my next big project is building out my neocities - i'll definitely post about it when its finished because i wanna use it as a secondary posting location for all my stuff :o]

thank you again!!!!

[rottentiger-art]

You know, Lyric Reese could be the temporary Dean of the new and improved PCA…? At least, until a qualified person is found…?

Hahahahah omg, I don't see that happening, realistically, but I wanna indulge on it, bc I just find the idea so fun.

Assuming they let get, I think it would be because she guilted Logan with something like "you don't think I'm serious enough for the job *fake sob* you always underestimate me *more fake sobs*"

Logan told her she can be dean for a week (because for some reason the person they hire couldn't make it in time, idk maybe they're from another state and ran into some troubles with their moving company)

Lyric did a pretty decent job, but as both Logan and Quinn predicted, she got bored of it before the week ended.

still, not wanting to admit she wasn't up for the job and this was just a whim, she pushed through the week, with Logan watching over her quietly, to make sure she doesn't overstress and stuff (protective older brother mode)

lowkey, she wants to make both Logan and Quinn proud, but she won't admit that.

in the classic Reese style, she goes over the top with things.

for starters, this is how I imagine she shows up to school:

kinda like she's trying to imitate Quinn's style, while mixing it with her own bc after Logan she's Quinn's biggest fan

definitely wrote a song to sing in a big circle with the new students, Logan clapped the loudest to make up for the confused applause from the rest lol

Quinn showed her support as well, even when Lyric got them all making musical bonding exercises that shouldn't have lasted that long.

on the first days, she tries to break fights amongst the new students, comically making things worse, but at the end she manages to fix them.

by the rest of the week she realizes she really doesn't need to interfiere on every single problem amongst the students and leave that to the counselors.

(assuming Lyric is 25ish on this AU) working with kids younger than her made her realize she's no longer part of the latest generation. As in, she's having that revelation gen Z is having about whatever name they gave to the new generation. She does not like that at all.

she also realizes kids suck and the only valid child is her new nibbling (if you're not following this AU, i hc that Logan and Quinn had a kid in the middle of the school reopening), in her opinion.

speaking of said nibbling, when Quinn or Logan pop up to check on things (check she hadn't break chaos somehow), they bring along the baby, much to the new aunt's joy.

imagine Logan walking with Lyric through the campus while he pushes a strolled and excitedly tells the baby about his own adventures on that same campus *dies from cuteness*

Lyric: "don't listen to your lame dad, I've been here for less than a week and already have more interesting stories to share"

she spends a lot of time either on "her" office or taking pictures of her on campus, just to prove she has been doing her job.

she throws herself a goodbye party to conclude her week (and by herself I mean Logan organized everything but it was *her* idea so it's almost the same)

Quinn and Logan do tell them they're proud of her, and they honestly mean it. She lasted more than they expected.

if she learned a lesson on that week, is that she's never offering her help again when it comes to that school. She's way to busy to deal with kids that are not her precious nibbling.

well, that's all I got, but as always I invite anyone to add to this if they want.

[yakool-foolio]

What do you say to these Vivia ships?

Vivia x Yakou

Vivia x Worried Man NPC

Vivia x Shinigami

Vivia x Fubuki

Vivia x Desuhiko

Vivia x Halara

Vivia x Yuma

Vivia x Melami

Vivia x dying

Vivia x pillows

Vivia x Wince Media

Vivia x boxcutter knife

Vivia x nobody

😏

Hoo boy that's a lot! Well, if ya wanna mess with the bull, you'll get the horns. And by that I mean you'll get my serious and/or non-serious reaction to all of these so enjoy!

Vivia x Yakou - Ah yes, the og otp, ever since me and my boyfriend wanted to cosplay our respective favs before the game even released. Suffice to say were we ahead of the game on that one so we were pleasantly surprised it has some canon footing and it's simply sweet as hell! I personally love how this ship symbolizes that no matter how much you've lost, there's always something to gain and you still have the capacity to love.

Vivia x Worried Man - I won't lie this side quest completely caught me off-guard. My thought process went from 'aw he's in love' -> 'wait that's gay' -> 'WAIT THATS GAY WITH VIVIA' and I have never been the same since. It's pretty cute ngl, even if it's just a little side quest. Aaaaand then the rest of chapter 4 happened and I went right back to loving Viviakou, sorry Worried Man but you've got a lotta competition.

Vivia x Shinigami - Before the game released I theorized that Vivia could see Shinigami and I was so damn proud of myself to find out that I was right. Besides that, I always associated them as friends pre-release, but with chapter 4, their dynamic is very interesting. Vivia put her in her place throughout the entire labyrinth. He was more in control of the situation than she was cause he held more knowledge than any other assistant ever had before. He wasn't stuck in there with her, she was stuck in there with him. Anyways yeah I think they'd be platonic buddy ol' pals

Vivia x Fubuki - The 4-panel comic of them was adorable! I see them as friends but I can certainly see why people may view them in a more romantic light. They definitely paint each other's nails.

Vivia x Desuhiko - Another case of them being more like pals than a blossoming bromance. However, I do have a good platonic headcanon that Vivia knows how to play piano and has studied music theory as part of his endless reading escapades, so he'll sometimes help out Desuhiko when requested for assistance with practicing on his guitar. They're both very musically-inclined I know it in my heart.

Vivia x Halara - AKA the badasses. I don't view them as romantic personally, but I love them being the duo who kicks ass and takes names. Additionally, I'm sure Halara appreciates having a metaphorical cat around when they can't interact with actual cats.

Vivia x Yuma - Not uncommon for the protag to slip his way into every and all angles of ships, but I think this one works especially well. Yuma and Vivia have a very strong and well-written dynamic thanks to our lord and savior chapter 4; they develop alongside each other. It's just like Vivia said, they're accomplices, they have to fight for the truth together in order to clearly see eye-to-eye. We love short king with tall ghost guy! The appeal for this ship is very much apparent.

Vivia x Melami - I fought so hard for these two to interact and what did I get? Nothing! So, I wallow in my headcanons of them having a perfect partnership since their Fortes bounce off each other so well. Melami would absolutely despise Vivia's choice of 'clothing' though, she'd try to give him a makeover but he'd slip right out of her grasp before she could do anything.

Vivia x dying - As much as he adores the idea of death I don't think he's dying any time soon. The grim reaper plays hard to get.

Vivia x pillows - THE PAIRING HE DESERVES

Vivia x Wince Media... hey wait I know that guy from Twitter

Vivia x boxcutter knife - It's a cut above the rest [laugh track]

Vivia x nobody - Privacy is very important, I'm sure he enjoys his time alone just as much as he's grateful for attention. It's a good balance!

BONUS: Vivia x Zilch (yes the real one)- I'm inclined to bring this crack ship up cause I've been pioneering it for a long time. Heck I'm even trying to write an AU one-shot about it, I find their potential relationship so intriguing. I love my literal and metaphorical catboys!

[chenanigans]

2023 Accomplishments, 2024 Hopes

I did a lot of stuff this year, so I'm gonna talk about stuff I'm happy about accomplishing this year!

Art

I made the most money ever for commissions! Almost $900 I hope to make more next year!

I finished quite a few comics as well as Cherry's first journal! Comics have always been quite difficult for me to finish, so I'm proud of being able to do a handful of them!

I got to be a featured artist in an app! That was a pretty cool experience getting to test out and draw in an app! Also getting paid to do so!

Next year, I would like to try an improve on some things with my art, finish more art, and maybe get another art job!

-----

TTRPGS

I played a LOT of DnD this year.

In my Monday game, we're closely approaching our 100th sessions and possibly the end of our first campaign! I love Cherry so much and I hope she gets through it all with the Flockless! This is the longest campaign I've ever been in and the highest level I've grown to as well. Cherry went from level 3-13 so far, how my baby has grown! We also got to play some Kids on Bikes and Pathfinder 2e which was very fun! I hope to do more games after we finish campaign 1!

With my Tuesday group, I got to make so many fun characters and also try some new TTRPGs too! I'm excited for all the fun little things we'll get to do next year! I love Manon and hope we figure out the nature of this world.

I hope to finally run something next year for my friends next year, but we'll see how it goes!

-----

Video Games

I played a fuck ton of games this year. I got really into simulation games because I find them relaxing and nice.

The games I beat this year:

Garden in!

Paradise Marsh

Flying Neko Delivery

Unpacking

Lumbearjack

Terra Nil

Alba A Wildlife Adventure

Mail Time

Katamari Damacy Reroll

We Love Katamari Reroll

Frog Detective 3

Sticky Business

Pikmin 4

Garden Buddies

Pizza Tower

Loddlenauts

Moonstone Island

Frogsong

Kirby's Return to Dreamland Deluxe

I'm excited for a fuckton of indie games coming out next year and for the Paper Mario the Thousand Year Door remake. I need to beat the original before it comes out but we'll see how that goes.

My favourite games this year were Pikmin 4, Pizza Tower, Loddlenauts and Moonstone Island for sure!

-----

Life

No major changes happened in my life this year. I'm hoping next year I have more luck in finding an art job, but overall, I'm pretty ok with where I am.Working at a grocery store will always suck, but I'm at least making enough money to buy things I like and help my family out a bit.

I went to my first Pride parade this year. When I was sitting at the subway waiting for my friends to arrive I almost cried because seeing the sheer amount of queer people around was just heart-warming and made me feel like it was all gonna be ok. I got my first ace flags, one of which is on my desk near Rawhide. I also got handed a paper for black queer people which was a lil funny. I also got a lot of compliments on my outfit which felt very good.

Mental health wise, it's also been very ok. I'm hoping to get more support in terms of my ADHD meds since I've been on the same dosage for a while and things could be better.

-----

Lastly...

This is a lil sappy, but I wanna say thanks to all my friends and my sister for making this life worth living. I haven't been in a depressive rut in a long time because of those I love, the things I love, and the things I'm looking forward to. Life for me isn't always rainbows and sunshine, but I'm always happy about the small things that make it worthwhile. I'm looking forward to making and sharing more art with my friends, playing video games and TTRPGs, and just doing what I enjoy in life!

[jonathan-samuel-smith]

Do you like that webtoon? I really enjoyed reading that, I know it's not canon but this is so funny and it's the only place where they get damian's color right

Also Damian is a cute smol baby there

It's not the only place! Teen Titans #1, most of Robin son of batman, Superman #...twenty something? (I have dyscalculia I wanna say #28 but that could be wildly off) when Jon meets up with Damian for the first time after his age-up, and Superman #21

Those are off the top of my head!

I do appreciate how cute and small and baby 8yo Damian is and I appreciate that he's friends with Jon so soon after joining the family. I appreciate Talia being proud of Damian for being happy at the manor.

I didn't like the etiquette lesson panel or the gassing pets mention panel but I loved the Goliath panels he's truly the best!

I haven't read it all yet, I really hope Damian and Steph get to interact more, they're THE BEST!

I also am a bit unsure about their take on Dick taking care of Dami. Yes it's parentification but Dick is an adult and in the comics was going to adopt Damian before Bruce talked him out of it by saying he wasn't ready, so acting like it's forced on him is unfair to Damian imo, even though Dick never adopted him here. They still have an adorable relationship though! (I just think if my sister was like "rain check I have to take my son to the museum for his science project" I wouldn't be like "ugh you never spend time one on one with me anymore" and expect her to apologize and drop everything in the future. I would simply also go to the museum. Kids are kind of supposed to be your priority.) I mean for sure put on your airbag before helping another passenger metaphor for emotions but also sometimes being a parent takes a mental toll on you and you do have to accept that. To me Dick is more of a father than a sibling to Damian and it's hard to erase that textually without completely altering their dynamic.

Basically they are father and son coded lmao. Also legally Bruce never adopted Dick! So Dick is not Damian's legal sibling, just one of his legal guardians, probably still to this very day since Bruce was legally alive when he took custody of him.

I think the art is super cute and I love how everyone is drawn and colored it's great!! I love the line thickness chefs kiss I love thick line art. They look like themselves and they look consistent. I'd love to see an animated show in this style.

The writing seems like they have a passable knowledge of every batfam character but it's a bit of a fanon take which is fine, it's not always what I would choose and that's also fine too!

I'm pretty happy with it, I'm happy it exists. Is it perfect? No and Thank God, they cannot please everyone and if it were perfect in my eyes I would have less to critique and learn from.

[bg-sparrow]

Fic Author Self-Rec

Share five of your personal favorite works, then tag five authors to do the same. Thanks, @penny-anna for the tag!

(I'm gonna stick to the Back to the Future fandom on this one since that's the majority of my audience here on Tumblr.)

Once Upon a Time in the East (OUAT #2)

Marty and Buford follow their mutual enemy across the country to get back Tannen's fortune, forever changing the trajectory of Marty's life. A ruthless, all-or-nothing world of wealth, deception, indulgence, and blackmail brings Marty to his knees once more, and this time, he's not sure he'll make it out alive.

Once Upon a Time in the West was pretty amazing, but I really do think I topped it with the sequel. I took a lot of personal leaps in my writing with this one, and it paid off. I'm a more confident writer now because of this one.

2. Now I Am Become Death

In 1943, a restless professor of physics at CalTech rejoiced when recruited to work on the top-secret Manhattan Project. Dr. Emmett Brown's contributions at Los Alamos would not only further science, but finally end the deadliest war in history — but at what cost?

As a World War II/ history buff, getting to expand on this part of Doc's backstory — and introduce Marty in a way I never have before — really all came together beautifully in this one. I've got elements of the movies, the comics, and the ride blended together in this work, and I'm really proud of how it turned out.

3. A Fracture in the Space-time Continuum

Learning Doc is stranded in the Old West, Marty makes a break for the clocktower — and gets his leg broken by an enraged Biff that escaped the manure truck at the River Road Tunnel. Marty did not plan on spending another six weeks in 1955.

I patiently waited for the perfect title for "Broken Leg Marty" to come to me because this one was special all-around, so its title had to be, too. Letting Marty and Doc believably have this time together during canon was a great "alternate ending" to Part II, and it still lets the events of Part III unfold without much interference.

4. There Are No Roads (Time Circuits #2.5)

Time Circuits Series #2.5 - When the DeLorean comes to a standstill in 1885, Doc is at a crossroads. All of his efforts to return to the life he knows unexpectedly drive him into the embrace of a young Hill Valley, but Marty and Emma need him now more than ever.

This was an unexpected story in my Time Circuits Series. It was meant to be a 10K filler for Doc's time in 1885 before Marty showed up, and there was apparently a lot more story to tell than I anticipated — in the best ways. I got to explore original ideas that fit snugly into canon. I fell in love with writing Buford Tannen in this story. This is personally the one I find myself rereading the most, and while I wrote the series to where people could skip this story if they chose to jump right from Part II to Part III, I hope they don't because it enhances Part III so much. And Buford is delightfully evil in it.

5. The Manner of Giving

Five times Marty tried to give Doc a gift - and one time he succeeded.

This one was born of a Tumblr Ask Box prompt and the only 5+1 fic I've ever written. You would not believe how hard it is to think up five ways to unsuccessfully give someone a gift, especially when you know Doc and Marty are likely on "oh, just bring it with you next time" terms. This one challenged me and turned out great!

And there you have it! My five personal favorite BttF fics that I've written! Five peeps I'm gonna tag if you guys wanna toot your own horn: @daryfromthefuture, @bri-to-the-future, @fiddlstyx, @knickynoo, and @jowritesfanfiction

[blueberry-lemon]

My 2022

I see a lot of people writing posts or threads about things they did in 2022. I don't usually do this sort of thing for a few reasons. One is that I'm aware that it can be a bit pretentious and a bit frustrating for others to read if they had a really bad year. For that reason, consider this a soft content warning for "yet another post reflecting on 2022." The other reason is that I don't think I've accomplished anything worth reflecting about, and am quite disappointed in myself and my 2022!

But...maybe that self-conscious feeling is exactly why I should force myself to write this.

A few things I accomplished in 2022:

I wrote some stuff

I put up the final chapter of my Sonic fanfic [although not the epilogue yet, sorry readers!] titled "Have You Heard From Sonic Lately?" Of all things I did this year, this is probably one of the things I'm most proud of? I think I'm decent at writing these characters and I like playing in this world in a mostly-canonical way, following guidelines painted by the games, the IDW comics, and ironically now Sonic Prime.

I put up Chapter 1 and Chapter 2 of Soul Symphony: Abandoned Encore. SS:AE is prose sequel story to my 2010-2015 webcomic Soul Symphony. These characters and this story mean a lot to me, but I left them behind as relics as 2015. I decided that the year of my 10-year high school reunion would be a fitting time to look back on these characters.

Side note: The comments I receive on Ao3 are so nice??? They're so heartwarming, they make my day. Something about someone enjoying my writing is 100x more satisfying than someone enjoying a drawing I did, and the way people express their feedback is really meaningful. I wanna cry every time. Thank you to everyone who has read my stuff.

I put out two meaty pieces: a review of Cam Marshall's comic "Matchmaker", and my year-end reflection titled "I Forgot How To Climb The Mountain."

I've wrote a few mini blog posts scattered across Cohost, Tumblr, and Patreon, which you can find in the #blogofkylelab tag.

Behind the scenes, I've continued my work as a Writer working on Rhythm Doctor as part of 7th Beat Games.

Art and Game Dev

I...barely drew anything, so that was kind of a disappointment. But the few things I did draw I mostly liked! The very little time/energy I have for drawing these past few years is always a tough pill to swallow, but I'm glad that when I DO make time for it, it is still pretty fun.

I've continued working on Rhythm Doctor and A Dance of Fire and Ice as a part of 7th Beat Games. We put out some cool collab levels.

I helped launch ADOFAI's paid DLC expansion, Neo Cosmos! Directed by TaroNuke, it's a really cool expansion with its own identity and I love the new mechanics and focus on character/narrative.

I worked on Squeak N' Seek, a short gamejam project we made as a birthday present for Giacomo, the Lead Programmer at 7th Beat Games.

Other Stuff

I've been running @IndieGamesOfCohost for a few months now! Shares of indie game posts on Cohost, posts spotlighting new releases of lesser-known titles, and a series of Indie Interviews with fellow gamedevs. This has been very satisfying for me, and I hope I can keep the momentum going in 2023.

I'm forcing myself to write these things down to convince myself that I accomplished something, because for the past few years I haven't been able to shake the feeling that "I haven't accomplished anything." I miss the days where I drew quite often, especially between 2015 and 2018, and I made illustrations that I still cherish to this day. I feel like a "shell" of my younger self still, which is a ridiculous thing to say. Someday, I'll find my way back to a place where I'm satisfied with my output.

I hope your 2022 was bearable! Let's all work together in the new year.