#I'm still gonna try and figure out how to draw POST's face haha

[joltrify]

Mental illness was particularly strong a couple days ago so introducing chars 5-0 and Doc (real name POST)

[ampblamp]

AU: Here's How Billford Can Still Win

(part 1: make that triangle miserable)

tl;dr: i want bill to have his ability to live in denial about what he did shattered by several important figures from his past BEFORE he can enact weirdmageddon. this way the yaoi can be messy and toxic (at first) but NOT doomed. it's self indulgent for sure but i'm doin my best to keep it IC as i can 🫡

this first post is just me figuring out how i think things would have to go down on bill's end for billford to have any chance of working out. take my hand. come away with me to my autism world

i'm still figuring out all the details of what would have to change to like. weaken bill's mental defenses enough because he HAS been able to shove his guilt down for so long. i do think everything with ford would be one of the key factors cause he had never connected so much with any of his prior human partners and obviously things souring fucked him up enough to have a turbo breakdown. (i know it's also because of the amount of times the plan has failed but i think he's also feeling rejected by so many humans not liking him lolll)

i think his breakdown after getting wasted at o'sadley's would happen like in canon, save for its repercussions. once bill starts thinking about his mom and everyone else from euclydia around when he's about to be arrested, maybe it would open the door for thoughts of them to keep slipping through his defenses. and suddenly thinking about weirdmageddon and hearing himself and other people talking about it could have a chance of triggering him.

i know personally that trauma can jump in and completely drag you back in time regardless of any logic, and i think him having that kind of episode sooner might be the key to getting him to face that he doesn't want to keep repeating what he did to euclydia because it's never going to be enough to convince the small, small voice in his head saying 'stop'.

because that's just the thing. bill has forced himself down a path of destruction to Prove to himself that its actually for the best to tear down "miserable reality" and replace it with his own vision. his drive and impatience to get weirdmageddon going is BECAUSE he wants to permanently cement that narrative in his mind with the ultimate "proof". because if the narrative fails, not only will he not be able to mentally cope (without help) he'll completely fail the henchmaniacs, who he promised a new home, and look vulnerable and weak, which he's TRAINED them to view as what should be destroyed.

i think the o'sadley breakdown and my proposed worsened repercussions of it would destabilize him, but it wouldn't be enough to stop him. what would push bill over the edge in this hypothetical would be several powerful entities from bill's past like the axolotl, the oracle, and time baby working together to somehow target his mental weak point. cause remember, time baby canonically KNOWS bill's weak point.

also like. To Me. the axolotl and the oracle are people bill was close to and has seen himself in at one point* but they matured and he didn't, and that's why he's SO hostile towards them.

*the oracle being an ex-henchmaniac is canon but i say this about the axolotl because of xolotl. look him up, it'll freak your bean.

alsooooo... ford not being as immature and vengeful as bill hoped he was is probably why bill broke down so hard - because it reminded him of the axolotl and the oracle. all the people who he actually connected with on a deeper level have left because of the same reason. but bill was always too terrified to confront everything he's done, which would be necessary to follow them.

so ends part 1... next, i think i'm gonna try to figure out how ford and bill would meet again (haha). ford is sucked into the portal right after (maybe even during?) the whole o'sadley's deal iirc sooo... fun point in the timeline to play with!

also hopin to draw stuff for this AU in the future :]c calling upon the power of my newly aquired ADHD meds lmao

[amethystfairy1]

Hi Amethyst! It's been a hot minute since I sent an ask in, but I have been reading both fics every day (still obsessed lmao) (also I name changed btw, used to be ElenaLoo)

Anyways, I had written a whole ask waxing eloquent on all the wonderful things going on in ttsbc, but I accidentally shut off my computer partway through and frankly I can't be bothered to write it all out again lmao. Just. It's beautiful (wow isnt that so meaningful and deep? im sure you're feeling very complimented rn)

The REAL thing I wanted to talk about was Traveling thieves (which is by far my favorite fanfic of ALL TIME), and all the amazingness in ttsbc made me forget it even existed for the past few weeks. But the other day I was just like "oh yeah. Traveling thieves." and then i reread the whole thing. whoopsies.

Ummm anywyas there's so many thoughts in my head about all the little guys, but recently I've been on an Imp and Skizz obsession (just scroll on my page for .2 seconds and you'll see) and YOU. You left them on a CLIFFHANGER. >:((( (not actually mad btw). I just. so excited for them. They're out alone in the woods right now and Skizz is going to have the perfect opportunity to kill Impulse and get away and I just am falling apart thinking about them. (I drew them to cope lol, posted on my blog but also later here so that I can talk about it more). I can see this playing out a few ways. Obviously Skizz isn't actually going to kill Impulse, so he's either going to 1) make up some excuse as to why he can't do it right then, but still plans to do it eventually, or 2) he does it. but he doesn't. Skizz attacks Impulse when he's not expecting it, there's a scuffle, and Skizz comes out on top---BUT THEN HE CAN"T FINISH IT!!! and it's a whole thing where even tho skizz tried to kill him, imp is still so understanding and skizz cries and impulse just freaking gives him a hug and

sigh

Whatever you do will be beautiful, I'm sure. I think you mentioned you're switching to tt after this fic, so crossing my fingers it's imp and skizz. (Though, would also be very happy with Martyn and Ren :P) (or anything really i just love tt)

Anyways, I had the art on my blog but I'm also putting it here so i can say things about it to you

Mostly I'm just very proud of their expressions, with Impulse being all concerned glancing over at Skizz, meanwhile Skizz is completely deadpan staring forwards, also looking very tired bc he needs a break from this universe. Also I switched up my Impulse design a lil bit from last time (if u even remember that lol it was months ago now). you would think, just looking at them, that Impulse took way longer to design, but nope, I was messing around with Skizz for at least double the time, trying to figure out how to have him facing forward whilst still showing some of the scars on his back. I gave up eventually xD (all that means is that im gonna have to draw him again later, from different angles)

actually that made me remember a question I had: are you planning to ship Imp and Skizz? Ik you said Zed and Tango are going to be a thing far in the future, but... skizzpulse? plzzzz plz pretty please haha im not obsessed

aaaaaand that reminds me of another question, is skizz going to be in ttsbc? (pretty please also same question as tt, if he was in ttsbc, are him and impulse together? Im addicted to them all i care about these days is some good imp and skizz shipfics, and you're such a fantastic writer, both with plot and the vibes of the words themselves. u could write such good imp and skizz. just imagine the possibilites! (am i selling it?))

aaaaaanyways. im gonna go reread the old tt skizz fics because theyre delicious and painful, like eating knives. u have a good day :))

HIIIIIII

I ADORE THIS ART SO MUCH! I gave you all my rambles on the reblog but it's SOOOOO COOL!

I'm sad the waxing eloquent about TTSBC is gone 😭 but that's ok!

I'm so glad you're enjoying TT and all the drama going on in there! Imp and Skizz are definitely having a time and a half with all of this nonsense going on...I love all your theories! I won't confirm or deny anything of course, but I'm so happy you're excited for them!

I will not be shipping Imp and Skizz, sorry! I just personally don't ship them, so they're gonna remain platonic...I mean, in TT who knows what the hell they're doing to be fair 😆 but yeah, Zedango is going to be a thing in the distant future, but no Skizzpulse! Sorry!

Skizz is not in TTSBC at the moment, that doesn't mean he never will be! Just haven't found a spot for him yet...and no, he also would not be with Impulse, I'm so sorry I just don't ship them personally! I think it's a very cute ship tho!

Enjoy rereading the TT Skizz fics!!! Thank you again for the gorgeous art!!!! I love it!!! 💖

[justrandomselfships]

Little steps- my self insert Fic (S/I POV) with a bunch of silly illustrations! Oh did I mention that this involves Kaeya? Well he's the main focus here even though Lisa is mentioned shit ton of times! Might write something for her focus too someday.

I finished it ages ago but I was afraid to post it- I'm not anymore and also✨ it's my birthday ✨

~~

Ever since I joined the knights I decided to write in a diary, it helped me keep track of time. Lisa told me that it can help me in various ways, like for example remembering names of the other knights, or checking my personal progress. Now that I think about it, it was long since I checked my old entries. Nothing interesting happened today anyway so I might as well read some. I don't really remember anything that was going on when I started so I suppose I could refresh my memory.

Today Lisa wanted to introduce me to someone- she probably wanted to help me by looking for training partner for me, however I had to refuse. You probably remember why was that, I got scared of meeting someone new again. I couldn't get that mess on her shoulders when she has so much to do as it is! And there was no way I'd meet them alone it'd be too akward for both of us!

I remember the exact moment I tried to come up with an excuse for future me... It kinda made me giggle how stupid I am sometimes, but let's look at something else...

I've never felt as lonely as I do now, I don’t even know why. I don’t miss anyone nor I ever craved any interactions... But to make that feeling go away I thought about talking to Amber but when I left the house she was talking to Noelle and I got scared to approach them... Instead I decided to sketch something and stay inside for the rest of the day.

I immediately looked at my sketchbook, I don't even have to look inside, I was drawing what's outside my window like always. Maybe I'll find some better memory if I keep looking?

During my patrol I got a bit lost... It was scary... But I wasn't alone, an Adventurer found me... However he got lost too. It was a bit unlucky day since I picked the wrong maps, we also got attacked a few times by monsters. I kinda feel bad for him since he tried his best to cheer me up but I stayed silent. It should've been other way around a knight shouldn't le

Bennett! How could I forget his name when I was writing this? He was such a sweetheart I obviously had to mess it up and make him feel uncomfortable... But I did make up for it! Maybe I'll finally read something positive? I somehow can't remember how exactly that went... Or if I was daydreaming about apologizing?

I decided to bake something for Bennett as thank you and apology for acting so cold towards him. But I had no idea on how to find him... Or what to say... So after thinking for few minutes I decided to talk to Katherine and ask her to give it to him. After "talking" to her I locked myself in my room out of embarrassment, I messed up again. I just said "Bennett" placed my pastries and left. Now I probably won't be able to face her for at LEAST two months.

I cringe at the memory... Gosh now this will keep me up at night for sure... I finally forgot about it and now it'll haunt me.

Wait a second... Did I really not made any progress at all!? I was trying so hard to socialize with others and get out more but I seem to still not be able to do it right. No, it's impossible. I'm good friends with Lisa! So I definitely made any progress... Or is she just so easy to talk to? Time to take a final look at something recent for a change...

Capitan Kaeya Alberich wanted to talk to me outside work... It might not sound like a big deal but somehow I just froze... I wasn't able to respond properly and he probably guessed what I was going to say, not that he ever can't do that... I might be too predictable. Either way I feel bad, my behavior was really disrespectful and I knew better than that to just ignore someone like him. I still have much to learn and I'll need to properly apologize for staying silent.

I only ever failed... There is no mistaking it. Great way to note down progress huh? Too bad there is none.

Think, what do I need to do to finally do better? I am the problem for sure but what do I really need to change? Maybe I should just start observing how others act... After all I never bothered to do that. It might help in one way or another...

Obviously there's only one place where there is a lot of people and I won't look like a total creep if I'll just listen in the conversations and look at random people... It's no other than the tavern. I'm scared to go there alone... But I don't have to!

Lisa would be willing to go right?... Then again I rely on her a bit too much and going out like this could be an opportunity to break the ice with someone else...

Jean is always busy, Amber will be way too distracting and we might end up somewhere else, Eula is too scary, Venti... I don't even know why I'm considering him.

Maybe that offer from capitan Kaeya still stands? It's from bearly 2 weeks ago so maybe if I get lucky and he happens to still be interested, I can actually go...

What am I even thinking!? I didn't even apologize for the last time... But being around so many drunk people is terrifying... However I can't bet on the fact that he won't drink too much... On the other hand he seems to handle people and I'll definitely learn something.

Screw it. It might be scary but I need to do it. Tomorrow I'll ask him! That's for sure! He's the most respectable and trustworthy person who isn't always busy and will not distract me.

~⏳

I'm scared to do it but I have to! I need to... Did I really say that I'm gonna do it today? Or should I just pretend that I never thought of it. He's probably busy today. Yup definitely that no need to feel stressed.

I haven't seen him back at the headquarters nor did I see him around town when I was coming back from my patrol- that's a good sign. It's still pretty early but I don't think that I'll see him today... What a relief!

Before I left the headquarters after finishing some paperwork I hear a voice that belongs to a beautiful librarian I am lucky to be able to call a friend.

"Hey there cutie, are you okay?"

"Just a little bit nervous that's all, nothing new haha"

"Do you need me to pass a message again?"

"No need! It's something I need to say myself..."

"I see..."

"But if you happen to see capitan Kaeya it would be nice if you could tell him that I was looking for him" out of habit I grab my hair and begin to play with it. Lisa's warm soothing voice blessed my ears as she said "No worries darling, I'll let him know" before she left and giggled to herself...

Wait... Oh no.

Why did I say anything!? Is she that magical that I can't say anything but what's on my mind.

If she happens to meet him my request will be unavoidable! Even if I tried thinking of something else Kaeya will know that I'm lying. I can't avoid him either... Can't waste his precious time...

How do I even ask him!? Do I need to change from my work clothes before I go? What should I do...

I didn't realize that I started walking in circles before someone approached me.

"Heather?"

I turn around and see the man I was thinking about all day. Dammit... I have to say it. I can't think of an excuse and staying silent is now unacceptable.

"Oh-uhm... Greetings Capitan Kaeya"

"Lisa informed me that you were looking for me"

"Oh right!... That... Haha..."

"I don't want to rush you, however I do have some business to attend to"

"I'm so sorry! I mean- since you're busy then my silly request is irrelevant"

"Come now, I believe that I should be the judge of that" his smug look made it ever so slightly more challenging to say anything.

"I just... Ugh..." I took a deep breath "Look as you know I was trying to loosen up recently and well I realized that I wasn't making any progress at all. So I remembered that one time you asked me to go to the tavern with you and I refused... I mean ignored you, which I am VERY sorry about but now I think that it was a mistake and today I wanted to ask you to accompany me but since you're busy let's just forget about everything" I felt relieved getting that off my chest.

"I don't think that will do, in fact I was heading towards the tavern so if you really want to I suppose you can join me" Oh right... I forgot about him gathering some information there from time to time. So it might work after all! He won't pay too much attention to me and I could investigate without tons of distractions.

"Let's get going then capitan" I say before he smiles softly in response "Wait do you want to get going now or-"

"Yes" he cut me off, which was fair and I'm glad he did it before I said something dumb.

We're almost there. Before we get closer I suddenly stop.

"That reminds me!" I realized I spoke out loud, as he looked at my direction my confidence dropped dead "I've never actually tried any alcohol so would you be so kind to recommend something for me? I figured that since I'm already getting out of my comfort zone might as well try something new" I said under my breath but he definitely understood what I meant judging by his facial expression and well... response.

"Absolutely" my heart skipped a beat. I desperately tried to start a conversation topic... But choosing alcohol might be something I'll regret...

Kaeya started listing few drinks I could enjoy his words were poetic as he described the beverages, however the names of the drinks went over my head. It wasn't that bad but I just felt stupid over how clueless I was. He definitely knew what he was talking about and I'm more than interested in hearing more. The more he talks the less likely I am to say something I'll regret.

"Obviously since I don't know how much you can handle I won't be forcing you to try too much too soon" he paused "Your father probably wouldn't be happy either if you returned drunk" he said teasingly. It invited me to respond less seriously.

"Oh no! This means that we'll have to do it again, how awful"

"We didn't enter yet so you can feel free to leave now before you regret spending time with me of all people" his voice was now suddenly much more hostile... Did I mess it up!?

He laughed softly "I'm sorry did I go too far? While I don't want to force you to do anything, I won't lie... I'm a bit curious to learn something new about you tonight"

We were still outside standing right in front of the entrance to the tavern if not for chatting we could hear from the inside there would be total silence.

"I'm sorry for being quiet again! It's just that you caught me off guard haha" I look away "There isn't much to know about me so I feel like I'll only disappoint you"

"I'm not so sure about that part"

"Wait... Did my father tell you anything about me!?"

"Look let's just get inside, We'll discuss it later"

Nervously I followed him yet again. The atmosphere was warm and I could see different kinds of people all over the place. We sit down.

"So did he tell you anything?" I ask immediately.

"Relax, he didn't" he seemed amused by my desperation to know. It's understandable... And I'm probably overreacting anyway. I collect my thoughts "I'm sorry"

"What are you sorry for?"

"I'm just making this into some big deal for no reason. Maybe the reason is the huge amount of respect I have for you that makes me freak out"

"I see, well I don't see the reason to be so formal now. We aren't working after all" his soft smile was enough for me to calm down.

"Thank you" Maybe it was all I needed to hear, after that everything went smoothly.

I start feeling proud of myself... Maybe I can change after all? Either way it only shows that I have to write it down! And once I was back home I did just that.

Today I had enough courage to take a step in right direction! I went to a tavern with capitan Kaeya. It was fun and for the first time in years I wasn't that scared. It wasn't totally perfect but it was definitely worth it.

[franeridart]

Oh man, I'm just imagining that there's so many close brushes with kiribaku almost realizing or almost being in positions to find out that the other is a vigilante-- an injury and no way to get into contact with Jack or Mina-- a rainstorm washing Kiri's dye away on the job. I think it'd be especially funny if he thought for a minute that Kiri was bleeding but then Kiri is like "UH GOTTA GO ITS NOT BLOOD" and he realizes it's red hair dye

Oh Kirishima sort of already suspects it’s Bakugou - more or less? He’s in the process of starting to suspect it, at least lol for being someone who really doesn’t want to be found out Bakugou’s more carefree in his disguise than Kirishima is (his hair is a pretty obvious giveaway, for example, thought Bakugou relies a lot on the ‘attacking and running’ strategy, so in his mind all he gotta do is just not be seen by anyone at all lol) compared to Kiri he gets bruised and beaten up way more too (Kiri’s hardening makes it easy for him to avoid that in general) - Kiri’s noticing Bakugou’s bruises and his vigilante friend’s bruises match up a whole damn lot, so he’s starting to figure that one out

Bakugou’s a dumbass tho (read: he doesn’t really look at people he isn’t particularly interested in) so for him it’s gonna take a while haha

Anon said: If in vigilantes au Bakugou and jirou are just friends why do they live together and hug like a couple?

They’re best friends, and sometimes when your best friend is going through a real rough heartbreak and he’s in literal tears over it, you might be nice enough to offer your back for him to hide his face in and let him pretend he isn’t currently breaking down on you. Sometimes, you like a person in a platonic way enough to emotionally support them as best as you can when they’re at their lowest. It. Sort of happens between best friends, now and again. You don’t really need to want in someone’s pants to care about them.

They live together cause they started working together as vigilantes when they were in high school, and once they moved up to college they found it a good idea to have someone back home who knew about what they were doing to treat eventual wounds, since they can’t go to the hospital! Also the rent is cheaper this way

Anon said:Can you draw more comics of childhood kiribaku? You’re art is sooo cute 💓

It’s something I’ve regularly kept on going back on for years by now, so sure, it’ll probably happen! And thank you!

Anon said:OH MY GOD. Please tell me you will make an official webcomic of your Vigilante AU. It’s so beautiful, cute and I definitely need more of this. It’s like a drug that I did not know I needed until I read your concept(????). BTW, your art is soooo pretty. Thank you so much for drawing KiriBaku ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Ahhh I’m really happy to hear you like it! For personal reasons I’ve decided that making a cohesive, coherent succession of comics isn’t something I want to do, but I think I’ll draw more of that AU soon enough, snapshots and things like that! I hope that’s good enogh for you~

Anon said:May I request a pissed kiri??

Didn’t I draw that less than 10 posts ago

Anon said:Hey, I rlly admire you! I wish we were friends, you seem rlly nice!!

Thank you!!! The few close friends I have might tell you I’m actually not that great at the whole friends thing, but I appreciate the feeling a lot! :D

Anon said:Were Kirishima’s eyes red in the last panel of the last comic??

Yep :( he really does like Bakugou, after all

Anon said:I saw you answering the other anon and if I may ask, why posting the gem au was a big mistake? Were pol rude with you? If it’s so, I’m sorry abt it

Anon said:You said that posting your SU AU stuff was the biggest mistake you ever made… is it because of something that we, as viewers and worshippers of your KiriBaku (damn, I’ll never stop telling you it’s cute and adorable and it hurts but it’s also sweet), can help NOT doing? Or is there anything we can do?

It’s okay, it just got in the hands of people who don’t particularly like Bakugou, and these people started talking about the AU in less than nice terms, which was honestly pretty ridiculous and made me wonder how people can survive being alive on this earth when they consider Steven Universe sensitive material but either way it brought around in my activities a bunch of people I would have preferred not to interact with ever, and that sort of took the fun out of the AU? Now every time I think about drawing for it those people come back up in my head and I get annoyed all over again, it’s no fun

Anon said:are you still doing the fusion au? id love to see kaminari and shinsou

I’m not, sorry! Though someone did ask about baku and mineta and I’ve been thinking about drawing that horrible monster since then, and I’ve also been wanting to redesign the krbk fusion, so maybe I might get back to it ??? I’ll add shin*kami to the list haha

Anon said:I really like the relationship Jack and Bakugou have, and the angst is nice too! I really like the vigilatne AU! I hope we can see more of it, only if you feel like it of course!

Thank you so much ;;;

Anon said:Silly question. If Kirishima activated his quirk being in water. Would he float like wood, or he’d drown like a rock? >//w//

Oh, I’m pretty sure he’d go down since his quirk makes him into a rock haha

Anon said:I think this is around the eighth anonymous ask I send you, but being a porn-making Tumblr user, it’s better if I don’t go public. I just wanted to say, once again, that I love your KiriBaku, it makes me both ache and feel so warm and fuzzy inside; but right now, the focus is that Bakugou’s crying face against Jack’s back is just so good, expressive and painful. I often hate his guts, but yours I can never hate. And the sheer intensity of that expression, and the environment too… so many feels

Aw, thank you!!! I’m glad I can make you enjoy my fav character, anon :D !!

Anon said:I have a question about the vigilante AU. What’s the relationship between jirou and bakugou? Because they don’t look like just friends

Why don’t they look like just friends tho

Anon said:Hypothetically. How would Bakugou react (or what would he do) if Kirishima stopped showing interest in him?

Are we talking about a specific AU or is this meant for the canon universe? Well, either way I’d say he’d be pretty hurt, but it’s not like he can force Kirishima to like him can he. Ah, in the vigilantes AU he’d probably think it’s for the best even if he’d hurt a lot over it, but in canon and most other AUs I like to think he’d try to fix it somehow? Unless he has other reasons to not act on his feelings for Kirishima… gosh this is a vague question, there are so many possibilities really!

Anon said:🧡Hi Fran! I’m pretty sure you’re the one who introduced this concept to me so I wanted to say thanks! Touch starved Bakugou and super cuddly Bakugou are totally my fave, especially when you have him all curled up with Jirou! Having them be Mina and Kiri level besties makes so much sense and I love you for introducing that thought to me!!!🧡

I’m!!!!!!!!!!! so happy to hear that!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;O;

Anon said:in your vigilante au, Kiri has a scar, does Bakugo ever notice the scar?(curious if it reminds him of Red or nah, love yur art btw~~

When he’s not doing vigilantes work it’s actually hidden by the hair, so Bakugou never noticed! But if he were to notice he’d probably mark it down as a Kiri thing and leave it at that, as I said he’s not the most observant when he’s not particularly interested in someone so he hasn’t really registered it on Red’s face anyway haha

Anon said:I RLLY LOVE YOUR AU!! I haven’t found an AU in this fandom I’m rlly into but THIS IS SOCUTE??? will there be more?

Heck I sure hope so!! Thank you for liking it!!!

Anon said:hey for the anon you were looking for an outrageous ship to draw to test out their theory, try Tokoyami and Link (legend of Zelda link) cuz I just saw cosplayers of them hardcore dancing at dragoncon and I die every time I think about it. You can find a video of it on quirk-registration-office​  

…………………..I’m probably never gonna draw that ngl LMAO BUT this ask made me wanna draw Tokoyami as a Rito so I guess that’s ???? something that might happen instead heck that’s a good concept I should have thought about earlier

Anon said:I absolutely love your art its soon amazing and I really like the vigilantly au but take care of yourself okay

I dunno what I did to make you worry about me but thank you so much for it? I’ll try my best !!!! And thank you for liking my doodles too!!! ;^;

Anon said:Do you know about any fanfics based in your art?? (Idk if that’s grammatically correct sorry 😅)

Hmmmmmmmmmm there are a few but the only one that comes to mind right now is such a funny pair !!! boy ellen’s fics are always so damn amazing, I still can’t believe she wrote for me ;^;

[miceprincess]

Alright I'm translating more of my stuff here!

beta: @themenkhuslegacy (thank you SO MUCH)

rating: G

characters: Stakh, Artemiy, Lara, Grief, Isidor Burakh

this is pre-canon, also sorry if I'm not making the post right bc I'm still figuring out how to make it convenient to read! there also is a Community series reference haha

***

"A good knife you have, kid," said the man before Stakh, smiling with yellow teeth. "Got anything else?"

Stakh's skin crawled under his gaze. He didn't want to give away his knife, the blade sharp and solid, the handle carved by Oynon Burakh himself. It was a gift, not for work. They had a lot of knives for work: to cut grass, to draw lines on bodies, to cut bread -- this one was for love. This was the reason why Stakh cherished it so much: it was given to him for the sake of giving. It was for him to carry it on his belt, to brag to his friends about, to carve wooden figures with.

"I also got this," he said. "Hazelnut. Found it on the other side of river. A whetstone, see the symbol? It's for good luck, Erdene herself made it. Five fishing hooks, ten needles, a razor."

"Give me all of it," the guy said, his tone allowing no protest. He rolled the whetstone in his hands, as if assessing it. The words were like jabs under Stakh's skin.

"Are you serious, man...?"

"No exchange then?"

Rubin bit the inside of his cheek, handing the man all the treasures he had. It was was a pity to give the knife away, yes, and all the other things he could look or exchange for. But it was worth what he was exchanging them for!

He held his breath for a moment when he got his hands on the guitar. It was old and scratched, but it still made a good sound. Its pegs were beautiful: big, angular, made of shiny brass. He was craving for it for -- how long? Half of his life, probably, and he was already twelve.

It was late, so late, and scary to walk home from lamp to lamp. His head sank in his shoulders from the thought of Isidor's reaction; he gave his gift away, after all. But joyful excitement -- his dream came to life, finally! -- was stronger than any fear.

He crept into the house from the back door, careful to not attract Teacher's attention. He sneaked into his room, taking the guitar off his shoulder; the strings made a long, pitiful ring. Tema opened one eye, watching him with quiet laughter.

"You're a spy, eh?" he whispered. "Where'd you get it?"

"The Skinners," Stakh answered. "Traded with a guy."

He took off his jacket, threw his boots and pants in the corner, crawled in bed, and hid under the heavy blanket. He still had his shirt on, and Tema wouldn't stop laughing at him. "Get out, Cub," Stakh shushed him without bitterness, hearing Isidor's heavy steps. Then, just in case, he covered his face with the blanket. In his old house, his father would cuff his ears for this. Why should he expect any different from Isidor?

The older Burakh came in with a lantern, shadows dancing around him. He sat on the side of Stakh's bed and gave him a sad, serious look. "I wanted to go look for you, you know," he said, voice soft. "If you go somewhere, at least tell Temka -- understand? We worry about you".

Stakh gave a slight nod. It looked like he wasn't going to be yelled at. "Oynon Burakh," he said very quietly, "remember the knife you gave me? A beautiful knife... I gave it away".

It was important he confessed, for some reason.

"For the guitar?"

"It's not like I didn't want it," Stakh babbled, wanting to explain himself and not wanting to upset Isidor. "I feel bad for it. Really. But I also really wanted a guitar! You see?"

"I understand, little one. See how your eyes are sparkling. It's good that you regret it, though. You now know how it feels to pay a price". Burakh's gentle hand patted his hair. "I'm not mad at you".

These words made Stakh terribly want to cry. Isidor grumbled something like "what a bastard, took a child's toy" and left the room. Tema sat up on his bed as soon as his steps went silent.

"Who are you gonna study from, blockhead?"

"I'll find someone", Stakh answered.

"Let's ask Grief, eh? Maybe he knows someone? Dad can also be of help. You can show me the guitar tomorrow! Come on, dude. Did you really give everything you had for it? You're wild! At least he spared you your boots .... "

Stakh wanted to stay up and listen to Tema's excited babbling, but his eyes went shut and he drifted away to sleep.

When he awoke the morning after, he didn't seem quite as excited as during the night before.

"Man, it's ugly."

"So what? I'm not gonna look at it."

"It doesn't work like that. If you exchanged for it, you need everyone to go, 'Woah.'"

"So what do you propose?"

Tema did have a plan. They took red paint and varnish, and took off the guitar's strings. "This symbol is a guiding star," Tema explained. "It's for luck. This is a bull's heart, for strength. This is a hawk's eye, so they can't take their eyes off you. And this is a hare's ear, so they listen to you and can't listen enough".

Red lines wound along the guitar's deck, the designs tying into knots. It was beautiful -- and there was one thing Stakh didn't know. On the inside, with a nail, Tema scratched a special symbol for him: the wind singing in the Steppe.

Stakh wasn't a proper student with a teacher when it came to music. He picked up some things from kids, learned something from Isidor, and found an old book to study. He didn't understand much. Still, after several months, he was able to play decently -- Tema wouldn't even cover his ears.

"We need to show Gravel," he decided. The story with the guitar was kept a secret from Lara, for Stakh was a bit shy of the girl. They ran to the house on the riverside, and Tema shouted, "Hey, Lara Gravel!"

Lara's fluffy head showed up in the window.

"Confess now or hold your peace forever! Can you sing?"

"A little bit!"

"Come to our warehouse then and we'll see!"

They called Grisha Filin over, too. He brought a lantern with colourful glass and put it on the floor; red, blue and green sparkles shone on their faces. Stakh sat down on a big box, Lara next to him. "What do I play, though?" Stakh asked.

"Play a sad one that the kids sing, the one about a kitten and a puppy," suggested Tema. "You and Lara look a bit like ones."

"And who is, I'm afraid to ask, the kitten?"

"The kids believe all cats are girls and all dogs are boys," said Lara "So I am the kitten".

"Those kids are stupid".

"Never believed this nonsense".

Lara snorted and pushed Stakh's side to make him play; he placed his fingers on the guitar's strings. The song was an easy four chords, and Lara's singing was so pretty. Unlike Stakh's wacky, breaking voice, it was quiet and tender -- like glass bells ringing.

The echoes rose high under the warehouse's roof; the wind wept in the Steppe. The evening's cold came closer, the kids pressing close to each other like pups. They kept singing, trying to catch up with each other. Lara looked at him with fascination, and Grief with a soft smile. Tema looked so proud as if it was him who taught Stakh to play. And Stakh felt he wouldn't regret giving away ten knives for this.

[fredbearings]

💖 dude I'm loving your posts musing about the Afton & Emily families so talk about any relationship dynamics between em you feel like?

💖 - Relationships between characters?

!!!! thank you!!! i’m so glad you like them i have a lot of feels about both families so i’m really happy someone else does too haha

i worked all day today and then came home and knocked out the rest of what i had of the fourth closet (which was a LOT) and i’m typing these with shaking hands as i speak so prepare for lots of emotions that are literally fresh…… (i’ll try to keep it free of tfc spoilers tho)

this is from this [x] meme! i’ll still take some if anybody else wanted to send anything!

(also.. i’m gonna go along the book timeline mostly (+michael and crying child) mashed up a little with the game canon bc it’s easier to work with atm)

both families’ kids

they’re all basically cousins.like they see each other all the time, are stuck at the restaurant after school bc of their dads… plus with how close their dads were it was just a given. granted they never referred to william and henry as their “uncle” to their faces (they’d only do it if somebody else was asking bc it was easier than saying ‘my dad’s best friend/business partner/etc’). but they still saw them as uncle figures regardless. they grew up with them around so why not yknow!! 

michael and the twins were born the same year and used to be super close, but once the younger afton kid (need to think of a name for him) and elizabeth were born, he went threw that edgy preteen phase we all did and secluded himself from everyone else. so instead of hanging out with michael like she used to charlie began to spend more time with elizabeth and the crying child even though they were younger bc she didn’t mind it. she was closer with elizabeth tho and they were best friends for the short few years they could know each other before henry passed and elizabeth was killed.

henry + afton kids

basically like second children to him. he loves them to pieces and treats them no differently than charlie and sammy. he has a soft spot for michael though bc he knows he feels somewhat forgotten about, and michael hella appreciates it when henry will pay attention to him over his siblings. sometimes he’d let mike tinker with things with him while the others played on the floor nearby. overall he’s the best uncle anybody could ask for. (once he realizes everything that william’s done he worries himself sick over his kids, but he just can’t bring himself to try and rescue them bc he’s already too far gone himself)

william + emily kids

he’s obviously a bit more awkward than henry, but he tries to act similarly to the twins as henry does his kids even tho it’s really hard. he likes to be by himself and unbothered, so he’ll never let them work on things with him, but he doesn’t mind them around as long as they don’t get in his way. things become different after the twins dwindle to one and he has to force himself to still be around the emilys so nothing seems suspicious, so he’s a lot more forceful with his friendliness bc it doesn’t come as easy. (with good reason, without spoiling anything from tfc)

henry + william

they were best friends. i have no idea how they met but they’re just really tight. i guess you’ve got to be if you’re gonna run a business together, entertain children in costumes meant to act as a duo, and have kids the same age. i wholeheartedly believe henry to be someone who loves with his whole heart–familial, platonic, romantic, whatever–so he absolutely loved william that way too. (platonic/familial) william loved him lots too to the point of obsession and jealousy whenever he paid too much attention to anybody else, leading to the inciting incident of this entire mess. of course once henry learned what he did his love turned to immediate, pure, raw hatred. william never hated henry though until he had trapped him in the maze and banished him to hell when he burned him down. their friendship is weird and complicated and sad and infuriating and it’s really interesting to see interpreted by others imo

in general

william is the godfather of the twins and henry is the godfather of michael, elizabeth, and (crying child). the kids are all so close that they’d take turns spending nights over each other’s houses without really asking; everyone would just get ready to go home and find an extra kid or three in their car. not that either guy necessarily minded. (it was a lot easier than when they’d trot up to spring bonnie or fredbear in a row like baby ducks and tap on the hipplate to ask if they could stay over. it was even worse when neither could answer bc they were in performing for other kids who didn’t know that the animatronics weren’t actually moving on their own, bc then they’d ask again and call their dad by name. spring bonnie is then put on the spot bc “””his name isn’t william””” (wink wink kids) but if he doesn’t answer elizabeth she’s gonna draw more attention to themselves and dig an even deeper hole)

both sides of kids are comfortable enough to nag their uncle for mcdonald’s or ice cream

also they spend holidays together!! before henry learns william’s secret of course. michael hated holidays when he got a little older bc they were just normal days for him since william never celebrated, and he’d see other families get together and he’d be reminded of how many people both sides lost and how things used to be. 

this is a LOT of stuff i’m sorry but overall: the aftons and emilys are like family to one another and the kids are all best friends. i’m at the end of this post and i still feel no better from tfc so i’m gonna watch vine comps skjdfhs

thank you for asking!!!

[stillsolo]

for the first in a while, I'm gonna ... try to take it easy, today.  

I actually have a lot to do but I really need to chill the fuck out for a second and take a breather.  my OCD's made my life remarkably difficult lately and I've begun to disassociate in order to cope.  I know disassociation plays a key role in obsessive-compulsive disorders; I know my OCD's fairly severe and it's been getting worse as I get older, but I'm not...usually this bad.  Even when under stress.

for example, a batch of 200 commissioned banner icons suddenly turns into 400+, and I'm still not done because I can't stop keep remaking them.  

oh, this one's coloring is off. but these frames are split second to each other ... can't have that, gotta redo 'em. 

 wait, the pixels are...'weird' looking in the corner, here.  rejected.

this one could've been cropped way better.  how could I expect them to use this?

why is this one in the 'final version' folder when the border around it overlapped a part of the icon?

I need to redo these 73 because the shadow is too dark and blocky beneath the icon.  it’s supposed to be a fade.  it’s what they ordered and you’re not giving them what they asked for. 

someone's paying you for this shit get it TOGETHER

yesterday, my OCD got triggered about 3 times?  I have a couple of forms.  I had a breakdown in front of my mother after she came home and asked me if I ate and I know I must've made some kinda stupid face that gave it away because seconds after she'd asked, I realized I didn't know what the hell ate other than the toast she'd watched me eat before she left for work at 9am.  It was 11pm when she asked.  

I also had mini-breakdown while talking to my customer and it was terribly embarrassing.  I got a nosebleed to top it all off too lmao  ( i'm so sorry if you're reading this, john omfg you've been the best to me and I'm sorry because I'm sure all you'd wanted was icons to rp sdfkjsd )

but I just. 

All of my friends think OCD is just me having high ass standards or just being 'know-it-all'.  I've been called that all my life.  In fact, I've been called that by friends I thought would never say anything like that about me because I thought we were friends

We live in this new age of 'awkward is cute'.   It's hip to be square, cool to be uncool, and sexy to be nerdy and quirky.  and there isn’t any better way to declare your individuality and weirdness than branding yourself 'so OCD' about something.  

Ahaha.

I fucking loathe people who do this.

OCD isn't a quirk or a set of tendencies.  It's not fucking buzzf.eed list, not a little buzzf.eed quiz you can take and readily relate to the results; it's an incapacitating, isolating disease that makes you afraid of your own mind.

If my friends could see, just once, what it's like for me, when I'm caught in an obsessive-compulsive loop, maybe then they'd finally understand me when I say ''''it's bad''''.

Even Something as simple as drawing a line-art from a sketch turns into a complete and total nightmare.  8/10 times, I'll redraw the line-art like — hm, I don' dunno — about 7 fuckin' times in a row, then, delete all of it because IDK, it wasn't 'right'?  ( Who am i kidding; I do the same with sketches ヽ(・ω・)ﾉ  )

Oh, yeah, for sure.  Me and my ‘high fucking standards' did this.

NO.  No one in their right mind would do this.  They wouldn’t re-draw the same fucking drawing 7 times in a row and the same layer style over and over, not even changing things up to maybe get some progress.      Nobody.  Jfc.

And oh, god, that moment when you realize, it's been more than 8/9 hrs since you began and you haven't eaten or drank anything; you don't remember the last time you looked at your phone or what the hell happened to the time because last time you looked, it was 11am and now it’s 9:48pm.

Moreover, you made exactly zero progress on your project — because IDK — there’s no valid reason?  JUST COULDN'T STOP HA

I never thought I would talk about this, but uh, Y'all know how much I love han.  I want Han to be seen in the best light possible.  while SW has been one of the few things that have held a light in my life, he's helped me become a better person in more ways than I can articulate.  and no, I don't mean I suddenly started picking trash up off the highways.

I mean, by writing him in this amazing place filled with people I don’t have IRL who share my interests, I’ve met so many new people, friends, learned so many lessons, about characters and life and writing.  

When I began writing Han, here, I had just learned what present and past tense was in English.  I was winging my writing, trying really hard to understand.  English isn't my first language.  In Cantonese, my native language, there's no such thing as a past tense.  

By writing Han with you guys, I've taken huge steps in life, without even realizing it. 

So, everything I do for han, I want for it to be good.  

Not outstanding, and definitely not exemplary or nonpareil — just ... good. 

And icons — haha.  I love icons.  I love and hate making them.  similar to my writing, I work very hard on his icons.  ... but I need to learn where to draw the line.  

I once remade an icon 23 times before I was happy with it.  ( i had 23 versions left in my folder lmao ).  like these here?  10 versions of each, in the least. 

( the last one is kinda an exception... I think.  I made that one well over 25 times, for sure.  but I think it's because I'm not accustomed to Blaine's coloring yet. ) 

Wow, this really turned into a long post.  I don't really care, though.  My OCD is something that has always been completely ignored IRL.  Shit, it's ignored by even my online friends.  I can't even game online without one of them thinking I must get off on establishing my superiority and overall knowledge of '???’ game.  Haha.

'Show me your build?' :D 'Er...nah. I think I'll pass.' 'Why?  What's the matter?' 'You'll pick it apart.'

It's never considered 'advice' when it's from me.  It's me as a know-it-all, as someone who looks down on others for not having up-to-par stats. 

I'm sorry I did the math for you so you wouldn't have to.  This is simply advice you're free to toss aside, but it's not like it matters.  Even if I reassured that—you're already too annoyed to listen for any longer.

So, I’ll also apologize for how I can recall faction modifiers, body part modifiers, critical hit and stealth modifiers, as well as debuffs; how a certain amount of damage of one type turns into inflicted damage to a target while considering type modifiers and armor, and knowing the damage formulas needed to calculate the number of hit points required to kill an armored or unarmored target, with or without a finisher multiplier figured in — because I want you to do the very best with your weapon of choice, even though I can name 5 different weapons that utterly outclass it by tenfold. 

In reality, I never had much of choice.  Information like that doesn't stop looping in my mind, even at night, when all I want is to sleep.

Sometimes ... I wish I could be that one character on a comedy show who has a quirky disorder or ''OCD'' and everyone seems to love him for it because he's funny when he does it or he's generally helpful 

More often than not, my OCD just ruins everything.  I don't feel like I belong anywhere.

I need to take a breather.

[dontcallmecarrie]

Hello!!! It took me awhile to work up the courage to write this because you just seemed so cool and I didn't want to annoy you but I really wanted to complement you aaahhh ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´ω`ﾟ)ﾟ｡ Your writing is just amazing and super duper cool and it draws me in so much and it's something I really appreciate because 9 times out of 10 I'm gonna analyze for inconsistencies or something in stories because... Not enough going on, I guess? (1/5) ~ Silac

And it’s double amazing because!!! Beautiful grammar and flow!!! I’m not getting hung up on petty stuff!!! Truly a work of art, uh. Ms? Mr??? Mx????? Friend, I guess, I can’t figure out your gender/pronouns, whoops. But yeah I really really like your writing and the way it flows! o(^▽^)o That aside- The main reason for this message was TWiFFON, I mean??? It combines some of my favorite things- Tony Stark, JARVIS, accidental world domination, protection squads, mildly scary AI’s… (2/5) ~ Silac

I can’t ask for more, really. And you address so many cool things and don’t ignore Tony’s mental conditions and how much he loves and depends on JARVIS!!!!! I’ve even daydreamed about it like!!! What will happen next!!! Are there gonna be more Peter-JARVIS interactions beyond what’s already been seen? Does Tony become Peter’s Surrogate Dad??? Does JARVIS become fond of Peter in a “Grandparent-Grandchild” sort of way????? (3/5) ~ Silac

Do they come up with “If Tony Dies We Reck the World” plans at some point, or does that happen with Rhodey and Pepper??????? (I love Peter+Avengers too much whoops) And! What about the Infinity Stones!!! Does Tony end up using any of them, if at JARVIS’ insistence (given he seems to want Tony to live longer…)? Just!!! Super cool story and everything and haha wow I really hope this isn’t annoying or weird or anything, if it is just ignore it I guess??? (4/5) ~ Silac

But yeah you’re one of my favorite writers right now so!!! Keep it up!!! Remember to take care of yourself!!! Sleep and eat and take a break if you need to, no one will be angry. I hope you’re doing well~ ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡ (5/5) ~ Silac

Hi, friend! [Hope you don’t mind my grouping the ask series together, I’m still new at several aspects of Tumblr.] 

I’m really glad you like my writing, and I’m really flattered [read: this ask basically my day, and it’s been a long one, seeing it made me smile] by it! I’m female, so she/her pronouns work just fine, and I’m trying to go by Naught if possible [it’s a long story involving my pen name, wherein NotCarrie= Naught…yes I like puns, sorry about that], and currently working on the next chapter of TWiFFON whenever my computer’s not joining the robot uprising or exams at at hand [like today *headdesk*].

As for the fic itself: I have an outline for it [if you want spoilers, it’s in one of my previous posts, should be under my tag for this entire AU], but I’ve been going off-script detailing stuff I’d skimmed over [like the entire setup arc for Age of Ultron]. I’m really glad you’re liking it, and hope you still will after I’m done because I’ve been [and still will be] flying by the seat of my pants this entire time. 

When it comes to writing this fic, I’ve been having maaaybe just a little too much fun planning [accidental] world domination. Especially with the turn MCU’s gone lately; I had to look up a script of Age of Ultron [because seeing the movie once was enough for my JARVIS feels], and even this early on can’t help but wonder why Tony’s never snapped [yet]. [Then again, that’s the basis for my entire endeavor for this fic, so.]

This current arc’s focused on the movie and the subsequent fallout, and instead of a robot uprising the Avengers’ll be facing down yet another alien invasion. JARVIS has, so far, been mostly benign, but Age of Ultron’s where his sheer ruthlessness will start to show through. Nothing drastic [not yet], but still.

Peter’s very much in the background at the moment— I’m using The Amazing Spider-Man as my basis for his portion of this fic, and he won’t gather his courage to visit Gwen until later on. But don’t worry, he’ll make his appearance, and JARVIS will be reminded of another bright-eyed teenager with dark hair and an unhealthy fascination with things that go boom. 

Tony’s going to be flailing internally because his social skills are for cameras only and AbsenteeDad!Howard is his main reference for anything vaguely paternal, so he thinks that he’s in the clear by emulating his butler when it comes to dealing with anyone under the age of 25. [I’m calling the unreliable narrator card here; he thinks he’s just the kinda random and aloof teacher/mentor figure to the kid, Peter’s seeing a kind and encouraging man telling him he has potential.] However, I’m also debating as to how I can save his Uncle Ben [even if the man doesn’t have a role in my fic, I just want to see if I can do it plausibly], so. 

As for the ‘If Tony Dies’ portion— this’ll come up later [and gets touched on in the outline, I think]. Minor spoiler: JARVIS has been stepping up his game, but up until now he’s been leaving everyone else on his priority rankings mostly alone. Age of Ultron’s where the status quo shifts, and Happy makes a cameo [or, at least, that’s what he’s slated for, unless something changes]. However, overall, JARVIS would rather reveal himself to the world at large than risk Tony’s safety, so no plans per se. [I have a nebulous idea for a fic about it, but I’m trying to curb them until after this fic’s done.] However, for the most part Tony’s made it clear he wants to save the world, so they’d probably do that to respect his wishes.

And as for the Infinity Stones? Spoilers. ;)

…okay, really I have that portion sorted out, but I’m mostly sticking to MCU, and while JARVIS is looking into possible methods to extend life, his threat analysis says there’s more immediate concerns [with the biggest at the moment being HYDRA].

I just had a recent round of tests [pre-med, woo! *headdesk*], thus the lack of progress, and life’s shaping up to be hectic for a while so I want to see if I can finish it up by the time finals are inbound.

Again, I’m glad you’re liking it so far!