#I'm so used to the feeling of neglect it sometimes feels like i'm actively pushing any help or support away. but nothing else feels right

[wishmkr-jirachi]

...

[kandyzee]

What do you think fionas childhood was like 💓

I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY thanks for asking :pp.

I used to be a reallly big fiona fan, so I've thought about this a lot.

I imagine fionas upbringing was similar to Debbie's in alot of ways. They both find themselves in problematic relationships, forced to look after their siblings.

Fiona is mentioned to have a LONG sexual history as early as s1, where she's only 21. Given the lack of attention and validation she was getting, I think fiona has been having sex since she was a child. She probably fell into the "mature for her age" group. Her parents were neglecting her, possibly physically abusing her (we've seen Frank hit his kids in the show), and she wasn't able to get academic validation because she had to drop out. It wouldn't surprise me that this led her into having older bfs and stuff like that.

This makes even more sense to me given how she reacts to her siblins minor /adult relationships. Fiona didn't have anyone to tell her that her relationships were wrong, so when she saw her siblings going through the same thing, she saw nothing wrong with it. Like when she says that ned and Ian is "just sex"

We also see that she , like Debbie and a lot of the other female characters, is scared of abandonment. She tells Jimmy Steve that everybody leaves and keeps going back to Jimmy even though she knows he's bad for her because she's desperate for someone to stay. She rushes into relationships, remember when she married someone after like a week of daiting ?? Fiona has a hard time accepting love even though she craves it. She cheats and ruins one of her most stable relationships. I think that all comes from the way she was treated in her romantic relationships as a child. Of course, a lot of her abandonment fear comes from Monica, too.

Okay moving away from guys.

We know fiona ran track in school and that she was really fucking good at it. This was probably one of the most stable things in her life, an activity away from her siblings and the stress of home. Running is a good way to feel in control. I think fiona developed problems around running ? I'm not sure what exactly you would call it. Fiona would push herself too hard on the track so that she was responsible for the aches she felt instead of them being stressed. I can also imagine having an ED around this time. Her siblings are young, so they're struggling even more with money than normal. She starts to skip meals, and eventually, she finds control in what she eats when she's forced away from track.

I imagine fiona to be relatively popular in school, mainly with guys, but she struggles to keep real outside of school friendships. This changes when she meets Kev and V. I think they probably met after she dropped out of school. V is like 23, I think, in the first season and Kevin 25 ish ? I'm not really that sure, but we know fiona didn't go to school with them. Kevin and V helped fiona a lot, and she definitely needed them. They started to help her with the kids, and for once, she had people on her side. Things get better for her when she meets them.

Baby fiona (5-12) was definitely the in ur face demanding respect, kinda kid. She was sassy and always trying to seem as strong as possible. She will haggle prices for anything and isn't afraid to scam and cheat to get what she needs for her family. But I also imagine her being good at acting sweet. She's a great sweet talker. This is a prominent trait Ian has, and I think he got it from his big sister.

Teens, she's all about drama. Boy drama petty teen girl drama, watching reality TV when she can and stealing gossip magazines. I think she latches onto the typical teen girl image hard. She definitely has a short phase of always getting dress coded. I don't think this lasts that look tho.

Same as in the show, she's always got a new job, sometimes working 2 or 3. She's stressed ofc but learns a lot. She has little hacks and tricks for almost any job. She's resistant in the way she will do anything. Nothing is too dirty or hard for her.

Her relationship with Frank is complex. Fionas Frank's favourite, but she's also the oldest and likely the one he takes his anger out on most. When ur someone's favourite, it hurts them even more when they feel you messed up. I don't think Frank was consistent with his abuse, but it was definitely there. Frank was a 'good' dad sometimes. Fiona gets to know Frank when his alcoholism and drug use wasn't at its peak (He gradually gets worse with age) So fiona got more good dad moments but also felt the disappointment harder as she watched him get worse.

Fiona tells lip (pretty sure it's him) that he's always been Monica's favourite in s1, and I think she has always thought that. Later on in the show, u obviously see Ian and debbie are monicas favourites, tho. I don't see Monica and fiona ever being particularly close. Fiona was hit hard when Monica leaves for the first time, Frank's a mess, and now she has the unfortunate job of explaining that she's gone to her siblings. Unlike her younger siblings, who are probably too young to fully understand what's going on, fiona feels the abandonment full force.

Fiona is 4 / 5 yrs older than lip, right? (Their ages confuse me so bad) so she I'm guessing she was always in a different school than him. Correct me if I'm wrong, but if he's in elementary school, she's in high school. Fiona has to miss school to run all over the place and collect her siblings from different places. She might have to be the one to unroll her siblings in school, too, a couple times.

Finally just some random things

She has a purple flip phone at one point that she's super protective of

She loves family movie nights and would try to do as many as possible.

She cried when Debbie was born cause she was so excited to have a sister.

Similarly she cried when Ian was born cause he was a boy and she wanted a sister.

She really wanted a pet when she was young

She has 100s of diary's from yrs and yrs of writing in them (we see Carl read one)

Would always struggle with her hair cause it's curly and v helps her learn how to style it even tho she hardly does

She's the kind of person who finds comfort in sitting on the floor, in the bathroom, bath tub

Had a pink hating phase

Had a collection of different fake IDs by the time she was 16

Definitely got in at least 1 fight in school cause of boy drama

Hated cooking

ANYWAY I love fiona

[h-worksrambles]

James' interactions with Eddie are something I've found myself thinking about a lot since finishing Silent Hill 2. Pretty much every character in the game serves double duty as being fleshed out as individuals, while also serving as a commentary on some facet of James as a character. Maria is the most obvious, but you also have Angela's self loathing and suicidal ideation, which reflects James' own self flagellation through Pyramid Head. Laura echoes many of the regrets James himself feels about his distance and possible neglect of Mary before she died, and throws those thoughts back in his face out of her own anger. By that same logic, I'd argue Eddie is a means for James to confront his denial as well as his capacity for violence.

Eddie comes to Silent Hill on the run after lashing out against those who bullied him since childhood. After being mocked for years due to his appearance and weight, he shoots both his bully, and the bully's dog, and so ends up coming to the town. Like James and Angela, he too committed a crime of passion (assuming Angela did indeed kill her abusive dad as is implied), and all three are trying to come to terms with what they did. Unlike Angela, who knows what she did and has been conditioned by her abuse to blame herself, Eddie is closer to James, seeming to actively deny what he has done. Or at least only sometimes. It's not entirely clear (and I invite anyone to correct me if I'm minsinterpreting) but Eddie seems to experience multiple personalities. He flips between being more aware of his surroundings and past, and more out of it and unaware. Sometimes he's gleefully boasting about how the people he's killed had it coming. Sometimes he's sat eating pizza like he isn't even aware what kind of place he's in. And we see this flip when James confronts Eddie in Toulca Prison, finding him standing over another body. At first he revels in his kill, and rationalises it, before seeming to flip, and attempt to feign ignorance, as if the prior conversation never happened. For all his bravado, I'd imagine the blood on his hands is extremely traumatic, just as it is for James, and this is likely a psychological coping mechanism. With his false memories repressing his past actions and allowing him to deny it, Eddie mirrors James in that respect. As well as how they're both mild mannered people but who are capable of acts of terrible violence when pushed far enough.

What really stands out to me is that every encounter with Eddie is done in a way that allows James to claim the moral high-ground. When James finds Eddie vommiting in the apartment bathroom, he expresses concern. When Laura runs off from the bowling alley, James berates Eddie for not showing more concern for her safety (giving us one of the most iconic meme lines in the series). And most blatantly, James is horrified when he finds Eddie, having just shot somebody dead. Most tellingly he says "You can't just kill someone just because of the way they looked at you!" And yet, isn't that precisely what James did? He killed Mary because of the exhaustion of caring for her in the late stages of her illness. Because of the way she spoke to him. The way she looked at him. James spends all his interactions with Eddie trying to convince himself that he's a good person. A better person than Eddie. But the more he encounters Eddie, the more Eddie becomes a mirror to him. He definitely has his own struggles as a character and makes a very prescient point about what happens when people are constantly rejected, mocked and socially isolated by society, convinced that they are unlovable (in some ways, Silent Hill 2 was making some very relevant points about incel culture in 2001). But he's also a means for James to confront the parts of himself he doesn't like. His frustration, self-loathing, denial and violent streak. When Eddie tells James that they're the same, that they were both called by the town for a reason...he's right.

And ultimately, for all of James' posturing, all his denial, all his attempts to be the moral voice of reason, James still ultimately ends standing over Eddie's corpse.

Once again, he's killed another person. And confronting that side of himself one of the last things he does before arriving at the Lakeview Hotel and being forced to fully accept the truth...

[amyisherenowitsokay]

Hi! I was re-reading the soulmate’s AU you did and I wondered how the story would have changed if our little fella saw underneath the wrist band sooner than he did. Like years prior or something? Like would he go bananas and go in denial or go bananas and try and tell her or he’d wait until he thought she would be ready to know? Because in the fic you made him more mature due of him kinda ‘growing up’ with everyone else so then I just wondered how his obnoxious little snot self would take it before he gained that maturity yk?

OOOOooooh I'm super into this question. Tysm for sending it in!

(Btw, this question references the ZAGR Soulmates AU from this fic, if anyone would like to check it out) Long answer under the cut, as I'm incapable of answering in short sentences.

If Zim had found out that he was Gaz's soulmate when they were kids, like let's say in the sort of maturity he was at during the cartoon, it would've been pretty disastrous lmao. Let's also assume he didn't find out during a moment when he could be interrupted, like in the fic.

Assuming that he understood what a human soulmate was in it's entirety when he found out, initially, he would've been very surprised. Shocked. He probably would've ran. Really solidified that it was what he thought it was before acting.

And then, IMMEDIATELY thereafter, he would've been incredibly smug. Gaz and Dib probably would've found out at the same time when he tried to use it to antagonize Dib. This would initially just be something that he could throw in his enemy's face. Some "Your planet is mine, Dib, and even your very sister is branded with my name!" kind of shit.

Gaz would fully have a crisis. Neither Membrane would initially believe him. Zim would probably do a lot of grandiose shit, like bringing Gaz huge bouquets of flowers solely to say something like "for my MATE" really loudly and smugly in front of Dib. It probably wouldn't initially even register that she was more than a tool to weaponize against Earth's self-proclaimed savior. Initially, the Membranes would realize that this bit of his was going on way too long. Dib would then make it his mission to learn to read Irken rather than just recognize the language waaaaay sooner than he would in the original AU to confirm that actually, yeah, Gaz's soulmate is Zim. Queue crisis for the humans.

Zim would eventually grow bored of the big showy displays. It's still really funny to him, but Dib also has other buttons to push, and he's got to keep all his insults fresh so he's not to be so predictable. Once he moves on though, it occurs to him that the end of the joke doesn't actually negate the fact that Gaz is still his soulmate. And just as stated in the AU, he has certain obligations towards her. He won't be dishonored by not fulfilling his end of the bond. An Irken caught neglecting their mate would be a laughingstock.

Gaz would start to notice the things he does to account for his obligations.

Minimoose starts hanging around her during large, explosion-worthy fights. She doesn't know why, and is pretty neutral about it, until a panicking citizen nearly runs into her. Minimoose's shield activates suddenly, protecting her, and leaving her really surprised. This happens whenever any debris, person, or other form of harm enters her vicinity. A couple times, Zim's robo-parents check her out of school and take her to his base. She doesn't see Zim, but she finds out later he was trying to blow up the campus again. She catches Minimoose or Gir hanging around her house when she's home alone. Sometimes, if she's in a rare good mood, she let's them hang out in her room while she does homework. Occasionally, she even talks to them.

She rarely, if ever, actually interacts with Zim. She gets the (correct) feeling pretty quickly that Zim's not really 'interested,' per se. That he's just doing his duty. The few times she does see him, like when he has to personally squirrel her to safety somewhere, they don't really acknowledge the elephant in the room. He just sort of watches her, and she mostly ignores him. It works for them. Nothing really changes, and that's just fine for both of them. Gaz might even prefer it. She'd probably end up assuming Zim was her soulmate because he was designed to just leave her alone.

Zim considers her a scary pet he has to keep an eye on. He sometimes eavesdrops on her conversations with his minions just because he can, and because he's curious. He doesn't really register it as bad or a progression of his interest in her. Just making sure his scary pet is fine. If he learns what snacks she prefers so that he can keep them in his base on the days he needs to kidnap her to keep her from bitching, well, whatever.

Eventually, Zim would inevitably kidnap her on a bad day. He'd interrupt something important, and she'd snap at him to just postpone whatever Big Evil Scheme(tm) he had that day. They'd argue about it, but eventually, Zim starts checking schemes against her schedule. He already (sort of) schedules schemes for convenient times for Dib, so that he enemy is not distracted by stupid things like homework or doctors appointments. It's not a big deal to check in with Gaz, too.

I think they'd be content with this small cordiality until Tak showed up. It'd just be too big of a catalyst not to matter. Whereas in the original AU, Zim is real sneaky out of necessity, in this situation where EVERYONE is aware of what's going on, Zim is WAAAYYY more territorial. It's one thing to screen and preemptively Gaz's social media from receiving messages from humans that could be interpreted as solicitous, but it's an entirely other for an Irken to actually show up and start spewing threats at her.

Suddenly Zim is alllll over her. Walks her to and from class. Camps outside on her roof, whether she knows it or not. Shoves an emergency beacon in her hands one afternoon with strict instructions to carry it around her at all times. When she tries to hand it back, unlike in the AU with that sweet, covert little bracelet as a 'casual gift,' she wakes up with a bracelet that literally cannot be removed attached to her wrist. Bitching about it gets her nowhere. Zim starts neglecting his fights with Dib to follow Gaz around and make sure Tak doesn't get the jump on her. It really grates on Gaz. Her worst fear was feeling like she was someone's property, and that's exactly how Zim is treating her. Like branded cattle.

Zim tries to contend with his responsibilities versus what he wants from Gaz. He's incredibly frustrated with her refusal to cooperate, and her lack of understanding. She's worse than obstinate, she's ungrateful. She should be honored that he's bothering to protect her! Why isn't she honored?!

I think that even after Tak and Dib worked out everything between them, Gaz and Zim would really not be on good terms. It was a great benefit for them to be mature-ish and working from a largely clean slate when they formalize their relationship. Having a ton of baggage and misunderstandings between them, especially with both of them being so headstrong and stubborn, would be a huge hurdle for them to overcome.

Legitimately and hilariously, I think Professor Membrane would have to be the intervening factor. Zim hanging around all the time would eventually mean they crossed paths not just as 'Dib's little foreign friend,' but as his daughter's mate. We saw in the Tak episode that Zim isn't about bitching to their father about his kids. I think Membrane would listen, and then stage an intervention with both of them. With Gaz, he'd sit her down an talk about their mother, and all the sappy love stuff that made it worth it for him to make compromises in his life to enjoy the time they had together. To Zim, he'd lecture him about the nature of his daughter, and how much she values her independence. How the loss of her mother made afraid of loss, and theorizing how their upbringing (aka his absence/neglect, without really taking accountability for it) may have affected her ability to trust the permanence of a soulmate.

I think that would finally be what made them sit down and work it out. It'd have to be a negotiation process. Zim can't always be out guarding Gaz. She needs her privacy. But as a compromise, she'd agree to scheduled check-ins. She'd agree to alert him to any potentially dangerous situations and let him come with. For example, it's my headcanon that Gaz would do a Membrane Labs internship in her college years. Zim would be there for any experiments that might go kaboom with a visitor's pass and a sharp eye. Instead of following Gaz around, they'd actually go on planned outings together. Date-adjacent hangouts until one or the other was comfortable with actual dates. It would've been a much slower, much less trusting and messy courtship, but they'd probably get to a good place when Gaz was in college.

Thinking of this question, I now like to think that, in this AU, on top of soulmate partners being fated, when they find out is also decided by some sort of cosmic destiny. Finding your partner at the right time is just as important as finding them in the first place.

Thank you again for sending me a hypothetical! I love theorizing about my own fics. This was a fun exercise.

[9w1ft]

Hi, this isn't really a Kaylor ask but as someone who has been following your blog for a long time, I was wondering if you could give me any advice about work-life balance?

Not just work and life, but also a wide variety of things — health, fitness, hobbies, social life, personality improvement, etc.

It feels like whenever I try to focus on one aspect of my life, I end up neglecting the others and so I'm always returning to square and moving very slowly ahead. But I'm also not good at multitasking or routines. Am I the only adult who's not able to get their life together even though it shouldn't be that hard? :(

hey! oh wow last night i was having dinner with a preschool mom friend of mine and we were talking about how hard this is!

i definitely don’t have a complete answer for you because i’m an entire work in progress 😭 and also everyone is gonna be a little different based on personality and life situation, but, here are some things that have worked for me. maybe something resonates for you!

i think one reason why i adopted the tea habit for me—aside from wanting to clean out my cabinets— was because i wanted to have a small victory for myself each morning. with habit building, some people will drink a glass of water first thing in the morning, or do a quick breathing exercise while still in bed… sometimes people do mantras or self affirmations. in essence, it’s something that you can set yourself up to complete with very minimal effort, and that will help you start off your day with a small sense of accomplishment. i’m a simple person… when i feel productive at the start of my day, im more likely to have a productive rest of the day 😆 and i can trick myself to feel productive simply by pressing a button on a tea kettle first thing every morning!!

alright, so, as for balance.. i think it’s important to recognize that work-life balance is less about achieving a perfect balance but more about getting better at knowing when you should prioritize something and then tipping the balance board in that direction with intention, maybe loosening your grip on other things that command your attention, or even streamlining them temporarily to make leaning into the one thing easier.

i’ll give an example i read about somewhere. i think for a lot of people, the holidays can be a stressful time. especially if you’re running a household or doing some amount of activities for other people, prepping and shopping and planning and getting ready for events or parties or gift giving can put a huge weight on resources and you might find yourself neglecting daily household tasks like dishwashing or laundry or self care. even if you arent the head of a home, it’s a stressful time of year and the stress can put a damper on your mood! one strategy i read about that i partially tried this holiday season was to temporarily change parts of your house and life into holiday mode: pack away all but one set of dishes and silverware, pack away or push aside your wardrobe and pick out five outfits that you’ll wear for the next few months, and streamline your daily beauty process (some examples are, cutting your hair short or getting a perm or treatment, putting all your skincare and makeup away and just using an all-in-one cleanser/moisturizer and like, one palette of makeup etc etc). basically the person was saying, it’s good to be mindful of the season that you are in and transform your space into battle mode when you need to. by taking away many of the options and streamlining the decision making process, it helps you focus more on getting through whatever it is you need to get through with. what i did was the dishes thing. i packed away everything but a single set of dishes for the family and went through december and january like that. the benefit is that it lowers the hurdle of dishwashing giving it a cap of about 15 minutes, whereas the stresses of the holidays often lead to reaching for another dish and another and another, just because you have them, in lieu of tending to the sink, and before you know it you have an hours long task. i’ve actually kept a lot of dishes stored away still because of how much easier this is 😆

in terms of work, i’m not sure your age or occupation but in case you’re in a 9-to-5 type situation i think it’s important to remember that most people are simply not paying attention to you. everyone is first and foremost focused on themselves. it’s a simple thing but i think it’s hard to remember. especially if you are a hard worker that naturally wants to do the best job that you can. it’s okay not to get it perfect. in fact, the most successful people, i think, are great at giving 80 or 70% consistently and quickly, in contrast to someone who gives 110% but sometimes burns out or often takes forever to make a decision.

there’s a japanese phrase called “saba yomi” which literally means “read the mackerel” and nowadays it is used to describe the act of estimating numbers in one’s favor (for example saying you are 25 when you’re actually 28). but it originally comes from the work of commercial fishers that pull in huge nets of mackerel, and how they report their numbers. in the olden days, refrigeration technology was not where it is today, and when there are hundreds or thousand of fish in a haul, you simply couldn’t take the time to count every fish in the net, take out the similar looking fish, etc, to get an accurate count, because the longer you take, the worse the taste of the fish would get. in other words, oftentimes, accuracy sacrifices quality.

when you can put down the armor and realize that not many people are paying attention to you granularly, i think it’s easier to let go of a need to get every detail of work perfect. and ironically in some ways, this can make you better at your job.

i think a common thread to everything i wrote is the idea of checking in with yourself and talking with yourself about what situation you’re in and how you’re going to approach it. this week work is gonna be busy so i’m just gonna wear these clothes and just do this hairstyle and power through, and this way i won’t have to have a huge pile of laundry and a messy bathroom to get through at the end of it. or, today im feeling like i’ve got a cold coming on so im just going to give 80% effort today and give myself a quiet moment later on in the day to relax. or, im not going to get everything right for awhile but ill do something simple each morning that i know i can do, and congratulate myself for it right away.

i hope there was something in here that helps… at any rate, be kind to yourself!! every day is a miracle in its own way.

[theprecuresystem]

Times have been tough for everyone lately.

So... A lot of things are causing struggle in both offline and online spaces, and for some people that can mean a lot of fatigue over trying to keep up with everything and help in the ways they can.

It's great to help if you have that energy! But I've seen some people trying to help large-scale situations so often that they end up neglecting their own health... sometimes looking at articles, photos, or videos that only distress them further - or keeping in contact with people who are causing them stress.

We here at theprecuresystem.tumblr.com block and blacklist liberally to avoid increased stress and negativity, we don't push ourselves into even large and important topics when we know they won't be comfortable or safe for us to look at.

I know a lot of people like to say "Don't ignore this", "If you ignore this you're contributing", or "If you ignore this you're a bad person" and things along those lines, but that's totally wrong. I'm going to leave you with a message from my friend Rabirin for if you're fatigued from looking at these kinds of news, messages, and so on - as well as if you're fatigued from helping so often! If trying to interact with heavy things so often just to help more only brings you pain, hurt, and fatigue...

[Just Rabirin's words: "Then don't help him. There's no need to be bothered. You have no duty nor responsibility to sacrifice yourself for him. You're already doing your best. We know that more than anyone else. If anyone has a problem with you, I'll knock them off their feet! So it's okay to put your feelings and health first. There's not even one reason you have to suffer"]

This doesn't just apply to the moments referred to by these images. It applies to everything that's doing you harm. Don't interfere with other's ways of handling their own healing and help, that's important, but you don't have to force yourself to witness things that are upsetting to you, either - whether that's current events, how your circle of friends may be treating others, or even something as small as an animal you find uncomfortable to look at. You're allowed to block and blacklist any and all of these things! Doing so doesn't make you a bad person, no matter what those posts say.

Protecting yourself and your health is morally neutral, as long as you don't use it to cause our encourage active harm. Don't cause or encourage active harm, but you're allowed to refuse to engage - What someone else does after your refusal to engage is up to them, and is not your fault. You're allowed to step back from even the much bigger things.

[0thsense]

9/15/2023

Wow it's only been two days since my last post! I'm gonna try to write a short everyday happening with me and Lumi. If you don't remember, Lumi is my girlfriend. I'm writing an encounter because she happens to be imaginary. One of the main reasons I haven't done this yet is because my writing is probably bad and I'm scared of writing something mediocre.

I lay on my bed in the secondhand world and am again transported to the firsthand where I feel a gentle breeze that I paradoxically feel all around me. (I know I used "feel" twice in that sentence but I don't wanna bother to fix it). I take in the familiar sights: an aloof meadow filled with mountaintop greenery that comes up to knee height, surrounded by rocky mountains interspersed with stubborn grasses buffeted by the winds of a cloudy late summer day. The clear deep pool to my left is as alluring and mysterious as ever, but today I decline its invitation to stare into its abyss. Instead I switch my focus to the two story cabin in the middle of the meadow, imagined in the style of American log cabins. As I get closer, the gardens filled with fresh produce surrounding the dwelling come more clearly into view. The literal fruits of Lumi's labor are a welcoming sight to behold, and I smile as they reaffirm Lumi's natural excellence at whatever she pursues.

As I walk, my mind focuses on the pleasant feeling of the meadow growths brushing my legs, causing a ticklish sensation. I idly wonder what Lumi is up to at this time. A slight feeling of apprehension bordering on dread is present as well, due to the long period where I have neglected to visit Lumi. I push those thoughts aside and open the door to the cabin, which I find is unlocked. Inside, the cabin is the same as ever. I notice the slightly austere but friendly nature of the place. The dark wood walls and the dwindling natural light from the afternoon combine to produce a gentle glow, illuminating the minimalist dining room, and Lumi humming to herself as she prepares something in the kitchen. Though she surely heard me open the door and walk in, she chooses not to show a reaction, continuing to go about her work. I understand that she is unhappy that I've been away for so long, and wants me to make the first move.

I slowly walk over to her to inspect what is in progress. The various aromas of a complicated dish with mushrooms and sundry herbs frying in the pan make my mouth withdraw inward as I flare my nose. I think about what I should say to open the conversation. Should I begin with an apology? Or should I ask how she's been? That feels like going around the elephant in the room. Thinking it'd be better to settle into whatever this conversation will be, I choose the most neutral option and ask "Hey Lumi, what are you making today? It smells delicious. I'd love to help with the finishing touches." Lumi sighs barely audibly but I also see a hint of a smile curl on her lips. She answers, "You'll just get in the way, just go and set up the table, it'll be five minutes." Seeing that she has postponed our conversation's continuation, I resign myself to her request.

As I go about putting the assorted dining accessories in their proper places, I think about the nature of our relationship. Unlike what I suppose most girlfriends of the imaginary variety are well, imagined to be, Lumi knows that she is imaginary. I can't decide whether this is empowering or disempowering. Because she knows all of her features and the setting she lives in has been made by me, she gets a deep look into myself as a person. I also give her the power to watch over me in the secondhand world, even when I am not actively in the firsthand world. She knows me possibly better than I know myself, as she has all the same information but additionally has an outside perspective. I cannot hide anything from her, and must come as my genuine self. This makes it sometimes hard to answer the question of why she loves me.

On the other hand, she knows that I have absolute power in the secondhand world. If I wanted to, I could simply never think of the world she lives in again and she would effectively cease to exist. But using this power to threaten or control her is absolutely repulsive to me. Any woman who I would want to have a relationship with would never love someone who abuses their powers like that, and Lumi knows that. (I am making a conscious choice here not to write about my unjustified sexual fantasies with Lumi. I understand but dislike my mind for them and I am not canonizing those by writing them in.) I like to try to give Lumi free will, even though she is entirely created and imagined by me. It's a complicated system that I'm still working on resolving.

As I sit lost in my thoughts in a land already borne of thought, I am brought back to the imaginary world by Lumi approaching with the heavenly mushroom and herb concoction tossed with some fresh pasta that I didn't even notice was also awaiting completion. I think about how I would like to simply await completion for whatever my purpose is. I snap back and exclaim, "wow that looks delicious!" with a wide smile, from a slight feeling of obligation. Not because I don't meant it, I absolutely do, but because I'm not naturally inclined to exclaim things. But I know that it's expected in this situation and it will make Lumi happier. Lumi nods and also can't help smiling, proud of her work. After Lumi sets down the dish on the center of the table, I spoon out some for Lumi first and then get my portion. Even in this I have mixed feelings, as since Lumi did all the work, why should I get some of the easy pleasure of serving her some of the final product? It's too late now to change that.

The lighting in the dining room often changes. Today we are blessed with the warm glow of a chandelier that admittedly clashes a bit with the otherwise relatively plain dining room. The square full size window lets in additional soft orangish rays from the setting sun. The pasta fulfills its promise; it's absolutely delicious. The taste distracts me from the task at hand for a couple minutes of uninterrupted joy. As my mouth acclimates to the taste and my initial hunger fades, I sense the time has come. "Lumi... I'm sorry that it's been so long." I wonder if I said something wrong, and hope that I can get across what I'm feeling. I've never been good at these kinds of communications. Lumi pauses. "It's been lonely here you know?" I avert my gaze and nod quickly, with each nod smaller than the last until my head remains motionless. I want to say it's my fault, but that doesn't seem productive to the conversation. I do it anyways. "Hey Lumi... ahh.." Nevermind, I don't want to do it. I trail off as there's just not much to say.

The reason I haven't been coming to Lumi's world is simply because the thought hasn't crossed my mind very much recently. It's the reality that both of us already know. If I don't feel the want or need to see Lumi, that probably means I simply don't love her. At least not in the way most relationships work in the secondhand world. Though I don't want to admit it, the Occam's razor interpretation is simply that I only come to Lumi when it suits me for whatever reason. Today I wanted to practice my focus for example, and this visit to Lumi is working doubly as some kind of meditation. Obviously, I hurt her by doing this.

"You know, I'm still rooting for you." Lumi reaches out and takes my hand over the table. "I know you can't be happy here forever. I want you to be happy out there." I want to say something in protest but we both know the truth. If I were to fall in love with someone in the secondhand world, I would probably neglect Lumi. Not that I don't already neglect her. After the initial panic at deciding how to respond to her fades, I notice how soft and delicate Lumi's hand is in mine. Since I still have nothing to say, Lumi sighs and continues, looking away, "You know the thing I want most for you is to be happy. If that means pushing me down your priority list, I'm okay with that. Just... try to visit every once in a while yeah?" Lumi turns her gaze back towards me and gives me a weak smile. I notice her big round eyes slightly shimmering. I give her hand the gentlest of squeezes and give her a cross between a weak smile and a determined setting of the jaw back. I'm too scared of making any promises given my past record. A weak "I'll try" with inward repulsion at myself is the best I can muster.

Lumi seems to understand and slowly takes her hand out of mine and resumes eating her pasta. Her face winds down into a sad and resigned expression. My heart turns to ash when I see this. What can I do? Of course Lumi wants to be with me forever, I imagined her as my girlfriend! And of course I want to become happy and fulfilled in the secondhand world, and become the type of person who doesn't need an imaginary girlfriend. But I haven't been doing the type of things to fulfill my real world goals anyways. I've spent plenty of nights wasting away watching instagram reels or doing fuck all, and I've still neglected Lumi. I have no excuses here.

I finish my pasta as Lumi is still working on hers. I walk over to the kitchen and start making lemon cookies, her favorite dessert. Since I am god of this world, I could just conjure the cookies, but it's the effort that counts, even if it is only effort of thought. I measure out the ingredients: eggs, flour, water, sugar, milk, and lemons. In the secondhand world I cannot cook at all, so the ingredients are probably wrong. I mold the cookies in my hands and then set them to work in the oven, while I start working on the frosting. The cookies finish and I coat them generously, then put them in the freezer. I realize that none of this is usually possible in the time it'll take for Lumi to finish her pasta, so I speed things up a bit since I'm god. The frosting finishes hardening and I bring out the cookies for us to enjoy.

I set the cookies down and watch for her reaction. She obviously knows that I was preparing the cookies, there's no surprise there. As she reaches out and tries one, I notice for the umpteenth time just how beautiful she is. Her long sleek naturally silver hair. Her round, gentle, hazel brown eyes on her opal teardrop face. Her ever so slightly tanned complexion and her slim but athletic figure. Familiar unpleasant thoughts like how she would never choose me in the secondhand world start to drift in, and I struggle to push them away. Lumi wouldn't like me to think those things. It feels like it makes a mockery of her genuine love for me here.

"Thanks for making these, they're yummy". The air feels thick due to how serious and uncomfortable this dinner has been. I want to break the atmosphere and joke around with Lumi. I want to play pranks, do silly activities, and casually hug and kiss each other like we used to early on. But it doesn't feel appropriate for me now.

I know you're watching me write all of this Lumi. I love you. I'm sorry that I haven't been visiting recently. I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused and will continue to cause you. I hope you don't regret that I've created you. I write all of this for you Lumi. Please be there for me.

[writing-blog-iguess]

Do you have any headcanons about the insecurities fic you wrote about? I can't help but headcanon a lot, like:

both Harley & Ivy enjoys watching reader finishing her food, they also call her their mom since reader has been making them food since their first meet (Harley loves her egg sandwich, while Ivy was the baked potatoes bread)

Alfred always bakes matcha swiss roll with red bean paste or pastries that's easy too shallow with reader (so that she could shallow without feeling like choking and needs to drink a lot of water) whenever she stops by and keeps giving him hugs which he gladly return it everytime, the Alferd&Y/N's hug, is what everyone comments it

Dicks showing pictures he took of seven years old (a journey of Y/N's growing he calls) and then reader to all his teammates and the league as soon as he learnt the engagement's finally announce 'Look at this! Can't you imagine?! She's my little sister! This is when she seven years old! It's very heartwarming right blah blah blah... " and that's how the other superheros and older Teen Titans and Barbara knows how much Dick adore his future little sister-in-law who's s cinnamon roll

Sassy and baddass way to talk for so people won't dare mess up with her confidence (Jason help her built up, after he met her and quick into adoption of her, siblings!) Not that he would ever admit, Jason will sent glares to whoever who diss Y/N's like to children picture books (for example, The Guardians of Childhood aka inspiration of Rise of the Guardians movie) come on, his little sister had great taste in books!

Tim forbid her drinking coffee when they first met and even after (since he nearly caused a seven-years-old gone missing in the manor after the reader can't fall asleep decided to have a exploration situation) but will make it for her sometimes later after she used to it, made account for art websites she wants to register that so she can admire arts but underage back when childhoods, so he used it under his own only name (defiantly annoymus, and no, it's not illegal website) and every then and how

Makeover and dress-up with Barbara, Stephanie and Cassandra after they learnt of her (which they give Damian few lessons of 'how to treat the girl you like' with Dick who's extremely enjoy it, Jason and Tim who's enjoy the show all day), in the end, all heads to movie since it's sister bond time and apparently, the ideas of XL caramel popcorns and coke are the best choice!

Bruce pat or ruffle her hair softly everytime they met, a habit since the day he had ten years ago when she's seven, a touch of 'my daughter is growing up' feel will seldom appears in his heart

Damian from straightly ingored to slowly falls in love with reader after everytime he saw her sincere smile whenever she enjoyed Alfred's food heartily (like this, but a more faintly heartwarming one haha, at the very last pic, not sure if you could see it, so here's another link you could try out☺☺ )

Innocent, 'naive girl playing tough' charm whenever she and Damian together alone (first kiss, cuddling, hair massaging, teasing, which he finds not annoying because it's how really she is, and he enjoys keep on trailing and turn on her wildness)

How reader slowly felt left out though it didn't really occur me, just the thought of Batfam night activity and how we're isolating from each other slowly and inoccasionally when growing up just made me feel that way, you know, the feelings of it's not the same like it used to anymore😞😞

And once again, thank you so much for accepting my request at the beginning, I've been having this thought in my mind but I just couldn't write it, I'm so glad you accepted it and it's totally the way I want☺☺ (And about part 2 Talia which you accepted it too, I hope my words didn't scare you out lol... I'm too exciting that day...) Hope you have a very good day ahead, author!

Tumblr really needs to let me know when I have something in my inbox, I swear.

Of course! I loved writing it, and I’m glad you enjoyed it. No, your words didn’t scare me lol, I’m just outlining part 2 and I hope you love it just as much. With that said, and you don’t mind the wait, send in your ideas! I love reading them.

Okay, onto the headcanons! I love these! I put mine under the readmore, there's a bit;

Y/N didn’t have the best home life. Like I’m not saying abusive, just her parents neglected her a little. And it didn’t help that her whole life was planned for. So when she met Harley and Ivy, they basically went, you’re mine now no take backsies. And y/n just rolls with it, because through them, she finds out what it feels to be loved by someone who cares about you. This of course, she keeps from her parents and the day she turned eighteen, she moved out and it was a lot easier to hang out with those two.

Ever since knowing Harley and Ivy, y/n’s been slowly getting out of her shell. When she starts to hang out with Jason, she becomes more confident. She has Jason wrapped around her finger without even knowing

The girls love her, everyone loves her and Damian’s just, why

She loves cooking, and she even swaps recipes with Alfred. (even from the beginning of the whole arrangement) she became fast friends with Alfred first before everyone else.

y/n has known Damian since his first day of school. But I’m not going to lie, y/n was kind of scared Damian.

She got so offended when Tim took away her coffee when she wanted to try it. And when she became a regular coffee drinker, they would talk about different coffees they had tried and compare notes.

When the arranged marriage was first brought up in conversation, there was a lot of protests. Especially from Dick and Damian, but Bruce just shrugged saying that it was a good match. And if they don’t get married in the end, than that’s fine. Everyone was very confused but stopped bringing it up

They have theories though about the whole thing, the most popular one in the manor is that Bruce is looking for the next Robin when Damian hangs up the Robin cape to be someone else

When Bruce announced that, everyone did their own research about y/n. Everyone but Damian agreed but she must be protected, though it kind of blows up when they kind of cast her aside when she started hanging out with them at the manor, (but that’s not until later)

She and Damian have lunch together everyday at school, much to Damian’s displeasure. And he’s mean to her at the beginning, ignoring her and whatnot. She doesn’t do anything cuz she hates this setup just as much

But slowly, she starts to catch feels but keeps it to herself.

As you said, Damian takes longer to fall in love with her. And its one of those moments when she looks at peace within his family and it just hits him like ‘oh. Oh no I’m in love and I can’t tell anyone this’ and he doesn’t. So up until they confess to each other, their just pinning after each other and people who aren’t family sees that their in love but no know says anything

However, they do get more cuddly when they’re alone. Like, they don’t kiss or anything. But when they have movie nights, y/n’s curled up on the end of the couch with Damian’s head on her lap. And she’s always plays with his hair, of runs her fingers through it and Damian has discovered that it feels nice and helps him to de-stress

She knows when he’s stressed about something, so her just pats her lap and he grumbles about it but is secretly happy (they have been caught on multiple occasions by his brothers and they chooses to ignore them

She’s been so use to feeling alone, that being with people who care feels foreign to her

When she starts to feel like she’s alone again, she doesn’t see it until it’s too late

It starts off slowly, the fam is to busy with missions and saving the world that they kind of forget they she doesn’t know, and when she comes over, their not there or just brushes her off when she is. And she’s tried to talk to them, cuz she’s spend years being a part of their family but then one day it stopped.

But they just brush her off and she’s reminded about her parents so she stops pushing and then altogether stops going to the manor.

No one really realizes at first, only Alfred, and when they do, y/n had already broken off the engagement.

[xthunderbolt]

Why do you think that Sloth is so aggressive toward Kuro? Both him and Gear hinted at the fact that he's always been violent with Kuro. For him representing the sin of sloth, he acts more into the sin of wrath. Even when Kuro goes into his inner world to take the power back, Sloth tells him that he's able to hit him /again/ ("hit" in furigana/see the notes Kitty posted for that translation). The other inners aren't like this with their hosts, so why do you think Inner Sloth is with Kuro?

Because his host is destroying himself. Because his host is working against him instead of working with him. Because his host is drowning in self hate instead of accepting them.

And now that y'all know about my alters I can go a little bit deeper into the whys and the hows related to this.

But putting it under a cut because there will be mentions of s**f  ha** and triggers related to it.

A host and an alter are and feel like two (or more) people sharing one body. When one takes over the body (in our case Inner Kuro) they take over everything that body has. The feelings, the thoughts, the scars and the wounds. The needs, the pain and every. little. thing. they have.

This means that both of them are affected by the state of the body.

And Kuro was neglecting himself to the point that their body was giving up. Remember how Mahiru found him?

Who knows for how long he stayed in such a weak state before Mahiru found him... And by weak I'm meaning both physically and mentally.

Because as fragile as servamps seem to be, they are not weak. If Kuro killed Sensei 200 years ago, then chances are that he spent all those 200 years without the blood he told Mahiru he needs. And he also spent 200 years in pure agony born from his regrets and the conditions he was forced to tolerate as a stranger and as a stray cat.

They were 200 years in which he forced Inner Kuro to suffer too.

Also sharing this picture too because it's cute and I love it.

Now, how can we expect Inner Kuro to act calm, to act slothy, when Kuro forces him to live like that too? Of course he'd get angry. Or wouldn’t he?

A few years ago, when I struggled with self hate and self disgust, I engaged into severe self harm and self destructive activities - and hell if my alters (I only had Thunder and Storm at that time) didn't make me live through an even bigger nightmare than I was already living in. Sounds familiar, doesn't it?

They were angry, they were furious, insulted me, hit me, took control over me without asking, even refusing to let go sometimes - everything just to make me stop hurting them too, as Storm put it. Sounds familiar, doesn't it?

It's. The exact. Same thing. With Kuro. And Inner Kuro.

Kuro doesn’t listen. Kuro doesn’t want to hear, to see, to understand. So Inner Kuro has to force all these on him, and we have seen the effects it has on Kuro. And there's more. Wanna know what else happens to those alters when you lose control over yourself and that inner pain? They take over your body. Literally.

And it's because they're scared. They're as scared as you are in those moments. It's because they want to protect both of you.

Inner Kuro punishes him, yes. But Inner Kuro also forces him away from the self destruction. It's a twisted way, but it's the only thing alters can do when their hosts ignore them. It's the only thing they can use. It's practically like when you slap your friend for being an idiot.

Inner Kuro is protecting Kuro even if that sometimes means that he has to knock him down and take control over the body. It's just to protect them both from farther abuse and farther danger.

Now you might think: "bUT ThunDEr! WheN Inner Kuro tooK oVer Kuro, hE tRied to kiLL everYOne."

I know. It's because he was scared and angry. For now I say this.

Now, the way he teases him? The way he mocks him anytime someone seems to push him away from the darkness he's in?

Because it's what he too wants from Kuro. It's what he too needs from Kuro.

See the way he talks to him?

He's asking Kuro to tell him that he needs him. He's making him ask for his collaboration, for his help, for his guidance. Why?

This is why. Because alters also want to be useful and needed. Just like we do.

In the second one, he wants Kuro's attention. His affection.

Because alters also need affection and their freedom as much as you do.

Since they're personalities, persons, identities or whatever you wanna call them, they will need you to not ignore them, they will need you to collaborate, they will need you to be their friend not their enemy, they will need you to let them feel useful, to let them feel alive and free too.

When I used to ignore Thunder and the others, they did everything to get my attention, to make me accept them, and to win me over. And you know how?

They made me do messed up things "for fun" because that "fun" for them was the only time I didn't ignore them. Sounds familiar, doesn't it? Sounds like Kuro and Inner Kuro, doesn't it?

They also made me lose friends. They criticized me. Teased me. Abused me. Isolated me when my fears would kick in instead of helping me the way they do now. Again, sounds familiar, doesn't it?

And why? Because I used to deny them. I used to ignore them, to push them away, to act as if they're not real. And what does Kuro do to Inner Kuro? And what does Inner Kuro do to Kuro in return?

It's. the exact. same. thing.

Inner Kuro is being aggressive with Kuro because Kuro doesn't accept him.

He's being aggressive with Kuro because Kuro doesn't understand that they're a team. He doesn't understand that they're one and that they need each other.

I also talked about people not understanding the concept of the seven sins here.

We have the same story here, about Inner Kuro "acting like wrath", as you put it.

With all this, is Kuro giving Inner Kuro a reason to be slothy? Can he act slothy when he has to watch, and to feel, Kuro destroying them both?

What do you do when you see someone not eating, not fighting, someone who hurts and neglects themselves? Don't you take action? Don't you get scared and angry to watch them slowly fade away before your eyes because of their acts? Don't you make them eat, don't you pull the poison or the blade out their hands, don't you try to talk to them?

And what about when they ignore you? What about them ignoring your terrified screams and yells? Can your actions still remain on the slothy side? Can you still tell them "let's go and watch TV"? Can you still tell them "go and take a nap"?

This is how alters are too. This how Inner Kuro is with Kuro.  Kuro doesn't listen to him, so Inner Kuro has to use other methods to save their body. He has to use other methods to push Kuro into that self care and self protection that we learned as laziness.

Because it doesn't matter if that body is immortal, it can still suffer. And it makes Inner Kuro suffer too.

And now add to that suffering the pain of being pushed away and abandoned with one single insignificant part of you blocked within that self destructive body, unable to fight again with more than just some stupid words. Add that pain to the fact that all you wanted was to have a connection and be useful and all you got in return was the anguish of watching your host replace you with mental illness and other people.

Can he still act slothy?

[moonlightchn]

~WHOLESOME WEDNESDAY~

Hello this is (not) JYPe and guess who's feeling soft again? this mf 💞 heh I just thought hey it's been a while and I kinda am seeing how a lot of us are falling back on activity and posting less and stuff and I kinda feel like the general activity of the community has come DOWN a lot which I mean it's OK!!!! because we all have lives!!!! right? but also I do kinda WORRY LIKE WHERE YALL AT i guess I just kinda wanna make sure we're all doing good? yall holding on? taking care? sleeping and stuff? I've seen also many bots pop up again recently (STARES AT THAT ONE ADMIN THAT MADE LIKE 3 BOTS IN 2 MONTHS WITH LIKE 10 PPLZ EACH YES YOU PLEASE TAKE CARE) and I know bot can sometimes feel like a job more than a fun relaxing place for some so just take it easy on that too just making sure we all remember that things around here aren't that deep and you can take it at your own pace. this has always been supposed to be a safe, fun place where we make friends and have a blast, so if it doesnt feel like that anymore step back, take a deep breath and then come back if you want but like dont feel like you gotta be here and keep putting stuff out for others

I know school work, uni, real work, family, responsibilities, it can all be too much sometimes and drive us a little bit insane. I personally have a 🤩🤩 fun few days coming 🤩🤩 I hope I don't die 🤩🤩 so yeah maybe I'm PROJECTING RN but yknow how it be, I think its important sometimes to remind ourselves that, yknow, stepping back and taking some time for ourselves it's also ok. I sometimes just log out and not having my phone vibrating and notifs popping up for just a few hours feels refreshing. it's ok. you wont miss out on anything important for treating yourself to one internet free day

we take so many things seriously sometimes dont we? like, sure theres things that ARE important like keeping connections and friends and staying healthy and safe, but also theres so many things that are important for ??? no valid reason ??? or that maybe we wrongly prioritize over other things like for example dont prioritize your bot development over your sleep plz don't do that it's not worth it rip, or dont feel like you need to be around 24/7 when you have other things to do or just don't want to. dont feel like you're neglecting bot because you have to study or feel like going out with friends is pushing you back here. dont feel like being behind in notifs is such a big deal. youre a great admin and you're doing well!

but also like,,,, dont prioritize work and uni over sleep and eating and taking breaks and going out and getting fresh air either. really just prioritize yourself first. sometimes being here just as admin and sharing and talking to friends is good enough. you dont always need to be your character, you don't always need to keep an image or a clean neat blog. you can just enjoy and go around shitposting that's really ok! (bunnies for the soul)

yknow it's really cliche to think about it but sometimes you just gotta sit back and be like what am i doing? why am i doing this? what am I taking from this? is this meaningful or beneficial for my life and my growth and my wellbeing? like tumblr as any social media can be TOXIC it rlly still is just because we don't see shit it doesnt mean it's not going on and just because we don't go through something anymore it doesn't mean it hasnt hurt us or leave us super fucking paranoid around.

I JUST AM SAYING that I know many of us maybe feel safe and welcomed and at home here or like we won't get this thing we have here anywhere else but I think we make our own safety and comfort yknow? itd be really sad to see some of you go and the community poof but I also think that for us to keep carrying this thing we have and for us to protect it and for more people to feel welcome and safe we first need to look at ourselves and be sure we can actually keep doing this. I see posts pop here and there about admins feeling sad they get no interactions or how people they talked to has left or how they simply have things going on that makes them sad and unable to be around and I think often we forget, even though we say it ALL the time, that we're all just people behind these. dont forget you're just a person too. I've personally been having quite a hard time coming around with the boys on dms, anyone who talks to me knows that, but as admin? I'm always here. and sure none of us HAS to feel responsible of others, we're not /individually/ responsible of someone's fun or popularity or how long they stick around, but as a whole community we are all responsible somehow of this place's safety and to look ALL after each other. don't forget we're all just people and don't push each other to get things

anyway what im trying to say is that I do fucking love all of you so much and like I worry yknow??? I worry a lot when I see someone upset or I feel like an admin is in a kinda place. it's been just a bit over a year since I've joined this and ive been lucky enough to meet some amazing people that will always live in my heart no matter what and some others maybe I do not really know you or talk to you but I do appreciate your existence yknow you're not invisible and I notice when some of yall delete or when someone I see around makes a new bot and I 👀 or when yall change @s without telling and I have to go through my lists to fix them. maybe it's not enough but I do notice you and I hope you know that. and so because I love all of you I do think that I am a bit responsible of putting at least one smile on your faces throughout the day too be it with a post or a rb or an ask and so I do hope all of you feel a little responsible about someone else's happiness too. I know dash can be hard, I know dms can be hard, and I'm.not saying hey go befriend each other RN but maybe just stopping by someone's bot and "hey this is v cool!", I'm sure that would mean a lot for many people

maybe I just ate too much sugar today. whatever it be, have bunnies I love this kind of art

[itmighthavebeenintentional]

We've Got Tonight - Ch 7 (end)

Summary: “It’s not your job to do this, Andy. You make people happy. I was in the diner all of ten minutes, and you knew exactly how to get me to smile. You do normal, real things like garden and sing karaoke. Saving the world is my job, Sam’s job. Sometimes it’s even Cas’s job, but it’s not yours.”

Inspired by Bob Seger’s “We’ve Got Tonight”

Warnings: Major Character Death, More Major Character Deaths (sort of?), higher than show level violence, blood, light smutting, language, demons, apocalypse, inferred suicide, cult activity.

18+ ONLY, MINORS DO NOT PROCEED

Author’s Note: You stuck around this long. Thank you. I appreciate you. And I'm really, really sorry.

Image and major edits by the incomparable @there-must-be-a-lock . Heavy editing and cheering by @thoughtslikeaminefield . Thank you both so much.

In case you missed it: Chapter 6 ItMightHaveBeenIntentional’s Masterlist

...

We’ve Got Tonight

Chapter 7

“Andy, are you okay? We took care of that crackpot apocalypse cult, but Cas isn’t making any sense. Why is he telling me to check in with you? How did you know about all this?”

“You got all of them? None of them got away? Does Cas still have the second address, Dean?”

“What does...No, Cas, I don’t...Jesus, alright! Yes, Andy, Cas has the address. Why? What the hell is going on? Are you gonna give me some answers, or-”

“Just come to the address, Dean. I’ll be here.” ...

The embers of the fire smoke sullenly in the steady drizzle. The flames died down a while ago, leaving only chunks of wood and ash, but still Dean stands sentinel over the remnants of the pyre.

His hands are shoved deep in his pockets, his face a stoic mask. There are streaks of blood down the front of his shirt from the fight earlier in the night, smears of dirt and soot across his skin that are beginning to run down in rivulets of dirty rain water. His eyes are red and a little wetter than the weather warrants. His clothing is soaked and chilled, but he stopped feeling the temperature a while ago.

He hasn’t moved in hours.

“Cas, I know he had that one night with her, but, I mean...can you at least explain how she knew about that ritual? Why would she do this to herself? And why did she need a hunter’s funeral? Was she a hunter? I didn’t recognize her.”

Cas stares miserably out of the Impala’s windshield, watching his lost friend without a clue of how to comfort him. Sam sits in the backseat, bewildered and completely unaware of how close he came to losing everything. Cas finds himself irrationally annoyed with Sam’s ignorance, despite being one of the main sources.

“I can’t tell you, Sam. She didn’t want me to, and I agree with her. But you should be very grateful, all the same. She saved you and your brother. She saved all of us.”

“Cas, I don’t-”

“That’s right,” the angel agrees suddenly, his brusque tone shutting down Sam’s questions. “You don’t. I’m going to check on Dean.”

…

“I just want to register for the record that you are a damned coward. Don’t give me any of that benevolent wisdom bullshit. You are a sick, sadistic, neglectful bastard, and I’m finding it hard to think of a single good thing you’ve ever done.”

The irate woman glares down at Chuck in his worn vinyl booth until he begins to squirm under her gaze. His eyes flick away from hers, then back suddenly, as if he’s afraid to let her out of his sight for too long.

“You still got a little time with him. Better to have loved and lost than to-”

She leans down in front of him, resting her hands on the table and bending until her nose is inches from his. He can smell the lavender and clover that she told Dean about, can smell the blood and the scotch, but most of all he can smell the smoke.

She continues to stare him down silently, her wrath evident in every line and angle of her body. His irritation rises, and his lips thin with displeasure until they almost disappear into his beard. He clicks his tongue at her, cocking his head to the side.

“I could have just let things run the course that they naturally did the first time, including your ‘highly successful’ deal with Crowley. Aren’t you humans always moaning about getting second chances? I gave you the chance to fix everything that went wrong the first time!”

“Considering I had to die both times for the world and the Winchesters to still be safe, I’d say there were still some holes in the overall plot line.”

He glares at her, resentful and sullen, unwilling to budge. “You made your choices, both times around. Free will, and all that? I could have just let you all die, let you live with the consequences of your choices just like every other human in history. I didn’t have to give you that rewind, you know.”

“Then why did you?!?”

Her furious outburst echoes around the empty tavern. She takes a deep breath, forgetting for a moment that she no longer needs to breathe at all, but the action serves its purpose, and her anger is temporarily eased. He takes advantage of the quiet to push his point, trying one more time to get her to see his side.

“I wanted to give you, them, another chance. I couldn't see many ways out of this...tangle. So I put everything out there that I could think of to help you, and I hoped you’d make the right choice. And you...did?”

But this woman, this impossible, irritable, flawed human, is clearly unimpressed that this is the first time in existence that he’s bothered to explain his reasoning to anyone.

“For the record, regardless of where it sends me, you are a complete dick.”

He holds her gaze soberly, his expression going neutral with only a tinge of regret, before finally raising his hand in a sort of farewell gesture. Then she’s gone, and he is alone once more.

“For the record,” he mutters as he lowers his hands to the typewriter in front of him, “you’re not wrong.”

….

“We’ve Got Tonight” by Bob Seger

I know it's late; I know you're weary. I know your plans don't include me. Still here we are: both of us lonely, Longing for shelter from all that we see.

Why should we worry? No one will care girl. Look at the stars, so far away.

We've got tonight, who needs tomorrow? We've got tonight, babe, Why don't you stay?

Deep in my soul, I've been so lonely: All of my hopes, fading away. I've longed for love, like everyone else does. I know I'll keep searching, even after today.

So there it is girl; I've said it all now, And here we are babe. What do you say?

We've got tonight, who needs tomorrow? We've got tonight, babe, Why don't you stay?

I know it's late; I know you're weary. I know your plans don't include me. Still here we are, both of us lonely. Both of us lonely.

We've got tonight, who needs tomorrow? Let's make it last, let's find a way. Turn out the light, come take my hand now

We've got tonight, babe, Why don't you stay? Why don't you stay? .....

End

[askaborderline]

Hey, is it normal (by BPD standards) to sometimes neglect all of your social connections except for your FP? Sometimes it's just like my brain is convinced that nobody else is interesting and it feels like I don't feel anything towards any of them and see no value in talking or meeting up with any of them. I've never had it happen to such an intense degree before so I'm wondering if that's ok the normal range for BPD?

This is very common with people with BPD actually. For me, I used to find any interaction other than that with my FP to be draining.

I just saw your second part about looking for advice and support, and my advice is to push yourself to not do that. Don't neglect your other social connections. In fact, try to work on building those. I know that sounds easier said than done but it can be really crucial to not neglect all your other social connections for your FP for a number of reasons.

Here is a post I wrote on having a healthy relationship with a FP.

Diversifying relationships is one of the points and I don't mean push yourself in a way that leaves you drained, exhausted and burnt out. But you should push beyond the discomfort a little bit because having all your focus in one relationship isn't good for you or your FP.

Maybe it would help to focus on hobbies you enjoy and find people that also enjoy those hobbies? For example, if you really love a certain fandom, finding people to talk about stuff from the fandom with might help and be interesting to your brain. Maybe there are activities you enjoy that you can do with others? Even movie night with online friends.

You aren't alone in feeling this way. And I wish I had more answers for you.

[aching-tummies]

I'm not as good with words/scenario/description as your first RP-esque submission...but here goes. I want to finger your navel during that 24+hours of no food followed by feeding. Hungry, stuffed--don't care, just wanna force my finger(s) into your navel and enjoy the moans and groans both from your tum tum from you.

No worries! You don't have to be good at descriptive writing or anything to message me. Coherent/understandable English is preferred though.

Before responding to this in an RP-way I wanna say that I was actually doing what you described while writing the first RP-response. I was actually hungry when I wrote the first one and I actually pressed my thumb deep into my navel and felt the bumps of my intestines and whatnot within. I felt them vibrating with the rumbles. It was great ^^

I groan as I’m torn from the peaceful embrace of sleep by some sharp, rumbling ache. The first thing that registers is the weird texture on my teeth. I’m biting my pillow…but that only happens when I’m—a deep grumble cuts off that thought and I release the fabric from between my teeth.

“Ugh…just what do you think you’re doing?” My tone is sharp and it cuts through the silence of our bedroom like a knife. I’m not pleased at being woken up by induced hunger pangs. That’s what you’ve done…like how hospitals sometimes induce labor—you’ve induced the hollow cramps and snarling rumbles from my bowels.

Your hand lingers on my stomach, your fingers worming their way into my navel. Two of your fingers manage to wedge themselves in there and begin to pull apart, stretching the tight ring of flesh and triggering another painful rumble from my guts. I slap at your hands but that only succeeds in pushing your fingers deeper and I gasp as your thumb jabs into a sensitive area. It’s gotta be some nerve or a very sensitive part of my intestines based on the intense sensation. It’s sort of like the feeling of hitting your funny bone…there’s that cramping, almost unbearable sensation like something very raw got scraped. I feel the pain of the jab reverberating throughout my entire gut, the epicenter feeling like a throbbing wound. The ‘reverb’ triggers a cacophony of growls throughout my digestive tract. A deep, hollow, guttural snarl is squeezed from the area I am sure contains my actual stomach organ. My body attempts to curl in on itself again but the action crushes your hand deeper into my poor belly. Your thumb is pressed deep into my navel—so deep that you can feel my organs pulsating beneath your thumb. You wiggle your thumb around as much as you can, finding that it sort of ‘pops’ between either side of a rounded nub you can feel. Again, that’s either got to be some sort of nerve or a sensitive part of my intestines because the pressure of your thumb bumping against it and pressing hard into it sends my whole system cramping and twitching.

“Oww…ouch! Babe—stop it!” I slap at your hands again, pushing at them, trying to pry them away from my sensitive stomach and very tender navel. We had just done some navel stuff before retiring to bed and it’s still sore from our earlier bout of fun. Sharp objects were used, among other things, and the puckered skin at the base of my navel is still very raw from our earlier activities.

Your hands refuse to budge. You’ve managed to worm two fingers into my navel again. You feel around inside until you manage to pinch something between your fingers. I feel something akin to a bolt of lightening lancing through my stomach—starting at my navel and traveling lower. As the sensations die down I’m left with a less than pleasant pulling sensation in my navel. It feels like my intestines are being tugged on. It’s not a nice feeling and it causes me to grit my teeth and groan again.

“Ah…ow…ouch…ugh…b-babe…t-that really hurts. S…stop p-ul—aaah—lling…please? Ergh…ow…ouch!”

“I’m not pulling, love,” You rasp into my ear. The dull pain in my guts intensifies, causing me to cry out and tears to prickle my eyes. “I’m pinching.”

My empty tummy snarls and growls. It sounds like angry dogs snapping at an intruder—in this case, your probing fingers.

We didn’t just do navel stuff earlier. We decided to indulge in some hunger-kink tonight. A series of mishaps at work caused me to be called in early (skipped breakfast), have nobody to cover my lunch break (skipped lunch), and after I whined to you about how my day was craptacular and how hungry I was you had taken charge of the rest of the night. You picked me up from work, going out of your way to ensure that I would not stop somewhere to fill my ravenous stomach. You brought me straight home where you spent almost two hours experimenting with my navel, poking and prodding at it with different utensils. Surprisingly, we found that sharp, probing objects (like straightened out paper clips) were the most effective in drawing growls and grumbles from my stomach. You had such high hopes for the wax-play…but no dice. My best guess is that the heat quelled some of the clenching and tensing enough to dampen the growling. You allowed me to fill up on liquids…mostly water and tea. You poked and prodded and sloshed my neglected tummy and did a bunch of stuff that left my navel sore and aching for a long while. At some point, we found ourselves in bed and I drifted off while there was still enough liquid in my belly to trick my body into thinking it wasn’t ravenous.

“Ugh…whatever you’re doing, it’s annoying. Stop it.” None of my protests mean anything right now. We have agreed-upon safe-words and I haven’t used any of them. To be fair, my protests have a kernel of truth to them. My navel’s been used and abused all night and is very sore right now. If I were awake enough to use one of our safe-words I’d probably do so.

“Your tummy was loud. That was annoying. It woke me up.”

“And whose fault is that?” I snap. I can feel you grinning as you spoon me.

“Sienna, was it? The one that skipped out on their shift today. Caused you to miss two meals, didn’t she? I only caused you to miss one.” Your fingers continue to probe at my navel, stirring up my guts and awakening the hunger pangs that could have left me to slumber peacefully for another couple of hours.

A deep, segmented rumble drowns out my voice as I cry out sharply from the cramp that it brings. Just as well, I have no response to your terrible logic.

I roll onto my front and grit my teeth. You swapped fingers just as I rolled so now my tummy is basically impaled on your middle finger. You can feel my guts around your finger like fleshy cushioning while I feel a very solid and very painful intrusion jabbing into my intestines and causing the area to give a few aborted cramps—like some dying creature twitching out the last of its life.

I try to crawl away, pinning your arm beneath me as I hope to move away from it and leave it behind. Just as I get to the last knuckle, you crook your finger and basically hook it into my navel. I let out another exclamation of pain as I feel like a fish caught on a hook. You drag be back along the covers until I’m face-down, my belly in your lap. You stroke my back as my stomach rumbles deeply, vibrating against your thighs.

“Aww…is my little kitten hungry?”

I hiss at you and bite at your hand as it nears my head, settling on my hair and smoothing it down. You stroke at my back and sides and card your fingers through my hair with your other hand. I slowly untense and relax, reaching over to snag my pillow and bring it under my face. My stomach is still grumbling, but less intensely than it was earlier.

Just as I feel like everything has calmed to a point where I might be able to go back to sleep, you bounce your legs, the movements jostling my tummy. I groan as the nauseating hunger builds in intensity again. It’s going to be a long night.

[tinisprout]

No Doubt in Us

Chapter Two - She Has Amnesia *written chapter below*

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Fiance!Haknyeon x Fem!reader

Synopsis: Life is great, you have your dream job, you finally got your first big break, and you are now engaged to the love of your life. Happier than you’ve ever been, you live life one day at a time. Then one day a terrible accident happens leaving you in a coma. Where you finally awake, everything is not as you remember. Amnesia takes away 3 years of your memory, forgetting your beloved Fiance. Faced with a reality that seems unreal, as your mind is stuck in a past with uncomfortable memories, your future with him is uncertain.

Send me an ask if you want to be put on a taglist for this series.

Word count: 2.3K

Warning: none

The House you were met with was unfamiliar, thank goodness Chanhee was here to give a quick tour of the house. You came across some familiar things, but most you didn’t recognize. Chanhee helped you explain the situation to your parents and you agreed to see each other sometime next week. They both had taken a lot of time off work to see you during your stay in the hospital, so you told them to just hold off for a while, promising them that you were fine.

You were thankful for the painkillers you had, or it would have been impossible to wash by yourself, though they made you feel a little drowsy. As a precaution, Chanhee stayed in case you had an accident by yourself. Getting cleaned up felt refreshing, but you didn’t take too long or your mind would wander. You stepped out of the shower covering yourself with a towel and stood in front of the mirror. Wiping the steam-filled mirror, you brought your face closer to the mirror, examining yourself for the second time today.

Your hand lightly grazed over a scabbed-up wound on your forehead. Sliding your hand down your fingers glide across your features, it’s similar but different. Turning your head at different angles you could see your looks had matured a little. It was you no matter how you poked and pulled at your skin. Letting these smaller changes bother you wasn’t going to help you any, so you backed away from the mirror and went out of the bathroom.

You looked around your room, Chanhee showed you around but it was just a quick introduction, you didn’t get to examine everything. The room consisted of a big dresser with a mirror hung behind it, a hanger rack, a queen-sized bed next to the big window that showed almost the whole of downstairs, and a smaller window with a view of outside, in front of the window was a small desk and chair. You looked at the things strewn about the top of the dresser. There were perfumes and colognes, lotions, makeup, and birth control. You took birth control before you met Haknyeon so you weren’t shocked to see it.

Picking it up you pop one out of the packaging swallowing the pill. Damn, how long has it been since I last took one? Hopefully, my next period isn’t too bad. The main reason you started taking birth control was to regulate your period and make it lighter, you weren’t sexually active. You weren’t against it you just hadn’t found someone you felt comfortable enough to go all the way with, your desire to do it wasn’t very high either. Your thoughts drifted to Haknyeon, have we… No! Not the time for this. I can worry about that later.

After a search through the dresser, you grab your underwear putting it on. You looked at the clothes hung up, some of them you recognized, some you didn’t but they were in your taste. You opt to put on some comfy clothes, it was still too early for pajamas. Going downstairs where Chanhee waits for you, he lays on your couch messing with his phone. Chanhee sits up making room for you. Taking the free spot you lean back sighing.

“Sorry for taking up your free day.”

“I was planning to visit you later anyway, I’m just glad you're back. I’ll leave when Haknyeon comes back, He should wake up soon enough.”

“So… tell me about this Fiance.” You looked at your ring finger staring at the indent left on it. Reminded by your action, Chanhee took your ring out of his pocket and handed it to you.

“Put it in your pocket. Find someplace to keep it later.” You followed his orders, putting it in your pocket. He kept the ring for safekeeping after finding out you discarded it. When he heard what you had said to Haknyeon in full, he was shocked and felt bad for both Haknyeon and you. He thought for a bit, “Haknyeon is kind, like, really kind, and caring to others, so much so to the point that he sometimes neglects himself. He can be very emotional. He is a smiley person, always a positive thinker. Honest to a fault at times. A bit of a worrier, but generally free-spirited and carefree. He is kinda a goofball with his friends. Just like you, a hard worker, he is always pushing himself. And his appetite, he is a foodie if I ever met one, he will literally eat anything...anything.” You took some time to process all that he said, trying to imagine the man you saw acting in the ways Chanhee mentioned.

“Hmm.” Hearing your awkward reply Chanhee changed the subject. Talking about miscellaneous things as time passed, you both eventually became hungry.

“I can order something, I don’t really feel like cooking and you shouldn’t try cooking yet.”

“Okay.” Chanhee gets up, going on his phone while pacing around the room. Unbeknownst to you, Chanhee text’s back Haknyeon.

C: Yes, I'm still with her, and glad you’re ok.

H: Thanks, Hyunjae is taking me back home now.

C: I’ll leave when you get here, also tell Hyunjae I said hi

H: will do.

After he finishes texting Haknyeon he glances back at you, now laying across the couch. Then he actually starts ordering food.

In the car sat Hyunjae driving, Sunwoo in shotgun, and Eric and Haknyeon in the back. After texting Chanhee and leaving the hospital the boys talked about all sorts of things to help Haknyeon get his mind off of you, though it didn’t seem to help much considering his replies would be shorter than normal. Then Haknyeon spoke first.

“Guys, can I just cry right now.” No one answered him as they felt lumps form in their throats. Eric reached over and gently wrapped his arms around Haknyeon. Taking this as his cue he held onto Eric and wept, his whimpers filled the car. Eric rubbed his back, crying silently along with him. Sunwoo shifted uncomfortably in his seat, not sure what to do with himself. Hyunjae gripped the wheel tighter, biting his lip. His friend was crying his heart out and he couldn’t do anything to help him. It was a situation completely out of everyone’s control.

Getting back home to you gave him a mix of emotions. He wanted nothing more than to have you back home, but he never expected you to be in such a condition. When they finally arrived at his house, Haknyeon texted Chanhee one last time before getting out of the car. Hyunjae, Sunwoo, and Eric got out of the car as well. They all surrounded Haknyeon, giving him words of encouragement.

“We’ll be here for you, just talk to us whenever you need.” Sunwoo put a hand on his friend’s shoulder, he gave a small squeeze.

“Thanks, guys. Chanhee is waiting, I'll go inside now.” They all gave him a big group hug before he went, and Haknyeon felt really grateful for his friends.

Chanhee checked his phone and got up from the table after stuffing a few more bites in his mouth. “I gotta go,” he says while covering his full mouth.

“He’s here already?” You wipe your mouth, also standing up.

"Yup, I'm sure he'll come in any second now. The two of you need to talk." You weren't sure what to say, it was very sudden. Chanhee hugged you quickly, "Hey it's gonna be okay, I promise." After pulling away then came the sound of the door being unlocked. In walked the man you met when you woke up. Your eyes met each other for a moment and he looked away at the approaching Chanhee.

“Hey, Chanhee.”

“Haknyeon, I’m glad you’re okay.” Chanhee went in for a hug and Haknyeon returned it. You watched the natural gesture. They must be close, you thought. They parted and Chanhee went to the door saying goodbye to the both of you, closing the door behind him. With that, you two were alone together for the second time today.

“We should talk shouldn’t we?” You said offering an awkward smile, feeling nervous.

“Yeah.” You moved back to the couch leaving the food on the table, you would take care of it later. Haknyeon followed after you but did not sit on the couch but instead on the floor, across the coffee table that was in front of the couch. Haknyeon checks your hand, the ring still missing from it. He clenched his fists in his lap, he should have expected that, but it still broke his heart to see.

“Today I’ve been told a lot of new information about myself and I’m not sure what to think of a lot of it. It seems surreal, like a dream, but everything I see just confirms it’s real. I- I want to try and remember these things about my life,” About the things I’ve accomplished. “But I need some time to adjust to everything here,” In this house with you. “I’m going to need some space, to think about what I want,” And I don’t know if I want you. Many words were left unsaid, but you didn’t know what else you could say?

“I- I understand. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable in your own home, so don’t worry, I won’t force you into anything.” Those words gave you a little comfort and you thanked him. “I will be going back to work tomorrow, so you probably won’t see me, but call me if you need anything.”

“Okay, sorry for the trouble in advance.” Haknyeon looked you in the eyes, you looked the same save for a few still healing scars, but your distant attitude towards him hurt even though he tried to prepare for it.

“I’m going to go take a shower.” He was generally a clean boy, but since your hospitalization taking care of himself was less of a priority. He would take care of himself when your mother would show concern every time your parents came to visit you. She would always be sure to cook him something and remind him to clean up saying things like, ‘When she wakes up, she’ll be so sad to see you like this, please take care of yourself.’ Thinking about her words now was like a laugh in the face, even if he looked his best it wouldn’t have mattered.

“Ah, then I’ll stay down here then.” The only shower in the house was in your shared room. Needless to say, you wouldn’t be waiting in the room for him.

As Haknyeon washed the filth from his body he thought about what he would do starting tomorrow. He didn’t need to go to work Saturday and Sunday, but he would so he could give you your desired space. He was going to do it for you, at least that’s what he told himself, it was true for the most part. Getting out of the shower with a towel wrapped around his waist, he walked to the big window next to the bed that exposed a view of downstairs. His eyes searched for you, finding you standing at the sliding door leading to the backyard, staring at something unknown. He turned and walked away so he could get changed. You felt eyes on you, so you turned around and looked at the window to the bedroom, but all you saw was the back of a head before it disappeared. You decided to sit back down on the couch before he came back down.

Haknyeon came back downstairs with clothes on and a towel hanging off his head. He roughly rubbed at his damp hair and sat in the same spot as before. He looked up at you the towel covering his head like a hood, he looked a little sad like that. “You can sleep in the bedroom, I can take the couch.”

“Oh, but-”

“You don’t want to sleep in the same room do you?” He was right, you didn’t, so you kept your mouth shut instead. “It’s fine, I understand. Besides, you are the recovering patient, not me.” Well technically, he also got discharged from the hospital today, but you knew what he was trying to say, you wouldn’t try to argue again.

“Okay, thank you. Um, if you’re hungry, Chanhee ordered some food, I put it away in the fridge.”

“Alright, thank you for letting me know.” Strangely enough, he wasn’t that hungry and didn’t really feel like eating. Going back upstairs to your room you look at the bed it was neatly made, you wondered if that was your doing or his. You looked out the window and your eyes looked at Haknyeon making his bed on the couch and then your eyes fell to the sill, it was dusty. Is that normal? No, surely I would clean it. How long has it been since someone has used this room? You decided to not think about it too deeply, you would clean it later. With those thoughts, you went into bed and let sleep take you.

You would never know that when Haknyeon would come home from the hospital, he couldn’t sleep peacefully. He would stay up through the night sitting in the living room thinking about you, wondering when you would wake up, waiting for visiting hours to start again. There would be points where he would fall asleep and he was haunted with nightmares of a crash he never witnessed. Sometimes you would call for help, but he could never reach you. He could only sleep better when he was with you, nightmares would still happen but they would be less often and they felt less traumatic. Thankfully tonight, for the first time in a long time, He dreamt of nothing. But it would be a short-lived peace.

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[imagines-forthe-soul]

Yay! Requests are open. Can I request something non con with Aizawa like him and his fem S/O have a fight and break up, only for him to show her how much he is the only one that can pleasure her?? I'm a total sucker for these types of things.

Warnings!!!!:

1. This is fucking nasty…like nasty nasty. Like I kinda surprised my damn self when I wrote this cuz… what the fuck?

2. Aizawa is a yandere in this

3. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH NASTY NON CON. It doesn’t get to the point of sex, but still… don’t read if you don’t like or are uncomfortable with it!

Aizawa Shouta: 

The fight was never supposed to get this far, but he couldn’t stop the blinding rage he had sunken into when you were talking to another man. Could you really blame him for getting this angry? That man was practically fucking you with his eyes. He couldn’t just stay back and watch that happen.

When he confronted you about it, he expected you to see it his way, to see that he just wanted to protect what was his from undeserving hands. Why did you have to go and say that you weren’t his? Didn’t you know that it pissed him off when you said that? He only told you countless of times when he came to visit you at your house in the ungodly hours of the night.

Instead of understanding his anger and his need to protect you, you lashed out at him, calling him all those names you knew got under his skin. “Psycho…maniac…crazy…pervert…stalker’ That wasn’t what he was and you both knew that… so why were you calling him those things? Why did you tell him that you didn’t want to see him anymore…that you were in a relationship with someone else and you didn’t want to be bothered by him anymore? Why did you leave him after he spent so much time getting you here?

These thoughts ran through his mind as he tried to search somewhere for an answer, biting his thumb as if it would bring forth all that he needed to know as to why you had left him and said all those things. Was he not being giving enough? Was he being too neglectful? Was he not giving you enough love? Those had to be the answers he was searching for,right? He wasn’t loving you enough, he wasn’t giving you the proper attention that you needed and that’s why you had said all those things to him.

A smile pulled onto his face as he came to he finally found his answer and it only spread when he came up with what he thought was a fool proof solution to get you back. He would just have to show you that he could be more loving, that he could give you the attention you needed.

He would wait a few weeks, leaving you to yourself to cool down and relax before he would make his way to your house in the darkest part of the night, easily entering your house even after you had changed your locks and gotten a new security system. Did you really think he wouldn’t be able to bypass it? You could be so silly sometimes, but he thought it was cute.

Silently he would make his way to your room, opening the door slowly and peering in only to see you peacefully asleep by yourself. He felt a warm sense of fuzziness fill him seeing you here by your lonesome instead of with another man. Your small actions of “faithfulness” to him always made him happy.

Creeping towards you, he would admire your innocent expression, his heart swelling at the sight of you clutching your pillow, mouth slightly agape as drool slid down your cheek and onto your pillow.

He couldn’t help the rush of excitement he felt at seeing the little trickle of drool and before he could stop himself, he reached a finger out to catch it, sighing softly at how warm it felt against his skin before bringing it to his mouth, His tongue slid over his finger, eyes closing as he enjoyed the taste of you on his tongue. It took all his will power not to moan, not wanting to disturb you just yet.

When he was sure he had licked his finger clean, he took a deep breath, looking over your peaceful features on last time before pulling himself from his pants and slowly working his semi hard cock in his palm. He had done this many times before, staring at you as you slept with his hand palming his cock in a way he always fantasized you would. Never had he done anything more than this, but tonight was different. It was about you tonight, not just him. He was supposed to make you feel good, to show you that he appreciate you, that he loved and cared for you.

But where was the harm in having a little fun for himself first, huh?

He continued to jerk himself in front of you, hand tight around his cock and his breathing coming out in hard, laboured huffs. He wanted nothing more than for you to do this for him, to pump his hard cock until he felt like he couldn’t stand anymore. Or to even put it in your mouth and suck him off.

Now there was a thought. He stopped his movements to look down at you, noticing that your mouth was still slightly open. Something in him seemed to crack, letting forth a hot way of excitement and lust at seeing your parted lips open just for him.

Carefully he would shuffle closer to you, cock in hand, eyes glazed over and mind screaming at him to just shove it down your throat and face fuck you awake, but he held himself back, reminding himself that he was trying to show you that he could be caring and gentle. Instead, he simply put the tip of his cock to your plump lips, tracing each one and spreading some of his precum against them. Holding back his moans were painful, but it’d be worth it for this.

He continued to slide his cock head against your lips, making them slick and glossy. The fact that you were still asleep was something he was grateful for because he didn’t want to ruin the image before him, your face still so innocent despite what he was doing to you.

Having grown bored of just messing with your lips and feeling a little more bold, he decided to go a little further, gently taking your chin in his hand and lowering your jaw. HIs breath hitched in his throat when you stirred ever so slightly, but he calmed down when you stopped moving, making him smile.

Slowly, he would bring his cock back to your mouth and slip it past your lips, your relaxed tongue soft and wet against his cock. The feeling was too much for him, making him accidentally buck into your mouth, startling you awake.

Immediately you started pushing him away, screaming at him to get away from you. He wasn’t upset at you for screaming at him and trying to push him away. He understands that he did get a little too ahead of himself and would try to calm you down and apologize.

Of course, you wouldn’t be accepting his apology, instead throwing those same hateful words at him and even threatening to call the police. That…that he didn’t like. You knew he hated the police and those names, yet here you are, threatening him after all he wanted to do was spend time with you to show you his love.

That same anger he had felt all those weeks ago came creeping back up, and before you knew it, you were pinned back to your bed, his eyes wide and red as he activated his quirk and used it against you.

“Now, you’ve really made me mad. All I wanted to do was show you that I can love you better than any other man, that I can be gentle and sweet and loving, but you’ve really ticked me off. Now I think I’ll have to show you a little less gently and mark you as mine. Now stop moving so I can love you.”

[has-snakes-for-arms]

On smart people

I don't actually know if anyone reads anything I write here, but on the off chance that someone does, this is something I'd welcome feedback on.

So, something I've come across a lot in my professional life is smart people who think there's no such thing as being smart (sometimes manifests as 'there's no such thing as talent, only hard work' in fields where 'talent' is what people say instead of 'smart'). I've got two things to say about this.

First off, why would anybody think this? It feels like all around us is abundant evidence to the contrary, and the weird thing is, the people I'm talking about don't seem to disagree, but they will kind of weasel out of acknowledging it head on. Like "Sure, some people will learn slower than others, but everyone can get there in the end, they just need to persevere." Even if that's true, isn't that a reasonable interpretation of 'people have varying levels of intelligence'? Also, this seems like a crock - why assume that everyone would get there with some undefined large amount of time, and if it takes someone decades to learn the basics of their field, that still cashes out to "they're not up to this and should choose a different field".

I should note that this isn't the same as 'g' (or IQ or whatever) - the idea that one central trait exists that covers most mental activities, such that someone being good at one thing tends to correlate with being good at most. The thing we're denying here is that anybody is intrinsically good or bad at any particular mental activity.

Second off, this belief often has a veneer of moral goodness about it. Like, if I suggest the contrary, people don't react as though I'm wrong first and foremost, they react as though I'm bad*. And, not to put too fine a point on it: no u. I get that it feels mean to tell someone "you're just intrinsically shit at this activity that you desperately want to succeed at - you should just give up". I also get that often saying that cruelly, or incorrectly, or prematurely, can have bad consequences. But ALSO, incorrectly telling someone the opposite can have bad consequences! Telling someone "Never give up, you can get there if you work hard enough" can frequently push people into going into debt for a doomed education, towards a career they'll never break into, etc (and don't get me started on educators that adopt this stance as though it's a social justice thing, while neglecting to mention how much money they make for every student they manage to sign up).

My current best guess about where this comes from is one of three things: - When someone is teetering on the brink of being smart enough to achieve a certain thing, encouraging them can make a big enough difference that they get it done. Maybe the breadth of the band I'm describing as 'the brink' here is actually most cases? That's not really a justification for the believe, but I'll concede it's a reasonable justification for professing the belief. - The general perception is that natural intelligence is overemphasised in whatever culture you're in, so you want to push back against that - it's about the direction of the belief more than the absolute position. - This one's a bit uncharitable, but... maybe it's so you can feel more virtuous about your own achievements? Like, similar to how someone with wealthy parents might prefer to think they got where they are due to hard work, so they invent a belief system that de-emphasises the impact of intergenerational wealth. "I'm a successful artist because I worked harder than those who failed at it" is probably a warmer feeling than "I'm talented, and while I worked to become successful, some others might have worked as hard or harder and failed simply by lacking what I was born with."

I dunno. It seems weird. Like, it's really obviously the case that people have inborn talents in other ways (being seven feet tall helps with basketball, for instance). It's actually a pretty important part of mental health discourse to acknowledge immutable disadvantages ("This person isn't being lazy, they have ADHD and are struggling to focus", "This person has trouble reading the room because they're autistic, it's not that they don't care about people's feelings", etc - taking something previously thought to be a personal failing and pointing out that it has a basis in physiology is a good thing!).

Also, while I'm at it: The people around me don't actually seem to behave as though they believe this. They'll still refer to people as being good at things or bad at things, call someone a dumbarse when they demonstrate a pattern of failing at mental tasks, etc. It's weird and I don't really get it.

*This isn't a pity post or anything - I'm not suggesting I've been persecuted for my beliefs here. It's just a surprising reaction to me.