#I'm so tired; I just want to go to sleep and not wake up; it's gnawing and clawing and it's such an ugly feeling qwq

[bastionofbibliophiles]

For the first 20 years of my life I couldn't get a good night's sleep. I was constantly tired. I would get in bed and toss and turn for literal hours that felt like days because my brain just wouldn't. Turn. Off. And then I'd wake up five hours later, still exhausted but too wired to go back to sleep. I wanted to sleep, but my brain was stuck in 90-miles-an-hour mode and laying in bed is boring which is excruciatingly painful when you have (as I eventually learned I do) ADHD.

After I was diagnosed with ADHD my therapist said that my sleep issues were linked to it and prescribed a medicine to help. Take it 45 minutes before you want to go to bed, she said. So I did. 45 minutes after taking it I got in bed and closed my eyes.

And my brain was quiet. I fell asleep in like 15 minutes and woke up 9 hours later more rested than I had ever been in my entire life. It felt amazing.

As an added bonus, my chronic (I'm talking multiple-times-per-week) migraines went away very-literally overnight once I stopped being constantly sleep-deprived. I cannot overstate how much of an improvement getting medicated was to my quality-of-life.

When I say my brain was "quiet", I don't mean that my mind was dulled. I'm not taking sedatives to sleep. I can still wake up just fine if something happens around me.

To continue the "90-miles-an-hour" metaphor, without medication my brain was like a car with the accelerator pedal welded to the floorboard, the gearshift locked in high-gear, and the key stuck in the ignition with no "Off" position. The only way to not go racing off in some direction was to constantly stand on the brake pedal as hard as possible (leading to burn-out), or turn the steering wheel hard-over and do doughnuts to stay in one place (not going anywhere but unable to sit still), or wait for the gas to run out and the engine to finally sputter to a stop (collapse from exhaustion). Also there's not a lot of torque when you're in high-gear, so it's hard to get moving from a standstill and hard to go uphill or through any resistance.

Getting medicated was like fixing the gas pedal, gearshift, and ignition so I can drive normally at whatever speed is best. I can still go fast if I want to, but I can also slow down and come to a gentle stop, without constantly burning out the brakes and tires. It's a choice now.

bro im gonna CRY i didnt know this 🥺

[writersrkive]

Don't shut up | Spencer Reid

summary: Spencer is used to people who constantly tell him to shut up, but somehow, he feels even more embarrassed and sad when he thinks you want him to stop talking after looking at the tired and confused expression you have when he's trying to help you. The thing is you hate when people do that to Spence and would spend years just listening to his voice.

gender: fluff

pairing: Early seasons!Spencer Reid x bau!reader

warnings: mentions of the team shutting Spencer up. Derek and JJ being a little mean to him when he's spreading information. Spencer being a cutie potato. Mention of a stomachache and its causes (mention of miscarriage as one of the causes, but nothing happens). Reader not being a native english speaker, but just a slight mention.

a/n: Dr. Spencer Reid is a genius.... I am not. I literally had to search for information and copy-paste here in some parts, so if there's misinformation, it's Google's fault, lmao. I wrote this yesterday when I was about to sleep, so I'm sorry if something is wrong with the writing (even though I already edited). English isn't my first language, please be kind <3.

Masterlist Spanish ver. On Wattpad (coming soon)

Spencer and you arrived early that morning. He hated being late for anything. He couldn't afford to be late if he wanted to stick as closely as possible to his assigned schedule, especially because he took public transport. On the other hand, you had no choice but to arrive early when you woke up at four in the morning thanks to a severe stomachache and couldn't go back to sleep.

That's how your conversation started. Your genius workmate was surprised to see you, first hour in the morning, when he walked in the office, even before Hotch arrived.

“Are you feeling better?” He asked, furrowing his eyebrows. You couldn't deny that the expression was too cute for your own good.

“Yeah… I think so. It's not even the stomach ache that bothers me, it's the fact that even if I was sleepy, I couldn't fall asleep again. You know? That happens to me a lot. Once I open my eyes, I can't go back to sleep. I've also been feeling mildly unwell for a week, but even though the medication is controlling it, it doesn't stop."

At this point, he already set up his desk, leaving his briefcase on his own chair to walk over to you and sit at your desk, next to the chair you were sitting in, to listen to you attentively and answer.

“The brain works with different phases of sleep: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM sleep. The cycle usually restarts every eighty to one hundred minutes, and we typically have four to six cycles each night.”

Hotch came out of the elevator and walked upstairs after both of you waved at him, and he let out a soft “good morning”. Emily arrived a few seconds later. You greeted her too, as she took place on her desk, but that didn't stop your conversation.

“So, it's completely normal that we wake up in the middle of the night because of that process, but if it is frequent, for three months or more, it may be a symptom of insomnia.”

Your view went to the floor, and your head nodded in a semi-unconscious movement, because although you knew that your sleep cycle was ruined by work, you had not come to that conclusion, maybe that was it.

“Now, the stomachache…” He said, taking one pen from your pencil case to concentrate. He usually never took other people's belongings or shared his own stuff because of the germs, but somehow, after a few years of working together, he had come to have a good amount of closeness with you to borrow some stuff from you. Months ago, it hadn't gone unnoticed by Penelope that Spencer had a box full of pens reserved for you, in case you needed one, nor the fact that he denied JJ one of them once, when the blonde girl needed something to write with quickly.

“The causes can be the most common, such as gas, indigestion, a muscle injury, or stress. Although there are also more serious causes: gastrointestinal infections, inflammatory bowel disease, irritable bowel syndrome, ectopic pregnancy or miscarriage..."

“Wow, what are you trying to do? Scare her?” Derek's voice invaded the place and Emily smirked.

“What? No, I'm just saying the possibilities…” Spencer whispered, looking down, a little worried that he might actually scared the person he cared more, besides his mom.

“It's okay.” You answer loud enough so your friends and coworkers would hear. “Thanks, Spence. I already went to the doctor, so I have none of… those.” I gave him a little smile. “But about stress…” The sentence hung in the air, so Spencer looked up and continued speaking automatically.

“Stress can cause stomach pain because the autonomic nervous system of the gastrointestinal tract reacts to the same hormones and neurotransmitters as the brain. This is because the digestive system is connected to the nervous system, and the enteric nervous system, which is located in the digestive system, is able to send and receive impulses and assimilate emotions.” He started to talk faster.

Your focus on the genius boy and his explanation was sincere, but maybe it was the fact that you didn't rest well, plus the fact that he was speaking too fast and not vocalizing all the syllables, that for a moment your brain didn't process what he was saying.

It was weird. At some point you didn't even hear words, just sounds from his mouth. That didn't happen to you for a really long time because you already had experience with the native speakers, even if english wasn't your mother language. The exhausting feeling of not being able to sleep well was definitely to blame.

While your brain was coming to that conclusion, Spencer could only see your furrowed brow, tense jaw, tilted head, and dissociated look.

“You want me to shut up, right?” That whisper was enough for you to come back to reality. His cheeks were red and his eyes looked a little sad, not to mention the way his mouth formed a line like whenever he felt awkward.

“Yes, please!” Derek answered instead, leaning back in his seat and looking up with his arms outstretched as if he'd had to deal with seven unsubs in the five minutes he'd been there, listening from his place to the information Spencer was giving you.

“Little genius boy got excited… again.” JJ said, looking at some documents in front of her, opening her eyes wide in an expression of tiredness and disinterest.

The young profiler stood up from your desk thinking about returning to his chair, a little embarrassed, but you took his pinky with yours —that way you wouldn't make him feel uncomfortable in case he wasn't in the mood for physical touch, something he refused unless it was you. Again, another special treat—. “Wait. It wasn't like that.” Hazel eyes looked at you intently, still with a bit of doubt. “I'm sorry Spencer. Yes, you got excited, but that's not something bad.”

“It isn't?” He questioned.

“No, but you started to speak fast, and the fact that there are some words that I have a hard time processing in English and I couldn't quite catch what you were saying because I didn't sleep enough, well, that distracted me. Would you mind repeating it again, slower?” This time, you were the one with warm cheeks.

“Oh. Are you sure you don't want me to shut up?” The boy was actually intrigued and a little surprised.

“Why would I want that?” The fact that your teammates often shut Spencer up when he tried to share extra information, or information that he had been asked about, was something you had noticed from the moment you started working with the team. You thought that was rude. You understood that sometimes Spencer got excited, gave information that was perhaps better saved for another time since you were investigating a case, or people could be tired and want silence, but the team either silenced him or made fun of him most of the time. Plus, there weren't many other things you liked more than hearing his voice.

The sweet, soothing tone of his words helped you sleep on the jet after a long case, or made you want to hear more about whatever he was talking about. Feeling like he was sharing with you, a mere mortal, some of the vast knowledge he had was nice.

“I'm always happy to hear whatever you need to say, even if it's about something I don't understand. And, right now, you are helping me a lot, so, please, don't shut up.” The crimson color returned to the tall boy's face, this time not because he was uncomfortable. Your kind and somewhat complicit smile made his heart race, like almost every time he was with you. Spencer knew that no matter how tired he got, he would never shut up if you wanted him to keep talking.

[chronicowboy]

several sentence sunday

new fic is finished but it's not very christmassy so i'm going to wait a while before posting it. thought i'd give you a little sneaky peek to wet your whistle as it were:

He hits call. A ring. Two. Three. Four. Fi—

"Eddie?" Buck's voice rasps through the line, scratching some invisible itch deep in his gut. "A-are you okay?"

"Sorry, did I wake you?" Eddie asks, frowning. Hadn't even thought about the time, just thought about Buck and how he should be right there on the couch for Eddie to throw his legs over his lap. How his big hands should be burning through the material of Eddie's jeans as they share their final beer of the night.

"Yeah, but that's okay." A rustle. Eddie closes his eyes and imagines him sitting up in bed, curls adorably sleep rumpled. "Are you okay?"

"I'm grrrrreat," Eddie slurs, laughing to himself. "Tony the Tiger great."

"Are you drunk?" Buck asks, a little laugh in his voice. Eddie grins, triumphant.

"On victory!" Eddie basks in Buck's next chuckle like a cat finding the perfect ray of sun. "I won trivia night because of you."

"Because of me?"

"Mhm. Remembered all your facts. Giraffes hum. The universe is beige. The Moon will never leave the Earth even if The Moon is drifting away right now." Buck's breath hitches, something hurt in the sound. Eddie frowns, wants to chase away that hurt until he can live in the back of Buck's throat instead. It'd be warm. Buck would keep him safe there. "We got a hundred dollar bar tab!"

"We, huh?" Buck pries, gentle, quiet.

"Mhm. Morgan. The probie from work. Don't worry," Eddie rushes to add. "She's not best friend material. Just took pity on me for the night." He sighs. "I miss you."

"Eddie," Buck croaks. Another rustle. Another voice thick with sleep.

"Evan?" they mumble.

Eddie freezes all the way down to the breath in his lungs, lays there on the couch stock still, lungs burning, eyes wide.

"Is that Tommy?" he asks before he can think better of it. Buck lets out a noise somewhere between a laugh and a groan.

"No. No. Um, one second." His voice drifts, "I'll be back," and Eddie realises he's making that promise to whoever's lying next to him in bed, not Eddie. But that means Buck isn't going anywhere for now. Eddie gets to keep him whilst the stranger languishes alone in his bed. Buck never left him alone in that bed during quarantine. Not once. He listens to the pad of Buck's feet as he goes downstairs, the whoosh of the balcony door sliding open and closed again. "Just some guy I met at a bar."

"Oh." Eddie nods to himself, pursing his lips. "Sorry for interrupting."

"No, that's o-okay," Buck replies, voice unreadable. "You weren't really interrupting, Eddie. We were asleep."

"Right." Eddie nods again. Then, the words just fall out of his mouth. "Probably tired after... Y'know."

"Eddie." Buck takes a deep breath. "You okay?"

"Do you miss me?"

@danielsousa @jjudaslips @butchdiaz @outdiaz @shitouttabuck @poughkeepsies @saryasy @team-118 @that-sounds-mighty-oof-to-me @ambitiousbutrubbish @iamaniamscat @freetreasures @inell @chaoticlava101 @dangerpronebuddie @jacobglaser @doggirlbuck @rainbow-nerdss @faggotjonesss @unsteadylilactree @4thbrighteststar @laurenttheninth @missing-tony @eddiebabygirldiaz @try-set-me-on-fire (please let me know if you'd like to be added to the taglist!!)

[mattsobvimyfav]

roommates (matthew sturniolo)

pt 18 -

I swallowed hard, feeling the weight of his question. My chest tightened as I tried to put my chaotic thoughts into words. “I don’t know, Matt,” I admitted, “I don’t want a label. Not right now. It’s too soon, and everything is too messy. I just… I want to live and have fun. I don’t want to be tied down to anything right now.”

His expression faltered, and he looked down at the floor, his shoulders slumping. The defeat in his posture stung, but I couldn’t lie to him.

After a long moment, Matt let out a deep breath and walked over to me. He dropped to his knees in front of the couch, resting his head on my knees. The sudden vulnerability in his actions caught me off guard.

“Okay,” he said quietly, his voice softer now. “If that’s what you want, I get it. But can we at least start over? Forget all the shit that’s happened between us. Pretend we’ve never met and start fresh. No history, just a clean slate.”

I stared down at him, my heart twisting. His forehead was pressed against my legs, and his hands rested lightly on my knees, like he was grounding himself in the moment. There was no anger in his tone now.

I reached out hesitantly, brushing a strand of his dark hair from his face. “You really think we can do that?” I asked softly.

He lifted his head slightly, his eyes locking onto mine. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “But I want to try. I’m tired of all this fighting, of all this back and forth. I just want to know who you are without all the baggage. I think you’d want that too. I know I'm a dick to you but Ill try if you do.”

His words hit me hard, and I nodded slowly. “Okay,” I whispered. “Let’s try.”

Later on that night, Matt emerged from the bathroom, his hair damp from washing his face and dressed in a simple pair of plaid pajama pants and a black t-shirt. He paused when he saw me already tucked under the covers, my legs curled up and my phone abandoned on the nightstand.

I glanced up at him, feeling oddly shy after the emotional rollercoaster of the night. “Hey,” I said softly, shifting a little to sit up against the headboard. “Before we go to sleep, can we… I don’t know, maybe watch some of your YouTube videos? On the TV?”

Matt’s eyebrows lifted slightly in surprise, but a small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “You want to watch them? Again?” he teased lightly, moving toward his side of the room.

I rolled my eyes, but I couldn’t help the grin that crept across my face. “Yeah, I do. They’re funny, and it’s kind of cool seeing that side of you and your brothers.”

Matt nodded. “Alright, yeah. Let me grab the remote.” He picked it up from his desk and switched on the TV, pulling up their channel.

As the familiar intro music played, he climbed into his bed across from mine, propping himself up against the wall. He glanced over at me “Just so you know, I’ll deny this if you ever tell Nick or Chris I actually enjoy showing these to you.”

I laughed, settling into my pillow as I focused on the screen. “Your secret’s safe with me.”

We sat in comfortable silence as the video started, the room filled with the sound of the triplets’ banter. Every now and then, Matt would glance over to see if I was laughing, his own smile widening whenever he caught me giggling.

We watched them for about an hour before I fell asleep to the sound of Nick’s yelling. Matt shut the TV off before going to bed himself. 

The next morning, I woke up to the soft sound of Matt shuffling around the dorm room. The sunlight streaming through the blinds made me squint as I stretched under the covers, my body still tired from everything that had happened the night before.

“Morning,” Matt said, glancing over at me from his desk where he was scrolling through his phone. 

“Morning,” I mumbled, sitting up and running a hand through my hair. “What time is it?”

“Almost ten. I figured you needed the sleep, so I didn’t wake you,” he said with a small shrug. “Nick is coming later today, so we’ve got the morning to ourselves. You hungry?”

I nodded, rubbing my eyes. “Starving.”

Matt set his phone down and leaned back in his chair. “Wanna hit up that diner off campus? The one with the pancakes the size of your head?”

“You had me at pancakes, they’re the best.” I said with a grin, sliding out of bed.

“Waffles are better but whatever you say,” he teases.

After quickly getting dressed and throwing my hair into a messy bun, we headed out. The diner was bustling with students, but we managed to snag a booth near the window. Matt ordered waffles, while I went with the classic chocolate chip pancake stack.

After breakfast, we decided to walk around campus. The crisp fall air felt refreshing, and the leaves crunching beneath our feet made everything feel so serene. At one point, Matt stopped near a bench and pointed out a squirrel attempting to drag an oversized acorn up a tree.

“See? That’s me trying to carry the team during practice,” he joked, earning a laugh from me.

“Oh, please. You’ve got Chris for that,” I teased back, nudging him with my elbow.

We eventually made our way back to the dorm, where Nick and Chris were unloading a bunch of camera equipment into our room.

“Perfect timing,” Nick said, spotting us. “We’ve got a new video idea, and you two are helping.”

Matt groaned. “Do I even want to know what it is?”

Chris smirked. “It just a normal Q&A. But first we need to talk about what happened last night” He turned pointing at me

We walked out of my dorm and down to his.

Chris closed the door behind me and crossed his arms, standing a few feet away. “I don’t want to drag this out,” he said, breaking the silence. “I think we both know things got… messy.”

“Messy is putting it extremely fucking light,” I said, my voice tinged with bitterness.

He nodded, his lips pressing into a thin line. “Yeah, it got ugly. But I don’t want to keep holding onto it. You don’t deserve to be caught up in all this, and honestly, neither do I. I screwed up, you screwed up—we both did.”

I sighed, crossing my arms as I looked at him. “So what are you saying?”

“I’m saying let’s put it all in the past,” he said firmly. “No more talking about what happened, no more drama. We move.”

I studied him for a moment, trying to gauge how serious he was. There was a weight in his expression, but also a sense of relief.

“Can you actually do that?” I asked, tilting my head. 

Chris gave a small, humorless laugh. “I’m trying, aren’t I? Look, I don’t want to keep feeling like this. It’s exhausting. And I know you don’t either.”

I exhaled, the tension in my shoulders easing. “Fine. Clean slate. But no more games, Chris. No more complications.”

“No more complications,” he agreed.

We stood there for a moment, an unspoken understanding passing between us. 

“Well, we should get back,” I said, pushing off the desk.

“Yeah your right” He agreed as he opened the door holding it for me.

The boys prepared to film their YouTube video. Our dorm had been transformed into a mini studio—ring light glowing in the corner, the trusty camera perched on a tripod.

Nick sat on the couch, on his phone, while Matt tinkered with the camera. Chris stood by the window, cracking jokes to anyone who would listen.

“Alright, we’ve got everything set up. Nick, you’re not bailing early this time, so no excuses,” Matt said, adjusting the frame on the camera and glancing over at his brother.

“I wasn’t going to bail,” Nick replied, rolling his eyes. “It’s always me you guys blame.”

“Because it’s always you, dickhead” Chris said, grabbing a pillow and tossing it at Nick.

“Guys,” I interjected from my spot on Matt’s desk, “Focus.”

“She’s the only responsible one here.” Chris said with a grin.

“Responsible?” I teased.

“Alright, alright,” Matt interrupted, clapping his hands. “Let’s get this started before Chris decides to monologue again.”

The three of them plopped onto the couch, their banter filling the room as Matt hit record. “What’s up, everyone!” Chris started, leaning forward into the camera with his trademark grin. “We’re back with another video because you guys won’t leave us alone about doing a Q&A.”

“Seriously, the comments are getting aggressive,” Nick joked, making a mock-serious face.

Matt grabbed his phone and read the first question. “‘Which triplet would win in a fight?’”

“Oh, that’s easy,” Nick said, pointing to himself.

“Yeah, right,” Chris countered. “You’d trip over your own feet before the fight even started.”

“Excuse me, I did hockey in elementary school, thank you very much,” Nick shot back, earning laughs from everyone in the room.

The video carried on with its usual chaotic energy. They answered questions about their favorite childhood memories, and embarrassing moments.

Every now and then, the camera would pan to me for a “neutral party” opinion. “Y/N,” Matt said, pointing dramatically, “settle this: who’s the funniest?”

“Oh no,” I said, shaking my head with a grin. “I’m not getting involved in this one.” I started mouthing and pointing that is was Nick.

“Exactly,” Nick teased.

“Smart,” Chris said, leaning back and smirking. Not even noticing I said Nick “She knows it’s me, though.”

As they wrapped up the video, the energy in the room didn’t fade. Instead of packing up, the triplets decided to order pizza.

Nick leaned back on the couch, scrolling through TikTok while Chris flipped through the Q&A submissions they hadn’t gotten to. Matt moved the camera aside, turning to me with a rare relaxed smile. “So, what’d you think? You’ve been here for the filming. Did you like it?”

“Definitely,” I replied, laughing. 

Nick glanced over at me with a sly grin. “Hey, Y/N, you wanna help me edit this? I could use a second opinion.”

I chuckled, shrugging. “Sure, why not? But if this crashes and burns, don’t blame me.”

Nick grabbed his laptop and plopped down on the couch, gesturing for me to join him. Chris and Matt were already halfway out the door, arguing about who knows what.

“Don’t take forever!” Nick yelled after them before turning back to me. “Okay, let’s make this somewhat coherent.”

We settled in, and Nick opened the editing software. The raw footage was hilariously unfiltered—Chris making ridiculous faces at the camera, Matt tripping over air while setting up, and Nick accidentally recording a full minute of his shoes.

“Wow, professionals,” I teased.

“You’d think we’d fucking have this down by now,” he replied, laughing. “But honestly, It’s like endearing stupidity.”

We sifted through the clips, trimming the dead air. Every now and then, Nick would pause a frame to make a sarcastic comment.

“Look at Matt’s face here,” he said, pointing to a still of Matt mid-sneeze. “Should we make this the thumbnail?”

I burst out laughing. “Absolutely. Nothing screams ‘must-watch content’ like that.”

As we worked, the conversation drifted. Nick started talking about his time at school, leaning back against the couch cushions as he clicked through the timeline.

“It’s weird sometimes,” he admitted, his tone a little more serious. “Like, having this YouTube thing is great, but it's weird.”

I tilted my head, watching him. “What do you mean?”

“We are growing.. And fast, a couple days ago we had fifty thousand and we are already at seventy thousand. People on tik tok post our clips and it's giving us mad clout. Literally 20 thousand people subscribed to us within a fucking day?” he said, shrugging. “I mean, I love doing it. It’s fun, and it’s ours, you know? But I don't know if it'll work out or if this is just our fifteen minutes you know?”

“That makes sense,” I said softly.

He glanced over at me, a small smile tugging at his lips. “I always make sense”

We kept editing, falling into an easy rhythm. Nick’s sharp sense of humor and relaxed demeanor made it fun, and before we knew it, the video was coming together.

By the time Chris and Matt returned with the pizza, Nick and I were laughing over a particularly absurd moment where Chris accidentally hit himself in the face.

“What’d we miss?” Matt asked, setting the boxes on the coffee table.

“Pure comedy gold,” Nick replied, smirking. “You’ll see soon enough.”

Chris raised an eyebrow. “I don’t trust that.”

“Trust me,” I said, grinning. “It’s perfect.”

As the smell of pizza filled the room, Nick saved the project. 

After the video upload was set in motion, the energy in the room began to shift to that cozy, late-night vibe. Chris stretched dramatically, standing up from his spot on the couch.

“Alright, we’ve done enough hard work for one day,” he said, grinning. “Time for some Mario Kart to prove, once again, that I’m the reigning champion.”

Nick scoffed. “You’re only ‘reigning champion’ because Matt doesn’t know how to drift properly.”

Matt scoffed. “I do know how to drift. You just cheat.”

“Sure, kid,” Chris said, walking over to set up the Nintendo Switch. “Y/N, you’re playing. No excuses.”

I laughed, pulling the blanket tighter around me. “I’m pretty sure I’ve only played Mario Kart, like, twice in my life. Prepare to be disappointed.”

“That just means you’ll beat Matt,” Nick teased, earning himself a glare.

We all settled in, controllers in hand, the screen lighting up the room as the familiar Mario Kart music played. Chris picked Donkey Kong, Nick went with Yoshi, Matt picked Luigi, and I chose Princess Peach because her kart was pink, and I figured I might as well go all in.

The first race was chaos. I somehow ended up in first place for about five seconds before being hit with a red shell—courtesy of Chris, who couldn’t stop laughing about it.

“Welcome to Mario Kart, Y/N,” he said, smug.

By the second race, I’d started to get the hang of it. Nick kept trying to coach me, yelling advice like, “Use the mushroom now!” or “Don’t fall off Rainbow Road!” which, of course, I promptly did.

“See? This is why Rainbow Road is banned from tournaments,” I joked, earning a round of laughter.

After several rounds (and Chris smugly retaining his so-called championship), we called it a night for gaming.

“Alright, what now?” Nick asked, leaning back against the couch.

Chris shrugged. “We could watch another movie.”

After some debate, we decided to make ice cream sundaes instead. Chris pulled out a pint of cookie dough ice cream from the mini-fridge, while Matt went to the dining hall to get toppings like sprinkles and chocolate syrup.

Once we all had our sundaes, we returned to the couch, the conversation flowing easily. We talked about everything—funny childhood stories, embarrassing moments, and plans for the next few weeks.

“Okay, but seriously,” I said, between bites of ice cream. “Who decided that Rainbow Road was a good idea for beginners? That map is evil.”

Chris chuckled. “It builds character.”

“Or trauma,” Nick added, making us all laugh.

By the time we finally started winding down, it was nearly 2 a.m. Chris had fallen asleep sprawled across the floor, while Nick was half-asleep on the couch. Matt looked over at me.

“Told you tonight would be fun,” he said quietly.

I smiled back. “Yeah, it really was.”

I snuggled into my pillow and watched some tik tok on my phone before drifting off to sleep.

The next morning, the sun peeked through the blinds as we all stirred awake. The room smelled faintly of leftover pizza, and the energy was slow and lazy. Nick was the first to get up, stretching and groaning about his drive back.

“You guys better FaceTime me later,” he said, slinging his bag over his shoulder. “And, Matt, don’t be an idiot.”

Matt rolled his eyes. “I never am.”

Chris snorted. “Sure, you’re not.”

Nick pulled me into a quick hug before heading out. “Take care of these two,” he whispered jokingly. “They’re a lot.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got them under control,” I replied with a grin.

Once Nick was gone, the dorm felt a little quieter, though the buzz of the morning kept us moving. Chris left to go take a shower in his own dorm. That left Matt and me alone in our dorm.

Matt leaned against the wall, eyeing me thoughtfully. “So, uh, today’s a special day for the team.”

I raised an eyebrow. “What makes it special?”

“It’s ‘Bring a Girl to Practice’ day,” he said with a smirk.

I laughed. “That sounds ridiculous. What, like a ‘Take Your Daughter to Work’ thing?”

He shrugged. “Kind of, but it’s more fun. We get to mess around a bit, and honestly, some of the guys’ girlfriends are terrible skaters. It’s hilarious to watch.”

“And you’re telling me this because…?” I trailed off, eyeing him suspiciously.

“Because you’re actually good at skating,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. “And, I don’t know, it might be fun to have you there. Plus, I need someone to prove that I’m not the worst skater on the ice.”

I tilted my head, pretending to think. “Hmm, tempting offer. So, I’m supposed to just show up and skate circles around all these girls?”

“Exactly,” he said, grinning now. “You’ll make me look good.”

I rolled my eyes but couldn’t hide the smile forming. “Alright, fine. But if you embarrass me, I’m walking off the ice.”

Matt chuckled. “Deal. Practice starts at 2. Be ready to go.”

The rest of the morning passed quickly as I got ready, excited but slightly nervous about what I’d gotten myself into. Skating was something I hadn’t done in a while, but I had a feeling it was going to be a fun afternoon.

As I zipped up my jacket, a sudden thought struck me like lightning. Charlie! Why hadn’t I thought of her before? She’d love something like this—and it’d be hilarious to get her on the ice.

Without a second thought, I darted out of the dorm and ran straight to Chris’s room, knocking frantically on his door.

Chris opened it, his hair wet, clearly just out of the shower. “Yo, what’s up??”

“I have a favor to ask,” I said, leaning against the doorframe to catch my breath.

His eyes narrowed in suspicion. “What kind of favor?”

“Bring Charlie as your girl to practice,” I blurted.

Chris stared at me for a moment. “You’re joking, right?”

“Nope,” I said with a grin. “It’ll be fun! She’s never been on the ice before, and you two will have a great time.”

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I was going to bring Katie.”

I crossed my arms, the grin slipping from my face. “Seriously, Chris? You’re still seeing her after everything?”

He groaned. “It’s not like that. She was just going to come for fun.”

“Well, now Charlie is coming for fun,” I said firmly. 

Chris looked at me for a long moment before shaking his head with a small laugh. “Fine.”

“Perfect!” I said, already texting Charlie to get ready. “You won’t regret this, I promise.”

By 2 PM, Charlie and I were walking into the rink, both decked out in black leggings, cozy leg warmers, and fitted Lululemon zip-ups. Our outfits were sporty but cute, and we were feeling confident as we laced up our skates.

Matt was already on the ice, passing a puck back and forth with one of his teammates. When he saw me, he skated over, smirking. “Not bad. You clean up alright for practice.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere,” I teased.

“Really? Cause I remember differently?” he said, offering me his hand to help me onto the ice. 

I scoffed and smacked his hand away from me, skating past him as he laughed.

Charlie wobbled a bit as Chris helped her onto the rink. “I’m going to die,” she whispered, clutching his arm.

Chris laughed, steadying her. “You’ll be fine. Just keep your knees bent a little.” 

“Alright, Matt,” I said, turning to him as we skated toward the middle of the rink. “You’ve seen me skate. You trust me, right?”

Matt scoffed, skating a slow circle around me. “Nationally ranked or not, you still scare me.”

I smirked. “You’ll survive, promise. Plus, I’ve been dying to teach you something cool instead of just watching you skate in circles.”

“Alright, fine,” he said, finally stopping in front of me. “What’s the plan, sweetheart?”

“A lift,” I said, my grin widening.

His brows shot up, and he gave me a skeptical once-over. “A lift? Like, one of those Dirty Dancing-style moves?”

“Sort of. But skating.”

“Are you trying to kill me?”

“No,” I said, shaking my head with mock seriousness. “Trust me, if anyone can do the lift, it’s gonna be you.”

He groaned but relented. “Alright, fine. But if I drop you, it’s on you for thinking this was a good idea.”

“I won’t let you drop me,” I promised. “Now, come here.”

I skated closer and showed him how to position his hands—firmly around my waist while keeping his elbows slightly bent for control.

“I’m getting dejavú,” he laughs, and I can hear the smirk on his voice as his hands tighten around me.

I roll my eyes. “The key is to keep your core steady and your legs moving. I’ll do most of the balancing; you just have to lift me up and keep skating forward.”

Matt sighed, adjusting his grip. “If we end up in the hospital, you’re explaining this to the doctor.”

“You’ll be fine,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Ready? On three. One… two… three!”

With surprising ease, Matt lifted me off the ice, his hands steady as he held me up.

“Holy shit,” he muttered, glancing up at me. “You’re light as fuck, that was easy.”

“See?” I said, laughing. “You’re a natural.”

He started skating forward, his strides cautious but controlled. I balanced effortlessly, throwing my arms out for effect.

“Alright, showoff,” he said, smirking as he glided across the ice. “Don’t get too cocky up there.”

“Cocky? Me?” I teased.

As he set me back down gently, Charlie stumbled over with Chris trailing cautiously behind her. “Seriously? You guys are doing figure skating routines now?”

“Jealous?” I shot back, adjusting my leggings.

“Please,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I can barely stay upright. I’ll stick with Chris.”

Chris smirked at me. “He didn’t drop you, huh? Impressive, Matt. You might have a future in this.”

Matt grinned. “Told you I’ve got skills.”

I laughed, nudging him playfully. “Alright, Matthew. Let’s see if you can do it again without turning us into a video on barstool.”

By the time practice ended, we were all laughing and out of breath, and Matt had officially mastered the lift.

tag-

( editor - @ch0llies ) @namelesssav @christmastreecake

@chrisstopherfilmed @mattsturnii @sturnrc @larnieboox88

@tbfaptbfae @2muchofaslvt @sturnioloshottiekay

@rockstarchr1s @simply-a-simper @realuvrrr @sophia-77n

[naughtyneganjdm]

Christmas in Jackson - Chapter 4

Summary: Joel wakes up confused with the emotions that he is feeling for Y/N. While they try to talk about things, Tommy realizes that there might be something there between them so he invites Y/N to take a day trip with him and Joel to allow them to get closer.

Characters: Joel Miller, the reader (OC), Tommy Miller, Maria, etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/61159651/chapters/157234900

Warnings: Swearing, Severe Angst, A Very Tragic Backstory for the character of Y/N, Depressing Conversations, etc.

Notes: Sorry for updating this late, but it's the best time for me to update things. So I'm sorry if there are any errors. Thanks to those that continue read this. This chapter has a tragic backstory for the Y/N character that might be depressing and I want to alert people of that just in case it may trigger them. If you want to read previous chapters, you can find them here.

Waking up feeling good was not something that Joel was used to. In fact? Every morning when Joel woke up, he felt miserable. Each day, it grew harder for Joel just to do anything. Living became a chore and it was hard. But this morning? What Joel felt was unlike anything he felt in a very long time. Comfort. Warmth. When he finally started to stir, he felt relaxed and at ease. So much so that that when he woke up this morning due to the sunlight that was shining through the partially opened blind of the window, he didn’t even bother to get up. Everything felt so nice that he just closed his eyes, enjoying the warmth that was wrapped up in his arms.

Sleeping and relaxing was not something he enjoyed. So he wasn’t going to fight this feeling. Not when it felt so good to finally be at peace. Even for a little while. Forcing his eyes open was hard, but when he finally did? The memories from the night before flooded into his mind. Tipping his head down, the warmth of Y/N’s body cuddled in closer to him with her still asleep. Smirking, Joel nuzzled his nose in against the side of her neck. This turned out to be a very complicated thing between them, but he liked it. More than he should have. Squeezing his arm firmly around her waist brought her closer to him and this whole thing made him question things. Was last night just drunken actions brought out because of liquid courage? Had what they done been a mistake? Regardless of those answers, he knew that this was not a feeling that he was used to.

Settling in again, Joel’s eyes fluttered to a close knowing that it had been a long time since he was able to sleep in like this. And that’s exactly what he did. Fell back asleep. There wasn’t a want to force himself to get up. That was until he felt the vibrating of his cell phone in his pocket. At first it was annoying because he was so tired he didn’t realize what it was. But when he did? His eyes opened wide with a panicked breath falling from his lips. Raising his head from the pillow, Joel unhooked his arm unhurriedly from around her waist. Digging his hand into his pocket, Joel scoffed when he had a hard time getting his phone out. Finally getting it from his pocket, he lifted it up. Squinting his eyes, Joel had a hard time seeing what the screen was saying. His eyesight was still incredibly blurry. When things came to, Joel cussed out and looked over his shoulder to see what time it was.

“Fuck,” Joel slurred noticing that it was eleven and he had promised to meet Tommy at nine downstairs. That meant he was two hours late. And he had plans with Tommy. Which made this whole thing bad.

Raising his head just enough, Joel checked to make sure that Y/N was still sleeping. Even though he didn’t want to, he carefully slid out from behind her. Taking his time, he was cautious in the way he helped her get cuddled back into bed before he got up slowly. More than anything, he wanted her to be able to relax, so he didn’t rush. He quietly moved through the room, grabbing his boots from the floor. Something caught his foot causing him to stumble from her bedroom into the sitting room and it had him cussing under his breath. Working his boots on, Joel tried to come up with a good lie to give Tommy. Because the truth? The truth would only be too hard to explain. What could he say to Tommy that was actually believable?

Once more his phone started to vibrate in his pocket. Grunting out, Joel realized that Tommy was persistent with this. And it made sense because Tommy was very on about things all the time. Moving to the door, Joel was cautious in the way he opened it because he didn’t want to wake her up. Managing to get the door open, Joel snuck out with his back turned. When the door clicked closed, Joel dropped his hands down to pull his pants back together. Turning on his heel as he started hooking his belt back up, Joel felt his heart drop. Jumping, Joel’s eyes connected with Tommy’s from where Tommy was leaning back against the wall that was directly across from the suite. It was almost as if Tommy was expecting him. With a half smile, Joel cleared his throat as he stood up straight.

Dropping his hands, Joel heard his undone belt jangle and he let out a hesitant sound, “Tommy. Hey.”

“Goddamn it Joel,” Tommy huffed, throwing his hand up in the air drawing attention to his cell phone. Ending the call, Tommy shoved his phone back into his pocket. Suddenly Joel felt like a child that had been caught red handed doing something awful. “When I couldn’t find you this morning, I had a feeling that this was where you were. Seeing you with that girl last night?! She’s one of our guests Joel.”

“No, it’s not…it’s not what it looks like,” Joel tried to explain himself, dropping his head down when Tommy looked down at his belt. Haphazardly hooking the belt together, Joel stepped away from the door and toward his younger brother. “Okay, it looks bad, but nothing happened. We just were talking and then we slept together. I mean, actually slept. Not the naughty sleep.”

“Joel, she was drunk as a skunk by the time she walked out that door with you,” Tommy reminded Joel with a firm shake of his head. Joel winced when he realized that he himself had a hangover and the sound of Tommy lecturing him along with the bright lights was doing a number on his headache. “That woman couldn’t make any kind of decisions…”

“We were both drunk, but I swear I didn’t sleep with her,” Joel reiterated to his brother not wanting him to think that he took advantage of a drunk woman. That made him look bad and he was surprised that Tommy would even think he’d do something like that. But suddenly? He grew embarrassed thinking of the truth. “We just…cuddled?”

“You? You cuddled?” Tommy repeated what Joel had said, his eyes narrowing when he gazed over his brother. “Then why were your pants undone if nothing happened last night?”

“Okay, well…” Joel thought about that and realized how Tommy could think that was something bad. Now he really was starting to feel like a child being lectured by their parent. “So we may have kissed once.”

“Once?” Tommy didn’t seem to think everything was adding up with Joel sucking in a sharp breath of air. Red was flooding into Joel’s face with Tommy’s eyebrow arching up in curiosity. “Joel did you sleep with that woman?”

“I slept with her, but I didn’t sleep with her. I didn’t have sex,” Joel blurt out, hooking his arm around Tommy’s shoulders to get him to move away from the door that led to Y/N’s room. With them bickering, Joel was nervous that Y/N would be able to hear it. “I swear when I tell you nothing happened, I mean it. We kissed some last night and that’s all we did. And, y’know what? Really? It’s your fault that we did!”

“My fault? It’s my fault?” Tommy’s eyes grew wide, his hand placing in over the center of his chest. “It’s my fault that you and Y/N started kissing? How in God’s name do you reckon I did that big brother?”

“By putting up mistletoe in front of our fucking inn. Why the hell would you hang mistletoe up with all of them decorations Tommy?” Joel snapped, defending himself in the moment. Really, when he brought her home last night he had no plans of kissing her. The only reason he did was because of that mistletoe. That started the whole thing. Pointing toward the front of the hotel in the direction of the decorations, Joel’s brown eyes grew wide and Tommy still was frustrated along with confused.

“Mistletoe? Joel, you’re talking crazy,” Tommy snorted eliciting an annoyed eye roll from Joel. Reaching for Tommy’s arm, Joel led his brother down the steps and outside. Stepping out onto the sidewalk, Joel pointed up toward the mistletoe that the woman had mentioned the night before.

“See. It’s mistletoe. You put up fucking mistletoe. We were out here talking and then this old woman came out of the inn lecturing us about how if we didn’t kiss, it would be bad luck. So we ended up kissing and…” Joel went to continue, realizing that he was rambling too damn much with Tommy’s dark eyes hooked on the decoration that he put up. “Why would you even put that there Tommy? That’s where our guests show up to check in. What if we have someone helping our guests in and they both end up underneath that?”

“Are you outta your goddamn mind?” Tommy stepped forward, grabbing a hold of Joel’s shoulders to get him to focus on the decoration he was venting about. Holding his hand up, Tommy grunted behind Joel. “That there Joel, is holly. Not mistletoe.”

“No. No, see the woman distinctly said it was mistletoe. And if we didn’t kiss it would lead to a ton of bad luck,” Joel recalled what had happened the night before. Suddenly things started to spin around him with the idea that he was wrong. “That’s definitely mistletoe.”

“What old woman? We don’t have an old woman staying here Joel,” Tommy educated his brother, his nose wrinkling at his brother insisting that he didn’t know what the decoration was. “That there is holly, Joel.”

“No, it’s…” Joel out of the corner of his eye saw Maria heading out the doors. Scrambling for Maria, Joel hooked his arm around her to lead her back with him and Tommy. “Maria, would you please tell your husband that the decoration that is right there is mistletoe?”

“Why would I do that?” Maria froze up in Joel’s grasps, eyeing over her shoulder back at Joel. His big, brown eyes looked shocked since she wasn’t saying what he wanted to hear. “That’s holly.”

“I told you,” Tommy asserted to his brother, a laugh falling deep from within his throat. “How did you get holly mixed up with mistletoe Joel? Holly is the one with the red berries and the dark green leaves. That’s not mistletoe.”

“Why are the two of you having a disagreement about holly?” Maria was entertained that the two of them were bickering outside over this. They often fought a lot, but never over something so…unimportant?

“Because Joel confused the holly for mistletoe and he ended up kissing Y/N last night because of it. Started blaming me because he said I put up mistletoe,” Tommy alerted Maria causing a rush of color to flood into Joel’s face with him getting embarrassed. Now he felt like an idiot for this whole thing. The woman last night was wrong and clearly neither him nor Y/N knew what mistletoe looked like. “I found him sneaking out of her suite just now.”

“Oh,” Maria thought about what Tommy said, her eyes getting big when she actually fully acknowledged it. “Oh!”

“Nothing happened,” Joel repeated what he had told Tommy, seeing the curiosity that flooded Maria’s features and the smile that followed. Why was no one believing him? “Nothing happened. I swear.”

“If you say so,” Maria reached out to pat Joel on the shoulder. Groaning out, Joel lifted his hand to cover his eyes. Both the stress of this and the sunlight was giving him a migraine at this point. “Tommy, go take your brother inside and get him something to help him with his hangover.”

“Yes ma’am,” Tommy was quick to agree, dragging Joel into the building and toward the empty bar knowing that no one else would be there so they could talk. Sitting Joel down, Tommy grabbed Joel some medication for his headache and then brought him some coffee. “So…now you like this girl? Last time I spoke to you, you couldn’t stand her.”

“I…” Joel could have lied, his dark eyes lifting to meet Tommy’s stare. Sure, he always bickered with the girl, but he didn’t think he hated her. “I don’t know. We hardly know each other.”

“But you liked her enough to sleep with her,” Tommy stressed to his brother getting another glare from Joel. Throwing his hands up, Tommy knew that if looks could kill he would be dead. “Sleep with her. Not have sex with her.”

“Thank you,” Joel appreciated that Tommy acknowledged that bit. At this point, he was still fairly certain that both Tommy and Maria thought he had sex with Y/N. “I’m sorry I didn’t meet you at nine. I just, I was so comfortable that I ignored what time it was and I just went back to bed. It felt…”

“Nice?” Tommy finished for Joel with his lips parting. At that moment his Adam’s apple bounced in his throat. Dropping his head down, Joel shakily brushed his fingers throughout his hair and hissed. Giving Tommy one single nod made Tommy smile brightly. “Wow. Not what I saw happening. You like the new girl.”

“She’s crazy,” Joel exclaimed, throwing his hand up in the air after he tossed the pills into his mouth. “Who jumps on a plane with no idea where they are going?”

“She did,” Tommy answered Joel who continued to vent.

“Who takes the advice of a random stranger, doesn’t even study where they are going and ends up freezing because they got themselves into this mess?” Joel continued to ramble drawing out a snort from Tommy.

“She did,” Tommy repeated his answer, sliding in beside his brother realizing that his brother was having a tiny meltdown about the woman that had just come to their inn.

“I can’t like someone like that. I’m nothing like that,” Joel exhaled loudly, the lines in his forehead growing deeper. “Who ends up having feelings for someone in a day?”

“You do,” Tommy was quick to respond, getting a glare from Joel that made him laugh out loud. It was interesting to see Joel like this. Especially since Tommy couldn’t remember a time when a woman had Joel flustered in a good way.

“This isn’t funny Tommy. She’s a mess,” Joel repeated what he knew to be true. Even last night when they were in the bar together, her drunk rant proved that to him. “She makes crazy, impulsive decisions without thinking them through.”

“So?” Tommy didn’t know why that was a bad thing. Having Joel panic about that of all things didn’t make sense to Tommy. “You’re a mess too.”

“Thanks for that,” Joel sneered, his head dropping down with his brother only confirming what Joel also knew to be true. The thought of all of this had an ache growing at the center of Joel’s chest. “I found her infuriating at first.”

“What changed that?” Tommy wondered, his brown eyes searching his brother’s trying to understand what happened that had Joel’s opinion of her change completely.

“She did,” Joel didn’t elaborate, his hand placing in over the center of his chest. Trying to gather words, Joel didn’t know what he could say. He wasn’t exactly sure where to start because he didn’t know when he started feeling things for her. “It can’t be anything though because she just got here. I barely know the woman.”

“Sometimes, when you know you know,” Tommy stammered, tapping his hand against the bar top watching Joel take a long swig of the coffee. “All it takes is a look sometimes for you to know you’re hooked. That’s all it took for me with Maria.”

“She’s nothing like any of the woman I’ve gotten with before,” Joel considered his past and thought back on the women he had in his life previously. Comparing her to them was hard because she didn’t have much in common with them.

“Maybe that’s a good thing?” Tommy pointed out, throwing his hand about realizing that this was the most his brother probably talked in the last few months. “It’s kinda cute seeing you flustered over a woman. That must have been some kiss.”

“Don’t,” Joel begged realizing that Tommy was poking fun at him. “You’re gonna start acting weird around her which is gonna make things worse in general. I don’t even know if she wanted to really kiss me last night or if it was because we were both drunk. She may not even remember doing it.”

“Is that something you would prefer?” Tommy pushed his brother for information, actually wanting to know Joel’s feelings on the issue. “Would you rather ignore things between you both?”

“She’s gonna leave Tommy,” Joel reminded his brother about the woman that they were currently talking about. “She’s from New York City. She’s just here because her mental health was poor and she needed to escape a bad situation. Once she gathers herself, she’s just gonna leave. And then what?”

“When’s the last time you had a relationship with someone?” Tommy questioned waiting for his brother to answer, but Joel refused. “When is the last time that you did anything with anyone?”

Again, Joel didn’t answer Tommy he just forced himself to look away, “Why is it so bad to allow yourself to get close to someone? Even if for a while.”

“Because I’m not like you,” Joel reminded Tommy, a scoff falling from his parted lips. “I’m not the hopeless romantic that makes people happy. I’m the last person that people want to have a relationship with. I don’t make emotional connections with people.”

“Well, maybe it’s time to change that,” Tommy threw his hands up in the air trying to persuade his brother that this whole thing wasn’t what he thought it was. Reaching for the coffee, Joel took a long sip of it and grumbled to himself. “I never saw you dance with anyone. Not even Tess when the two of you were together. She got you to do things I’ve never seen.”

“Only because I was worried that someone would take advantage of her,” Joel explained, setting the coffee cup down and waving his hand about in the air. Last night when she ran off to dance, he was genuinely concerned that someone in town would take advantage of her. “She was running her mouth off about things because she was very much drunk. Certain people heard her talkin’ and I think they would have tried to do something.”

“Look at you coming in and being her hero,” Tommy teased Joel, reaching out to poke Joel in the ribs multiple times. The first poke had Joel arching away from Tommy, the next few had Joel’s glare growing. A low rumble of an amused sound followed from Tommy who got comfortable beside Joel again. “I don’t see the problem here big brother. You saved a girl from getting hurt. You walked her home. You kissed and the two of you…cuddled? If something more comes of it? Good. If nothing comes from it? Then whatever. But I don’t think it’s a bad thing.”

“I’ve worked really hard to keep myself from getting close to anyone,” Joel reminded Tommy with a frown, reaching up to shakily brush his fingers through his hair. A smirk tugged at Tommy’s lips with how that caused Joel’s hair to become messier than it already was. “Good things never happen when I get close to people.”

“Maybe that’s just bullshit that you’ve tried to convince yourself,” Tommy thought aloud, tapping his hands on top of the bar hearing movement behind them. The bar was still closed until tonight so there should have been no one in there. A relieved breath escaped Tommy when he saw it was just one of their employees coming in to clean up. “Maybe you’re not bad luck. You just haven’t found the right people. Maybe things are starting to look up for you.”

Joel went quiet. It was hard to really think that was the case after everything he had gone through in his life. Good luck was not something he had often. But would it really be good developing feelings for a woman he hardly knew? A woman that lived across the country from him? That didn’t sound like good luck. That sounded complicated. And he wasn’t sure that he was ready for more complications in his life.

Since he had moved to Jackson, he had been able to shut himself off from the world. In this small town, he only had to deal with the people that lived here and the guests that came to stay in their inn. Even at that though, Tommy and Maria were the ones that dealt mostly with the guests. It was rare that he did. Joel just did a lot of the other things around the inn. Now having this girl come swooping into his life having him acting in ways he hadn’t in a very long time scared him.

“I’m sorry I missed doing that thing today,” Joel apologized realizing that this whole time had been spent on talking about Y/N when he had plans to do something with Tommy originally. “I should have set an alarm. I hope you had fun.”

“Oh, we didn’t go yet. We are actually planning on leaving in like an hour or two,” Tommy alerted Joel, looking to his wrist to check the time. “Something happened this morning that was kinda big. We decided to push it back a couple of hours. So you can still go. Which reminds me, I have to go do a few things. Meet you in a few? You won’t go disappearing on me again now, will you?”

“Tommy,” Joel scoffed, reaching for his coffee again. With a smirk, Tommy got up from his seat. Reaching out to pat Joel on the shoulder, Tommy gave his brother a wink and then walked away leaving Joel to himself sitting at the bar.

Once he was alone, Joel started thinking about things more so in depth. Even though he hated to admit it, he really did enjoy kissing Y/N last night. Ever since he left her hotel room, all he could think about was her. The way it felt to kiss her. How right it felt to wake up with her in his arms this morning. It had been a long time since Joel had allowed himself to relax to that level with someone.

Finishing up his coffee, Joel got up and paced for a while. Truthfully he didn’t know where to go from here. Would he avoid Y/N? Would he try to talk to her? What could he do? She was a guest in the inn that he owned. There would really be no avoiding her. This was a small town. At some point they would run into each other whether he wanted them to or not.

But? Honestly? He didn’t want to avoid her.

Heading to the restaurant, Joel grabbed a couple of things and then headed back into the lobby. Sitting down on the bottom step of the large staircase in the lobby Joel waited. And surprisingly he didn’t have to wait long. Hearing the sound of movement, Joel looked over his shoulder to see that moving down the stairs groggily was Y/N. Rubbing at her eyes, she stopped at the split section of the stairs to yawn. The way she stretched out her body caused Joel to smirk. Fuck. He needed to stop doing that. It was almost an involuntary action. Why was just looking at this girl making him want to smile?

Standing up from the bottom step, Joel turned on his heel and waited for her to make it down the stairs. Once her tired eyes fluttered to an open, he shifted on his feet nervously when their eyes connected. Lifting her hand up to give Joel a slight wave elicited him to give her a small nod in response. Unhurriedly she moved down the steps and when she made it to the final one, she stopped to stare out at him.

“Hi,” Joel spoke quietly, not sure of what to say while he stood before her. Truthfully? He probably looked awkward just staring out at her like he was.

“Hi,” she repeated with a weak smile.

Suddenly there was silence between the two of them when he lifted his hands, “These are for you.”

“For me?” she stammered, a bit of color flooding into her cheeks at the idea of it when Joel lowered them down. Nodding again, Joel found himself tipping his head from side to side.

“Follow me?” Joel requested motioning her to get off the stairs. After she did, he led her around the large staircase and beyond the Christmas tree toward the sitting area in the back. Since it was midday and most people were off doing something else there weren’t many people there. That meant the sitting area was left open for them to be alone. Allowing her to take a seat by the fire, he heard her groan when she buried her head into her hands. “Here, it’s a latte to help with the fatigue and I got you some oatmeal.”

“Oatmeal?” she lifted her head, her eyes narrowing questioning his reasoning.

“Yeah, it’s uh…it’s got some honey and some fruit in it. It’s supposed to help with the hangover. I figured you mighta had one,” Joel commented handing her over the two things he had gotten her from the restaurant in the inn. Setting the bag that he gave her on the table near them, she was quick to take a sip of the latte first. “You’re really gonna want to eat that oatmeal. Take it from someone who is probably the king of hangovers. It’s gonna help you.”

Watching her closely, Joel lowered down into his seat and got comfortable. There was some silence between the two of them and he cleared his throat, “So how is Doctor Love doing this morning?”

“Excuse me?” she responded, her brow line creasing when she started digging into the bag for the cup of oatmeal that he had gotten for her. Setting it down on the table, she pulled out the plastic spoon and her head tipped to the side.

“Well, I don’t know if you remember the things you said last night after drinking as much as you did…” Joel began wondering if he should really say this considering how drunk she was, but he wanted to poke at her just a little bit. “But I’m pretty sure around town you are going to be known as the doctor who gives amazing blowjobs. The one who can make someone experience the biggest orgasms because she was trained to know the human body.”

A loud, coughing sound escaped her lips with her eyes growing big, “No! Come on! I didn’t say that. Please tell me I didn’t say that.”

“Oh, yes you did,” Joel declared with a steady nod provoking the color to flood into her face with embarrassment. “You really stressed very loudly at the bar just how good at giving a blowjob you really were. And people at the bar did hear you.”

“Great,” she groaned out loud getting the first hearty, deep laugh to fall from Joel’s lips. Pinching at the bridge of her nose, she didn’t know how to respond to that. “Please tell me you’re pulling my chain. I didn’t say that.”

“Oh no, you said that. Then you talked about being able to edge someone until they have the most explosive orgasm,” Joel continued, snorting when she reached out to hit him at the center of the chest since he was so amused with her drunk antics. Falling back against the chair, he lifted his arms to block her with laughter continuing to escape him. Dropping her head back, she muttered something under her breath and then reached for her coffee again. Embarrassment was flooding her body and he found it cute. “I think the town is gonna start to know you. And you’ll probably get some of the weirder folks here coming to try to interact with you.”

“Wonderful. That’s exactly what I want to be known for,” she rolled her eyes, not exactly surprised that she did that, but disappointed in herself. “I’m so sorry you had to put up with me last night. I can only imagine how miserable I made you.”

“Oh, I don’t know. I found some of it amusing,” Joel suggested, dropping his hands back down to caress at his knees. Now that he looked back on things, he did find it funny whereas last night he was panicked she would get hurt. “So you don’t remember last night, huh?”

“Like what?” she started to poke at the oatmeal he had gotten her. When she started to eat it, Joel took a look around to make sure that they were alone. Clearing his throat, he slid in closer to her and rest his elbows against his knees. Noticing him near her, she swallowed loudly. “Why? What else did I do?”

“So you don’t remember me walking you home or anything like that?” Joel wondered, deep down wishing that she did. And that surprised him. Taking a moment to think about what he was asking her, she shrugged slightly and took another bite of the oatmeal. “Like nothing about last night rings a bell?”

“Is there something that I should be remembering?” she questioned, her right eyebrow arching in a moment of curiosity. Disappointment seemed to flood Joel’s features with his breathing growing uneven. Leaning back against the chair, he kicked his feet at the floor trying to distract himself. “Joel?”

“No, nothing important,” Joel waved his hand in the air dismissively. If she didn’t remember what happened, then there was no reason for him to bring it up. In its own way, that just made it easier for him to deal with what happened last night.

They both remained quiet until she set the oatmeal down on the table. Sliding in closer to Joel, she wiggled her finger motioning him closer. Thinking that she wanted to whisper something to him, Joel pulled himself to the edge of the chair. Reaching out, her hand palmed in over the side of Joel’s face having his eyes flutter to a tight close. Lazily she dragged her fingers down over his chiseled jawline toward his chin. Tipping his head back, she leaned in to bring their lips together in the softest of kisses. It had a breath catching in his throat and when she pulled back, his eyes unhurriedly opened back up.

“Yes, I remember last night,” she confessed, a wicked smile tugging at her lips showing him that she was just playing with him. His heart was hammering. He really believed her when she was acting like she didn’t remember what the two of them did. “And I don’t regret a minute of it.”

“Really?” Joel’s long eyelashes fluttered, his brown eyes searching hers. As if he was trying to figure out if she was lying to him or not. Right now his breathing was labored and he was fixed on her.

“Really,” she snickered, sliding in again. This time Joel met her halfway with their lips colliding together in a fiery kiss. The first one was very sweet, but this one showed that the both of them still had last night on their minds. Most of the time Joel would have been uncomfortable showing this kind of affection in public, but right now? All he saw was her. Caress after caress of her lips over his felt amazing and he didn’t want to stop. Breathlessly she pulled back slightly to offer up a weak smile. “Thank you for taking care of me last night when I was making a fool of myself.”

With a slow nod of his head, Joel’s hand shakily reached up to drag his thumb across her bottom lip, “although, I do have to admit to you everything gets a little fuzzy after we sat down by the fire. I have memories here and there. But I don’t know how we ended up in my bed. Which I did wake up a few times, but I didn’t have the energy to get up.”

“Well, you crawled up into my lap,” Joel leaned back against the chair still tasting the fruitiness that was left over his lips from her kiss after she had been eating the oatmeal. “We were kissing and then you wanted to give me one of your amazing blowjobs. But? That ended with your head falling into my lap with you passing out.”

“Oh God,” she bit down at her bottom lip, lowering her head down in shame. Snorting at her embarrassment Joel knew that this was not good with how this woman made him feel. “I am so sorry.”

“I’m not,” Joel confessed, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat. Even though this went against everything that he was, Joel was smitten with her. “I didn’t think you were capable of making those kind of decisions with how drunk you were. I felt bad for even letting it get as far as we did. So I carried you back into your room, got you ready for bed and you asked me to stay with you.”

“And you did?” she stammered getting Joel to nod again. Joel’s fingertips were nervously stroking over the material over the arms of the chair. It was something that she easily picked up on but didn’t call him out on it. “Thank you. It was the best night of sleep I’ve had in a very long time.”

“The alcohol probably helped,” Joel noted, a weak smile pressing in over his handsome features when she finished off the oatmeal that he had gotten for her. “Although, I reckon I made the biggest fool outta myself this morning when I talked to Tommy about it.”

“You told Tommy?” she was surprised to hear that, gazing around and looking for Tommy.

“Well, he kinda found me sneaking out of your room this morning. Well, afternoon. I was supposed to meet him at nine this morning to do this thing with him,” Joel rambled feeling like maybe he was talking too much. Really, he talked more today than he probably had talked in months. “He thought we slept together, so I had to explain. And I found out that what we kissed under last night wasn’t mistletoe. It was holly. That old woman had no idea what she was talking about.”

Amusement flooded her features triggering his heart to skip a beat at the sight. How did this woman go from driving him crazy to taking his breath away in less than a day? Something about that didn’t feel right, but he didn’t care.

“To be fair,” she sucked in a sharp breath of air, straightening up her posture. Releasing a tiny laugh and shrugging her shoulders had Joel’s gazed locked upon her. “Both of us were very drunk. And while I may be a doctor, I don’t know Christmas plants.”

“Neither do I apparently,” Joel mused, his hand outstretching just enough to have the backs of his fingers brush against hers. “You don’t feel weird about things?”

“Weird about what?” she replied, hooking her fingers somewhat with his. Just having her do that had his heartrate growing faster.

“Us,” Joel spoke up, his mind still spiraling with all of the what ifs in this situation.

“You are the first thing I haven’t regretted since leaving that hospital,” she assured him which made him feel better to hear, but how could two people who barely knew each other have a connection like this? Especially since they started off not being extremely fond of one another.

“Hey! There the two of you are,” a voice called out to them, drawing Joel to scoot back in the chair pulling his fingers from hers. Kneeling down between the two of them, they were met with the familiar smile of Tommy. “I was thinking Y/N, since you’re new here and you haven’t really gotten the chance to have someone take you around…Joel and I were going to join a few of our friends to go snowmobiling around the local park today. It gets really pretty during the winter and I think you’d really like it. What do you think?”

“Tommy?” Joel said his brother’s name, sliding forward in the seat. That was something he wished that Tommy would have spoken to him about first.

“Maria was supposed to come with us today, but something came up so she had to cancel. I already loaded her snowmobile onto the truck so if she wants to come, I’d love to bring her,” Tommy finished up with his thoughts, giving Y/N back the attention. Noticing the discomfort in Joel’s body, she didn’t know how to respond to Tommy. Did the way that he was reacting mean that he didn’t want her there? “So what do you say?”

“What happened with Maria?” Joel remembered just speaking to Maria, so he knew that she wasn’t sick or anything.

“Oh, something just came up here,” Tommy explained, waving his hand about like it was no big deal. “Nothing to worry about.”

“Do you want me to figure things out here so she can go with you?” Joel pressed further, not wanting his brother to miss out on something that him and Maria had planned for months.

“No, she’s got this. Trust me. No one would be able to handle it better than her, big brother,” Tommy dismissed Joel’s thoughts and turned back to Y/N. “If you want to come, I can actually send you to Maria. She can hook you up with something to wear so that way you aren’t cold. I think you won’t regret coming along. Our friend that’s taking us actually runs these snowmobile tours.”

“Yeah, sure. I guess that would be cool,” she agreed to go with them. Her answer seemed to make Tommy very happy, but Joel on the other hand was nervous. Standing up from the chair, she reached for her coffee and let out a tight breath. “Where should I go see her?”

“She’s right at registration waiting for you. I told her what I was planning so when you head over there she will take you with her,” Tommy pointed in the other direction where Maria was. Waiting until Y/N left, Tommy made sure that they were alone when he turned to Joel again who was glaring at him. “What?”

“The hell you doin’ Tommy?” Joel snarled, his nose wrinkling in distaste for whatever Tommy had up his sleeve. There was no question in his mind that Tommy was attempting to hook him up with this women and got Maria to join him in it.

“I’m just making things a little easier. It doesn’t hurt to do things with this woman so you two can spend more time together and see where this goes,” Tommy elaborated on his plan resulting in an eye roll from Joel whose body language changed completely when he heard what Tommy was doing. “Let’s show her that Jackson is a very beautiful place. Especially during the winter. You’ll get to spend some time with her. See if you still feel the way about her that you did when you were drunk. It doesn’t hurt.”

“You’re lovin’ this,” Joel acknowledged realizing that his brother was way too happy about this whole situation. And he wasn’t exactly sure why Tommy was so interested in pushing the two of them closer together. “Why?”

“Why not?” Tommy threw his hands up in the air, circling a bit as he started back stepping toward the front of the inn. “How about we go get ready for this thing? Make sure we have everything and see where it takes us?”

Shaking his head, Joel knew that he didn’t have much of a choice in this. Tommy already put the wheels in motion and he was going to have to play along and see where this whole thing went.

----

Standing in the middle of an open field at the nearest national park had Y/N in an absolute awe. For some reason, when she agreed to do this whole thing with Tommy and Joel, she imagined the car ride over here would be incredibly uncomfortable. But honestly? It wasn’t. It was a seven minute drive where she sat in the backseat of the truck with Joel. Sure, they were both quiet and didn’t say a word, but it would have been awkward talking around Tommy and his friend she had only just met in the lobby of the inn for a few minutes.

Now, as the boys and their friends prepared the snowmobiles, she couldn’t help but stand in the middle of the large plot of land staring out at everything surrounding her. There were mountains in New York that she had seen before traveling out, but nothing like this. This was stunning. All of the treetops were covered in snow. And the mountain range in the distance was like that out of a painting. It took her breath away.

The only thing that was bad about this whole thing was what you had to wear in order to do this. You had to wear a certain kind of clothes called under layers that were made from a certain material so you stayed warm but didn’t sweat. Then, you had to put on your snowmobile suits. And the worst part about that? A loud swooshing sound would fill the air every time you moved. It honestly reminded her of when she was a child wanting to go out and play in the snow. How her mother would dress her up in a snowsuit where she could barely move. This felt almost exactly like the same thing. Along with all of this you had to wear a face mask, a helmet, goggles, gloves, good socks and boots. With how many layers she had on, she wondered if she would even be able to steer the damn thing.

“How’s it goin’?” Joel’s southern drawl pulled her attention back to him when he approached her. The loud swishing sound elicited a smile from her with every step he made toward her.

“I feel like the abominable snowman,” she announced, throwing her hands up in the air. Wiggling a bit had Joel tipping his head to the side, his eyes narrowing while she clearly was having fun at the idea of what she was dressed in. “I’m sorry, I’m just not used to so many layers.”

“There’s a reason for that,” Tommy interrupted before Joel could respond. Unlike Joel, this woman seemed to have a lot of energy and Tommy was eager to push the two of them closer together. Maybe she would be good for Joel. And that’s all he kept thinking. “We’re gonna be out there for a while. It’s cold as hell out there. You don’t want to freeze and you don’t want to get hurt. So it’s all about protection and safety. Us Texas boys weren’t used to these temperatures when we came up here. We came from a place that when even a little snow fell, the whole town shut down. Now being here? Well, it can be a constant snowstorm and somehow the town still finds a way to keep runnin’.”

“Are you warm enough?” Joel stammered, pointing his finger from top to bottom with what she was wearing.

“Oh yeah, I’m great,” she insisted with a long pause, her head tipping from side to side. Considering how much snow they were surrounded by? She actually was surprised just how warm her body was. “Well, except for my nose. That’s freezing. But everything else? I’m great!”

“That’s easy to fix,” Joel insisted walking to her and she wondered how he managed to still look good in these suits. Because for her? She felt like she looked like she waddled in these things. Biting at his glove Joel managed to get one of them off before reaching for the other. Extending his hands out, he hooked his fingers into her facemask to pull it up over her mouth and over her nose. “That’s how it’s supposed to be. It’ll keep you warmer.”

A breath caught in her throat with the way that Joel stroked at the sides of her face, almost cupping her face in his grasp. Giving her a wink, Joel worked his gloves back on and in that moment he realized that both Y/N and Tommy were frozen staring out at him.

“What’s with the staring Tommy?” Joel snorted, shaking his head about. Immediately Tommy shook his head and threw his hands up like nothing was going on. But deep down Tommy was actually impressed with the way that his brother had helped her. Where Y/N was smitten, Tommy couldn’t believe he was seeing his brother taking care of someone like that. Motioning Y/N to follow him, Joel rubbed his hands together and then led her toward the snowmobile. “Y’know how to ride one of these?”

“Oh, yeah…of course I do,” she lied gazing upon the snowmobile realizing that she should have considered what they were actually doing. She’d never been on a snowmobile in her life. Most of her life was very sheltered. The only thing she had ever done in the winter was go on a sled. So for her, this was completely new.

“You have no idea do you?” Joel interrogated with her nodding showing that he was right. Grumbling under his breath, Joel waved her forward so he could show her. Sitting down on the one that she would be using, he made sure that she was looking. “You always gotta keep your feet safely in like this when you’re sitting. Make sure you’re comfortable. Relaxed. Don’t try to stop it with your feet. These things are heavy, if you fall wrong I reckon you’ll break something. When you’re turning, it’s like a bike. You turn the handles this way for left, this way for right.”

For some reason with Joel giving her instructions, she found herself lost in what he was saying. Suddenly everything felt like it was a foreign language but she nodded along because she didn’t want to embarrass herself. Trying hard to pay attention, she swallowed down realizing that this might have been her biting off more than she could chew.

“Now you sit,” Joel got up, helping her to get into position on the snowmobile. “The right is the gas. When you make your turns you’re gonna wanna lean into them, okay? It just helps on the sharper curves. On the left you have the break. It’s a whole lot easier than it seems. I promise you. You don’t have to worry.”

“Do I look scared?” she was curious, hearing Tommy laughing beside her. In all of that time she didn’t even realize that Tommy was still with them.

“You look mortified,” Tommy answered for Joel, nodding his head about. “Trust me, it’s not that hard. The first part is just a long stretch of land. Not too many turns. We just are gonna go out into the middle of the park. Get ourselves used to things and then some of the other things Joel told you will come into play.”

Maybe this would have been better if she had taken a whole day to learn how to do this instead of just a few minutes before their trip. That would have made it easier and made more sense. Even though she was uncomfortable, she went ahead with things. Joel insisted that he wanted to ride behind her just to make sure that she didn’t get left behind. And that made her nervous because she was afraid of making herself look like an idiot in front of him.

Watching others do it made it easier. None of them looked uncomfortable or worried. They just got on, put their face shields down and went. So she attempted to do the same. Of course it didn’t work as easily for her, but once she got started, it was actually pretty cool. Even though this was something she had no idea how to do, it was thrilling. The sights as they went were indescribable. Nothing like this was out in New York. This was the kind of thing she had only seen in paintings and photos. The snow over the mountains was slick giving it a bright shine with the sun hitting it just right. She wished she would have strapped a camera onto her because this would likely be a once in a lifetime experience. Everything about this was magical. For the first time since being to Jackson, she really did see the beauty that would draw people to something like this.

On their ride, she saw out toward the trees some of the animals that were roaming around the park. Never in her life had she seen a moose. Nor did she realize just how big they were. But today she saw a few of them. And while doing this she was starting to feel like a kid all over again.

When they came to a stop, she was worried that something was wrong, but the leader of their group wanted to show them something that he thought they would like. Leading them through a walkway, she was surprised to see that he brought them to a set of stairs. So much snow covered them that she knew someone would kill themselves if they tried to walk down it.

“What we are going to do is slide down,” Tommy repeated what the instructor told him. “If you look, other people have done this to the point that it’s created a slide all the way to the bottom. It’s easy. Just watch us and then you can do it. There is this really beautiful waterfall that looks great in the summertime, but in the winter it’s breathtaking.”

Stepping up to the stairs, she watched the first few of them sliding down laughing as they did it. Footsteps in the snow had her gazing beside her to see that Joel was lifting up his face guard, “You don’t have to go if you aren’t comfortable.”

“This isn’t too bad. If I can handle the plane ride here, I can handle this,” she assured him with a wink. But really? She wondered if she was trying to convince him of that or herself. Holding his hand out for her, Joel helped her lower down so that she was in position. Pushing herself off, she was surprised how easily she slid down the stairs. It reminded her of when she was a child going down a slide at the playground, but this one was much more interesting. Once she reached the bottom, Tommy was waiting for her, holding out his hand to help her up. “Thank you.”

A loud grunt filled the air behind her with Joel coming down. Smirking, Tommy carefully moved around her to help Joel up to his feet. Joel had more trouble getting up than she did, but by the time he did get up to his feet he gave the both of them a thumbs up.

Together the group walked in a line, one by one along the side of a path of water. Considering the walkway that was there, this was something a lot of people must have done previously. It was a longer walk than she expected and multiple times she had almost slipped. More than anything, she wanted to avoid embarrassing herself in front of Joel. After everything? She just wanted to look good for him.

When they approached the overlook for the waterfall, it had her stopping in her tracks. A sense of awe flooded her veins at the sight of the frozen over waterfall. Everything looked like that out of a movie. Everything was frozen over except for a small amount of water that was still flowing. They area they were in was the true definition of a winter wonderland. The mountains surrounding them were covered in ice. The trees covered in snow. Where they were, it felt like they were surrounded. What she was feeling was amazement.

“Not so bad after all, huh?” Joel’s voice pressed in beside her with him flipping his helmet up once he stepped in beside her. “Maybe Jackson ain’t as bad as you thought.”

“This is incredible,” she confessed, following Joel further down toward the water. The way the trees surrounded her gave her the effect of what she thought it might be like to be inside of a snow globe. Large pieces of ice were shattered off into the water that was flowing slowly away from them. And if she wasn’t with someone who knew where they were going, she may have felt a sense of panic.

In the distance, she noticed that Joel was walking further down closer to the frozen waterfall. Everyone was up on the top level, but Joel was continuing down to the lower one. Taking her time, she was cautious in how she moved, not wanting to slip. Looking back over her shoulder, she made sure that they were alone as she approached Joel who was standing at the edge observing everything.

Outstretching her hand, she placed it between Joel’s shoulders. The sensation made him jump, but when he looked back at her she felt her heart rate quicken when he grew comfortable at the sight of her. Pulling off his helmet, Joel kept it in his arms and motioned her to do the same.

“This is a place I think you will want a photo at,” Joel urged her to pull out her phone. Which honestly? Getting it out took longer than she thought it would. Pushing the goggles up and away from her eyes, she tugged at the bottom of her mask to reveal her face. “Get into position.”

Waving her on, Joel was quick to take a photo of her with the frozen waterfall behind her. After handing her the phone back, Joel went to leave, but she was quick to reach for him, “Take a photo with me?”

“Together?” Joel seemed surprised to hear that request, but he tugged at his mask and pulled it down so she could get a picture of them together. Wrapping his arm loosely around her brought them close together so they could take a photo. After she shoved her phone back into her zipper pocket on her suit, Joel grumbled something under his breath before speaking up again. “I don’t typically take photos with the guests that are staying at the inn.”

“I’m going to guess you probably don’t go around kissing your customers either,” she slurred, stepping in closer to Joel.

Grabbing a loose hold of his suit made a swishing sound that had both of them cringing. It was loud and it was awful. But he allowed her to pull him close. Even if this was a bad place to do this, she couldn’t help but find this area romantic. Bringing their lips together in a faint kiss allowed her to realize just how cold they both were. The heat from their kiss was a vast contrast to the air around them.

“Where did you two run off to?” Tommy called out to them having Joel quickly backstepping away from her with a nervous sound. Pulling his mask back up had her releasing out a tremoring breath. It was too soon for Joel and she understood that.

Together the rest of them started to head back to their snowmobiles. For a while everything was fine. They followed the main path and saw a lot of beautiful areas that she thought were stunning. It was when they came to a narrow path that she realized things were getting a bit too tight for her. Considering she was new to this whole thing, having this tight of a curve made her uncomfortable. One wrong tug of the handles had her sliding down the hill into a snow pile.

Immediately, she regretted it. And she felt an overwhelming sense of embarrassment flooding through her. Nothing was hurt, she just went into a snow pile. Looking back over her shoulder, she noticed that both Tommy and Joel were headed down to check on her. The first thing Tommy did was make sure that everything was turned off. Joel on the other hand? He was quick to check on her, making sure nothing was hurt or broken.

“I’m okay. Other than my pride being gone,” she promised Joel who helped her up from the snowmobile. “I am so sorry, I didn’t mean for that to happen. It just got tight and this was my first…”

“Don’t apologize,” Tommy stressed, pointing back toward the area she had slid down from. “I can just pull the snowmobile up and drag it.”

“How about you drag it back and I’ll have her ride with me? I know things are gonna be a bit tight so I reckon I can make sure she doesn’t get hurt or anything,” Joel spoke to his brother, helping her up the side of the hill to his snowmobile. Getting her comfortable, Joel made sure that she would be okay before going over to help Tommy. When he came back, she felt tense that she fucked up, but also happy because it meant she got to cuddle up to Joel. After demanding having her wrap her arms around him, Joel had her swooning over him. This was his way of protecting her. And she liked it. It was hard to focus from that moment on.

By the time they got back to the truck, she tried helping them but Joel had taken her to the passenger’s seat, turned on the heat and motioned her to warm up. Part of her felt guilty while they finished working, but Joel wasn’t wrong in bringing her here. She was freezing and this was helping her. The people here were used to this kind of weather. She wasn’t. Everything was numb and the heat from the car did feel nice on her fingers.

On the drive back, Joel sat beside her rubbing her hands in his. Even though it didn’t do much to warm her up since he was cold too, she appreciated the gesture. Joel thought he was doing something nice and she wasn’t going to reject it. As they returned to town, Tommy had alerted them that they were going to meet up with Maria for dinner. It wasn’t even a case of Tommy inviting her, he just told her that she was coming with them.

Thankfully, it wasn’t a high-end place because she felt like she looked like a mess after taking her snow suit off. She would have preferred to go back to the hotel to clean up, but neither of the boys cleaned up. Joel’s hair was a mess after he took his suit off and she couldn’t help but laugh. It was cute and charming. Although, every time he looked to her, she tried to hide that she was laughing to avoid embarrassing him. When Joel pulled out her seat for her, she was impressed with his continued showing of chivalry. That was something she had not grown accustomed to living in New York. So Joel being like this was a pleasant surprise.

“I hope you don’t mind this place,” Tommy called out from across the table from where he was sitting beside Maria. Loud music was playing and it was visibly a sports bar that they were at. Everyone had already ordered and it was nice to just sit back after the day they had. “It’s just simple things like burgers and what not. But we like it here. The big man here loves him some burgers.”

“Yeah. That’s me. The burger man,” Joel snickered, accepting the beer that the waiter set on the table for him. Shaking his head, Joel rolled his eyes at his brother not sure if he was attempting to embarrass him or not. Y/N seemed to be staring at him from where she was seated beside Joel. “We just like things laid back in our family.”

“I’d actually prefer that,” she explained to them, kind of glad that they seemed to be in an area that they were closed off from the rest of the public for now. She had grown ill at ease when people would stare at her. But this time she wasn’t alone. So maybe people would mind their own business. “I would usually get some kind of carry out on the way home anyways. I would be tired and I’d usually eat alone.”

“So tell us some more about yourself,” Maria leaned across the table, getting Y/N’s attention. Tapping her hands against the tabletop, Maria shrugged her shoulders and sighed. “All we really know about you is that you are a doctor from New York City.”

“Oh, that’s not really something that you want to hear,” she waved her hand about remembering what happened the last time that she tried to talk about herself. Joel had no interest then and she didn’t want to bore him now. Joel’s brown eyes were locked on her as he took a long swig of his beer. “Joel really doesn’t like hearing those kind of things.”

A cough escaped Joel when he choked on his beer and dropped the beer bottle down with a clanking sound. Catching the bottle before it fell, Joel was quick to shake his head and clear his throat, “I don’t mind. They are the ones that are asking.”

“Well, what do you want to know?” she wasn’t quite sure where to start noticing the way that Tommy wrapped his arm around the back of Maria’s chair.

“How about what made you want to be a doctor?” Tommy threw something out there, waving his free hand about. “That seems like it would be a stressful job to have. Especially in New York City. Did you always want to be a doctor?”

“No, I didn’t want to be a doctor when I was a child,” she took a moment to consider what she would tell them, feeling uneasy with all of their eyes on her. Each of them were listening closely and she didn’t know how honest she should be. “I think I wanted to be like an astronaut or an archeologist when I was young. I wanted to discover new things.”

“And you decided that you could discover new things in healthcare?” Maria tried to put two and two together, but it had Y/N shaking her head. “How did you fall into it then? That’s a bit different than the two jobs you mentioned.”

“How sad do you want this to get?” she muttered, stroking her fingers down the glass of water that was before her. Tommy shifted in his seat and she shook her head. “I don’t want to depress anyone about my life.”

“That doesn’t sound good,” Tommy noted, his eyebrow arching in curiosity. Looking to Joel, she took notice of the fact that he was quiet, but still listening to her.

“I became a doctor because when I was young, both of my parents died,” she alerted them, lowering her head so she didn’t have to look at any of them when she admitted to them why she became a doctor. “My parents were in a car accident. It was snowing, it was around Christmas. My dad was driving and my mom was in the passenger seat. I was in the back. There was a truck on the road that had been driving too long. A man that was just trying to get home to his family. He fell asleep at the wheel. His truck was headed right at us. Which had my dad swerving, he hit some ice and the car crashed at the side of the road. It had flipped. The car behind us had also hit that ice after swerving. It went off the road too. And hit my dad’s side of the car. My dad was killed instantly, my mom they thought was fine. We were taken to the hospital where doctors were distracted with the holidays. They thought my mother was okay because she was interacting with people, but she was bleeding on the inside. So for hours we sat and my mom died because the doctors there were lazy and didn’t bother to check to see if something was wrong. So? After that, I decided that I was going to be a doctor because I wanted to make sure that if someone was ever in the position that I was in, they would have a doctor that would fight for them. Do everything to save their loved one.”

“Jesus,” Joel breathed out in a faint slur. Everyone at the table was quiet with how negative that actually was. It seemed like none of them had any idea what they should say. And she expected that. She just went full trauma dump on them and she realized she should have just been straight forward and to the point instead of going into details.

“What happened after that though?” Tommy finally broke the silence, his dark eyes narrowing when he leaned forward at the table. “Did the hospital get in trouble? Did you have any family members to go to? Any siblings?”

“Guys, I can already see the look on your faces,” she half laughed trying to make things less uncomfortable with her shifting her seat beside Joel. Right now, she felt like she was about to depress all of them, especially if she continued to be honest. “I don’t want to mortify you with the depressing details of the rest of my life.”

“No, go ahead. We’re here to listen,” Maria suggested, outstretching her hand to place it in over Y/N’s to show support for her. Now it kind of felt like they wanted to hear the rest of the story because they didn’t want to make her feel awkward or embarrassed with sharing too much. But she knew that she had. “If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s okay too. Either way, we are okay with whatever you want to talk about.”

“Uhm, well. I had no siblings. It was just me. I had two living family members. My grandmother and my uncle. Who were both on my mom’s side. Uhm, my grandmother sued the hospital and the truck company. And she won both cases. Put the money aside for me since I was a child that was left on my own. I wasn’t able to touch it until I was eighteen years old,” she explained to them, her voice broken and tremoring as she spoke. Right now she was doing her best to answer Tommy’s question. The last thing she wanted to do was get emotional in front of all of them so she was fighting it incredibly hard. “My uncle was a famous script writer in New York for films and plays. And my grandmother was living with him in a brownstone in New York City. So I moved there with them. My grandmother died a year or two later. And I was left with my uncle who was not my biggest fan but kept me because my grandmother made him promise. He was really close to my mom and he blamed me for my parents dying. So for the remainder of my teenage years, I was only allowed to be on the second floor and use the kitchen to make my food. I took care of myself. I never spoke to my uncle other than a comment here or there. I got into the school I wanted, left, my uncle died and didn’t write a will because he didn’t expect to die. So I ended up with the brownstone and his money which I firmly believe would have him turning in his grave because he hated my guts. So that’s also the reason that I have as much money as I do.”

Looking between them, she could see that all of them were mortified with what she had told them and it was so quiet between them that you could hear a pin drop. Reaching for the beer that Tommy had gotten her, she took a long sip of it and then shrugged her shoulders, “I told you it was depressing. Sorry. I probably should have just told you my parents died and I wanted to be a doctor that helped saved people like my parents. That’s my problem. I think I overshare too much.”

“Why did your uncle blame you?” Tommy was the first to speak up, his head shaking from side to side. They were all lost for words with her story, but Tommy was more emotional than the others. Locked on that one thing she said about her uncle. “You were just a kid.”

“Because we were headed home from a family holiday party where I had left my stuffed animal on accident. I was upset and wanted them to go back to get it. They called my family to tell them to keep it aside for me…” she set the bottle down beside the water that she had gotten, doing her best to keep it together. “So it was my fault. If they wouldn’t have turned around to get that stuffed animal, both my parents would still be alive.”

“That’s bullshit,” Joel grunted, his brow line creasing when she finally looked to him. Mostly she had been looking between Maria and Tommy, but he had to speak up. “You were just a child. You were innocent in all of that. Being angry with a child for something that wasn’t their fault is crazy.”

“Honey, I agree with Joel,” Maria stressed to Y/N, her hand squeezing in over the hand that she had been holding onto the whole time. “There was no way that was your fault. That was an accident. There was no way of knowing that was going to happen. What your uncle did was wrong. You can’t blame yourself for that.”

“I mean, he wasn’t wrong. If I would have just had them wait until another day they would still be here,” she reasoned, the lump in her throat growing realizing that none of them were agreeing with her statement. Tommy was shaking his head repeatedly hinting to her that he didn’t agree with that either. “I just made do with what I had. I never gave up the brownstone because it was the last place that my parents were at. I guess that doesn’t really make sense though because it’s so big and it’s just me living there. Which is kind of…well, it’s really lonely.”

“And that’s why you ended up here? Because you were lonely?” Tommy wondered, sliding his chair closer to the table showing her that she had his full attention.

“I was just fed up with life. I was recently dumped by my boyfriend not long ago. He was cheating on me with someone more powerful at the hospital and he blamed me. I really don’t have many friends other than those I work with because I work all the time. I guess the deciding factor was losing a patient. I promised their child that I would do the best I could with them and they died. No matter how hard I tried to save them,” she was honest, shrugging her shoulders when Joel finished off the beer that he was drinking and forced himself to look away from her. “I was a little fed up with life. I was lonely. And I was looking for something to prove to myself that life was worth living. For a reason to still be here.”

Hearing that made Joel swallow down hard. He knew that kind of talk. It was what he had suspected back at the bar when she was talking. She was questioning whether she still wanted to be here or not. And the very thought had his chest aching. Because he had also been there himself.

“Can I hug you?” Tommy got up from the table moving around it, not really even giving her the option when he wrapped her up in his arms after leaning down. “I am so sorry you went through all of that. But none of it was your fault.”

“Tommy,” Joel muttered his brother’s name considering in that moment that she might have not been comfortable with Tommy hugging her like he was. An overwhelming sense of guilt ate away at him. When she was talking about her life to him in the past, Joel just assumed she was just some snobby rich girl that had been pampered her whole life. That she became a doctor just to look good. And hearing what it really was about made him come to terms with the fact that he was an asshole for shutting her down like he did and treating her like shit. “You might be suffocating her.”

Grunting, Tommy moved around the table after letting her go and went back to his seat. Maria looked deep in thought, her hand never leaving Y/N’s, “Is there a Christmas memory that you have that makes you happy? Something with your parents?”

“I mean,” she thought for a long moment, trying to consider something that was positive for them to hear. “When I was younger my parents loved going to the Rockefeller tree. During Christmas time whenever I feel overwhelmed or just sad, I like to go there. It usually lifts my spirits. That’s my favorite place to go in the city during Christmas time. I like to just sit at the tree and observe things.”

“That tree does look really cool,” Tommy was quick to bring a positive outlook to things. “I can see why you like it so much. I think I would be drawn to it too.”

Glaring up at Tommy, Joel stayed silent. Right now Y/N felt awkward and he could pick up on it by her body language. The last thing she really probably wanted to be talking about was positive Christmas memories when her family died near Christmas. What she had just confessed to them was a lot to unpack and he now understood why she was kind of the way that she was. He just hoped that eventually they could get her focusing on something else so the tragedies of her past didn’t continue to eat away at her all night.

----

Tags: @jdmorganz @carolineesnell @ayumi-wolf @dilfsandmartinis @christinamadsen

@brittmb115 @thegirlwiththemostcake3

[tranceinnumerabletabs]

When Johnny Comes Back pt7

Howdy! I'm really proud of this one! Please enjoy! it gets funny

idk if you wanted to be tagged in this one too but, @supermegabitchboyexceptimagirl, and of course @beelzebee

I think I should get those tumblr dividers. Also, sorry if you can't understand everything that's said here. You'll know it when you get to it. Its not the end btw.

part1, part2, part3, part4, part5, part6

It’s a quiet night once more, this time you’re in bed, unable to sleep.

It’s been too long. He’s gone. Shot by some guy. Just like in your nightmares

You sigh and look at your clock, 1:26 AM.

ugh

You get up, your cat waking up due to it, and decide to just….pace

You do just that, trying to find reason within your rhyme. You feed makes thudding noises on the cold hard ground.

thud thud thud thud

he’ll be fine

Thud thud thud thud

he’s just recovering

Thud thud

he’s gone

Thud

no he’s not

Thud thud thud

you’ll never be able to see him again

Thud thud thud

you’ll never tell him I love you

Thud thud thud

there’s no more Mactavish finesse

Thud thud thud

he’s reduced to ashes in an urn like in your nightmares

Thud thud drip thud

you look down and realize that a tear has fallen from your face.

sigh

you told yourself that you wouldn’t end up like this. If he’s alive then this is for nothing and if he’s dead….well…then this was just added misery.

You go to the bathroom and wash your face, sniffling a little.

he’s fine

You stare at your face in the mirror, blood rushed to your nose and cheeks, puffy eyed. You didn’t look so good.

You looked tired. You’ve been holding yourself up well right?

Yeah…

Yeah you are!

You could’ve been so much worse but you held up. Even if your eyes look tired and the steady drip of water from your face to the sink makes it unclear whether or not your crying. You weren’t. you’re fine

Ugh. This is why you try not to think of him! You feel so stupid and naive and sensitive and lost and-

“mrow?”

You feel Simon brush up against your leg, stopping your train wreck of thoughts. You smile, he’s so cute no matter how grumpy he is.

“Simon” you say fondly. You lean down and pick him up into your arms, swaying him like a baby as you walk out the bathroom.

Simon’s presence helped but it can only do so much.

You rock him, pet him and scratch him as you continue to pace.

Thud thud thud

you’re so cute Simon

Thud thud thud

you’re precious

Thud thud thud

you know Johnny will come back right?

Thud click thud

you know you’re a little bastard?

Thud thud thud

yeah you know you are? A bastard just like-…..

Thud Creak thud

like….

Thud stomp thud stomp

like……

thud Stomp Thud

.

“Honey, I’m home!”

.

.

.

.

You stand there, eyes wide in shock.

“Johnny?” You whisper but it was too low for even yourself to hear.

“Aye Bonnie, ye miss me?”

Your legs felt frozen as you look at him. A bandage around his head and a few new scars onto him to show off. His bag in one hand.

“What’s wrong lassie? Ye look like ye’ve seen the dead came back tae life” he teases gently, but in a tone that indicates that he missed you.

he’s here

Johnny Came Back

You feel tears pricking your eyes, but he didn’t notice. He drops his bag down and starts walking towards you. Ready to spend his return the same way he usually spends it: watching a movie with an engorgement of take out and smothering you.

“Johnny” you whisper a little louder

Johnny smiles “the one and only. Couldn’t have ye sell my urn to the damn Brits” He chuckled

“Johnny” you whisper once again and this time he catches the weight of your tone and becomes more solemn and sincere. “Aye….it’s me Bonnie….it’s me. I’m home” Your breath hitches and your hand slowly raises to cup his jaw, feeling his overgrown facial hair. He couldn’t shave it to his preferred length.

He drops his head’s weight into your hand, rubbing his cheek into your soft palm, looking softly into your eyes with a smile.

“Johnny” you voice now breaks and your breathing audibly hitches, tears welling in your eyes.

Johnny's eyes widen in shock, as if that was somehow an unexpected reaction.

“Bonnie?”

He tries to comfort you. Tries to think of something to say

“Bonnie I-“

“I thought you were dead Johnny!” You break out.

Johnny looked more shocked. Did you get the wrong information? Or did you just assume the worst?

“No, I-“

“I thought I’d never see you again!” You cry, your shoulders shaking. He looked guilty, he opens his mouth to try to apologize but you do what you should’ve spent he moment he showed his handsome ugly mug. You hug him, tightly. Almost too tight for the worn soldier.

Johnny is startled for a moment before reciprocating, hugging you back with fervor. You wet his shirt with your tears “I thought you were gone Johnny!” You cry, shaking in his arms. “No no lassie don’t cry” he rubs your back as you take lungfuls of his scent, finally being able to breathe it in again after it faded from your home.

He rocks you slightly as you take him all in and muffle all your grievances into his shirt. Eventually he grabs your face and stares into your eyes, his face seeming so tired and pained. Your heart clenches. You should care more about how he’s feeling.

“I’m tae sorry fer words honey, I didn’t think tae tell someone tell ye I’m fine. I just, had a rough time in the hospital an-“

You hug him again “sit down you lug. You need to rest” you gently guide him to his spot on the couch, where he belongs

“How are you feeling? Do you need anything?” You gently ask, cupping his face with both hands and looking at his injury.

He smiles and seemed to relax more that he’s done in a while. He places his rough calloused hands on yours and closes his eyes.

“Aye Bonnie lass, ye could kiss it better” he chuckles, feeling up your hands.

.

.

.

.

he’s had a rough time. Maybe he just needs any form of affection after being hospitalized for so long

You lean in up to his temple where the bandages are and place the most gentle and delicate of kisses on it. Johnny’s breath hitches, you don’t usually kiss him why would you? You’re just friends right?

You wanted to tell him you’re in love with him, or that you wanted him and no one else. But….no. not now, he just came back and…if it’s not reciprocal you don’t want him to deal with that right now. This should be all about him and not you. No, now all you wanted was to make sure that your roommate was okay. That can….come later. If you were willing to risk it. What’s most important is that he’s here and you take care of him. Not your feelings. “Miss me that much Bonnie? I should get shot more often. Then I could get another kiss” He tries to tease but the look on your face was enough to drop the jokes. He becomes more somber, his hands on yours now stroking your forearms. He looks into your eyes, sincerity evident “I missed ye too lassie, didn’t think tae tell ye cuz I dinae think I’d be gone fer so long. Glad to hear I was missed. Nice shirt” he says but it wasn’t the usual teasing tone he had. You look down and sure enough, you’re wearing one of Soap’s shirts as pjs, his scent long done from it. You smile, sniffling a little “I’m so glad you’re okay. I was so worried Johnny….”

“Aye, I could tell……ye dinae need to worry Bonnie lass, I’m a big strong man”

You huffed a laugh as he rubbed your eyes “Don’t be sad….your big bad sergeant is here.” You lay on top of him, face to neck, just….taking in his presence. He does the same, scratching your scalp, rubbing your back.

He’s back

Johnny came back

Johnny came home

.

.

.

.

After some time, he piped up

“Let’s watch a movie aye? I’m starvin.”

You chuckle, a much lighter and freer laugh than the ones you’ve been making for months. Free from your worries about Johnny

“Of course Johnny. I’ll order you take out”

You kiss his nose. He gives you that signature smile of his.

“Yer spoilin me, love”

“Don’t you forget it”

"how could I ever?"

____________________

It felt so good going back to an old routine. Your movements were unfamiliar and rusty as you sit and eat take out with Johnny at 2:17 AM while a movie was on. He already finished 2 meals but the soldier was still going at it like the dog he was.

“Better than any hospital slop I tells ye!”

You smile, softer and fonder than Johnny remembers, and settle in the routine you remember you had before he left. A blanket tossed over both of you legs, an arm wrapped around some part of you. This time it was around your neck while he ate, a bit awkward but you were not about to complain. He was back and that was all that mattered. He finished up his feast and went back to watching some silly movie based on a tumblr post.

It’s about a random Asian kid whose plane goes down somewhere in Scotland, and he learns traditional Scottish kickboxing. The wise old mentor speaks with an indecipherable Highland accent, Johnny somehow understands and translates for you, and spends the whole film in a full kilt for no particular reason. He goes back to China to reclaim his parent's company made in the style of those "mediocre white boy learns the secrets of ancient martial arts" movies. It’s a funny concept and a movie you’ve been wanting to watch for months but didn’t because….well….Johnny wasn’t here. You couldn’t watch this without him.

And you’re so glad you didn’t because now as Johnny has his warm arm wrapped around you, gentler than usual due to his injuries on his arm. His mouth is near your ear as he ‘translates’ English to English. It doesn’t really matter what he was saying. All that mattered is hearing his raspy deep voice reverberating in your ear. Usually you’d tell yourself you could drag yourself to bed after the movie but you knew couldn’t drag yourself to bed after all this. You wanted to fall asleep on this couch with him. But just before you resigned yourself to that wonderful fate, you remember something.

“Are you going to sleep here Johnny?” You asked

“Aye, can’t anger the sleeping tiger. I won’t move an inch wee Bonnie don’t ye worry”

You sit up and look at him while the movie was Montaging with terrible bagpipe music “No. You need to rest on an actual bed. You’re still recovering”

“Ye dinae need tae worry aboot me love. I’m fi-“

“Johnny.” You say sternly “you’ve been shot in the head don’t BS me now after all that” your voice cracked a bit when you mentioned his terrible injury.

Johnny sighs and smiles “I could get used tae being babied like this”

His tone was teasing but somehow you had a feeling he did wanted to be babied, to be treated and spoken to gently in a way he couldn’t get in a military setting.

You sigh and smile. “One movie okay? Then I’ll run you a bath, rub your back, maybe change your bandages and scratch your hair till you fall asleep in a bed sound good Johnny?” His eyes were enticed but he just had to be a goofy little guy doesn’t he?

“Cannae read me a bedtime story?” He teased. You giggled and nodded. You had a feeling he just wanted to hear your voice “I’ll tell you the story of the ugly duckling. I’m sure you’ll relate” you joke back

“Aye, sing me a lullaby too?”

“You motherfucking bastard.” You roll your eyes with a smile “yeah I’ll sing you a song about how John and Jill when up the hill to fetch a pail of whisky. John fell down and broke his crown and Jill couldn’t see him for months while he was in the hospital.”

“Dinae my fault Bonnie!”

“I know baby I know” you coo, calling him a baby but Soap seemed to be very happy being called that.

“As soon as the movie’s over I’ll show my baby just how much I missed him. Wake me up if I sleep okay? If you don’t you’ll never get that bedtime story ye hear?”

“Yes ma’am”

“Good boy”

You lay back down next to him, continuing to watch the silly movie, the Chinese kid is somehow the chosen one from some ancient Scottish texts made when during some important historical British-Scottish conflict. How did they seriously think that a dizi (bamboo flute) mixed with a bagpipe would make a good soundtrack? And how are they right?

Whatever, it’s not like you were paying much attention when Johnny was stroking your arm right next to you, leaning in and rubbing his scratchy chin against yours, murmuring comments and ‘translations’ that may not even be that accurate. God you missed him. The movie ends with a Scottish themed “Kung Fu fighter” esque credits song.

He automatically hums something about putting on another movie. “Johnny it’s like 3 and a half in the morning”

“Dinnae care Bonnie. Missed ye”

“C’mon Johnny, I’ll tuck you in bed” you tease He grips you tighter into him “I’m tucked in enough like this”

You smile, wide and so happy.

“C’mon Johnny” you whisper into his ear, scratching his scalp, careful to avoid the injury “those clothes can’t be comfortable. Let’s change into something nicer hmm?”

He sighs contently “only if ye keep that up Bonnie…..feels like heaven”

“Deal”

You leave him to turn on the bath faucet, making sure it’s the right temperature before going back to clean up the take out. He tried to help but you told him firmly to “stay” and like a good boy he does. He watches you walk around the flat like a puppy, eyes glued to your form and glimmering so fondly.

You check the bath and it’s ready.

As you turn to call for him “Johnn-“ you bump into him directly. He followed you here, unable to be away from you. You huff a laugh and lean on him.

“Take a bath Johnny. You could use one of my bath bombs too.”

“Stay with me?” He whines

“I’m not gonna watch you bathe Johnny. You clingy dog.” You chuckle and flick his nose “but I’ll be waiting for you when you come out okay?”

You walk out, feeling his lingering gaze on your back. You go get his bed ready.

It’s…not clean. You’re not proud to admit you’ve slept here on more than one occasion due to his absence. It was a mess of Soap’s belongings. A pile of clothes, some things that reminded you of him, things of the like. You clean it up, place a new bedsheet and pillow case, along with a plushie of a kitten with a mohawk, a gift from you.

(The kitten. Image description: a cute kitten with what looks like a mohawk of fur on it's head. end/ID)

(i-it looks better in the story! but the collar is still there /ID a plushie of the mohawk kitten but it looks crudely made and grumpy with a spiky collar /end ID)

You were admiring your clean up before your were startled by a strong set of hands around your waist and a head into your neck and shoulder. “Johnny! You scared me” He breaths in your scent, while being towel clad “hmm….Bonnie…”

You giggle and turn around, your smile dropping when come face to face with his bared chest. There were more bandages you didn’t see before, new scars and burns. You tsk, gently touching the bandages as he gazed at you “you poor thing…they must hurt so much….”

“…..”

you look up at him “do they hurt? Do you need me to change them or painkillers?”

“I’m fine lovie…”

You shake your head “I left some at your bedside just in case darling.”

“…thank you lassie…what would I do without ye?”

“Die in a ditch apparently”

He smiles, rubbing his thumbs on your waist.

“Never leave me…”

I blush a little at how he said that. Like it wasn’t just a roommate thing. “Never…..let’s get you to bed. I’m sure you’re so tired”

“Nae, I still got an enough for that bedtime story and lullaby”

You laugh “you're such a baby…okay get dressed”

He, being the bastard he is, decided to go “aye” and take off his towel right then and there.

You squeak in surprise and avert your eyes

“Johnny!!”

“What? Like what you see?”

You whine and mumble as he laughs “get dressed!”

You hear a chuckle and him opening the closet, a moment later he speaks “Ye can look now hen”

You turn around and low and behold he didn’t even put on anything “JOHNNY!” You slap your hands over your eyes as he laughs.

“What’s the matter hen?”

“JOHNNY I SWEAR TO GOD-“

“Aye aye, I’ll get dressed.”

You hear some movement as he wears actual clothes, not a lot of clothes but still something

“You can look now, fer real this time”

“So you’re decent?”

“Not morally but I’m wearing pants”

You turn to look and lo and behold this man only put boxers on.

You groan and roll your eyes

“How’s that decent Sergeant Soap?”

“Cannae see my tadger. And it’s Johnny to you.”

You pretty much can see it honestly but you let him.

“Lay on your stomach”

“Be gentle with me hen”

“Of course”

“I’ve been a good boy”

“Shut it”

“Yes ma’am”

You look at the tragic state of his back, pity pulling at your heartstrings.

“Tell me if it hurts too much okay?”

“You can never hurt me hen.”

“Johnny.”

“Aye aye, I will”

You sigh and pull out some oils you have along with a muscle gel that should alleviate any pain he’s brushing off in favor of seeming strong or okay. You know he's usually sore after expending himself so much during his job.

“Yer spolin’ me bloody rotten”

“Shush”

You climb on the bed and gently rub in the oil first

“Nae, could barely feel it.”

You press harder

“It tickles”

You press harder

“Das it”

You roll you eyes and do this. Feeling your face heat up every time he groans and sighs. You later put on the muscle relaxant and he sighs and groans even louder, his voice becoming even deeper due to his tiredness, making your insides mushy.

“Oh…right there…hmm…lower”

You go lower

“Lower”

Alright…

“Lower”

“Any lower and I’ll be touching your ass”

“Aye”

“Okay that’s enough time for bed” you get off him and he whines

“Nooo. I’m so sorry bonnie please come back. I’ll behave”

“Oh really? Never seen you behave once in your life Mactavish” you scold as you put away the things

“Gie me a laldy then”

“Goodnight Johnny” you turn to leave

“No! Wait!” He jumps and yanks you from behind.

“What is it Johnny?”

“Ye Haven’t tucked me in with a bedtime story yet.” He whines

You sigh but secretly you’re smiling wide at his antics, just glad to go through them again. Leave it to Johnny to overcommit to the bit.

“Aight here’s your bedtime story Ya wee sook” you reply, turning to face him. He was shocked “Ya we- where did ye learn tha’?”

“I learnt it from a very sexy Scottish lad once upon a time” you say as you start literally tucking him into bed, the bastard really has you wrapped around his finger.

His face turns red and his smile wide and bright like the sun.

“An’ do I ken this mysterious Scottish lad?”

“Aye” you mimic his accent

He chuckles “tell me about him” he lays down under the covers laying on his side away from the injury. You think for a moment, then a deeply devious and mischievous look came on your face. You grin and began describing.

“He’s sexy, charming, funny, he’s got a cute pet, he’s a like knight who saves princesses, he’s large and strong with a Scottish accent.” You list off as Soap’s face goes brighter and happier. He wouldn’t say ‘save princesses’ but he wasn’t going to really correct you. If you see him as a hero who is he to complain

“I wouldn’t say that. What else?”

“Oh but of course he was. His people were in trouble, and he went out to save them” he shook his head, adorable wee civi aintcha?

You continue “He lived alone for a very long time till he met one woman he began to live with”

“Was she pretty?”

“The fairest in the land” He chuckles and settles in more, getting comfortable as you tell this grown ass man his fucking bedtime story

“what happened?”

“They got married”

His eyes widen in shock as his face and ears turn a hot red. He clears his throat that suddenly became very dry. Did…did this mean what he think it meant?

“Tha’ right?”

“Hmm hmm”

“I like the sounda that”

“Then they lived happily ever after”

Soap looked at you with shocked eyes

“Tha’ so?”

“Hmm hmm”

He quickly put a mask of faux confidence, putting on his big goofy smile. Pride swells in your heart for making him smile so brightly. He clearly needed it.

“And who May this dashing man be?”

“I’ll give you a hint”

“Aye”

“His name starts with an S”

He chuckles

“I think I ken who it is Bonnie”

“Oh really?” You ask, your face growing more excited “who is it”

He pulls his arm out from under the blanket and wraps it around you “tis’ me, Soap. And it’s Johnny to you sweetheart”

His grip tightens as he drags you closer to him, he shoves his face into your stomach, his heart suddenly beating too fast. Is this….your confession? Did you really just say you’ll marry him? Looks like those military spouse benefits are too tempting. He looks up, eyes hopeful and ready for his dreams to come true. That you’ll become Mrs Mactavish and he’s your Prince Charming.

“Wrong.” You suddenly say.

.

.

.

.

.

.

“Wha?”

“I said wrong”

“T…then who’s the big strong sexy Scottish lad who marries the fairest in the land?”

“Shrek”

.

.

.

.

“Ye. fuckin’. right. SleEkiT bAmPOT!!”

You burst out laughing hard, doubling over and laughing so hard you collapse on the bed with him. But he doesn’t appreciate that

“Away an’ bile ye head! ye absolute weapon!” He practically yells

“Yer a right glaikit shan wee gobshite! Ye fuckin’ bastard cunt!!”

He raves and raves unintelligibly as you seem to get a six pack just from how hard you’re laughing and occasionally snorting like a pig. You’ve never heard so many Scottish insults in your life. Or at least you would hear them if you weren’t laughing!

Eventually, he shuts up and your laughs slow down. You look at Soap after wiping away your joyful tears. But unfortunately, The look on his face made you burst into laughter all over again.

“Alright alright that’s enough” he huffs and shakes his head, throwing an arm around your face to quiet you.

“Okay okay! I’m done!” You claim, your laughter lowering.

Johnny looked so done with you it was priceless. You were still in a fit of giggles as he shook his head

“Seriously hen? Shrek?”

“Whaaat?” You ask as if you could feign innocence as you’re giggling uncontrollably

“Shrek is the big sexy scott?”

“Yeah!” You laugh

“He bathes in mud Bonnie! He’s nasty” he says disgusted as if he doesn't have worse hear me outs

“And you’re not?”

“Oh that’s it ye-“ he jumps you and harshly man handles you. Pinning you with his big weight, restricting your breathing by pressing on your chest, just being an overall rough housing bastard. It’s not bad enough to cause actual legitimate harm but it’s rougher than he’s ever been with you.

“Johnnyy! Mercy I beg you!” You whine, trying to squirm away and kicking up your legs

“There’s no Johnny here now leannan! Now it’s sergeant Soap! And yer taking discipline!”

You wheeze at the lack of oxygen his man handling is doing, you didn’t have much in you anyway from laughing so much. He growls into your ear and pins your squirmy hands to your chest.

“Johnnyyy! I can’t breathe!” You wheeze out

“Shrek eh?”

You breathlessly giggle at your joke

“Shrek is the sexy charming and funny man who taught you what a wee sook is?”

You wheeze another giggle, unable to stop laughing at the joke.

“Anyone else?”

You try to wheeze an answer “s-s..”

but he doesn’t understand so he lets go. You breath in a desperate deep breath

“Answer the question lassie.”

“What question?” You tease, giggling. He growls and places his pillow on your face to quiet you

“Who’s the charming Scotsmen that makes ye laugh!”

He removes the pillow to get an answer

“Scrooge McDuck”

“You wee lil shite!” He smothers you with the pillow again, so you won’t even have a chance to laugh.

He removes the pillow as you wheeze with a smile

“Wrong answer”

“Whaaat? He’s funny!”

“Tsk. Who’s the Scottish soldier who’s strong and witty”

“James Bond”

“Leannan!!!” He wraps his arm around you in a headlock, he’s done that plenty times before and even taught you how to do it and get out of it, it almost slipped your mind due to your giggling.

You do try to get out of it but he just tightens his hold

“Think ye’re strong, do ye lassie? I’ll show ye strong, ya wee twig!” He growls

“Johnny!” You whine “mercy!”

“No mercy to the enemy bonnie.” He bites your cheek

“Eww! You dog!” You whine and squirm “okay okay you win!”

She shakes his head, mouth still filled with your cheek “Johnny! Please! You’re gross!”

He bites harder

“Away with ye ya daftie!” You poorly mimic He laughs and lets go. You rub your saliva covered cheek on his bicep.

“You’re gross. Let go”

“Nae”

“Johnny.” You try to be stern

“Nah. You need to tell me who th-“

“It’s you! It’s you Johnny! You’re the big, strong, funny, charming Scot that saves princesses!” He lets go, letting you drop on the bed with a thud.

“That’s right lass. Say it again”

“It’s you Johnny. You’re the one I wait in my tower for.”

“Tha’ right?” He says, smiling down at you

“Yeah…it is…”

He smiles and lays down once more

“Either that or Hagrid”

“Bonnie.” He asserts sternly

“Sorry sorry Johnny”

“Brat.”

“Bastard.”

“Your bastard.”

“Your brat.”

You both shake your heads. You sigh and realize how tired you are. You look to the digital clock on Johnny's bedside table. Jesus.

“I’m so sorry Johnny” you get up

“What is it?” He asks, lost

“Just look at the time! A little more and it’ll be sunrise. You need to rest after all that” you hop off the bed but Johnny grips you

“Naee. I’m fine” he whines. Truth was he was exhausted down to the bone, but this was the most affectionate you’ve ever been.

“What is it Johnny?” You sigh

“I haven’t gotten my lullaby”

You groan. You were tired too but you wanted to take care of him.

“Please Bonnie! My heart needs tae be soothed after all tha’. Ye called me nasty :(”

“You’re a big baby Mactavish”

“Aye” he shoves you back to sit on the edge of the bed. You start to lightly scratch his scalp.

“I….don’t have a song..”

“Anythin’s good”

“🎶Somebody once told me th-“

He pinches your waist

“Hahaha, okay not that one”

“…”

“Hmm….🎶we’re no strangers go love. You know the rules and so do-Ouch!”

He grumbles as you giggle

“Then what do you want baby?”

“Quit takin the piss outta me” he grunts “sing…somethin’ calmin’” You think for a bit and a song comes to mind, you think a solider like him could do some good knowing his song.

(A/N: I’m so sorry for what you’re about to sing)

“🎶There's a shadow on the wall, stay calm, stay calm 🎶

🎶There's a figure in the hall, stay calm, stay calm🎶

🎶Keep my wits and stay alive, wish I had a nine to five 🎶

🎶There's a stranger in us all, stay calm, stay calm🎶”

He relaxes and listens intently. Finally a normal song, he thinks foolishly

“🎶Every hair is on it's end, that's fine, I'm fine🎶

🎶Feeling my adrenaline, that's fine I'm fine 🎶

🎶I can keep away the creeps, safely from my swivel seats🎶 🎶Something's crawling through the vents, that's fine I’m fine🎶”

You start humming to him while scratching his head gently. He sighs and cuddles up to your waist more, rubbing his bandaged head gently against you.

“🎶In the end there's only me alright, alright 🎶

🎶 Morning sun will set me free, all right, all right🎶”

His face was calm and droopy, ready to rest his tired war used bones. He looked like he could sleep through the winter.

“🎶I spent..um…many months away from you🎶”

You hum him the tune as he falls asleep, looking peaceful.

After you’re done you sit there admiring him for a moment, seeing him home, not in one piece but home made you take the time to appreciate his presence.

You yawn, realizing that you could see the sunrise peeking from the curtains. Wow it’s late, but it’s worth it. He’s had such a rough time and deserves all the comfort you could give him. You slowly and quietly try to leave the bed, thinking he’s asleep. Only for him, the baby he is, to grip you hard and force you into bed

“Johnny!” You whine, this time whinnier than ever.

“Give me a kiss goodnight princesses”

“Johnny.”

“Please leannan? Last thing I’ll ask o’ ye and I’ll sleep” he sleepily grumbles while gripping you like a stuffed animal. You felt so….vulnerable like this. You’ve never been in his bed with him.

“Promise?”

“Aye”

“Pinky promise?” You tease

“Aye aye just gimmie a Smourich and I’ll sleep”

“Sigh”

“Please”

“Fine” you wiggle in his iron grip to lean up to him and give him a gentle kiss on the cheek. He smiles, eyes still closed as he settles in one last time. “Goodnight love.”

“Goodnight Johnny” you smile, moving to get out of his grip and go to b-you can’t get out.

Johnny's grip is strong around you. “Johnny?” You pipe up and wiggle to try and move away. He doesn’t budge

“Johnny.” You more firmly and look up to see his sleeping face as if he knocked out cold within seconds of getting a goodnight kiss. “Johnny!” You whine “you bastard! Let me go”

No response

“Johnnyyy!!!” You flop like a fish in his grip but nope! Too bad! You’re stuck!

“Johnny I know you’re awake I swear to god if you don’t let me go right now!”

No response but you swear he’s doing this on purpose. You groan and struggle for a few more moments till you feel a soft furry mass lay on your side, Simon. He fell asleep on the couch after the movie and a joyful (as joyful as Simon could he) reunion with Johnny. You freeze up as Simon gets comfortable, laying on you. You wouldn’t wake up a cat would you? Especially not one so grumpy and tired. No, you sit there without moving a muscle and wait. Cat owner rules.

Welp….looks like you’re sleeping in a big man’s arms tonight. The position makes you flustered but between the unconsciousness of the bastard sergeant, the softness of your cat and your sleep deprived mind body and soul. You decide fuck it and just fell asleep in your roommate’s bed. It’s cozy like this anyway. You’re knocked out cold within the minute.

AN: This is NOT the end!

[factorialsotherfandoms]

too tired to write a new thing like I wanted to, please take Arthur and Rubens set late in episode 3 I finished off. AO3 will be tomorrow or even later.

It is still dark when Arthur wakes up, and at first he is not sure why. Dante is a heavy weight against him, while Balu continues to babble nonsense in his sleep. Carina is curled up on the more comfortable of the three chairs, hair fluttering slightly with her breath.

Rubens-

Rubens is missing.

Arthur does not pretend that that is what woke him up - Balu is the obvious suspect - but…

Rubens is probably just grabbing some water, or using the bathroom, or maybe even taking a godforsaken hour of the morning shower so he gets first dibs on the hot water. All of these are perfectly normal, harmless, even sensible reasons for him not to be in the room.

But Arthur… Arthur thinks in needles and claws and bloody corpses, in bleeding wounds and missing friends. Clarissa had never joined them, but for Rubens to have left?

Arthur is not going to sleep until he is back, not like this, not when Senhor Veríssimo entrusted the safety of this group to him.

He gives it a few minutes, and Rubens does not reappear. It gives the anxiety time to convince Arthur that it is rational, especially when…

Something happened between Rubens and Clarissa, the two members not accounted for. Something Arthur could not quite read between the lines of, and something that /hurt/. She doesn't mean to hurt people, Arthur is sure of that, but Rubens doesn't know her, and with an already fragile mental state…

Clarissa is most likely keeping her distance from the group, listening for trouble if she even manages to rest at all.

But, if she has taken issue with his presence again…

It is that dread which moves Arthur. He pushes Dante aside, and gets up. He did manage to lose his shirt last night, but his trousers could do with being swapped out.

No matter, he has someone to find.

He quickly checks over the group nearby - all still there, all still breathing - before he searches.

Not the bathroom, not the kitchen, not the gates with Clarissa and not returned to their room. Arthur's worry is just pitching towards hysteria when he finds him, sat on the floor of the garage and staring at a washing machine.

One that is turned on.

"Rubens?"

Arthur tries to ask softly, but it atill makes him jump; Rubens startles, grabbing at his chest and leaning away. It takes him a moment to calm down, then he looks over. He tilts his head in acknowledgement, but does not speak.

"You okay?"

Rubens shrugs, and turns back to the washing machine. Only once he is firmly watching the drum does he reply "I'm okay."

Arthur could leave now; he knows where everyone is, and he knows that they are safe.

But that did not even sound like an attempt at a convincing lie.

And there is just /something/ about this scene…

He cannot do it, not when he thinks Rubens is must giving him a rote answer, not a true one.

Instead of returning to bed, Arthur comes closer. He sits down next to Rubens to find not one but two washing machines turned on. One is large and top opening and smells strongly of bleach, while the other is smaller, front opening, and Rubens is watching the colours spin.

It is yellow, and black, and it does not take much to guess just why Rubens' current outfit is so much cleaner.

"What are you doing?" Arthur pretends to be interested, just to try and work out what is going on.

"Laundry," Rubens looks at him like he is stupid.

"I can see that, but…" how does Arthur ends this tactfully, but also in a way which Veríssimo would approve of. "What are you washing?"

"Mine," Rubens points to the smaller washer, then after a moment the larger one. "Infirmary."

"… Ah." Maybe not Arthur's first choice of things to clean while restless, but the infirmary had been covered in blood. It makes sense, though, even if Rubens is a self-taught medic; Arthur does not envy him trying to treat Balu on a dirty bed, and with equipment taken from blood-splattered boxes. "Hopefully we won't need it again…"

Balu had a huge chunk of his face ripped off. If it had been anyone but Balu in it's line of fire…

Rubens makes a small, doubtful noise; experience would have Arthur agree with him.

The only reason you don't need the infirmary, in their line of work, is if everyone who was injured did not make it back alive.

And the Leones keep their fridges on a different floor.

There's nothing good that Arthur can really say to that; he stays next to Rubens, also turning to watch the washing machine. He waits for Rubens to say something, though he is rapidly learning that it is a fool's errand.

Someone who will not start a conversation makes this difficult, but nothing Arthur has not dealt with before.

One of his closest friends was always much the same.

…

It's only Rubens' second mission without his usual partner, likely following the death itself - a death that for Rubens, as the medic… Arthur can't conceptualise it.

Not really.

To think about the quiet man beside him trying to hold a long-term teammate's body together, only for them to die beneath him…

It has to have been the Johnny that Clarissa mentioned. It cannot have been long ago he died - far more recently than Clarissa and he lost their families.

… The idea of this mission, so close to something like that, then to have it thrown in his face when he tries to help…

Arthur feels a little bit sick.

"About what Clarissa said," Arthur sees Rubens twitch and… And he wishes that isn't what this was. "She's just upset. Don't take it to heart, yeah? I was hoping a trip would help her heal a bit, but with this going on…"

Rubens does not acknowledge that, but he does turn to face Arthur.

"It will be okay," Arthur lies. "Even if we cannot see it, even if we do not live to see it… it will be okay in the end."

What end? He doesn't know. An end. After Kian, after all this, when whoever remains alive can sleep in their beds.

Rubens sighs, and turns back to the washing machine. It looks a bit like he shakes his head, but Arthur is not sure.

They sit a while longer. The spinning pauses for the drum to once again fill with water, drain, and begin again.

Slowly, slowly Arthur feels a cautious weight on his arm. Rubens only presses a little weight into Arthur's side, but it is noticeable.

Not wanting to scare Rubens off, Arthur makes sure to stay very still.

"Arthur?" Rubens' voice is quiet, barely audible with two washers spinning ever on.

"Yes?"

"… too loud."

Here? Why doesn't he-?

Oh, right, no Rubens' doesn't mean here.

He means back where they are sleeping. Explaining why he is out here, in a way Arthur struggles to even pretend to believe.

"Balu is kind of noisy," Arthur agrees. "There's probably some actual bedrooms, if you want somewhere else to sleep."

Rubens pauses, then shakes his head. "It's fine."

"Rubens-"

"It's fine," he says, then gestures to the washing machines. "Dry, then sleep."

Both machines have a while left on their wash cycles. Something still feels off about Rubens, and Arthur… he's known people who have felt off in similar ways before. It is not a sensation that makes him feel comfortable leaving him alone.

Not when Rubens is now fully leant on Arthur's arm.

"I'll wait with you," Arthur offers. "Once I'm up, I don't fall asleep."

Another lie, but if Rubens is half as socially anxious as Kaiser…

Quiet, again, for another few cycles.

And then, more quietly, only just caught in the brief second where the washer changes direction… "I want Johnny."

Arthur cannot sit impassive any more; he frees his arm from Rubens, only to tuck it around his shoulder and drag him close.

"I'm sorry," Arthur says, of the death of a man he never met. "I-… I'm sorry, for whatever had you end up with us."

Rubens doesn't reply, but he doesn't pull away either.

And so silently they sit, watching the washing machine continue to spin.

[a-scary-lack-of-common-sense]

I am exhausted, good heavens.

[zebratimw]

[vvitchy-succubus]

.

[jupiter--dream]

(cw vent, sorry it's just been A Couple Of Days)

Not really having many irl friends comes at the price of feeling so terribly lonely, I feel like I have no one to talk to because I'm not close to enough people, or maybe I am and I just haven't talked to them in a while and I don't want this to be our first conversation qwq

I'm honestly just. Tired, tbh qwq

[original-punks]

shower pls fix me

[gorkaya-trava]

I really wanna fall asleep and never wake up again

[another-one-bites-the-chipaguasu]

.

[euclydya]

*shakes curly awake* PLEAZE WAKE UP AND FRONT JIMMY IS DRIVING ME INSANER

[lizzerswillpoststuffmethinks]

I'm so eepy RAAAAHHH