#I'm so tired; I just want to go to sleep and not wake up; it's gnawing and clawing and it's such an ugly feeling qwq
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could I get a Metal x Mobian reader 🥺 it can be any setting or story something romantic
All I wanted was you By paramore
ᴠᴏʟᴜᴍᴇ : ▮▮▮▮▮▮▯▯▯
↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺
Warnings: wasn't proofread and my grammar is trash this can also be read as any gender
Precis: metal sonic and reader sharing a hammock
Notes: Hey!! I'm so glad u went to me for this request and I had major fun making this and deciding what to do<33 I'm thinking of making angst hcs for metal sonic since I've gotten an idea!! We all know metal sonic tries so hard to be an organism anything other than a robot but what if he were using a relationship to act like one? He never really loved you and just used you to feel more animal like instead of smooth and cold metal. Does anyone else just get really tired when warm or hot? It's such a weird thing I have lmao
Metal sonic is a very weird case, a robot, but weirdly humane at the same time? It's like he tries so hard to be an organism while fully knowing he never will be anything other than a robot made to be a clone of sonic the hedgehog
Made by Dr Robotnik Eggman, he stayed so loyal it hurt to watch, watching as metal sonic destroys his non existent body and feelings each day to stay loyal to his creator
After you started working for Dr Eggman you got to meet metal
Your fascination with his behavior and the way he tried to act like a real human animal was evident with everyone
So to satiate that fascination, you got assigned to more missions with metal, but on special mission you were left extremely exhausted, metal sonic not so much due to his metal bones not being able to get tired
You two walked and walked, your shoes crunching the leaves and grass with each step as you two continue walking back
You felt like passing out from exhaustion, your body felt weary and limp, your bones sore and hurting
Feet hurting, shoes almost broken and your body limp from exhaustion, the robot next to you seemed to not be in the same predicament. Metal sonic couldn't get tired, he's a robot after all, but that didn't stop your fascination maybe infatuation for him. As you two walk around in the scolding heat, you spot a palm tree, the tree had enough shade and leaves to cool you down for a bit, but what really interested you was the hammock
Grabbing the robots metal hand, you take him with you to the palm tree, the metal on his hand having become hotter from the time outdoor in the burning sun
You let yourself fall back on the hammock, finally getting a break after a tough day, you prop up your feet against the strings of the hammock, fully stretching your body beforr making space for the robot
"Don't you also wanna rest in the shade? Your body could easily get hot in the sun" You ask, curiosity evident in your tone. It may seem silly, a robot resting, but it's cute and seems nice in your head. Metal sonic slowly walks over, not having a mouth to speak with really had its downsides, as he sits down his weights shifts the hammock a bit to his side
Getting used to the material of the hammock against his iron skin, he slowly lays down next to you
As time goes by, your eyes start feeling heavier, the leaves rustling in the wind lulling you to sleep, the heat didn't do much to help you keep your eyes awake. It's probably fine to go to sleep for a bit?
The robot picks up on your snores, looking to his side he finds you asleep, facing him with your head on his shoulder. Was it really ok for him to let you sleep? He decides against waking you, you've been working hard and deserve a break, he'll treat you to that break
Metal looks back up at the sky, the clouds slowly turning pink as the sun sets down, the sky had a strong orange hue and it was gonna be night when you go back on your way
It's best to sleep here
#sonic x reader#x reader#x gender neutral reader#x gn reader#x fem!reader#x female reader#metal sonic#metal sonic x reader#sonic the hedgehog x reader#x male!reader#x male reader#🦢﹒⁺﹒◍﹒ Rita's works ꒷ ₊ ˚#fluff#headcanon#headcanons#oneshot#fluff oneshot#fluff headcanons
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Hallo!! can I req a lyney, kaveh and haitham x reader (again..) with reader who constantly overworks and ends up sleeping t theirb desk? I loved the last rain fic u rote RAHHHH thank you sm!!
Overworked!Teen!Reader+Lyney,Kaveh,&Alhaitham
❥Masterlist
Tags: fluff, overworked reader, no beta we die like men,
Including: Lyney, Kaveh, & Alhaitham
word count: 3k words
A/n: Hi! thank you for the request @cheri-2047! Heyyy... how yall doing... I'm back and I am going to post constantly. And one announcement at the story!
Also, state if you want your fic to be written in a platonic or romantic manner or I will choose for you. This is very much a threat >:D (JKJK(kinda(not really(but please write what the intentions you want(this is for your enjoyment and my piece of mind that i mad something you wanted(I love you <3))))))
Alhaitham
Art: @ Ahiii7 on twitter
You stare at the clock in the corner of the desk, the hand is slowly creeping towards midnight. The library was empty except for you, your desk was scattered full of textbooks, essay guides, and empty cups of coffee. Your tired eyes gaze over the essay structure, ensuring that every comma, period, and word is perfect. This essay had to be perfect.
You rub your eyes feeling tiredness wash over you but you can't stop now. Your hand was starting to cramp up from how much you were writing but you had to keep going. You can't stop. Not now. This Akademiya application essay is too important. If you don't get into the akademiya now that will throw off your whole plan of becoming the youngest person to join Spantamad in the akademiya's history.
Getting into Spantamad at such a young age would prove your capable. Your parents expect nothing less from you, you've always been told you have what it takes. But was that true? Do you really have what it takes to get into one of the best schools in teyvat?
You push those thoughts aside. No, you have to be perfect. You continue to scratch away at the essay on your desk annotating notes you hadn't noticed before. When suddenly a bolt of pain is sent through your hand, making you drop the pen and grip your hand in pain.
You begin to massage your hand, and you allow yourself to sink into your chair. Your eyelids felt so heavy, that all you want to do is rest and be done with this essay. Maybe you can take a quick nap, just to so you can get some energy. You set the timer beside you to 30 minutes so it wouldn't be too long of a nap. It couldn't hurt to take one break, could it?
· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·
Alhaitham was always the first person to enter the akademiya. Even before he became the acting grand sage he was always the first person to enter those doors. He has a set-in-stone plan that he has put together for himself to follow. Even if one thing is off, his whole day feels like a mess.
First, he wakes up before the sun rises and has a short 3-mile run, he then gets ready for his day while Kaveh is talking his ear off about something. When he arrived at the school he'd enjoyed the silence of an empty place.
That's why when he hears a loud beeping coming from inside the library he is immediately ticked off. He marches his way into the library prepared to kick some student out. His 10 minutes of silence in the halls have been ruined by some student thinking there someone special to be able to leave that noise going and no think that he's- Oh wait, it's you.
When the acting grand sage turns the corner, he is met with the sight of you sleeping on a library desk filled with stacks of books and cups of what looked like coffee. He turned the alarm on your desk off with a small tap. Your face was scrunched into an angry face and you were mumbling something in your sleep.
He hated to admit but it was kind of, cute.
He looked at the papers in front of you, they were submission essays to the Akademiya. Each one was different from the last. Touching on a different subject in each essay he read. He's seen these essays before, you showed them to him so he could check if there were any mistakes. He had told you they were fine but you somehow managed to find the smallest mistakes a re-write the whole essay again. You've been overworking yourself too much lately and it was not good for someone of your age.
"(Y/n), (Y/n)?" Your breathing was slow and it looked like you were deep in sleep. You were probably up for a while if you are still in the N3 stage of sleep. He would take you into his office so you could get some rest away from others' eyes.
He draped his cape over you carefully picked you up and carried you to the elevator up to his office. He figured it would be less embarrassing for you to be asleep in front of a bunch of college students.
He placed you on a couch he had placed in his office a couple months ago. Alhaitham looked down at you on the couch and saw your smile soften.
· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·
Your eyes began to slowly blink open, the soft fabric underneath your body was comforting compared to that hardwood desk. You hugged the pillow next to your head allowin- wait.
You blink your eyes open at the sudden realization that you aren't at your desk anymore. Your body shoots up from its resting position and looks around the new area. Your eyes adjusted to the new lighting and a blur of what looked like an office came into view. It looked like Alhaitham's office.
"Hm? You're up," You turned your head to see Alhaitham at his desk writing down something on a stack of papers. "I've prepared a cup of chamomile tea for you." He gestures to a cup of tea on a side table beside you.
You thanked him and took the tea off the table, it was warm to the touch and wasn't too hot at all. "How long was I out for?"
"10 hours and 46 minutes," He responds. You hum in response and go back to your tea. "You know, you shouldn't be overworking yourself like this."
"I know, I just... need everything to be perfect." you sigh and hug your knees close to your chest.
"Perfection is something even the greatest scholars have never achieved, and you will never reach it either," His reply felt cold but warm at the same time. You could tell he was trying to give some type of comfort in his own weird way.
"But, if it's not perfect, what's the point?" How am I supposed to be the person that everyone thinks I am?
"In truth, people want something real. Something that reflects your thoughts, your ideals, and personality." He looks up from his work and gives you a small smile. "You are a very sharp and determined person, I know you are more than capable of writing this without having to work yourself to death." Were those words of comfort? From Alhaitham?! The most unloving man alive?!? And with a smile that wasn't condescending?!?!
"Who are you and what have you done with the Acting Grand Sage?"
His smile falters into his condescending smirk. "I let you sleep in my office and this is the thanks I get? Ungrateful." He rolls his eyes playfully.
"Words of comfort from you are odd." You chuckle.
"Hm?" He raised his eyebrow at you, "I do not know what you mean? I am always comforting,"
"Okay then name one time in the past week that you comforted someone."
He pulled his arm under his chin and thought long and hard about it. "Ah yes, I gave Layla notes on her thesis and told her it was average enough to get an 'A'. "
"You didn't actually say that to her, did you?" Your mouth agape at this man's lack of social skills.
"No, I didn't say it to her," He pauses for a moment. "I wrote it on the front of her essay." The scholar answered with a straight look on his face.
"Dude..."
Lyney
Art: @ m_iothle on twitter
"Fuck..." You sigh as you let yourself fall onto the ground. You are currently atop a roof in the Court of Fontaine looking into the window of a Fontainian official's house. You had been tasked, by Father, to gather as much information as you could about the man as you could.
The dim light inside the home and the moon are the only things illuminating your surroundings as you adjust your position. You take out a notebook and start flipping through weeks of information on this guy. Every detail mattered — what this guy ate, who he spoke to, what time he went to bed — it all mattered.
Reading through you could see patterns forming, patterns that could be this man's downfall. But the job was taking its toll. You barely slept for weeks, surviving off caffeine, small sandwiches, and will. Though your senses have been sharpened through harsh training you find yourself having trouble keeping yourself upright.
"Just one more hour..." You mumble as you try to fight off sleep, your words echo in your head as you scribble down more notes in your journal. Minutes blurred into another as your eyes grew heavier, you fought the sleep, shifting into other positions, but your body had other plans.
And just like that — they were out.
︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶
Lyney grumbled, tapping his foot on the floor as he waited for you to return from your mission to give him a briefing. His teeth shuddered as a cold breeze hit him. Lyney had been waiting up to an hour for you to show up but to no avail had he seen any sight of you.
You've been late to meetings, but never more than 10 minutes. An annoyed expression spread across his face as he realized he would have to come find you himself. About half an hour later Lyney found you knocked out on the roof across from the target.
"Hmm, aren't they adorable?" Lyney hums to themselves as they smile down at they're sleeping, sibling. He scans over your face taking note of your eye bags and unkept hair. Your notebook dangles loosely from your fingertips, he bends down and plucks it from your hands. You've been neglecting to take care of yourself and from the looks of it, you fell asleep on the job. Well we can't have that, can we?
︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶
A loud crack jolted you from your sleeping position. You sprung yourself up from your relaxed position — ready to fight whoever shot at you. But to your surprise, you only find Lyney with a straight face and his eyes showing no emotions for you to read.
"L-lyney?!" You blurt out, "What are you-, wait! Is it check-in time already?!" You say in a panic suddenly remembering the meeting.
"Yes, my dear sibling it is far past the time we agreed on," He grumbled. "And not only have I found you asleep on the job, you have also left yourself open to attacks."
I scoffed at his words "I'm hidden, the target has no idea I'm here."
"Hm," He hummed then lunged at you, he grabbed your arm and twisted it behind your back. "Even if you are hidden that does not make you invisible — you are still open to attacks."
You struggle against his hold, every time you try to pull yourself out of his grip Lyney twists your arm causing pain throughout your body. "Well, I just woke up and you're stronger than me."
"Is that the excuse we should carve into your grave then?"
You stop struggling for a second taking in his words. Your body was noticeably sluggish, normally when someone had you in this position you could easily twist your way out of it. But your exhaustion had cost you some of your strength — which left you helpless under Lyney.
The magician loosens his grip and lets you move away from him. "Y/n, I get it, this is your first mission and you want to do your best. But this is not the mission you should lose sleep over."
"I know... but I want to make Father proud and give me more missions in the future—,"
"— And they will, but at this rate, you'll burn yourself out." A pang of frustration and concern twisted in his chest. "If you go about every mission like this then you'll end up hating the idea of getting sent out on the field."
You keep your head low feeling a twinge of shame for overworking yourself. Lyney lets out a sigh and places a hand on your head, "You did great work today Y/n, you should be proud."
A smile threatens to appear on your face as he praises you, "But the next time Father sends you on a mission I hope that you will remember to take care of yourself. Got it." It sounded like he was more demanding of you than asking.
"Yes sir!" you say, excited about the prospect of getting a second mission.
"Good, now head back to the house and get some rest," He turns away from you and starts flipping through your notebook. "I'll take care of the rest."
Kaveh
Art: @ m_iothle on twitter
Who says that kids can't handle pressure? Because they obviously haven't met you! The demanding life of owning a restaurant is tough on your parents; so you're here to lighten their load. Do they need more utensils? You'll buy some! Short staffed? Pfft easy, you'll jump in! Crippling debt from when your father started the business? Take it out of your own pocket! When people ask you about the pressure, what pressure? Pressure is for non-achievers who are too scared to get what's needed to be done.
You live and breathe by this mantra; it's all that keeps you in business and out of the streets. You work hard as your parents' underpaid accountant. The idea of the business clasping caused you to work long work hours well into the night, such as this night.
The evening moonlight shows through the window, casting on your face. The dinner rush has started, and the sound of utensils hitting plates runs through your ears. Your parents are running from kitchen to table carrying heavy trays of food and empty plates. You can see tired lines itching onto their faces as they tirelessly work.
The restaurant work had also taken a toll on you — causing you sleepless nights wondering if you were gonna have a home the next day. All you could do was adjust your parent's budgeting to something more sustainable.
You are currently seated at the bar working out the details of next month's budgeting plans. You rub your temple to try and soothe your nerves. You look at every cent of money that goes in and out of this place. Every little dollar counts.
The rent is due soon. The money was looking scarce. The price of tomatoes is getting higher, so we might need to push more egg-related dishes to customers. Maybe you could switch to a cheaper brand. Looking over the spreadsheet it didn't seem like your parent's restaurant had much time left. Maybe —
Your head snapped forward, then snapped back up.
No. You have to stay awake.
You blicked rapidly and chugged down half a hot coffee to keep you from falling asleep. You needed to figure out how to save the business. If the restaurant went down then your parent's dreams would go down. This place wasn't just a job for them but also their home, literally. Your father never looked happier when he was in the kitchen even with bags forming under his eyes. Your mother thrived on making recipes for others to try. And you lived here — it offered such a warm and inviting atmosphere that you loved.
So you pressed on, even as your eyes grew heavy and your head dropped...... SLAM!
A cup slamming on the table jerking you up right from your half-sleeping state. You look up to see a slightly drunk architect sitting next to you. You recognized the man as Kaveh, the famous architect who often came down to your parents' restaurant to drink his sorrows away. You two frequently chatted when he came around and considered each other as kind of friends.
He had a joyful expression on his face and looked to be celebrating something by himself. This is odd for him as when he comes in he's often here to yap on about some horrible client he's has.
You are unsure of when he got there in the short time you rested your eyes but it was probably a little while ago. You look at the clock across from you, it reads 11:36 PM. Fuck, you let yourself relax and wasted an hour and a half. You groggily stretched out your arms and lazily picked up the pencil to continue your work.
"Late night?" Kaveh says facing his body toward you.
You fidget with a strand of your hair. "Something like that." You huff out.
"You don't look that great," He said trying to put it as nicely as possible.
"I'm fine," You brush him off as you take a sip of your now cold coffee. His eyes scan over the mess of papers surrounding you and frowns.
"Y/n, I get you're trying to help your parents but — you can't do that if you're dead on your feet."
You let out a small chuckle "Those are some wise words for a drunkard."
He chuckled nervously, remembering a certain sage who spoke those words to him "Yeah, they're technically not my words but they helped me when I was working myself to death."
"Well, I don't really have a choice," You mutter. "If I don't fix this budget then—,"
Kaveh stops you with a hand to your face. "The restaurant will not shut down if you rest during the night." He furrows his eyebrows. "This restaurant is your parent's responsibility — not yours."
The architect reaches for the paper in front of you and carefully stacks them together. "Now, you go rest for however much you need to and come back when you have energy?"
You wait a beat before responding, one night's rest couldn't hurt? "Alright," You sigh in defeat as you push yourself off the high stool.
The numbers could wait — just a little while.
For my announcement, I will not be as genshin-focused from now on. I will still post genshin things if you request it but I will be trying to focus on other fandoms like MHA/JJK/Demon Slayer. This is mostly because I have not been enjoying genshin anymore and it's gotten kinda stale in terms of everything. So if you have any requests I will do them but other than that I'm not writing genshin. (also, yes true meaning will continue but it will end at Fontaine because I don't wanna write Natlan #ProudNatlanStoryQuestHater)
More Genshin Impact Stories *ੈ✩‧₊˚
More Alhaitham Stories ˚ ༘ ୭ ˚. More Lyney Stories ₊˚.༄ More Kaveh Stories ˚ ༘ ୭ ˚.
REMEMBER TO SMASH THAT LIKE BUTTON, OBLITERATE THAT FOLLOW BUTTON AND, REQUEST FOR A SHOUT-OUT IN MY NEXT VIDEO 🗣🗣🗣🔥🔥🔥
#REMEMBER TO SMASH THAT LIKE BUTTON OBLITERATE THAT FOLLOW BUTTON AND REQUEST FOR A SHOUT-OUT IN MY NEXT VIDEO 🗣🗣🗣🔥🔥🔥#genshin impact x reader#genshin impact#genshin x teen reader#genshin#genshin x gn reader#platonic genshin x reader#alhaitham#genshin x child reader#platonic#kaveh#genshin kaveh#genshin impact kaveh#kaveh x child reader#kaveh x reader#kaveh x teen reader#genshin alhaitham#alhaitham x child reader#alhaitham x reader#alhaitham x teen reader#lyney#lyney x reader#genshin lyney#genshin impact lyney#lyney x teen reader#lyney x child reader#platonic genshin impact#gender neutral reader#platonic relationships#gn reader
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I am exhausted, good heavens.
#hey watch this neat trick I can do [cries]#love that for me#BUT#BUT- the actual EFFORT I put these days to not make a suicide jokes is *chefs kiss* phenomenal#actively shitting bricks as I physically have to stop myself from saying I want a car to hit me for the 50th time that day#I am not progressing any more than I am downgressing or whatever the opposite word is. but girlies#and boysies and peepsies#my lipgloss is popping and my eyebags are gucci- and so I shall prevail#MAN this tiredness is BONE DEEP man- it's like it's engraved into my goddamn clavicles#sorry that was like the only bone name I could remember- I don't even know what a clavicle is#anyways- I need to fall asleep forever and never wake up. But not in like a dying way#I just need to stop waking up tired and being tired and going to sleep tired and living tired like GIRL#WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN SLEEP STOPS SLEEPING#I JUST SLEPT 10 HOURS HOW ARE YOU STILL TIRED#I am so tired that i stopped liking shit- like that SUCKS my dudes#I sometimes Don't Like art now and that is WILD to me because that was lowkey the One Thing that got me going#I used to actually LIKE english class! and reading Shakespear and shit!!!! and history class!! Now I don't!! Where did the spark go??????#Now everything feels like a chooooooore and it sucks major dick#and my graaaades are slipping because I stopped giving a damn but I NEED. TO. GIVE. A. DAMN#because those are like highkey lowkey and every-other-key my grades and I need them to go into uni so I don't die <333#I need to spite little mini me who said I wasn't going to live past 13 because BITCH- guess how old I'm turning next week????????#THAT'S RIGHT- 17 YEARS OLD- FUCK YEAH BABY I'M STILL NOT DEAD#SUCK MY BIG ASS SHLONG MINI-ME#and then I have a big biology exam the day after so- funnnnn!!#anywho- should I tag this as vent? this probably counts as vent right? like among us? impostor and shit?#sorry I think my brain is actively rotting out of my ears right now#vent post#personal vent#tw vent#tw sui talk
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#svsss#scum villains self saving system#shang qinghua#how I be feeling these days ahdnfjgkg#I keep stressing about life in general and its seriously bumming me out hajdjg#how nice it would be to not exist#everyday I wake up and do the same things I hate#time hasn't felt real in years and it goes way before covid times#I haven't felt real in most of those years either#Look I'm lucky I'm not like depressed or whatever but frankly this derealization shit is seriously startin to get a little worrying at times#tbf I only really notice it recently so maybe its just a bias#I've been chugging along this way for years all thats changed is my perception of it#but at the same time I really want to do more too#I get I'm a very boring and unreliable person#and I know I just said its my perception of it but like I do genuinely think my social skills my general living just like me mentally ig#I'm kinda deteriorating in my stagnation ig? artistically too but more worrying in my life idbfjg#priorities sorry anyways I also think I do have adhd or something and that rejection thing dhfjgjg I really can't start things anymore#idk I really just feel so clueless in most things now and I'm too scared or too confused or both to start fixing things#like how do I even fix things? what do I even search for in this kind of thing?#Idk I'm just gonna go sleep ig god I'm so tired of everything#I haven't been able to draw I've really lost passion for a lot of things again and everything irritates me#I can't stand my phone sometimes but it's kinda the only thing getting me through it all ha#ngl I wish I were depressed sometimes if only so I'd actually have the balls to do smth but Ik that's just the Metnally Ail part speaking so#chug chug going along#I also have to make wushi before I die. haha#god my life is so empty#what am I even doing#I'm really so tired why can't my life end here already? modern lifespans are too long how am I supposed to keep going on like this?#so pointless and vapid and its just me ? why did it have to be me that was born? couldn't someone else have been here I hate it here so much#I strive for nothing but I have such a long life and so many people to disappoint haha maybe I should go outside more
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#I'm so tired but i can't sleep#there's no sleep anymore#no relaxing#im either completely empty#or im crying#from anger or sadness#or both#every blue Ford i see#i think it's him for a spilt second#when my phone rings i hope it's going to be him#when i do sleep i dream about him#i didn't know missing someone could feel like this#it's missing but worse than that#like a hole in the center of my chest#and nothing makes it better#sometimes i can just ignore it for a while#he should be here#i will never understand why it was him#someone so good and loving and sweet#who was intentionally kind to strangers#who held me every time i needed him#i hate this universe#i really really do#i want to wake up in another universe#one where he never got in that truck#where he called into work that day#so that i can call him and tell him all the things i already have to tell him#i fucking miss you kid#it's actually killing me
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there's been too much going on every day for the last several days, waiting for a few days where i canSTOP and BREATHE and have THOUGHTS about ANYTHING and feel NORMAL
#me#after today i want to take some days#of just doing nothing#hopefully i can#yes it's good for me to have stuff to do but i'm still#not used to it enough#and i don't need to be pushed backwards again from being overwhelmed#i woke up just before 4am#because i have to leave by 7am#because i needed time to just#exist awake#without having to rush to get ready to leave when i just woke up#i hate#i hate having to rush out when i was just in bed like5 minutes ago#i would rather wake up sooo early#just to not feel rushed#but now i'm TIRED i want nothing more than to go back to sleep#in summer last year i was waking up at around 4am almost every morning anyway just because i felt like it and it was great#but for winter it feels TOO early#it takes SO long for the sun to come up#HELP I'M TIRED#AND IT'S SO COLD OUTSIDE STOP IT
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(cw vent, sorry it's just been A Couple Of Days)
Not really having many irl friends comes at the price of feeling so terribly lonely, I feel like I have no one to talk to because I'm not close to enough people, or maybe I am and I just haven't talked to them in a while and I don't want this to be our first conversation qwq
I'm honestly just. Tired, tbh qwq
#I mostly talk to my partner#But they've been more absent lately and like they have their own life#But the second they're gone I realize I don't talk to anyone that much#I used to have someone else I spoke to daily; it was an awful friendship though and it took a lot of struggle to end it#But god; just qwq; I'm so tired of everything qwq#Honestly I'm disappointed in how upset it makes me that my partner is more absent because I know it's bc they've found a game they're into#And have been playing non-stop#They'll come telling me that they've done this and that and I'll be struggling HARD and will try to mention it at some point but#But like I wanna leave them their space to be excited but I just#Look. Look the NPD is getting to me; and I know these are not kind or fair feelings but#But I hate it here; I don't care about their game; I don't care about what they've done;#All my brain focuses on is that I've had a shitty fucking day and everything's gone wrong and they weren't here#Because they were fucking playing#And I know that's not fair for MANY reasons and that voicing all that would make me a massive asshole#And that at its core; it's more of a matter of never going anywhere; not having people to hang out with;#Not leaving my house nor talking to that many people#I feel so lonely and so fucking hollow qwq#My bag got taken away and I feel like I've lost an intrinsic part of myself#And to top it all off; I had today's exam and the project I'm doing#And my dad screaming and my period coming and all the things I have to do and how much I yearn for friends#Yet when I'm with my friends I can't wait to be alone#Man; just#I didn't wanna go this far; and I only say it here because no one's really gonna read it;#But I genuinely just wanna kill myself at this point#There's no point nor reason#I'm trying hard to enjoy life but nothing goes my way#I have so many things I want to do and nothing fucking goes my way#I'm so tired; I just want to go to sleep and not wake up; it's gnawing and clawing and it's such an ugly feeling qwq#I feel like if I cut myself I'd be even more pathetic; I wouldn't even be met with sympathy; just. Disappointment#It's been a while since I last self-harmed in a way that was visible
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every time it's the end of the year i feel like i'm going insane like the entire year just culminates into me just mcfreaking losing it on new years eve
#first of all i am so tired. my cat is on this horrible schedule where she wakes up at like 11pm and so i end up staying up to play with#her until like 2am bc im like she slept all day she needs to play which is fine but i get up at 7 every morning and so ive been doing this#for like 2 weeks straight and im so tired. so last night at like 1am i was just playing with her just sobbing bc im so tired#but i feel so guilty just going to sleep when she wants to play so im like im not just going to not play so im sitting my bed#throwing her stupid little yarn for her just crying and she's like :) watching me throw it back and forth im like ok.#but that's whatever bc idc i'll do anything for her#then since saturday there has been this Smell in my hallway and i have looked everywhere for it and i dont even know what it is#but it's like a sour kind of just really irritating smell and it's not strong but it just lingers#and ive searched EVERYWHERE. and nothing is wrong so now i'm thinking maybe#something died on the roof in my bathroom vent fan thing bc i leave my bathroom window open all the time but#last night it was almost completely closed bc it was cold last night and i was like ok yeah it's stronger in here now#so i just taped a trash bag over it to see if it goes away and if that's it then i have to deal with that#also im getting my period so i know that's why im upset at all#then i have a lost package that ive been waiting for since a week before christmas and i was like hey can you guys like help me find my#package like it's not the company's fault but i wanted to know if they could like idk contact the shipper or something#and theyre like oh it's just tracking error :) it's on it's way#like ok. it's in a city an hour away from me and it's been in limbo between ups and usps since the 19th so no it's actually not coming at#all i think but they keep blowing me off#then i have to go to the store right now and i know it's going to be so crowded and anyway ok im done dumping and complaining#i just feel like im drowning rn but im going drink so much champagne tonight and forget it all
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shower pls fix me
#i literally slept so fucking early#and that sleep wasnt fulfilling#all i want to do is sleep#but the reoccurring nightmares are going extra hard lately#i wanna wake up surprised i had fallen asleep#instead of waking up tired as fucking ever#even if i deprive myself of a couple of days to force myself to “sleep” it just turns into extremely vivid nightmares#the only time i can sleep soundly is if i'm smashed#fuck hangovers#im a fucking waste#do i ever not complain wtf#txt.mine
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I really wanna fall asleep and never wake up again
#tw sui ideation#I don't know haha I just feel really shitty for no reason#I wanna stop existing#I'm doing literally anything like hugging my dogs and still thinking that I wanna never wake up again#I really wanna sleep#I really really really wanna sleep#I don't know it sounds so dramatic but I really really really want to die haha#I don't know what to do#I'm not gonna do anything I just can't resist this wish#I'm just tired of not going better#like. what's even the point of it then#if it never gets better#haha oops
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#oh man#I'm having the shittiest year of mi life#I just want to disappear#like#Why do I bother#nothing matters#and I'm here wasting my life working and trying to survive#and for what#so the next problem can surface and I don't get my one simple wish#I just want to draw#that's all I wanna do#that's all#and i cant#and I try and I try to get me what I need#and try to make things better#and I'm here stuck and I feel like I'm drowning every single day#and why#because I was born at the wrong place#Why don't I get a chance too#why do I have to fight 3 times more#I just want to go to sleep and never wake up#etc#might delete later idk#I'm just so tired
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*shakes curly awake* PLEAZE WAKE UP AND FRONT JIMMY IS DRIVING ME INSANER
#GOS WE'VE HAD A DAY SO FAR AND ALL WE'VE BEEN DOING IS SLEEPING!!! FHFHFJFJFJFCJDKDK#jim's being very. very. very. clingy. and im going Insane ok#idk what we are anymore but im not scared of him at all he's fucking PATHETIC he's not even a poor little meow meow he's just pathetic.#it's hilarious actually. it's hilarious how pathetic he is#but also holy shit it's been just me and him up front today and yknow you'd think that would be Hell for me given what he did to me#but no he KNOWS. HE *KNOWS* I HAVE THE UPPER HAND HERE#HE *KNOOOOOOWS* I CAN JUST KILL HIM DEAD IF I WANTED TO. and i think h#Oh I can't say that? ok! HDDHNDDNDJDJ#anyways can someone take him away from me. he wants attention and he wont leave me Olone <3 SHDHFHFJXJXJX#pk;m Cloudy🌦️#and i DON'T know what's up with curly man mr 'i wake up with the body :))' NO YOU DON'T BITCH#YOU'VE BEEN ASLEEP FOR 3 DAYS!!!! WHAT!!!!! WHY!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAA WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#we've been exhausted ig and recovering spoons is. certainly a Process. but jesus christ 3 DAYS?#I'M TIRED OF BEING TIRED. CURLY IM GONNA FUCKING DEFENESTRATE YOU
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I'm so eepy RAAAAHHH
#anyway gonna just throw Doppio at you#it's a thing. he's tired and wants to be cared for the same way someone would treat a sick person#but lmao guess who's gonna go over that dude's face and help him out? yeah no. Absolutly nobody#idk how the thing works/worked#but he wants to lock himself in his house and lay down in a burrito blanket#and#not work for the day#tldr: he wants a break#AAAANYWAY since he hates everybody nobody wants to get that close to him unless it's for the funni#so HAHAHAHAH SUFFER POOR CHARACTER OF MINE#also he's surprisingly polite. like yes will tell someone to do the self blergh but will not allow himself to yell EVER#E V E R#hmm what more stuff can I give about him#anyway idk asks allowed or something ig for “what would he do if” “how does he act when/if” or “what if” or just idk opinions of this???#i don't know it's almost 12AM so whatever is cool for me lol#I'll be going to sleep after writing this I think#Yeah. Yep i'm eepy i'll wake up and check if this has anything or my inbox or idk#goodnight everybody i'll go to the discord in a second!!
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everyday i wake up and have to start a new boss challenge called dealing with my mother
#not a single speck of consideration for whether or not i'm busy or tired or sleeping#she doesn't even TRY. the text is too small? ok i'll make it bigger. but wait now she's lazy to read. doesn't even want to try to understan#we had this whole thing yesterday where she was raising her voice at me bc she didn't get that#basically free shipping if products r over $500. our Total (incl. delivery) was $488 and she wanted to add on but i told her no... delivery#is $70. and she wasnt getting me so she was raising her voice like holy shittt not everything has to result in you yelling!!!!#you wake me up when i'm sleeping just to help you. you disturb me when i'm studying omggg girl please....#i remember her [ why does it say– what transaction? i didn't make any transaction ] the text was literally-#[ no current transaction history ] smth like that like MOTHER???????????? and i think she's been telling my sister i'm complaining abt it#should i die. 1 like i'll do it#power outage started so i'm going to stay in my room and nap until lunch fml#but i have to go out and help my mom with an app thing first bc ofc#she admits shes just not bothered to READ. when it comes to emails or ordering food or anything like ohvm mymgodog#and shes so short tempered fuckkk ?!?#AH. EDIT BC I REMEMBERED. when she got an email today.. her application was rejected#for smth smth. anyways it told her she could login to the website using her birth info. (e.g 1870....) and she was like#u typed something wrong bc why does it say 1870... LIKE MOTHER ITS AN EXAMPELREFKWKSABHAHHHHH#THE EXAMPLE DIDNT EVEN HAVE HER NAME?!?£#💭#cw rant#negative
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Fuck I know I’m not a good person. I know that, I do! But fuck, for once I want to be soft and delicate and sweet. But I never will be, because I destroy everything I fucking touch
#bpd vent#borderline personality disorder#actually mentally ill#bpd problems#I cannot do this anymore#i want to go to sleep and not wake up#i'm just so tired
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I keep jolting awake and every time I do there is so much fear in my heart and I honestly don't know why
#I mean I definitely have had bad insomnia before but this just feels different#it took forever to fall asleep. I think what little sleep I got was dreamless#but I'm waking up every 30-60 minutes as if there's something wrong#I think I'm hallucinating bugs on the walls. cuz almost every time I've woken up I've either seen them or felt that they were there#but as soon as I become a little more aware I realize there's nothing there#I'm so tired and I feel so insane. I just want to sleep but whats the point. I'm not resting at all#even if I go to sleep now I know I'll be back up in abt 45 minutes probably convinced something is watching me#and I'd rather just be aware and of sound mind instead
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