#I'm so tired of wanting to be honest with my friends
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I have been thinking about my relationship abuses I had in the past and really feeling something since I'm like.. almost 30 now it is actually way easier to process things and I'm not really ashamed about it anymore to be honest.
My first boyfriend I was pressured into it said I was too nice to him and it was "leading him on" I was nice to everyone back then... Him and his friends guilt tripped me into the relationship they stood on his side and said I'm an asshole for not dating him.
He was very narcissistic. I watched him yell at his grandma when the food wasn't good enough. He yelled at me when I was too tired to pay attention to him (and it was full volume levels of yelling) There was not a single happy moment.I was a prop. We had just met that year and he was already talking about marrying me. That's when I rejected him and blocked him out.
the smear campaign he created about me ruined every friendship I had in highschool. I wanted to die so bad. I'm still processing it even though it was a long time ago it... Was ... A LOT... It was an ego death . A big moment for me it made me really really careful about how I interact with people
It's horrific that some people think I'm leading them on if I use my basic level of niceness. Or if I am smiling at them I'm "making sex eyes" and then feel entitled to my love and how easily they can convince everyone around that we are closer than we really are ..and when I don't want to be marriage level of closeness point at me at me and say I am the " asshole who abandoned him everyone attack! "
Anyway That was my FIRST relationship so WOW .. does anyone relate? Lol
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The physical world is your servant
I'm going to be 100% honest here and I'm sure none of you will disagree. Having our desires in our imagination isn't what we actually want. We want our desires in our physical world. We want to experience our desires with our senses. As pure consciousness that we are, taking the form of a human, there is nothing we can do in the physical world to get our desires in any way.
Think of it this way. You are getting ready to go out. You have planned an outfit in your head and it's time to try it on. You go and look at yourself in the mirror, wearing your new outfit, but you end up not liking the way it looks on you. What are you going to do? You will try to find ways to change something in the mirror so it will reflect a version of you with a different outfit or you will change outfits and go look at yourself wearing your new outfit?
Same goes for the law. The first outfit is your current self, the one that doesn't have their desires and the second outfit is your desired self. The mirror is the 3D. So if you are tired of the 3D reflecting yourself without your desires, you have to change yourself.
"Yes but as you said, none of us are satisfied with having our desires in our imagination and not in the physical world."
In order to become your desired version of yourself, you have to become them in your imagination. There is no other way to get your desires. Change who you are in your imagination and the mirror (3D) will reflect FAST.
"I have accepted that I have my desires in the 3D but none of them have reflected yet"
The 3D can NOT pick and choose what it reflects. Lookin back at the example of the mirror, is there any possible way that you will stand infront of the mirror and you won't be able to see your reflection, even tho you are right there? I don't think so. The same way your 3D reflects the version of you that has no friends and is lonely, the same way it will reflect the version of you that is part of a big friend group and is surrounded by people that love and care about you ONCE you accept that you are this person. The same way your 3D reflects the version of you that is poor and unemployed, the same way it will reflect the version of you that is working their desired job and are financially stable and wealthy, ONCE you accept that you are this person, AND SO ON.
It is normal to get frustrated when u wake up another day and you still don't have what you want but trust me, there in absolutely no way the 3D won't reflect once you fully accept. It's impossible for this to happen. The physical world has been obeying you since you were born and it will continue to do so.
#loa#loassumption#law of assumption#neville goddard#assume and persist#manifesting#manifestation#affirm and persist#how to manifest#self concept#void state
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Hello, I'm a skinny guy and I'm tired of getting bullied. I hope that my shy nerd brother can become a big buff muscular bouncer who always protects me and loves me. Do you think it's possible?
This is a tough one. The problem with your request isn’t that you want your brother to be transformed into a jock – though to be honest transforming your own brother into a different person against his will for your own benefit is pretty horrible, even for the world of transformation. Ignoring the moral issues, the real issue is that you want him to protect you. You don’t just want him to be a jock, you want him to be a jock who is loyal to you. You want him to be a jock who protects you, a self admitted nerd. I don’t think I have to tell you that most jocks don’t protect nerds, even their brothers.
Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of nice jocks out there, plenty of athletes who are decent guys. But most of the methods I’ve mentioned up until now don’t turn their victims into realistic, real life jocks, they turn them into stereotypes. Himbos, douchebags, dumb jocks. With how complex people are, transformation methods often have to use stereotypes, since it's easier to change a person into a stereotypical archetype than it is to turn a person into an entirely different and complex person bit by bit. So, most people who are transformed into jocks are stereotypical jocks, and stereotypical jocks hate nerds. Even if he stayed a generally nice guy, there's no guarantee he’ll protect you against his new jock friends. What you need is a way to ensure loyalty, a way to instill loyalty as part of the transformation. Lucky for you I happen to have something perfect for that. As much as I hate to use EB Jewelry products now that they’ve started actively trying to stop me from reporting on them, their dog tags might be the best way to get what you want.
The concept behind the dog tags is pretty interesting, even for the transformation community. Unlike most things EB Jewelry sells, these only come in pairs, and If someone puts one of these Dog Tags on, they’ll be transformed into a dumb, buff, stereotypical jock, but they’ll also become completely loyal to whoever is wearing the other dog tag. Both have to be put on at around the same time to make the connection though, or for any transformation to happen.
The dog tags are a very powerful transformation artifact, so powerful that EB Jewelry doesn’t actually sell them, and instead keeps them just for the executives. But my Uncle was able to get his hands on a few pairs, and I’m willing to part with one. Kind of.
See, well I’m usually willing to help people with their transformation questions, I try to avoid helping someone transform someone against their will. And transforming your own brother against his will? That’s really not cool in my book. But I don’t know everything about your situation, and I might be wrong. So I’m giving you a chance.
Here's the deal: I’m going to send you the dogtags. But I’m not going to tell you which one is which. When you put on the dog tags, there will be an equal chance that you’ll get the jock bodyguard brother you’re dreaming of, or that you’ll be the one that gets transformed into your brother's loyal jock bodyguard. If you’re so willing to change your brother, you should be willing to get changed too. This way it’s fair. This way, you’re both taking a risk.
Even I don’t know which of the god tags you’ll get, but either way one of you is getting a loyal, loving jock brother, and either way those bullies are going to think twice before they mess with your family again.
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As much as good it feels to be honest to your friends, I forget some people are not friends and just nice acquaintances and telling them the truth is just gonna break whatever fragile nothing of a mental time removed unpersonal bond we have
#writeblr#spilled ink#those three minutes of catharsis are not worth it#I will remember this the next time I'm torn#why do I keep being undecided?#why do I think there is a connection with any intellectual person who can manage an intelligent conversation for 5 minutes?#the sad truth is some friendships are just useful and not true or genuine or honest or able to whistand differences in values and opinions#sad but that's how it is#I don't want to confuse them anymore#I'm so tired of wanting to be honest with my friends#and I'm tired of having to keep my mouth shut#ehh
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Honestly I really want to be able to side with Solas in dreadwolf. I think it'd be super interesting to play as an elf in Tevinter and be able to just go "yeah actually I think Fen'Harel is right let's tear down that veil." I mean I assume the main conflict will be Solas trying to convince your character to join him, or your character being told they have to try and stop him, and there are not enough games that let you side with the presented "villain" character. I want to see what the world is like with no veil I'm so interested. Also so interested to see what full-on Fen'Harel Solas is like. Is he still as empathetic? Or is he more conniving and distanced from "mortals" like the old stories would have us believe?
#side note it's been a hot minute since I've played trespasser I've been obsessed with origins and anders and justice recently ok#i don't have super high hopes cause bioware sucks ass#Idk if they'll have the balls to introduce the player to that level of moral nuance#i just think it would be fun and cool to have some choices on the final outcome#*with the main villain character I should say#instead of 'player character who is awesome hero defeats evil mean bad guy'#i feel like the past games have always tried to paint a very clear target of who the 'bad guy' is#when in reality that's rarely ever so simple#i want a story that lets you decide if you actually think the bad guy is bad or not#and then lets you choose what to do about it instead of directing you to kill this one guy to save the day yknow?#and I think this would be a wonderful opportunity to explore that#and I mean we did get this is 2 if I'm honest#there's not really a singlular villain#you can choose if you think the mages or the Templars are right and side with one or the other#dragon age dreadwolf#fen'harel#solas dragon age#i just like complications in stories that make decisions very hard#make solas the players friend or something again make him seem like a person and not an evil mage entity bent on killing everyone#maybe I'm just tired of how often the writers have done moral gymnastics and tried to swap it around#to make it seem like actually the mages should all be locked away and treated like shit cause they're all egotistical maniacs#and that the Templar/mage issue is a both sides have a point thing when it is clearly not#maybe I just want them to direct us towards taking the side of the oppressed instead of the oppressors for once#Hope you enjoyed my longish rant I hide in the tags as usual
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Under the cut are mostly self-insert doodles of decreasing quality. Again, not much directly tied to Team Fortress 2. Might as well toss these out while I have no access to my puter. Much yapping under the cut and in the tags incoming.
Another self-insert, this time less of a "here's me as a tenth class" and more of a "here's my game experiences translated into the class I would take the place of". The Cleaner. Although I guess they could still be wearing either suit. It doesn't matter that much.
That one Convict's Case taunt with Backup would be extremely funny, because the man would be on the verge of a breakdown (he does not want to go to jail so bad you have no idea). The second image- I owe no explanation. You know what I am. You see the pattern with my favourites.
The duality of the man. Resting face versus "just heard you express interest in religion/Russian folklore" face. He's not that hard to make friends with, when you pull him away from all the explosions.
Some doodles of trying to figure his face out. Unfortunately, the more I stare at him, the more I worry that he looks like A Certain Guy With The Last Name "Kazarin", and the fear of never being original in my life caught up to me.
Don't look at me, don't perceive me, I refuse to explain any of my actions to you.
#team fortress 2#tf2#that's it that's the only tags i am putting this in. maybe someday i will have the balls to do more but for now that's about it#while i have the chance - and since posts with more of my yapping in the tags don't pop in people's feeds much - i might as well ramble-#-about these guys here. self-inserts or not i'm projecting only half of my bullshit on each one of them. creativity 👍#backup is tall and pale and has sharp canines and more of a dull brown hair colour with tired grey eyes. no amount of babyface or soft-#-hands can really help a motherfucker when he's grimacing so much because he just Hates being around half the people on the team.#cleaner meanwhile is on the shorter side and has constantly flushed skin and brighter colours and whatnot. you can't see it because of the-#-mask most of the time but they do smile a lot more and have a more cheery disposition towards life and see the whole team as their friends!#backup transitioned fully (albeit not very legally lmao) and is scared shitless of not being seen as a man although the last time that ever-#-came up was years ago. he holds onto his last name as part of the heritage he loves and loathes at the same time - attached to his culture-#-and religion and bloodline while also resentful of his family and the regime he knows someone else on the team suffered under.#cleaner just kinda binds and calls it a day. he only does it to confuse the team because while he doesn't identify with being a girl he-#-loves the confused looks his epic gender reveal moment gets. they do not remember their family name or where they grew up or what even got-#-them to this kind of mental state. and he's chill with it he values the here and now way more than some dark edgy backstory.#backup despite trying to be an honest man is afraid of vulnerability as well. he stubbornly refuses to express love towards certain people-#-lest they feel disgusted and turn away. he's afraid of consequences afraid of losing the people he loves afraid of his ''interests'' being-#-what drives them away. it doesn't by the way and he just wasted time being a cold indecisive loser for several months lmao#cleaner wears a suit that hides all of them yes but they pretty much never lie. he is always his truest self and he can always just burn-#-people who don't like him enough to make it a problem. they are a lot more comfortable indulging in their interests - be they innocent-#-and juvenile or violent and dangerous. he is quite open with his affection and his fascinations that backup would rather keep secret.#i want to establish that these two can only exist in separate universes because they both have feelings towards the funny assistant lady-#-and the funny inventor guy (selfshipping for the winnn) and would fight over those two. cleaner would win by the way#it's also a really funny point of comparison. cleaner is objectively more fucked up than backup and still managed to be more normal about-#-their feelings and live as a healthier and happier person than that guy. comedic gold honestly#OKAY I'M DONE if you read up to here you get uhhh a cookie :-)
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i have to wonder what super hardcore militant vegans think should be done about obligate carnivore animals, because in all my painfully-rapidly-approaching-30-years i've literally never actually seen anyone give a clear consistent much less halfway feasible answer on that
#mostly i've just seen like “how dare you ask questions you just want an excuse to murder you're sealioning ect”#or worse some vague and wildly improbable nonsense about like. fake robot animals covered in beyond meat or something equally convoluted#which is a thing i did see someone suggest as a serious answer#i mean i already know they think i'm a genetically inferior hateful vampire that should starve to death for the greater good#because my exact combination of health conditions make meat basically the only semi-safe way i can get close to enough nutrients#i know this because they have repeatedly told me that i'm either evil or should be sacrificed or both#and yelled at me for asking questions by bringing up the whole disabled thing and then they're like#“a lot of vegans i know are advocates for disability!” as if that ever means jack shit in the society that results from anything#no matter what you do a vast majority of people in any given society will *not* be advocates for the disabled. i'm sorry they just won't.#and what do you think public perception of people who physically can't survive like that is going to skew towards#in a society founded on the belief that non-vegan diets are evil?#at absolute best we're looking at being a heavily marginalized class generally seen as something like vampires and our existences taboo.#(as if these type's own insistence that they should be allowed to harass and shame people doesn't disprove their assertion that we won't be#thinking it could possibly go any better than that is a fucking fairy tale. human nature doesn't work that way.#you simply cannot eliminate the human desire to designate and abuse a class of have-nots. the absolute best you can do is mitigate damage.#take it from someone who's been multiple kinds of disabled and chronically ill all my life. people will not “just”. ever.#i get this even from people who are otherwise very aware of and VERY GOOD at avoiding this sort of thinking#“i'm a disability advocate!” no you are not. you are a poster. my experience has taught me that what people advocate for in their free time#means precisely jack shit for how they will actually act when faced with the situations they make otherwise rational posts about#and the fact of the matter is even if you somehow really are the perfect disability advocate a majority of people WILL NOT BE YOU.#a majority of people in society will be margrat from accounting who clutches her pearls when she sees the gays and thinks autism isnt real#and who has never had a nuanced thought in her life and actively does not want to#a vast majority of people in your Vegan Utopia will not be you and your friends who march with wheelchair users and volunteer at the shelte#a vast majority of people in your Vegan Utopia will be jenny who starved 8 cats to death on broccoli because she can't be bothered#and who thinks that “carnivores” are actual nazis and don't deserve healthcare because she saw someone say that online.#ALWAYS assume your society will be made up mostly of the worst kind of person it can because it WILL ALWAYS BE TRUE and you can't change it#most people seek the low-effort option. and evil is most often banal and low-effort.#i'm just so fucking tired of every single even vaguely lefty-adjacent political movement simultaneously acting like i don't fucking exist#and at the same time that i need to be sacrificed to achieve Utopia. god. at least conservative whackjobs are upfront and honest about#how they think that i'm a burden on society that needs to be Eugenics'd . rather than trying to morally gaslight me about it.
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Neta: *sigh*....... .......
Ikkan: nervous?
Neta:......a little bit yeah.....
Ikkan: *hehehe*...... Don't be nervous, you have nothing to be nervous about I'll be right here.... And after this I'll be here forever
Neta: till death do us part
Ikkan: till death do us part...(Peck).... Fix your tie....and ..... perfect.....now.......let's get married
[wedding music]
officiant: Good evening everyone, friends family we are guided here today to celebrate life's greatest moments and to cherish the words which shall unite Neta Verns
Neta: *smiling*.....*sniff*.......hehe
Officiant: and Ikkan Kane
Ikkan: *smiling*.....*sigh*.....
Officiant: you would like to exchange your vows
Neta: I'd like to go..............*sigh*...... ikkan.... I always look back and remember the first time we first met.
Ikkan: heheh
Neta: you were very standoffish and quiet heh You're also a little bit mean just a little bit
Ikkan: heheh
Neta: If something told me that that really wasn't you. I'm so happy My hunch was right. Ikkan You're kind, You're soft-spoken, you're so patient ....*crying*... I'm sorry........ Getting to see you everyday. Your smile, hearing your laugh and listening to you speak ....*sniff*...about your interest. Your passionate rants about Arpeggio and crescendo I still don't know what that means but I love hearing you say it....
Ikkan: ehhehehehe
Neta: that's the smile I like to see.... I love you Ikkan you're my best friend and I am truly grateful I'm going to live the rest of my life with you I-
[Alright he's been in there long enough. Pull him up]
Neta: what!?......... what!?..... what's happening!!....*cough*.....….*cough*.....what the fuck!!... what's going on?!
Octoling Superior: alright Verns you've been in the pit long enough. Time to get back to training. All chargers are outside doing target practice. Take your weapon and go out with the rest of them.
Neta: what?
Octoling Superior: go outside and do tragic practice. Your punishment is over go
Neta: but-but-but I was getting married! *huff* Where's my husband?! My store?! I had a store and my family.....*huff*..*huff*.... Cirrina......my daughter ......what happened to my crab cakes?!!.*huff*.......
Octoling soldier: *hehe* what's he talking about?
Octoling Superior: I've heard if you stay in the ink pit long enough without interaction the brain starts to hallucinate and starts making things up......to keep it self sane. He'll be fine.
Neta:*huff*huff**huff**sobbing**huff**huff**huff**huffhuffhuffhufff......AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaah-HA!!.. what?…..huh?..................*huff*.........................*huff*...................*huff*............*huff*.........*huff*.......*huff*........ where is it? Where is it?... here.....*huff*...[squeeze]
Plushie recording: Hi! Demersal the grounding fish! I'm going to ask a few questions ok?... can you name 3 you can see?
Neta:... my dresser......*huff*...my bed....my bass
Recording:.............good job!.....can you tell 3 things you can feel?
Neta:...my bed sheets....my clothes....*huff*....cold floor.....
Recording:..........okay!!....can you tell me where you are?
Neta:......*sigh*....my apartment
Recording:...............good job! Do you know what time it is? The short hand is the hour and the long hand is the minute!
Neta: I know that.... it's...6:47a.m.
Recording:.............. wow! Now can tell me about yourself how old are you!
Neta: ......................35.......
Recording: .........wow! wow!you're so big!
Neta: fuckyou
Recording:what's your name?
Neta: Neta
Recording:.........that's a nice name! We're almost done let's count back to 10 together! Ready?!10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1
Neta 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1......uggghh
Recording: you're doing so well let's take a deep breath ok? Breath in.....
Neta: [inhale]
Recording: now Breath out
Neta: [exhale]
Recording: you are safe.... I'm so proud of you! It's ok to feel overwhelmed sometimes. I know it can be really hard.. just Remember your grounding technique and don't forget to self-sooth!...stay safe hehe bye bye
Neta: you're lucky Behi gifted you to me...if it wasn't for him you would've been sold decades ago.........[chuck] ..............[inhale] [exhale]................ nibbles come here......Did I scare you off the bed?....*kiss*.. . I'm sorry..............hm?...
Mahi:*sleeping*....
Neta: heheh...*huff*...fish still here?.......heh makes sense...
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Mahi: *yawn*..........ummm....uggg....... Neta you need to get a better couch this one sucks.....oh....
Neta: no.... I don't want you to come home... Not for something as dumb as a nightmare ..hehe....I'm fine.I know..i know I know babe I get that... You shouldn't have to drop everything for me..... I know you don't mind it but I do.... I hate that.... yeah I understand........ yeah........ yeah............................. You're right.......................*sigh*....no......I still don't want you to come home..... Can you at least stay on the phone with me for a while?....... Pancakes... I think I buried some hehehehe.....*sigh*... No.... it looks fine. A little dark in the middle..... It should be fine... You cook better than I do..... What are you doing?..... Why are you milking them by hand I thought you had a machine for that........ Oh she's scared of it? awwww poor manatee......... An hour? it takes an hour to get a full bucket of milk?....... Okay that's fair. They are big...I-(gasp).... Mahi!..[inhale exhale]........ How long have you been sitting there
Mahi: couple minutes..... Can I have a pancake
Neta:. .................... Yeah, I'm fine. No, it's just my employee, yeah fish still here......... I'll call you when I get to work..... I love you too...bye................... How many pancakes do you want?
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Mahi: *eating*......
Neta:*eating*.......
Mahi: *eating*.... pancakes are good
Neta: *eating* thank you
Mahi: how do to make them shape like little octopuses
Neta:...Cirrina bought cookie cutter sets years ago. sometimes use them for molds for pancakes..... I use it for eggs too...*sniff*...........*sigh*............ I have to get ready for work.....[stretch].......[POP]...mmmmm......fuck not today knee...ssssss
Mahi:...*eating*....you know you really should try investing in a knee brace I think my friend has a couple of them I can see if she can give you one
Neta: that's nice........
Mahi: so I know you have to go to work and everything in a couple minutes. Would it be too much to ask to drive me to campus I got to go to the library and do some studying
Neta: Alright..... We'll leave 15 minutes... Do you have clothes to get dressed in?
Mahi: no
Neta: we can just find something in the drawer.....
Mahi: can I borrow these jeans?
Neta: Yeah sure. I don't think they don't fit you tho
Mahi: they fit me just fine I just need to cut the pants legs
Neta: *sigh*. . You know you might as well just take the rest of my old clothes. I'm never going to fit em again anyway
Mahi: really?
Neta: yeah really I insist I really don't care. You can have them
Mahi: are you sure?....
Neta: you know what I'll just give them to my daughter she doesn't listen to 'Cyrus in the cyclones' but I think she'll like the Cool vintage look of it
Mahi: no gimme! Don't give it to her! She'll just ruin it and turn it into a jagged uneven crop top! _______________________________________________
Ikkan: I finished milking tulip
Koi-koi: That's good hun. We'll have it pasteurized tomorrow. Just keep it in the fridge in the shed
Ikkan: alright
Cirrina: I'm going out..
Koi-koi: and where do you think you're going?
Cirrina: I need to go into the city The ferry leaves in an hour
Koi-koi: I don't think so. You haven't finished your chores you were supposed to refill the Manatee feed today and You're supposed to mix up the compost in the back.
Cirrina: I know I'll get to when I get back
Koi-koi: noooo... You will do it now. Young lady, I'm not like your father or your grandfather when I say do something you do it now. You can take the next ferry
Cirrina: but I-
Koi-koi: no buts young lady
Cirrina: I'm meeting someone
Koi-koi: meeting who Exactly?
Cirrina:.............a friend
Koi-koi: ....a friend? What friend?
Cirrina: (blush)......he's a boy
Koi-koi: a boy?.....
Cirrina: ... yeah....
Koi-koi: where is he taking you?
Cirrina: a museum, around town
Koi-ko:........ A museum?........................................,........ Be home by 9:00......... Here get yourself some food maybe a souvenir.
Cirrina: you're cool grandma....
Koi-koi: uh-huh whatever...... When you get home you'll do the chores that you were supposed to do and..... You wash the dishes
Cirrina: alright
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Baja: did you see the commercial mom?
Baja's mom: I saw the commercial... I am so proud of you sweetheart You're going to be on TV how exciting
Baja: I know ... I still can't believe it
Baja's mom: this is going to open up so many opportunities. The benefits will be nice. You have a nice paycheck and a lot of money, make sure you save some of it. You're going to make so many new friends!!
Baja: yeah hehe I hope I do...
Baja's mom: I know you have problems making friends.
Baja: mmmmm
Baja's mom: You're a sweet boy you really are
Baja: thank mom
Baja mom: you know this might be the perfect time for you to find someone
Baja: fine who?
Baja's mom: A partner! Ohhhhhh I'm so happy for you honey. You can go on dates. You can meet new people. You'll be married in no time?
Baja: uhhhhh I guess....... I'm going to be really honest Mom. I don't really think I want to do that right now
Baja's mom: Well I don't want to rush you but it's good to start... You know your brother is already married and your sister is on her fifth kid...
Baja: Mom
Hine (Baja's mom): I know. I know I shouldn't compare my kids but let me just finish. Your siblings are no older than you and they've already have their lives set up and I don't want you to fall behind
Baja:Mom, I'm not falling behind. I-I just...ugh....... I'm just....... I'm just not good at dating and seeing people
Hine: What on Earth do you mean baby?! you're not good at dating? Honey, you're the most talkative and social person in the family! How could you think you're not good at dating? You're a real catch
Baja:.........
Hine: What about that fella you told me about? I looked him up, I didn't really like the images I saw .. what about him? I thought you liked him?
Baja: We broke up
Hine: you broke up?....*sigh*...... So you're single?........ So what are you just......... Are you just sleeping around?
Baja: (blush)..NO! I'M NOT
Hine:Sweetie, don't be embarrassed. A lot of young adults have casual sex ...I'm just saying you know eventually you need to settle down and-
Baja:I'm not.. I'm not..... I'm not having sex. I never had it
Hine:....…Well that's ok. Personally I waited to get married to-
Sibling: HA! VIRGIN!
Hine: Maui! What did I tell you about eavesdropping! Go!.............*sigh*....... Sweetheart..... I don't want to put pressure on you sweetie...... I just don't want you to be alone we're not good when we're alone... I want you to have a family
Baja: I'm not alone. I have a family. I have you and my siblings..........and Desmond I guess
Hine: we can't live forever honey you're going to need to find someone eventually.
Baja:................... alright..... I'll try to find someone...
Hine: I know you'll find someone there's someone out there for everyone including you sweetie....
Baja: ........ yeah.....l love you.... bye
Hine: I love you too
Baja:.....................danm
Hitch: we're filming in 15!
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Bayou: this painting is a. Self-portrait of Joyce Veair she was our firat prime minister
Cirrina: wow... she's gorgeous she painted this herself
Bayou: Yes... She has so many paintings around the world. She even has one in Museum d'Alfonsino
Cirrina: really...... She's very talented.
Bayou: not only that, she was very intelligent and very outspoken....
Cirrina: what's this one
Bayou: this is a sculpture made entirely out of urchin spines it was made by tosh monui. Every month he'd shed his old spines. He would collect them and Stick them in a ball of wax until the ball was completely covered in spineies. After he'd take the rest to make a body, he would call them mace men because they look like maces with a body. He soon started to model them after cave drawings of primitive urchin
Cirrina: that's amazing....oh what's this one. This one is beautiful
Bayou: this one is called 'home'
Cirrina: it's a beautiful landscape....who is by?....... This piece was painted by One of the top students in krillarney School of arts and it's one of the youngest to be presented in This museum she has won several awards and has several nominations. We are privileged to have her in a museum This piece is called home by Bayou Ster..............wow same name as you
Bayou:.........ehehehehehe Cirrina. That's me this is my work.
Cirrina: oh..hehehe I'm stupid........ It's really nice. You're really talented....
Bayou: thank you.... This is one of my favorite paintings I used an old picture of my nan's old home.
Cirrina: I love the texture and the hills and trees. It's even in the river.... Do you have more paintings here?
Bayou: I have this big painting over here. This one took me a whole month to finish this one..... I rode the fairy everyday just to get the perfect reference for crashing waves
Cirrina: wow .. . it's amazing
Bayou: it's almost 6 do you want to get something to eat. We can go to Mrs Cuddles to get some fried cod and hush puppies
Mrs Cuddles: Harold, bring these pines to table 7!...
Bayou: hi Mrs Cuddles!
Mrs Cuddles: Bayou how are you darling, Cirrina! Ohhhh... You two hungry? Let me get you something Harold, drop two more cod in the fryer!!..... You to relax. I'll get you ladies some sodas while you wait
Bayou: thank you!
Cirrina: thanks............................................. So you're probably going to think I'm really dumb but for the past 3 days I thought you were a guy
Bayou:.............hehehehe Did you?.must be the tentacle cut huh?
Cirrina: hehehe... yeah...hehehe... I'm sorry.....
Bayou: If I'm being real here I don't identify with anything in particular...if you see me as a guy I don't mind it
Cirrina: if you don't identify as that I don't want to
Bayou: I see myself as everything and nothing, masculine and feminine and anything in-between. I really don't mind Cirrina
Cirrina: All right if you put it that way hehehe
Mrs Cuddles: here you go! Fresh cod and a large bag of hush puppies for the road!
Cirrina: thanks how much do I owe you?
Mrs Cuddles: nonsense it's on the house. Kiddies eat for free here. Once you reach the age to drink you have to pay
Cirrina: thanks Mrs Cuddles!....
_______________________________________________
Neta: *humming*...(Pat)..*humming*....(Pat)......
Ona:.........
Candi: *snoring*........*snoring*.......
Tv
Baja:What is music at midnight? Well as the names in the title says we're going to be talking about music and it's going to be airing during midnight.
Announcer: music at midnight a new late night talk show! Premieres tonight only on O.E.T!
Neta:.....*sigh*....... ikkan would love this show. .........me and him cuddling watching TV at midnight. Under a blanket surrounded by pillows...................... I miss him....
Ona: [baby noises]
Neta: yeah? You would like the show too Ona?
Bowie: what are you watching?
Neta: Bowie go back to bed. It's past your bedtime, go back upstairs with your mom
Bowie: but she snores too loud!
Neta: Bowie.. .... okay
Bowie: what's in this room?
Neta: noooo that's my daughter's room you can't go in there....let's sit down on the couch..... come on........(click).....why don't we watch 'Ollie? ...you like Ollie
Bowie: alright
Tv
[Music]........Mom!..[music].......Dad!.........[music].......Leo!......[music]...........OLLIE!
Bowie: hehe
Neta: you need to lay down. try to get some sleep before your dad picks you up. You start preschool soon, you need a proper sleep schedule.
Bowie: okay
Ona: [fussy baby noises]
Neta: you need to sleep too young lady ......
Ona [crying]
Neta: someone is hungry..... Come on baby girl. Let's get you something to eat and fresh dia-(gasp).....*sigh*..... I need to put a bell on you
Mahi: I need to finish my homework I won't be annoying I promise.
Neta: where's Baja should he be at home with you?
Mahi: He's at work... They're doing a test stream or something or whatever
Ona: [crying]
Neta:.......*sigh*... Alright ........ I have some left overs in the fridge if you want anything.... Can you watch Bowie? Just make sure he's sleeping or watching TV as long as he's quiet.....
Mahi: ......(typing) alright
Neta: come on Ona....
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Cirrina: ..... that was pretty good
Bayou: Yes I go there every other Sunday....
Cirrina: I leave on Sunday.... Maybe I can get another one before I leave....... Is that a music store?
Bayou: The old music store? Ye.....you play an instrument?
Cirrina: I play the cello .... It's nothing impressive really..... Second chair trying to get first chair in high school
Bayou: wow I'd like to see you play
Cirrina: no...nooo I-I couldn't .... You were going to take me to the cafe
Bayou: come on... Let's go inside....... We have plenty of time
Cirrina: ehhhhhh ok..... ...
Bayou: excuse me do you have a Cello we can try out?
Employees: sure.....hol up...let meh jest.......unlock.....here ya are..... .
Bayou: here you go Cirrina
Cirrina: [playing Bach: Cello Suite No. 1]
Bayou: [clap]...[clap] ...wow brains and beauty
Cirrina: (blush)..........you don't mean that
Bayou: I do .... You really talented
Cirrina: hehehe.............
Bayou:................
Cirrina: It's getting dark. I need to go home.
Bayou: Yeah why don't I take you to the cafe and get something to go and I can walk you to the ferry....{takes hand}
Cirrina: I'd like that.
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Candi: mmmmmmm.....*yawn*........*huff*........(Squeak).....hm?
Plushie
Recording: I believe in you and your strength to keep fighting
Candi: Demersal?....... Do they still give these out?.....(Squeeze)
Recording: sometimes bad things happen and they're out of our control. It wasn't your fault
Candi: Cod I hated this thing ........ alright where are my kids? .... I'm well rested and ready to go........hey Neta..(toss)...
Neta:...ow......... hey........(Pat).......(Pat)......(Pat)
Bowie: *sleeping*..........
Candi: thanks for watching the kids. Donn had to go back to work today...*yawn*...... just needed a break..
Neta: no problem
Candi: how's Ona doing?
Ona:*sleeping*.......
Neta: she's fine......
Candi: .. That's good.. .... why do you still have this thing?
Neta: it was a gift... I got it when I was a kid...I just can't give it away
Candi:............
Neta: What! Ok what did you do with yours?
Candi: I ripped out the voice box and gave it to Bowie. He then threw up on it so I threw it away. Kids...
Neta: yeah... I had an old blanket I used to wrap her in. One blowout later and it was in the trash
Candi: hehehehe... Don't you just love being a parent sometimes?
Neta: heheheh.... Don't tell her I told you that she would kill me.. hehehdhe
Mahi:.......guys
Candi: hi mahi..........
Mahi: hey
Candi: ....... Donn's outside I got to get going.... Neta do you mind?
Neta: *scooping up Bowie*....yeeep let's go.....
_______________________________________________
Cirrina: I really enjoyed this.. I had fun.
Bayou: I had fun too Cirrina. I really like you
Cirrina: I like you too ..........................
Bayou:...............
Cirrina:...........
Bayou:..........*leaning in*............[kiss].....
Cirrina: [kiss]........ Hehehe
Bayou: hehehehehe
Cirrina: (blush)..... I- I need to go....uh
Bayou: I'll text you.......[peck]
Cirrina: bye......
_______________________________________________
Neta: alright!! Drive safe!!!!.....*sigh*......... mahi go home.
Mahi: I just got here! And I'm not being annoying. Please can I stay just one more night please
Neta: No, I didn't sleep well last night and I just had to babysit two kids. Let me have my peace. You've been staying here for a week. You practically live here. I need to clean up, I need to do the dishes and vacuum the floor, laundry .. I need to clean out nibbles's box. I need to make this place look like I wasn't wallowing in my own loneliness. All right
Mahi: you can do that when I'm here. It's not going to bother you
Neta: mahi goooooo home.....
Mahi: please can I say one more night please? I won't complain about the couch
Neta: no..... good bye
Mahi: but my apartment is quiet. You complain about wallowing in your loneliness. What about me you don't think I'm wallowing
Neta: get a pet or something ... (SLAM)
Mahi: (bang).....(bang)...... Where do I get a pet
Neta:AAAAAAAAAHHHH........*sigh*.. . . You can stay. This is your last night here. Tomorrow I will take you to the pet store after work pick out whatever you want and leave me alone..
Mahi: thanks Neta!
_______________________________________________
@fish-at-fish-fish-resort mahi go home
#ok so demersal is based off this plush my grandma gave me.#i used to get really bad panic attacks so she gave this bear that had her voice recordings of grounding technique#she also put in corny things like it's ok to cry I have a very love-hate relationship with it so yeah#demersal the grounding fish was based off a teddy bear my grandma gave me#except this is more shallow and empty and is given to soldiers in military it's in all the hospital/ e-ward gifts shops#it's kida like a write of passage (inside joke) in the military to give fellow soldiers the fish plush#as a good job you passed training/ graduated/ survived a very traumatic event#behi gave it to Neta unironically#and ironically#mahi on the emo to punk pipe line and what's more punk then wearing clothes older than you given by your manager#koi-koi being a girls girl letting her granddaughter skipped chores to go on a date#she wants to know everything about the date of course#Baja's mom means well she's just with the times schooling fish used to rely on marriage and dating to be social#now they just stay in their bosses apartment for long periods of time so they won't be alone or share beds with their roommate#i could be wrong feel free to correct me#that moment when you have your first kiss and sapphic experience overseas but if you told your friends they'd think you're lying#bayou the he/him lesbian teenage heart throb yay#I'm being honest I think I might make Cirrina a separate character from the rest of the story#but she's still going to be here but there's also going to be another one outside of this. just a personally mine idk#i want to work on a y2k aesthetic queer girl hood shit and Cirrina and Bayou are perfect for that#neta being the designated babysitter when the parent is at work or too tired to function#he even stayed in the mall after closing because Phoebe's mom had to go to work for an emergency#Ollie is a very obvious ripoff of bluey but that's what the kids and adults with parental issues love so whatever#some Candi lore I guess she went to a military school but never went into the military she's just a jrotc kid but not insufferable#mahi is getting a pet yay#'the pit' is a vat of ink if you misbehave you are put in the pit to dissolve in the ink and left there for a long amount of time#think of it as solitary confinement#neta
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Honestly a lot of the time, it's not even about people having to agree with me, it's about needing to know that they actually heard and listened to what I had to say even if it didn't persuade them
Just... some basic indication that there's enough respect to give a shit about what I said, and also to make sure that they disagree because they actually disagree and not cause they just didn't bother listening
It's all I really ask
#I forgot what this was about part way through writing about it; but then I remembered it's about Ukraine#like I just need to know that you actually understand what's happening there and what people are going through#you want me to care about your thing? show me you have any any any grasp of what's going on in Ukraine#it's uh... it's too many friends where if I'm just honest... this is about them#people I adore but people where... I don't know if they ever even once listen to what I have to say#...though maybe it's better this way... at least if they just ignore me I can say they just don't understand what's going on#that they're just being fed lines by other people or don't care#...if... they... knew the shit Ukrainians go through and still didn't care... would be a lot harder to respect them#would take a certain level of callous to do that and... these are people I care about very much so#...but I don't know; eats at me... you know#...and even on less serious topics... boy I wish you'd ever listen to me#if it weren't for the fact you say you like me... I'd be pretty damn sure you can't fucking stand me and I do nothing but annoy you#...I don't know if you've... ever... listened to anything I've said on any subject#when you do; you usually correct me... even though; brilliant as you are... you're erm... not always right#I don't get it... I don't get you... every word I say seems to be wrong... I'm so stupid and you're so smart#and yet you get real upset when I want to die... so you must actually like me and our communication styles don't match up#thank god you never seem to read my tags... or... much of anything else I say#truthfully I'd follow you anywhere; and you can treat me any way you want#but man I don't think my thoughts or opinions matter to you even a little... I think I just exist to be your rubber duck#...that's how it feels anyway#but all that aside... just wish you'd listen to me on Ukraine cause it actually matters#this post started out about some other people too... and sure... I like them well enough; and they're maddeningly wrong#like sputnik levels or wrong#drives me nuts; like you're not stupid and you're not cruel so why do you act so stupid and cruel?... turn you brain on#but uh... I actually just don't care about them that much#where as you... I could put it into words... but I won't#it's just a shame... like forget any of the stuff about me; it's just you're so kind... wish you'd care about what's going on in Ukraine#...I gotta stop or I'll go on all night; and I'm already too tired#mm tag so i can find things later
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found out that rascal's owner took him again while i was out, and he's probably not gonna be back since the semester's almost over. i don't even know if his owner's coming back next semester, if i'll ever see him again. if he'll ever see me again. why do they wait until im not around to do this? why do they never let me say goodbye to him?
#i didnt really get to process it bc i found out when i was hanging w a friend but. im processing it now#sigh.. i dont know. i dont know.#at the end of the day he is and has always been someone else's cat. i can't control what she does with him#no matter what i think of it. she can always take him away. but every time it happens im just. im tired yknow?#it's worth it to me to have him around. i love him dearly and i want him to be in a home where he's actually cared for (which i have done my#best to provide) but he's just. not mine. and every time it happens i back up and think man. im such a sucker.#i don't think people manipulate me often. not in an ongoing way i mean. i don't think ppl see me as valuable enough to most of the time.#but damn. she really found my weak spots didn't she. free petcare courtesy of one chump who can't live without animals around. sigh#he deserves stability but he deserves love more. this weird shared custody thing is better for him i think. and frankly i also love him.#im not the priority here but my feelings are like. there. him being taken away without even telling me first hurts. i'd like to be able to#say goodbye to him. im not saying he has to stay or this has to go on but couldn't they just.. consider my feelings a bit more?#just bc you're fine with dropping your cat off somewhere for weeks not knowing when you'll see him again and not visiting doesn't mean i am#and i kind of feel like my roommate is part of this. after all it's not like his owner can just break into our room and take him#and if im always out when they do it there's a chance roomie's just shipping him off whenever she gets sick of him.#she's done it before. even after she agreed so vehemently with me about never wanting him to go back to such treatment and stuff early on.#she's been spraying him for little reason lately too. and i mean i get being a little more cautious with some things bc her neck's broken#but she's really fixated on how much he smells and bites and stuff and talks about how if i wasn't around she'd consider eating him#and then other times she's like that's my pookie. i don't get it. like yeah i tell rascal to fuck off sometimes bc he hurts me but it's not#like a hateful thing. i dont resent him for it i'm just annoyed sometimes bc he's maiming me a little. he's my baby. how could i loathe him?#so it makes me think that roomie might be blaming his transfers on his owner bc she doesn't want me to judge her#and like. this is her room too. it's not her fault she's more bothered by the smell than me. if she doesn't want to be bitten and clawed all#the time i can sympathize. i don't wanna force her to house him. but i wish she'd just be honest with me i guess#like. what if his owner decides to give him away without telling me? i'd take him in in a heartbeat. even though i know it's a bad idea.#but i'm worried he'll fall out of my reach completely. and at the very least I'd like to be able to say goodbye first. that's all.
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shit I think I've just admitted to myself for the first time that I kind of hate my dad
#like I've had. conflicting emotions since he died in 2016#talked through it a lot with my therapist and everything#but.#I think it's only now been long enough that I can be honest and say he really sucked#he was nicer than my mother so he was always my favourite#but he wasn't NICE#he constantly yelled at us#he never stopped my mother from blaming me for everything#right until he died he only cared about his girlfriend and his job#there was never one word about being sad about us (his children)#he did everything for whatever shitty woman he was with at the time. we were never a priority#he treated his girlfriend's daughter (my ex best friend) much better than he ever treated me and she is THE WORST.#like#fuck. that's not okay#he left his first wife and his two small children for my mother#he's always been shitty and I just didn't want to admit that both of my parents were not nice#I mean like I thought it was normal to constantly insult each other and like call your children/parents assholes and whatever#but that's not normal???#like I even had to defend his shitty girlfriend's daughter all the time. she was so young still and he constantly said mean shit about her#fuck. I'm just so tired#I don't want to think about this anymore#and I will never admit this out loud around anyone in my family. because it was always my mother vs my dad and I was in the middle and#everything he did was my fault. he was the worst so I was the worst#(oh but they also had an affair for like 20 years after their divorce. while she was married and he was in several relationships)#(fuck my parents really just suck all around in every fucking way ľ
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i’m in full ‘i should text her’ mode help what do i do
#what do you do when 'she' isn't any kind of ex-lover she's your best friend from college who you haven't spoken to in at least 1-2 years#and it's probably your fault the convo died but it's been so long you're scared that it's too late to reach out and reconnect#but you would love to you dream about it all the time... you want to teach her minecraft the way she suggested so you can stay connected#(why were you too scared to accept the request? what's wrong with you?)#you cling to your memories of her from your early college years and the easy closeness the two of you had#she had this sense of calm and stability that perfectly balanced your neurotic anxiety and pushed you out of your comfort zone#and you always got the sense that she enjoyed your company as well... she somehow liked you for your flaws#(we used to say 'hi how are you!' in passing in the hallway and i would say 'tired' or something else honest like that and she liked that!!#i think that's part of why we became friends!#i loved her in some sense of the word... if it was romantic it was hopeless bc she was straight but i also loved her in the close friend way#i am so sorry feel free to ignore this but i am splintering apart#what i'm gathering from this is that i need to draft a message....#extend the olive branch give her my discord ask if it's not too late to keep the bridge between us from crumbling#someone please hold me to this#i have the dream again i have the dream again etc.
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Whoever sent me that ask about a Billy anti, I’m only going to answer you the same thing that I’ve answered others so many times before: block them or ignore them. It’s the best way to deal with them.
I am not going to publish that ask because it gives a direct link to a post and I don’t encourage bullying anyone - even if it’s a person with a ‘bad take’.
#personal#also if i'm being completely honest here#i'm getting tired of talking about billy antis and other billy fans talking about them#when the block button is right there#i had my fair share of billy antis and discourse last summer#i participated in that and said some bad things too yes#and it completely wore me out#it depressed the fuck out of me#so besides taking a two month break from tumblr recently#i've also slowly started migrating back to my old fandoms#because i'm tired#not of hg. or billy. or fanfiction. or the people i consider my friends in this fandom#i'm just tired overall#i want to enjoy this fandom but it's giving me a major headache right now#and i may have to start unfollowing some of you for that#because i'm officially done with antis and anything to do with them#and it seems like some of you (the same few people actually) live and breathe that drama every day#because i always see you on my dashboard talking about that stuff even though i don't even follow you all#so i don't know#i feel bad for having to unfollow some otherwise great blogs#but the drama you bring to my dashboard is making me miserable#i don't care anymore okay#if you can't or don't want to block them that's on you#but i don't want to hear about them anymore#that's why i blocked those people in the first place
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#can i be so fucking honest right now#being like the only one in my friend group who doesn't do or even want to try drugs is so fucking isolating#i don't even want to be around it but i can't fucking escape it#they're constantly getting high before or while we hang out and i'm so tired#like we planned to hang out this past weekend and of course i get there and one of them is high and all they wanted to do was sit and#quietly watch always sunny#like. thanks. i barely get to see you guys and the one night in like 3 months i do we don't even get to talk really. cool#and then their parents and parents' friends were smoking in the living room all night as well#and nobody thought to fucking warn me about this even though they know about my shit fuck brain#and then like. the other times when i've made plans with someone and they've bailed because they wanna go drink and get high#thanks i'm glad i'm so fucking boring to you#i don't get to go to a lot of get togethers anymore because they're full of drunk and/or high people#and i'm just. tired.#sick of my shitty fucking brain that doesn't let me chill#sick of feeling like i'm bringing people down and stopping them from having fun#because i don't want to spoil their fun. i want them to be happy#i just. idk. sometimes i really feel like they don't want to invite me out specifically because of this#like i miss out on so much because i have big anxiety about drugs#it's tiring and i'm tired and sad and angry at myself and. idk#today's been. a day i guess
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I havent really been on interacting much i know I've been tagged in things or sent things. Sorry I haven't really responded, I've been mentally not good
#I saw a post that was almost identical to my situation on here and I thought damn is someone pretending to be me or do people just suck#People I grew up with and were extremely close with are no longer in my life and I am#I am done with the one like I've put so much effort im tired i held on after it ended far too long#Another person's wedding is coming up and it's someone who to be honest I thought would be in my wedding party if I got married#And they said I would be in theirs and im not even invited....#And that stings#My mental state has just been garbage recently and it's like damn#Like how tf are these people younger then me getting married and moving on in relationships and im still single#Not for lack of trying...well now im not trying cause fuck it but#I am not unhappy being single but I don't have a single relationship that has a deep connection anymore#I would be fine being single and just having a close friend again#I have only one person and I dont always get to have her because she's married and also going through things#I just want a connection to someone gsjdksl#Hello I'm speaking here
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#besties i'm going to be real honest with you#i am Not™️ doing all that great lately and it's been tough#there's a lot going on right now#and the impending dread of going back to work is making it 100000% times worse#it's not the fact that i don't *want* to go back to work#it's the fact i don't want to go back to my specific job#i'm just really struggling overall and it's hard and i feel so fucking stuck#i miss my friends i miss being a kid and not having to worry about the woes of adulthood#why can't life be so simple anymore#i'm sick and tired of feeling like i'm going to emotionally breakdown at any given point during the day!!!#i just want to be held and loved#but putting myself out there is scary!! and terrifying!!#i am fragile and emotional!!!#should this be a conversation with my therapist? yeah#literally told her today how fuckin ironic it is that all my emotional breakdowns happen *after* my therapy session#like last week? fucking broke down hysterically the day after therapy#today? only a few hours lmao#so yeah things are going great 🤪#anywho... if i seem distant or... off it's not you it's me lmao#sierra speaks#tbd
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