#I'm so so so tired of constantly feeling bad. Like physically. Not even mentally. c o n s t a n t l y

[revvetha]

I've been saying "I'll do this once I feel better" since like September bro I think this is just my life

[chvoswxtch]

hello, can i get a macchiato (barista’s choice of over ice) with what it would be like for spencer to come home to you after a hard case/long day?

hi nonnie!

one macchiato coming right up :)

headcannon below the cut

spencer reid has a hard day

spencer is a talker. maybe not always a conversationalist, but a talker. there's a million & one fun facts constantly running through that genius brain of his that he's always eager to share

you'd learned early on in your relationship that asking him something as simple as "how was your day" could turn into a fifteen minute tangent on the origin of that phrase before he even got to answering your question

needless to say, you can tell when he's had a really long day, or when a case has been particularly hard, because he's quiet

typically when the jet lands, he's calling you before the wheels even touch the ground to let you know he's home, but when it's been a long day or a hard case, he'll send you a short text instead

he doesn't greet you as enthusiastically when he walks through the door, & he's not talking a mile a minute. his greeting is quiet & strained, & you can see the deep shades of exhaustion beneath his eyes

even the way he walks is off, & you can almost see whatever it is that's getting to him is weighing down on him

instead of immediately seeking you out to join you in the kitchen or the living room or wherever you are, he'll head straight towards the bedroom instead

physical touch is not one of spencer's love languages, or something he enjoys in general, but on days like this, the comfort of your touch is something he wants, but he just still doesn't know how to ask for it

throughout the course of your relationship, you've learned how to read him. you've learned how to tell what he needs & when he needs it, relying on his body language & nonverbal cues when he can't seem to get the words out

you picked up on the way the tension would leave his shoulders when you hugged him, or how he'd exhale a deep breath of relief when you kissed his cheek. he practically melted into your embrace when your fingers gently moved through his mess of curls, & lightly scratching at his scalp made him putty in your hands

when he comes home like this, you don't bother with asking him if he wants to talk about it. you know he'll automatically say no, not wanting to burden you with his troubles, but also bc he's still learning to express himself emotionally

so you follow him into the bedroom, & you climb into bed with him, & you let him know that you're there, physically but also mentally

you wait patiently for him to accept the comfort of your touch, & even when he's laying with his head on your chest & his arms wrapped tightly around your waist, you wait for him to speak first. sometimes he wants to try & talk about what's bothering him, & sometimes he just wants to feel something pure & good

you'll never forget the first time he explained to you why he prefers to lay in silence sometimes. it still tugs at your heartstrings even months later

"everyday, I see the worst of humanity. some cases, there's a happy ending. sometimes we make it just in time to save at least one person, and sometimes that feels like it's enough. but some days...it doesn't make up for the extent of the depravity that we witness. it doesn't make up for the people we couldn't save. I spend every single day surrounded by violence and chaos and...evil. but when i'm with you...that all goes away. I don't want to think. I just want to focus on the good."

recently, you'd introduced spencer to a little game you & your mom used to play when you were younger. when something was scary, or when you had a bad day, you'd ask her to tell you something good, & she'd tell you some highlight from her day, or the first good thought that came to mind

you've learned to identify the long days vs the hard days depending on if he wants to play or not. if it's just been a really long day & he's tired, he doesn't usually participate. but if he comes home after a case that really affected him, it's almost painful to hear the need in his voice when he asks

"tell me something good. please."

hugging him even closer, like you're trying to protect him from all the bad things outside of your shared bedroom, you gently kiss his forehead & whisper softly

"the universe is infinite. there are galaxies and solar systems out there that haven't even been discovered yet, and may never be. our world has existed for millions of years, and yet, i'm lucky enough to get to exist at the same time as you. the stardust that created our universe, and our world, is the exact same stardust that we're made of, which means you and I have always been connected, even long before we existed, and we still will be long after we're gone. it's always been you and me, and it always will be."

lifting his head to look at you, spencer's hazel eyes are full of curiosity & awe. he knew you were smart, maybe nowhere near a genius like he was, but still very smart. however, he was the one with the science background, so to hear you speak so eloquently about space caught him off guard

"where did you learn that?"

rolling your eyes with a soft laugh, you shook your head & smirked at him

"i love you, too."

a faint blush creeps on his cheeks, & he gives you a small sheepish smile

"sorry...i...i do love you. that...that was beautiful. i just-"

cutting him off, you reach over onto the nightstand & pickup your copy of "astrophysics for people in a hurry", holding it up for him to see. he glances between the small book & you in puzzlement, & you smirk at him

"i'm trying to keep up with my genius boyfriend."

for the first time since he's walked through the door, spencer smiles. a real, genuine, smile. taking the book from your hand, he sets it aside & shakes his head, gently cupping your cheek

"i don't need you to do that. i just need you to be with me."

letting out a soft laugh, you lean into his touch & place your hand on top of his

"did you hear anything i just said? i've always been with you, and i always will be. we're bound by the stars, pretty boy."

spencer's lips split into a wide grin, & now that his mood is considerably lighter, he leans in for a soft kiss

"can't argue with science."

[barsformars]

Expectations

// 

g - angst, comfort(?)

p - yunho x reader

w.c - 1.2k

t.w - (self doubt?)

c - compliments can give people strength but the future expectations that come with it can weigh one down and cause one to beat themselves up just because of a small hump in their journey; tldr -> yunho's mentally and physically exhausted.

a.n - hihi! just a piece i wrote late last night because,, thoughts. i hope everyone remembers to be gentle on yourselves, and like my dad always tells me (and now what i tell others): challenge yourself but within your own personal limits. it’s okay to be disappointed in yourself if you truly think you could have done better but if it is because you didn’t live up to other people’s expectations of you then fuck them! the more you blame yourself because of that the blurrier the line between self satisfaction and satisfying other people will be. 

t.l - @closer-stars @jeongyunhoed @fromercury

//

His feet dragged across the floor all the way to your bedroom where he finally allowed himself to completely let go and release all the tension in his sore aching muscles as he falls onto your bed, it is rare that he gets to do so without having to first check whether San was in the top bunk or if any other members were following him into the room, and it's already rare enough that he feels like this. It's not that he didn't like to be vulnerable in front of them, he just couldn't bring himself to whenever it boiled down to this same problem he was facing right now because he knew that it would shake the team's confidence and energy for at least the next week. Words like "because Yunho can grasp the choreography really well really quickly, we feel assured," and, "we are always grateful that we can rely on him," they do give him strength to continue working hard, but sometimes, it's nothing more than a heavy burden placed on him, felt like an ankle weight was tied to his feet, preventing him from executing the footwork properly.

As those words replayed in his head — a reminder that he should probably be spending this time doing something more productive, that he should be using this time to clean up his dance moves because at least one person would be coming to him for help tomorrow — Yunho shrinks as he curls into the fetal position, the heels of his palms pressed against his eyes. Even with his body closed up like that, he still felt like he was going to fall apart if anything or anyone gave him even the gentlest of a nudge, this was already the best he could manage in holding himself together.

Yunho knows that this was not the end of the world, no one was going to blame him for not having perfected the choreography already, no one was going to be disappointed that he couldn't help them either, in fact Hongjoong would probably tell him: "It's alright! We can all learn it together slowly and patiently, we will get it eventually." And Yeosang, who has always been the best at footwork, will probably be more than happy to lead the dance practice yet again. Yunho knows, but he can't stop himself from feeling like he wasn't doing his best. If only his body could withstand a little more...

His palms are now warm and wet, without warning, and without a sound. No shaking shoulders, no shuddering breaths, no tightness in his throat, no burning sensation in his nose, the tears just flowed down silently and slowly, whether he liked it or not. Yunho stays frozen in that position for a little while as he let his tears do whatever they wanted because if he even had enough energy to wipe them away he would rather conserve it so he could get to the kitchen and pour himself a glass of water. And when he removes his hands away from his face, he heard the front door opening and shutting, and just the thought of being in your warmth almost caused him to burst into tears again.

You noticed Yunho's shoes thoughtlessly kicked to one side and how his bag was randomly dropped in the middle of the hallway, and your heart ached for him. You already knew that he wasn't feeling good because Yunho was always honest about the reasons he wanted to visit you for, and while it wasn't your first time seeing him feeling down, this was just...bad. You quickly made your way to your room where you knew he would be, and when your eyes met his swollen ones, there was no need for spoken words, not yet at least. So you put your bag down onto the floor and sat yourself down on the edge of the bed, allowing him to lay his head on your lap. Your fingers were already caressing his hair, that honestly still felt a little moist, an evidence along with his slightly sticky skin that he had spent quite some time in the dance studio earlier on. It worries you, because Yunho almost never gets this stressed out when it came to dance, or did he perhaps dance to get his mind off whatever it was?

Yunho's eyes are closed just like when he was alone a little earlier, but this time his tears stay trapped behind his eyelids, though his nose ached a lot more now. "Do you want some water?" You asked, hearing how he was starting to sniffle. He sat up (very stiffly) and you took it as a yes, your toes already pulling your bag closer within reach so you could pull out your bottle of water.

"Do you want to talk about it? Or is me being here enough for now, or do you just need some alone time?"

Yunho scrunches his eyebrows as he gulped down a large mouthful of water, it was much more painful than he remembers it being the last time he had a good cry. He opens his mouth to speak, and then he hesitates for a little, blinking multiple times as if trying to piece the words together in his head. You don't pressure him.

"I just think I'm being stupid right now, I know what I'm feeling is so dumb and irrational but I can't stop myself from feeling like this. I know if my body is this exhausted it must mean that I did indeed gave it my all, but I can't stop feeling that I could have been more productive. I don't mind being this tired as much as I do about not feeling like I did my best. And I can't help but feel like I'm not doing anything to contribute to the team right now. If I can't even get those steps down, then I don't deserve the 'main dancer' title, and I don't deserve having the members looking up to me."

You suddenly felt guilty for thinking that there was no way Yunho would get this distressed over dance, thoughts and expectations like this from everyone who knew him probably contributed to the growing expectations that he felt pressured to meet. Of course even Yunho would face problems when it came to executing certain moves, he may be a very good dancer but there is no dancer out there, anywhere, who could master every technique of every genre of dance there was. People forget that dancers are always constantly learning, heck, everyone is constantly learning as they go on in life, mistakes are allowed.

"It's not stupid, Yunho. Your feelings are valid, everyone wants to be the best version of themselves but, Yunho, a moon is still a moon in all of its phases. Just because you're struggling with a few dance steps does not mean that you are not a good dancer, or a reliable member to your other members. You are still you, and with time, you will master those moves and shine brightly like you always have. Besides, you are not just the 'main dancer', you are also a good vocalist, a positive influence, and most importantly, a human."

[fantasyizlife]

Ok so I'm always extreeeeeemely shy asking about prompts and stuff, but honest to God I'm having the worst day in a while and I really need an escape and a distraction of some kind. T_T So yeah, given that I always project my issues on my idols' lives (lol), I'll ask you for a Charles Leclerc angst fic in which he's having a very bad panic attack and another driver, Max or Lewis maybe, calms him down. Hope you'll like the prompt, if you don't please don't feel forced to write it. Hugs

Flight or fight

Come on Charles you got this! 

It's a new race in Spa!

It won't be like Germany its a few drops of rain! 

Fuck fuck FUCK, keep your shit together!

The fat droplets of rain confirmed the weather would be clear in a matter of minutes. The circuit would be dry well before qualifying due to the pleasant warm sun shining on Leclerc's face. But the negative energy now running rampant in Charles veins wouldn't shut up. He was suited up and trying to not pace the back of the garage but was failing at that even more so. 

"I can't let everyone down again! Come on Charles!" He whispers to himself as his breathing gets away from him. He can feel his heart pounding in his temples now. 

Charles closes his eyes and wipes his face, it's only 68 degrees today, he shouldn't be this damp. FUCK! Why does it feel like everyone is staring at him? Charles pulls on the neck of his collar as far as the fabric will go. It's not enough and the panic starts to rise in his throat. It's going to choke him to death! 

He glances around the garage and sees everyone scurrying around at normal pace. Noone is looking at him but he's well aware that every camera in a hundred miles can be pointed on him every second he stands here. Charles pinches his nose hard before opening his eyes. His tingling fingers are wet with tears. 

Fight or flight are what drivers like him are trained for. Charles has always been a fighter but this here was something of lately he couldn't control. In a split second Charles pushed the bile down and used the surge of energy to get his feet moving before he passed out, disappointing everyone again. He has to dig deeper for the flight aspect of his training.

He makes it clear across the back of Mercedes garage and uses sheer willpower to find the best way to hide himself from what was sure to become the Charles Leclerc shit show! The loss of peripheral vision left him blinded to Lewis Hamilton who now frightened him with an unexpected grip on his right arm. Charles tried to break his hold, tried to focus on Hamilton's lips as he spoke to him. Why the fuck did he sound so far away?

Lewis patted Charles on the back and pulled him close letting him rest his body weight against him. It was only then that Leclerc felt his knees weakening. Lewis practically carried him to a soft surface and let him go. Charles pulled his knees up to his chest and his hid his face as Lewis closed and locked the door. 

His body was trembling and tears fell without warning. This was it, the end of the legacy before he ever got it started. He couldn't hold it in anymore, even if he wanted to. Mattia insisted he see the teams psychologist and he had worked hard to hide his issues, passing the tests with just enough to satisfy Ferrari. The long summer break hadn't done him any good either. 

"I'm so sorry dad, please forgive me." Leclerc said as the soft surface dipped under the added weight of Hamilton.

"Hey Charles, sit up and take some deeper breaths." Lewis said soft slipping a box of tissue under his knees. Charles shook his head up and down and grabbed a fist full pressing the tissue tightly to his drowning vision. His chest so full of pressure he couldn't catch his breath. This was bad! The worst he ever felt since the passing of his father, before that breakdown was Jules. The very thought made him nauseous. If he could vomit surely he would welcome it, now he was dry heaving. 

"Here mate swirl it around and spit it out, you got this." Lewis encouraged handing him his Mercedes bottle. Charles didn't fight it, he took the help. A few swishes and the heaving stopped. Lewis dabbed a wet cloth to the back of his neck and let it rest against his forehead. 

Charles tried to keep his eyes open as the situation came into focus. He just lost his shit in front of F1s chosen one! He shook his head in denial but there was no denying it. He needed to thank him and get over to Binotto! 

"Hamilton, thanks man..I need to uh go talk to the team." He tried to stand up and his body wouldn't allow it. He was now physically and mentally weak. Lewis unwrapped a pine nut and raisin bar before handing it to him.

"Look prince of Ferrari, take a minute. We have plenty before quali, promise or I wouldn't be here." 

Charles took notice in the way Lewis genuinely smiled at him. He was relaxed and seemed to be offering him help so he simply nodded and took a bite. His mouth too dry to swallow just yet so he took his time chewing it. After a few bites and moments of silence Lewis spoke to him.

"You need to think about what you want before you throw in the towel and tell your team about this."

Charles raised his tired eyes to Lewis's and gave him his full attention. 

"Its not lost to me mate. Your out here with heavier weight on your shoulders than any of us, I knew it way before Ferrari signed you."

"I just can't seem to escape my own shadow Ham...I want to be good enough..I want to make everyone proud of me."

"You see that's the problem, you want this for everyone but yourself Leclerc. I see you constantly compared to Jules, I see you always honoring him. Nothing wrong with any of that except when you forget that it's you who got you here, your hero to zero attitude only adds to that stress of you thinking your letting your own father down....kid, your breaking my heart and everyone else's by breaking yours. Your father will forever be proud of you. No amount of wins or losses will ever change that Charles."

Lewis stood and got him another cool cloth. Charles looked at the floor thankful he had all his vision back.

"Your team, the fans...they have plenty to love about you before you ever win your first race. It's why your "the  prince of Ferrari" 

Lewis smiled using air quotes to put the silliness on the phrase Charles has seen many times in front of his name. It felt great to be smiling at all this, he had been searching for the light in his darkness so long he had given up, so he thought. 

"You deserve to be in that seat because of your good looks and even greater driving ability! Charles you have to trust in yourself to be that man. Believe in yourself to beat me, uh but could you wait until next year maybe?"

Charles chuckled as the sky over his head busted open and shined for him once again. He closed his eyes and tried to see if the dark clouds of comparison were still looming and to his relief they weren't. His smile got so big it hurt.

"You think you might be ready to give me a hell of a run today? I know I'm ready to race against F1s next champ!" 

Lewis held out his arm and Charles gripped his hand as he pulled him into a hug that had such a powerful meaning behind it. 

"Thank you Ham, I won't forget this. Ever." 

"I'm counting on it, just remember it when your team gives you that plan C shit. Be the man with your own plan, fuck them!" 

A big thank you to @iammany for allowing me to try my best at my first one shot that shows every human goes through these crippling situations. I seriously want to just hug our Charles right now!

[sarai-the-furry]

GOD LONG POST, DONT KNOW HOW TO ADD THE "READ MORE" ON MOBILE, I do be ranting and venting 😔

Holy shit why is it at the worst times do I realize that my mental health is shit

Not me having a mental breakdown because my dad saw 12+ missing assignments from LAST SEMESTER IN *ONE* OF MY CLASSES

I'm so close to actually telling my parents I'm bout damn near to dropping out because oh my god the stress is too much and the fact that I've kept up my happy and cheerie facade because I don't want anyone to bother me asking if I'm okay,, school drains me physically, mentally, and emotionally. Like holy fuck I've got 7 classes and the work they assign EACH DAY would be fine if I oy had like 2-4 classes but SEVEN my god

LIKE IVE BEEN TRYIMG TO DO THE WORK BUT IM EASILY DISTRACTED AND FORGET SHIT SO FAST IF I DONT FIND ANY INTEREST IN IT

I hate that it's all about grades and not me actually learning the material, because I ace almost all my tests yet I'm failing my classes. I've NEVER been like this until freshman year because of the remote learning. I thought that once I'm back in the buildings I would go back to how I was once was. Nope. Fuck no. It's not as bad as when I was in remote but it's getting too close to being the same. I don't know WJY I'm struggling. And I hate that I don't know. Especially over these last few years I've realized that it's more important to get good grades instead of LEARNING. when I was young, like Pre-K - 5th grade, I LOVED learning, but after middle school it was completely ruined because it's all about the grades and I hate that so much. My love to learn has been killed because the system has always put grades as priority instead of students learning the material. Because of this I feel like I'm a failure, I know I'm NOT but this system makes me feel like it because I'm not "passing". I know the materials well enough to pass tests and quizzes, but I only retain the information long enough to pass. I hate this I hate this I hate this I hate hate hate hate HATE this. Not only that, remote learning gave me such bad anxiety that I had to be prescribed anxiety medication, which I'm still on. I hate this so much, I was SOMEWHAT fine before highschool, but now I feel like I'm in shambles, a dumpster fire.

I feel helpless as I try to do the work I've missed only to miss the work that's being assigned, in turn making me have to make up THAT work. An endless cycle that I can't fucking stop no matter how hard I try my best to get myself back up. I just want to run away and hide, and just enjoy my life with little to no stress. But no I can't. Unfortunately life has to be like this but why must it be like this? We humans were never like this before, all we were doing was just LIVING, only stressed when big shit happened. Why can't we just go back to that? Living, THRIVING, but no, most of us are only surviving, just barely getting by.

I. Am. Not. Thriving.

I. Am. Barely. Surviving.

AND IM TIRED OF IT. IM SICK OF IT. I just want to be HAPPY without having my stressors haunting me constantly. I just want to live. I don't want to be constantly on survival mode, it's exhausting. I've been like this for how long now? 5, almost 6 years. Might not be a lot compared to other people but my gods it's taking a toll on me, and I hate how it's basically making me a shell of who I once was. I just want to be happy and thriving. I'm constantly tired and just want to sleep as much as I can, and I'm starting to think it's because I'm stressed all the time, and I find that when I'm sleeping I'm not stressed.

I just want to be truly happy with myself, but I feel like a failure because I can't even hold a C, no matter how hard I try.

[meulinthekittytroll]

Rant af I'm sorry

Yunno I don’t know what my dads problem is with my boyfriend. He doesn’t like him, at all. And I honestly have no idea why. Maybe it’s because this is the only relationship he’s seen me in? I’m not sure But if my dad could have seen all my past relationships he’d understand why B is probably the only one I could ever want to be with. There were some major people who impacted my life in negative ways and I’m still recovering from them. I will point out the major ones First there was David. He tried to kill me once, and manipulated me and made my self esteem plummet. (Grade 3-7) Yes, I know, 3rd through 7th grade and he tried to KILL you? Are you over exaggerating? No I’m not lol. Then there was Devin. He was the first boy to cheat on me. Which made my self esteem plummet even further. He also was the first boy to treat me… like I wasn’t a person I guess?? I don’t know how to describe that one but it made me feel very inferior. (Grade 6) young I know but shoosh this shit can happen at any age if you let it happen. Then there was Max. We never actually dated, but he is still very important because oh boy I crushed on this boy HARD from 8th to 10th grade. He and I had a thing going on in 8th grade but never quite did anything about it which only made me like him more. Then 9th grade came along and we only got closer but still didn’t quite do anything. (I also had a boyfriend at that time that I’ll get to in JUST a second) Finally 10th grade came along and I FINALLY made a move, only to get shot down, HARD. That was partly my fault I suppose for being too scared to tell him my feelings earlier than that. But still, ouch ouch that hurt me a lot. Jacob, the boyfriend mentioned just a second ago, this was a long distance relationship. He was a couple years older than me and I had never met him in person, I dated him because I was extremely lonely. This lasted almost a year, but not quite. It started out really fun because I could lowkey flirt with Max but still have someone to go home to and text and get the feelings of love that Max didn’t give me, I know I know that’s borderline cheating but hey I was in 9th grade and I was stupid in love with Max and it was just a messy time in my life and Ive obviously learned from it and cheating is disgusting ugh……. ihatemyselfAAAAnyways, as the months rolled by, things slowly went downhill with this Jacob kid. He just was a downer. We both were depressed and got even sadder when we realized we couldn’t meet for a long time blah blah you get the point everything was a mess and he made me extremely unhappy, that was a very toxic relationship and I’m glad nothing ever became of it. I haven’t talked to him in almost a year, I hope he’s doing well. Also in 10th grade I developed this crush on this boy named Anthony and he was a dorky kind of cute, tall and scrawny but still muscly, I dug it. I flat out told him I liked him bc I didn’t want another Max situation and he seemed interested at first until he told one of his friends that doubled as my friend that he wasn’t interested so I obviously found out and got shot down again. Ouch! When that didn’t happen I started talking to a good friend I also met over the internet named Gavin and wowie did this boy make me feel wanted and loved. I had a brief thing with him previously but it never followed through, due to the fact that he was a dickbag and cheated on me and blamed it on some personality disorder where he needed more than one girlfriend to be satisfied *cough* bullshit *cough* but anyways, I tried it with him again the summer going into 11th grade c he was sooooooo sorry and loved me soooo much and wanted to marry me (gag!) anyways, things were good for a while but then he slowly stopped talking to me and cheated again and all this other shit and as my confidence in myself slowly went down the garbage disposal as it had been since like 4th grade, I finally told myself enough is enough and told him I was done with him. I told myself I was done with boys until the right one came along and treated me right. As a junior at a new school with no friends, I assumed it would take until junior year of COLLEGE to even consider boys again (besides possibly sleeping around once I got too tired of being a virgin kek) But yunno, life throws unexpected things at you. I remember the night so clearly. I went to bed finally content with being alone, not having to worry about any boy cheating on me or making me feel bad or putting me down constantly. Then, wouldn’t you know it, the NEXT FUCKIN DAY, this super duper cute boy I had seen a few times around school walked into my first period photography class. And I thought to myself “fuck.” Bc I immediately knew something would happen between us. This boy was he perfect mix of goofy, nerdy, and cute as fuck, with a hint of holy shit you’re SEXY. Exactly my type. Tall, dark, and handsome (a spongebob reference has never been more relatable) ((besides maybe “i’m surrounded my idiots”)) ANNYYYWAYS Me and this kid start talking bc I grew a pussy (not balls bc balls are sensitive and vaginas take a pounding) and gave the kid my Snapchat. That same day I reaaallly wanted a chance to talk to him so I posted a pic on my story of me and my dog havin’ a blast (rip Lily u will be missed ily thank you for being the reason the loml messaged me for the first time) anywho, HE MESSAGED ME FIRST AND WE STARTED TALKING AND SHIT bc he thought my dog was cute af (which she was!!!!) and we kept talking and talking and found we had so much in common and finallyyyy we admitted to each other we liked each other and started dating soon after and I’m spare you all the mushy details of how that came to be. Back to the reason why I started writing this little rant/story in the first place. My dad borderline hates the guy. But what my dad doesn’t understand (which is a lot but these next few sentences are important) Every single relationship I’ve had, was with a guy who has done nothing but lead me on, cheat on me, or abuse me (both physically (which only happened twice thank god) and mentally (which happened SO MUCH OH MY GOD it’s so much harder to catch that than actually getting physically abused) Yet, my current boyfriend…. we’re gonna call him B, bc his name is unique and I don’t want people knowing who I am if this ever gets read by someone who knows me and cares enough to read though all of this. B is the most beautiful person I have ever met, inside and out. He makes me feel important. He makes every day a blessing. When I first moved in with my dad in the beginning of 11th grade, I was a complete shut in. I hardly ever left my room besides to eat and bathe. After I met B, I started opening up and spending time with the family, and I made such amazing friends at school that I would have never talked to if it weren’t for him. B makes everything exciting. Of course we have had our fair share of bumps in the road, but ever healthy relationship does. And yunno what else healthy relationships do? They talked them through and fix the problems!!! B has made it so clear to me that I am worth all of the shit that goes on sometimes, and believe me I can be crazy so that is saying something. And oh boy is he a package deal too. He’s constantly got something going on, he’s quite frankly an idiot sometimes. But hey, he’s my idiot! I’ve never woken up and been happy about being alive since I was like 10, until B came around. B completely flipped my view of the world around. We tell each other this thing all the time because weird kinda opposites when it comes to certain things. He looks like the moon, but is the sun. And I look like the sun, but am the moon. He has dark hair and he’s got olive skin (very Italian looking) looking like a human version of the moon. But he has this optimistic view on life, the personality of the sun. Then there’s me; golden brown hair with fair skin, I look like the sun. But I’m kinda a pessimist, and I also am quite the night owl (he definitely isn’t!) personality of the moon. That might not make sense to you, but it does to us. I’m getting side tracked. The whole fuckin point is, I hadn’t felt true happiness since I was 10 until I met this guy. My dad says we aren’t going to last. My dad barely even lets me see him outside of school once a week, and when he does let me he always gives this disapproving scowl and scoff when I ask to see my boyfriend (who I have been with for well over a year now) once a week. Oh and by the way, he LIVES with his girlfriend who he’s only been dating a few more months than B and I have been. I wonder what he’d feel like if the roles were reversed. Yunno? Like he gets to see his gf every day and sleep next to her ever night, but the moment I want to see B, I get a scowl and a reluctant confirmation that I can see him on the day I asked to see him on. I’m sorry for all this rant and I know it’s probably all over the place but I just really really had to get it out because I don’t know why my dad is so unhappy with me being with a guy who makes me so happy. It’s not like B is a delinquent. He has two jobs (one is a photography business, he does really well with it actually he shoots for weddings and shit he’s an amazing photographer ((he only took the photography class at my school for the credit and to laugh at how low quality everything was at the school and how badly they taught it))) and he’s polite and respectful. My father truly has no reason to not like him, he has no idea how badly I’ve been treated up until I met B. B treats me better than anyone ever has, including my dad. Everyone else in my family loves him! Not nearly as much as I love the son of a bitch tho. I truly grew up from 3rd grade on getting belittled and cheated on and made to feel terrible, and if my dad knew that or understood it, maybe he wouldn’t hate the boy that made me happy to be alive again. Thank u for the ppl who took the time to read this through even tho I doubt anyone will do that bless u ilysm