#I'm so over people getting pressed because Tommy calls him Evan

[piratemajimaa]

"pEoPle wHo kNoW HiM caLL hIM BUCK."

yeah, well, there are three people in his life who have the privilege to call him Evan and Tommy is one of those three people so shut the fuck up already :)

[cjlouwho]

Prompt: I've been thinking about a mixture of posts on here and I'd really love Tommy going to talk to Eddie because, maybe Eddie isn't being a great friend? I've read some people think Eddie would fall in line with Gerrard (due to being in the army etc.) and I'd love to see a Tommy/Eddie argument!

When Eddie got a knock on his door at 9pm on a Tuesday, he wasn't sure who to expect. He hadn't gotten a call or text from anyone, and he hadn't ordered any food. He figured he'd be arguing with Jehovah's Witnesses, asking them why the hell they were knocking on his door so late? Usually he'd avoid them altogether, but a little piece of him felt like arguing, so he swung the door open with a dramatic sigh.

He was surprised to see Tommy on the other side of the door, hand raised in a fist, ready to knock again.

“Oh. Hey, Tommy. I wasn't expecting you, was I?”

“Um, no. Can I come in for a sec?”

“Sure.” Eddie moved out of the way so Tommy could come inside, closing the door behind him. “Want a beer or something?”

“No, I really can't stay long. I'm heading to Evan's after this.”

Right. Buck. He should've known he'd be getting a visit from Tommy. Buck hadn't exactly left work, or Eddie, on good terms two days ago. Things had been tense for a few weeks now, actually. Everything had slowly been bubbling up until Buck finally burst under the pressure and was sent home early for insubordination. He'd actually been told not to return until he could learn proper chain of command, and if he couldn't learn within a week, he should start searching for a new career path.

“Is Buck the one who sent you?” Eddie asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

Tommy shook his head. “No. No one sent me.”

Eddie raised an eyebrow. “So you're not here to kick my ass?”

“Should I be?”

“I don't know,” Eddie answered honestly. “I don't know what you've been told.”

It was kind of a ridiculous sight right now, if you asked Eddie. Two grown men, friends for months now, standing awkwardly in his living room. Neither making any effort to sit or get more comfortable.

“Evan's been having a rough time with Gerrard,” Tommy started. “Sounds like he's Gerrard's main target.”

Eddie shrugged. “Gerrard likes to push buttons. Buck's buttons are easy to push.”

“Last week he asked Evan if he'd like a bra to go with the apron he wore while cooking.” Tommy tensed even as he spoke the words. “That doesn't just sound like pressing buttons to me.”

“He's a wannabe drill sergeant pissed about the fact he never made it through basic training. You do what he says, keep quiet, use your manners, and make him feel like he's the most important person in the room. That's how you get through a shift.” Eddie moved to sit on the couch, but Tommy remained standing. “You know how this works the same as I do,” he added.

“Yeah, I do,” Tommy agreed, although his voice was a bit more commanding now. “Probably better than you do, actually. Doesn't make it okay.”

Eddie sighed, rubbing his eyes. “Why are you here, Tommy? I'm tired.”

“To try and stop you from becoming me, you idiot. I've been where you are. I've sat beside Gerrard and watched him treat person after person like nothing but garbage. I kept quiet, I made him feel important, I followed behind him like I was his damn puppy dog. I called him sir, I did whatever he asked, I laughed along with his jokes. You know what that made me?”

Eddie was starting to get annoyed. “What?”

“Him. I was no better than him.”

Eddie's eyes darkened. He stood back up, taking a step toward Tommy. “Are you seriously comparing me to that piece of crap?”

“If the mustache fits.”

“You need to get out of my house now,” Eddie warned. He could feel his body filling with the same boiling rage that got him thrown in jail a few years ago. He didn't need that to happen again.

“You repeat to me what Gerrard told Evan two days ago and I'll go,” Tommy offered. “Tell me what Gerrard said that finally made him explode and I'll leave.”

“Or I can call the cops on you for trespassing,” Eddie replied, moving to the door and opening it.

Tommy made no effort to leave. “Go for it.”

They stared at each other for a moment, Eddie's chest rising and falling with each heavy breath. When Eddie realized Tommy was never going to back down, his shoulders slumped. “Come on, Man, just leave.”

Tommy doubled down. “Tell me what he said,” he demanded, speaking each work slowly and carefully.

“H- He... God, Tommy.” He looked away from him, unable to maintain eye contact as he recalled the event. “Buck fell while we were at a scene, bruised his tailbone. When we were sitting down to eat, Buck moved slow. He winced when he finally got seated... Gerrard saw and said th- that maybe if he... if he spent less time taking and more time giving he wouldn't have so much trouble.”

“But,” Tommy beckoned for him to continue.

Eddie took a deep breath. “But he should have expected Buck to be the woman.”

Tommy nodded. “There it is.”

“Listen, Tommy, I-”

“He could've really used someone sticking up for him. One person to step in and tell Gerrard he'd crossed a line. I get that Hen can't do anything right now. She can't risk not getting Mara back. And I know Howie can't do anything to lose Mara. But you could have said something, Eddie. You could have been there for him, but you weren't.”

And there was the anger again. “Why the hell is it on me?!” he exclaimed. “I've been going through my own crap, and it's not like you or Buck have really been around to help me out.”

“Oh, you cannot be serious right now.” Tommy's posture straightened, his body somehow becoming even wider and taller. It would have caused Eddie to pause and think about what was about to come out of his mouth if he wasn't so mad.

“Yeah, I am serious. I've needed people too, Tommy, but you guys have been too busy with each other to even notice.”

“You made the mess you're in right now, Eddie!” Tommy yelled. “You did that! You screwed up and it's on you to fix it! But Evan didn't do anything wrong. He sure as hell didn't deserve to be talked to like that, and now his job is on the line because you decided keeping the peace with a piece of scum like Gerrard was more important than speaking up for your supposed best friend. So, yeah, that's on you!” Tommy began to make his way to the door, ready to push past Eddie on his way, but Eddie wasn't finished.

“Hey!” He yelled, shoving Tommy back so he couldn't leave. “I've been trying to fix everything on my own! Trying to get my own life back! Hell, I just got to talk to my kid for the first time in over a month!”

“And who you think got Christopher to answer the damn phone?!”

It felt like all the air had suddenly been sucked out of Eddie's lungs. He stood there, his mouth hanging open as he tried to find the right words to speak. “I... Buck's been talking to Christopher?”

“Every day,” Tommy confirmed. “He calls or texts. Facetime's him every once in a while too. He's been telling Chris how you're doing, trying to get him to call you or text you. He even suggested writing you a letter.”

“I didn't know that.”

“He didn't really want you to. Christopher had promised him the next time you tried to call, he'd answer. Evan's been like a kid on Christmas Eve, excited for you to tell him how it went after you two talked.”

Eddie didn't know what to say. He wasn't angry anymore, just incredibly disappointed with himself.

“He's always had your back, Eddie,” Tommy said, making his way out the door. Eddie didn't stop him this time. “It'd be really nice if you had his.”

[30somethingautisticteacher]

The drunk woman was relentless, invading Tommy's personal space as he tried to step back. He kept flashing his ring, but either she hadn't noticed or simply didn't care. Tommy glanced at his watch, grateful Evan hadn't arrived yet to see this mess.

"I'm just a poor girl all alone and new to the city," she slurred, pressing closer. "Can you help me get home safely? You can drive me, and then you can come up and I can thank you properly." She traced a finger down his arm. "I'm sure your wife wouldn't mind."

'Okay, she just doesn't care,' Tommy thought, taking a step back.

"I'm sure the bartender would be happy to call a cab for you," he said firmly.

"But you're so big and strong. I would feel so protected," she pouted, swaying slightly.

"I'm flattered, but I'm sure you'll be plenty safe," Tommy said, maintaining his distance. "And my husband won't like you all over me."

"Husband?" the woman spat, her flirtatious demeanor instantly shifting. "Seriously, you're gay?" Her slurred voice dripped with disdain.

It was at that exact moment that Evan appeared.

"Oh, he's very, very gay," Evan said, draping his arms over Tommy's shoulders and pulling him in for a steamy kiss.

"Hi, baby," Tommy said when they broke apart, his earlier tension melting away at his husband's presence.

"You can go now," Evan said dismissively to the woman.

"You're the husband?" she scoffed, looking Evan up and down with obvious judgment. "What a waste."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Evan asked, his voice sharpening. Tommy could feel him tensing up beside him.

"Not worth it, sweetheart," Tommy said softly, squeezing Evan's hand. He knew that tone in his husband's voice - the one that meant someone had struck a nerve.

"No, I want to know," Evan insisted, his jaw set. The playful possessiveness from moments ago had been replaced by something harder, more defensive. "What exactly is being wasted here?"

"Your lifestyle," she sneered, waving her hand dismissively. "Two big, strong, handsome men shacking up together."

"Shacking up?" Evan said, his voice dangerously quiet. The woman had crossed a line, and Tommy knew his husband well enough to recognize when he was about to snap.

"We're not shacking up," Evan continued, holding up his left hand where his wedding ring caught the bar lights. "We're married. Legally married. I walked down an aisle, said vows, signed papers, and promised to love this man for the rest of my life. And you know what? It was the best decision I ever made."

Tommy's heart swelled, watching his husband defend their marriage.

"So no, it's not a waste. What would be a waste is if I pretended to be something I'm not just to make people like you comfortable. Now if you'll excuse us, I'd like to have a drink with my husband."

"You people," the girl said, shaking her head in disgust.

Tommy felt Evan stiffen next to him, ready for another round, but this time Tommy stepped forward. He'd let Evan handle it his way, now it was his turn.

"Ah, 'you people,'" Tommy said, his voice calm but firm. "Let me tell you about 'us people.' My husband and I are first responders. We put our lives on the line every single day for others - including people who think like you do. I spent years hiding who I was because of that kind of hatred, afraid to be myself. But then I finally accepted who I really was, and that opened my heart to the possibility of love. And I found it - real, earth-shattering, life-changing love."

He pulled Evan closer, feeling his husband relax against him. "So the only waste here would be letting people like you make us ashamed of something so beautiful."

Tommy turned away from the woman, effectively dismissing her. "Come on, baby."

The woman slunk away into the crowd, her previous bravado gone.

"You ok, babe?" Evan asked, turning to Tommy with concern.

"Are you kidding?" Tommy said, pulling him closer by his belt loops. "That was extremely sexy watching you tell her off like that. Look how far my little baby bi has come."

"Couldn't have done it without you," Evan said softly.

"You know, I'm actually more hungry than thirsty," Tommy said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"Oh, is that so?" Evan replied, a knowing smirk spreading across his face."Well, we should probably do something about that."

"Yeah, we probably better," Tommy said, pulling Evan in for a heated kiss.

When they broke apart, Evan was speechless. He shook his head. "But not here."

"Right, right, let's get out of here."

They stumbled out of the bar together, Tommy tugging Evan along by their joined hands. Their laughter mixed with the night air, any trace of anger long forgotten replaced by the joy of just being together.

[half-bakedboy]

Hi! I saw that you were asking for Tommy/Buck prompts! What do you think about: "You're allowed to be happy, y'know."? With Tommy continuing to be just as gentle with Buck as he was with that kiss! I'm still not over it 🩷

Tommy kisses Buck on a Thursday and takes him on their first date the following Saturday. They go on two more official dates before Tommy reminds him his sister's getting married in a few weeks. They're five dates into their... well, whatever they are, when Buck watches Tommy dance with his newly married sister.

There's something so gentle about the way Tommy holds Maddie's manicured fingers delicately in his own. He has what can only be described as a gentlemanly hand on her waist and he's almost letting her take the lead like he's making sure he doesn't scare her away.

Maddie doesn't get scared anymore, not like she used to, but the fact that Tommy can put that amount of care into someone just in case makes Buck's eyes water. Even though he tries not to show too much emotion in public, he doesn't put any effort into holding the tears back. His sister just got married! He's allowed to feel.

"Buck!" Chimney shouts. He's running toward Maddie and Tommy with a faux scowl that couldn't reach his eyes even if he tried. "Get your man before he woos her with his fancy helicopter license."

"Pilot's license," Buck says as he stands, wiping subtly at his eyes. A smile tugs at the corner of Tommy's lips because he knows that's his influence. Buck had called it a helicopter license approximately five times before Tommy finally taught him how it all worked. 

“There’s only one firefighter for me, Howie,” Maddie says dreamily. Buck can’t remember a time he’d ever heard her so wistful, not since she was a kid reading him fairytales when they were both supposed to be sleeping. 

“And there’s only one Buckley for me,” Tommy adds, winking at Maddie dramatically before placing her hand in Chimney’s, “but I always have a plan b. Isn’t that what you taught me, Han?” Chimney swats at him half-heartedly, his attention already back on his bride. 

Buck watches them for a few moments, reveling in the sheer joy that illuminates between them like no storm cloud in the world could cover the sunshine they feel. He's struck by a stray bolt of lightning--pun only partially intended--when he thinks about what she's gotten through to be here, but it settles into calmness when Tommy clears his throat from beside him.

Buck snaps from his thoughts and realizes he's been ignoring Tommy's outstretched hand. He clasps their hands together, fully intending to drag them back to their table, when Tommy clicks his tongue and pulls him close.

Then they're dancing underneath a backyard tent surrounded by their friends and family, and Buck thinks that he's never been as happy as he is right then.

There's guilt in the feeling, as there almost always is. There are people in need of saving, people who are hurt or scared or lonely, and here is Evan Buckley--happy. He can’t begin to comprehend why or even if he deserves that. He's made mistakes, he's lied to himself his entire life without intention, he never protected his sister or his team well enough, and now he's with a man who he really likes but isn't sure exactly what it means.

He doesn't deserve--

"You're allowed to be happy, y'know." 

Tommy says the words like he's reading Buck's mind.

"I am happy," Buck says instinctively. Tommy chuckles and nods.

"You are," he agrees, "but you need to stop feeling so much shame about it."

His large palm presses against the small of Buck's back, leading him into a slow sway. He dips his head the few centimeters between them and rests their foreheads together like he's trying to keep Buck's attention. Like Buck's attention could be anywhere else when he's being held like this, with such tenderness that he feels weak in his knees.

"You're going to find happiness that you don't need to feel guilty for one day, Evan."

It feels like a promise, and Buck only hopes that Tommy's the one to keep it.

[buckbuckleykinard]

here's a little snippet from a fic i probably wont ever finish but may repurpose into something else

He curls his legs into his chest and presses the warm glass of his phone screen to his ear.  With his free hand, he drags his fingers across the rough, night cold grit of the stone beneath them, just to feel the scratch against his skin.  Little grits of sand and moss lift up and stick in the whorls of his fingerprints as his phone rings once, twice, three times–

“Evan?  Are you okay”

Tommy’s voice is drowned out a little by the distant but unmistakable sound of chopper blades whirring to a stop.  It’s only 6pm in L.A. and Tommy is still on shift.

“Shit, you’re at work.  Sorry.  I forgot about the time difference.  I’m fine I–”

“It’s okay.  We just got back from a call, just give me a second to get somewhere quieter and I can talk.”

Buck considers telling him it’s fine, that he’s fine, that his crisis can wait till Tommy isn’t at the tail-end of a 24 but the problem with that is that he wants. And maybe he’s selfish and childish and all the terrible things his parents think he is but maybe Tommy wants, too.  

Because Tommy answered his call.

“Okay, I’m in the bunks now.  How are you?  How are your parents?”

“I'm good.” A lie. “My parents are fine.  How they usually are.”  The painful truth.

A semi truck speeds by, blaring its horn at nothing, headlights cutting through the dusty blue evening.

“How are they usually?”

Mean, Buck wants to say.  Careless, oblivious, belittling.  Maddie always says they’re not bad people, just bad parents, and he has always parroted it back.  He feels like he’s said it so often that it had just become true, but at the time he hadn’t been around them.  It was easier to put on some rose-coloured glasses and pretend that things were better than they actually were, or at least less painful.

“I don’t think they like me very much.” Maybe it’s too honest but he finds the more they talk, the more he wants to be honest with Tommy.  Some wicked part of him thinks that maybe if he shows this man the ugly, jealous rot of his insides, that he’ll leave before it hurts too much.  That it won’t be like Abby, who he’d thought he loved, or Taylor who he knew he did.

His parents loved Daniel, and how fucked up is it that he’s jealous of someone whose dead.  Then again, maybe they're more alike than he thought because yes, they had loved him, but they erased him too.  They scrubbed their lives clean of him, threw out his things and painted over the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling.  Maybe the only difference is that Buck is still alive.

“Yeah?” Tommy says, a little probing but kind.  Buck knows that if he dropped it, if he moved on to something lighter, that Tommy would let him.

“They repainted my room”  He knows it's ridiculous as soon as it comes out of his mouth.

“They didn’t tell you they were going to?”  Tommy asks, like this is a completely normal thing for an adult man to be upset about.

“No, they didn’t say anything.  They threw out all my stuff too.  Not that there was a lot there, but stil–”

“They should have at least given you the opportunity to come get what you wanted to keep.”

“Yeah, exactly!”  He says with a chuckle.  “I mean, I’m pretty sure my skateboard was still in the closet up there.  They’re not cheap, you know.”

“You skateboard?”  Tommy asks.  Buck swears that he can hear the smile in his voice.  

“I used to, sort of.  I'm pretty sure I spent more time falling off than actually riding.”

“God, you were a total punk in high school, weren’t you?”  Tommy laughs.  It’s nice, like warm honey settling low in Buck’s stomach. 

“Oh, definitely.  I think I spent most of my childhood injured in one way or another.”  It’s hard for him, looking back, to find a memory that doesn’t include bandages or a cast or a sling of some kind.

“You know, considering that the first time we met was flying a helicopter into a hurricane, I’m really not surprised to find out that you’re incredibly reckless with your own safety.”

“I had a motorcycle, too.  Got it basically as soon as I learned how to drive.”

“God, Evan.”  His voice is still tinged with amusement.  It floors him a little, how Tommy had managed to steer the conversation away from his morose family musings toward something lighter.  It makes Buck want to run through every time he’s ever almost died.  Chase away the amusement and ruin this on purpose before he does it by accident.

“Does it bother you?”

“Depends on why you're doing it.”  Tommy doesn’t ask what he means, doesn’t need to.  Buck wonders if he can smell his insecurities through the phone line.  He waits for Tommy to continue.

“Every time you go into work, you put yourself in dangerous situations to save lives.  So do I.  That’s the job.”  Buck can hear some shifting from Tommy’s end, tries to imagine him sitting on the edge of one of the bunks at the Harbour station, phone pressed against his ear.  Maybe he’s gotten more comfortable, lying down, eyes closed as he tries to get a little bit of rest between calls.  They shouldn’t be having this conversation over the phone, but the thought of having to do this in person, to have to look Tommy in the eyes and ask to be soothed, sends a chill through him that's much stronger than the one caused by the rapidly cooling evening air.

Some kind of sports car speeds by, music thundering through the closed windows as it slows around the corner and disappears.

“But being reckless with your life because the only time you felt like your parents looked after you was when you were hurting?  Yeah, that bothers me.”

And there it is, The Breaking Point.  He’s found a way to push Tommy too far.  Tommy, who’d already given him far more chances than he deserved.

“I mean, I’m familiar with shitty parents, believe me, but if I made my kid feel so unloved that they thought they had to hurt themselves to get my attention, I don’t think I’d ever forgive myself.”

Huh.

That’s unexpected.

“Evan?”

“Yeah, sorry, I’m here.”  There is another beat of silence.

“Sorry, if I overstepped.  I didn’t mean-”

“You didn’t.”  Buck says, definitively.  “I’ve just never really had anyone see it like that?”

“Like what?  What do you mean?”

“Like my reckless behaviour isn’t some sort of defect of my personality.  Like maybe, I was hurting, too."

[samwellwinchesterthebrave]

BuckTommyFluffebruary day 1: Nonsexual Intimacy

I'm participating in this fluff prompt challenge from @bucktommyfluffebruary because I love fluff and, of course, bucktommy.

The Comfort of Loving Hands

Read on ao3

Tommy turned his truck off and just sat in silence. His body ached and his heart hurt. It had been a rough shift, rough enough that he wasn't sure where he was going to find the energy to walk into his house. Well, his and Evan's house now. A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth for a second or two before exhaustion took over again. Even knowing Evan was waiting inside wasn't enough to get him moving. He sank forward until his forehead was resting on the steering wheel. His eyes closed and he thought he could just sleep here.

An unknowing time later, a quiet tapping at his window startled him. He turned his head slowly to see Evan smiling at him through the window. A touch of worry and sympathy filled his eyes.

“Hey, you feel ready to come inside yet?” Evan asked, his voice muffled by the window. “Lucy texted that there was a bad call near the end of your shift. I made soup, if you feel up to eating.”

Tommy groaned, levering himself back up. He scrubbed a hand over his face. A slight pain in the side of his neck warned him that, even though he could just sleep here, his body would regret it in the morning. Finally, Tommy nodded and managed to get himself out of the truck. Without a word, Evan folded him into his arms and just held him for a long moment. As he pressed a soft kiss to Tommy's temple, Tommy let some of the tension that tangled his muscles go.

“C'mon, sweetheart, let's get you inside,” Evan murmured, pressing another kiss to Tommy's temple. “Food and then I'll take more care of you.”

Tommy nodded, hiding the yawn that stretched his jaw against Evan's shoulder. They walked slowly into the house, Tommy letting a good portion of his weight rest on Evan. As soon as the scent hit him when they walked inside, he groaned in pleasure. The house was redolent with the savory scents of chicken and dumpling soup and fresh baked bread. They headed to the kitchen where slices of bread, a little dish of soft butter, and two steaming bowls of soup sat on the table. Glasses of water cold with condensation looked like the greatest treasure in the world. The back of Tommy's throat burned and the taste of smoke lingered. 

As soon as Tommy sat, he picked up the glass of water and drank like a man dying of thirst. The slick cold finally eased the burn and washed away the smoke. He finished the glass on a single breath, letting out a whooshing sigh as he set the glass down again. Evan took it and refilled it, setting it on the table as he stroked a hand over Tommy's shoulders.

“If and when you're ready to talk, I'm here,” Evan said as he settled into his own seat next to Tommy. “Until then, I hope you enjoy the soup.”

Tommy nodded, not trusting his voice yet. Sorrow mingled with a growing sense of wonder at the care Evan was showing him. Both conspired to make him unable to speak just yet. So he took a slice of bread, spread some butter on it, and dunked it into his soup. The first bite had him groaning again in appreciation. His stomach woke up and demanded more. For several minutes, he and Evan ate in silence. Every once in a while, Evan reached across and rubbed a hand over his shoulder or squeezed his thigh. Just keeping contact between them and letting him know he was there. Tommy’s heart swelled with love.

It wasn't until his bowl was almost empty that he found the strength to talk.

“We... we lost a lot of people today,” he started slowly, staring at the last couple dumplings floating in his bowl. “I don't know how much Lucy told you.”

“Just that there was a building collapse and it was bad,” Evan said, squeezing Tommy’s thigh again. “She said you were gonna be hit hard by it. And the text you sent me about your shift being almost over made me think you were having a hard time. It was distant. Like you were trying to focus on something else.”

“Yeah,” Tommy nodded, setting his spoon down to rub his hand over his face again. “I was trying not to fall apart. The collapse... I was hovering over the roof at the time. Saw a victim and another firefighter fall through the roof.”

“I'm so sorry, Tommy,” Evan said softly, scooting his chair a little closer to press his shoulder against Tommy's.

“That was the beginning of it,” Tommy continued, leaning into Evan's shoulder. He pushed his bowl away, unable to face eating more while memories played through his mind. “It was a four story apartment building. Fire spread quick. I'm sure there were some corners cut in construction. The smoke alarms didn't go off so people were trapped.”

Evan didn't say anything, just let Tommy talk. He knew, had been through similar calls. Evan had lost people before too. Evan knew sometimes all you needed was silence and closeness. When Tommy drew in a shaky breath, he draped an arm over Tommy’s shoulders and pulled him close.

“Ground ops was working frantically to try to get people out. A few managed to get out windows after the fire cut off the stairwells,” Tommy said, his voice starting to shake. He tangled his fingers together and squeezed his hands tightly. “I was coming back for the third time, going to pick up a burn victim. The first two trips were just getting people off the roof, so they were quick.”

“The third was when the collapse started?” Evan asked softly when Tommy stopped talking for several shaky breaths. He rubbed a hand over Tommy's back when tears started tracking down his cheeks.

“He was almost in the helicopter,” Tommy whispered, eyes closing as he remembered that moment. “Lucy was with me and she was reaching for him to help him up. I don't know who the other firefighter was. I couldn't spare too much time to look. Not with needing to control the hover.”

“We'll find out,” Evan promised. “I know it's important so we'll find out who they were.”

“It is and we will,” Tommy nodded. He opened his eyes to press a soft kiss to Evan's lips. “The victim too. I want to know his name. He deserves that.”

“Of course,” Evan replied. “Are you okay? You don't have to keep telling me about what happened if you're not okay.”

“I'm not okay but I think I need to get this out,” Tommy shook his head. A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth again. “It was quick, just like how the fire spread. One moment, the roof was mostly solid. The next, it was gone. I heard screams from both the firefighter and the victim as they disappeared. I could hear more rumbling and crashing as floor after floor followed. Then Lucy was yelling that we needed to go. She managed to close the door as a gout of flame roared up around the helicopter. Then I left. The captain radioed to have the helicopter head back to Harbor. There wasn't any more we could do.”

“Lucy texted me on the flight,” Evan murmured, kissing Tommy's temple again. “She told me you were gonna need me and that she was going to go get drunk when her shift ended.”

“Well, Lucy knows what she wants and doesn't hesitate to go for it,” Tommy chuckled. “I'm sure she's doing exactly that right now. But thank you, Evan, for listening. And for dinner. It all helped.”

“Of course, sweetheart,” Evan said, rubbing his hand over Tommy's back again. “I'm always here. Are you done eating? I have something else planned for you.”

Tommy nodded but picked up his glass to finish off his water. It helped wash away the phantom scent of smoke the memories brought back. As he drank, Evan bustled around the kitchen cleaning up. It didn't take long for the dishes to make their way to the dishwasher and for the soup and bread to be packed away. Then, taking Tommy's hand, Evan led him back through their bedroom and into the bathroom.

For a few moments, Tommy froze in the doorway as he took in the sight of the bathroom. The overhead light was off but the room was filled with a buttery golden light. Electric candles littered the counter and a few rested at the inner corners of the tub. A bottle of bath gel sat on the edge of the tub along with a bottle of shampoo and a wash cloth. Also, incongruously, a small coffee mug. Tommy's favorite robe hung on the hook next to the shower stall that usually held a towel. It was soft and fluffy, like being enveloped by a cloud.

“I thought you might need something to help relax you,” Evan said, squeezing Tommy's hand before letting go. He turned the water on in the tub, adjusting it until it steamed. Then he turned to Tommy and started undressing him. “C'mon, let me take care of you.”

Tommy let himself be nudged and turned, stepping out of his jeans and balancing with one hand on Evan's shoulder when asked. When Tommy was nude, Evan wrapped his hands around Tommy's hips and moved him towards the tub. Then he stripped quickly out of his own clothes. He stepped away from Tommy long enough to pour some of the bath gel into the water. The sharp, clean scent of lavender filled the room. Then he slid into the tub and tugged Tommy after him. 

Tommy went gratefully, settling back against Evan's chest. Their legs stretched out along the length of the tub. Once again, Tommy was grateful that when he'd remodeled the bathroom years ago, he'd splurged on the oversized tub. There was barely enough room for the two of them. But they fit. He let out a deep sigh as his head tipped back to settle on Evan's shoulder. When Evan leaned forward to shut the water off, he let out a small sound of discontent.

“Sorry, sweetheart, don't want to flood the room,” Evan murmured against Tommy's ear. He wrapped an arm around Tommy's waist and hugged him. “How's that?”

“ ‘s good,” Tommy whispered, closing his eyes. The warmth of the water was relaxing his muscles the rest of the way. Exhaustion tugged at him and he let his body sag against Evan's. 

“Good,” Evan replied. “I love you, you know.”

“I love you,” Tommy smiled without opening his eyes. He managed to lift one tired arm and patted the arm around his waist. “Thank you for this too. I appreciate it.”

Evan hummed in response. He pressed kisses along Tommy's temple and along the side of his head. As he did, his free arm rubbed over Tommy’s shoulder and arm. He massaged the side he could reach in long, slow strokes. A warm, golden silence grew between them as Tommy slowly relaxed against his chest. After a time, Evan switched arms, wrapping his free arm around Tommy’s waist and hugging him before releasing his other arm.

Using the same slow, liquid motions, Evan repeated the massage on Tommy’s other shoulder and arm. Through the careful way Evan stroked over his skin and the simple fact that he held him without letting him go, the memories receded enough to stop hurting as sharply. They became something he could face without feeling as if he’d failed completely. Yes, lives had been lost. Yes, some of those lives had been just inches from safety. But he’d done everything he could and he had saved people. The collapse wasn’t his fault nor were the lives lost. He had done everything he could. Now, in the shelter of Evan’s arms, he could let go of the guilt. Sadness and grief took its place but that was all right. Those weren’t new emotions. Nor was this the last time he would feel them. But now, he could feel the loss and, eventually, move on from it.

About the time his mind had worked through that chain of thought, Evan stopped massaging his shoulder and arm. After placing another kiss on top of his head, Evan leaned forward enough to grab the shampoo bottle. Tommy heard the top clicking open and a soft, slick sound as Evan presumably squeezed shampoo into his hand. Then, gentle but sure fingers were carding through his hair and scratching over his scalp. Tommy let out a moan as Evan tilted his head up a little to reach the back. A quiet chuckle answered the moan but neither broke the silence with words. Evan continued to massage his fingers through Tommy’s hair and against his scalp, working the shampoo in. Tommy let his head be moved as Evan wanted it, his eyes still closed. It was heavenly, putting himself completely into Evan’s hands, knowing that he could trust him with every part of himself.

The scent of the shampoo overwhelmed the last clinging scents of sweat and smoke. Of course, Tommy had showered at Harbor before leaving but it had been quick. More to wash the worst of the call off him so that he wouldn’t drag it into his truck. Now, with Evan’s careful ministrations, he was truly getting clean. Another moan rumbled in his throat as Evan’s nails scratched over the back of his head just above the nape of his neck. Then, his fingers pushed through his hair from the base of his skull all the way up over the curve of his head and to the edge of his hairline. Then, they spidered their way through the sides of Tommy’s hair before massaging behind the curve of Tommy’s ears.

“Okay, baby, tilt your head back so I can rinse the shampoo out,” Evan murmured. “Keep your eyes closed for me.”

There was a quiet clink against the tub then warm water was pouring over his head a moment later. It took Tommy a moment but then he realized it must be that coffee mug he’d seen earlier. Now its presence made sense. As more water flowed over his head, he smiled as Evan’s fingers combed through his hair. The warm water threatened to put him to sleep each time Evan poured it over his head. Finally, some time later, Evan put the mug back on the edge of the tub and pressed another kiss to the top of his head.

“Hey, you still awake, Tommy?” Evan asked, rubbing a hand over Tommy’s shoulder and down to his collarbone.

“Mmmm,” Tommy hummed in reply, feeling too comfortable to actually speak.

“Okay, next part,” Evan replied. “You can keep your eyes closed. Just let me move you, okay?”

“Mmmm,” Tommy hummed again.

He heard some indistinct movements though he couldn’t quite what they were. There was a rubbing sound, like cloth between hands. Then a soft, warm, fluffy weight tracked over his shoulders. He could smell more lavender and the sharp, clean scent was soothing. After several seconds, as the weight moved over both his shoulders and down one arm, he realized it was the wash cloth he’d seen earlier. Evan was washing his skin, cleansing the last lingering bits of the call that clung to him. Tears gathered in his eyes as Tommy moved his arm up when Evan nudged his elbow. None of his previous partners had ever done this for him. Most of the time, he was the one caring and pampering and spoiling. Though it wasn’t like his previous partners just ignored him. But it was never this level of care and love.

A tear leaked out of one eye and trickled slowly down his cheek. With one arm being slowly and gently washed and the other too tired to move, he didn’t wipe it away. It took a few seconds but Evan noticed the tear. One thumb wiped it away, lingering at the corner of Tommy’s eye for a few seconds. The thumb was replaced by Evan’s lips, the kiss lingering even longer.

“You okay?” Evan asked as he threaded his fingers through the fingers of the hand he was washing. “Do you want me to stop?”

“No, don’t stop,” Tommy shook his head, cracking his eyes open and meeting Evan’s gaze. “Please don’t.”

“All right. Can you tell me what you’re thinking?” Evan asked. He squeezed Tommy’s hand then let it go to rub the cloth back up his arm.

“It’s just... you. No one’s ever done something like this for me. No one but you,” Tommy said slowly, his voice catching. “Taken care of me like this.”

“I’m glad to do it,” Evan murmured, his expression impossibly soft and fond. He moved the cloth over the back of Tommy’s neck and down his other arm. “I want to show you how much I love you.”

“You do. I feel like my insides are too small to contain how much you make me feel,” Tommy admitted. “I love you so much.”

Evan smiled and kissed him. The kiss was soft and tender, lingering in the gentle brush of lips. It was as much a promise as a gesture of affection; the promise that they were here, together, and Evan wasn’t going anywhere. Neither was Tommy, for that matter. This was it. For both of them. As they kissed, Evan moved the cloth back up Tommy’s arm and down over his chest. The motion was as slow as the kiss, enjoying being present together. After several long heartbeats, Evan broke the kiss.

“Can you lean forward for me so I can wash your back?” Evan asked, pressing gently on the back of Tommy’s shoulders.

Instead of answering, Tommy leaned forward following the pressure of Evan’s fingers. He propped his elbows on his legs and rested his chin on his hands. Closing his eyes again as the cloth wiped slowly over his back, he luxuriated in the intimacy and love. And, as the cloth moved over his lower back and curled around one hip, he marveled at the fact that, while it could have turned more passionate, it didn’t. Passion between them could be quick, a match strike lighting both of them up. But that wasn’t what either wanted now. Not what they were both basking in at the moment.

After soft nudges and gentle prods from Evan convinced him that Tommy was settled in his position, Evan moved to sit on the edge of the tub. He lifted one of Tommy’s legs and swiped the cloth over it in long, smooth motions. When he was sure every inch of Tommy’s leg was cleaned, he switched to the other leg. It got the same treatment, held carefully in Evan’s hand so that Tommy didn’t feel unsteady. After his second leg was set back in the hot water, Evan nudged his legs apart so he could settle in between them, facing Tommy. Tommy leaned back against the back of the tub, giving Evan room.

“What are you doing now?” Tommy asked, opening his eyes.

“Well, all that’s left is the front of your neck and your face,” Evan said, waving the cloth as he spoke. Soapy bubbles burbled on the cloth. “Do you want me to do it or do you want to?”

“I trust you,” Tommy said simply. He smiled when Evan inhaled sharply, his eyes wide. Then he closed his eyes and tilted his face up a little.

After a couple silent seconds, the cloth touched the base of his throat. It moved up slowly over his neck, Evan’s fingers curling around the sides of his throat. Tommy swallowed automatically, tears prickling his eyes again. They weren’t laced with grief or sadness this time. Instead it was pure awe and love. The cloth moved up over his chin, Evan’s thumb slotting into the cleft for a moment like it belonged there. It slid to one cheek, sliding up and over his cheekbone before coming back down to his chin. Then it went to his other cheek, repeating the motion. After it came back to his chin, Evan moved the cloth ever so gently over his lips and up the point of his nose. It tickled, making him chuckle a bit. Evan repeated the motion, laughing with him when Tommy chuckled again.

“Didn’t think you’d be ticklish here,” Evan commented, letting his thumb trace Tommy’s bottom lip. “Or is it just the cloth?”

“The cloth, I think,” Tommy replied, kissing the pad of Evan’s thumb. “But it’s not too bad.”

“Good. Almost done.”

The cloth moved up the bridge of Tommy’s nose. It swiped to the sides, tracing the shape of his nose, before continuing up onto his forehead. Then, in a long, slow sweeps, it moved side to side over the width of his forehead. He could hear the soap bubbles popping on his skin. Finally, the cloth curled over his ears and behind. After that, he could hear the cloth being dunked in the water and squeezed out. Then, the cloth moved over his face again, clearing away all the soap bubbles. Once his face was clean, Evan used the cloth to wipe away the soap over the rest of his body. Then, the water shifted as Evan stood up and pulled the plug to let the water drain.

“Okay, Tommy, let’s get you up,” Evan said as he stepped out of the tub. He grabbed a towel that was sitting next to the candles on the counter and held it with one hand. The other, he extended towards Tommy.

“Yeah, yeah, give me a second,” Tommy replied, one corner of his mouth tilting up in a small smirk. “My boyfriend appears to have made all my muscles turn to jelly.”

Evan laughed and shook the towel enticingly at him while wiggling his fingers. After a long breath, Tommy took Evan’s hand and heaved himself to his feet. Water cascaded down his body and he didn’t miss the way Evan’s eyes traced the droplets. He smirked again as he squeezed Evan’s hand. Then he was stepping carefully out of the tub and pressing a kiss to Evan’s lips. The towel wrapped around him even as Evan kissed him back. They kissed for a honey-sweet eternity, Evan’s hand rubbing up and down Tommy’s back. 

Tommy could have stayed in that moment forever except his damp skin caused a chill to shiver up his spine. He could feel goosebumps prickling his arms. They broke the kiss and Evan shivered himself. They shared a smile and Evan toweled them both off with sure, quick motions. Then he grabbed Tommy’s robe and wrapped him in it. He tied the belt with a look of concentration on his face, as if Tommy’s comfort in this moment was the most important thing in the world. Tommy had to cup Evan’s face in his hands and kiss him about it.

“Thank you, again, for all this,” Tommy said when he broke the kiss. Though he stayed close enough that his breath feathered over Evan’s lips. “I don’t have the words for how thankful I am, baby.”

“Of course,” Evan replied, pressing another quick kiss to Tommy’s lips. “I know what it feels like to have a bad call. I know how bad it can get. Are you feeling better?”

“Yes,” Tommy nodded. “Still sad but it’s better. It’s not overwhelming.”

He started to say something else but a yawn stretched his mouth so wide that his jaw cracked. As soon as he closed his mouth, he yawned again. The energy that dinner had given him had sustained him through the bath. Now, it was all draining away. All he wanted to do was curl up with Evan in bed and fall asleep.

Which seemed to be what Evan had in mind as well.

With another chuckle, Evan took his hand and threaded their fingers together. He led the way out to the bedroom and pulled Tommy into the bed. They settled with Evan on his back and Tommy curled into his side with his head resting over Evan’s heart. He could hear the steady beat under his cheek. It sounded strong and sure, as if it would beat until the end of the world. Evan covered them both up and tangled their legs together under the blankets. 

“Go to sleep,” he murmured, pressing another kiss to Tommy’s forehead. “I’ve got you.”

“G’night, baby,” Tommy murmured, turning his head enough to lay a kiss over Evan’s heart. “Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

Those words followed Tommy into sleep, Evan’s arms wrapped around him and his heart beating under his cheek.

[ssevenfates]

Buck sat staring at the phone in his hand, a soft sigh leaving his lips. He kept stroking his thumb along the caller ID. The urge to call him was growing strong.

The familiar name stared back at him mockingly. He could still smell him on the pillowcase, taste him in every baked good, hear his laugh, and feel his touch. Buck would find himself reaching out every morning only to be greeted to an empty bed and a pain in his heart that hasn't gone away since the night Tommy walked away.

Buck wanted to believe that he could heal. That he could move on but he couldn't, all he wanted was—

Tommy.

—

Anger filled Tommy's veins. He looked at himself in the mirror. He gripped the edges of his sink and tried to compose himself. He couldn't get the look on Evan's face out of his head.

God, he looked so broken and confused.

Tommy let himself cry when he got home because nobody could hear the sound of his heartbreaking.

His phone buzzed on the counter of his bathroom sink. He glanced at it for a second before answering. He didn't expect much, but the voice that echoed made his heart stop a beat. The world came to a sudden halt for a moment.

"Buck?"

"Did you know that cupcake recipes might be delicious, but they're so frustrating? All the people who claim to have a perfect cupcake recipe are lying."

"Buck, did you call me just to rant about cupcakes? Because I really don't have the time—"

"I baked a cupcake today," There was a second of silence from Evan's side of the line. "I just sat there and stared at it, trying to figure out what went wrong with this cupcake. What did I do that made this cupcake broken? Why isn't it looking the way I want it to? The way I need it to."

"Buck—"

"Then I realised I was missing an ingredient. I kept going, hoping that this little cupcake would somehow become happier and in the end? It just collapsed, leaving me staring at it."

Tommy pressed his back against the wall and slid down it until he was sitting with his back to the wall and his knees to his chest. This wasn't just about the cupcake, and Tommy knew it.

"Jesus, Buck, do you hear yourself?" Tommy's voice cracked, fighting back tears. "You're getting all emotional over a cupcake, but it's not the cupcake you're mad at it."

"I should hate you for walking out on me."

"I know."

"Why can't I hate you, Tommy? Why is it so hard for me to hate you?"

"You know why."

There was a sniffle, Evan was crying. That made Tommy feel worse. He managed to stop himself from allowing a tear to fall.

"I want you to come home, Tommy," Evan was pleading with him. Tommy couldn't allow himself to be vulnerable, not right now. "I just want to know what it's like for you to hold me one last time."

"Ev-Buck, I can't."

"Why can't you? Why the hell can't you?"

"Because I'm messed up in the head. I'm a broken man, and you, you're so beautiful, kind, loving, and I don't deserve that. I don't deserve someone who would walk through fire for me. You need a normal life."

"I don't want normal, I want messed up with you." Buck cried. "Why do you think I've fought this long? Why do you think I didn't push you away when you kissed me for the first time? You even talked to a ghost despite not believing in it. You did it for me."

Tommy couldn't hold back the tears. He put a hand to his mouth to stop any audible sobs that might threaten to come out.

"You've been my entire world for six months, and now I'm supposed to what? Move on as if that didn't mean anything?"

"I don't know how to do this, Buck. I don't know how to allow myself to be wanted."

"Then let me show you," Buck added. "Because I love you so much that it hurts to breathe."

Tommy's breath hitched, "You love me?"

"I love you."

Evan loved Tommy.

Tommy was loved by Evan.

"Say it again."

"I love you, Tommy."

[blazinghotfoggynights]

This fandom is turning into a madhouse!

Why? 😢

What is all the arguing about? Why are fans taking sides in multiple standoffs. How are these wars starting?

What I have to say may not be well-received by some sides in the numerous boxing matches active in this fandom right now, but I'm going to say my piece. 🤷‍♀️ I am not responsible for white-hot rage, tears, or epiphanies that you don't want. So, proceed at your own risk. Or whatever.

Buddie vs BuckTommy

BuckTommy fans, Buddie fans were not seeing things. Those characters were written as being pulled into each other's orbits and it was more than platonic. It wasn't blatant, and it has been hinted it couldn't be due to the network. Even now, with Eddie and Buck being in relationships, and Eddie somehow being in multiple, they are still using Buddie to promote the show. If they are not going to happen, then why the use that to get ratings? That is the definition of baiting.

Buddie fans, BuckTommy is canon. They may not last or they may be endgame. We won't know until it happens. Why lose your mind over fictional characters that one man controls? It's simple. If you feel they played the Buddie card only to put Eddie in a mess of epic proportions and make Buck become Evan Buckley-Kinard, tune out and keep fanfic alive. Do you know how many fandoms have followed that process? If Tommy was brought back just as a plot device, then it's not much better than baiting.

You know what would be hilarious? Buck meets a third person, falls in love, and marries them.

It would shut both sides down if it was a woman. (I may have a petty streak and if I were in charge, I could see making it Taylor or Abby.)😈🤣(Maybe then the warring factions could call a truce over tears and beers.)

Tommy Kinard was not a good guy. That's not delusion. That's canon.

BuckTommy fans, the character of Tommy Kinard has done multiple problematic things, and the writers are not addressing any of it. Telling people to get over it is not cool. Being closeted or confused is no excuse for calling Chimney the delivery guy and Hen the b-word. He was actively and willingly participating is some of the worst forms of bullying someone can experience. He wasn't a teenager who was just trying to fit in. He was a grown man. No excuses for his behavior are acceptable and, in the real world, you would be hard-pressed to find his victims forgiving him. They would not be his friends.

I can see why women, especially black women and LGBTQ women, and non-white men, especially Asian men, would say they don't like how his past transgressions are being ignored. He was openly racist and misogynist. That is canon. Nothing was misunderstood or misinterpreted. Tommy was a d*ck.

If you watch how Lou is portraying Tommy, there are indications that what we saw in season 2 is a part of his personality. The lack of discussion about his past could be intentional because it may come up in the future.

How has no one noticed how he speaks to Buck sometimes? Maybe I am just older than most in the fandom and have experienced a lot more, but there are things about Tommy Kinard's behavior that don't seem very...nice. The way he speaks to Buck sometimes is like he is dismissing what he thinks or feels. Sometimes he seems to be speaking to Buck as if he is a child. I was offended on Buck's behalf.

The biggest CAUTION sign so far was when he admitted he is jealous of the 118. What? That doesn't even make sense! Think about it. Tommy went out of his way to make the 118 hostile toward anyone who wasn't a het white male. When Bobby took over and changed the culture, he brought respect and openness which cultivated the friendship, and eventual love, that created the family the 118 is now. Tommy could have easily come out to the team under Bobby, apologized, and began building the bridges he burned. But he did not.

Tommy chose his side but now he is jealous of the work Bobby put in to clean up Gerrard's mess? Could it be something else giving his jealousy life? Could Tommy be resentful that the exclusive, prejudice environment he happily embraced, and helped keep in place, under Gerrard disappeared and because an inclusive tight-knit family created from the outcasts?

That is a very real possibility and if that is the case, it says a lot about Tommy Kinard and could lead to an interesting arc in the remainder of season 7 and season 8.

Eddie Diaz is not a bad guy.

I think Eddie has been teetering on the edge for many seasons. TBH, I am surprised he has been as stable as he has for this long. That man is walking meatsuit full of trauma.

People who are mentally stable and have healthy coping skills do not join underground fighting rings, smash their bedrooms, or ask relative strangers to watch his child and move in. There have been many indications for multiple seasons that Eddie is not in a good place but keeping it together for the sake of his son.

I do not think Eddie is trying to hurt anyone at all. I think he is trying to claw his way out of some hell his mind has had him in for a long time.

That man needs to be taken to the nearest inpatient facility and admitted. (If you are thinking of making a negative comment stigmatizing mental health awareness or treatment, reconsider, choose not to, and move along. Mental health is just as important as physical.)

Eddie Diaz is in no condition to be in a relationship with anyone except a therapist right now.

Whether you want Buddie, Eddie/Marisol, or Eddie/Wife's Ghost, if you want to see anyone with this guy right now, I have to ask you if you are feeling okay.

Remember how Eddie's parents didn't want him dragging Christopher down with him? Right now, it looks like Eddie's carefully, barely held together existence is going to go boom. Anyone in the blast radius is in danger. The only dates Edmundo Diaz should be having is at least three times weekly and begin with a mental health professional asking him if he has something he wants to talk about.

Evan "Buck" Buckley is a grown ass man. Stop infantalizing him! They even do it on the show.

I can't be the only one who sometimes forgets that thick mountain of a man is not a young twenty-something just wandering out into the world.

He's in his thirties. He's been in therapy. He's grown. He has to do what all of us adults do: Make decisions, wait to find out what happens, and deal with the consequences.

Say it with me: Buck is not a baby.

No one who has any real knowledge is going to tell fandom what the future holds for the show.

Who doesn't get that?

There are unhinged fans on every side of every current fight.

If you are attacking actors, writers, producers, networks, or anyone else, I have to wonder if you should be in a room next to Eddie after someone who loves him takes him where he should go.

That type of behavior used to get you a room with soft walls and a free jacket that left you in a permahug.

You can make anything you want happen with the characters.

It's call fanfiction and AO3 is wonderful. If there is a great story that hasn't been told, get on Word, Docs, Libre, or whatever you have and start making it a reality!

Authors have major support and respect from the fans.

If writing isn't your thing, but you are great at prompts and don't mind authors taking your prompts and creating stories, find a way to share them!

There are positive ways to channel your eyerolls, frustration, anger, or whatever. Draw fanart. Write fic. Write ideas and throw them at those who draw fanart and write fanfic.

To the whole fandom: CHILL! PLEASE!

I don't want to watch another fandom I enjoy implode. I don't want to see other fandoms assume everyone in this fandom is in need of the soft room and permahug fashion I mentioned earlier.

Been there, done that.

At the end of the day, everyone needs to remember:

It's not real.