#I'm so lucky to have all my wonderful lovely online friends who i feel a genuine connection with

[moon7jay]

TEMPTATION (p.js)

best friend!jay x fem!reader

Warnings : non consensual, dubious consent, manipulation, smut, loads of masturbation, jay is a freak, anal sex, obsessive behavior, mentions of violence, Morally gray plot and characters obviously, read at your own risk. Not proofread, there might be some errors.

Wc : 8.6k

a/n : reblogs and feedbacks are appreciated so much, please, please don't hesitate to tell me your thoughts, it makes my entire day<3

Candid.

You were too candid for your own good.

Jay doesn't remember when it started to get this bad. you have always been someone who spoke their mind, but he never expected to be witnessing it first hand, and definitely not like this.

As he watches you deep throat the popsicle, your glossy lips wrapped around it so deliciously,the lustrous sheen reminiscent of morning dew on rose petals; he thinks he's in one of his wet dreams. The gloss you're wearing today is not the same as yesterday; they're both shades of dark red but Jay can tell the difference. How? Don't ask him. It's not like he spent most of his time staring at your lips or anything. He isn’t obsessive (he is). He most definitely doesn't look up the same glosses you wear online, or order them to use them for some ulterior motives. so yeah, don’t ask him why or how he can tell what the raspberry red on your lips tastes like.

Your twinkling eyes meet his, the ice pop coming out of your mouth with a loud squelch, and you smile.

"What do you think?" you ask, and Jay doesn't remember what you're asking, or what you were talking about before that pink popsicle came into the picture.

He stares at you dumbly, eyes transfixed on the allure of your saliva coated lips. Oh, he so badly wants to-

"Jay, are you even listening?" your voice interrupts the not so decent direction his thoughts were headed in.

"Huh?"

"I'm asking you, what do you think about my throat game?" your eyes shine, and Jay gulps.

This. This is exactly what he's been dealing with for the past few months.

You both have been best friends since sophomore year, and he understands that as people get closer, they start sharing all types of thoughts and secrets. Even the most intimate and inappropriate ones. Right?

Wrong.

Because jay doesn't remember sexual questions and indecency being a bonding activity among best friends. Sometimes he wonders, do you even consider him a man? Because what man is immune to these sinful thoughts, no matter how hard he tries? Were you really that unaware of the impact your words have on him or did you do it on purpose?

Jay just wasn't mentally prepared for this phase of your friendship. He blames it on his sex crazed brain.

"It-it's good" he mutters, praying that you don't notice the shakiness in his voice. or the reddening of his ears. or the sweat trickling down his neck. or the way he keeps the cushion tightly situated on his lap. Oh fuck it, there's no way you don't notice.

You giggle. You giggle, and the sound goes straight to his chubbing up cock.

"thought so, I've been practicing you know? Heeseung is so lucky, I don't even have a gag reflex" you excitedly brag about your sexual prowess, and Jay can't feel his legs. In fact, all his focus is zeroed in on one place, just like the blood rushing to his dick.

His fists clench at the familiar name and he grits his teeth to stop the throbbing in his jaw.

If Jay's life was a coming of age comedy, you were definitely the main character, and heeseung; even thinking of his name leaves a bad taste in jongseong's mouth, would be your potential love interest. Matter of fact, he seemed to be everyone's love interest.

Jay tho? He wasn't even a supporting character. You just kept him around.

You had pranced into his life in sophomore year, all wide smiles and bright eyes. When he had moved away from his home for college, he had accepted the fact that he would probably spend all of his college life alone.

Because, one, jongseong was awkward. And two, jongseong was awkward.

His awkwardness stemmed from having two friends for most of his life; they were the only two people he could talk to like a normal human being. So, when he left them behind, he left his ability to make proper conversations with them.

But you didn't need him to talk. Nope. You did all the talking for him.

He'd been minding his business, cramming up the notes for upcoming end sem exams , when the chair beside him had been pulled out and you had plopped on it in all your glory. He remembers that you had smelled like ripe cherries, and it didn't take long for jeongseong to get addicted to that fragrance.

Extrovert adopting an introvert, was the basic description of your friendship with him.

But he doesn't know where his obsession with you fits in the dynamic, doesn't know where his need to inject you in his veins stems from.

"Y-yeah, H-he's so fucking lucky" he admits, eyes shaking. He knows he sounds nervous and distressed, but if you notice, you don't mention it.

He watches as you smile proudly and go back to sucking on the popsicle, without a single care in the world. Your red tongue pokes out to lick along its length, before you start suckling on its tip.

oh, how he wishes he was that godforsaken popsicle.

It happens again on a leisure evening. Jay had rented out the movie you so desperately wanted to see, but somewhere in the middle, you got bored. Honestly,he should’ve sensed it coming; from the weary sighs leaving your lips, to the way you were reclined on the couch, it couldn’t have been more obvious.

"It's so hard being single I swear, my fingers don't do it for me and i am so fucking frustrated right now "

Jay thinks he has developed hearing impairment. If not that, then maybe brain damage, because he's sure he's making this all up in his head somehow. there's no way you're talking to him about masturbation right now. This has to be one of his lucid dreams, there's no way you're that comfortable around him.

oh but you are. Your eyes rest on his, curious, inquisitive, as if waiting for a response. But jongseong has lost his ability to formulate coherent sentences.

"Oh" he blurts.

that's it. That's all that he can come up with.

It's an essential mercy that you don't particularly seem to care for his response, just needing a signal to rant more.

"Yes. oh. and i swear Jay, sometimes I'll try to get my fingers in there, but it's so fucking tight and they only go half way in, it's so frus-"

Jay tunes the rest of the conversation out. His mind latches onto the word "Tight ". His throat becomes parched and his palms sweat profusely where they rest against his thighs. His eyes travel down your body, drinking you in. The moles on your collarbone are so fucking tempting, he wonders if someone has told you this before. The way your skirt pools around your thighs has him gasping for air, too much skin, his palms itch to grope.

He feels like a fucking creep, because the creases on your forehead and the heated movements of your hands as you emphasize your point, makes it clear that you are just rambling.

He's your best friend and you're sharing your issues with him, like normal friends do. except Jay is not normal. At least, not when it comes to you.

He knows that you've not had much experience, knows that you've never even been fucked good, and he can't stop his imagination from running wild as he pictures you under him right now. Right on the couch that you've got your pretty ass seated on.

He wonders what your cute moans sound like, wonders if you're a screamer, or do you like to deep throat on fingers to keep your voice down. Wonders what your face looks like when you're cumming. Wonders if your nails will scratch his back red while he stuffs you full of his cum, or will you beg him to pull out.

he shouldn't be having these thoughts and yet, he just can't help it.

"What about you?" you ask, disrupting his inner monologue.

"Me?" he falters, shifting a little, sneakily adjusting his aching length.

"Yeah, are you getting some? or do you just jerk off like other losers? " There's a teasing glint in your eyes as you ask him the most intimate question one can ask someone.

Jay chokes on his own saliva. Thankfully, before he can muster up the courage to stutter an embarrassing attempt of an answer, your phone rings and you're making your way out of his house. A family emergency, you tell him, and Jay can't even bring himself to ask you about it, his mind too preoccupied with the conversation you both just had.

What would you have said if he had told you about all the girls that he fucks, imagining that they were you? Would you have been disgusted, or would it turn you on?

or about all the nights he spends wanking off to your most innocent pictures on his phone; would you think he's creepy, or would you ask him to show you how?

He can't help slipping his hands inside his pants once you're gone, can't help the pathetic moans that fall from his lips while he imagines how 'tight ' you must be. Fuck. Would you clamp around his throbbing length? would your cute little pussy suck him right in?

His movements get faster, more desperate, palms getting slick with how much precum he's leaking as he jerks himself off to the thoughts of your cunt. He flicks his wrist, the friction of his rough palm against his sensitive dick driving him insane.

He needs it, he needs you.

His grasp on his leaking cock becomes firm; tighter, wetter, softer, your thoughts send him right over the edge just in a few more dreamy strokes. The act of cumming inside his boxers is so fucking filthy, the wet spot forming on the front of his pants being a testament to his perverted desires.

"fuck, fuck baby" he groans, gulping harshly while he comes down from his high, his cum covering his palms and thighs , some of it splattering onto his stomach.

God, if only you could see him right now. If only you knew what a mess you make of him.

You're drunk.

He can see it in the way you're starting to slur your words, the sentences no longer making any sense. Your eyes are glassy and droopy, almost on the verge of passing out. He should stop you. He should snatch the bottle away from your wobbly hands and yet.

He doesn't.

Maybe if he was a better man, he would have, but jay is not that man.

Jay watches you take another swing and anticipation builds up in his chest. You're unaware, blinded to the fact that he came here with a purpose tonight; multiple bottles of rum, the particular brand that gets you groggy in a few sips, the game cards, the setting, everything was planned.

When you told him that your roommate was gone for the night, he saw the perfect opportunity to set his sick scheme into motion. And like the naive little girl that you were, you didn't even question him about his odd idea of getting drunk on a weekday, or why you were the only one getting drunk while his glass sat untouched between you both.

Your head lulls to the side ,and within a few seconds, you plop onto your back, mumbling a few intangible words, spread out on your bed like a fucking feast.

Jay inhales harshly, his tongue flicking out to lick over his dry lips. He looks around frantically, as if someone can see what he's about to do. As if someone can peek into his sick and twisted mind. There's no one here though, and his patience is running thin.

Jay crawls over your limp body, his dark eyes devouring you, memorizing every feature up close. Your hairs are splayed around your head like a halo, some strands falling onto your forehead. your lashes flutter slightly, still in between the phase of being passed out and somewhat awake. Your luscious lips keep mumbling words that he's sure even you don't understand. there's a red flush on the apple of your cheeks, enhancing the contours of your face, and Jay just wants to take a bite.

His hungry eyes travel lower,drinking your beauty in like a famished man, watching in rampant awe at how your chest rises and falls, your tank top giving him an eyeful of your soft cleavage. well damn.

His throat bobs, taking in the way your tank top rides up your stomach, exposing your entire midriff to his lustful eyes. You're so, so innocent like this, so naive. How could you trust him so easily? He was a man, it didn't matter that he was your best friend,he was a man regardless.

you really have zero survival instincts.

But Jay is glad that it's him and not someone else. Jay would never harm you, Jay would never do anything wrong to you. He just wants to love you.

His hand moves instinctively, and he's groping your soft thighs, eyes flickering up instantly to watch you with a bated breath. When you don't show any signs of waking up, his movements get harsher, his hold sliding up,grabbing a handful of your ass. A groan falls from his lips at the feeling of your soft skin against his rough palms, his dick hardening inside his pants. Your shorts are too thin to leave anything to the imagination.

Before he knows, his hands are roaming and exploring your curves freely, caressing every inch of your naked skin that he can find. God you're so soft, so fucking soft. He doesn't overdo it tho, doesn't grab you as harshly as he wants to, aware that he can't leave any marks. He leans down and bites on your lower lip inadvertently, eyes closing in delight when your taste overwhelms his senses. You're sweeter than he imagined, and he automatically presses further into you. He moves his lips, tries to kiss you, but your lack of reciprocation irks him to no end. Fueled by his desperation to taste you, his hand comes up and he's cupping your plushy cheeks, making your mouth pucker up like a fish, the little peek of your red tongue from inside drives him up the fucking wall. Without thinking, he dives in, his tongue meeting yours, licking into your hot mouth messily, slurping in your saliva like a freak.

It's too much, the feeling of your body so close, your taste, the fact that this was wrong on so many levels, it all just added up to his arousal.

He trails his lips downwards,kissing and licking every inch of your tempting flesh.

As if a switch is flipped inside his head, Jay pulls back hurriedly and unzips his pants. his hands shake on the zipper, high from the adrenaline coursing through his veins. His dick throbs against his boxers, begging for some sweet relief. His breathing is deep, the fact that he is finally about to act on his perverse fantasies hitting him hard. As he pulls his leaking dick out of the confines of his boxers, shoving them unceremoniously down to his knees, he leans back over your figure again, supporting himself with one palm resting beside your head.

He hisses painfully through his teeth, the feeling of his palm wrapping around his cock being too much.

Jay wants to see your pussy, god, he wants to taste it, he wants to fuck it till you're screaming, but not yet. He knows his limits. He knows that once he gets a peek of the treasure you hide between your legs, he might not be able to stop himself from pounding your limp body into the sheets; and so he controls the itching in his loins, resists the temptation. That can wait for another day. Right now though, he just wants to cum.

He pulls down your tank top impatiently, exposing your bra clad tits to his starving eyes. Lace, of course you wear lace.

"fucking slut" he grunts. Fuck, the way your boobs spill out of the cups, your nipples peeking through the sheer fabric makes his dick twitch. Without further ado, He wraps his palm around himself and starts stroking.

"fuck baby, look at what you do to me" he groans, leaning down to kiss your plump cheek, nuzzling his nose into your warm flesh.

His bottom lips is tucked between his teeth, his grip tightening around his leaking shaft, moving his rough palm up and down languidly. As much as he wants to take his time enjoying your body, he knows he can't take a risk. On top of that, he's too pent up to be able to drag this out, he can already feel the familiar tingling in the pit of his stomach. Too good,everything feels too good.

He whines as his thumb rubs over his engorged tip, the pleasure driving him insane.

"are you tight baby? fuck, I bet you're so fucking tight, would make my dick feel so good won't you?" He gasps into your skin, brows furrowing as his movements become harsher, faster. His abs flex and his hips jerk forward into his tight fist, imagining it's your pussy that he's fucking into.

“god it feels so good to finally fuck my fist” he pants, his warm breath fanning your flushed face.

His thighs tremble and he leans his body into yours, pressing himself flush against your unsuspecting figure. He slots his throbbing cock between your plush thighs and starts humping against you eagerly. He just can't help it. It's all your fucking fault.

"Mhmm, baby, baby, fuck you feel so good" He whimpers, fingers digging into the fat of your waist, nose buried inside the crook of your neck, breathing you in. You smell so fucking intoxicating, and he feels his sanity slipping away. God, how he wishes he could thrust inside of your wet heat right now. How he wishes he could jerk his cock off using your tight little cunt.

Its getting wet and messy, the squelching sounds coming from his cock moving back and forth against your flesh are downright filthy.

A strained moan slips from his throat and the knot in his stomach tightens. He's so fucking close.

Jay gathers a copious amount of saliva in his mouth and spits in his hand, rubbing it all over his dick, lubricating it for more pleasure, flicking his wrist faster.

"wish I was inside you right now, look how hard you make me baby, gonna cum so much f’ you-mhmnp-fuck-fuck" His whines become louder, groans get breathier, indicating the approach of an impending orgasm.

The heat inside his loins becomes unbearable and he needs contact. Direly.

Naked skin, soft flesh rubbing against his sweaty body while he jerks himself off, that’s exactly what he craves. He lets go of his cock momentarily and strips his shirt off, throwing it aimlessly across your room. He pants while he slides your bra down your chest, letting your boobs spill out in the open. The sight so lewd, he could come from this alone.

His pupils dilate, sweat trickling down his neck in effort and desire. he leans forward and presses his nipples against yours, hissing harshly, gasping in pleasure at feeling his naked chest rubbing against yours. Is this what sex with you would feel like? Sweaty bodies rutting against one another, chasing carnal pleasure?

Jay pants, and starts to jerk off furiously, wanking his dick like a mad man, palm moving back and forth while he thrusts his tongue inside your open mouth again. A groan escapes his lips, it really does feel like he is fucking you.

"God I wish you could see me right now baby, using your body for my pleasure, just like it's supposed to be" He grunts into your mouth, coating your lips with his saliva.

His hand picks up speed, he's so fucking close, his hips jerk into his own touch, chasing that friction like an animal in heat.

"God yeah, oh fuck yeah baby, gonna cum so hard for you" He groans, squeezing his eyes shut while he spurts long strings of cum onto your naked skin, hot pants fall from his mouth into yours. He squeezes his dick, tugging at it a few more times, cumming so much that it doesn't seem to stop.

"oh fuckk yeahhh, just like that" he moans, rolling over and falling onto his back beside you, rubbing his dick raw. He pumps himself shallowly, milking himself for all that he's worth, his breathing getting slower, sighs of contentment falling from his lips.

Fuck. That was so good.

He looks over at your mess of a body and quickly gets into action, getting dressed haphazardly and adjusting your clothes while he tries his best to clean every drop of cum from your skin and clothes.

The next morning when you whine about a headache, he pretends to be worried, and when you hiss in pain, telling him that there's a painful redness in your inner thighs, he tells you that it might be from your sheets rubbing against your soft skin, and that you should probably buy new ones.

If his dick twitches as he remembers rutting in between your flesh like an animal in heat, that's between him and God

Jay is thoroughly convinced that he's losing his goddamn mind.

With each passing moment, He can feel himself descending into madness.

Nothing feels good, nothing feels worth it, time thoroughly stops if he's not constantly touching you or moping around you.

After that night, he did not get another opportunity to have you alone, and it was promptly causing havoc in his brain. It was fucking him up from the inside.

He wonders if you notice the lack of proximity between your bodies every time you both hang out together lately. But if you do notice the small lingering touches he leaves on your skin here and there, you don't mention it.

"fuck, j-just shut the fuck up" he growls, pushing the woman's head further into the pillows while he continues to plow her from behind.

Ever since he got a taste of you, Jay has found it harder and harder to find pleasure in anything or anyone else. He fucks and fucks but deep down, he knows that no pussy can ever feel like yours.

The cunt wrapped around him is warm and wet, it feels good, making hot pleasure run across his abdomen, but every time he feels his high approaching, the glaring realization that this isn't you underneath him, hits him hard. Fuck.

Jay grits his teeth and closes his eyes, remembering the taste of your soft lips on his, reminiscing the addicting feel of your nipples pressing into his hard chest; his hips pick up pace. He's fucking the woman underneath him brutally, her screams echo in the entire room, her body flailing to get out of his grasp; but Jay can't seem to stop.

"G-gah God just-take it" He groans, hissing in relief when the knot in his stomach snaps, his hips plowing at an animalistic pace, riding his high against the warm pussy in which he's buried.

"fuck fuck fuck" He chants, sighing in hot pleasure, eventually loosening his grip on the slut's body. As soon as he does tho, she pushes him off of herself, turning to him with tears streaming down her red face.

"You're a fucking animal you know?" She spits, sniffing and sobbing as she limps to her feet, his cum running down one of her legs. She collects her clothes and throws a dirty look over her shoulder towards him before she leaves.

Jay scoffs and runs an exasperated hand over his sweaty face. Refusing to acknowledge the elephant in the room. All that talk and she didn’t even satisfy his dick.

What the fuck is happening to him? This type of aggression isn't typical of him and yet, he can't seem to control his emotions in the heat of the moment.

Before he can get immersed too deep into his self reflection, his phone rings, your face glowing like an angel on his lock screen.

You. The bane of his existence.

His dick twitches as he swipes right.

"Jongieee" you squeal, going on a tangent about your eye contact with heeseung across the hallway. The visible vein in jay's forehead throbs, as if all the blood's being pumped through that one particular artery in order to give him the strength to cope.

He's going to fuck heeseung's pretty face up. The rage that fills him up at the thought of another man touching you is insurmountable. It wasn't always like this. But somewhere in the middle of your budding friendship, the dynamic shifted drastically.

At first it was a stupid crush, he thought he was in love with you. But he isn't so sure now. This isn't love, no. This is beyond love. A vile, dark version of it. This is an obscene obsession. Jay is fucking obsessed with you. The need to attain you weighs heavy on his conscience.

As he hears your voice, he focuses on the sweet melody and drowns out the words. This makes the throbbing in his dick return ten fold.

He wraps a shaky hand around his slick shaft and starts to stroke it. Real nice and slow. Just how he likes it. Just like he knows your small hands will do to him.

He bites on his lower lip to prevent any sounds from escaping, and he continues to jerk off to your voice. The veins running along his cock throb in his tight grip, the swollen tip squirting precum onto his moving palm.

"Hmm yeah? Tell me more" he whispers, hoping that you don't notice how breathy his voice sounds, or how pure lust drips from his panting breaths.

The slick squelchy sounds from his palm moving up and down his leaking length echo loudly in the room. A part of him wishes that you catch him in this filthy act, relishing in the surprised and scandalized gasp that would leave your lips when you realize what he is doing.

Fuck.

His hand picks up pace, his second orgasm getting closer and closer the more that your sweet voice rings in his ears.

"Jay?" you ask, obviously confused as to why he hasn't said a single thing yet.

Jay, on the other hand, mutes his side of the mic and groans loudly.

"fuck yeah baby, say my name" He whimpers, his hips thrusting up into his tight fist.

He's jerking himself furiously now, closer, closer, he can taste the sweet release at the tip of his tongue,

"Yeah, shit y/n, make me fucking cum" his mewl fades into a high pitched moan as he shoots thick strands of cum after cum into his own fist, watching with hooded eyes , how it spurts everywhere, his abs contracting at the immense force.

God you drive him batshit crazy.

He hangs up on you, ignoring your voice calling out to him, not trusting his own voice enough to talk to you like a normal person, right after he wanked off to you like a perverted freak.

He shoots a quick message to you in explanation tho, getting his cum all over his screen in the process.

"can't hear you, network issue I think. Call u later?"

Later when Jay lets the hot water of the shower run all over his spent body, his mind drifts off to you and the events of the last few months.

He needs to fuck this madness out of his system, he decides.

Maybe once he gets his dick inside of you, he might be able to get you out of his mind.

You look beautiful.

You always look beautiful, but something about the way that tight little red dress hugs your curves tonight has every man in the room salivating. You're like a piece of meat that's dangling in front of a pack of hungry wolves. And Jay is sure that he's the hungriest of them all.

When you had called him that afternoon, your voice sweet and pleading, begging him to accompany you to yeonjun's party, he didn't know what it would entail.

"Please, please come with me Jay, you know it's my best chance at getting heeseung to notice me" your words had been whiny, travelling straight between his legs.

He had clenched his jaw and hummed in response, not having it in him to refuse your offer. As much as it enraged him that you would take another man's name when he was right there, he also knew that his time would come.

"I love youuu, you're the best" you had squealed, making his heart do weird flips inside his chest. Yeah, he was the best. And he was going to make sure that you knew it too by the end of the night.

He's sure he's drooling, eyes tethered to the way you grind your hips on the dance floor.

It's sexy, you're so fucking sexy. Your lips are stretched into a small smile, as if you know that all eyes are feasting on you. He loves how you thrive in it, loves how you're eating up all the attention.

What he doesn't appreciate tho, is the sight of heeseung's figure making his way towards you on the dance floor. Jay's body works faster than his brain, his nostrils flaring as he makes his way towards heeseung, red hot rage propelling him forward.

Sweat trickles down the valley of your breasts and the air feels stuffy. You need a drink. Right now.

You're mildly disappointed when you don't find heeseung anywhere in sight, all that show that you put on, and for nothing?

You sigh dramatically and make your way to the kitchen, recognizing jay's hunched over figure in the corner, doing God knows what.

"Jay? " you call out to him. His figure freezes upon hearing your voice, he turns his head to meet your eyes and shoves his hand inside his pocket without a second's delay. His behavior makes you furrow your brows "what?" you ask him incredulously. Why was he behaving like a child who'd been caught sneaking where he shouldn't be sneaking.

He shrugs his shoulders and turns fully to face your approaching form.

Jay knows that he's staring, but he just can't help it. Not tonight.

You pick up the drink from the counter and swirl it, looking around the kitchen, scrunching up your nose adorably at the intense make out session near the sink.

Jay follows your line of vision and almost groans. Did you have any idea, how badly he wanted to recreate that scene with you.

"Where's heeseung?" you question, your curious eyes looking back at him.

Jay hopes you don't notice the way his jaw immediately locks up, his mood dampening at another man’s name. Jay likes you best when you’re calling his name, he decides.

"He left" He quips, reaching for a drink with his free hand that isn't buried inside his pocket in a meticulous manner.

You look at him heatedly, and Jay sighs.

"He left, or you made him?" your voice is angry, irritated when you ask him that, and Jay feels his own anger flare up at your tone.

Not wanting to cause a scene, he grabs your hand and drags you inside the bathroom instead, grateful when you don't resist.

The way you free your wrist from his grasp to create some distance between you two, is what he doesn't like.

"What did you do?" You demand, folding your hands across your chest, pushing your boobs up in the process. Jay's eyes flicker down to your beauties and the heat in his head travels all the way down to his groin. He needs to have you, now.

You watch in horror as Jay retrieves his hand from the pocket of his pants. The cuts and bruises all over his knuckles make you gasp. Your hands fall to your sides and you look up into his eyes disbelievingly.

"I-w-why? Jay? What the fuck is wrong with you?" you ask, disbelief and anger making way for concern.

"You! you are what's fucking wrong with me!" Jay bellows and it makes you flinch, terror filling up your viens , because this isn't your Jay. Your Jay was calm, and so, so quiet.

Raging eyes look into yours as he stalks towards you. You don't see it coming when he cups your cheek in his hands and thrusts his tongue inside your mouth. Your hands come up to bang against his chest but it only propels him to pull you further into his chest. Fuck, it feels so fucking good when you move against him.

You whine while his tongue tastes your hot mouth hungrily, forcing it deep inside the crevices of your cavity.

Mustering up all the strength that's left in your body, you push him away, heaving heavy breaths as he stumbles back by a few steps.

Your watery eyes look at him in horror and disbelief, refusing to believe that your best friend just forced himself upon you.

"You're insane" you whisper, your voice hauntingly quiet.

He pulls your body closer to himself and kisses you again, diving into your taste desperately "for you, so fucking crazy for you" he murmurs between kisses, continuing to make out with you, making a mess at how forcefully he sucks your tongue into his mouth.

You hit against his chest, thrashing your body in his hold. He pulls back a little and rests his forehead against yours, his eyes are crazed as they look into yours. A string of saliva connects your mouth to his famished one.

"Let me fuck you" He pants.

His words hit you like a slap across the face. What the fuck.

Your head feels dizzy, too much was happening for you to process. Using all the force you could, you push him away from you again.

"Stop acting like this jay!" you cry, just wanting your best friend back. But from the looks of it, he's nowhere in sight.

No, no, no. This can't be happening to you

"Come on, you know you want this" Jay hisses, malice dripping from his eyes.

Your lips wobble and you can do nothing but shake your head, it lolls on your neck lifelessly. You want to say something, but words feel foreign, as if not knowing how to bend your tongue to make the syllables sound quite right.

The bathroom is a tight space, not much expanse for you to run or hide. You see the door from your peripheral and it gives you some hope. If you can get the door to open up in time, you can scream. Maybe someone might hear you through the bass boosted music thrumming in the house.

You stumble back a few more steps but before you can stretch your hand towards the bathroom door, he pounces on you, a sharp whoosh leaving your mouth as your back thumps against the wall behind. He buries his nose inside the crook of your neck, gliding it's slope across the expanse of your soft skin, humming in desire.

His hands run all over your body, cupping your boobs through your dress, making you mewl as he twists your nipples painfully.

"it's about time we had sex baby" he whispers in your ear, biting and nibbling on your earlobe sensually.

"J-jay p-please think about this" you plead, your voice small and frightened, tremors covering your entire figure when he starts to unbuckle his jeans impatiently.

"Think? Oh sweetheart, you have no idea how much I've thought about this do you? " His eyes stay on yours, maintaining eye contact while his fingers unzip his pants. Jay had forgone boxers, too impatient to take his time undressing. His sole purpose was to get his dick inside your stomach tonight.

"This is all I've been thinking about for the past year baby, your cute little cunt is all i fucking think about" He grits.

His dick plops out of his pants, hitting his abdomen, smearing a blob of precum on his happy trail. Your eyes widen and water further, little sobs start to wrack your body. Your eyes take in the view of his uncut cock, curving upwards in sexual need.

"Too big?” he asks, tone mocking your deer caught in the headlights expression, his body presses closer to yours while he works to slide your tight little dress up your thighs, exposing your panty clad pussy to his eyes , fuck yeah.

“I'll make it fit" he groans, running his fingers over your vulva, pinching your clit in the process. You sob and start flailing in his hold, your fists coming up to hit against his chest.

"Jay please, please,no" your voice shakes urgently when he tears your sheer panties apart in pieces, his tongue coming out to lick over his dry lips.his eyes are wide and unseeing, they terrify you.

"Fuck, this pussy has been driving me fucking crazy" he pants, taking a hold of his dick and running it's bulbous head along your slit, coating it in his precum. His eyes come up to momentarily look in your terrified ones and he bites his lower lip, gaze famished and hungry, drinking up all your reactions.

He pops his head in between your silky folds and his knees buckle at the delicious feeling, his free hand coming up to rest against the wall behind you, as he cages you against it.

"fuck, you're tight, gonna have a field day forcing myself inside" he tuts, amused.

His words make you sob, an inexplicable heat spreading across your pelvis when he bullies more of his throbbing shaft inside, satisfied moans leaving his mouth in stuttering gasps.

He wraps your leg around his waist and without warning, buries himself inside your cunt in one harsh thrust, doubling over in pleasure.

"Oh fuck yeah baby, shit" He growls, resting his forehead against yours, his hot breaths falling on your wet cheeks.

You wail and scream but Jay doesn't stop moving, your small fists do nothing to deter his movements, his hips starting to pick up pace instead. His brows furrow in pleasure and he moans into your mouth, urging you to cry more as his cock pumps deep inside your guts.

"Tight little slut, this is what you fucking wanted didn't you? Fucking cock tease" he hisses, throwing his head back in extreme ecstasy, pounding his hips rapidly into yours. The feeling of your nails scratching the skin of his neck makes him groan in pleasure.

"Yeah baby, you wanna fight? let's fucking fight like this" He whispers silkily, grabbing your ass in his big palms, groping your soft flesh painfully, digging his own nails into it.

"h-hurts so much Jay, stop please, p-please" you sob, tears blurring your vision, the stretch from his cock being too much for your tiny little pussy. The way your nails dig into his shoulders, you're sure that if he was naked, you would break his skin.

Jay scoffs and presses your body further into the wall, snapping his hips faster into yours, fucking desperately into your wet, hot cunt.

"Yeah? But your cunt is sucking me in baby, looks like you like what we're doing"

You throw your head back at his words, unable to stop your hips from gyrating against his thrusts. Pleasure was starting to cloud your mind.

"fucking finally, feels so good to be buried in this pussy, should have forced myself in it a long time ago" He pants, taking your lower lip in his mouth while he increases the intensity of his rut. You moan into his mouth when he digs his teeth in your plump flesh, his actions barbaric.

The squelching sounds start filling up the small cubicle, the filthiness of the whole act only working to fuel your desire more.

Before you can get submerged in pleasure tho, Jay pulls out of you with an embarrassing ‘plop’ and forces you to your knees instead; ignoring how you hiss in pain at the feeling of the rough tiles scraping against your bare knees.

He penetrates your mouth with his cock and starts fucking, plowing it like it's your cunt, moaning and groaning in pure pleasure.

You dig your nails into his thighs but he ignores your pleas to breathe, pushing your head further against the wall instead. He digs his fingers in your hairs and grinds his hips into your plump mouth, his dick hitting the back of your throat mercilessly.

"God yeah, just like that, jerked off so much to you baby, suck my dick like you fucking mean it" His whiny voice travels straight between your legs and you moan. The vibrations of your throat make his dick twitch inside your mouth and he pulls out with a groan.

He rubs his cock head against your lips and buries himself to the hilt inside your throat again, pressing your nose against his pubes while his cum filled balls slap against your chin.

The lack of gagging makes him chuckle in disbelief “no fucking gag reflex, god your throat is just like a fucking cunt”.you mewl and rub your thighs together at his words.

"Fucking hell, should have done this before, we could have been fucking so much" he grouches, kneeling down and forcing your body onto the floor. It's a tight fit, but jay doesn't seem to care. He folds your body in half and thrusts inside your pussy again. His movements are so impatient and hurried, you aren't used to being desired this way.

"mhmnm yeah, pussy feels so good" He growls, his hold tightening further around your legs that rest against his shoulders and he starts to rut into your tight heat again. This time it's more desperate, downright filthy. He's panting on your face, letting a string of saliva drip from his mouth into yours when he sees your mouth open in a silent scream. You choke on it and he laughs, condescending, hissing through gritted teeth.

"Get used to this baby, we're gonna be fucking so much after tonight, gonna keep my cock buried in your fuck hole" he groans, bullying his cock into your hole over and over again.

You wrap your arms around his neck and start grinding into him, staring back into his eyes to let him know that you want this.

His eyes widen upon feeling your hips thrusting upwards, humping his cock, hot pleasure running down his spine.

"Yeah baby? fuck, you like this? fucking slut, you did all of that on purpose didn't you? wanted to drive me fucking crazy for this pussy?"

You nod in pleasure, all rational thoughts leaving your mind. All you know is, that his dick feels a little too good when it rams against your cervix.

You are close, way too close, your body convulsing in carnal lust as your orgasm washes over you all of a sudden.

Moan after moan of his name falling from your red bitten lips.

He laughs as he feels your cum trickle down his thighs, drenching his balls in your juices.

"fucking slut" He moans, throwing his head back as he enjoys the clenching of your throbbing cunt on his leaking shaft.

He feels himself close to his high, but he doesn't want this to end. Not yet.

Jay pulls out and rests his back against the wall, patting his thigh for your spent figure as you lie on the floor.

"Come sit on it " He breaths, his voice strained due to how much effort it takes for him to not start jerking off to the sight of your sticky cum running between your pussy lips.

So fucking hot. He wants to obliterate your pussy.

He watches with hooded eyes as you get up on your knees and crawl towards him, eyes trailing down to his hard dick. Jay groans at your hungry gaze, fuck yeah. You want him. You want his dick.

This singular thought forces him to wrap his palm around his leaking prick. Your eyes widen and a small mewl escapes your lips as you watch him stroke his length slowly, wet sounds resonating between the space between your hot bodies.

Jay bites on his lower lip and starts to stroke faster "yeah you like this? This is how I jerked off to your thoughts baby, rubbed my dick raw every night, imagining it was your pussy instead of my fucking hand" He pants, cupping his balls with his other hand, the double stimulation driving him insane.

The sight in front of you is so lewd, it makes your pussy drip. The way his pants are not all the way off, resting against his ankles, hanging on him unceremoniously is so hot, your cunt clenches around nothing.

Without a single thought, you close the gap between your bodies, straddling his lap while you maintain a hungry eye contact with him. He looks famished as he watches you replace his palms with yours, tugging on his throbbing cock a few more times before you guide it to your wet hole.

"Yeah baby put it in, come on, put my dick inside" He groans, his hands coming up to wrap around your waist, pulling you down onto his length impatiently. You both let out gasps of pleasure when his dick slips inside, buried in you balls deep.

"f-fuck" you moan and he hums, throwing his head back in pleasure. The itch in your pussy starts to intensify and your hips start moving on their own, looking a way to satisfy it.

"Yeah, ride it, ride it like you fucking want it" he moans, thrusting up into your hole. You gasp and hold onto his shoulders, slamming yourself up and down on his shaft. The sex feels too good. So hot and so messy. It makes you wonder why you were resisting it in the first place.

Your hot, sweaty bodies rutt against one another desperately, feeling your highs approaching at a rapid pace.

"Bounce on it baby, come on, make me cum, wanna fill this pussy up" He pants, digging his nails into your thighs as he begins thrusting up at a rapid pace. You squeal at the sudden action but bury your face inside the crook of his neck in pleasure. Too good. Fuck it's starting to get too hot.

Desperate gasps escape his lips when your cunt starts clenching around him again, he's close, so close. Fuck yeah. He can’t believe he is finally gonna cum in your cunt, and just the thought of it was enough to make the knot in his stomach snap.

"Just like that, oh yeah, oh fuckkkkkk" he growls, humping upwards as he holds your body down and squirts his cum into your womb, thrusting rapidly into your swollen pussy, making you cum again.

You moan and whine when he doesn't stop moving, his hips pick up pace without break and your head gets dizzy. The over-stimulation getting to your head.

"can't stop fucking, let's do it again yeah? let me pound this cunt again I'm so fucking hard"

Before you can protest, he is flipping you around, pressing your body against the bathroom floor, your boobs squished against the cold tiles. The tiles were so dirty, probably because of the number of couples before you both, who couldn't wait to get down and dirty. You wonder, how many people fucked in this cubicle before you, and your back arches on its own. You feel his body mounting you and he envelops your sweaty body with his meaty arms.

You gasp upon feeling his thumb prodding at your asshole, dipping in and out experimentally.

"Jay not there please please I've never-" your begging gets cut off with a shrill scream as his entire head bullies inside your sphincter.

Jay's eyes roll back in pleasure and he moans, the sound so pornographic that it makes hot lust run through your womb.

"fucking hell baby, it's tighter than your pussy, gonna fuck it so hard"

Your legs flail but Jay doesn’t stop dicking you down, he thrusts his entire length inside your virgin hole and groans in ecstasy, it is the tightest hole he's ever been buried in. His hips start moving, plowing into you at a rapid pace. He puffs and huffs like a dog in heat, the stimulation around his dick pushing him closer to the edge again. Your hole stays tight as a clamp around his meat.

You, on the other hand, wail in pleasure mixed with pain. It hurts, it hurts but God does it hurt so good. His balls slap against your ass cheeks painfully.

Skin slapping sounds fill up the bathroom and you push your ass back against his dick, moaning and bucking back, needing it deeper inside your stomach.

"That's right baby, fuck back on me, gonna cum so hard again" His plaintive groans indicate his arousal, lust drips from the frantic movements of his hips.

He thrusts inside you wantonly, his desire to nut overpowering all other senses.

The desperate rut and stimulation of your hole sends you tumbling over another orgasm, your legs quivering as you come with a pleasured moan, chanting his name in a prayer.

The tight clamping of your two sphincter muscles on his fully engorge cock send jay over the line. He bellows loudly, cursing and grunting as spurt after spurt of his pent-up sperm paint the inside of your fuck hole

Finally satiated, Jay falls onto your limp body, kissing your earlobe, mumbling lazily about how he's gonna fuck you again and again till he erases heeseung's name from the forefront of your mind.

You don't tell him that there is no heeseung anymore. You don't tell him how every cell of your body only craves his touch now, aching to be plowed by his dick alone.

[mightyoctopus]

Library posts on here have me so conflicted.

On one hand, libraries can provide a lot of value to a lot of people, and it's good to inform people of this. Like, I was recently talking to a friend (grown man in his 40s) who didn't know that you could read books for free at a library. The more people are informed about this matter, the better.

And of course, some libraries also provide other services such as movies, board games, internet, printers, 3D printers, cheap coffee, meeting rooms, courses, etc. Talking about this is also good, because many people can benefit from these services! Especially people who otherwise wouldn't be able to afford them.

But (and here comes the but), I feel like some people on this site are really insistent on claiming that all libraries offer all these services for free, always. And that no library has any flaws at all. And that anyone can access a library at any time. And if you don't, you're a traitor for not supporting your local library.

And like... there is so much wrong with that. First of all, not all libraries offer all these services. And if they do, they might not be available in minority languages. (Spanish in the USA, Turkish in Germany, etc.) And if they do, they're not always free. And this can vary greatly on region and country, too. Not the whole world is the USA. There's places where libraries are rare and spaced very far apart. There's places where libraries are "mobile", meaning they're a car filled with books. Or sometimes a donkey. I think it's great that mobile libraries exist! It's great that people in villages near me can get free books that way. But also, it's absurd to claim that they have the same type of access as someone from a big city. It's absurd to claim that they're class traitors and it's their own fault because they didn't "create demand" and "support their local library." They do not have a "local" library. Not everyone has a local library!

And even if there is a library near you, it's very possibly inaccessible! Most countries do not have laws regarding accessible design, and if they do, they're rarely enforced. Before you go on praising how all libraries are perfect and wonderful, ask yourself, how many are accessible to disabled people? Which disabled people? Wheelchair users? Blind and visually impaired people? Immunocompromised people? There's so many of us. Yet we are so often left out.

Some countries have libraries specifically for disabled people, but most often you need to qualify and prove your disability. I have a membership in such a library. A lot of them will only accept visual impairment and no other disability. I was lucky I was in occupational therapy at the time of my enrollment, because my therapist could approve my paperwork for me. Otherwise I might not have been able to join. It's online only and costs money. It's not free. A lot of books are region-locked since I'm not in the USA. And yet I am so grateful everyday for this opportunity, for this access to books. I know many disabled people aren't so lucky.

My point is not that libraries are bad, but that libraries are very diverse. Pretending like all libraries are not only perfectly alike, but also perfect, helps no one. Libraries can provide vital services, but they do not provide these services equally around the world, and they do not provide these services equally to all people.

If you truly love libraries so much, fight to make them better, fight to make them accessible. Don't silence those of us who are left out.

[rubber-glovs]

I would like to speak up about the hermitcraft situation regarding Iskall.

If anything is wrong, please consult me via dms, I will have it fixed, thank you <3

My heart goes out to the victims of Iskalls manipulation and emotional abuse. I'm so sorry for what has happened to you. Reach out to the other victims or stay anonymous, it is completely your choice.

As to the hermitcraft fans, please do not force any of the hermits for information and do not go to the victims for proof or information. You are not owed it. They are just as stressed as we are. Do not stress them further.

We do not know the full story. Do not assume or speculate about what might've happened. Be grateful for the information we have been given, we are lucky to get this information.

Please do not assume anything about the other hermits in relation to this. Whether it's if they knew or if they have done something similar. This was from ONE HERMIT, ONE PERSON. That is all we know.

Do not make assumptions on why Stress left. We know there are no implications she is involved in the complaints and that False stated she left on her own accord

Hermitcraft is not ending, hermitcraft is not ruined and hermitcraft's community is not unsafe. This was ONE HERMIT, ONE PERSON. There is a difference between the whole server and one hermit.

Believe the victims. It may be hard for you, I can understand that. But with the overwhelming amount of evidence, you simply can not say he hasn't done something wrong. They have been put through a lot by him. It is hard to speak up about something like this, especially with Iskall and his superiority as a popular myct. Listen and hear their voices.

My thoughts and views:

Information and resources:

I feel disgusting and disappointed in Iskall's behaviour. He was trusted, he was loved and he was deemed as a wonderful youtuber. He took this power and his status to his advantage by emotionally abusing and manipulating fans and mods, people who looked up to him.

I also feel betrayed in a way. I never expected something like this to happen in the hermitcraft community but it did. It upsets me. All the people who were hurt had to stay quiet for so long in fear that they wouldn't be listened to. The hermits who are stressed out right now, deleting and removing Iskall from their accounts right now.

I feel terrible for those who were close to Iskall, online or offline. Having someone who you care about so much and seeing him as a close friend/family member and now figuring out what he's done must be hard for them.

I'm sorry for those who loved Iskall's content. I was drawn to him, too, but never got around to watching his videos.

I'm happy the hermits have handled this situation very professionally, allowing the victims to speak up on their own account and not saying much to keep their privacy.

Hermitcraft has become a massive part of my life in the past years. It hurts for me to see something like this. It goes to show that not everything you see online is real. People are different from how they act online.

Stay safe, thank you for reading <3

[lolaandthens0me]

Do you ever feel embarrassed or shamed for wearing diapers or do you embrace it head on..

Hello king d and thank you for this question.

Shame is a prevalent topic and something I know many of my friends in this community have in the past or are currently dealing with. Shame is a complex thing and can be so debilitating. The first thing I want to say is you are not broken. I'm saying this to all of us, including myself.

Also - you are not alone.

As someone who was not "factory-installed" with a diaper fetish, I avoided those early years of feeling so alone and different for liking this. I think this is a big part of why I've never experienced shame in wearing diapers. I didn't start wearing until I was 30. I didn't have an interest in wearing diapers until then, and I was ushered into this community with love and encouragement by my ex. I feel so lucky that my story was one of mutual exploration and enthusiastic interest in diapers.

I have however experienced shame in other areas of my life, as most humans have. My biggest struggle with shame in my adult life has been in realizing my desire to be with and love multiple people. And in my decision to leave my marriage of 16 years. As necessary and freeing as that whole transition has been, I felt extreme guilt and shame in choosing to live a more authentic, more kinky life. I'd ask myself, "Why couldn't I just be happy in the wonderful, loving, charmed life I had?" It's because it just wasn't me. Or perhaps, it just wasn't me anymore.

Things that have helped me get over this shame include talk therapy, yoga, gratitude exercises, and surrounding myself with people who I feel see me for me and love me in all of my authenticity. This includes all of you! Getting more involved in the abdl and greater kink community has helped me accept myself and all of my beautiful, kinky quirkiness a hundredfold. When I finally stepped out into the world of meeting people in person and going to events, this is when my guilt started to move through me in a profound way. Meeting and bonding with others in this community helped me gain confidence in showing my more authentic self to others outside of kink as well. I started loving myself more because love was reflected back to me in the warm embraces and deep conversations I was having. I was able to share more about my desires of the different kind of life I wanted to live. I found that a wider circle of more open-minded and accepting people organically grew around me in all areas of my life. This helped dissipate that guilt for leaving my old life little by little. My shame dissolved into wisdom gained and loving compassion for those around me. I focused on helping people and have been able to turn that shame into loving acceptance and guidance.

No matter what "different" kinks you are into, you are part of a community. Embrace that community. Find the time and will to get in the car and drive 3 hours to the nearest munch. Reach out to that person online that seems like you or you find interesting. Share your unique self with others and I bet that your shame will start moving through you as well.

[seeminglydark]

Idk if this means anything to you but I'm a comic artist who's had a hard time doing art for a few years. The first four was because of life hardship and lack of time/chronic pain, but now lately I've had time but a mental block. I'm creeping up on 30 and felt bad about myself for "missing out" on my opportunity to be a comic artist. It was really validating to see you post about being 41 (correct me if I'm wrong) especially since you have such wonderful comics that I've been following for a while now. It makes me feel less like I'm wasting my time putting my things in order when I "should" be drawing.

Hopefully this doesn't come across as offensive or anything. It was just comforting and validating. Anyway, big fan! Love your characters a whole lot and hope you have a good day!

Dear Anon

I am 41 years old. I have wanted to make comics my entire life. before my dad got sick, and my childhood kinda fell apart, all i did was draw. after that, i used the stories in my head to cope. life moved on. i was convinced not to accept a partial scholarship to an art school in California. life got hard. i worked at a hotel, and after i escaped an abusive relationship at 22 i hitchhiked/bused far far away to start over. i tried to make comics again, but i had to survive, and so i got another job doing the only thing i knew how to do, hotels. and i worked. and worked. and life got harder and times got heavier and i didn't get time to draw and i worked double hours, 15 to 17 hours a day. and i went four years without drawing a single thing.

i kept working myself into the ground. i was 29 now. i picked up a pen again and drew a red haired boy. he had a hard life and no love and no friends. his problems were on the outside, for everyone to see. he ran away but his problems went with him.

i was 32. surely i was too old now. my time to be an artist was gone. i had no school. no hope. i was so far behind the younger gen i saw online. i cried. all the time. i wrote stories in my email drafts while i worked shifts. i stayed up late trying to learn how to draw again. i cried some more. the boy grew. i called him Fiach. worthy. a raven. later i renamed him Avery. he was like a bird, he had wings, he was my hope. i started writing some friends for him. the people i wished i had around me.

i started finding time and space. i got a new job, something where i was lucky enough to set my own hours. for the first time i had a partner who believed in me. things were hard. but i was drawing now. and that helped.

i went on a road trip and i started drawing pages of an unnamed story on 6 by 8 paper in a sketchbook. i drew 20 of them. 'what could i call this?' i thought. Nothing Seems as Dark...no says my partner. Seemingly Dark. he made me a logo. i was 35. i bought an ipad, i cant do this on paper, its too much story i have too much to say. so i learned how to draw digitally by tracing my own trad art pages.

I spoke to my dad for the last time on June 17th, fathers day that year. he said 'you're good. i'm proud. and you're gonna do amazing things. none of this is your fault. and we will speak again soon.' i didn't know id never hear his voice again. he died a week later.

i turned 36. i kept trying. i'm old, i don't understand the internet. how can i share this?

i stumbled across Lore Olympus. i was introduced to webcomics. id read comics online before but the thought never occurred to me. i opened an account on Tapas. and then i stared at it. what if no one likes it. what if its bad. my art isn't good. i should wait til i'm better. but will i ever really be better? or will i always believe that tomorrow is better? do it now. if even one person gets something out of this story, this story about a boy who is you, a boy who looking for hope, a boy who might make it, then that is enough isn't it.

June 17th 2018 i launched Seemingly Dark.

SD's five year anniversary is in a week. 0ver 700 pages. leaps and bounds in progress with my skills. a printed comic under my belt as of monday. i was always a storyteller. but i was always an artist too.

I am 41 years old, dear anon. I did not truly embark on this journey til i was 35. life got in the way. even now, chronic illness gets in the way. but its worth it. its never ever too late. i believe in you the way my dad believed in me. i reset my life again and again. but I was always an artist. and if thats who you are, and who you want to be, even if things dont go the way you wished they could, you're an artist too.

im 41 years old. i speak about my age, even though i often feel too old to belong in spaces, cuz really, in this case age is just a number. take care of yourself. do what you need to do. and little by little, when your able, carve out your space until it becomes more of a habit. sometimes i think about all the years i lost not drawing or creating. but there's a lot of factors that make me believe had i made my story then, it wouldn't be the story it is now, i needed to live a bit. i needed to find myself. i know this was long, but i just wanted you to see i also had to put my life in order, and getting notes like this reminds me it wasnt at all a waste. im glad i could offer you some comfort. thats honestly the best compliment i could ever receive.

TL;dR I was 35 when i sat down and seriously started making comics, because life always got in the way and so did my confidence. i always feared being too old. im 41 now, still going strong.

[ian-galagher]

✨Weekly Tag Wednesday ✨

Thank you for tagging me you lovely people! 🥰🧡 Jess @jrooc Michelle @michellemisfit Gigi @sgtmickeyslaughter Pie @gallapiech

Alice @spookygingerr Rory @roryonic Comet @spacerockwriting

Name and A03 handle: Willow & IanGalagher

Current Location: the couch, very comfy.

Favorite picrew (don't have one? you can skip this or do this one)?

I went through my folder of picrews past and I love the ones with a feather and Nemo for Africa reasons.

the last two are funny because I made those before playing bg3 and people in the know may be in on a joke, there 😂

What's one thing you want in a picrew? I love it when there's an option to hold any kind of animal 😂 also trans / masculine options!

Favourite thing you’ve created (or seen created) for the fandom? Darkness comes before the Dawn with the most amazing art by Nosho @creepkinginc and magical words by Sky @transmurderbug and help from Julia @blue-disco-lights

Why is it your favourite? I love everything about it! Mute Mickey speaks to me (pun intended) and I love the raven & fox metaphor for Mickey & Ian. Also, that art, I'm STILL blown away by it, really.

Did it come easily or was it hard to create? the deadline was something I'd rather not repeat 😂 the story itself just came to us, that was amazing 🥰

Last ao3 fic you commented on? The Circus, Hysterical Light, Angel Of Music, Guide And Guardian (Grant To Me Your Glory) - all wonderful and amazing fics! 🧡

Biggest WIP heartache you’ve ever experienced? Reckoner but I have NO doubt at all that it will be concluded one day! 🥰

Favorite trope or head cannon you like included in a fanfic? when they have pets! also any kind of mystical and magical world will draw me in any time.

Least favourite? not a fan of anyone dying.

Secret or surprising kink or trope? is it a surprise that I like them being softies? no? then I don't have an answer for this one 😂

Describe how you feel after you’ve created something new? right after I'm glad to be finished but when I post it online and all stays quiet I convince myself everyone HATES it and I'm a terrible terrible writer who should never write again 😂 anyway, support WIPs and leave comments everyone! 😁

Top hype man you have that always helps you get across the finish line: my besties, Nosho & Sky, Julia always, the discord crew, Alice, Comet, Pie, Nora, Jess, you all help so much!! I'm very lucky to have you all 🧡

It's been a bad day, you turn to the fandom and you _____? talk to friends. you guys are my rock, what would I do without you 🧡

Tags and the questions below the cut!

@stocious @look-i-love-u @energievie @deathclassic

@sweetbee78 @vintagelacerosette @depressedstressedlemonzest

@suzy-queued @lee-ow @francesrose3

@transmickey

Name and A03 handle:

Current Location:

Favorite picrew (don't have one? you can skip this or do this one)?

What's one thing you want in a picrew?

Favourite thing you’ve created (or seen created) for the fandom?

Why is it your favourite?

Did it come easily or was it hard to create?

Last ao3 fic you commented on?

Biggest WIP heartache you’ve ever experienced?

Favorite trope or head cannon you like included in a fanfic?

Least favourite?

Secret or surprising kink or trope?

Describe how you feel after you’ve created something new?

Top hype man you have that always helps you get across the finish line:

It's been a bad day, you turn to the fandom and you _____?

[joelscruff]

i was so nervous about posting after not writing for so long but the reaction to the new fic has been lovely, thank you so much 😭😭

plans for the new year:

1) more fof, i promise

2) more of the to freeze or to thaw universe, exploring reader & tommy's relationship + some joel/reader/tommy

3) my first dbf fic ever 😳 pervy joel w a filthy mouth

4) daddy dom joel collab w @swiftispunk 🎉

5) & lots more hopefully ❤️ including updates for my other ongoing lil series like boyfriend's dad and possibly a revist to some other ones 👀

this year has been a rollercoaster to say the least, both online and off. i never thought when i first posted fic on here that i'd end up building the lil community i have here, and i'm genuinely so grateful. ik after my dog died i went a bit quiet, but that was pretty much the cherry on top of a really bad for year for me & it just drained me of motivation. i'm slowly coming back to myself & i'm really thankful for everyone who's been so patient and kind. i see all your words of encouragement and while i may not be able to respond to all of them, every single one is SO appreciated.

i feel so lucky to have found so many incredible authors & friends this year + wonderful readers who make me feel so good about my work. thank you for making a shitty year a little less shitty ❤️ here's to 2024 🎉

[messrsrobyn]

Ok nobody I’ve asked seems to give me a direct answer so I figured I’d just voice all my concerns with you? You don’t have to answer everything 😭😭

When it comes to fandom friends how do you move from just being moots to being friend friends? I saw a video you made about it when somebody had asked you a similar question but I’m really struggling with getting them to feel like friends and not just random accounts in my phone.

I’ve seen videos people have made and you guys are sharing jokes in the comments. I saw video of 3 girls that said “Us when anyone hates on mesrsrobyn” and you said like “Fan behaviour” which obviously shows that you’re actually their friend and you’re just teasing them.

Also how do you find people who are ok with you not responding all the time (😭😭😭) I’m just genuinely not active very much on any forms of social media. I was in a marauders gc and I was really happy thinking I was gonna make fandom friends but because I wasn’t active all the time they had a bunch of inside jokes I didn’t get and I kinda felt like an outsider.

Most of the people I see you interacting with online seem really cool and fun, so I’m just wondering where to find people like that. Just genuinely from posting?

I’m sure I’ve worded all this so strangely but honestly I’m sad because I’ve been in this fandom for 3 years in November and I have made no real lasting friendships. I feel like you yapping so much LOL

IK THE VIDEO 😭 my besties yup !!

this is long so i'm putting the lil dashy line thingy

i have v limited advice actually bc i don't think i've initiated many of my friendships in fandom?? despite how little i stfu, i'm a shyyy person. i get scared to text first.

my BIGGEST bit of advice is take. it. off. the. app.

i try to get discords mainly (bc i use it most) but once you take it off of tiktok or wherever you met it feels so much less like mutuals. like yes, we met in fandom but now we are discussing our plans for the day and getting to know each other as Robyn not Messrsrobyn.

i made most of my friends from posting !! i made my account as a whole to meet people and (ive been flagging a bit recently actually but) i always try to reply to EVERYONEEE. so most of my friends were just people that commented that i replied to, their name kept popping up in my notifs? boom. friends. one of them said they loved crimson rivers so next time i found an edit i sent it to them.

ALSO !! i'm so bad at replying.

servers im more active in i think, but just... dms? not very good at all. anyone that doesn't respect that or gets mad? 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️ i dont want them as a friend.

like it's frustrating i know! i hate the amount of lil red bubbles i have on every single app but it doesn't mean i value my friends any less and they all know that <3 we don't always have the time or capacity to reply and that's okie.

i tend to get it out the way immediately and test the waters. just a lil "btw i'm really sorry for my reply times! i'm not the best at it but feel free to double text me as much as you want" and always make sure that i follow up on everything that's been said whilst i wasn't replying.

im rambling a bit i fear but the right friends won't get mad at it, or make you feel less important bc of it. it might just take some time to find them but You Will.

i feel like i havent actually given much advice?? i'm genuinely so so so lucky to have found the friends that i have but i did nothing. i think i said in a few of my tiktoks rightttt at the beginning that my dms were open for friends and then i think? hope? that i've kept that energy going of like someone that anyone can message and i'll get back to them (at some point 😭 my tiktok dms are a mess but thats an issue for future robyn) so i've been able to just sit back and naturally find them.

i live by the motto of "the worst they can do is not reply" every time i send a comment or dm to a new person

we're all just losers reading fanfiction !! we all want lil friends to talk to about it so interaction and reaching out gives us that BUT it's the taking it off of the app that takes it from mutuals to friends imo.

this is UNNECESSARILY LONG omg. i never know how to answer these ones but i hope it helps a lil? <3 social interaction is NOT my finest point. potentially my worst i fear.

[ceilidho]

Hi, really strange question, so feel free to ignore, but how do you deal with the constant surge of content - art, really. You seem to be a generally more well known/viewed blog, and so I'm sure you've developed quite a community on here, whether it be people you know or interactions with other artists. And I've been following you for quite some time, and I always get excited when I see the "updated now" for your blog. But (here is my actual question), do you ever get overwhelmed knowing that you can't read/see/experience everything? I'm very new to social media, and online spaces in general, and it's generated this fear in me that if I don't keep up with what has been posted by those I follow, I am now suddenly lost. Missing a piece of what should have been catalogued in my mental history. Fanfiction has become such a relief in my life now, and I've gained this new appreciation for human creativity and the beauty of sharing yourself in your art. But I am constantly left wondering that if I miss something, will I also miss an opportunity. I love learning more, and reading, and viewing; appreciating beauty in this lifetime, but I don't know how to combat the overwhelming feeling when I cannot keep up with those who I admire, what's left of me, simply as a viewer?

Oh absolutely!!!! I wrote about this in another post around the traditional publishing industry in general and this overwhelming sense of FOMO that’s super evident in both readers and writers (for readers, that they won’t be part of the current discourse and won’t be part of the reading community, and for writers that they won’t keep up with demand and lose their reader base to other more prolific writers or just to new trends in general because to be honest, the constant microtrends in the book community are hard to keep up with even if you are a relatively fast writer).

I think I’m lucky that for some reason I tend to write very fast - I have a solid backlist of ideas, when I do sit down to write it tends to all come out at once, I (fingers crossed) haven’t dealt with a really bad bout of writers block in awhile - but yeah even I sometimes have moments where I feel guilty that I’m not writing enough. I think it’s super easy to feel like people are simply going to forget about you if you take any time off or if you start a multi chaptered fic and it takes you awhile to finish it.

And I won’t lie, sometimes that pressure isn’t just imagined! Most people that leave comments like “more people!” “Part 2??” “I need more of this!!” are simply expressing their love and I understand that, like I’m not completely insensitive to that (some creators tend to take it very very personally and I understand that too but I think we all have to have a little bit of grace and understanding and give each other the benefit of the doubt), but I will say that I have gotten some seriously rude comments before about taking too long to finish a fic. There is a grain of truth to the fear that some readers will lose their patience with you for simply taking your time to write.

I experience this more as a “creator” rather than a reader (tbh I don’t feel much guilt about not being able to keep up with what my mutuals are posting because I know it’s always there for me when I’m ready) - although actually now that I’m saying this, I take that back. I do sometimes feel very very guilty when I don’t have time to get into a friend’s fic. Oh wow yeah that was a huge lie, I DEFINITELY have felt extremely guilty before about not having enough time to read someone’s fic and feeling like I’m letting them down in some way and not adequately supporting them. Yikes. Goes to show ya.

I am hoping that as more and more people become aware of this that people will start appreciating slowness and ephemerality - taking your time to read or write something, starting incomplete fics just to appreciate them even if they’re short lived or never completed, forgiving yourself for not being able to read everything or write everything right now and realizing that you’ll get to it when you get to it. It’s easier said than done and I do feel guilty sometimes about perpetuating this by being a very fast writer, but yeah! Unfortunately it’s sort of on each of us to do this since the very medium of social media demands instant gratification - tumblr and ao3 (the latter by virtue of being an archive) are perhaps the least egregious of them, but it’s definitely in the nature of social media to induce this kind of behaviour.

[kylieswift31]

Lucky

Beginning to think it’s time to branch out from listening to just Taylor Swift because I just listened to ‘lucky’ by Halsey for the first time and I’ve never heard anything so incredibly validating.

I've been chronically ill for over six years now with ME/CFS and I had settled into a state of plateau where my symptoms were fairly manageable. Earlier this year with a few big live events outside of my control, I entered into my biggest relapse since 2021 and became bed bound again. Listening to Taylor Swift became my lifeline and the online community that came with that has helped ease some of the isolation that comes with being too unwell to leave the house.

Here's a glimpse into why Halsey's song 'lucky' has resonated with my experience with a chronic illness.

"I am so lucky"

Variants of this comment are so often thrown around by friends and family when they hear that I stay at home all day. It's something they would love to be able to do, but show no consideration for the chronic pain and fatigue I experience while staying home that takes up most of my day.

"Everybody, get in line to meet the girl who flew too high. Who does it all just to be liked by strangers that she met online."

I had my first big relapse during the Victorian lockdowns when everyone was home at the same time. This time around it feels like everyone's moved on and I'm stuck here all alone. When I felt completely isolated from the outside world I began watching the eras tour on grainy live streams, and then joining this online community and contributing my own thoughts became integral to feeling like I was a little less alone.

"Did it all to be included, my self-loathing so deep-rooted. Inner child that's unrecruited, truth is I'm not suited for it."

I spent years trying to push through the pain to attend events in an attempt to fit in, just to end up worse off and in more pain than ever. Having to choose between what's best for my physical health and mental health is an impossible decision. Being able to leave the house once a week was the most I could manage without overdoing it.

"When I die, I won't have time to spend my money. But I hope that you still love me."

Everyone has an opinion when you get sick. And then everyone has an opinion when you don't get better. They're also going to have an opinion when you die. It's hard to believe the positive opinions when the negative ones are so loud.

"'Cause I'm so lucky, I'm a star. But I cry, cry, cry in my lonely heart, thinkin' "If there's nothing missing in my life, then why do these tears come at night?""

The references to the early 2000's in this song add a layer of familiarity to the present day. I feel like I'm sitting on my bedroom floor listening to Britney Spears again and wondering what the future holds. Who will I be when I grow up? When the nostalgic memories begin to fade and the pain of the present day begins to seep back in.

"Why they come? Why they come? Why they come? Why they come?"

If you don't see how much pain I'm in, then why do I still feel it? If I'm in chronic pain and no one acknowledges it, then why does it hurt so much?

"And why she losing so much weight? I heard it's from the drugs she ate."

When pain and fatigue take over your life, just being able to eat is a feat in itself. All the "but have you tried..." comments don't take into account how little you have left to invest time, money and energy into the latest craze promising a (snake oil) cure.

"And I feel her, but I can't relate. 'Cause I'd never end up in that state."

When you get sick you go to the doctor and they make you better, right? It doesn't always work out that way, especially for women. Often just getting a diagnosis is a challenge. It's taken a lot of strength to acknowledge that I'm unlikely to recover. For the people in my life to acknowledge that too would require them recognising that the doctors don't have the answers for everything.

"A girl like that is a mother, must be tough. A problem child, I was rough."

Not being able to keep up with the typical activities other families participate in outside of school affects my ability to relate to the experiences of parenthood when I'm confronted with hearing about how much I'm missing out on. The gap between my lifestyle and theirs is too immense to feel anything other than jealousy right now.

"But what do you do with a difficult grownup?"

Ugh. Most of the time coping mechanisms are a necessity. I'm sure I don't have to remind you what the alternative is? It's incredibly invalidating when the majority of the judgemental comments I hear are a criticism of the small things I choose to do on my good days.

"When I die, I won't have time to spend my money. But I hope that you still love me."

At some point we need to take a step back and let other people make their own mistakes. On the worst days it feels like I'm one more bad day away from giving up. Having something positive to focus on (like the eras tour) gives me something to look forward to each week.

"'Cause I'm so lucky, I'm a star. But I cry, cry, cry in my lonely heart, thinkin' "If there's nothing missing in my life, then why do these tears come at night?"

When you get sick and don't get better it feels like everyone's comparing your condition to the worst case scenario. Exclaiming that "at least it's not cancer!" and how you're so lucky because you're not going to die from it, while ignoring how the alternative path to death has alarmingly high rates within the community.

"I shaved my head four times because I wanted to, and then I did it one more time ‘cause i got sick."

I shaved my hair off a few years ago because I'd always wanted to try it, but I shaved it off again when I relapsed because I needed to. Last time I was bed bound I struggled to wash my hair. This time I was proactive and shaved it off so it was one less hurdle to deal with. Making choices like this proactively was empowering.

"And I thought I changed so much, nobody would notice it, and no one did."

Having to stay home and not leave the house at all has been a mammoth change for me, but to everyone else nothing has changed. When nobody sees me on my worst days, they assume my good days are the norm and not the exception.

"And I left the doctor’s office full of tears"

I stopped going to the doctors because I was crying in the car on the way home after every single appointment. After struggling to even get a diagnosis they say there's nothing else they can do to help, when they didn't do anything to help in the first place. Having a condition with no approved treatment doesn’t help. Slowly I managed on my own and made progress without the extra stress.

"Became a single mom at my premiere, and I told everybody I was fine for a whole damn year, and that’s the biggest lie of my career."

It feels like all I do is deflect questions about my life to avoid the negative comments and mask the pain. When I do try and share my experiences I'm met with pity or told to try harder. No wonder the challenges I face feel invisible.

"But I’m so lucky, I’m a star, and I cry, cry, cry in my lonely heart, thinkin’, if there’s nothin’ missin’ in my life, then why do these tears come at night."

What most people don't understand is that ME/CFS is ranked as having one of the lowest quality of life scores. Even the milder categories are incredibly debilitating. If I'm so lucky, why does it feel like the world has moved on without me and I'm left behind?

"I’m so lucky, I’m a star, but I cry, cry, cry in my lonely heart, thinkin’, if there’s nothin’ missin’ in my life, then why do these tears come at night."

Going to be listening to this song on repeat for a while. Art like this is integral to counter the negativity and make the hard days a little less invisible.

"She’s so lucky, she’s so lucky, she’s so lucky, she’s so, haven’t you heard."

Everyone has their own battles to face. You never know when you’re interacting with someone who’s trying to hold it together while hanging on by a thread.

To conclude I’ll leave you with my favourite quote from the folklore long pond studio session x

"No one pats them on the back, but every day they are actively fighting something. But there are so many days that nobody gives them credit for that. And so how often must someone who's in that sort of internal struggle must want to say to everyone in the room, you have no idea how close I am to going back to a dark place. Or you have no idea how hard it is to get to the point where you guys think is still shitty."

-Taylor Swift and Jack Antanoff

[flwrsuh]

choi soobin - tis the damn season

pairing ; soobin x gn!reader

warnings ; none!

a/n ; this is based off of tis the damn season by taylor swift! so happy to be back writing and continuing my taylor series ^-^ i'm sorry it's so short, i plan on posting more very soon!!

"if i wanted to know who you were hanging with while i was gone i would've asked you, it's the kind of cold, fogs up windshield glass but i felt it when i passed you"

the drive up to your hometown for the holidays was filled with dread, not only because you would soon be in a room filled with relatives you couldn't stand, but the possibility of running into your high school sweetheart was heightened this time of year, and the way things had ended left you both with a bad taste in your mouth. things with soobin had always been simple, but when you had chosen to leave town for college and he got accepted at your state university, the two of you parted ways. he had always secretly hoped you would change your mind and come running home from LA, and back to him, but he was not so lucky.

soobin had been asked by his mother to help her with some last-minute grocery shopping for his family's holiday party. reluctantly, he agreed, strolling through the aisles, humming along to the faint sound of a christmas song playing through the supermarket's speakers. as he rounded the corner, making his way through the store, he stopped dead in his tracks. because there you were, beautiful as ever, and you were real. right in front of him. he quickly began to turn around, hoping to make his escape before your eyes could land on him, but then he heard it.

"soobin?"

he heard your soft voice call from behind him. turning around to finally meet your gaze, he put on the biggest fake smile he could muster, though you would be oblivious if you couldn't feel the tension in the air. it was cold, uninviting, and nothing like the boy you used to know. it broke your heart, seeing him this way and knowing that, at least partly, it was your doing.

"so we could call it even, you could call me babe for the weekend, tis the damn season, write this down, im staying at my parents' house and the road not taken looks real good now"

seeing soobin again had caused your mind to go wild with what-ifs. what if you had never left? would you still be happily in love? maybe it was stupid to relive the past, but you couldn't help feeling as if you had made a massive mistake.

"time flies, messy as the mud on your truck tires, now im missing your smile, hear me out, we could just ride around and the road not taken looks real good now"

now you sit in your childhood bedroom, wondering if you could make it work again. you knew that you would forever miss soobin, and you had nobody but yourself to blame for that. you miss the way his smile could light up your small town, his kindness that you had always admired so much, and the way he loved you with everything he had. to say you were regretful would be a horrible understatement.

"so i'll go back to LA and the so-called friends who'll write books about me if i ever make it, and wonder about the only soul who can tell which smiles i'm fakin, and the heart i know i'm breakin' is my own, to leave the warmest bed i've ever known"

you have since never been able to meet another person quite like him. soobin truly was one of a kind, you were lucky to have known him at all. after him, you were unable to find that kind of connection with another person, always feeling like your new friends didn't fully understand you, or care much for you at all for that matter. it was purely a show friendship, one you could post online and hope that nobody could see through the facade you had put up, but he always could.

he knew you better than anybody. he knew that you had not been really, truly happy in quite some time. you couldn't hide that from him if you wanted to.

"we could call it even, even though im leavin'"

[ladystormcrow]

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

🏜️ ⇢ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity

☁️ ⇢ what made you choose your username?

🐝 ⇢ tag your biggest supporter(s) and say one nice thing about them

🥤-- I'm a huge, huge fan of @flagbridge's works. So much love for All Vows!

🏜️ -- I have a weakness for people mentioning specific details or lines that they liked or that stood out to them.

🌿 -- For one thing, it's okay to feel such things! Even the most famous, successful creators aren't creating 24/7. It's healthy to take breaks from a project, or focus on something else if you need to (I've seen this described as "mental crop rotation", and that's an excellent way to think of it).

☁️ -- I've used some variation of this username since I first started going online regularly at age 15; it was the nickname I'd been using when I was in the Tolkien fanclub at my high school (we'd all picked character-based nicknames of our choice). If you see a Lady Stormcrow somewhere in the old and deep places of the Internet, there's a decent chance it's me. Oh god please don't go looking.

🐝 -- Oh damn, there are a lot of people who are huge supporters to me, in all sorts of ways! I'll pick two who immediately come to mind:

@cornistasiathecoblinking is wonderful at bringing people together and making them all feel welcome and supported -- anyone who has them as a friend is lucky.

@chaifootsteps is brave and perceptive, and not afraid to defend the things and people he cares about -- I admire that about him so much.

[prince-liest]

This may be an odd question, but I believe you mentioned you got into writing because of rp(or at least into fanfiction?) And I was wondering how you transitioned into writing solo? Most of my writing is/was with a partner, but I've been trying to write on my own, and I've found it incredibly difficult. I'm told that what I write is still good regardless, but I've a hard time both finding enthusiasm for it without a partner to bounce off of or finishing whatever I'm working on.

This might just be a me thing and more to do with being self-critical, but if you have any advice, I'd really appreciate it. I just want to figure out how to enjoy writing again without jumping through weird hoops for motivation.

(You may have already been comfortable writing even before rp and if that's the case, feel free to disregard this question.)

I'd tried to write a bit of fanfic before my RP days with limited success motivating myself, so it really was very much RP that got me the skills and ability to be able to write full-form fics!

But more than mechanical skill, mostly I think the issue you face is very similar to what I struggled with for a while when swapping to writing fanfic, which is that a lot of the reason RP is so easy and rewarding is because it's such a profoundly social activity. You write a few paragraphs and then you get social feedback immediately from your RP partner in the form of chatting about it and/or the RP response you get! With fanfiction, you have to write a whole damn piece or chapter, post it, and then hope that you get comments if you want engagement - and then those comments are inevitably going to be a little bit less personal if, like me, you RP OCs that you put a lot of yourself into rather than pre-existing characters!

The problem with doing things for the sake of extrinsic motivation is that it kills your intrinsic motivation to do those things. This isn't a moral flaw, it's a documented psychological effect! Nowadays I write primarily because I want to see the things I put into the world, but that's fucking easy for me to say when I also have a large reader base and really enthusiastic commentors, isn't it? And it took me a hot minute to figure out how to transition to motivating myself that way rather than because I wanted interaction.

My suggestion is, honestly, to find folks that hype you up! I kinda crested that barrier by getting possessed by writing demons and pounding out like 60k words of insane Hawks-centric character study in one month during the 2020 quarantine, and I was lucky enough that people really liked it and immediately flooded my notifications with the kind of really lovely, long-form comments that my writing style encourages, which isn't really a typical experience. Those folks that hype you up, it is LOVELY if they are your friends, but sometimes what you really need to do is find the small social circle of freaks that are really into whatever niche thing it is that you are writing, and infiltrate their Discord. Ship-specific groups are really good for this! (Especially for rarepairs.)

But a lot of it is really going to be finding the balance of finding supportive people who will feed into your excitement, and also finding that part of yourself that finds the process of writing to be fun. Social activity is still 100% just a necessary part of the human experience, and I myself post snippets of my writing online and on Discord all the time for the little dopamine hit of "Yay! We're enjoying this together!" but it's become something I do because I want to share the joy I already get from writing, not because I'm writing to share it!

Which also means that you should write things that you enjoy writing. ;) Write things you are actually excited about - not just things you want to read, but things you think would be fun to write, and if there are boring parts that you're getting stuck on? Fucking skip them! I am not kidding! You think anybody thought it was a loss that I literally never even mentioned how radiostatic got together for the first time in 666? If they did, nobody's mentioned it, because it wasn't necessary to the story I actually wanted to tell. Literally so goddamn many of my fics start with cold opens because I don't like to bother with exposition until things have already gotten rolling. Fanfiction especially is GREAT for this because people are already familiar with the world you're writing in!

You are writing to entertain yourself! If it's not entertaining, don't fucking write it! Or figure out what about it is boring you, and then write it differently. This will have the splendid side effect of teaching you how to write transitions and also making a fic that is more fun to read. >:)

Anyway, this has gotten quite long, so: I'm sorry that I wasn't able to offer a great deal of advice, because I relate deeply to what you're experiencing but I basically got to speedrun the transition phase. I hope that it was at least a little bit helpful!

[perrydowning]

sweet Perry,

i’ve only just stumbled upon “Unbidden” and have been consuming it rapidly. reynolds’s is a ship i feel so passionately about and i love their love, and wish they got better from those who wrote them officially—your fics restore that piece in my heart that yearns for a happy ending for them.

reading your authors notes about mr. downing are always such highlights of reading your chapters. i always end a chapter thinking, “wow. what an incredible love they have. he loves her so, so much.” while reading about your move and shift to writing full-time, i got curious about you as a person and scoped out your profile on AO3 and found out about your deeply tragic loss. i am so, so sorry. i know it’s been almost 2 years, and perhaps you’re tired of hearing “i’m so sorry” from strangers online, but my heart broke at the news of his death.

after doing a deep dive on your tumblr, i saw that your faith is in humanity. i am a devoted Christian, and i want you to know that i will be praying for your heart daily. not that it would be healed, just that it would have peace. happy memories, sweet connections with friends and family, and the motivation to keep on living and trying and being even when you feel alone or lost.

i am 22 and have been with the love of my life for almost 5 years. each chapter of your fics that i finish, each story about mr. downing that follows, has left me thinking “i am so grateful to have a love like theirs.” on the complicated journey that i know you are now on as you figure out what life looks like, i hope you know that your love is continuing to inspire thousands on thousands. i hope you never stop receiving messages like mine: wishing you well, sharing our celebration that you were loved so deeply for so long, our grief that you were not given more time to be loved by him. i hope your online family and support network never stops growing, and i am always happy to join the lower ranks of that family. you are a deeply wonderful writer, wife, and human.

I think it's genuinely amazing that you took the time to tell me this, such an act of generosity and sincerity. It made me cry, in the best of ways.

That there are so many people who know of Mr. Downing, who value what he gave to me, is a source of great comfort to me. I re-read those little notes and I'm so lucky that he embraced my writing and being my Mr. Downing. He always puffed up when anyone would remark about him in the comments and I know he would be full of gratitude and awe for how this community continues to look after me.

I am just so happy you have found your person, that you know what it is to be truly loved. There's nothing else like it in the cosmos.

Thank you for folding me into your prayers, that means a great deal to me. While, as you noted, my faith is in humanity, I do pray, in my own way, and I believe there is great value in focusing our hopes in that way. Thank you.

Right now my heart feels so big, like it just keeps growing to make space for all that has been given to me. You aren't in the lower ranks of that family because you've allowed me to see you, too. There is always a place for you at my table and I used to be a pastry chef, so you know dessert will be good. 💜🌈💜

All my love and gratitude,

Perry

[scribblespirit]

Happy Valentine's Day!! 💝 (+ long personal ramble lmao)

Well I did intend on posting earlier than this, but I wanted to wish a big happy Valentine's to everyone who actually follows along with the random crap that I post on this site-- and an especially big hug to all of my fellow aspec, arospec, and aroace lovelies!! I've always valued the celebration of all forms of love on February 14th, whatever dumbass society that we live in who decided that it's strictly a holiday for romantic couples can show themselves out the mfing door. Romantic love, platonic love, familial love, s*xual love, queerplatonic love, polyamorous love, animal love, ALL types of feeling & showing love are so wonderful and deserve to be celebrated!! If you feel sad about being single on Valentine's Day, don't let our stupid economy blind you to how loved you are in many different ways by many different people!! 🫶

On that note, this year marks a very meaningful occasion for me personally. I'm currently 21 years old, I learned I was asexual when I was 16 and didn't understand that I was arospec too until I was 20. I've always been totally content either celebrating Valentine's Day with my close friends, or basically ignoring the day all together. But as of last summer, I am now in my first Queerplatonic relationship with my incredible partner @rubinaitoart (and our beloved @lovelucigoosey, who is always with us 🎗️🩵) and I thought that today would be a fitting day to finally proclaim my cheesiness online lol! Rubin, I love you so so much and I'm seriously so lucky to have you. Thank you for being my very first Valentine's Day partner, for making me feel so loved I nearly happy-cry every time, and for just always being your supportive, talented, caring, funny, amazing and beautiful self!! 💜💜💜 /p

My patience to see your smile and give you the biggest hug face-to-face is dwindling with every day, but also knowing that we will get there someday is one of my favourite things to think about :'D To my online besties, Checkmate or otherwise, thank you for being the best long-distance found family I could ever ask for!! Every one of you guys means the world to me, I'm so grateful that you all put your care and energy toward a little chatty bundle of emotions like me. My bucket list purely consists of a list of each of you guys, and I will not quit until I get to properly see and hug all of you or else your name is not getting checked off of the bucket list!! But yeah fr thank you guys I fuckin' love my friends I don't know how I got so lucky 🥹💕

To my kittens (not that I expect they'll be reading this), thank you for being such little fluffballs of joy and chaos. Thank you for coming upstairs and insisting to check on me when I have been face-deep in homework for 6 hours, and for dragging me away for cuddles whenever I need it. To my parents (who definitely won't be reading this XD), thanks for being some badass and wonderful parents.

To Luci, I mean I check in pretty often so you probably already know what I'm gonna say. I hope you're happy, I hope you're smiling, I hope you're running and I hope you're free of pain. Love you always boo 🩵

I just have so much love in my heart that I wish I could share as much as possible. I love my family and my kittens and my friends from university who help keep me somewhat sane. I love my Discord friends/found family who help keep me very sane, and are always there to make me laugh and to celebrate achievements together. I love my queerplatonic boyfriend/partner, I love his voice and his hair, I love his obsession passion for The Arcana, I love his fluffy puppy Aster, I love how he makes me smile and that I'm capable doing the same.

Thanks guys. I really really love you all ❤️

...

(Also I haven't slept in like 38 hours and I'm struggling to stay awake as I write this so I hope it is at all legible, it's probably too long but quite frankly if you read the entire thing and made it all the way down here then massive kudos to you. I did warn that I was chatty and emotional, those two traits never go well together 😂)

[rarestdoge]

Doge you are by far one of the sweetest youngster silly geese I've had the pleasure of crossing paths with alongside @mai-mai-lim and @00lari00. Sure things were a bit all over the place and messy but you guys were like a similar experience to @justpainterrobot and @skittisketch in a strange way, though where I was impulsive and grabbed them by the scruffs and made a Discord GC immediately I made sure you two were okay with it lmao.

As for Lari I think we simply warmed up to each other but I was like welcoming a complete stranger into the comfort of my home and making sure they were okay!👍

But you and Mai gave me such warm fuzzy reminders of my very first friend group in THSC Community I love trying and wanting to check in on everyone even if I don't y'know pop into their Server VCs or say much in Discord DMs I just see them online and interacting with others/each other. It's enough for me and it makes me happy to see they're still together.

I'm glad to have built my own found family with so many good friends like @bluetorchsky @ch40tic-st4rg4z3r @sunberry-strawflower @capturecharlesau @techno-doodles @jaytoons7 @kingkenzieofmold and many more, you and Mai are part of it too! I feel at home with our squad and all the big circles of friends in other fandoms I have like @im-gonna-eat-your-eyes and @kyp-the-spacekiwi! I'm so fucking lucky to have made so many friends who came to become my family I have so much compassion to offer you and everyone it's and endless flowing cup of love, appreciation and happiness!

I feel as though I never said it enough but thank you, thank you for making random gay silly sticks for me and the gang to enjoy, playing Among us or Lethal Company with me, thank you Doge for EVERYTHING. You and the squad and all my different fandom friends are my whole universe.

I know this response is a bit on the shorter side because I'm not good at wording out my feelings but THANK YOU SO DAMN MUCH SMORESY! You really mean the world to me and I'm so happy to call you my best friend and be part of this wonderful friend group. Every single one of you guys are so kind, unique, and amazing. Thank you so much to every one of you

And I really cannot thank you enough for being such a wonderful friend to me Smores 💙 It's so comforting to know how much you care about me and how you're there for me when I feel down. I feel at ease around you, you make me smile every single day, and our stupid little shenanigans on Among Us, Lethal Company, and whatnot are everything to me. I love talking about our silly sticks together, I love seeing all the writings you send me, even if they're short, and honestly just thank you for everything. I couldn't ask for a better friend