#I'm scared to even make the dentist appointment! it's so bad

[springrls]

Being chronically ill sucks yearning sucks and being broke!

[arminsumi]

★ Satoru's undercut

★ Synopsis : He fears the hairdresser like it's the dentist. One day, he accidentally gets an undercut style. He would have thrown a tantrum if it weren't for your positive response — because all he really cares about is that you enjoy his haircut.

★ Content : soft fluff, romantic tension, some mutual pining??

★ Library ★ reblog for a cake slice! 🍰

"This will ruin my life..."

"It will not ruin your life."

"I'm gonna die!"

"You're not gonna die."

"Yes, I'm gonna die! They're gonna cut my head off."

"They're not gonna cut your head off."

Satoru had a haircut appointment which you were accompanying him to as per his desperate demand request. Suguru was there also, helping Shoko with something technical on her phone. He laughed when Satoru was whining to you.

The four of you were on the train; Suguru and Shoko stood tightly packed with their backs facing other people as if they were the group shield. And Satoru sat next to you, clinging to your arm as if he were a kid on his way to the dentist.

"Don't laugh. You know I feel the same about hairdressers as people feel about dentists!" he pouted.

"Satoru, you're so weird." you said.

“I'm not!”

You shook your head at him. Satoru grumbled.

"No one understands me!" he said dramatically.

Suguru commented, "I do understand why you dislike hairdressers, Satoru; most of them don't cut your hair how you want."

Shoko nodded and chimed in, "— yup, and you usually leave with a fake smile and say "oh wowww... I love it!" but you actually hate it." then she went back to frowning at her phone with Suguru.

“My hair is important, I can't afford to have a bad haircut." Satoru said.

"Haha, you make it sound like if you have a bad haircut it could cost you millions." you laughed.

Satoru sat up straighter and spoke seriously, "It may as well cost me millions!"

You didn't understand why Satoru was being so dramatic.

****

The hairdresser looked at you, Shoko and Suguru and then wondered why so many people were accompanying this grown man to his haircut, as if he were about to get a root canal for the first time.

Suguru whispered into her ear, and she blushed at his alluring charm like anyone would.

"He's scared of bad haircuts... so please do your best, he has a girl to impress. See that one sitting there?” Suguru pointed to you, “Yeah, that's the one."

He accidentally flustered her, and he smirked about it when he returned to you and Shoko.

"Suguru, your head looks as big as a bubble about ready to pop." you joked, noticing his smug demeanor as he took a waiting seat with you.

"I think I just flustered the hairdresser on accident." he said.

Shoko chuckled, "Is it ever an accident? I think you do it on purpose — oh, Y/n, I think Satoru is trying to get your attention. Give him some comfort."

Satoru recoiled when the cold blade of the scissors touched his neck, and looked distressed when the hairdresser touched his hair.

You knew he was highly sensitive to touch, especially his hair — he hated people touching his hair (reason X for hating hairdressers). The only person who was allowed to touch his hair was you. Suguru and Shoko needed a "valid reason" for touching Satoru's hair.

But you could comb your fingers through his hair any time, any place for no reason and Satoru would go limp with a smile on his face, completely melting for the act of affection.

Sometimes when it was just you and him alone together in his apartment, especially during his sleepless nights, Satoru would lay his tired head on your lap and ask you to play with his hair. Each stroke of your hand mellowed him out. He especially loved the feeling of your fingers running through his hair when it was fluffy and long.

So really, he feared not the hairdresser or even the bad haircut, but the fact that it might be too short or not fluffy enough for you to enjoy. It had to be just right. He had to maintain his fluffy hair for you.

He wanted to make sure that when you saw him at every party and get-together, you'd think "Wow, Satoru's hair looks so good.". He wanted you to compliment his hair and make him feel good and blushy.

And most of all, he just wanted to please your eyes. He wanted you to be starstruck when you looked at him.

So, a good haircut was critical.

****

Satoru's panic calmed after you took the empty seat next to him. He watched in admiration as you struck up a friendly conversation with the hairdresser. She turned out to be kind. She was an apprentice (picture nervous Satoru stiffening his shoulders when he learned this) and her mother owned the establishment next door.

Satoru was mostly quiet and focused on his reflection in the mirror. He squinted in suspicion when the lady brought out a hair buzzer.

But then you distracted Satoru by asking about what the four of you were doing after this. He stuttered a bit, half-looking at the hair buzzer and jumping a little when it turned on.

You talked so much that Satoru was completely distracted, and the lady could work. Though, it was hard, because Satoru didn't really specify what he wanted... so she winged it.

She thought hey, this guy would look good with an undercut. So, she cut an undercut for Satoru, and looked at you and smirked. His girlfriend will appreciate it, she thought as she looked at you and Satoru talking with hearts in your eyes.

You weren't his girlfriend. But you may as well have been. The two of you were anyways soulmates since kindergarten. Sure, you went away for five years to work abroad, but the link between you and Satoru wasn't broken by the distance.

****

Satoru gasped and nearly fainted when he saw how short his hair had been buzzed at the bottom. His neck felt exposed and suddenly it felt more drafty.

"What the—"

"— oh, you look hot, Satoru." You said.

He immediately shut up and went red in the face.

"Thanks, yeah it looks... yeah." Satoru hesitantly complimented the hairdresser's work.

She beamed proudly and wrapped up the haircutting session. Satoru took off the black dressing gown and stood up and shimmied the white hair off his pants.

"The cat is shedding." you joked, making Satoru grin with sealed lips.

You picked a white strand of his hair off the back of his shirt when he stood in line to pay at the checkout. He didn't notice. Such a cute boy.

Satoru was just grumbling to himself about how he'd need a scarf or turtleneck to compensate for his "practically naked" hairstyle now.

You stared at his undercut and felt your heartbeat get a bit frantic.

Then you kept staring as you left the barber shop.

Satoru wrapped an arm around your shoulders out of habit, as if he were your boyfriend, so the hairdresser felt sure that you two were dating and said something as you two left that really made you and Satoru blush;

"Your girlfriend loves it." she winked.

"I'm not his—"

"She's not my—"

"She sure does! Thanks for everything, see ya." Shoko cut off you and Satoru from responding and shoved the two of you out the door.

****

That comment lingered in the back of yours and Satoru's minds for the rest of the day.

On the train home, you grazed your fingers over Satoru's undercut and it elicited the funniest reaction out of him; he shivered like a cat that had just been scratched in a sweet spot.

"Haha, does that feel good?" you asked.

"It does. But my neck feels naked." Satoru shrugged.

Oh my god, do that again, he thought. It felt so good.

"Aw, then Y/n should wrap her arms around your neck." Suguru said in a flirtatious murmur.

Shoko laughed and propped a cigarette between her lips.

The four of you got off the train, you parted ways. Suguru and Shoko lived in different places and had to wait for their respective trains to take them home. So, you said your goodbyes and went with Satoru.

When you and Satoru moved out of your university housing, you both decided to live on the same street. You can say it was for X reasons, like oh it's a good neighborhood or oh the prices are great or oh the apartment walls aren't thin... but let's be honest; you and Satoru just didn't want to live too far from each other. You were inseparable, even cry-babies whenever the two of you were separated.

Satoru was always clinging or touching you in some way – hanging off your shoulders, resting his chin on the top of your head, draping an arm around you, holding your hand, snuggling into your neck. The closeness brought him more comfort than his own bed. He even claimed once that he could fall asleep on you more readily than on his bed.

Sometimes he was just shy of kissing you when you two met up, or when he knocked on your apartment door some mornings. His lips would graze over yours by accident in some circumstances, and though the two of you would laugh it off, there was an unmistakable spark in the air between you and him.

****

“Do you like it?” Satoru asked.

“I love it. You look really good.” You replied.

Satoru smiled to himself, hiding his face in your lap.

The TV was playing the most recent episode of that trashy romance soap opera – the episode where the two love interests kissed in the rain. Satoru stared hard at their lips connecting, and thought of why he hasn’t attempted to kiss you again. He didn’t want to ruin anything, so he kept his confession to himself even if it was obvious that he liked you.

You noticed he went a bit silent as you ran your fingers through his hair. He made a soft, long groan when your fingertips tickled up the back of his neck and over his prickly undercut.

“You sound like a cat.” You laughed.

His eyes were closed, brows relaxed into a sleepy arch. Whenever he got drowsy in your lap, his lips would part and show his two front teeth.

****

After getting an undercut hairstyle, Satoru was living in heaven with how much attention you gave his hair. Every day you’d find an excuse to play with his hair.

It made his heart beat harder and his mind go blank whenever you touched his neck and hair. He’d get shivers and close his eyes each time you did it, and would even stop talking mid-sentence.

In time it grew out. He refused to go back to the hairdresser, and instead insisted that you cut his hair for him. At first, he attempted to do it himself, but then he wimped out as soon as he held the scissors to his hair.

So, after he practically begged you on his knees and voiced his fear for the hairdresser, you agreed.

Cutting Satoru’s hair was a whole event. You invited Suguru and Shoko over to your apartment, and the four of you were laughing in the cramped bathroom together.

You had no idea what you were doing, and the online tutorials didn’t help much.

Satoru was dramatic when he thought you were cutting it too short or jagged, and he was so very picky that it drove you nuts to the point of putting the scissors down and leaving. But then he hugged your legs and apologized cutely, so you came back. Suguru and Shoko had to get it on camera because it was pure comedy.

“Alright, fairy princess. How did I do?” you asked Satoru.

He checked himself out in the mirror. His jawline and shorter hair drove you a bit wild, it was hard to contain yourself.

“It’s okay.” He replied cheekily.

“Just “okay”?! I put my soul into this!”

He grinned. “I’m just teasing.” He said, “I like it. Now let’s test it out.”

You looked confused. “Test it out?”

“Play with my hair.” He explained, “And tell me you like how it feels or else I’ll cry.” He added dramatically.

© arminsumi

I do not permit the copying/reposting/translation/plagiarism of my works. Do not steal what I've worked hard to create.

This is fictional work.

[mylovesstuffs]

OT13 reaction to their s/o being scared of wisdom tooth removal

Request: Hellooo can I get ot13 react to s/o being scared cause they need their wisdom teeth out??? I am tbh scared but at the same time this really hurt me a lot I couldn't eat my fav food 💔💔💔

A/N #1: First of all, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Wisdom teeth pain is no joke, but at least you’ve got your favorite boys to imagine by your side. I'll also have to get my wisdom tooth removed and currently under prescribed painkillers as my appointment is at the very end of the queue. Good luck! And I hope you enjoyed this!

A/N #2: Honestly, ALL of them would move heaven and earth to make sure you feel safe, loved, and supported through this.

Seungcheol: The Leader™ kicks in immediately. He's not just your boyfriend; he's your protector. When he sees you wincing in pain and hears you’re scared, you best believe he’s doing a full Q&A session with the dentist beforehand to reassure you. "Wdym you're scared? I’ll hold your hand the entire time, and you’ll barely feel a thing, I promise." He's the type to bring you your favorite soup afterward, even if he has to call your mom for the recipe. He's such a softie, I'm crying.

Jeonghan: Oh, the ultimate smooth-talker. Jeonghan sees right through your nerves and does his best to distract you with his undeniable charm. He’d tease you lightly but the second he notices you’re genuinely scared, he’s cradling your face in his hands like you’re made of glass. Of course, he'd stay with you because you're his angel, duh. Jeonghan’s already planning to spoil you afterward with a Netflix marathon and all the soft foods you love.

Joshua: This man is your calm in the storm. He’d sit beside you, hold your hand, and gently remind you that you’re stronger than you think. He’d probably share a story about someone he knows who had their wisdom teeth removed without a hitch (reminds me of my parents). And when you complain about not being able to eat your favorite food? Joshua’s already experimenting in the kitchen to find a way to make it soft enough for you to eat. Wdym, of course, he'll take care of you! You're his sweetest sweetheart.

Jun: Jun would immediately Google everything he can about wisdom teeth removal. You’d catch him watching videos and reading forums just so he can reassure you about the process. When you express your fears, he’d say something like, "If I could take the pain for you, I would." SOB. And afterward? He’s feeding you homemade congee with the cutest little smile on his face. He's just so thoughtful and adorable, ugh. I wanna eat him-

Hoshi: Tiger would act brave for you, but inside, he’s low-key worried because his baby is in pain??? He’d try to cheer you up with tiger jokes or distract you by being extra silly. Don’t worry when it’s over he'll take you to eat all the soft tofu pudding you want! He's such a precious, supportive ball of sunshine. He’d probably overprepare with ice packs, extra blankets, and your favorite plushie ready for recovery.

Wonwoo: Ah, Wonwoo. The quiet but deeply caring one. He’d listen intently as you share your fears, nodding seriously, and then he’d say something like, “It’s okay to be scared. I’ll be here for you the whole time.” Why does he have to be so emotionally intelligent? He’s the type to bring you books, download your favorite podcasts, or just sit with you in comfortable silence to make you feel less alone. He’d read up on aftercare tips to make sure you’re comfortable.

Woozi: Our producer would pretend he doesn’t understand why you’re scared, but it’s only because he’s bad at showing emotions. Inside, he’s already planning how to make your recovery as easy as possible. He almost fainted at the sight of removal so he'll immediately offer to write a song about your bravery (yes, it’ll be cheesy and sweet)

Dokyeom: Dokyeom would be 100% sunshine mode. He’d hug you tightly, reassuring you that everything will be fine and that he’ll take care of you. "You’ll be the cutest chipmunk ever!" he’d joke, just to make you laugh. But when you’re really scared, his voice would soften, "You’re my brave love, and you’ve got this." He’d probably tear up seeing you in pain afterward, let’s be honest.

Mingyu: Mingyu would try to fix everything, naturally. He’s Googling, calling the dentist, and asking everyone for advice to make sure you’re as prepared as possible. When he realizes he can’t "fix" your fear, he’ll switch gears to being your personal nurse, making you smoothies, setting up cozy pillows, and staying up all night to check on you. Of course he’ll take care of you—he’s your big, lovable puppy of a boyfriend.

Minghao: He is so zen, he’d be the calming presence you need. He’d talk you through your fears, reminding you that this is just a small moment in time and that you’ll feel so much better afterward. He's elegance and empathy personified, honestly. Afterward, he’d probably spoil you with your favorite tea and a good book to help you relax.

Seungkwan: Seungkwan would freak out a little at first, but only because he hates seeing you in pain. After making a joke or dramatically panicking, he’d switch to full-on caretaker mode, fussing over you every second. “You don’t have to worry; I’ll take care of everything. I’m your Boo-seyo!” He’d probably cry when you’re fully recovered because he’s so relieved.

Vernon: Chill king Vernon would act super calm, but deep down, he’s concerned. He’d downplay the fear to make you feel less nervous. But when he sees you’re still scared, he’d stay by your side, playing your favorite songs and keeping things low-pressure. He's so lowkey, but he’d do anything to make sure you’re okay.

Dino: Dino would be a mix of nervous and supportive. He’d try to hype you up by every time you're upset or nervous. He’d go out of his way to make you laugh and would probably spend hours prepping soft food for you post-surgery. He’s just the sweetest, trying so hard to prove he’s mature enough to take care of you which he is

[running-in-the-dark]

so, at my appointment today my new dentist informed me that my psychiatrist told her I shouldn't get laughing gas because I could react badly to it. because of my 'neurological condition/disorder'

bitch I have anxiety. what???

and.... I would 100% be willing to risk a bad reaction! no one fucking asked me! I'm SO afraid of going to the dentist now, I don't fucking care if I dont react well to that, I just wanted to TRY at least once!

I fucking switched dentists in part because I wanted to finally try that. and now I can't because that dude said so. like, cool, give me something else for the panic I get at these appointments??? but no it's just like 'yeah no you get nothing bye'

I'm so angry 😭

had a pretty shit day today - I was already in pain, and then I somehow hurt my back (literally just stood there and moved my arm to pick something up and suddenly had this awful pain in my back). so I've just been lying on the couch all day. it's better now but still pretty painful.

I wanted to paint today but obviously that didn't happen. and yesterday I was so tired that I just fell asleep so I didn't paint then either. tomorrow I've got a dental appointment and that always leaves me very fatigued, soo I'm guessing I won't do anything tomorrow either.

then my niece is sleeping here, then my brother is coming over to help me go through all the stuff for my thesis, then it's my sister-in-law's birthday (which I'm also making a cake for).

I'm so tired.

[clopeh-sekka]

Right, so I am currently facing a dilemma. I have a dentist appointment tomorrow, my first one in six years. (I'm seventeen). I have to go to a specialist dentist due to being born with a cleft lip. I was meant to have a dentist appointment every three months in those six years I didn't go, the only thing is, my mum hid all of the letters I got from my dentist and canceled all of my appointments without my permission or knowledge. To make matters worse, she didn't even buy me a toothbrush at all untill i was about seven and by that point and her attitude towards brushing was 'do it or don't, it's not my problem.' So I didn't start brushing my teeth until i was about ten (I'd already lost my most of my baby teeth) when I realised it was something you were actually supposed to do. The thing is, ive only started regularly brushing my teeth in the last three years since ive started living with my grandparents and they told me how bad that was for my teeth but i still havent been able to go to the dentist because my mum was the one getting the letters. Now my teeth are in a really bad state and I know for a fact I'm going to have to have at least one filling and a few teeth removed. I'm stupidly embarrassed and I'm really worried that my dentist is going to be silently judging me and I feel like my grandparents will as well since they're the ones taking me. I'm also scared of going to a dentist in general now because of how long it's been since I've gone. Idk why I'm even putting this on here tbh, I just really needed to vent it ig. Wish me luck tomorrow and let's hope I'm not laughed at for my shitty oral hygiene.

[youplush]

Just to say I admire and am proud of you for calling for appointment and getting it sorted. I have huge problems with my teeth but I'm too scared to go to dentist about it after pain and bad experience so I'm really admire you and people being brave to do that cos I can't. It takes lots of guts to face the fear and stress again

Thank you! I'm really sorry about your dentist experiences though :(

I think you are brave for sharing how you feel about the dentist! Even if you are still too scared to go back, that's okay.

Perhaps there is a different dentist you could try? I've heard of dentists that have therapy dogs for scared patients. Or maybe you could bring a support person/object?

It is totally fine if you can't go to the dentist bc of the fear though. I completely understand!

I am still really scared of going to the doctor for my lump, because of the bad ultrasound experiences I've had. But I am trying so hard to be brave about it, so I appreciate you thinking that I was brave for making an appointment!!

[lauratheghost]

I'm gonna complain for a while right now 😂

If you don't care about stranger's problems, this is your warning to scroll.

Also if you don't like hearing about dental problems, you should also scroll.

But I'm having literally the most annoying year ever and I need to just vent to strangers on the internet for a minute.

The day before Christmas, I'm just eating a grilled cheese and one of my back molars just breaks out of nowhere. And of course it's a Friday evening and a holiday weekend so I can't call my dentist until Tuesday.

I go in like a week later my dentist is like "yeah I can't fix that. You need to have it pulled." So I'm like "okay that sucks, but whatever."

So I make the apt to have it pulled and it's for like a month later. So in the meantime I just have a broken tooth for a month.

And then it gets infected. So I go on antibiotics. Finally the apt comes and I walk there (after having an anxiety attack pretty much)

And when I get there I'm not even on their schedule. So I go back the next morning to get my tooth pulled.

(Backstory, my dentist is an asshole. He thinks he has "dry humor" but he's actually just rude as hell and so awful and mean.)

He takes photos of my tooth and pulls it up on the screen and then proceeds to call the dental assistants over to come and laugh at the photo with him. 🙃😞

So that was cool.

Then he starts to try to pull the tooth but I can still feel everything- like the novacaine isn't working.

So he gives me more novacaine and waits precisely one minute before trying again. I can still feel it.

The assistant is like "do you think it's because she's on antibiotics" and he's like "no no it should have worked by now. If you can still feel it you need to go to a surgeon and get anesthesia."

So I go home and after like thirty minutes I'm wayyyy more numb then I was at the office. So I think the numbing just took longer because of the antibiotics and he was just inpatient.

I call the surgeon and they say they can see me in September. (It's like January now)

I have a complete meltdown.

Then my sister basically forces me to get another opinion by a different dentist. So I make appointments at this second office. I go there like a week later. These people are so much nicer- the only downside it that its much further away from where I live.

They look at my tooth and I meet the dentist and he's like "it's a shame you didn't come here sooner I could have saved the tooth."

So now I'm even more pissed at my old dentist. And I'm never going back there again.

But anyways, they schedule me to get it pulled like two weeks later.

I go back and they pull it, and it takes less than a minute probably. It was insanely easy and fast. But when the dentist is done he's like "good news and bad news"

And then he tells me that the broken tooth is out, but in the process, the crown on the tooth next to it came off.

So I once again, have another broken tooth now.

They put a temporary crown on it in February but it still aches all the time and isn't comfortable.

And now, on the opposite side of my mouth, I have a cavity somewhere but I can't pinpoint what tooth it is. But I can't eat anything hot or cold now until it's fixed and I swear I'm so sick of my mouth hurting and eating room temp food. 😩

I have an appointment in five days to hopefully fix the cavity, but I'm scared they aren't gonna fix the right tooth. 😭😂

Anywayssssssss

I'm trying to be positive now but first I just wanted to complain. I need to get it outta my system.

This whole ordeal has left me like traumatized though. I'm so scared to eat any food that's remotely hard now. And just being in pain everyday for like five months has really been getting to me. I actually signed up for therapy again over this 😂

I'm probably being dramatic

But pleaseeee let this year get better soon omg. 🙏🤲✨🖤

[csa-survivor-confessions]

?

I need to go to the dentist soon. I haven't been in about five years because I have extreme discomfort with things being in my mouth, but I'm experiencing pain and I know that I need to go. I'm a 24yo woman and I feel silly for feeling scared of the dentist, but I simply can't handle tools, let alone fingers, in my mouth. I brush my teeth everyday even though it makes me gag.

I don't know what to do when I go. I know the best bet would be to inform that I have trauma and struggle with anything in my mouth, but I don't know what the best next steps are. I could either white-knuckle through it (I'm honestly scared of biting a hygienist or the dentist) and have an ongoing panic attack in the chair, or I could ask for gas, which might relieve the panic but freaks me out because it makes me so vunerable.

I feel stupid and silly for this. I used to be able to handle medical situations, even the dentist, but now it's awful. When I had to get my first pap smear I had one of the worst panic attacks of my life and my teeth clattered I was shaking so bad. I feel embarrassed. I'd hate to waste their time by making an appointment and then being unable to even open my mouth.

I don't know what to do or what exactly I should say or to whom. I'm just so scared but I don't want my teeth to fall out or for me to become horribly sick.

hello,

Being afraid of the dentist is extremely stressful for plenty of adults. You're not alone in this fear.

telling them you're very scared is a good idea! If you don't want to you don't even have to say trauma is the reason you are scared.

One good thing would be to have them tell you everything they are doing while they do it. This can help with the current situation of blending so far with the traumatic memories.

-

Practising some mental-based coping skills could help. This could be things like:

5-4-3-2-1 skill:

5 things you see

4 things you hear

3 three things you can touch/feel

2 things you smell

1 long deep breath

When you start to feel anxious or might be dissociating you go through these in that order and list them. This engages our senses, allows us to be aware of our surroundings, focous on the current situation. If you can talk safely then saying these out loud is best because the connection from our mind to our mouth can be disrupted by dissociation.

Listing:

Mentally listing facts about literally anything. I do characters from a favourite show of mine. Anything else can work if it keeps you're mind occupied and away from falling fully into flashbacks and/or panic.

Katniss Skill: 

Something we came up with based on a scene in the book Hunger Games: Mockingjay. This consists of reminding yourself of the facts you know and that we aren’t in the abuse. This can redirect our thoughts, combat the flashbacks need to pull us back. For us, we find it helps with depersonalization and identity issues. Combine this with breathing exercises for the best result.

An Example:

” My name is Sally, I am in London, I have a sister named Kelly, I am 19 years old, I am sitting in my living room, I have a cat.”

*You might not be able to say it but thinking it can work too.

-

Practice as best self-care before you go, and have something nice to do afterwards.

Feeling as clean and healthy as you can going into a scary thing can be useful. It can be very helpful to have some time afterwards it's not silly to reward yourself for doing something hard.

Obviously, that is not practical for all people due to work/family obligations but even if it's extremely small things can help make it more manageable to get into.

-

Sedation is an option and weighing the benefits and negatives is worth doing by writing it out. If you're worried about panicking to the point of possibly hurting yourself/the dentisit it could still be important.

-

Planning out what you can do before and after beforehand and what coping skills you might use during will help you bring down some anxiety. But it is important to take a break from planning and breathe before you go.

-

Overall it's going to suck, but hopefully having some of this to plan ahead can work.

Be Blessed,

-Admin 2

[chaosdisorganized]

I do wanna share some good news because I feel we've been posting a lot of bad things that are going on right now. I finally set up an appointment with a doctor! I'm going to have a PCP for the first time in 5 years! I'm still very scared about it and I still highly distrust doctors but I need to figure out what's wrong with my body because it's only been getting worse as time goes on. Also I need a PCP so I can also get a cardiologist and gynecologist. I'm suppose to see a cardiologist every 2 years and I haven't seen one since I was 13 and some symptoms I have are heart related so I am really worried about something being wrong with my heart. Also I've never seen a gynecologist before and that's the one I'm most fearful about but at my age I need to start getting yearly pap smears so I just gotta be so brave about it.

I still don't have a dentist because my last dentists appointment went so horribly that it made our dentist phobia even worse and now im absolutely terrified, like thinking about it makes me feel absolutely mortified.

Anyways making strides in the right direction! Yay! I'm still scared but I'm going to be brave and I'm going to actually go to my appointment and not ghost my doctor! (Well I might ghost her if she's shitty but fingers crossed)

[ofallthingsnasty]

Hey Nasty hope you're recovering from your dentist scare lol ( Same honestly, my dentist is always telling me to relax and calm down before they do the x rays because I freeze up😭)

But your red dead reblog(Arthur is so fine in that gif🥵) has me thinking about the"through the briar" aftermath again😫 Specifically after Micah kicks the bucket(Rest in Pieces Jerk lmao) With John bumping into the reader a few weeks after he killed Micah and seeing what a bad situation she's in. I can just imagine it goes something like:

Reader your still here? What happened to y- *sees the gaggle of blonde haired, blue eyed children running around behind her and the oldest son looks a lot like a certain someone he blasted a while ago* Ahhhhh shiiiiit💀💀

Honestly I think even John would feel pretty sorry for her and want to help at least a little, cause lets be real, reader and her kids are probably all half-starved and wearing nothing but rags. And also maybe for the fact that John probably noticed how much Arthur cared about the reader before the relationship fell apart, and feel some type of obligation to help her out of respect for Arthur's memory idk

But either way I am still choosing to believe John finds reader and gives her 3 gold bars to start over🥲

Hi!! That's so sweet of you, thanks! It's such a paradox when I go in for my own appointments because on one hand, that typical dentist office smell is so comforting to me because I like what I do, on the other I always have the cost of everything in the back of my head 😂 I guess I'm just scared of getting a big, fat bill fhdjshefdj Right?? His bad fucking stomp in that gif has me squirming in my chair lol 😳 I could stare at gifs of him all day

I think even John would feel pretty sorry for her

Oh my god, absolutely. If he sees you with three little mouths to feed, a shadow of the woman you once were - that is definitely going to sting, especially when he does the math and realizes that at least the oldest kid is Micah's brat. I mean, John grew up with that gang, with Arthur, Hosea and Dutch - and the way you've gone from full-cheeked and fat, with a timid demeanor and a sweet laugh, to haggard, dirty and utterly exhausted is just another reminder of how things have turned to shit. You're the living, breathing proof of how his life came crashing right down. He probably doesn't recognize you at first but when he does, he'll make sure that you at least have enough for dinner that night, flustered at the way you smile at him despite everything that has happened. (Because you're still so sweet to him just like years ago - and it's a great injustice that you aren't married to an honest, just as kind, man.)

Honestly I think even John would (...) want to help at least a little, cause lets be real, reader and her kids are probably all half-starved and wearing nothing but rags. And also maybe for the fact that John probably noticed how much Arthur cared about the reader before the relationship fell apart, and feel some type of obligation to help her out of respect for Arthur's memory idk But either way I am still choosing to believe John finds reader and gives her 3 gold bars to start over🥲

I think so, too. John is a little hard-hearded, not the smartest and plenty selfish, sure - but he also has a good heart. He won't save you and the kids by moving you into Beecher's Hope on his dime (he has his own shit going on, haha) but you can't tell me he wouldn't find a way to help you start a new life somewhere else. You've never been the closest friends but even he can see what Micah did to you and how rancid it all is. He'd find a way. Hell, maybe Charles is kind enough to take you up to Canada to find a place for you and your kids (maybe a new husband, too, after passing you off as an American widow - no one knows you up there and with marriage being less about love and more about convenience maybe there is an older bachelor who can support you and the kids and doesn't mind them all that much. Not a pretty fate, still, but everything is better than Micah.)

Reader your still here? What happened to y- Ahhhhh shiiiiit

fhjhsd I had to laugh so hard at that because I can HEAR him saying that, exactly like this, too. The way he'd need a solid minute to realize what's going on only to swear immediately afterwards bahaha

[mephestopheles]

I have an example of "do it scared". A really good one.

I was terrified of the dentist. Legitimately, full panic attack, trembling, required Ativan to get through even a simple check up kind of scared. I "did it scared" and forced myself through a bunch of shit that didn't work and made the fear worse in my early twenties, and then this was compounded by my gallbladder fucking up and undoing all of the work I'd forced myself to go through.

Fast forward to 2012/2013, a very kind coworker friend gave me the name of the dentist her husband went to because he also had a crippling fear of the dentist. This dentist seemed to understand that and worked with folks to help.

See the first time I did it scared, I did not have a lot of support. Like I had my parents who understood to an extent, my dad I think more than my mom, and yeah they were in my corner. But they were also more worried about the complications that not taking care of my teeth would lead too. I was also going to an expensive and kind of shitty dentist. Who did not help or support, or even understand my fear. It was "use Ativan or we can try nitrous to knock you out".

When I went to the new dentist, my first appointment was x-rays, and a conversation. No cleaning, no fixing, just a conversation of what my mouth was like and how we could fix it and support my fear. He created a full plan that he said we could do in as little as a year or as long as I needed given my fear. He made sure to increase the freezing he used and he set up a plan to remove several teeth under anesthesia so I wouldn't have to be aware of that.

I did some of his plan, panicked then went back a year later and a new dentist had taken over his caseload. This dentist is the one I still have and he is legitimately amazing. I went from requiring meds to even get near the place to just making appts without even thinking about it.

It took a while. It took splitting appts up and doing things slowly and fixing what could be fixed. It also took him understanding that I was scared but wanted to get this done and knowing how to take some of the fear out of his side of the job, by explaining things, slowing down, and listening to me.

In 2018, I finally got my partial, and in 2022, I got my top two teeth crowned. By far the worst experience for dental stuff was the crowns because there was gum ablation and a lot of pain and a multi week appointment schedule to get it all done.

But I did it.

In the middle of all of this, I was able to start properly brushing my teeth again, and now go for cleanings twice a year and am cavity free. I'm 43, in my mid twenties my teeth were so bad I was routinely on antibiotics and was battling gingivitis, and still couldn't bring myself to go to the dentist. In my thirties I did the work, and I did it scared.

But each time I went back, the fear was less, the anxiety was better, until one day I went to a cleaning and mentioned a line on a tooth that looked bad but is just a small line from the composite that stains easily. I had it buffed out without freezing.

Doing it scared works. Take your time, rest after words. Validate your fear and your survival, and then celebrate it. It retrains your brain to focus on the win and not the fear.

You can do this.

“Do it scared” but please realize that, if you Do It Scared too much and don’t let yourself rest + relax + have fun in between, you will fuck yourself up. If you “do it scared” all day every day, you will burn out badly and quickly. Sometimes this is temporarily necessary but please keep this in mind.

[chiarrara]

'can't do anything' disorder log, day 11,101:

can't focus on watching figure skating competition. keep pausing to scroll aimlessly on my phone, or compulsively respond to strangers comments on a youtube video

ate once hours ago. teeth have really been acting up the last few days, hurt all the time. I have headaches every day. maybe someday I will go to a dentist.

noticed growth in the potential set of tumors on my breast. don't know if they're actually tumors. last time I went to a doctor he made me cry because he wouldn't examine my broken knee because it happened almost two years ago but I didn't make my follow up appointment back then because I fell into a fugue state after my psych randomly retired so i lost access to medication for 'can't do anything' disorder which caused my entire life to blow up in a really messy public way, which caused me to lose my job and my insurance, and put me in serious legal trouble! which I'm still currently in.

he said the "insurance wouldn't pay for an mri" anymore since i broke it so long ago. i still don't exactly know what broke. he also wouldn't refill my adhd medication because I said I smoked weed occasionally. I stopped smoking for 6 weeks but my appointment got cancelled when i went back because 'cant do anything' disorder made me 10 minutes late. I didn't go to any of the referrals he made because the emotional trauma kept me from motivating myself over the barriers in the way of me ever leaving the house. also, I never got the referral for the growths on my skin. that are growing.

started spotting again because I'm 5 months overdue on getting my iud removed and replaced. the memory of the unmedicated pain i was in getting it put in 7 years ago is the barrier keeping me from overcoming all the other barriers this time. If I start having my period again, I'm afraid I'm gonna start experiencing serious dysphoria. also my cramps used to be pretty debilitating.

i barely shower. my hair is unmanageable due to a few really bad improvised haircuts and the fact that I'm laying down nearly 100% of the time. i can't do basic chores. the house is a mess like always, and has a million expensive problems going unresolved. my dad has just as many problems as me so they're not getting fixed very quickly. but he did get the roof repaired finally, after two years of it leaking water into my room, causing allergenic mold to grow in the walls. I can't sleep in there anymore, and everywhere else is full of junk. I sleep on the couch. It's not doing good things for my hips and back.

Living here instead of sleeping on the floor in the living room of my sister's one bedroom apartment and hiding from maintenance everytime they come in because that building's roof is also leaking and keeps spilling buckets of water all over her stuff everytime it rains means I get to be with my cat though, and that makes me really happy. my relationship with my sister is very much on the rocks now though.

my personality sucks, I'm angry all the time, I'm realizing my lack of control over myself and constantly being in a reactive state (that's gotten much worse over the years) has ruined almost every single relationship I have, and like actually traumatized people who loved me. I don't know how to stop. therapy scares me, I used to do it a lot but it's so fucking flawed and last time I went to try a new person it put me in such a panic I didn't go back. I don't know how to get better. Every path seems too hard and I have gotten to a point where I don't believe in myself enough to try literally anything, so I'm rotting away on my dad's couch, doing nothing but being a drain on finances and making everyone's lives around me worse.

I know (finally) that if I actually manage to kill myself (this time) it wouldn't actually make anyone's lives better, they would all be traumatized instead and like even if it did provide relief to some extent it wouldn't outweigh the pain. but being alive and useless and mean and spiteful also isn't like a postive force, so. I guess I have to figure out how to stop sucking and figure out how to do something. to be a positive force in the lives of the people I love? that's way more challenging than fantasizing about killing myself though. probably way more rewarding too.

i hope i figure it out.

[1d1195]

SAM MY LOVE PLEASE DONT FEEL LIKE YOUR RESPONSE WAS NOT GOOD ENOUGH!! I honestly don’t care how long they may be, like the fact that you’re even acknowledging my asks is already so special to me! So if you ever don’t have the energy to answer, you really don’t have too! I won’t be hurt because you’re well being is far more important ❤️I’m sorry you were feeling a bit off :( I hope you felt better or are feeling better! Hopefully you don’t get sick right before your break!

Also side note when you mentioned sneakers with a wedding dress TELL ME WHY WHEN I THINK OF MILLENNIALS I THINK OF THIS! Like you mentioned side part and I didn’t even think to associate them with that up until this whole GenZ vs Millennial comparisons started to become a thing lol

ANWAYS now let me express my LOVE for toothpaste part 2! Once again you wrote such a good part! And omg this MC is BOLD bc I would actually EXPLODE from the embarrassment if I said that my dentist😭 but honestly I don’t blame her because if my dentist was Harry I would be so down bad it’s not a joke 😭 I loved how we got to read Harry’s pov from reading her file and seeing her for the first time! Ugh it was so cute like you know I love how obsessed each of your Harry’s are with their pairs! AND I LOVE WHEN HARRY GETS FLUSTERED!! It just does something to me that I love when the MC’s do that to him 🤭 AND THAT LAST LINE SAM I CRACKLED AHAH

So good bestie! Hope you are treating yourself well! -💜

NO BUT I LOVE SENDING YOU THOUGHTFUL MESSAGES.

I'm feeling fine! I have semi-chronic stomach issues. I think I (knowingly) ate something that I shouldn't have. It really didn't sit well with me. BUT I feel fine now 😂 BUT REALLY I ALWAYS GET SICK ON OR BEFORE VACATIONS. Ever since I was little. Fortunately I will only get my period during break this year. Lucky me 🙄 Pollen season is upon us though which will be stellar too ☠

I try not to do a whole lot of millennial/gen-z comparisons if I can help it but I will probably be buried in skinny jeans and I would rather be bald than do a middle part 😂 That's so interesting about the wedding dress and sneakers thing! I didn't really think of it as a millennial thing. I meant it as a me thing hahahahaha mainly because I used to DESPISE heels. I had some structural damage to my ankles due to sports and anything with a heel terrified me because I was scared of snapping my ankle again hahahaha but like I said last time, I'm such a wedge girl now so I would probs wear heels at my wedding.

SO glad you liked Toothpaste! I tried to write a version of myself I wish I could be (just slightly bolder than my current self I think--she was still a whiny baby last time about her toothache which was so me). I would never flirt with my dentist either--maybe if he was Harry, that I agree 💕 I have great ammo for my next part after my own trip to the dentist. I know it's part of his job but this man really stuck his whole finger in my mouth and massaged my cheeks and lips around my gum line. It's hard to explain but I either don't remember him doing it the other recent times I've been to the dentist or if I was paying closer attention since I was thinking about Toothpaste the whole time. Honestly it was hilarious when he did it, I was lucky I didn't laugh. Too bad I'll be making it sexual for Toothpaste and probably make it harder on myself when I have my next appointment in six months 😂 I love to make men flustered in general. Always keep them guessing, ya know? 🤭😉

Speaking of men, how is our hot TA?

I am def going to be treating myself to a shopping trip that I cannot afford but I don't care. I am in the mindset (for this weekend) that I am here for a short time and I need to enjoy myself while I can and the money will come back eventually.

Hope you have an amazing weekend and you get to do something fun again! 💕💕

xoxo

[lexaprolexicon]

Yall, I'm going to the dentist for the first time in 5 years. This is a big deal for me and I'm so scared. It's not like I just need a cleaning. I have a lot of work I need done and my anxiety is through the roof but I'm not backing out and someone should really be proud of me. I've put off the dentist for so long and I have major issues. They have been bad enough that I've thought of just pulling teeth out myself. It took me being on a 450mg dose of wellbutrin and a 15 mg of lexapro for me to be mentally stable enough to even make the appointment. The fact that I have had the appointment for a month and didn't once think about canceling it is also huge. Someone clap for me or something lmao.

[meditating-dog-lover]

Dentists and doctors (rant)

I am someone who has been unfortunately failed by conventional doctors and healed by functional doctors.

In Dec 2022 I went for a dental exam and was told I had 5 cavities (yeah fucking right). I was so devastated and scared for my teeth. They told me they didn't know what caused it and wanted to drill and fill them. Every appointment I had at that office they recommended dental work, and I would go every 6 months.

I knew something was off and I knew I deserved better dental care. So I met with 2 functional dentists. I learned so much about dental and oral health in general that previous dentists did not teach me.

The first one noted I had a deficiency in fat soluble vitamins and magnesium, and they can cause dental problems. So I started supplementing with D3 and K2 and magnesium citrate and glycinate. The second dentist noted I had a tongue tie and suggested I get it surgically removed (I did). Tongue ties prevent nasal breathing and can cause dry mouth, which are bad for teeth and gums. Again these are 2 factors that can cause dental problems that no other dentist has ever told me. All I fucking heard was "are you flossing?".

Fast forward almost a year later. I go for a dental exam and get xrays. No cavities! The healthy teeth the first fucking dentist wanted to destroy recalcified because of my supplements and nasal breathing. Of course this can happen to small areas of decay, and dentists and hygienists know this. If you have a large painful gaping hole in your tooth then it won't help and you'll need dental work asap. But this was a huge relief and felt like a big fuck you to the dentists who terrorized me in the past.

I'm so happy I went for a second and third opinion. Had I stayed with the first dentist I would have been in an endless cycle of drilling and fillng and my health would be a mess because of my poor breathing and nutritional deficiencies. Even at my most recent cleaning, my hygienist thoroughly cleaned around my gums which I feel will prevent a lot of potential gum disease related issues. My old dentist never did that and my gums were inflamed.

As a result I don't trust most dentists and feel they don't care about patient health. They are patronizing and at the same time clueless about wellbeing. I hate how dentistry is separated from medicine, but that's a topic for another rant.

I'm not a dentist nor a doctor but I'm not dumb. If I sense something is wrong with a doctor, I'll immediately see another one for a second opinion or do my own independent research.

My health dramatically improved since last year. The only physical condition I have left to deal with is my eczema. Again I'm pretty sure it's caused by food sensitivities and contact dermatitis associated allergies. Not a fucking steroid cream deficiency. I've been taking flaxseed oil and it does help, but I need to get tested for allergies and sensitivities.

I cannot tolerate doctors who gaslight patients and challenge their intelligence and use them as guinea pigs to push surgery and pharmaceuticals. When the patients feel patronized and feel like there are better solutions out there for their condition, these doctors will dismiss them and say there's not enough evidence to support this, and the patient ends up feeling stupid. And there are popular doctors on YouTube who dismiss the benefits of supplements, anti-inflammatory diets and food sensitivity tests, and I really need them to stfu. Thankfully my eczema isn't that bad and I have the time, money, and knowledge to find better solutions than steroid creams. I cannot imagine how crushed, hurt, and hopeless a person with a severe case of it who doesn't have these resources will feel. And these doctors feed into their cycle of pain.

I'm going to wait until I do my food sensitivity test and allergy patch test and get the results in 2 weeks max. Then I can make some changes and see improvements in my eczema. I am confident I will. Eczema is also caused by gut issues (like leaky gut and microbiome imbalances) as well as compromised and malfunctioning detoxing organs (liver, kidneys, lungs, and gut). I really don't think I have those issues, so I'm not prioritizing them.

I'm posting this as a reminder to take control of your own health. It's the best preventative measure against chronic illness. Otherwise you'll be in a painful position where your condition is very bad and you'll have to resort to seeing a doctor who will use you to push surgery and pharmaceuticals. Not all doctors are bad and a lot have saved countless of lives and are very caring and empathetic, but these types of bad doctors do exist and I've had to deal with them in the past. It was a seriously distressing pain in the ass of an experience.

We need to abandon the disease model and focus on the health model when it comes to treating patients.

[greydiminishing]

im soo anxious today and i dont know why i feel so bad. Im going to write down all the things im anxious about or just things taking up too much room in my brain, cause I heard that helps. then maybe I'll make a plan.

Current anxieties:

Moving back to school next week after a year and a half. I knew i was leaving sometime mid-january. I know that it is now January. Yet it still comes as a surprise to me that I only have one week before I leave. Going back to school has been on my mind like 24/7, how did I let it sneak up on me?? Dont get me wrong, I'm so ready to get out of this house, but im not ready to say bye to my dog yet :(

Anxiety about my hair: I have pretty severe hair thinning from telogen effluvium. You can see my scalp. I've been hacking at it myself, keeping it short for the past year. Its uneven and choppy, which is fine when I'm holed up in my room everyday. But now I want to get it cut by professionals. I've been meaning to schedule an appointment for that, but never got to it. Im kind of embarrassed to even have someone see the state of my head. And now I only have a week. I'm hoping that cutting it a bit shorter will make it fluffier and harder to see my scalp, but what if it doesn't? In the 10 years I've been suffering with hair loss, this is the worst its ever been. And of course this is the point when I really, really, desperately want to make new friends and possibly even a relationship. But that's gonna be a bit difficult when the back of my head looks like gollum's.

Acne: For some reason, my acne has gotten really bad in the past few months??? Painful, cystic acne like I've never had before. of course, right before i make my debut back into society for the first time in nearly two years lol. And with my hair super short now, all my acne is on FULL display. I need some good skincare and color correcting makeup.

Me and my friend (T) want to "hang out sometime before break ends" but that's the extent of our plans. I LOVE her and of course I want to hang out with her, but at the same time, I dont want to hang out with anyone. I dont want to leave the house. Im bald and covered in painful acne, and im a ball of anxiety for no reason. But I feel bad because I do wanna hang out. And also because she is always the one who reaches out to me, not the other way around. I dont think im being a very good friend..

Dentist. I really need to get to the densist. I haven't gotten a cleaning in about 2 years... I brush my teeth everyday and floss most days, but I'm still prone to cavities for some reason. Recently, my crown has come off. I just pop it back in and it seems fine, but i know that's gotta get fixed. Thats another appointment I've been procrastinating. Especially with the acne that tends to bubble up around my mouth and lips, its sometimes painful to even open my mouth, let alone keep my mouth stretched open for 30 minutes. Also its embarrassing and ugly and i dont want the dentist looking so closely at my nasty pimples. But i really need a cleaning and to get that crown fixed and I only have a week left. Can you even schedule a dentist appointment the week before?

Apartment. Housing told me I won't know my housing assignment until the first week of January. I have no idea where on campus I'm gonna be living. Roommates or no roommates? One of the campus apartments comes unfurnished. Hopefully i dont get that one but what if i do? I move in next week, will i need to buy a bed frame? a desk? idunno?? Well, i probably won't get the unfurnished one, so im sure it'll be fine. I just hope i have no roommates.

Packing. I need to pack. Packing is always incredibly overwhelming for me. Its alot to think about. I always take my bass to school, but I've been playing guitar more and now I want too take both. I need a case/bag for the guitar cause I dont have one. I feel like my dad is gonna try to make me take one or the other, but i really want both. Im always scared of packing too much or not enough stuff or forgetting something important. I should start now so i dont have to stress so much about it.

clothes. All of my clothes are in a big pile on the bottom bunk. I need to wash all of them to get the bugs and dust off. Also need to pick more consciously what i want to bring, since most of that stuff i dont even wear anymore. I really need new clothes too. Most of my wardrobe is stuff from highschool. But new clothes are expensive :(

money. i have maybe $2000 in my account. Im sad because I really wanted to save all my money to put into renovating my van, but that didnt happen. I dont like asking my parents for money. I'd like to keep $1500 minimum pillow in my account at all times. That should be enough for groceries at ~$120 a month, but no spending money. Which sucks cause I really want to buy clothes and skincare and makeup and expensive rosemary oil for my hair. And i want to have friends this time around. You typically need a bit of spending money to hang out with friends; grabbing lunch/coffee, bowling, staying in and ordering a pizza, etc.

Job. I applied for a job on campus for spending money. On the application it asks you to mark the times you are available. This always felt weird to me that my boss would know exactly when im available. Maybe that's just a me issue. So on the application, i moreso marked the hours of my preferred shifts haha. That was a few weeks ago, and the manager finally got back to me, telling me my availability didn't align with what they needed. Thats totally on me :P oops. I think they will allow me to resend my availability though, I'll be less stingy with my time this time around. Though I am scared of getting stuck with late night or weekend shifts.

My roommate from when I was last at school left some of their things when they moved out. I was the last to move out, so i grabbed their stuff with the intention of bringing it back when we live together the next semester. I forgot to mention it to them. I ended up not going back and now i just have some of their stuff. Its a saucepan, a teacup and dessert plate, and a brita pitcher. I feel really bad about everytime i think abut it. Its been nearly two years, so I dont know if i should message them about this. I think they graduated already? but what if they didnt and i see them around campus? I should just message them and apologize and offer to mail their stuff back.

prescriptions. I need to change pharmacies so I can get my prescriptions while at school. that, or have my parents mail it to me once a month.

For the new year, I meant to write down all of my goals/things i want to do, like getting an internship, and making friends. and then write a detailed plan for them. But i haven't gotten to that yet and its just been another thing taking up space in my brain.

my phone camera stopped working a while ago. I didnt think my phone was that old (its a Samsung galaxy s7), but then my favorite alarm app stopped working. I tried to uninstall and reinstall, but then I couldn't download it cause my phone is too old 😭. I need to get a new phone. Hopefully with money from my job that I'll for sure get after giving them better availability lol.

My timeblocking schedule. I haven't been sticking to it as good as i'd have hoped. Some days (most days), i just really dont feel like studying calc or hackerrank and would much rather keep learning react. Those other topics have been neglected and im getting anxious about being super behind in my university physics course because its been years since the last time i calculated an integral. I'll take a whole day to refresh my calc skills, and that'll hopefully get me on track.

The other issue is that i dont get up as early as i hoped, or i stay on my phone for too long, and end up starting my day later than planned. And then I'll just say, "I'll get started after lunch/after i walk the dog", so my day really starts at 2pm instead of 8am. The other part of it is not blocking out days like Christmas, new years, new years day; days that I knew i probably would not be working. Then I don't work those days, even though work is scheduled, and when i come back i feel off schedule. If i cant follow this super easy schedule, how will i do will a busy schedule of classes and homework and work shifts?

Theres more i think, but im tired of writing now. I do feel a bit better. That could've been the adderall i took before this though.

oh also i think our house is in foreclosure. parents have been not-so-quietly yelling about it early in the mornings. I know there's nothing I can really do about this one, but its still stressful.