#I'm s much older
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AO3 is down for maintenance:( I've known about it for awhile but stilllll !) Oh and I'm about to be a big sibling. Mom's going to the hospital right now 👍 •ᴗ•
And I just found out that one of my all time favorite FICS updated and I can't even read it for almost 5 hours \(TOT)/ the pain!
The fic withdrawals are so painful! Let me read so I can forget about the possibility of my mom dying ╰(ɵ̥̥ ˑ̫ ɵ̥̥ ╰)
#ao3#ao3 maintenance#About to be a big nibbling#•ᴗ•#*Help me* whisper yelled the soon to be first time sibling!#because I'll be drinking and the baby will be sucking their thumb 👍#I'm s much older#oh man#and i cant#even read on Ao3#life is fucking me over today
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Slowly becoming yourself again
#by the time epilogue rolls around 4's hair will be back to where it's been before#older doodle I ended up polishing too much#I'm unwell about him (and the EP kids in general)#I gotta finish some of those research facility doodles and make a compilation because man#WfM fan AU#the witch from mercury#elan ceres#el4n
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I need people to understand how S&P (standards and practices) works in television and how much influence they have over what gets to stay IN an episode of a show and how the big time network execs are the ones holding the purse strings and making final decisions on a show's content, not the writers / showrunners / creatives involved.
So many creators have shared S&P notes over the years of the wild and nonsensical things networks wanted them to omit / change / forbid. Most famously on tumblr, I've seen it so many times, is the notes from Gravity Falls. But here's a post compiling a bunch of particularly bad ones from various networks too. Do you see the things they're asking to be changed / cut ?
Now imagine, anything you want to get into your show and actually air has to get through S&P and the network execs. A lot of creators have had to resort to underhanded methods. A lot of creators have had to relegate things to subtext and innuendo and scenes that are "open to interpretation" instead of explicit in meaning. Things have had to be coded and symbolized. And they're relying on their audience to be good readers, good at media literacy, to notice and get it. This stuff isn't the ramblings of conspiracy theorists, it's the true practices creatives have had to use to be able to tell diverse stories for ages. The Hays Code is pretty well known, it exists because of censorship. It was a way to symbolize certain things and get past censors.
Queercoding, in particular, has been used for ages in both visual media and literature do signal to queer audiences that yes, this character is one of us, but no, we can't be explicit about it because TPTB won't allow it. It's a wink-wink, nudge-nudge to those in the know. It's the deliberate use of certain queer imagery / clothing / mannerisms / phrases / references to other queer media / subtle glances and lingering touches. Things that offer plausible deniability and can be explained away or go unnoticed by straight audiences to get past those network censors. But that queer viewers WILL (hopefully) pick up on.
Because, unfortunately, still to this day, a lot of antiquated network execs don't think queer narratives are profitable. They don't think they'll appeal to general audiences, because that's what matters, whatever appeals to most of the audience demographic so they can keep watching and keep making the network more money. The networks don't care about telling good stories! Most of them are old white cishet business men, not creatives. They don't care about character arcs and what will make fans happy. They don't care about storytelling. What they care about is profit and they're basing their ideas of what's profitable on what they believe is the predominate target demographic, usually white cis heterosexual audiences.
So, imagine a show that started airing in the early 2000s. Imagine a show where the two main characters are based on two characters from a famous Beat Generation novel, where one of the characters is queer! based on a real like bisexual man! The creator is aware of this, most definitely. And sure, it's 2005, there's no way they were thinking of making that explicit about Dean in the text because it just wouldn't fly back then to have a main character be queer. But! it's made subtext. And there are nods to that queerness placed in the text. Things that are open to interpretation. Things that are drenched in metaphor (looking at you 1x06 Skin "I know I'm a freak" "maybe this thing was born human but was different...hated. Until he learned to become someone else.") Things that are blink-and-you-miss-it and left to plausible deniability (things like seemingly spending an hour in the men's bathroom, or always reacting a little vulnerable and awkward when you're clocked instead of laughing it off and making a homophobic joke abt it)
And then, years later there's a ship! It's popular and at first the writers aren't really seriously thinking about it but they'll throw the fans a bone here and there. Then, some writers do get on the destiel train and start actively writing scenes for them that are suggestive. And only a fraction of what they write actually makes it into the text. So many lines left on the cutting room floor: i love past you. i forgive you i love you. i lost cas and it damn near broke me. spread cas's ashes alone. of course i wanted you to stay. if cas were here. -- etc. Everything cut was not cut by the writers! Why would a writer write something to then sabotage their own story and cut it? No, these are things that didn't make it past the network. Somewhere a note was made maybe "too gay" or "don't feed the shippers" or simply "no destiel."
So, "no destiel." That's pretty clearly the message we got from the CW for years. "No destiel. Destiel will alienate our general audience. Two of our main characters being queer? And in a relationship? No way." So what can the pro-destiel creatives involved do, if the network is saying no? What can the writers do if most of their explicit destiel (or queer dean) lines / moments are getting cut? Relegate things to subtext. Make jokes that straight people can wave off but queer people can read into. Make costuming and set design choices that the hardcore fans who are already looking will notice while the general audience and the out-of-touch network execs won't blink and eye at (I'm looking at you Jerry and your lamps and disappearing second nightstands and your gay flamingo bar!)
And then, when the audience asks, "is destiel real? is this proof of destiel?" what can the creatives do but deny? Yes, it hurts, to be told "No no I don't know what you're talking about. There's no destiel in supernatural" a la "there is no war in Ba Sing Se" but! if the network said "no destiel!" and you and your creative team have been working to keep putting destiel in the subtext of the narrative in a way that will get past censors, you can't just go "Yes, actually, all that subtext and symbolism you're picking up, yea it's because destiel is actually in the narrative."
But, there's a BIG difference between actively putting queer themes and subtext into the narrative and then saying it's not there (but it is! and the audience sees it!) versus NOT putting any queer content into the text but SAYING it is there to entice queer fans to continue watching. The latter, is textbook queerbaiting. The former? Is not. The former is the tactics so many creatives have had to use for years, decades, centuries, to get past censorship and signal to those in the know that yea, characters like you are here, they exist in this story.
Were the spn writers perfect? No, absolutely not. And I don't think every instance of queer content was a secret signal. Some stuff, depending on the writer, might've been a period-typical gay joke. These writers are flawed. But it's no secret that there were pro-destiel writers in the writing room throughout the years, and that efforts were made to make it explicitly canon (the market research!)
So no, the writers weren't ever perfect or a homogeneous entity. But they definitely were fighting an uphill battle constantly for 15 yrs against S&P and network execs with antiquated ideas of what's profitable / appealing.
Spn even called out the networks before, on the show, using a silly example of complaints abt the lighting of the show and how dark the early seasons were. Brightening the later seasons wasn't a creative choice, but a network choice. And if the networks can complain abt and change something as trivial as the lighting of a show, they definitely are having a hand in influencing the content of the show, especially queer content.
Even in s15, (seasons fifteen!!!) Misha has said he worried Castiel's confession would not air. In 2020!!! And Jensen recorded that scene on his personal phone! Why? Sure, for the memories. But also, I do not doubt for a second that part of it was for insurance, should the scene mysteriously disappear completely. We've seen the finale script. We've seen the omitted omitted omitted scenes. We all saw how they hacked the confession scene to bits. The weird cuts and close-ups. That's not the writers doing. That's likely not even the editors (willingly). That's orders from on high. All of the fuckery we saw in s15 reeks of network interference. Writers are not trying to sabotage their own stories, believe me.
Anyways, TLDR: Networks have a lot more power than many think and they get final say in what makes it to air. And for years creative teams have had to find ways to get past network censorship if they want "banned" or "unapproved" "unprofitable" "unwanted" content to make it into the show. That means relying on techniques like symbolism, subtext, and queercoding, and then shutting up about it. Denying its there, saying it's all "open to interpretation" all while they continue to put that open to interpretation content into the show. And that's not queerbaiting, as frustrating as it might be for queer audiences to be told that what they're seeing isn't there, it's still not queerbaiting. Queerbaiting is a marketing technique to draw in queer fans by baiting them with the promise of queer content and then having no queer content in said media. But if you are picking up on queer themes / subtext / symbolism / coding that is in front of your face IN the text, that's not queerbaiting. It's there, covertly, for you, because someone higher up didn't want it to be there explicitly or at all.
#long post#LONG-ass post#but it needed to be said!#i'm sorry if you think every creative involved with spn was a braindead asshole but the thing is.#even the most mediocre of writers understands a thing or two abt symbolism and writers working in TV are plagued by S&P#countless writers have talked abt the S&P bullshit and having to tweak and edit down their work to get past censors#it's a reality of writing for television#and the people who understand all this and understand the context of making TV in the early 2000s (to present tbh!) aren't 'delusional'#i'm sorry but it's naive to think that queer stories and queer characters are free to be told even nowadays. it's still a constant battle#times have changed but unfortunately not as much as you'd think#the confession !!!!! the confession still struggled to air and what we got was so obviously hacked down to bits!!!!!!#how can anyone think getting destiel content into the show was ever easy?#how can anyone think the pro-destiel writers weren't constantly having to be careful and underhanded in their writing?#there's a reason queercoding and subtext exist and it's this!!! it's censorship from TPTB#anyways. people much older than me have been talking abt this for ages. younger fans who are used to more open queer rep need to understand#it hasn't always been that easy and even nowadays SO many networks are still not willing to take a risk on queer stories#so creators do what they can#vic.txt
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imagine: deadbeat older sibling percy.
#ffxivsnaps#gposers#ffxiv gpose#ffxiv oc#hyur#mygposes.#first unofficial but official gpose of 2025#so i kept saying percy could be a middle or younger sibling with a lot of brothers#but there's a certain charm in them being the eldest who bullies their sibling(s) that i can't get away from#so instead of Many brothers. i'm thinking of giving them a set of baby twin brothers. their names are kiernan & kvornan :]#they're like if alphinaud and alisaie had an older broster. it's brother & sister mashed together#i may end up giving them one more brother and place them in the middle after all#so hypothetically the order will be: brother -> percy -> twins#(p.s. i hate how i used this pose 3 times now but i love it too much)
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I’ll never forget you babes 😭💔😔🥺
I finally come back to tumblr and t h i s is what I see. That's it, I'm done, I'm uninstalling tumblr. Bye everyone, it's Honey's fault-
#For the l a s t freaking time#I am average height#A V E R A G E#WHICH MEANS; FOR YOU PEOPLE WHO DIDN'T DO WELL IN STATISTICS#THE TYPICAL OR CENTRAL VALUE WITHIN A SET OF DATA; AKA THE MEDIAN#Or you know#THE MOST C O M M O N VALUE. THE VALUE YOU'RE MOST LIKELY TO SEE#Checkmate#Also jokes on you#I'm way older than the expected lifespan this cursed screenshot shows#T h e r e f o r e#I ' m t h e p r i m o r d i a l o n e#Bow before me; for I transcend pathetic mortal comprehension#I transcend my o w n comprehension tbh#Go from “I can't string two sentences together” to “Oops; wrote a 14k one shot in the span of one day”#I am s o r r y for these tags. Who is reading them. Why am I writing so much; help me-
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Was showing some TW3 Lambert scenes to Rae tonight and it's soooo cute that he's such an emotional drunk. Depending on dialogue choices, you can have a scene play out where Geralt's like "you know you're like a little brother to me right?" And Lambert goes "[voice cracking] Why would you say that to me? I'm gonna cry. Come here" and as he moves in for a hug he knocks the empty wine bottle to the floor and just shatters it everywhere ruining the moment asfrtdfgt they're all such a fucking mess
#the witcher games#kaer morons#there's also one where his voice cracks and his brothers give him shit for it#idk if he sounds young in the other versions of the game#but in the english he genuinely sounds like he's in his 20's and it makes so much sense now after looking up the book timelines#and learning he's not much older than dandelion#since witchers age slower than humans he's literally like. a baby in witcher years still. I love him#[I'm not being literal about the baby thing don't get weird abt it]
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if youre still taking the top 100 song rqs - how about 34 and something kairi related? ❤️ (dont worry about it if you're already swamped with rqs!)
but i regret just one thing: i never got to change your mind
[ID: a digital drawing of kairi from kingdom hearts. the background is a sketchy rendition of the tunnel in Traverse Town's secret waterway. the shadows are a little chunky, and the circular waterway frames her from the shoulder up.
she is in her kingdom hearts outfit, shown from the thigh up. with her back to the audience, kairi holds her right arm behind her back, shoulders tense. her right hand is curled into a fist. /End ID.]
#empyreasheart#hi dear!! this took a while because i kept changing my mind about the lyric/the drawing.... happy attempt no 4 for me<3#this just keeps happening w/kairi idk why. i just love her sm i want to do well by her sorry about. The Sad.#i love her so much i think about the lucky charm scene constantly it makes me wanna weep#i was gonna originally do older kairi (~kh4) with 'couple years flashing by—and i'm doing okay' w/her#holding a blue-red-gold seashell (for both rik/u and s/ora) or a message bottle in the destiny island's pier but. i couldn't figure out#the pose. Or the outfit..... i'm not great at designing those; specially those w/fantastical-esque elements#anyway tysm for the ask!! and for the patience too <3#kairi kh#nano does reqs#my doods#i love posting at mystifying times (i finish at terrible hours and get excited)#34
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The many ways I've drawn Sierra's eyes since Feb 2022, in rough chronological order (oldest to newest)
#warframe#mesa sierra#warframe oc#see. I'm very normal#my art#some of them have alt descriptions in case you're curious#yep Sierra at one point (she didn't have a name yet until months later) was a black brown and gold Mesa Prime and had “normal” human eyes#and it carried over once the base mesa design grew on me but it felt weird putting them on top of the bandana#given the original intent behind it#so I played around with it till it became the 3-eyed design it is rn#i'm torn between the bottom middle and bottom right#some of these drawings were definitely not included to show all the pictures in 3's :3#lotsa wips here#would you guys like me to post some of these older ones? even if I find them kinda crappy/incomplete#also ngl I should really vary my lighting setups more... apparently I use the same light beige bg a lot#imagine drawing chars consistently. cant be me#i'm happy to have drawn so much because of this rascal though#fun fact the “eyes” on her bandana are just external neuroptics#her real one is found underneath like umbra's sunder helm
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omfg . radio play version of much ado with david as benedick from 2001
#this version of benedick is a lottttt more serious and restrained than the 2011 version#definitely due to the medium and bc it matches the energy of this version of beatrice way better#it's not david and catherine's insane comedic chemistry but it's still really good imo..#like it's obviously not as endlessly fucking funny as the 2011 version but it's still really solid#and i'm impressed with how they did the humor in a 100% audio format#and i actually really love this interpretation of benedick as more cynical and leaning into his Hater side#ironically david's benedick here generally comes off as older and more mature than his benedick 10 years later#'the prince's fool... hAhH???' is obviously extremely funny but also 'the prince's fool... [uppity hmph]' is Inspired#and his outraged 'oh!'s and gasps and sighs when he listens to don pedro/claudio/leonato talking abt beatrice being in love with him#also funnily enough i think benedick's whole monologue after this is SO good. if not better than the 2011 version#cuz it's more restrained you have benedick's haterism actively fighting and losing against his satisfaction and giddy laughter#and the bit where benedick challenges claudio is so ohhhghhgouhgghg#the way his voice deepens with 'and her death shall fall heavy on you' just FLOORS me it's fucking perfect#but also equally as fun are the line readings where they have evidently remained the same (or similar)#my dearrrrr ladyyyy disdaiiiiinnnn#and the 'she misused me past the endurance of a block' rant#and when he's bitching about claudio falling in love w hero#but the vibes are so different this feels like a whole separate guy and that's really cool#i'm not sure how much i would love this production overall if i wasn't as familiar w the play tho#much ado#shakespeare#essentially trying to say in the least embarrassing way possible that david tennant is now both my first and second favorite benedick
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Insane over the awakening trio again. We fought a war together, saved each other multiple times, and I know for a fact I can trust you with my life. We have never learned to socialize normally so we can't interact in a normal environment for five seconds without dunking on each other. I would follow you through time and space and abandon everything with you. You are the living reminder of every awful thing that have ever happened to me. Our traumas make us hurt each other at every turn. We're the only ones who know what lead to each other becoming Like That. Our jobs are barely in the same area and we don't even hang out that much outside of necessities. You are all I have left. I cannot fucking understand you. I am the only one in this entire world who has the ability to even try to.
x
#my text#asks#fe13#This ask is so good I wanna publish it first without any of my commentary and then i'll rb it with my own comments later#this is just fun to read#thinking of this line in particular:#'Our jobs are barely in the same area and we don't even hang out that much outside of necessities. '#i don't show it enough in my fics because a lot of my fics are fates focused or au focused for convenience sake so i want the awakening tri#to be hanging out way more and have had their growth but canonically before awakening they really like. Do Not Associate.#i think of this for so many of the awakening kids in general but like. they all travel through time together. they go through something lik#the future past DLC together. their lives depend on each other so much. most of them cannot stand each other.#inigo and owain Do Not fucking get along and never have really until fates when they're both adults and even then they're ribbing each othe#there's no doubt to me that they have gotten into a physical fight at least once before. or they avoid each other and are extremely rude#when forced to work together outside life or death scenarios. especially pre-awakening.#in their supports owain tries to be nice to severa repeatedly and she goes out of her way to be extra rude to the point#that he has a crises about being weird. and even if their s support isnt' canon#severa notes that owain was always nice to her and she struggled with being nice back throughout their lives#inigo and severa don't get along either. inigo is trying to be “nice”/build his confidence of talking to others with compliments#but he's genuinely condescending and quite rude and doesn't listen to severa telling him to stop talking to her like that.#note: severa actively goes out of her way to be mean to a lot of people back then. she's not easy to get along with.#(interestingly she tells noire she only does this to take people down a peg and doesn't do it to people with no self esteem like noire.#(similar to niles in a way. to be explored later.)#These people are Not Close and they are not each other's first choices to hang out. and they probably were aware of each other in#childhood but much more aware when they're older. owain's childhood friends were probably the Justice Cabal.#severa canonically hung with noire tot he point where noire grew up relying on her. i suspect she hung with the girls most of all#inigo... i'm not sure he has any close childhood friends. which could be attributed to maybe (a) living in Regna Ferox with Olivia#if you believe they went with basilio after the first war#or maybe learning early on to hide his real self early on so he never lets anyone get close. he clearly Cares about everyone in a#'won't let anyone die if he can help it/won't let them die alone (gerome/owain)' kind of way#but is he Close with them? I don't think so. not until Awakening and he has A supports
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#i really wish yamaha can allow a re-release of v1 as is but compatible with newer systems iygwim?#i'm not a tech person so i'm not sure if it's even possible#but the v1's are legacy products and with the vsynth userbase currently being bigger than ever i'm like 80-90% sure they would sell#better than their first and second times at least#and the fact that users are willing to drop hundreds and even thousands (like leon being sold for over $700-$1k on ebay bids 2-3 yrs ago)#on older/retired synths shows how much they're more than willing to buy them#then again i'm always open for updates/migrations and have been waiting for 11 years now#i just wanna see the v1 zg's in the spotlight#waffula talks
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small mental health win (parent finally understands that i can be triggered by things and feels pity)
#for context i watched dead poets society as part of a group yesterday and i forgot to look up the content warnings#and basically a character kills themself practically on screen and it was highly triggering especially with everything else in my life rn#but i was telling my parent this story and all i had to say was the name of the movie and they went “oh noo that's not good for you”#and it was a small thing but after spending so much time over the years explaining what triggers are and how they affect me it was nice to s#see that finally get through and for them to understand that i don't have a good time when im triggered#i'm still not winning on the big things but it's good to have a small win like this every once in a while#and also just a reminder that older generations can be taught and can change even if lots of people refuse to#personal
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Curious cause I don't think I've seen you explain this before; what made you want to have Jazz be older than Anton ? I don't think I've ever seen anyone else have their s/i be the older one in the relationship if they didn't have to xP no hate at all either lol I love it ! I think it's super unique and it's part of what draws me to Jazzton
HONESTLY it is a mix between him starting out as a pᎥzza tower s/i who I shipped with PeppᎥno (who I also picture being around 50) and me wanting to have a s/i who's a middle aged man (personal transition goals ♡♡♡). Anton being notably younger than him is just kind of the way things worked out.
Plus, given the way the antօn.blαst team used to pretty loudly endorse shipping him with PeppᎥno (which is what kickstarted jazzton to begin with, before it stopped really being a polyship thing), I think it's very fun and reasonable to go "yeah Anton 100% just has a thing for older men". Good for him 👍👍👍👍
#older men who are fat and transgender and autistic. IF I may specify further ☝️#those last two traits are headcanons only but it is real To Me#I don't usually specify ages for my s/is. but in my head there are definitely a few who are older than the character I'm shipping them with#none by that much of a margin though. they're all generally within five years difference#honestly? I should change that. I should just decide to make some of my s/is older. it's fun and I like it#my st.ar wa.rs s/i needs to be older idk why I made him so young#but to be fair I think my ''I NEED to be a middle aged man'' stuff came about after I originally designed him#oops we are getting off topic lol#anyway....#asks#roz posts
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I get it was an important moment but... he's so cute when he's asleep!
#ash rambles 💚#in this scene you see ash next to him#and she takes her long coat off and drapes it over him like a blanket with a soft smile#my partner in (not) crime 🔍#I've got a real soft spot for him when he's sleepy#it was when i realized i had a thing for him ajdjajdh#didnt think much of him until that scene in the first game#where he was super drunk and passed out over the bar and made that cute sleepy noise when you pressed on him#all it took for me to fall in love was hearing him whimper apparently- yeah sounds like me BAHAHAHA#i adore him#ash and him have known each other since their 20s (didnt fall in love till their late 30s and early 40s) so they work really well together#they're a set <3 do not separate#man... him at the end of 6 is so sad-#but whatever#he's so cute when he's sleepy!#I've gotta get up early tomorrow.. gotta do some shit before class#also I'm gonna go visit my cousin! he's only a few days old. kinda ugly but he moved around and tried to open his eyes when i held him#so maybe he likes me? it's okay kiddo! I'm the coolest big sis you'll ever have!#when you're older I'm gonna make you play so many video games 🥰🥰🥰#anyways back to y.akuza#time to go catch some 💤s! preferably in D.ate's arms! my lovely detective!#and tomorrow after i study a bit (since i am determined to start this quarter off on a good note!) I'll play L.ost J.udgment!!!!#S.UGIURA TIME!!!! MY LOVEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i played only enough to see him lmao then i went back to y.akuza 6. but now i can focus on him!#okay goodnight for realsies#mask off 🎭#or good morning ig#good evening? afternoon?#good timezone.#yawwwwnnsss
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chilling at the beach with nathan.
#simblr#ts4#ts4 gameplay#tjolc#tjol challenge#f: vickers#vickers: 1#s: fennec#s: nathan#q#after the twins are older i'll have more time to focus on fen which i'm rly looking forward to#taking care of them takes so much time GOD
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feeling nostalgic and watching utube reactors discover classic songs and then feeling both old and incredulous
#1980s music#like someone watching blondie's rapture and then stopping to go 'oh it reminds me of something it's so familiar'#different people (all younger) do this all the time and it can be infuriating#like it's an older song - did it ever occur to you that maybe what you're thinking of ... took inspiration from THIS song????#although in that case it was rather grandmaster flash and the nyc rap scene bc of course that's what the song was referencing#it's the boss baby meme but in music form#and i know i'm guikty of it too but at least in the correct direction - looking back to things that came before#not being aghast that a beat they've heard s thousand times was sampled from an old song that copied an older song lol#i will say that it is SO weird to me that peopke who say they are into hiphop never seem to reference the rap from my youth#like the late 70s and 80s sound that everything after is built on#and it's not like i know a lot about it beyond watching yo mtv raps at night lol#but i had to watch kids struggle to recognize the warren g regulate sample from michael mcdonald#like SO much of the early sampling era was just tons of samples of old records - anything they didn't have to pay for#and then listening to things and going oh this sounds like the weeknd - bro the weekend sounds like 80s songs#he sings and structures the songs in similar ways to classic tracks rather than the current trend (sometimes)#gah i'm just ranting here rather than in some poor utubers comments#i wish i had some fellow old folks to jabber with#but even when i was in high school i didn't have any friends that liked the same kind of music as i did#bts getting me more interested in music and watching videos has really been a double-edged sword sigh#everything with a live studio band with bass in it: 'oh this sounds like disco'#or worse something literally built off a disco sample and it's like they've never heard a disco song other than ymca in their life
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