#I'm right. but when you say it bluntly you're overreacting

[envolvenuances]

genuinely can't stand how I'm treated like a conspiracy theorist when I call incels a movement reacting to the significant resistance against forced and child marriages

[gremlinmodetweeker]

Hey there! I really enjoy your posts about our resistant big boy König. I was wondering if you could create some hcs for the reader pampering him and taking care of him. Like maybe he has a stomach ache, so the reader gives him an abdominal massage or something if you’re comfortable with writing something like that. <3

Okay so first, I'm so sorry for being late. I got super busy this week. I've gone on three 6 hour long drives in the past four days. Three!!! I've been travelling north and my lord I'm bouncing all over the place. But, you're not here for me whinging about driving, we're here for the 'RESIDENT BIG BOY'.

I'm taking notes on that one, btw. That one's too good not to use. Resident Big Boy is now the best way to describe him. But yes, I am more than glad to go over some headcannons! König is a very silly man when he gets a bit under the weather, so let's go over why below the cut.

To put it bluntly, König is a big suck. He really is. He's emotionally mature enough to know that he's overreacting, but he's trained to deal with the worst, not mild inconveniences. For him, having a full fever is easier than dealing with a small problem. The worst part of it all is that it's usually self inflicted.

König doesn't really get colds. He also doesn't really get hurt badly (unless he's come back from a mission, but that's another post entirely). He's careful, neat and considerate with his actions. That said, he has these moments where you really have to question how he's still alive.

You see, König has this little saying that he learned from his family. It's his catchphrase, at this point. Horangi groans whenever he hears it. Stilleto puts her head in her hands. Hutch's eyes glaze over as he looks far off into the distance and shakes his head, quietly muttering, "It's not right, man. It's not right." With all these reactions, you might be wondering what exactly is König's favourite catchphrase?

"It's not an expiry date, it's a best by date."

König has had food poisoning many times.

So when König goes on a whole rant about how 'it's not that moldy, just eat around it', the whole company knows to just wait. Almost like clockwork, the only thing König will be eating for the next 24 hours are his words.

When he's sick, he'll go home and he'll make it your problem. His stomach will be cramping, he'll be spewing vomit like a sprinkler, and he'll be stuck in the bathroom for hours at a time. When he crawls out, you'll be there for him.

You'll have to change his bedding religiously for him. He's sweating up a storm over here. Each time you do, he'll thank you profusely and then collapse into bed.

You'll have to change his bucket. He has a designated vomit bucket (he's gotten food poisoning enough to have one marked and ready for the occasion). He'll always thank you and hold your hand. Thankfully, the military forces him to keep short hair so you don't have to hold that back, but he does really appreciate you rubbing his back. Honestly, who doesn't? It's the least you can do for someone turning their stomach inside out.

With his cramps, he'll pretend he's fine but at this point, you probably know better than to believe him when he says it doesn't hurt that much. Instead, get him a nice supply of heat packs for the worst cramps. However, he much prefers you holding him or rubbing his stomach. It's much more comfortable. He's so happy to have someone care for him like this. He might not be able to give back while he's sick, but he won't forget your kindness to him. He'll pay it back three-fold soon enough.

Every time you make him a light soup, every time you carefully feed him a plain salad or some cut fruit, he's delighted. He knows it might be coming back up in less than an hour, but he's grateful for anything you provide him. As long as it's edible, he'll eat it. (Just please remember to stay away from foods that are hard to digest, like protein, dairy and carbs. Maybe some plain toast with his soup is alright, but it's a good idea to give sick people simple food. Just a pro tip.)

He will curl up to you and use you as a blanket when he gets cold. He will soak up your heat like he's in the ice age. He can't get enough of your gentle touches or soft words. He clings to them as he clings to you, a suffocating embrace.

When you are too hot, he'll begrudgingly roll away and kick off all his blankets and sheets. That's a good sign that maybe you can step away and do some household chores for him. The house doesn't clean itself, after all. When he can appreciate your hard work properly, he'll gladly kiss you and hold you close. However for now, he'll just curl up and lay perpendicular to you and lay his head on your abdomen when you get back. He may not be able to kiss you right now, but he'll gladly curl up on the mattress with you.

Sometimes, he might need help walking to and from the bathroom, and that's always an ordeal. Unless you're strong enough, he'll just have you both toppling over in a heap of sickness and sweat. It'll be miserable. Instead, he'll have to force himself to stand a bit so he won't have you losing your balance. When he collapses back in the bed, he'll huff and puff and grumble about the bathroom being too far, but he'll live. Maybe take the time to run your hands through his hair and scratch his scalp. He'd like that quite a bit.

Anyways, I hope these are some decent headcannons! I am most certainly comfortable writing things like this, and you've inspired a post about König getting fully sick, and how to deal with that! I also might make one about him dealing with minor injuries, like stubbing a toe or spraining a muscle while training. I imagine this guy is an amazing survivalist, but his civilian survival skills are akin to that of a lemming.

[philomenie]

KILLING ME SOFTLY

Hitman!Jolly - Part 1

CN murder, violence, sex, organized crime, blood, angst, 18+

@jilliemiw86 @nojoyontheburn @reyadawn @dsireland86

TEN

Jolly is startled when his cell phone, which he still has in his pocket, buzzes and vibrates. Olivia sighs restlessly in his arms.

Damn.... If this becomes a habit now, he thinks to himself angrily and looks at the display.

Kolja.... FUCK!!!

Jolly clenches his jaw, it's the middle of the night, but if he doesn't pick up, he'll make himself look suspicious.

As he carefully tries to pull away from Olivia, she claws at him again.

Jolly is torn.

Damn, it'll have to be like this, he thinks to himself and accepts the call.

“Jolly.... Artur has disappeared, including two of his men!” Kolja opens the conversation bluntly.

“And what am I supposed to do now?” he asks back.

“Track him down!” Artur hisses back.

“Listen... you've got enough men to look for him, what am I supposed to do? Besides, my head is pounding, I'm exhausted and tired!” Jolly explains as calmly as he can.

“If my father wants you to be my right-hand man, then act like it!” growls Kolja.

You pathetic little wanker, Jolly thinks angrily, now you're coming at me like this!

“Just tell me what you want from me!” sighs Jolly.

“THAT YOU FIND ARTUR!” Kolja roars.

The noise wakes Olivia up and she stares in horror at Jolly, who immediately puts his index finger over his mouth, signaling her to be quiet. Wide-eyed, she nods.

“In the middle of the night....” growls Jolly, ”Have all his whores searched, he'll already be holed up in one of them...”

“That's what's happening!” Kolja grumbles.

“He can't have vanished into thin air!” sighs Jolly, ”Who was the last person to see him?”

“My father.....” explains Kolja.

“And nobody else after that?” asks Jolly.

“No, he stormed out of his office and nobody saw him after that!” growls Kolja.

Jolly nods with relief, that's not bad... at least that way no one can link him to Artur.

“Maybe he needs to digest this first, got drunk somewhere, stayed with one of his bitches.... Or ran off somewhere.... I don't know, I don't know him.” Jolly sighs, ”Maybe he just wants to be left alone... and that's why he can't be found.”

“Hmm” Kolja seems to be thinking, ”I'll have my men search everything anyway.....”

“Do that... and if he doesn't turn up straight away, you can decide whether to keep looking for him or give him time to turn up on his own!” Jolly tells Kolja.

“Hmm,” grumbles Kolja, not entirely convinced.

“Whatever you decide.... I'd like to go back to sleep now, as I said I'm finished and my head is buzzing!” urges Jolly.

“All right.....” Kolja interjects, ”But if Artur doesn't turn up....”

“I'll look for him.....” sighs Jolly, ”Give him time... it's not the first time he's overreacted!”

“Hmm” Kolja nods reluctantly, ”You're right.....”

“Can I hang up now?” Jolly wants to know.

“Yes.... But come here tomorrow... my father wants to discuss something with both of us!” Kolja interjects before hanging up.

Olivia, who has overheard every word, freezes at the last sentence, buries her face in his chest and shakes her head. When Jolly puts his cell phone on the bedside table, she begs him, “Don't go there.....”

“I have to, min Liv!” sighs Jolly, holding her tightly against him, ”I have to keep everything the same or Semjon will get suspicious... he's smart and dangerous. Kolja is a snake and no less dangerous... I mustn't give them any cause for suspicion!”

“I can't stand it!” Olivia sobs, ”How am I supposed to deal with the fact that you could be killed at any moment!”

“I won't be killed!” declares Jolly sternly, ”I'll take care of myself, don't worry about that. It's worked out quite well so far!”

Olivia looks at him in despair, gently stroking the injuries on his face, “I wouldn't say that....” she swallows with tears in her eyes.

Jolly kisses her tenderly, “I promise you, the nightmare will end soon!”

Olivia snuggles up to him, “I don't know how I'm going to survive the days until then.....”

“One day at a time!” whispers Jolly harshly, ”I'll contact Doi and tell him time is of the essence! Maybe I can speed it up with that!”

Olivia nods and presses herself even closer to him, “I can't lose you...” she whispers barely audibly and Jolly's heart tightens, pure happiness pulses through his veins and he feels pure security.

“Happy with your car?” smiles Doi as Jolly approaches him.

“Hmm,” he nods and points to Doi's shot ear with a nod of his head, ”All good with that?”

Doi looks at Jolly lurkingly, then nods, “By now yes... I could have done without it though!”

“Better than a bullet between the eyes....” smiles Jolly.

“Quite.....” nods Doi, ”So, here we are.... What have you got for me!”

“How soon can you get me and Liv passports... guarantee a safe escape?” Jolly wants to know from him.

“I can do that within a week.... Where are you going?” asks Doi.

“Away from the Russian mafia's sphere of influence and preferably also from the Yakuza or any other organization!” explains Jolly.

Doi laughs, “I didn't know you were a dreamer!”

Jolly looks at him calmly.

“Very well.... Think about where you want to go.... My private plane is ready and waiting!” Doi nods, ”But if you want to start somewhere new, you'll need some start-up capital!”

“True... I also need papers for Liv with a new name and dates. She's a doctor... I don't want her to have to give up her job for me when she's already lost everything!” explains Jolly.

“Hmm a doctor....” Doi seems to consider, then looks Jolly straight in the eye, “If I'm honest, I could really use a man of your caliber.... A female doctor wouldn't be bad either!”

“Forget it!” growls Jolly, glaring at Doi, ”That's not on the table!”

“Hmm” smiles Doi, ”Anyway, my offer stands!”

“No need!” grumbles Jolly.

“Well then, WHAT have you got for me?” Doi then wants to know.

“Your two moles.....” Jolly begins and tells Doi the names of the traitors, causing his face to darken instantly.

“Fuck!” he hisses, ”They'll regret this!”

Jolly simply shrugs his shoulder.

“Anything else?” Doi wants to know.

“Semjon.... He's dying!” Jolly explains calmly.

Doi's eyebrow goes up, “Oh!”

“Brain tumor, he doesn't have long, hence his attempts to secure everything for Kolja!” adds Jolly.

“And then the asshole starts stressing me out?” laughs Doi, shaking his head in amusement.

“I didn't say he was acting rationally!” explains Jolly.

“Do you know how long he has left?” Doi wants to know.

“No!” Jolly shakes his head.

“Kolja.... is he a problem?” Doi follows up.

“He's not his father, definitely not.... A weakling, a snake at the same time. I'd be more worried about his mother!” explains Jolly.

“Inga?” Doi asks, puzzled.

“Inga!” nods Jolly, ”She pulls the strings in the background. Semjon listens to her, even though she never appears in public. Kolja too. If you want to hurt the Russian mafia, take Inga out after Semjon's death!”

“Hmm,” Doi nods thoughtfully, ”who else is a potential danger?”

“Oleg, Semjon's right hand man!” nods Jolly.

“What about his daughter, Nadja?” Doi wants to know.

Jolly shakes his head, “Leave Nadja out of it!”

“Oh!” Doi's eyebrow goes up again, ”Then it's true that you're fucking her, you're having an affair... what does your Liv say?”

“Had!” Jolly clarifies, ”She's about to get engaged to Sergei Ivanov.....”

“Then she's a potential threat too!” states Doi coldly.

“She has ambitions!” admits Jolly reluctantly.

“A woman with ambitions....” nods Doi, ”More dangerous than many a man!”

“Hmm” nods Jolly with a bad feeling in his stomach, he doesn't want to hand Nadja over to Doi, ”If you want a reliable ally, then Nadja is the one for you. She's smart, she knows how to assess the situation. Help her take over the organization instead of Kolja. That would mean peace and you'd benefit from each other!”

Doi ponders, “An interesting idea... I'll think about it!” he explains.

“Don't think too long.... I had a conversation with Semjon and Kolja yesterday. They're planning an all-out attack on all other organizations that Semjon sees as a threat. Pure idiocy!” adds Jolly.

He has to think about the conversation and he still feels sick about what it would mean for everyone. Chaos, suffering, dozens of deaths... especially innocent people would be dragged into it, killed.

“Semjon has become unpredictable!” snorts Doi, to which Jolly nods in agreement.

“Another thing, Kolja's going crazy because Artur's gone.....” Jolly grumbles.

“Hmm, I'll think of something.....” smiles Doi.

Jolly raises his eyebrow questioningly.

“I'm not casting suspicion on you....” Doi placates Jolly, ”But I think Kolja needs to know for sure what happened to his man!”

“Hmm!” nods Jolly darkly.

“Good... I'll take care of everything and let you know when I have your papers.... As for the start-up capital, is a million enough?” smiles Doi.

Jolly stares at him in disbelief.

“More?” Doi wants to know.

“Um... no.” Jolly swallows, dumbfounded.

“Your information was important to me... but the fact that you helped Nicholas escape is worth more than gold to me. He's like a brother to me! I'm very grateful to you for that... and that you didn't hit me!” Doi explains seriously.

“Hmm” nods Jolly, not knowing what to say to that.

“Well... and if you change your mind, I'll always have a place for you with me!” smiles Doi and says goodbye.

Jolly feels like a mountain is falling off his shoulders..... It's working, he thinks to himself, it's really working! Soon I'll be free and can start a normal life with Liv.

Olivia puts her hair up with trembling hands, breathing in and out deeply.

Jolly steps behind her and wraps his arms around her waist, tenderly kissing the junction of her neck and shoulder, “Are you sure you're ready to go back to work?” he asks anxiously.

Olivia shrugs her shoulders, “I can't stay at home any longer.... We're permanently understaffed anyway!”

“Hmm,” he grumbles and kisses her temple, ”I'm still not comfortable! I'd rather have you here where I can protect you!”

Olivia turns to him so that she can look directly at him, “You can hardly keep an eye on me 24/7!” she smiles.

“I can!” he kisses her on the lips, ‘And you can believe me that I won't let you out of my sight for a second!’ he grimly grumbles, ”Something like what happened to Artur will never happen again, I swear to you. No one will ever harm a hair on your head again!”

“It's OK, Joakim!” whispers Olivia, putting her hand on his cheek, ”It wasn't your fault!”

“Oh yes, it was!” whispers Jolly harshly.

“Please.... Let's not talk about it anymore!” swallows Olivia, ”I just want to forget it!”

“All right....” nods Jolly, still feeling miserable, ”I'll drive you to the hospital and pick you up again! I can also sit in the emergency room...” he suggests.

“No, that's not necessary, really!” Olivia smiles and snuggles up to him.

��Hmm,” mumbles Jolly, not entirely convinced.

Before he can say anything back, his cell phone buzzes and he notices how Olivia freezes in his arms.

She looks at him anxiously as he grimly takes the call.

“Come here now, I have a job for you!” Semjon grumbles.

“I'm on my way, it may take a while....” Jolly dodges.

“YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE ON THE WAY!” Semjon immediately roars, ”YOU'LL BE HERE IN A QUARTER OF AN HOUR, DID YOU UNDERSTAND?!”

“In half an hour....” Jolly contradicts stoically, noticing how Olivia shakes her head frantically, then takes her reassuringly in his arms.

“You're getting away with a lot!” Semjon realizes more calmly, ‘It's probably time to show you your place again, where you belong!’ he threatens dangerously quietly.

Olivia presses her hand over her mouth to stop herself from gasping out loud. She clings to Jolly in horror.

Jolly has to pull himself together so as not to irritate Semjon even more, “I'm sorry if you get that impression. But I can't help the traffic here.... Unfortunately, it's going to take me at least half an hour to get to you. And I'm on the road because I sometimes have to go shopping!” he explains as calmly as possible.

“Hmm,” grumbles Semjon, ‘but no later than half an hour!’ and hangs up.

“Oh God, Joakim!” Olivia sobs desperately against his chest.

Jolly hugs her to him, “Nothing will happen to me. He'll have calmed down by the time I get to him, I've seen enough of him!” he tries to reassure Olivia.

“And if he doesn't? If he knocks you down again?” Olivia swallows.

“He won't... he has a job for me.... That's probably more important to him than taking his anger out on me!” explains Jolly.

“An assignment is.....” Olivia looks at him anxiously.

“Hmm” Jolly nods, ”He wants me to kill someone for him!”

Olivia closes her eyes, “This is just so wrong....” she whispers desperately.

“I know, min Liv!” Jolly rests his forehead against hers, “But if I don't do it......” he leaves the sentence unfinished.

“I know... and that's the terrible thing about it... if you don't, he'll kill you!” she whispers, ”Another life for your life.”

Jolly nods slowly.

“Come on, min Liv, I'll drive you to the hospital...” he then explains gently.

“No.... Go straight to Volkov! Don't waste a minute! I don't want him to get even angrier with you if you don't get to him in time!” she swallows.

“Out of the question!” growls Jolly, ”I won't let you take the subway alone!”

“Yes, you will, because I'm not going to let that maniac hurt you again!” declares Olivia stubbornly, ”Pick me up when you can!”

“Liv, I....” begins Jolly, but is interrupted by Olivia, ”No, Joakim! You know I'm right. You'll never get to him in time if you drive me first. I'm taking the subway. DOT!” she looks at him with flashing eyes.

“I....” Jolly tries again.

“JOAKIM, stop trying to argue with me!” she snarls, ”Go to that maniac and come back in one piece, that's all I want!”

Jolly nods, admitting defeat, “All right! But I'll pick you up!” he swears to her.

“Do that!” Olivia smiles and kisses him on the tip of his nose.

“Artur's dead!” growls Semjon as Jolly stands in front of him.

“Why?” Jolly wants to know, ”Did you.....?”

“No....” Semjon explains immediately, ”Even if the thought did cross my mind. It's not a pity about that wanker, but he was one of us!”

“Hmm” Jolly nods in agreement, ”Who then?”

“From the looks of it, our informant at Doi!” growls Semjon.

“What?” Jolly is irritated for a moment.

“Hmm” nods Semjon.

“But why?” Jolly could bite his ass the moment the question slipped past his lips.

“Money!” Semjon explains tersely, ”The asshole probably wanted more money for his services, left Artur a note... what happened next, we don't know.... Only that Artur is now dead.... Found in that asshole's car!”

“Hmm” Jolly isn't sure what to make of this, but one thing he does know is that Doi is a really crafty motherfucker.

“Where's the informant now?” Jolly then wants to know.

“In custody.... The police caught him trying to make the body disappear.....” growls Semjon, ”He also killed two of Artur's men....”

“And what exactly am I supposed to do now?” Jolly wants to know.

“He'll be transferred to a detention center today. Make sure he doesn't get there alive!” growls Semjon, handing him a folded piece of paper, ”Here are the exact times and location!”

Jolly studies the notes briefly, “Hmm, doable!” he nods.

“Good, get that done. Kolja is beside himself.... Also, be on time on Saturday... Nadja's engagement party!” growls Semjon.

“Will I... where?” Jolly wants to know.

“At my house... after all, she's my goddaughter!” growls Semyon, then looks at Jolly lurkingly, ‘You're coming alone?’ he asks.

Jolly looks up without batting an eyelid, “Of course, what else?” he explains with a deadpan expression.

“Hmm....” grumbles Semjon, ”Go on then, finish that asshole off!”

After the job is done, the shot was no problem at all for Jolly, the informant dead on the spot, he waits in his car for Olivia. He watches the entrance anxiously.

Fuck, when is she finally coming, he thinks to himself.

When another 15 minutes have passed, he gets out without further ado and walks across the street to the hospital, goes into the emergency room and looks around for her.

When he finally spots her, he feels like he's going to burst with unbridled rage.

Michael, this huge asshole, is arguing with her, has pushed her against a wall and is talking loudly at her. Olivia hisses at him accordingly.

Jolly's ears are ringing, he can't understand anything of the discussion the two are having. All he can see is Michael getting closer and closer to Liv.

Jolly quickens his steps and sees Olivia looking at him over Michael's shoulder, startled, as he reaches them both and angrily pulls Michael away from Olivia.

“Keep your filthy fingers off her!” he rumbles dangerously quietly and stands protectively in front of Olivia.

The action has not gone unnoticed. Staff AND patients look curiously, sometimes alarmed, at the three of them.

Michael stares pale into Jolly's eyes.

Olivia grabs Jolly's hand from behind, entwines her fingers in his, “Leave him!” she begs him calmly, “He's not worth it! He's really not!”

Jolly clenches his jaw. Olivia's gentle touch brings him somewhat to his senses.

“Come on, let's go.....” Olivia takes a step forward, pulling Jolly with her, who is still glaring murderously at Michael.

“If that guy dares so much as look at you again, I'll kill him!” growls Jolly quietly on her way out.

“You won't do that!” Olivia hisses back, ”Even if I wish he'd disappear never to be seen again!”

“THAT could easily be arranged!” growls Jolly, still pissed off at this wanker.

“As tempting as that may sound, YOU leave him alone!” whispers Olivia sternly, ”YOU don't kill anyone unless you have to... that's for sure! And when we're finally out of this shit, you won't kill anyone!” she adds sharply as they walk out of the hospital.

“If anyone threatens you....” Jolly starts, but is punched in the upper arm by Olivia, causing him to wince.

“Ow!” he grimaces, ‘You got the spot where I got grazed!’ he complains.

“Maybe you'll remember what I just said to you! No more fucking murders!” growls Olivia.

Jolly has to bite back a grin, knowing that he would make Olivia even angrier.

Looking at her suspiciously, “I'm not joking, I'm serious!” she growls.

Arriving at the car, Jolly takes her in his arms first, kisses her, “I know min Liv, and I'll stick to it!” he smiles, unless some asshole gets too close..... he adds in his mind.

“I need a hot shower first.....” moans Olivia when they finally get to her apartment.

“Sounds tempting!” smiles Jolly, sliding his hands around her waist from behind, ‘Will you take me?’ he teases, kissing her neck.

“Hmm, do you deserve that?” she smiles.

“I think so... after all, the asshole is still alive.....” Jolly explains with a smile.

“God, Joakim!” moans Olivia.

“What?” he kisses her again, ”That guy triggers me just thinking about him...”

“I have absolutely no desire to talk about Michael right now!” gasps Olivia as Jolly's hand slowly moves into her waistband, pushing further and further down.

“Good!” Jolly's lips nibble on her earlobe as his middle finger touches her bud, applying gentle pressure to it and Olivia presses herself against him, panting, rubbing her firm ass against his already pronounced bulge in his pants.

“Fuck, Liv.....” Jolly gasps excitedly and lowers his lips to the tender skin on her neck again, sucking and nibbling while he continues to stimulate her with circular movements, noticing how she gets wetter and wetter and her breathing becomes intermittent.

Olivia raises her arms in the air and wraps them around Jolly's neck, pulling him closer to her as sweet shivers of arousal race through her body.

“Don't stop.....” she moans as she continues to rub herself against him, increasing the pressure.

Jolly has to swallow, pushes herself harder against Olivia and slides two fingers inside her, making her gasp. Especially when he starts to stretch her walls, slowly but steadily working his way up to her point, which makes her shudder.

Jolly skillfully twists his fingers inside her, pumping them in and out, rubbing the pad of his thumb over her bud until Olivia is a moaning heap of misery in his arms and he pulls her closer with his arm around her waist to keep her from collapsing as her orgasm rips through her.

Olivia rests her head against his shoulder, wincing slightly as Jolly pulls his fingers out of her again, holding her tightly afterwards.

“Let's take a shower.....” he suggests softly in her ear.

“Hmm” Olivia nods, still wax in his hands, rubbing herself against him, ‘You need relief badly!’ she smiles.

“If you say so.....” grins Jolly and picks her up, carrying her into the bathroom.

Later, as they lie snuggled up in bed, Olivia lovingly strokes a strand of hair from Jolly's face, “Do you want to talk about the job you had to do today?” she wants to know quietly.

“Hmm” grumbles Jolly, blinking at her, ”No.... Not really.....” he sighs and sits up a little, ”Wasn't a big deal....”

Olivia has to swallow.

“No, I mean, it wasn't hard to do the job.... Not that it wasn't a big deal to kill someone.... Although it wasn't a shame about the asshole...I mean....” Jolly doesn't really know what to say.

“Hmm,” Olivia nods, resting her head on his chest, tracing the lines of his tattoo with her finger, ‘I just can't get used to this kind of thing!’ she gulps.

“You don't have to, min Liv!” Jolly kisses the top of her head, ”I'm more than happy to finally leave this life behind me!”

“Me too!” whispers Olivia in his arms, snuggling up to him.

“I have to go to Semyon on Saturday, Nadja's engagement party with Sergei is taking place there....” he then mentions.

Olivia lifts her head, “You HAVE to?!” she asks.

“Hmm” nods Jolly, ”I HAVE to!”

“Hmm” Olivia mumbles and pushes herself even closer to him.

“You needn't be afraid.... I'll blend in with the others so Semjon doesn't notice me!” he promises her, ”I'll get out of there as soon as I can!”

Olivia nods, “I'm just scared if you have to go to that monster!” she gulps.

“Nothing will happen!” he kisses her again, ‘Do you have to work on Saturdays?’ he then wants to know.

“Hmm” Olivia nods, ”Late shift!”

“I'll pick you up!” explains Jolly immediately, ”Getting there will be difficult!”

Olivia tilts her head back, “I'll be fine!” she smiles.

Jolly sighs, “See, just like you're scared for me when I have to go to Semjon, I'm scared something will happen to you when you're out on your own. There are too many lunatics out there...” he growls and pulls her close to him.

It's Friday afternoon when Kolja calls Jolly.

“Come to the club tonight.... We're drinking to Artur!” he tells him bluntly.

“When?” Jolly wants to know and feverishly thinks about how he can avoid it.

“Be there by 8 p.m. at the latest...” Kolja replies, ”We should discuss my father's wishes in advance.... Regarding your future role!”

FUCK, thinks Jolly, “As your right-hand man?” he wants to know.

“Exactly... now that Artur is dead.... Well, you're not the worst choice!” explains Kolja.

“Thank you very much!” snorts Jolly.

“Well, you know... be on time!” Kolja informs him and hangs up.

Great, Jolly thinks to himself, Artur's funeral tomorrow and Nadja's engagement the day after. He would have liked to have spared himself that, but Doi still needs time for her papers to be perfect.

Jolly and Olivia have already thought together about WHERE they want to start again... but so far they haven't come to a final decision. There are too many factors to consider... At the moment, they are thinking about traveling the world to cover their tracks better.

Jolly can hardly wait to take this step together with Olivia.

Sighing, he gets up and strolls into her kitchen. He is hardly ever in his own apartment anymore, only to change clothes or when he needs something from it, his weapons for example. He only has his pistol, which Kolja gave him, here with Olivia.

Jolly is determined to teach Olivia how to shoot, even if she's just as unenthusiastic about it!

On Fridays, he actually wanted to take her to a shooting range in the afternoon.... But it should be possible by the evening.

His only problem is that he has to leave Olivia alone for so long.... On the one hand, he has a bad feeling about it because he won't be able to protect her, and on the other, he simply doesn't WANT to be away from her for a second.

The mere thought of her makes him smile, if not grin blissfully.

In the kitchen, he starts to prepare something for dinner before picking Olivia up from the hospital. This has almost become a routine and Jolly feels completely at ease with it, noticing how it relaxes him considerably, even more when Olivia is with him.

He still can't quite believe that this wonderful creature has crossed his path and then wanted him.... Even after she found out WHAT he is....

[max33imagines]

17. ‘I know you still love me’ Part 2 — Max Verstappen X Reader.

Max's POV.

"I'm done with this shit now." I say, throwing my hands up, walking to the bedroom to get my things.

"You cannot accuse me of that kind of stuff Max to just say you're done." I heard Y/n shout. I grab a bag from the top of the wardrobe and start throwing clothes into it, in hopes I get out of this apartment before she follows me in here with some bullshit excuse.

"What are you doing?" I look at her, she looks angry, frustrated even. But not upset.

"What does it look like Y/n? I'm done, I'm going."

"Going where, what are you on about Max? And you say I overreact?"

I roll my eyes as I continue grabbing things, going to and from the bedroom and bathroom to get everything I'd need for a couple days alone. Where am I going to go? Anywhere but here. Y/n continues to scream at me but she doesn't stop me.

"He's my boss Max, you cannot be serious!"

"It doesn't fucking look like that to me

Y/n!" I shout back, getting more impatient with the fact she can't see my point.

"You've pushed me so far over the line of tolerating this shit that I can't even see the line!"

"Tolerating what!? What are you on about Max?"

"This okay ! Us ! I never see you anymore, you can't be bothered to give me the time of day and I'm done watching you parade around other guys when you won't give me a second look. Enjoy your nice job and whoever it is this week that has caught your eye." I zip my bag up, throwing it over my shoulder as I head towards the door, grabbing my keys off the hook as she runs after me with even more bullshit excuses.

"Please don't go Max, we need to talk about this!"

"We're done." I simply say, slamming the door behind me as I head to my car.

I drive to a hotel not too far from our apartment, still annoyed she won't be straight up with me. Why else would she give so much of her attention to that guy. Is that why she's so distant? Or why she puts off coming to my races ? Because I'm taking her away from him?

My skin crawls at the thought of another man touching her, doing the things to her that only I should do.

"Mr. Verstappen! Room for two?" The girl behind the counter says. The worst thing about Monaco is everyone knowing my business. Y/n and I have stayed here a few times whilst getting things done to the apartment, moving in with her feels like a lifetime ago but also feels like yesterday.

"For one." I bluntly say. She can clearly see I'm alone. I check in for a few nights which will give me enough time to clear my head. I grab the key card and find my room. Throwing my bag on the floor, I sit on the edge of the bed, four years together and she does this to me. After everything I've done for her, everything we've been through.

I flick through the channels on the small tv, moving up the bed to lean against the large headboard. I find myself watching whatever wasn't the news or football but all I can think of is her. Should I have left? Should I go back to her and apologise? Did I really over react? I can't throw away four years of my life, she's the best thing that's ever happened to me and I've fucked it now. Unless I go back.. no. She's cheated on me. She's been sleeping around behind my back, probably in my bed with another fucking guy.

'He's my boss!' Is he fuck. That's probably how she got her new job anyway.

_____

Four days have gone by, they say you go through different stages of emotion after a breakup. The angers done, hello sadness. Y/n always said I was a jealous person, and maybe I am. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I jumped to conclusions like I always fucking do. I wonder what she's doing right now, why hasn't she called me? She was begging me not to go but she left me as soon as I walked out that door. Just like I left her.

I'm being stupid now, just call her. Just call her and tell her you love her and you're sorry. I grab my phone off of the charger and navigate to her number, just as I'm about to press on her name I'm interrupted by a knock on the door.

Y/n? No it can't be. She doesn't know where I am, unless I'm that predictable?

"Hey." She says as I open the door. She's standing there awkwardly as I realise I'm just staring at her, having not yet said a word.

"Kelly? What are you doing here?" I ask. She's in a white t shirt, some leather shorts and boots. She hasn't necessarily dressed up, but she looks good.

"Can I come in?" I nod as I open the door a bit wider, letting her slip through while I let the door shut, picking up some clothes which scattered the floor.

"I heard about you and Y/n." How the fuck-

"Did you break up with her for me?" She asked as she sat on the edge of my bed.

I'm not with Y/n anymore. But I want her back. But she cheated on me.. I think? Fuck. I've got a beautiful girl that I walked out on sat at home, yet I've got another beautiful girl fluttering her eyelashes at me sat on the end of my bed.

"No Kelly, not for you." I simply say. I don't move, I stay standing in front of her as she looks up at me through her eyelashes. Her hands are behind her as she leans back to look at me more clearly.

"What we've had has been fun. Sneaking around each race. Boring when you bought her along though, you made it harder for me to get you alone."

Kelly and I had been somewhat seeing each other for a couple months. Never anything serious, but when Y/n got that job Kelly was just a shoulder to cry on, that evolved quite quickly and soon enough I couldn't keep my hands off of her. Y/n was going behind my back so I guess I did the same.

"It's got to stop now Kelly, I shouldn't have left Y/n, I'm going back home tonight-"

"Tonight?" She pouts. She's acting ridiculous, so why am I falling for it.

"You don't want one more night?" She rubs her hand up and down my arm, not breaking eye contact. She's always been intense, I suppose she's always been a challenge.

"Come out tonight. Me and my friends are going to that new club that opened. You deserve some fun after the few days you've had." Just because I go for a night out doesn't mean I have to do anything. I can go out tonight to clear my head and think things through before going home to Y/n tomorrow.

I nodded, quickly putting on a blue shirt over my white t shirt.

We got to the club and it wasn't long before I was drunk. My brain is fuzzy with thoughts of Y/n cheating on me, or not cheating on me. Kelly coming to my hotel room, I still don't know who told her about me and Y/n, nor do I know how she found where I was staying. She goes after what she wants, and when it's me she wants, it's exciting. But do I want her? Fuck I need another drink.

The club is booming with loud music, Kelly and her friends are dancing while I'm waiting at the bar to get served. What am I doing here. I've spent all day moping around for Y/n and I've come here with the girl she's already suspicious of. If she found out I'm here with Kelly then she'll know what I've been doing. I finally order another drink, I'll leave after this one. Maybe if I stay here at the bar Kelly won't realise I've gone back to my hotel room.

"You're missing all the fun!" I heard from behind me.

"I'm having fun over here." I say as I take a sip of my drink.

"You can't be because you're not dancing with me." Kelly said as she takes my hand and leads me back over to the dance floor. Y/n always tried to get me to dance with her at clubs and I never did.

'I can't dance!' I'd tell her and it's true. So why is it so much easier to have a good time with Kelly.

Drink after drink after drink and the thought of Y/n once again just makes me angry.

"Fuck her!" I shout over the music when Kelly asks about her.

"Actually I'm sure John's fucking her right now!" I say, nearly losing my balance and falling. Kelly laughs and I put my arm around her, her friends dancing and singing along to whatever song is playing now as we attempt to do the same.

"Let's get a photo!" One of Kelly's friends shout. I forgot her name as soon as she introduced herself to me. She asks some guy to take a photo of us all, passing him her phone as we all huddle together. I grab Kelly's waist from behind, almost leaning over her as we pose for the photo. Once the photo was taken Kelly's annoying friend wouldn't shut up about how much she loves the song that was playing. Everything's annoying me a little too much tonight, apart from Kelly.

"Let's get another drink." She says in my ear, the loud music making her having to shout a little bit. She begins to walk away but I grab her arm, pulling her back towards me as I kiss her. She runs her fingers through my hair, pulling me in just a little bit closer as she deepens the kiss.

"Let's go back to my room" I say, as she nods. I grab her hand as I lead us through the crowd of bodies, quickly making it back to my room.

My lips were on hers in a matter of seconds, slamming the door shut and ripping off each other's clothes. She's desperate for me and I'm just as bad, quickly laying her down on the bed as I climb on top of her.

___________________

"That was the last time." I say as I try to find my clothes from the night before. The bright lights hurting my eyes, I wince at the pounding in my head and I can't tell if it's the hangover or severe guilt.

"You said that last time." Kelly said, still laying in my bed not bothering to move.

"I mean it. Last night was a mistake. I shouldn't have gone to that club, I shouldn't have kissed you and I sure as hell shouldn't have fucked you!" I say, getting more frustrated at how smug she looks.

"You want her back don't you?" She simply asks, as if the answer wasn't obvious.

"Because you didn't last night." Fuck she's annoying, I can only take her in small doses and clearly 12 hours of her is too much.

"Please just go Kelly, like I said this was a mistake. It was from the start, okay? I need to go back home and talk things through with Y/n." I say, trying to find her clothes for her since she still hasn't moved.

"Oh she won't take you back." She smiled. Kelly's not a spiteful person, when we first started doing whatever this is, she said it'd never get back to Y/n, and I believe her. She's not the type of girl to tell Y/n what we've done.

"What?"

"You should be careful of who you take photos with Maxie, because it's already in the tabloids." That annoying bitch from last night and her fucking photos. Kelly grabs her clothes as well as hugging the duvet close to her body as she walks into the bathroom.

I frantically grab my phone, typing my name into the browser to see Kelly and I plastered everywhere.

'Max's new girl!'

'All over for Max and Y/n?'

'Max's mystery girl!'

How the fuck am I going to get myself out of this one?

Kelly finally leaves, explaining she'd never tell Y/n about what's been going on, but the photo speaks a thousand words. I was too drunk to think of the repercussions of this one fucking photo.

______

9 days without Y/n. 9 days. I've been angry, I've been sad, I've been guilty and now I'm back to sad. I'm angry at myself, sad I've lost the best thing that's ever happened to me and guilty for accusing Y/n of exactly what I was doing behind her back. I've spent everyday after Kelly, sat in a hotel room alone crying to myself at the thought of every possible outcome. The thought of telling Y/n the entire truth. The thought of her not wanting me back. The thought of how bad I know I'm going to break her if she found out the truth. She couldn't hate me more than I hate myself.

I decide to go back home, knowing I need to try and save what we had. What she doesn't know won't hurt her, I can't throw away four years with her and I can't let her either.

I leave the hotel making the short drive back to our apartment. I look awful and a part of me is hoping Y/n looks somewhat awful too. Has she missed me ? Is she over me ? I still don't understand why she never called or texted.

I don't know whether to knock or let myself in. She might not even be in. I grab my keys and unlock the door, seeing her standing at the end of the hallway.

"Y/n." I say. I'm not sure whether I'm surprised she's home or relieved. Her hair is messy, she's in pyjama shorts and one of my shirts. I wonder if she's been wearing my clothes the whole time I was gone.

"We need to talk, I mean uh, can we talk? Should I have knocked ? I don't really know what to do." I stumble my words, not wanting to look directly at her but I have no where else to look. We still haven't gotten around to putting our photos up on this blank wall.

"This is your apartment as much as it is mine." Y/n mumbled as she walked towards the couch, I followed her into the living room as she tried to tidy up some of the mess that was on the floor.

"Listen, I- well I- I suppose I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry Y/n." I began. I take a seat on the couch next to her, Y/n's eyebrows are furrowed as she looks back at me.

"You walked out on me. Literally." She said, I already know she's trying not to cry which cuts me up as deep as it cuts her.

"I know I did and I feel horrible. It's been nine days without you and they've been hell, I was having a shit time racing and I felt like I was having a shit time here, I just wanted out. But I've just made things worse-"

"Wait, wait, wait. So you were having a shit time with me so you break up with me, go out with you're friends, have a good few nights and now.. you're back?" Y/n's tone was cold, sharp almost. She's seen the photo.

"What?" I ask, not wanting to give myself up.

"I've seen the pictures." Fuck. Y/n pulled up the article on her phone showing it to me. My heart sank, all I can hope is she remembers what I've always told her. The media twist things, it's not all true.

I've fucked up big time.

"Y/n, it's not what it looks like." Y/n rolled her eyes as she let out a dry laugh, I'm going to end up digging myself a deeper hole here, but I want her back. I need her.

"I've been miserable, I know how it looks. I know it looks like I've left you to go out with her without any repercussions but it wasn't like that. Some of the guys thought I needed some sort of a pick me up and came up with the idea of going out-"

"Did you sleep with her?" Fuck, fuck, fuck.

"Fuck Y/n! No! Of course I didn't fucking sleep with her !" I exclaim, hoping she believes my lie through my guilt. She looks as heartbroken as I am. Heartbroken that she could tell me to walk out that door and never come back, heartbroken that I already walked out on the only constant thing in my life.

"I was mad at first. Mad that all you'd do is call that John guy, email John, talk about this fucking John and wouldn't pay attention to how I was. I didn't even make the podium Y/n and all you could say was you were busy emailing fucking John!" I could feel my anger rising, the anger I felt nine days ago which sparked this whole thing. I still don't know whether I was over reacting or if it's true.

"He's my boss Max. I have to speak to him." I was over reacting. I lean closer to Y/n, about to tell her somewhat a part of my truth.

"I got jealous okay. Jealous you'd talk to him all the time. I spent three days in a hotel room mad at you, mad at myself too. The fourth day I was just upset, thinking about you, and him and, fuck! It got the better of me. I hated it Y/n. Just the thought of it." I began. She's looking back at me, her brows are still furrowed as she listens to every word that comes out.

"The guys came to see me and somehow convinced me to go out, I didn't know she'd be there I swear."

'You don't want one more night?' Plays through my head. The thought of Kelly sat on the edge of my bed now just sends a shiver down my spine.

"We went to a club and after a few drinks I didn't feel sad or angry anymore, I didn't really feel anything. Then she showed up and decided to join us with some of her friends and we got talking, she asked how you were and I told her we were over." I need to save this somehow before I give too much away. I need to tell her how much I love her, how much I need her by my side.

"I don't know why I told her that, I guess we were, well are, but I don't want this to end Y/n-"

"What else happened?" She cut me off. Does she know what else happened?

"I'd had a drink, I was with the guys and I thought I'd lost you. You didn't even call me Y/n. No call, no text-"

"What else happened?" She said again.

Maybe I should just come clean.

"I was with her, we were talking and we kissed. She thought it'd be a good idea to go back to my hotel so we did." Y/n stays silent, I can see her try to frantically blink away the tears coming to her eyes.

"We got back to my room, but I couldn't do it Y/n. All I could think about was you, I pushed her off of me and told her to leave and she did."  That's what I wish had happened. That's what should have happened.

"So you went out, was with her all night, took her back to your hotel to sleep with her but backed out at the last second? The girl that was always 'just a friend?' She's the person you went running to !? I can't believe this." Y/n stood up and walked towards the kitchen, I follow her to see her back facing towards me.

"That was day four, right? So if you were so upset why did it take you another five to come back?" Because I'm full of regret and guilt.

"I needed time Y/n."

"What, to work out if you wanted me or her?" Y/n spat as she turned around to face me. Fuck.

"No Y/n, fuck! To think about what's best for me and she was never in those thoughts. Just you. I got in my head so much about you and your boss that it kept me away, today I guess I had to just come here and find out what we are now.."

"We're broken up." Those were the words that I was scared of. The words that've gone through me and shattered every ounce of me.

"Please give me another chance Y/n, listen, I was wrong okay. I was wrong to let jealousy overtake me, I was wrong to not just speak to you about what was going on in my head.-"

"You were wrong to kiss her." And I was wrong to sleep with her.

"John is my boss. That's it. Line drawn. How many times have I asked you about her? How many times have you told me to stop being paranoid ? That she's just a friend. That you love me?"

"- I do love you. Y/n, fuck you know I do, and I know you still love me."

"These nine days have been horrible for me too Max. You've hurt me so bad, giving up on us so quickly and easily. I've hardly eaten, I've hardly slept, I haven't left this apartment once because you've broken me Max. Of course I'm still in love with you." Thank god, thank fuck! I take a step closer towards her before she continues.

"But the difference is when I was sat here heartbroken, I didn't go out and nearly fuck John. I can't trust you Max. I can't trust that you're not going to leave again, or you're not going to get mad and kiss someone else again." How can I do this to Y/n. After everything we've been through I become a jealous excuse of a man and break her in the worst way possible.

"Please give me another chance Y/n, I can't do this without you. I'm so fucking sorry, I can change, I'm never going anywhere again, I've seen what it's like and I fucking hate it, I'm here now aren't I? I'm fighting for you, I'm fighting for us." I am, I really am. Fuck Kelly, fuck everyone else. I just need Y/n.

"Then you need to fight harder."

"I will, baby I will-"

"Please don't call me that." She finally breaks, tears begin streaming down her face as I slowly walk towards her, this time she lets me, as I wipe the tears from her face.

"I'm so sorry. You don't understand how sorry I am, and I'll prove it to you, even if we have to start all over again. Let me prove to you how much you mean to me, how much I need you Y/n, because I do. And it's taken this fucked up situation to prove that to me."

"Prove it to me? How are you going to do that?" She asks, looking up at me as my hands are still gently on either side of her face.

"You'll see."

***********************

Part 3

[technowoah]

THESEUS - a dsmp story ( DreamSMP x Queen!Reader)

CHAPTER FIVE : AND I REALIZE THREE FUNDAMENTAL TRUTHS AT THE EXACT SAME TIME.

Chapter Summary: You had gotten what you wanted, but at what cost? Nightmares ensue, and Dream’s true colors begin to show.

pairing: c!wilbur x queen!reader

an// IM BACK!! hopefully yall like this chaper cause this is the last one that I wrote in the past, Im writing chapter 6 rn so it might take a while. Also sorry for not posting requests I really wanted to get this chapter out there

⚠︎ swearing, dsmp spoliers(?), angst, arguing, smoking, explosions, gaslighting(?), not proofread.

Series Masterlist 

"Good job you two! This is all yours now.”

Dream had led you and Eret back to the castle, all of them still battered and bruised from the war they recently had. You had already taken off your armor and now you were wearing underneath your L'Manburg outfit that was torn and burnt showing some of your skin which was also burnt or cut. You had noticed on the way to the castle that Dream had kept on looking at the outfit that Eret and you had on with disgust, like a taunt.

You could finally relax in the huge castle that you apparently deserved because you and Eret had taken the first lives of the citizens of L'Manburg. In your heart you knew that L'Manburg was still a country. They all have two more lives and they will build the country up again with those two lives. You sighed then kept walking into the throne room. you looked at the two big thrones that sat next to each other. One for a king and one for a queen.

"Why are you standing there? Sit down! Relax!" Dream patted one of the thrones.

You and Eret had sat down on the thrones next to each other looking around the huge throne room and Dream smiling right in front of them. Once you both sat down you tried to sit up straight, but you wanted to slump down into the comfy, plush, velvet and gold chair. The two of them sat on velvet and gold thrones while in burnt and torn L'Manburg uniforms. It was a sight to see, and if someone didn't know the context of what just happened, this scene would've made sense to them.

"I'm happy you did this. You deserve all of this." Dream said while walking along the marble floor.

"It's beautiful, but I'm exhausted." You let your head fall to the side. You sighed wanting Dream to leave so you could finally get some rest.

"I bet."

"Eret are you okay?" You spoke up after Dream.

Eret had a look that you couldn't make out. He just stared off into space in his own mind. He shook his head after you called for him again.

"Yeah, yeah I am fine. I'm just thinking." Eret quickly responded.

"What are you thinking about?" Dream said in a monotone voice.

"If we did the right thing." Eret sighed.

You slowly nodded because you were thinking the exact same thing. They were traitors, you had built somewhat of a connection with those people you helped kill. And now what? you're living in a huge castle and apparently you "Shouldn't be feeling this way", Dream claimed.

"You two are overreacting. They are fine." Dream said bluntly while staring at them with a straight face.

That was a huge lie, their lives were taken today. They're not just “fine”.

"You two were never a part of that place anyways. This is your home! Why would you need to wear those hideous colors? They look bad on you, it's unflattering. There is no need to go back." Dream explained.

You hang your head not knowing what to say to the man, there wasn’t really anything to say but you spoke up hoping the words will come to you.

"I don't-"

"You don't have to say anything, it's okay. You're safe now. Did you get hurt?" Dream asked.

The bruises and scars said differently.

"Remember when I said that?" Dream pushed the question.

You rubbed a burn mark on your wrist and laughed a bit. "No! Actually I don't. We're safe now, but that doesn't mean we aren't hurt." You chuckled in disbelief.

"Well maybe if you listened to me you wouldn't be so anxious. If you listened you wouldn't have been so hesitant. You're safe." Dream said sternly.

"Maybe you're tired, Dream. We're all tired. Shall we go to bed?" Eret stood up and held out his hand to help you up from your seat.

You accepted his hand and started to follow Eret through the huge castle making your way through the huge, high ceiling halls. The three walked towards the king's and queen's room in the castle, Dream kept a slower pace and walked behind the two wanting to get one more word in before leaving the castle.

"If you two are ever in doubt just remember that you are on the right side of history." Dream said then turned around to leave the two alone.

You both stopped and turned around to see Dream’s back facing the both of you as he walked away. You and Eret eventually made it to your new bedrooms. There was a big door which held a huge room made for the both of them to sleep in and two separate rooms next to the bigger door which were made for one person. Eret and you stood in front of the bigger door staring at the intricate designs on the door not speaking to each other.

"So?" Eret laughed.

"So!" You exclaimed while chuckling.

"Are you okay sleeping in that huge room tonight?" Eret asked.

"I'm not totally comfortable with that, but it would be weird if we slept in the same bed. Don't get me wrong! You're a great friend, but-"

"Y/N/N stop! I'm okay with that too. I wasn't looking to sleep in the same bed. Yes we're married, but we're just staying friends, hey we might get a divorce later." Eret explained.

"If I do, we won't be king and queen anymore." You said softly to your husband.

"Is that what you want? To be "queen"?" Eret asked while putting air quotes around the word queen.

You paused for a moment then answered his question.

"I don't know where I'm supposed to be, Eret." You looked up at him sadly and he pulled you in for a hug. It took you everything you had to not cry into the L'Manburg uniform Eret was wearing. Today drained you mentally and physically, your hands were raw from shooting arrows, you had burn marks on your skin and your feet hurt from running through the kingdom. You weren’t sure about where you would go, because this didn't feel like your home.

"Let's go to bed and we'll talk in the morning. Rest on it because I'll happily divorce you so you can find your place in this huge kingdom." Eret laughed and let you out of his arms.

You chuckled and then let him go walking into what was supposed to be the queen's room and right next to it was the king's room which they both walked in after saying goodnight and closing their doors finally having time to themselves after a long day.

You finally took off the L'Manburg uniform and laid it on a velvet chair in the corner of the huge room. You stared at the uniform before going to the nearest closet and picking out something to wear for that night. The queen's room was basically the huge couple's room that you found before, but just with a smaller bed. There were still trinkets, jewelry and even clothes in the closet. you took a nightgown out of the closet and sat on the plush bed. You ended up laying down staring at the high ceiling thinking of the predicament Eret's question brought.

You finally retired for the night and crawled into bed and got under the soft covers. The window was open so a soft cool breeze was blowing through the room letting the curtains flow with the breeze. If you left you wouldn't have anywhere to go except back to L'Manburg, they would never let you back even if you tried. They probably hated your guts by now, so maybe divorcing wasn't a good idea. You had a set home here, you had food, clothes, and you weren't under attack every minute. you didn't have to watch your back for any enemies.

Your mind slowed down as you finally lulled yourself into a deep sleep forgetting the troubles in your mind for only a moment.

-------------------

The sunset fell over the horizon making it a gold, red color. It was beautiful. The trees were illuminated and the lakes had a certain glow to them. you could see mobs began to crawl out of the ground and caves, but you was safe up here.

You looked down and saw the familiar obsidian walls. It seemed like a faint memory, but in reality the walls were real. It was like you could feel the stone underneath your feet at this moment. you could see inside L'Manburg.

you saw Tubbo and Tommy laying in the grass talking to one another. you saw Fundy sleeping in the grass next to them. There were two new faces you had never seen before. It was a woman with short pink hair and another man with a shaved head. It might've been your mind putting people in your dreams to fill space. Then you saw Eret sitting by a small river letting his bare feet flow in the water. It was a peaceful scene.

"Beautiful sunset isn't it?" A voice showed up beside you.

It was Wilbur. He had his uniform on, it was clean like the war didn't even happen.

"It is really beautiful." You agreed watching the sun continue to lower over the trees.

"You know everything the sun touches is yours? It's all of ours. It just so happens that you can see the sunset and sunrise from L'Manburg. You can do anything as long as you see the sun rise and fall." Wilbur said, keeping his gaze soft at the sunset.

You hummed but stayed quiet admiring his words and the sunset.

"Let me tell you what I wish I'd known when I was young and dreamed of glory. You have no control who lives, who dies, who tells your story. After you took one of my lives away I understand now. You can't control other people and their motivations."

You hang your head in disappointment, but then Wilbur continued.

"But I know that we can win. I know that greatness lies in you, but remember from here on in that history has its eyes on you. History will forever have its eyes on you no matter what you do." Wilbur looked into your eyes as the sun set on the two of them the stars began to shine.

The light brown eyes Wilbur had turned darker because of the sunlight being gone. You looked out back at the mobs in the forest and the huge towers in the sky made the kingdoms members. you turned around and looked into L'Manburg. Or what was considered L'Manburg.

There was no one there anymore, instead of people there were huge amounts of TNT that filled the walls behind them. you could hear faint voices around them, people that you didn't know. It sounded like chaos. you whipped your head around to Wilbur who was dressed in a brown tattered trench coat, brown pants, and a white shirt instead of the L'Manburg uniform.

He had a cigarette in his mouth and matches in his hands. He smirked at you as the voices around you got louder and your head sounded like you were in the middle of a tornado. your head was buzzing as your eyes couldn't focus on Wilbur in front of you. It felt like these moments were happening right in front of your all at one time.

"You want to be a hero Tommy?"

"You know if I die, this country goes down with me."

"if respect is the only thing protecting you from a knife in the back, then respect is nothing, right?"

"Kill me, Phil. Phil, kill me, Phil kill me! Phil, stab me with the sword, murder me now, kill me! Look-"

"You know Y/N" Wilbur started next to you. He lit a match and turned around to L'Manburg which was now filled with TNT.

"Somethings. Somethings were never meant to be." He threw the match into the huge pile of TNT and all in a second the obsidian underneath your feet disappeared as you fell into the explosion beneath you.

-------------------------

"Fuck! Where am I?!" You shot up from your sleeping position in a cold sweat.

You frantically felt around the bed trying to convince yourself that you were physically at the castle in your bed. You finally caught your breath and laid back down in your bed finding yourself staring at the ceiling again. Even with the window open blowing cool air into the room, your skin still felt hot. You ended up tossing the covers off of you and making your way towards the entrance of the kingdom to get some air.

That dream was so much stuff in it you couldn't comprehend all of it. It was like Wilbur was there as if he was talking to you directly and it wasn't a dream and it made you second guess yourself and think that it may have not been a dream. You finally made it outside and sat on one of the steps that led people up into the kingdom. you sighed and breathed in the fresh air and it immediately relaxed your body and mind. You were alive, you were here and sadly Wilbur wasn't there. You closed your eyes and felt the breeze around you until you were startled by a figure beside you.

"You're up late. I thought you said you were mentally tired." Dream chuckled sitting beside you.

"I had a bad dream." You sighed.

"Hey don't take my name in vain like that" Dream laughed trying to bring up your mood.

Dream sighed and stood back up when he didn't get a response from his companion.

"Come one, let's go. Let's get your mind off of the one bad dream." Dream held his hand out, gesturing to you to take it.

You took his hand and then released it letting him lead the way to wherever the wind may take them. The dream is currently still stuck in your head. The voices from different people confused you and made your head spin.

"You want to be a hero Tommy?" What did that mean? Was someone threatening Tommy? Will someone threaten Tommy? You grew to care for that kid.

Who said "If I die, this country goes down with me"? What country. L'Manburg?

"If respect is the only thing protecting you from a knife in the back, then respect is nothing, right?" That one stumped you the most. you didn't even know if this was being spoken to you or to someone else. All of them except for the Tommy one.

Were they all even dreams? The one that haunted your mind the most was the one where someone was telling a man named Phil to kill them. Were you there for that moment? Did Phil kill the person? Who was Phil? All these thoughts and questions plagued your mind so much that your feet mindlessly carried you wherever Dream led you to.

"Here we are." Dream led You on top of a hill, a tall enough hill to see the main attraction. The place you missed the most, L'Manburg.

Tears started to form in your eyes and you tried blinking them away. All the moments of that dream appeared in your brain, but even stronger. you never felt these emotions before. Maybe L'Manburg was your home all along. you missed seeing Tubbo, Tommy, Eret and Fundy doing their own thing while your and Wilbur had a deep talk inside the van. you had spent weeks with them growing too attached to them and then ended up becoming a traitor.

"That place. You never belonged there. You're too good for them." Dream started and you stayed quiet watching the stars begin to disappear.

"Do you trust me?" Dream asked.

You stayed quiet not having the answer he wanted to hear. He wanted to hear you say that you trusted him when in reality you couldn’t, you weren't fully there yet, not anymore. 

"They lied to you. It's not your home." Dream continued on letting you listen and not talk.

"How did you know if someone said it was my home or not?" You asked, startled.

"I might've been keeping an eye on you. I wanted to make sure my flower was okay." Dream kept his gaze on L'Manburg.

"Stop calling me that." You sighed.

"I never started. This was the first time I said that. Who called you flower?" Dream suddenly got serious, staring at you.

you kept your sights on the obsidian walls, not sparing him a glance. The stars began to fade and the sun peeked over the horizon. As they stayed longer the sun rose over the walls of L'Manburg. You started to remember the words in the dream you had.

"You know everything the sun touches is yours? It's all of ours. It just so happens that you can see the sunset and sunrise from L'Manburg. You can do anything as long as you see the sun rise and fall."

L'Manburg stands for independence. Independence. That word kept ringing through your head like a mantra until a few voices below the hill and near the walls alerted you.

"HEY! Hey Wilbur! Give me back my shit!" Tommy yelled as he stomped after the older man.

"Wilbur get Tommy to stop shouting and give him his swords back please!" Fundy yelled trailing behind the two.

"No not until he learns not to go start stabbing shit!" Wilbur yelled back at the other two.

You missed that. you missed the bickering and the nonsense they all shared. you were upset that Tommy still hadn't learned his lesson and you wished you were there beside them at that moment.

Dream spoke up giving you a look you couldn’t quite get. "You are never allowed to step inside those walls again.

"What gives you the right to tell me what and what not to do? Who does that make you? Who do you think-"

"YOU ARE NEVER ALLOWED TO GO IN THOSE WALLS!" Dream yelled getting dangerously close to you.

You continued to stare at those blue eyes as the bright sun rose over the dark walls of L’Manburg. you didn't say anything but descended down the mountain alone with the sounds of Tommy, Fundy, and Wilbur bickering in the background, wishing you were there and not next to the man next to you who was staring at you angrily.

"I know what’s good for you! I know what's good for this country! Just trust me Y/N!" Dream yelled starting an argument

"Would you calm down! You came here to be all quiet and now you're yelling at me. You might want to be quiet before Wilbur hears you. Or do you want me to get him myself?" You yelled back, getting furious.

"Oh you wish! He doesn't care for you as much as me, Sapnap and George do! They agree as well!"

"Don't put words into his mouth!" You accused

"Oh! So if he cares so fucking much he would've help save you. And do you know what would happen if he saved you?! You would've died! I saved you! You were in a perfect situation and all you had to do is not complain! You're always overreacting." Dream ended with a huff and rolled his eyes while turning away..

you were speechless at this point. Overwhelming emotions consumed you. you couldn't believe you were overreacting. Maybe Wilbur wasn't everything you needed. you were overreacting, you were being selfish too. Dream was right. Dream walked over to you pulling you in a hug with L'Manburg was still in your sights.

"I did everything because I love you. You're too precious for them, you're not for them. They don't deserve you, you deserve someone who wants the best for you. A flower that needs a home and I'm here to give it to you." Dream softly explained.

Your eyes kept tearing up at the words and different emotions flowing through you. The sights on L'Manburg make your memories and questions come back. Where did you belong? But more importantly who was telling the truth?

Taglist: @hi-imuwu @k-l-a-w-s

[askaborderline]

So, I'm pretty sure I have two FPs, and I've been struggling with different things for both of them... one of them is my partner, the other is my younger sibling. Do you mind if I can get advice and support maybe?

Um, when it comes to my partner, I have an issue with letting them see me break down. They've dealt with my anger and splitting and other things several times and I hate putting them through that. They say they're completely fine with it, but I don't know whether to trust them or to find ways to handle it on my own. Life has been real stressful recently which is causing me to do do these things a lot more often. I was wondering if there's anything I could do to keep it from happening around them or something?

For my sibling, I've been through a lot with them, we're really close. They recently started dating a friend of mine, and I feel like they don't want to talk to me as often, and they're ignoring me to talk to their significant other. I know I can get paranoid and overreact, I'm just scared we'll grow apart. They're the only family I have right now. I'm not sure how to go about this.

Sorry if I didn't phrase things right and it doesn't make sense.

So this is really hard to believe for most people with BPD, I know, and I am definitely not faulting you for that :) But if they're completely fine with it and they say so, and they don't present any issue, then you really are probably fine! I would trust them at their word and work with them. Don't try to handle it on your own, it'll just internalize and explode later.

As for your sibling, I definitely understand your fears, but I would recommend just bluntly talking to them about how you're feeling and seeing if they can do anything to help you feel a little more secure, especially if they know about your BPD. In all likelihood, they're just in the honeymoon phase of their relationship and are just really into it. That's okay, that's pretty normal, and it usually gets a little less intense later on. I would recommend talking to them about it :)

Hope this helps, and everything goes well for you!

[queen-susans-revenge]

Star Wars Rebels season 3 recaps

“The Wynkahthu Job”

So, okay, wow. There's a lot I didn't like about that episode. It's supposed to be a funny one, but all the humor is corrosively mean-spirited, and the characterization is... hard to reconcile, with what's gone before.

So Chapter Nine of Fade to Red is very much a fix-it fic, centering the very important emotional things the episode marginalizes and skates past (like Hera, and her feelings about all this). And doing a lot of heavy lifting to redeem the characterization of Kanan, which I think is flat out broken in this ep.

Anyway, let's dig into it.

Iiiiiiit's Hondo! He's here apparently at Ezra's invitation, as is...Azmorigan? HOO boy. (I wrote in my notes "I am really looking forward to the fic of this" and for the record it did not disappoint.)

We get a (gross) recap of Hera's gross history with the gross Azmorigan, who titters "I paid a fair price! Technically...I still own you!" Oh boy I hate this. I hate how Ezra is crooning "Hera...take it easy!" I hate how the whole thing is being played for laughs and Hera is like, the overreacting one who can't shrug off a little enslavement here and there.

I hate how Kanan is just standing there and letting it happen. Zen calm, right? He's enlightened now. Sure. He'll stand back unless he's really needed. Gah.

"Actually, I'm interested in what you have to offer" Kanan volunteers and OH NO I HATE THIS. I do not buy this. I fundamentally do not accept this. Kanan is not fucking interested in working with Azmorigan now. Why is Ezra???

Hera, now. I have no problem buying that Hera would be willing to work with Azmorigan if he had something she wanted. Which is the scenario we're given here: "I am promising you all the weapons you can carry," Hondo says grandly, "...proton bombs!"

"Show us," Hera says grudgingly. So they go.

I can deal with this setup but, for the record, it should have been Hera to spring the working-with-Hondo-and-Azmorigan proposition on a dubious Kanan and Ezra. Leaping at the chance to work with a known slaver is just way out of character for both of them. But mostly for Kanan, who barely contained himself from murdering Azmorigan last time.

Anyway Hondo leads them to the planet Wynkahthu, where a derelict Imperial freighter--loaded with proton bombs, along with other valuable cargo--is slowly being sucked into something that looks like a gas giant (but apparently has a breathable atmosphere). Hera puts Zeb in charge of the salvage operation, which doesn't sit well with Ezra. "I found this job. This should be my mission!" he protests.

Hera tells him bluntly that he's not trustworthy when Hondo's around, and Ezra stalks off, pouting.

"I know what you're doing," Kanan says calmly, "but Ezra's got to learn for himself Hondo's not the friend he appears to be." Okay? Thanks, Master Dume? This is the kind of advice that is no advice at all. There's nothing actionable here. Hera IS sending Ezra off to learn for himself, she just took the very sensible precaution of putting Zeb in charge. It's not at all clear what part of this Kanan would've done differently, and obviously he didn't object enough to actually ask for anything to be changed, soooooo...what exactly is Kanan saying here, and why did he bother saying it?

AP-5 (always nice to see him) starts doing the annoying droid thing of loudly predicting low odds of mission success. "Thirty eight point five percent?" Kanan objects. "This is YOUR PLAN!"

"I have factored that in," AP-5 says drily.

Hera ignores the chatter and does the job, dropping the team (Zeb, Chopper, a pissy Ezra, Hondo, and Azmorigan) down onto the salvage ship. They immediately split into two teams, the better to be picked off by a SHADOWY ASSAILANT!

It's Terba!!!! THE RETURN OF TERBA! Or, wait, no it's just a different angry little Ugnaught who used to be in Hondo's crew and has a beef now. Okay so this ship is derelict because Hondo attacked it, but they weren't able to get into the atmospheric storm to salvage the cargo. Or, well, this guy did, but then Hondo left him to die.

"You lied to us," Zeb grumbles. "What a surprise."

To which Hondo gets a really great line: "Some of the truth is better than none of the truth, which is what you used to get, so don't try and tell me that I have not grown."

Shortly thereafter, they find the loot, and Hondo and Azmorigan promptly get to squabbling over it while the Spectres unload the proton bombs. But there's ANOTHER shadowy assailant! This one's a droid!

Azmorigan drops off coms, then Zeb gets clocked. Chopper actually stages the rescue, leading Ezra to where the sentry droid has stashed its prisoners, in the brig. Ezra however decides to take this opportunity to gloat: "Well, well, well. Hmm. This might be the last job Hera puts you in charge of for a while, big guy." Zeb actually does a really good job of holding his temper in response.

The situation deteriorates, with the ship getting sucked into the planet's atmo and a whole bunch of OTHER sentry droids waking up once the first one is taken out. Hera yells at everyone to hurry up, but various faultlines in the team begin to fracture into disaster: Ezra wrecked a hatch earlier showing off with his lightsaber, so they can't seal it against the droids, and Hondo and Azmorigan can't work together. They all manage to barely get out, even the Ughnaught, Melch...who cleverly stashed himself in place of the treasure.

The last lines of the episode are, once again, very sleazy humor as Azmorigan claims stake to fifty percent of Melch. "Kinda feel bad for Melch," Zeb observes. You think???

"Nah, he'll be fine," Ezra grins smugly and I REALLY want to know what Ezra is basing this confidence on. Slavery's now a ha-ha joke in the Star Wars universe? Gah. I hate this.

Did anyone actually learn anything in this episode? Ezra was a petulant baby to Zeb and did not particularly learn any respect. He was naive about Hondo and did not end up learning anything there either. I guess Hera got some proton bombs. She certainly deserves them.

[theultimatenonbinarynerd]

Choked In Confusion

Tw: Self Harm Mention, Heavy Angst, Self Loathing. Hurt/Comfort

This was the first-ever sander sides fanfic I ever wrote.

Roman was a mess, he had bruises all over his arm from hitting himself and red eyes showing that he'd been crying for a while. The creative side sat on his desk, he knew he had to take off his mask and write his feelings down. Patton had broken his heart he didn't know what the moral side wanted from him anymore. Logan always hid his feelings too. So he decided to pull off his mask in a more creative way. A monologue, he knew that would suit him a least he thought it would.

Roman conjured his feather pen and began writing his emotions. He wrote like he was running out of time. All the emotions came, he knew the others would scold him for feeling that way but he didn't care anymore there was no point in being what people wanted him to be. Anger, Regret, Sadness, Confusion and Insecure.  A knock broke him from reality, he knew it was Patton, probably wanting to scold him for laughing at Janus's name. He still kept his mask off as he knew it was time to give Patton and the others the wake-up call they needed. The King was everything they loved but then they split him and tried to create a creativity without flaws.

"Hey Kiddo, it's me, Patton can I come in?"

"Fine but not for long?!"

"Kiddo we-"

"I'm fine I have ways of getting my emotions, I honestly can't your first instinct is to come crawling back to me when you and I ignored every word Logan had to say."

"What doe-"

"He obviously feels unwanted and not listened to. Especially since he made his facts optionally. I mean I stood there and let you skip him. Me I'm probably the one out of all of us who drove him to hide and lie about his feelings."

"That's not we-"

"Right, you totally do, ever since the others started to desire being listened to you shut me and Logan out."

"That's not tru-"

"It is Thomas has the right to listen to all of us and not shun us. Go see Logan, please. Janus can apologize-"

"Roman you shouldn't have made fun of his name."

"I know! I'm an idiot I hate myself and screw up, when I make a mistake it's spat in my face but when you guys act rude nobody calls you out on your behaviour."

"Roman, kiddo aren't you over-"

"Overreacting! Patton, I have the write to express how I really feel and not have it brushed off, same for Logan."

"Alright, I'll go see Logan. I'll leave these cookies for you here but please understand we do love-"

Roman felt bad for rudely slamming the door in Patton's face but he didn't deserve comfort he just wanted to scream till he couldn't speak and then put on his crumbling mask as if everything was ok again. He thought by sending Patton to Logan he'd be doing something right for once. Roman nibbled one of the cookies and got back to writing his monologue.

After a few more minutes of writing down his feelings, Roman cleared his throat. This certainly was going to be a heartbreaking performance, deep down however he just wished someone would watch him and acknowledge his mental health struggles.

Lost I feel lost, from the day I was born I have felt nothing but lost. I feel like a statue that has to be perfect otherwise they're just filthy and an old rusting relic never meant to be touched. I am strangled by vines of expectations. Apparently, I was created to be flawless but im more than just a figment, im- actually I don't think I really know who I am anymore at all. 

Anger!

My voice feels like a cold weapon wanting to lash out when everything feels too much and when everything gets other whelming. I fire away but I can't stop myself, I am a flame of passion desperate to not die out. Life feels like thunder I want to strike and harm someone to cope but it's wrong. Justice, I get karma but the others never get it whenever they insult people and act mean.

Regret!

I'm fighting the urge to cut my throat and slice it till I can no longer speak. I feel so vulnerable myself so of course, I'm stupid enough to mock someone else in a vulnerable moment. A name defines who are you and what you stand for. I feel like I should be nameless. I hate myself so illogically I project my feelings out to someone else via name-calling. Me, I try to get better but I only seem to get worse. If I could turn back time I would stay silent and bluntly accept the truth that the world isn't black and white. My only wish is to take all those cruel worse and project them onto myself.

Sadness and Betrayal!

I feel helpless like I should have never ever been creative. Am I really that pathetic that the storybook ended sadly? Am I a hero! No, I'm nobody's hero everyone I've ever cared about have been pushed away by stupid egotistical self. My darling brother isn't evil he's better than me! He deserves my seat at the table. Janus is correct I'm a piece of trash that can be replaced it's not like there's two creativity's after all. Nobody has ever been on my side.

Confusion!

When was the last time I had an idea that was actually helpful? Even Thomas's fans think I'm useless and annoying. Back in the courtroom, I was scolded by Virgil and Patton for siding with the bad guy, the snake. I wanted to understand De-Janus especially since the others pointed out that I never treated Virgil with kindness. But no I'm wrong for giving Janus a chance, have I ever been right? Patton always gets what he wants and giving up that call back felt like I was having my petals picked off.  Then he decides to do a one-eighty and tells me I'm wrong for being the selfless Prince. Also, im supposed to trust the snake after being told he manipulated me and used me to get what I wanted. I was wrong to label the others dark. The truth im the bad guy, not the one who's being used as a puppet. Grey, I've never liked the colour but it appears I must get use to it.

Insecure!

I am the fanciful side, the ego, the passion, the good creativity. They we're wrong I'm a mirror cracked. I never ever should have been crowned the Prince. I'm not royalty I'm an earthquake bringing destruction everywhere I go. 

Janus was right I should have been crowned the Duke! I'm rude, bratty and pathetic. My fist reels, desperate to punch every single mirror I come across. I am broken! Who am I?

I'm an idiot choking on the confusion I feel.

A loud applause made Roman flinch, his brother was sitting on his bed, full of tears. He never expected his brother to be here especially since Remus had been told he's just like his twin. Warm arms wrap around him pulling him into a tight hug. Roman did not expect this he really thought his brother hated him.

"Oh, Ro-Ro, fate time hasn't treated you kindly. Part of me wishes I didn't knock you out."

"You did right you gave Logan his time to shine."

"Ro, Janus was wrong and even if have to skin all of his scales off to make sure he apologizes to you. I'll do whatever it takes."

"Thanks, bro but that won't help, I honestly feel bad for you, now you're stuck with Orange and we know he isn't a nice side to hang out with."

"I don't care at least I'm not stuck with a bunch of losers who ignore every single time you try to say you need help. Janus is a jerk, heck they're all selfish jerks."

"Remus I know I was wrong for labelling you guys the dark sides and us the light sides. We're all flawed but it's just too hard to accept."

"You know what you need?"

"What?"

"I think you need a job where you're allowed to be yourself and not strangely by people's expectations.

Ever since they've wanted us to be black and white but we're not."

"Wait bro are you proposing that I take your place?!"

"Yes I'm proposing I take your job and you take mine. Join me I'm not gonna let them bruise my self-esteem and confidence as they have done yours. Join me, let's work together and show these sides that we will no longer be controlled by their words. So are you with me or are you gonna sit here and stay silent. All I know is that you shouldn't go speechless."

"Nice Disney reference and I accept Its about time I crumble my mask! Thank you, bro I'm glad someone loves me."

"You've always been my hero."

The twins held hands and a bright flash accrued. It was about time the brothers worked together and stick together. Nobody was ever gonna separate them again.

Tagged: @full-of-roman-angst-trash @romanangstismyfuel @sandersidesfics @sandersidesfanders @romanvirgil @roman-sanders-appreciation-blog @romanocheesy @princemesscharming @lowkey-logan @misconceivedcapricorn @pwinceyroman @royalprinceroman

[sanfl0werrr]

the meaning of love

| part one | part two | x | part four |

a few months flew by, and that meant you were graduating in exactly a year. you found yourself spending more time with jaemin compared to wonwoo, despite being in the same year as him.

you genuinely felt okay. you were okay with seeing wonwoo, you were okay with being in the same class as him and you were okay with looking at him being all lovey-dovey with aera.

you were pretty much occupied with school, your club and the dreamies, meaning you were distracted most of the time. they would probably have known what had happened somehow, through jaemin. so, when you see them trying so hard to cheer you up for the past months, made it all heartening to see.

tonight wasn't an exception either. due to the fact that you and mark were seniors, both of you were one of those who had to step down from their positions as the executive committee.

"i'm honoured to have been given a chance to serve the school and bring this club to greater heights. thank you to my team who's been supporting me all these while and for being the best i could've ever asked for. signing off for the final time as your president, mark lee," he bowed as everyone erupted into cheers.

"can we have na jaemin, the newly appointed president, to come on stage to give his acceptance speech?" the emcees announced.

a round of applause was given as jaemin went up on stage to give his acceptance speech.

you knew how nervous he was. from the day mark appointed him as the president, up till now. you silently wished that all will go well for him.

"thank you, mark lee, and everyone who joined us here tonight. it's a special evening for both the seniors and us as we thanked the seniors for all that they've done for us and also carry on the tradition they've set for the next batch. without everyone, none of this will be possible. let us assure the seniors that we can carry on the unity they've established for us, if not greater so that they will not regret passing on the torch to us. signing off for the first time as your president, na jaemin," the crowd erupted into cheers once again and everyone laughed at the reference of mark's speech jaemin had made at the end.

the night ended with so much happiness and you felt at ease for the first time in a while.

"hey, love, wasn't i dashing up there?" jaemin came up to you, putting his hands around your waist.

"don't do that, nana! and yes, you were the most attractive man in the room.. after jeno that is," you stuck your tongue out at him.

"and you're the most attractive woman i've ever laid eyes on," jeno appeared out of nowhere, and placed a kiss on your hand.

in return, you blew a kiss to jeno.

you could see jaemin glaring at jeno even without seeing his face. ever since that night, he became more touchy, more flirty and more protective than wonwoo ever was. you knew that this was his natural state, not the one when he was quiet and cold.

you like this openly flirty and smiley na jaemin more than the other one. it made you feel all sorts of things.

"you sure you're aren't dating jaemin at this point, y/n?" donghyuck was sceptical.

even mark, renjun, chenle and jisung nodded.

"we'd be a power couple, i know it," jaemin winks at you, locking your arms in his.

you flipped your hair, "president na jaemin as my boyfriend? sign me up, baby!"

the dreamies knew that both nana and you were just joking around, but the fact that they kept pushing the both of you together, made you quite uncomfortable.

you were uncomfortable mainly because you didn't want jaemin to find it disgusting to be teased as a couple with you, but so far, he didn't show signs of disgust. the fact that jaemin and you grew closer and spent most of the time together, made you extra cautious.

you didn't want it to end just like how you and wonwoo ended.

"come on, dreamies! let's go out for dinner," chenle suggested.

one by one, all of them started walking towards the exit. you stayed behind for some reason.

"y/n, you coming?" mark turned and smiled, calling out to you.

"you're part of the dreamies now, y/n. can't run away now, can't run away later. you're stuck with us for life," renjun chuckled.

"yeah, you've basically spent most of your time with us. what's hesitating you now?" chenle questioned.

"just... i'm no longer part the club, so-"

"i thought we've established that you can't run away from us, y/n," donghyuck rolled his eyes, a smile on his face.

"we can't handle jaemin without you, y/n! you're the only one who can save me," jisung whined.

"i never thought i would be hearing it from you, jisung," jaemin exclaimed in shock.

"you're the only one who calls me attractive, y/n," jeno came up to you and held your hands.

"hands off, jeno!" jaemin smacked his hands away.

you laughed at their antics and grew soft at the way they're reassuring you. you heaved a sigh of relief.

you smiled, the happiness reaching your eyes, "yeah, let's get dinner."

the dreamies erupted into cheers as they walked fancily, with their fancy shoes and their fancy outfits. no doubt that everywhere they went, eyes would be on them.

and everywhere you went, their eyes would be on you; walking side by side, together with you.

--

your phone rang.

it rang multiple times till it woke you up from your sleep, the sleep you love so much.

"um, hello?" you answered the phone, half asleep.

"y/n?" the voice at the end of the receiver called out. you'd recognised this voice anywhere.

"wonwoo?" you sat right up, fully aware that you're on the phone with him.

"yeah, did i wake you up?" he asked, in concern.

"well, kind of, yeah," you answered, bluntly, "kind of a surprise, getting a call from you."

you could hear him sighing at the end of the other side, "it's been so long, y/n. i kinda miss you, you know. can we meet up?"

a few months ago, you would have have been a mess, trying to get wonwoo to choose you instead of aera, trying to get him to call out your name because he had that much of an effect towards you.

surprisingly enough, you felt nothing. you felt nothing at all, but peace. you've realised that you've finally come to terms with your emotions and left them at the garbage bin. you felt the weight has been lifted up from your heart and body.

you smiled, "sure, why not? i missed my best friend too."

the next few hours with wonwoo made you realise all sorts of things; like how comfortable you were and that there were no more romantic feelings hidden in your heart.

you could just be yourself without being all anxious, or even worrying if you're gonna make a fool out of yourself.

"so, how have you been, my girl?" wonwoo nudged you a little.

that felt weird, the way he's calling you, my girl. your thoughts suddenly flew to jaemin, who had been calling you love all these while. love seemed more classier and the way he called you love was like being under a blanket during winter; it made you warm. you smiled to yourself.

you looked up and teased him, "i don't think you should be calling me your girl anymore though. i am never yours ever since you got yourself a girlfriend, i was never yours from day 1."

"you know i've always called you my girl," wonwoo softened.

you giggled and check the time, "not anymore."

"you're always with the dreamies and we don't seem to be hanging out anymore," wonwoo started.

"don't you have a girlfriend?" you asked him, being puzzled while looking at your phone.

"i'm talking about you here, y/n. you'd always hang with them after school or even during lunch. i don't see you anymore," wonwoo complained.

you raised your brows and looked at the time, "what is your point? why did you even call me out here today?"

"you're doing it again. you've been checking your phone and time throughout the whole day! are you waiting for someone's text?" he lashed out.

"it's my fault, now? you're the one who's been missing and i don't even see the rest of our friends either! every time they'd see me in school, it turned awkward. i'm 100% sure you'd know why!" you raised your voice, "at least i'm somewhere where i know i feel at ease, and that's with the dreamies."

"you sure it isn't because of jaemin? na jaemin, the newly appointed president of your club, the club that takes up most of your time. i'm pretty sure you're spending tons of time together in that pretty little club room of yours," he bitterly spat, "everyone knows how close the both of you are. you might even date him at this point and i don't even know about it!"

"so what if i do? what's so bad about being with jaemin?" you muttered to yourself.

"you can't be serious! do you know what people have been saying about you and jaemin? tons of shit! you and i know you can't handle that," he ran his fingers through his hair.

wonwoo sighed, "i'm sorry, y/n. i overreacted. i just want the best for you. you know i'll always be here right?"

wonwoo embraced you, but you had no energy to reciprocate the hug. you stood there, staring at the ground, with his arms around you.

--

summer break just started and ever since that day with wonwoo, you never felt the same again. it was as if you're in a state of dilemma every single time you're with the dreamies. you don't doubt that they were sincere in being with you, heck, you would never doubt them.

you were just feeling you, undeserving of it all.

"knock, knock. anyone in there?" chenle peered into your face.

you just have him a slight smile.

"oh? what's wrong? you look lost in your thoughts," jeno questioned.

the dreamies were hanging out at your place today, and since they've never really seen your place, they suggested on chilling there.

"you can tell us anything," donghyuck chimes in.

"is this about jaemin?" mark asked.

"mark!" the rest shouted.

you looked around and laughed, "what made you think it's about jaemin?"

jisung cleared his throat, "well, since he's not here, and you look distracted.."

"you miss him?!" chenle shrieked.

"come on, chenle!" renjun nudged the little boy.

"it's about... wonwoo," you confessed, laughing a little.

mark shrugged his shoulders, "you don't have to talk about it if you feel uncomfortable."

"but i'm curious!" donghyuck chided in.

"donghyuck, don't force y/n!" mark scolded the boy.

"i don't mind, it's okay," you smiled at all of them, "it's about time i tell you anyways."

the rest of the time was spent talking about wonwoo and your one-sided, unrequited love for him. you told them the details of what made you fall for him and how understanding he was to the way he'd lashed out quickly if both of you had an argument. but it end up with both parties apologising.

"i met him the other day, because he called me up, asking to meet," you started off again, "he got annoyed at me, saying i was so distracted and kept looking at my phone. i felt bad, actually."

"so... did your feelings resurfaced?" jisung asked carefully.

you shook your head vigorously, "hell no! the moment my feelings for the person disappears, i will never go back to him. even if those feelings came back, i will never go back to him."

"so, why are you so lost in your own thoughts?" jeno asked, taking turns.

"jaemin," you confessed, "it's jaemin. you know why i felt bad? because all i thought of was jaemin. i was waiting for him to text me back, and i kept looking at the time. i wasn't even paying attention to wonwoo, and he lashed out at me, saying mean things."

"i'm so scared," you cried out, "what if jaemin and i end exactly the way it ended like wonwoo and i?"

the emotions since that day burst out, and you cried. you even prayed, not wanting your feelings to risk your friendship with jaemin. you didn't want that. knowing how heartbroken you were, everyone gathered and hugged you, patting your back to comfort you.

moments later, you heard the door being unlocked.

"y/n! your prince is here!" your little brother exclaimed and ran to you, "oh? why are you crying? prince jaemin! princess y/n is crying!"

the moment jaemin heard what your littke brother said, he immediately dropped his bag at the entrance and ran to you.

"what happened?" he looks frantic, eyeing each and every one of his friends.

"w-wonwoo," you sobbed, "but everything's okay."

"o-oh," he stuttered.

"group hug!" your brother exclaimed and everyone laughed, embracing one another in the midst of that.