#I'm rewatching when they first met don't look at me I'm vulnerable

[okaioh]

I wonder if q!phil ever stayed up late some nights on the wall and looked up to the moon wondering if q!missa was looking at it too

[mellie1409]

Moving in with the boys

As the playlist and name of the album had been decided, there was only one thing left to do: start practicing all the dances and performances before recording them.

As having two managers and having separated training schedules would be too complicated it had been decided that you would join the boys manager while the agency looked for a new manager for you solo debut the year after.

Sejin was very sweet and understanding with you as you were the only girl and his first decision was having you move in with the boys as you, after all, were a member of BTS.

This was all communicated to you the last day of training as a trainee. The others trainee only new you would debut, but you weren't allowed to tell them in which group or anything about the debut concept. After 10 hours of training they all gave you a hug and you left to look for Sejin's van. There were no party's thrown or any beautiful words said. But you were okay with it, you knew yourself it wasn't easy to see others debut as you stayed behind for who knew how long. You weren't gonna cry, you told to yourself. But as you walked out of the building in to the van, you eyes got watery. They had been your siblings and moral support for so long. You could only wish them the best.

As you walked in to Sejin's van you put your pet on. Now that you were going to debut as a member of the biggest group in Korea, you had to keep your identity a secret. You weren't allowed to be seen with Sejin until you debuted. For this reason, you seated on one of the back seats were the windows were dark coloured.

As you took a deep breath and shook your tears away, Sejin spoke up: 'We will go get your things at the GFriend dorm and then we will go to your new home: BTS dorm'

You were utterly surprised. 'He wants me to live with BTS? But, but... '

'Yes that's right' he answered. It's then that you realized you were thinking out loud. 'I alredy told the boys about it and they are very excited. They have prepared a room for you. ' he continued.

'But what will people think?' that was actually the only thing you were worried about. It's true that you had only met them a few times, but you could already feel a connection with them and knew living with them wouldn't be a problem at all. But you were worried about the consequences it might have for the boys. If people started shipping you with one of the boys... No, that couldn't happen. You had been told when you signed your trainee contract that you weren't allowed to date anyone in the company and that dating scandals would mean a reduction of your pay. No, you would do your best to not let anything happen.

'It's a new situation for everyone' You snapped back to reality. 'I've talked with Namjoon and he has made the boys very aware of the situation. You don't need to worry about them, they will take care of you as if you were their little sister. And about scandals, as long as you don't give opportunities for it to happen, the company will handle them with no problems. ' Sejin said.

By now you were already close to your old dorms. What Sejin had told you, had defenetly eased your nerves but you were still a bit worried. A voice in your head saying that ARMY wouldn't like you living with them.

As you stepped out of the car, a soft brizzle hit your face, somewhat grounding you from those dark thoughts. 'No, this is my time to shine. I'm not going to let anyone take me down'  you thought to yourself.

You stepped into the dorm and the complete silence overwhelmed you. GFriend were still at the company building practicing so you were all alone. It was strange to see the normally so full of cheer and life house so silent and empty now. You were somewhat sad that you didn't have the opportunity to say goodbye to the girls that had adopted you and treated you like one more member. Even though you were excited and happy to debut with BTS, you sometimes thought you would have preferred to debut with GFriend. You were gonna miss them, but at the same time you thought of your bright future. It was a sweet-sour victory for you.

You thought about this as you packed the little clothes you had there. You had left your homecountry with only a few clothes and even though you weren't short in money, the trainee pay wasn't exactly what you would call extensive.

When you were done you took a last look at the dorm that you had so many memories in. The kitchen were you would cook, the living room normally filled with laughter and the room you shared with the other maknaes. You were gonna miss it, but you had a big adventure ahead of you. So you took a deep breath and closed that creaky door one last time before heading back to the car.

Sejin helped you load you luggage onto the back and then you stepped back into the van. It was alredy getting dark and you were tired after such an intense day. As you were driving around Seoul on your way to BTS' dorm, you started to doze off, head filled with wonderful dreams that seemed closer everytime and face full with a sweet smile.

'Y/N, we have arrived. '

You wake up to Sejin opening your door and helping you step out of the van and taking your backpack. As you look around you, you realize it has stopped raining and it's completely dark. You can't see very well around you, but as you inquire in the darkness you start to see the outlining of what you can only call a cute modern apartment building.

You follow Sejin into that building and step into an elevator. As the door open, you heart starts beating faster and faster. You don't know why, but you are nervous. It's true that you had already met them a few times, but this was different, you were about to live with them. See them in their most vulnerable but at the same time most comfy state. You weren't sure if you were prepared to show them as well that side of you.

Right then, you got to the door. Sejin was about to knock on it, when he got a phone call. He quickly answered it and started to leave, turning around to sign you a knocking motion before finally leaving with the elevator ding

You turned around shocked and hesitantly raised your hand to knock. Before you could even give a second knock, the door flew open, two goofy and fun faces apearing through the opening to greet you, together with the smell of meat being grilled.

'Y/N!!! You're finally here!! ' Taehyung says while Jungkook jumps on his back, unable to contain his excitement. But before you can even answer Jimin appears out of nowhere and takes your luggage.

'C'mon Y/N! I'll show you your room! ' he says while starting to run through a corridor to the right.

'No! I want to! ' says Jungkook while jumping off Taehyung's back and chasing Jimin.

You stare at them startled but happy to see they are as cute in real life as in the Run episodes you had once watched and rewatched. Taehyung looks at you with his boxy smile and takes you by the wrist guiding you into the corridor Jungkook and Jimin had once disappeared.

You pass through some closed doors as well as some open ones. You get to peek into one of the rooms and you see a recording studio-like room with white walls and tons of music related stuff. Before you can ask yourself who works there you have already arived where the other two maknaes are.

A beautiful little room at the end of the corridor. It has broken-white walls and a huge window with open curtains. As you look around you start to discover furniture. A double bed in the middle of the right wall, a white wardrobe in the middle of the left wall, a desk in front of the window and a bed side table between the bed and the wall. You can see that a lot of effort has been put in this simple but cozy room, with even a rugmat on the floor in front of the bed.

'Wow, this is just... ' you say as you tear up. You were worried you would feel like a stranger, but this actually felt like home. Them being some welcoming made you emotional and you couldn't stop the tears from flowing.

'Don't you... Don't you like it?' Jungkook asks timidly. You look at the looks on their faces and realize how worried they are.

'No, oh god, I love it. It's just perfect. ' you answer quickly. They give each other relieved glances and as you wipe away the tears that keep falling, Namjoon and J-Hope walk in.

'Boys, what did I tell you? She has just arrived and you have already made her cry? You are unbelievable.' the leader speaks.

The three maknaes at once start running out of the room with cheeky laughters while J-Hope throws a slipper at them in a try to "teach them a lesson".

This whole action makes you laugh and forget about all your worries. This is perfect, this is your new home and those are your new roommates. 'This is gonna be fun' you think to yourself.

After having retrieved his slipper, J-Hope takes a look at you and starts explaining. 'This was our old game room were we would play computer games and just chill on our free days. We did our best to clean it and prepare it for you. We hope you like it. ' he says while smiling.

'We hope you will feel comfortable and at home and please feel free to tell us if any-' Grrrrrr

'Oh no, this can't be happening, did you really just interrupt Namjoon with a rumbling stomach?' you think.

'Woah, someone's hungry! ' J-Hope says with a big smile on his face. 'Jin and Suga are nearly done cooking. '

'Why don't you take a shower and come join us for dinner after? ' Namjoon suggests.

'That would be great, thank you' you agree with a smile.

"Great! Let me show you your private bathroom then" he says while leading the way.

.

.

.

.

.

The shower was great, you felt refreshed and confortable in the clean clothes that you put on.  And you used the shower time to think and absorb everything that had happened in the last few hours.

As you walked out of you room you guided youself to the living room through the smell of food. You walked into a huge room that combined a kitchen with the dining and living room all in one. As you looked around, you saw everyone was there. Suga finishing the cooking while Jin scolded Namjoon for trying to cut the strawberries for dessert with a butter knife. J-Hope was walking around with a spoon full of food trying to get Jungkook to try out (an experiment he had done) and Jimin and Taehyung were setting the table in a competition to try to make it as beautiful as possible.

Looking at this scene made your heart jump in happiness, you were lucky enough to be able to share one year of your life with this amazing human beings and you were going to make the most out of it, after all, you were the 8th member of BTS. And with those happy thoughts you walked in to join the jolly chaos that was BTS' living room.

[brittie-frog]

Haunting of Bly Manor

Right.

I love horror and after spending sometimes days watching video essays on gay history, specifically in (horror) movies and film, I now kinda understand why so with the Haunting series and its gay rep and them not being the villain of the story, I loved it.

(Quick note I have only rewatched the show twice and can only take from my own experience of media)

My phone also knows me so will suggest news stories on things I've recently watched or current murder cases. So it suggested me this story today:

I went in open minded knowing that some people were angry about the ending falling into the 'kill the gays' trope (which I will come back to).

At first it was fine, talking about the ghost story/love story comment and how it relates to the show and has good analysis that I agree with. Then it goes on to basically summarise the show.

It keeps mentioning that all the gay subtext is implied:

why Dani broke up with her fiance

why Jaimie is reluctant to be vulnerable with Dani (before the monologue)

And that there needs to be a “lot of filling in between the lines” to understand their romance despite their practically constant flirting (Jaimie's 'Poppins' for Dani is the cutest nickname) and multiple kissing scenes. However, I digress, it can be sometimes hard to understand certain attitudes to each other at the beginning.

It also states that its like they want on the pat on the back for "making them queer, without making anything about them very queer". I don't know what this means, but I took two interpretations:

That not all queer people need to stereotypically look queer to be and that is a step forward for gay rep (I prefer)

That the creator wants to be celebrated for making gay rep without truely showing their queerness (which I think is pretty false)

Then it talks about the fireside chat and Jaimie's backstory, describing the monologue as "shoehorned" into the scene and "devoid of any mention of her sexuality". This is where the first part of my 10 minute research for context comes in. This is set in 1987 in a small town in England with an American. In charge of England at the time was the famously homophobic Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher that implemented Clause 28. No one in this setting and right mind - especially after being ridiculed for most of her life - would come out to any one, flirting or not, that they have known for at most a month or two. Also, this entire scene resolves around Jaimie's attitudes towards people, and why she's reluctant to get close to people, favouring taking care of her flowers over interacting with others.

Then it talks about Owen and Mrs. Grose having "more meaningful screen time and backstories that continue throughout multiple episodes".

First Hannah. We basically get Hannah's entire backstory in episode 5: how she met Owen, scenes of her working at the Manor (in non-chronological order) and how she died in the first episode. Then that continued into the final episode when she finally comes to terms with her death and her love for Owen to save everyone. We don't actually get much backstory in the way of her childhood or even how she met the family (from what I remember, correct me if I'm wrong).

Now Owen. His backstory is that he grew up in Bly, left to go to France and became a Sous Chef, only coming back because his mum got diagnosed with dementia and he needed to take care of her despite her constantly mistaking him for other people. That is also only explored through Hannah's memories of the interview and the bonfire-side chat.

Those are both sad backstories but you can't call them any more or less meaningful than Jaimie's of in depth about how her and her family were ridiculed and bullied throughout her life and even spent time in juvie. They all have points mentioned in their stories that I would love more indepth on: how Hannah met the family/met Sam, either Owen's childhood in Bly or his time in France and why Jaimie spent time in juvie. But I also realise this is a short series that has to make fleshed out characters and tell an entire story in 8 episodes.

The article then talks about how even the ghosts got an entire episode to themselves when they barely show up. If you look in the background of the majority of scenes you'll see them and personally I really enjoy getting their stories of how they died. However, that episode is about more than just finding out about the ghosts and Viola's life, it’s mainly about what led to her being the first ghost and causing other dead people to stay as ghosts and the origin of those specific words that give a ghost access to an alive person’s body, to help explain the majority of the show. If I showed my friend this show and removed that episode I would have more questions asked than when my mum finished it.

Now I don’t know what to say. I agree there is no law on art so it can be anything and I usually think that the haunting series are in a slightly different universe (it’s how sleep at night knowing that someone can’t be so stubborn they become a murdering ghost) but also yes, trans-roles should be given to trans people more often. However they are actors and their job is to play some they aren’t for entertainment so for the most part I agree with Scarlett about being able to play anything. Also yes the self-congratulatory approach after playing an LGBT+ character when you’re cishet is kinda bad unless you have the full support of the community telling you it was a good portrayal and accurate representation. It won’t be enough for minorities if our representation, that people outside the communities are calling great, are just surface level characters that are just there for tokenism but you can’t compare Bly Manor characters to those types of characters. All of them have so much development and are well done that the majority of the community that has watched the show have no problem with and love their representation.

Personally I love both Theo Crain and Jaimie and Dani because they represent different things. Theo Crain is on a basic level. as a lothario, a stereotypical butch lesbian, constantly hooking up and struggles to actually open up and love people. Dani and Jaimie are soft, domestic cottage core lesbians in a flower shop AU. This is not a bad thing and just because they have a “tepid romance” doesn’t mean it’s a step back. Also more context time:

 As said before Thatcher was in charge and heavily homophobic, creating laws to stop people from teaching children about homosexuality since gay sex had been decriminalised recently

 It was the middle of the AIDs epidemic. Dani was coming from a country that was doing nothing about the deaths of thousands and going to a country where hysteria about AIDs was rampant but they were doing more, like the ‘AIDs: don’t die of ignorance’ information leaflet despite it not being as huge with 46 deaths by 1984. (That assumes that the AIDs epidemic happened in this universe)

Dani clearly had some form of internalized homophobia before even coming to England because she spent so long with her fiance hoping to feel the way she’s supposed to (I think the ghost of him is her guilt and internalized issues personified as it constantly appears when she’s trying to move forward.)

Also in the final episode it shows that is probably at least some homophobia in America as they kiss in the shop then look outside and go to the back so no one can see. (This could be interpreted as seeing if anyone is planning on coming in so they can escape without having to stop early for customers but Jaimie had already changed the sign to closed.)

Now onto the ‘kill the gays’ trope. Yes this is a huge trope that is so damaging to the community that we’re constantly the ones killed off for views or when their tokenism is no longer important, that is fucked up! However this doesn’t mean that we should give every gay character plot armour, cause that’s also unrealistic, just to please the select few that will call it out as a damaging trope. There is huge difference between say, The 100 killing Lexa and Bly Manor killing Dani as one has plot relevance and brings the story to a close while the other enraged an entire generation so much they started a brand new convention to celebrate queer relationships/characters in media. It’s also not like she was the only one to die, it’s horror after all, Hannah, Rebecca and Peter, the parents and all those ghosts died or were already dead.

Like many of the comments on the article - If all you got from this show was it falls into kill the gays, you have completely missed the entire point of the show.

[cliquestitsandicks]

Tracking Kat

Episode 1: Kat is mourning the end of her relationship with Adena. It has been 5 weeks since the breakup in Paris. She's still looking at old pictures of them and posted one. She still hasn't sent Adena's equipment to her, even though Adena has been texting her asking for it. By the end of the episode, she's admitted to (in order) Alex, Patrick, and Jane & Sutton that she is not okay. She is still sad about the end of her relationship. Alex tells her "you're so hard on yourself. You got your heart broken. There's no expiration date on heartbreak. You move on when you're ready to move on and when you *are* ready, you will find someone amazing. Someone who will never leave." Then Patrick is an entitled, invasive dick. She told her girls she wasn't ready for it to be real yet and that's why she hadn't told them... but she broke down in front of them. She'd finally accepted it was over. End of the episode, she makes an instagram post exposing her vulnerability to the world and packs up Adena's things for good.

Episode 2: Kat injects Jane for fertility treatment. She is very familiar with Jane's reproductive system at this point - best friends. She learns the Wild Susan, a club Adena took her to that became a safe space she frequents and which happens to be 1 of only TWO lesbian bars in the city, is closing. She learns the only reason it's happening is because developers want to gentrify the neighborhood. We learn Kat has a lawyer (not sure how that may come up later) that she met through the #BeReal campaign. Anyway, Kat throws a queer prom as a fundraiser to help save the Wild Susan. It ultimately fails because $42,000 in one night from poor people is a bit much. But it was a valiant effort and, as Kat learns, the gentrifiers were well aware of its impossibility. This episode is leading up to her political career. "I've been so into my feelings lately, it feels really good to challenge my energy into something that really matters". I am so proud of Kat. In Season 1, I would have worried she was avoiding her feelings, but the writers made a big deal of showing she's done the exact opposite of that in the prior episode.

Episode 3: Kat has been researching councilman Reynolds and he's a total piece of shit - helping gentrifiers, cutting funding to parks, and voting against paid maternity leave. She's fired up. Our girl is P A S S I O N A T E & informed! We meet the councilwoman for whom she plans to volunteer and her campaign manager, Tia. Tia's a tiny, bubbly boss with natural hair and a bright smile and we see Kat brighten up. We later learn she and Kat have more in common, both being NYU grads (actually overlapping while there) and both brilliant. Tia, however, is not from a wealthy and connected background. In their initial meeting, Kat tells Tia "I'm just looking for something to channel my rage and depression". Kat enlists her besties to help get the councilwoman to unseat problematic Reynolds. Sutton clearly sees something between Kat and Tia because she does a friend's background check (checking the social media) and tells Kat she looks very single to which Kat responds "it really doesn't matter because I'm still getting over Adena" and Jane seems skeptical of Kat's protestations with her silent smirk. We learn Kat has really soft lips. Kat is the voice of reason for Alex, being the first one to acknowledge the hypersexual "dangerous" Black man depiction that will likely be projected onto him if he admits he is the man in his friend's story. Then we see her naturally command the crowd at the rally. Again, I am so proud of Kat. She isn't holding back when she knows she should speak up. She's taking control of her narrative. She's fighting for what's right in a constructive manner. And now Tia, who has way more experience with this than Kat, is recommending she run for office.

Episode 4: We start the episode with Kat describing what would be her district and job description to her best friends. She's looking excited about the potential to do something that matters and really help people. In her conversation with the Toby (?. don't know, don't care), we get to see more of Tia being supportive of Kat and Kat being confronted with whether she's motivated to actually run or just wants someone to beat Reynolds. We learn Kat had an abortion in 2013 when she was 20 AS IS HER GOTDAMN RIGHT BECAUSE IT'S HER BODY, but it's something she's felt some sort of shame/concern over seeing as nobody close to her knew about it. Then, and this is so great, after telling her friends she has the conversation with Tia. Tia shares that she's had one as well and completely understands not wanting it to be public knowledge, but in sharing her experience educates Kat on yet another way vulnerable people are having their rights stripped, this time through manipulation and "crisis centers" that shouldn't exist. Tia remains supportive and doesn't pressure Kat at all with her decision. "I am by your side if they come for you, but you gotta do what's right for you". When we get that great speech from Jacqueline we see Kat being moved my the statement that you'll never know what you're capable of if you don't take a leap faith to face challenges that frighten you, then you'll never know what you're capable of. [i'd like to pause right now to say Jacqueline is fucking wonderful and i love her like my white auntie. also Sutton needed to hear that again just as much as Kat and i really appreciate this entire moment.] When Kat leaves Jacqueline's celebration, she passes by one of those "crisis centers" Tia told her about and decides to use her voice to help others. "I like to think of myself as a pretty strong, empowered, forward-thinking, open-minded woman. But, up until now, I haven't been able to talk about my abortion. If me putting myself out there helps even one woman to feel less alone, less ashamed, and less guilty then it's worth it." And just like us, dear Tia is blown away. She actually exhales a breath she didn't know she was holding and biiiiiiiitch (!!!! excitedly). and then they're dancing! This is the episode, upon rewatch, when i recognize how often Tia touches Kat unnecessarily.

Episode 5: Kat's entire recap includes Tia, ending with Sutton saying "she seems to be very single". Her very first scene, Tia is complimenting her walking out of some campaigning event we later learn was a Town Hall. Can we just talk about Kat's blazer for a second? First of all, i want it. Second, how did they find something so perfectly her? It's colorful but still semi-professional, fun, but still about her business. Heart-eye inducing. ok. So the next time we see Kat, she and Tia (whose last name they finally mention as Clayton) are reviewing campaign platform and doing debate prep at Kat's apartment. Tia's complimenting Kat almost continuously at this point. Clearly she's impressed, borderline gushing. and Kat tries to brush it off. Tia's not letting her. And there's this moment when Tia forces herself to break eye contact with her (around 5:40 of the episode). The show tells us Kat still hasn't dated since Adena, but Sutton brings up the "stupid smile" she gets whenever Tia's mentioned. She's making better decisions than Patrick and her being compared to Patrick is lowkey happening a lot. I'm starting to wonder if they're setting up Kat taking over digital if she doesn't win the campaign. Ok, the song choice as they pan to Kat and Tia... "I never normally check my phone 10 times in a minute. I'm not the girl to be kept on hold 10 miles from the finish." Again, Tia is very touchy with Kat, never anything inappropriate of course, but the hand is always on the back or the arm. and their interaction is just.. lovely. I squeal. it's so cute. they're so comfortable. Kat invites Tia to the dinner BEFORE (i got the timing on that mixed up before) Tia says she's "a boring straight girl" [the test determined that was a LIE... nah, my good sis Tia is dealing with some internalized homophobia which is no joking matter, but we don't learn that until the next episode]. Apparently, Kat can cook now? So she just liked Adena's food better i guess? idk... anyway. I get why some of the things Tia said can be taken as flirting, but i still believe that you accept what someone says is their sexuality until they say otherwise. yes, that's even when they're saying things like "when i see what i want, i go for it" and "Annndd she can cook. it's hot" and looking at you like that. Kat telling Jane to apologize because he's her boss and she got suuuper disrespectful and would absolutely deserve getting fired makes me proud. She's the mature friend now. She's the one with a level head on her shoulders. Kat finally makes her feelings known to Tia, but this is after Tia has already stated she's straight. Tia reiterates that this is a professional relationship and apologizes for Kat getting the wrong idea. I'm reminded of when Alex Danvers told Maggie Sawyer she was into her and she was rejected... but in that example i was floored and heartbroken for Alex because ugh, i just didn't see that coming. With this, however, it felt like Tia was clear in her words even if it shocked the hell out of me what the words were. So i didn't feel heartbroken for Kat. I thought... tbh... she brought it on herself for refusing to respect Tia's "no", however soft it was. But the writers did let us know it wasn't over with the music selection... Kat looking at "You and Tia make a great team :)" as "I'll go to war for you" plays.

Episode 6: All the emails have been released and Kat has no worries at all about that because she's a professional. And we get to see her be a boss addressing the entire group. Patrick isn't there this episode (YAY for our sanity!) and i think Kat being a boss so often when Patrick isn't around is intentional. When we see Tia, she says last night is forgotten but she thinks it's a bad idea to remain Kat's campaign manager... which is clearly a hard rejection. One can argue that it's too harsh for someone merely admitting they were into you. But it's just as easy to argue that it's appropriate after telling someone, very clearly, that you are not into them romantically and them ignoring that and saying that you were flirting with them on this date they never called a date before you were already there?? so i'm not mad at it. At the end of the episode, we find out that Tia was rejecting herself, not Kat. Turns out, Ms. Tia Clayton has known she's attracted to women since she was in high school, but she "didn't want to want it". Tia is so TINY AND ANXIOUS ABOUT HER SEXUALITY AND MANY OF US HAVE BEEN THERE. But... and i say this in jest... for someone who is really trying not to be out in the open with her gay, she sure was comfortable kissing Kat all outdoors for anyone to see. My good sis is smitten. I'm excited for the story. Again with the music during their scenes though... "I cannot fallll in love with youuuuu. I cannot feeeeel this way so soon, so soon." Also, my girlfriend and I have watched the gifset of the kiss over the phone and swooned (we live in different states for now). This episode, we also got the flashbacks (i missed Lauren so much). Kat's got red streaks in her hair, is a friend to strangers, has regrettable sex with men who taste like pickles, and is cute as a button. She also called Jacqueline "Mama Jackie" and that's it; that's her name now.