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literalgrill · 10 months ago

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Do NOT Support Hard Drive On Patreon

You might see friends today suggesting you support Hard Drive on Patreon today. You know, the funny video games version of The Onion? As a journalist, I will firmly tell you DO NOT GIVE THEM A DIME.

The CEO has pushed out all former staff that have built the site up to its current greatness and has been pushing the use of AI. The staff begged to have a Patreon before basically all being pushed out, but the idea was refused until now, when it will only line the pockets of a single person instead of hard working writers.

I know they might have provided laughs before, but Hard Drive is a shell of what it was once. Let it die and support the people who actually made those moments of joy possible. Don't believe me? Check out what former employees are saying below:

Kevin Podas: Okay you know what, I would feel bad saying nothing about this, so here goes:🚨SAVE YOUR MONEY🚨

We passionately advocated for a Patreon at Hard Drive & were aggressively shot down. The talent & people who built the site were pushed out. To see this now is beyond upsetting. For the past few years or so I put a lot of myself into this website. I pitched a ton of jokes, got over 120 articles published, & met a lot of great people. I'm sure if you've been following me for some time you could easily see this.

However, there is a lot of misinformation. I was eventually promoted to Managing Editor of the site & was ecstatic. Grateful for the opportunity. Felt like all of my hard work in the comedy mines was finally paying off. But things took a turn for the worst, & each day there were new surprises that affected our livelihoods. These were all very avoidable surprises, mind you.

A patreon was going to be our hail mary, but alas, for some reason, the power that be did not want it. Causing us to leave a dream job behind. "At least we did all we could," we consoled ourselves afterwards. I put a lot of myself into this project. I pitched all sorts of ideas that could have helped-- we all did. Merch collaborations, Patreon-integrated YouTube content, so much more. And most of them were shot down out of sheer stubbornness and nothing more. To see lie after lie spread, and multiple big publications and YouTubers that I am a fan of promote this Patreon under these pretenses is incredibly upsetting. There are so many receipts.

Please share this and consider pulling out if you've already put money into this. On Hard Drive using AI, also from Kevin Podas: I can't personally confirm that part aside from some of the recent header images for articles on both Hard Drive and Hard Times are being made with AI. As far as writing, it's been mentioned in the past, but I personally do not know. Maybe others do, maybe not. MORE From Kevin Podas suggesting the owner denying a Patreon being set up earlier cost an artist a job that was replaced by AI: We had a social media person who was awesome! He made the images until this AI implementation. He had to leave because ad revenue was low and a Patreon was aggressively refused.

Luca Fisher: at the risk of burning some bridges, i have to back up kevin here. i've only been part-time, in-and-out of hard drive since i got in last year, but i can corroborate that management doubled and tripled down about not hosting a patreon/crowdfunding and that many other suggestions and ideas, including mine (and ones much smarter than mine!), were shot down in really long, apocalyptic threads of everyone left on deck desperately trying to come up with ways to keep the lights on. managerially it has been messy and sad

i've written for multiple publications that have long since died, ones that were in the process of dying, and ones that, in this case, are soon to be put in the ground. it is sad and sucks every time. i don't know what could have been done differently, but i do know that a lot of great writers and content creators were left shorthanded and unhappy by the way things have gone. and it is sort of puzzling to see the sudden championing of patreon after we were all told plenty of times that it couldn't work and we should move on also, just to add my own personal two cents here, i was really disappointed by the shuttering of many different article sections on the site over the past 6-8 months. i understand cutting corners in a deficit, and i know it had to be done. that said…

all in all, i'm really sad to see this all happen. i don't fault anyone, if only because i don't really know enough about how this all can happen to make sense of it. games journalism is in a sad, sorry state, and will likely no longer be a thing in the next decade

VideoSealMan: I'm gonna say this because I think I deserve to. For months, MONTHS on end I was bugging Hard Drive management about a Patreon. Often I got ignored for a week+, but when I actually got a response I was encouraged to - of all things, write up a Google Doc pitching the concept I did it regardless. I wasn't the only one trying to sway management on a Patreon, but so fiercely was I fighting for it that last night, I was accused of making this comment directly by the CEO! With no evidence whatsoever! After I'd been gone for over a month.

I vouched so hard for Patreon because I wanted all the writers and creatives working with Hard Drive including myself to get paid better. When I actually got a response, the idea was often shut down. Eventually due to the state of my company, my pay was cut for a second time I confronted management alongside a couple other important figureheads at the org and told them that if we couldn't do a Patreon - I could no longer financially justify staying there. The answer was still no, so I left. Baffled at the decision, but whatever.

It is unendingly frustrating to know that myself and many other people who put their soul into Hard Drive LEFT because of management's absolute refusal to compromise on a Patreon, to then see them launch one anyway a month later and get over 1000 people pledging money. I'm seeing a lot of things float around about greed and people being fired. No one was fired. Everyone who left, left because they were sick of management's decision-making. And honestly, management is a lot of things but I would not call them greedy. (From my experience.) They did genuinely make an effort to pay people as much as possible. I found the pay very fair for a while. I am not disputing that I was paid what I was owed - yet management frequently feels the need to remind critics of that. Lmao, yes. I was paid what I was owed. No one is disputing payment. You did the bare minimum a business owner should do and paid everyone their due, very well done. I make no allegations of greed, cheating or foul play. I make allegations of poor management and incompetence that has fucked over other people.

Basically the only people left at Hard Drive have been there for about 2 months. They will reap the rewards of this successful Patreon I and so many others passionately fought for for so long. We will not see a dime.

I do not know the new people at Hard Drive, But I feel bad for them. They were haphazardly thrust into Hard Drive's workplace with little to no explanation on how anything works, or given any context on the state of the place. Even now managements feeds them half-truths and misinformation about other people's grievances. I am broke and have been for a while. I had to move out of my flat in Reading and back with my family because of how little money I was making. This has basically doomed my flatmate to moving back in with abusive parents, which is something I feel guilty about every day. If we had gone with the Patreon I worked myself hoarse over back then, this could have been avoided. Some of my other good pals could also not have been fucked over.

It was a bad judgment call, but it's not a crime. It's just management getting it wrong.

So should you give to the Hard Drive Patreon? I don't know! I don't think any of the new people working there to patch up the holes left by the recent mass exodus have any bad intentions. Maybe they deserve it! But it is not the same site you knew a year ago, or even a month ago. Myself and many people who were there far longer than me and did far more for it than I did are all gone now because we could not deal with management's terrible decision-making and dogass communication any longer. That's what you should know, imo

I had an agreement in place with management that I would receive the next 8 months of revenue from the Hard Drive YT channel from my leaving in November. This was a deal I appreciated, and thought was very fair on management's behalf. So far, the deal has been honoured for 2 months. However as of last night I was removed from the Hard Drive Slack without warning, and as an editor for the YouTube channel. This means I no longer have any way of verifying how much I am owed, I just have to take their word for it. I'm sure management will make their own statements full of half-truths and weird language on the many cases being brought against them - I'd take everything they say with a pinch of salt if some of the screenshots I've seen of them talking about me are any indication lol

To management; I do not want to talk to you. I want you to DM me a screenshot of how much I'm owed every month and then send me the money per our agreement until June, then we can go our separate ways. Do that and admit to your mistakes, and maybe you can recover your reputation! That's it from me, lol. If they pull out of the deal and fuck me over I'll have more to say, but most of what I know is other people's stories of incompetence and poor decision-making, lol. I genuinely get no pleasure out of doing this; I do not think management is evil - I just think they're really bad at what they do and it's cost other, more talented people, lol. You should believe the writers imo

One last thing I wanna say btw, management did often stress that no one should try to make Hard Drive a full time thing. They were transparent about that, and that is fair. I was working on it because at a few points, I was lead to believe we actually were doing a Patreon. Many other ppl have similar stories of being strung along by management changing their minds and stop-starting shit every 2 weeks. We all made the fatal mistake of overestimating our manager - who would tell you one thing one day and something totally opposite the next week lol

Hunter R. Thompson:

I'm not your dad, but speaking as a Hard Drive writer, I don't know that funding Hard Drive on Patreon is worth it

The driving talent on the back end—behind the kickass site I joined in 2019—have peaced out over the years as the site's been (in our view) increasingly mismanaged. Mismanagement like, not setting up crowdfunding before the ship sank and all its best crew failed; or publishing a screenshot of Andy Ngo pedojacketing a trans writer, complete with her deadname; or a disgruntled ex-writer getting falsely accused of shit-talk, by actual staff. I'm grateful for the writing I've gotten to produce for HD (and will forever be kicking myself for not writing even more, in the four years I've had to do it!! i'm a dumbass!!!) but it is very much no longer the site I signed up for.

I don't want to resign as a contributor altogether, because I'm open to the idea of the site recovering and bad practices being retired as finances level out-- it would just be dishonest for potential backers to not be Aware Of The Circumstances, I think.

Jeremy Kaplowitz: i truly don't want to start shit, but feel compelled to say: i want to see Hard Drive succeed w/o resorting to throwing former writers & editors, myself included, under the bus. surely there's a way to save the site without building it over the corpses of those who left. my $0.02 i don't blame anyone who wants to sign up for the HD patreon and i support the website, but that includes those who worked on it for years, have complaints, and don't deserve to be treated like bitter assholes like this kind of stuff is just objectively true, meanwhile there's these new writers who joined the site after i left (meaning, in the last ~3 months) claiming people are liars. decide for yourself if you care, but this is what happened! [Quotes this Tweet]

Seth Finkelstein: Writing for Hard Drive has been a privilege the past few years, and it makes me so angry to see people I looked up to get jerked around behind the scenes. The amount of grenades the editors jumped on our behalf is immense, and I don't think the way they're being treated is right.

Other Bits On AI: We do know for sure however that AI art has been used by the site. Its fucking owner confirms it here:https://twitter.com/MattSaincome/status/1743040541603123622. Seems the owner pushed AI written articles as well! TayFabe: My vaguetweet is making the rounds & these made me apoplectic. - owner regularly lobbied using ai. Once he tested it & said ai was writing better satire than 25% of the HT/HD writers. - ai images were used on the site & socials w/o consulting the team or disclosing it publicly I found the ai bit relevant to include bc 1) it illuminates a stark change in HD's current direction & leadership, 2) ai images have previously been used on the site and (since deleted) ig posts, 3) ai content fucking sucks, and repeatedly pushing to use it is a telling quality The "handful of writers who chose to leave" includes 2 editors-in-chief (both cofounders who wrote a combined total of >1,000 articles & defined the voice of HD), & at least 3 other editors. These guys put in WORK since 2017, so cool to be corrected by ppl who joined in Nov 2023 [Link to mentioned vague tweet from post.] More from TayFabe: owner continuously lobbied for using ai in every possible way. No one else wanted to do it, but he kept on, saying ai was writing better satire than 25% of the HT/HD writers. Also, ai images were used on the site & socials without public disclosure or consulting the team.

The owner has responded now multiple times in a private discord... Thank you for people sharing screenshots! First Screenshot:

Kevin's Response: He banned me from the server for speaking out, so no, I didn't see it. And he gave no indication of a timeline, it was just "we'll do one when *I* say so" and gave every inclination he was totally against it. It bred an environment that pushed our hands to have to leave. Screenshot Round Two:

Kevin's Response: "Starting one in 3 months" is an absolute lie. He denied it, I have screenshots and others who can confirm. No timeline was given. Just "this is what it is now" and like, I couldn't live off of that. I wanted to do more but he was allergic to good ideas from others around him.

Matt, owner of Hard Drive, responds publicly on Twitter.

Matt: Kevin, the patreon launch was delayed because I didn't think it would work. Everyone is happy that it did work. Everyone who left the site because we didn't have money to pay for creative content which didn't revenue is welcome to return home. But unclear why the hostility.

Hard Drive paid out literally every dollar it had, then a bunch more, to creative people who worked on the site. When we ran out of money, we couldn't pay anymore. We did our best.

Kevin: Right, and my point of this thread was that it was completely and totally avoidable. This is reasonable to be upset about. How could I have been any more clear?

Matt: If we knew with 100% certainly that the community would have supported us via patreon, we would have done that. We didn't know. We had tried 4 years ago and got no support. We were wrong this time. We did our best to figure it out. We paid all the money we could.

Kevin: So you knew with 100% certainty this time? Or you took a leap of faith?

Matt: It was a last gasp panic effort after ad rates got cut in half on january 1st due to seasonal spending changes. We didn't know it would work. We were embarrassed to ask for support. We wanted to figure it out.

Kevin: Every site has a Patreon. Every YouTuber, comedy group, etc. But you insisted that nobody cared about Hard Drive. Which is wildly untrue. I know you see that now, but again, I think you can see why I and many others are pretty upset. A last ditch panic effort was long overdue. A couple more things from Matt:

It was about the size of the hole we needed plugged budget wise, the time I had left of personal resources, and the past data I had about us trying a patreon (which turned out to be a bad indicator). I didn't think the Patreon would help us fast enough. I made a bad estimation

aka "if we make $1000 more dollars a month via patreon, which would be 10x what we got last time, we will not solve any of our problems. If instead we try to plow down path B, we might make it out in time." That was the thinking. I chose the wrong path, but didn't mean to Kevin also retweeted this comment from the user Matt was responding to: So you're saying that you're bad at running the business, didn't listen to any of your employees until after they were forced to leave their jobs, and now you're going to get more of the money from the Patreon that was their idea in the first place? Matt's Response: Respectfully, I made a mistake delaying the patreon decision. But keeping a comedy site alive for 9 years is not easy, there are lots of potential ideas, and think overall we've done a good and honorable job. Will leave this thread in peace now to allow people their space.

Sorry for linking to Elon's hellsite (derogatory), but sources need links so...

#video games #patreon #hard drive #ai critical

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belit0 · 1 year ago

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Hello!♡

Thank you so much for doing my request! I absolutely loved it! It probably made my day too haha! Your writing is so fun and nice to read, you're just so talented!

I'm honestly very shy about requesting things from people, because I don't want to bother them, but this definitely motivated me to share another idea of mine, which I hope you don't mind!

I'm really into the Yandere x secret Yandere trope, which I honestly don't see enough of and it's a shame! I also really loved the dynamic between Yandere Shisui and Itachi in your fic, which made me have an idea.

So basically, the reader, Shisui and Itachi all growing up together. Shisui and Itachi were always super obsessed with the reader, unaware that the reader fully knew of this and enjoyed the attention. And they were also a Yandere for the two, who just waited for the moment they finally confessed to them, so they can unapologetically keep the boys to themselves. The clan kept them away from eachother maybe as well, but nothing can really stop the two boys once they want something, haha... You can gladly make this nsfw, if you'd like, too!

I'm sorry that this is a long one and hope you don't mind me asking for a request for them again! Thank you once more for doing my previous one too! I love it!<33

(Excuse my English btw! I'm not a native speaker.♡)

- bunni anon

I really appreciate your love and interest, genuinely!

I completely understand the feeling of being a nuisance, but this blog is a safe space for everyone, and you are more than welcome anytime you want to chat or send me a request! Please don't be shy, and make yourself comfortable here!

I would have loved to make this request sooner, but life and work sucked me in. It took longer than usual, but here it is and I hope you like it!

TW: Yandere! Itachi - Yandere! Shisui - Yandere! reader Pairing: Uchiha Itachi / Uchiha Shisui / reader NSFW

You see, the Uchiha are not very good when it comes to demonstrating affection with words, yet they are great with actions. Sometimes, they have a hard time pronouncing an “I love you", but they won't hesitate to burn down cities for their loved ones, to kill as many people as necessary, to destroy lives just to prove their feelings.

They lose their head and minds for the one who dominates their heart, making it their priority for them to be happy, to have everything they need, and to lack nothing. They may not be able to verbalize it or find it difficult to formulate words to explain emotions, but in their behavior, there is no hesitation.

They know what they are doing.

Just as (Y/N) knows what she does.

In this girl's case, she has not one crazy Uchiha, but two. Both ninjas decided to take and share her as the object of their passion, to give her all their sentiments and affection, undivided attention.

The beginning of the end comes when Shisui saves her from some thieves one rainy night. The Uchiha was on guard duty, patrolling dark streets looking for suspicious activity. Police life is much simpler than working fighting ninjas from other nations, and he appreciates the solitude of the evening. Suddenly, he sees a woman walking alone, presumably trying to get home. She tries to shelter from the rain by walking under roofs, and doesn't notice when she is accosted halfway. Two thieves tried to steal her belongings and assault her, but the ninja intervenes quickly, coming out of hiding and reducing the threat in seconds.

The woman thanks him in tears, hugging him and hanging onto his neck as if it were a matter of life and death. Shisui takes a moment to appreciate her closely, and gets fascinated by her beauty. Even soaking wet and with a face swollen with tears, the girl is beautiful. He can feel the shape of her body beneath his hands as he holds her, how her curves mold to his fingers, and then, it hits him.

This girl has to be his.

He took her to the Uchiha police station where Itachi sat, waiting for his best friend to return and continue chatting. His free time between missions became a moment to spend with his cousin, unpressured by schedules, making a habit of visiting him on his night watches and keeping him company.

When Shisui enters with the attacked woman, the two share an immediate look of understanding, and realize they have found their next object of obsession. Used to not being argued with and always getting what they want, both friends worked countless times to achieve their goals.

With (Y/N), however, it was different. The girl seemed uninterested in their advances yet somehow managed to keep them wrapped around her finger. They tried to approach and conquer her countless times, to win her heart and finally be able to possess her, but she seemed to enjoy seeing them struggle, working for it.

Soon, it became a challenge.

Such became the fixation of both Uchiha, Shisui began to miss his nightly patrols, and Itachi to skip his ANBU missions. Undeterred by their sense of responsibility, their superiors questioned them, not understanding how two shinobi of such caliber could be acting so strangely.

The two would get together to plan, try to understand, and brainstorm ways to obtain her without having to make a fuss. Sure, they could resort to kidnapping, taking and making her disappear forever, but that meant dealing with a lot of cumbersome details. Investigations, explanations to the family, tracing, covering up fingerprints, annoying things they had dealt with countless times in the past.

The puzzle lay in how she always sought them out and needed them, but never accepted their moves.

She would call and ask them to escort her home for the night, but never allowed them to come in and stay with her.

She would call and ask them to keep her company at work, but never agreed to stay with them for a drink later.

She would call them if she heard a strange noise in her place, but never let them stick around to secure the perimeter.

The girl would play with them, and it drove the two ninjas crazy. They had never met anyone who would make things so difficult, who would complicate their strategies and maneuvers, who would resist their advances like that. It made them even more desperate and obsessed, falling into the trap of needing her.

Eventually, their respective bosses had to intervene. Itachi was temporarily suspended from the ANBU for neglecting his responsibilities, and Fugaku forbade them both from approaching the woman if they wanted to continue holding their positions within the clan. Shisui was closely watched by his police colleagues, obeying direct orders from the chief.

Things got annoying and cumbersome, which only gave them more determination to achieve their goal. If people wanted to take her away from them, to get her out of their hands, there would be trouble.

Something (Y/N) enjoyed in a big way.

Knowing the two most powerful Uchiha were eating out of her hands, trying to get under her skirt, to get something from her, made her feel like the most powerful woman in the world. She could whistle, and the two would be at her feet obeying her needs, doing whatever she wanted them to do.

She abused and used this ability to the fullest, enjoying the looks of desire from both men every time she called them for something. They always hoped she would allow them to stay, to come into her bed, to be part of her life in a stable way, but (Y/N) never would.

She loved the frustration on their faces when she asked them to leave, when she told them she didn't need them anymore, and how helpless they were every single time. The girl learned to manage and have them at her beck and call, so much so they would abandon their responsibilities for her.

Yet, at some point, the Uchiha had enough, and decided to put a stop to (Y/N)'s demand. She had gained the upper hand, and it was time to turn it all around.

When she called them again, they were determined to act.

It was late, and (Y/N) was moving her chakra with the signal the three had agreed to use as a call. Both Uchiha were together, and they rushed simultaneously to the scene. The girl was in the middle of the forest and desperately called for them.

When they reached her, they were met with a heartbreaking sight.

She was on the ground, her clothes torn and crying. Anyone who analyzed the situation at first glance would say she had been attacked by someone, but something wasn't right.

Shisui rushed over to her, asking if she was all right, what had happened, demanding answers. As he pulled off his shirt to cover her, Itachi detected the lie.

There were no footsteps in the perimeter other than hers, no sign of other people. No chakra seemed to be nearby, and there were no traces of anyone, either in the trees or on the ground. (Y/N) had no scratches, no cuts, no blood on her skin, and if someone had genuinely ripped her clothes off, they would at least have marked her with their fingernails.

The other Uchiha continued to worry, hugging and holding her as if something had really happened. Itachi merely watched, and when (Y/N) stopped her theatre of lies, he spoke seriously.

"If we're going to keep suffering, you'll have to give us something in return, you know?" The man leaned his back against a tree, serenely crossing his arms over his chest. He narrowed his eyes and glared at her, waiting for a reaction.

"What the fuck, Itachi! How could you say such a thing in this situation?!" Shisui exclaimed in true anger, so mowed down by his feelings he didn't even pause to observe the staged scene.

Some seconds of silence were by, the forest completely calm, while she decided what would be her next move.

(Y/N) began to laugh, and clutched her stomach as a fit of giggles knocked the wind out of her. Itachi looked apprehensive, having caught on to her deception from the beginning, while Shisui watches her in disbelief, not understanding the scenario.

"You genuinely think someone did this to her and didn't leave a single mark on her body or the place? Look around, it's another one of her lies."

"Busted!" she continued to laugh, as if she didn't care one bit about doing such a thing. "Tachi, relax, be a little funnier next time, it's not amusing if you ruin my show from the start. All right! we're done, back to your normal activities, boys!"

Normally, both would listen to her and let her be, but this time she had gone too far. By faking a scene like that, she seemed to be asking them to execute it themselves.

"I'm fucking sick of this (Y/N)!" Shisui pounced on her, trapping her under his body while holding her wrists above her head. "You want to play with us, treat us like your faithful dogs, yet I'm fed up! If you don't give me something in return, I won't continue with this!"

"Yes, you will, even if I don't give you anything, because you love me, don't you? Both of you do. You're as much mine as I am yours, there's no way around it!" She exclaimed with a smirk, laughing in both their faces.

"All right then, time for you to prove it." Itachi moved towards her, quickly working his pants. Shisui caught the hint and readied himself likewise.

If (Y/N) didn't want to cooperate, they would have to do it the hard way.

The long-haired Uchiha knelt at her head, with each of his knees at one side of her face, facing Shisui. He pulled his cock out of his clothes and held it in front of her face.

"You're going to take it all, and let us do what we want with you, just like you've been doing what you want with us." The short-haired man exclaimed as he finished ripping the remaining clothes off of her.

"Well (Y/N), let's see what you've got." Before she could say anything else, Itachi shoved his member into her mouth, reaching the back of her throat without warning. Shisui soon followed in step, spitting his hand and rubbing it over his dick before thrusting it into her.

(Y/N) moaned as best she could from the initial pain, until her pussy produced enough lubrication to accompany the Uchiha. They both worked her holes with abandon and ferocity, drawing out their pent-up need for her.

"Shit (Y/N), if I'd known you felt this way, we would have done it sooner."

"Eat it all, you fucking slut, don't leave anything out."

They destroyed her entrances with heavy thrusts, not letting her catch her breath. Her hands remained restrained above her head, and she could do nothing but take them both at once.

"Come on little slut, bear it like the good little girl you are, show us what you're made of."

"So good baby, it feels so good, shit."

Itachi works her mouth, making her gag with each thrust, leaving a trail of fluids around her lips. His balls crashed against her nose and knocked her out of breath for long seconds. Her eyes lost focus, and she could do no more than endure it.

Shisui was tearing apart her cunt with abandon, pumping in and out over and over again without caring how red her skin got or how much it hurt.

They both finished almost in unison, followed by the difference of a couple of seconds, filling her with their seed.

"This just became your new routine, (Y/N). I hope you enjoy it."

#itachi uchiha x reader #uchiha itachi x reader #itachi x reader #uchiha shisui x reader #shisui uchiha x reader #shisui x reader #uchiha clan #uchiha itachi #itachi uchiha #itachi #uchiha shisui #shisui uchiha #shisui #naruto shippuden #naruto imagines #naruto #naruto x reader

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thecontumacious · 3 years ago

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uwaaa omg your writing skills are good! god bless i found another one writing for njsj's luxiem ; w ;

if it's not too much of a bother, may i request an artist/graphic designer reader x ike?

i haven't really thought much about it, but it's along the lines of them being a duo (like ike mixes and reader provides the graphics for the project usually).

thank you so so much! (i really loved your bf hcs hahaha)

- cookie anon

Of Songs and Bravery

pairing: Ike Eveland x Artist!GN!Reader

a/n: hi cookie anon!! let me be real with u for a good minute here. i had a bit too much fun with this fic bcs this turned more like a slow burn that it should've been fluff in the initial plan :DD i hope u enjoy it as much as i had fun writing it! i'm in tears rn

i wanna dedicate this to both cookie anon for the lovely idea and my proofreader best friend who is down bad for ike and an artist herself. props to yall for providing so much support!! <3

disclaimer: everything i wrote in here is 100% mine btw! you'll see why i said that after u read it all :3

Ike Eveland [NIJISANJI EN]: hey y/n!

y/n l/n: hey, ikee what’s up?

Ike Eveland [NIJISANJI EN]: remember that new song i’ve been telling u about?

y/n l/n: yeah?

Ike Eveland [NIJISANJI EN]: it’s completely done now

y/n l/n: oh cool!! great work!! do you plan on publishing it like u did with ��this nightmare of a tale?’

Ike Eveland [NIJISANJI EN]: that’s what i wanted to talk to u about

Ike Eveland [NIJISANJI EN]: can i commission u again to make the music video?

y/n l/n: ofc!! i’d be happy to work with u again, ike!

you and ike have actually been friends for a while, a little before he debuted even

the one most important thing that drew him to you was your impeccable art skills

your ability to weave together lines and colors so harmoniously, all to produce a single piece of art that can covet so many different emotions

and we all know how big of an appreciation ike has for good art

in fact, your natural artistic talents is what made him fall in love with you in the first place

ike was sure when he first met you, it was just mere admiration for your work

however, the more he frequently met up with you, seeing past your beautiful artwork, he begins to realize the artisan behind it was even more beautiful

your gentle nature, your firey passion, your determination and dedication to your craft, your attitude towards the world, your mutual interest in the art field

there was nothing about you ike would ever change

and there he was, what started as a simple admiration, to a silly crush, to an uncontrollable amount of affection he couldn't hold back

he was gonna burst if he didn’t do anything about it rly

but as ike sat there, half listening to you ramble about an annoying commissioner, he is being eaten alive by the thought of losing you

the thought not being able to listen to you complain about your early stage of kyphosis (relatable asf), a wonderful and supportive fan, the difficulty of one particular commission

your smiles, your laughs, your messages asking about his day

was relaying his feelings for you worth it?

he could very well lose you and there will never be another you to fall in love with

yeah… no

but it became harder for him to deal with you always dropping by his house, either to simply hang out or talk about collaborating on a new project

“it’s inevitable, i suppose,” ike thinks to himself, rubbing away at his face as he once again caught himself daydreaming about you

continuation utc!

y/n l/n: omfg

y/n l/n: this song is so good tskr??????

Ike Eveland [NIJISANJI EN]: awe thank you y/n you’re so sweet

y/n l/n: i can totally work with this its soooo good

Ike Eveland [NIJISANJI EN]: that’s good to hear! good luck!

Ike Eveland [NIJISANJI EN]: like before, u can ask me anything about the song or anything else about the project

y/n l/n: ofc! let’s start with what meaning you want to tell here

y/n l/n: then i can start from there^^

hoo boy

here’s the thing, y/n

with the recent years, ike’s tendency to just think about you every waking moment getting worse, it becomes a bit too much

he had to word it out

not to you of course, that’d be disastrous

so what does he do?

he writes

he pours his heart out, about the nights where he stayed awake thinking, and about the times where he manages to sleep and only dreams of you instead

about the moments where he can hold you freely, where he can place a chaste kiss on your forehead to just express how precious you are to him

and even before ike could realize it, the clock shows him the numbers of the late hour

and the notes before him, his feelings sprawled out in his handwriting in a form of a poem

well, it was a poem that early morning of 1 am, it slowly became a song over the next few days though

“i’m doomed, i swear,” ike sighs, looking at his sheet notes and the lyrics above it

but he was glad

he was somewhat proud of himself for having able to finally word and sort his feelings out like this

although he couldn’t exactly send these words to you, perhaps he didn’t have to directly

so, ike decides to make it his new project

and he plans to post it to his youtube as a another original song of his

one, for the growth of his channel but most importantly, to get that indirect closure

in a way, he would be saying to the world how much he loved you

much like sending a letter to no one, without ever knowing who the recipient may be

it was slightly pathetic, yes, but… ike was okay

Ike Eveland [NIJISANJI EN]: it’s about… well, it’s rly straight forward isn’t it?

Ike Eveland [NIJISANJI EN]: it’s about a boy who wants to confess his feelings to the one he loves, but never rly had the courage to do so

Ike Eveland [NIJISANJI EN]: he’s scared he’s going to lose them if he says the truth so he just stays quiet

Ike Eveland [NIJISANJI EN]: he stays in the shadows and keeps wondering what could be

Ike Eveland [NIJISANJI EN]: and there he is with his unrequited love

y/n l/n: god fuck ike that’s too sad you’re tearing me apart T-T

you’re tearing him apart goddammit

“don’t you ever notice?” ike whispers to himself. “just… how much happy i am when i’m around you? how i wish i can just stay with you all the time without worrying you’d slip away?”

he’s both angry and sad

he’s so irritated by the fact you just don’t give him what he wants, that you poison him with such uncertainty

but he had no right to lash out on you either

ike would kill himself before he ever made himself do that

yet there you were, continuing to ask questions about the songs and the meanings he wants to portray so you could integrate it into your work

of course, like any good artist would! it was only natural that you asked as many questions as possible right?

ike understood that and now that he’s thinking about it, enlisting your help might’ve been a mistake

“oh dear me,” ike groans as he finally logs off discord from the mental torture

but he simply couldn’t resist

he loved what you did with his first video and with every artwork you release, be it of your own accord or the collaboration with other people, ike craved to see more

art was the amalgamation of one’s self, wasn’t it? looking at yours made him feel closer to you

how ridiculous it truly was

you were creating art unknowingly about yourself as well

y/n l/n has sent a file.

y/n l/n: okay ike, here’s my initial character designs and drafting for the entire video

y/n l/n: it’s super rough so it can be vague, so feel free to ask anything

ike opens said file, and like other works he’s seen, he’s once again baffled

even though they’re very simple and even messy lines of vague shapes, he can see the flow of the story

he can read how the characters will move about and narrate his song

ike falls again with every swipe of a new frame draft

one of the characters you designed he noticed was meant to be him it seems and the other…

in his mind, it was supposed to be you obviously

but why had you drawn it so very ambiguously unlike his own avatar?

Ike Eveland [NIJISANJI EN]: hey y/n is the other character not done yet?

y/n l/n: oh yeah

y/n l/n: i couldn’t think of a design straight up so i just went with a very simple shape, then i’ll just go along if i get any ideas

y/n l/n: are u okay with being the mc btw? i can always think of another design

Ike Eveland [NIJISANJI EN]: no no it’s absolutely alright! u can keep it

Ike Eveland [NIJISANJI EN]: and as for the drafting, it looks wonderful so far. i love it

Ike Eveland [NIJISANJI EN]: i can still see the fluidity between scenes and even tho it’s very vague and i might be biased

Ike Eveland [NIJISANJI EN]: i can see the story very clearly, great work!

y/n l/n: aweee thanks ike!!

of course, art can’t be rushed

but how will you interpret the other person ike wonders?

will you purposely draw it very vaguely?

will you design it in a very specific manner? meant to hint at a person?

would you ever draw the other character as yourself?

ike shakes his head

“no, no way,” he sighs. “but… i can always ask them to do that? it’s my project after all…”

but then you’d find out

“yeah, never mind.”

it had been a few weeks since, with great progress every time you or him mentioned the project

during calls, ike can tell how much of your passion is overflowing as you spoke about the designs or the illustration making so far

and it hurts him to know how you have yet to notice

it might just be him, but he’s been losing more and more sleep the more he thinks about the project and you altogether

ike might as well be digging a hole for his own grave

even the quilldren has started to notice with his shorter streams

“hey, ike?” you called out as you laid sprawled out on his couch

“hm?” ike hums, raising his head and stopping in the middle of his work to pay attention to you

it was another regular day of you dropping by his house, resting for the week before it began again

“have i ever told you that your song is what i’m going through too?”

what?

ike places down his quill, now properly looking at you as his heart continued to sink. “no, you haven’t.”

you laugh, not out of amusement but… bitterness. “well, i am. i’ve been listening to it so much because of the project. i’m not getting bored of it, of course not. but… i’ve come to realize just how much the main character reminds me of myself.”

you raise your hand up out of spite, wiggling your fingers around in the air

“i’m scared. i’m scared of losing them. i wanna tell them how i feel, but… yeah, i’m so worried that i’ll only scare them away,” you drop your hand again and look at ike

them? ike thought

in the slight glimmer of the room’s light, he can see your eyes glossing over and a great pain tugs at his heart upon sensing your distress

and despite the raising questions in his head, he gets up, a little too quickly as he approached you

he sits on the floor facing where you lay on his couch with the most hurt frown on his face upon seeing your sorrow

“hey, are you okay?” he gently asked you

“i wish i could tell them, ike,” the tears finally spill from your ears as you hiccup. “how much i love them. it’s killing me inside.”

i wish i could too

but there you were, pining over someone else that wasn’t him

as much as you were hurting, ike was torn apart inside as well

how he could aid someone who was hurting when he himself was broken?

what should he say???

“h-hey, i’m sorry you’re going through this right now. and i hate knowing my song triggered these feelings,” ike reached for your hand as he rubbed them softly. “do you want to take a break from the project? you don’t have to rush anything, i promise.”

you sniffled, wiping away a tear. “no, i’ll be fine. i just got carried away there. i can still work.”

but the pain was still evident in your eyes and no matter what you said, ike wasn’t going to let it go

“y/n,” he grips your hands tighter, making you stop to look at him. “i don’t want to see you hurt yourself like this. if you really are tired, tell me. i absolutely don’t mind. i value your health and happiness over everything else.”

i just value you as a whole person. you’re so important to me, y/n. why can’t you see that?

silence clouds over the two of you and all ike could hear was the wild beating of his heart

… had he said too much?

“mm,” you nod your head, spilling a few more tears with a tired smile. “maybe you’re right.”

okay he was in the clear.

“see? it never hurts to rest a bit. don’t push yourself, okay?”

“can i have a hug?” you mumble shyly

ike chuckles, opening his arms. “of course you can.”

you giggle and collapse into him

ike lets you nuzzle into his chest and his heart, though still uncertain, is at peace. because here you were, in his arms and well protected by him

and that smile he never wants to see disappear

“it’ll be okay,” ike tells both you and himself as he pats your head down

but it doesn’t

with your break, ike understood as to why you had to be quiet and been contacting him less and less

the project was a relatively long term assignment so it must’ve taken some toll on you

but how is it with you being silent, not asking questions about the song making him feel worse?

during streams, he’d often get lose in his own thoughts

were you okay? were you avoiding him really because of the break? were you still in a bad place?

who was this other person you wished you could confess to?

was there a chance it could be him?

he’d be gaming and continuously lose, always because of lack of focus

at first, chat thought he was just super bad at the game he was doing or if he’s just not feeling it today

but as he continues to randomly be quiet in free chat streams and other games throughout the week

chat was beginning to suspect something was terribly wrong

most times, the only way to bring him back would be to send him a super chat that could alert ike

“o-oh, sorry guys,” he’d apologize, shaking his head and continuing what was meant to happen that stream

it gets so bad that the quilldren resorts to calling other nijisanji members

“mysta, ike needs your help? what’s wrong with ike, chat?”

“milord, ike is in danger. oh no what’s going on?”

or whoever it was that was live with him at the same time

they’d notice after ike didn’t read their messages and have to alternatively call him on discord

“ike, buddy are you okay?”

“i-i’m fine! sorry to have bothered you guys…”

and ike never fails to feel bad for having his co workers and own audience snap him out of it when he should be doing his job

“ike, maybe you should take a break from streaming for a bit,” vox advises him one day on a discord call they had

at that time, it had gotten pretty bad with the streams being worryingly too short and him zoning out every ten minutes

“no, i’ll be fine. i just… haven’t been focusing enough.”

“is something wrong? bothering you?”

yeah

“lack of sleep i guess,” ike smiles through his teeth

vox on the other line merely sighs, “then you should get a few days off to get that sleep in. so long as you stream 3 times, you can rest until the end of the week.”

remembering the exact same conversation he had with you a week back, maybe it was for the best

else, he was gonna go insane

“alright, fine,” ike lets out an exhausted sigh, thanking vox for his company before shutting off his devices for the night

but there he goes, opening his phone and replaying his own song over and over again as if he hadn’t been bothered already

it was because of this damn thing he’s like this

it was because of you he’s messing up like this

ike then suddenly hears the doorbell to his apartment ring

begrudgingly, he gets out of bed and gets ready to curse whoever dares disturb him in his depressed state—

“hey ike”

“y-y/n?”

okay okay backtrack all those plans to ask shu for curse spells

“what’s up?” ike asks, scratching the back of his head rather embarrassedly

“i’m starting to notice how off you’ve been this past week,” you say, crossing your arms. “not much like the ike i know. so i wanted to make sure you’re not overdosing on red bull again and eating real meals. move over, buddy.”

despite everything, despite you being the cause of it all, ike still can’t help but laugh. he moves aside to let you charge in

“alright,” you say, plopping down on the couch. “for real, do you wanna start telling me what’s going on?”

and just like that, the mood changes over swiftly

ike isn’t sure whether to tell you what’s been going on

he’s so afraid of the rejection

he’s so afraid he was gonna lose you entirely, scared by his feelings

but all of this is killing and tearing him apart. he’s messing up his job, he’s worrying his friends and worrying you, the last person he doesn’t want to burden

was this it?

was this the moment he had to tell you?

“ike?”

it’s now or never

“y/n, can i ask you something?” ike inquires, his heart thrumming much too fast against his chest

you tilt your head, “hm?”

“what do you think of ‘unrequited’?”

“well, it’s a very beautiful song. the meaning behind it, every single word written like a story. it evokes so much emotion. hell, it made me cry,” you laugh, but ike fails to see how you being in pain amusing. “your voice too, it just helps bring out the story and feelings more. it… brings me comfort, despite the sad story. it’s like having you there with me when i listen to it.”

just go ike eveland

“that… that’s how you make me feel too.”

“huh?”

no turning back now

ike takes a very long breath in, one he wished could summon all the courage in the world before he faces you

“this song, y/n. you make me so happy. when i’m around you, i just want you to stay by my side.”

“i know it sounds selfish, but i just want to make you smile all the time. i want to be able to protect you. i want to be there for you when you’re sad. i want to be the first person you come to when you’re having troubles.”

“this song is about my feelings about you. how i’ve always loved you but never had the courage to tell you.”

hadn’t he originally planned to get the closure he wants from posting the song to youtube?

commissioning you for this project rly was a bad idea huh?

ike sits stiffly, his hands sweating from the anxiety as no one spared a word. not him or you

especially you

confession aside, it all starts coming back to ike

how will you react?

“i-“

but you close your mouth again and ike wonders if he’s made a mistake

you want to say something but once more, you don’t speak it

“y/n?” ike calls out

like walking straight into a nightmare, he sees you stand back up with your things. you frantically pace before turning to ike, clearly avoiding eye contact

“i gotta go! u-uh, rest up well okay? i’ll see you!”

and that was the last thing ike ever heard from you

you never spoke a word to him for the next week, not even about the project and not even to say hi

you could’ve pretended he didn’t say all those things to you and he would’ve been okay with it

“just please, say something, y/n,” ike watches the screen of his phone, his heart pining to see your name in a form of a message or a phone call

but that moment never came

he scared you off, didn’t he? he had lost you for good now

perhaps, it was for the best…?

ike cried that night, you know

sobbing in despair as he tried to deal with the loss of the one person he cared so much about, one he can share his passion and worries with

all because he decided to be brave

“it’ll pass, right?” he hiccuped, wiping away a tear. but he can’t imagine picking himself back up in the next few days

god, he was going to lose his job if he wasn’t professional about it

then, his phone lit up

y/n l/n has sent a file.

y/n l/n: hey!

y/n l/n: so, there’s the final video!

y/n l/n: tell me what u think about it ike

at the speed of light, ike’s tears dry up and he hastily clicks on the file

and there it was

his song

him as the main character

wait

was that you?

in turn with the song, he intensely watches the illustrations flash by, switching in coordination between him and you

were the tears blinding him?

no, that was your signature hair style, your skin color, your choice of outfits!

wait, what did this mean?

ike was so busy being mesmerized by your sudden cameo in the video that he didn’t even pay attention to the music video as a whole

“w-what?”

and the video finally comes to an end

and there’s this gaping hole in his chest, slowly being filled to the brim with something he can’t quite decipher

what the fuck is going on

well yeah ike thinks it’s absolutely amazing! the final illustrations, the typography, the animations, the effects, the storyboarding—EVERYTHING

BUT WHY THE FUCK DID U PUT YOURSELF THERE

y/n l/n: um, u there ike?

Ike Eveland [NIJISANJI EN]: sorry sorry! i’m here

Ike Eveland [NIJISANJI EN]: i’m just… very enchanted by what u did

Ike Eveland [NIJISANJI]: it’s so beautiful and gorgeous, y/n… thank you so much

y/n l/n: i’m just doing my work, ike. it’s rly no problem! you made such a beautiful song so i wanted to do it justice u kno?

like a true artist…

ugh, why did you have to give him a reason to fall in love even after everything that’s happened?

shouldn't he be letting you go?

Ike Eveland [NIJISANJI EN]: no rly it’s so beautiful, the art direction is amazing here

Ike Eveland [NIJISANJI EN]: i might post this in a few days

y/n l/n: oh yeah sure that’s cool! so that’s it then? is that all? do i need to add or reduce anything?

Ike Eveland [NIJISANJI EN]: no, y/n, it’s perfect

y/n l/n: well, if u say so then ike

y/n l/n: im glad i was able to work with you again ike, it’s always such an experience

y/n l/n: thanks for coming to me ^-^

Ike Eveland [NIJISANJI EN]: i only come to professionals, what can i say?

y/n l/n: hehe stop that

and just like that, even in the midst of his cries in the dead of night, he laughs

all because of you

you really were something, huh?

at first, ike thought you just messaged him to send the file

but you were asking about his day and asking if he’s eaten all over again

were things going back to normal? like before he confessed to you?

have you decided to just pretend nothing happened?

whatever the case

ike was glad he hadn’t lost you completely

Unrequited / Ike Eveland [original song]

Premiering now

just like usual, you drop by ike’s house to sit through the premiere together

yes, ike was nervous at first but you were right there next to him

interacting with him normally

though he was a little heartbroken

“there it is y/n it’s going to be live soon!” ike says, grinning

“yeah i’m so excited!! there are like 20k ppl waiting, ike, omg,” you exclaim in return

ike chuckles, “i know right? this is so insane. how do u think it’s gonna go?”

“it’s gonna go amazing ofc!! you did such a good job with the song,” your excited smile sends ike unnecessary butterflies but he tries not to mind it

“aren’t you going to credit urself a bit more? you did a beautiful job with the art!” he smiles. “and everyone loved the work you did on the last original song too. they’re gonna like it more now knowing you did the art, y/n.”

you turn away, evidently flustered, “oh, shut up ike you’re too sweet.”

ike can only smile, simply glad you’re here

you face the screen again and enthusiasm decorates your face, “OH SHIT IT’S LIVE NOW AHHHHHHHHH”

ike turns to the screen of his desktop once more, the first notes of his song coming into play as the title of the song appears, along with all the cast involved

the chat of the premiere rolls wildly with glowstick emotes, blue hearts and an emoji strongly related to you

whatever happened, it’s in the past

what you and ike have may not be what he wanted, but he still has you

and that’s okay

Unrequited

lyrics / arrangement / vocals

Ike Eveland

illust / movie

y/n l/n

his love sealed in letters

his letters hidden away under his bed

when will i ever send it? he wonders

will the words inside ever be read?

he thinks what could be

what he could grasp and what he could lose

the truth he truly wants to set free

but the answer he’s afraid will bruise

he looks up at the sky, tears in his eyes

he asks the world why and to you he cries

love, when will you finally smile at me?

like i’m yours as you are mine?

why is it that your beautiful eyes can’t see?

just how much i want our hearts to intertwine?

i want nothing else than for us to dance together

lost in the music, swallowed by the night

our steps forever unchanged by the weather

and your smile remains eternally bright

he sits with you, smiling at what you say

and he wishes to protect it with his life

but the uncertainty eats him away

his cowardice he curses with strife

“why can’t i just say it?” he screams

“why can’t i look at you and tell you”

“how many times you’ve appeared in my dreams”

but he sighs, crying again, “how i love you?”

once again, he gazes up at universe above

and he confesses to his unrequited love

love, when will you finally smile at me?

like i’m yours as you are mine?

why is it that your beautiful eyes can’t see?

just how much i want our hearts to intertwine?

i want nothing else than to hold your hand

braving storms and fires with each other

even through angry waters and dry land

i’d never imagine doing it with any other

the letters under his bed stay sealed

never to be opened and read aloud

his aching, wounded heart never to be healed

the love in him perpetually under a shroud

he’s still afraid

he’s still a coward

in the shadows he stayed

forever to be overpowered

he wonders if he’ll ever escape it

this darkness a black ever true

he sobs, “my love, i want to quit”

“but how can i stop loving an angel like you?”

love, when will you finally smile at me?

like i’m yours as you are mine?

why is it that your beautiful eyes can’t see?

just how much i want our hearts to intertwine?

i want nothing else than for us to dance together

lost in the music, swallowed by the night

our steps forever unchanged by the weather

and your smile remains eternally bright

love, when will you finally smile at me?

like i’m yours as you are mine?

why is it that your beautiful eyes can’t see?

just how much i want our hearts to intertwine?

i want nothing else than to hold your hand

braving storms and fires with each other

even through angry waters and dry land

i’d never imagine doing it with any other

the end credits roll once more, displaying ike’s and your name as the producers for the music video

by the end of it, ike received a huge amount of support from the fans

piling up in thousands of likes and views on the first day of premiering

but most importantly, he felt like he could finally be at peace with himself

and frankly with you too

“hey, ike?” you call out to him gently

“hm?”

ike turns to face you and he sees you fiddling with your fingers

“about what happened a while back…”

oh, so you haven’t decided to pretend it was nothing

ike takes a deep breath, “yeah, what about it?”

then ike hears an unexpected sniffle from you

“y-y/n?”

“you’re way braver than i am, you know that?” you look up and ike wasn’t mistaken when he thought you were crying

“you made a fucking song about me and then you confessed to me,” you smile. “yet here i am, too much of a coward to confess to you too.”

your cameo in the video

that was… meant to respond to him?

“y/n…”

“ike, i’m sorry i ran away that day. i ran away without telling you how i felt. i was too scared by my own feelings and by the time i got home, i thought i was so stupid.”

you inhaled, “but… i’m here to finally tell you. that your love isn’t unrequited. that the person i’ve been wanting to tell i love you to has been you this entire time.”

your hand reaches for ike’s as you look up at him, tears still in your eyes

“you were brave. so… i wanted to do the same.”

ike doesn’t know what to say nor feel

so all that pain and fighting through the dark

it wasn’t for nothing after all?

does that mean that all his dreams would finally come true?

was being brave truly the right choice?

“ike, say something.”

“oh, i—“ ike then laughs, lifting up your hands and up against his lips. he smiles, his own tears finally spilling

this time, it wasn’t out of heartbreak. for the first time, it was of happiness

“ike?”

“i want nothing else than for us to dance together. lost in the music, swallowed by the night,” ike sings in a broken voice, but to you, it sounded beautiful all the same

he continues, “our steps forever unchanged by the weather and your smile remains eternally bright.”

ike’s hands cup your face and everything finally, finally felt alright

for real this time

“i love you.”

DISCLAIMER YES THE SONG IS WRITTEN BY ME

Masterlist!

#nijisanji en #nijisanjien #nijisanji #luxiem #luxiem x reader #ike eveland #ike eveland x reader #ikenography #luxiem fluff #luxiem angst #ike eveland angst #HOPE IN THE DARK #author chan’s delivery service ?

417 notes · View notes

tarotchariotpickyourcard · 3 years ago

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Pick a card reading: What you should like more about yourself!

This one is for the ones on that self love journey, the ones that need a pick me up or have a hard time with self confidence/esteem especially.

So I'm sure it's quite clear. The cards that you pick will reflect why you deserve to be more loving to yourself, what wonderful qualities you have, and maybe help convince you to lessen your negative inner language.

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Please pick one of the groups ( 1, 2, 3 or 4.)

You might be drawn to an item, the card itself, or a number. Please calm your mind and meditate for a minute.

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Side note: If you have a hard time choosing, or nothing seems strong to you, perhaps you could come back later on and try. Do not pressure yourself, darling.

Number one is the badge saying "yup"

Number 2 is the wing

Number 3 is the little bird

Number 4 is the chain saying "BE MINE"

GROUP 1 : (Yup badge)

Morning affirmations, Joy, Strength

6 of wands, 4 of pentacles, Mother of swords

What an interesting blend of character you are!

With the owl, this is a strong suggestion that you are able to see through deep into situations and understand "in between the lines". A great communicator, the queen of swords can be straight to the point, brilliant and not to be messed with. Your ability to say it like it is might be perceived as a little harsh to very sensitive or younger people, however it is a strong and much needed trait in the world. We need people with the organisational skills and know how of the mother of swords! The queen always reminds me of someone who is a good teacher, and a fair person.

With the 6 of wands and the 4 of pentacles, the combination hits in a way of potentially dulling that light. The traits I list may be some that you are aware of in a way, but perhaps have a lesser opinion of. The interesting mix of you is in the way of you being so strong, able to endure and be positive, yet a wonderful balance of being able to have boundaries. Again, I'm seeing the strong ability to recognise when someone is being a "rat" as the animal is right next to the owl. I can't help but get the idea that it is direct experience. I would be surprised if you haven't recently come to a revelation about a person in your social circle, or cut someone out/created more boundaries.

Strength mentions having resilience, coming through things more compassionate, stronger and brighter. Brighter being strong in focus to me, as it is next to joy. Your ability to have fun *despite* issues or obstacles is an enviable trait! I really feel that while you might have your difficulties, you never let them suck you in for too long mentally. You seem to try and stay positive through things, and not everyone can do that. You are also much more smart/knowledgeable than you give yourself credit for. Don't let anyone put you down, because you're being shown that if you go for what you've been studying/working at, with strong persistence you can succeed. I feel like the branches signify people who have acted as obstacles, or your troubles in life. This is confirmation you can rise above them, and if you're stuck right now, please accept my confirmation that things can and will change. Life can't help but flow, no matter how people may try and resist. So if anyone is putting you down, or getting in your way - know that their resistance to your future and well being is futile.

You keep having those boundaries. Keep on keeping on. You're sharp, you're witty, and of all things you have kept your kind heart. One day the joy you try to find in the little things will come to you effortlessly and in x100.

I got the need to call you cherub. Chin up, Cherub.

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GROUP 2 (the wing)

Wait, generosity, magic, peacefulness

The hermit, Ace of swords, Son of swords.

eYou're an extremely thoughtful person, aren't you? I get social activist vibes, the kind of person who thinks about bigger issues than just in their personal world, and could debate very well. The ability to get to the kernel of truth within an argument or bigger pattern in the world seems equal to none. If you have a hard time accepting that your opinions mean something, or you would be able to be persuasive, this is confirmation for you that actually - yes - you do have something meaningful to share with others.

In this pile I'm seeing a more peaceful, patient character. Someone who simply tries to be good, and do good for others. You create magic for other people. My heart swells at this, as I'm seeing reciprocity of kindnesses between you and others over time.

While The son of swords on it's own could potentially be quick to intervene or make a judgement, with the hermit and wait, I'm feeling more that you take the time to think things over. For example, if asked to make a decision, you would want to take your time and really think. If you were asked what your thoughts were on a political stand point, you would think in depth and make no judgements from the surface. This is so helpful, as there's less chance of misunderstanding/unkindness as well as the ability to make better long term decisions for yourself.

Very introspective, and the ace of swords suggests you have great clarity of mind. I can imagine you would be a wonderful person for explaining complicated matters to a wide group of people.

Generosity is what it says on the tin: You are a generous human. That is so, so important. There are many people out there who might feel like no one thinks about them or cares, and you come in and surprise them with something, or offer them help without them asking. It makes people feel valued, and like they are important or have a place in someone's life.

Peacefulness suggests not inviting drama, and I get 2 things. You might be described as grounded, or "chill". As well as this likely suggests your lack of interest in being within a dramatic situation. You are likely very good at looking at others drama, and seeing where it truly stems from, as well as having a good idea of advice for them. If you have friends right now, it's likely they feel peaceful being around you and that they can truly calm down or get your advice on their *own* drama.

You are so important to the people around you, and if there are people that can't appreciate you, I promise you they have *no* idea how lucky they are. You offer so much as a friend, confidant, and as a person who cares for the worlds well being. I appreciate you.

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GROUP 3: ( Little bird

Blessed change, gratitude, engagement, follow your heart, father of pentacles, the empress, the star

You're cool.

Right off the bat, I see your ability to see the silver lining, to take changes as they come (and I don't mean you happily drudge through hard changes, I mean more like you accept them more easily than others). Do you know, it really helps a persons resilience in life if they can have gratitude for things in general, as well as seeing the positive affects of life changes. You have an ability to notice the opportunities in said silver lining. An example I've read in the past involved a man who lost his job, but an opportunity came up for something he was passionate regarding his hobby. He would not have been free to do it unless he was let go of.

You're my free flowing group. Very adaptable. You're able to take time out to really think about what you truly desire in life. When themes like this come up, I really get the idea of authenticity. To put a focus on following your heart, being grateful for what you've taken part in and even quirky circumstances is a massive strength. Do you have any idea how scary that is to people? To wake up and think "My heart wants this, I'm going to actually aim for it because I need to be myself." That's terrifying to many!

Note: If you are finding it hard to be upfront or true to yourself due to fear, this is confirmation that you will be able to in the future. Take your time, as this will come naturally to you.

I know you might be shrugging thinking, but sometimes I get really negative or scared too. I won't say that's not a thing humans experience. What I am saying however, is that you have that strength of character to say actually, nothing would be worse than to answer to my fear. Fear of self expression, fear of being judged. Fear of not having your project liked. These kinds of things.

I feel like you're a fun person who is very interesting to people/has had at least one very interesting or unusual experience. I want you to know the cards are showing that people really enjoy speaking with you, and hearing your stories. So no negative self talk of being boring, or disliked.

Your flexibility, and your ability to be sociable, yet able to pull back appropriately is wonderful. The world needs those who can be more easy going as this can help people de-stress and stop thinking about their worries.

I'm seeing wonderful creativity, and again, being able to be social and talk to many people very well. You're a shining star, and you're supposed to be!

I wonder if sometimes you feel like you need to be "more" productive, but let me tell you... Networking with people is half the job.

I'm also wondering (as a rainbow stands out) if some here are part of the LGBTQIA+ community. It would make sense with the authenticity. If you have a social media presence, or a creative project you want to get out, or expressing your personal experiences to the world - this is confirmation to keep standing tall, stand proud because yes, you do have a lot to offer! King of pentacles next to the empress also suggests you might be on to something that can bring in some income for you. Again, even sharing your experiences is very valued and may well be it. The world itself wants to see you, or whatever you desire to create.

If you have a hard time focusing or being practical, darling, you get along well with others for a reason. Ask for help, whether it's family, friends online, a teacher, anyone. There's help to steer you further in the right direction. You're a beautiful person and you matter to people. You are loved, so please love yourself.

There's something here that seems upset, and I just have the biggest urge to hug you! So if you will, accept my many energetic and virtual hugs!

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GROUP 4: "Be mine"

Worthiness, Ups and downs, courage

Ace of pentacles, Ace of wands, daughter of wands (reversed)

Daughter of wands reversed suggests to me, that you have the traits such as this, but perhaps not the confidence in yourself right now about those things. The book describes her as passionate, visionary, cares more for career and starts a family later; stubborn, strong (i take this as physically actually) and may be going through a spiritual breakthrough or a big change. With this I get the thought that you probably don't recognise just *how* passionate you truly are. You might be finding it hard to go a certain way in your career and studies. There might even be some worries that you might not stick at it. But what you are not realising is your actions have magic in them.

If you are interested in LOA: Your actions manifest not only in a practical sense, but *that's* what truly gets the energy moving. You need physical expression of some kind.

I'm getting such practical, but passionate energy. The ace of wands with courage? That's amazing. Fire sign or not, you have classic fire energy. Even when you lack confidence, you have a strange inner ability to be brave even at your worst times.

Oh, if only you had the confidence to aim!

Your energy and action are seriously magnificent. You have a *lot* of inner energy, spiritual energy, physical vitality. If you have health issues this might sound strange to you - but I get the idea your body was built with a lot of vitality available. You might have really struggled in life with ups and downs here, but I'm seeing you crash right through all the barriers and try to do life the best way you know how. No matter your struggles, you are a warrior here.

The 2 aces here (that is so interesting to have seen) show that you are probably quite good at beginning new things, and when you're motivated, you're MOTIVATED. I'm getting the idea that when you *do* take action on a goal, you go at it with everything and it can surprise people.

I'm seeing creative ability. It's an ability that I have seen myself. An example would be.... A mistake is made in a piece of art. It didn't go the way you wanted originally. But, wait a minute... that's starting to look like something, so I'm going to change it all up and create something completely different than intended.

It's seeing potential in a small detail. I'm seeing original thinking.

I just see a bulls eye, and such great energy and ability, but the lack of confidence. And so, I feel like you're at a time where you're stopping yourself, or won't aim for something out of fear of failing. I also got the sentence biting your tongue. I'm sorry if you're in a situation where you can't speak up for yourself, as this is not aligned with your character.

Overall I believe your a creative but practical person, and have the ability to really pull through and create wonderful things. You can be *very* brave as well as motivated and so I feel you inspire others, as well as surprise them.

I really do feel that with worthiness, it is hinting to confidence/self esteem issues as it says "know that you deserve to receive good in all ways".

You deserve to be successful. You deserve to take the career path that you have been thinking about. You deserve people to treat you well. You deserve to have that hobby, whether you're "good" or not.

Deep down somewhere you know you are bigger than this. I am wishing for a healthy full confidence boost for you and some new energy to help push you.

Please have the courage to aim, as bob ross says:

"we don't make mistakes, we make happy little accidents"

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And that's the last of them! I hope you enjoyed, and I hoped this help you feel a little better about yourself. We need to cheer ourselves up sometimes and let ourselves think good things. We attract more honey with sugar after all!

Until the next pick a card!

Thank you!

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screamingintosilence · 5 years ago

Text

Darling, You're the One I Want

Songfic Writing Challenge Day 9

Paper Rings - Taylor Swift

A/n: we're back, babes! Oof, post vacation has me needing another vacation just to recover

She saw Jughead's wince out of the corner of her eye as she unwrapped a brilliant pair of white diamond earrings gifted to her by Veronica. It was so tiny that only someone who spent every day with him and knew him better than he knew himself would have caught it.

“Only the best for my B!” Veronica clapped happily from her perch on Archie's lap. Betty thanked her profusely, getting up to give her a hug, her smile genuine with gratitude to one of her favorite people, but still worrying about Jughead in the back of her mind.

Betty was surrounded by her friends in celebration of her 25th birthday and she felt truly blessed to have all these people in her life.

Toni was sitting with her legs lapped over Cheryl's, the newly engaged - as of last month - Veronica and Archie in their little bubble of joy, Fangs and Kevin curled up next to each other deciding that they are definitely “on” again, and Sweet Pea and Reggie sitting at the kitchen table, being very much Bros and having an arm wrestling contest...again.

And then there was Jughead Jones the third, the love of her life since they were only 15. He was her saving grace as much as she was his. He had recently signed a publishing deal on his book about Jason's murder and the out fall that it caused, a long fought battle that he'd finally won out.

She was so beyond proud of him. She knew all of their friends were, but she had seen him through every long night, every midnight cup of coffee, every frustrated rejection. She had seen the full ten years of this book in the making, and seeing him finally achieve everything he had wanted since he was a little kid writing stories in Archie's treehouse, she knew how much he'd deserved this.

As she opened the next gift Cheryl, a beautiful, white Michael Kors purse, she saw Jughead’s mouth tick as he forced a smile as he abruptly stood, quietly saying that he'd “be right back” and rushed out of the room.

After she hugged her cousin, telling her how much she loved it, and gave it to Veronica to ogle, she followed after her love to their bedroom.

She stood in the doorway, watching him pace back and forth in agitation, biting his thumb nail and running his hand through his hair. She bit her lip in worry.

“Juggie?” His eyes snapped up to her, widening and looking like a cornered animal. “Are you ok, sweetheart? You're worrying me.”

He visibly deflated, reaching out and pulling her towards him, wrapping his much larger frame around her smaller one. Shoving his nose into the strands of her hair, he breathed deeply, letting the smell of her calm and comfort him.

“Jug?” she asked again, her hand stroking up and down his back in assurance that she was there.

He let out a deep sigh, shifting his face so that his cheek rested on the crown of her head.

“Yeah, I'm ok Betts.” She stayed silent, his tone lingering at the end, letting her know that he had more to say. “It's just hard sometimes, ya know? Seeing all the nice things that Veronica and Cheryl can get for you, and you deserve it! Don't get me wrong, you deserve the world and then some, but knowing it's not me that can give it to you? At least, not yet, even with the signing bonus. It's just...it's just so hard and-and I know I'm not handling it with the most grace, but I-I don't know,” he broke off abruptly as if realizing he was rambling.

His arms were tight around her, as if scared she might disappear. She was the very best thing to ever happen to him, his absolute favorite person in the whole world.

“I guess I'm just scared that one day you'll actually wake up and realize that there is someone who can give you all those things, more than I'll ever be able to no matter how many books I publish, and you'll leave me behind.” Betty snorted. “I know, it's crazy, but-”

“Not only is it crazy, it's probably the dumbest thing I have ever heard you say, and I've heard you and Archie play video games.”

“I know, I know. But it's just… I want to marry you Betts. I want to give you this big rock so everyone within a mile can see that you're mine, because it's what you deserve. But it sucks because I want to marry you now and I don't have the ridiculous amount of money for something like that.” Betty pushed him back so he could meet her eyes.

She framed his face between her palms, gently stroking his cheekbones with her thumbs. “Forsythe Pendelton Jones the Third, you listen to me, and you listen good, ok?” He nodded.

“Cheryl and Veronica have a skewed sense of the world and spend money just to spend money, that's what happens when you're an heiress. They don't really have an appreciation for anything less. And yeah, the things they get me are nice and lovely and I like them a lot, but I know that the price of those things barely affects their bank accounts. Knowing how much you toil away and save to get me anything nice is just more to me, especially from you because you're my whole world, Jug.

“And I don't want or need a big rock, good Lord it would be obnoxious.” He laughed at how her nose crinkled at the thought. “Honestly, sweetheart, you could ask me to marry you with a Ring Pop or a paper ring, like the ones we used to make when we were 5, you remember?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled. “You always made the prettiest ones.”

She smiled, “My point being, you can ask me without spending a dime and I would say yes every time, Juggie. I love you and I want to marry you no matter what, ok?” Her green eyes stared into his blue intently.

His gaze held hers, discerning that she was telling him the truth, not that she would ever lie to him. Betty never did with him, their relationship was based 100% honesty. Letting out another sigh, this time of relief, he nodded before pulling her into a passionate kiss.

There was a knocking from the doorway that brought them back to attention that they still had an apartment full of friends and that know wasn't the time to get lost in each other.

“Hey lovebirds, everything ok in here?” Archie inquired, forehead creased in concern for his two best friends.

“Yup!” Betty chimed with a genuine, trademark, Betty Cooper megawatt smile, her hand squeezing Jughead's tightly in continuous reassurance.

“That's great,” he grinned back. “You just have Jug’s present left to open Betty.”

She felt Jug squeeze her hand back, a little too much for just a moment, before relaxing once more into a comforting grip.

She practically skipped out of the room, both boys following in her wake, chuckling at her enthusiasm.

Once back in the living room, Jughead scooped up his present from the coffee table where all the gifts had been gathered, handing it to her with a flourish.

She grinned up at him and wasted no time ripping through the wrapping paper. She got through the tape securing the flaps of the cardboard box together with minor difficulty, only to be met with an explosion of tinsel hiding whatever was in the box from her gaze.

“Really, Juggie?” She gave him a sidelong glace of faked annoyance as their friends laughed. He smirked in response, nodding at her to continue.

“This is going to be a bitch to clean up,” she quipped, throwing handfuls of the glittery strands onto the floor, searching for whatever it is he had hidden in the depths of cardboard.

Her hand wrapped around a small velvet box and she froze, the room going quiet as her eyes grew wide. She couldn't move her hand from still inside the cardboard box, her mind racing, realizing what it was.

“Betts?” Jughead's voice wobbled in slight concern. Her eyes snapped up, reaching his equally as wide eyes, taking in his stance in front of her - one knee on the ground, the other bent.

His hand reached into where hers still was frozen, taking the box from her grasp and pulling it out so all their friends could see. Her eyes never left his as she still was trying to figure out how to breathe.

“Elizabeth Cooper, baby, Betty, Betts. You're my everything. Everything good in my life is because of you, because you fought for me and made it that way. You make me the best possible version of myself, I couldn’t be me without you. I-”

Her brain and her breathing had finally caught up to where she needed them to be, comprehending just what was happening before she launched herself at him, cutting off the rest of his speech as she tackled him to the ground.

“Oof, Betts, I-”

“Yes! Yes yes yes yes yes, a million, billion, trillion times yes!” She pressed her lips his hurriedly, her tongue seeking entrance into his mouth, only vaguely registering all their friends cheering, wolf whistling, and squealing (which distinctly sounded like it came from Reggie).

“You didn't even let me finish!” Jughead laughed, pulling back from her.

“I don't care!” She was sure her face could power Manhattan from how brightly she was smiling. “You can finish it later, I'm just… Oh my god, I'm engaged! I love you so much,” she pressed her lips to his once more, trying to deepen it before he gently pushed her back.

He chuckled at her furrowed brow at his rejection. “Don't you want to see your ring, sweetheart?” He popped the lid of the velvet black box that had stayed securely in his grasp through the altercation, displaying a beautiful thin gold band, with a single brilliant white diamond. Simple, delicate, elegant - Betty in every way.

“I know it's no paper ring,” he ribbed.

“You know I usually hate the word, but it's perfect, Juggie. Even I couldn't make a paper ring this good,” she laughed as he slipped the cool metal onto her left ring finger.

She gazed at it lovingly, watching the facets catch the light, before pulling her fiance in for another kiss, loving just how right the weight felt on her hand.

#songfic writing challenge 2019 #day 9 #a song that makes you happy #paper rings #taylor swift #bughead #bughead proposal au #riverdale

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imperatorium · 4 years ago

Note

Hello. I hope you don't mind me asking this...So, before I found your blog I was a big fan of Terrance. I believe one can separate the art from the artist, but I'm still conflicted on whether it'd be wrong to, for example, buy AMS merch or see them live the next time they tour or whatever. On one hand, I don't condone his actions at all, and someone once pointed out to me that at the end of the day I wouldn't be contributing much money to him personally. (1/3)

I know I’ve made commentary about separating art from artist before, so know that I absolutely don’t disagree with you on that front. I think a perfect example that may be more relatable and widespread is my residual love for aspects of Harry Potter that I will always continue to engage with, long after JKR is canceled for good for being an unrepentant transphobe (among many other awful things). Her loathsome behaviour doesn’t undo the way I felt about some of the characters and the incredibly important connections her work brought into my life - but. I don’t feel comfortable giving any degree of financial support or credence to someone who has used their platform to be ignorant at best and intentionally hateful at worst, personally.

Similarly, Terrance is someone who personally (and mostly unrepentantly) hurt me, directly...but I still have a great love for some of the characters he created and stories he told. (In part because one of them turned out to be mine, but that’s kind of its own separate thing.)

AMS was something that started towards the end of my time with him/in his world, so I’m not super educated about it or its content (other than what I remember him putting together shortly before we broke up, eight years ago) or how well it’s doing or even really who is involved, at this point, I guess besides Saar.

That being said, unless things have changed since my last understanding of it, it’s an independent project. It’s not like Repo! being held hostage/ruined by a big studio that didn’t care about it, fucking the creators out of credit and financial return they deserved for their work. It’s not even like TDC which, had it not been shot dead in the water for a number of reasons, I would still tell people to support because it was supposed to be a series that tons of people I care about would have benefited from being involved in.

As I understood it, AMS was his own vanity/passion project that he (and Saar, I guess) have complete control of. Like with other self-driven projects he’d started when I was involved, money would be going to cover the costs of materials/merch/work others are doing and owed compensation for, and after that it...does directly benefit him. Anyone else who is involved has either already been paid or is doing it as a favour, because he’s really good at making you believe that’s worth something.

(I’m reminded of the years I spent as his personal assistant, for which he paid me in...the dates we would have been going on, anyway, because we were in a long-term, serious relationship. I’m reminded of the time I expressed gratitude for one of the times Darren paid me for the work I’d been doing and his response was to snap at me, “It’s not his money, it’s mine,” as if he was angry that I thought I had any right to compensation for the hours, days, weeks on end I spent boxing DVDs, mailing merch, working customer service, managing social media.)

It’s been at least a few years since he’s done anything that affected my life and going on seven since he was actively in my life, so I don’t know what kind of a person he is anymore. I just know that he used to be a terrible one - and not just to me. If he is still a jerk, then actively supporting is work is telling him that he is wanted, is worth something, has a platform he can continue to use to prop himself up on (and kick others off of). It gives him power to hold over friends and fans alike and use them both in, at best, the unkind ways I remember and occasionally hear continuing rumour of.

I have no judgment against you for enjoying the work, but I do think it’s very irresponsible in regards to him or anyone in a position of power who is being abusive that, “He’s going to be a creep no matter what I do.” With absolutely no malice, I do hope that this gives you a little bit more of the context to understand why I think that’s the case.

#anonymous #asks

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reeree1500 · 5 years ago

Text

The Return- Part 5

Guys I'm so sorryyyy!😭I HAD MAJOR WRITERS BLOCK😭 It was actually so bad! And then the fact that Tumblr deleted my whole draft and I had to start it over again🙄 Big surprise towards the end btw😂Anyway here's part 5 y'all...

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 6 Part 7 part 8 part 9 Part 10

Disclaimer: My sucky writing, Incest, grammar and spelling😅 and just overall the whole thing😂 please don’t kill me🙏🏽😂 @yanii-the-hippie is already trying to😂

Taglist: @yanii-the-hippie @youbloodymadgenius @laketaj24 @oceans-daughter-3 @peaceisadirtyword @cainismyname @readsalot73 @wuxiesalt @camatsuru @amy8220 @cutegyrl927 @cindy-exo @affection-rabbit @ragnarssonsbitch @mel0nch0ly @queenofallthyfandoms

Flashback to 6 years ago...

“RUN! (Y/N)! RUN!” Helga screamed...

On that fateful night you had been awakened from your slumber by one very worried Helga. She was the wife of the scary looking man Floki. And you could never come to understand how such a cheerful and radiant person, could be with someone so dark and mean. Helga had come in to the homestead whilst everyone was asleep. She had overheard her husband and Aslaug talk about getting rid of the christian child of Ragnar Lothbrok. She knew about (y/n), but she never thought that an innocent child would have to pay for the sins committed by those around her.

As Helga made her way silently across the home trying to find the child, she couldn’t help but feel guilty. She was betraying her husband and the Queen at that. But she couldn't get over the fact that an innocent child would be murdered. When she sees (y/n)’s and Bjorn’s bodies cuddle up on the bed, she softly approaches the little girls’ side. Tapping her on the shoulder she manages to wake (y/n) up. Startled you go try tp scream and thats when she places her delicate finger over your lips. Signalling you to be quiet. “Follow me, you and your family are in grave danger.” The feeling of wanting to protect your family from anything consumed you. Even being 13 years old you understood that family came first and that you would gladly lay down your life to save theirs. With that, you untangled yourself form Bjorn’s embrace and gave him a small peck on his forehead, then you made your way to your parent’s room. You peeked inside to make sure they were asleep and then tip toeing to where they lay in an embrace you softly kissed both of them goodbye.

You knew that this may very well be the last time you ever saw your parents. But, you could tell through the look in Helga’s eyes that whatever she was talking about your family being in danger was in fact the truth. Helga helped you gather some of your things quickly and as you rushed to the door, you almost forgot your teddy. “Wait, I need to grab my teddy. I cant leave without it, its the only thing I’ll have left of them.” You silently whisper towards Helga as she stands watch by the door. “Ok, but you must hurry. They'll be here any second now. And if they find you, I can assure you that no one will survive.” At that you scurry back towards your room. In there you find a sleepy headed Bjorn almost waking up. “(y/n), what are you doing? Come back to bed, you know we’re gonna start your training tomorrow morning.” He yawns out. “Sorry, I'm just really thirsty. Ill get a glass of water and come back ok?” you murmur to him. Bjorn just nods whilst yawning and goes back to sleep. But before you close the door and disappear you can hear him murmur the words I love you...

Your POV

After the moment that we shared in the Great Hall as a family happened. Mother, father, Bjorn and I had gone down to the lake by the old homestead we once lived in. There we all lied down on the grass and I had caught them all up on what had transpired on that night 6 years ago. “So let me clear this up, Helga...as in Floki’s wife. Broke into our home and kidnapped you and then sent you away on a boat to Frankia...” said Lagertha trying to wrap her head around the subject. “Well, mother I wouldn't really put it like that, but technically yes. She kidnapped me in order to save me and yourselves. Or so she claimed. She didn't really get into details on who was after me. She just told me that my life was in danger and I finally believed her when we were being chased by a group of mercenaries.” I respond to her. In that we all fall into silence. Over looking the lake I can tell that my family is processing all this information. Not only because of how quiet they are at the moment, but because I can feel their eyes on me. As if they believe that I shall vanish right in front of them.

“I missed this... Having my family together, overlooking the lake and just the serene and calming effect that this place has on us.” My father breaks the silence as he looks out towards the lake. He runs his fingers through my mother’s hair. And I cannot help but think about how come they never told me. “Soooo... since we’re all together finally. Can someone tell me how in the name of God and all that is good. No one ever told me about Aslaug and her sons?” With that my father’s fingers come to a stop at the ends of my mother’s long golden locks. “It just went something you tell your child out of the blue, (y/n).” My mother responds for my father. They always did this. Even as a child, when one of them was being questioned. The other would jump in and save them as if the question was directed at them. “But why keep it a secret? I don't understand, if you were married to Aslaug and Ivar and I are the same age that means that you laid with mother during the time you were married to her. Meaning that I have no claim to anything. Im a bastard.” At this my father lifts my mothers head from his lap and turns to me. Rage and sadness is what I am able to detect from his electric blue eyes.

“You are not a bastard child! I will not have you slander my name or your mothers with such lies. Your mother and I are married, in the eyes of both the Christian God and Freyja and Odin. Yes, your mother left me when Aslaug became pregnant with Ubbe. And many years later she came back to me, however I could not let her go. Be it selfishness or pride, she was mine and I am hers. Till death do us part!” At that tears well up in my eyes. Not because Ive just been scolded by my father. But, because this is the first time that I could really say that he has shown me his emotions. The night where we reunited, was only a small glance of emotion. But, this moment here had probably been the closest thing to a heart to heart that I have ever had with my father. He wipes my tears away and then goes to face Lagertha who had also been tearing up through this revelation. And they share a small, but passionate kiss.

I do not know if its just the overwhelming emotion that I’m processing, but I cannot help but bring my finger to my lips and think of a certain ill tempered boy...

-----------------------------------------------

As the hours went by, we had decided to not only renovate and clean up the homestead. But we relieved some of the old memories we had. Bjorn and I decided to get in the water and go for a swim. Whilst Lagertha and Ragnar stayed in the house “cleaning up”. Bjorn and I knew exactly what that meant. As I laugh thinking about the situation that my parents are in. Bjorn sneaks up behind me and dunks my head into the water. I try my hardest to push him away and try to get rid of his hold on my head. My lungs need a break and as I almost felt my self drifting away, Bjorn pulls me back up. Gasping for air and coughing out the water from inside. I turn around and hit Bjorn’s chest as hard as I could muster at the moment. “Bjorn! What the hell!! you could've killed me!” I yell at him through my punches. “Ow..ow.. OW!!!. I was just joking... Jeez woman lose up!” He responds trying to shield himself form my hits. “Well it wasn't funny...”

As I swim towards the shore and go to collect my clothes, Bjorn turns me around and looks into my eyes. “We need to talk. And it’s not something that you are not getting yourself out of.” At this I can only gulp. Did he find out about Ivar and I? Is it possible that Hvitserk told him? No..no, Hvitty wouldn't do that. But then again he’s know the boys his whole life. I have just met them. “What about, big brother?” “Sigurd told me something when we had been waiting for mother’s arrival. And you could say I‘m a little concerned, and I just want to get to the bottom of it.” He says while eyeing me carefully. At that moment before I could respond the sound of the horses hooves could be heard form down the road. Bjorn and I quickly exchange looks and begin to dress immediately. We run towards the homestead and burst through the doors. It seems as whatever mother and father had been up to had just finished.

Seeing our exasperated sighing and how flustered I must have looked father reaches for his sword. “Why are you both so out of breath?” Mother asks wrapping the quilt around herself. “We heard horses down the road. We didn't know if they were friend or foe. And Bjorn didn't have any of his weapons with him.” I manage to get out. At this both father and Bjorn make their way towards the door. Peeking out the one of the small holes Bjorn is able to make out who it was standing outside. “Its the guards accompanied by Ubbe, Hvitserk and Ivar.” Something told me that this would be quite eventful...

--------------------------

Ivar POV

The moment (y/n) and her mother reunited in the great hall brought a tear to everyones eye. I admit that maybe I got a little emotional as well, but no one would ever know that. However, I noticed that my beautiful mother had left the room with rage and tear filled eyes. I had never seen my mother go through so many emotions in one day. She went from having a good blessed morning to having a shit hole day with that whore Lagertha coming back. I mean she gave birth to my beautiful (y/n), but still. Every time I see her I cannot help, but want to choke her to death fro all the pain she caused my mother.

Shaking me from my thoughts Ubbe starts going off on Hvitserk. “How could you be so stupid! (Y/n) has a target on her back and you decided to go off into the woods alone without anyone else?!?!?!” In this sense Ubbe was right, Hvitserk put (y/n)’s life in danger all because he wanted to take her from me. It wasn't enough for these people that I am a cripple. But they want to take the woman that the gods sent to me! This is unacceptable and I will not allow it. “Ubbe is right. She could have been killed because of your insolence Hvitty!” I scream at him. My blood had been boiling at this point. “Oh shut up Ivar! We all know that if she would have asked you to go with her, you would have done the same. If not take her some place remote where she could not leave your crippled ass!” Hvitserk barks back at me.

All this time Sigurd is sitting by the fire pit whilst tuning his lyre. “You both should just accept the fact that you're in love with your own sister. And that it will never go anywhere. Besides I overheard father speaking in his chambers the other day with Bjorn. They're looking for suitors to marry her off to. That way she will be hopefully safe from whoever is hunting her.” Sigurd says as calm as one could ever be. At this my mouth hangs open and Hvitserk and I exchange glances. “N..No... That cannot be. Father would never marry (y/n) off to someone she doesn't know. And the fact that he just got her back should keep him form doing so as well.” Hvitserk struggles to say. Im still trying to process the fact that my purpose to live will be taken from me once again. This I cannot allow...

-----------------------------------------------

“Ivar you’re sure that this is the right way?” Hvitserk asks me for the hundredth time. This time instead of answering I just keep going. This man-child will not drive me insane today. Not when the task at hand is so dire. Making our way through the woods and down the path, I spot my father’s horse as well as 3 other ones. Urging my horses to go faster I catch a glimpse of (y/n) runnings towards the homestead whilst trying to slip her dress back on. The way that the drops fell from her hair and onto her chest and then down the valley of her breasts made me come to a halt. Before I knew it the guards and Ubbe had all passed me and there I was still sitting in my carriage on the same spot. Once she was out of my sight, I got it together and got to the house. There we were greeted by father and Bjorn. “Ubbe. what brings you all down here?” my father asks. “We wished to know what we should do about the investigation. You all just took off without alerting anyone.” At that Lagertha steps out of the homestead clearly in a disheveled dress. From that we can guess what her and father were up to before we could get here.

“Actually Ubbe... Your father and I have come to terms that (y/n) shall be trained by me. This way I can properly teach her how to use her strengths and weaknesses to her advantage. Something you boys will not be able to teach her.” At the mention of this (y/n)’s eyes widened in surprise. “Well... Mother (y/n) isn't really one to train, if Im honest with you. Poor girl is was never taught how to properly defend herself. And through all the training that we've put her through, its not much of an improvement...” Bjorn says, but then trails off due to (y/n) punching him in the gut. I can tell you that I have never been as in love with someone as I am with my own sister. Which is ridiculous to many, but the truth...

---------------------------------------------

Your POV

Weeks from the time that my mother arrived had gone by. My training started immediately after the conversation that we all had at the porch. Ubbe and the boys had finally gotten somewhere with the investigation with the help of Lagertha. They had found the murder weapon, a small dagger with intricate designs. Bjorn had taken it to get a closer look, but from what I had seen in his eyes I could tell that he knew who was behind this. As I think of who could have been behind the murder of my best friend, the wind is knocked out of me. “(Y/N)! Concentrate! Never take your eyes off your opponent! Thats the number one rule on the battlefield!” My mother yells at me from above. Extending her hand out towards me I grasp on to it and she pulls me up from the ground. Dusting myself off I mumble an I’m sorry to her and that I will concentrate next time. “When facing a real opponent child you will not have the luxury to be better again. Its do or die!” She holds onto my shoulders as she looks into my eyes and then leans her forehead against mine. “I want you to be able to defend yourself. It might come a time where neither your father or I. Bjorn and your brothers will be there to protect you. And I need to be able to sleep at night with the thought that my child will not be taken from me again by some imbecile...”

My mother and I exchange a final glance before she heads off towards the great hall in what I think is an attempt to find my father. My father and Bjorn have been very secretive lately. Every time I walk into a room I can tell that the conversations they were having were about me before I got there. And it was very much getting on my nerves. Picking up the bow that Ivar had made for me I start to aim at the dummy target. But before I knew it something startles me and I let go of the arrow without knowing where it would hit. “AHHHHH, are you trying to kill me woman?!??!”

“Ivar, Oh my God I’m so sorry. You startled me.” I say whilst rushing towards him. “I see that you've taken a liking to the bow I crafted for you...” blushing from his words I simply nod my head and stare at the ground. “(y/n). I wanna have a serious conversation with you. But it must be done in private.” He whispers the last part to me. I rear my head towards him and proceed to grab his hand. Ivar takes it upon himself though to lace our fingers together and walk together to "our” chambers. Passing by the market, I notice the looks that people have been given us and the not so quiet whispers. Embarrassed and not wanting to drag attention to myself anymore than I already have. I attempt to let go of Ivar’s hand, but he will have none of it. He jut grips my hand harder and walks a little faster towards the cabin.

Once inside Ivar walks towards the bed and starts taking off his braces. “Close the door please. I would like this to be a private conversation between you and I. For the time being.” Doing as told, I close the door behind me and make my way towards him. Ivar is struggling to get one of his braces off, so without thinking I kneel before him and push his hands away to try and help him out. At this action Ivar looks at me with shock and a hint of adoration. Over the last 3 months that I have been here. I observed Ivar take his braces off before bed. Something about them fascinated me and I couldn't pinpoint what it was. Picking myself up from the floor I go to sit beside him on the bed in one swift movement Ivar pushes me back on the bed and gets on top of me.

Before I could scream his lips touch mine. Unlike the times before I find myself reciprocating the kiss. Our lips begin to move in sync with each other. He traced his tongue on my bottom lip asking for entrance which I denied. At this he got frustrated and slapped my ass. As I opened my mouth to yell at him for hitting me, he took this as a chance to slip his tongue in my mouth. There was no fight for dominance as he overtook the situation. My fingers tangle in his hair trying to pull him closer to me. His hands caress my sides and then cup my breasts. In this I cant help, but let out a moan. Ivar pulls back and stares at me while bringing his hand up to brush my hair outta my face. “I would really love to continue this, but there's something I have to tell you (y/n).” He untangles himself from my grasp and brings my hand to his lips. Placing small kisses on the back of my hand he closes his eyes and then reluctantly gets up. As I lay on the bed, I can only think of what we were up to seconds ago. What would have happened if we didn't stop. Pulling me into his lap and out of my thoughts Ivar grabs my face in his hands.

“Before you got here I was a scared and lonely boy. With no notion of what love was or could have been. To think that the gods made you especially for me and brought you to me at the most opportune time is a sign from Odin himself. (Y/n) I will not let them take you away from me. Not now or ever...” Ivar closes the gap between us with a small and tender kiss. “Ivar... it’s wrong. How we feel about one another isn't right...” my eyes well up with tears. What cruel joke is this that God is playing. Why? How come the man that I love is my brother... Brushing my tears away, I could tell that Ivar is having the same predicament. “Father plans to marry you off... That is what I wanted to talk to you about.” His eyes do not meet mine this time. “Wait...no it cant be. Father would never do that. he always said that I would be free to marry whomever I pleased and fell in love with...” Nothing the change in my breathing Ivar hugs me and rubs my back. “I will not let them. You will not be sold like cattle just because they cant find the killer and are afraid.”

“This is why I want you to runaway with me. Will you (y/n)...”

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Bjorn POV

I cannot control the anger boiling inside me. How could she do this... Storming off from the meeting I went straight to my cabin. There she greeted me as if nothing was wrong. “Love I made some...” Throwing the bowl of soup from her hands I pushed her back onto a chair. “Bjorn what's wrong with yo...” “What wrong with me?!?!?! How about what's wrong with you? You killed Mira! You tried to kill my sister!” At this point all I see is red. I cant even describe how I felt when I saw that the murder weapon was Torvi’s dagger. And to think I was gonna tell her the truth and let her in on the reason as to why she could be wanted dead. “Bjorn.. please! It was not like I wanted to do it! Aslaug forced me too. She had said that you were in danger! Please Bjorn you have to believe me! I did it for our family!” Shaking my head at her I turn around and head towards the door. “Get your stuff, I don't want you here when I come back. I will tell my father everything that you and Aslaug have been planning. And for the sake of what we once had I will give you this heads up so you can leave. And do not come back!” Slamming the door of the cabin I head towards the great hall and begin t think to myself about the first time I laid eye son my sister....

19 years ago...

“Bjorn... come meet her.” I didn't want anything associated with that child. The fact that I had already lost a sister and that my parents had now taken in a child that wasn't theirs baffled me. “She's not my sister. She the child of a christian priest...” At that my mother looks at me with sadness in her eyes. “Bjorn I know that you still hurt over Gyda and the fact that she didn't survive and you did. This child however is your sister. No matter how she came into this world, the gods have given us a second chance. Please come and meet her, for my sake?” At that I go towards my mother and get a closer look at the child. Her features resembled that somewhat of my father’s. Not much, but enough to be able to pass as the child of my father and mother. “What about Athelstan? Is he okay with you taking his child?” I ask my mother. At that my father walks in and kneels before me. “You must protect her with your life Bjorn. From this day onward she will be yours to take care off. She is your sister and no one must know that in fact she is Athelstan’s daughter or she and all of us will be in danger.” At that I understood why my parents had done it. Taken a child that wasn't theirs in order to protect it. Although I didn't want her, I cant help but feel a strong sense of protection over her. As if my sole task in this world is to protect her... “Bjorn...she doesn't have a name yet. Would you like to name her?” My mother asks whilst placing the child in my arms. The baby opens her eyes and looks up at me. Her beautiful eyes open up to reveal those (y/e/c) orbs. She cracks a smile at me and at that I cant help, but laugh. “(Y/n)...her name will be (y/n).”

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as-many-times-as-it-takes · 6 years ago

Note

Not looking for reassurance about canonical Sheith, I just need to vent. I heard you were offering hugs, would it be okay to ask for one, please? I let myself get too damn invested in canonical Sheith and I'm such a freaking mess right now & not in the good way. I really am way beyond old enough to know better, and I'm gay to boot. Again, I should know better! I love Sheith so much & always will, whatever happens in canon. Thank you for letting me vent, you're truly a kind person.

Hey there @mereneith !

You absolutely can have a hug from the craziness of this season. And I know you aren’t specifically looking for reassurance or anything, but I did want to add something to your comments.

There is no such thing as way beyond old enough to know better.

This is a long (very optimistic though!) personal discussion. Feel free to skip it if you just want hugs. Otherwise, read on.

Once upon a time I thought that as I grew older I would be expected to outgrow things and to set aside “childish interests and hopes” blah blah and I would magically transform into an adult and live an adult life.

Well fuck that.

I am a trans gay man, pushing just past his thirties and you know what? Voltron has changed my life.

You see, we fall in love with characters because we find aspects in them that are important to us. It may be because we see ourselves in them, or find them very relatable. Or perhaps they represent something we’d like to see in our friends or lovers. Aspects that remind us fondly of our friends and family, or perhaps even aspects that remind us of our flaws. But this attachment isn’t childish or silly. It’s actually very healthy and important. As most people know, it’s often very difficult to learn a tough lesson on your own. But if you were to watch a person go through a similar issue who you feel strongly about, you will find that tangential learning can actually teach you a whole lot much faster.

Children are growing up today seeing their hero Shiro as a really awesome, strong man who also happens to be gay, deals with bad stress/PTSD, and has been disabled. How many of them will grow to not only accept these things, but grow and learn from them? So why should this be any different with adults?

I openly admit that I associate very strongly with Keith. I’ve been the outcast, I’ve struggled fitting in and lashing out. I’ve been left behind and felt abandoned again and again to the point that it was easier to push people away ahead of time than it would be to ever try to open up. All the knowledge in the world on fencing, dog sledding, falconry (rehab), archery, swordplay, target shooting, etc etc and all my talents at it still didn’t fix the fact that I was socially inept and hated the world around me. But then I also know the value then, of finding a Shiro in your life. Someone who took that time to push past your thorns and offer you unconditional support and affection. It’s why Sheith resonated with me instantly and why they became so important to me.

So watching the show was instantly a pleasure. I didn’t think it’d ever be a thing to begin with, but I was still content to dream. And when I found a very loving fandom behind it, I actually felt a lot of peace seeing other people who also felt like this. There are a great many people in the world right now who ship Sheith because it is an expression of mutual love, compassion, support, admiration, and dedication. Everyone has their own unique love and perspective on why Shiro and Keith are important to them, but we also share a common passion.

When I first started this blog in Season 3, I had been many years away from my previous blogging experience. Depression, life, and all sorts of stuff had gotten in the way and I’d sort of drifted away from something that had been a great passion of mine. So I thought I’d be brave and start up a blog here.

And it grew, and I made a few friends and had a good time until depression and life got me down again and I disappeared for about a year or so until Season 6. When I returned, I thought for sure I would never keep up with the main blogs or all the truly awesome artists out there. But you know what? I had changed, and I had grown and the fandom welcomed me back with open arms.

Sheith inspired me to draw again. My “You Found Me” piece was not only one of the first digital pieces I’d done in over 6 months, it was also a big leap in what sorts of things I could draw. And I’ve kept pumping out art slowly but surely and each time I do, I’ve learned just a little bit more and been all that much more proud. I started writing again too! Who cares if it’s fanfiction? Why would that make it any less valid or satisfying? I also was a braver man and I started reaching out to people that I saw in the fandom who I wanted to get to know.

And I have completely changed my life. I have made some of the most wonderful friends now. I am still getting to know many of them, but I already am just so happy to have more people to talk to, celebrate with and get to know. I’m part of multiple discord servers, multiple art projects and I have seen an amazing amount of support for my writing! I’ve had my writing translated into other languages, I’ve been called someone’s hero, I see asks and prompts in my inbox of people who want to talk to me and hear my opinion.

Sheith isn’t just important to me, it’s changed my life. The characters have spoke to me on a personal level and I still learn from, yes, a cartoon show. It’s made me think more critically and become more introspective. It’s allowed me to express myself better and find common ground with more people. And with the amount of amazing support from the staff and Voltron in general, Shiro and Keith’s relationship and their characters in general have validated a lot of my life, my orientation, I could go on and on.

I haven’t really said it aloud all at once, but these are all true. Sometimes it’s hard to talk about these things or we’ve been told it’s “childish” or “foolish.” I laugh and weep over Sheith because I am also invested and I want it to come true and I’m not ashamed of it. I am a total gay disaster and have spent days greeting my BFF with “OMG SHIRO IS GAY HOLY SHIT!!!” for days on end after the announcement. I have fussed and wept because I worried it might not happen. Yeah, I feel silly sometimes too. I regard myself as a very logical individual in a very logical profession. But I am also a creature of passion, instinct, and emotion. I want to be the voice for others who are too nervous to speak, who are still not ready yet, or just need to hear it from someone else. I want to be the one to help tell people it’s okay to fall in love with characters and feel strongly about them and learn from them.

I will always love Sheith no matter what. It’s changed my life and made me a better person. And I will endlessly be thankful to the entire Voltron crew for everything they’ve done for us.

But I also have faith and I want to hand out hugs and tell people to keep their chins up.

Remember,

Patience Yields Focus

Don’t be afraid to be yourself. Don’t feel bad about being invested or taking joy in something. Instead, celebrate it and embrace it. Turn it into a positive force that enriches the people around you. I think Shiro put it best:

Go, be great.

#sheith #shiro #keith #voltron #meta #john talks #personal growth #disaster gay #mereneith

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alj4890 · 6 years ago

Text

Chapter 5 Masquerade!

TRR fan fiction (Liam x MC) (Maxwell x OC* Amanda) (Drake x Olivia) (Hana x Rashad)

These characters are from the fabulous writers of Pixelberry's Choices stories of The Royal Romance and Red Carpet Diaries. The only character that is mine is Duchess Amanda Bridgerton of House St Orella.

Masterlist of The Other Friend TRR

Chapter 5 summary: Maxwell escorts Riley to the Masquerade ball. Will Liam be surprised? Hana soon joins the group's adventure. Will she find her happy ending? Drake has to take Amanda on their first date. Is his heart truly avaiable or has someone else caught his eye?

Chapter 5

Maxwell paces along the bottom of the grand staircase. She has got to be ready by now, he thinks. Where is she? Riley soon comes around the corner dressed as an angel. Her brown eyes twinkle under the white, glittery demi-mask.

"What do you think?" she asks as she does a quick twirl. Maxwell nods approvingly. "You look great. By the way, how do you want to be announced? You could be announced by adding the title 'Lady' to your name."

"Then that's what I will use. Lady Riley Brooks." she replies.

Maxwell guides her to the ballroom. "Here we go." he says. After the herald reads their names off, they are soon within the beautiful ballroom.

The lights shimmer amongst the crystal chandeliers. The floor gleams where masked people twirl in time to a waltz. Tables are covered with sumptuous food. The bartenders use their skills in whipping up drinks. It is all Riley can do to not jump with excitement.

"Wow!" she excitedly whispers. She turns to Maxwell and notice he is hardly paying attention. "Maxwell? Is everything alright? How did the meeting go? Is Amanda coming to the ball?"

Maxwell shakes himself out of his stupor. "It went fine. She should be here somewhere. Now let's not worry about that. Go mingle while I let the King's staff know that House Beaumont has a Lady as a suitor for Prince Liam."

Riley watches him walk away and looks around. "Hmm." She sees Drake and walks over to him. He bows. "Good evening m'lady."

Riley laughs. "So you are capable of kindness?". Drake looks at her then recognition dawns. "Riley? Wow. Didn't recognize you. Just be careful. These nobles play nice but it is just an act." With those words, Drake walks off.

Riley shakes her head. She can't help but think that Drake is so confusing. She looks around the room and spots a familiar pink dress. She makes her way over. The lady smiles brightly when she sees Riley.

"Hey Hana! Can you believe all of this? I think this must be the most beautiful ball ever."

Hana laughs. "It is so nice to be around someone who enjoys these. So many of the nobles here are, well, jaded and don't really look at how lovely it really is. Have you-" Hana is cut off when a tall redhead grabs Riley's arm. "Sorry Lady Hana, but I must have a word with Lady Riley. I know you will understand."

Before Rily can respond, she soon finds herself off in a corner. The redhead smirks. "I am Olivia, Duchess of Lythikos. I don't believe I'm acquainted with the...Brooks nobility." Riley smiles. "I am House Beaumont's chosen suitor."

Olivia's eyes narrow. "Hmm. We will see who the true chosen suitor will be, won't we." And with an elegant twirl she leaves. Riley mentally shakes her head and begins to look for Maxwell.

As she looks around, she sees Liam. He is in deep conversation with a Lady in a royal blue dress. Though she wears a mask, Riley realizes that it is Amanda. She watches the two of them for a moment. She notices the affectionate way Liam looks at Amanda and vice versa. Yet, it doesn't seem to be romantic. Riley takes a deep breath. She feels her heart begin to race as she thinks of surprising Liam. She also thinks of that mind blowing kiss they shared on the tour boat. The Statue of Liberty now had special meaning to her.

Maxwell finds her and leads her toward the King and Liam. "Remember to make a good impression on the King. You are going to do great." He smiles encouragingly and introduces her to the King. Riley dips into a low curtsy. The king smiles and gives her welcome to the court. Maxwell leads her next to line up to greet Liam.

"Do you think he will be happy to see me?" she asks.

"Only one way to find out. You're up." He gives Riley a friendly nudge towards Liam.

Liam mentally groans as he looks at the line of ladies, anxious to greet him. "Why", he thinks, "am I putting myself through this. I don't want to hurt any of these ladies, nor do I want to make the decision that affects me and all of Cordonia. Perhaps I should have asked Father to arrange a marriage." Liam's thoughts drift back to Riley and that incredible night before. "Too bad I wasn't some normal man, planning to move to New York. Oh the plans I would make with her."

He realizes being lost in thought does not help in listening to the current lady speaking. He gives a quick smile and bow as she walks away.

Then, a literal angel walks up to him and curtsys. He is struck nearly speechless as he gazes at her. He holds out his hand. He feels a thrill go up his spine when she places her's in his grasp. "It is an honor to meet House Beaumont's suitor. I'm afraid though that I do not recognize you."

Riley gives a mysterious smile as he kisses her hand. " No guesses yet."

Liam looks both puzzeled and intrigued. "No one has left me this uncertain. I..."

His eyes widen with delighted surprise. "Riley!"

Her smiles lights up her face. "Good surprise or bad surprise?" Liam smiles back. "The best surprise my lady".

Maxwell breathes a sigh of relief as he watches Liam and Riley interact. The fireworks between those two explode just as much if not more so. He grins to himself and looks around the room. He sees Drake in an intense conversation with an agitated Olivia. He notices Amanda talking to Lady Hana. He knows he shouldn't do this to himself, but he makes his way over to Amanda.

"Your novel kept me enraptured! I couldn't sleep for having to know what happens next with each chapter I completed. And that ending..." Hana sighs happily. Amanda smiles and blushes some.

"Thank you Hana. I truly loved every moment of writing it. I think I might hold off on another novel for now. Unless an idea comes to me, I plan on devoting my energies to my duchy. I've been away for so long that I am anxious to become involved with it."

As Amanda pauses, Maxwell comes up and bows. "Lady Hana. How nice to meet you. My brother, Duke Bertrand, and I have heard nothing but good things about you." Hana gives a friendly smile. "Thank you Lord Maxwell. I too have heard nice things about you as well. I've heard all about the Beaumont Brother's parties, but I'm sure it was exaggerated."

Amanda bursts into laughter. "Oh no. If anything it wasn't told in its full extent. The Beaumont parties are an experience that often words rarely do them justice."

Maxwell grins and takes Amanda's hand. "Lady Hana, if you would be so kind to excuse us. I need to have a private word with Lady Amanda." Hana curtsys and waves as she walks toward some of the other suitors. Riley is seen to follow where the other ladies have congregated.

"Come with me," Maxwell whispers. Amanda turns and meet his eyes. She nods and laces her fingers with his. Maxwell leads her out of the ballroom and through a door leading to outside. They are soon on the complete opposite side of the ballroom and away from anyone else. Everything is draped in shadow while the stars twinkle from above. Perfect for a moment alone.

Maxwell pulls Amanda into his embrace. She eagerly reaches up to pull his head down for a kiss. Maxwell's lips travel down her neck. Amanda gasps from the sensation, while his hands begin to explore her body. Slowly teasing her skin, while his tongue explores her ear. Amanda moans and turns to kiss him passionately while her hands explore his back and chest. Just as they were caught up and about to give in even further to passion, Amanda's phone vibrates. They break apart and she checks her message.

"Hey Amanda. Lost you in the crowd. Go get changed. We are heading out someplace with no nobles. "

Maxwell looks at the message. "I, well, I guess you better go change." Amanda looks at his face.

"I don't want to do this, Maxwell" Amanda whispers. He pulls her in for one more kiss. "It's okay. I will see you later. Just, just do what your uncle asked. You know I will always be right here. Well, maybe not right here. It's not much fun hanging out in the dark without you, but I will be waiting for you. In the palace. Probably my bedroom or kitchen."

Amanda laughs and kisses him sweetly. "Then I look forward to seeing you soon."

Maxwell escorts her to the grand staircase. He kisses her hand and watches as she makes her way to her room. He turns and finds Drake watching him.

"Maxwell, um, are you going to be alright with-" Maxwell interrupts Drake. "I have to be. I will be fine. Just go do what Lord Nicholas said. I've got to go check on Riley and find Bertrand." He gives a halfhearted smile to Drake and enters the ballroom.

Maxwell finds Riley and encourages her to have the last dance with Liam. She nods and makes her way over. Maxwell watches with approval as she and Liam glide across the floor. He smiles when he see Liam sweep her outside. He rubs his hands together. "So far so good."

#trr #trr liam #choices trr #trr drake #maxwell beaumont #choices #liam x riley #liam x mc

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hidden-otaku-stuff · 4 years ago

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(1) Hello I am back!! I'm sorry it's been long, these past couple of weeks have had me swamped with homework :( and yet I still didn't do it all 🤡 also get ready for a bunch of messages because 1.) responses and 2.) my thoughts on Lockscreens. Spoiler: I am Emotional haha. Aww, thank you :') I used to think it was weird to give yourselves nicknames but I'm past that now haha. Another one I go by sometimes is "Lizard" because I stick my tongue out a lot when I'm talking??

(2) and people think I'm cold blooded because I get really cold easily and like to bask in the sun. I mostly just did traditonal sketches and a lot of screencap redraws. I want to get into art again, but I'm taking it slow for now and focusing more on my writing. And I feel that too LOL. I'm going to start a blog dedicated to reblogging x reader fics that I like because I'm too embarrassed to do so on my main blog (I tell all of your followers 🤡)

hey Honeymoon! as long as you’re taking care of yourself, that’s all I care about 💞 i’m gonna post my responses into two parts. a Lockscreens segment after you send in the rest of your thoughts and a get-to-know-you part for now!

(also I’M FROM CA TOO AND WHY ON EARTH ARE YOU SENDING ME MESSAGES AT 3AM OML)

ngl, i feel like the best person to give you a nickname is yourself! i jokingly gave myself the nickname ‘Daddy’ and that’s literally become my “rave” personality LMAO. but i can understand why some people think it’s weird 🤷 honestly lizard is a bad-ass nickname !! i’m the same way - being in the cold makes me sooo sleepy and i’d rather bask in the sun 😂

i’d love to see your artwork or writing sometime! please feel free to send it over 🥰

(3) Honestly even with all my issues it's kind of nice being a hopeless romantic! Like you said it gives me the chance to day dream haha. Maybe I have my head in the clouds a lot but sometimes it's nice to be there. There's so many, but I think it's a tie between enemies to lovers and friends to lovers. I love the drama and comedy from the former but I'm so Soft for the latter, and that's highkey how I want my relationship to start.

(4) I think building that bond with someone before you even start dating them is really sweet, and having that connection by the time you commit to each other is 💓 I'm sorry you've been having writers block, that's the worst :( if it helps, the past two chapters have turned out amazing, I love them so much!! I think the closest I got to hardcore shipping something that wasn't canon was RinHaru? But there was also a lot of tension and affection in their relationship so I could see it being canon

there’s nothing wrong with having dreams! just so long as you can ground yourself at the end of the day.

enemies to lovers is always the funniest for me to read TBH. because it’s such an inevitable cliche haha. friends to lovers though -- oooo my heart.

the best relationships start with friendship. it’s the most authentic imo. like for me, it’s exhausting bearing my heart open to new people each time i want to get involved with someone romantically. but having someone who already knows you inside out??? swoon. what about a trope you dislike?

ah tyty, i’m glad you enjoyed them! the writers’ block wasn’t too bad for these chapters. i’ve had them typed up for a few weeks now :’)

rinharu is so cute though! but Harukoto (or whatever the ship name is tbh) is super cute too. but maybe i just really like the best friend to lovers trope LMAO

(5) I just looked at their insta and !!!!!!!!!! that's so cute! I like bokuaka but I've never looked into it as much as others, but their art made me have Feelings lol. I think that is a good view to have on family tbh. I've developed a relationship with my blood family and we're close, but there's something special about the relationships and love you have for people you choose to stay with. I love Tiana!! I think she's a really underrated Disney character :(

(6) She really encompasses Disney's message of working hard to achieve your dreams, and she's a strong, independent woman without being closed off and rejecting her feelings. I think it's so cute and cool that she had that much of an impact on you :D Oof, I get that 💀. Men are gross 🤢 I don't get it very often because I live in SoCal and tbh to a lot of other people brown just equals mexican lol. They're right but I really don't look full mexican. Portuguese and Islander people can tell though

bokuaka art makes me have ~ feelings ~ i also really like @/liann1009 and @/maddox_rider on IG! (tbh idk if they have a tumblr whoops) liann1009 does a lot of OiHina whereas maddox_rider does bokuaka which is ridiculously cute too 🥰

DUDE OMG YES!!! Tiana and Kita (from Atlantis) are under-rated QUEENS who deserved better!! we need representation out here in this b*tch!!!

idek why, but some people think i look hispanic 🙃 but yes bby, men are gross and should be better!! i have yet to meet a man who deserves to stand on equal ground to me, imma be real. (2d men don’t count but y’know). does it bother you when people mistake your ethnicity?

(7) Thank you!! Ngl it's kind of scary wondering about what the industry is going to be like because I'm sure I will run into a lot of biased people and sources, but learning to navigate that is just part of the job. Of course there's people who will read biased sources and attack you too, but you can't always escape those people :/ and thank you love, you're so sweet 💕 That's really admirable! It takes a lot of work and creativity to start a business, I'm sure you'll be successful 😊

(8) what kind were you thinking of? and psych is super cool too! Having that understanding of people and the world can be really eye opening and fun :D It's okay, he was one of my favorite teachers but looking back he was an asshole. He had his good/funny moments and did a lot for me, but he also abused some of editors in my journalism class, and some friends of mine :/ He wouldn't appreciate their work, sometimes insult them, and even encouraged my friend to not sleep for the sake of the paper

i’m positive that you’ll do just fine once you get out there! it seems like you have a pretty thick skin :)

i really wanted to open a business to help support under-represented groups receive an education - with major focus on minority groups such as orphans/foster children, veterans, and the homeless. there’s so much logistics that tbh i’m too ~stressed~ to think about so i’m tabling that for awhile :’)

bruhhh fuck that teacher. drop his addy, i just wanna talk real q 💞 if you can’t support all of your students, then there is no point in being a professor!! there is literally 0 reason to be rude when you’re in a position of power, especially when it involves someone’s passion, career, and/or education.

(9) I just remembered that there's a limit to how many asks you can send in a certain amount of time so if these suddenly stop I'm sorry! I'll come back when I can haha. I wouldn't say I'm all that great tbh, but I'm proud of a lot of my works LOL. My favorite part about it is using makeup and tools to just turn into something else. Wounds are always fun, but making yourself a gargoyle or some other creature is what makes it so interesting to me.

(11) I'm OBSESSED with the makeup and costumes from LOTR. It's my biggest inspiration. I can go on about it haha. That's so cool!! Being a part of the whole production, especially all sides to it, sounds so fun. Do you have any favorite memories from your time in high school? I'd love to hear them if you have any :O Confession: I have never seen any of those asdfkljvk. I know I really should though and it's on my to do list ! I've heard really great things about all of them !

imma be real, i didnt know there was a limits on asks LMAO. i did hear that they sometimes get eaten though, so i really hope that doesn’t happen 😅

we all start somewhere. your first step will never look like someone else’s, nor should it. as long as it’s something that you can look back upon and be proud of and know that you’ve grown from, that’s all that matters!

just imagining someone using makeup to turn themselves into a gargoyle has my head spinning 🤣 like ya girl can barely do her eye-makeup, let alone anything as intense as that! what’s been the most difficult project?

DUDE, I LOVE MEDIEVAL-HISTORICAL WORKS! like the dresses from that Mary from Reign wears has my heart so softtttt. dfsnosdf. please!! tell me some of your fav things about LOTR 💖

omg high-school was so long ago, i don’t think i have any favorite memories from it 🙃 i think the opening night of a production would be the best. listening to the audiences reactions as the performers left their hearts on-stage, seeing all the pieces fall together, that was always absolutely incredible. wbu, what did you enjoy about hs?

i have very strong opinions on those musicals LMAO. i can talk about them forever 🤩

#skye's asks #firebonbon

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the-sapphire-general · 7 years ago

Text

My Thoughts and Feelings About Sephiroth (Part 2)

There was originally going to be just one part about what I think and feel about Sephiroth, but it turns out I have more to say than I thought I did. You can say I'm passionate about Sephiroth. Not a day goes by without at least thinking about him several times. Lol Anyway, if you haven't read my previous post, here's the link because I will describe things I have said in the first part in more detail.

My Thoughts and Feelings About Sephiroth (Part 1)

As I mentioned before, I can identify with Sephiroth. At first I didn't consider him an idol considering how different we are, but I realized about the similarities we have, even if those similarities can be different. I hate mentioning my former friend, but she used to be someone that took advantage of me, a lot of the time without my knowledge. So I know how Sephiroth must have felt after discovering that everyone lied to him about his origins. Now his situation was extreme compared to mine, but the key thing is we were both betrayed somehow. It's difficult to handle, and we both took it hard, with Sephiroth taking it farther than me. Betrayal, whether big or small or somewhere in between the two, isn't pleasant, especially if those who betray you are people you thought you could trust. I know what that's like, and it's not an easy thing to just brush off as if it were nothing.

To further prove how Sephiroth and I are similar is our personality traits. For starters, we are both quiet. Now it's hard to tell online if someone is shy or outgoing, but believe me, I'm one quiet girl. I'm real timid in real life. I don't think Sephiroth was timid, and I bet he was just sheltered growing up. Be honest. Hojo sucked as a father, and Sephiroth wasn't treated like a human being. So Sephiroth may have been socially awkward, which can appear as timidity or coldness. I'm timid and I can get a bit anxious, but I hide it really well. I'm not a social butterfly, and neither is Sephiroth, but that doesn't mean I'm purposefully ignoring others. It's just I'm not good at socializing. I am socially awkward myself and people have to get to know me to know the real me. Others saw Sephiroth as cold and distant, but they didn't even try to get to know him. Angeal Hewley and Genesis Rhapsodos saw past this and became his friends. Sadly others see me as cold and distant as well, and to be honest it hurts. I bet it bothered Sephiroth as well. Or maybe he didn't care, I don't know. I'll believe that it did bother him. Of course, despite our shortcomings, Sephiroth and I do have friends (well, Sephiroth used to have friends). I may struggle to be social, but I can bond with others. I mean, hello! I have my boyfriend, his friends, my family, my own friends, and my online friends. Sephiroth had a few close friends, but at least it's something. Angeal and Genesis. I swear, if things didn't get so screwed up, they would have been best friends forever. Heck, Zack could have been a great friend to Sephiroth if he was given the opportunity. In a way, they could have helped Sephiroth back in Nibelheim, but the damage is already done.. What I'm trying to say is I understand this real well because I've been there. It just makes me want to give Sephiroth a hug and possibly a kiss to comfort him and let him know that I care. Though he might be annoyed by my affection. Lol

The next similarity we have is we're intelligent. Unfortunately a lot of people don't see me as intelligent, but Sephiroth's intelligence is what has me striving to prove to others that I am all while improving my own intelligence. They just see me as a girl with average intelligence and I was once accused of being an idiot. I wonder if Sephiroth had naysayers always doubting him. Looks can be deceiving. I'm not what others claim that I am, and it's annoying. This brings me to my next point. When Sephiroth was still part of SOLDIER, others might have perceived him as so many things, which includes being cold and distant and such. I've said this already, but this isn't just assuming that someone is cold or timid or whatever personality trait. It's about others assuming things about others that may be false. Sephiroth didn't consider himself to be better than everyone else (prior to Nibelheim of course). Heck, he didn't even show interest in fame to the point that he allowed Genesis to take it, possibly unaware that he was jealous of him. Maybe he tried to do that to ease his jealousy. Though Genesis should have handled his jealousy better. Before you assume anything about a person, either get to know the person or keep it to yourself until you see who they really are. Otherwise, it can be damaging to them. It was to Sephiroth. Something tells me all those soldiers had mixed opinions about Sephiroth, many of them potentially formed out of false assumptions and simple ignorance. Okay I'm getting too deep into this due to my own personal experiences, so I will switch to the next similarity.

Sephiroth and I hate certain people. How else can I explain my former friend that I have mentioned plus other people? Although Sephiroth took it to an extreme and hates everyone, I can still relate. Now it doesn't mean I will be as destructive and cruel as Sephiroth, but I can relate. Everyone at ShinRa treated Sephiroth like an experiment without his knowledge. He was never told about his origins. He never knew his parents. Then again, never finding out that Hojo is his father is a blessing (unless he somehow found out already?). He was deceived and manipulated ever since the day he was born. Correction, he was manipulated BEFORE he was born! He has the right to hate those who mistreated him. However, that doesn't justify any of the horrible things he did. Now my case is nothing compared to Sephiroth's since I was simply deceived by certain people, but my dislike for them is reasonable. Seriously, who would be able to let someone pretend to be your friend only to harm you emotionally and verbally, try to control you, spread lies about you, and basically destroy you? That's what my former friend did, and I hate her. All the bullies I've encountered throughout school? I hate them too. But that doesn't mean I would try to hurt them back because that wouldn't make me any better than them. I was given one opportunity to tell off my former friend online after I cut off contact for years. I told her to get well because she was sick, but she was getting better. She insulted me, not directly, but she did imply it. I was furious. But what did I do? I kept my mouth shut, told her to have a good life, and bid her farewell. Telling her everything that she made me feel and how much I loathe her would have only caused trouble, and the last thing I need is for her to stalk me online or try to pick a fight with me since she's freaking insane. She got angry over tiny things, physically assaulted someone just for being rude, as in getting into a conversation between the skank and someone else. Like what the fuck?! She could have told him to wait until she was finished. She was not psychologically well in my opinion, but I'm not one to confirm it because I'm not a psychologist. I thought she had changed but I was wrong. All my suspicions I had about her have been confirmed. Everything. And I vowed to never speak to her ever again. So Sephiroth and I may have handled our hate differently, but it still counts as something we have in common. Looking back, I see Sephiroth as an extreme version of my hate, anger, and pain, making me picture what I would have been like if I had taken it too far. It's a bit terrifying for me to imagine, and I am glad that I have more good inside me.

Now the next thing is something that still affects me to this day, and it's this. Sephiroth and I have felt like we were different, that we didn't belong anywhere. Having an identity crisis isn't fun, and Sephiroth is proof of that. He's not like everyone else. He's the only one with long silver hair and green cat-like eyes, he's part-alien, he's the strongest of all, and he always felt different because of this. I feel like I'm different because I'm not as outgoing as many people, I get worried about what others think of me, I'm not as confident in myself and my talents, and people don't pay attention to a wallflower like me. So I'm trying to improve myself and find my own place where I belong. Sephiroth found his, albeit in a rather dark way, but I have yet to find myself. But I know I will soon, and I have loved ones who can help me.

With all of this that I've said so far, Sephiroth means a lot to me. He means a lot to me more than I thought, and just by typing this, I'm realizing that he's a character that I love and admire in the exact same level as Sonic the Hedgehog. And as silly as it may sound, I get defensive when others talk smack about my favorite fictional characters like Sephiroth. Why? Because he's someone that I can identify with, regardless of the myriad of contrasting characteristics that we have. Opposites attract!

Now what else I wish to talk about related to Sephiroth...Well, there's his current self. I can hear those that say he's a cruel bastard that will kill you at first glance in milliseconds. My boyfriend and his friends think so. Well, you know what? It's bullshit. If that were true, then why didn't he kill Zack, Tifa, and Cloud immediately? Why didn't he kill Cloud and his team right away during numerous points in the game (other than the fact he needed Cloud to get the Black Materia for him)? Because he's not just a one-track mindless killing machine! This may be an unpopular opinion, but really, Sephiroth doesn't go just "Kill kill kill! Stab stab stab!". You kiss him on the cheek, stab. You compliment him on his looks, stab. You try to join him in his cause, stab. You try to have small talk, STAB! It's boring, predictable, and annoying. Do you really think I would do that on my Sephiroth blog? I would have grown tired of it! I deleted the posts about this, but do you want to know how many characters, users, or whatever I've had Sephiroth kill in roleplays???........One. That's right. One, a character that a friend roleplays as here on Tumblr, in a span of....a year-and-a-half, I think? If I had followed the "logic" of Sephiroth the utterly mindless killing machine and does nothing else, I would have had him impale over 1000 characters, users, anons, etc., maybe 10,000. You get my point.

This sort of thing strips everything about Sephiroth. He's cunning, arrogant, and manipulative, so of course I would have to implement that in his interactions if I want him to harm or kill a character, for example. And in some cases, I portray Sephiroth as just being intimidating, mistrustful, and bitter towards characters. In others, he is intrigued by who he's talking to, and he shows a range of emotions (as long as they fit him). I make him multidimensional. Really, try portraying Sephiroth as just a killing machine and nothing else and see how long it takes for you to get tired of taking out tons of people's muses in split seconds. I'm sorry if this portion became somewhat of a rant but it has been bugging me. Moving on to another Sephiroth subject.

Ahhhh, the theories. I almost forgot about them. Let's see, the lab rat theory is kind of possible, but ShinRa didn't blatantly abuse him. Otherwise, Sephiroth would have had serious psychological issues prior to Nibelheim. If he had endured severe physical and psychological abuse, he wouldn't be calm and collected. Of course he was abused to a degree, but the thing is he didn't know he was abused. He had no idea ShinRa used him as just a tool. That's clever of them. Cruel and despicable, but clever. They had to be discreet or else Sephiroth would have questioned their motives early on or tried to get away from them. Sephiroth was their puppet, which does explain why he referred to Cloud as his puppet. If others manipulated him to screw him over, he will do the same back at them. Sephiroth basically gave them a taste of their own medicine. Unfortunately, he takes it out on the whole planet. Think about it, though. He was deceived and manipulated by others, and this is his way of showing others that he will never allow himself to be controlled by anyone anymore. And this brings me to the next theory.

Jenova possessing Sephiroth is a famous theory and I don't blame people for believing and supporting this. I confess that I used to believe this theory as well, but as I looked back at the events of Crisis Core and Final Fantasy 7, it doesn't make sense. First of all, after being used by an evil company his entire life, why would Sephiroth allow himself to be controlled by an alien that arrived to the Planet millennia ago? Yes, he was at the library at ShinRa Manor for a week reading endlessly about his origins without sleeping, and possibly eating or drinking anything. Obviously that must have left him vulnerable, but I don't believe Sephiroth would have been brainwashed easily. He was controlled by ShinRa, and he wasn't going to allow anyone else to control him again, especially Jenova. Sephiroth was the one who controlled her, not the other way around. If Jenova had gained control, that would undermine Sephiroth's reputation as the main antagonist of FF7. He is the villain, the real villain, not Jenova. Sephiroth burned down Nibelheim. Sephiroth killed many people. Sephiroth killed Aeris (or Aerith) in FF7. Sephiroth summoned Meteor to injure the Planet in order to absorb its life stream to become a god. Sephiroth created the Remnants to achieve his goal to claim the Planet as his own, become an unstoppable god, and bring despair to those who stand in his way. It's all Sephiroth. And besides, Jenova is a parasite. I doubt she would have planned all of this before trying to destroy the planet. I also doubt she's even alive. Sephiroth is the master of his ongoing desire to take back what he believes is his planet, conquer it as a god, and destroy anyone who stands in his way.

Alright then, this post has gone long enough. Now I'm not sure if this is all I have to say about Sephiroth. Well, I assumed that I did’t have much else to say in the previous post, and look! Here's another one. I like doing this sort of thing. It makes me feel good and I just love Sephiroth. I could go on forever if I want, but I’ll end it here. I hope you liked this and if there’s any more things that I haven’t said here, I’ll make sure to do a third part.

#sephiroth #final fantasy 7 #part 2

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sonicmega · 8 years ago

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Hm... I'm enthralled now. How did you come to do voice acting? Was it a sort of, spur of the moment? Or was it more so like a passion you wanted to pursue after highschool/college? I've also begun to wonder. What do you specifically do to change the timbre of your voice? I assume its different for every voice actor out there and, given your experience, you've most likely developed a method no? Lastly, how do you land jobs? Do you need a specific talent or is it more so fitting the voice color?

January 2007

I discover that voice acting is a thing. My time spent on Neopets noticeably dwindles for the moment.

(Also none of these are specific moments that I think made or broke my career, I am just offering all relevant moments in time)

Feb/Mar 2007

A man by the name of Deven “Mac” notices my frequent postings on Newgrounds - my fervent spamming, more like - and informs me about Voice Acting Club. Kira Buckland, 10 years younger, is finishing up school soon and has begun plans for moving out of Alaska to pursue life in Cali

March 2007 - 2008

Amateur Voice Acting AHOY! I audition for a shitload of projects, mostly fandubs. Mostly Newgrounds. my voice is terrible but my enthusiasm and energy is unyielding. Mac helps me with basic tenets of voiceover techniques and I also exhibit some pretty shitty behaviors (delaying submitting lines for weeks because I’m nervous about ‘doing them wrong’).

September 2008

I get accepted into Western Michigan on a scholarship. I decide to major in Film/Video/Media studies because it’s 'the most similar to what I want to do’ (Voiceover) and decide to put more personal interests in as minors (Journalism, Japanese, Psychology).

The actual curriculum itself did jack shit for my career but it’s what I did during my time there that matters more.

2008-2012

Four years of college. I make friends within my interest groups but nearly all of my time is spent either in class or in my dorm room on my PC. OMGPOP is king of my time until Maplestory releases the Evan class.

More importantly, it was also the formative years of my freelance career.

I sign up for Voice123 membership. It goes horribly. Low ratings nearly all the time. I take on an audiobook job and deliver over-estimate by 7 goddamn months. Client is PISSED.A site called VoiceBunny also crops up; more suited for quick one-off jobs that don’t need 'the perfect voice’, just a suitable one. Extremely reliant on being at your computer at a moment’s notice.

I have no social life.

This meshes well.

Within college, I am constantly involved in things related to acting/voiceover.

- On-campus Sexual Health Peer Education group (skits and lectures) all 4 years of attendance. This also gave me opportunities to record voiceover for segments needing 'voice of god’- local radioplay group All Ears Theater (2 productions every 2-3 months, included a formal audition process and live performances in front of audiences for later broadcast via radio/web)- Audio Production class (as part of my Major) quick-learns me basic editing techniques, directly translates to my ability to do quickfire editing and turnaround now as a freelancer.- Continuing to do auditions for stuff for Voice Acting club. This is probably the most similar to many ‘Tumblr phase’ performers on here.Over time, constant exposure + guidance from peers/my mentor helps me to hone my skills. I still tend to 'loud-act’ things, IE using an unnecessarily loud/forceful voice for simple business narration,but I’m beginning to understand the intricacies of different styles (Commercial vs. Promo vs. character, etc)

January 2009

During winter break, on a ski trip with family, I learn about Anime Expo’s AX Idol competition. I tell my dad the one thing I want for my birthday present is funding to help go to this convention and compete. He obliges.

Summer 2009

I go to Anime Expo and compete in AX Idol for voiceover.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUQpkyfVYog

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-PwvyeM1jw

Things go well.

Fall 2009 - sometime 2011

Things DO NOT GO WELL. My victory at AX causes me to feel like I know what I am doing, leads to an almost 2 year stint of godawful delivery choices as I 'phone in’ performances like they’re just going to be good on foundation. My mentor is frustrated with me and at least one peer of mine actively thinks I don’t deserve the kinds of opportunities I’ve had over how hard he himself has worked.

2012

I graduate from college, determine that the only way I’m going to make progress is by forcing myself into the community where the industry exists. If I’m going to get workshops and studio auditions and actual non-online work, I need to be where the work is.

Summer 2012, 2 months after graduation

I move from Michigan to California

I have enough savings to cover about a year of rent if everything goes horribly horribly wrong (including losing every single freelance client I’d slowly built relationships with during college), but it’s obvious I need to find work to continue to stay out here.

I take a Graveyard shift job at Stanley security. It sucks my fucking soul out.

Meanwhile by day, I am still doing my freelance thing. I let BangZoom know I am now local. I work with my mentor on piecing together a demo both from good bits I’d done before and fresh content written for the demo, something I can show off to clients that is good enough to be worth listening to but that I can admit “I am new to the area and aiming to get my foot in the door for more professional work so that I can update my portfolio accordingly”

2012-2014

The Workshop Grind

Workshops with BangZoom, with Crispin Freeman, with VoiceTrax West, etc.

Through character archetype classes, I begin to understand where my inherent strengths lie (I already had an idea from my freelance side, but now I was able to confirm those strengths by having actual professionals go “You made great choices”)

BangZoom, meanwhile, SLOWLY works me up the chain of trust. I get called in for unpaid walla sessions just to see if I can meet appointments on time and follow directions.

Then unnamed 1-time characters in a crowd.

Then unnamed characters you can hear.

Then a recurring unnamed character.

Then at some point I get audition sides for something called Sword Art Online, for Kirito and Diabel. I initially only plan on auditioning for Kirito (dem Protagonist dweams) but have a last-minute Skype Workshop with Crispin about my auditions and get feedback from him.

He recommends I still try out for Diabel because it plays into my strengths and “why the hell not?”

I do.

2013-2014

Pretty much my ONLY studio work is coming from BangZoom, and it’s not frequent. I quit my job at Stanley only because I had some extra savings now and wanted to force myself to 'git gud’ instead of letting a safety net of money keep me from pursuing more.

But slowly, SLOWLY, through BangZoom auditions and the occasional booking, web strings begin to attach.

Out of personal interest, I do a brief stint as a QA tester for NIS America. This also happens around the time BangZoom is casting for DanganRonpa and Fairy Fencer F. My employment didn’t affect my audition chances, but it did solidify NISA’s knowledge of me as a voiceover artist.

I do some work for Ys: Memories of Celceta for a company called XSEED. Nothing comes of it until almost 3 years later, when a new localization lead named Brittany recalls my performance from Ys and says “I think he could be a really good fit for this dude named Rean Schwarzer”.

I land work on Killer Instinct through BangZoom. The director of that LOVES my performance, proceeds to slowly bring me back now and again for recurring roles on stuff like Gundam IBO and other projects.

Back to XSEED.I land my lead role in Trails of Cold Steel. Recording is at PCB Productions, who now knows I exist.

Everyone has a good time, I send my samples/demos to PCB (now updated further), they begin sending me THEIR audition sides as well.

At one point, a director for PCB I know well is collaborating with a studio called Cup of Tea on Akiba’s Beat. Kira has been working with Cup of Tea for YEARS but I had never had an opportunity to get in touch with them before now.

Director puts me in touch with Cup of Tea, who now knows I exist. Session goes decently, I tell them I am very interested in pursuing future work/auditions and would like to share my demos with them. They accept.For sake of time I will leave that thread where it is because I imagine you can understand what the underlying theme is.

Just a sporadic but progressive timeline of preparedness + Opportunity allowing me to expand my options.

Back to Workshop Side:

I continue actively pursuing workshops for other companies, especially VoiceTrax west. I sign up for “meet the pros” evenigns where I have a chance to perform + get feedback.

The workshop actively disclaimers that there is no expectation of getting work + it is intended to be a learning experience, but I go in with the mindset of “I’m going to leave them WANTING to work with me”.

With a much more thorough understanding of my strengths by now, I tend to do a formula of picking 1-2 characters I know I can do well, and one that is within my range but is relatively challenging. Worst case scenario I still leave a good impression, best case I completely surprise myself (and the host) and leave a lasting one.

This works out well. Said method greatly interests a representative from Mattel and one from Disney Parks (not the animation side, just the theme park side). I thank them for their time, ask if I can share demos with them/get their contact email, contact them and express interest in receiving audition opportunities.

Through one of these same workshops, I also meet my future agency, SBV Talent’s lead person Mary Ellen Lord. I do the same thing. Mary proceeds to circumvent SBV’s entire policy of “Referrals Only” representation to ask me to come to their offices to record an official application demo.Note that none of these workshop outcomes, or the workshops themselves, were things pointed to me by studios I was working for. This section was all self-driven/pursued (and also required me to be local).Since then, I’ve been continuing the routine of doing freelance work from home, sending out auditions for studio-hosted projects when the sides are provided to me, and generally working with my mentor when I have questions about approaching a certain character. Either because of personal growth or recent portfolio additions (or both), my success rate with booking new roles has kind of shot up; I’m hoping this trend continues for the foreseeable future.

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