#I'm ready even though something else will replace it sooner rather than later

[overwhelmedbyfeels]

The centre is a free space. Obviously.

[afuerterosa]

Lydia Danell Stone

Memphis:

|Checking my wrist, eyeing the thread that barely held together there I knew it was going to be any day now. I hadn't taken it off since @AFuerteRosa had tied it on my arm and worry had already taken up residence in my gut at the uncertainty of the last few days but if I knew anything, it was that fate would not get me this far only to take you from me now. Granted you weren't exactly human. You had been gifted certain abilities and skills, such as myself, that had carried you so far in this life, your purpose prior to me was laced up tight until the day I walked down that street. Mama Stone had told me the stories of Boston and how she almost lost him, how at the last minute Papa had called a second midwife in. A regular human hospital had been out in their case too and while Papa could soothe her heart from breaking, taking on a majority of her pain, there was something entirely different about this kind.

As I would come to find out, there were some pains you could protect a person from but others you could not. “Hijo de mi luz.” I could hear my mama like she was still here. The cadence in which her voice carried the name she would call us when we were kids had a way of wrapping us up in that blanket of warm comfort whenever we were scared. And while the memory was one of joy, that feeling of something horrible possibly happening or going wrong never went away fully. Not until it was over and Papa knew Mama Stone was okay, that Boston was going to be okay.

The percentage of death in mothers during childbirth didn't discriminate because you helped finalize one's passage to the other side. We all had a number, some were just called home sooner rather than later and while some comforts were bestowed upon us, there was still a chance that destiny could fuck it all up.

One bad decision could snowball from there and then you're left with the pieces trying to fit them back together into this new normal. Running my fingers through my hair, I blew out a calming breath trying to center myself long enough to get us through this next part, thinking about the first time I took your hand.

You had been so timid, so shy and not so trusting of me until that light from the street lamp burst, pitching us both into that same darkness. In that moment, I knew it was going to be okay.

That no matter what, we were going to be okay and just like with the lyrics from our song, we waited for that hint of a spark. It was that very second all hesitation left your body and you slipped your hand in mine, taking that chance. It felt like it was always meant to be this way.

And as with the natural progression of things, we found ourselves here. We were about to have a baby.

Suddenly, I was transported back, the memories of us always played on my personal station of repeat, however the present song playing was definitely a new release as I watched @AFuerteRosa make that face to keep from swearing. Again.|

Cara Mia, I already called and they are on their way. |We had everyone on standby and I wasn't taking any chances. No matter how much I channeled to soothe, something else was fueling our little nina and it wasn't the habaneros you had with breakfast.|

Lita:

•I had read about Braxton Hicks in that What to Expect When You're Expecting book. I also had researched everything under the moon about what to expect. To the point where you had taken my phone from me on a few occasions and "jokingly" threatened to disable Google from my phone.

Some women described it as strong period cramps. I could handle that. The word strong though. That was a tricky one. What wasn't bad to one might be earth shattering to another. Luckily, I had a high pain tolerance.

When that first Braxton Hicks contraction set in, I knew what it was immediately. I even boasted to you that all my research had been a good thing. Because now I was prepared. They were only mildly annoying, and passed pretty quickly. This, however, was not mildly annoying. This was MUCHO annoying. It felt like our little jalapeno was attempting to break free of my womb directly through my stomach. Unfortunately, I was now on another of those before mentioned time outs because I Googled...again. And under normal circumstances, I might have laughed at the images that popped up from the movies of aliens and other clearly fake things bursting from women's bellies. Today, was not a normal day and instead it sent me into a round of tears.

But now, whatever it was had let up. I think? Putting my hand on my belly, I did a check in. Everything felt normal. Or as normal as you could feel when you're doing your best impression of an overstuffed Walrus. My bras didn't fit. Under boob sweat did nothing for feeling sexy. My feet looked like tamales. Then there was the sharp pains down there. Sitting comfortably was out. Because just as she had run out of room, so had I. Shaking my head with a sigh I mumbled• Definitely not normal... •Refocusing, I attempted another check in. Si, everything felt similar to how it had been last night. Before she attempted to rip free of my belly. Offering you a smile, I spoke a little louder this time for you to hear• Maybe they don't need to come after all. •running my hand over mybelly and still smiling• I think it was just a... •On cue she did it again. This time I gripped the back of the couch with a sharp gasp that cut off my sentence as I whimpered out• Ay yi yi. No more habaneros.

Memphis:

Take my hand. |Having said that, I didn't wait for you to loosen your grip on the couch. The cushion, hell the whole damn thing could be replaced but you and our daughter could not.

One palm was flat against your belly, guiding over the thin soft material of your dress, pressing just enough to feel our baby kick against my hand as if to let me know "Hey! I'm still in here but I want the fuck out!" while my other took yours and laced our fingers together. No amount of smooth talk I did toward our little girl was working and the more she ignored my voice when I asked her to take it easy, the more uneasy I got in return.| Did you want to try a bath? I could even turn on the jets for us. She likes it, remember?

|Your face instantly fell, turning into the poster child of guilt and when you offered me that sheepish grin through gritted teeth, I couldn't help the words that left my lips next.| Or maybe you liked it and just told me that seeing how we have practically lived in the tub the last month. |Trying to make light of it now was probably not the greatest idea considering when you tried to give me that signature laugh of yours it quickly took a sharp turn into dark corners. In other words, major labor pains had hit their stride in this race.

The small bouts of rebound from the recovery of them seemed to go from long periods to short ones fast and when I finally saw those tears spring to your eyes again, that was it. My decision was made and we were getting up.| I'll carry you, Cara Mia. Bed or tub?

Lita:

•Me and my expressive face. It seemed to have gotten worse during this experience. Because as soon as you mentioned the bath, I gave myself away. And I couldn’t help but give a guilty laugh when you pointed it out. Only laughing was not something our little jalapeño appreciated at this moment. Maybe it was the tightening of my muscles when I did it? The slight jiggle of my stomach? Before I could think much more on that I was crying out• Dios mio! Period cramps, mi culo. Que locos. •My grip on your hand like a vice, and I probably left some nail marks too. But this… Another wave of nope was trying to rip through my lower abdomen and hoohah. I didn’t even register your question when you scooped me up• I changed my mind, mi amor. I don’t wanna do this anymore.

Memphis:

Hold on tight, baby.. |Where the fuck were they? Just as I was going to curse them to high heavens, I was swatted back down from the top by Mama Stone herself, when the cell in my pocket went off. The text alerting us that our midwife and company had arrived came through just as we reached the special room I had set up. Opting to help you sit on the bed for a moment, I was trying to be careful with my words as I punched the code to get in, to let them inside. Starting the bath was next and as I took my place right back before you, I tried my bestto use my gift to sooth you both, placing a kiss to your forehead when I do.| They are on their way inside and soon this will be all over. I promise you. Just breathe..

|It even sounded cliché and I don't know, shitty maybe? Just breathe but in that moment my eyes were pleading, begging you to understand that I was doing everything within my power that I knew to do to keep you safe, healthy but most of all, alive.|

Lita:

•I tried that breathing thing you see everyone do. But all it did was make me lightheaded. So that went out the window. Instead I opted for a series of whimpers and colorful words in both languages as I watched you begin filling the tub. And when you returned to stand in front of me I reached out and gripped the front of your shirt tightly. You weren’t getting away again any time soon. Not if I could help it. Shaking my head at your words, I was ready to tell you again I didn’t want to do this anymore. But the look in your eyes caused me to stop• Do you think they can knock me out? I don’t have to be awake for this right? That lady on the news gave birth in a coma.

Memphis:

I don't think that's how this works. |Actually, I was almost sure of it. The death grip that you had on my shirt was no match for the series of kicks our daughter gave you just then. Barely up on the bed, my arms circled around you to keep you steady even as I heard the shuffle of feet behind us.| Baby, I'm not going anywhere but I have to move in order for them to look at you. |I kissed your forehead again, reassuring you that I wasn't leaving and held our laced fingers up to prove my point.| I promise to hold your hand the whole time. I haven't broken a promise to you yet and I'm not starting tonight. So these lovely people are going to make sure of that. Isn't that right? |I looked at the audience that now surrounded us, sealing my fate with them all or rather theirs with us when my gaze reinforced my words pointedly at each one before turning back to you. With a collective "Oh yes! Absolutely!" officially behind us now, our personalized medical team got underway, checking your vitals and prepping you for possible delivery. And just like with the movies, it was like time stood still for only us the second your water broke. There was you and me, holding hands while the whirlwind of chaos ensued around us with machines beeping and daggers for scalpels being tossed in the air and caught. A signal from my brain that this was really about to happen when our first of two midwifes called out to direct you to give one good push..|

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Memphis:

|11.52 pm.. That was the time @AFuerteRosa brought our little girl into the world. The night of the 13th had its highs and lows but I had managed to soothe some of the pain just not all. And chaos be damned, our daughter wasn't taking no for an answer in making her appearance known. There was a time or five where I was sure my hand wasn't going to make it out alive by the death grip you had on it.

Remembering that pain from my arm being nearly ripped from its socket, I grinned thinking I would take that pain ten times over again if it meant I would be sitting here with you today. Watching you with our baby left me completely speechless at times and others, all I could do was grin ear to ear when she would start to coo.

The phrase a kid at Christmas came to mind then and if anybody was holding that title, it was me right now. I had already been fighting the reenactment of the Lion King. That desire to hold our daughter to the sky and demand that our kingdom bow before her had been great but with a light chuckle, I knew that was me being biased. Quietly opening the door to the room now, I entered with the box I had picked up during one of our numerous store trips. The boutiques and shops along the strip were no match for either of us when it came to decorating for our Lydia's arrival. With the plush Lulu The Lamb being no exception, I spoke low just to be sure as my feet carried me swiftly to you. Grinning wider when I see @AFuerteRosa holding our little one to her chest.| You want me to take her?

Lita:

•I had never been so thankful for my ability to heal quickly than I was now. It had been a handy thing when a target was extra spunky. Or that time I had been captured. But now, when an entire being had made its way into the world by way of my hoohah, I was thanking all that was holy that I would not be like the women on the baby shows I had been watching the last few months. It also made up for the fact that I didn't have any of the interventions available to me that regular human women did at the hospital.

Luckily, I had you by my side. My own personal pain killer. I shuddered to even try to guess how much worse it might've been without you there. And as if on cue, my thoughts seemed to summon you to the room. My whole face lighting up with a bright smile when I spotted you. That stuffed lamb in your hands earning a soft laugh that had Lydia commenting in baby noises• Si. She needs to spend some time with her Papa too.

Memphis:

|Setting the box down immediately and off to the side, I was quick to grab up Lulu and the soft plush blanket to match, placing them both on the bed beside you.| I don't know if you'll get her back once I take her, Cara Mia.

|I had been teasing just a bit as I pulled my shirt over my head and tossed it too. Having read about the skin to skin contact further solidifying the bond between father and child, I gave you a wink first before slipping into the king size bed with you, offering a tender kiss to the top of her head after placing a meaningful one to your lips. Carefully taking Lydia when you hand her over and cradling her to my chest now.| You did you so good with her, baby. You really did. You feeling good?

Lita:

•Hormones were definitely raging. Because you taking off your shirt already had a lot of thoughts going through my mind that I had to suppress. Meeting your lips with a happy hum, I lifted her carefully from my chest and handed her over before turning on my side to face you. My smile so wide it almost made my cheeks hurt as I watch you with our little Lydia• Thank you, mi amor. I feel pretty good right now.

Memphis:

|Making faces at our little one was a first for me too. So many firsts I thought as I bumped her cute little nose with my own, whispering to her.| I promise to always protect you, mija. Sometimes that's not always going to be how you like it but it will be because your Mamá and I love you so very much. |Glancing over to you when I hear that familiar sniffle, I lean in to kiss away your tears, happy ones that they were and enjoy this time with you snuggled up with our baby.|

My heart is so full because of you. Both of you. My stomach on the other hand..|Just then, Lydia started to put up a fuss and I let out a chuckle.| Apparently, she is hungry again. Would you like something, Cara Mia? |I had the fridge stocked with anything we could want preparing for not just Lydia but @MindYourPanties and @LaLolaDelores too.|

Lita:

•Watching you with our little nina had my heart swelling and tears filling my eyes. Just when I thought I couldn’t possibly fall any deeper in love with you, here we were. Laughing at myself when you kiss my tears away• You are already such a good papa. •Smiles as I continue to watch you. Only faltering when she starts to fuss• Oh, pobrecita. Tienes hambre? •Moves to sit up before finally answering your question• I could eat too. Si.

Memphis:

Si, she is. |Giving Lydia another huge grin and a kiss to her forehead before gently handing her over, I watched to make sure you were comfortable with her before grabbing up the soft blanket to cover around you both.| You can have anything you want. What sounds good? |Already feeling reluctant to leave you, I laughed more to myself with a shake of my head. I was just going to the kitchen not into town.| Name the first three things that come to mind. |Opting to leave my shirt off, I slide out of bed and head for the door, opening it as I waited to see what was on the menu for tonight and looked over my shoulder back to you.| I will be bringing back some dessert I know that. So main course only please. |grins|

Lita:

•Takes Lydia from you and gets us situated, smiling at you when you put the blanked over us• Hmm… •My mind going blank now that I don’t have her inside me to call the shots• I think my mind went blank. •cracks up• Rice? •nods slowly• Si. I want Spanish rice. Wait, it’s Tuesday isn’t it? Tacos. I want tacos and rice.

Memphis:

For two more hours or so.. |Smirks when I pause right outside the door and turn back, poking my head back into the room to see you loving on our baby girl once more.| That was two things. What is the third? Throw something random in there. |laughs|

Lita:

•brushes my fingers over Lydia’s head, humming softly before looking up at you in the doorway again• Um… •chews my bottom lip• Garlic bread. •laughs at the look on your face and shrugs a shoulder• It sounds good.

Memphis:

Garlic bread. |Laughing, I give a salute with a wink and head off for the kitchen. Taking a moment to check on the furry kids before I do. Gizmo hadn't left your side for most the day but there were others that had been acquired in the short time we had been here. Once I made those rounds, letting everyone out and back in, my sights finally landed on the industrial size fridge I had put in. Our family had grown into a family of five overnight with my brother's arrival and as I set the oven on to cook and got to work on the rice first, my thoughts drifted to the fact that they were really here. The story of their courtship was something even Papá would have been proud of I thought as I assembled the tacos next while the garlic bread finished baking. Finally plating up once it was all done and I loaded it up on a tray for us to enjoy together. My final destination for the night, our bedroom.| I hope this is to your liking, Cara Mia. |Grins proudly at the spread I sit out for you after I entered the room, seeing our Lydia fast asleep.| Has she been out long?

Lita:

•Once you left the room, I went back to humming to our little nina. The song I was humming oddly familiar as I wracked my brain to try and figure out where I had heard it from. It was Gizmo who reminded me when he nuzzled her little leg• You are just like Lady in that Disney movie… •pauses mid sentence and laughs• That’s it. Amor, you’re not the only one channeling that movie it seems. •laughs a little more before Lydia lets out a cranky fuss and I hush myself, beginning to rock her gently and hum again until she falls asleep, and looking up at you with a smile when you re-enter the room• She just drifted off. She has a full belly, a dry booty, and we had our own little Disney moment. •laughs softly as I carefully climb from the bed and lay her down in the bassinet•

Memphis:

She seems to be adjusting well to the sleep schedule so far. |Speaking of which, I gestured you closer before grabbing up your hand, pulling you over to sit beside me so we could dig into our food.| I suppose I might have jinxed us then so maybe we should eat while we can. |Chuckles low, trying not to wake the baby while she sleeps and I slide the plate with the rice on it before you. Grabbing up a taco for myself from the other.| Just in case she does wake up.

Lita:

•my eyes going wide when you say that before laughing when you say exactly what I was thinking• Si. Don’t jinx it. •slides back into the bed next to you, pulling the plate into my lap• I am starving. •scoops some of the rice up then pauses, turning to look at you with a wide smile• Thank you, amor. For making this so I can still eat good food instead of just some cereal or something.

Memphis:

You're not just feeding yourself but the baby too. |Takes another bite of my taco, finishing it off with another bite soon after and I wipe my mouth with a napkin.| Some cereal can be good for dessert but not the main course. No matter what others might think. |laughs again, grabbing up a bite of rice this time then promptly chowing down on another taco, dipping it into the sauce first.|

Lita:

•It was as if time froze at that moment, my mind capturing every detail of this moment. My handsome husband eating in the bed next to me, enjoying the feast he had just spoiled me with. Our first baby, Gizmo, dutifully watching everything at the foot of the bed. And our sweet little nina fast asleep in her bassinet. My heart was so full. And I was grateful for everything that had happened in my life up until this point. The good and the bad. Because it all brought me to this perfect moment in time that I wouldn't trade for the world•