#I'm probably risking getting myself blocked

[mollywog]

What are your thoughts on Possibility of Peeta in Canon feeling guilt over a perception that he forced Katniss into the Star crossed lovers?

Oooo -Thank you for giving me an opportunity to talk about this.

One of Peeta’s main survival tactics is his ability to read people and situations…. And he’s pretty good at it (which probably was helpful to him far before the arena with a volatile mother but that’s maybe more the stuff of HCs so moving on)

With that in mind:

One of the first things Peeta says to Katniss upon her discovering him in the arena is:

"Lean down a minute first," he says. "Need to tell you something." I lean over and put my good ear to his lips, which tickle as he whispers. "Remember, we're madly in love, so it's all right to kiss me anytime you feel like it."

Even in his fevered state, Peeta is aware that this is an act (at least on Katniss’s side)

Later - when he’s trying to convince Katniss not to go to the feast and she claims that she isn’t, he says:

"You're such a bad liar, Katniss. I don't know how you've survived this long." He begins to mimic me. "I knew that goat would be a little gold mine. You're a little cooler though. Of course, I'm not going." He shakes his head. "Never gamble at cards. You'll lose your last coin," he says.

‘I knew that goat would be a little gold mine. You're a little cooler though. Of course, I'm not going.’ -> all moments he (accurately) clocked where Katniss wasn’t being 100% honest if not outright lying

The ‘I don’t know how you’ve survived this long’ part is particularly interesting to me but I digress.

So then fast forward to after the feast where Katniss risked her life to save him:

"No! Just don't, Katniss!" His grip tightens, hurting my hand, and there's real anger in his voice. "Don't die for me. You won't be doing me any favors. All right?"

I'm startled by his intensity but recognize an excellent opportunity for getting food, so I try to keep up. "Maybe I did it for myself, Peeta, did you ever think of that? Maybe you aren't the only one who ... who worries about ... what it would be like if ..."

I fumble. I'm not as smooth with words as Peeta. And while I was talking, the idea of actually losing Peeta hit me again and I realized how much I don't want him to die. And it's not about the sponsors. And it's not about what will happen back home. And it's not just that I don't want to be alone. It's him. I do not want to lose the boy with the bread

"If what, Katniss?" he says softly.

I wish I could pull the shutters closed, blocking out this moment from the prying eyes of Panem. Even if it means losing food. Whatever I'm feeling, it's no one's business but mine.

"That's exactly the kind of topic Haymitch told me to steer clear of," I say evasively, although Haymitch never said anything of the kind. In fact, he's probably cursing me out right now for dropping the ball during such an emotionally charged moment. But Peeta somehow catches it.

"Then I'll just have to fill in the blanks myself," he says, and moves in to me.

In this moment Katniss inwardly acknowledges that she has real feeling beyond the act and Peeta, again, reads those feelings correctly.

This is the turning point for him.

So, then imagine his surprise on the train tracks (and all the self doubt):

"It was all for the Games," Peeta says. "How you acted."

"Not all of it," I say, tightly holding on to my flowers.

"Then how much? No, forget that. I guess the real question is what's going to be left when we get home?" he says.

(Just picture Peeta replaying the games in his head and trying to figure out where he missed the tell.)

We often joke about Peeta being oblivious to Katniss’s feelings for him in Catching Fire, but really: He’s been burned by ‘misinterpreting’ her before and he’s trying not to make the same ‘mistake’ again.

In a way

“You love me. Real or not real?

Is a remnant of that doubt.

Anyways - back you your original question:

There wasn't a single person in Panem expecting the Gamemakers to allow for two winners prior to the rule change... 73 years of one Victor: It's unprecedented.

The star-crossed lovers strategy, under normal game circumstances,

Benefits them both. The romance makes them both fan favorites to sponsors. But, at the end of the day, there can only be one Victor. So when one were to die, public sympathy would swing sponsors towards the broken hearted other.

Relied very little on Katniss; she didn't have to opportunity to state her feelings for Peeta to the audience after the interview and in the arena, up until the rule change, she barely saw him. Had he died before the (unprecedented) rule change, there wouldn’t be much for her to do but appear sad. The star-crossed lover but is eventually just a sound bite.

No one could have predicted that both Katniss and Peeta would be crowned victors and have to maintain the strategy indefinitely.

So yes, on top of believing he mistook Katniss’s feelings for him in the arena, he then discovered they’d have to maintain the pretense of lovers for the rest of their lives… I’m sure he felt all sorts of miserable ways about that.

[differentdancesfandom]

I want to interact with so much cool Voltron stuff on Tumblr, but the more I do, the more Klance appears in my feeds, and as much as I love my M/M ships, I never shipped any the guys together on VLD. If I squint I get why Klance and Sheith exist, but I never really found my M/M VLD OTP. (Closest I got was some musings on Alfor/Coran, or Alfor/Zarkon as brothers-in-arms sex friends. I shipped Ulaz/Shiro for the one episode Ulaz was alive o(TヘTo).)

Keith/Lotor could be fun based on their parallel shared heritage, but I can't write Lotor/Pidge AND Keith/Lotor at the same time, my brain can only fixate on one pairing per character when I'm in a creative mood.

And Lotidge has my heart more, so...plus, Lotidge has scarcely over 100 fics on Ao3, Keith/Lotor has 900; I tend to go where I can add something new.

Hell, there isn't really an MM VLD ship I actively read.

The closest I've got for a VLD MM ship is a Thace-centric side story to Lack of Scientific Consensus Concerns Me (I haven't abandoned this series entirely, folks), and the ship I have in mind was inspired by a comment someone left on LoSCCM; the relationship tag on Ao3 says it's even more of a rarepair hell than Lotidge, because of course my brain won't let me write ships people actually want to read.

[scarycranegame]

>be me

>get new follower

>hellyes.wav

>look at their profile

>they're very obviously an antishipper

feelsbadman

[avatar-anna]

Unknown Number

someone made a request about reader accidentally being given harry's number, but i accidentally deleted it, so if you requested it, here it is!

(the text chain will be from harry's point of view)

italics: y/n (unknown number)

bold: harry

Part Two

Part Three

Unknown Number (UN): heyy. i had a really good time the other night. maybe we could do it again sometime? xx (click to download image)

Harry Styles (HS): How did you get this number?

UN: you gave it to me?

UN: last night at the pub? marcus, right?

HS: No. You have the wrong number.

UN: is this a joke? are you fucking with me right now?

HS: No.

UN: oh my god

UN: i feel like such an idiot

UN: one of the first times a guy gives me his number at a bar and he gives me the wrong number

UN: probably on purpose too

UN: i should've known when he left his OWN APARTMENT the next morning but i was actually hopeful

UN: and now i've made an ass of myself here too. sorry to bother you i'll leave you alone. sorry again

(one hour later)

HS: It's okay. Sorry about that guy. Sounds like a jerk.

(twenty minutes later)

UN: it's fine, i guess

UN: i wasn't in love with him or anything but he could've had the decency of expressing his disinterest himself instead of hiding behind a fake number.

HS: That is quite a dick move.

HS: I'm not gonna lie, I wasn't expecting that text. I didn't open the picture either by the way.

UN: thank you. for a moment i was worried i was messaging a creep, but hopefully you're not a creep

UN: i mean you could be still and i'd have no idea

UN: maybe i should stop texting you

(ten minutes later)

HS: I'm not a creep.

UN: that's exactly what a creep would say

HS: I don't really know how to prove it to you. You're the one who sent me a photo of yourself half naked. You could be the creep.

UN: you said you didn't open it!

HS: I was trying to be polite!

UN: great now some 40 year old living in his parents basement has one of my nudes

HS: I'm not 40! And I don't live in my parents basement

UN: you text like an old man

HS: wuld u rather i txt like ths???

UN: no but i'm just saying i don't know many people my age who use proper punctuation in text messages

HS: Well I might not be your age, but I'm certainly not 40

UN: "certainly not." you're right. you sound like my grandpa

HS: I suddenly regret restarting a conversation with you

UN: you know despite the fact that you might be catfishing me, i've enjoyed this. i feel like i'm doing what all the other teen girls did in high school at sleepovers

HS: So you're out of high school.

UN: creep!

HS: You outed yourself, that's not on me.

UN: you...might be right

UN: can you tell me something about yourself to make it even? there's always a possibility that you could be lying and i have no reason to trust you, but...idk i feel like i can

HS: Well that's stupid.

HS: But I suppose since I've already seen you partially naked...

UN: i'm blocking your number

HS: My first name is H, and I'm 20 years old.

UN: h? just the letter h?

HS: You could be a creep too for all I know

UN: fair enough. i'm june

HS: Full name? Wow, you really are a dummy.

UN: don't get your 60 year old panties in a twist. it's a nickname

HS: June is a nickname?

HS: And I'm not 60.

UN: june. june bug. that's what the folks call me

HS: Folks? Now who sounds old?

UN: whatever

(thirty minutes later)

HS: Well, it was nice talking to you, June. June bug.

UN: you too h

(three days later)

June (J): you're a guy right?

HS: I'm sorry?

J: well when i first texted you i thought you were a guy, but you weren't THAT guy, so i have no idea

J: i just assumed but i thought i would ask

J: plus i need solicited guy advice and if you're not a creep i would really appreciate it

HS: We're back to me being a creep?

J: it's a risk every time i text you

J: so? are you a dude?

HS: Yes.

J: great! can i ask you something?

HS: Um...I guess...

J: ok. would you ever get offended if a woman covered their drink during a conversation with you?

HS: I'm not following...

J: like say we're at a bar and we're talking and i turn my head away for some reason but i put my hand over my drink until i look back at you to prevent it from being spiked. would you be offended by that?

HS: No. Why?

J: see? i don't think that's unreasonable. some loser got mad at me for doing that. well EXCUSE ME for not immediately trusting the guy i matched with on tinder

J: who was not as cute in real life i might add

HS: You don't have the best taste in guys.

J: that is not advice!

HS: Okay, here's my advice: don't swipe right on guys who have mirror selfies in their profile.

J: ...

J: ok fair enough but it's not like prince charmings are falling from the sky. it's hard out here

HS: I'm sure.

J: what you don't have the same problem?

HS: I don't really date.

J: in like a douchey way? are you one of those guys who say they just fuck?

HS: I just don't have time for dating, I guess.

J: so no special someone?

HS: No.

(four hours later)

HS: If you asked for advice, does that mean I can too?

(one hour later)

J: sorry i was at work

J: and i don't see why not

HS: What do you think about guys who wear skinny jeans?

J: hm...i think styled right it could be nice

J: YSL is kind of pushing the whole skinny jeans and chelsea boots thing which might eventually trickle down to the losers i match with on tinder so...why not? i say dress how you want

J: any guy who has a good sense of style is sexy to me

J: sorry if that wasn't the answer you were looking for

HS: Yes and no. I've been experimenting with different styles. Sometimes I get a little in my head about it.

J: doesn't everyone?

HS: I guess you're right.

HS: Do you follow fashion shows and things like that?

HS: That's not too personal, is it?

J: no, but it's kind of embarrassing

HS: Not as embarrassing as sending a complete stranger a picture of yourself in your bra

J: harsh...but fair

J: fashion is kind of my religion

J: i'm trying to become a stylist. keyword trying

HS: That's cool!

J: tell that to my family

HS: they don't support you?

J: nope! but i'm gonna do it anyway!

HS: Do you have a favorite designer?

J: it kinda depends on the year and who was creative director at the time, but the first time i got my hands on vintage vivienne westwood i was hooked

J: you?

HS: I'm just starting to explore the fashion world I guess you could say.

J: well lucky for you i happen to be a bit of an encyclopedia when it comes to house codes

HS: House codes?

J: oh boy. i hope you're comfortable. we might be here a while

(two days later)

HS: Have you ever had rumors spread about you?

J: i don't think so

J: oh wait! in eighth grade this girl in my class told everyone i made out with a boy at the school dance which was NOT true

J: it was just a peck

HS: Naughty.

J: it was harmless. why do you ask?

HS: There's a rumor going around about me. It's just frustrating when people actually believe it. sometimes it gets to the point where i start to believe it myself.

J: i'm sorry. i won't pry or anything, but i know what it feels like to not be understood

HS: I just hate the feeling of being under a microscope. It's exhausting. I feel like my life isn't my own sometimes.

J: that sucks

J: sorry that was in no way helpful, but i don't really know what to say. is there someone you can talk to about this?

HS: ...

J: oh! i actually feel kind of honored

J: well, obviously i don't know the whole situation, but maybe try and surround yourself with people who don't scrutinize you so much?

HS: Easier said than done.

J: true but i think if you have a solid group of people who know you and understand you and like you for who you are, it's easier to deal with things like rumors and being under the proverbial microscope, you know?

J: and don't be afraid to get rid of the toxic people in your life! it's not easy but you'll be better off in the long run

HS: sometimes it's hard to tell who's toxic and who's not

J: start with the people who would never believe a rumor about you, or the ones who would never START one about you

HS: Well said, June Bug.

J: thanks! maybe i should entertain a career in counseling

(one month later)

HS: Why June Bug?

J: i was born in the summer. it was a nickname my grandparents gave me. been called that ever since

HS: That's sweet.

J: there are worse nicknames i suppose. i have a cousin that got stuck with chip because he used to stuff his face like a chipmunk when he was little

HS: Yikes.

J: you're telling me

(three weeks later)

J: have you ever danced alone in your bedroom to stevie nicks?

HS: Have you?

J: i have, and can i just say she does NOT get enough credit as a songwriter?

HS: Edge of Seventeen?

J: edge of seventeen

J: i went on a date last week with a guy who had the AUDACITY to call her music mediocre

HS: You didn't see him again did you?

J: ...

HS: June!

J: just once! and only because he had really nice hands

HS: I don't get how that would make you stay with a stevie hater...

J: REALLY nice hands ;)

HS: You disappoint me sometimes.

J: ;))))

(fifteen minutes later)

J: hey you never answered my question about dancing in your room!

HS: ...No comment...

(one week later)

J: you ever been in love, h?

HS: I can't say that I have. Have you?

J: no ://

J: i think i want it too much. i've always just been in love with the idea of falling in love, you know?

J: but the reality isn't what i thought it would be

HS: I'm sorry.

HS: It probably won't help but I'm sure you'll find someone. You seem like a great person. Anyone would be lucky to be with you.

J: aw h you're making me blush!

HS: But perhaps you should stop looking for love on a hookup app

J: annnd good feeling gone

(two weeks later)

HS: Guess who has two thumbs and got invited to Paris Fashion Week!

J: no fair!

J: and that joke doesn't work if i can't see you point to yourself. it doesn't work period

HS: I will let that slide because I know you're just jealous.

J: are you kidding me? OF COURSE i'm jealous! i can't believe you get to see Alessandro Michele's work up close

HS: Who?

J: don't think because we only communicate through text that i can't strangle you

HS: Relax. I'm only joking.

HS: Alessandro is a friend ;))

(ten minutes later)

J: sorry i just had to scream into my pillow

J: what exactly do you do again?

HS: I told you. I work in the industry.

J: but that could mean anything! the cosmetics industry, the movie industry, the meat packing industry...

HS: Meat packing?

J: you know what i mean!

HS: I do a lot of PR.

J: see. that wasn't so hard now was it?

HS: Can I go back to gloating?

J: only if you promise to give me a full report afterwards you go to all the shows

HS: Deal.

(four days later)

HS: Favorite movie?

J: that's hard...

J: it's probably cliche but the devil wears prada

HS: Good choice.

J: what about you?

HS: The Notebook.

J: really?

HS: Yes. Why?

J: do you say that to impress girls or because it's actually your favorite?

HS: Would you rather I have said a film with lots of car chases?

J: no

J: but i went out with a guy who was a film major once

HS: Is that a bad thing?

J: let's just say it won't be happening again

J: he thought he was superior for disliking popular movies. i hate that

HS: Well, I love The Notebook and I love Ryan Gosling

J: now THAT is something we can agree on!

(six weeks later)

J: BIG NEWS

J: LIKE HUGE

J: GROUNDBREAKING

HS: And here I was thinking you forgot about me.

J: i texted you yesterday

HS: You asked me if my dick could move on its own.

J: a legitimate question! i nearly had a heart attack when i saw it in person

J: but i was also weirdly fascinated. my question was purely scientific!

HS: You said you had news?

J: right!

(twenty minutes later)

HS: Are you making me wait to create anticipation?

J: no sorry i got a phone call.

J: i got my first real gig as a stylist

HS: That's great! Congratulations!

J: thanks

HS: You don't sound excited anymore. What happened to all caps?

J: my mother happened

HS: Still not on board, then?

J: she told me it was a waste of time and that i should get a real job

HS: You're still gonna take it though right?

J: i don't know. maybe she's right. the pay is less than ideal. more like i'm being paid in experience, and it's not the clientele i was imagining...

HS: But it's a foot in the door, right? That's something.

J: i guess

HS: Make connections. Get good references. And who knows, you might actually enjoy yourself.

J: you're right.

J: it's for some up and coming band that's going on tour. pretty sure i was what they could afford

HS: Don't sell yourself short. You're gonna do great.

J: thanks. i hardly even know you and you're currently my biggest supporter

HS: What happened to Bill?

J: ancient history

HS: What was wrong with him? He seemed nice.

J: yeah

J: his girlfriend thought so too.

HS: On behalf of all men: Sorry. We truly are the worst.

J: agreed. what about you? still single?

HS: Yes, though people keep trying to set me up on dates.

J: the horror!

HS: Ha ha

HS: I just want to meet someone on my own terms.

J: i get that

J: i just want to meet someone who's actually a decent human being

HS: I'll be on the lookout.

(three weeks later)

J: i think i've decided that tour life is not for me

HS: oh?

J: yeah. sitting on a bus for hours and hours with only myself to keep me company? no thanks

HS: it can't just be you on the bus can it?

J: no but i have a hard time making friends right away. and a lot of the crew for this tour are older than me

HS: are your clients nice at least?

J: yeah. one of them tried to hit on me, which i guess i should take as a compliment, but i am on the clock. no flirting for me

HS: a professional then. or are you not into the musician type?

J: not sure. i haven't dated one before

J: i told you that the other day

HS: right. must've slipped my mind

HS: but back to taste in men. is it all about looks for you or do you like funny guys?

HS: are you the type to sleep with someone on the first date? because i feel like that's very telling about a girl

J: who is this?

HS: what do you mean? it's me

J: it's not. you're not texting like a middle aged woman and you're acting like a total ass

HS: Sorry. I thought I'd try something new. And I was just curious. Can't blame a guy for asking right? You did send some guy you barely knew a picture of yourself

HS: It was very wholesome by the way. Maybe try a little more skin next time and you'll get the response you want. You can practice here if you'd like.

J: oh my god

HS: What?

J: this was a mistake. i'm such an IDIOT

J: was this some kind of prank?

J: whoever you are, you're sick

J: don't text me again

HS: June, I'm so sorry. That was my friend he was just being stupid.

HS: Last time I leave my phone anywhere.

HS: June?

HS: June please.

HS: That wasn't me I swear!

HS: I'm sorry.

(three weeks later)

HS: Day 21 of trying to get you to respond.

HS You probably blocked me which is fine. I don't blame you.

HS: But if you DO happen to read these and are just ignoring me...

HS: I'm sorry. Again. For like the millionth time.

J is typing...

HS: June?

J: i should've blocked you

HS: Why didn't you?

J: because as insane as it sounds, you've become a close friend

HS: I feel the same. I'm really sorry about before. I swear it was one of my mates. I would never say something like that.

J: that's what makes this whole thing crazy! i don't actually know you, so how do i know if i can trust you?

HS: I mean you even noticed that he wasn't texting like me. I would never ask you questions like that, June. I never have.

HS: And I do NOT text like a middle aged woman by the way

J: i guess that's true

J: i think it just doubled down the fact that we don't actually know each other. this whole thing is ridiculous if you think about it too long. it gives me a headache sometimes.

J: i know we've joked about it but...this could be potentially dangerous

HS is typing...

HS: I could send you a voice note.

J: you would do that?

HS: You're right. This whole thing is ridiculous but...I don't know, I trust you, and I consider you a friend.

J: a friend you say?

HS: That's all I'm willing to admit for one day

J: and what about tomorrow?

HS is typing...

HS (voice recording): Maybe tomorrow I'll admit a little more.

(one day later)

Y/n hated how much her stomach flipped every time her phone pinged with a new message.

It was so reckless and dangerous and utterly ridiculous. She didn't know who H was, she didn't even know what time zone he lived in, and yet she felt like she knew him.

And after hearing his deep voice—deep British voice—on the voice recording, Y/n determined that he wasn't some creep in his forties like she'd originally thought.

Since sending that voice recording, they'd sent each other messages like that all night. And by all night she meant all night. They stayed up late sending voice recordings back and forth. It was the longest conversation they'd held to date, which was surprising considering that they often missed each other during certain hours. Just based on what hours of the day they texted the most, Y/n figured H lived somewhere in Europe, which gave her peace of mind considering he couldn't exactly kidnap her if he was a whole ocean away. But the last couple weeks their schedules seemed to be lining up, though Y/n chalked it up to all the traveling she'd been doing lately.

One thing she was certain of was that she adored H's voice. It was soft and deep, but got raspier the longer they spoke. And at times he would whisper in his messages, like he had to keep his voice down. The hushed tones made her shiver.

Y/n didn't call H, and he never offered. But she wanted to, boy did she want to. No matter how terrifying that thought was. A full-fledged phone call seemed more...real to Y/n. With the messages, she and H were still in their little bubble. It was stupid, but she needed that bit of separation. She was becoming attached to someone she'd never met.

Walking through the halls of a stadium in Canada, Y/n pulled up past conversations with H. It was too embarrassing to admit to anyone out loud, but she felt like she really knew him. He was endearing, had a silly sense of humor, had good taste in music, and was honest. Well, as honest as either of them could be. Outside of the one slip up with H's friend, Y/n believed what he said to her over text. Maybe that made her naive, but their conversations were legit. He felt like a friend, and she knew he felt similarly.

Maybe tomorrow I'll admit a little more.

Y/n had no idea what that could mean. She of course knew what she wanted it to mean, but what she wanted rarely ever lined up with reality.

Y/n looked up from her phone to make sure she didn't pass the right door. The one in front of her read, Harry Styles in big bold lettering. She quickly hurried past and continued down the hall to where the dressing room for Five Seconds of Summer was.

Harry Styles was a bit of an enigma. Even though she was on the same tour as him and One Direction, Y/n hardly ever saw him. And when she did, his nose was always in his phone, completely closed off to the world around him. He just had this vibe that said, "don't talk to me," and Y/n received that message loud and clear. The Five Seconds of Summer boys seemed to get on with all the members of One Direction, but Y/n usually made herself scarce whenever they came by the dressing room, for no other reason than too much testosterone in one room.

"You want to come out after the show, Harry?" Y/n heard one of the boys ask. Michael.

"Um...No. I think I'll have to pass tonight, boys. Sorry."

"What? Big date tonight?"

"Something like that."

Y/n felt frozen to the linoleum floor. She knew that voice. She'd spent all night listening to that voice.

"Holy shit."

[hg-aneh]

will you ever come back, or is this an indefinite hiatus/straight up dipping?

i don't know

all the i miss yous are making me want to come back but ik i would just be terrified and motionless as soon as i do

Vent-ish Rant downstairs

CW: Pedophilia, Antisemitism, Suicide, Ableism, Harassment, Bullying, all the important words except for murder basically

i want to fix things in private with the people who hurt me so things can be okay and I don't out them for being wieners

but i also want everyone to know who hurt me, yet I'm aware it's not the right choice to make. social media outrage barely leads to anything, specially where minors are concerned

hell,now that i think about it, considering the fact that they genuinely don't believe people older than them are allowed to have feelings, I don't even think talking would be the right move

it's scary, its fucking scary

fuck. the whole thing started with a person mocking the way i spoke about crowley telling me to stop babying him because i was a legal adult and shouldn't be speaking like that

i had just turned 18 and the person was only a year younger than me

like when it's gone to that point and shit is that fucked up, what can one person even do

i remember i laughed about it back then but truth be told, every single little thing I've been told and that I've listened to coming from the people who hurt me has fucking destroyed me as a person

I looked at my older Discord messages, from before this whole mess started. I was so fucking happy and shameless with my joy, now look at my sorry ass

i just.

it's crazy that i have to go around masking in social media of all places because there are people that take such offense to me being cringe that they legitimately turn into high school mean girls

it's crazy that there are people who claim I'm something i am not because they want to make me look bad in the eyes of their little circlejerking friend groups so they can feel like the hero of the story

it's crazy that empathy goes completely out of the window when an account is big, that people don't see human beings as human beings when they're behind a screen

"just log off lol" i am a lonely shut in motherfucker due to my autism (that, surprise surprise, hinders my ability to socialize), you do not understand what you're asking of me, specially while being in this country and at this point in time where I'm actively craving to kick the metaphorical bucket, at daily risk of doing so, and what basically is house arrest for my own safety and well being

(aka, avoiding to physically yeet myself into upcoming traffic or buying something to actually seal the deal)

thus far I've been accused of antisemitism, pedophilia, being too self-centered (which. bro, the reason why i talk about myself is because it's the one thing i can comment on without being scared of some random person coming to tell me "NuH uH" about it out of nowhere or worse, having their feelings hurt because I don't agree with them 100%), proshipper (which, to those people, the word implies wonderful labels such as "incest apologist" "pedophile" (again) "abuse endorser" among other things) ((sidenote, I'm on neither side on that particular discourse. my friends from both sides know this. I would elaborate on my stance if this wasn't already long enough, but it is, so I'm leaving it at an "I don't care, you do you, but please leave me out of it")), being... mean... because i blocked someone...? (this one is just. that's how the second wave of hate started btw. yeah, because i blocked someone. holy fuck), and there's probably a handful of other things I haven't seen yet. fuck it, there's probably someone out there calling me a zoophile because of my catboy au

My friends who I will not name because I don't want the high school mean girls crusade to get to them, have helped me stash out evidence for all of the accusations and bullying.

fuck, they were the ones who let me know about it on the first place, both actions for which i am eternally thankful for because it means I can defend myself properly should the occasion arise (dios no quiera)

I've already had to make a post on Xitter responding to the antisemitism and pedophilia claims, in which, for the latter, i had to reveal extremely personal information for the people who started this to give me respite if only for a while

and. ugh

What I'm trying to get at with all of this is. it's. coming back is scary. i want to but at the same time I don't think I can take this shit anymore

I wish I had people defending me like this when the harassment started because I'm a spineless little bitch who'd rather talk things out and at least be neutral with people than clap back and tell them to stop being stinky

but what's done is done and now i just gotta figure out how to fix my head before i do something stupid

this is not the full story obviously, I'm cutting off certain details as well as more personal depression stuff to not make this bible longer than it already is

fuck

TLDR: I need a hug, idk if I'm coming back, I probably will cuz I can't say no to people, and some teenagers are horrible

[spockandawe]

Here we go! I have some smaller books to share as well, but I've been absolutely VIBRATING with excitement to share a BIG one, and I'm going to indulge myself and post that today, then figure out words for the rest. Because I bound a new cnovel. Check it out, guys, I bound jwqs/clear and muddy loss of love :D

Let me indulge myself and backtrack a little! First, these are quarto books, so they're short. But I think these average a little under 500 pages each, and jwqs is a LONG book (my beloved), and this adds up to a total eleven inches of lesbians. More like twelve once they're in their cases. It's over a million characters in Chinese and I think the English translation comes in somewhere around 890k, it's HUGE

Making these books was SO FUN, I hadn't read jwqs and still haven't, and will probably read on my phone when I do. I don't have any exciting photos of the typesetting, but I knew this was an imperial succession story, and that made me nervous, those stories don't always click for me. Well, the process of typesetting and adding footnotes for this beast definitely confirmed that I'm going to have a good time with this thing when I have the time to read it, but there was also so much going on that only the vaguest of spoilers sank in. I went into an absolute FRENZY of typesetting, and after I printed, cut and folded it, well. That was one afternoon of sewing. You're looking at the reason I'm scrambling to make up a few hours of missed work, hahaha

After that, I needed cases. At the very beginning of march, I received a shipment of some FASCINATING bookcloth. It's called Duo, and it's made by layering a thin gauzy fabric of one color over paper of a different color. Depending on the combos, you get a really cool range of color-shifting effects. And they've gone out of production! But I was part of a group order to get some of the goods, and hadn't yet finished a new project. Reader, I went for it.

That purple and green is bananas!!!! It's so hard to photograph, this midnight picture of a few cases is one of my most successful attempts to capture the full range up close. Originally I'd been thinking of trying to evoke imperial gold, but I figured this was still the kind of drama and luxury suited the book, and also something something the hidden colors suited Qi Yan's character. I tied it back a little to the imperial gold with the endpapers, then titled them in silver foil, since the endpapers had silver in them.

But once the books were made, I felt like it wanted something... more. Something like a BOX!

And me, I chase novelty. A set this large would be tricky for anything clamshell, but a slipcase for all seven would leave books tipping all over if it was wide open, but putting walls between slots would be demanding in terms of precision and would risk similarly-sized books getting stuck in the wrong slots. Then I remembered learning about slipcases where you could put in a little insert to support the weight of the text block, and the concept SNAPPED into place.

Colors aren't going to photograph well at midnight, but I made the supports using the scraps and off-cuts from my endpapers, to tie it back into the bindings. The back of the case is lined in more of the duo, and the walls are lined with a faux leather bookcloth I like a lot, it feels buttery smooth and seemed like a good neutral material to tie the papers and bookcloth together. I listened to some of the DEEPEST layers from the nine-hour conspiracy theory iceberg video while I was working on this, haha, it was a TRIP.

And in the end, each of the supports is sized to comfortably sit in the smallest of the volumes, and evenly spaced, so I believe it will take the books in any order with no problems. It's easy to grab the books without having to cut notches into the walls to grab them from. And even though weight is less of an issue for quarto sizing, the books in here have their weight supported no matter what angle the box is at! I'm so, so pleased with how this concept worked out and definitely plan to do more with it in the future.

So there we are! Jing Wei Qing Shang! I had such a fabulous time with this project, and I'm so excited to get to share it with all of you. The story was fun to work with, the bindings and box were fun to make, and everything here came together just as well as I could possibly have hoped. I'm so proud of this, and incredibly, incredibly excited to show it to you!

[reignpage]

Frequently Asked Questions

When sending an ask, what are the rules?

All requests regarding smaus and fics will be sent straight to the trash Send a request regardless and you risk being blocked But you are free to ask questions and how jjk men would react etc I'm always very happy to answer questions Also, be aware that if you send a complaint or something negative, it'll likely go in the bin I do this for free so constructive criticism isn't of interest to me

When do you post?

Whenever I have time, sometimes multiples times in one day, sometimes every other day, but I'm generally known to post daily

Why do you like angst so much?

Contrary to popular belief, angst isn't my favourite genre to do, I actually like smut and fluff just as much

What app do you use to make your smaus?

I don't use an app. I use my own messages and I'll send myself texts.

Will you do other characters like Ino and Shiu?

I do add Ino, Hiro and Shiu sometimes but they're special guests. It's a little difficult for me to write for them because of timing and because l don't know them well enough so I don't want people to start expecting them. They're a treat.

Why aren't you answering my requests?

Unfortunately, I can't answer every request, it's too much A lot of the times, I'm just not inspired by a request either because it's too specific or too broad But just because I haven't answered immediately, doesn't mean I'll never do it

Do you read your inbox?

Of course, I read all comments and messages sent to my inbox I may not reply to every nice message, but that's usually because I like to keep most of them in my inbox for me to scroll through when I'm feeling low

How do you make the coloured fonts?

I followed screampied's tutorial, it's on their faq I use stuffbydavid

Do you have a tag list?

No and do not ask to be tagged either, it won’t happen

Will you be making dark content often?

Probably not frequently, but it’s certainly a possible. I won’t restrain myself because of a minority of people’s own discomfort.

Will you ever write for Yuta?

Probably not, he doesn’t interest me, and I get irritated by people who ask for him to be added. Requests are closed anyways but requests for any characters to be added pisses me off so you could end up being blocked

Why are you so mean?

What are you? 10 years old? Get off the internet, seriously. Some people are disrespectful to me so I give back the energy they give me in the first place, and also I have very little tolerance for stupid comments or impatient people

And as common sense dictates, free speech is a right but freedom from consequence is not. I reserve the right to respond any way I choose, just as you can utilise the anonymity feature, I can utilise the block button

[strze-lec]

i'm gonna say it cause it's giving me brainrot, please please please please somebody fic it because i can't

someway, somehow, the police actually get the hint of the games during the revolution inside and they cannot resume the games right away. Everyone gets put back to their old lives, but no money is given (so they can have an incentive for them to come back later) and all the vips and organizationall staff needs to lay low. Gi-hun does learn of In-ho's or rather Young-il's dayjob as a Frontman before he loses consciousness by the gas they put the players to sleep by.

So Gi-hun ends up back in his hotel with no new evidence and only a fresh memory of more people dying, of his best friend dying and being betrayed by another he started calling his friend. He's tethering on the edge of anger and depression and regularly falling on both sides.

At some point, he realizes he's not alone in the hotel, but the signs are subtle. It takes him a while. Eventually, he meets the self-invited guest, the last person he wants to see: In-ho. He's smirking when he tells Gi-hun his security protocols are laughable. Gi-hun doesn't waste time talking to him and throws himself at In-ho, trying to off him, but after a rather lengthy fight that In-ho is mostly just blocking his advances, they separate and out of breath Gi-hun spats the question of what he's doing here. In-ho's not even winded and tells him he needed a place to lay low for the time being and there's probably no place lower than this hellhole. Of course, they get into a fight of words this time (or more so, Gi-hun treats this encounter as an argument) and Gi-hun says he's going to go to the police and In-ho's like "you do you, but you have no proof, and don't forget you have a stack of illegally aquired, no-tax-paid money and when push comes to the shove, between the two of us it's you who look more like the Frontman" and literally walks away back to the room he claimed as his

then there's some shouting and threatening on Gi-hun's part about you know, offing him in his sleep or sending someone to do it for him but In-ho's really not concerned with that

so it ends up with Gi-hun deciding he's going to use In-ho's presence to either successfully take him off the living plane or gather evidence to jail him. At the same time, In-ho is just having a great time being a bother, watching his favorite human go mad and generally giving "the game's off right now so i'm just gonna relax and be obnoxiously myself"

In-ho makes the long-forgotten hotel's kitchen clean again and likes to spend time there making good food (he offers it to Gi-hun but he's suspicious he'll poison him), taking relaxing baths and walking only in a towel afterwards, pissing off Gi-hun ("you jump at every sound. Who traumatized you?" or "relax, if I wanted you dead, you'd be dead") and catching up on reading and TV shows ("do you have any idea how much preparation goes into these games? I didn't spend the last three years dilly-dallying like you did").

At some point, Gi-hun begins to follow him when he notices In-ho going out regularly and realizes that he's helping in a shelter for troubled youths - helping them study, cooking with them etc. When Gi-hun confronts him about recruiting new players, In-ho points out that they still have a chance to get out of the lowlife status their parents brought them up in and it's a logical part of his worldview of cleaning the streets. Asks Gi-hun how actievly he puts his hero mentality into usage to be judging his choices. And then questions if it's easier for Gi-hun to demonize him, see him only as a monster if he doesn't know he likes fried rice and teaches at risk teenager's how to budged. If he feels better with himself not knowing In-ho shops his vegetables and fruits from old ladies like the player 149 and had too many "this is your life, you need to decide what's best for you" talks with girls like player 222.

Gi-hun takes a long route to the hotel and when In-ho offers him fried rice this evening, he sits quietly across from him and eats it. He's still fuming about everything In-ho did and does and will do once the game is resumed but still needs to come up with a plan how he's actually going to achieve his goal in In-ho's case and he reasons that pretending a truce - somewhat like In-ho did during the game - is the best option.

So he forces himself to relax and accept In-ho's current presence in his life and pretends he's able to talk to him like he was a human too.

This action will have consequences.

[hwanghyunjinenthusiast]

Sunshine and Sundresses

AN: All this is about is Chris wanting to fuck you while you're in a sundress lol. I'm somewhat in my Chris feelings right now so yay.

Synopsis: There's just something about the sight of you in a sundress that makes Chris lose all of his self-restraint.

Heads up: Bang Chan x Fem! Reader, established relationship, mostly pwp, Soft Dom! Chris, public sex, Chris and Reader remain mostly clothed, dirty talk, pet names, Daddy kink, fingering (f. receiving), praise kink, unprotected piv sex, biting (f. receiving), creampie,

Reader and Chris lick the other's cum off Chris's fingers (it'll make sense when you get there lol) and Chris plugs Reader after cumming inside of her.

I will block you if you are a minor and/or have no easily visible indication of your age on your blog if you interact with me in any way.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Chris finds himself tripping over his words once again when he sees the bottom of your dress shift and ride up your thighs. This was getting ridiculous now.

He'd seen you in various outfits and states of dress over the months of your relationship, and, at the risk of sounding cheesy, he thinks you look beautiful no matter what you're wearing. However, he would be lying if he didn't find himself utter enthralled with you wearing sundresses in particular.

The two of you decided to go on a picnic since your schedules finally aligned, and Chris found himself completely tongue-tied when he was greeted with the sight of you in a pretty, yellow sundress that flitted against your fantastic thighs. He's also certain you're not wearing a bra that isn't helping the blood rushing to his dick.

"Chris?" You ask with a tinge of concern to your voice.

He needs to get his shit together. It's just a dress.

"Sorry, uh I was just saying that I'm glad that we finally got the chance to spend some time together," he responds, hoping you don't notice the breathlessness in his voice.

The smile you give him makes his heart rate pick up exponentially. It's only made worse when you cuddle further into his side and press a kiss against his jaw, "I'm happy we finally get to actually go on a date too. I've missed this."

Perhaps it's the overwhelming love he feels for you in that moment or just the simple desire to kiss you that compels him to angle himself to meet your lips.

He swallows the cute, startled noise you make, tightening his grip on your waist and deepening the kiss considerably. Rationally, he knows that the two of you probably shouldn't be making out so heatedly in a public park like this, but Chris can't bring himself to care as he rolls you onto your back. Groaning against your lips when the erection he's been fighting all day comes into contact with panty covered core.

He pulls back to catch his breath and stares down at your dazed face and freshly kissed lips, the tops of your tits being incredibly distracting with each laboured inhale you take. Well fuck. How is he supposed to stop now?

"You look so pretty," Chris breathes out, pressing delicate kisses to your jaw and reaching one of his hands down to grab a generous handful of one of your tits over the fabric of your dress.

"Ah, Chris, we're in public. Someone might see," you cry out, but he can tell you're trying to hold back. A self-satisfied smirk does cross his face when he feels your hands grip his back as he continues his assault on your throat and tit.

"We'll just have to be quiet then. You just look so beautiful that I couldn't help myself," he responds against your skin, groaning slightly as he fondles you.

He feels warmth course through his system at the shy expression on your face, shifting upwards to press a soft kiss against your lips as his hand moves from your chest to brush against your plush thighs. Chris strokes you through your panties lightly, his cock quickly becoming painfully hard as he swallows down all your moans and mewls and keens and, feels your nails digging into his broad, clothed back.

"Chris please," you moan out, your hips bucking up into his hand in search of more pressure.

"You know better than to call me by my name, princess," Chris softly chastises, slowing down his strokes in warning.

"No, Daddy, I'm sorry," you rush out so quickly and frantically that he almost misses what you say. However, when his brain is finally able to pull itself together, he groans and slots his mouth against yours once more. He moves your panties to the side and sinks two of his thick fingers inside of you, cock throbbing as your slick walls clench around them.

Chris is glad he had the foresight to kiss you before slipping his fingers inside of you because the moans and whines you let out likely would've gotten the two of you caught. He's a little disappointed that he won't get the chance to eat you out, but he didn't want to risk it. You two were already pushing your luck here. Instead, he focuses on opening you up with his fingers, curling them in the way he knows renders you thoughtless.

"Daddy, please. Want you in-inside me," you pull back and whine, reaching your hand down to stroke his cock over his pants.

It's Chris's turn to bite back his own sounds. Gritting his teeth from the toe-curling pleasure he feels from the pressure provided by your hand, his hips instinctively pressing into your hand in search of more relief.

"Wanna make sure you're stretched out properly. Don't wanna hurt you," he responds, his voice sounding strained to his own ears as he brushes your clit with his thumb.

"You-You won't hurt me, D-Daddy. I can t-take it," you whine, kissing and nipping at his jaw as you continue to palm him.

Chris can feel his resolve crumbling. A groan almost slipping from his mouth as your walls continue to clench around his fingers, and your mouth leaves hot kisses on his skin.

"Fuck, okay," he concedes, easing his fingers from your vice grip and sitting back so he could more comfortably tug off his pants. However, Chris is momentarily distracted by your juices coating his fingers. Impulsively, he shoves them in his mouth, moaning and his eyes fluttering shut. Your taste going straight to his cock, more pre-cum smearing his already sticky boxers.

Chris is brought out of taking in your taste by a very audible whine from you, eyes flying open to see you watching his mouth intently. You look completely frenzied as you watch him, your eyes completely glazed over and bruised lips parted.

He makes a mental note to eat you out properly later. For both of your sakes.

He hurriedly unbuttoned his pants, shoving them and his boxers down his thighs, his cock springing free. The mewl you let out and the way your thighs spread further as your eyes remain glued to his cock does phenomenal things for his ego.

"Are you ready?" He asks, grabbing himself and lining his cock up with your entrance.

"Yes, please," you respond, desperation seeping into your voice. God, you're just so fucking cute and pretty and, you're all his.

"Okay baby," he coos, slowly easing his cock into you. Gritting his teeth as your slick, velvet walls grip his cock harshly but, he wants to make sure the stretch isn't too much for you all at once.

He quickly covers your mouth with his hand when your moans get a little too loud, worrying him that the two of you might be overhead. Not that he doesn't get it. He has to make a conscious effort to swallow down his own noises from the mind-numbing pleasure of finally being fully inside of you.

"You have to be quiet, Princess," he warns, though any sterness in his voice is severely undercut by how breathless he sounds, even to his own ears.

Your mewl is muffled by his hand, watery eyes locking on his when he begins to thrust into you. He bites down on your shoulder to try his best to silence himself, a guttural groan slipping past his lips when you clench around him particularly hard.

"Yeah, you like this don't you, baby? You were acting so scandalised earlier but, the way your tight pussy is gripping me tells me everything I need to know," he mutters against your skin, leaving soft kisses on the partially visible bite mark left on your shoulder.

Even though his hand is covering your mouth, he can clearly make out your pleads and moans. A few stray tears running down your face.

As much as Chris would love to take his time with you, he didn't want to risk getting caught. He fucked into you hard and fast, hoping against hope noone is around to hear the sounds of skin slapping against skin and your respective muffled moans.

He was getting close, the sight of your glossy, tear eyes and cleavage jiggling with each of his brutal thrusts certainly wasn't helping.

"You have no idea what seeing you in this fucking dress does to me," he mutters against your throat in between kisses and light nips.

"So fucking pretty. So sexy," he continues on, hissing through his teeth as you tighten around him with each word of praise that falls from his plump lips.

Your hand reaches up to grasp his wrist, trying to signal to him to take his hand off of your mouth. When he does, you pull him into another frenzied kiss. It's all teeth and spit and, Chris hurriedly reaches between your bodies to rub circles against your swollen clit.

Chris tries his best to muffle your whines of 'Daddy' and 'please' and, borderline incoherent moans. His eyes roll into the back of his skull when you cum around him. Your pussy gripping him so tightly that he can barely pull out but, he fucks you through it nonetheless. Cooing praises and encouragement to you as you ride it out, his hand grabbing your thigh as his own climax hits him like a train.

You both moan into each other as Chris's warm, thick cum floods your eager pussy. He shudders as you continue to clench around him all the while, seemingly trying your hardest to milk him for all of his cum.

He resists the urge to just continue lying here with you and sleepily exchanging kisses while you both bask in your respective afterglows. He grimaces as he pulls out of you, desire curling in his as he plugs you with his fingers to prevent any of his cum from leaking out of you. "Chris," you gasp out, your hips jolting against his hand.

"I want you to keep all of my cum inside you," he says with a dark edge to his voice, hurriedly putting your panties in place and pulling his fingers out of you. They're coated with his cum and he feels his sensitive cock twitch when you grasp his hand and put them in your mouth, eagerly licking his essence off of them.

Fuck, he loves you.

[derww]

DEVOTIONS WEEK DAY 6: FRIENDLY/PARANOIA

– Listen, – Spoke begins, sitting with his legs apart and leaning on them, on a block of netherite in the middle of the dupe vault, – I know that I've been acting strangely lately, right?

– That's not the right word,– Mapicc grumbles – he stands leaning against a wall of beacons, arms crossed, – a little more, and you would have completely switched to riddles.

– I know, I know, I'm sorry, – Spoke raises his hands, showing that he gives up, – I thought to keep everything to myself – here, you know, such a delicate matter, anyone can break everything, – he hesitates, – but then I realized that the simplest way to get you in my way is to keep you in the dark.

– I wish I could say you're wrong, – Zam stammers, – but you're probably completely right. To be honest, I've been very worried about you these last few days, all you've been doing is saying mystical phrases and refusing to clarify, I already thought that you were betraying us.

– Fair enough,– Spoke nods, – I'll tell you. But this has to stay just between the three of us. No one else has to find out; otherwise, everything will be at risk. Do you understand?

– What about Ro, – Mapicc interrupts, – even he can't know?

– He can't. Neither Roshambogames, nor TheTerrain, nor Vortexdragon. Just the two of you. It should be a secret from everyone. I can only tell you two.

Mapicc gives him a dark look and shakes his head – suspects, does not believe – but does not continue.

Zam looks at him from under his brows. Even now, holding on to different walls, he and Mapicc feel like one team, – what's the matter, Spoke?

He grins.

– This is a large-scale plan that originates before the start of the season. A glitch capable of determining the order of this world for years to come. The vulnerability is in the very code of reality. The whole dupe war is just part of the setup for it, and when the plan is put into action, nothing that happens at the level of ordinary players will cease to matter.

– Are you going to end this world? – asks Zam with unreadable emotion.

– Oh, Zam, – Spoke shakes his head, – I'm going to do a lot more.

***

– I just can't take it seriously anymore, – Zam shares, gnawing on a cookie. – Ro and his plans, – clarifies, – all his plans, you know? What difference does it make if Spoke turns the server into his playground very soon?

– He's having fun, – Mapicc shrugs, – weren't you having fun?

– Not really. I tried, because you are my team, but I never got better. It's not my thing.

– But you're so calm about the Wormhole. How is this better?

– It takes any responsibility out of the hands of the players, – Zam shakes his head, – what difference does it make if someone has an op? This world is obviously doomed, and you are my team, so why would I bother?

– I don't understand how you think. – And, distracted instantly, – I would have told him, but Spoke is right. The information is too sensitive. He's already taken a big risk by including us in.

– I would not like to fail to meet his expectations.

– I wouldn't want to mess up his plan. It's cool.

– It is... It's cruel, – Zam snorts, dragging his fingers along the masonry floor of the base. A modest poppy is breaking through the seams, – but I will not stop it. I respect Spoke. But, you know what?

– Hmm? 

– Spoke will regret it.

***

– How would you explain it at all, mind who? – Vi throws up his hands. A helpless expression is stuck on his face.

– We didn't like our team anymore, and we came for an interview, – Zam calmly replies, hanging down to see the swirling thick fog.

– To a secret base?... – Vi ironically clarifies, and Zam, grunting, nods, as if it was absolutely normal and definitely not crazy.

– I mean, – Mapicc grins – he, unlike Zam, sticks to the wall, clearly not feeling safe, – the fact that we were able to find it quite counts for passing the test. Not that it was difficult, of course.

– You know we're going to war against you, right? – Subz remarks skeptically, clearly not seeing the need to keep this in his sleeve, – against Ro and Mapicc in the first place, but also against Zam and even Spoke, too.

– Publicly, fight as many as you want, – Mapicc snorts; for him, the idea that he could lead to a decrease in the amount of violence on the server would definitely be unthinkable, – we are here unofficially. As colleagues. We came to say hello and find out how you are here. How are you doing with your idiotic emocult.

Subz facepalms. Vi sighs heavily.

– You shouldn't have been included, – Vi grumbles, but he doesn't sounds angry. – the more people know, the higher the chance that information leaks out.

– You can't return what has been done, – Zam shrugs his shoulders. – but hey, we're your best bet, we keep secrets well, remember the dupe war? – he grins, – we will be friends, Vi, don't worry. Do you remember the end of the season 3? I do.

There is a deadly silence. It is interrupted by Mapicc:

– So, where's the sacrifice room or something?

***

– I don't really like all of this, – Zam sadly admits, poking at the side of a po potion, – it creates too much imbalance between the players. If Spoke gets an op, he will be the only one with absolute power. But now... They're just mortals playing gods. You may be immortal and omnipotent, but you're still human, actually. It's stupid.

– I can understand that,– Mapicc nods. – the way Ro shot Pangi? Absolutely not necessary. Bro, bro, you can pick up a sword and kill him yourself. 

– Yes... – Zam pulls, – I understand the thirst for power and advantage, but what's the point if all this is illegal and doesn't really belong to you? This is... wrong. I wouldn't want it all to be on the server.

– Do you want to betray Spoke? – Mapicc asks imperturbably, and Zam flinches.

— No... No, – he stammers, – of course I don't like it, but there's no point in betrayal. Of course, I can try to take illegal items from people and dump them into the lava, but it will never work. And Spoke will be a god very soon, and none of this will matter anymore. If he wants to, he will remove all these toys. If he wants to, he will give them to absolutely everyone. Then why do anything at all?

– You could tell Parrot what's going on, – Mapicc suggests disinterestedly, and Zam snorts.

– To him? It's too late, the illegal items are already on the server. Spoke has too much pressure on him.

– It must be hard for you,– Mapicc says suddenly.

– Why? 

– Things are wrong for you, and your prospects are meaningless.

– Isn't that true? – Zam is surprised.

– Who knows, – Mapicc shrugs, – I'm not inclined to overthink as you do, but I know that wherever I am, any decision I make counts. – And with a well-aimed blow, he smashes the bottle of potion into the wall.

***

– It's, like, pretty decent,– Zam comments when they get high enough to regard the position as private.

– Who, your self-esteem? – Mapicc laughs it off and intercepts his trident, which is almost completely blackened by the number of effects.

– The Wormhole, – Zam replies with a smile, and Mapicc looks up.

Below them is a huge war for a twisted and broken world. Above them – a blue–blue-purple funnel continues to spin inexorably.

– Well, at least something good came out of it. – Mapicc shakes his head.

– No, there's something else, – Zam adds meekly.

– And what is it?

– It will never happen again.

Mapicc clicks his tongue and nods, understanding.

– You're right about that. Once and never again.

[phebess]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers! Spread the self-love 💞

Oof I just looked through my own works page and I think it's possible that I write too much Carlando. But here goes! Some are kind of basic but I have a few sleeper favorites as well.

What Happens in Brazil - The one that started it all. I was so new to writing that I think it *desperately* needs another edit, but I also kind of want to leave it as is - even if it's rough. I still love this story so much and I had so much fun writing it!

Señor Sainz - Another one from the early days. I re-read this the other day and, at the risk of sounding conceited, had a great little time. I feel like I didn't ever struggle with writers block on this fic, so it was fun to read without getting to chapter/scenes I regret writing.

Twin Flame - Look, I'm a whore for a soulmate AU. End of.

Pit Stop Practice - This one is so short, and I wrote it during probably the lowest point of Lando's career, and yet I loved exploring how he handled it behind closed doors.

Number One Fan – I do love this fic, but what makes it a top five for me is the experience I had while writing it. The response to this story, whether in the comments or in my inbox, was beyond what I had ever expected, and it was so motivating to keep going with it. I read every comment and tried to respond to every message, and found myself literally cancelling plans to sit down and write. This fic made me feel so loved, so thank you all for that 🤍

And those are my top five! Thank you, sweet anon, for sending this prompt – it was nice to go back to where things started, and pushed me to give out a much belated thank you to anyone who's ever read something of mine.

[geometricgiovanni]

YOU ARE NOW A PRETTY PRINCESS! ✨

This blog contains references to threats and violence. You have been warned.

(hey guys cool sexy man here to tell you first half is in-character, second half under cut is out-of-character)

HELLO! I MADE THIS ACCOUNT OUT OF SPITE OF THAT DISGUSTING THING THAT PLAGUES THIS GOD-FORSAKEN SITE!

NO, DON'T ASK ME ABOUT IT. IF YOU DO, I WILL CRUSH YOU! LETHALLY. You will feel pain. also he blocked me on all 8 of my accounts so um, y'know........

ASK ME THINGS! ASK ME TO DESCRIBE IN EXCRUCIATING DETAIL ASPECTS OF MY LIFE! ASK ME TO DO OBSCURE ACTIVIES THAT WOULD SEVER MY LIMBS IF I HAD ANY!

So here's some info in a similar format to my other blog, some things, such as boundaries, will be copied and pasted:

Blog Information✨

This is an ask/rp blog for Jeremy from regretevator, specifically the Jeremy referenced in @displ3azant. I might use this blog to more freely talk about my specific headcanons about characters from the perspective of an outsider, so that account is likely the only specific one referenced on this blog.

Jeremy in this blog uses he/any!

MAIN TAGS:

#geometric asks - Asks

#geometric posts - Non-ask related posts/reblogs

#ooc - Out-of-character post

BLOG OWNER 🔥

Hello! I am Hex! Yes, you will see me talking to myself! No, do not comment on it. Please refer to me using he/him or it/its pronouns.

My other accounts are: @hexexists - my main blog, if you receive notifications from this account, please know it is just me! @hexational - my regretevator blog @displ3azant - afformentioned Unpleasant rp blog

I'll try to respond to most asks with a drawing of some variety, and if it's something I can use to reveal little ass-shit and bull-dumps about my version of Jeremy.

Please note, however, I am not just one singular guy but also a senior who should really be spending his free time studying, so sometimes I will just give a text response.

Also to note: I am 17 years old, therefore a minor! Even if I was not a minor, I am still not comfortable with weird shit! Keep it in your fucking pants, asshole! Apologies if I sound rude, but holy shit the only blog gets SO many weird asks! I will just be blocking and ignoring any freaky anons, apologies if you are my friend trying to mess with me, but I genuinely cannot take any more risks.

Boundaries ✨

Shipping content: Shipping content is okay, but I don't care much for romance personally and so will likely not play much into it. Please don't push anything, I guess, and nothing that promotes proshipping or any kind of literally illegal pairing. If you dislike any direction taken ship-wise for this blog, then block me and move on with your day.

NSFW content: NSFW CONTENT IS NOT ALLOWED. I am a minor. Thx. Also, "suggestive" jokes are very selectively okay. Basically, if it makes me uncomfortable or is literally disgusting, it will be ignored and likely deleted, and I will probably make fun of you.

Roleplaying: I am totally okay with roleplaying and sending/responding to asks in character!

(ps: i'm also happy to rp with other regretevator ocs too, i think those r super duper cool)

That's all, really.

your mortal enemy,

-Hex

[sister-hawk]

HEY LOOK AT WHAT I MADE!!! I whittled this elephant out of a block of basswood, and then painted it by hand, as a gift for my lovely girlfriend, @potsiefaerie 😘♥️💖🩵 When we were still getting to know each other, she mentioned that she collects white elephant figures with her mother (after they found one at a white elephant sale), and I was like, "Wait, I've done a bit of whittling before. Surely I could make one, right???" And then it became my mission all through the spring, summer, and fall. And after a bit of a mad dash to the end, I was finally able to give it to her the first time we met in person 🥰

While it was in no way easy, crafting this elephant was an absolute joy, and it really (re)awakened in me a love for the art of whittling. I had only done some very basic whittling before, close to a decade and a half ago. So with very little experience, none of which was recent, I really impressed myself with how well this thing turned out. And while I'm no stranger to painting, I've never done detail like this before. That is just natural talent babey. I have definitely found my calling in this craft.

It's roughly 2 and 3/4 inches tall, and probably around 4 and 1/2 inches long. I have absolutely no idea how many hours it took start-to-finish. But it was a lot lol.

Process:

The first step was to find reference images of elephants online, from various angles. I used those to create basic drawings of an elephant mid-stride from 5 different angles (left, right, top, front, and back). I printed and cut those out of paper to create a simple stencil to trace the shape onto the block of wood (that's what you see in the first image.

The second step was to actually cut the rough shape of it out of the wood with a coping saw. Then I divided the bottom (where the legs are) in half, and used the drawing as a guide for removing the halves of the legs that weren't needed (since it is not symmetrical in its stance.) That gave me an extremely rough and blocky elephant shape.

Next came the whittling, and that was by far the majority of the work. Months were spent slowly shaving away little bits of wood, occasionally glancing at my reference images, until finally the final shape was achieved. Then it was sanded down so as to smooth out the facets created by the carving process, and to refine the shape a little more.

I also must mention that I did drop it at one point on a cement porch and snap one of the legs off at the knee. But! A bit of wood glue and a rubber band fixed that fairly easily.

Then came the painting process. First I used a glaze to help seal the wood. Wood is a very absorbent material. I knew that, in order to ensure that this piece would last as long as possible, it needed to be sealed so that the wood did not absorb moisture from the air, which could eventually lead to cracking as it expanded and shrank. But paint itself also poses some risk in this way, and the wood really wants to soak it up. So the glaze ensured that that wouldn't happen.

Then I put down three coats of white paint (with another touch-up coat), and then sealed that with another coat of the glaze. This was to protect the white underneath when I started painting with the blue, so that if I messed it up, I would have the chance to remove the blue without totally stripping the white.

Next was the detail work with the blue paint. The designs were first drawn on using a 4h graphite in a mechanical pencil (4h is pretty hard, so it wouldn't leave much behind. That made it easier to erase mistakes and cover with the paint). I did reference a couple mandalas that I found online for the ones on the forehead and back, but all of it was painted by hand with an extremely tiny brush and an enormous amount of patience. It requires very steady hands.

And the final step was two part. First, another coat of glaze to protect the blue paint so that it would not get smeared (not after I did all that hard work!!!). And finally, four coats of varnish to completely seal everything off. My hope is this thing will still be sitting on someone's shelf at least a few generations from now, so I did everything I could to protect it as much as possible.

Materials and tools:

3x3x6in block of basswood, from some website idk lol.

Coping saw from Lowe's.

Whittling tools from Beaver Craft.

120, 220, and 400 grit sandpaper from Lowe's.

Glaze, paints, and varnish from Jo Sonja's.

[praxcrown5]

I was taking geology classes last year so ummm what's the natural disaster that you dread the most?

And also do you ever think about the insane amounts of erosion required to make the cliffs in Cars look like actual cars?

So, before I started teaching geology, I was afraid of volcanoes and tornadoes. Now that I know more about both, neither really terrify. I have seen volcanic eruptions first hand, clambered around on fresh pyroclastic flows, looked down into smoking craters, hugged giant blocks of obsidian...and while the power that they possess is mind-boggling...they can only hurt you if you live near one (which I don't). When doing field work, I was well aware of the dangers of working on an active volcano...and if something would have happened beyond my control, I'd have died...probably well before I was even aware of anything. But that was a calculated risk. I put myself in harms way to collect data that could be used to save lives...which is a lot different than having one's house rocked by an eruption. This does happen, but again, mostly to people living in the shadow of these mountains...and even then, if an eruption does occur, usually there is enough warning to at least get the heck out of dodge. Climate altering eruptions (i.e. Yellowstone) are so rare that you have a better chance of winning the lottery AND getting struck by lighting in the same instant than ever having to live through one. So...yeah, not too concerned. As for tornadoes, I currently live by the Great Lakes. My house has a much higher likelihood of being buried by lake-effect snow than blown down by a tornado. And even when I lived in Texas, right in the heart of Tornado Alley, it was still more likely for a tornado to miss your house than plow into it.

Right now, the only natural disasters I fear are those not covered by my homeowners insurance: Floods and ground movement. I live on a small escarpment, and there has never been a flood big enough to reach my house as far back as records go. So, not an issue. Earthquakes can happen here...but they tend to be small. Ground subsidence is more likely, but since ours is an older house, most of the subsidence that comes with new development has already happened. Climate change, on the other hand, is a very real thing that has been changing weather patterns. Two years ago, I survived the worst blizzard I've ever seen, one that dumped nearly eight feet of snow on my house in three days...then it all melted within a week accompanied by rain. Who knows what the future holds, or whether the house will hold up to the challenges. We'll have to wait and see...

I am still in AWE of the first cars movie and how much research they did to make Ornament Valley look as good as they did. You need only look up Monument Valley, AZ or Bryce Canyon or Arches National Park or The Grand Canyon to see real examples of how weathering and erosion can do amazing things with solid rock...given enough time. One of the little details that I like is that they also have correct geology too. Like, if you look at Willie's Butte, you can see that there is a caprock of resistant rock and that the layers beneath are thinner and look like they're made of shale or claystone, both of which weather faster than rocks like sandstone or limestone. Even the Cadillac Range behind Radiator Springs looks a LOT like the Minarets, a series of jagged peaks in the Sierra Nevada. And the lighting! Don't even get me started on that. It's perfect. When I watch the movie, I feel like I'm there. It's very, very impressive.

Sorry if this response is long-winded... :D I could talk for hours about the geology of the Cars movies...

[calamari-inari]

I'm sorry if this seems like I'm complaining again. I'm suffering from severe imposter syndrome and self loathing, but I feel the need to write it out. Read on at your own risk

Tbh, I think it's the task of promoting my projects the past month that triggered a worsening of my existing depression. So much that I needed to block myself from using a few of my daily apps (twitter and discord). I've been promoting my projects for over a month. Anticipating sales, but having low conversion rate, and things don't go as you expect it to go, and I can't help but feel like a failure when few of the people I believe are closer to me care about it. I'm just so drained from feeling insufficient. Perhaps the social media algorithms are to blame

Recently, I also feel like all my friendships are distanced. I'm having a ton of insecurities because there's no one I can lean on right now for emotional support. Why would anyone want to talk to me when I'm in this state fr. But also, I'm so on edge and think negatively out of self defense. "They're only talking to me to get my help for their own advantage," or "They just care about having my attention and don't actually value me as a friend." Why am I like this and why do I need so much validation? It does not help when I have no friends irl. That's why my online friends mean so much and it hurts when the feelings aren't reciprocated. I get irrationally irritated and jealous when I hear mentions of my online friends having other friends to be around with in person because that's not something I have. I have one irl bestie that I rarely talk to now, but even she's an online friend due to our long distance and I had to move away after graduating uni. Work also hasn't treated me well with the one person I decided to befriend before I was "dumped." And what sucks is that we work in the same team so having to see him is a daily reminder that I'm not good enough. It probably all stems from my self-hatred and trauma. And it's not my current depression talking. I've felt this way about myself for as long as I remember. I'm the very definition of a lone wolf and I have very low hope for myself with my incapability to make and keep friendships.

Anyway, this is like the longest post regarding anything personal, so I'll stop here. If you made it this far, I congratulate you for putting up with my blathering

[ashen-vulture]

A Vulture In Therapy #2.5

A Nice Little Interlude (The Roost)

First <<< Previous << x >> Next?

The looming city was intense and claustrophobic to my quiet, rural, country-kid senses. I don't have an appointment yet, but I want to familiarize myself with the route.

My hands were shaking as I found a place to park and stepped out. Everything looks the same. I pull out my phone to see if my map app could illuminate the way, but it seemed about as lost as I was. Luckily I printed out the address and directions.

Surely I wouldn't get lost.

...

I got lost.

Whenever I get lost like this I inevitably devolve into a hyperventilating, crying mess, but this time I was only feeling a tightness in my chest and a fog filling my eyes. I just needed a place to sit down and recover. Somewhere quiet.

I noticed a narrow walkway out of the corner of my misty eyes and seemed to call to me. On the second floor of an older looking building hung a sign that said "The Roost (Witches, Familiars, and Spirit Bonds Welcome)."

As I ascended the long ramp I could smell fresh bread and coffee. The tightness in my chest relaxed as I went inside. There was a lot of vertical space inside, with small walkways along the walls with the occasional fox, cat, and snake. There was a tree growing up in the middle of a luminous green circle, bearing fresh fruit, and with crows and owls existing amicably within range of one another.

"I knew this place was magic, but..." I began to whisper to myself, taking in the beauty of the small cafe.

The air here felt relaxing and familiar and easy even though it was a little cramped. I walked up to the counter to order, stuttering through the menu. The elderly woman behind the counter smiled warmly, her wrinkles stretching her heavily freckled face in a kind and lively way.

"You must be one of the new witch apprentices."

"Huh?"

She pointed to the array of skull, dream, and vulture pins on my purse as I was paying.

"Oh! No, I'm..." I remembered the stories I've heard from other therians. Was it worth the risk? I just want a calm place to sit and get my bearings.

...

... Then again, asking a local for directions might help, too.

"Actually I'm a Therian... I'm here looking for Doctor Erian's clinic, but I got really lost... Do you think maybe you..."

She waved her hand, "oh dear don't be too worried, you're just a block over! One of those new 'therian' things, eh?" Her words were blunt, but she was saying them with kindness, "I've been hearing stories about it, seems like a strange new trend, but I can't fault folks for it! Why if it has been around when I was a young'n' I'd have probably turned myself into a macaw!"

She turned to scratch the head of her equally elderly Scarlett Macaw familiar, who mimicked the sound of a bright, cheerful bell in response.

I smiled at her. She finished giving me directions. I finished ordering and paying, then I found myself a comfy little window seat at The Roost and watched the street below.

Yeah. This is a good place.