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narcoticwriter · 2 years ago

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The Genshin Impact Cast & Their (Alleged) Crimes

You read that right. I'm going down the list of characters that are out and leaked/announced as of the date of the 2.7 livestream. This will include criminal charges, civil charges, and (of course) war crimes. I'm not sorry about this at all.

For legal reasons, if it wasn't obvious, this is a joke.

Before we move on, all of them will be slapped with aggravated assault preemptively because this is how the game works in general, but I will put this charge in some descriptions for emphasis.

(Thanks for the stroke of inspiration. You know who you are LMAO.)

Albedo: First-degree murder and unlawful experimentation as if Mond found out what freaky shit he was doing, he'd be mobbed and killed.

Aloy: Trespassing (do I tack on illegal border crossing too-)

Amber: Arson (unintentionally), civil misconduct, negligence

Arataki Itto: Disorderly conduct, disturbing the peace, aggravated assault (that one time), vandalism

Barbara: Disturbing the peace (but not really lmao)

Beidou: Tax fraud/evasion, piracy (obviously), open container of alcohol (this is seriously a charge), probation violation, (legal) racketeering, smuggling

Bennett: Negligence, personal injury, the Torts law would have a ball with this kid

Chongyun: Trespassing, disturbing the peace (the ghosts would sue due to the yang energy)

Diluc: Willful killing, taking of hostages, willfully causing great suffering, extensive destruction and appropriation of property, killing a man already down (legit war crime), vigilantism, homicide, kidnapping, grand larceny, attempted involuntary manslaughter (there's more but this is getting long)

Diona: Malpractice, attempted poisoning

Eula: Disorderly conduct, disturbing the peace (Mondstadt hates her enough to waste tax dollars on this)

Fischl: . . . Indecent exposure (people really didn't like her in the lore)

Ganyu: I mean, if you wanna count war crimes from 2000+ years ago, I could tack on willful killing and the criminal charge of aiding in that regard, but other than that, she's pretty clean.

Gorou: Willful killing, aggravated assault, voluntary manslaughter

Hu Tao: Disturbing the peace, solicitation, harassment, kidnapping, attempted murder/burial of someone who is alive

Jean: Child labor maybe? Perhaps. Yeah. A charge of child labor is fair. And maybe a child soldier? They aren't in a war, but hilichurls are hostiles, right? Is solitary confinement considered child abuse-

Kaedahara Kazuha: Treason, espionage, rebellion/insurrection, inciting a riot/rebellion, civil disorder, illegal border crossing

Kaeya: Perjury, conspiracy, extortion, white-collar crimes, unauthorized disclosure of classified information, forgery, bribery, willful endangerment

Kamisato Ayaka: . . . I've got nothing. Literally nothing. I can't even put legislative misconduct, aid in a crime, or even complicity. She's innocent.

Kamisato Ayato: Extortion, racketeering, aiding and abetting, fraud

Keqing: She could get some class-action suits and some charges in terms of running the workplace, but other than that? No.

Klee: Arson, involuntary manslaughter (?), disturbing the peace, crimes against wildlife

Kujou Sara: 'Legal' extensive destruction and appropriation of property, 'legally' willfully depriving a prisoner of war or other protected person of the rights of fair and regular trial, 'legal' deportation or transfer or unlawful confinement

Kuki Shinobu: She actually tries to drop these charges. She went to law school, for goodness sake. Is being a lawyer a charge?

Lisa: Cruel and unusual punishment, use of torture, speculative disclosure of classified information per according to the Heavenly Principles

Mona: Tax evasion

Ningguang: Collusion, market, and price manipulation, monopolizing, and perhaps she'll also be held liable for whatever Beidou or Yelan does as she works with them

Noelle: If her scaring off Snezhnayan diplomats could be a charge for treason somehow, then sure

Qiqi: If she's technically not alive, does the law apply posthumously? Even if it does, she's done nothing wrong except maybe trespass on Jueyan Karst

Raiden Shogun: In the Rome Statute of the International Criminal Court, Section 8, Paragraph 2, Points A, B, and C, I list off the following: (A) I, II, III, IV, VI, VII, VIII, (B) I, II, III, IV, XII, XIII, XIV, XXI, (C) III, IV

Razor: Is he even under the jurisdiction of the law?

Rosaria: Homicide, assassination, voluntary manslaughter, vigliantism, familicide

Sangonomiya Kokomi: Willful killing is a thing and she absolutely incited rebellion too, totally guilty, but despite being in a war, she didn't commit that many obvious war crimes besides those.

Sayu: Negligence, liability

Shenhe: Voluntary manslaughter, first-degree murder, aggravated assault

Shikanoin Heizou: Petty thievery, liability, negligence, bribery, misconduct

Sucrose: Aiding and abetting in unlawful experimentation

Tartaglia: Wanton murder, enforced disappearances of persons, torture, wanton killing, extortion, grand larceny, terrorism, intentionally directing attacks against the civilian population, threatening public officials, the entirety of Section A of the War Crimes clause (it goes on)

Thoma: Illegal immigration except the Kamisato Clan renders that nonexistent, so he's innocent

Traveler: Over the implied longevity of their existence, it is my personal belief that they have collected war crimes and criminal charges like Pokemon and have caught them all (but I'm not going as far as anything sexual or domestic because that's a line I won't cross)

Venti: Gliding under the influence, open container of alcohol, grand larceny, disturbing the peace, public intoxication

Xiangling: Crimes against wildlife, speculative intentional poisoning (contested), malpractice (?)

Xiao: Manslaughter, first-degree murder, willful killing, torture (of the psychological variety)

Xingqiu: He could be slapped with a harassment charge if Chongyun cared to bother, but some vigilantism is a thing

Xinyan: Disturbing the peace, indecent exposure (the majority of the public really seem to hate her)

Yae Miko: Mostly extortion, but if she wanted to run a pyramid scheme, so could do so with wild success

Yanfei: The one prosecuting the cast

Yelan: Extortion, kidnapping, solo racketeering

Yoimiya: Negligence, damage to public property, unintentional arson

Yun Jin: The only thing I can say is that I don't know what an opera singer would do that's illegal or anything that she'd do personally that would be illegal

Zhongli: Is it terrorism if he's the ruler that allowed it? Is it treason? Can he even be held to a variety of war crimes? All I know is that the charges of negligence and liability law against would be downright criminal in of themselves.

Bonus - Paimon: Harassment. That is all.

---

If you wanna slap some more charges I may have missed or even debate some of them with others, go ahead and go ham.

#genshin discourse #genshin impact #going ham #narky thinks

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ariadynamics · 2 years ago

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😂😂😂 my plan to get you into f1 to write sewis fic has backfired. also I thought you were working on something!

but you've piqued my curiosity with the esteban/lance thirst follow au so I'll take a snippet of that

(love you!)

I was! But it just wasn't clicking. I'm very much in my head about writing Sewis, and I'm terrified I'm going to get their characterization wrong!

For now, here's my Esteban/Lance WIP! It's hockey player Lance, and still with RP/AM Esteban. I hope you like it 🙈.

Lance doesn't know what makes him do it. Maybe it's the third shot of awful tequila Nico had cajoled him into downing before they left the club. Maybe it's the string of losses, one after another, that kept coming their way. Maybe he's just so fucking lonely that he almost asked if he could crash on Nico and Siegs' couch.

It’s pretty depressing that this guy’s smile is the best thing he’s seen all week. His smile is warm and sunny, and for a second, Lance almost forgets it's March in New Jersey. He keeps scrolling through his photos, and for once, he doesn’t feel the same kind of rolling nausea in the pit of his stomach that he usually gets when faced with racing content.

They’d met before, at some gala, and Lance had known then he was boned as soon as he saw his chipmunk-like toothy grin.

Seeing the photos of this guy with a small sliver of his tummy peeking through? Lance hadn't stood a chance.

Fuck it. Lance hits follow. Whatever, Siegs follows Lewis Hamilton on Instagram. This is more or less the same if the team’s PR ever asks.

Two minutes after Lance follows him, a DM notification pops up.

estebanocon: I'm pretty sure my employer's son following me on Instagram counts as workplace harassment.

Lance is still drunk enough to respond.

lance_stroll: how would that work I’m not even on the payroll

estebanocon: That sounds like something an HR Manager digging for dirt would say.

It’s a little bit of a surprise when he gets another notification.

estebanocon started following you.

He isn't sure what he expected after following Ocon, but Ocon following back? Sliding into his DMs? That hadn't been part of the equation. He types another message, anyway. He already lost 6-2 tonight; he can't embarrass himself any more than that.

lance_stroll: buddy I lost count of how many times I got rammed against the boards tonight my brain is incapable of thinking nevermind sleuthing

esteban_ocon: Kinky 👀, tell me more.

It startles a laugh out of Lance, and for the first time in a long time, the smile on his face isn’t something he’s had to affect.

lance_stroll: I’m pretty sure that counts as workplace harassment bud

estebanocon: Well, good thing you’re not on the payroll then.

#wip snippets #foolhearts #lesteban #is that really their portmanteau???

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breakroom-shenanigans · 3 years ago

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HAH. He really fucking should. But he's gonna leave 'em anyways cause he can't fuckin. The guys got fucking committment issues.

Also fuck you cheap cowboy. You have no power here. Suck it up, will ya? Not like you don't deserve getting pissed on like this.

-Jack Bright

Ruby: Fuck, he does! Wish I could say more but I'm pretty sure it'd count as workplace harassment.

Cowboy: You know what? Fuck you. I'm leaving.

#asks #ruby.txt #cow.txt

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bubblemiya · 4 years ago

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Ace of Spades ~ Natsuo Todoroki x Reader

Chapter 1 : First day disaster

Next | Masterlist

Warnings: blood mention, abduction mention

word count: 2.2k

A/N: This is my first fic on my new blog and I am so excited about it! I hope you enjoy

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You knew hero work wasn't going to be easy but there was still a tiny part of you that thought you'd be snatched up by a top agency right away with your flashy suit and unique quirk. That wasn't quite the case.

In fact the opposite happened, your strong quirk had very little drawbacks and many people saw it as dangerous, the nature of your quirk drew villain organisations to you. You defeated them, reported, even 'disposed' of some of them but there was one organisation you couldn't quite shake.

It was your loyalty to the side of heroes and your impressive skill set showcased in your fights that caught the eye of the Endeavour agency. Today was your first day at the agency, it had been a full year since your graduation from shiketsu, and it hadn't properly sank in yet until you were pulling on your hero suit in the women's changing room and a fiery haired sidekick basically pounced on you.

"Aren't you the new girl? I'm Moe Kamiji, my hero name is Burnin'"

She was beautiful, her hair was unique and her loud personality made you envy her. Her inquisitive staring distracted you and you almost tripped pulling up your body suit. She chuckled and helped steady you before offering to help you zip up.

"I'm y/n l/n, my hero name is Phantom Light"

"from what I've seen of your quirk, you're like a ghost type pokemon! that's so cool"

If she sensed your nervousness or felt the heat rising in your face, she didn't mention it. She instead just waited for you to tug on your boots and rambled about how much she loves working at the agency. Her bright attitude was nowhere near what you expected walking into a workplace run by the most intimidating man you've ever seen. She had a natural warmth to her that seemed to calm your fears. You guessed that they sic her on all the newbies at the agency because of that.

"well I'll show you around, newbie"

She looked confident and comfortable as she showed you around the main floors and you only hoped to feel the same way soon. You had already seen the reception and social media/pr team offices as they were on the way to the changing room but Moe had shown you the gyms with in-house saunas, break rooms, conferences rooms, and investigation rooms. The place was huge and despite being full of people, felt empty. It was terrifying, but still exactly what you expected from the new number one. Moe's phone beeped as you passed into another hallway and she pulled it from her bra to check.

"I regret not asking for pockets on this thing" she growled "shit, I'm being called to a villain attack not far from here, you're on your own for now, newbie." she turned to run down the hallway.

"Thank you Kami-"

"Call me Moe!" and before you could even respond she was gone. Your nerves suddenly came flooding back without your new friend there to ease them. With your 'almost fall' in the changing room and Moe leaving when you needed her most, it seemed lady luck was not on your side today. Right as you turned the corner you smacked right into someone exiting an office and they spilled their coffee down your shirt.

“Oh i’m so sorry!”

“It's ok, my hero suit is quite thick so it's not that bad” you attempted to laugh it off but paused as you finally looked up. Your blood ran cold as you realised who you bumped into. The six foot five figure of your boss loomed over you. On your first day you just so happened to bump into Endeavour's son and cause a coffee spill right in front of the man himself. “I-it was my fault any-”

“You just started today and you’re already causing problems, we scouted you because of your impressive skill set but -”

“Shut up, old man” Endeavour's face immediately twitched in anger but he listened to his son, not wanting to cause a scene with him. “It was an accident and it was both of our faults” Endeavour looked embarrassed but grunted something inaudible under his breath. “I'm Natsuo, I'm sorry about your suit, take this” he held his jacket out to you.

“Its ok, it's just a stain”

“Please I insist”

You took it, not wanting him to be offended, and you got a chance to get a proper look at him. He awkwardly scratched his neck as you put on the jacket. There was a brief moment of awkward silence before Endeavour pushed Natsuo past you and carried on walking down the hall. You shook your head to try and rid you of your shame, you hoped you had not just ruined your big shot in the hero world. You walked back down to the offices, keeping your head down as you passed Endeavour and Natsuo to avoid the awkward eye contact. Endeavour was immensely intimidating so you wanted to avoid getting further onto his bad side as much as possible. You filled out the last of your paperwork and set out on your daily patrol.

You kept the jacket on during your patrol and kept in mind that you should take it off to fight but hoped that wouldn't be necessary. You wandered your designated streets, taking in the general hustle and bustle of the town. Bike bells and shop doors opening were sounds you considered comforting. You nodded at people as you passed them, even stopping to say hi to some kids, and stopped at a cafe for a drink. You walked with your drink, hoping for a peaceful end to your work day, until the bird chirping and happy kids turned to screams for help. Your feet, as if on autopilot, followed the sounds until you turned a corner and came face to face with a guy harassing a group of high school girls. You recognised his face from the news, he was a low level villain who had abducted some high school students over the last 3 weeks. He didn't have any strong quirk that you knew of so you went straight in with a strong punch. However, in your haste, you failed to notice the knife he had concealed until he swung it in your direction and he caught your stomach. It wasn't so deep that it needed immediate attention so you continued to fight him off. you had shouted at the girls to leave the alley but they were frozen in place. Fear sometimes acts as an invisible paralytic,

one that we can't or struggle to fight against.

He had gotten in a couple of good swings but once you knocked the knife out of his hand he was pretty much useless. You gave him a harsh elbow to the nose that definitely broke it, a noise that you didn't wanna admit made you feel good and all but knocked him out with the hardest punch you could throw. While he was incapacitated you leaned down to slip him under your control into his body to possess him to make him easier to carry. Your quirk was called 'ghost' which not only gave you the ghostly ability to walk through walls but also to possess people and communicate with the dead. Your possession ability works like a telepathically controlled puppet instead of a typical spirit possession. Once you had his unconscious form up and ready to walk himself to the nearby police you made an attempt to calm the girls and make sure they followed you to the police so police could do safety checks and collect statements. You found it was easy to keep them distracted from their feelings by talking to them and answering questions they might have. You learned one of the girls, a short girl with black hair and black bunny ears, was named Hoshi.

"Are you a pro hero?"

"yup! I started at the Endeavour agency today!"

"Saturday is a weird day to start a new job"

"There's no such thing as weekends when you're a hero" you chuckled at the way she rolled her eyes.

"Don't I know it. My dad is a pro too"

"oh really?"

"yeah but he's away visiting my stepdad"

Your conversation abruptly stopped when police arrived on the scene and took both the unconscious villain and Hoshi away from your custody. The only thing left to do now was find where you had left Natsuo's jacket and head back to the agency to get stitched up. You ran back to a bench you passed to luckily find Natsuo's jacket still there. you didn't wanna get blood on it so you carried it back to the agency instead.

When you walked back in the agency building, Endeavour was standing in the office, handing paperwork to the receptionist, and he noticed you almost immediately.

"Phantom Light, what happened?"

"I got that guy who was abducting high school kids, the one that's been all over local news" Your chest felt heavy as you struggled to pant out your sentence. You were holding your free hand over the wound, putting as much pressure as possible on it to reduce bleeding.

"You're gonna need stitches, I'll take you to our in house doctor" He seemed a lot less tense than he did earlier and Natsuo was nowhere to be seen. You muttered a thank you and slowly walked behind him. He led you to a white door with a black metal name plate on it reading 'Dr.Kita'. You thanked Endeavour again and wandered into the room.

"Good work today, Phantom Light'' was the last thing he said before he shut the door behind you. He was being a lot nicer and even attempting to be encouraging which you figured was his own way of apologising for yelling at you earlier.

The doctor was a tall guy around forty with yellow eyes and brunette hair that was already starting to grey. He welcomed you and got you to lie down on the bench so that he could stitch you back up. He was very talkative, as most doctors are as a way to distract from pain, and he asked about a couple other visible scars to focus your mind elsewhere.

"I got the skin graft about a year ago, I got in a fight with some villain who had a fire quirk. I wasn't even at an agency yet, I was still looking to get scouted, but I walked past him harassing this man for money and I couldn't just walk past it" The doctor nodded as you told the story of the man with white hair and some nasty facial scars who burned you last year. You hissed as the final stitch went through and the doctor clasped his hands together.

"that's you all fixed up, now you just need to change and go home" he said, helping you off the bench and shaking your hand.

You walked back to the changing room and shoved your coffee and blood stained clothes in a bag and changed into your normal clothes. On your way out the building you passed Moe who all but begged for your phone number before you left.

The walk home was quiet and peaceful, The sunset was pretty and nice to watch as you made your way to the train station. The subway ride home had very few people and it was nice to have some time to yourself. You almost missed your stop though because your mind kept drifting back to white fluffy hair and pretty grey eyes. Natsuo was all you could think about. It didn't help that you had his jacket wrapped around you. The smell of an expensive cologne lingered around the collar, it was faint and softer than the cologne you expected him to wear. It was nice and comforting, a smell you could get used to.

Once you got back to your house you used your quirk to pass through the door - which is always locked because you used your quirk and had no reason to open it unless you were expecting food delivery. When you turned around to kick off your shoes you noticed the chain lock had been busted open. You quickly looked around the entrance to your house to check if anything was missing but everything was exactly as you left it in the morning. You dumped your duffle bag full of dirty clothes on the floor and went to check around the rest of the house. You upturned cushions, sifted through cupboards and looked underneath your copious number of house plants but everything seemed normal and in its right place. The only place left to check was your bedroom. Your hand shook as you grasped the door handle nervous to see if anything had been taken but when you walked in you couldn't see anything out of place until you turned your head to the dresser and there it was. Tucked into the frame of a photo of you and your brother sat a playing card, the ace of spades to be exact, with a time written on it.

"2:30 pm"

#bubble.natsuo #bubble.aceofspades #bubble.fic #natsuo todoroki x reader #natsuo x reader #natsuo todoroki #todoroki x reader #todoroki #bnha x reader #mha x reader #bnha #mha #bnha angst #bnha fluff #x reader #bnha fic #natsuo #my hero academia

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sweetchup · 4 years ago

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N.E.R.D.S

Type: Shalnark x reader

Au?: None

Word count: 3,000+

Warnings: Slight Mature content, Slight Yandere/Stalkerish themes, and Shalnark being a Shark

Today was going to be the last day. The last day at this terrible job. After this shift you were going to call up your boss and officially quit.

At first working at a nearby Cyber Cafe sounded fun. It was close to your flat and had a reasonable paycheck. Plus being surrounded by video games and fellow nerds sounded even fun. Yet it wasn’t. You should’ve walked out on your first day, for in the very first moments of walking into the place you stepped onto a melted, probably expired as well, chocolate bar. In your brand new shoes as well. It was disgusting and tragic, yet not the worst thing that has happened at this job.

In a simple sense while you worked here you weren’t an employee of a fine establishment, you were basically a servant. You were called upon again and again to make food and drinks for people, picked up after people when they left, yelled at when prices were too high or you told them what to do, jeered at by your boss, deal with horrible and lazy coworkers and had to fix the computers when they broke down (instead of taking it to a proper tech shop).

Most of the time, you could deal with that. You would just bite your tongue and give your most friendliest employee smile. But in no ways you could handle the many costumers you were groped or harassed by. Half the time you just wanted to take one of the electric cords, wrap it around their neck and just strangle them. But you were a reasonable person, a responsible adult so you would just report it to your manager. Though, of course, the situation was mostly just shrugged off. According to him, customers know best. What a load of bullcrap.

If customers truly knew best then why were you on your knees cleaning the 33th piece of trash scattered at this computer station. Hell you had filled 1 ½ trash bags just by yourself from cleaning up after people. That was too much. They should know how to pick up after themselves, you aren’t their mother.

Stretching and popping your back, you stand up. All the empty stations were finally sparkling cleaned. Though it did come at the price of your back. You’ll probably need to see a chiropractor or at least get a message from all the leaning and bending over you do at your job.

It also didn’t help that your coworker, Susan, called in sick last minute so you were stuck with an extra shift today and the graveyard shift at that.

“Sick my ass..” You grumbled under your breath, making your way back to your desk in the corner.

Since the place wasn’t busy tonight you could probably get away with watching anime or playing a new game. Hell even a nap if you got comfortable enough. Yet you stop when you see someone. His head was down on the desk but you knew it was him just from his golden hair being lighted up from the computer screen.

‘What was his name again? Shalnark? Yeah shalnark.’

Shalnark was an unfamiliar face. He showed up randomly at the cafe three days ago. It was pretty hard not to notice him. Wearing a lilac purple outfit and a constant smile on his face, he hadn’t moved since he entered. Tapping away constantly at the computer in front of him. He had been pretty nice to you and even cleaned up after himself. You actually liked talking to him the few times you talked. Though it was somewhat creepy when for some reason he knew your name when he first checked in. Though that was probably due to your name tag or maybe you had met once before at a party or something, you seemed close in age.

On top of that it was gobsmacking, yet pretty impressive, that he has slept once in the 3 days he’s been here. The other coworkers caught onto it as well in their shifts when you weren’t here. Yet it seems even Shalnark can’t run away from Father Sleep. Especially based on the fact he was currently faced down on his desk, with empty coffee cups surrounding him of course.

Suddenly you shiver as another puff of cold air comes out of the air conditioner. That was another thing you didn’t understand about the owner. Why in the world did he keep the cafe at freezing temps? Even in the winter right now. Biting your lip and rubbing your hands across the thick sweater on your arms for warmth you look concerned at Shalnark.

Was he cold? Normally you wouldn’t care about customers but he seemed like a nice guy, well except for the first time you talked but even then, it was probably your name tag. You just couldn’t help but be concerned since he was wearing a tank top in the winter.

Making up your mind you grabbed one of the many blankets and pillows in the lobby and walked over to him. Shakily you stand over him, slightly scared to wake the attractive man up from his slumber.

As you think over your decision you notice something interesting on the computer screen in front of you.

“The Dragon Eye Collection…”

It was on his notepad too. Why was he researching the Dragon Eye Collection? Sure they were a collection of 5 of the most beautiful fire opals in the world. But they were owned by the emperor, more like dictator, HuinYa Fushi of the Baiys Region. Due to his way of ruling with an iron fist, no one knew what they looked like or where they were exactly located, all that people knew was that they definitely exist. What in the world would Shalnark want with that? Was he maybe a reporter or even a Gem hunter? Though that wasn’t any of your concern. You shouldn’t pry into someone's life or business like that anyways.

Placing your hand on Shalnark’s shoulder you ever so lightly shake him. How was he asleep? His skin was practically frozen to the touch.

“Mr Shalnark?”

After a few more soft calls of his name he finally awoke. Sitting up, he squints under the computer’s harsh glow and looks over to you. He blinked a couple of times more, clearing struggling to keep himself awake. Though the bags under his eyes already told you he was plenty sleep deprived.

“I’m sorry for waking you, Mr Shalnark. But I came to bring you a blanket and a pillow. I wouldn’t want you to hurt your neck or catch a cold.”

You hold out for the blanket and pillow for him to take but he only shakes his head. His usual smile across his face, though it was less pleasant now with the bags under his eyes.

“Thank you (y/n)! But, please, there’s no need. I need to get back to wor…….”

The smile across his face disappears and his head droops down. He seems to practically, almost, pass out right then and there but he thankfully catches himself. Trying to somehow play it off, he leans an arm against the desk.

“To work! Yes work! I'm a very busy man after all.” Shalnark laughs off. Giving you a wink, he turns his attention back to screen in front of him.

Biting your lip you don’t know what to do. You definitely don’t believe he’s ok yet you also can’t force him to sleep. You two are strangers after al—

“Oh!” You let out in surprise and shock.

With a quick reflex you lung forward and catch Shalnark before his head hits the desk. Thank goodness you were still standing there, that could have really hurt. You lean him back but Shalnark stops you as he grabs on one your arm that was holding onto his shoulder and a little across the front of his chest. With tired eyes he shoots you an apologetic look.

“Sorry I didn’t know what came over me at that moment.” He apologizes; squeezing your arm.

You bit your lip again for the third time tonight. He needs sleep. He can’t continue going on like this, he could actually get hurt or even sick. Ever so lightly you push him to lean back into his chair. He goes to rebut you but you lean down to his face, making him go quiet.

“I’m sorry Mr Shalnark but I think you should go to bed.”

“But—“

Playfully you hold a finger up to his nose and boop it.

“No buts Mister. It’s time for bed.”

It was unprofessional and even childish of you to boop a grown man’s nose and tell him it’s time for bed. But you could easily see he was obviously trying to fight back and hooping his nose seemed to stun him.

While he was still stunned, you reclined the big office chair and put the blanket and pillow on him. It wasn’t as comfy as a bed but anything is better than sleeping hunched over a desk at this point.

As you finally get him to settle in his eyes begin to droop, yet he seems to continue to try and fight against it. Reaching a hand out you rub and groom Shalnark’s hair. He looks up at you as you shoot him a small smile.

“You need to go to bed, Shalnark. It’s okay to take a rest sometimes you know.”

His eyes go wide for a second and he opens his mouth wide like a fish.

“It’s you…it’s actually you. I can’t… the troupe is relying on me… I need to stay awake to figure out the location… the boss is relying on… me…” Shalnark mumbles out. His voice getting quieter and quieter.

And with that Shalnark was out cold.

Well at least you figured out that he does know you from somewhere. You wonder where. Also, the boss huh? He had to do something for him?

You looked over to the computer screen and notes in front of you. No wonder he was stressed out. You would be too if your boss and all of your workplace was relying on you to figure this out.

You could…you could always help him. You check the clock behind you. It was around 2am. Even if you took a nap now it wouldn’t be for much time and you did want to quit after tonight.

Making a decision you pull a chair over and look around you. The coast was clear as no one seemed to be watching. Stretching your fingers you put them to the keyboard and activate your aura.

You didn’t use Nen often but you were a talent transmitter. Through vigorous training you had managed to turn your Nen into data and electric signals. It was useless in battle for all you could do at most was glitch your body but, then again, you were never much of a fighter either.

Glitching and hacking through vast codes on the computer you finally make it onto the secret government site of the Fushi Empire. That was a piece of cake for you. You could probably even sneak in an episode of Bokemon after all this was done before you had to leave.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What do you mean you quit?!?”

Sighing you leaning against the counter. Tapping your fingers against the surface. “Like I said before I quit. It’s just not the right job for me.”

“You can’t! I won’t allow you, you un—“

Done with your manager's bullshit you hang up the phone and take a sip from your coffee. After a couple of more sips you were able to finish the cup. Walking around the desk you toss the cup into the trash.

Taking one last look at the place around you, you grab your bag. You would like to say you will miss the place but… you definitely won’t. This place could burn in hell for all you cared.

Wrapping your jacket tighter you step out of the building and into the cold. Wow you didn’t even realize it was still snowing from last night. It was actually nice to see snow in the city for the first time.

Your phone suddenly dings, a text from your landlord?. Oh! Someone had finally accepted your roommate's application for your flat. That’s awesome. Biting your lip, you just type back ‘yes’.

You technically should’ve looked into the document she sent along with the text which was about the roommate. But you just really need someone to split the rent with you so you honestly didn’t care who it was at this point.

“(Y/n)!”

Jumping, startled and surprised, you turn around fast at the call but are suddenly knocked over and in a snowbank. Now wide awake, you moan in discomfort as Wetness seeps into your jacket from the snow and you begin to wiggle at the coldness at your skin.

“W-What the hell?! Get off of me!” You yell out, startled and still unsure who is above you. Was this some creepy stalker? You hoped not. Wiggling more faster now, you try to get out of the snow.

You stop dead in your tracks as you hear a groan above you. Finally able to see the person, you realize it was no other than Shalnark above you. His mouth slightly open and a dark expression on his face.

What had you— oh god. You blush a crimson red. Could this get anymore embarrassing? You hadn’t realized that while you were trying to get away you hadn’t also, unintentionally, rubbed against his crotch.

Apologizing profusely, you somehow now get up and hold out a shaky hand to help him up as well. Shalnark smiled at you. Though it wasn’t like his usual smile it had an unnerving tint to it now that sent a shiver up your spine.

Startled and uneasy you decide to look away at something else. Wow did the wall get a new crack in it? Oh man that sure is interesting. Did Mrs Glain change out the lilacs again? That was nice of her—

“(Y/n)?”

You grow stiff at Shal’s voice and hesitantly meet his gaze. It still made you uneasy. Everything was the same about him yet you can’t help but feel on edge and slightly violated in his presence now. You just couldn’t figure out why.

“Y-yes?”

“I just wanna say thanks for the information you got me! Boss will sure be happy. Hmmmm….I’m not sure how you got these, you must be a really skilled hacker.”

He expressively gestures to the papers in his bag that you printed and wrote on.

“Oh yeah umm no problem.” You nonchalantly answer. Trying to ignore his hacker comment.

“I’m just wondering... how did you get into those websites (y/n)? It sure was hard for me.”

Shalnark asks and secretly shuffles a little closer to you, still an unchanging smile on his face. He was weirdly sneaky about it. Now this was just starting to get creepy. Then you suddenly realize something, did he not realize?

“A-ah I just had to find out the right codes and inputs and stuff you know?”

You start to shuffle back. You didn’t mind being asked questions or someone moving closer. It’s just… you just realized... Blushing you start to move a little faster away.

“Ah-h I really have to get home you-u know? Work just finished and stuff and I have to get rested up for my next shift. You—you know being a good employee and stuff. I’ll see you again sometimes.” Stuttering and tripping over your words you finally walk away from Shalnark. You were just glad you were out of that mess. That was so embarrassing and creepy.

Sighing, you grab your phone from your pocket and turn it on. You scroll through your apps for a little before stopping and selecting “Bokemon Go”. You needed to see if the new bokemon “Baporine” was in the area after all.

“Oh you like Bokemon Go as well. I didn’t take you as such a nerd (y/n)~”

Startled, you let out a ‘eep’ and crane your neck to see that Shalnark was literally right behind you. He literally got as close as he could without touching. It also didn’t help that he still had…

Face red again at the thought you fast walk to the bus stop. Though that didn’t work for Shalnark was on your tail the whole time, constantly asking questions.

“I was just joking (y/n)! I love that game as well.”

“Oh have you caught the new Baporine?”

“Wait, do you also know Nen? I think I see aura around you~.”

“Hahah you totally do. What category are you?”

“Do you—“

Reaching the bus you had finally had enough of his antics. Pulling him down by his collar, you glare at him.

“Why are you following me?” You whispered yelled at him. He looks confused for a second before letting out a teasing smile.

“So we are whispering now? Is this a sec—“ You cut him off.

“Answer my question.”

He opens his mouth to do so but before he can, the thing you couldn’t look at or say is, is finally said out loud. And by a young child at that.

“Mommy. Why wrong with that man’s pants? Why is there a bump in the front—“

The mother doesn’t make it better, of course, and lets out a screech in shock. Quickly shielding the child’s eyes and pulling the child away. Leaving you two alone at the bus stop.

Your face beet red and frozen in embarrassment you look at Shalnark’s face.. He looks down at his *ahem* problem and looks back at you. And he, I shit you not, looks you dead in the eye and says.

“Ah so that’s what’s wrong?” He says. Kind of amazed, yet kind of shrugging it off.

“WHAT THE HELL?!? HOW DID YOU NOT REALIZE IT BEFORE” You screech out. Totally losing your cool.

He pouts at your freak out.

“I just didn’t realize it.”

Rubbing your temples you take a deep breath and look at the most likely mid-twenties man in the eyes.

“How do you not realize you are walking around with a full on erection??”

“Well It just doesn’t usually happens. I usually don’t get excited by a girl easily. Though I do usually like to toy with the smart ones,” He suddenly looks down at your chest. His face blushing a little and a small smile spreading across his face. “It also doesn’t help that you have the perfect pair of—“

You clamp your hand over his mouth before he can finish that sentence. You didn’t want to know what he was thinking. You were honestly tired. Working two back to back shifts wasn’t easy.

“Shalnark. Please just… just go home.” You say exhausted and defeated.

You drop your hand from his mouth and he only looks at you confused.

“Hmm? But I am?”

“Hah?!?” Now angry you grab the man by his shirt. You might actually fulfill your life long dream of strangling a man today, “What the hell is that supposed to mean?!?”

Shalnark smiles; an unsettling one at that and grabs his phone from his pocket. As you look at the red phone your stomach drops to the ground. Oh. That number and conversation means. Oh god.

Shalnark giggles and leans over to your ear. His warm breath against the shell causes a shiver up your spine. Taking a gulp and you hear him whisper two dreaded words.

“Hello roomie~”

You should’ve checked the document.

Bonus:

(On the bus)

“Hey (y/n)~ now that we are roommates you wouldn’t mind if we fuc—“

“Shal. Just take a cold shower”

“Huh?!? You're so mean (y/n)! You’re nothing like the girl that took care of me last night. Oh~ Mr Shalnark~ your so handsome Mr—”

“F***king hypocrite”

“Why did you hit me?! That hurt!”

#hxh #hunter x hunter #phantom troupe #hxh scenarios #scenarios #shalnark #shalnark x reader

257 notes · View notes

impatentpending · 5 years ago

Text

Kill the Lights: ch. 8 - Sir, I'm Going to Need You to Stop Making out with the Murder Suspect

A Logince noir murder mystery with private eye Logan Sul and femme fatale Roman Torres.

AO3 First chapter Previous Chapter Buy me a ko-fi

Trigger warnings: - alcohol overdose - nihilism and depressive thoughts - period-typical homophobia - joking wish to drown - vague description of sensory overload

- - - - - - - - - -

“What’d you go and do a thing like that for?” Roman asked once they finally pulled back. His tone was flippant; his expression was anything but.

It took Logan a while to find himself again. Roman Torres, with his pretty red lips and shining brown eyes, had robbed him of any coherent thought. “I’ve been wondering if I’d like it.”

“What’s the verdict?” Roman draped his arms around Logan's shoulders.

Logan put a hand on the curve of his waist, pulling him closer. “I don’t know yet.”

“I suppose I'll have to fix that.”

“If you must.”

Roman tasted sweet and heady, like a draught of honeyed bourbon. Logan's brain – always churning with that infernal sea, always threatening to drown him – went quiet, still. Roman pulled Logan’s lower lip into his mouth, nipping it lightly.

Logan pulled back, slowly, and toyed with the fine hairs at the nape of Roman’s neck. “It’s even better when you help.”

Roman twisted a smile up at him. “I'd say that counts as a glowing review.” His grin took on a mischievous edge. “And I must add, that shade really works for you.”

Logan blinked. He turned to the wall of one-way mirrors and snorted. “I think I'll leave the finer points of makeup to your expertise.”

He wiped at his mouth with a handkerchief, smearing off the worst of the lipstick.

Roman pouted. “Oh, I thought you looked quite lovely.”

“First time I’ve been accused of that.”

Logan smoothed back his hair when a sinking feeling hit him, a hot coal settling somewhere in his chest. He hadn’t kissed anyone like that since…

He cleared his throat.

“Do you want a drink?” He crossed the room towards the low-slung bar before Roman could answer. “I want a drink. Let me make us some drinks.”

“Don’t bother,” Roman said. “Patton always locks the liquor cabinet.”

“Don’t worry.” Logan pulled a small kit out of his pocket. “I always bring my own keys.”

Roman cautiously perched on a bar stool, watching Logan focus on the lock. Within seconds, he had it popped open. Wrapping his fingers around the closest bottle, he rummaged for glasses.

“First you can kiss like that, and now you can pick locks?” Roman accepted the glass Logan slid his way. “Mr. Sul, I dare say you’re a regular hooligan.”

The faintest hint of laughter escaped Logan. “I’ve been called worse.”

Roman cast a sidelong glance at him but said nothing more, not until the far doors swung open to reveal Patton and Virgil.

Virgil had held the door open for Patton, and the look of tenderness they cast after him was almost enough to make Logan’s stomach churn.

“Roman, Logan.” Patton’s mouth twisted in disapproval. “It’s still morning.”

“It’s five o’clock where I’m from.” Logan raised his glass in a toast before downing the rest of it. “Geonbae.”

“Well, down where I’m from, it’s still morning.” Patton tartly took the glass from Roman, who looked vaguely abashed.

“Where is that, anyway?” Logan tilted his head at the club’s owner.

“West Hills,” Virgil interrupted. “The good ol’ sunshine state.” Their voice dripped with venom as they took in Logan. “Now, mind telling us what you're doing here, Sul? Or are you just”- they mockingly touched their thumb to the corner of their mouth- “harassing the staff.”

“Virgil!” Roman hissed, coloring.

Logan touched his fingers to his lips. When he pulled away, a smear of lipstick remained.

Virgil smirked. “Glad to see workplace professionalism isn't dead.”

“Well,” Logan retorted, looking from Virgil to Patton and back again. “I'm sure you'd know all about that.”

Virgil's lips curled. They stepped forward, shoulders squared, only to be stopped by Patton's gentle hand on their arm.

“Virge made a good point.” He flashed a smile up at them before turning it on Logan. “Did you need something, Lo? Anything we can help with?”

Logan blinked. Right. Murder investigation. He didn't come here to drink scotch and neck with Roman Torres.

That was just an added bonus.

“I was hoping to talk to Mr. Arya.” He had a few questions for the snake of a man. “I assumed someone here would be able to get into contact with him.”

Roman and Virgil were having a silent conversation, made entirely of twitching eyebrows and narrowed eyes. Neither of them seemed satisfied with the conclusion.

Patton nodded. “I'll ring him up and get his address.”

He padded off, and the other three were left to stew in silence, trading suspicious glances and uncomfortable grimaces.

“Mr. Sul.” Dorian Arya lounged in the door frame of his apartment on the high side of the city. He crossed his arms, brandishing a smile. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Patton had made all due haste in getting the address, and, after a trip through the concrete, labyrinthian streets of upper manhattan, Logan found the joint.

“Business, not pleasure.” Logan stood stiffly while Dorian casually took a drag of his cigarette, mismatched eyes unblinking. “Are you going to invite me in?”

“Far be it from me to be a bad host to the man coming over uninvited,” Dorian drawled, slithering out of the way. Mockingly, he swept a hand inside. “Attakaiya varavēṟpu; attakaiya piriyāviṭai,” he welcomed at odds with his hooded eyes.

The apartment was nice enough. Clean. If you ignored the haze of smouldering cigarettes and smell of smoke, it could almost be called pristine. No clutter on the low-slung coffee table; no unwashed dishes sitting in the sink; no magazines junking up the unmarred marble countertops of the small, tidy kitchen.

“Have a seat.” Dorian gestured to the gray couch. “I’ll make us a drink.”

Logan perked up. “What do you have?”

Dorian’s voice drifted out of the kitchen, droll. “Tea.”

Logan huffed and strode over to the living room, scanning the area as he sat. it was almost unsettling, how spartan the space was, as if nothing in it had really ever been used or -

Something slithered over Logan’s foot.

He yelped, scrambling to fling himself up on the couch, staring down with wide eyes.

“I see you’ve met Amoli,” Dorian drawled, mouth flirting with amusement. He lounged against the doorway, a mug of tea in each hand. “Looks like she likes you.”

“I regret to inform her that the feelings are not mutual.” Logan sat down, as dignified as he could, while Dorian crossed the room and put the tea mugs down on the coffee table.

He crouched, making soft noises. “Come on, precious. I promise that nasty detective isn’t going to do anything to you.”

Logan made an affronted huff, but Dorian ignored him in favor of reaching under the couch. He emerged with a snake, nearly the length of his arm, wrapping itself around his hand. It had coral stripes and large, golden eyes that seemed to be glaring at Logan.

Logan grimaced at her. “Charmed, I’m sure.”

Dorian settled in his seat, the snake coiling around him like a particularly large, angry bracelet. “So,” he said languidly, crossing his legs. “I take it there's a reason other than my charming company you decided to barge in.”

“There's only one reason I'd associate with you,” Logan shot back.

The edge of his sharp canine gleaming against his lower lip, Dorian smirked. “I would think Mr. Torres would be taking care of you in that regard, but if you insist…”

Logan rolled his eyes. “I found out something interesting about you and Mr. Salem.”

“We wore the same suit once,” Dorian bemoaned, a little too quickly. “Terribly embarrassing, but don't worry, I made him change.”

Silently, Logan withdrew the photograph of his six suspects he had bagged from Patton's apartment. He threw it down on the table.

Dorian gazed at it impassively. “How precious,” he deadpanned.

The private eye tapped on the background, where Dorian, Remy, and Viper stood. He could see the exact moment Dorian’s gaze landed on his past self and Remy’s joined hands. His mug froze, smirk plastered unnaturally on an immobile facade.

Slowly, he picked it up and examined the picture more closely, eyes softening just the tiniest bit. “I remember this,” he said. “We were still in a bit of a honeymoon phase at that point.”

“I thought your relationship was strictly professional,” Logan said, perhaps a bit too triumphantly.

Dorian rolled his shoulders, shaking his head. “Let's call it business with benefits.”

He put the picture back on his coffee table, face down.

Logan frowned. “You mean it was… strictly venereal?”

Dorian stared at him flatly. “We slept together, if that's what you mean.” He shrugged. “A wife who doesn’t love you, late nights, a bit too much whisky - it was a simple equation. He could’ve been anyone. It was sex, nothing more.”

“You always have a quick explanation ready, don't you, Mr. Arya?”

Dorian quirked an eyebrow. “What do you want me to do, learn to stutter?”

“I’d prefer you tell the truth, but I’m beginning to think that’s against your intrinsic nature.”

“Ten points to the gumshoe.”

Logan glanced down at his loafers, tilting his foot to check the sole. “I see no polyisobutylene.”

“Why do you only do that with me?” he muttered, then shook his head. “Look, I know what you're thinking, but this wasn't a case of the jilted lover. He didn't do anything to snap my cap-” He shot a look at Logan. “To make me mad, and I'm not prone to senseless homicide.”

“Really?” Logan said, tilting his head. “Not even if I told you I know for a fact he was sleeping with someone else at Ego?”

“Tell me something I don't know.” Dorian’s expression didn't shift. “Frankly, I don’t give a damn if Remy was sleeping with someone else. He slept with… a lot of people.” A wry smile lifted his mouth. “If I was that jealous, I’d off them instead, wouldn't I?”

“You didn’t harbor any” - Logan gestured vaguely - “affections for him?”

Dorian snorted. “Remy wasn’t the sort of man you fall in love with. He had a mouth that worried you until you knew him and then it worried you more.” He took a long drag of his cigarette. “Besides, we aren’t the sort built for romance.”

Logan started. “We?”

Drolly, Dorian waved a hand. “Our sort. All the people at Mr. Parker’s precious little night club.”

“That can’t be right,” Logan protested automatically. “Statistically, with the high population of the queer community, there must be at least-”

“Name one,” Dorian demanded, shifting forward to rest his elbows onto his knees. Amoli slithered into a new position around his arms, restless. “Name one person like us you know who’s been happy.”

“I don’t… I…” Logan floundered, casting about before his mind settled. “I knew one. First case I ever worked. He was happy, I know it.”

“Was,” Dorian repeated, a wry twist to his mouth. “Tell me, Sul, what happened to him?”

Logan could almost smell the tang of brine in the air, the sharp stench of oil, the bright scent of blood. “He died.”

His responding smile wasn’t victorious. “I’m going to let you in on a little secret,” Dorian hissed. “There’s never been one. People like us don’t get happy endings, and the sooner you let go of all of this, the sooner you realize that what happened to Remy is just what happens to us, the better off you’ll be.”

“That just doesn't make sense, though,” Logan countered, fighting down the strange squeezing in his chest. He’d thought those sorts of things himself, but it was different, somehow, to hear them aloud from someone else.

Logan was right about most things. He didn’t always want to be right about some things.

“That nightclub was full of our sort. If it was a hate-motivated crime, why would he, specifically, be targeted?”

“Because he was better known than anyone else there,” Dorian stated. “People in my line of work get angry with each other for the littlest things. Can't stand anyone richer than them, can't stand anyone more influential than them, can't stand anyone handsomer than them.”

He slithered forward, eyes boring into Logan's.

“Now imagine someone who's all three also turns out to be something illegal, something you find immoral, something you're afraid of.”

Logan leaned forward, intrigued despite himself. “So that's what you think it was?”

Dorian worked his jaw, idly scratching at his eczema patch. “I think there's a lot of twisted people out there,” he said, finally. “And, through business, I've met more than m1`y fair share.” His mouth twisted into a smirk. “Then again, they also met me.”

“They did,” Logan hedged, “and I take it many didn't cope well with dealing with someone who isn't white.”

“Which is exactly why I needed Remy,” Dorian countered. “Most of our associates couldn't pick me out of a crowd of two, but Remy…” He cut himself off, the edge of a fond smile touching his lips. “Rem was impossible to ignore.”

Logan's eyes darkened. “I'm beginning to understand that, yes.”

He rose without prelude, brushing imaginary wrinkles from his shirt. “Well, this has been most informative. Thank you very much, Mr. Arya.”

Rising in turn, Dorian regarded him with something just short of bemusement. “So glad you enjoyed your tea.”

The untouched mugs nestled quietly on the table.

“A bit too low in proof count for me,” Logan fired back.

“It seems like you want proof in everything.” Dorian ran a finger along Amoli’s smooth head.

Logan just barely bit back a smile. “Why set your sights low?” He adjusted his tie, thinking for a moment before adding: “oh, and stop by Ego tomorrow night. There's something I need all of you for.”

Then, without so much as a touch of his cap, he disappeared out the door in a twirling of his coattails.

Dorian stood, looking after him for a long minute and sighed, sitting back down and scooping up one of the two abandoned cups.

“I don’t suppose you’re thirsty,” he said to Amoli.

Logan was getting sick of the darkness. Night came early to New York City, and it often refused to leave for hours and hours, until the sun’s bright rays beat it back. It returned. It always did, chasing the light away from its joint and bearing down on the city and all its inhabitants, until they cracked and crumbled under the pressure.

There had been a bottle in his hand just a little bit ago, hadn’t there? He had bought one. He was a quarter short, so he’d examined the grizzled shop owner. Then, Logan detailed to him how the man had lived in a small town until about four years ago, he had two children, he was drowning in debt but still had a gambling problem - then the man threw the bottle at him and screamed for Logan to get out.

He had saved two dollars.

People like us don’t get happy endings.

Why the hell was it so dark in here?

Logan stumbled over to the windows, throwing open the blinds. Gray light streamed in slants over the dingy white carpet, pooling in dismal puddles on the chipped table. He stared outside, at the streaks of headlights fading into the horizon and the indistinct black masses of people scuttling to and fro, even at this hour. Gray and white and black.

There had been amber a minute ago. Swishing sedately at the bottom of his glass. He had swallowed it up, but the color hadn’t absorbed into him. He caught a glimpse of his reflection in the window. Gray shadows under his eyes. Black hair in disarray. Naturally dark skin gaunt and pale.

Bile burned at the back of Logan’s throat.

People like us don’t get happy endings.

“It’s not us that’s the problem,” he argued, voice thick and slurred. “It’s them!” He waved a hand emphatically at the anamorphosis masses outside his window. His arm caught an edge of a lamp and sent it flying. The bulb smashed against the wall.

It became a little bit darker.

“If they weren’t so damn…” He had a page in his notebook for this. “Sheep-headed.” That wasn’t right. Logan pawed through his coat, looking for his notebook, but his thick fingers were larger than usual, clumsy. “Rabbit-headed…” He muttered, trailing off halfway through his words. Some sort of animal they had on those quaint little farms, far from the smog and darkness of the city.

Now there was a happy ending. Alone.

Away from everything, everyone.

If he didn’t have anyone, he didn’t have anyone to lose. No “family” of strangers to hold him back and make him weak.

No smirking red lips.

No chirps of ‘kiddo!’

No dark scowls.

It’d be so much easier if he wasn’t starting to care.

Someone was looming above him.

Instinctively, Logan’s fist went flying, but a large, calloused palm stopped him.

“Aren’t you hospitable,” Virgil Avery drawled, letting Logan’s hand drop from their grasp.

Each word hit Logan like a sledgehammer between the eyes, and he groaned, closing his eyes against the blinding light slanting in from the drawn blinds. “Too loud.”

“Probably because you’re nursing a bottle-ache the size of Texas,” Patton Parker chided, bustling into the room with a steaming mug of what smelled like mint clutched in his hands. “You’ve slept all day. Didn’t you get tired of it?”

Logan squinted at the window. “Six?”

“Seven,” Patton corrected, pressing the mug against his lips.

Logan made to jerk his head away, but a stabbing pain forced him to stay, taking a tentative sip of honeyed tea. It eased his throat, reviving him a bit.

“I thought your tolerance was higher,” Virgil cluckled. “Or at least your common sense. We found you passed out on the floor.”

“I got worried when you didn’t show up at the club,” Patton explained.

“Apparently it’s just not the same without you making us all miserable.” Virgil rolled their eyes, and Patton swatted their arm gently.

Logan squinted up at the two of them blearily - Virgil with their arms crossed and a scowl plastered on their face, and Patton with his open, freckled face of concern. “How the hell did you know where I live?”

“I asked Dorian,” Patton chirped, coaxing him to take another sip of tea.

“That doesn’t answer-” Logan cut himself off as another wave of nausea hit him. He leaned over the edge of the bed, but nothing came out.

“You’re super dehydrated, mac,” Virgil clucked, pinching the skin on the back of his hand between their long fingers. “When’s the last time you drank something that didn’t make you all warm and fuzzy after?”

“I hate you,” Logan muttered, face pressed into his matress. “Also my name is Logan.”

“You’re going to wreck your kidneys,” they lectured, thumbing at the ruddy coloring on his cheeks. “Pat, keep him on his side. I don’t want him choking if he throws up again.”

“I can take care of myself,” Logan protested, pushing himself up. The room spun. He promptly dropped back down.

“That’s what I thought.” Virgil smirked down at him. “Drink the tea. If you get hypoglycemic, who’s going to make our lives miserable?”

Sullenly, Logan sipped the cup Patton brought to his lips, glaring daggers.

“You gotta take better care of yourself, kiddo,” Patton chided. “Virge knows about a ton of medical stuff because they’re so smart, but what if we weren’t here?”

“Why are you here anyway?” Logan snapped back. “There is no need for you to be. I have attended to my own needs perfectly sufficiently before now, and I can continue to do so. Last night was a… a fluke.”

They exchanged glances, Patton’s mouth twitching up and Virgil’s eyebrows twitching down.

“You came to check up on me when I needed it,” Patton said, finally. “I owed you one.”

“Then you can pay me back by absconding.” Ignoring the ringing in his ears, Logan flung himself up and stumbled past them into the kitchen, intent on opening the door to shove them out.

He came up short.

Roman.

“Shouldn’t you be in bed, Mr. Sul?” He glanced idly at the detective before continuing dumping a bottle of scotch down the sink. A row of empty bottles ran down the counter top.

“What, exactly, do you presume you’re doing?” Logan demanded, hackles rising.

Roman poured the last of the alcohol down the sink. With a satisfied flourish, he lined the bottle up with the others and turned to face Logan. “I hired you for a job, Mr. Sul. Last time I checked, drinking yourself into a stupor and sleeping for a full day doesn’t help me.”

“You hired me to investigate a made up stalking claim,” Logan growled. “And, on top of that, you haven’t paid me a single cent.”

“Semantics.” Roman waved a hand. “You have a case, Mr. Sul.” He stalked up to Logan, smoothing down the wrinkles in his sleep-creased shirt. “And last I checked, I was going to help you solve it.”

“We never agreed to that.”

“But look.” Roman gestured to the empty bottles with a beatific smile. “I’m already helping.”

Logan glared down at him. Roman met his gaze unflinchingly.

“You’d be doing a much better job of intimidating me if you didn’t look like hell warmed over.”

Logan looked away, a bitter laugh escaping. “You’re lucky you’re pretty, Mr. Torres.”

Roman smirked. “I prefer ‘devilishly handsome’, Mr. Sul.”

“Emphasis on the devil,” Logan groused.

“And you’re going to have a hell of a time if you don’t sit down right now, mister.” Patton appeared in the doorway, hands on his hips.

Logan made a show of flopping down into his sagging couch. “Happy, Mr. Prohibition?”

Patton beamed. “Ecstatic.”

Logan decided his sanity was more important than continuing that particular conversational strain.

The other three settled around him - Roman pressed against him on the couch, Patton on his other side, and Virgil sitting on the wobbling coffee table.

Logan shot them a questioning look and they shrugged.

“Listen, life is hard. And when tomorrow comes, I will be faced with even more challenges. And I am too overwhelmed to worry about what ‘is’ and ‘is not’ a chair.” He inked finger quotes in the air.

Patton sighed. “Virge, I was feeling good today.”

“It’s an excellent theory if not practice,” Logan conceded. “I may have to adopt it.”

“Better than whatever you did last night.” Virgil arched an eyebrow.

“Yeah, what did that poor lamp ever do to you?” Roman joked.

The lamp in question was sitting on the rickety side table, patched together with a careful but awkward glue job.

“You… fixed it.” Logan blinked.

“Not perfect, but it might dispel some of the doom and gloom in here.” Patton winked. “It's sure to brighten up your day.”

Logan clenched his jaw, looking away. Roman placed a hand on his, and Logan couldn’t tell if he was meant to jerk away.

“I didn't mean to break it,” he defended. “I just… lost a bit of control.”

“Did something happen?” Patton asked, softly.

This was exactly what he didn’t want. People in his space, caring for him, looking after him. It wasn’t… it wasn’t right. He didn’t deserve it. He didn’t want it.

Every moment here was a game of russian roulette. Any longer and there’d be bloodshed.

He let the silence last just a moment too long, feeling the weight of six eyes on him like so many tons of crushing rubble. His hands flexed and unflexed on his lap as he wrestled with himself.

“I talked to Dorian,” Logan said, eventually.

“That explains it.” Virgil nodded sagely. “I’d probably try to drown myself in a bottle after talking to him, too.”

Patton shot them a look.

Logan couldn’t help a huff of laughter.

“He said something, and it just…” Logan shook his head. “I’d never really thought about it before, but he was right, and I didn’t want him to be.”

“What was it?” Roman asked, tracing gentle circles on the back of Logan’s hand.

“Not important.” Logan shied back, suddenly and acutely aware that he was hemmed in on all sides. Even if it was Roman, the feeling of someone touching him…

It felt wrong, right now. Itching and irritating, like a parasite trying to break through his skin.

“He just… managed to figuratively get in my head.” He shifted away from Roman, accidentally knocking against Patton. He barely managed to hide a wince as Virgil began speaking.

“Yeah, I get that.” They tapped their temple. “It just gets stuck up here, right? Like the world’s worst record scratch.”

“But you can tell us anything, kiddo.” Patton rested a gentle hand on his shoulder. “We’re here for you, okay?”

Panic rose in Logan’s throat. His skin was crawling on his bones like it wasn’t put on right.

“Shower.” Logan stood up, wobbling, and barely avoided toppling into Virgil’s lap. “Roman said I look like – and I definitely reek so I should most certainly” – he tottered backwards, escaping and babbling as the other three stared after him with wide, bewildered eyes -–“get clean. Shower. RVery hot shower.” He closed the door to his room in their faces.

He stood there for a long moment then sighed and let this head thunk against the door. He winced. That had been a bad decision. Rubbing at the aching spot on his already pounding head, he stumbled out of his clothes and stepped into the bathroom.

The water felt good on his fevered, scarred skin - warding off the worst of the pounding in his temples and washing away the ghosts of hands on his skin. He got like that sometimes, where he couldn’t bear anyone to touch him. It felt like they were leaving markers on him - sticky, uncomfortable brands that wouldn’t come off, no matter how hard he rasped a washcloth down his arms. It didn’t stop until he warded off the deep, primeval panic that came over him like a fog.

They had just been touching him like petty comfort could offer solace for a hurt they didn’t know anything about. Staring at him, like they expected something from him. What did they think he was going to do, share his feelings and welcome with open arms the verifiable strangers that had invaded his apartment to baby him?

Fat chance.

Logan didn’t get out until the water ran cold, letting his fog of panic disperse and hoping against hope that they’d be gone when he came out.

He had just wrapped a towel around his waist when Roman opened the door behind Logan.

“Oh, good. You didn’t drown in there.”

Oh, his headache was back.

“I’m beginning to wish I had.”

He thought about shying away almost reflexively, but no. If Roman saw enough of his scars, he and the others might get scared away.

“Did you need something, Mr. Torres?” Logan turned around, watching Roman close the door with a soft click and lean against the frame.

“What, I can’t show an adequate amount of concern for someone very near and dear to my heart?” Roman splayed a hand over his chest, mock-pouting.

“What heart?” Logan said dryly.

“Insulting me? Oh, you must be feeling better.” His dark gaze followed a water drop, running down the length of Logan’s neck and pooling in his collar bone. “Looking better too.” He licked his red lips.

“Still trying to seduce your way out of everything?” Logan rolled his eyes, turning to rummage through his closet for clothes.

Roman flashed a wry smile. “It’s my go-to move.”

“I hope you think highly enough of me by now to comprehend it won’t work.” Logan pulled on a black shirt.

“I do,” Roman hummed, turning around before Logan could ask. “But there’s no rule against having fun.”

“Is that what this is for you?” Logan finished dressing. “Fun?”

“This whole scenario? No. You? Yes.” Then, before Logan could even begin to figure out how to respond to that, he continued. “Are you decent?”

“Morally? Never. In terms of dress? Yes.”

Roman laughed as he turned around, full and unabashed. Logan’s breath caught in his throat.

“You should leave it natural sometimes,” Roman mused, stalking forward and combing through his damp hair with his fingers. “It looks good.”

“I’m not one for aesthetics.”

“You look cross. Am I not in your good books?”

“If you were,” Logan managed, soft as a promise as he pulled Roman closer, “I’d burn down the study.”

And Roman… finally, Roman smiled. Bright and pure and honest. He looked just like he had in that photograph. “Much Ado About Nothing,” Roman said, pleased. “I'm going to have to try much harder to stump you, aren't I?”

And there, with Roman smiling up at him, that bright laughter still ringing in his ears, Logan let himself, just for a moment, be hap-

People like us don’t get happy endings.

The mantra shot into his mind like a bullet, killing off any sentimentality. His fingers tightened on Roman’s hips, just a little, and he lowered his head, tightening his jaw.

“You’re still thinking about him, aren’t you?”

Logan’s head snapped up, startled. “What?”

“What… whatever Dorian said.” Roman blinked, a small crease forming between his eyebrows. “Your mind is off in space. I can tell.”

“Oh.” Logan’s shoulders relaxed, and he cleared his throat, wishing he had a tie to adjust. “Yes, I suppose I am.”

“What was it, Logan?” Roman said, softly. “What’d he say to you?”

The words tumbled from him, helplessly: “That people like us don’t get happy endings.”

Roman paused for a long moment, jeweled eyes taking in Logan’s face. “You know,” he said, slowly. “We could always get a happy ending, if you decided.”

Logan could feel Roman's breath against his own lips. Hot. Tone lower than usual, layered with want.

“If you just let this whole thing go. If you just let yourself be happy here.”

Logan snorted. “One kiss and you think the world is upside down.”

Roman smiled. “Two kisses.” And he took him by the back of the neck.

A banging on the door interrupted them far too soon.

“If you’re done deflowering each other,” Virgil’s voice drifted dryly through, “the show’s scheduled to start in an hour and a half, and Roman’s absence would probably be noted.”

Roman’s face flamed violently, and he marched over to the door, slamming it open. “We weren’t doing… that,” he hissed at them.

“We know you weren’t, obviously.” Patton interrupted, flashing a half-fond, half-exasperated smile at Virgil, who had the decency to look somewhat abashed. “But we really have to get up and go, Ro. Are we going to see you later, Lo?”

Lo. Logan bit back a snappy retort and gave him a tight-lipped smile. “Perhaps.”

“I question why you’re such a man of mystery,” Patton giggled, ushering the others to the door.

“Actually.” Logan impulsively stopped them. “Mx. Avery, if I could just speak with you for a second.”

They shot Logan a confused look but shrugged. “Go on,” he told Patton and Roman. “I’ll catch up.”

“Alright…?” Patton’s concerned gaze bounced between the two of them. “Is something-”

Logan swung the door closed on the befuddled men and beckoned Virgil further into his apartment.

Virgil reluctantly followed, hackles raised. “I don’t see what’s so important that you couldn’t have Patton and Roman here.”

“That was an act of personal courtesy, but I’d be happy to call them back.” Logan’s amber eyes narrowed. “Although, something tells me you wouldn’t like that if you knew what I intend to ask.”

They shifted, almost unconsciously, into a fighting stance. “Is it that time sensitive? I don’t like letting them walk through this neighborhood alone.”

“This won’t take long,” Logan said, settling himself on the coffee table and smiling at Virgil. “I’m just curious as to how long you were sleeping with Remy Salem.”

- - - - - - - -

Buy me a kofi

- - - - - - - -

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