#I'm posting this more for my own archiving purposes than anything

[flagbridge]

I Saw the Phantom Proshot at the NYPL

Happy 36th birthday to Phantom's first preview on Broadway! I was going to save this post for the actual 36th, but I figure all of us need some more Phantom Broadway "original" content since the official Insta accounts are reminding us today that Phantom is no longer (though it should be) on Broadway. I'm going to post about what I saw, and I'll follow up on January 26 with all my answers!

Some time ago, @or-what-you-will and I went to the NYPL's Theater on Film and Tape Archive, and viewed the archival pro shot of the Original Broadway Cast of Phantom of the Opera, filmed live on May 25, 1988. There is only one copy, and its purpose is artistic preservation (not commercial distribution--the library owns it). It was kept under lock and key during the show's run. All information about how to access the archive is on the website. I can't really tell you anything more besides what's out there because it will become identifying. You get set up in a room with monitors and can pause and rewind, although you can't touch the media.

This was not my first TOFT proshot, but it was the best-filmed. Some, there's a single camera just parked, or there's some generation loss because of when the tape was transferred to digital. This had absolutely vivid colors, a multi-camera shot, and brilliant and clear soundboard audio. I heard lyrics I have never heard (especially during Notes when everyone is singing over one another), the sound balancing was so good. It was as transformative as seeing it live.

These are all the notes we took while there (apologize if they can seem disjointed) More below the cut.

ACT 1 NOTES: 

-Multicam shot

-amazing audio (soundboard), vivid colors

-Raoul/Barton is crying in his voice during the auction

-there’s a “voice” that sounds like a woman singing with the overture (maybe a theramin?) We jumped in shock at this. We've never heard this before, not even on soundboard.

-Sarah Brightman comes on stage during the Hannibal rehearsal, moving across the stage with Meg during “Rome not Roma”--so she dances in the front row during the Hannibal ballet

-Hannibal ballet then has 10 dancers and since Christine is in the whole thing, there is slightly different choreo

-there’s a synth under Meg’s “he’s there, the phantom of the opera” 

-Firmin lights a cigarette and Andre (Future Phantom Cris Groenendaal) stops him right before “Think of Me’ which makes the “Defense de Fumer” on the back of the curtain make even more sense

-Think of Me Gala skirt is not as full (but of note, Carlotta’s Elissa costume is much more ornate than we have now or even at the end of Broadway)

-Raoul sings slightly different notes in Think of Me. Steve Barton goes down a few notes on “young and innocent” (it’s not belted) and is clearly wistful. 

-The think of me cadenza is absolutely effortless

-The “Bravi, Bravi” is haunting and perfectly sound balanced!

-Meg can actually sing and the Angel of Music harmonies work

-Raoul (Steve Barton) is nervous before going into the dressing room. He taps his fingers on the banister and takes a deep breath before going in

-He’s also nervous inside the dressing room–you can see him going from seeing an old friend to suddenly having feelings, being attracted to her. When he’s standing behind her he has a slight moment when he nearly touches a lock of her hair. 

-Raoul is wearing a ring on his right hand (signet?)

-Steve Barton says MY Little Lotte

-Christine (Brightman) is excited about meeting the Angel of music and has a wanting and longing in “Enter at LAST master” (in a way that Lily Kerhoas does now and we haven’t had many Christines who do this) 

-The picture is VERY CLEAR and NO WASHOUT when we see Michael Crawford appear in the mirror for Phantom’s entrance. You see everything

-When the door opens for Raoul to the dressing room after they go through the mirror, it opens slowly (vs banging open). It’s the same tempo that Phantom moves to take Christine through the mirror

-1925 Phantom silhouette vibes at the first “sing for me” 

-Not a particularly aggressive cape twirl, but def a twirl. 

-They get VERY close on “turn your face away”, almost kiss (like, Russians, Panaro/Joseph close) 

- he has a nice portcullis sprawl but she does not press against him, there is visible space between them the entire time

-”Caress” and “hear it, feel it” are explicitly seductive, the former in how it’s sung, the latter because he self-caresses on “feel it”

-the “Touch me” in touch me/trust me is half sung/half spoken order, she strokes her hand over the mask and he does not pull away

-He does have a little panic when she faints and he covers her with the cloak. He’s holding her hair when he sings to her there

-At the unmasking, MC holds for a brief moment before covering his face with his hand so the audience gets a peek of the deformity (before “damn you”) 

-Vixen not viper

-Crawls on knees, not stomach. We get…lots of crying and whimpering 

-Christine sees his face a lot during this sequence. MC lowers his hand as soon as he’s on her side of the stage from “secretly dreams of beauty” to “Oh Christine”, when he turns away–but she is looking at him the entire time. MC is angled right by a mirror shard so we can see a bit of the deformity reflected back

-Right before “come we must return”, MC is about to cup her face with both his hands before changing his mind–she starts to reach for him as well. 

-His Mandarin robe is much longer than we have now (ankle length vs calf length) 

-This Giry has witch vibes

-Steve Barton is playing eager puppy Raoul and it shows even though he looks older (Barton was 35 at the time)

-The sound balancing is so good that you can hear lines you don’t normally hear during Notes 1 and Prima Donna–including the Managers thinking that Christine has just been off with Raoul all night. 

-Sarah Brightman does a different pose on the bed as the pageboy during Il Muto. She crosses her legs vs putting her hands on her hips. 

-Firmin yells “the role of Christine Daae” to the proscenium, clearly directed at Phantom

-Barton Raoul’s “There is no Phantom of the Opera” comes off more as “Christine this is just some dude” vs “he doesn’t exist at all.” 

-Raoul loves Christine so much. He strokes her hair gently to comfort her right before “No more talk of darkness”--his eyes are soft and he’s genuinely caring and concerned (vs trying to be a hero) 

-”All I ask is for one love one lifetime”--different lyrics, she does it twice (This is on soundboards from the time)

-Raoul puts his face to Christine’s hands at the proposal. 

-Christine is clearly kissing his cheek right next to his mouth during the kiss (the final lair kiss is a real kiss) 

-Christine’s “I must go” is not as playful as we often see it later. She really is trying to go. 

-Raoul is nervous at “Christine, I love you”--he lowers his head for a moment worried that he said something wrong. He’s excited when she replies “order your fine horses”

-AIAOY Reprise: Michael Crawford is partially slumped over the angel, he’s holding hands with it to the audience’s right, and arm is slumped over on the left. We get a lot of anguished weeping, and little distressed moans as Christine and Raoul sing, there is rocking and head shaking and then covering his ears. It’s a HUGE difference then when he stands up fully for “You will curse” (he does this again during final lair between “unfeeling scrap of clothing” and “pity comes too late) 

-He also roars before standing

-The Phantom laugh/cackle continues well into the chandelier drop into intermission at the light cut out for about 15 seconds. 

Act II

-Carlotta masquerade costume has no mesh in the skirt–it’s much more of a see-through skeleton crinoline, so the feature is the purple tights

-Not surprising since Sarah Brightman is a dancer, but Christine does the proper choreography during Masquerade--she's the center of attention. Barton also does quite a bit of dancing.

-There’s an organ (almost like a circus organ) underlying the finale during masquerade

-Red Death double doesn’t run down the stairs, he stays at the top

-Giry/Raoul exchange after masquerade–both holding the lantern and super closeup

-Reyer is clearly gay–coded. Some voice and hand gestures during Sitzprobe

-Wishing–only one “help me say goodbye” (when did the second one get added?)

-”Far-reaching” gaze, Wandering Child is a duet

-Piangi says “conquest” is assured (at some point, this became “congress”)

-Michael Crawford imitates Piangi until “past the point…”

-Sarah as Christine is listening intently to Phantom’s voice and immediately noticed something is off–she doesn’t figure it out right away but she notices something. She is suspicious the entire time. It's not clear when she knows for certain.

-Christine never flees from him, during the first caresses, he hovers over her body, she turns to kiss him, he turns away, her hand lingers on her back, before she gets up to sing her solo part away from the table

-Michael Crawford’s hands are in in his crotch when Christine’s singing on the other side of the stage (“you have come here”)--he’s moving his palms in his lap the whole time, his hands are shaking, we only get glimpses of him, most of this part it’s focused on her

-There is none of the arm waving circling while their hands are held, she takes his hands, he switches his grip to hold one of hers, and they keep them on him

-She figures it out when she reaches down–she’s holding his hands above him and she pushes her left (our right) hand down and he pulls and she notices something–we can only see to his upper waist but her hand disappears and her expression changes, it’s implied he has an erection

-she doesn’t ever feel the mask, either accidentally or on purpose

-She doesn’t actually ever try to escape. It’s not the current West End or the past blocking–but more accurate in that she is aware of the situation and plays along. She keeps going with the blocking

-they both get up and keep singing, neither drags the other to the centre, they move together and keep singing 

-The last “return”--he sings it at the unhooding, she doesn’t

-”Say you’ll share with me”--he is really pleading and almost crying on “say you want me” 

-The managers don’t come out to try to usher her offstage, she doesn’t signal to them to stay

-When Phantom gives her the ring, she takes it, but doesn’t put it on–she just holds it

-He doesn’t scream at the unmasking, he just looks shocked and sad

-Ratcatcher order is different–it’s after Raoul and Giry’s first lines, that’s the indication that Giry needs to turn around, Giry screams

-Phantom is crying at “flesh” and through “unfeeling scrap of clothing”, he’s also hunched over through this sequence, and then stands to his full height at “Pity comes too late.”

-Phantom makes a big show of raising the portcullis, hands fully raised

-Raoul swats at Erik with one hand (the other is still on the noose) when Phantom grabs Christine on “start a new life” 

-Phantom is probably the “minimum” amount of rough as we see Phantoms be with Christine in this sequence, as in, he’s definitely scary and menacing but he’s not harming her. He does grab her and spin her around on “start a new life with me.” There are a few wrist grabs (which is book accurate). He’s realizing more that his plan is absolutely crumbling. We get some shots of him on the organ looking panicked.

-Phantom makes a low growling noise before “you try my patience”, which is delivered quickly and almost casually. It is not menacing as some later Phantoms do. 

-”Pitiful creature”..MC’s hand is subtly shaking by his side

-The kiss: the 1st one MC stands with “claw hands” at his side, on the second one, the “claw hands” start shaking

-MC hunches over after he burns the noose

-He stands over the monkey, conducting it with one hand, he is mimicking the symbol clashes, he doesn’t touch it or cover its face

-When Christine returns the ring, his hand shakes as he takes it, he’s hunched over again. 

-She does seem conflicted about leaving, but she doesn’t press her hand back around his, she holds out the ring and his hand shakes as she takes it. She doesn’t linger very long. 

-He says a second “I love you” after she’s gone.

-He’s about to say it a third time, he says “I love…” and then see the veil, and grabs it and screams into it, and then turns and sees the boat leaving

-He sobs and keens a lot

-Raoul bends in the boat to caress Christine’s face on “say the word”)--this is halfway across the stage as opposed to during the stage right exit.

-Deliberately cracks voice on the "can" in “you alone can make” 

-MC Cradling the veil like a baby at the very end

SEND ME YOUR QUESTIONS! You can put it in comments, reblogs, AMA or DM's. I will answer all of them on January 26!

[nemastraea]

Doormat extraordinaire: Andrew Graves is down horrendous for his own sister | Part 1

Or as I like to call it, actual literal word vomit attempting a proper character analysis!

Here's a link to the AO3 version for archive purposes: The doormat extraordinaire has a bit of a romantic streak,

Content warning: This will heavily feature spoilers from Episodes 1 & 2 of The Coffin of Andy and Leyley. Trigger warning: Abuse, cannibalism, child neglect, codependency, harassment, incest, murder, self-harm, and suicide. Disclaimer: I will occasionally reference an extremely normal essay from Sufficient Velocity commenter Leyleyfication (here). It would be a lot easier to read this essay first as Leyleyfication does a pretty good job establishing the following: - Ashley is dependent on Andrew to assure and validate her of her own insecurities, and - The game heavily implies that Andrew wants to fuck his own sister.

Anyway: The Coffin of Andy and Leyley! A game in early access where a pair of siblings are stuck through a seemingly never-ending quarantine together, desperate not to starve to death. When their cultist neighbor dies in a ritual gone wrong, they rationally resort to cannibalism. Fun!

I am definitely going to assume that you read Leyleyfication's extremely normal essay (I am on my knees, begging you to read that). Which is why this essay immediately starts with, "yeah, Andrew definitely wants to fuck his sister" as its baseline.

What I will be adding to that funny little cauldron of fucked up sibling dynamics in a horror visual novel are the following: Andrew's fixation and sexual attraction manifests as his desire to control, dominate, and possess Ashley. And it is framed as a fatalist attraction and the totality of his existence (for worse or even worse).

Because of Tumblr's limit for 30 images per post, though, I'm going to have to split this extremely normal and reasonably lengthy essay into... multiple posts! Yeah! I have no idea how long this will fucking go!

So first things first: how can we tell that Andrew is even attracted to Ashley in the first place?

Nemlei (Devlog 05). Note the hickeys above and below Ashley's choker and her left inner thigh, and Andrew's left hand creeping into her right thigh.

As Leyleyfication points out, the game primes us to believe that Andrew is a pushover and Ashley is his abuser. This occurs in the Steam page as it explicitly says Ashley is "in fact, very bad" and Andrew is a "doormat extraordinaire." Moreover, it's very easy to tell that Ashley is, on some degree, obsessed with Andrew:

She's happy to hear that Julia broke up with Andrew over the phone;

She repeatedly accuses him of finding the Lady from Room 302 attractive and he 'tried anything with her;' and

Her flashback to wanting to punish her friend Nina ("the Bitch in the Box") for crushing on Andrew.

Episode 1, dream and memory. Leyley previously said that Nina should know better than to 'steal from another woman,' referring to herself. The implication that Andy is hers is toyed with after this moment, when she says she'd put Andy back in the box.

The game does prime us to think that Ashley is Andrew's abuser. It also suggests that Ashley projects an unrequited and incestuous love onto Andrew. Before we consider Episode 2's narrative, Episode 1 gives the initial impression that if Andrew comes to reciprocate her feelings, it's more of a reaction and subsuming to her will. That it may not be something he wants for himself and independent of Ashley's manipulation.

But again, I do believe Andrew wants to fuck Ashley. And always has been. He just frequently vacillate between 'subtle' and 'really fucking obvious' tells that completely take advantage of the game's third person limited POV.

Keep in mind that both Andrew and Ashley are extremely unreliable narrators. We aren't going to get information they personally do not care about and that is on top of our own choices as the player.

(A digressive example: you will not learn that the founder and CEO of Toxisoda's company was a former surgeon unless you interact with the television in Andrew's Episode 2 dream and memory of their blood oath. Otherwise, it neatly ties into the surgeon that Mrs. Graves conveniently says she was directed to regarding the siblings' quarantine in the main story.)

When it's really fucking obvious

When you play as Andrew in Episode 2, his post-dinner argument with Ashley carefully frames them both. They are cramped in the foreground and Andrew's left arm is conveniently blocked by Ashley and the kitchen knife, as seen here.

Episode 2, common route. Prior to this, you can interact with Mrs. Graves for her to pointedly comment on the siblings being inseparable.

At this point in the game, their physical closeness is something we're used to by now. After all, we've already seen Ashley on his lap at least twice; Andrew slept in her bed in Episode 1; and Ashley confirmed they've shared the same motel bed multiple times in the one-week interim between Episodes 1 & 2.

But the game abruptly shifts to Mrs. Graves' POV when she enters the scene and not only do we see the two as physically close, but we notice a few more details.

Episode 2, common route. The first picture transitions from Andrew's POV to Mrs. Graves as it introduces us to her entering the scene.

The contrast of how spacious the kitchen is from Mrs. Graves' POV to Andrew's cramped POV is obvious. More importantly, Andrew's fingers loop through Ashley's belt loops when the two are huddled together. When Mrs. Graves clears her throat, the two don't really separate.

Ashley pivots on her left foot so that her body is turned to their mother, not Andrew, but she doesn't step away from him. Andrew, meanwhile, recoils from Ashley and withdraws his hand. But he isn't turning his body to face their mother like Ashley does here. His attention, at least in this moment, is still towards Ashley (and, yanno, the sink).

Episode 2, common route. Two things to consider in the second picture: Andrew hides Ashley's bite mark on his cheek with his left sleeve and he conveniently moves the pillow from behind him to his front.

The 'tell' isn't so much as the two are unusually physically close. Again, we're used to that by now. But it's how the two siblings react whenever Mrs. Graves comes into the picture. Ashley doesn't really give a fuck about whether or not people assume the worst of her or even her intentions regarding Andrew. To Ashley, their proximity is normal and anyone who sees that as a problem is not worth an explanation or reason.

But Andrew is at least subconsciously aware it's 'not normal.' As far as these moments are concerned, Andrew instinctively tries to do damage control by either putting space between them or keeping his hands occupied so they aren't visibly touching Ashley. Still, he either does not mind or actively appreciates his physical closeness with Ashley.

When it's really fucking obvious (but only in hindsight)

In Episode 1, Ashley passes out after trying to clean up after the apartment. Regardless of her passing out in the living room, the bathroom, or their parents' room, she will wake up on the couch with her head pillowed by Andrew's lap.

Episode 1, Ashley's POV. Andrew's hands often hover over Ashley's head, but more than that—

I personally didn't notice this until I replayed Episode 1, when I basically have the hindsight of Andrew's fixation with hair. But yes, his fingers idly twirl through the ends of Ashley's hair as they watch TV. It's implied that Andrew can and will do this when Ashley pillows his lap, awake or asleep. He does not recoil from it when Ashley does wake up and later on, in Episode 2, even continues to brush it from her face.

Episode 2, common route. Ashley fell asleep at the passenger seat, so Andrew had to have transferred her to the back seat to pillow her head again. Though, technically, she's more cramped at the back seat than if he'd just reclined the passenger seat.

So far, we've seen that Andrew has a natural tendency to not only be physically close to Ashley, but to hover over her personal space and be in constant and direct contact with her. Whether it's by having her head on his lap, twirling her hair through his fingers, or even constantly grabbing her by the head in various states of comfort, playfulness, or outright threat (but let's put a pin on that for now).

The weight behind this candid contact shifts when Episode 2 draws a pretty explicit parallel between Julia and Ashley. Assuming that you interacted with Julia's landline and heard Ashley's voicemails, you know (and Andrew knows) that Ashley draws that connection herself:

DO YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME!? Just because you can fuck him and I can't? You think that's love?! Are you fucking delusional?? Cumdumpsters like you are just that. He will never love you. Not like he loves me. I am the only one. I am everything. I am the secrets you'll never hear. When he lies in bed at night, and when he needs someone to hold on to... It's not you he seeks out. It is me.

Episode 2, common route. Andrew's dream and vision implies that Andrew's heard these voicemails before.

That connection extends to the hair contact as well, as Andrew goes in to hug Julia, cards his hand through her hair and requests she tie her hair up.

Episode 2, common route. Andrew's dream and memory of Julia when they're older. From the use of Andrew's present-age portrait, suggests is closer to the timeline of the game's events than his and Ashley's memories as Andy and Leyley.

From this moment, we can have one of two assumptions: either Andrew wants Julia's (black) hair put up like Ashley's, or Ashley caught onto Andrew's hair kink and puts her hair up to imitate it.

Regardless, we infer the following:

Andrew teases affection through touching and even pulling on one's hair.

His fixation on ponytails and pulling on them does not exclude his own sister. It still stands and without reservation, perhaps more explicitly since he can do it so candidly, as we saw before.

The last of that Julia-Ashley parallel is self-contained within Episode 2. But only if you end up in the Burial route regardless of Ashley's platonic or incestuous vision.

Episode 2, common route (first picture) and Burial route (second picture). It's worth pointing out that Andrew is actually disinterested and moody during his conversation with Julia, and only perks up when he mentions Ashley or feigns care for Julia (since he extends his care of Ashley to her as well).

The game ends up drawing parallels on how Andrew treats Ashley, for better or for worse, with his ex (which is definitely worse, poor Julia). In doing so, the game blurs the lines between romantic affection for Julia and 'platonic and familial' affection for Ashley.

Y'all, this isn't even getting into how Andrew respectfully gives his parents space and only crowds them when he threatens them with his cleaver. In his mind, Ashley and Julia are in that same space of physical and romantic displays of affection; something he reserves only for them (only without reservation for Ashley) that does not extend to anyone else. His ex-girlfriend, and his sister. Shit's wild.

When it's obvious BUT it's violent!

That isn't to say that his hair fixation (hair kink?) is completely innocuous, though, as it rears its ugly head (pun unintended) in Decay. Which is what that previous pin was for! Yay!

You end up in the Decay route if Ashley doesn't trust Andrew with keeping an eye on their parents. Here, Ashley sleeps on their parents' bed by herself and has an alarming vision: an unknown party chases after her through the in-between and when they catch up to her, it's Andrew. Ashley has nowhere to run and Andrew eventually grabs her and threatens to kill her.

Whether or not Ashley can defend herself depends on Andrew expending all of her gun's ammo when he deals with the hitman, or not. But that outcome divergence will matter much, much later (so that's another pin for us to come back to).

The sequence of events actually mirrors the way the siblings ambush the Lady from Room 302 back in Episode 1. There, Andrew closes in on her and grabs the Lady by her wrist and uses his front to pin and restrain her. With his cleaver to her throat, the Lady is completely at his mercy.

Episode 1 & 2, common route (first picture) and Decay route (second, third, and fourth pictures). Note that Andrew restrains the Lady from Room 302 by the wrist while with Ashley, by her hair.

Andrew asserts control of the person and the situation through violence. Whether it's by killing them (the wardens) or by threatening physical violence (the Lady from Room 302 and Ashley). It's always on the table for him. As Leyleyfication puts it, "He's so calculated in how he approaches his use of violence [here]."

That violence includes Ashley. It's always on the table where Ashley's concerned. The game even juxtaposes when Andrew threatens violence and physical assault 'playfully' versus when he's seriously out for blood:

When you interact with the wall of call girls' numbers and Ashley jokes about leaving her number on the wall, Andrew 'jokingly' threatens to backhand her for even thinking about it.

When you interact with their parents' latched window for a second time, Andrew 'teases' slapping Ashley if she doesn't find a way to open it. (Ashley jokingly asks if it's on her ass or at her face, and assumes it must be the face when Andrew says she'll have to find out.)

The two other times that Andrew exerts violence against Ashley are both in Episode 1 & 2. We can remember when that happens in Episode 1, when Andrew's had it with Ashley's fits and threatens to kill her:

Episode 1, common route. Y'all, Andrew was choking her hard enough for his grip to bruise.

It happens again in Decay when he confronts Ashley about repeatedly calling him Andy and therefore, breaking the promise he coerced her into from Episode 1.

Episode 2, Decay route. Another thing to keep in mind is that Andrew's outburst is preceded by Ashley prodding him about his current state and insisting that Andrew was fine with 'Andy' during their home invasion.

In Episode 1, Andrew resorts to harming Ashley because he's fucking had it with her accusing him repeatedly of trying anything with the Lady from 302 and, in her eyes, his 'infidelity.' Where she accuses Andrew of not loving her enough that if his eye catches another girl, he'd leave her behind or flip on her. In Episode 2, she's poking and prodding on his boundaries on 'Andy' and whether or not, once again, he's with her on their now-committed life of joint crime.

If I can give another example, it happens in Andrew's common route memory of Nina's death and his blood oath with Leyley.

Episode 2, common route. Prior to this, Andy expresses immense exasperation at Leyley's tantrums over him 'thinking about that bitch again.' When he goes to grab the kitchen knife, cleans it, and returns to Leyley on his bed—he's briefly considering killing her.

Andrew threatens Ashley violently whenever he intends to confront her on her perceived brattiness, for lack of a better word. And keep Leyleyfication's essay segment on Ashley's insecurities and need for Andrew's validation in mind here—when Ashley does this, she wants and even needs Andrew to comfort her. But her aggression treads Andrew's patience and really, his tolerance of her behavior.

When Ashley's anger, clinging behavior, insecurities, and possessiveness of Andrew slips his control and tolerance, he resorts to violence to coerce or even dominate her.

I think (or hope, if it's clear enough) it reinforces what Leyleyfication points out:

The truth of the matter is, Ashley can only make Andrew do anything because he lets her. I don't mean in the sense that I'm saying abuse victims let their abusers emotionally abuse them, I mean in the sense that he is clearly considering his options on the table and choosing to discard those that could stop her, or bring an end to any of this.

It also reflects on another aspect of why Andrew resorts to violence: in all three situations, Andrew remarks on Ashley's behavior and her sake. If she acts up again once they're out of the apartment, it'll cause trouble for him while they're evading authorities. If she's going to call him Andy from hereon out, what's the point of running away with her. If she expects him to leverage keeping 'her secret,' he won't because it's for her sake.

Andrew rationalizes his attempt to control of Ashley's behavior as being for her sake. But really, isn't it him confining her behavior to something he can tolerate and personally handle?

I'd also like to point out that Andrew admits that he noticed Ashley push for calling him 'Andy' during the home invasion, and he did not argue with her on it while they held their parents hostage and readied to sacrifice them. We can infer that when Andrew calculates his use of violence, that can also factor when, where, and how he exerts it.

--

Well, that's where I can reasonably end this half of my word vomit! Now, onwards, to part 2!

[whomstress]

Bunnydoll Boxer au chapter Final Chapter

Decided I'm just going to post the link and then my fic in the undercut from now on but anyway go read there or here! Au once again by @burrotello

“What the hell is wrong with you? Jax, put me down now!” Ragatha had been yelling at him non-stop since he took her over his shoulder from the gym going God knows where. "Jax, are you even listening to me? Let me go!”

She’s settled, just kicking her legs, as she is now less over his shoulder and more being swinged by her legs upside down, and the more she struggles, the more he lowers her. Ragatha, on her part, has yelled every threat over her shoulder, but with him practically running, she’s mostly just trying to keep from getting a concussion from being shaken and hit around like a sack of potatoes.

She notices a familiar hallway giving up halfway through and just trying to balance herself. Her hand slides through the thick hair on the back of his leg, and she hears him grunt. Her constant care for others overwhelms her by saying “sorry” and soothing the area lightly with her fingers, forgetting for a moment she was angry.

But she instantly regrets it because as soon as she pressed her fingers through the fur and pressed soothing circles where she scratched, he stopped still knocking the air out of her with the sudden movement and straightened his back. All the hair on his body pricked up like a porcupine, and he repositioned her so her waist was back over his shoulder and looked at her straight from that position, eyes dark and an unreadable face. “NEVER do that again, Ragatha.” This more shocks her than anything, so she nods out of politeness, unsure what to say with him looking this intense inches away.

He looks at her a little longer, and she could swear he almost moves closer, but then his eyes quickly dart around, and as if he finds what he’s suspected, his eyes go harsh. She follows them to one of the many cameras in the fight club. The only place that didn’t have them were the rooms. 

Wait. She looked around and noticed they were on suite floors. The big purple jerk took the stairs, she thought, so he could purposely bump her head around. Which, to be fair, was probably a big reason as well, but the stairs were also one of the only areas not bypassed by a key. Some places you had to be a certain rank or start a minigame first to enter, but stairs could also be used for training, so they were free access for anyone. Which also meant bypassing certain locks.

He wasn’t taking her to the champions suite, was he? Only new and past Champions were allowed in there! This was against the rules! She looked at a door the size of the hall, covered in plush red and outlined with gold. "Hey, hey, hey! I can’t go in there, you know that!”

“So?” He says, waving his hand, and the door opens. 

"Jax, let me go. I could lose my minigame privileges, and oooooh, you get a cheese fountain!?” 

Ragatha temporarily stops trying to kick a dent into his chest and eyes the room five times the size of hers. Everything top-notch C&A brand. There’s a table just full of food, all diet-specific; he must be on a protein load right now from the look of it. It all looks and smells amazing. Every water is bubbling, and he has a huge sofa and TV for himself, and there is not a speck of dust anywhere. "Woah,” Ragatha says in pure wonder.

“Sweet, right?” He says all the pride puffing straight from his chest, but he is still moving forward, keeping Ragatha in the corner of his eye. It’s been a while since he’s seen her genuinely this excited. He forgot how she practically glows when she’s happy like this. Maybe he’ll let her stay after his business is done. If she begs, “Oh right, begging!”

“Huh?” Ragatha snaps out of it, and she’s brought what’s clearly the bedroom of the suit; his clothes are all around, and there’s trash on the floor. She sees a huge circular satin sheet-covered bed, and he’s getting closer to it, and danger sirens start going off in her head. Her mind starts to race. Beg? What does that mean? And what does that have to do with his room? With his bed!?

Her face explodes into red as he tosses her on the bed and moves to tower over her. He wouldn’t…? No, this is Jax. Her mind is going a mile a minute, and she doesn't know how to process anything, as this seems like the exact scene from one of her ahem, spicer books. Where the protagonist is cornered by the monster and taken into the night.

His eyebrow hitches, and he laughs, "Wow, you look like the little white lamb caught by the big bad wolf. Well, too bad after that little stunt today you’re going to regret what I have in store for you. I’m going to make you scream.”

He leans closer to her, and her body reacts before she can think logically about it; she screams like a girl in a horror movie and kicks Jax straight in the face, sending him flying back into his dresser. “F#CK!”

Jax was holding his face in his hands and groaning while Ragatha huddled to the back of the bed, holding up a pillow as if it were a weapon. “Stay back, you pervert! I’ll kill you with this! And make it look like an accident!”

Jax spits out blood, and Ragatha would normally be concerned if he hadn’t driven her partly insane already by all today’s antics. “Whose exactly a pervert here? The girl is screaming like a princess while kicking me harder than I’ve ever been in the face over with whatever is in your sick little head. Or the person that didn’t actually do anything.” He rubbed his face and gave her a hard glare. “News flash, sweetheart, can’t be a damsel in distress while also sending me flying like an actual monster.”

Ragatha huffed and crawled toward the edge of the bed and pointed at him with the pillow, “Me? The monster? You’re the one who threw me over your shoulder and carried me to your BED and said you were going to make me scream like, like, like some animal!”

Jax lets out a groan louder than her yell with what she’d say was the eye roll of the century. Really, she thinks his eyes actually went to the back of his head for a second. “I was talking about the bet you stupid boar!”

"Boar!?"

"Yeah, boar hits like a train, stubborn as a bull, dirty-minded little pig?”

“SHUT UP JAX!” Ragatha was angrily blushing, now sensing her mistake but not in the mood to be the bigger person. Maybe she needed to stop reading vampire novels, but it’s not like she was going to tell him that.

“But you know, Ragatha, it’s interesting that such a strong girl like you wants to be taken over by a big bad man.” Ragatha scoffed hard in disgust, and he moved forward again, brushing a loose lock behind her ear and pushing her buttons further as he teases her, “If you wanted someone to ravage you in the night, you only should’ve asked.”

In Ragatha’s seething anger, she doesn’t even try to hide the hate in her voice as she leans closer to him. "Sure, Jax. Give me his number if you find him. It might even make you less of a whining little baby seeing what a real man looks like.”

Even Ragatha is shocked by what just came out, but she keeps a hard glare at him, and he keeps his until a dark chuckle escapes him and he smiles at her like a manic. She crosses her arms to show she’s not impressed. He turns around, and she wonders what he’s up to before a kick lands straight to her face, knocking her back.

Her teeth clatter when she hits the floor and she gets up. “Are you insane!?”

"Oh, I’m sorry, Dolly! Is it suddenly not okay to kick people in the face out of nowhere because it’s you?” He does a couple stretches as he moves closer to her, and Ragatha kicks aside some of the clothes on the ground for room, getting ready in perfect fighting stance. It’s not the ideal place for a fight, but she was just as much of the fight club as anyone else, and the best way to let off some steam was a flurry of fists and kicks, and the way they were both past the boiling point, it’s a wonder the sprinklers hadn’t gone off.

There’s not a second after he reaches her; he throws a jab, and she avoids it, and he quickly pivots and goes for a hook to the head. She blocks it with a smirk and a huff of a laugh. He frowns, and where his fist is still hard against his block, he opens his hand and yanks at a handful of her hair. “HEY!” Ragatha calls out, but he won’t let up laughing his ass off at her squirming to get out of his freakishly long fingered grasp. Seriously, he’s got to have half of her scalp. 

But his height advantage and grip on her head gave him leverage to shake her around like a child trying to get the last quarter from his piggy bank. ”Not so tough now, are you little lady?”

He was obviously having fun shaking her around, and in her annoyance, she spots his arm moved directly in front of her face, and she does something so childish and low that only Jax could ever make her do so. She jumps forward and takes a large lick out of his furry, sweaty arm, and he snaps back, tossing her like she just stabbed him. His face is completely flabergasted looking at her like she lost her mind. “Did you LICK me? What are you, 5!?”

"Worked, didn’t it?” She said laughing, and he just stood staring at her in awe, but before he could make further sense of anything, she kicked him hard enough in the shin that he went down to grab it in pain.

She took the opportunity to jump over him, showing off her parkour minigame skills, and book it for the door. She turns back to stick her tongue out at him, and he physically growls; that’s a new one she quickly notes as he chases her. Ragatha’s almost at the door, jumping over the couch, but her giddiness comes too early as something hits her on the back, knocking her down granting her a face full of high end carpet.

“What the?” Ragatha sits up from landing on her face to see what hit her; it was a folded piece of cloth, and when she opened it up, it had a picture of him winking and shirtless with his stage name on the bottom. Her face turns to disgust and she looks at him smugly holding a t-shirt gun, humming happily to himself. 

“Is this supposed to be merchandise? Who in there right mind would want this?” Ragatha asks incredulously. 

Jax smirks, “I’ll have you know all my fans love this shirt. Tell you what you can keep it; it’d look good on you! Nice sleek black, so it goes well with anything. Or nothing at all.” He winks at her before firing another shirt directly at her face.

"Ugh, will you stop that?" She throws one of his 5 million fancy bubbly waters at him, which he easily dodges. She completely forgets leaving as she starts circling the room with him throwing all of his stupid champion perks at him and him dodging and taunting her the whole time.

“Will you-” She throws a bubbling water, “stay,” then a candle piece too nice for him to appreciate, "still,” and finally part of the couch cushion. He’s laughing at her the whole time, only making her more angry. When she grabs something and watches him freeze, like she just reached in and grabbed his heart straight from his chest or something. She looks down at her hand and feels the hard metal in her hand. It’s a champion belt, but an old one. They redesigned the code for it years ago, so it doesn’t even look like this on any posters anymore.

It looks like the ones Kinger used to own. She rubs a thumb over the old logo. It was calmer then. Less fighters. Less code. Things weren’t all money hungry and all for one. Jax still got this by cheating for sure, but it’s probably the one the least. He only started getting so obsessed with staying on top once he won his first championship.

When he got this belt, he was different. This whole place was different. But he always said he hated that, so why have this here? Why not get rid of it like he did his old costumes and anything that reminded of him back when he wasn’t the raining champ? What made this so important?

Ragatha noticed him approaching her from the corner of her eye as she continued looking over the date belt. They were fighting a moment ago but almost like it’s natural thing with him things changed in an instant. Childish anger snuffed out in a moment of somberness she and him were clearly not prepared for. She feels hollow looking at it in a way she can’t explain. “I remember when you got this. First one right?”

Jax nods slowly as if he says something stupid; now she’ll rip it to shreds. Ragatha thinks she should know better of her, but does he really? Yes, they’ve known each other for yeats, but how close are they actually? He watches her as she stares hard at the belt, running her fingers over where the peels are curved like someone had run soothing circles into the old leather until it couldn’t hold up anymore. “It really has been years hasn’t it?”

Everything in the fight club is constantly updated, but a few things. And they were hard to find. Her favorite gym being one of them. Run down and beat down from years of use. If things weren’t specifically asked to be kept the same, they’d change whether they liked it or not.

Old and torn never fit into the aesthetic of the fight club. She looks out the window, and like always, the sky was always dark with a glitter of stars mathematically spaced apart to create the most perfectly even night sky. Things that aged in general didn’t fit in a digital world. So having something old was a luxury I couldn’t understand. 

“What did you forget?” He asks what should be sarcastic, but when she looks at him, he has a serious face.

“Yeah, a little bit.” She chuckles sadly but hands it to him, and she sees him physically calm a bit.

“We’ll fuck.” He says securely, putting on the belt, flopping on the huge chair next to her, and picking up the remote angrily. “Then we’ll never figure a way out if here. Kinger and Gangle’s lost it in seven different ways to heaven, and Zooble doesn’t even know what they're fighting for anymore. You’re supposed to be the one holding on to hope or whatever. You gonna let me down too?” Her eyes shoot up to him, but he doesn’t have a readable expression. He’s looking at the TV but also a million miles away. If she hadn’t just seen his mouth move, she would’ve thought she heard something. She knows that look, and for a second time today, in what seemed like forever with him, he looks so human.

And then it clicks why he has this and why she has her nasty gym. They’re the only proof in this entire place that time has passed by. That things are changing; they are moving forward. Moving towards what? Who the hell knows? But even if it’s stupid, worn out, and gross, it’s something to hold on to that’s real. That reminds them they're humans, and there’s a world out there waiting for them to get out. One she promised him and everyone else she’d stay by their side until they figured out how to get there. And right now she’s letting him down.

She straightens her back and stands right in front of him, and he raises his brow but says nothing. “Hey, you know what I learned today?”

"No, but I figure from the girl's power stance you're going to tell me.” Jax said, sighing.

“You’re a real piece of work.”

"Wooow, figure that one out all by yourself, huh? Took you long enough. Now move my show’s on.” He said shooing her to the side.

“Cocky, conceded, disrespectful, a notorious cheater, pigheaded, sloppy, lazy." She starts pacing back and forth. “Annoying, ungrateful-”

“Devilishly handsome,” He pipes into her ranting, but this only causes her to focus straight on him. 

“DELIOUSINAL, stubborn as a mule and twice as dumb! Like seriously, were you dropped on your head as a baby or born stupid?” His eye twitches at that one, and she smirks, only causing him to get more annoyed.

“You done, yet?”

“No.” She smiles sweetly. “I also realized I’m better than you! No one even likes you! Hell, I don’t even like you!”

“That’s it!” He’s foot slams on the floor, and he moves to get up, but she kicks him back in his seat, leaning her whole body pressure where her foot meets his chest, and he growls at her again.

She throws a punch so hard next to head her brace knuckles sink into the high-quality martial arts and wood and leans forward until she’s inches above his face, completely locking him in place with her body, so the best he can do is struggle and snarl at her, which she gives 100% back.

“But as much as you infuriate me!” She says, grabbing his face with her other hand and shoveling it back, and for a moment he thinks he’s actually driven her insane enough to murder. Which is pretty impressive considering it’s Ragatha and hey not the worst way to go. But then her face then softens, and she lightly brushes an old scar on his chin, once again making his hair stand up. “If there’s anything you can count on in this circus, it’s that we humans stick together. And I will always have your back. Got it?"

She’s looking at him with her stupid button eye and her warm brown one that always piss him off, and they still should. But the firm promise of her words is in them as she waits for him to respond, creating a flood of relief in his chest; he didn't realize needed to be released until that moment. Suddenly his mouth feels full of cotton, and he doesn’t like the space he’s in, but he nods a “got it,” none the less.

“Good!” Ragatha smiles her stupid brighter than the sun and yanks her fist out of the furniture using her leg that was trapping his chest to knock him and the entire couch over and walk backwards back into a fighting stance. “Now get off your ass. Fighting never stops here, you know that! C’mon Jack Rabbit, I’m not done with you yet.”

She motions for him to come over with a fire in her eyes that gets him out of his stupor and sends his blood straight to boil. That fire that kept them all going. This is what it’s all about; this he liked! Jax wipes off the dust of his ruined chair, and his smile splits devilishly. “That’s my girl!”

[cardentist]

(Note I'm seeing this through lens of being horribly ill and struggling with health providers rn but)

I never saw it as an addiction metaphor I saw but how disabled people are denied aid and stuff because its 'wrong' and you 'should just be able to exist without it'.

But 'it hurts me to see you using cane/meds/wheelchair'

So it made sense to me that yeah he'd feel great using it but also feel horrible guilty

Context: [Link]

I didn't get into this in the original post because I was worried I wouldn't be able to word it right (in part because I haven't finished my relisten, and in part because this is More than just meta about a story I like and I didn't want to say anything ignorant).

BUT I'm absolutely glad that you're bringing this up.

because the truth is that my Other problem with the discussion about monsterhood in the magnus archives as addiction (in holding characters morally accountable for being monsters because they "should" be able to just Choose not to do monstrous things if they were good people) is that it Is accurate to how people treat addicts, and that's a bad thing when people parrot it without realizing that.

because the truth is, addicts often Do need their addiction to survive. medically, emotionally, or just. You Know. because addiction often means you can't just cut cold turkey without major consequences (consequences that, to be clear, Can Kill You). and they Are often treated poorly by the people around them for not just being able to Do Better as if anyone could be expected to do "better" in their situation.

when ""better"" means being in pain, when ""better"" is unlivable without the necessary support to Make it bearable.

and this Absolutely crosses over with ableism. in real life And in the show.

you don't Need to be an addict for someone to treat you like you're immoral for needing aid they don't. though I think it'd be a mistake to talk about it without Also keeping addiction in the conversation, because it's not right when people do it to addicts either.

needing aid to survive And being an addict aren't mutually exclusive, and that's what I meant when I said my last post was In Conversation with the addiction metaphor.

jon's situation being a mirror (in many ways, it's not an exact one to one of course) with addiction doesn't mean that he's Less deserving of compassion or that his situation was somehow his own fault, it means that we should be taking that compassion and understanding of his situation and Apply That to the real people who are also deserving of those things.

we Watched jon be stripped of his own agency and forced into a position where he could Only be a monster or die, and in response many people have said that he should've just Chosen not to be, as if the choice is Reasonable. as if asking him to starve or die is Reasonable.

and of course, I'm not qualified to speak about addiction in detail, but it's just something that's sat wrong with me for years. the Show's use of addiction as a metaphor works for me because of the empathy and humanity it's Meant to show to addiction. but the fandom's reception to that messaging isn't. always stellar.

and I don't think people necessarily do it on purpose, but I Do wish there was more of an awareness of it. how it might come across, you know?

[anulithots]

Noorie's JJK analysis's/ screaming

You cannot keep me contained. My overthinking brain is buzzing.

(all sfw! This asexual likes to find as much fluff as possible.... but stuff tends to go over my head so I might accidently reblog a thing or two. Sorry about that <3)

Analysis

Most of my essays are here

Gojo the analyst

SatoSugu and how they support each other

Ao No Sumika - "Will we meet again?"

Gojo and Geto being compliments in an ironic way

Yuji Itadori and his non-existent coping mechanisms

Satoru Gojo... is there anything you don't have?

Gojo and his teasing

Gojo and Geto teachers AU

Gojo, being alone, and loneliness

Itadori is also selfish... and Gojo is compassionate.

Gojo will take care of it. Don't worry

Chapter 236

Jujutsu Kaisen Meta analysis

Would SatoSugu ever get back together

Itadori the sacrifice

Why Gojo and Geto understand each other... and no one else.

If JJK had a happy ending

Fav Analysis (not by me)

If Geto loved Gojo, why didn't he try to recruit him? by @ellionwrites

How much Geto canonically loved Gojo by @ellionwrites

Who the hell is Gojo Satoru by @fushiglow

Kenjaku's purpose as a literary device by @justrustandstardust

It's only them by @justrustandstardust

SatoSugu as celestial bodies (red and blue) by @justrustandstardust

He knew when he left by @mylee-sketches

Yuji Itadori's... not so healthy tendencies. by @epickiya722 

everything by @glo7to3

Yuji's past by @glo7to3

Yuiji and Megumi's breaking points by @uriekukistan

chapter 261 by @uriekukistan

Yuji and Yuta's teachers by @florasuno

To read

Chap 236

mental health

Fanart

Gojo's wallpaper (crack comic with my sibling @mylee-sketches)

Umbrella

Lousy Personalities

Karaoke (crack comic #2)

Neurodivergent Satoru Gojo

Slice of life ideas

Itadori gets a demon dog plushie for Fushiguro

'I'm Satoru Gojo because of you, Suguru'

KFC breakup

Edits

"You were a wonderful experience"

"You're holy to me"

if JJK had slice of life episodes

(cannon compliant)

Itadori's sense of style

Gojo and Geto insult teachers together

AUs

If Kenjaku possessed Gojo instead of Geto

Headcannons

Aspec Satosugu

Fav fics

Carry me home It's so ridiculously good. Timeline suguru-centric fix-it-fic that doubles as a character deep dive. It's absolutely amazing.

5 Times Gojo Satoru Tries to Rizz Up Geto Suguru and 1 Time He (Kind Of) Succeeds by @justrustandstardust. Really funny. It made the asexual try to hold in laughter. Need I say more. Also prose style and the pacing and character voices are all really really good.

April pink cute satosugu fluff

Urban Privilege Nobara and Gojo bonding. Need I say more.

Embers SatoSugu but post-shibyua and full of painful nostalgia.

like best friends do aromantic satosugu. Mind the tags, for it gets... close to being nsfw? But... aromantic satosugu. It was wonderous.

Two-headed Calf Post breakup but pre vol. 0. What could've been. Absolute pain.

here and where you are - cityboys - 呪術廻戦 | Jujutsu Kaisen (Manga) [Archive of Our Own] REALLY REALLY REALLY SAD Itafushi. Alternate Shibuya timeline but somehow even sadder than cannon, believe it or not. It's a 'everyone gets a happy ending' but in the worst way possible.

Fav JJK posts that make me ~feel things~

Suguruuuuu whyyy

___________________

also also, specific JJK things that give me happy sparkles (I like pain):

SatoSugu but they transcend labels and to me they have a queer platonic flavor to them. (Romantic, Queer platonic, best friends, soulmates, everything. They are everything. But I like Queer Platonic for them quite a lot! They feel like Queer platonic to me <3)

Itafushi but I flipflop between fluff ship and best dynamic in history, or both.

Itadori and Fusiguro's their differing morals and perspectives on a complex situation/circumstances.

Maki and Mai angst.

Found family Gojo and Tokyo trio.

Tokyo trio in general.

Itadori and his sensei's

Itadori in general

SHOKO MY ASTHETIC CRUSSHHHh

Geto's children

The Junpei arc

Cursed womb arc

Maki and Nobara

Inumaki

Nanami and Hibara

Megumi and his sister

Found family Gojo and the Fushiguro children

everything. Literally everything except for Mei mei and the dub.

Want to blabber about JJK with me? Feel free to ask! <3

[galaxymagitech]

Wait, what did I just write? - Whumptober 2024 Lists/Stats

Okay, so I wrote 31 fics in the past two months. So what did I actually write? I've sorted my fics by main characters and counted/labeled type of whump. Below this, I've also included lists by Bruce Wayne's parenting (because my Whumptober fics have been giving severe whiplash on that) and main relationships explored. This is honestly mostly for my own archival purposes. Plus I just like sorting/categorizing things when I should be sleeping

Main Character:

All Batkids (Ensemble Cast): Voiceless - Emotional, Relationship

Dick Grayson - 9 fics

Bedeviled - Fear

I'm Fine (I'm Bleeding Out) - Physical, Emotional

The Weight of the World - Emotional

Holy Doppelgänger, Batman! - Relationship

Petrify Me - Emotional

A Hollow Heart - Emotional, Grief

Gravedigging Tales - Relationship

Stiches - Emotional, Physical

Nightlight - Emotional, Relationship

Tim Drake - 8 fics

5:30 AM - Fear

A Cry for Help - Relationship, Emotional, Physical

The Family Wing - Emotional

Vestigial - Emotional, Relationship

How to Be a Ghost - Emotional, Relationship

A Ticking Clock (No Compromise) - Physical

Broken Pedestal - Emotional, Relationship

Unprofessional Behavior - Emotional

Jason Todd - 6 fics

Rollercoaster - Relationship, Emotional

Undone - Emotional

Cause of Death - Emotional, Relationship

Trigger Finger - Emotional

Post-Mortem - Physical

If You'd Like - Emotional

Bruce Wayne - 2 fics

Warning, Unheeded - Emotional

Miracle Number Four - Emotional

Damian Wayne - 2 fics

A November Night - Emotional

Stitches - Emotional, Physical

Cassandra Cain - Apocalypse - Emotional Stephanie Brown - Be Your Own Hero - Emotional, Relationship Leslie Thompkins - The Only Way Out - Emotional, Physical Yasmin Khan (Doctor Who)- Sunburn - Emotional, Relationship

Statistics By Type of Whump:

Emotional: 26 (wow, I really like angst)

Relationship: 10

Physical: 7

Fear: 2

Bruce Wayne's Parenting

So, I actually thought I was writing way more Bad Parent Bruce Wayne fics than anything else, but that's clearly not the case. In fact, I did almost twice as many fics where he's a good parent than where he's a bad parent. I think I just feel guilty writing Batman as a bad parent or I have more emotional investment in those fics, so it feels like I wrote more than I actually did.

Bad Parent Bruce Wayne (5 fics)

Rollercoaster

Holy Doppelganger, Batman (bad universe)

Gravedigging Tales

Broken Pedestal

Voiceless

Good Parent Bruce Wayne (9 fics)

Undone

Bedeviled

I'm Fine (I'm Bleeding Out)

A Cry for Help

The Family Wing

Holy Doppelganger, Batman (good universe)

A November Night

If You'd Like

Unprofessional Behavior

Somewhere in the Middle (6 fics)

Warning, Unheeded

Petrify Me

A Hollow Heart

The Only Way Out

Miracle Number Four

Nightlight

Relationships

Okay, this section surprised me too. I expected there to be a lot of Dick & Bruce fics, but... Last year, my go-to was Tim & Jason. This year, I only wrote one Tim & Jason fic (very sad...I need to read more of them and write more as well). This year, I defaulted to writing mainly the Batkids and Bruce. Maybe this is how my homesickness finally manifests? Or it's the result of me living away from home for over a year and thinking back on growing up in a way that spawns story ideas. Anyway:

Dick Grayson & Bruce Wayne (11 fics)

Bedeviled

Warning, Unheeded

Holy Doppelganger, Batman

Petrify Me

A Hollow Heart

The Only Way Out

Gravedigging Tales

Broken Pedestal

Voiceless

Miracle Number Four

Nightlight

Tim Drake & Bruce Wayne (5 fics)

A Cry for Help

The Family Wing

Broken Pedestal

Voiceless

Unprofessional Behavior

Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne (5 fics)

Rollercoaster

Trigger Finger

Voiceless

If You'd Like

Miracle Number Four

Tim Drake & Dick Grayson (4 fics)

5:30 AM

A Cry for Help

Gravedigging Tales

Broken Pedestal

Dick Grayson & Jason Todd (3 fics)

Rollercoaster

Undone

Gravedigging Tales

Tim Drake & Jack Drake & Janet Drake (3 fics)

A Cry for Help

Vestigial

How to Be a Ghost

Dick Grayson & Damian Wayne (3 fics)

The Weight of the World

Gravedigging Tales

Stitches

Bruce Wayne & Damian Wayne (2 fics)

A November Night

Voiceless

Other Relationships (only one fic): Bruce Wayne & Alfred Pennyworth, Tim Drake & Stephanie Brown, Jason Todd & Rose Wilson, Leslie Thompkins & Batfamily, Stephanie Brown & Arthur Brown & Crystal Brown, Yasmin Khan/Thirteenth Doctor, Tim Drake & Jason Todd

[alicentrasers]

Hi!! I'd quite like to ask about Dogma'a Rulebook please! (Also Fuck me in the arse tonight because that title!!!)

Lmao, I was waiting for someone to ask about that!

Dogma's Rulebook is another fic from my old co-author. They wrote about 3ish chapters before jumping to another midnight idea. Minor editing has occurred with this one but I'll be honest, I haven't read it in a while.

General premise is about Dogma's transition from the front lines, after umbara, into the guard. It covers his introduction, his relationships with his new squad, the commanders, and a possible love interest via civilian- though Im thinking about cutting that character as his main purpose was simply cuddle piles.

Here is a section that I have deemed Safe for Public Consumption:

"The barracks themselves were not much different then the ones on the Resolute, although there were many more bunks with space to spare, and even a large window on one side. The Commander starts talking to Dogma again, something along the lines of the freshers being in the back and some trooper habits. The large window has several mattresses placed in front of it, along with a veritable nest of pillows and blankets. The bunks that they were scavenged from have been fashioned into shelves with everything from holopads to odd plants stored in their cubbies. These bits of improvised furniture create a sort of room within a room, blocking off the view to most other bunks, and with the evening sun it all looks rather peaceful.

A firm hand clapping his shoulder brings Dogma back to conversation, Commander Thorn is wrapping up his welcome speech it seems. “Remember the other vode here can help you find anything, you’ll start on basic patrols with your assigned group after tomorrow, get some rest Private.” Dogma nods, he hasn’t used more than a handful of words on the way here and he wasn’t about to change that, hopefully it wouldn’t seem too disrespectful to the Commander. Honestly Dogma isn’t usually this wrapped up in his own head, but ever since Umbara he’s been distracted more and more lately, usually by the smallest things too."

Like I said, old work, needs major edits. I'm not sure if I'm going to keep it as Dogma is not one of my main characters for this AU.

-*-

Hehehehe, Fuck me in the Ass Tonight

That is the Working Title for the Ongoing Chat-fic Landline Across the Galaxy posted on my AO3. Currently, I had to change the working title to Funk Me on the Dance Floor cause I work on that doc at work a lot lmao.

This is an Information/Gossip Chat started by Jesse. It features characters that I don't normally see in most CloneWars chat fics, as well as some OCs of mine to add to the chaos. Landline has the heavy job of Connecting all of my WIPs and Posted Fics together into a general timeline, as well as providing Lore and another perspective on the canon events.

Oh, and memes

Never forget the memes

Here is a section from the unposted Plans for new chapters:

"Ahsoka: JESSE'S GOT SPACE INSTAGRAM AND NOBODY TOLD ME!!

Jesse: SOKA, HUSH

Ahsoka: YOU FOLLOWED AND UNFOLLOWED BARRIS, I'M GOING TO KNOW

Jesse: IT WAS A MISTAP, I APOLOGIZED

Ahsoka: ACCEPT MY FOLLOW, YOU COWARD

Ahsoka: WHY BOTHER WITH A PRIVATE ACCOUNT ANYWAY

Jesse: I WANT YOU TO LOOK AT THUS CHAT, AND ASK THAT AGAIN

Ahsoka: ….

Ahsoka: okay, true

Ahsoka: BUT U STILL DNT TRLL ME

Jesse: have you considered that maybe I don't want ppl seeing what I post?

Ahsoka: Jesse

Ahsoka: You have 3500 followers…

Jesse:...

Ahsoka:...

Ahdoka: LET ME IN

Jesse: NEVER

[Kix is now Online.]

Kix: And this is why I have this commline muted

[Comet is now Online.]

Comet: Jesse… Why are you shirtless in your profile picture…

Kix: >:("

Yes, I normally write snippets for this fic while sleep deprived and watching vines. I am /hilarious/

[mama-qwerty]

Okay, I reworked this piece, adding and expanding on some bits, doing some tweaking. I'm still not 100% thrilled with the ending, but it is what it is.

Now to work on the next chapter of one of my wips.

~~~~

The dread child slipped through the streets of Thunder Bay Harbor, the bustling port town of North Island. He didn’t bother to watch where he was going—people tended to get out of his way on their own. That was one of the few advantages of being an echidna, a dread child. No one wanted to interact with him, so they didn’t bother him as he went about his business.

His business today, as it was every day, was to not starve.

He rounded the corner to the market district, where shops posted stands outside their businesses to hawk their wares to the travelers who’d docked in port. New ships meant new customers—new chances for sales, for bartering, for deals to be made.

Tables and stalls lined either side of the cobblestone street, displaying everything from leather bags, to maps, to rolls of cloth in different colors and textures. Some of the fabric was shiny and smooth, imported from lands with names he’d never heard of. Those usually carried a high price tag, and only sold to people who looked like they didn’t actually need them. People who smelled of flowers and soap, their clothes clean and pristine. They also usually carried a heavy coinpurse, but nicking any from them would bring more trouble than it was worth. So he steered clear.

What did people need more sets of clothes for, anyway? Just more to haul around, honestly. He pushed the sleeves of his shirt up, freeing his hands from their excessive length. It was too big for him, he’d swiped it from a clothesline a few towns back to replace his last that had grown too small, but it served its purpose for the most part. Kept him warm on cool nights, and gave him something to wipe his nose with.

Besides, the longer the sleeve, the more easily he could hide anything he snatched from distracted vendors.

He slid close to the various food stands lined up and down the street, his large violet eyes alert and watching for the owners. They hated him. Well, everyone hated him, but the store owners would overcome their aversion to interacting with him in favor of giving him a swat when they saw him anywhere near their wares. Sometimes with a broom, but sometimes with something heavier, or sharper.

It was a hard, cruel world, especially for a dread child of ten. There was no sympathy for this child on his own. No pity for an empty belly. He’d learned that long ago.

There was no kindness in the world. He’d been on his own since he was a puggle, and any memories of life before that, of family, had long since faded. He didn’t remember where he’d come from, and ultimately, it didn’t matter. The past didn’t matter. Only now. Only survival.

A few ships had come to dock over the past few days, and the marketplace was busy and bustling with people. That was good. He could move about easier if there was a crowd keeping the stand owner’s attention.

That wasn’t to say he didn’t have to keep watch against any of the newcomers, too. When he was younger, five or so, he’d nearly been snatched up by a pirate captain with a very bad reputation. He’d heard rumors about that man. Harper. He was cruel, spiteful, and cared only for himself and his status. His treasure hoard. Young boys hauled aboard his ship either died, or turned into as equally horrible people as the captain himself was. Most of his crew had been gathered as teenagers, and their nasty tendencies encouraged to a deadly degree.

It was a hard, cruel world. The dread child knew that.

But that didn’t mean he wanted to endure worse.

He refocused his attention on the task at hand.

Keep reading on ao3

[crystalelemental]

My wife moderates a fanfiction forum, and informed me that is it Femslash February. We have no idea if this is something specific to a particular fandom, but I'm interpreting it as a general "post yuri." Can do, boss. I hope to have a few for the month, though admittedly life circumstances as they are, fewer have made any progress than I'd like. But, I did finish some. Starting with one for Little Goody Two Shoes, because at the end of the day, I just think Elise/Lebkuchen is cute.

I've mentioned before that, in the broad scope of the game, I think the sacrifice endings are more thematically resonant, while the happy endings can feel a bit off. These posts are a good summary of my general stance on the endings, and why they don't feel like they land as well. I do think the story does best with the sacrifice ending, and really sets up that this is what Elise would do.

That said, I'm currently in a state of enjoying the fluffy stuff, and I really like Lebkuchen, so I make a bit of an exception for Bells of Dawn. Not because I think it's doing anything better than the other two happy endings, it's purely personal preference. But I do think it's a bit...abrupt, and kinda too neat and tidy? I feel like Elise's life isn't going to change all that much, especially at first. Traveling costs money these girls do not have, and Elise's work history as it is, she's likely going to fall into the same odd jobs as before. Her decision to pick Leb over wealth, while a fluffy emotionally happy outcome, means she's still poor and breaking her back for minimal pay, and likely a bit miserable. I don't get into it as much, but Leb's kinda similar. Her whole deal is being kinda frustrated at how much the villagers take advantage, demanding her attention and support at all hours of the day while Father Hans is overly critical of everything she does that isn't perfect. But while she's leaving to escape that, Leb's also open about how she knows she's working herself sick for these people even as she hates it, and isn't making much effort to get away. As far as the canon ending goes, Leb's still at the church where Elise expected to find her; she'll stay where she hates being without intervention. Running off may eventually break that hold, but the first thing she's likely to encounter is that she's going to be quick to help people and burns herself out doing it because she won't directly push back. I don't think either start their journey happy.

So while I'm all for a satisfying ending, and wanted to write something I thought was cute for the two of them, I did want to give the impression that it's not all ideal. That both aren't entirely happy in their situation at first, but the difference is having each other. The main draw here is that Elise would put Lebkuchen's safety first to reach the good ending. It's not so much "I can forego the desire for riches," but rather "I can't put Leb in danger for it." If it wasn't for Leb's presence, I doubt she'd bat an eye about a demon contract for wealth.

This was also an attempt to be a little more...purposeful in what I'm writing? I dunno how it turned out, but I like to think it went okay. Hopefully you enjoy it, too.

[esteebarnes94]

Hi-Hi! Hello!

I'm Estee Barnes. I'm a writer and self-taught traditional and digital artist. I love to make my own stories and worlds. I'm not so much of a fandom person, so there will be less fandom posting here. I still call my characters my OCs, even if the abbreviation has that fandom connotation. It's just easier.

(I have no problem with fandom either. It's just not what I usually dabble in!)

My sideblogs love to glitch out and not show up when I @ them. You may have to manually search for them! Please let me know if they do not show up in Tumblr search. Note that my blogs are hidden from people without an account.

Anyways, the sideblogs are all for my various OC stories. They are:

@halboro-1994 (H94; main OC story. Archived version of the blog is @/halboro1994. Don't interact with the archived version please!)

@ask-halboro (H94; an ask blog for the characters. In a cycle of being abandoned and then restarted every so often. If I find a format I like I might actually start encouraging asks.)

@oath-and-creed (O&C; main blog for Oath & Creed, another story of mine. Not to be confused with the 'official' blog!)

@oath-and-creed-official (O&C; the ask blog for the story. Not to be confused with the regular blog!)

@super-space-sailor (SSS; a story of mine from within H94/O&C but also its own separate universe. Blog needs a major renovation.)

@thebutterflyeffect-tbe (TBE; another story of mine. Does not link the @ for some reason. Should appear in the search bar, hopefully. Let me know!)

@intergalactic-inn (IINN; another story of mine. Currently considering a major change to/redo of the plot.)

@tualoma (no abbreviation; another story of mine. Currently exists only as vague concepts on the verge of forming into a story. It's been like that for a while. Pretty quiet blog!)

Fandoms/media I am interested in (to various degrees) include others' OCs, SDV, HtTYD (specifically RttE, specifically Snotlout), and MCSM.

Other things I like include PNGs, website coding (I am learning HTML and CSS), that sun and moon imagery which was everywhere in the '90s (AKA whimsigoth), and cats. I do reblog a lot of shitposts.

More stuff under the cut. Includes my permissions surrounding use of my creative endeavours (visual art, writing, OCs, et cetera). Read, understand, and heed them if you have not already!

Personally, I don't really have much of a DNI. I will say I don't want bigots and creeps coming here. However, I mostly rely on just blocking people. I tend to hard block a lot, even if I'm not super annoyed. Mutuals won't be hard blocked unless it's over something really big.

I do not consent for any of my writing, visual artworks, OCs, or other creative endeavours (items) to be used for anything by anyone without my explicit permission on a case-by-case basis per item. I have not ever knowingly and willingly consented to my items being used for scrapping purposes, nor will I ever knowingly and willingly consent to it.

Do not repost/re-upload my works to other sites or blogs (reblogging is different; you can reblog to your blog (not community)!). Do not reblog my works to Tumblr communities. Do not trace, edit, or otherwise copy my items (referencing the bare basics/fundamentals of a pose is okay; tracing broadly refers to mostly using the line art itself).

I believe all art is inspired by things and all art will continue to inspire. However, ripping entire concepts of my creative endeavours/items (entire outfits, full names, story, et cetera) for your own purposes is copying, not inspiration.

I know coincidences happen, but seeing a character with a unique outfit specific to an OC of mine (e.g., Renee's windbreaker jacket) is much more suspicious and likely to be called out than a regular/typical outfit (e.g., Lucas's green hoodie).

If you make fanwork of my OCs, let me know! Excluding Art Fight and if you're a mutual, I will only be comfortable having the artwork posted to my blog first. Proper artist credits and links will always be given and visible! I just don't trust the default scrapping settings on most social medias. You are encouraged to reblog it to your own blog or link to the post on your other social media(s)! Artists still deserve an audience. Again, I just don't trust default settings.

Please like this post (or preferably comment) so I know you have read it!

[dawnfelagund]

I normally actively avoid posting about anything where money is attached. I'm making an exception here for a project that addresses what I see as a significant (and growing) need in the fandom.

I (along with a team of incredible comods) run an independent archive, the Silmarillion Writers' Guild. We are one of the only independent archives left, at least in the Tolkien fandom.

We wage a lot of uphill battles to keep our archive open and active, but one of the biggest is the tech side. I'm not an IT pro; I'm a middle-school humanities teacher. I began learning the tech skills to run an archive in 2006 and have been learning ever since. By now, I've devoted hundreds if not thousands of hours to learning how to build and run websites. And it's hard, mostly because it is hard to find information that is written at a level comprehensible by an exhausted middle-school teacher who has a half-hour at the end of her day to puzzle something out. Documentation generally sucks; tutorials often seem to be written at a level just above where I am. My knowledge has a lot of holes as a result, and I sometimes have to give up on something because I can't find what I need to teach me to do it.

The Fujoshi Guide to Web Development is a Kickstarter project that aims to remedy that by producing materials aimed at teaching web development concepts specifically to a fannish audience and with the goal of supporting an independent fannish web, where fans have the know-how to build their own sites, archives, and other web projects. They are very close to their goal. I made my donation today; I'm hoping we might push them over the finish line.

Currently, fans are primarily tethered to a few large sites used for fandom purposes. Some of these are benevolent and trustworthy (AO3, for example); others are not and have taken damaging steps toward fandom over the years (not mentioning any names here ...) All of them have their limitations. The primary complaints I hear about AO3, for example, have nothing to do with AO3 doing anything wrong and everything to do with people wanting AO3 to be something other than AO3. At the same time, I get it: We are at the point where AO3 is often the only choice for many creators to archive their work and the only choice for people who want to enjoy fanworks. Those people are understandably upset when AO3 can't meet their needs because they don't see themselves as having another choice.

But it didn't used to be this way. It used to be (at least in Tolkien fandom) that if you wanted something that didn't exist, you built it yourself. This is how the SWG came to be: some of us wanted an archive just for Silmfic, there wasn't one, so we built one. We weren't alone in this, and we felt empowered because so many other fans were doing the same thing: learning together and teaching and supporting each other as we went. This was when "building a website" meant learning enough HTML and CSS to hand-markup a page or adjust an eFiction theme.

But, as time passed and the internet evolved, our enthusiastically acquired knowledge of HTML wasn't enough to keep afloat sites that were breaking at a much deeper level, and those sites began to disappear. My comods and I did endeavor to gain the knowledge to save our decaying archive and, as noted above, it was not easy, and I do not blame anyone for not doing the same. It was a part-time job for me for over a year, and I'm lucky that I was able to make room for it in my life. It's unreasonable to expect that everyone will be able to do that.

The increasing consolidation and corporatization of fandom is a problem too. We've seen time and again that for-profit companies don't have our interests in mind. All of the fannish stuff we love on Tumblr and Discord and FanFiction.net could be gone tomorrow and for no better reason than someone will make a little more profit if our embarrassing fandom garbage is not there. It's happened before, many times. Even without corporate malevolence, digital data is fragile and having everything in just one place is perilous. While I'm sure AO3, for example, is diligent in preserving our work as best as possible, data losses and breaches do happen all the time.

It used to be that Tolkien fanfic writers would archive their work in three, four, more different places. If one had a data loss, that sucked, but mostly because you lost comments, not because entire swaths of fanworks were gone forever. That level of crossposting is no longer an option.

It used to be that Tolkien fanfic writers would archive their work in three, four, more different places. If one had a data loss, that sucked, but mostly because you lost comments, not because entire swaths of fanworks were gone forever. That level of crossposting is no longer an option.

[4th-make-quail]

I'm wanting to post my older xiv gposes here - specifically, all my bozja guys and gaiustinien I think, all my horrible Garleans - but trying to think of a good way to avoid the censorship since about 80% of them are nsfw lol. Thinking posting crops then linking back to their original twitter posts maybe 🤔🤔

Eventually I do want to have them all on my neocities, but I still haven't decided on a layout for galleries yet so HMM. I think this is the way. More for my own archival purposes than anything else, since I'm fairly sure the tiny fandoms for those ships aren't on here at all

[rumbleonthemill]

bit of a retrospective.

the HN community was great, I absolutely loved searching for artworks and fics in 2018-2019 I have over 4K artworks saved. I digged up the deepest archives for some good art. I have a ship archive. the HN tag here is over 150 pages...if someone, then I love fanart. I love headcanons, au's.. back then the fandom was crazy accepting, it was such a positive feeling, it felt so good to be here.

--

2020 December was the downfall. this whole fucking ass lie someone made up, all because some immature fucking ass cunts disliked a ship. it lasts to this day and I'm so fucking tired. exhausted. I'm exhausted from the "I ship something else, so I'm dehumanizing you and making up lies to make you look like a serial killer because i can't find the block button" this is now in every fandom and it's disgusting.

the ship? the art? didn't hurt a fly.

haters? they hurt everyone.

there's a post, there's a video about the origins of the hilariously average ship, I'm repeating myself like a parrot and I hate it because normal people UNDERSTAND what's the deal - you cannot change the past and you cannot change a ship's impact on the fandom, even if you make up the biggest lies. ever since then I saw that the haters have much more skeletons in the closet, than I ever did.

I cannot do anything with people who blindly fall for lies about a stranger on the internet, and trust other strangers on the internet. immature and pathetic.

--

2021 - the canon began falling from grace as well. same shit again, a million storylines, to this day the HN community itself doesn't know, which canon event belongs to which storyline.

the cartoon was the final nail. It lured so many…it lured.

it is officially unsafe to search for HN, I left multiple sites because the moderation doesn't give a fuck about literal actual creeps. multiple people aren't enough anymore to report things. and ofc the sjw bitches are nowhere when the community should keep together and remove REAL problems.

and the stalkers. and those who are envious. the two-faced lying bitches. those who literally want to own people. the fake friends, who just want you as trophy on their fucking shelf and want free art. those who accuse you for being narcissistic, while they're the ones with huge issues, and ofc everyone's the victim except the harassed person. oh man, if this was a bingo, everything would be checked. I'm tired.

--

the worst thing is, people begin to turn away from you, because other people ruined you and you're ruined. you can't function like before. things trigger you. you know that xy people leaked-backstabbed-wished your death yet play nice in front of public...list goes on.

if I hate someone - there's a real reason.

I'm past several breakdowns, multiple hospital visits and things I'm not even putting into this post. all because people can't find the block button and they purposely worsen people's mental state. (my health is dogshit tho) because people cannot understand that others escape online from irl problems, to fandoms, to have a little rest. rest.

fandoms are supposed to be your mental safe place. sharing art, ideas, being silly.

--

fandoms are about ✨ being crazy. about having fun✨ if you want to tell people what they're allowed and not allowed to do, go to politics . become a dictator idk.

--

I don't give the slightest fuck anymore if people on the other end of the internet think that I'm a [insert current problem]. it means that they're chronically online and they're into harassment.

all I ever wanted is to share my art and stories. not more.

I don't give a fuck about others and their views. block button. and if I blocked xy - they better stay away.

--

now to close the post on positive tone.

I know circa FIVE people from the old HN community, who I've been seeing ever since 2018 and before. a few newcomers who want to enjoy fandoms because they're fans and they want to have FUN. those who know, what the ships are about. those who just stick around and are chill.

You get my biggest respect. seriously. these people are still consuming fanart. they're consuming fics, they're tired of the endlessly changing canon, they love the og HN. they know how to have fun and know they can easily filter disliked things. haters didn't scare them away somehow. these cca five people...they're the real fans.

and I also appreciate everyone, who leaves 100+ notes in my inbox, liking ship art in secret. thank you.

[adorpheus]

Taking a Chest of Drawers I Rescued from the trash and making it rainbow!!

Hello, tumblr family. Below is a repost of an article originally posted on adorpheus.com, and is being shared here for archival purposes. Original post date: July 23, 2022.

Several years ago, I think it was 2014, I was driving around my hometown and I came across a chest of drawers someone had left on the curb for trash day, apparently throwing it out. At the time I was in need of a dresser pretty much exactly like that - my bedroom was small and I was hoping to get a chest of drawers that was taller than it was wide so it wouldn't take up too much room.

Bless this mess, lol

Originally, the dresser was a blonde wood color with blue knobs. It was also pretty beat up - the back of it was scuffed and it was missing a knob. Even still, I jumped at the chance to get the chest of drawers I was looking for FREE, have fun repainting it, and get to upcycle some trash at the same time.

When I first got it, all I did was spray paint it white. I had ideas for things I wanted to do with it, but that was the first step in getting it ready to paint. Then I didn't do anything with it for like 7 years or something, lol. Then this year, since I have been re-doing my room anyway, I realized it was time to finally get this project finished.

I love pastel rainbows, so I decided to go with that for my theme. For the paint, I went to home depot and after looking over all the paint chips, I picked out some colors I wanted and got paint samples for all of the different shades. I used matte for the drawers and semi-gloss for the white part (the spray paint job was not very good to begin with, so repainting the white base was a must). All the paint is samples of the type of paint you would use on a wall. 

After I finished painting, I felt the drawers needed an extra glaze of some kind to give them a bit of sparkle. The matte was a cool idea in theory but I wanted it to pop a bit more. I had a bottle of craft glitter clear glaze lying around so I decided to go with that. The bottle was half empty, so there wasn't much glitter left in it (plus a bunch of it chose to clump into an unusable blob at the bottom because the bottle was like 15 years old lol) but it did the job well enough. I love when I get to use up craft supplies I've had sitting around for a while.

Once the painting was complete, the last step was to figure out the knobs. Aside from the fact that I hated the original spherical knobs anyways because they were hella awkward to grab, the dresser was missing a knob sooo new knobs were an absolute must.

My original plan was to use rose shaped knobs, but the reviews I saw for those kind said the rose knobs were a bit sharp on the edges. I truly hate when things randomly have sharp edges, and last thing I need is getting pricked in the hand every time I need to grab a pair of socks. So those were ruled out.

After spending way way way too long looking at knobs, I decided on these crystal knobs (above) on amazon and decided to get them. I actually originally wanted a fancier, more expensive set, but those got sold out before I got a chance to buy them so I went with the cheaper set above. The photos didn't look quite as pretty as the ones I originally had my eyes on, but I had already spent so much time obsessing over fricking KNOBS I decided to just go with them. I'm actually really happy I went with these. The pictures don't begin to do them justice, they are way prettier in real life.

To protect the surface, I used my sewing machine to create this lavender lace altar cloth / runner type thing for the top. 

Although the drawers are a little sticky sometimes (which they were to begin with, lol) I'm pretty happy with this furniture flip!! The exact kind of dresser I was looking for fell into my lap and I was able to make it cute.

Some other happenings in the adorpheus multiverse...

I recently became a Twitch affiliate after years of trying!!! Emotes coming soon, feel free to follow me on Twitch to see when I go live! This month I'll be playing the new cat game STRAY along with some other fun titles!

Speaking of cats..!

I also adopted a new cat!! It's MEOW time!! Say hello to Artemis aka Arty for short! She is best friends with my sisters cat Luna!! I am sharing photos and videos of her and Luna on my instagram and they also have their own tiktok!!

I hope everyone is having an amazing non-binary hot gurl summer!! Have fun and stay hydrated!!!

[loose-and-goose]

Porque No Los Dos?

Musings on Persephone and Her Girlbossification for Classicstober2023

I think I first learned about the Homeric Hymn to Demeter in elementary school, but even then, it was all about Persephone and Hades.

This was a fourth or fifth grade reader, so the story naturally had to be boiled down 'til the very marrow was sucked from its bones, but even then, I can't remember any mention of Demeter. Despite the myth bearing her name and largely being about her, Demeter was already removed from the narrative back in the early 2000s.

When I consider this, I feel that I can't genuinely pin the blame on current writers. After all, the Renaissance artists were more obsessed with depicting the “rape” of Persephone than the grief of her mother, so this current situation has been long in the making. But I do think that I am not mistaken to couple her subsequent transformation into a modern feminist icon with my contemporaries.

Apparently, I first took issue with this back in 2018. When I look through the archives of my blog, I see some cute HadesxPersephone art, modernizations, etc, and according to my tags I really love them. But then in 2018, I encountered a post saying:

“Hey, you know the original myth of Persephone when she was still Core/Kora and instead of being kidnapped, she willingly went down into the Underworld and decided that she liked it there/wanted to do good there? I need a copy of it.”

This post was then reblogged with an added rebuttal, clarifying that this “original myth” does not exist. Since then, I've encountered at least three other posts with thousands of notes that either outright claim that “originally”, Persephone was not kidnapped, or that actually, there are “pre-patriarchal” versions of most Greek myths, which we are purposely kept from reading in order to maintain the status quo (patriarchy).

These claims are never supplemented with any classical sources, and they always, always, have thousands of notes.

I want to preface this by saying that I don't think there's anything wrong with modernizing or retelling these myths. That's how we keep them living, keep them relevant. I still enjoy a funny rendition of Hades and Persephone that characterizes Hades as the wife-guy of all time.

No, I think my issue is with the desire to concoct a revisionist history to justify it.

I guess the question is, “So what if Persephone was kidnapped?” Regardless of how she and Hades met, the outcome is the same: Hades turns out to be a good husband who loves and respects his wife.

What I'm getting at is this: why does acknowledging Persephone's background somehow make her less respectable? Why does she have to willingly go to the underworld? Why does she have to hate her mother and run away? Why do you need this version of her story to exist, when it simply doesn't?

Persephone is a young girl. It's in her name. She is the prototype, the stereotype, she is the stand in for every young girl of her time. She represents their realities, she represents what could happen to them in a moment's notice. She embodies a very real fear for girls and maybe even more so for (let's not forget the name of the hymn again) mothers.

What am I trying to say? Let me see if I can figure it out. I don't think I'm saying anything new. I just saw that today's theme was Persephone and when I think of Persephone, this is what I always think of.

She is a goddess in her own right. Beloved by her husband. Given power by her husband. I think she is what many a young girl in ancient times hoped to become someday, whenever the seemingly unavoidable happened: A woman who was valued as an equal in her home, even in a greater world where she was not.

I think we shouldn't have to change Persephone's truth in order to find value in her. And we shouldn't have to fabricate an alternate timeline where Greece was a matriarachal society and Persephone hit her mother with the, “No mom, I'm giving up on your dream.” before sashaying a way into the underworld to justify her value.

Write what you want to write. I can't stop you, won't stop you, don't want to stop you. But as Madeline Miller's new book is on its way, I can only hope that maybe someone, someone, will find it in themselves to acknowledge that Persephone and Hades' shitty start doesn't disqualify her from being meaningful. Inasmuch as there is power in saying “actually, Persephone only did what she wanted to do”, there is also power in saying, “Persephone didn't always get to choose, but her situation did not spell out her end. It got better. Spring will come again”.

[haveyoureadthisscifibook2]

about and FAQ

[plain text: about and FAQ]

who are you? do you have any association with the mod of the previous blogs?

just a guy who loves to read sci-fi and fantasy! I have no association with the previous blog's runner, other than having followed both poll blogs from when they started, but I loved the blogs and the format in which they were run so much that I volunteered to step up and carry on the torch, so to speak.

what happened to the old blogs?

see these posts [post 1; post 2] from the owner of the old blogs, which are no longer active.

i submitted to the old blog, but it got archived before my submission was ever posted! should I submit again to you?

no fear - the old blog's owner has compiled all submissions into a document for me so that I can pick up where they left off and work through the backlog!

are you going to change anything about the poll format/the way that the blog is run?

highly unlikely, other than perhaps some behind the scenes changes to how information is gathered and posts are queued. I am also starting off with submissions closed and a less frequent queue as I figure out my pace and get my bearings, but I hope to ramp it up to at least 4 posts/day (what the old blogs were running on) eventually.

FAQ carried over from the old blog:

[plain text: FAQ carried over from the old blog:]

a note re series: I am more than happy to queue up an entire series on request! if this is what you want, please indicate that explicitly in your submission, especially in cases where the first book in a series and the series as a whole have the same title. otherwise I need to ask for clarification, and it slows down the process of getting your submissions queued up.

where do I submit books?

submissions are currently open!

[plain text: submissions are currently open!]

here. before you submit books, though, please check the list of books that have already been posted or queued. (note: if you’re using the mobile app on an Android phone, you may have to copy the link into your browser in order to access it.) *yes, this link leads to a page on the old blog. I will add a page like it to this blog closer to when I'm ready to start posting polls! for now, you can see what has already been posted.

when submitting multiple books, please submit all of them in a single ask so it’s easier for me to keep track of, especially if you’re submitting them anonymously. also, please include the author’s name!

what counts as having “read” a book?

did you finish the book? then you’ve read it. if you did not finish the book, you have not read it.

do audiobooks / having a book read to you count as having “read” a book?

do you think you’ve “read” the book? then you’ve read it. I’m not here to police your experiences or your relationships with physical books / ebooks / audiobooks / whatever.

does [graphic novel / manga / manhua] count as a “book”?

for the purposes of this poll, a book is a prose narrative, so graphic novels and other visual media with text do not count as “books”.

does [“novella” / “novelette” / short story] count as a “book’?

if a short story was originally published in a single issue of a periodical, in a multi-author anthology, or as part of a single-author collection, I will most likely not accept it unless it has subsequently been published as a standalone volume of more than ~75 pages. if you submit a text where this applies and you think it should be accepted anyway, please elaborate on why with your submission.

however: if a short story was originally published in the form of a standalone volume (i.e., not as part of a collection of texts), then yes, under normal circumstances that counts! I don’t care if it was a 10-page pamphlet or a 1000-page behemoth: if it was first published on its own, including as an ebook, it’s a book.

you can see my more detailed guidelines for short fiction here.

the one exception is things like (e.g.) The Fellowship of the Ring, which is explicitly the first volume of a single, larger book — in a case like this you would submit The Lord of the Rings, rather than its component volumes.

I encourage you to submit short fiction to @have-you-read-this-short-fiction even if it’s not eligible here!

does [short story collection] count as a “book”?

for the purposes of this poll, no, unless the stories are linked into some kind of overarching whole. simply sharing a common setting does not qualify (so Yoon Ha Lee’s Hexarchate Stories would not count as a “book”).

what about [series] as a whole?

no. this blog is asking about single books. feel free to submit multiple books in a series if you’re so inclined, though!

what counts as “sci-fi”?

if you think something should count as sci-fi, feel free to submit it. I haven’t read every book, and I have a flexible definition of the genre. there are some limits to my flexibility, but as long as it is set in the future, has some kind of futuristic technology, is set an an alternate timeline, or includes other non-realist phenomena that are explained (pseudo)scientifically, I’ll probably consider it sci-fi.

I’m a bit more ambivalent about older texts — I tend to think that something like Lucian’s True History (for example) can’t really be meaningfully said to be science fiction, for all that it involves space travel. once we start getting into early modern philosophical novels like More’s Utopia we’re on somewhat firmer ground, but really only in the nineteenth century do we start getting things I would unequivocally consider to be science fiction.

note that I am definitely willing to include works of science fantasy like Tamsyn Muir’s The Locked Tomb books or Piers Anthony’s Incarnations of Immortality, as long as there’s clearly sci-fi stuff going on along with the magic.

what about fantasy?

there’s a blog for that. :-)

does it have to be in English?

no! I read a number of languages and would be more than happy to include books in any language. the demographics of tumblr mean that you’re probably unlikely to get an overall “yes” result for something not in English unless it has a very popular English translation, but I’m happy to post the poll anyway — and maybe get some book recommendations in the languages I read. :-)

you can see links to all the language tags on this blog here.

why don’t you include blurbs for the books in these polls?

there are both practical and ideological reasons for this. tl;dr, it’s a lot of work, presents logistical problems for books not originally published in English, and there are books and authors that I categorically don’t want to promote beyond showing people the cover.

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check the #faq tag [including the old blog's #faq tag here] for additional questions and answers.

previous blog here, if you would like to see polls from before october 2024: @haveyoureadthisscifibook