#I'm obsessed with him I am descending into madness

[unfortunateearthworm]

faulkner thesiltverses you have captivated me with your transgender swag and deeply self-destructive need to make your own life into a grand narrative. and your inability to swim

[bongo-clash]

TWs for: Death, mentions of illness/poison, implied panic attack/flashbacks, and extremely botched ecto-science

-

The Justice League has known Phantom for a while, now. They’ve fought beside him in several battles in the year, and he’s handled every one of them with an inhuman efficiency and grace. His power-set is strange and extensive, but he’s taught them more about the Infinite Realms than any of Constantine’s tomes ever could. About its history, its cultures; about a particular kind of ectoplasmic corruption that only comes with exposure to oxygen.

It’s this particular detail that Batman remembers, when—after years in sort-of remission—Jason’s eyes glow lurid green, and the tidal wave of the Pit’s rage returns. 

It’s hard, to express that level trust, especially with his kid’s safety on the line (one he’s already lost before, that he can’t lose again. Can’t, can’t, can’t). But really, it’s either Phantom or the League of Assassin’s—a group that certainly doesn’t have a great track record of doing right by his children—so Bruce bucks up the most difficult kind of courage, and approaches the other hero after a debriefing. 

“Phantom,” He calls out, just as everyone’s leaving. His hands are clasping the back of the chair he’s risen from; one of his older tactics for preventing visible tremors. “Stay behind for a moment. We need to talk.”

Phantom’s shoulders draw in on themselves just slightly as he waves goodbye to the rest of the group, drifting back towards the meeting table with a sheepish smile on his face. He crosses his legs in the air as he says “Man, I feel like I’ve just been sent to the principal’s office. Am I in trouble?”

Despite the tension lining Bruce’s heart, he almost finds it funny. “You’ve done nothing wrong, Phantom. I just wanted to ask for your input on something.”

“Wait, really?” The hero perks up, neon-sign eyes shining. “The big ol’ Batman wants my help with something? I mean—sure, Bats, what’s up?”

Batman doesn’t allow himself the luxury of hesitance, and speaks before he can even think of sighing. “A few weeks ago, you mentioned your belief in the presence of large sources of corrupted ectoplasm on earth. I want your input on the potential effects of this ectoplasm on a living being.”

Even before Phantom replies, it’s obvious the answer isn’t a good one—based purely on the way the ghost’s eyes turn wide and nervous. “A- a living being? Well, um, I don’t—look, ectoplasm in its most basic form is an obligate anaerobe, right? And corrupted ectoplasm comes from a natural portal destabilising, and oxygen breaking through the initial protective layer. So, you’ve got a sort-of-maybe-sentient—kind of depends—oxygen-poisoned anaerobe getting—what, absorbed into a fully living being? If they’ve had no prior exposure to ectoplasm, then best case scenario’s probably death, Bats.” 

But Jason isn’t dead. And Jason won’t be. 

“…What about a living being who has had prior ectoplasmic exposure?”

He looks at Bruce like he’s hoping this is a hypothetical, but knows with Batman it never is. “So, like, a medium, or…?” Batman only stares. The sigh the ghost gives says more than it should, given he doesn’t need to breathe. “It’s… Batman, if you’re telling me right now that there’s someone out there with even a little bit of a dependancy on ectoplasm, with corrupted ectoplasm in their system—then you need to take me to them. I can’t have any idea how serious this is without more context.”

This isn’t what Bruce had wanted to hear at all. He’d wanted everything to be okay; he’d wanted Phantom to wave him away with a laugh and say it’ll filter itself out on its own in a couple years’ time- and sure, fine, he’d have pushed to the ends of the earth for evidence of that claim, but at least it would have been a little bit reassuring. Jason could be—

No. Jason will be fine. Phantom just needs more context. 

“Friday, 10pm.” Batman finally bites out, and sweeps out of the room with all the steel and confidence of a man who will not be losing his son. 

-

To his credit, Phantom does actually show up on Friday, despite the fact that Bruce hadn’t actually confirmed that Friday would be okay. He’s shuffling his feet like they’re touching the ground hands fiddling with the straps of the backpack he’s wearing, and when he looks up, says nothing at all. Taking the silence for what it is, Batman leads him to the Zeta.

Surprisingly, it hadn’t been all that difficult to convince Jason to show up. Though he tried to hide it, he was worried about Pit, too; he’d described it to them, a few times, that sludge-like haze that took him over, nausea in places that couldn’t be nauseous—he wanted it gone just as much as they did. More than they did, probably. When Bruce had told him someone in the Justice League might know what to do, he’d barely even complained about clearing his schedule for the night.

Phantom takes one look at Bruce’s son, and promptly blanches. 

“Holy shit. Dude, that has to hurt so bad.” Seeming stuck between getting closer and coiling away, Phantom looks at Batman, and then at the Red Hood, back forth. 

Bruce can’t take his eyes off Jason, for all that he can’t see an expression from beneath the helmet. “What is that supposed to mean?” Batman asks, barely refraining from a growl. 

“It’s—you’re like, the closest thing to a revenant a guy can get without being a revenant and, y’know, forming a core. You’ve got some natural ecto in you, but it’s completely swamped by the corruption trying to breach it.”

Jason doesn’t move, but Bruce can see the way his fists clench and unclench at his sides, trying to look relaxed and perhaps succeeding to Phantom, but not his father. “Right, yeah, cool. That’s great,” Red Hood replies, voice made forcibly neutral by the helmet’s modulator. “Laymen’s terms, if you’d be so obliged?”

Phantom shrugs, also trying to look causal- but, unlike Jason, both of them can tell he’s uncomfortable. “Okay, so we’ll call the ectoplasm death energy. You’ve got some of your own—which means you’ve either died, got really close, or you were exposed to natural death energy some other way—and you had that before you came into contact with a corrupted source of death energy. But then you came intocontact with this corrupted death energy, and it got absorbed into your system. If you had a core, which is this thing that ghosts have, that would be, like, urgently bad. It’d basically rot your core once the corruption reached it and you’d cease to exist without intervention.”

He pauses for a second there, just to let them absorb that information before continuing. “As it is, you don’t have a core, so the corrupted ectoplasm- sorry, death energy- isn’t going to kill you or anything. But it’s definitely not good for you. You need oxygen to live, obviously—the natural energy makes you kind of a microaerophile, but we don’t need to worry about that right now, because the corrupted energy is an obligate anaerobe that’s already been poisoned by oxygen contact, and it’s trying to take over the energy you already have to save itself. But… it can’t save itself. All it can do is just keep clinging on so it doesn’t rot away completely. Your energy is renewing itself enough that the corruption isn’t going to rot you by extension, but you can probably feel it doing something, can’t you?”

Jason, apparently, decides this is a ‘helmet-off’ kind of conversation now (he only does that when he finds it hard to breathe; Bruce wishes he could make this easier on his boy—), and releases the catches on the back of his hood with a mechanical hiss. 

“I get angry.” He admits carefully, trying to keep his expression blank. “It feels like somethin’ in me starts rebelling against itself, and I end up lashing out at everything. It… yeah, it does hurt.”

“I’m so sorry I didn’t know about this sooner.” Phantom says, tone soft. 

Red Hood waves him off immediately. “Not your fault. But, you’re here now; can you do anything about it, or is this just somethin’ that’s gonna have to run its course, or whatever?”

“I can separate it,” Phantom answers quickly, reassuring. “It’s trying to cling, but it isn’t actually part of you. The corruption can be removed. The only thing is just, y’know…”

“Know what?” Batman says, suddenly nervous; thrilled beyond beliefto hear that his son won’t have to suffer anymore, but dreading getting his hopes up. Dreading the but.

The ghost looks back at him. “I think I mentioned that normal ectoplasm can be a little bit sentient? Or, well, gain sentience?” Batman nods stiffly, Jason’s glitch between stilling and fidgeting. “Yeah, it’s been clinging to you for a while; this stuff’s probably going to come out as a ghost of its own, and I highly doubt it’s going to be friendly.”

Jason stares. “But you said the stuff can’t exist without leeching off me?”

“Yeah,” Phantom nods, something unpleasant on the tip of his tongue. “It won’t last long without you, but it might try to attack, or reabsorb. You can’t let it reabsorb.”

“Figured that, yeah.” Red Hood scoffs. “We doing this now, or what?”

Phantom hesitates, but assents. “I’ve got some gear in my bag. We can do it as soon as you’re ready.”

…

It takes them a few minutes to get kitted up. Phantom shows them the spectre-deflectors—explaining how he’ll separate the corrupted ectoplasm from Jason, and how he’ll have to put the deflector on immediately after to prevent the corruption from reabsorbing—with Batman wearing one too, just in case. Phantom can defend himself just fine, and the corruption will likely only take a few minutes to completely fade. They don’t even need anything else.

Jason is looking around like he can barely believe what’s about to happen and, quite frankly, Bruce can hardly comprehend it himself. Jason’s struggled with the Pit Madness for years, and to have an option to get rid of it, once and for all? It’s like a dream Bruce never wants to wake up from; he’s wished for this for years. He’s wanted so desperately for his son to be happy without something looming in the shadows, and all at once, it’ll finally be over.

When Phantom asks if they’re both ready, it takes only half a moment to push past the surreality of it all and say yes. Red Hood readies his deflector, and with one crack of his knuckles, Phantom reaches through the man’s chest, and pulls something out. 

…Someone. Phantom pulls someone out of Jason’s chest. 

Someone red, and yellow, and green, and crying. 

Oh God. Oh God.

Jason doesn’t even look up until his deflector’s secured, and Bruce is so, so glad his own was fastened long beforehand, because it’d have dropped from his hands the moment his eyes fell on white-out domino. He’d expected the corruption to look like a monster; Batman had been prepared to steel himself in the face of an incorrigible beast trying its damnedest to cling to his son. He hadn’t expected, not even for a moment, that the leech poisoning his kid would look like a little boy. 

The one he lost in a warehouse five years ago. 

He wants to call out to Jason not to lift his gaze, but like a film in slow motion, his son’s head raises, and his whole body freezes, twitching back like he’s been doused in cold water. He stares like he’s seeing everything, and nothing at all.

Robin—the corruption, turns to Phantom with a snarl on his lips (Its lips. Its. He cannot think of this like his son. He cannot think of this like his son when Jason is right there in front of him). 

“YOU!”It roars, in Jason’s scratchy fifteen-year-old pitch, shooting over to Phantom with its tiny, green-gloved fists clenched tight enough to creak. He hadn’t known it would be able to speak. “What did you do?!”

Phantom looks as if he’s about to say something, but the corruption’s attention has already been diverted. His (its, its, its) eyes are set on Jason. 

“Why did you-?” It cries out, choking on its own tears, face contorting into a grief and an anger Bruce had never seen on his son’s face until it was too late, rushing towards him. Jason takes a stumbling few steps back—and he isn’t fast enough to avoid the corruption’s reach—but it doesn’t matter anyway, because the spectre deflector lights up, and the ghost wails as the shock reaches it. The electricity seems to destabilise it, too; its form glitches and seems to melt a little. 

Bruce feels sick. This corruption that was trying to kill his son is heaving huge, gasping sobs, falling apart at the seams, and Bruce feels like he’s about to throw up. “What’s happening?” He croaks. “It-it hurts, I don’t understand.”

And then it turns its see-through little head to Bruce, teardrops rolling down splotchy cheeks still round with baby fat, and his heart drops right through his stomach and out to the other side of the earth.

“…Dad?”

No.

Bruce stumbles backwards, whole body trembling like his chest’s the epicentre of a personal earthquake, barely saved from falling by a weak grip on the Batcomputer chair. He wants to look away, but all he can see is his baby’s crestfallen face, dying all over again, and he doesn’t want to see this but he can’t stop watching.

The ghost lurches forward again and this time, Phantom silently flicks a hand out, and some kind of green forcefield forms around it. The silhouette of his fifteen-year-old son beats at the shield. His cries are muffled by it, but Bruce can still hear them. He can’t help but think that this is what Jason sounded like in Ethiopia, crying out for a father than would never get there in time. His son’s dying all over again, and he’s just standing there.

“Let him out.” Bruce pleads, voice rasping. “We have to save him.” He can see it through the green tinge of the barrier: Jason’s fading fast. The tips of his fingers and pixie boots are disappearing into thin air. 

Phantom turns to him with utter devastation in his eyes. “Bats, that’s not Jason.” He says, just as the twenty-year-old son that came back tumbles knees-first onto the floor, head leaning forward until his forehead touches stone. It’s the smallest he’s ever seen him in the last five years. 

That’s what snaps him out of it, if only for a moment. He falls over himself reaching for Jason, curling around him like a blanket of kevlar and heartbreak. This close to his son’s head, he can hear the quiet hiccuping of tears. 

They sit there, for the world’s most unbearable two minutes, as a version of his son pretending to be his son sobs and screams and falls apart. Bruce’s surroundings blur between the cave and a warehouse on the horizon, shimmering like a mirage under a hot African sun—his son is right here, safe in his hold, but he’s dying over and over, infinitely again, and Bruce can never stop it. 

Two minutes later, the world rings out with “Dad, I’m sorry!” and a muted scream, before silence is the only thing that’s left. 

…

Phantom gives his boy a completely clean bill of health, promises that his uncorrupted ectoplasm will sustain itself just fine without any further intervention, and leaves the moment Batman asks him to. 

Jason is free from the corruption that had been draining him like a leech for the last five years, and so long as he doesn’t go back to the Pit, he’ll be free of it for the rest of his life. He won’t have to hurt people with an anger he can’t control anymore; Bruce will no longer have to watch his son suffer from a rot welling deep within him ever again. 

This should be one of the happiest days of his life. But that night, he and his second oldest walk to a hill with a tombstone at its peak, hiding beneath the shade of a yew tree; neither of them acknowledge that the other is crying beyond the barest glimpse of fingertips ghosting together. 

In time, this will be a good day, but the relief comes later. For now, they sit down beside each other, worlds away, and don’t move until the sun rises the next morning.

(Jason apologises to a boy he will never be again—that he left in a coffin and never took with him—and Bruce apologises to son he could never save in time. In the end, the only evidence they have of their grief at all is a phantom scream in the wells of their ears, and a stone on the top of a hill with nothing underneath it at all.)

Short DPXDC Prompts #770

Danny cures Jason’s pit madness.. only issue is the pit madness reforms as an evil ghost

[starleska]

I hope you had a lovely trip! Hopefully this doesnt seem too demanding, but do you have any jack horner headcanons you're willing to share? Romantic, perhaps even yandere/possessive? Or just general headcanons? If not thats perfectly okay!!!

d'aww thank you sweet anon, i had a great time!! although i am very sleepy now 😴 i'm not even gonna lie to you, i whiled away the train journeys by gazing out of the window and thinking up little meet-cute scenarios with Jack 😂😂

oh HELL yes!! don't you worry, that's not demanding in the slightest - i'd be happy to oblige 😉 honestly this has steered off more into backstory/total fanfic territory, but i hope you like it anyway. i’ve written this with a bit of a feminine-leading-nickname bias, but this is for all readers!! i’m nb myself 🥰 feel free to substitute certain names for others 🔥

'Big' Jack Horner x Reader romantic/yandere headcanons:

historically, Jack hasn’t had much interest in romantic dalliances. coming from an upper-class family with a great deal of wealth means he received plenty of offers even when he was young, from hopeful families wanting to marry into his lucrative business. however, Jack always found the suitors from these families dull and predictable; they knew exactly what to say and how to say it, and their compliance infuriated Jack to no end. 

as a result, throughout his teens and early twenties Jack mostly abstained from romantic connections. it was at this time that he began to increase in size: he shot up like a weed and bulked out enormously, which greatly increased interest from a variety of parties. this came alongside his succession to the head of his pie business, and the flourishing of his criminal empire. although Jack was propositioned left and right, he only engaged in the occasional date and/or lay, and considered them to be stress relief. 

as his obsession with collecting magical artefacts and increasing his power grew, Jack’s dim view of romance as nothing more than fairy tale junk - something he has come to abhor - solidifies into a type of confident nihilism. he believes that he is simply built different, and that truly powerful figures don’t concern themselves with such trivial matters. that is, of course, until he meets you. 

at first, Jack is horrified. first, he believes he has fallen ill; why is his heart beating so fast around you? why does he feel hot and sweaty and clammy all at once when you pop into his thoughts? this quickly descends into a type of paranoia: he is convinced that you must be some type of magical artisan, one who has cast a spell to drive him mad. we know Jack isn’t the patient type, so he confronts you, dragging you into his office and threatening you with the business end of the Huntsman’s Axe from the Little Red Riding Hood fairy tale.

rather than the reasonable reaction of terror and attempting to escape, you stammer and blush, almost hyperventilating at the proximity. he’s so much larger than you, and it takes everything you have not to melt into his arms. you manage to tell him that you find him impossibly charming, and just being around him makes you feel lighter. this takes a moment for Jack to process. he questions you repeatedly: “You find me attractive?” “Y-yes.” “You’d like to become an item? With me?” “Yes, sir.”

once he is certain that there is no trickery afoot, Jack is ecstatic with you. the full extent of his smarm and arrogance pour over in waves. Jack is not a man prone to embarrassment , and he makes no secret of your relationship whilst going about the daily business of running his criminal organisation and pie factory. he freely plays with your hair, rubs your shoulders and gives you kisses in full view of all his workers, much to your humiliation, but the way Jack looks at you with approval after every  teasing show of affection makes it all worth it. Jack’s staff even give you a  nickname: The Baker’s Wife. 

in no time at all, Jack becomes your fiercest protector. someone calls a rude comment to you in the street? they’re found the next day, strung up by their thumbs outside the village walls. a debt collector comes to harass you and your family? how interesting: they choke to death on a pie, overstuffed with plums. you soon find that members of The Baker’s Dozen are assigned to keep you safe: following you around his mansion and accompanying you outside without so much as a word. you try to question Jack about these events, knowing in your heart he is responsible, but the way he tells you, “No one hurts my princess,” makes your heart squeeze. indeed, day-to-day Jack treats you like royalty: only the finest garments, cuisine, and entertainment for the love of his life. 

however, in private, Jack lets his sadistic side shine. he is delighted by how easy you are to fluster: how a filthy whisper or a well-placed touch can make you tremble and squeak. he enjoys your size difference, playing with you as if you were a doll, and he chuckles darkly whenever you squirm. there’s nothing he loves more than pinning you against a wall with a blade, enacting the predator/prey dynamic he knows you enjoy so much. he leans in close and breathes into your ear, telling you how small and helpless you are, and how easy it would be to rip you apart. he relishes in making you beg to be touched, how much you crave his silver tongue and those awful, atrocity-stained hands. Jack tells you that you are his, forever, until the day you die: and that is something you love more than life itself. 

hope this is what you were looking for, anon 😉

[autocat5876]

villain p.ai.nter full post since the last one was just a reblog yeahhh 🔥🔥🔥

sebastian goes to ask p.ai.nter for help with stopping the expendables for as long as possible as he knows it can control the turrets, and p.AI.nter is OBSESSED with him. genuinely would do anything for him. so sebastian pretends to have a relationship (platonic or romantic still up for debate) with it in order to keep it working and confides his plan to whoever it would consider a close friend. he tells them that he's only using p.AI.nter for the rest of them to escape- after all, a computer can't exactly swim can it? so they begin planning for the escape, all the while seb continues lying to p.AI.nter saying they'll all be escaping including it. weeks pass, and p.AI.nter begins doubting its ability to leave the blacksite as it's electric and would die in water. meanwhile, sebastian comes to a horrible realization that it DOES actually feel something for p.AI.nter but keeps it to himself. no one can know.

and then one day, p.AI.nter manages to hack into some kind of mic in a room with sebastian's confidants in it without realizing and hears them talking. talking about it. talking about sebastian. about the past weeks- MONTHS- being nothing but lies. words to butter it up to do sebastian's wants. and it snaps. it thinks to itself "if i can't escape? No One Can". it hacks fully into the blacksite's systems in a fit of rage and begins its control over everything in it. it was treated like sebastian's plaything, so now everyone and thing in the site is its entertainment.

i'm thinking it gets some kind of android body to attach the monitor to? i don't have much in terms of design on it but all i know is that in the monitor where p.AI.nter's left eye (if you were facing it, it would be on your right) should be there's a shotgun bullet hole in it... i wonder who could have done that...

songs that remind me of the au

DO I EVEN NEED TO EXPLAIN!!!! COME ON!!!! i have a very specifc scene in my head during the "i was told i had to walk away" part of p.AI.nter looking down at the ground walking down a hallway and as it does the turrets in the ceiling begin to descend out and then at "i'll fake a smile they've seen before" it flashes to p.AI.nter pre-villain before cutting to its current expression with the bullet hole and a deranged grin (since in my design it's nearly always smiling or grinning like mad. if you see it without a smile on its face then it's too late for you) and then "they'll see i am so much more" it looks up at the camera and the turrets point along with the look and yeah. Yeah this is villain p.AI.nter

uh uh uh seb's the hero p.AI.nter's the villain blah blah blah i don't even have anything to say other than the following lyric clips . good lord. blue sebastian green p.AI.nter

that last line there in specific too... since in my head p.AI.nter sets up bases in seb's old shop locations half to get rid of any places seb may try to hunker down and hide again and half to show that it can take the things that matter to sebastian just like he did to it.

[justalilguyoops]

God I think it would be really fucking funny to see Felix's obsession grow so exponentially that he'd inevitably descend into madness and for Oliver (who may or may not have been a scheming gremlin from the start, either way it'd be great tbh lmao bc actually completly naive and innocent Oliver? That'd be a VISION) to be TOTALLY into it lmao. Also to witness Felix being an airhead in the beginning and then morph into something else entirely as the story goes on? Dhishdisjsks like it seems me that he initially acted with only good intentions and then sort of let things get out of hand but he immediately downplayed them like nothing. Like stealing boxers??? Inhaling pillows? Like what else is he gonna allow himself to do, stalk Oliver? Threat people? Like there's literally no internal fight about his actions at all lmao he just tells himself that nope, it's okay, it's perfectly normal, his conscience is totally fine with what he's doing and that's IT. LMAOOO!!! So I wouldn't be surprised at all (actually it would be downright funny and satisfactory after WIPIP tbh) if he became obsessive to the point of insanity.

Like sorta mirroring Oliver in canon but through his eyes you sorta narrate it as a sweet pink rom-com. I absolutely adore iiiitt!!!! And I adore you for writing these 5 chapters, I've been literally rereading them again and again before going to bed! Muah Muah *hugs*

(Btw I'm @mylovelookup but it's my sideblog so tumblr doesn't let me send asks through that 😭)

HAHAHAHAHA the idea of Saltburn but it being treated as like a romcom fucking takes me out because!!! genuinely I think it's what Oliver wanted in the beginning! Popping Felix's tire is real romcom first meeting type of shit!

hehehe I am so excited for LAWS and what Felix is going to become (our sweet down bad freak boy) <333 part 1 is going to cover oxford days AND saltburn summer trip and I have so many chaotic ass things planned

of course I won't spoil anything but,,,, is it really a justalilguyoops fic if it doesn't get at least a BIT unhinged crazy obsessive???

Felix sniffing a man's pillow trying to play it off that he just really wants to be friends with him LOL

so so so excited to feed you more fr fr I'm LOVING LAWS it's like my therapy after the intensity that was WIPIP I love my dumb little university boys <3333

[y-rhywbeth2]

Assorted thoughts about Astarion's epilogue that I have only seen in video because patch 4 broke my save files and I have to replay the whole thing to get there.

From what I've seen everyone's good endings seem a little... overly good and free of consequence? But at the same time I haven't seen everything with my own eyes and everyone deserves to be happy, so whatever. If I want angst, there's fic.

Sooo... is it that unromanced Astarion disappeared after the scene at the docks and nobody could find him, or did you assholes just not try? I will be generous and assume the former.

Stop stabbing the table you little gremlin. ...although I'd probably enjoy doing that, if I could get away with it.

I still hate that outfit with the ruff.

Not surprised Larian is doubling down on the "no cure" angle. I don't really care if Astarion remains a vampire or if he goes the cure route, so long as he's happy - although I do think in his shoes I'd look for some way to day-walk anyway, on practical grounds alone.

Hiding a knife behind his back while asking an unromanced Durge if they're showing any signs of being under Bhaal's control... I adore a pragmatic bastard.

---"I could've told you that [you can kill people in a socially acceptable manner]" ---"You realise I don't actually pay attention when you talk, right?" ^This is why I both love him with all my soul and also want to push him off a roof.^

Delighted and validated by Astarion feeding by taking jobs as a bounty hunter or something like that. That was 100% what Vel was suggesting to him post game. Like "Hey, have you considered bounty hunting? if my memories of killing people for fun and profit, and the last month or two of everyone suddenly celebrating instead of getting mad when I murder has taught me anything; if you eat the people the majority want dead, you can have all the blood and money you can get your teeth into and nobody will have a problem with it."

And then there's Ascended Astarion... who I will put under a read more to save space and for those who'd like to avoid the uglier side of endings.

So I don't think Larian read the supplement Van RIchten's Guide to Vampires (it's from 1992, but as far as I know it's also still the most comprehensive write up of D&D vampire lore, and some of it still looks to apply here (or at least, it can).)

But the first thing I thought of, watching him constantly turn into a bat, is that it reminded me of the vampire psychological development stages. Stage one is where a vampire is drunk on their shiny new powers and just will not stop showing them off. (Stage two is the "find out" stage of the fuck around process, where the vampire discovers they're not as invincible as they believed and descends into full blown, paranoid monstrosity.)

Then "I will be watching." "I/We need to eavesdrop on everybody."... Oh, the paranoia. How's that thing where the curse of vampirism is twisting the trauma and fear going for you, my dude?

"I'll never forget the time we spent together, though. And I know you'll never forget about me. Until next time, darling." ...might be his expression or the datamined epilogues where he still wants his ex, but that feels like a threat to me? Might just be a jab after being dumped...

And, oh yeah, we're definitely looking at vampire bride/groom tier stuff here: Just sit on the decorative pedestal I built for you and look pretty until I'm in the mood to take you down and play with you. Stop complaining about how you're bored and want freedom!

The PC isn't weak by any measure, they could become a rival.. AA isn't my ending of choice, but I am morbidly fascinated with the concept of Tav and Astarion as toxic vampire divorcees: Two angry, powerful "lovers to enemies" vampire lords "sharing" territory; passing the centuries obsessing over each other; fighting each other; sometimes maybe hate-fucking, and generally making their bad relationship everyone's problem.

[sillysillyprice]

Hello and good morning I've discovered lately your au and I'm quite invest to be fair it's funny and really intriguing if it's not asking too much can you explain why's there two shadow milk cookie ? One who look stupid and the other who's quite pretty and with silent salt cookie what is he in love with our dear shadow milk cookie and that's why he's glad that elder faerie died or what because calling your friend my angel and be glad his past lover? Died is a bit........ anyways sorry if it's too long and for bad grammar English is not my first language so

I LOVE ANSWERING QUESTIONS, ASK ANYTHING YOU WANT!! I AM SO GLAD THAT MY AU IS OF INTEREST TO YOU (⁠人⁠ ⁠•͈⁠ᴗ⁠•͈⁠)

and don't worry, english isn't my main language either haha

Well, going step by step

1 – the two Shadow Milk

In theory... they are the same person, but at the same time they are not...

It's a matter of perspective!! But in theory it's more or less like this

Light Milk, the original Shadow Milk, In his search for knowledge he ended up discovering things he shouldn't, things that kept him awake and made him descend slowly and tortuously into madness... until everything exploded when he visited the witches' banquet (it was not the first time he attended) I begged the witches to make him forget, he didn't want to be the knowledge cookie, the knowledge he had loved so much had destroyed him, and he just wanted... to rest, But the witches did not listen, after all, he had been created to store knowledge, it was his only function as a living being

So Light Milk just... jumped into the cauldron

yeah, a little strong but- oh well

When the witches took the cookie out of the cauldron it was no longer the same as before, they could no longer even tell that it was a cookie, They only saw an amalgam of suffering, sorrow and agony, Shadow Milk is the accumulation of all the pain of Light Milk

So as I said before, in theory they are the same person, they share the same body, but they will never be the same, and Shadow Milk has no memories of his past life

2 – Silent Salt's... love for Shadow Milk? In short, yes!

can be summed up as, SILENT SALT! YOU'RE A DAMN SIMP!!

But let's do this as it should be done

Silent Salt (at that time Service Salt) always had feelings for Light Milk, but they never had anything because Silent Salt forgot the detail of, I don't know... EVEN SAYING SOMETHING

He was content with seeing him, helping him, always being there for him even if it was as a friend, he did not feel brave enough to confess

but all this changed when Light Milk and Elder Faerie started dating, Service Salt knew it was wrong to feel jealous about that, he had no right to be angry since he had wasted his chance! But even though he was still upset with Elder Faerie for "stealing his angel," Silent/Service Salt's feelings began to become more and more obsessive, more twisted

until that incident occurred that gave life to Shadow Milk

He, and everyone knew he wasn't Light Milk, but they treated him as if he was, including Service Salt who selfishly saw a new opportunity to be with his angel, ignoring that there was only one demon left

There happens the transition of changing the name of Service Salt – Silent Salt, and starting the disaster in order to please Shadow Milk and win him (spoiler: EVEN TRYING HE CAN'T ACHIEVE IT HAHA, and I don't know if that ends up being better or worse)

And well, everything ends badly, very badly

[arthurs-better-half]

heyyyy you mentioned your aus 👀👀👀

can you tell more abt them?

YEAH OF COURSE

Okay so my friend Jae and I bounce back and forth off each other to create these so I consider them Our AUs they're my favourite ever

Bird/winged AU (unnamed)

Fix-it AU (unnamed)

Two Times Trapped

So for 1 the bird AU is because birds are a special interest of mine so I came up with it because I get obsessed with wingfics in every fandom I'm in so I invented one. Mostly undeveloped, follows canon closely just with added bird wings, tails, some other features. I have the most fun with research with these so most of it is just finding birds for characters (Arthur - Falkland Steamer Duck (female he's trans), John - Pied Crow, Yellow - Malaysian Hawk-cuckoo, Bella - Yellow-crowned Canary, Noel is some sort of flamingo Oscar is some sort of dove and Marie is some sort of ostrich. Daniel is the same as Bella. No don't ask me how Faroe works with the hybrid species idk. Yes we know how ironic being part duck is with the whole. Drowning thing. That was partly what solidified Arthur's species LMAO)

I'll skip to 2xT because the Fix-it explanation is long so for Two Times Trapped this one is mostly mine it's a canon divergent scenario of Larson managing to separate John from Arthur in the s4 finale and John getting trapped in his head with Yellow. And then everybody survives the finale and Larson gets away and then it splits into two POVs of Arthur's side with Noel, Butcher and later Oscar trying to aid Arthur in getting John back (Arthur is still blind) while sorting through their own stuff (Kayne also takes his frustrations of his favourite duo getting separated out on Butcher and Butcher basically gets sent to chronic migraine hell instead of getting his head sploded. And the classical music in his head gets replaced with like modern day hyperpop he's not having a good time.) and Arthur is also slowly descending into madness and the others are seeing how unwell he is now that his filter is being stripped away.

And on John's end he has Larson's eyes, foot, and he and Yellow share possession of Larson's left arm (read: they fight over it constantly). Yellow and Larson are a laser focused deadly task machine and have their sights set on the Greystone except they Do need to get John to cooperate at least a little bit because it is hard to get anything done when you've got Only One That Can See Between The Three Of You That Alway Lies. Also Larson is really just using the concrete goal of the Greystone to distract John while in reality his real goal is to get John to reject the human side of him and embrace godhood so that he can be more powerful. And Yellow is on this also but Yellow's feelings are more complicated than I can explain in this post. But yeah these three are constantly bickering they're actually so unserious. Larson stubs John's toe on purpose several times a day to get him to shut up. Yellow and John have many simultaneous "SHUT UP, LARSON" moments. Everyone is always lying to each other to the point where no one knows what's actually true any more. John can't call Yellow out on his KIY act bullshit because then he'd be exposing his own KIY act and the same for Yellow calling out John's. I want to put them all in a tube and shake it.

Anyway enough on that for now for the Fix-it AU this one Jae came up with based on the premise of John getting his own body, marrying Lily, and Arthur living in their house with them. And then I proceeded to suggest that John is a system with Yellow as an alter (because throughout the whole podcast I've had the recurring idea of John being a subsystem and with s4 with the whole him and Yellow having to share the same plane of existence and memories and only one "existing" at a time that just further solidified that idea in my head) and got obsessed with that. So now it's human+plural!John, Arthur, Lily, Noel and Butcher are there too as their neighbours or something, Marie and Daniel are there too. Though I am nearly wholly focused on the system thing so give me one moment I'm putting this under a read more

(As a disclaimer I do a lot of research constantly and spend a lot of time around systems so this is second-hand knowledge and observations and such and from research not experience but anyway)

John's system consists of the main system (named Miles to Go) and a subsystem that he's part of

The King in Yellow subsystem:

John - Host/protector He got the body first, rarely ever not fronting or cofronting.

Yellow - Cohost/symptom holder (PTSD)/persecutor Yellow's role changes throughout the story. He rarely ever fully fronts and only ever cofronts in the beginning and mostly only as a voice. He has the worst time adjusting for a number of reasons but a lot of it comes down to Arthur and Larson. On the rare occasion that he does front he'll visit Larson in prison (or wherever the hell Larson is haven't actually figured that part out) and he's kind of the only person Yellow will willingly have full conversations with that don't immediately turn to pity parties or aggressively defensive shows of power. Also Arthur is not helping and Yellow is not helping either and nothing is going right for him really but it's fine he'll get there. It gets worse before it gets better for him but it does get better. I think about him a lot (Main brainrot for this au)

King - Prosecutor (later turned physical protector + emergency fronter) Mixtive of stories of the King in Yellow, Arthur's experiences, John and Yellow's fractured memories, Noel's stories (and factive!Noel's recounts). Literally just feels like those times when John or Yellow put on that big scary act when they're scared, King is that personified.

Outside of KIY:

Arthur - Factive, physical caretaker One who actually knows how to do human stuff. Also a litmus test for how well other Arthur is doing depending on how he treats this Arthur. John nearly jumped out of his skin when he first showed up because he had no idea that the system thing was not limited to just the KIY situation so when he heard Arthur he freaked out. L. First alter outside the KIY subsystem. Probably split when John was alone and panicking and Arthur wasn't there.

Noel - Factive, mask Most often fronts when they need to be around other people and act normal, but mostly doesn't front often. Split after Arthur probably.

There will probably be more, there are definitely littles and there is probably a Faroe factive little (from factive Arthur's need). Other Arthur does not cope well with this but it's fine they're fine.

I have like. Ideas of KIY differing headspace and body designs because those three definitely have the worst dysmorphia when it comes to the body (John has it easiest, Yellow worst). But yeah anyway John is studying to become a doctor Arthur is still a private investigator but mostly quit, just takes the occasional case (with John). Uhhh that's all I'll say for now before I go on about Yellow too much.

Okay yeah I have more to say on like all of them especially Yellow always Yellow. And playlists also. Because the brainrot is strong. They kill me always. And Jae is literally the best for making AUs with he's my idea guy for real

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for refusing to take sides and getting turned into a cat?

So, I (eternal, M) have existed alongside my 8... Compatriots? Peers? Siblings? It's hard to know what to call them, to be honest, but it's probably enough to say we've known and been stuck with each other since before the dawn of time. Anyway, 7 of them had this bright idea for a new project they called "life" which they got completely obsessed with. To be honest, I couldn't care less about it, but I was happy to chill out and let them do their thing.

Unfortunately, my perspective wasn't shared by the 9th and strongest of us. For some reason, he threw an absolute hissy fit and decided to destroy all their creations, saying something about how he would become "destruction to match creation" or whatever. The rest were obviously pissed about this and decided to stop him. He managed to destroy most of their planets, but they made a final stand at the last one. They begged me to help them stand against him, but the fighting was getting pretty intense and this was not my project, and, as far as I was concerned, not my problem, so I decided to hide until it all blew over.

When the fighting was done, the 7 had all but giving up their physical forms to bind the 9th and protect their precious "life" which I thought was going a bit too far. Some of them got really weird with it, by becoming part of the bloodlines of their creations or a big wall (??). They also made this structured (boring) sort of magic that their creations could access without "corrupting" themselves. They found me and they got mad. Really mad. They decided to punish me for not taking part in the fight, which basically meant that the 7th bound and enslaved me to her bloodline. Since then, I've been stuck as a cat and have to obey the commands of her do-gooder necromancer descendants.

As far as I'm concerned, this was a MASSIVE overreaction. Like, it was their project! Of course I'm not going to care! I didn't expect that they'd discorporate over it. Am I seriously supposed to be willing to become a wall to protect their little pets? And it's not like I helped the 9th, I literally did nothing. But, the bonds on the 9th have been weakening so I've been thinking about this again: was I right, or am I the asshole?

[caliburn-the-sword]

since i've been gone:

watched atla live action. hate the tell don't show writing style. got mad every time i saw ian ousley on screen. suki and jet ate that up tho i'm literally SO pan. zuko's flashbacks made me cry. him leading the division that he saved in finding the avatar is a nice touch. love how secret tunnel and two lovers/omashu is gay now

am starting a jade fire gold by june cl tan reread because holy fuck i'm in zutara feels rn

read if you could see the sun by ann liang. made me cry shake throw up. obsessed with her writing and need her book to hurry up and appear in aus

read the first shatter me book since i enjoyed the first 6 chapters on google. BIG mistake. how did simultaneously nothing happen in that book while everything happen at the same time?? why do people hate adam and love warner??? why is every man on the planet obsessed with juliette??? however the last two chapters gave xmen vibes so unfortunately i will be reading the rest of the series at some point in time

i became OBSESSED with the maleficent movies for an entire fortnight. so much so i thrifted a grunge fairycore skirt with NOTHING to style it with. can't wait for maleficent 3!!!!

follow up to maleficent, i ended up rewatching all of descendants. all i'm gonna say is mal did nothing wrong. ben is insanely mid. i think that evie's backstory is a lot darker than let on by the disney channel rating but i'll make a separate post about my headcanons for her. saw the teaser for the 4th movie. rip to cameron

i watched the marvels FINALLY. i ADORED kamala as always even with all the shitty writing changes to her backstory, iman slays as always. i screamed cried and threw up when i saw the og beast from xmen and professor x mention!!! seeing carol from the kree's perspective was also actually REALLY interesting. the family angst between monica and carol also made me emotional. seeing kamala become disillusioned with her hero was also very civil war 2 coded and i'd LOVE to see that fleshed out more. i'm interested to see whether kamala is trying to form the young avengers (which she was never a member of and predates her by 10 years), champions or secret warriors (both of which kate was never a member of if i remember correctly)

because of xmen crumbs i unfortunately rewatched about half of the gifted s1 for those feels

i now know 4 programming languages and am living out my own little cress darnel life

watched a few episodes of love between fairy and demon, thought i didn't like cdramas, gave an episode of who rules the world and actually?? i might be into it. i'll see in a few episodes time (IF i have time)

[atamascolily]

Lily liveblogs: Thunderbolt Fantasy 4x08

THE LAND IS CLOAKED IN DEEPEST BLUE.

Shang descends into The Abyss(TM) and going, "what the hell am I doing with my life, why is it always something"

another meeting of the Demon Court with everybody awkwardly noticing their numbers are dwindling.

Azi proposes that instead of waiting for someone else to summon a demon god, they do it themselves and make it humanity's problem.

just then Xing Hai's message talisman shows up with info on the Divine Swarm and chaos ensues

after everyone else leaves, the Demon King's like, sooooo, what makes you think you can win the War of Fading Dusk 2: The Demons Strike Back, and Azi says, "well, I know a guy...."

smash cut to that guy (Locust) learning that his daughter is missing. A lot of angry hairflips ensue.

Locust: "why.... can I not get... these stupid bangs... OUT OF MY FACE??!!!"

just then "Piaomiao" reports in that Chao Feng is in the demon realm, and Locust is all, THAT GOSHDARN KID AND HER STUPID OBSESSION WITH THAT STUPID IDOL SINGER, GAHHH.

In the Shadow Realm, Wasp is attacked by Parasol Lady and we get the epic butch vs. femme showdown I wanted.

the parasol makes sparkling noises by the way!!!

Wasp's arm gets broken and she panics because this is the first time she's ever encountered a situation her strength can't get her out of

but spider saves her!! and gives her a pep talk saying, "look, it sucks, but you gotta stay alive, I gave up being a thief when our boss saw through my tricks" and it's heartwarming character development for everyone

they then team up to beat Parasol Lady which involves breaking all of Spider's bones, ouch.

RIP Parasol Lady, you had a killer fashion sense, and I lament your undeveloped potential, but at least you went out with style

the two of them, limping and wounded, are still trapped in the shadow realm, but at least they have each other! awww.

[Note: having completed their narrative arcs and reconciled their philosophical differences, I don't hold out much hope for their continued survival, but we'll see!!]

I've seen people read this scene as shippy, and I personally don't, but whatever, I guess

the mech is charging in an energy shield (!!!) and Chao Feng wanders off and gets a letter from Lin luring her to a secondary location with promises of being reunited with Lang, but instead she gets trapped, hahaha.

Tian Ming and Mech Grandpa go look for her, only to get attacked by demons again.... but shang turns up just in time!

DRAMATIC POEM ENTRANCE DRAMATIC POEM ENTRANCE YEAAAAHHHH

this time, the mech turns into an amp and Tian Ming hooks up her guzheng and sings "THE LAND IS CLOAKED IN DEEPEST BLUE" while Shang fights and it's FUCKING AWESOME

Lin shows up briefly, just to tease Shang, and then vanishes, lolololol

after it's over, Tian Ming grabs Shang's shoulder and is like, you're not getting away from me again!!!! which is good because these two desperately need to talk

Ansarto is gloating over Lang's cocoon and the demon cop overhears and takes it all out of context and fucking murders him without any warning.

RIP Ant-boy, you had the sickest possible design and I will miss your skittering little legs and scheming

Ling Ya starts screaming for Lang to wake up as the cop prepares to murder him in the cocoon, but I saw the preview and he totally wakes up in the next episode, even if that's one hell of a cliffhanger to end on

speaking of cliffhangers, the preview also has Dan Fei FaceTiming Bo Yang Hou and the mech climbing out of the abyss, so hahaha, yeah

it sucks that the two coolest new demon characters got killed off so quickly in this episode, DAMN YOU TRUNCATED STORY AND RUSHED PACING

if Tian Ming's song isn't on the OST, I'll be so mad

I'm also happy we got a character poem, even if it's a repeat, I missed them!!! they are so epic!

asldgasdlkgjslfakjglsfkjglksfjglkfjglfkg frothing screaming crying even when it hurts me with all the lost potential, this show is still so good y'all

[leggerefiore]

Hi Fi, I hope you've been doing well since I last checked in. Pardon the Big Chat, but I just got caught up on some posts I had missed and figured it'd be better to just react to them all in one go.

I am so stoked to see you like Bungo Stray Dogs! My freshman year of college, my suitemate got me into it and we watched probably the first three episodes before her evening class. Lovecraft deserved way more screen time and I don't understand why he isn't the same threat level as Q when the whole point of the Cthulu-mythos is contact with it will drive you insane. Chuuya is god-tier husbando material. He's a good bad boy, a half-good, half-bad, half boy. The pretty red hair, sharp blue eyes, the choker and body harness, we're really eating like Queens. I'm an Akutagawa girly myself. I can't help but love him even though his narrow-minded approach kills me a bit. Have you read the Beast spin off?

Also I gotta know, is Lysandre a black-coffee supremist? We already know that cafe is bougie af. And I know the jealous hybrid!Larry thing was meant to be hot, but I can't help but think of him doing that squat/leg warmup thing he does in-game before going off on whoever was being too friendly with his mate.

And God, I can't imagine telling Cyllene about Cyrus, or having to explain what drove him to do such a thing. On one hand Cyrus always had a hard time understanding and interacting with the world around him, especially in terms of emotions and subjectivity. But he was also abused and lacked any proper emotional-support and companionship, all while being placed under extreme pressure to succeeed in all things until he broke. So, a tender-hearted wish for the world to be easier to live in got misguided into a desire for a world without emotion and attachment.

I like to play with the idea of being his little sister. So for me it'd be me telling my great-great-something grandmother that I'm her (and Laventon's via Surveyshipping) descendant, and at some point their legacy and values got misconstrued, leading to my parents being so abusive that my brother went rouge. Cue Grandpa Lav crying and Granny Cyllene being silently ready to beat someone's ass.

High Five Anon

I think I got into Bungou like in my last semester of high school/right after graduating. Then I dragged my poor friend into it lol. Lovecraft, sadly, can't get too much screen time because he's a little too OP. I mean he literally died and regenerated. I think his ability's relation about madness is shown when Q attacks him since he kinda scared them by showing them his "insanity" or whatever. He's not a threat because he isn't like commonly hostile and seems more reclusive/sleeping most of the time. I Still Think He Should Return In The Current Arc. He'd Win.

Chuuya literally hit all my unfortunate pretty boy notes that usually lands me a husband. The fact his voice actor is a singer too is really cute to think about, because I like to imagine Chuuya sings for that reason lol. My friend like Akutagawa at first, then she's like latched on to Kunikida and is Obsessed. I haven't read Beast, but I really should. I really want to, but I keep forgetting lmao

Lysandre almost certainly screams black coffee guy. He probably doesn't even offer cream or sugar in his café and asking for some gets you thrown out.

shhsjd actually the Larry thing was meant to be funny lol. But he has to do the squat thing or he'll pull something and that will be bad. Responsible bird man.

I really, really think Cyllene of all people would want to help him. He is her descendant, and she's obviously a lot more soft-hearted than she lets on. She's a bit motherly towards the teens in her unit, so I don't doubt she'd be that way with Cyrus if she ever met him/he ended up in Hisui. I should probably write more on Cyrus in Hisui because I do wish to explore more of the possibilities of what would happen should they ever meet proper.

[the-type-a]

We're back with part two of Duncney playlist songs. If I accidentally suggest the same one twice, just blame it on the fact that I'm sick. I'm giving sections this time!

CANON DUNCNEY:

-Your Stupid Face (Kaden MacKay)

-Boys (Charli XCX)

-Blank Space (Taylor Swift)

-The Call (Regina Spektor)

-The Calling (TheFatRat)

-Darkside (Alan Walker)

-COPYCAT (Billie Eilish)

-Your Obedient Servant (Hamilton)

-Dead Girl Walking (Heathers)

-Ain't It Fun (Paramore)

-Try (P!nk)

-Take A Hint (Victorious)

-Everybody Loves Me (OneRepublic)

ANGSTY DUNCNEY:

No Children (The Mountain Goats)

Rat (Penelope Scott)

-Oleander (Mother Mother)

-Oh Klahoma (Jack Stauber)

-All That Glitters (Earl)

-Already Gone (Sleeping At Last)

-Boys Will Be Bugs (Cavetown)

-Today Today (Jack Stauber)

-Be Alright (Dean Lewis)

-What About Us (P!nk)

-Me and My Husband (Mitski)

-Who Is She? (Reprise) (Centaurworld)

-Lotta True Crime (Penelope Scott)

-All Eyes On Me (OR3O)

-I Of The Storm (Of Monsters and Men)

-Cleopatra (The Lumineers)

-The Moon Will Sing (The Crane Wives)

-Requiem (Dear Evan Hansen)

-Good For You (Dear Evan Hansen)

-Words Fail (Dear Evan Hansen)

-If Only (Descendants)

-Just Another Girl (The Killers)

-Don't Come Back Here (KIRA)

-Don't Make Me (MALINDA)

-Evelyn Evelyn (Evelyn Evelyn)

-Are You Satisfied? (MARINA)

-Blue Lips (Regina Spektor)

-Two Birds (Regina Spektor)

-Feed My Ego (Mickey Darling)

-Cardigan (Taylor Swift)

-August (Taylor Swift)

-Hoax (Taylor Swift)

-Bruno is Orange (Hop Along)

-Father (The Front Bottoms)

-Ghost (Reinaeiry)

-Ghost (Confetti)

-Ghosts (Jacob Tillberg)

-A Boy Like That (Glee Cast)

-Rose's Turn (Glee Cast)

-Glimpse of Us (Joji)

-If it's True (Hadestown)

-Come Home With Me (Reprise) (Hadestown)

-How Long? (Hadestown)

-Satisfied (Hamilton)

-I Say No (Heathers)

-Freeze Your Brain (Heathers)

-Meant To Be Yours (Heathers)

-I Am Damaged (Heathers)

-His Theme (Caleb Hyles)

-How to Save a Life (The Fray)

-Monster (dodie)

-If I Were a Boy (Beyonce)

-I'm glad you're evil too -Re-release (Rachie)

-Personal (Stars)

-Goodbye (Bo Burnham)

-Angel Eyes and Basketball (Foot Ox)

-Heather (Conan Gray)

-Are You Bored Yet? (Wallows)

-LOONATIC - Eng. Ver. (LOONA)

-Hurts Like Hell (Fleurie)

-Mad at Disney (slem ilese)

-prom dress (mxmtoon)

-I Knew You Once (Hollie Allen)

-Blame (Air Traffic Contoller)

-Oblivion (Dirty Palm)

-Once in a Dream (In the City)

-Catching Fire (Acoustic) (Sum 41)

-Family of Me (Ben Folds)

-feelings are fatal (mxmtoon)

-Cigarette Ahegao (Penelope Scott)

-putting a spin on never ever getting rid of me (Egg)

-Praying (Kesha)

-If I Could Take This Moment Back (Tangled the Series)

-I'd Give Anything (Tangled the Series)

-All Too Well (10 Minute Version) (Taylor Swift

-Look What You Made Me Do (Taylor Swift)

-All You Wanna Do (Six the Musical, live recording. Make sure to get the one with the purple cover.)

-No Way (SIX)

-Heart of Stone (SIX)

-Get Down (SIX)

-I Don't Need Your Love (SIX)

-Yr the Best! (carpetgarden)

-Smells Like Teen Spirit (Malia J)

-In My Head (Derivakat)

-Swallowing Shadows (Blixemi)

-Spider Dance (Adriana Figueroa)

-Bugbear (chloe moriondo)

-How Did You Love (Shinedown)

-A Sadness Runs Through Him (The Hoosiers)

-Trust Me Not (Backseat Vagabond)

-UH OH! (Sub Urban)

-An Unhealthy Obsession (The Blake Robinson Synthetic Orchestra)

-DARKSIDE (Neoni)

-Way Less Sad (AJR)

-you should see me in a crown (Billie Eilish)

WHOLESOME DUNCNEY:

-Found (Steven Universe)

-Fragile Things (Reprise) (Centaurword)

-Monster (Adventure Time)

-In A Crowd of Thousands (Anastasia)

-You (Keaton Henson)

-Can't Help Falling in Love (Annnapantsu cover)

-The Daughter of the Fish and the Ram (The Scary Jokes)

-To You (OR3O)

-Obvious (Dear Evan Hansen)

-If I Could Tell Her (Dear Evan Hansen)

-Don't Forget (Toby Fox)

-Electric Love (BORNS)

-Riptide (Vance Joy)

-Falling In Love (Crystal Bats)

-Lady Stardust (Lisa Miskovsky)

-Hey Stephen (Taylor Swift)

-Fly Me to the Moon/Lucky (Rick Hale, Breea Guttery)

-Jessie's Girl (Glee Cast Version)

-A Million Dreams (The Greatest Showman)

-Come Home With Me (Hadestown)

-Wait For Me (Hadestown)

-Wait For Me (Reprise) (Hadestown)

-Helpless (Hamilton)

-That Would Be Enough (Hamilton)

-Best Of Wives and Best of Women (Hamilton)

-If I Can't Have You (Shawn Mendes)

-Safe & Sound (Kurt Hugo Schneider)

-Love Will Find A Way (The Lion King 2)

-Lover (Taylor Swift)

-Paper Rings (Taylor Swift)

-hey (Egg)

-Give Me Your Attention (Candelion)

-Next Stop Anywhere (Tangled the Series)

-With You By My Side (Tangled the Series)

-The Girl Who Has Everything (Tangled the Series)

-The Girl Who Has Everything (Reprise) (Tangled the Series)

-Dandelions (Ruth B.)

-A song about Nothing (MALINDA)

-Here I Am - End Title (Bryan Adams)

-One Sided Love (Planttvibes)

-You'll Be In My Heart (Phil Collins)

-Can't Stop Singing (Teen Beach Movie, switch the male and female roles for this one)

-Two Worlds Apart (Lilyrabbitsings)

I CAN THINK OF FUNNY DUNCNEY SITUATIONS FOR THESE:

-The Crush Song (Tina the Twina)

-No Reason (Beetlejuice)

-Roxie (Chicago)

-Sincerely, Me (Dear Evan Hansen)

-A Winter's Ball (Hamilton)

-Just Monika (Random Encounters)

-Senpai Notice Me (Random Encounters)

-Legendary Heroes (Random Encounters)

JUST COURTNEY SONGS: (not even sure if these ones count but have them anyways)

-I Deserve to Bleed (Sushi Soucy)

-Disobedient (Steven Universe)

-Haven't You Noticed (I'm a Star) (Steven Universe)

-Chameleon (Blixemi)

-Dollhouse (Melanie Martinez)

-Hiding in Your Hands (Dear Evan Hansen)

-don't stop dancing (reprise) (Bojack Horseman)

-Party Mom and Invisible Dad (That Handsome Devil)

-Top of My School (Katherine Lynn-Rose)

GWUNCAN IS TOXIC AND HE'S STILL IN LOVE WITH COURTNEY SONGS:

-And He Runs (Blixemi)

-You Belong With Me (Taylor Swift)

-Stepsister's Lament (Cinderella the Musical)

-She Knows (Hollie Col)

...and I thought I wouldn't have enough for a part two.

Added a good handful of these! Great list ✨

[nilfgaardianleviosa]

I am so obsessed with military brat I dreamt about it last night. 😭 I kept thinking of my own situations and scenarios, wondering what that big ole meanie Levi would do. It really takes a talented writer to do that!

I hope you play into the age play aspect a little more as well! I find it so compelling and fun to read. The way he speaks is so hot. I want reader to be unable to think or speak in any intelligible way while Levi berates her; "Do you need to go back to kindergarten? Perhaps colouring is more your forte." Agh I just love the idea of him treating you're just the dumbest little girl on the planet. Ooh, maybe even telling you that a meeting you want to go is for big girls only, taunting you with it- asking if you're really going to throw a tantrum over a meeting.

OK I'm rambling now. I just really love your writing. 😭

Can you please pass me the Levi dream juice??? My brain refuses to make me any lol. I'm glad Military Brat could spur this for you tho, even if I am a little jealous 😂 Thank you sm for the compliments <3

These scenarios are great lmao. I'll try to make sure we continue descending into (slight) age play madness. There's definitely plenty of space to integrate this type of degradation during Reid's upcoming punishments 👀

Thanks for the suggestions! It's awesome to know that the things I write inspire others, and it gets my wheels turning too!

xoxo

[astralis-is-typing]

Ok this is well over a thousand words of me simply losing my shit over this chapter dghfhjd. Such a masterpiece from my wife (real). I’ve been promising you this rb for WEEKS and I’m finally done editing my thoughts into (barely) cohesive sentences. Enjoyyy❤❤

Content warning: I am shamelessly and irretrievably obsessed with this story so mind how feral I am. The author (my wife) already knows but this is just a warning for anyone listening in vhfgdhsbxf

The way I have waited for this chapter pls… 21k??? So much to unpack and I’m ready (mostly)

If I don’t make it out alive bro tell Jeongin I love him

The thing that’s haunting me the most is the blood lock thing. I’ve been fixated on that ever since they found out that was the only way to get into Miroh. Like you know how the romance distracts me bahah, but today I’m FOCUSED fr✊

They best get to district one alive pls I hope no one dies

-

“Flooding back as you became aware of the strong arms wrapped tightly around your body, the warm breath grazing against the back of your neck.” Hdhdjskckmsmchddf

“In another world, far away from the one you had always known, you might have turned around his embrace” PLS PLS PLSSSS GO AHEAD!! NOTHING IS STOPPING YOU

(okay that’s not entirely true)

(Getting side tracked here… can I just do what I said and stop being a hoe for rebel felix? Can we do that Jules? Just for one chapter istg)

“Stopped by an insistent force holding you back, preventing you from moving even an inch further. You glanced down at the determined hand clasped around your wrist. Firm, but gentle all the same.

Silver rings against calloused fingers.”

I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO FEEL RN

-

The whole scene where they’re planning on which is the best route just got my heart racing. The urgency is TANGIBLE. Especially when Felix came in and erased the line she’d drawn, because I guess that’s where his demons lie and he doesn’t want to expose the rest of them to such danger.

Also, The scene with Minho, followed by hanging outside with Changbin is so well written. I can SEE it

-

“You’d made a promise, after all.

Don’t let me love you.”

This is so DEEP??

“Because you had been able to protect Felix last night, but you wouldn't be able to save any of them from the impending threat hurdling toward you now.

In less than a second, the world around you descended into chaos.”

I CANNOT GO ONNNNNNNNNN??????

I CANNOT DO THIS???? NO NO NO

“Just as his fingers brushed against yours, a bullet whizzed between the two of you, forcing him to stumble back.”

I’M SO UNSTABLE RIGHT NOW WHAT

I’M ACTUALLY PANICKING HELP ME

I need a min to remind myself this is just fiction.

-

“Felix!” You called out, strained voice breaking in desperation as the fear of losing him tore at your soul once again. His head whipped around at the sound of your voice. With a final look in your direction, his eyes conveyed unspoken reassurance, a silent plea to trust him, and a promise that you couldn’t fully understand in that moment.”

I’M SO UNWELL I CANT I CANNOT I CANNOT I SIMPLY CANNOT I DON’T WANT TO READ IDK IDK SEND HELP

I'M ACTUALLY SO SCARED RN

“And it's probably a good thing you weren't in his position, because you never would have been able to leave the freckled boy with the stars in his eyes behind. Not when it meant leaving a part of yourself, behind too.”

ALEX PLS STOP THIS MADNESS IM CRYING THIS IS SO OVERWHELMING! Ok but now they definitely know she’s in love with him.

-

YEONJUNNNNNNNNNNN!!!

CHOI YEONJUN IN OTDE? MY STAYMOA HEART IS FJJDNVNVMD

-

“you avoided the woman's gaze when you told her that your name was Jisoo.” Watch this woman be Jisoo’s mom are something 👀

“Because as Hira walked you through the lower level, hushed whispers and soft murmurs floated through the air, accompanied by occasional gasps of pleasure.” HELLAUR??? ARE THEY FR IN A BROTHEL RN💀💀💀💀💀

Desperate times call for desperate measures I guess🤷

“…meeting the eyes of individuals in various states of undress whose beauty was contrasted by the sadness in their eyes.” THIS IS SO BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN

SHUT UP THIS IS ART

THIS IS SO WELL WRITTEN??? WHAT THE ACTUAL DUCK

GOODBYE!!! Buddy this!!! thissss?!!!

-

“For the same reason you had chosen to sit by him the first night around the fire, something about Seungmin's presence made you worry just a little less.” Vocalracha stans are really being fed with this chapter sjcjvkfkfnvnms. Like this and the Jeongin focus earlier has me😻😻

I love otde Seungmin btw he’s my favourite. Like, even over Felix (well, almost).

-

“As if your feet were shackled to the ground by invisible chains that warned of the danger that came with exposing the extent of your feelings to everyone in the room.” WHY ARE YOU SUCH A GREAT WRITER WHAT THE HELL BUDDY

PLS PLS!!

“I was just...doing what needed to be done.” He answered, voice husky and low, eyes dark and inviting.”

I want to SCREAM. I always say this but the mc is sooo much stronger than me I’d have let him give me backshots against the table right then and there idc.

Like I actually do not care anymore. Sanity? Who’s she?

“He really did. It’s just that he’d narrowly missed about 17 bullets today…”

FAVOURITE LINE IN THE WHOLE CHAPTER SAVE ME PLS PLS PLSSS I LOVE THIS IT ADDS SO MUCH DESPERATION AND A FUCK IT MENTALITY UGHHH

This is so funny fhvj jjdjcbvnf

-

I AM ON LIFE SUPPORT AFTER THAT SMUT SCENE I CANNOT KEEP LIVING LIKE THIS

And then you have the AUDACITY to be like "oh I can't write smut" like gurl what do you even mean?!😂

-

Alex you are so good at naming chapters omg like the last few lines so accurately relate to the title it’s insaneee.

Also what’s going on with Hyunjin and Felix lmao. Are all these focuses on them spoilers oooh? The part where you talk about Hyunjin getting onto the bike behind him… I found that interesting. The way you took note of their proximity. Because I assume all the rebels are close and have been physically close as well multiple times. Y’all there’s a REASON behind this focus and I’m dying to know.

To end this rant, I just want to say you totally KILKED this!! The plot has so many twists and turns and the way you pace them is mind blowing. It seems I survived another episode dhfhdgd can't wait for the next chapter!! (Even though I'm definitely won't be ready🤒)

off the deep end. (05)

~(part 5) the weight of the world~

pairing: rebel!felix x reader (f)

genre: non-idol au, post-apocalypse/dystopian au. wc: 21.1k (i have no explanation for this, pls forgive me)

series rating: 18+ **minors do not interact**

chapter warnings: violent mature themes, mentions of murder/death, choking (sexual and not sexual), explicit sexual content (consensual, unprotected sex, oral sex (m receiving), fingering), breeding kink if you squint, oppressive government, fighting, weaponry (gunfire, knife use), injury, blood, language, angst!!!, please lmk if i missed any!!

a/n: thank you all so much for your continued support, i have been absolutely blown away by the kindness and interest you guys have shown for my little story :) it truly means the world to me and as always any feedback, likes, and reblogs are more appreciated than you know. i hope you enjoy.♡♡

~series masterlist~

"because time is a merciless force, far more precious than anything tangible in this world. no matter who you are, no matter where you come from, it always runs out. no matter what you do once it is gone, you will never be able to win it back."

“Don’t let me love you.”

Had he really said that?

Had he really dared to speak it into existence? 

Felix squeezed his eyes shut so tightly he saw stars behind them. Stars that reminded him of the night sky, just hours before, with your bodies intertwined on the rooftop underneath it. The steady rhythm of your breathing against his forearm as you slept. And he couldn't lie, the temptation to fall asleep next to you, to let the weariness overtake him was more than strong. Not to mention the fact that Felix was certain it might just be the best night’s sleep he would ever get. But he couldn't afford to fall asleep last night, because he knew what would happen if he didn’t wake up in time. 

And yet, Felix didn’t necessarily mind the need to stay awake. Because instead of being kept up by disturbing memories and his own tormenting thoughts that surrounded them, as was the case on most nights, he'd had something else to anchor him to consciousness last night.

You. 

Felix spent hours underneath the moonlight lightly brushing the hair from your face whenever the breeze blew it back. He traced over the faint bruises on your skin, bruises left by his fingertips, a stark contradiction to your angelic appearance. 

You may not have been an angel in the eyes of the gods above, considering that the things the two of you had done together tonight were far from pure, but you certainly were to him. In that moment, you were an angel to Felix who was everything opposite of what it meant to be one.

You were his angel. 

Another gust of wind caused you to shift even closer, seeking refuge in the warmth of his chest, and suddenly Felix was thankful that he had always been warm blooded. He pulled his jacket over you when he noticed the goosebumps decorated across your skin. The wind pushed your hair back once again, and his eyes fell to the deep purple mark on your neck. 

Another trace of his cursed touch, burned into your skin.

Stupid.

Stupid how badly he wanted them all to see it. Not just the seven boys downstairs, no, the entirety of all nine districts. He wanted them all to witness the traces he had left on your body. A selfish, dangerous desire that threatened to consume him whole.

If it were up to him, Felix would've spent the rest of eternity in last night. But time had never been a friend to Felix, and he was all too familiar with the fleeting nature of happiness. So when the morning light broke through his half-lidded eyes, he furrowed his brows. Gritting his teeth, he forced himself to slip from your arms. A soft whine escaped your lips, and he wondered if you would think he had left by choice when you woke to find him missing. He wondered if it would make you regret last night. 

Maybe it would be better if you did.

Felix unwraveled your bodies, carefully lowering your head back down against the blanket. He stood and collected your clothing, folding it and placing it into a neat pile beside your head. And then, after one final glance, his eyes lingering a little longer than they should have on your sleeping form underneath his jacket, he turned to leave. 

Because a promise made to the devil can’t be broken.

And the devil waits for no one. 

And when Felix returned from hell to find you standing inside the entrance of Yellow Wood next to Chan and Minho, he knew he wasn’t making it out of this unscathed. He knew he was done for when he felt his heartbeat quicken at the mere sight of you with his jacket in your hand and his mark on your neck, left exposed by your hair that probably still had his scent in it.

Don’t let me love you. 

Perhaps his words hadn’t really been meant for you at all. Perhaps they had been a desperate plea to some higher power above that he’d never even been given the chance to believe in. 

Perhaps they had been meant for himself, instead. A final request before he crossed a line he was never meant to cross. Before he made choices intertwined with consequences that he couldn’t even begin to understand.

After he watched you disappear with Chan through the front doors, Felix stumbled back down the staircase, making himself comfortable with his back to the railing. The rooftop had since been occupied by Jisung, Jeongin, and Seungmin, and in all honesty he didn’t really feel like talking (or smoking whatever their chosen substance might have been today). Although he couldn’t fault them for it, considering what you were about to get yourselves into. Ever since the nine of you had returned together from the palace, there had been a shift in the atmosphere. Something unspoken between every single one of you. Fear, maybe. Apprehension, sure. That and the gut feeling that something permanent was coming. And he couldn’t blame the others for wanting to make the most out of every fleeting moment of normalcy they had left. 

He certainly had. Last night, with you.

You weren’t his first, but part of him wished you had been because he'd had no idea it was supposed to feel like that. After last night, Felix was positive that he hadn’t been your first either, and he certainly knew better than to think he would be your last. Although he did like to entertain the idea of you belonging solely to him. Even if only for the remainder of your time together.

Fuck, what was wrong with him?

He crashed his head back against the railing, letting out a frustrated groan that echoed throughout the empty space. 

The time passed slowly as he waited for you to return with Chan. Somewhere in between messy thoughts that blurred the lines between reality and desire, between the way Felix wanted you and the way he knew he was never meant to have you, he drifted off into a light sleep. Slumped against the staircase, it must have been several hours before he was abruptly awakened by a shout that rang in through the open windows. 

Had it come from the backyard? 

And was it Chan’s voice? 

His eyes snapped open, his ears perked up, and he stood immediately, locking eyes with Hyunjin who rushed in from somewhere on the main floor. The two made eye contact only briefly before Chan’s muffled voice rang out once more. Felix was all too familiar with the tone it carried. He dreaded that tone, and he knew Hyunjin did too. 

Without exchanging a single word, the two crashed through the front doors. Hyunjin was faster, not by much, but enough to pull ahead of Felix and make it around the corner a few seconds earlier. And it was only when Hyunjin stopped and took a step to the side that Felix saw the reason for the distress in Chan's voice. 

His entire body went rigid. His heart stopped beating. His lungs refused to grant him another breath, and he failed to see anything other than the figure pressed to the ground in front of him. And Felix couldn't move a muscle, but he could feel you there. He wanted to look for you, to pull you in and shield you from the man at his feet. He wanted it more than anything but he just couldn’t bring his body to move. As if his muscles had been paralyzed by something far more wicked than fear, because he knew why the man had followed him here. After all, their meeting earlier hadn’t exactly gone as planned. And if he was being honest, Felix had known for a while that this was coming. 

Or at least, he should have known. He should have known better than to let his guard down, even for a second. For fucks sake he should have known better. Its just that he'd thought, he’d hoped, that if the group left for Miroh soon then it wouldn’t matter. Because by the time the man came for him, the nine of you would be long gone.

But time had never been a friend to Felix. 

As his mind raced with worry and regret, Felix was suddenly ripped from his trance when, out of the corner of his eye, he registered you standing in front of him. Before he knew it your hand was against his cheek. Your touch was tender, the skin of your palm impossibly soft, unlike his own calloused hands. A stark reminder of the differences in the lives you had lived. 

You whispered something to him, a single word, and it didn’t even matter that he couldn’t register what it was. Because just as if you had thrown him a lifeline, Felix was freed from the restraints of fear. Finally able to move again, he wasted no time in shifting his gaze down to meet your own.

But it only made things worse. 

Catastrophically. Worse.

Because when Felix met your eyes he was forced to confront the fact that it wasn’t his own life he was afraid for. He could handle the thought of himself being destined for some kind of horrible fate. He’d come to terms with it years ago, long before he had ever met any of the others.

But not you.

The thought of you being dragged into the same poisonous web that he was caught in filled him with a dread so profound it was as if a physical weight was pressing on his chest.

So he decided in that moment that he would sacrifice himself a thousand times over to keep you safe. The world could destroy him, the man at your feet could drag him back to hell, but Felix would not let the devil lay his hands on you.

And so, after the argument with Chan and Minho regarding whether or not to let the man live, an argument that he couldn’t have cared less about because he’d already made up his mind, Felix knew exactly what he had to do. With every once of determination left in his body, he forced his legs to take him outside. To the backyard, where he told Jisung that he had been instructed to keep watch next. And of course Jisung believed him, because he would have no reason to suspect that the stranger tied to the tree wasn’t really a “stranger” to Felix after all. 

As soon as Jisung disappeared around the corner, Felix crouched down. He assumed the most threatening expression he could manage, devoid of anything but pure venomous hatred, which was more than easy to do. He steadied himself, steadied his breathing so that his voice wouldn't come out shaky. 

And then, Felix proposed a deal with the devil. 

He would set the man free. Untie the ropes that bound him, toss the gun aside, and go back with him willingly. 

And the man was more than eager to accept his proposal, however, what Felix hadn’t realized is that he had come to Yellow Wood without any intent to bring Felix back alive. 

And so after the gun was cast into the woods, and the ropes were untied, within seconds his hands had found their way to Felix’s throat. They clamped down with a merciless grip, forcing Felix to come face-to-face with another crucial decision. 

Even if he somehow managed to break free from the man's grasp, which seemed increasingly less likely with every passing second as his vision began to fade and he lost feeling in his fingertips, Felix knew that it wouldn't matter. Because if he lived tonight, then the man would be back tomorrow, and the next day, and every day after. He would bring the rest of the ghosts from Felix's past and they would never stop looking for him. Which meant that they would never stop looking for you. And for Chan, and Hyunjin, and the rest of the boys. Such a small handful of lives, and yet they were the only thing that mattered at all to Felix in this world. Seven, no eight precious, precious lives that he cherished far more than his own.

And so he slowly loosened his grip around the hands at his throat, granting them permission to press further into his windpipe. Because if Felix gave the man what he wanted tonight, then he would have no reason to return. He would have no reason to come after you, or to learn the truth about who you really were and what you really meant to Felix. And you, and Chan, and the others would have one less obstacle to face. You would be free to save the world just as Felix knew you could, and you certainly didn’t need him to do it.

And as his consciousness wavered, Felix was certain that it must have been due to oxygen loss when his eyes lulled open and he saw you standing over him, outlined by silver moonlight. If angels really did exist, then surely he had been right to think that you were one. Sent to take him somewhere far away that he could finally rest his tired eyes and numb his mind.

It was only after the cool air flooded back into his lungs and he regained consciousness that Felix realized the vision of you standing before him hadn’t been a figment of his imagination or a heavenly apparition at all. That it really was you, in the flesh. Tangible and real. Vulnerable and terrified. 

With a bloody knife in one of your hands, and his beating heart in the other. 

“So let me get this straight. You’re saying that he just freed himself?” Chan's voice overflowed with skepticism as he stared at Felix with a narrow, unwavering gaze.

Shadows cast by the setting sun had overtaken the world once again, including the forest to your back that had lost all of its earlier charm. You stood shielded behind Felix while he attempted to explain to Chan and the others why there was a dead body at your feet. 

“Bullshit. I tied those knots so tightly he couldn’t even move," Changbin interjected, crossing his arms where he stood next to Chan. 

And you remained silent, despite the fact that you had your own doubts about Felix’s explanation of the events leading up to the man’s escape. Even if you hadn’t witnessed anything prior to walking in on the stranger with his hands around his neck, his life hanging on by a thread, you knew he was lying. The way his eyebrow twitched slightly when he spoke, how he hadn't looked up from his feet since the others had joined you outside. And Changbin was right, the man wouldn’t have been able to slip out of the knots he'd tied. The mere suggestion that he had freed himself sounded quite ridiculous, actually, and the very thought caused your anger to return at full force. 

Because why the hell would Felix have released him willingly?

“Does it even matter how he got out? He’s dead. He deserved it anyway,” Minho huffed, stepping up beside Chan. 

“That’s not the point," Chan shook his head in frustration, "if we go around killing people, no matter who they are or what they deserve, then we aren’t any better than those in power now.”

Those in power now.

As in your father, casting his own shadow on the conversation. A constant reminder that, whether you wanted to acknowledge it or not, he was still a part of your life. And he always would be. His presence would persist, his ghost would follow you wherever you went, until he was removed from this world for good. Permanently.

Chan sighed, low and heavy, in an obvious attempt to control his anger.

“Fine, Felix. Let's say that he did somehow manage to free himself, although I hope you realize how absurd that sounds-” 

It does. He knows.

"It still doesn’t explain how he ended up like that.”

He gestured to the body that lie motionless on the ground, and you braced yourself, preparing to face the moment you had been dreading. The fragile trust that you'd begun to build with some of the boys—Chan, Jisung, Seungmin, maybe even Jeongin too—was about to blow to pieces. Your actions would expose the darker side of yourself that you longed to bury, the part that mirrored the ruthless monster that had brought you into this world. Even if you had acted to protect Felix, it didn’t erase the fact that you’d taken a man’s life when you could have chosen to injure him instead. Not that they would have known that, but a stab to the back so deep that it went all the way through to the chest didn’t exactly come across as self defense.

Your heart pounded in your ears, your palms became sweaty, and you could hardly stand the silence as their eyes bore into you, looking through you. So you went to take a step around Felix. You opened your mouth but before you could gather the courage to confess, the freckled boy intercepted your movement, blocking your path.

“What do you think happened?" He spoke firmly, matter-of-factly, with a hint of irritation laced in between words, "He came after us.” 

All eyes suddenly fell to Felix and you closed your own, waiting for him to continue. To seal your fate by exposing to them what you had done. But to your surprise, that moment never came. 

“He came after us, so I killed him."

I killed him. 

I.

His sudden revelation caught you off guard, and because you were actually physically stunned, it took several moments for you to conceal the astonishment that had fallen across your face. When you turned to look at him he remained stoic, resolute, as he avoided your inquiring eyes.

Why would he take the fall?

Maybe it was best to let him. 

Chan observed the exchange between you and Felix, he studied it, before landing his eyes on you. A lump formed in your throat and you swallowed hard, searching for the strength to meet his eyes. With a slight nod, you confirmed Felix’s lie. Chan didn’t know you like he knew Felix, which meant he couldn’t read you as well. And you hated how easy it had always been for you to lie. Just another trait inherited from your father, another reminder of the darkness that flowed within your veins.

Chan turned around slowly to face the others, and you couldn’t help but feel a small pang of regret at your decision to allow Felix to take the blame. You didn’t want to lie to any of them, especially not Chan, but in that moment you were more than thankful for the temporary escape from the consequences of your actions. Whatever they may have been.

“We need to get rid of the body before morning. In case any of them come back,” Chan spoke with authority as he addressed the group. 

Minho and Changbin came forward immediately, and you took a few steps out of their way. As they reached down to lift the body, Chan instructed Hyunjin to find something they could use to dig. 

“Everyone else get inside. We leave tomorrow for Miroh. We’ll load the supplies in the morning, so just get some rest. Pack your things, and bring it all….in case..." He trailed off because there was no need to finish the sentence. His unspoken words hung heavy in the air. 

In case we don’t make it back.

With solemn expressions, the group dispersed, footsteps muffled by the earth beneath their feet. Jeongin trailed behind Seungmin and Jisung as they moved quickly toward the building. Casting one more inquisitive glare between you and Felix, Chan joined Minho and Changbin in carrying the body.

Felix was the first one inside after his hurried footsteps had taken him to the front of the group, and you had a feeling you knew just where he was headed when he hastily climbed the staircase, hands in his pockets. Jisung hesitated a moment, looking back to you as if he wanted to say something before ultimately deciding against it. With a tender glance in your direction, one that made you think he might have wanted you to follow him, he wandered off into the main floor. Jeongin leaned in and whispered something to Seungmin who hushed him as the two followed each other up the staircase. At the top, they walked off in the opposite direction that Felix had taken. 

And there you were, left standing alone with a choice to make. 

Beyond drained at this point, both physically and mentally, you probably could have collapsed right there in the entryway. Or maybe you could claim one of the many empty rooms upstairs. There were certainly enough options to find a secluded place for yourself, and yet, despite how frustrated you were with Felix, despite your anger at him for the events that had unfolded tonight, part of you desperately longed to be by his side. After all, you were the only one that knew just how close he had come to death.

And so the choice became an easy decision.

As you ascended the staircase, you traced the railing with your hand. Every step you took down the hallway, every rung on the ladder you climbed, brought you back to last night. Impossible to ignore the way that you could literally feel yourself there, just twenty four hours before. And it might have been surprising, how much could change in a single day, if the course of your entire life hadn’t been turned upside down over and over again in the span of less than a month.

Grabbing onto the final rung of the ladder, you weren’t even sure if you wanted to find him there on the other side. Its not like you had any desire to talk about what had happened tonight. There was just something indescribable that compelled you to be next to him now, overpowering any hesitation that might have crossed your mind.

After pulling yourself up onto the rooftop, your heart sank when your eyes fell to the shadowy figure with his back turned to you, lying on the harsh ground with his dark hair splayed out against the hoodie that he used as a makeshift pillow. The thin blankets lie untouched next to him, almost making it seem as though he’d left them there on purpose, as if he had been expecting someone to join him. You stared at his back for a moment, picturing the faded scar that lie across his shoulder underneath the thin material of his shirt. 

You weren’t sure if he was asleep at first, and when he stirred you froze, debating on whether or not you had time to leave before he turned around. But he didn’t move any further and after a moment of silence, eyes trained on his steady figure, you took a few tentative steps. As quietly as you could, you crossed the still air over fallen leaves and thick vines that stretched along the rooftop ground. After lowering yourself to sit beside him on the blankets, you glanced down at his profile, illuminated by the moon. Plush lips parted ever so slightly, his features cascaded down into a gentle frown even in his sleep. You hovered a hand over his face before lightly brushing the hair from it. After a moment longer, you decided to stay, settling down on the blankets with your back against his. 

Just a short time ago, you might have allowed yourself to succumb to tears. Tears of frustration, fear, grief. Grief for the version of yourself that you had lost tonight. Frustration at the freckled boy with the stars in his eyes, and the debilitating fear that washed over you when you thought you really were going to lose him. But you had changed so much in such a short span of time. You could feel yourself growing numb to the pull of your emotions as they became easier and easier to ignore. So holding back the tears, you kept your eyes open for as long as you could until exhaustion began to outweigh the images in your mind of a dead body at your feet and your mothers knife, bloody in your hands.

After ten minutes, maybe twenty, maybe an hour, you felt a warm hand snake around your waist, lifting you from your blissful state of semi-consciousness. You remained still and kept your eyes closed because if it was a dream then you would have given anything to stay asleep just a little longer. When the grip around your waist tightened, pulling you into a protective embrace, you were almost certain that it was a dream. Nothing more than a fragment of your imagination as your subconscious longed for some form of comfort.  And just as you began to slip back into the welcoming darkness, you could have sworn that the tone carried by the wind sounded a lot like the voice your ears had come to crave.

“I’m sorry, princess.”

It was the last thing you remembered from that night as you allowed his words to fade into nothing, still questioning if he had really said them at all.

The moon never stayed for very long. 

When you woke the following morning, it was barely morning at all. The faded glow of dawn struggled to find its way through the clouds, casting familiar shades of gray across the sky above. Your eyes fluttered open to momentary disorientation, wondering where you were and why you hadn’t been met with the walls of your bedroom, but it took only seconds for your memory to return. Flooding back as you became aware of the strong arms wrapped tightly around your body, the warm breath grazing against the back of your neck.

In another world, far away from the one you had always known, you might have turned around his embrace. Repositioning yourself to face him, you might have taken the entire morning to memorize every detail of his delicate features. Might have stayed there all day with him on the rooftop, entangled in each other as if you were the only two souls left in existence. 

In another life, you might have leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips before drifting back off to sleep beside him. Warm, protected, safe, and entirely at ease. Because you wouldn't have a past to run from or a burden the size of the world on your shoulders. You wouldn't have been reminded of last night when you sat up and made note of the red mark etched across his neck. 

In another life, it wouldn't have been there at all. 

You winced as you turned away, deciding that you needed to get away, before tempting yourself with one more second alone with him like this. And so with a heavy heart, you resisted the urge to crawl back into the embrace that felt a little too much like the home you had never known. 

Shivering slightly when the cool breeze hit your skin, you ran your hands through your hair, ignoring the emptiness in your stomach and the thirst on your tongue. You rubbed the sleep from your eyes, but it wasn't enough to erase the images burned into your memory from last night. You wondered if anything ever would be.

When you put a hand on the ground to push yourself up to stand, you froze. Stopped by an insistent force holding you back, preventing you from moving even an inch further. You glanced down at the determined hand clasped around your wrist. Firm, but gentle all the same. 

Silver rings against calloused fingers. 

You traced the intricate details of the bands with your eyes, considering the offer they represented, but you couldn’t accept. You couldn’t stay, no matter how desperately you wanted to. If you had to sleep next to him every single night for the rest of your time spent together to ensure his safety, then so be it. But you would always make sure to leave in the morning. Because you couldn’t afford to offer him anything more than that. You’d done more than enough damage to the both of you two nights ago by allowing yourself to succumb to such primitive, selfish desires. And it scared you, no no it absolutely terrified you, to feel the way you did last night as you watched the life drain from his eyes.

And so in one harsh movement you withdrew your wrist from his grasp. 

He didn't say anything. Not when you stood. Not when you found the ladder and took hold of the first rung. He didn’t call out for you, and you didn’t look back.

After making it inside, you allowed yourself a moment of solitude as you passed by the rooms that stretched along the hallway. Most were empty, although you did stumble upon Jeongin and Seungmin fast asleep in one. Jeongin seemed to have claimed the entire space for himself as he lay sprawled out with an elbow in Seungmin's face. The sight caused a smile to tug at your lips, almost enough to distract you from the uneasiness that had found a permanent place in your chest.

Almost.

It didn’t take long for you to come to the conclusion that you could have spent forever within the walls of Yellow Wood. Surrounded by the remnants of a past that had long been forgotten, just like the souls who had left them behind. Shelves that stood hardly intact were lined by books, with many of their pages loosely scattered across the ground. You wondered what secrets they held, and as you continued on you wondered what secrets each of the boys had made inside the walls of Yellow Wood. Cherished memories, favorite places to hide, where they went to be alone when it all became too much. 

When you reached the main floor you found your way to the room that you had been locked outside of last night with Hyunjin. Where Minho and Chan had argued about the fate of the intruder..before you solidified the decision for them.

The door was open, and when you entered you found Chan alone inside. He was leaned over a long table in the middle of the room, hands resting on the surface. A number of documents lay scattered in front of him. One particularly large sheet stretched nearly the entire length of the table, curling at the edges. It appeared to be a map, and you made note of your fathers journal where it lay open on top of it amidst the chaos. A small candle that was no longer necessary lie on the surface of the table, nearly burned through.

When you found your place at his side, Chan handed you a small canteen. You gladly took him up on the offer, putting it to your lips and taking a few sizable gulps, and it wasn’t until the lukewarm liquid trickled down your throat that you realized it had been sore. The water tasted stale, at best, and anyone from the palace would have spit it out in an instant. But you liked the taste. It helped to ground you, reminding you where you were and what lie outside the walls that surrounded you now.

“Didn’t sleep?” You turned to face Chan, who had circles so dark underneath his eyes it looked as if it had been a lot longer than just one night since he had gotten any sort of rest. And rightfully so, because while you might have assumed the weight of the world on your shoulders only recently, Chan had been carrying that burden for far longer. 

“Couldn’t,” he responded without looking up from the table, squinting as his eyes remained fixed on the pages strewn about beneath him. You reached a hand out to move some of them around, and he straightened his posture before turning and unraveling something from a cloth at his side.

"This is yours, yeah?"

Your gaze dropped to the knife in his hand as he held it out to you. Your knife, your mother's knife, that you had carried with you for as long as you could remember. The knife that you’d left lying in the grass last night after using it to end a life. You took it from him without a word, tracing your thumb along the intricate floral design carved into the handle. Making note of the dried blood that saturated the blade. 

"Want to tell me the truth about what happened last night?"

Your eyes fell back to the table as you slid the knife into its usual place in your waistband and took your bottom lip in between your teeth. Chan studied your face for a moment before coming to the conclusion that no matter how much he pried, you weren’t going to give him what he wanted. With a sigh, not wanting to push you too far because of the fragile nature of your developing relationship, he brought a hand to his forehead where he pressed a few fingers against his temple.

“Look, y/n I get it. I don’t know what happened and you don’t have to tell me now if you’re not ready. Just remember that if we’re going to have any chance out there then we need to trust each other. Completely.”

Tell that to the others. 

You nodded without looking up from the table and after a moment, he spoke again.

“Recognize this?” He pointed to your father's journal and you nodded for a second time. The map that lie underneath it resembled the map on the wall in your fathers study, although the one in front of you now was far less detailed. 

He must have taken note of the way it caught your attention, brushing some of the papers away to expose it further.

“We’re familiar with the inner districts, but anything beyond is pretty much unknown. We haven't been outside of six in years."

He picked up a loose sheet of paper from the table and looked it over before handing it out to you.

You recognized the words on the page. You had seen them before. Scribbled on the missing pages of your fathers journal, and you could only assume that Chan had been smart enough to jot down the contents before handing them back over to you to return to your father’s study. When you looked up from the page he pointed to a spot near the edge of the map and your eyes followed. 

"Here."

He tapped his finger against it once.

"If this is all correct, then it should be right here..” 

"Miroh." You whispered underneath your breath, and he hummed in agreement beside you. 

"And we are..." He lifted his finger back up and brought it to the opposite side of the map, closest to where you stood. He picked up a short wooden pencil and drew a line loosely connecting the two points, and suddenly you understood why he hadn't slept. 

Because it wasn't going to be an easy journey to get to the supposed location of Miroh from your current position in District 6. It wouldn’t be as simple as turning around and heading behind you. As the districts were arranged in concentric rings, reaching Miroh where it lie at the border between Districts 1 and 2 meant that you would have a choice to make, with several possible paths laid out in front of you. 

"So we either...." you trailed off, tracing the thin line he had drawn over and over again with your eyes. 

“Move straight ahead and cross back through District nine”, he finished your sentence and you swallowed dryly at the mention of your former residence, “or we take a longer route, we stay in six and trace it around until we spit out on the opposite side of nine. And then we head straight back into the outer districts that way. Of course, the biggest problem with taking the longer route is..." 

He took a swig from the canteen, and you took the liberty of finishing his sentence for him this time.

“Fuel."

He gave you a confirming nod. "Fuel. Fuel and supplies..among other things.”

So it was a choice between the lesser of two evils, really. 

Heading back into the heart of District 9, swarming with your father and his guards, meant certain death for every single one of the boys if you got caught. Then again, tracing along the border of District 6 raised concerns regarding fuel, supplies, and prolonged time spent in the unknown. 

Visually displayed out in front of you like this, it all seemed so much further away.

Together, the two of you spent the better part of the morning trying to come up with the best route to take, relying heavily on your knowledge of your fathers favored routes and Chan's experience in the districts. You sat at the edge of the table tracing out the routes that you knew your father and his army frequented. Information you had gained over time from eavesdropping in on important conversations and studying the maps in his office. 

As time passed, the rest of the boys began to trickle in. Minho and Jisung came in first together, followed by Changbin, and before long you were surrounded by seven familiar faces. 

All except for one. 

It quickly became apparent that the amount of fuel you'd managed to obtain from the palace wouldn’t be enough to get you to Miroh and back. Minho expressed concern about whether or not it would even be enough to get you there in the first place, but he didn’t say anything further when Chan reminded him that the best option to save fuel would be to cross straight through the heart of District 9 at the start of your journey. Which you had all collectively agreed was not an option. 

You suggested heading inward, following inside District 7 or 8 instead of 6, but Chan was worried that it would still be too close to your father, and that people there would know your face by now, and he was probably right. Changbin suggested heading into the outer districts from the start, beginning with 5 and so on, but Chan shut down that idea too.

Your apprehension grew with every passing moment as the boys offered each of their opinions. A slight adjustment had to be made when Jisung reminded Chan of the brief encounter where he and Seungmin had come across the supposedly abandoned shack with the liquor stash, and he’d almost “had his dick shot off” by the owner. Chan rolled his eyes as he erased that part of the route. 

“What about this,” you reached for the pencil and he placed it in your palm. You traced a faint line the opposite direction. 

“-Not if you plan on making it alive.”

The pencil slipped from your grasp as your head shot up in the direction of the door. It was a natural response to sound of the voice that had become one of the only constants in your life since finding out the truth about the world. The voice with the bittersweet allure that you both longed to hear and wished you never would have known, as it brought out emotions that you only hoped would remain buried forever. Emotions that rendered you vulnerable, weak.

Felix stood in the doorway, leaned against the frame with black strands of hair cascading down into his face. Jawline sharp, arms crossed, dark eyes heavy set. The room fell silent as tension creeped back into the air. Tension that lingered from last night, as you were fairly certain they all suspected that he hadn’t told the full truth about what had happened. Or perhaps it was tension that lingered between the two of you, after you left him on the rooftop this morning following your breakdown in front of him last night. Either way, his sudden presence only magnified the strain in the air. 

He lifted himself from the frame and stepped out into grey light that filtered in through cracked windows. He took a few purposeful steps and you held your breath momentarily when he passed behind you, lightly brushing against your back. There wasn’t much space at all for him to squeeze in between you and Chan, but he made it work, and you forced your eyes to look anywhere other than his arms as his muscles flexed when he leaned over the table. 

“Anywhere but there,” he emphasized, while you stared at the wall over Jeongin’s shoulder. You watched out of the corner of your eye as Felix erased the line you had just drawn, using the other end of the pencil to create a new one. 

And with that, the path to Miroh was solidified. You would follow District 6 around, avoiding the inner districts at all costs, until you reached the point where it would be a straight shot back to Miroh. 

When Chan folded the map, a sinking feeling settled in the pit of your stomach as the solidification of a route made the daunting journey ahead that much more real. Not to mention the fact that the distance to reach your destination seemed far greater and more vigorous than you had originally pictured in your mind. 

Despite your uncertainty about the future, one thing had become clear through your time spent planning a route.

The unspoken bond between the boys.

It made you long for whatever it was they shared, the unity that propelled them forward as a team. And not a single one of them had brought up the fact that what you were about to do was insane. 

Which it was.

It absolutely was.

The air outside hung heavy with an eery stillness. The world lie motionless as if it was waiting, watching.

In silence you helped the boys hurriedly load the rover with everything that would fit, throwing bags in through the open roof or the open frame and onto the seats. 

Apprehension wove its way deeper into your veins as you glanced over your lifeline of miscellaneous supplies. If Chan was right, if Miroh wasn’t a myth and your fathers journal held the truth on how to reach it, if your blood really was the key that would get you inside, then there would be enough provisions there to keep you alive until you were able to come up with the next part of your plan.  

But if one tiny detail went wrong along the way, if you experienced even the slightest disruption among countless unknowns and potential threats…well it didn't really matter, did it? Because it was a risk that at this point, none of you really had much choice but to take. 

After heaving a particularly heavy bag into the vehicle, you wiped the sweat from your brow and looked up to see Minho stepping out of the building with a small black duffel bag slung around his shoulder, his arms piled high with what appeared to be very basic medical supplies. You took a step back as he approached the side of the vehicle. When he went to toss everything inside, a roll of gauze slipped from his grasp and you kneeled to pick it up, handing it out to him. As he reached for it your eyes fell to a thin bracelet around his wrist that looked as if it had been crafted from a very fine, expensive material commonly used to make accessories in District 9. The bracelet must have held significant meaning for him to have left it on, considering the fact that wearing such an item outside of the Inner Circle would make him a target for anyone looking to make a considerable profit.

When you glanced up your eyes met briefly before he turned away. 

“There's more supplies inside,” he grumbled, pulling his sleeve back down before heading in the direction of the building.

Ever since you’d found out the truth about Minho, maybe because you felt some sort of estranged connection to the way his past vaguely mirrored your own, curiosity tugged at your thoughts whenever you saw him. 

Why had he left District 9? 

Was he driven by similar reasons as you? Or had different motives fueled his choice to leave behind a lifestyle of comfort and safety. Maybe it hadn’t been a choice for Minho at all. Either way, whatever it was, you didn’t have much confidence that you'd ever get to find out because despite your similarities, his resentment for you ran deep. That much was clear.

After the supplies were packed tightly into the vehicle, the boys ran back inside to collect the last of their belongings. All except for Changbin, who remained outside with you because he "didn't have anything worth bringing, anyway.”  His powerful demeanor held a hint of uneasiness that mirrored your own doubts.

As the two of you stood in silence, you glanced down at the small backpack in your hand, realizing that in your panic to gather essential supplies for the group you’d managed to neglect your own needs. It contained only a handful of your own clothes, and you wished you would have taken the time to pack at least one more pair of pants or maybe a sweater. Something a little warmer than the light jacket you sported now because of the unpredictable nature of the weather. But you'd only been given so much time and weapons and food were far more important than your own comfort in the bigger picture.

With a deep breath you adjusted the straps of the backpack and put your arms through, securing it to your back.

After the vehicle was topped off with fuel, a moment of stillness settled over the group as the nine of you stood in front of Yellow Wood. Your eyes shifted between the boys, taking in the faces of the only individuals in the world you would have no choice but to trust from this moment on.

When your gaze fell to Felix, you were surprised to find his piercing brown eyes already staring back. It was a fleeting moment, a stolen glance lasting no longer than a few seconds, but it caused your heart to ache nonetheless. Because in his eyes you detected something bordering along the lines of a plea for understanding. Almost as if he’d recognized the gravity of what he had done last night, and the choice it had resulted in you having to make. 

And yet, your disappointment and frustration with him lingered because last night had left you even more conflicted about your feelings for him than the first night you shared together on the rooftop. It wouldn’t be easy to forget the fear that gripped you the moment you turned the corner and saw the stranger with his hands wrapped tightly around his throat. It would be even harder to dismiss the overwhelming relief that flooded your veins when you found your way back into his arms.

A stolen glance turned into a battlefield of emotions. And you had no intention of losing the war.

Ripping your eyes from Felix, you took one more glance at the building that towered above you. Chan brought everyone back to the present moment when he announced that he was going to run back inside to grab one last thing he had forgotten. 

This prompted the rest of boys to begin piling into the rover, with Jeongin and Seungmin first to take their place in the very back amongst the supplies. You trailed Felix with your eyes as he disappeared around the corner of the building, returning only moments later atop the bike, revving the engine and commanding your attention as if it didn't already belong to him. The trace of softness in his eyes had been replaced by ready determination. He brushed his hair back, revealing the sharp features of his face as he tied the signature bandana around the lower half. When you took a few steps in his direction, he looked to you with unspoken expectation that you would join him on the bike as it had become something of a routine between the two of you.

But this time, something within you resisted. 

The freckled boy had a blatant, persistent disregard for his own life. Something that you weren't willing to let go of just yet, despite the fact that you weren’t willing to acknowledge why it bothered you to the extent that it did. 

But it did. 

With every fiber of your being, it did.

So instead of taking your usual place behind him, you crossed right in front of the bike, stepping up to the rover where Jisung was seated in the middle row next to Changbin. You stole a quick glance back at Felix where you found his stare fixed straight ahead, refusing to meet your eyes. 

Minho, who had been watching your calculated actions, snickered from his place in the passengers seat. 

You put a hand against the open frame of the vehicle and pulled yourself up, glancing between Jisung and the empty seat beside him.

"Thats Hyunjin's spot, but you're more than welcome to take it," he smirked playfully as the taller golden haired boy approached the vehicle behind you. 

You shrugged and plopped down next to Jisung. Hyunjin glared at you before surveying the space inside the vehicle. After coming to the conclusion that there wasn't enough room for him amongst the supplies, he sauntered over to Felix who now had his hands clenched tightly around the handles of the bike, posture rigid, as he continued to stare ahead at nothing in particular.

Hyunjin swung a long leg around the bike behind Felix, and something unexpected fell over you when he wrapped his arms around the younger boy's waist. The feeling grew when your intuition told you that it wasn't the first time the two of them had been this close. 

When Chan came running back outside, the heavy doors to Yellow Wood slammed shut behind him for the final time, demanding your attention. He took a quick glance between you and Felix, taking note of the peculiar seating arrangement before handing something out to you.

“I knew we had one more lying around somewhere."

You reached for it, running the soft fabric of the bandana through your fingertips. It matched those that the others had worn the night of raid, the ones that each of them had begun to tie around their faces now.

"Put it on, and don't take it off for anyone. Pull your hood up and tuck your hair in too." He spoke firmly, with no room for negotiation. Not that you would have argued anyway. You were well aware that concealing your identity was just as important as making it to Miroh.

You offered up a simple “got it" in return, acknowledging his instruction.

Satisfied with your response, Chan hopped into the driver's seat in front of you where he proceeded to secure his own bandana around his face. You watched from your position as he glanced down to Felix. 

"We stay together, Felix, I mean it. Don't do anything stupid,” he emphasized. “If you see any of them out there we handle it together. Like we always do."

Them.

Including not only your father and his army, but the monsters from Felix's past, however many more of them there may be. And you couldn’t help but wonder just how many additional enemies the boys had made out there—enemies that were now yours too, by default. With Chan’s warning, the possibility of separation also creeped in to your mind. The mere thought of someone discovering your true identity sent shivers racing down your spine because the consequences could mean forced separation from the entire group, including the freckled boy staring at you now.

You took a deep breath as the engines roared to life. With one final glance to Felix you had the sudden urge to explain to him that your decision to avoid joining him on the bike was nothing more than a desperate attempt to protect him from the danger that was now inevitable for anyone who came too close to you.

You’d made a promise, after all. 

Don’t let me love you. 

Your fleeting regret was swallowed by your world falling to pieces again as Chan stepped on the gas pedal and the vehicle jolted forward. You lifted your arms behind your head and tied the bandana around the lower half of your face. In the rearview mirror, you watched as Yellow Wood disappeared behind you, keeping a part of your innocence with it. Buried somewhere with the body in the backyard. 

Even if you never laid eyes on it again, you would be forever thankful that it had allowed you one night of euphoric ignorance before taking the plunge into the unknown. Even if that ignorance had ben ripped from your fingers the moment you thrust your knife into the back of a stranger. You just hoped your memories of the night on the rooftop with Felix would be strong enough to distract you from whatever darkness lie ahead. Yellow Wood wasn't good or evil, it was a place. Nothing more than a temporary refuge that had served its purpose for those who had known it lifetimes ago, for eight boys who called it home when they didn’t have anywhere else to go, and for you in your short time spent sheltered inside its walls. 

Nothing more, and yet, the loss tugged at your heart as you watched it slip away.

But it certainly wasn't the first time you'd felt this way. And so you decided that maybe there is always a part of yourself left behind when you leave a place permanently, with a gut feeling that you'll never make it back.  

You pulled the hood up as the vehicle raced through the trees and down the hill. You leaned your head back against the seat while the wind whipped through the open frame against your face. With half-lidded eyes, you kept a steady gaze on the motorcycle in front, allowing your shoulder to rest against Jisung's. Partly due to the cramped space, but more so because you were vulnerable, and scared, and desperate for any form of comfort. 

Like Felix who's own touch you had begun to crave in moments like this, Jisung’s touch was comforting too, just, in a different way. And if you were being honest, in that moment it did little to ease your nerves. But you kept your shoulder pressed firmly against his nonetheless, digging your nails into your palms, counting the minutes in your head. 

Before you left, Chan informed you that District 6 was often considered as a kind of physical border between the inner and outer districts. He had also warned you about the unpredictable nature of its atmosphere, and it didn’t take long for you to realize just how right he had been. The air that surrounded you now only magnified the feeling of lifelessness amidst the desolate landscape. 

As you ventured further into the outskirts of District 6, once abundant grass gave way to a predominantly barren expanse. With very sparse patches of green, it was a stark contrast to the forest that surrounded Yellow Wood and the thicker vegetation that you were used to seeing deep within District 9. The breeze was cold but the air was stuffy. And it smelled like mortality, and death, and loss, as if even the earth beneath your feet longed to be brought back to life. The atmosphere around you hung low and heavy with a palpable weight. A mixture of smoke, ash, and decay collected against your skin, wrapping you in a suffocating hold. It was smothering and seemed to fall in waves, alternating between thick pockets of dense fog and areas of cleaner air where you took every opportunity to fill your lungs. Each breath you inhaled caused you to cough, and it didn’t take long for the soreness to return to your throat as the pollution in the air left a bitter taste in your mouth. You figured the boys must have been used to the toxicity and the way it clawed at your lungs because although they cleared their throats frequently, they were nowhere near as affected as you. 

Felix looked back in the direction of the rover periodically and you met his gaze every single time. Scanning his face for any hint of distress, hoping he wasn't able to sense your own discomfort. Occasionally, his eyes flicked behind him to Hyunjin before returning ahead. 

When you came up upon a particularly dense patch of haze covering the earth ahead, Felix slowed the bike and looked to Chan for direction. After quick assessment of the situation, Chan brought a hand up, signaling to Felix to keep moving forward. You gritted your teeth, shifting uncomfortably next to Jisung, and after another quick glance your way Felix took the lead once again. The roar of the bike’s engine echoed throughout the silence in the air when he accelerated.

When the air around you turned heavy and your incessant coughing resumed, Jisung decided he’d had enough of your suffering. He turned you into his shoulder and pulled the hood higher up over your head so that you could breathe into his shirt. You stayed like that for a while, burying your face further into him despite the fact that you didn’t like not having eyes on the horizon or more specifically, the motorcycle up ahead. But you didn’t have much of a choice as taking slow, deliberate breaths through the fabric of his shirt acted like a filter, bringing a significant amount of relief to your aching lungs. 

As the moments passed, it felt increasingly foreign to share such an intimate moment with someone other than Felix. Not that you were comfortable with him yet by any means, you had never really been comfortable with anyone that wasn’t Jisoo, but part of you wished it was him that you were clinging to instead. And even if you couldn't deny the importance of the bond you were beginning to form with Jisung, somewhere buried deep down, a very selfish part of you wished it was Felix instead. 

The rover tore up the ground as it moved and when the atmosphere thinned around you once again, Jisung tapped your shoulder lightly.

Slowly, you lifted your head to meet his eyes. 

“You good?” he called out, raising his voice to compete with the sound of the engine.

Your head was beginning to throb, you felt more than a little dizzy, and with every bump the rover came across your stomach churned violently, but you managed to give him a soft nod in return. Keeping the bike in your peripherals, you locked eyes with Chan in the rearview mirror. He studied your face for a moment before leaning over and shouting something to Minho that was inaudible to you over the roar of the engine.

Minho pushed the heavy gun in his lap to the side as he bent down to grab something from the floor in front of him, coming back up with a canteen in his hand. 

When he turned around and handed it out to you you could have sworn that you saw the faintest glimmer of sympathy in his eyes. Although you quickly acknowledged that it was probably just the lack of fresh air messing with your senses….because there was no way in hell that Minho of all people gave a shit about your condition. As far as you knew, he was probably getting some sick sense of enjoyment out of your misery.

As the minutes blurred into hours and the hours blurred into each other, impossible to track when you couldn’t see the position of the sun in the sky through the clouds, the landscape began to change again before your eyes. Up ahead, the earth transformed into a gradual incline, taking the shape of a towering hill that stretched far and wide. Making note of the change in surroundings, Felix brought the bike to a temporary halt, allowing Chan to catch up once again.

The freckled boy pulled down his bandana and raised his voice, shouting over the rumble of both engines as they idled. It was difficult to hear but you managed to catch a few of his words, leading you to believe that he was suggesting that he and Hyunjin check out the area up ahead before the rest of the group. His proposition made you tense, and your heart quickened when Chan accepted, instructing Felix to stay within sight. Earning a nod from both boys in return. 

Taking note of your concern, Jisung leaned down and responded with an encouraging “They’re just going to check it out. Don’t worry, its all good,” before landing a hand on your knee and squeezing for added reassurance.

Felix tensed as he observed your interaction. And it didn't matter that he couldn't feel the warmth of the sun against his skin, because he felt searing flames rise up inside of him when he caught a glimpse of the way you looked at Jisung. Maybe he deserved to feel like this.

His heart skipped a beat when you turned from Jisung to met his own eyes. He held your stare until Chan asked for the second time what he was waiting for and he swiftly turned back around, replacing the bandana over his face.

You watched intently with the rest of the boys as the bike climbed the elevated landscape up ahead. At the top, Felix turned to Hyunjin and the two appeared to share quick word.

Felix looked back.

The motorcycle engine revved. 

“Don’t do it…” Changbin muttered from the other side of Jisung, and your grip on the edge of the seat tightened as the bike took off in the opposite direction, descending down the hill and out of your line of sight. In front of you, Chan spat out a curse before slamming the key in the ignition and restarting the engine. 

It wasn’t until the rover reached the top of the hill that you caught sight of what had captured their attention. On the other side, the earth descended into a wide valley that looked as if it might have been home to a mighty river once. It was now dry and almost entirely barren, aside from a handful of dying trees and brush. At the bottom, a small beige tent sat partially covered by faint gray smoke that rose up from a pile of dying embers at its side. You spotted Felix and Hyunjin beside it, already inspecting the seemingly abandoned campsite.

Minho leaned over to speak to Chan who you watched in the mirror, far too focused on the scene before you to respond. He gripped the steering wheel, ultimately coming to the conclusion that he had no choice but to step on the gas. He brought the rover to a stop beside the tent at the valley’s lowest point as the engine’s rumble faded into silence. 

“Nobody touch anything,” Chan warned, his eyes scanning the surroundings for any signs of hidden threats, “-and stay alert. We shouldn’t even be doing this, we need to keep moving.” 

But the boys were hungry and eager to stretch their legs, so they got out and began rummaging through the bags of supplies in search of one with food in it. Changbin pulled out a sizable gun from the back, his fingers gripping it confidently, and Minho cocked his own weapon when his feet hit the earth. Seungmin slung the bow around his shoulder and loaded an arrow, heeding Chan’s warning to stay alert. 

As soon as you dropped down from the vehicle your eyes went right to Felix who, despite his quick decision to approach the campsite, appeared visibly uneasy. His eyes scanned the area repeatedly until they landed on you at which point there was a subtle shift in his demeanor, a flicker of vulnerability in his expression. After a moment, he subtly made his way over. You noticed the slight twitch of his fingers as his gaze traveled up and down down your figure, almost as if he wanted to reach out to you, but he held himself back. 

Part of you wished that he hadn’t.

Because the vulnerable moment between the two of you was quickly shattered when Chan came storming in from behind you, shoving Felix's shoulder, causing him to stagger slightly.

“Did you not hear what I said about staying in sight?!” He exclaimed, his voice rising with every syllable that fell from his lips.

Felix steadied himself and took a step back in defense before responding, his voice tinged with a hint of defiance. “We needed to make sure it was safe, you should have stayed behind until we knew it was clear-"

“-We could have gone another way!” Chan’s words rang out as he closed the space between them again.

“There isn’t time!" Minho interjected, hurrying over and positioning himself between the two, firmly reminding Chan to keep his voice down.

The group behind you fell silent as they witnessed the exchange. And Minho wasn't exactly wrong. After all, the campsite did appear to be abandoned and to completely avoid it would have taken more time, more fuel, more risk in changing the route. Although that didn’t necessarily imply the need to come down and inspect it up close..

"Fucking reckless. Both of you." Chan shook his head at Felix and Hyunjin before turning around to address the group as a whole. “Let’s just get the hell out of here. We can find somewhere else to stop and rest after the sun goes down,” he continued. 

And because the unsettling scene before you made your skin crawl, you were more than eager to oblige.

You went to take a step in the direction of the rover when your foot caught on something, causing you to stumble and collide into Hyunjin at your side. You looked up at him with wide eyes, lifting your hands from his firm chest, bracing yourself for a particularly unpleasant reaction, but you were surprised to find his gaze fixated on the ground behind you instead. Following his stare, you spun around where your eyes landed on something at your feet. 

A small gold medallion lay nestled in the grass. You bent down to pick it up and your stomach twisted sickly as you ran your thumb across the surface to wipe off the dirt.

There, in your palm, engraved on the medallion lie your family crest.

The sight sent a shockwave throughout your body as you staggered backward, dropping the medallion, and clutching your chest. The startling realization that the campsite belonged to your father's men, that they had stood in this very spot, that they had been this close, absolutely shattered your composure. 

In an instant, all eight boys surrounded you, although you hardly registered them at all as your vision tunneled back to the medallion on the ground.

“Everyone get back to the vehicles. Now.” Chan commanded after examining the pendant for himself. His voice came out as stable as he could manage, but the worry was evident. 

In an instant, before anyone was able to take another step, Hyunjin swiftly reached for your arm, his touch was abrupt and forceful as he yanked you backward. A gust of wind brushed by your head, followed by the sharp crack of a bullet embedding itself in the tree to your side. The close call sent adrenaline coursing through your veins and you looked up in shock, locking eyes with Felix whose expression mirrored your own horror. Without a second to thank Hyunjin for quite literally saving your life, all nine of you snapped your heads in the direction that the bullet had come from. The silence that followed the gunshot was shattered by the deafening roar of an engine. 

A second rover, identical to the one that had brought you here, emerged over the top of the hill on the other side of the valley.

Nothing you had been put through up to this point could have prepared you for what flooded over you at the sight of the vehicle. Not the final execution you had witnessed at the palace, or the feeling of the knife in your hand as it ripped through a stranger. None of it could ever have compared to the terror that gripped you in that moment.

Because you had been able to protect Felix last night, but you wouldn't be able to save any of them from the impending threat hurdling toward you now. 

In less than a second, the world around you descended into chaos.

Sounds blended together into an incomprehensible mess. Unfamiliar voices rang out from up ahead, intertwining with the distant engine of the vehicle and the thundering of gunfire. Chan, you thought, yelled out again for everyone to get back to the vehicles, although his words were quickly swallowed by the madness. 

It made sense why your fathers guards would resort to shooting without hesitation. Nobody outside of your father’s army should have had access to a rover like the one parked just feet from you now. Nobody except for the only group of people they knew did have access to one. Because they had watched them use it to escape the night of the raid.

And because of your partially concealed face, how ironic it was that the guards had absolutely no idea that it was you they had almost put a bullet through.

Paralyzing fear took over your body as you watched them close in, rendering your legs immobile. You turned back around, locking eyes with Felix who began to step toward you with his hand outstretched. Just as his fingers brushed against yours, a bullet whizzed between the two of you, forcing him to stumble back.

Suddenly, you felt a powerful tug wrench you away from Felix as Changbin seized hold of you, forcefully guiding you in the opposite direction toward the rover. His voice bellowed out through the chaos as he shouted at Felix to get back to the bike. The freckled boy nodded curtly, eyes trained on you as you fought against Changbin while he tried to push your head down in an attempt to further conceal your identity. Your body resisted his hold, instincts pulling you toward Felix as you desperately wanted to break free and join him on the bike, but it was no use. Changbin was far stronger than you. With one arm around you, Changbin swiftly tossed Hyunjin his gun and without hesitation Hyunjin mounted the bike behind Felix as the engine roared to life. 

No matter how much you struggled in Changbin’s grasp, his hold on you remained steadfast. Without a choice, you yielded to his guidance as he pulled you up into the rover. Jisung quickly took the empty spot beside you, but your eyes never wavered from Felix. You watched intently as he turned the handlebars of the bike. Pointing them in the direction of the approaching vehicle, he tightened his grip on the throttle and accelerated a short way before skidding to the side and turning back around. He began to trace a daring path back and forth, kicking a thick cloud of dust into the air and drawing attention to the bike as Hyunjin took aim at your father’s men. 

Despite your initial shock at his actions, it soon became clear that he was trying distract the guards. To obstruct their vision and buy enough precious time for the rest of you to escape.

From his place in the driver's seat, Chan caught on to Felix's plan just as soon as you did. His eyes widened with realization before he forced the key into the ignition. You tried to stand despite Changbin and Jisung pulling you back down. Raising your voice, you yelled out to Chan as he started the engine, fighting against the boys.

“What are you doing?! We can’t just leave them!”

Your heart pounded in your chest as time surrounding the rover stood still. Every single one of the boys around you held their breath as Chan hesitated, hands trembling slightly against the steering wheel, conflicting emotions evident on his face as he looked back to Felix and Hyunjin. The weight of the decision bore down on him, the responsibility of every single one of your lives in his hands, and for a moment it almost seemed as if he wasn’t going to be able to make the choice. Until Felix looked back, his deep voice booming throughout the chaos. 

“Go! Get out of here!”

Chan’s voice cracked as he yelled out in response, “You know where we are! Meet us-“

“-I know! GO!” Felix shouted back, voice laced with urgency. “We’re right behind you!” and then he ducked to avoid an incoming bullet as Hyunjin swiftly fired back in the direction that it had come from. Minho stood and joined him in sending a few bullets toward your fathers men before he bent back down, hands reaching for the steering wheel as he jerked it to the side, yelling out to Chan that you needed to go now. 

When the vehicle began to move, your heart was on the brink of exploding within your chest, as the weight of the world on your shoulders threatened to engulf you completely.

“Felix!” You called out, strained voice breaking in desperation as the fear of losing him tore at your soul once again. His head whipped around at the sound of your voice. With a final look in your direction, his eyes conveyed unspoken reassurance, a silent plea to trust him, and a promise that you couldn’t fully understand in that moment. 

A promise that he would find his way back to you. 

And then he tore his eyes from yours as Hyunjin shouted at him to “move!”, directing him to use the bike to create another diversion for your escape.

With only a moment to spare, Chan spinned around in his seat and placed a firm hand on your shoulder.

"Look at me, y/n look at me,” you turned to face him, eyes glossy with tears, “Felix knows what he's doing, he's fast with the bike and Hyunjin is a near perfect shot,” his panicked words were meant come across as reassuring but the expression on his face sure as hell wasn't. 

Either way, Chan was a leader, and he did what leaders were supposed to do. He made the impossible, life-altering, split-second decisions. And so with a stern glance to Changbin who tightened his grip on you, he turned back around and stepped forcefully on the gas pedal.

And it's probably a good thing you weren't in his position, because you never would have been able to leave the freckled boy with the stars in his eyes behind. Not when it meant leaving a part of yourself, behind too.

You couldn’t breathe.

You really couldn’t breathe. 

As the rover surged ahead, racing into the setting sun, your focus remained fixed on the valley as it disappeared behind you. Panic coursed through your veins, constricting your chest and clouding your senses. After you had gotten far enough away, Changbin released you and you leaned forward immediately, raising your voice to reach Chan's ears.

“How could you leave them behind!? We have to go back-we have to-“ As the words tumbled out from your lips in a frantic rush, you looked around to the rest of the boys behind you. They remained still, even Jisung avoided your eyes now.

 “What are you doing?! We have to-” you turned back to Chan but before you could form any kind of a coherent sentence, he jerked the vehicle harshly to the side, causing you to grab onto the frame above until it came to a skidding halt. As the dust settled around you, Chan whirled around to face you. His resolute expression did little to conceal how shaken he was by having to leave the boys behind. 

“Do you think that was easy for me?! Do you think that was easy for any of us?!”

His words carried through the air, and a pang of guilt struck you when you saw the burden of the responsibility that he carried reflected in his eyes.

“If one of them had recognized you…“ 

Your stomach twisted as the guilt intensified, because deep down you knew he never would have left Felix and Hyunjin behind if it weren’t for you. But he didn’t have a choice. If any one of your father’s men had recognized you it would have meant disaster in the form of certain death for every single one of them. 

The weight of the boys’ emotions pressed down on you. Not a single sound escaped their lips as they watched your interaction with Chan. Not even Minho took the opportunity to further solidify the fact that this was all your fault.

“Where we’re going, we’ll be safe for the night. It’s close, and Felix has been there before so he knows where to go,” Chan cleared his throat before adding “they’re right behind us.”

And then he glanced to the skyline over your shoulder but you didn’t need to do the same to know what you’d find there.

They weren’t right behind you. 

“Where...." your voice trembled as it took everything in you to fight back tears.

“Someone Felix and I have known for a very long time. An…acquaintance,” his own voice faltered on the word “acquaintance” before continuing. “I was trying to avoid it, but we don’t have a choice. We can’t stay out in the open tonight.”

Trying to avoid it. 

Likely meaning that it was one of the areas he’d crossed out earlier when you were planning the route. A place he had originally hoped to steer clear of, but the circumstances had evidently forced his hand.

“We will find a way back to them, I promise.” This time, Chan wasn’t just speaking to you. He was also addressing the boys who were equally as shaken, but his words weren’t enough to ease the doubt in your mind.

Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Chan. 

You sat back without another word, turning your focus up ahead where something caught your attention.

Two figures.

Shadowed by the setting sun, riding atop two powerful animals that as far as you knew, had been extinct for hundreds of years. Animals you couldn’t remember the name of because you never really paid much attention to your private tutoring lessons, not that it mattered. The sight of them was enough to render you speechless. 

Chan spun back around and you studied his face in the mirror as recognition fell across it.

“It’s her….” he mumbled under his breath, looking to Minho seated beside him. 

Her. 

As the figures drew nearer, you realized that the one leading the way was a woman. 

Chan addressed the group quickly, conveying that he and he alone would handle the conversation. He locked eyes with you, pausing for a moment before reaching out to pull the hood back over your head. When Jisung and Changbin settled in closer to you, you looked up to Jisung, finding brief solace in his eyes before putting your head down. 

Unable to resist the curiosity when the strangers reached the side of the vehicle, you shifted to catch a glimpse of the woman from underneath your hood. She possessed an air of maturity, with long dark hair that cascaded down her shoulders and sides, streaked heavily with grey. One half of her face exhibited what appeared to be burn scars, extending all the way down her arm. Her presence exuded a quiet strength that demanded respect, and her beauty was evident even despite the scars. The male to her side was younger than you had initially thought. Several decades younger than her, he seemed to be around the same age as you and the boys. Reddish hair fell down to frame the enticing features of his face, and you were beginning to wonder if it was this common for everyone outside of District 9 to possess such ethereal beauty. He sported similar attire as the woman. Fairly well put together, their clothing was obviously worn but not nearly as much as you’d expect for someone who resided in District 6. 

As they brought the animals to a stop, the woman appeared to recognize Chan immediately. Alone, he stepped down to greet her as she remained atop the animal, tightly gripping its long mane. 

“Chris," her voice carried a velvety, alluring tone, "its been quite a while, hasn’t it?” 

A silent exchange passed between the two, characterized by familiarity and a touch of tension. The strange name she used to address him with left you even more curious about the actual depth of their relationship.  

The woman turned to the rover, scanning the faces inside. When her eyes fell to you, they widened ever so slightly. An eyebrow arched in intrigue as her lips parted, and you quickly leaned into Jisung once again.

“It has, Hira.” Chan acknowledged her before turning his attention to the male at her side, addressing him as “Yeonjun.” The two shared a quick greeting before Chan, or Chris, began to explain the nature of the group's situation, carefully selecting which details to share and what to withhold. He told the woman, Hira, that you were in desperate need of a place to stay for the night. When she asked where the group was headed, he replied with “District seven, in search of a permanent place to settle”. When she asked how you had obtained the vehicle, he offered an explanation that was even more vague. Stating that the group had just “come across it, abandoned, fully stocked with supplies.”

How ridiculous.

Even you would have been able to come up with something better than that..and you were worried there was no way in hell she could be gullible enough to believe the lies that spilled from his mouth.

Chan concluded his explanation by revealing the separation from Felix and Hyunjin, at which point you couldn’t help but steal another glance at Hira. She appeared to understand the gravity of your situation without him ever needing to mention your fathers guards or why the group had been forced to split up in the first place. 

As she processed his words, her eyes gravitated to you once again. A shiver descended your spine as they bore into you, as if she was trying to catch a glimpse of your soul. Unsure of exactly how much she knew or what she could unravel with a single glance, it filled you with unease. When she looked back to Chan, a haunting smile fell across her scarred face. 

“You know that you and your people are always more than welcome to stay with me and mine, Chris. Take as long as you need. I trust that you remember the…conditions to my hospitality. That-"

"-there is always a cost." The two spoke in unison, the woman and Chan.

"Ah yes," she smiled again, pleased with his response. "The weapons you provided Yeonjun with last time were in pristine condition, they have already sold for a generous sum." A flash of greed danced across her eyes as they fell to the gun in Minho's hands. "It seems as though you've come prepared this time. How long will you be staying?"

“Just the night,” he paused before adding, "we will be able to compensate you fairly.” And then he reached out and motioned for Minho to toss him the gun. After Minho obliged, Chan handed it over to the woman. She examined it closely, eyes gleaming with satisfaction as she turned the weapon over in her hands. "And i trust you have more where this came from?" She looked to him and he nodded.

"Three more. Four in total," she proposed.

"Two more. Three in total," Chan responded, a hint of reservation in his tone.

She contemplated his offer, narrowing her stare when they locked eyes.

"Deal, but only because of the impeccable condition, such remarkable craftsmanship..." She ran her hands across the cool metal once more before adding "You can follow me back to Clé, it’s not far from here as I'm sure you know.”

She then turned to address the male beside her. “Yeonjun will ride ahead to collect your friends." 

The mention of Felix reignited the ache within your chest. The sudden appearance of the mysterious strangers had provided a fleeting distraction, but with each passing moment in their presence your longing for him began to resurface at full force.

The woman’s lingering eyes stole one last glance at you before tugging on the animal’s mane. The sound of hooves filled the air when she turned and began to lead the way. Yeonjun followed her command, guiding his own animal behind you in the opposite direction, and you watched until he disappeared into the shadows cast by the setting sun. 

As the rover began to move, Minho leaned in to Chan and the two engaged in hushed conversation. You listened intently, trying to pick out any words you could but it was no use. Sinking back into the seat between Changbin and Jisung, you closed your eyes and pictured the freckled boy in your mind, desperately clinging on to whatever fading shred of hope you had left that you would ever see him again.  

The sunset painted the cloudy sky with fiery tones.

And Hira was right, it didn’t take long, fifteen minutes maybe, before you spotted the silhouette of a small structure in the distance. It stood alone against the backdrop of scorching orange and red hues, appearing as though it had become one with the unforgiving terrain over time. A forgotten outcast, sheltered among dying trees with branches like skeletal fingers reaching up to touch the sky. 

Following her lead, Chan brought the vehicle around to the backside of the house where Hira tied the animal to a nearby post. When you hopped down, the loose dirt beneath your feet emitted a satisfying crunch. Looking up, a jolt of surprise coursed through you as you were met with Hira's dark eyes. Taken aback by her close proximity and fascinated stare, you stumbled into Jeongin, who had just landed on the ground behind you. You reached behind, grabbing onto him for stability as she lifted an arm and carefully removed your hood, taking a piece of your hair into her hand.

She studied it between her fingers as if she were utterly perplexed before muttering underneath her breath "beautiful." 

Chan cleared his throat, and you looked up to see all eyes on you. As if nothing had happened at all, the woman released your hair, seamlessly joining Chan in leading the group to the front of the building. It might have been the first time you had officially interacted with Jeongin, but you only tightened your hold on his sleeve as you moved. Thankfully he didn't seem to mind as he stuck by your side while the rest of the boys formed a protective barrier around the two of you. During the brief introductions that took place as you approached the building, you avoided the woman's gaze when you told her that your name was Jisoo.

The two-story structure before you stood as a testament to the relentless passage of time. Its frame, originally crafted from wood, bore the marks of age through faded green paint, chipping away like scars left behind by countless years. Open windows had been sealed off from the inside by sturdy wooden boards, creating an air of secrecy. The door, no longer a solid barrier, was covered by a long tattered curtain that matched the colors of the setting sun behind you. It swayed gently in the breeze.

In front of you, Hira brushed back the curtain to reveal a candlelit interior. The ceiling was low, creating a sense of confinement. In a way, it reminded you of the tavern in District 7, although the atmosphere inside was stagnant and held an air of something far less innocent. 

It became evident shortly after stepping inside that this was a gathering spot for people who had found themselves on the fringes of society, seeking something more than just refuge. Because as Hira walked you through the lower level, hushed whispers and soft murmurs floated through the air, accompanied by occasional gasps of pleasure. You caught glimpses of intimate encounters through cracked doors, meeting the eyes of individuals in various states of undress whose beauty was contrasted by the sadness in their eyes. 

After passing through a small area that appeared to serve as a kitchen for Hira and her guests, with a wooden table and a few mismatched chairs, you found yourselves back at the main room. Just inside the entrance.

Under the premise of supposed safety, your longing for Felix turned insufferable. Because you didn't really care if any of you were safe until you knew that he was too.

As if Chan had been plagued by the same thought, his voice split the silence.

"Its dark now..it might be safe enough for me to…maybe I should go out and look for the others..." His words were directed to Hira, although you couldn't be sure whether he was asking for permission or informing her of his intention. Either way, his growing concern was evident. 

With firm resolve, the woman responded with a simple "No, that won't be necessary." And as if he had been expecting her response, Changbin stepped forward immediately, ready to argue, but he paused when she raised a hand and addressed Chan once more.

"Something tells me you know that it is wiser for you to remain here. Yeonjun has never failed me in a request, and I trust that he will return with your friends." Changbin stepped back and Chan fell silent. His usual authority seemed to vanish in her presence, leaving you even more curious about the dynamics between the two. About the experiences they'd shared while you were eating seasoned meals and taking hot baths to cleanse skin that was already clean.

Time had never moved so painfully, agonizingly, slow. Your profound understanding of the very real danger Felix and Hyunjin were in ate away at you with every passing second. Unable to sit still even after the others had settled down on the floor or the worn out furniture, you paced the room until Jisung silently called you over, patting the ground beside him against one of the walls. Your leg continued to shake uncontrollably even after you sat down, and it wasn’t until Seungmin came over to join you on your other side that you were able to stop. For the same reason you had chosen to sit by him the first night around the fire, something about Seungmin's presence made you worry just a little less. 

As everyone anxiously awaited the return of the boys, even Hira had her eyes trained on the door whenever she wasn’t looking your way. Her not-so-subtle fascination with you only added to your overall unease, mostly because you just couldn't shake the feeling that her interest in the groups wellbeing went far beyond an innocent desire to help. Even if her and “Chris” happened to be old friends. Or acquaintances, or whatever the hell he’d called her. But you didn't really care about trying to decipher any of that right now. Not when all you could think about was the freckled boy who you'd let slip through your fingertips earlier. 

Who you had failed to protect.

After a seemingly endless stretch of time, the curtain covering the door shifted ever so slightly and the room stood in unison, yourself included.

It was pulled back by Yeonjun now standing at the entrance. You took a step forward, gaze darting past him immediately. Desperately searching for any glimpse of dark hair behind him, your eyes were met with gold instead.

Hyunjin.

You released a steady exhale. Aside from a few smudges of dirt on his otherwise flawless features, he appeared to be relatively unscathed. Your nervousness eased at the sight of his familiar face, but it wasn’t until Felix stepped through the threshold behind him that you felt like you could breathe again.

For the first time since you had been forced to leave him behind, you could breathe.

You leaned forward as your eyes scanned every inch of his figure. He appeared slightly more disheveled than Hyunjin, with tousled hair and a small cut to his cheek, but he was alive, breathing, unharmed. The sight of him standing before made you ache to wrap him in your arms, but you remained rooted where you stood. As if your feet were shackled to the ground by invisible chains that warned of the danger that came with exposing the extent of your feelings to everyone in the room. So you masked your relief with a faint smile that lasted only a fraction of a second. 

But you were certain Felix had seen it.

A low sigh escaped his lips, barely audible despite the silence in the room. Unbeknownst to you, it was a breath he had been holding since the very moment you had been torn apart. Nobody else seemed to notice the way you looked only to each other, or maybe they did, but you didn't really care.

Chan approached the boys first. He put an arm around both of their shoulders and whispered something to them before turning around to thank Yeonjun for their safe return. Hira nodded in acknowledgement when Chan introduced her to Hyunjin, but there didn't appear to be a need for introductions between her and Felix. The familiarity between Felix and Yeonjun was also apparent, although whatever it was between them came off as more of an uncomfortable, awkward tension than anything else.

Before the rest of the boys had a chance to approach Felix and Hyunjin, Hira commanded the room's attention. She guided the group back into the kitchen, over to a receded staircase in the corner that you hadn't noticed the first time. Yeonjun swiftly found his way to her side and you eyed them cautiously as they engaged in hushed conversation at the front of the group.

Wooden steps creaked underneath your feet as you climbed the stairs, worn with time and countless journeys up and down. At the top was a long hallway lined by closed doors, peeling wallpaper, and flickering candles. You made note of what appeared to be a supply closet just off the landing. The door was slightly ajar and you observed a small pile of blankets and crates stacked inside. Nearly empty, aside from a very meager handful of supplies.

Hira pointed out two rooms at the end of the corridor where you and the boys were to sleep for the night. Chan and Minho shared a glance, acknowledging that they didn't have much choice but to accept.

And Felix never left your side. 

Or maybe you never left his. Either way, whether by conscious choice or something less deliberate, you mirrored each others steps the entire way up the stairs and back down again. The subtle brush of his arm against yours spoke volumes, but you were desperate for more. To to hear him tell you that he was okay. To feel the warmth of his skin against yours.

Bodies weary, the group followed Hira back down the steps into the kitchen where the small table now held an assortment of miscellaneous scraps of food. You were each offered a bowl, and you gladly accepted. Without enough chairs for everyone around the table, Jisung, Changbin, and Seungmin made themselves comfortable on the floor with their backs leaned against the wall, bowls in hand. Just as you were preparing to join them, with Felix right on your heels, Hira's voice cut through the air, interrupting your action. 

"No, dear, sit here by my side. I insist." You glanced up to where she sat at the head of the table. Her words were accompanied by a very poor attempt at a welcoming smile that only caused you to recoil backward into Felix.

You looked to Chan for direction and when he nodded you hesitantly obliged, walking over to take the seat to her right, directly across from Chan who sat at her other side.

Without waiting for his own invitation, Felix slid down into the empty seat beside you. Jeongin ended up across from Felix, with Yeonjun positioning himself the other end of the table across from Hira. Minho opted to lean against the doorway to the kitchen, while Hyunjin claimed the spot on the floor that you had originally planned on taking next to Seungmin. 

As dinner progressed, Hira spoke solely to Chan. She brought up stories of their past encounters and the atmosphere tensed further whenever he let out an occasional bout of strained laughter. The rest of the group remained quiet as they feigned interest in the scraps of food that had been placed in front of them, and you did the same. Gritting your teeth as you stared at the bowl because the faster you got through this night, the faster you would be able to get the hell out of here. 

The faster you would be able to find a moment alone with Felix. Which was the only thing that mattered to you now. 

Throughout the meal, Hira's eyes continuously fell to you, just as they had from the moment she'd first caught sight of you earlier. And despite the fact that she was supposedly listening to Chan, she didn't seem to have any interest in him or their conversation whatsoever. 

It became increasingly evident that you weren’t the only one aware of her strange behavior. Beside you, Felix’s grip on the roll of bread in his hand tightened with every second that her eyes remained fixed on you. As if a protective instinct was taking hold of him in response to her unwavering interest.

Just as Chan began to cautiously navigate his way through a story about a time several years ago when he'd crossed paths with Hira in District 4, she curtly interrupted him, turning to face you directly. 

"You know dear, there is room for you here," she purred, reaching out to place a palm over your clenched fist where it rest on the table. 

Her cold touch sent an icy shockwave up your arm.

Chan stopped talking mid sentence, Jisung nearly choked on his food behind you, and your entire body froze. Your eyes widened as you lifted your gaze from the bowl in front of you, looking to Chan for help. But his expression only mirrored your own shock as his mouth fell slightly agape while you stared at each other in disbelief. 

Before either you or Chan could find the words, Felix's voice sliced through the tension in the air like a blade. Resonating dangerously low, it nearly shook the room beside you. 

"She. Stays. With. Us." he growled through clenched teeth, putting sharp emphasis on each individual word. The roll of bread in his hand crumpled beyond repair as he used every muscle in his body to keep his restraint. 

Hana's gaze flickered from you to Felix, engaging in a silent standoff, until her eyes began to shift back and forth between the two of you. A sly grin fell across her face as she pieced together the fact that there was something more between you and Felix. Something that went far beyond what you had with the rest of the boys. Far beyond camaraderie or the mutual need to depend on each other for survival. She looked back to you with envy in her eyes, a lingering possessiveness, and after a few more moments of uncomfortable silence she did something not a single one of you could have expected.

She began to laugh. 

A chilling sound that started out quiet before building loud enough to echo throughout the entire room. Felix's stare spoke volumes as his eyes remained trained on the woman at your side, piercing and unyielding, making it more than clear that he didn't find anything funny about the situation at all. Your heart pounded in your ears, your breath caught in your throat, and every single hair on the back of your neck stood on end before her laughter ended just as abruptly as it had begun. Her facial expression shifting once again to that of an eery stoicism.

“You all must be exhausted after such a long day. Rest well tonight and replenish your strength,” she addressed the group as a whole before turning back to Felix. Her final words were directed solely at him. “A tired mind is dangerous companion.” 

Without another word she rose gracefully from her seat, the scraping of her chair against the floor only adding to the unsettling feeling in the air. She swiftly exited the room with Yeonjun following closely behind. 

Every single one of the boys remained motionless. With their eyes glued to Chan, they waited for him to offer any form of direction but he appeared to be just as taken aback as the rest of you by her actions. By her offer to you.

When he finally regained the ability to speak, it was barely above a whisper. “She's right...lets just take the opportunity to rest for a few hours. We'll be safe here for the night.”

Why does he keep saying that. 

We aren't safe anywhere.

Chan stood, and just as Yeonjun had hurried after Hana, the boys mirrored his actions. They got up and approached the staircase at the other end of the kitchen. At your side, Felix was the only one who had yet to move a muscle.

Chan’s knowing eyes said it all as he looked back at the two of you one last time before leaving you to yourselves, ascending the staircase behind the rest of the group. Probably a mistake, on his part, to leave you alone. Not that he could have known the depth of your emotions or the fleeting nature of your self control. 

Felix sat rigid as he fixated on the wall in front of him.

Something brought you back to this morning, when you’d refused to join him on the bike in an attempt to push down your growing feelings. Stupid, stupid feelings that threatened to ruin everything whenever you found yourself alone with him.

You remembered the promise you had made to him on the rooftop. 

Don't let me love you. 

Slowly, you got up from your chair. 

Felix did the same.

Just walk away, y/n. Turn around. Go upstairs. Go to sleep. 

Walk. Away.

Standing beside you now, facing you, inches from you, he looked you up and down. He reached for your wrist and ran his thumb over a small cut on your forearm that you hadn't even realized was there.

Without a word, he set your arm back down at your side and took a step past you in the direction of the staircase.

Don’t look back. Just let him go. 

Let. Him. Go. 

Fuck-

“-Wait” You muttered, grabbing onto his arm and pulling him with you across the kitchen to the foot of the staircase, partially hidden in between the recessed walls. His eyes darted upward as the boys retreated into their designated rooms. And you stayed like that, pressed up against him in the small space until the doors closed behind them. 

As soon as they clicked shut, you blurted out the first thing that came to your mind. 

“Are you fucking insane?! What the hell were you thinking earlier? Staying behind like that.” Struggling to keep your voice down, the words came out a bit more accusatory than you had originally intended. But now that he was in front of you, now that you knew he was safe, you couldn’t help but express a little frustration.

“I was just...doing what needed to be done.” He answered, voice husky and low, eyes dark and inviting. Your brow furrowed as you searched for the right response. Literally anything to convey how much his continued disregard for his own life drove you absolutely mad. But no words seemed adequate enough.

Maybe you would have come up with something eventually, if the growing closeness between you wasn't making it impossible to concentrate on anything other than how badly you wanted him to rail you senseless.

For fucks sake. Get it together.

After a moment, a subtle curl formed at the corner of his upper lip.

"What, were you worried about me princess?" He mused, poking his tongue into his cheek.

"I'm serious!" You shot back in a rather poor attempt to conceal the fact that his accusation and such a simple, simple action could have you so impossibly weak at the knees. 

"You heard Chan. We were supposed to stay together. All of us, which includes you. Because we need you."

Because I need you, idiot.

The smugness fell from his face as his expression began to soften.

“And yeah, maybe I am tired of watching you try to get yourself killed but that doesn't mea-" before you could finish reprimanding him, Felix leaned down and captured your lips between his.

You pulled back, eyes wide. 

"What are you-" but your words were cut off again when you went to take a step back and nearly tripped on the staircase behind you, instinctively reaching for his arms to steady yourself. 

Amusement spread across his face, as if he was proud of himself for making you fall apart like his. His reaction made your cheeks flush hot with embarrassment but before you could utter another word he moved in again. Your hands betrayed you as they pulled him closer, but instead of kissing you again like you’d expected Felix ducked his head to your neck where he began to pepper the sensitive skin with a number of light kisses. You glanced upstairs where the boys had retreated for the night, then back down across the kitchen where Hana and Yeonjun had disappeared only moments before.

“What if someone-” You pulled back for a second time. 

"Let them,” he mumbled against your skin. "Its not like they don't already suspect it,” he added while running his tongue along the fading mark on your neck that you’d forgotten was there. 

“And you’re alright with that?” You nearly moaned out the final word when he began to suck lightly at the tender spot on your neck, barely having time to finish your sentence before he forcefully reconnected your lips.

Felix was more than alright with that.

But of course, its not like he had meant for this to happen. He really did have every intention of following the others upstairs. He really did. Its just that he’d narrowly missed about 17 bullets today, half of them aimed at his head, which had him fairly convinced that he might actually never get to see you again. So the sight of you in his arms now, lust and concern etched beautifully across your face as you looked to him as if he was your entire world, had him overcome with the need to be inside of you.

And you really hadn't meant to end up like this either, shamelessly pulling him in by the collar as he cradled your face in his hands. Succumbing to the magnetic pull that urged you to follow him as he took a step backward up the stairs. There were so many things you wanted to say to him about his past, to ask him why he had taken the blame for killing the intruder, and you still weren't done scolding him for his decision to stay behind earlier. But none of it mattered in that moment. Because he was safe, he’d managed to find his way back to you, and you wanted nothing more than to show him just how thankful you were for that.

"m' glad you're okay" the words slipped from your lips on accident between kisses as you followed him up the stairs. You swallowed quickly before adding “I-I mean because, you know....they were worried about you..the others.”

“Oh really?” he swiped his tongue along your bottom lip, and you hummed in agreement before granting him access. 

You wrapped your arms around his neck from where you now stood on the step above him. When he looked up into your eyes, a conflicted expression washed over his features before he lifted his head to kiss you again. 

"Lix," you mumbled against his lips when you took the last step at the top of the staircase. 

"Yeah, princess?" He breathed out, meeting you on the landing where his hands slid down to rest at the back of your thighs, just below your ass, pulling you closer. You spoke against his lips when he moved in to reconnect them to yours.

“This doesn't mean I'm not still mad at you." 

"Mhmm" he tightened his grip on your thighs.

"It doesn't mean I hate you any less," you continued, nipping at his bottom lip and pulling it back in your teeth. "Because I do, you know?”

And his eyes were dark when you opened yours to look back at him, pupils blown wide. 

"Whatever you say, sweetheart." 

That was new.

And then, with a firm squeeze at your thighs, Felix effortlessly lifted you up, your legs instinctively wrapping around his waist as your arms circled his neck. His hands cupped your ass and you kissed him like that for some time. Shamelessly giving in to the uncontrollable desire that had brought you together in the first place, in a dim candlelit hallway, surrounded on either side by rooms full of sleeping travelers and the rest of the boys. And none of it mattered. You would have kissed him until your lips bled, running your hands through his hair, your tongues battling for dominance. 

But Felix made it very clear that he wanted more.

He moved until your back hit the wall behind you and you gripped him tighter to keep yourself upright. When he pressed his hips further into you another weak moan fell from your lips. He shifted and you looked down, realizing that that the wall to your back was actually a door. 

The supply closet. 

Felix maneuvered your bodies so that he could push the door open with his back. 

As he carried you into the cramped space, you placed a very gentle kiss to the scratch on his cheek. Inside, shut off from the rest of the world, you were free to lose yourselves in each other completely. Candlelight from the hallway spilled in through the wide gap beneath the door, enough to cast a faint glow inside the room. And the door barely had time to shut before both of you were halfway undressed.

Felix picked up a blanket from the ground and threw it across the stack of crates that took up the majority of the small space. He set you down gently on top of them, bending over to keep your lips connected while he shoved his pants down, and you did the same. Frantically pushing your own pants and underwear down before tossing your shirt to the side, and it didn’t even have time to hit the ground before he was pressed up against you again, reaching around to unclasp your bra. Just as you had struggled with the buckle on his belt, he fumbled with it briefly and you smiled against his lips. But he was determined and it took only a moment before he stripped it from your body and the stuffy air hit your skin. When you shifted on the crates, your exposed breasts bounced slightly, immediately drawing his attention. He licked his lips as he devoured them with hungry eyes.

“Like what you see?” You mocked, reaching down to bring his hands up to your chest. He squeezed the soft flesh and you gasped when his fingertips pinched lightly at your nipples.

And it was in that moment that Felix decided he would never be able to get enough of you, so willing to expose yourself to him like this. So desperate for his touch on your bare skin, for his cock buried inside of you. You didn’t even need to say it out loud because your eyes were begging.

One of his hands trailed down between your legs and he slid a finger through the wetness of your slit. 

“Fuck, princess...so wet already,” he murmured against your jaw, and you let out a stifled moan into his neck when he pulled you closer and pressed his thumb to your puffy clit. He rubbed slow circles before inserting a finger inside of you, followed shortly after by a second. The skillful movement of his fingers made you melt into his touch as you rolled your hips to meet his hand. As your head went dizzy and your vision blurred.

Between his fingers pumping in and out of you at just the right speed, his thumb adding pressure to your clit, the squeezing of your breast in his other hand, and the sloppy wet kisses he continued to press to your neck and jaw, your body was already threatening to spill over the edge. To prolong the pleasure, not ready to let go just yet, you shifted. He licked your juices from his fingers when you brought his hand up to his mouth. "You taste so sweet princess," he muttered, accent heavy in his current state as you reached down to release his cock from his underwear. It sprang free and you pushed him back gently, dropping from the crates, your knees hitting the ground. He looked down at you as your hand wrapped around his pulsing cock. You swirled a bit of precum around the tip before licking a stripe up his shaft and taking him into your mouth. 

As you hollowed your cheeks around him and began to bob your head, running your tongue along a thick vein on the underside of his cock, Felix leaned back against the door. His head turned to the ceiling as his eyes lazily fell shut, and he wondered how much you'd had to practice to get it this right. But he didn't want to think about that now. He only wanted to think about you on your knees for him. A whimper escaped his lips when you swirled your tongue around his leaking head, across his slit. The unexpected sound from him and the salty taste on your tongue had you rubbing your thighs forcefully together. 

Felix let his mind go empty with nothing but pleasure as he fucked your face. He glanced down with hooded eyes to meet your own, and the sight of your pretty angelic mouth stuffed with his cock as you made eye contact with him nearly caused him to blow his load right then and there. But Felix didn’t want to waste a second of you like this. Because he'd almost died today. He'd almost died nearly every day for a very long time, and he didn't know if he would ever get the chance after tonight to have you like this again. And so, when you suddenly released his cock with a pop, he leaned down and pulled you back up by the arms. 

His touch was gentle. 

His tone wasn’t.

“I’m going to fuck you now, and you’re not going to make a sound. Can you do that for me, sweetheart?” He spoke down to you, as if he already knew that you wouldn’t be able to oblige.

“Y-yes” you somehow managed to get out. And he wasted no time in lifting you back onto the crates, his strength evident as his muscles flexed. 

You steadied yourself before spreading your legs for him as wide as the cramped space would allow. You ran your eyes up and down his naked form, his defined abs, his toned chest, and his right hand as he brought it down to pump his cock a few times before aligning it with your dripping core.

“Please…” you panted under your breath as he smeared your arousal with his tip. And your desperate plea was all he needed to give in, sinking into your aching entrance and bottoming out inside of you with a carnal mroan. You gasped, reaching forward to pull him closer. He wrapped an arm around your back, slamming the other against the wall behind you. His head fell to your neck and your legs wrapped around him as he began to rhythmically move his hips. 

Filthy sounds filled the space as he rutted into you, and in that moment it was easy to let yourself go completely. To let him take you however he pleased, in whatever way he pleased. Because you were safe with Felix, here, like this, when it was just the two of you. He made you feel like just a person. Without a past to run from, without a burden to shoulder. Just two careless young lovers who in another life might have stumbled across this very place seeking refuge. Who might have called it home for a while before leaving again together.

And this time was different from the first time on the rooftop as his hips slapped fervently against yours, hot skin against skin. Because of your earlier separation, tonight was more desperate, more needy, more primal. 

“Feels so good, Lix” you whined when he brought his hands down to tightly grip your waist, allowing him to fuck up into your swollen heat even harder. When your head fell back, he took it as an invitation to bring a hand up around your exposed throat, shoving his fingers into your mouth when you let out a strangled moan.  

"F-Fuck, princess-" he hissed, “you have to be quiet, be a good girl for me, yeah?” He squeezed harder at your throat when you cried out again but was instantly made into a hypocrite when you clenched around him and he let out a groan deep enough to vibrate the walls. 

His thrusts grew sloppy which told you he was just as close as you had been since the moment he'd laid a hand on you, and yet he still managed to hit the right angle every single time. Between his thick cock brutally pounding up into your drooling hole, low grunts against your ear, the sound of the crates thudding against the wall behind you and the risk of being caught at any moment, it all had you reaching your own climax faster than you could control. 

"So pretty all fucked out like this,” he growled, ”the world in the palm of your hand and here you are reduced to nothing by my cock. I should fuck you full, make the world mine too."

"Fuck, F-Felix, don't stop I'm close-"

“I know, baby," he groaned, "me too.” And you could feel the truth in his words because of how fucking hard he was, but before he could pull out you wrapped your legs around him tighter.

"Need your cum, please, fill me up. Please Lix make me yours."

"Shit-"

Your plea sent him over the edge. His cock throbbed where it was buried deeply inside of you as he pumped milky white ropes of cum into your cunt. A deep groan that was far louder than any of the moans he had scolded you for fell from his lips, and as your own orgasm took over you buried your face in the sweaty skin at his neck. Holding onto him to ground yourself when your vision went white as you sobbed out his name repeatedly.

Heavy breathing and light whimpers from both of you were the only sounds that filled the air after the harsh string of low curses that fell from his lips.

After a moment, when you began to come down from your high and Felix stopped twitching inside of you, you unwrapped your shaking legs from his waist and dropped down from the crates. He helped to steady you on your feet, and the gravity of what you had just done set in as you felt his hot cum begin to trickle down the inside of your thigh. 

Fuck 

Fuck fuck fuck-

Felix reclaimed your attention when he leaned in to place a breathless kiss to your lips. You jumped when the cool metal of the rings on his fingers made contact with the sensitive skin at the inside of your thighs when he put a finger between them to swipe some of his cum away. He brought it up, smearing his release against your bottom lip before you took it into your mouth and licked it clean.

"That can never happen again,” he murmured, his eyes intently focused on where his finger had disappeared into your mouth.

He might have been referring to the sex, but you were fairly certain it had more to do with the fact that by spilling every last drop of his cum inside of you he had just put both of your lives in substantially more danger. Because if Felix got you pregnant, the repercussions would be catastrophic.

"This, us is…it can’t..” He trailed off. 

“I know.” You glanced up to take in his disheveled appearance. His long hair a mess, sweat on his forehead, lips puffy and swollen.  

“Never again,” you whispered, and it was at that moment that Felix realized he was never going to be able to get over you. That he would belong to you until he took his last dying breath. 

And it wasn’t until you met his eyes that he understood just how selfish that made him. 

How badly he had screwed up. 

Because Felix had made the fatal mistake of allowing you to develop the same feelings for him, and he wanted to protect you from the sadness in your eyes when you looked up to him with silent understanding that you would never be able to be together. Not in the way you wanted to be, not without consequences. Felix wanted to shield you from everything in this world that could hurt you, including himself. Especially himself. He wanted to protect you from his own selfish desires more than anything, but the situation between the two of you had begun to spiral far beyond his control.

And the damage was already done. 

Felix led you by the hand to the end of the hallway where he lightly pressed on the door to one of the rooms that Hira had pointed out to you earlier. When you stepped inside, the floorboards creaked loudly underneath your feet. You could make out shapes through the darkness but it was difficult to tell which of the boys were in the room you had just entered. 

You followed Felix, taking extra care to step over the sleeping form at your feet, as he led you to an unoccupied space in the corner. He shook off his leather jacket and pulled you down with him. Folding the jacket, he set it on the ground next to you and you immediately undid his actions, unfolding it enough so that there was room for his own head to be cushioned by the worn out fabric as well. You lie down facing each other, trailing your eyes up and down the features of his face, bringing a hand up to his hair, tracing along the sharp line of his jaw, while he looked at you with painful longing that you would never have been able to put into words. Only a feeling, in a stolen moment that you had so selfishly claimed for yourselves. But you understood everything that it meant.

"y/n?" His voice cascaded through the silence and the use of your name, his use of your name, tugged painfully at your chest.

“Yeah, Lix?” You responded, tracing your fingers along a patch of freckles underneath one of his eyes.

“I’m glad you’re okay too.” He spoke so faintly underneath his breath that you weren’t even sure you had heard him right until you met his gaze. The look he gave you absolutely shattered your heart, and you forced yourself to hold back the words that you wanted so desperately to say to him in response. You watched in silence as his heavy eyes closed while you combed through his hair, kissing him gently once more when his breathing steadied and you were certain that he had fallen asleep.

Don't let me love you.

It was quite a simple request, really. Or at least it should have been. You should have been able to do it, and yet you could literally feel your promise rip to pieces with every kiss, every touch, every breath you took in every moment you spent next to him like this. Moments that you burned into your memory because you were afraid they would be your last. 

I'm sorry, princess.

"I'm sorry too, Lix." You whispered.

Sorry you couldn't keep your promise. Sorry you hadn't tried harder. 

Sorry there was nothing you could do to stop the time from slipping away. Sorry you couldn't make it stop. 

You fell asleep shortly after he reached for you, subconsciously pulling you into his chest. You breathed in his scent and it eased every aching muscle in your body. In that moment you were his, and he was yours, and that was enough. Even if you would never be able to belong to each other for more than a single night at a time. Just for tonight, it was enough. Because eventually, one way or another, you knew that your past would catch up to you. You’d begun this journey knowing from the start that the future had never really been yours to claim. Knowing that that your time with Felix was just as limited as your freedom. Because as someone had told you once, the problem with time is that it is a merciless force. No matter who you are, no matter where you come from, one way or another it always runs out. 

Part 6 coming soon...

thank you so much for reading<33 if you would like to be added to the taglist please don't hesitate to let me know :)

taglist: @vixensss @yangracha @toplinelix @lixiesw1fe @slytherinatheart @hash2013

[starffledust]

(For people who can't read it, Mr. Peabody is saying "This is my son. I am also a licensed service dog. I must be let into his choir concert for his own safety")

So, little known fact about me that makes total sense in context is that I used to be obsessed with Mr. Peabody and Sherman

It started because I loved the Rocky and Bullwinkle cartoons but when the Mr. Peabody and Sherman movie came out in 2014 my little mind just lost it over these two. I used to be able to recite entire scenes from memory and I'm pretty sure I have a rudimentary drawing of the WABAC somewhere in my bedroom. I am, indeed, a nerd.

Anyway, so today a friend and I got on the topic from a random comic post and we were basically trying to figure out if Mr. Peabody was even allowed in public spaces - you know, being a dog in a prejudiced world and everything. Eventually we both concluded that he definitely licensed himself as a service dog so he could attend certain school events or go places with Sherman, so my friend wanted a drawing of him in a service dog vest. And voila this was born. I don't think I've drawn either of them in my entire life (and if I have I don't remember it) and I did this in like thirty seconds so it's terrible quality but I got amusement out of it so I'm hoping someone else will too.

I think we annoyed the other two people in the group chat - who will probably see this so hi guys :) I am descending further into madness by the day and I'm not sorry I'm also not a Mr. Peabody kinnie shut up I just think he's neat /lh