#I'm not in a good headspace rn
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also not to create a post that's just a magnet for dramatic irony but like. Are there any creators who aren't just the worst people on the planet? Like people who generally have a normal reputation with their fans and are mostly just focused on making good art in whatever medium they work in? I need to be able to believe that the absolutely monstrous people are the outliers.
#seriously today I told a friend that I still look up to Mel Brooks#and immediately got worried that my saying that would cause 50 year old allegagions to pop into existence#I'm not in a good headspace rn#so hearing about some people who actually choose to be decent would help
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"I can do much worse to you. Consider this a mercy."
One blaster shot. Spilled chemicals. An explosion No evidence of murder. Make him pay, if you like.
#the agent's no good horrible bad time in chapter 2 my beloved <3#swtor#imperial agent#ch: nikihlus#leaving alignment effects on makes this harder to get but i always forget about it. oopsie#sorry everyone this is for me bc i'm obsessed with what's going on in his headspace rn but you're welcome to perceive as well xD#gifs
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I like your Sylus analysis so much and adore our dragon with all my heart but I steel don't understand why he acted so mean towards mc in the n 109 zone in the beginning 😭 and also it feels like he tried to return his old mc because he loved her but not mc from main story line 😔
🥺 thank you for the compliment!
Prior to his myth, I did a speed reading through the main story and some of his memories to gather anything that could relate to his past. From that reading, I found Sylus to be more resigned with the situation between him and MC? He knows she doesn't remember him or their past, but he also didn't want to be the one to push her to remember.
As for earlier on, we don't know how long he has been living and waiting to find her again, or whatever else might have happened between the myth and the main story to shape him to be who he was early in his branch. He was cold and callous, but I didn't interpret it as outright "mean." I remember coming across another player's interpretation, saying he might have been more used to his sorceress!MC's personality, who was more "wild" than our main story MC. As seen in recent cards and other in-game interactions, Sylus has over time shown instances of adapting and also taking on current MC's personality, interests, and mannerisms which coincided with him appearing softer around her now than early on.
#x — 💌#anonymous#i hope this makes sense @.@#i'm not in a good headspace rn so idk if that was coherent or not 🥲#if anyone else wants to chime in with their own thoughts feel free <3
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drinking game: take a shot every time they say "Dan and Phil" in the new video
#phan#dan and phil#We Both Nearly Died on Holiday#I'm purposely ignoring the builder incident btw.#Absolutely Not in the required headspace rn. but good for them
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just realized i've pissed away my entire degree due to cringefail medical issues

#:)#did the mathematics on the best case scenario (transplant waiting list with live donor) and i still wouldn't be fixed until after graduatin#like sure i could probably easily get the thesis done over a handful of Good Days but every other peripheral phd activity is lost to me ^_^#girl the work experience.....the publishing opportunities..............girl help#i guess Not Dying is pretty important but also i'm critically aware of what happens if i do survive#and that's coming back into the healthy world at 30 with no meaningful employment experience and no further education to fall back on#like. a phd on its own is really not worth shit! it was all the other auxiliary qualifications along the way that would've helped me#spiraling rn because my supervisor told me he Really Can't put off my transfer by any longer than another month#and my distressed ass is NOT in the headspace to present my research
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The things I'd do for Sol...
#💖#💭#I'm generally not into horror genre / gorey medias in comparison to Sol and#now I'm :( after watching Fin.al Dest.ina.tion Blood.lines with them#it was really good and indeed I was rather curious about it while Sol was a lot more excited / happy to watch it#so I wanna watch it with them#but oh man i keep forgetting how emotional and sensitive i get when it comes to the sensitive contents#I'm like in a certain sensitive headspace rn but Im so glad Sol's there with me I'm ;____;
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Explaining my thoughts on Bedrock Bros is so hard because I can never figure out how to convey the similarities between them while also make the differences really clear
Because what kills me about them is how they were both simultaneously trying to use the other as a weapon and trying to form a genuine relationship, it's just that cTommy was primarily trying to form a relationship while incidentally to turning cTechno into his weapon, but cTechno was consciously trying to turn cTommy into a soldier/anarchist/terrorist while subconsciously trying to form a relationship
Because both had enemies they needed to destroy, for revenge and self defense (again, balanced in opposite amounts), but both were also desperately lonely and latching hard onto anyone who wasn't trying to hurt them
And to me, cTommy was doing it all in the way a scared child does, needing the nearest safest adult to protect them, while being a bit oblivious to the adult's needs (because that Should Not be a child's responsibility, but still leading to selfishnesses), and cTechno just doesn't understand the way children work or hold any extra patience for children (probably he wasn't given any as a child, and so just sees kids as smaller adults because that's how he was seen as a child, I would assume) so between that and all his own issues, being unable to be vulnerable with others, and also generally being unable to see himself as fallible or in the wrong to any degree when under any amount of stress or accusation (aka, he's deeply defensive, probably insecure about something), he just seem cTommy's actions as, well, a betrayal. And hold him responsible as he would an adult who knows what they're doing, rather than as a hurt and scared child with only so much understanding of cTechno's issues (because cTechno isn't communicating them, so how would cTommy know them?)
#idk if any of that makes sense#or if any of that is a good take or wtv#but. that is my current understanding of them so hopefully it doesn't entirely suck!#(I have a lot of morality anxiety around them. which is why I never posted about them much in the past#but I'm in a pretty good headspace rn so y'know :3 letying y'all hear my thoughts :D)#rambling about blorbos#bedrock bros#dream smp
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#it's quite a while that i do a really long rant here#but i really need to get all the shit out from my mind and clear everything inside my brain#and yeah it's actually related with yesterday's race actually#i mean we all always saying that never let sports ruin or dictate our own emotions and other phrases that related with this#but in a serious matter it really really exhausted my mind and honestly yesterday is the peak of it#and the fact is before the race start i was feeling so happy that srg wins mpl malaysia for 2nd time#and i say to myself that whatever happens during the race i should be happy that my fav esports team wins another title this year#but yeah....the race happens and it all just chaos...i mean not that usual chaos but i feel it's even worse#especially after the race#like seriously i should have stay away from any social medias for a while today#because i know how awful the vibes and environment there (and here as well tbh)#but yeah 🥲🥲🥲#like i really expecting that f1 is the only sports out of other sports that i'm getting into with#that i really feel mentally drained and doesn't makes me feel any joy by enjoying it at some point#but yesterday...that's the peak of it#i'm just getting more and more tired of the whole thing happens in f1#and the real life 'job' (more like uni life) doesn't even help me brighten up my mood either#where during app development my group is having a really though situation to going back from the start#in which we had some conflicting on some of the solutions are as same as other one group#and forreal all my groupmates were just fed up thinking about how to came up with new ideas#so yeah it's just this past few hours are just mentally emotionally physically drained out#like i really need to take a break for a while but idk i'm sure#i'll starting to get more and more tasks and assignment for the next few days *sigh*#nahhhhhh i know it's really long rant but i just want to be in a good headspace rn
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He may not have been a great (or even very good by most accounts) guy but. Holy shit. I know we dont have confirmation of exactly what happened but. There's something surreal when a member of the thing that stopped you from killing yourself as a teen might have killed themself.
#exposing myself as a directioner I guess#Liam Payne#I didn't like him but#fuck#fame is wild. it can drive people crazy. he did a bunch of fucked up shit but he was also 16 and thrust into superstardom#and that's enough to fuck with anyone's head#to be very clear: this is Not a Liam apologist post#I do not approve of all the bullshit he did#but that doesn't mean I can't feel sympathy for the kid that once was that may have grown to be different#Liam was an abuser#he wasn't a good person#but also he was a person and he was young and he's gone now#idk I'm in a weird headspace rn I guess
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Woke up an hour ago because I forgot to turn of my alarm. So even though I want to bed kinda early for me I'm still wiped.
Today is the actual departure and though I finished packing and therefore won't need to worry about that I'm so tired and I feel unwell again. But I literally booked the correct train yesterday and I refuse to waste this much money. So holiday here I come!
The only upside is seeing my friends again but I can't seem to gather any excitement for it.
Just.
I'm tired
#just rambling#kinda#vent post#but not really#i think i'm just not in the best headspace rn#one good thing is that this train departs at a later date so i can eat proper lunch at home#less worry about food#<- you can really see my priorities here
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My brain is full of bad shit so I'm gonna drown myself in sex, hmu if you wanna join
#highgoblin#my dads been in a bad mood all day and o can't get out of this negative headspace#I'm really stressed and I can't think too hard about this stuff or I'll go insane again#pls forgive me if I don't answer I can just only do sex rn I have nothing else good in my life
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do i dare.... do i dare succumb to the mumu also getting a carrd......
#genuinely wanna focus on my ocs here and there and lbr. i do Not have good information up for them rn it's so half finished#ooc.#tbd.#or even any of my canon muses. like yeah i'm thinking i'll still keep the destiny guys around. MAYBE keep gale around. but#for the most part. with pkmn guys taking up the entire headspace i really only find the other bits of energy#going towards my ocs
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#part of me wants to reactivate my bumble account and start branching out#but i know damn well i'm still not in a good headspace for anything serious#never mind the fact that i dont even really have a car rn bc the dealership keeps fucking up my dad's#so he's been driving mine to work the last month and a half#(yes a MONTH AND A HALF he's had to return it back to them twice now bc they keep fucking up)#idk maybe i could set it to friends only or smth i need to stop isolating myself#grey groans
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it's always always "im here for you if you need help!" until you really fucking need it and suddenly you're a problem.
#every fucking time.#I try so hard to be there for everyone else but the second I need help nobody cares or even notices#I willingly missed a visit with an old friend who'd come back for the holidays after moving just so I could make sure one of them was okay#but I'll be fucking begging for help and be met with nothing but anger and silence I don't get it#I don't have anybody else to go to everywhere has consequences#I genuinely have nobody at this point#vent post#might delete this later I'm just not in a good headspace rn
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Halfway through Borrasca and I am already having Emotions because I got the ending spoiled and now I know what's coming LMAO
#and yes its because I'm listening to creepcast#not complaining about the spoilers btw#i don't mind those my ass knew what it was doing going into those comments#but Holy Shit#very glad i got it spoiled for me though tbh cuz I'm not in a good headspace to handle that topic rn
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I think there's something interesting to be examined in terms of a fandom's treatment of characters who make bad decisions/m of hurt others with a level of empathy and understanding of their actions under the stress/abuse/mental state/etc. Like, a lot of folks are willing to go to bat and if not justify, contextualize their actions -- which, to be clear, I think is a correct way to understand most situations. But it's the contrast of that with the tendency to label others, sometimes for understandable reasons (often not) as Abusers or Problematic and be willing to completely exorcise them from social circles, online spaces, whatever. While sometimes this is necessary for safety, most of the time in fandom spaces it's been about transgressions such as "liking weird porn" or "going through a bad breakup" or interpersonal conflicts that should definitely be resolved with a tough conversation.
Really what I'm getting at is that whenever I see character discourse happening in earnest I hope everyone is as accepting and understanding of the real life other people in their lives as they are their Blorbos
#just read Hot Allostatic Load again because of the bullshit going on#and just. I'm honestly not the most active in online communities of any sort because I have a distrust of idk#cancel culture whatever you want to call it but the willingness to go NC as first resort/whisper network stuff has always freaked me out#which overwhelmingly. re:allostatic. impacts the most marginalized not Actual Abusers#my point: approach real people assuming they have good intentions and that they have a difficult past that explains their behavior#I apologize if this is super super cynical I am not in a charitable headspace rn lmao
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