#I'm not gonna do anything. I promise
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Tired but thinking too much to sleep. Ramble about nothing in particular below. Mind the trigger tags .
#negative#suicidal ideation#I'm. Tired#I really. Don't wanna be alive too much anymore#Don't wanna do it myself either.#Just kinda hoping I die in my sleep or something I guess#I can feel both my physical and mental health deteriorating each and every day#And I don't even have insurance anymore#I'm not motivated to do anything#Everyone's like hey as long as you're taking steps that's progress!#I'm not even doing that. I'm not even trying#Not because I don't want to. I do#I'm not motivated enough. I so badly wish I was#And I can't go to therapy about this. When I was young enough for it to fall onto my parents they did nothing about it#And now it falls onto me. And I can't do anything about it#It feels like I was set up for failure#I barely made it out of high school#I don't know how to drive. I'm scared to learn#In too much pain for most jobs around here that pay well#And too much of an emotional wreck for those that don't#I'm not gonna do anything. I promise#I just wish I didn't wake up.
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I WANNA DRAAWW!! RAHHHGG!! Absolutely swamped with college work, im so tired TT (hence whatever tf this is lmao)
#posted this doodle on twitter yesterday but it's still very relevant today#fr cant do anything until I get 12 posters drawn make my homemade paper and finish/publish my 200 page book I'm gonna-#Send help#i miss being active sm :'((#SORRY TO THE 60+ ASKS IN MY INBOX I PROMISE ILL GET TO YOU SOON <333#anyway I hope everyone else is doing ok#sending love#(also husk please- stay off the internet lmao)#angel dust#angel dust fanart#husk#husk fanart#huskerdust#huskerdust fanart#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel fanart#tribbleart#<3
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In my Zeus bag today so I'm just gonna put it out there that exactly none of the great Ancient Greek warrior-heroes stayed loyal and faithful and completely monogamous and yet none of them have their greatness questioned nor do we question why they had the cultural prominence that they did and still do.
Jason, the brilliant leader of the Argo, got cold feet when it came to Medea - already put off by some of her magic and then exiled from his birthland because of her political ploys, he took Creusa to bed and fully intended on marrying her despite not properly dissolving things with Medea.
Theseus was a fierce warrior and an incredibly talented king but he had a horrible temper and was almost fatally weak to women. This is the man who got imprisoned in the Underworld for trying to get a friend laid, the man who started the whole Attic War because he couldn't keep his legs closed.
And we cannot at all forget Heracles for whom a not inconsiderable amount of his joy in life was loving people then losing the people around him that he loved. Wives, children, serving boys, mentors, Heracles had a list of lovers - male and female - long enough to rival some gods and even after completing his labours and coming down to the end of his life, he did not have one wife but three.
And y'know what, just because he's a cultural darling, I'll put Achilles up here too because that man was a Theseus type where he was fantastic at the thing he was born to do (that is, fight whereas Theseus' was to rule) but that was not enough to eclipse his horrid temper and his weakness to young pretty things. This is the man that killed two of Apollo's sons because they wouldn't let him hit - Tenes because he refused to let Achilles have his sister and Troilus who refused Achilles so vehemently that he ran into Apollo's temple to avoid him and still couldn't escape.
All four of these men are still celebrated as great heroes and men. All four of these men are given the dignity of nuance, of having their flaws treated as just that, flaws which enrich their character and can be used to discuss the wider cultural point of what truly makes a hero heroic. All four of these men still have their legacies respected.
Why can that same mindset not be applied to Zeus? Zeus, who was a warrior-king raised in seclusion apart from his family. Zeus who must have learned to embrace the violence of thunder for every time he cried as a babe, the Corybantes would bang their shields to hide the sound. Zeus learned to be great because being good would not see the universe's affairs in its order.
The wonderful thing about sympathy is that we never run out of it. There's no rule stopping us from being sympathetic to multiple plights at once, there's no law that necessitate things always exist on the good-evil binary. Yes, Zeus sentenced Prometheus to sufferation in Tartarus for what (to us) seems like a cruel reason. Prometheus only wanted to help humans! But when you think about Prometheus' actions from a king's perspective, the narrative is completely different: Prometheus stole divine knowledge and gifted it to humans after Zeus explicitly told him not to. And this was after Prometheus cheated all the gods out of a huge portion of wealth by having humans keep the best part of a sacrifice's meat while the gods must delight themselves with bones, fat and skin. Yes, Zeus gave Persephone away to Hades without consulting Demeter but what king consults a woman who is not his wife about the arrangement of his daughter's marriage to another king? Yes, Zeus breaks the marriage vows he set with Hera despite his love of her but what is the Master of Fate if not its staunchest slave?
The nuance is there. Even in his most bizarre actions, the nuance and logic and reason is there. The Ancient Greeks weren't a daft people, they worshipped Zeus as their primary god for a reason and they did not associate him with half the vices modern audiences take issue with. Zeus was a father, a visitor, a protector, a fair judge of character, a guide for the lost, the arbiter of revenge for those that had been wronged, a pillar of strength for those who needed it and a shield to protect those who made their home among the biting snakes. His children were reflections of him, extensions of his will who acted both as his mercy and as his retribution, his brothers and sisters deferred to him because he was wise as well as powerful. Zeus didn't become king by accident and it is a damn shame he does not get more respect.
#ginger rambles#ginger chats about greek myths#greek mythology#It's Zeus Apologist day actually#For the record Jason is my personal favourite of these guys#The argonauts are extremely underrated for literally no reason#And Jason's wit and sheer ability to adapt along with his piousness are traits that are so far away from what usually gets highlighted#with the typical Greek warrior-hero that I've just never stopped being captivated by him#Conversely I still do not understand what people see in Achilles#I respect him and his legacy I respect the importance of his tale and his cultural importance I promise I do#However I personally can't stand the guy LMAO#How do you get warned twice TWICE both by your mother and by Athena herself that going after Apollo's children is a bad idea#And still have the audacity to be mad and surprised when Apollo is gunning for Specifically You during the war you're bringing to His City#That You Specifically and Exclusively had a choice in avoiding#ACHILLES COULD'VE JUST SAID NO#I know that's not the point however so many other members of the Greek camp were simply casualties of Fate in every conceivable way man#Achilles looked at every terrible choice he could possibly make said “Well I'm gonna die anyway 🤷🏽” and proceeded to make the choice#so hard that he angered god#That's y'all's man right there#I left out Perseus because truthfully I don't actually know much about him#I haven't studied him even a fraction as much as I've studied some of the other big culture heroes and none of this is cited so i don't wan#to talk about stuff I don't know 100%#Anyway justice for Zeus fr#Gimme something give me literally anything other than the nonsense we usually get for him#This goes for Hera too btw#Both the king and queen of the skies are done TERRIBLY by wider greek myth audiences and it's genuinely disheartening to see#If y'all could make excuses for Achilles to forgive his flaws y'all can do it for them#They have a lot more to sympathise with I'll tell you that#(that is a completely biased statement; you are completely free and encouraged to enjoy whichever figures spark joy)#zeus
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wikihow to do dynamic poses cause idk man I'm just a simple person who likes drawing headshots and standing poses to figure out a character design-
@junespriince for when you return he'll be here :(
#emf parkour civilization#emf#evbo's master friend#parkour civilization#parkour civilization fanart#I was getting really bored and so like I'm gonna try to get more dynamic with my parkciv doodles but like I can't promise anything okay oka#Madi's art :>#I need to think of a season one outfit for him cause I do like the idea that he has a different outfit in season 1 and season 2 and the#season 2 outfit is just much more sports mode and ready to go out and parkour with the new parkour champion on this mission#so like bare with me while I figure it out which is probably gonna make me have a whole separate EMF doodle page#fanart#parkciv#pkciv
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I want to write a newsletter for GUNFIRE GUILLOTINE some day that's about the evolution of Daisuke Ishiwatari's art style and his techniques. AFAIK no one's ever really collected all that information in one place and most of it is stuck behind the language barrier...
It's always been curious to me how many people think his most popular analog medium art was done in watercolors and not in Copic markers like they actually were. Though, he did do a few in acrylic paints or gouache paints too, but those were, as he said in Artworks of GGX 2007, "not as well received" by fans. I've wondered before what his stack of "rejected" pieces for Guilty Gear looks like, and why none of his painted worked got shown at any of the special event GG galleries they've done. The Lightning The Argent cover goes hard af
Anyway, I can't write this until I finish the Character Design magazine GG article translation and I'll have to sift through a bunch of interviews for information to write it too. It's a long way off, I'm not gonna promise or guarantee anything
#textpost#I know I'm on GG hiatus but if I do anything for GG at all during this time it's gonna be the Chara Design article#It's haunting me. I promised Kat I'd have that done MONTHS ago!!!! Forgive me Kat ;;OTL
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rick riordan dickriders on here will be like "why are you complaining about the pjo tv show, go watch the movies and see what a bad adaptation really looks like" ok well listen to the musical watch it on youtube and see what a good adaptation looks like bitch. it can be done. as a fucking stage musical. what did that 15 million per episode do for disney that chris mccarell couldn't
#this is such a mean post from someone who does genuinely like the show I'm sorry#like there are aspects I really love!! and aspects I really don't!! which makes it mid for me#but I do genuinely like it overall. at least enough to continue watching#it's just that I see sooooo many people who seem to have this attitude like you can't critique it at all??#and their arguments are usually just. “movies were worse” (so we'll take anything now as long as it's not that?)#or “rick was involved in the writing” (<- NOTTT guaranteed to be a good thing lmao)#anyway it's pissing me off. I'm gonna bitch. “if you like the books so much read the books” I WAS PROMISED A BOOK ADAPTATION#AM I WRONG FOR COMPLAINING WHEN I DON'T GET WHAT I WAS PROMISED#“oh but changes are okay as long as it preserves the spirit of the books” since when was the *spirit* of the books a FUCKING BORE🤨#also the cast doesn't deserve this. stick leah and aryan and walker in a better show#pjo#pjo tv show#pjo disney+#percy jackson#percy jackon and the olympians#the lightning thief musical#anyway all this to say some of the changes and choices are Actually Bad and it won't kill you to admit that I think#rereading this post in the drafts and editing before posting when I was handwringing about how mean it was bitch this is mild
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dark. that was all he had ever known. cold, dark, damp. the boy shivers in the small room, painfully alone, only a book and his magic to keep him company. he tries not to use his magic very often, though. it seemed that the people above knew when he used it and they always always always refused to give him food until he “woke up” next, if they bothered to keep track of that. maybe this time he’ll learn their lesson. the boy whispers his spell, cur memini, and creates a small light in his fingers. this is the only spell he can cast safely, too small to be noticeable by the people above. he holds his hand over the fading book on the floor. the boy can’t read the letters on the page, but this book has pictures. he flips through it again, careful of the pages that were falling apart, admiring the figure in armor who always comes to rescue the figure in the tower, cut off from the world, just like him. the boy frequently dreams of a figure in armor coming to save him, despite the years he has spent alone. dark and cold and damp.
the room the boy lives in, the only room he has memories of, is empty besides himself and the book. sometimes the people above would give him water and stale bread to eat, and then there was a cup and a dirty plate, but otherwise it was just the boy and the book. the boy knows why the people above have locked him away, they told him that he was a freak of nature, unnatural, dangerous. but the boy could only make lights in his palm, and that wasn’t very dangerous at all. he thinks to himself that the people above are the dangerous ones, locking away a child for something like this, but he can’t say that out loud. he doesn’t want to die again.
the boy’s stomach grumbles and he curls in on himself, the light in his palm fades out. he longs to see the sun again, to play with the other children he can hear through the ceiling, to be normal. the people above must have decided to punish him again, though, as he doesn’t remember the last time he had anything to drink, to eat. his stomach would eat through his skin and he would still wake up the next day. why can’t he just die once and for all and be rid of the pain? why is the world keeping him here? why was he even born?
the boy closes his eyes, and falls asleep. maybe this time it won’t hurt so much.
---
how long has he been here? the boy doesn’t keep track of time. he knows he’s died at least a dozen times, but how long does it take for a dozen lifetimes to pass?
---
a clattering on the floor wakes the boy up. the people above decided he can eat today. stale bread and water again, but better than nothing to the boy. he crawls closer to it, listening to the door. it closes and the voices disappear. where was the sound of the lock? did they forget?
the boy scarfs down his food and water before tiptoeing up the stairs. he doesn’t hear any voices, but he needs to be careful. he doesn’t remember what the above looks like, but he needs to leave. he needs to be free.
slowly, quietly, he opens the door. it’s dark on the other side of it, but still much, much brighter than his room ever was. he closes his eyes but keeps the door open. breathe in, and out. opens his eyes again, blinking the brightness away. pushes the door further open. steps on the hard ground outside the door. he’s so close. closes the door quietly. turns around and holds his breath. where was outside? pick a direction and go. his legs hurt. turn the corner, listen for voices. voices are dangerous, get away from the voices. whisper his spell, create a small light. keep moving keep moving keep moving. window ahead. break it? open it? is he strong enough? lift the window up. too weak. voices coming. hurry hurry hurry must get out now. whisper spell again, hand on window. break the glass and jump through it. cuts on feet cuts on legs deal with that later. voices getting louder voices shouting. run run RUN.
the boy runs away from the building, away from his room. freedom is so close. first get to the trees, then… he hasn’t thought that far, but he will find a way. gunshots from the house. he runs faster, must get to the trees, must hide, must be free. cur memini, he whispers again, crossing into the forest. his spell can make lights and now break windows, but he needs it to protect him at this moment. run run run until the voices are quiet again. his legs are giving out, but he needs to run. he can’t die now or they’ll find him. keep running. bare feet on sticks and stones and sharp things, everything hurts but he can’t stop. he keeps running until the sun comes up. his heart beats out of his chest.
---
when he wakes up he doesn’t know how much time has passed. his heart beats fast and he sits up. did they find him? he looks around. trees, rocks, a gurgling stream. he’s free. he’s free. he sighs and lays back down. how far did he run? he needs to go further. away from other people, away from anyone who might lock him up again. he sits up again and forces himself to stand and walk towards the sound of the stream. he can start there. water is important, and he might be able to get food from the little stream too.
his first drink of the stream water is icy cold, quenching his lifelong thirst in just a few swallows. he washes his face with it, removing years of sweat and grime. he wants to sit by the stream forever if only he could, but the people will find him eventually if he doesn’t keep moving. but he allows himself a few minutes to bathe in the water, savoring the feeling of water on his skin. his stomach still growls, wanting something more filling than the freezing water of the stream, but that would have to wait. he needs to get his bearings.
the light of the outside world is almost blinding, he realizes. the sun and the snow made it almost impossible to see anything. he should get up above the trees. can he even do that? cur memini, he says, trying to get his voice to be louder than a whisper. his feet float a few inches above the ground. he closes his eyes and says his spell again with more conviction. Cur Memini. he feels himself shooting into the air before he opens his eyes. he can see the forest stretch out for miles around him. trees covered in snow in every direction. if the old house is behind him, he should fly straight ahead, towards the forests on the mountains. tentatively, he leans forward and focuses his magic on keeping himself afloat.
it doesn’t take much to exhaust what little magic he has, but he’s put more distance between himself and the old house and the people above now. he should be safe to rest, truly rest. but first he should find something to eat. is there anything to eat out here? something in his head tells him to look a little closer to the ground. to his left. there’s a bush full of berries. he’s never had anything but stale bread, and doesn’t know what to expect as he crushes one with his teeth.
the sensation overtakes him for a brief moment. the berry is sweet, yet tart, and delicious. it’s the best thing he’s ever eaten and he thanks the little voice in his head for the information as he picks several more berries from the bush. the juice runs down his chin and makes him sticky, but it feels good. he feels truly alive for the first time.
once he’s finished picking the bush clean of its fruits, he needs to find a place to rest, to stay warm. he’s shivering in the intense cold of the north, but it’s nothing he isn’t used to. the room was never very warm after all. he listens to the little voices calling out to him, guiding him towards a small cave, instructing him on how to make a small fire to warm himself up. a small rabbit brushes against his leg and he swears one of the voices is coming from it. and with the fire going, he thanks the rabbit before it hops away back into the snow. he would be roasting that same rabbit over the fire a few months later.
the boy can’t stay in the cave forever though. as days turn to weeks turn to months, he worries that the people above are getting closer to him. they’ll put him back in that cold, dark, damp room again. he needs to keep moving. he has been practicing his magic, casting stronger spells, and he needs to be ready to fly. it's been long enough. cur memini he says holding his hand out. a rough stick with twigs tied to the end flies into his hand. it’s a poor excuse for what he understands is a broom, but it will work. he climbs onto it and focuses. cur memini cur memini cur memini. he lifts off the ground and watches as the branches of the trees get shorter and eventually he passes above the treetops.
he takes a moment to gather his bearings. he no longer remembers the direction the house was in, but going up is his best bet of staying away from the people above. he laughs, realizing that he is the one above them now. after a moment, he flies into the mountains. the small voices change into bigger, unfamiliar ones as he gets further into the mountain range. they tell him to hide, to stay away. he doesn’t listen. they cannot be more dangerous than the humans he is running from.
the boy lands, still exhausted from using so much magic, but he was able to travel further this time. that has to count for something, surely. he gathers some sticks and looks for another cave to make his home in. the caves remind him too much of the room he left, so he chooses to stay close to the entrance, close to the light that reminds him he is free. the fire keeps the animals away, but the voices are curious about the new presence in their woods. they make him curious too. he should stay in the cave tonight though and regain his energy. maybe he can get some small game to fill his stomach before settling in for the night. he listens for a rabbit’s voice, or maybe a squirrel, anything that would be small enough to kill with his hands.
at last, a small fox’s voice is heard nearby. he wonders if fox will taste different from the other game he’s eaten thus far. he lifts a hand-sized rock and slinks out of the cave towards the voice. it takes a few minutes to find the source, but the fox is curled under a tree, shivering, hungry, just like him. the boy hesitates before bludgeoning it and slinging the corpse over his shoulders. there are more foxes. he is much more important.
the fox is only the first animal he hunts in those mountainous woods. he spends several years in that forest and eventually humans settle up there as well. the boy, or rather, the man now, has made a name for himself amongst the human populations of the north. he is no longer afraid of humans capturing him and locking him up. they are still terrified of him, but now he is in control of that terror. the hunters that left his territory alive whispered tales of the great wizard owen who inhabited the mountains and terrorized anyone who had the bad luck of running into him.
all of this is perfectly fine with owen. eventually his reputation will grow beyond himself, encapsulating atrocities that were impossible for even someone as strong as oz to commit, but that would be a problem for future owen. for now, he is still young and living in his cave on the outskirts of a small village and scaring hunters who stray too far from their boundaries. the wolves don’t like these visitors either and gladly listen to owen’s lamentations. it keeps his hands clean of the bloodshed if he isn’t casting the spell himself. the wolves don’t care for owen either, but they respect him. and that is enough for owen.
the first of the unwanted visitors was a young man, someone who wanted to provide for his family. he pleaded with owen and the wolves to let him go and he wouldn’t cause any problems. those pleas fell on deaf ears though as owen looked the man in the eyes. won’t your family be disappointed, he asked almost innocently, you don’t have anything to show for your efforts. the man stammered a response, they’d rather i come back alive with nothing than die trying to find food. is that so, owen reached out for the man’s chin, the distance between their faces was almost nothing. y-yes, sir, please just let me go and i won’t bother you anymore. owen grinned. oh i’m sure you won’t be causing us any trouble again. the wolves stalked out of the woods, drooling at the prospect of tearing a piece of that man for themselves. owen snapped his fingers, and they came running forward, only to stop mere inches from the now trembling man. there was a suspicious yellow stain in the snow beneath him. p-p-please sir, anything you ask, it’s yours! then make sure you tell the rest of your little village that this forest belongs to the great wizard owen. the man ran off, leaving behind a hunting rifle and a ratty sack. the rifle would be of use, but the sack became tinder for his fires.
despite the warning from that first man, hunters continued to enter into owen’s territory. and one after the other, they ran off screaming with their tails between their legs. this should have annoyed owen, that people would ignore all of the warnings and stories that had started popping up about him, but it doesn’t. their fear feeds into his magic power, only making him stronger, and that is all fine with owen. he is no longer a weak child locked in the damp, dark basement, and he never will be again.
#shay writes#mahoyaku#promise of wizard#mhyk fanfiction#owen#owen mhyk#owen mahoyaku#character study#my wips#okay putting. disclaimers in the tags bc formatting. i am still new to reading everything#i'm almost done with the ballads. i have one left and its the proud hunter one#and then i'm hoping to start the first anni story#so uhhhhh if anything past the ballads is wrong no its not#jk jk i just havent gotten to it but i also like to take creative liberties with some things#and i definitely have already#trust me this is going to be way longer than it already is#like this is 2.5k words and i'm only posting all of it now bc its owen's birthday#i have several more scenes i want to write out as well that will add probably at least#another 2k words to this#if not more. its gonna be a time#but i did force myself to get to a decent place to end where it wasnt like. the middle of the scene#or a sentence. which some of my wips do accidentally end midsentence. i need to get better at that#but yeah. okay i should go to sleep i am actually sick and need to sleep and pray#i can go to work tomorrw. though if i'm feeling worse thats fine w me#i can sleep in for once#anyway happy birthday owen my mippy <3
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"FREEZE YOUR BRAIN" THIS IS NOT AN EXACT TRANSLATION, THIS IS AN ADAPTATION (AND ONE THAT STILL NEEDS TONS OF FIXING AT THAT)
I regret my life choices of not being able to actually start studying. Here's "Freeze Your Brain" adapted in Italian!
ASK ME FOR PERMISSION BEFORE USING THIS, DO CREDIT ME IF YOU EVER USE THIS (I doubt you will it’s impractical and still needs so much fixing it’s unbelievable) AND TELL ME/LINK WHATEVER YOU USED IT FOR USING REBLOGS (because for some reason Tumblr doesn’t like comments with links and while I do think I understand why I don’t always like it)
(the apostrophes [or however ’ is called] are used to shorten the number of syllables often in poetry so I’m obviously abusing that power.)
[J.D.] Sono stato in dieci superiori Tutte la stessa scenetta Inutile abituarsi Perché ce ne andiamo di fretta Mio padre tiene nel baule pronti due bagagli Quindi è solo una questione di ricaricarli I nomi non imparo Che faccia è di chi non m'è chiaro La fiducia in questa oasi di cemento riparo Sembra che ogni volta che sto per disperarmi C'è un 7-Eleven ad aspettarmi Ogni negozio è lo stesso Da Las Vegas all'Ohio Corsie di linoleum che adoro Vagare io Prego al mio altare di granita; Sì, adoro quella dolce botta di vita...
Congela il cervello Succhia dalla cannuccia Meglio di un coltello Arriva la felicità Quando tutto se ne va A chi serve uno spinello? Congela il cervello Congela il cervello
[J.D., parlato] Ti va un tiro?
[VERONICA, parlato] La tua mammina sa che mangi tutta quella merda?
[J.D., parlato] Non più
(cantato) Quando mamma era viva Vivevamo quasi normalmente Ora siamo solo io e mio padre Stiamo meno formalmente Ho imparato a cucinare Le tasse a pagare; Imparato che'l mondo Nemmeno un cent ti vorrà dare Il tuo futuro hai pianificato Veronica Sawyer Andrai a qualche college E sposerai un avvocato Ma il cielo farà male Quando su di te sarà demolito Quindi è meglio se Il tuo muro l'avrai già costruito...
Congela il cervello Nuota nel ghiaccio Perditi nel suo doloroso bello Chiudi bene i tuoi occhi Fino a che non ti vedran quegli sciocchi Non diventare uno zimbello
Congela il cervello Distruggiti il teschio Combatti il dolore con uno più bello Dimentica chi sei Liberati da quel peso Dimentica in un mese e mezzo Riavrai lo stesso frainteso Quando la voce nella tua testa Dice ch'uno come te è meglio se non resta Non ascoltare a quello
Solo congela il cervello Congela il cervello Vai avanti e congela il cervello...
(parlato) Provaci So, direct translation! (used in this to specify the meanings and explain certain word choices)
[J.D.] I've been through ten high schools They're all the same little scene (but little in this case is meant in a negative light) No point getting used to it 'Cause we're gone in a hurry My dad keeps two suitcases ready in the den So it's only a matter of refilling(/repacking) them I don't learn the names Whose faces is whose isn't clear to me My trust resides in this concrete oasis Seems every time I'm about to despair There's a 7-Eleven waiting for me Each store is the same From Las Vegas to Ohio Linoleum aisles that I love To walk around in I pray at my altar of slush; Yeah, I live for sweet hit of life (or however you call that, basically gives life force again but something that gives you life force not in a literal sense)...
Freeze your brain Suck from that straw Better than a knife Happiness comes When everything goes Who needs a joint? Freeze your brain Freeze your brain
[J.D., spoken] You want a hit?
[VERONICA, spoken] Does your mommy know you eat all that crap?
[J.D., spoken] Not anymore
(sung) When mom was alive We lived almost normally But now it's just me and my dad We live less formally I learned to cook pasta To pay taxes; Learned the world Won't want to give you even a cent You've planned your future Veronica Sawyer You'll go to some college And marry a lawyer But the sky's gonna hurt When it'll be demolished on you So it'll be better if You'll have already built your wall
Freeze your brain Swim in the ice Get lost in its beautiful pain Shut your eyes tight(/well) Till those fools (sorry I had to use this for the rhyme) won't see you Don't become a laughingstock
Freeze your brain Destroy your skull Fight pain with a more beautiful one Forget who you are Free yourself from that weight Forget in a month and a half You'll have the same misunderstanding again When the voice in your head Says someone like you is better off gone Don't listen to that guy(/him)
Just freeze your brain Freeze your brain Go on and freeze your brain...
(spoken) Try it OG LYRICS (if you’re seeing this I doubt you don’t know them, but here they are anyway):
[J.D.] I've been through ten high schools They start to get blurry No point planting roots 'Cause you're gone in a hurry My dad keeps two suitcases packed in the den So it's only a matter of when I don't learn the names Don't bother with faces All I can trust is this concrete oasis Seems every time I'm about to despair There's a 7-Eleven right there Each store is the same From Las Vegas to Boston Linoleum aisles that I love To get lost in I pray at my altar of slush; Yeah, I live for that sweet frozen rush...
Freeze your brain Suck on that straw Get lost in the pain Happiness comes When everything numbs Who needs cocaine? Freeze your brain Freeze your brain See upcoming pop shows Get tickets for your favorite artists
[J.D., spoken] Care for a hit?
[VERONICA, spoken] Does your mommy know you eat all that crap?
[J.D., spoken] Not anymore
(sung) When mom was alive We lived halfway normal But now it's just me and my dad We're less formal I learned to cook pasta I learned to pay rent; Learned the world Doesn't owe you a cent You're planning your future Veronica Sawyer You'll go to some college And marry a lawyer But the sky's gonna hurt When it falls So you better start Building some walls...
Freeze your brain Swim in the ice Get lost in the pain Shut your eyes tight Till you vanish from sight Let nothing remain
Freeze your brain Shatter your skull Fight pain with more pain Forget who you are Unburden your load Forget in six weeks You'll be back on the road When the voice in your head Says you're better off dead Don't open a vein
Just freeze your brain Freeze your brain Go on and freeze your brain...
(spoken) Try it
#heathers#heathers the musical#heathers 1989#jason dean#veronica sawyer#song adaptation#i'm sorry#in italiano#i'm lazy with tags today#sorry for that#non è ufficiale lol non so se hanno mai fatto la traduzione ufficiale o anche la traduzione#i tried to keep as many rhymes as possible#some syllables got fucked up (not in a dead girl walking way but in an “i am damaged” way [tried my best])#this machine runs on coffee adapts “heathers: the musical” songs in italian#freeze your brain#scheduled on the 28/5 for the 3/6 at 7:45AM#So... During the summer I'll be very busy#way busier than during the school year social media speaking#so no more song adaptations because I do them on my computer and I'll be far away from it#You might get one more if I can and it might be of Heathers or not(The Ballad Of Jane Doe is stuck in my head so no promises about anything#nothing might come out so really no promises at all#sorry about that#might also be why I hate the summer compared to the winter#in winter we stay at home#in the summer i travel and i'm glad and know i'm priviledged for this but it's gonna be a busy time and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#plus constant interaction with people#i don't remember how i used to be able to deal with it before the lockdown but now i can't anymore and need my time alone#or i'll become way more annoyed than usual and those things i have similar to sensory issues will get way worse#and i don't have time alone in the summer so i'm fucked#oh well
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oh no somebody I do not want to know about my online presence might have found this account luckily I didn't find anything suspicious in my follower list but oh my god
#nana talks#its literally my dad too I'm not gonna get into the whole lore of why I genuinely don't like him but he's an awful person#I hope nobody has to deal with somebody like that ever not even my worst enemy I'm not kidding#so like I'm hoping he's not stalking this blog#like literally what can he do not like its gonna drive me off of the platform I literally don't care about his opinion of me#but its still unsettling if he is trying to keep track of his adult daughter like this#anyways I don't know if I should reach out to tumblr support because like they probably can't do anything#literally up until I was like 15 he had stuff installed that would let him see everything I do online#eventually that app or something of his shut down and I was free hehe#like this man did and said the most horrendous things under the sun and he's like omg why does nana not want to spend time with him#I don't even care if he's reading this he knows that I don't like him#best thing you can do if you have someone like this in your life is just do whatever you want don't let them bother you that much#eventually they'll realise they can't bother you anymore#like literally for the longest while I thought he would never shut up with the insults directed towards me#but like a couple of months of not caring about it and not talking to him later and he left me alone#so like if anyone reading this can relate I am proof that it does get better my dad is the most stubborn and mean case too#so I promise you it will be okay
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again and again i find myself lamenting that audio roleplay isn't taken more seriously by some people. like yeah, they often have a romantic element, and by nature they usually directly involve/address the listener- and i totally get that those things aren't to everyone's taste. no art or entertainment is universally appealing, and that's okay! but.. it still makes me a lil sad that the "cringe" reputation of asmr/audio rp precedes it. there's a whole lot of talent and creativity being poured into these audios by so many people that i feel goes unrecognized and/or disrespected simply due to the medium that the stories are being told through.
#this post brought to you by: me bingeing Sam & Darlin's entire storyline over the past few days and having a Lot of feelings abt it#asmr#audio roleplay#rp audio stuff#redacted audio#anyways i don't have a conclusion to this post. and i'm not Mad or Upset or anything i'm just thinkin' out loud#and i mean it's not like it doesn't get plenty of praise within its respective audience bc it does. at least for the more popular creators#but i feel it'll still always have the shadow of its cringe reputation looming over it#which makes it hard for some ppl to openly appreciate or share with others that aren't already fans of the medium#like do u know how many comments i've seen along the lines of 'this is great but i'd die if anyone knew i liked this kinda stuff' ?? :(#idk maybe i feel strongly about it bc i'm a self-insert fanfic writer. and i feel like the two have a lot in common. including a bad rep.#like. not every audio will be well-written or produced and neither will every fanfic. but that doesn't mean it's a less legitimate artform#and i'm lucky to have never (yet) received negative comments on my work. but that doesn't mean that it doesn't make me sigh when people-#-say shit like 'this reads like fanfiction' as a way of calling something bad. or other similar sentiments that make the same implication#and i wouldn't be surprised if audio creators feel the same way when they encounter certain comments or statements#like. those YT videos where ppl will 'try bf asmr for the first time' or whatever and it's just 20 mins of cringing and over-reacting? eugh#tbf i haven't watched many bc why do that to myself. so Maybe there's some that are respectful but still. imagine getting roasted like that#and yes yes i know that by posting stuff online you're inadvertently sighing up to be criticized by Anyone but still. man. i dunno#i'm going on a tangent but my point is. i'm grateful for the creators that still make their art in spite of the public's perception of it#bc some of the most impactful emotional experiences i've ever gained from fiction took place in audio rp and i'm so serious abt that.#anyways. this post almost feels like i'm 'making up a person to be mad at' but i promise it's not that serious i'm just yapping. mostly.#certainly not trying to start any kind of debate or anything either i just have a lot of fixation-induced energy and nowhere to put it#this is Eric's fault (/lh) for cooking Sam up in a lab catered exactly to my taste and making Darlin' waaaaay too painfully relatable#but it's also My fault for bingeing the Inversion /and/ the Quinn arc /and/ the Summit all within a couple days. but i can't help myself#feels like i've run an emotional marathon. triathlon. The Emotional Olympics if u will. i'm feeling Everything#who knew that beating the shit out of ur fictional abuser could feel so goddamn cathartic! it's a nice replacement when u can't do it irl#anyways i'm off on a tangent again. thanks for coming to my TED Talk i'm gonna crawl back in my hole now#actually i'm gonna go relisten to a few audios. as Research for my Sam & Darlin' playlist as well as a post i'll be making about it soon#u Know i've got it bad when i not only make a playlist but start Posting on here about the songs that remind me of them. i'm cooked guys.
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Here, king, have a low quality doodle of the creatures. You've earned it 👍
#tiittv#(I'm so sorry it's been taking so long for the next fic- sdv updated and I haven't been able to do anything productive since. I promise I'm#-working on it though. I'm basically a third of the way through and it's gonna be another pretty long one)
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I unfortunately find myself unable to work on my current Soriku fic today due to my mental state, but I was able to make a bit of a teaser for the next big Soriku fanfiction that will be coming sometime after JTSYS is finished.
You can read it under the cut, but TW for blood, death, and uh, general misery. This has been cathartic for me to write but the whole idea of this fic is that things are impossibly doomed, so be warned - this is not the happy fun zone.
Blood. There was so much blood.
He had smelled it before even seeing it, the metallic scent thick in his nose before he had even rounded the corner. He had tried to convince himself that it was his own bleeding wound that he smelled, or maybe the blood of something else, someone else, but in his heart, he knew the truth. He picked up his pace, sprinting at top speed now, his sneakers splashing through shallow puddles on the wet pavement.
When his eyes finally came to rest on the crumpled form at the end of the alley, the breath was knocked out of his chest as though someone had taken a baseball bat to his sternum. He knew, of course he knew, but he had hoped-
No. It didn’t matter what he hoped for. Hopes and wishes weren’t for people that walked his path. He had been denied the right to hope for anything ages ago. When he had signed that contract, signed away his soul, he forfeited all the cushy pleasures of a normal life. He had given up his chance of knowing peace.
But it had been worth it. If it was for Sora, anything was worth it.
Standing over Sora’s blood-soaked body, Riku tried to remind himself of that truth, the one thing that he had tethered his heart to all this time. It was worth it. Even if the chance of Sora making it out alive were next to none, there was still a chance. He could still fight.
One of these loops, Riku would get it right. He would figure out how to keep Sora safe, how to protect him from this accursed dimension where everything was designed to end his life. They would break out and live a normal life together, just the way they had always planned.
There was a happy future waiting somewhere for the two of them. There had to be. Riku had gambled everything on it.
He crouched down, his shaking fingers gently brushing Sora’s tear-stained cheek. He could hardly stand to look at his face, but the sight of his broken, bleeding body was no better. The wounds were precise and lethal, and Riku was far too late.
No matter how many dozens of times he had watched Sora die, it never got easier. It never stopped feeling like his chest was a black hole caving in on itself, his heart squeezed until it was nothing more than dust.
He couldn’t look. He couldn't look away.
Riku kneeled and placed both of Sora’s hands over his heart. He was about to speak and begin the incantation that would throw them both back to the starting point again, but Sora suddenly stirred, weakly reaching one hand up towards Riku’s face.
“Riku…” his voice was barely more than a whisper.
“I’m here,” Riku said, the words catching in his throat. “Don’t speak. You can rest now. It’s okay.”
He hated to say it. He wanted to plead with Sora, wanted to beg him to stay. But if Riku had learned anything throughout the loops, it was that nothing came of begging. There was no one to answer his prayers; benevolent forces did not dwell here. At best, all it would accomplish would be making Sora sad in his final moments. At worst, future loops would be impacted by Riku’s words to Sora, twisting the knife further. He had seen it enough to know what to avoid now.
“I don’t want…” There was a weighted pause. “...Don’t want to leave you.” The pool of blood continued to grow. Riku knew - though he wished that he didn’t - that Sora wouldn’t be able to maintain consciousness for much longer at this rate. He could hardly believe Sora was awake even now.
“We’ll meet again.” he assured Sora softly, trying to keep his voice steady. “Don’t worry. It'll be okay.”
“You…” This pause was longer, much longer, and Riku was all but sure that Sora would not speak again. Finally, with a wet cough, Sora continued. “You promise?”
“I promise.” Riku lied. He leaned forward and kissed Sora’s forehead, his lips lingering there for several long moments as he took steadying breaths.
“Mm… ‘kay.” Sora managed. “Love you… so much.”
“I love you too.” Riku said, clenching his teeth so hard his jaw popped. He wanted to scream. After taking a moment to compose himself, he sat up and offered his best imitation of a smile to Sora. Better for him to see that than to see how broken Riku really was.
The all-too-familiar faraway look settled on Sora’s face as the last of his breath left his body. Riku collapsed over him, the tears finally coming, the weight hitting him all at once with the force of a tidal wave. Even knowing that he would see Sora alive and well again in mere moments did nothing to comfort him.
It didn't matter how many times Riku had seen it. It never got any easier to watch Sora die.
#here's some doomed soriku angst :)#when I do finally post this on ao3 i will very likely post it under a pseud so that people that want happy can very easily avoid it#i've just been in a bad place because I can't write and I feel bad that I can't write but feeling bad makes it impossible to write. so#I was like “lets just write that depressing stuff since my head is already there” and it actually kind of worked out which was nice.#this came from me workshopping my guardian angel au but i now think that's an entirely separate fic at this point. not sure yet.#anyways this is not like the 1st chapter or anything and idk if the final version will be anything like this or have a lot of changes but#this is like a sneak peek into what I'm working on lol. here is what it's gonna be like. i hope someone vibes with angsty soriku and dying.#soriku#soriku fic#blood#tw blood#tw death#honestly though. can i ramble for a sec. i've been wracking my brain trying to make my guardian angel au work for MONTHS#and now that i finally have working ideas for a plot/conflict/story beats it's moved so far away from that original concept that its like#basically an entirely different fic now. a guardian angel doesnt even make sense for this story now.#so if i ever do write a guardian angel au fic it will be separate from this and different lol. i really want to make it work though!!#I might end up going with the whole mcr lyric theme for this fic even though that was specifically for the au. bc it fits here#anyways biblically accurate Riku will exist at some point. I promise i will write it. it just might not be in this. (unless?)#pwft
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Hello everyone! So I’ve been working on something for a good ass minute, and while it is not done (alas that full-time employment), that doesn’t mean I can’t post it. Sooooooo
This year, I have met some really awesome people here through BL and honestly, y’all have made my year so wonderful so I wanted to do something for the BL community here. For the month of December, up until Christmas, I will be using polls to do a Choose Your Own BL Adventure (this is basically just a BL dating sim but we’ll all be playing it together don’t worry about it). There will be some common BL tropes thrown into the story as we progress. Each day, a new poll will go up based on the results of the last poll. I also want to state that it will not always be clear what/who each choice is for, but each choice does lead to a different story. There will not be a specific time for each poll because I can’t guarantee when I’ll be done with work, but I am going to do my best to make sure that the next poll with the next section of the story goes up between 5:00 PM - 6:00 PM CST.
Later today (don't ask me what time I don't know), I will be posting the set up for the first poll. I want to give everyone a day to read the set up before the first poll goes live, which is why I’m posting this today instead of tomorrow when it starts. I will be using the tag “#2023 choose your own bl adventure” for each post related to the game and god willing, I’ll be able to link that tag on my blog.
This is my gift to all of my friends who have made this year truly spectacular and I hope you all have fun with me while this goes on (and there might be a little Hanukkah surprise for y’all later as well). So look out later today for my post that will explain the beginning of the story and I'll try to link it here after it goes up.
Thank you all for a fantastic year and Happy Holidays!
Edit: I posted the beginning of the story.
#2023 choose your own bl adventure#do not let the date in the tag fool you#this was and is so much work i will most likely not be doing this again#i'm not gonna say never if people really like it but i will need to start planning way before i did this year#also i wish i could give an exact time when each poll will go live each day but there's no way for me to know#not with work being as crazy as it is right now#there also might be days when literally all i'm able to do on tumblr is post the next poll#so if you have questions or comments or anything i will answer and respond to everything but i can't promise it will be right away#aaaand I didn’t sleep last night so I’m posting is pretty early#gonna post it and then hopefully get like 15 more minutes of sleep aaaaahhhhh
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ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD
Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!
#I want NO MESSAGES regarding this. let me just be upset and alone#you spend most of your life trying to not succumb to sick brain but honestly I don't think it's worth it in the long run#my life is for better or worse....decent. but I've lost the drive and happiness to really DO anything a long time ago. like whats the point#the only reason I havent killed myself yet is cause Im too lazy (and dont have access to a gun for a quick getaway)#and I'm saying all this DESPITE having stuff to look forward to in the near future. it's like AUGH whats the POINT IM always gonna suffer#why does mental health take such a toll on ppl. this shit sucks ass. and I still feel excited for things in the future too? somehow?#but I also really want to die so. idk man. idk. maybe if I fall in love with someone then I can be distracted but all my walls are up#what's the point in anything anymore. *I* have to take the steps to improve myself and my situation#and I'd rather die. anyways who wants to make a pact that once we reach 40 we will marry each other#that might be fun#also my brain has gotten so bad that I am literally considering joining a hiking club to get out more and I FUCKING HATE HIKING#but I should probably do something out of my comfort zone to push myself and who knows maybe I will find a new passion#but let me tell you about the anxiety - oh BOY it's starting to act up again. hahahha#ah well sometimes you just need to scream your feelings out in the tags to get a lil clarity from the brain fog#one day I will fucking die/kill myself but for now I'll just try to make the best out of. whatever the hell this stupid life is. *shrug*#(but hey if any professional hitmen are reading this. feel free to. heh. you know ;) )#also I need to get back to art#gotta do my paid work and that one pic I lined months ago. and clay stuff *continues to bed rot another week because hahahahahahaha*#ah I wish I didn't fail all those years ago. then I would be free. I wish I was free#ok goodnight I promised myself that I would do paid work when I wake up tomorrow so hopefully no more migraines -pray emoji-
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finally going through my likes to collect all the asks i've wanted to reply to since fucking april to add them into my drafts
i'm. i'm trying to at least start getting my shit together here. i've felt the strong urge to give writing a shot since yesterday, so. i'm gonna see about potentially doing some tonight? maybe?? still teetering on the edge of falling into Bad Thoughts when i let my mind wander too far, so idk how long the attempt will last or if it'll be successful, but.
#gonna probably clean my drafts out a lot too tbh...... i need to bring the number down for my own sanity#and at this point i feel like i'll have an easier time getting the ball rolling with newer stuff#but. lbr every time i SAY i'm gonna delete some drafts i can't bring myself to get rid of any of them akjsfhs#and i'm not about to scroll through them all tonight either bc that'll DEFINITELY overwhelm me & steer me away from writing anything#but. hh. i miss being here i miss shoving byan at everyone i miss!!! everything around here!!!!!!#i can't promise to actually make good on any of this any time soon bc i'm still just in such a bad place but asdjhksfds#idk anymore man. even if all i do is collect the things i want to reply to... that's something. that's less that i need to do so#maybe the next time i crawl on here i'll actually be able to do some writing#idk. don't mind me i'm kinda just working through my own thoughts here akjhfds#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don't @ me.
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More designs for my TMNT iteration ideas, this time you can see a bit more about were I'm going with the Kraang concepts. The various Subprime's get to keep a little more of their personality than any standard Kraang body, and the Hunter's former self, Mona Lisa (heavily inspired by her 2012 version), is shown here too!
#TMNT#TMNT Iteration#teenage mutant ninja turtles#TMNT Mona lisa#Tmnt Trib#Kraang#digital#Y'gythgba#body horror#alien designs are sooooooo fun to do#if i need to tag anything else specific vis a vie the krang parasitism type shit let me know?#I am so sorry i promise this au idea isn't all pain and suffering..... just a lot of it#I am sorry for what i've done to these girls but they are super cool villians now#Next I'm gonna finish up some more human characters and the Hound subprime!! hopefully
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