#I'm not fucking crying
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obvious in hindsight but I don't think I realised just how much depression was keeping me from Doing Stuff that I'd been attributing to my physical pain
#mine#lem has a body#I'm able to actually muscle thru the pain now#I'm half-assing things that before just weren't getting done at all#like .. I replaced my bedsheet for the first time in months. I've showered twice this week. I steamed broccoli for lunch yesterday.#I have a freaking social outing that I'd suggested all on my own ???#and I did it all w a killer sinus headache and achey joints and while being severely dehydrated#that side effect sucks so much#this feeling reminds me of lasertag. when everything hurts but I push forward bc I genuinely believe it's worth the pain#I haven't felt that Anything was worth the pain in a long time#I'm not fucking crying
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I hate how fandom has become "if you haven't created anything in this very specific time frame after the release of the show/movie, everyone will have moved on"
And call me old fashioned, but that's just not me. I sometimes take ages to create and publish. And I will love a show or movie for such a long time (years, babes, years) that I just can't relate to the fast consumerism that's going on.
Because, let's be real, it can get really lonely in a fandom if most have simply moved on to the next shiny thing. Is what's created less worth, just because it was created outside the hype? Why is it such a taboo for this new fandom generation to love an old or "late" fic or art?
It's so tiring and I'm too old for the 30-seconds-hype-tiktok-shit. Just tired. So, so tired.
#semi rant#cry into the void#and no i'm not shaming young ppl in general#it's this new wave of people entering fandom which can happen at any age lbr#and I don't understand them nor do I want to atp#if you're wondering why you can't rb anymore: I switched it off bcuz people can't fucking read and piss me off with their dumb additions
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oh my god. oh my fucking god. everyone on this show is a lesbian. oh my goD
#i'm LOSING my fucking MIND i can't BELIEVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#agatha all along#agatha all along spoilers#screaming crying ripping my shirt off howling at the fucking moon!!!!!!!!!!!!!#mcu#sorry or just queer i got so excited i forgot my own sexuality whatever WLW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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The guy at the bar: Are you two gonna fuck or fight?
Wade and Logan, few hours later:
#they couldn't decide i guess#one more before i go to sleep#deadpool and wolverine#honda odyssey#deadpool & wolverine#wade wilson#logan howlett#deadpool#wolverine#poolverine#deadwolf#deadclaws#the honda odyssey#oh i need to use this tag now that i discovered it#the honda hatefuck#they fucked in the honda odyssey#I'm crying this is also a tag now lmfaooo#I'm still laughing at this cuz this was supposed to be a joke but these screenshots literally look like they're fucking 😭😭😭
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“look at me, hm?”
toji's voice is barely above a whisper, his words softer than ever. with his hands circled around your middle, he stands there behind you, his chest glued against your back like a big bear. his heavy head rests on your shoulder, eyes locked onto yours in a quiet plea. you think you hear a pout in his tone.
but you don’t give him a reaction, gaze locked onto the vegetables on the cutting board in front of you.
you’re upset with him and toji feels like he's dying.
all of this just because you're jealous.
because the love of his life is jealous.
toji only spared her a glance, brushing her off and saying that his partner is waiting for him – she’s the one that went on and on, talking about the milk carton in his hands as if toji had never seen it before. but little do you know, every single word that spilled from the stranger, went in one ear and right out the other – toji couldn’t be less interested in anybody other than you. if you were to crack open his head and take a look around, it’d be all you. you and your laugh, you and your eyes, you and your hands, you and your hobbies. you and you and you. even when he was standing there with the milk carton in his hand, the only thing on his mind was how he’s going to watch you chomp down a big bowl of cereal the next morning.
you just happened to see the moment the woman leaned closer with a charming smile on her lips and her hand on his forearm while saying her goodbye, and that was enough for the ugly thoughts to bully themselves into your head.
even though you trust toji, you know he doesn’t entertain any flirting attempts that might come his way, but sometimes… sometimes you just can’t help but feel that you might not be enough. what if he did think the woman was more beautiful, or maybe he did find the guy, who asked for his help at the gym the other day, hot? what if he found them more interesting than you, what if he feels himself stuck to you against his will?
you heard your own words swimming around in your head and cringed at yourself, ashamed that you were letting that weird growth of jealousy torment you.
but it had already taken root.
that evil, ugly little thing in the back of your mind. and you couldn’t shake it.
not on your own at least.
toji had made his way over to you, taking his place by your side while squinting at the little piece of paper in his hands. but you were quiet, more so than usual, and toji isn’t stupid – he might not be the best with feelings and emotions, but he does know you.
he could tell just by the way you avoided his gaze, the way you started to shorten your answers. the way you pulled away and into yourself – he watched you disappear into your own head right in front of his eyes and he hated it.
but not wanting to push any wrong buttons here in public, he swallowed your silence with a heavy heart and guided you to your car with a hand on your lower back. he’s not as afraid as he used to be – he isn’t as scared to step into your space, now knowing that this is just what you need sometimes. a little push, a little nudge, to break free from the vines of envy and jealousy and doubt. he’ll burn them, he’ll cut you free.
the car ride home was quiet. with your head rested against the window and eyes set on the passing buildings and cars, toji found himself stealing glances at you every chance he got. oh, how he hated the pout on your lips, the very same one you’re wearing now. all he wanted to do was to take you into his arms and kiss you, hold you. to make you laugh. to make you forget every single thing that has ever bothered you.
toji let you simmer for exactly ten minutes, just enough for you to change into your pyjamas and to wash up before deciding on your distraction – the dishes. he snuck up on you as silently as he could; the tips of his fingers itched to feel your skin under them, his ears tired from the silence in the apartment. the sigh that you let out as he pressed himself flush against you, sounded better than anything before. toji had already started to miss you in those twenty minutes you were away from him.
“please… “
it’s not often you get to hear that word, especially in that tone, so it’s hard for you to ignore the stuttering of your poor, sensitive heart. his nose nudges against your cheek and you put down the knife to lean into him on instinct; with your hands on top of his, your bodies mold together like pieces of a puzzle.
“you know you’re the only one for me…”
the words form in the back of his mouth and roll from his tongue like a low purr. they’re coated in something sweet, in something only you get to see and feel. his arms tighten around you and you know he means it. his heart beats against your back, as nervous as it is confident. he’s sure about his statement but a part of him is still scared that you won’t have him. that you’ll leave him.
“she talked about the milk, that’s all she did, sweetheart.” gently, he sways your bodies side to side, letting the warmth of his body engulf you as he ropes you back to him.
“yeah?”
“yeah.”
“do you believe me?”
it’s something you’ve been practicing in order to get rid of any remaining specks of doubt. it goes both ways; he trusts that you’ll say what’s on your mind and you do the same.
honesty.
raw and real.
“yes.”
toji lets out a little puff of air through his nostrils, a wave of relief settling into his body. he knows it’s not over just yet, but it’s a start.
“can i kiss you?”
toji’s mossy green eyes meet yours for the first time in what feels like forever and all he can think about is how much you mean to him. his darling, his baby. he’s not one to be a sap, but hell, when it comes to you, he’s more than willing to drop to his knees and recite love poems for you if that’s what you’d like. anything and everything.
he watches your eyes flick down to his mouth and then back up again and the little nod you give him is more than enough for him to finally press his lips to yours in a needy, hungry kiss. you melt into each other – skin against skin, tongue against tongue, it just feels right. the spark between you is still there, burning brighter than ever after all the time you’ve spent together. over hills and mountains, through lakes and rivers – nothing is too much or too little for the two of you to conquer together. he’ll be there for you and you’ll be there for him.
“‘m all yours, sweetheart.”
his hushed words slip right between your lips and slither their way down your throat. inside, they bloom and they flourish. they overtake the rotting weeds that were growing there before and you feel it. you feel it happen. he breathes into you and you become alive again.
"i love you."
#crying sobbing wailing#i love him so fucking much i'm gonna die#toji#wtf mickey can write#toji x reader#toji fluff#toji fushiguro#toji fushiguro x reader#toji fushiguro fluff#jjk toji#jjk x reader#jjk fluff
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actually sometimes being neurodivergent is great bc you have a particular kind of Silly Mode that just . manifests glory. harmless fun is my precious side quest & i have a high score in whimsy. like okay if i gotta be the first dork in the dance pit it's gonna be me and this random toddler and we're gonna avril-style rock ouuuuttt
#i also like starting applause i'm really good at it and have a high score in it#i make entire groups cheer a lot. my friends are used to it . i am bolstered by so many of them being theatre kids#im like. let's celebrate! :) a guy did a thing well!!! :)#once we helped someone parallel park and it was SUCH a hard road to do it on#this is in boston. so death be upon drivers. also it was during st. anthony's feast. in the north end. iykyk#and we helped her get in there (one of my friends tbh stood in traffic for her)#and we cheered when she finally parked. she got out and she was crying and laughing and was like#''that was the hardest thing ive ever done ur so sweet''' and meanwhile we were PARTYING#just stone cold sober but like YEAH GIRL YOU DID THE HARD THING FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!#i've been bullied for so much lol i am immune to most insults at this point bc im like#girl when i was 12 i'd already heard every insult and good lord were they specific. just plain ''crazy'' aint it
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Leona "BABYGIRL" Kingscholar
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dramatic eyes. dramatic lips. drama on the cheeks.
sketch
#the fuck's a look??#this show keeps making me cry happy tears#this show made me cry last season when ed and stede kissed. Now I'm crying because LOOK AT IZZY! LOOK AT WEE JOHN!!!#please for the love of god only look at this with the night light filter on. forgot my screen was tinted yellow and the colors are FUCKEDDD#ya ya It’s la vie en rose I didn’t check my references my b my b je regrette ok#our flag means death#ofmd#our flag means death spoilers#ofmd season 2#izzy hands#wee john feeney#ofmd s2e6#this show brings me so much joy especially now when everything is so hard in real life.#they just get to be queer with their pirate friends#skdfjhskhgjfnlisadfhlksjdfh;sk#art#fan art#the first time in a while I've been inspired to make art :_) I love
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He's a used car salesman. He has a heart of gold. He can't parallel park. He has two gay witch italian dads. He chops the wood. He has a magical talking cat mom. He's an assassin. He isn't an assassin. He's actually the cat from earlier. He's trans (female cat to male human). He's been shot through the heart. He was in Dewar. He was not in the war. He was in Dewar. He's on his last of nine lives. He just had a marble shoved down his throat. He's even bisexual. I didn't say his name, but he popped into your head, didn't he?
#I'M LOSING MY MIND THAT WAS 40 MINUTES OF THE FUCKING EPISODE#dndads#the peachyville horror#dndads spoilers#tony collette#Mack and I were listening to this one together and we have been losing our minds since#I won't be on tumblr much today but I'll have to scroll through later cause WHAT#To be clear: perfect episode#dungeons and daddies#dndads s3 ep. 6#Also idk if I'll make a separate post about it or not but I actually LOVE that he and Kelsey have some weird history#I'm glad we got a more personal interaction between them at the end there#ALSO DR. MANN YESSSSSSSS#okay that's it for now I've been ug weirdly dizzy a lot this week need to lie down aha#I'm gonna cry why is his backstory an old spice commercial
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Let's see if I'm allowed to post things in the tags this time or if I'm once again doomed to limited exposure😒
I could resist the standard meme bandwagon, but adding my own spin on it? Nnnnnot so much. <:]
Let the crown sleep, you two
#fanart#cult of the lamb#cotl#narilamb#cotl lamb#cotl narinder#cotl red crown#they didn't even forget to ask - the crown's just done with their shit#if this doesn't wind up in the tags either i'm just going to fucking cry :)#not even going to bother with the leyendecker trend because knowing me i'd put too much time and effort into it#only for tumblr to promptly deny me access to any tags
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hold on I'll make this my personality for 3 months
#i cannot get over how phoenix slowly started appreciating apollo throughout aa4#THE END OF AA4 WHERE HE SAYS “THEY'RE IMPORTANT TO ME TOO” TO THALASSA IN CONTEXT OF TRUCY AND APOLLO#I'M CRYING PHOENIX#it took you 2 YEARS to tell him that Yes you believe in him#at least it actually helped apollo here but you really should use your time wisely lmao#(why haven't you told Them they're siblings yet. apollo is out of the fucking country now what have you DONE)#ace attorney#phoenix wright#apollo justice#gattocatto's silly posts#gattocatto's ramblies
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scenes i loved from Real Enough to Get Me Through by @marriedzukka <333 [ids in alt]
#zukka#zukka fanart#sokka#sokka fanart#zuko#zuko fanart#atla#atla fanart#avatar the last airbender#zukka fic rec#myart#yall. yall. dani. this FIC#first off it made me cry twice. not like 'oh im crying' internet speak no. like. eyes are too blurry to read let me stop this for a sec#it is SO GOOD#your prose? amazing#your insights on grief? life changing#THEM??? THEM their relationship and trust#'zuko looked at him and his world shifted on its axis'#ive been thinking about that line for WEEKS STRAIGHT#i can't tell you how many passages i screenshot just because of how beautiful or cute they were#the moment of seeing the painting of sokka's mom? how did you manage to make it so telling character wise--so sweet so PAINful AND so#cute with their relationship?!!?!#'oh so you think i'm beautiful too'#GOD#i had so many scenes i wanted to draw it was crazy#also#'Our loved ones leave impressions on us that can still impact our decisions and feelings even after they're gone'#fuck. had me crying AGAIN#seriously this fic is so wonderful and not just through a zukka lens. truly life changing you're an AMAZING writer#the fandom is so lucky to have you and i can't Believe it took me so long to get around to reading this masterpiece
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OMG YALL D WAS CRYING DURING THE FINALE OF TFO!!!!
what the FUCK Josh?? Why would you do this to me???
#they had d crying#so now I'm crying#im not ok#hes just a BOY#do y'all remember#how he smiled at Orion in act one#fuck off#transformers#maccadam#megatron#d 16#orion pax#megop#tfo#tfone
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IT'S ON SIGHT CHRONOS
#hades#hades game#hades supergiant#hades 2#hades 2 spoilers#THIS IS ALL SHE HAS TO REMEMBER THEM BY#CHRONOS YOU ABSOLUTE BASTARD#this trope in fiction always fucks me up real bad and i'm trying so hard not to cry about it#SHE'S GOTTA SAVE A FAMILY SHE BARELY KNOWS BUT STILL LOVES#melinoë#zagreus#persephone
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Family portrait.
#devil may cry#devil may cry fanart#dante dmc#trish dmc#nelo angelo#does anyone look in the mundus tag. lmao#dmc fanart#This is meant to look like a family portrait obviously with trish as the mom and mundus as the father nelo angelo as the brother.#Not much more to this one#DMC1's fucked up family is soooo fascinating to me#bean makes TWO fanarts in a week!!! I'm on fire#anyways this was just a colorng experiment mostly#one layer one brush and a dream#beanie art
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