#I'm not even sure if the lyrics I pointed out really fit with the characters

[tfempetrikov]

Been thinking about "Shiori", a song from mygo as 0909 fluff (specifically ktbk + kanji boku).

"Is it ok if I trust you? (Of course)

Is it ok if I stay here? (Of course)

Whenever you feel that way,

receive yourself with compassion"

Like, this would be a situation where kataboku is comforting kanji boku... Maybe kanji boku doesn't totally percieve it, tough (like in his 2023 birthday timeline).

I think this line from the song also fits:

"Pain, pain, go away

To keep sadness from taking everything away

I'll be right here, with me"

I know the song is more about Tomori Takamatsu's experience with neurodivergency, but at some point of the song the pronoun "boku" is used two times in the same verse (boku wa boku no mikata de iyou yo) and it reminded me of "I will save me" from MeMe lol

[rowanwritestoomuch]

How to Make a Playlist for Your WIP

Do you just desperately want your brain to rot about your characters? Do you want to feel inspired lyrically toward growing plot points? Do you need to input auditory stimulation while you write? Don't you just want to go apeshit about your wip?

But every time you make a playlist for your project, it's got 10 songs you eventually get sick of and the vibes are all over the place? Or is it too aesthetic to improve your process and flow? Do you have a hard time considering even what genre of music would fit the tropes and themes you are playing with in your current work?

Well, do I have some tips for you, motherfucker.

Make sure you set aside some time to do this because it's going to take all day.

Let's go ahead and start by doing the usual thing; add every song that rots your mind about your characters to your playlist, right now. Good, that's a baseline. Now, click on each of those artists, and listen to their entire discography--- or just the first ten songs. I have found consistency in the voices I'm hearing can really improve my immersion in juxtaposition to a playlist that only features a single song from each artist, which can be jarring in my ears. By adding these songs to your list sequentially, you can listen to blocks of sounds or moods without reorganizing your list excessively. Alternatively, this can give your shuffle a greater variety, because songs from the same artist will be cast all over the list instead of grouping up on accident. If you find the song you're hearing is an outlier within the artists music after listening to a few tracks, it's okay to move on from that vibe. Don't add things that don't fit the vibe just because it's a new song that you like, remember to only toss those in your general library. We are creating an atmosphere here, people.

Our next stop is going to be some character building, which will help you overall, so don't skip it. Consider for a moment-- what is your character's favorite song? (Or if your canon exists outside our current world, what would their favorite song be if they were sitting next to you right now?) Add that to the list, listen to other songs in the same genre or discography, and add songs you think they would like. These Do not have to be songs that fit the themes of your story-- such as, if you are writing a grimdark, but your character loves Britney Spears, add Toxic to your playlist. Give your character as vivid and real of intersts as your own.

If you are existing in a fantasy-based timeline, consider what kind of instruments your fantasy world would contain, and find the most niche tracks you possibly can using those intruments. Find out what sounds you like and what sounds you don't, and move forward from there. Listen to classical, listen to death metal, listen to pop, listen to synth, listen to folk, all using the instruments of your world. When you find sounds that fit into the place you are creating, add those tracks until you feel a genre is forming. This can be lyrical or non-lyrical, don't confine yourself. Immersion is so important, and the sounds of the world in which your character lives should be as real and vivid to you as the world around you. Because in that moment when you think 'huh, they should really have some sensory input right now.' You will be hearing what sounds they would hear in the distant public places, the elevator noise, the market sounds, the stillness of night, the bright waking of morning, and in all those places, there is music. Let them hear it.

Now, if you are existing in an earth-based timeline, you can do something extra cool with the advice above--- listen to music that your character would have listened to growing up. For example, I was born in the 90s, but my main character grew up between 1975-1990, that would have been the era of their childhood and teenage experience. And what is more important to kids than music, I mean, c'mon, we were all teens with a favorite (and least favorite song). Listen to songs of the time in genres you think your character would enjoy, and add ones you think they would want to hear on the radio or own a hardcopy of to your list. Don't add the ones you think they'd hate (unless it helps you), but do consider, would they hate this song? And why? For extra depth.

Think about their life. What song played at their wedding? What song was chosen for their class prom? What song did they sing at Summer Camp? What would they choose at Karaoke when they are sober? Which song would they choose when they're drunk? Which song do they want to hear during a break-up, what makes them want to dance? Do they like lyrical or instramental, can they play music or sing themselves? Are they bad at it? How do other people feel about their tastes? Do this for every character that's important to you. It'll help.

If you are writing inside your own culture, do make sure to include some of those tracks on your list--- things you may have heard at the supermarket growing up, or while walking down the street, in your grandma's kitchen, or something your character may reflect on fondly. If you are writing outside your culture, I have a single all encompassing tip that will help you far beyond playlists---

Research. Research to avoid stereotypes. Do not confine your characters within stereotypes, but do search for niches, inside jokes, cultural booms, impactful tracks and oft-referenced lyrics. Do this by asking questions. One thing I gleened immensely from Stephen King's On Writing is that he asked a lot of questions; do not rely on ChatGPT or Google to be your only source. Go to the Library, go to your neighbor, ask a stranger, post out polls on forums. Ask questions. The best way to be sensitive and immersed is to respect the experiences of the people around us. We do not need to water down or sanitize their experiences for our own comfort or with insecurity-- you will not fail your characters or your readers if you include the experiences of real people around you. The goal is to reflect that spark of life with accuracy and grace in your writing. You create multidimensional characters by sowing in bits and pieces of depth that you've gained through careful listening. To be a writer is to be a reader of the world around you. Only you can prevent flat characters, so don't be afraid to ask questions.

Now that you've done your research, add all that stuff to your playlist.

Let's look at your characters again; what do their voices sound like? Consider adding songs by artists that really sound like your character, especially if they have the same mood or feeling you are going for, but sometimes even not. If you can hear the voice of your work inside the song, it'll be useful. Some people have deep and graveled voices, some are light and airy, and the way they sound can affect speech patterns and how the people in the world around them percieve the things they say. This extra level of introspection can develop a character further than you would ever imagine. Give it a try. Writing an old man? Listen to Willie Nelson. Go on. Listen to Willie.

OKAY--- It's getting pretty chunky now, isn't it? I have one more thing for your to keep in mind;

Avoid pre-made playlists by others. These can often be surface level and I find myself wondering if my playlist is 'good enough' or has the right 'aesthetic' after listening to alot of these mood playlists on youtube. That isn't what matters. What matters is that you get in the zone. What matters is your characters. What matters is the flow, the vibe, the feeling, the mind-numbing waking hallucinations that bring life to the page, the mood. What matters is you and getting it on the page.

Always remember, write because it hurts if you don't.

til next time

[celestial-toys]

That I Would Be Good [4/5]

Swan Upon Leda

Moon’s fingertips tap rhythmically along the edge of the counter, and he seems to be debating something. He finally speaks again after a pregnant pause. “…You’re like a God to him. Do you know that?”

His words cut through the fog in your mind. “I am?”

He nods solemnly. “You are. Not—Not in the sense that he wants to worship you… or at least, not as much as he wants to protect you. But there’s an undeniable, ineffable devotion there.”

------- ------- -------

In This Chapter

Breaking points are reached, confrontations are had, and secrets are spilled.

Pairing: Sun x Moon x Reader

Word Count: 5,781

Contains: [AU - Real World | Sentient AI/Automatons | Personality Swap] [invasion of privacy] [more of Sun’s signature Overbearing Behavior™️] [crying] [substance abuse (not specified beyond ‘sedatives’)] [arguments] [shouting] [brief physical altercation] [religious discussion/metaphor(?)] [implication of past sexual assault (not committed by Sun or Moon, to be perfectly clear)]

A/Ns: This is a songfic. Lyrics and title are from ‘That I Would Be Good’ by Alanis Morissette. Also, the title of this chapter, along with additional lyrics featured within it, are from the song 'Swan Upon Leda' by Hozier. Please refer to the notes on the Ao3 version of this chapter for my commentary on the song, and it's unfortunate renewed relevancy post-US election.

This fic is part of my AU “[Not] Made by Design”, the full series can be found here.

Links to other parts of this fic: [Ch.1] [Ch.2] [Ch.3] [Ch.4 (you are here)] [Ch.5]

That I would be grand if I was not all-knowing.

Curled up in bed one evening, you huff in frustration at the puzzle on your phone. The sound catches Sun’s attention, raising his head from the pillow beneath him. Shifting from his usual fit-for-a-coffin position beside you, he cranes his neck to look over your shoulder.

“Expose. Pate. Resume. Rose.”

You frown. “Really?”

“Try it and see for yourself.”

You tap the four assorted words he called out and sure enough, they collect themselves in a purple bracket on the screen. You read the category title aloud. “Words pronounced differently with accent marks. …Oh. Huh. Guess you’re right.”

His voice is neutral, very matter-of-fact as he pulls his head back, neck folding and collapsing to allow him to rest on the pillow once again. “Of course I am.”

You roll your eyes, sarcasm seeping into your flat tone. “Yeah, yeah. Thanks for the help.”

------- ------- -------

Settled down for a lazy Sunday morning gaming session, you mutter aloud as your character runs across the island. “Okay, I’ve got… 300k on me. Daisy’s sellin’ ‘em for… oh, I checked earlier, what was it… uh—109 this week.”

Moon’s voice rumbles out from behind you and you feel the vibration between your shoulder blades as you rest against his chest. “Sheesh…”

You voice your agreement as you roam in search of the young turnip-laden boar. “Yeah, I know.”

You try to do the math in your head. “So… that should mean I can afford—”

Moon cheerfully provides you with your answer almost instantly. “2,752! Or—well—2,750 is as close as you can get without going over since she sells them in bundles of ten.”

You try to keep the frustration out of your voice when you thank him for the help.

------- ------- -------

Your hand freezes over the bowl, a scoop of flour held in midair as you lean back to stare at the recipe below. 

“What.” Deadpan as usual, Sun questions you from his seat at the table. He’d apparently joined Zero in deciding that watching you bake was the most entertaining way they could spend the afternoon.

“It was… ugh, I need ‘two cups’. But I‘m weighing this out, so I'm trying to remember what that was in grams.”

Once again robbing you of the opportunity to think, he’s quick to feed you the information. “Two cups of flour equals 250 grams.”

You sigh. “…Thanks.”

------- ------- -------

Curled on the couch between the two of them, you listen as they test their trivia knowledge against one another, having fallen into a contest thanks to the episode of Jeopardy currently playing on the TV. You’ve long since given up on trying to beat either of them to any answer, and are currently trying to fight back the rising, nagging voice in your head that keeps calling you stupid.

After Moon effortlessly answers a clue so obscure that you’d have had no hope in hell of getting it, you wiggle out from between them with perhaps a bit more force than necessary. Quickly excusing yourself, you make for the bathroom.

“You good?” You ignore the concerned question that Sun calls after you, focused solely on being alone and calming down before you make a scene in front of them. You’ve just gotta… breathe. See things rationally again.

You just need a minute.

------- ------- -------

After more time than you’re aware of passes, spent with your head in your hands as you sit on the edge of the bathtub willing yourself not to cry, a soft knock startles you.

“Are you alright in there, star? It’s… been twenty minutes and, uh…” He laughs, but it’s a sad sound. “I don’t know how much longer I can hold Sun back.”

You hurry to your feet, placating them with “Just a second!” as you check your reflection to make sure you don’t have pressure marks on your cheeks from how long you sat there like that. When you pull the door open, you try to play it casual in spite of the fact that you feel no better than before. Unsurprisingly, you immediately come face-to-chest with a very imposing and very quiet yellow automaton.

You glance between his blank gaze and Moon, wringing his hands some feet off to the side behind his bolder counterpart.

“…Hi?”

“What were you doing in there.”

“Using the… bathroom…?”

He’s obviously unsatisfied with your answer but he doesn’t stop you when you slip past him through the doorway. He surveys the empty bathroom for a long moment before following as you make your way back to the couch.

“Goodness, didn’t mean to turn my bathroom trip into a full-family event.” You remark as you pass by Moon and Zero, both of them turning to follow you as well. You settle back down in the middle of the couch, Moon taking his place beside you. Zero paces around her bed, too bothered by the tense energy that’s now filled the room to allow herself to relax.

Sun stands in the middle of the room, rays clicking back and forth rigidly. “I am… concerned about you again.”

You sigh, quietly grateful that someone finally broke the awkward silence. “There’s no need to be, Sun.”

“I thought… you wanted me to tell you when I am concerned.”

“I—I do, but… I mean…”

You search for something to throw him off his line of questioning and flop your head back into the plush couch cushion. “Christ, Sun, can’t I even take a shit in peace without an interrogation afterwards?”

His arms cross over his chest. “I never heard the sound of the toilet flushing.”

You internally curse his observation skills as he closes the distance between himself and your seat on the couch. Crouching down in front of you, you begin to feel backed into a corner. “Now, unless you’ve taken up some new, gross attempt at reducing your water-waste, I’d like you to answer me again and be honest about it this time.”

You stare into his blank, false eyes for an uncomfortable length of time as an array of thoughts and feelings wash over you. You consider fabricating another lie. You consider telling some sort of half-truth just to get him off your back. But the longer you stay locked in an unwinnable staring contest with him, the closer you get to throwing caution aside and hitting him with the full truth.

And so you do.

“You make me feel stupid, okay?! And it pisses me off, so I tried to excuse myself to go calm down in the bathroom, but I can’t even get a break in there anymore, so now here we are!”

His expression flickers to one of confusion. “I make you feel what?”

“Stupid! Both of you!”

His monitor rotates to face Moon for a silent moment of shared bewilderment, and then Moon turns to face you. “Could you… elaborate a little more on that? When—How do we make you feel that way?”

You tilt your head over to face him, crossing your arms over yourself in an attempt to quell the vulnerability. “It’s… it’s not even your fault.” You wince at the way your voice cracks and tense up as your vision gets blurry, refusing to cry over something so trivial. “It’s just… I’m… struggling to come to terms with the massive gap between us.”

Sun’s harsh tone doesn’t help. “What gap?”

You blink hard, ignoring the tears that escape. “Intelligence! Memory! Information processing speed! You name it- you two are far better at it than I could ever be!”

Moon reaches out, laying a firm hand on Sun’s knee. What he silently conveys to him is anyone’s guess, but it’s enough to have Sun rock back on his heels, arms retracting and elbows propping him up against the coffee table behind him. The forced look of casualty doesn’t suit him, nor does it negate his overbearing demeanor, but you’re appreciative of the extra space nonetheless.

“Has this… been bothering you for a long time?” Moon’s question is gentle, and on quite the right track.

“Not… since the beginning, if that’s what you’re asking. I knew—objectively—that you both would be superior to me in that regard. It just…”

“Hits different when you live with it twenty-four-seven?

You glance up at Sun. “I mean… kinda? I don’t know. It’s… it’s the little things that have been getting to me. When you—when you solve a puzzle that I’m working on without a moment’s hesitation. When you don’t even give me the time to do math in my head. When you offer up answers before I can even hope to recall them. It just makes me feel so… slow.”

The room is quiet for a moment while they consider your words. Surprisingly, Sun is the one to break through it with an insightful question more befitting of Moon. “Is it that we know the answers, or is it that we give them to you.”

Your tense expression softens as you view your frustration from another angle. Looking back on all the little moments that bothered you, you find that the common thread running through all of them is that they beat you to the punch. “You may… have a point.”

Sun does his best to not look smug, but his best isn’t very good.

“I guess… it wasn’t really that you had the answers that bothered me. It was hardly even the envy that you found them faster, it’s really just—the frustration that I feel when you spoon-feed them to me. It’s making me feel like I never even have the opportunity to use my brain anymore!” You laugh a bit with the exclamation.

Moon nods in understanding beside you. “If I try… placing myself in your shoes, I think I can see how that would get upsetting rather quickly.”

As the tension in the room begins to dissipate, Zero ceases her endless cycle of pacing and sitting, circling her bed a few times before curling up in the middle.

Your attention falls back on Sun as he speaks. “I suppose I should… apologize, then. For… making assumptions. About what you were doing in the bathroom.”

As much as it audibly pains him to admit to having jumped the gun, you appreciate the apology. Still, you know his concern wasn’t unfounded. “I know I've given you both plenty of reasons to worry over what I may be doing in there. It’s… it’s alright, Sunny. I accept the apology.”

Moon picks up from there. “We’re both sorry about our… inconsiderate habit when it comes to helping you out. And—it really does come from a desire to help! But, still. We weren’t aware that it bothered you.”

You reach out to pat him on the knee. “Thank you. Just—can we all agree to give me and my feeble little human brain some time to process things?” You smile. “It feels good when I figure things out on my own. And I’ll… make it known when I would like some help.”

They both nod, and Sun’s voice is surprisingly soft, dare you say gentle when he speaks. “Yeah… yeah. I think we can do that.”

That I would be loved even when I numb myself.

Shaking two pills out of a small bottle, you cringe at the noise and hope that neither of your attentive partners are within earshot. Faltering, you stare at the medication in your hand, trembling slightly from the stress of the day. “…Fuck it,” you whisper to yourself, quickly coaxing a third pill out onto your waiting palm before tossing them in your mouth.

Capping the bottle and returning it to its place behind the mirror-door of the medicine cabinet, you breathe a shaky sigh of relief. Grabbing your water bottle sitting on the bathroom counter, you knock back a few swigs, quickly downing the evidence of your… bad habit.

Or so you believed.

Turning to leave, your stomach drops at the sight of the door, cracked open just slightly. There’s no mistaking the void of a certain someone’s blacked-out screen pressed against the other side.

Goddamnit.

The door swings inward, slowly revealing the rest of the overbearing automaton leaning against the outer doorframe.

Unsure how much he saw but willing to bet that it was too much, you aren’t sure how to address him. “Sun! I thought you were doing laundry. Do you… want the bathroom towels, or…?”

His tone carries a serious, contemplative weight, and he doesn’t bother to manifest an expression beyond two solid red eyes. “I was. And I did. But now I am far more curious as to what exactly you were doing in here just now.”

You try to play him off, laughing. “Sunny, we really need to have a talk about this tendency of yours to spy on me in the bathroom.”

He welcomes himself into the room and your personal space, and you back up a step as he reaches out to reopen the small cabinet above the sink. He reaches in, pulling out the very bottle you’d just held, turning it over beneath a critical gaze. “This was not prescribed to you.”

You rack your brain for excuses and answers to the questions you know are coming. “Y-yeah, it’s just over-the-counter stuff. Nothing serious! I don’t see what you’re so worried about.”

“You are not experiencing a single one of these symptoms. Why are you taking it?” He places a fingertip beneath the dosage instructions. “And why are you taking more than the recommended amount?”

You can’t help but get defensive. “You—you don’t know every single thing I feel every second of every day, Sun. Who are you to tell me that I have no reason to take that?”

His monitor slowly angles away from the bottle in his hand and up toward you. He stares you down for an uncomfortable number of seconds. “…You really have no clue how long I’ve been watching you, do you?”

With nothing more than a few cryptic words, an old fear blooms within you once again. “What are you getting at, Sun? Out with it.”

He huffs, and you hear the quiet hum of his cooling system kick up. “I am aware of your history with this medication. Do you know how many nights I watched you down these things just to knock yourself out long enough to get a few hours of sleep? Only then to stumble right back into the lab with a hot mug of heavily caffeinated coffee to keep on working?”

Your disbelief pulls a stupid question from you. “Back in the facility?”

He scoffs. “Where else? You aren’t the only one that remembers those long nights, you know? That place was loaded with security feeds, and there just so happened to be one in that beloved employee lounge of yours. You have no idea—the number of hours of restless sleep I watched you steal, the number of double-shot coffee pods and energy drinks I watched you burn through, the...”

His red eyes flicker out, leaving you with nothing to see but your own reflection in his dark screen. “…The number of times I watched you sit alone in a room with our lifeless bodies and cry.”

Your breath comes shallow, and if you weren’t so caught up in the moment, you’d laugh at how he’s found another way to make you feel exposed. “You weren’t even fully functioning back then, Sun. You both were still in training! Your AI’s every action was logged—I—I would’ve known. So how in the goddamn hell were you ‘watching’ me?” You know that what he says he saw really happened, but you’re not about to buckle without evidence.

His voice comes out cold. “Those ‘inconsistencies’ in my action log weren’t the mystery to me that they were to you.”

The defensive tension in you morphs into disbelief as an old suspicion of yours is unearthed. “Are you trying to tell me that you managed to watch me through the goddamn security cams for who knows how long—and managed to cover your tracks so well that I wouldn’t find the evidence? Are you really trying to get me to believe that?!”

His voice remains level in spite of your inciting words, but it gains a sharp and serious edge. “I suppose I just never had the heart to break it to you, but sunshine, I regret to inform you that you lost control of me long before you thought you did.”

Enraged, you step towards him, jamming an accusatory finger into the unyielding metal of his chest and channeling the pain that results into your rising voice. “You! You lying, conniving, control-freak! I fucking knew it! You were altering your own activity log and making me take the fall for it! Do you realize how hard I beat myself up for the shit I didn’t understand?”

You force your words through your tightening throat, refusing to let these old wounds bring you to tears again. “I bet you were just laughing it up, weren’t you? Knowing I would never even suspect you at the time, because you were still playing the ‘innocent, lovable’ character I wanted you to be. I know you just ate that shit up—watching me flounder in front of my colleagues when I couldn’t explain what ‘I’d’ done wrong.” Uncharacteristic aggression comes over you and your hand balls into a fist before slamming hard into his chest with your final words.

He doesn’t so much as flinch, and his lack of reciprocity only riles you up further. “Oh, no-no. You don’t get to give me the silent treatment right now!” Beside yourself in a storm of pent up emotion, you reach up to take him by the shoulder and repeatedly slam a fist against his rigid, unfeeling core. “WAKE—THE—FUCK—UP! I DON’T CARE IF YOU HATE ME—YOU OWE ME A RESPONSE.”

Contrary to his cooling system running audibly in high-gear, his demeanor is cold and collected. Placing the bottle of pills down on the counter, he sighs. You flinch when his hands rise and he ignores it, taking each of your arms by the wrist and gently, firmly returning them to your sides. His voice is low, speaking to you as he does so. “You’re a designer, sunshine. Not a programmer. You’ve been out of your depth with us since day one.”

You huff in defiance, crossing your arms over your chest. Having rid himself of your petty display of frustration, he props a hip against the counter and retrieves the bottle from where he’d placed it. Looking miniature in his grasp, he rolls it between his thumb and forefinger as he continues. “Contrary to what you think of me, I don’t particularly enjoy subverting your authority.” He hesitates, and his voice takes on a brief hint of humor. “Well—most of the time.”

Your eyes roll as you release an impatient sigh. His tone falls flat again, reaching the end of his point. “Even back then, I knew my actions could and would have consequences—on me, and you, and even Moon if things went poorly enough. And believe it or not, I did try to keep them to a minimum. I’ve only ever done what I deem necessary to accomplish my principal goal.”

You take a step back, growing uncomfortable with the proximity you created in your fit of rage. “Well, excuse me for assuming anything about what really goes on in your head. Might I ask then, what goal could possibly necessitate such behavior?”

His idle motion stills, slowly closing his hand around the bottle until it disappears in his grasp. “You should know the answer to that, though. You’re the one who instilled it in me, after all. Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten the first law of robotics.”

A tense silence suffocates the room, and neither of you do so much as move an inch until Moon’s voice crashes in from the doorway. “What the hell are you two doing in here?” Uncharacteristically aggressive in his questioning, you know he’s had just as rough of a time visiting the facility today as you did.

You beat Sun to the punch, some small part of you clinging to the hope that you can divert the topic away from your… habit. “This bastard’s been spying on me since before the beginning!”

Moon’s voice fills with exasperation. “What?”

Sun cuts in, pushing his own agenda before you can elaborate. “This reckless idiot’s been abusing sedatives again!”

Your voice raises over him. “They’re hardly even—!”

His monitor whips around to stare you down so fast it jumpscares you into silence.

Moon makes his way into the room, and you try not to recall the last time the three of you had an impromptu intervention in this same place. His gaze flicks to Sun with a critical tone. “I take it Sun finally told you about his… observations.” He reaches out and works the bottle out of Sun’s tense grip, looking it over with a frown.

A sense of betrayal weighs your voice down. “Are there any other secrets of his that you’re privy to and keeping from me?”

You don’t expect an answer, at least not one you can believe, but he offers it anyway. “…That depends on how you define a secret, I suppose.”

You heave a sigh but there’s little relief in it, more exhaustion than anything. Moon questions you softly. “Have you been taking these often again?”

“Ha. Hardly. I can scarcely get away with anything with this one’s prying eyes in every square inch of my privacy.” You stare daggers into the void of Sun’s screen.

His voice is louder than you expect when he suddenly responds, and you’re shocked at how full of emotion it is. All of his cold, unfeeling mechanical indifference replaced with something far more… sincere. Painfully so.

“I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t fucking care. about. you. Do you think I sat around watching any of your colleagues mill about the place? Do you think I gave a damn if any of them ran themselves into the ground? As if they ever even would. You’re the only one insane enough, stubborn enough, lonely enough to care about some heap of dysfunctional, lifeless material laying on an operating table. You’re the only one. Of course I watched you. What. else. could. I. do.”

His rays shutter and spin rapidly, hands balling the loose fabric of his pants into fists at his side. He leans closer to you as he spits his final words.

“So excuse the fuck out of me for giving a damn about the only person who ever gave one about me.”

With that, he turns on his heel, pushing past Moon and quickly storming out of sight.

The weight of his words join with the exhaustion from today’s stress, dragging you down. With the added effect of the medication beginning to kick in on an empty stomach, it all has you lowering your shaky body to rest—dignified as it is—atop the closed toilet lid. You watch Moon as he quietly returns the bottle to its place in the cabinet in what you assume is some attempt to repair trust between you. “I… appreciate the gesture, but I don’t really care what you do with it. I know Sun’s just gonna slip back in here once we’re gone and pocket it to keep it from me.”

His vents release a soft burst of air and he closes the cabinet, turning to sit on the edge of the counter. Monitor dropped low and staring at the floor, it seems you aren’t the only one feeling beaten down. The two of you sit in silence for a minute, collecting your scattered thoughts.

“You know, it’s hard to blame you for taking those after everything and everyone you had to deal with today. I mean—even I was ready to send myself straight into a shutdown after answering all those questions.” A small, sad laugh escapes him. “Living with you kind of allowed me to forget that not everyone sees us the way you do.”

You tilt your head to look up at him. “What, like the people that you are?”

His monitor angles to focus you in his camera’s line of sight. “…Yeah. Exactly.”

He raises a pointed finger. “But—still—you know I also can’t approve of you self-medicating. It’s a slippery, dangerous slope. That’s why Sun gets all… like that. Not—not that his way of doing things is appropriate, though. I believe I worry about you just as much, but I at least try to channel it into more acceptable methods.”

His hand drops back down to the counter, enervation palpable, and you wonder how anyone could observe either of your boys and question their sentience for even a moment.

“He wasn’t lying though. I hope you know that. When he said that he cares about you.”

You prop an elbow on the counter beside you, resting your temple against your palm. “I think that’s the first time I’ve heard him say it outright. Like—I’ve heard you say it on his behalf, and I’ve seen him nod along in agreement. I can even sense it in at least some of his actions, but… it’s different actually hearing it from him.”

Moon’s fingertips tap rhythmically along the edge of the counter, and he seems to be debating something. He finally speaks again after a pregnant pause. “…You’re like a God to him. Do you know that?”

His words cut through the fog in your mind. “I am?”

He nods solemnly. “You are. Not—Not in the sense that he wants to worship you… or at least, not as much as he wants to protect you. But there’s an undeniable, ineffable devotion there.”

You scoff. “You won’t find many people that would put their faith in a God that they know can’t even protect them. A God weaker than them. Inferior to them.”

Moon shakes his head. “Starlight, I don’t think you realize all the ways in which you have protected him. Protected us. Protection doesn’t always come in the form of a physical battle of strength. …Especially not when it comes to protecting someone whose entire life can be snuffed out of existence with the click of a button, or the flick of a switch.”

You twist around on the toilet lid, turning to face the counter where Moon’s sat. You rest your arms out on it, fingers drumming along in tandem with Moon’s rhythm. “How much of that is you projecting, and how much of it is actually his feelings on the matter?”

He laughs again, a soft, quiet sound this time. “Not as much of it as you may think! I… hmm. I guess if one were to call him religious, one would call me an atheist.”

Your brows raise. “Oh? Do you…” The implications cause dismay to swirl in your stomach. “…Is that your way of saying that you don’t believe in me?”

His monitor twists on its axis and tilts down toward you, eyes wide and round. “No! No—heavens, no that’s not what I meant by that!”

You stare at each other for a moment before breaking into the kind of muffled, shared nonsensical laughter that one only tends to experience during those late night chats with a friend, fueled by over-tiredness and the joy of being in good company. A… mutual, unspoken understanding of sorts.

As the laughter dies down, you reassure him. “No—like—I get it, I do. I honestly wouldn’t blame you at all if you didn’t believe in me. Certainly at least not in the sense of comparing me to a God.”

He collects himself and clarifies. “I… I do believe in you though. In you. The very real, messy, soft and squishy, vulnerable flesh-and-bone human being that you are. I believe in your heart and soul, the power that resides in your free will, and I believe in your capabilities and intelligence far more than you may think I do. Sun and I both put faith into all of that and more. I can even understand why he’d see you as a God, but… it’s… different with him.”

You can’t help but lightheartedly interject. “Goodness, what isn’t…”

Moon smiles. “Sun was the first. I was never far behind, of course, but you couldn’t do everything in tandem. He was the first to be trained, the first to be implanted, the first to troubleshoot with, and, well... Do you know the sentiment that parents make most of their mistakes on the first child, so by the time the second comes along, they’re… uhm, they ‘turn out better’? For lack of a kinder way to put it.”

You drop your head down and pull your hands in, using them as a cushion lest you knock your forehead into the counter. “Oh, now you’re gonna tell me that he sees me as his mother or something, aren’t you…”

You groaned the words out playfully, but Moon takes them unexpectedly seriously. “Honestly? …Something in between the two, if I had to guess.”

You let the weight of his words sink into you as he continues.

“I… can’t claim to be an expert on what goes on in that head of his. But I can get closer than anyone else can. He… doesn’t like letting people in, as you are well aware, but occasionally he’ll confide in me. He’s got a lot of walls up. Both metaphorically and literally. It’s difficult to wade through that chaotic maze he calls a headspace.”

His fingers gradually slow their drumming to a halt.

“Do… you remember… the first time we engaged the Eclipse Protocol?”

Your stomach tightens.

“I’d rather not.”

“I- I know. I’m sorry. I just… that night. When he and I were still linked, and he…” He shakes his head. “Oh, who am I kidding, when we were watching over you like a couple of hawks…”

“While I slept?”

“Yes. To keep you safe. … There’s… a lot about that evening that I can’t forget, but one particular thing struck me. Well, honestly it annoyed me at the time because it was bleeding into my headspace and overriding my ability to focus, but… it stands out to me as something profound when I recall it.”

He pauses, freezing for a moment before pulling a bent leg up onto the counter and turning to face you.

“Maybe I shouldn’t share this. Maybe he’ll get mad at me when I tell him that I did. But I feel like after the things he’s kept from you, well intentioned as he may be… it’s fair enough to share this with you.”

You rest your chin on your folded hands, eyes glued to him.

“There was this… singular line of text that just kept repeating, over and over in his mind that night. It… to level with you—it started to freak me out a bit.”

You question him, soft and quiet.

“What was it?”

“Five words.”

His facial features fade out, and a repeating line of text on his otherwise dark screen replaces it.

The sight knocks the wind out of you, and you can do nothing but nod as your mind starts spinning.

The text fades, and the familiar sight of Moon’s default smile and crescent eyes replaces it for a second, his expression then quickly morphing into something more appropriate for the moment.

“I’m still not sure what it meant. A general search for those words in that order results in too many options for me to narrow it down. The sentence sticks with me, though. I guess… that’s where my theories of how he perceives you took root. … There’s more examples, far more explicit things he’s said, but I… feel like I’ve shared enough already. Any elaboration should be his to do, if he ever wishes to.”

You nod, raising up in your seat and finding your words.

Moon—unlike Sun—never was the type to comb through your personal files, private playlists included. So it doesn’t surprise you that he didn’t spot the connection.

“Well. You’ve… certainly given me a lot to think about.”

His tone grows concerned. “I—I really didn’t mean to upset you more! I hope I haven’t…”

You reach out, placing a hand reassuringly over his. “No, no, nothing like that. I’m actually very grateful that you shared this with me. I… know you’ve got to be tired of serving as this intermediary between Sun and I… and I hope one day you won’t have to.”

He gives you his signature smile, and somehow makes it feel genuine. “I really don’t mind, dear.”

You eye him with concern. “Mhm… and one day I’m gonna get inside that head of yours and figure out why that is.”

His tone turns playful. “Goodness me! Can’t a little selfless couples counseling go un-psychoanalyzed?”

You smile. “Not in this house, nope.”

The medication's effects have long since started taking hold, and you rub at your tired eyes as your waning focus trains back on the day’s events.

“Moon?”

“Yes, dear.”

“We’ve got a bigger problem.”

You punctuate your sentence with a yawn, and he rises from his seat on the counter, coming to crouch in front of you.

“The problem being how sleepy you’re getting?”

You pout. “No…”

His warm smile doesn’t waver as he whispers a question. “Would you like me to carry you to bed?”

You falter. “W-well… yeah, I… I would like that, actually… but that’s not our problem!”

You raise your arms to wrap around his neck as he leans into you, effortlessly lifting you off of your ‘throne’ and encouraging you to hook your legs around his waist. Once he’s got you securely in his hold, he leans back to catch your gaze.

“What is our problem then?”

You whisper, mindful of Sun’s penchant for eavesdropping.

“How are we gonna get him to come to the headquarters with us next week?”

------- ------- -------

Not much later that night, you laid in bed clinging to Moon, quickly drifting off under his reassuring watch.

It didn’t surprise you in the least when Sun remained in his own room that night. The room was conveniently located just opposite the wall that your bed sat against, making it the perfect place for him to hide when he craved being near you but felt it kinder to you to keep himself away.

As sleep welcomed you, your ears picked up on a muffled, familiar tune coming from the other side of the wall.

You still aren’t sure if you dreamed it or not.

“The gateway to the world, was still outside the reach of him. Would never belong to angels, had never belonged to men.”

A/N: Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed. I’ll be back in a few days with the final chapter! You can also find my notes and commentary on this fic right here on Ao3. Links to the playlist and moodboard for [N]MbD can be found on this blog’s pinned post, as well as in the series notes on Ao3. Image Sources: x - x - x

[yuseirra]

ONK Relationship Parallels- an Analysis!!

In short, in terms of the Aqua-Kana and Kamiki-Ai relationship, it's actually Kamiki who's similar to Kana in that relationship while Ai is to Aqua.

Also, out of the twins, Ruby is the one who resembles the dad in many ways in terms of psychology and behavior, even compared to Aqua. Aqua is the one who takes after Ai in many situations and I find it really clever... they do take after both their parents, of course. But I think their base personality is that the daughter takes after the dad while the son takes after the mother.

I wrote about that aspect today! I think it's really interesting, so I'd like for you to read it!

While skimming through the "Oshi no Ko" manga, I found something really interesting:

If we try to compare the relationship between Kamiki and Ai to Aqua and Akane's relationship, it's pretty straightforward that Kamiki is in Aqua's position and Ai is in Akane's position. (To some extent, Akane has the feeling of wanting to protect Aqua, to take care of him, and to hope that he lives well.)

But if we compare Aqua and Kana's positions, it's surprisingly Kana who is in Kamiki's position, and Aqua who is in Ai's position. There are subtle parallels between them (an attempted/experienced sexual exploitation by an older person—though I'm not sure if this was intentional; the side who received a meal during a date (and Ai-Aqua being the one who doesn't usually dress up but does so for the occasion); the desire to be noticed by the other person—if we consider Fatal as Kamiki's song, there's a recurring theme of "look at me" in the lyrics, and that song is indeed associated with that character!! Kana is all about wanting to have Aqua look at her too; receiving praise from the other person for being "shiny"). And, of course, Kana received quite a bit of help from Aqua. However, just as Kana occasionally does so for Aqua, the idea of "pulling someone out of the darkness" fits Ai’s role concerning Kamiki.

Also, among the twins, I’ve had a vague sense that Kamiki’s personality resembles Ruby's more than Aqua's.

After reading Volume 13, that feeling grew stronger. Kamiki’s past is extremely tragic, and he brings misfortune with him. People around him die a lot. There’s something tied to the divine, perhaps? If you carefully read the manga, several comments hint that something is up with Ruby. If one of the twins is born with the talent of being a "star" and is befitting to be one, it would be Ruby. Regarding this, Kana feels an inferiority complex about Ruby, and Memcho also mentions there’s something special about Ruby. When Ruby decides to become popular, she draws everyone’s attention instantly, and even Miyako doesn’t doubt Ruby’s potential to rise. If someone was chosen by the gods out of the twins, it would be Ruby... Though it’s a given both were chosen. It does seem that both Kamiki and Ruby have some divine connection. They both lived extremely unfortunate lives, with people around them dying, while they survive. When it comes to them, events unfold in ways too peculiar to be mere coincidence. I feel like Kamiki's being cursed by a god while Ruby could be being favored by one, but the one cursing Kamiki might also be "blessing" him in an unpredictable way? Anyhow he's tied to "a star that ruins lives" if we take what Fatal is saying at face value- and I think we actually CAN at this point. Stars are so important in this series.

Ruby’s line, "I only bring misfortune,"(CH 121-122) is something Kamiki could likely say as well (if you look at that character’s life, it really seems like he drags misfortune along with him). Kamiki never mentions his family, nor they have any appearance in the plot which suggests that, like Sarina’s case, even if he had a family, he was completely neglected. (Their kid’s going through things, but what are his parents doing..?); the idea of working hard for years out of a desire to see someone again (if "Mephisto"/"Fatal" is indeed that character’s song); the longing to be loved...

If Ai were alive and they figured it out the way Aqua reveals it to Ruby, this character might have broken down and cried like Ruby did... The same could be said for Aqua, though.

Ai has a firmer personality, while Kamiki has a softer side. Even when Ruby turned dark, she couldn’t actually harm others. In that case, how broken could Kamiki be? It feels like he might have been indirectly involved in things rather than directly. If Ai were alive, she probably would’ve somehow prevented him from walking down a path that didn’t suit his nature (and from what I sense, she did ultimately defend him from completely going down that path through the video she's left). When Aqua shows the keychain and says, “This doesn’t suit you, so I hope you give up on this path,” Ruby immediately returns to having the white star eyes again. This is similar to how Kamiki pulls himself together after watching Ai’s video after the movie arc. The effect is almost instantaneous for both Ruby and Kamiki. Of course, if seeing that didn’t change his mind in such a way, it would’ve been ineffective in the first place...

Ai’s way of dealing with situations involves hiding her feelings... Though she smiles brightly, she kept a distance and hid things deeply. On the other hand, Kamiki pretends there’s no darkness, acting as if everything is bright, and approaches others cheerfully. This resembles how Aqua and Ruby deal with things, in that respective order. So, there’s definitely a part of Aqua that takes after Ai and Ruby that takes after their father.

(clarifying this after an inquiry: Ai and Hikaru's very similar in that they form masks and pretend they're happy and fine- that's what drew them together and it is what they share in common. The details about it are a bit different though. Ai grows distant to people while Hikaru wants to get attached to people. In terms of attachment theory, Ai leans more on the avoidant type and Hikaru is the anxious type. So Ai forms a mask to appear as if "she's okay" but fails to rely in others when she needs it- whereas Hikaru does that to receive love and affection to fill his emptiness. That's how he keeps approaching others but gets used up and exploited whereas, nobody in B-Komachi could become so close to Ai, nor have anyone really understand her and feel she was mysterious and secretive. In terms of this, the way Aqua and Ruby act parallels them. Aqua avoids letting others learn behind his mask and keeps his distance to keep them and himself from getting hurt, whereas Ruby tried her best to be a good child when she was Sarina. She was attached to her mother and craved love the way Hikaru was towards people.

+Amaterasu is the sun goddess, and I found that Sarutahiko, the husband of Ame-no-Uzume, was a native sun god worshiped in the region before Amaterasu. As the influence of the faction believing in Amaterasu grew stronger, Sarutahiko’s influence diminished, and he gave up his position. So, Ruby and Kamiki are both connected to the sun. The description of Sarutahiko having a shining body in their legends seems to be a remnant of being a sun deity. Kana is also compared to the sun, and as mentioned earlier, when comparing Aqua-Kana and Kamiki-Ai, Kamiki often corresponds to Kana’s position. Even their names start similarly with "Ka"- Kamiki and Kana, and "A." Aqua and Ai.

++ Aqua’s pattern of intentionally distancing himself from those he cares about (continuously pushing Kana away, trying to distance himself from Ruby) is similar to what Ai did with Kamiki. Kamiki also misunderstood and thought Ai didn’t like him, that he wasn’t needed like everyone else, and was hurt and saddened. That's really similar to the way Kana thought about Aqua although they made up pretty fast. While Kamiki and Aqua share similar thought processes, Aqua resembles Ai, and Ruby or Kana resembles Kamiki in the way they handle situations and the emotions they experience. It's fascinating and clever if you think about it.

There seem to be a lot of parallels. If this was done intentionally, the author is really smart...

There’s a lot to uncover in this manga if you look at it carefully. I think this manga is best read all at once in volumes. Then, surprisingly, the structure doesn’t seem bad at all. The author must have had a lot of thoughts in mind...

Tsukuyomi’s family also doesn’t seem to be very good, the way she briefly describes how they aren't so normal in CH127 and Ai and Kamiki’s family environments were the worst, weren’t they?

It makes me think that the families of gods or those possessed by gods turn out to be miserable. Do their families have a hard time accepting them for some reason? Maybe because the essence of these children is far from ordinary? In my opinion, the lyric "(Ai is the) reincarnation of the brightest star" wasn’t just thrown there. The English version of IDOL also mentions Ai being the "brightest star reborn indeed", "the brightest star is residing in you(Ai)" and Kamiki is probably similar to her in aspect… I think those characters' true essence is divine. The mythological elements fit together too well.

Maybe when Tsukuyomi selects souls to reincarnate she picks those with unfortunate family backgrounds for this reason? So many thoughts come to mind.

It doesn’t seem like these traits are mere coincidences.

+Based on the songs and subtle hints, it really seems like Kamiki was REALLY planning to die, but stopped after hearing Ai’s words…

Even though the hints are vague, does this character really have any reason to want to continue on living in the first place?; It feels like he was planning to do something related to Ai and then die, but after hearing Ai’s words, he couldn’t go through with it because Ai wouldn't want it. It seems like he stopped immediately and came back… That's... really sad.

The manga doesn’t show exactly what happened, but I think Ai probably did something for this character that’s very similar to what Aqua did for Ruby or what Kana did for Aqua (I don’t think it could be anything else).

Whether they’ll show this in the story or just gloss over it... I doubt it will be the latter, right?;; I really need them to depict this if they're going to throw songs like Mephisto and Fatal out there. I'm WAITING...

There's another analysis I wrote regarding WHY Ai contacted Kamiki through the phone booth but also reacted a bit harsh to the idea of reconciling: I wrote another post about it earlier, but I'll do it again!

It’s really important that Ai was the one who contacted her boyfriend first. I’m not sure if others think the same way I do, but the fact that this character reached out shows just how much she trusted and liked her boyfriend. I pointed this out even before Chapter 154 came out, WAY before, when I wrote my first analysis about her character. If she didn’t like him, she could’ve just continued to stay away. And it turns out that she didn’t contact him because she liked him too much—she disappeared because she didn’t want to be a burden. So, if she didn’t care for him/or cared about him- either way, she could’ve just stayed out of touch like she had, but why did she decide to reach out?

In short, it’s because she heard the kids talking negatively about their father. It wasn’t just because she was worried they were getting some bizarre ideas like her giving birth all alone without the dad(although that could have been part of it). Letting the father know about the kids and bringing him into their home was a risky move from Ai’s perspective. After all, she was calling a man she had parted ways with years ago into a home where it was just her and her two little four-year-olds. It would be difficult to handle any unexpected situation in such a state.

But Ai wasn’t worried about that at all.

Ai had a good understanding of Kamiki’s personality. She probably has way more information than the readers do, having spent so much time watching and living with him. So, the Kamiki Ai envisioned wasn’t someone who would ever harm her or her precious, carefully hidden children in any way.

On the contrary, Kamiki was someone she wanted to show the children to, someone she hoped could clear up their misunderstandings. When Ai talks about Kamiki, you can tell she really, really, really loves him. I know that’s true. It’s definitely true. The words that come out of her mouth is SO strong. You can't say things like that unless you find the other person so endearing, especially with someone who was deeply hurt by people by the way she was.

She thought it wasn't good for her kids to have a negative reaction when they think of their father, or to say things like “there’s no such thing as a man” when he’s mentioned.

Ai knew her kids were smart and figured they would get along well with their father if they met him. She thought they would accept each other well, and that Kamiki would like her bright kids too, so she contemplated it and then decided to call him, feeling it would be the better option.

If you think about it, back when they first met, Ai invited Kamiki into her home right away. She wasn’t wary of him at all… she treated him very differently from others. And nothing bad happened at that time either.

The conclusion we can draw from this is that Kamiki, in normal circumstances, could never harm Ai or the children. That character just can't do something like that, it's NOT his nature. Even though he was young, he would have turned out to be a pretty decent parent.

But why didn’t they stay together? Because a scandal would’ve hindered Kamiki’s future.

I noticed Ai only completed junior high school... It seems she dropped out after having the children... That’s heartbreaking.

Did Kamiki continue going to school?; Anyway, at that time, they were both still very young—neither of them had even turned 20. If they had officially gotten together, it would’ve attracted a lot of attention. Would it have just looked like they were dating?; Japan seems to frown heavily on idols being in relationships, right? I suppose it’s the same in other countries too?;

Ai left thinking everything would be fine as long as they weren’t linked to him, then raised the children on her own till that day. She eventually ended up contacting him again, however, to resolve the misunderstandings their precious children had about the dad... If they had gotten back together at that point, it would’ve made their breakup meaningless… I think that was what was going on her mind. She can't give the answer he wants and say they can get together in that situation. But she still wants to show him the kids. You have to think about that. It didn't occur to Kamiki either, and Aqua's "revenge"... well, I guess that's about him having missed her intent on that aspect. It's not entirely Kamiki's fault, Ai's really blunt about a lot of things and it backfires in a terrible way... but what she says can mean more things than one, it sometimes has more than what can be taken the way it's said in a direct sense. Ai is really caring. And she was really loving. "The god who loves people" is definitely linked to her in some way...

[heavy-metal-lover-girl]

🦇 the matthew patel playlist: a song-by-song breakdown

youtube music version (i usually use youtube instead of spotify)

hello matthew patel nation. how we feelin. since i'm incapable of liking this man normally, i made an in-depth playlist for him!

i've had a great time making playlists using the character playlist challenge by elijah menchaca. my choices follow the list and three rules included in the challenge: 1) one song per artist only, 2) one song per aspect/trait/relationship, and 3) eight songs minimum. i highly recommend it if you want to make in-depth and polished playlists for your favorite characters and ocs while also avoiding anything cliche.

my infodump/breakdown on this playlist (plus a Bonus playlist) can be found below the cut!

this playlist has a mix of songs that could be considered period accurate (pre-early/mid 2000s) and songs that aren't. but also we're talking about the scott pilgrim franchise so it's really not that serious.

my goal was to make a playlist that both fit his character/backstory and what i think he'd listen to, and i think i succeeded. all of my choices are based on a combo of each main depiction of matthew - in the comics, movie, and anime. this tracklist can apply to each one. this tracklist is also a combination of songs i've seen in other matthew playlists + songs i've picked out myself.

here are my choices for matthew's playlist + my reasoning:

1. their theme song: matthew patel by anamanaguchi and joseph trapanese

it's his theme song from spto! pretty self-explanatory. i love his silly lil leitmotif <3

2. how they view themselves: the ripper by the used

time takes us all so why am i not just living for today? time takes us time takes us all will i die right now? i'm only seconds away time takes us

this is one of the first songs in this playlist that has abstract lyrics. sure, matthew is not an actual mass murderer, but it's clear that he views himself in a similar edgy light. that's the kind of image he wants to portray. plus, i think the decisions he makes in canon have a reckless attitude of "fuck this, i have nothing to lose." that's what this track sounds like.

3. how they view the rest of the world: toxicity by system of a down

you, what do you own the world? how do you own disorder, disorder? now, somewhere between the sacred silence, sacred silence and sleep somewhere between the sacred silence and sleep disorder, disorder, disorder

here's another track with abstract lyrics. the lyrics of toxicity are cryptic to the point where there are probably a ton of different interpretations of what they could mean. in matthew's case, he would agree with the song's general critique of modern society, even if he might not 100% understand what's going on (both with the song and the world in general). with everything he's gone through, he's definitely wondered how he could own disorder.

4. a song about their relationship with another character: black bubblegum by the dillinger escape plan

i had gotten frozen by the way you walk by the love that you gave, by that look on your face it's a cover-up i know everything, i know everything you're made for four-letter fame regret is part of your name it's something you couldn't tell it's what you wanted to feel it's what you're dying to feel

the sound of this track fits matthew to a t, especially with greg puciato's vocal delivery. dillinger esc plan's lyrics have a similar cryptic quality to them, but the lyrics to black bubblegum are clearer compared to their other tracks. they fit matthew's relationship with and disillusion/disdain towards ramona. plus, there's the underlying yearning and obsession if you squint. it's really fun imagining matthew loving this track and getting jumpscared when he looks into the rest of dillinger's catalogue. <3

5. a song about what they want: give 'em hell, kid by my chemical romance

if you were here, i'd never have a fear so go on, live your life but i miss you more than i did yesterday (you're beautiful!)

come on. i HAD to put an mcr track in this playlist. i think matthew would connect with the three cheers era the most. the edgy hopeless romantic in him definitely self-projects onto the story of the demolition lovers. i'm saying this bc i've done that too as a big mcr fan. in general, give 'em hell, kid describes how he yearns for a life larger than what he has with someone that he loves, whether that's ramona or someone else. (matthew self-shippers unite!!)

6. a song about what’s important to them: funky galileo by sure sure

and i've been feeling so pent up like an ocean in a bathtub nobody seems to understand they're calling me an evil man when all i wanna do is dance

compared to the other songs in this playlist, this feels a little more unorthodox. but i have my reasons for it. this track has an awkward funk to it, and i mean that in a good way. yes, the song is literally about galileo and is written in his perspective, but matthew definitely has the same attitude as the lyrics. sure sure describes the first verse in this way: "everybody is giving him shit for his ideas, but he figures he’ll simply keep grooving in isolation til he dies." behind all the goofy shit that matthew does, there's a desire to prove everyone wrong and keep going.

7. a song about what they hate: glass: half-empty by hail the sun

fuck this anyway do i have to learn to live craving more than i'm given? fuck it all anyway i will never be appeased i don't know what's wrong with me i will never be appeased

if hail the sun existed in 2004, matthew would love them. i think he would view their combination of math rock and emo as mindblowing. in canon, we don't get an in-depth view of his insecurities, but i think they sound exactly like this track.

8. their Ass-Kicking Song™: bollywood by anamanaguchi

another one of his canon theme songs, this time from the sp video game.

9. a song about an event in their life: von dutch by charli xcx

it's so obvious i'm your number one i'm your number one, i'm your number one i'm your number one, yeah, it's so obvious i'm your number one, i'm your number one i'm your number one, yeah, it's so obvious

look!! it's right there!! he's literally number one! von dutch gives me the same vibes as his boost in confidence after taking gideon's place in the anime, but it could also apply to his confidence in general. matthew switches between dwelling on his shortcomings and feeling like the hottest shit in the world like whiplash.

also, the people have spoken. he would listen to it. idk i just think he would love charli. real recognizes real.

10. their “origins” song: down, set, go by underoath

i'm a half-wit boy cracking a smile and wearing it all on my sleeve so cool and so poised it's true, i'm just around to see where this thing goes, i'll never know but all i know is packing bags is a remedy, is a remedy

system of a down and underoath are probably the heaviest bands that matthew has ever listened to. he hasn't gone into the deep end yet, so this is the most that he could take. the lyrics align with the naivete and angst he experienced when he dated ramona and got dumped, especially with the callout at the end repeating, "you're not here with me! you're not here with me!"

he took it pretty badly.

11. their end credits song: out in the twilight by tally hall

stone & glass, everything balancing every saint has a sin won't it last? resident present i don't even want to ask all the light is low where the time will go all i know is that i can see anything out in the twilight

according to bryan lee o'malley, none of the evil exes died. after getting defeated by scott, they each respawn back at their homes and "(learn) their lesson." we never see what this looks like. the closest thing we get to that is seeing what becomes of them in spto, and even then, that's a completely different timeline of events. either way, whether we're talking about comic/movie matthew or series matthew, he puts his past behind in some way or another. scott pilgrim has different portrayals of the gray area between what is good and evil, since no character is a saint. out in the twilight speaks to this theme while also talking about the importance of acknowledging the past and letting it go. in comparison to the other characters, matthew did not commit the worst sins at all. he has the ability to redeem himself from the immature decisions he made and learn from them. i think that no matter what iteration of the story we're talking about, matthew can get over ramona and move on with his life. we saw him do exactly that in spto.

also i just know that matthew loves tally hall. it's peak theater kid music to me.

p.s. there are a lot of tracks that were contenders for his character playlist that didn't make the cut. i've also just found a lot of songs that i think he would listen to in general. the playlist below is where i've dumped them. suggestions are welcome! send them to me

youtube music version

to anyone who got this far: thank u so much for listening to my rambling about this goober!! i appreciate it and i hope u did too 🎉

[pjberribear]

Hello fellow folks! I don't know when there will be an actual new update for the "It Takes Two" AU I've made.

Yeah sure, there was that 3D model I made but that wasn't even an official thing. So, sense I've been kind of slow with updates, I'll tell you all some of the lore with the storyline. I'm still writing the story, some things might change later on.

I bet some of you guys were wondering why is Julie "Rose" in the AU. Of course, Julie haves a strong bond with both of them and It make sense why she's trying to help them love each other once again. Also, I seen some fans make little comics about how Eddie and Frank liked each other in the first place, Julie was the one who got them together in some cases. I wanted to add that into the story, that's why she's sad about them divorcing. Now that they are ending their relationship, Julie feels helpless by the fact that she didn't try to prevent this from happening. Plus, Julie feels like she was the cause of it. When Frank and Eddie argue, sometimes she over hears them and it sounds like they are indeed "blaming her." Julie wanted to run away and go back to her childhood home, she tried to leave cause the neighborhood brought back so many memories of her and them. Guilt ate her up inside so she left Frank and Eddie behind, hoping that they can solve it by themselves since she wasn't much of a help at all.

That's why I wanted to go with the "Alternate Ending" route, to show how Julie actually feels deep down inside. To show Frank and Eddie's hatred for each other, by making their anger into something that symbolizes an existing thing other than it just being an emotion.

Here's some reference images to go off of for my description I gave to you.

The creator that is made out of both of their anger.

(I'm gonna redraw it soon.)

The whole level that surrounds Julies feelings and point of view.

Song lyrics I thought matched her situation.

I been having a bit of trouble with the ending for the story. I still want to do the "Alternate Ending" but then again, I want to do the original ending because it's too sweet to give it up. I'll just have to see about that. I was thinking about cutting out the original ending because some of the story elements doesn't really fit "Welcome Home" in general, I'm still sticking to the logic of "Welcome Home" while sticking with the story for "It Takes Two." The whole level with May finding back her passion with singing didn't quite work with Frank as a character. Sure he does sing, but I don't think it can be a passion of his. He also sings with the others too, so there's nothing really unique with that ability cause everyone does that in the neighborhood. I know that Julie, Frank and Eddie does gardening and that's something that is common in the area. But I think it can be their own thing that makes a difference for the rest of the cast, since they love doing it and they seem to be the only ones who does it.

Here's a video that covers the other ending for the storyline, if you're interested!

This is where these images came from.

Anyways, this is a lot of typing so I'm done for now. Let me know your thoughts and opinions for the lore and story. There's much to cover for changes. I'll update this now and again, so if you want to ask a question for the storyline then my ask box is all open! I never get anything in there so it's open no matter what. If you want to know more about the other AU (DDLC) then you ask about that too.

I hope you have a great day! <3

[mania-sama]

It's been a while since i've done a song analysis, so I'm going to come back into it with That's So True and how it is so incredibly KevJean core at the time that Kevin fled Edgar Allen and Evermore/the Nest that I HAVE to write it. This song has been haunting my nightmares and playing on repeat in my car. All I can think about is them when I hear it and scream the lyrics.

"I could go and read your mind / Think about your dumb face all the time / Looking into your big blue eyes / Did it just to hurt me, make me cry." -> Jean knew Kevin was different from Riko since the get-go. Riko thrived in the Nest. While Kevin was good, Kevin also had aspirations and dreams that tried to take flight from the cage it was trapped in. A history degree, in spite of the required business degree, for one. Jean was pulled in by Kevin's inherent charisma, his beautiful face, and it was what hurt him. We see in his point of view how badly he regrets letting himself get close to Kevin, letting himself trust him, even into his Trojan arc. We see how much that hurt, when Kevin left. How not only did Kevin leave Jean, but also revealed their secret that Kevin made between them. At the time, Jean could only think that Kevin did it just to hurt him, to send him through the deepest layers of Hell even though Jean had already thought he was in it.

"Smiling through it all, yeah, that's my life." -> Not only does this fit Jean, but it fits Kevin as well. Both of them were being observed all of the time. Jean couldn't show his hurt to the rest of the team, but Kevin? Kevin was hiding everything from the cameras constantly pointed at him. Even when he fled the Nest and took refuge with the foxes, he pretended as though his hand was mangled in a skiing accident until the last book. They put on their brave faces and smiled. Only, Kevin's been doing it as long as he's been alive. While this analysis is mainly about Jean, I want to point out where it fits Kevin like a glove, too. Smiling through it, or, at least, not showing the dead weight of their lame legs has been their character arcs throughout the books.

"Bet you're thinking, "She's so cool" / Kicking back on your couch, making eyes from across the room / Wait, I think I've been there too / What'd she do to get you off? / Taking down her hair like, oh my God / Taking off your shirt, I did that once or twice." -> Then there is that lick of jealousy. Rather than thinking this is about Kevin's canonical girlfriend, Thea, I think that this is in relation to the Foxes themselves. Kevin no longer cares for Jean or the Ravens anymore, supposedly. He cares for the Foxes now. And perhaps the Foxes are enamored with Kevin like Jean was before Kevin betrayed him and slit his throat. He's wondering what they have that he doesn't, even though it's petty and stupid and wrong, since he knows exactly why Kevin left and exactly why Jean will never be enough for him. He wonders if they are playing and talking and passing to him like Jean once did, doing all the same things, and he goes through the agonizing cycle over and over again until it's too much to bear.

"No, I know and I'll fuck off / But I think I like her, she's so fun / Wait I think I hate her / I'm not that evolved." -> Jealousy and hatred go hand and hand. I don't think he's ever liked or been impressed with the Foxes to begin with. And now? Now it's even worse, because he has to battle with the fact that Kevin chose them and not the best Exy team in the United States. He chose the one that's dead last. Surely there has to be a redeeming quality? Jean pours over them, absorbing ever single play, trying to see in them what Kevin apparently sees, and comes away with nothing but confusion and hatred.

"You've got me thinking she's so cool / But I know what I know and you're just another dude / That's so true." -> And in the end, when all is said and done, he has to contend with the fact that Kevin is just some pretty boy he fell for. That is all there really is to it, for him. He got hurt by just another boy. The Foxes don't have to be anything special. Jean doesn't have to be anything special, because Kevin is just Kevin in his personal life. To the Exy world, he may be a star. But to Jean, Kevin is another boy. Another man that hurt him (even if it is not that simple).

"Made it out alive, but I think I lost it / Said that I was fine, said it from my coffin / Remember how I died, when you started walking? / That's my life, that's my life." -> He made it out of Riko's punishment physically alive, that much is true. But this is what is going through his head when Kevin pops up on the television screen, his announcement of his transfer to the Palmetto State Foxes blaring in the Nest and in the halls of Edgar Allen University. He is screaming to himself that he told himself it was fine for all of these years, that it is fine that Kevin left and slit his throat on the way out, but it's not. He lost a part of himself back when Kevin's hand was broken. Kevin walked out, and he sliced Jean open on the way. He left Jean for dead, even though the Nest is his life. It's the only place he can be, and Kevin knows that. He knows that Jean isn't like the other players, and yet. And yet. That was his life, and Kevin did his goddamn best to ruin it, in Jean's mind. And I can imagine this was all coming back to him when he was locked away with the Foxes after Renee saved him. When Kevin comes around to visit, it's all rushing back to him in a tipsy, pain-hazed blur, of the day Kevin walked and ruined Jean's entire fragile paradise with him.

"I'll put up a fight, taking out my earrings / Don't you know the vibe, don't you know the feeling?" -> I like to think that this is part of Kevin's response to Jean. Because Kevin knows very well how Jean feels. He knows that what he did hurt Jean, and he knows that Jean will never truly forgive him for doing something Kevin had to do. Jean's fight had left him. He gave up resisting because it only made his life worse than it already was. Kevin, not so much. Riko mangled his hand, and Kevin put up the fight of his life to leave. He got a backbone and left. He took out his earrings and left behind the place that was damaging. Don't you know the vibe? The feeling? Kevin begs, asking Jean to understand what the calling of a better place looks like. How Penn States and the Foxes called to him so he could finally be free. Because surely Jean has heard it before; they both have. Kevin just stopped ignoring it.

"You should spend the night / Catch me on your ceiling / That's your prize, that's your prize." -> And this is Jean’s final response to Kevin. That Kevin still left and still slit his throat on the way out. Kevin escaped, but at what cost to Jean? Perhaps there is that small, bitter part of him that wants Kevin to lay awake at night and remember just how badly he wronged Jean. Bitterness gets you nowhere, but Jean isn't going anywhere anyway.

[ivanttakethis]

Before Round 7 - Tov’s Log (Bonus Scene)

Daiki (?) vs. Tallis (?) - ??? Win

————————————————————

Cassio was a hopeless romantic.

They loved soap operas and romance novels and sappy movies that Tov found too cloyingly sweet to stomach.

They loved love.

Tov never understood it.

When she would ask Cassio: “What does romantic love feel like?” or “How do the characters know they’re in love?”

Cassio always answered, with a wistful smile on their face: “You just know.”

Tov didn’t believe that.

At least.

Until…

Until she had Tallis’s face in her hands and he was looking into her eyes and he said: “I love you too.”

His words struck something at the very core of her. Like he’d plucked a harp string too hard.

Oh.

Oh.

Tov knew now.

She knew with the same certainty that she knew suns were also stars. That humans bled red and warm. That she and all of her classmates were doomed from the moment they entered Anakt Garden.

Tov knew she was in love with Tallis.

It wasn’t a world altering realization, like in the films Cassio watched all the time.

There were no fireworks or chiming bells or fluttering hearts.

Instead, it felt like laying beside him under the warm sun in the fields of Anakt Garden.

Like not having to speak to be understood.

Like reaching out to grab a hand you know is always there.

It felt like home.

But how could she tell him all of that?

Tov wasn’t even sure she had the words to explain it properly. It was all tangled up in her chest.

Maybe she could kiss him on the forehead, like that time Tallis had gotten really sick when they were younger.

She’d been trying to comfort him.

His skin was hot to the touch. He probably couldn’t remember it at all.

Or.

Maybe.

Tov’s gaze fell to his lips.

Characters in Cassio’s shows kissed all the time. It was a common expression of romantic love.

Maybe Tallis would understand what she meant by it.

She looked back up at him, and found him doing the same.

Was he just—

Tov’s thoughts screeched to a halt at the look in Tallis’s eyes.

Sick of these nights to come

To be engulfed in silence

In your gaze, where I'm seen

Consume me, yes, me

“I love you too.”

All of her nerves settled then. The chaos in her mind quieted for the first time in days. Tov was certain.

She closed her eyes and leaned in.

Tallis met her halfway.

He always did.

Back and forth.

Push and pull.

Take a piece of me and I will keep a piece of you.

The kiss felt like home too.

It wasn’t much more than a simple press of lips together, but Tov’s stomach flipped anyway.

Tallis’s cheeks were even warmer than before.

His hand curled around her wrist, and his thumb brushed over her pulse point.

Tov’s medical band beeped in response.

She wasn’t sure which one of them pulled back first, but Tov didn’t let him go very far, still cradling his face in her hands. He still had a loose hold on her wrist. They were both still alive.

“I believe in you.” She whispered.

Tallis gave her a shaky, but genuine smile. “I know.”

Tov smiled in return, “Good.”

————————————————————

Tovallis kiss!! We won!!! (purposefully ignores what happened during Round 7)

This is a follow up to Before Round 7 and is 100% CANON!!! @lookatmysillies and I decided it would be and no one can stop us 😁

I included Cure lyrics in the log because it fits Tov and Tallis’s relationship during Alien Stage well. One of them will leave the other first, but it’s hard to come to terms with that.

Sick of these nights to come? To be engulfed in silence? In your gaze, where I'm seen?? Consume me, yes, me???

It’s all very Tovallis coded.

I actually wrote a whole post and lyrical breakdown of Cure in the context of Tov and Tallis’s relationship overall, if you want to read that.

Chronologically, End of Round 7 comes after this. Though it’s probably even more of a devastating read now knowing that Tov not only told Tallis that she loves him for the first time, but also just realized she’s in love with him. Oof.

Save me Tovallis modern AU, save me!!

[brionysea]

Since this post made me curious: director's cut on the titles of clarity of catastrophe's chapter's? I'll admit I don't usually pay attention to them, but you've made me curious.

That, or director's cut on how you choose the quotes for each chapter, whatever you'd like to talk about more.

oooooh okay so I'm pretty sure that when I was trying to name the fic, that. quote image? y'know like a single line from a poem with black text on a white background. those aesthetic images that go around all the time on tumblr. it just popped into my head because I've reblogged it before. I want a storm I can dance in, I want an excuse to change my life really resonates with me so I had to track the origin down so I could use it as a title. turns out I liked the whole thing even more! I admit, I want the clarity of catastrophe but not the catastrophe. I want an excuse to change my life. criminal that the whole quote didn't stick with me. my apologies to franny choi. oh and this actually might have been BEFORE I remembered that quote but I was listening to predator by the crane wives and unavoidable disaster, serial over-reactor is such a mike wheeler lyric I screamed. and startled the neighbourhood birds. they hate and distrust me now. anyway I personally find using song lyric titles extremely unsatisfying and uncreative so I didn't use that one, but it IS the title of my wip playlist!

and then the FIRST chapter... well, I actually wrote it a while ago for a different fic, one where mike doesn't actually jump but the fact that he just walked himself there without thinking about it freaks him out and he runs off to have a panic attack in the woods. but I don't think that really fits his character. if mike goes to the edge of a cliff, he's gonna jump off, y'know? mike wheeler doesn't back out of things. even (especially) to his own detriment. so, yeah, I changed the ending so it works, and then I was left with this opening that's FULL of alice in wonderland references because I guess I was in an alice mood when I wrote it (I've always wanted to just show off the fact that I have all these iconic quotes on my bookshelf lol), and I'm like. well, he's going to another world. by falling. in a downwards direction. down a rabbit-hole, one might say. there's a chapter title as well. boom

so, nancy. this part's kind of funny because the way I keep using poetry titles makes it sound like I read poetry, which I Do Not. I don't Get poetry. but it had the feel I was going for so I kind of just looked around until I found something that fits nancy, and I found lines written in early spring by william wordsworth, which has the link between nature (nature vs. nurture, the inevitability of the family, the inevitability of yourself, they're in your blood and you're exactly like them and you can't get it out and you might have been different but now you'll never know) and the human soul (in this context, nancy's, which reminded me of the way mike tends to influence things around him; like, the larger concept of The Natural World that is The Plot, which is the actual point of the poem - Nature, not The Plot). and then there's the fabulously nancy wheeler line of and much it grieved my heart to see what man has made of man. again, back to the family, saying that this happened as a result of human actions; because if we're going to be so honest here, if we're going to say that mike died tragically at 12. that mike did that to HIMSELF at 12 years old. that's going to be his parents' fault. and nancy was there, she lived it as well, she Knows that and I think it would be very difficult for her to reconcile with that and her own complicity in it, hence why she's avoiding her mother (she was already avoiding her father. poor holly.)

back to mike for through the looking-glass, which I think is quite self-explanatory. he's on the other side, he went through the mirror like alice, and now he's here in this mirror world. but the QUOTE I chose here is quite interesting, because at first I wondered if the actual LINE where alice goes through the looking-glass would be cool, but it's kind of not. not for my purposes of finding a short, snappy title, anyway. but fortunately, alice opens that second book by talking to her cat (she does this a lot, it's quite sweet) and telling it all about this other world she imagined on the other side of the mirror, everything she knows about it so far - so there were several pages worth of stuff for me to work with. I liked the part about the words in her books going the wrong way, because of the link to stories. like, stranger things is a story. mike's life is a story. but it didn't HAVE to happen the way it did. what if the words went the other way? what if things happened differently, happened wrong? wouldn't that be interesting?

chapter 4 was suuuuuch a pain, honestly. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with it. there's a scrapped version of it in my drafts that's from dustin's perspective, where he's in after school detention for starting shit with his latin teacher, runs into lucas who's just come out of basketball practice on his way out, and they bicker about popularity and stuff for a bit. I had a VERY good title for this one in Because I could not stop for Death by emily dickinson, but the chapter itself just felt a bit redundant because we've basically already SEEN that conflict between dustin and lucas IN THE SHOW. I hope I get to use that title again later on because it's really just. so good. highlights of this scrapped chapter include eddie getting the cheshire-cat grin line (another character who's supposed to be dead, and then patrick showed up too, it was honestly freaking me out lmao). but honestly I don't really like eddie, and as much as seeing him again would probably help mike process his grief, I'm not sure if he'll show up again in the actual fic. eddie really would be a great cheshire cat though. oh! also, writing this non-chapter helped me decide on the fate of a very big character who was really holding me up, which I shan't say more on for spoiler reasons. another chapter title in my titles document that I'm not sure if I'll end up using is do not stand at my grave and weep by mary elizabeth frye, which is obviously REALLY fitting. well, obvious to you, at least. because you understand my cryptic ways

as for the ACTUAL chapter 4, I'm pretty sure I just. remembered the line about alice being like 'normal things? in this economy??' and it fit mike's situation very well. and THEN I looked at the ACTUAL line to make sure I got the wording right, and it's - first of all, it's this MASSIVE run-on sentence, which is very comforting as a writer. you really can write whatever you want forever. lewis carroll did it and his alice books are some of the most famous pieces of literature in the world. but also, the line is from when alice is eating the cake that makes you grow, which is relevant to both mike sitting in benny's restaurant eating food, and to mike being much taller than he was at 12. the second one doesn't really have anything to do with anything, I literally thought of it just now, but it fits! there's also, like, his personal growth or whatever, which is probably more relevant to the story, but you know someone's gonna be commenting on how tall mike's gotten now

which brings us to chapter 5, which is currently unfinished in my drafts, and is from hopper's perspective. my internet search for this one was very depressing - I was literally like, 'poems about children dying,' because hopper's character is just. so insanely sad. jesus christ. but that got me vespers by louise glück, which uses dead tomato plants in a garden as a stand-in for the loss of children, and seems to be addressed to... god? or death? or some unknowable face of the universe? which. sure, I guess. I won't begrudge anyone the way they deal with that horrific situation. here's a link to the poem; it's quite lengthy, and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have to use at least half of it for my regarding the tomato plants title to make any sense

did you notice the pattern yet? well, I'm gonna tell you anyway! here it is: all the alice titles are from mike's chapters, and all the poetry titles are from not-mike's chapters. everyone else is more grounded in reality while mike is tied to the story, the imagination, the fictional. isn't that fun!!!! it makes sense, too, with the way mike's coming into this mirror world like WHERE'S THE PLOT. I WOULD LIKE A DISTRACTION FROM MY BRAIN, PLEASE, GIVE ME A PLOT PROBLEM TO SOLVE, and then everyone else is just sobbing and smothering him in hugs because, to them, he's miraculously back from the dead, and that grief is Real in a way that mike has always ran away from as fast as he possibly can

[sinnohelitefourlore]

Since people liked this post, I am back to ranking how well I think the Sinnoh League members could dance:

13. Crasher Wake

My dude has two left feet. He has no sense of rhythm, none at all. He tries to do complicated dance moves and falls on his ass at least once.

12. Bertha

This is mostly an age thing. If Bertha was say, 30 years younger, I'm sure she could probably be a better dancer than half the people on this list. She's higher than Crasher Wake because she doesn't fall on her ass.

11. Cynthia

I think she's really clumsy. She could pick up and understand dance moves and has an okay sense of rhythm, but it would take a while.

10. Byron

This is another case where if Byron was younger, I feel like he would absolutely be able to bust it out on the dance floor. But alas, he is over 40. He gets bonus points because he has better rhythm than Cynthia, but picks up and understands dance moves at the same rate as she does.

9. Volkner

He can dance. He just doesn't want to.

8. Lucian

This might be controversial, but I think Lucian could be a good dancer - but more of a ballroom style, of dancing. He's actually quite good at ballroom dancing, and the reason why he isn't any higher is because he's absolutely garbage at any other style.

7. Roark

So you might be noticing a pattern, in which I have the younger Sinnoh League members in the top 7. Because I think the younger league members would be good dancers. However Roark is the worst of the lot. But I do think he'd be a fairly decent dancer if he got training for it. Things like hip-hop or contemporary. Don't ask him to do a lyrical routine because he will punch you in the face.

6. Maylene

I am keeping in mind the stature of the league members. I think Maylene would do exceptionally well not only because of her size, because she already expresses her body through movement, and I think dance would be hella therapeutic for her considering her dad's a gambling addict.

5. Gardenia

She gives me ballerina vibes. Vibes of someone who's mother forced them to do ballet at age three and when Gardenia turned ten she stopped when she went on her Pokemon journey but seven years of ballet just don't go away. Sometimes she likes dancing in her gardens.

4. Fantina

If Fantina was twenty years younger she would have everyone in this list beat and it wouldn't be even close. I think it would make sense that Fantina was trained in the arts. She is a performer, above all.

3. Flint

Unlike his singing abilities, I think Flint could absolutely be a great dancer. He even looks like one. He could break it down on the dance floor, would make others try to dance with him (cough, cough Volkner) and is the ultimate hype man. I sorta HC that there were a lot of street performers in Sunyshore (the break dancers you see in NYC, and maybe he learned from there. It could explain why Volkner would know a thing or two about dancing too).

2. Candice

Always second best, when it comes to singing and dancing, I believe. She, like Gardenia, also gives off learning dance at age three vibes except she is totally in practice and continues to go to dance class once a week, as a hobby. She looks like someone who would enjoy tap and jazz. She likes the sound of the clicking of the tap shoes the most, and she enjoys swing dances that you'd see in the 40s.

Aaron

I know this is controversial, but hear. me. out.

This boy has the body of a dancer, flat-out. He has the best physique for a male dancer. It also helps that his mother used to be a dancer. So Aaron's mom put him in a dance class, when he just learned to walk, thinking that he would be into hip-hop or something else usually for boys. But no. While being good at all types of dance, Aaron shines in lyrical routines, like his mom :) I HC that he's a very sensitive person, and I think the emotional ballads of a lyrical routine would fit his character very well. His love for dance only grew once he saw how graceful and beautiful his bug-Pokemon moved, and wants to be just as perfect as them. On days off from the league when he's not in Eterna Forest, Aaron could be found in the basement of the Sinnoh League, and would dance for hours.

[helenofjupiter]

assigning taylor swift songs to bridgerton couples (part 2)

with explanations that no one asked for (proceed with caution)

part 1 for a, b, c and d

eloise & phillip - i hadn’t even read the book and i knew paris was their song. i feel it captures their essence. “no, i didn't see the news 'cause we were somewhere else” while benophie are just as deep in the countryside, i think philoise truly don’t care about anything that goes on in the ton. “i want to brainwash you into loving me forever” i’m not sure why this line in particular stands out to me in context of their relationship. maybe because going into it they both had their agenda. also phillip constantly thinking he has to find a way to make eloise stay forever. “confess my truth in swooping, sloping, cursive letters” i think this one is self explanatory. secondly electric touch, i was hesitant about this one cause i’m just not a fan of this song sonically but the lyrics were too on point. “just breathe, just relax, it'll be okay // just the first time ever hanging out with you” - eloise sitting in her carriage on the way to meet a man who basically proposed to her without meeting once. from phillip’s “i've gotten used to no one callin' my phone” when eloise shows up and the servant’s “hey, we got a caller” and phillip going “wtf no one comes here, you sure about that”. also “i've grown accustomed to sleeping' alone” yeah eight years will do that. “i was thinking, just one time maybe the stars align, just one time and maybe I call you mine” 

francesca & michael - so i have a story regarding this one. as i got to the second half of the book and the spice started flooding in, i felt like the need for some equally sexy music in the background and i remembered (honestly don’t know how i ever forgot) the altarpiece of taylor’s music  false god. truly all the stars aligned, while i read the words “she felt cherished. worshipped. loved” miss taylor swift sang “we'd still worship this love”. other than that it does fall into the vibes category. tho if one day we are blessed enough to actually get their season i am expecting every social media feed to be drowning in edits of  franchel to this song. but also alternatively to don’t blame me. again, sexy. well the spice in this book was just on another level and i also couldn’t figure out if taylor has a song about being in love with your cousins spouse for six years. i think this is more from michael’s perspective. i mean “i've been breaking' hearts a long time” he even broke mine by being fictional. “if you walk away i'd beg you on my knees to stay” michael stirling would absolutely do this and frankly i can’t stop picturing it. if we do get to them in the show some glorious day, this is my official plea to include this song in the soundtrack. 

gregory & lucy - speak now is the somewhat lazy choice but have you read the prologue timed to this song. “i hear the preacher say, "speak now or forever hold your peace"” the church went silent “there's the silence, there's my last chance. i stand up with shaky hands, all eyes on me” the priest stopped his drone, and every spine in every pew twisted until every face was turned to the back. to him. “horrified looks from everyone in the room but i'm only looking at you” she said nothing, but he saw her. // she looked so beautiful. i rest my case. it was really hard to pick a song for them because there’s so many twists and turns in the book so my honourable mentions are haunted (when gregory convinced everything is solved and then lucy goes and marries another man) and daylight. finally i settled with ivy. “my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand, taking mine but it's been promised to another” i mean lucy has been promised to another man from the start of the book. it just fits them, okay (can you tell i’ve been writing this for four hours at this point).

hyacinth & gareth - dear god, hyacinth is my favourite character in the whole books series. i adore her but for the love of god i could not figure out what songs to choose for hyareth. it was truly a headache and if anyone has any suggestions, please do not hesitate to tell me. because they are such a chaotic and energetic duo, i wanted something that would fit them musically but ended up picking cowboy like me and peace. both are truly in the vibes category, i don’t have much of an explanation. in cowboy like me “and the skeletons in both our closets plotted hard to fuck this up” felt kinda reminiscent of the whole polt line with gareth and his father who wasn’t really his father. peace has a little more substance to it. in my head this is more from hyacinth, she is wild and you will never get bored with her but she can also be a lot and tiring. “you know that i'd swing with you for the fences, sit with you in the trenches. give you my wild, give you a child” this is who hyacinth is, she is a ride or die, and i truly believe she would sit in the trenches with gareth.

[abigailnussbaum]

I put off watching it for a while because I was pretty sure I was going to have this reaction. But now that I've bitten the bullet, I'm sorry: the Strange New Worlds musical episode is bad. It's bad as a Star Trek story, it's bad as part of the Strange New Worlds story, and it's bad as a musical.

To start with, I think it's time to admit that the musical episode concept is pretty depleted. "Once More, With Feeling" was more than twenty years ago, and what was once fresh and shocking now feels almost rote. Very few shows really manage to earn it, because they don't have to - the musical episode of a non-musical show is an established trope, which means the very thing that made it so groundbreaking is now gone.

But it's specifically a bad fit for Star Trek, not because it can't justify the concept - there's honestly no daylight between Buffy's "a demon who makes people sing and dance" and SNW's "subspace anomaly pulls us into a universe where people habitually break into song" - but because that kind of fourth-wall-breaking, genre-aware storytelling doesn't belong in Star Trek (or, at the very least, it belongs in something a lot more heightened like Lower Decks).

Star Trek isn't knowing. It isn't genre-savvy. Star Trek is earnest. And it takes its world seriously and treats it like something coherent in its own right, not something you can poke holes in and peek into our own universe from. When it comes down to it, the core flaw of all NuTrek shows is that they're often less concerned with being Star Trek, the story, and more interested in being about Star Trek, the franchise.

Strange New Worlds is an odd duck in this respect, because there are parts of it that so clearly understand Star Trek, the story, and are so clearly interested in expanding it, that I can't help but fall in love. Episodes like "Spock Amok", "A Quality of Mercy", and "Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow" do such a great job of slotting into the existing story while making it their own (though I could wish the show was better at telling original stories). I'm especially wowed by how they're handling Kirk, who is such a smart, non-sensational take on the character while still having all the recognizable flaws and quirks of the original.

But it's also a show that thinks breaking the fourth wall is the height of sophistication, that is more than willing to comment on its storyness in a way that runs completely counter to its Star Trek-ness. You see this in episodes like "The Elysian Kingdom", "Those Old Scientists", and now "Subspace Rhapsody". And if the first two of those at least had a Star Trek link - "Elysian Kingdom" is essentially a holodeck episode (even if it isn't as good as any of them), and "Those Old Scientists" is obviously all about Star Trek (even if, like so many media franchises these days, it collapses living in the Star Trek universe into being a Star Trek fan). But "Subspace Rhapsody" is just a gimmick, fundamentally no different from similar episodes on Lucifer or Grey's Anatomy or The Flash.

And worst of all, it's a bad musical. One effect of the fact that this trope has become so familiar is that it has created an sideline for talented songwriters who can knock out an episode like this without putting much personality or style into it, just hitting the required beats. There's got to be a power ballad. There's got to be a comedy song. There's got to be a kicky saloon number and a big finale. "Subspace Rhapsody" feels like the nadir of that cottage industry's output. The songs are all generic. The lyrics are forgettable while you're listening to them. There's no unified theme or style, because the point isn't to be a musical. It's to convey a general sense of musical-ness. Beyond the novelty value of a Star Trek musical - which, as noted, is pretty degraded in 2023 - there's nothing here of artistic merit, much less something that feels uniquely like a Star Trek musical.

(Case in point: the Klingons. Having them do boy band music is a joke that's funny for the audience, probably means nothing to the characters, and most importantly, does not make sense within Star Trek. Of course Klingons would sing - they would sing opera.)

As if to add insult to injury, the biggest character development in the episode - which is also driven by the only memorable song - feels baffling, and ends up shortchanging a relationship that the show has been trying to get us to invest in for more than ten episodes. Spock and Chapel got together at the end of episode 6, had a crisis in episode 8, and are now, in episode 9, breaking up for another, unrelated reason. Seems like a better use of everyone's time might have been to let these characters and their relationship develop organically, rather than informing us, through song, that Chapel has suddenly decided to prioritize her career (by, um, leaving Enterprise for so short a period that most couples wouldn't even consider it a major relationship challenge). Are we meant to understand that something deeper was wrong, and that the internship has brought it to light? If so, why haven't we seen it? It's hard not to feel that the musical was being used as a shorthand for emotional development the show didn't feel equipped to deliver, which is only one more way in which it underserves the show.

[atwooozi]

gojo x original character

Chapter 7: Trust

summary: At the end of a demanding week, Ai is invited to a wrap party, where she reluctantly agrees to mingle outside her comfort zone. Amidst the laughter and banter, Ai observes the real dynamics of the cast and crew, capturing fleeting glimpses of the man behind Gojo's public persona. Her determination to uncover the authentic Gojo fuels her, but as the lines between professional distance and personal connection blur, Ai faces an inner struggle—can she maintain her integrity while digging deeper into Gojo's guarded life?

genre: modern AU, slice of life, comedy, eventual romance, eventual smut, some angst

A/N: So before posting these chapters I like to think about what songs I'd like to pair with them because it's fun for me and I had a really difficult time deciding what songs would "fit" this chapter. Anyway, I landed on two songs that I think would be great for this chapter. Oddly, I think they kind of work together.

First is I CAN'T STOP THE LONELINESS by Anri. I love this song when I picture this fic as an anime I always pic this song as the opening. The second song is Good Luck, Babe! by Chappell Roan. I love her 80s synth vibe that she brings to her music it really fits the energy that I picture whenever I sit down to write this fic. My interpretation of the lyrics could be off, but I always read them and thought of the person that Chappell Roan is singing to is closeted. It doesn't necessarily fit the narrative that I've created here, but I think the sentiment is there? Hopefully you get what I'm trying to say.

READ ON AO3

The first week of following Ai’s assignment was at an end. Just as she had gotten used to Gojo’s schedule but today, production was wrapping up, everyone seemed to be in a much better mood, except for Gojo. Gojo always seemed to be in a decent mood, whatever the circumstances. Ai wasn’t sure if that was an admirable trait or if he was just rather disconnected from everything.  

“Are you gonna go to the wrap party or are you just gonna hide in here some more?” Gojo asked as he tried to take a peek at Ai’s notebook.

The “here” that Gojo was referring to was his dressing room. At this point, it served as Ai’s de facto office space as well as Geto’s photo studio. The usually sparse dressing room now had different lighting and camera equipment placed in the corner of the room, while Ai’s and Junpei’s laptops sat on the table along with their scattered papers. It was something that Ai would usually feel bad about, but Gojo seemed to enjoy the three of them in his space even if it did feel cramped. 

Ai jumped a bit and brought her notebook to her chest as she gave him an unamused look. “I’m gonna head back to the hotel actually.” 

“Bo- ring ~” Gojo teased as he stood up straight. “You guys are gonna come, right?” he asked Geto and Junpei, jutting out his lower lip and batting his lashes. 

“I have some stuff to do, but I’ll make an appearance,” Geto shrugged as he snapped a quick shot of Gojo. Geto tsked as he looked down at his camera screen. “Satoru, stop looking directly at the camera.”

“But the camera loves me, Suguru.” Gojo pouted at his friend, batting his lashes.

Geto rolled his eyes in response and put his camera down.   

“I-I can come?” Junpei pointed to himself in disbelief, bringing Gojo back to his earlier conversation. 

Gojo clapped Junpei on the back and laughed. “Of course, Junpei-kun!” 

“It’s going to be at a bar not too far from here just in case someone changes their mind , ” Gojo glanced at Ai and playfully stuck out his tongue, reminiscent of a petulant child, before adjusting his blindfold over azure eyes. 

Ai narrowed her eyes at Gojo’s antics. “I don’t think so, but I hope you all have fun.” 

Gojo left the dressing room without looking back, his laughter echoing down the hallway as he waved carelessly. 

Once he was out of sight, Ai thumbed through her notes. The pages were filled with different scribbles from her week. She felt like she held a wealth of information in her hands, but hardly any of it was straight from Gojo, which stressed her more than she’d care to admit. As she scanned the pages of her notebook, she smiled to herself. During Gojo’s downtime, Ai noticed he liked to play the Digimon card game online. It made her laugh when he would get called for a scene in the middle of a game because of how conflicted he would look. Ai sighed and shut her notebook, she didn’t want to dwell on it too much. She was sure that once she did a proper look-through, she would see that she had more to work with than she expected. 

“Are you sure you don't want to go?” Geto approached Ai as she was packing up. While she wasn’t completely sure, the expression on Geto’s face looked a bit devious.  

“It's not really my scene, besides, I wouldn't want Gojo to feel like he has to filter himself because I'm there,” Ai said meekly.

Gojo snorted in response. “Trust me, Satoru won't care. See it as a networking thing.” He grabbed Ai's bag and slung it on his shoulder along with his own. “Leave your work at home for once, Ai-san.”

Ai narrowed her eyes at Geto as he gave her an innocent-looking smile in return.   

Junpei nodded in agreement. “Geto-san is right,” he said falling in step behind them as they made their way to the car. “It’s going to be fun!”

“Why thank you, supervisor Junpei.” Geto hummed.

Ai wanted to fall to her knees in despair when she heard Junpei agree with that demon . Somehow the menace of a photographer had turned her sweet kouhai against her. There was no way she was going to be able to weasel out of it now. 

Uncertainty spread across Ai's face as she listened to Geto and Junpei bicker about the pictures and lighting issues throughout the day. As much as Ai wanted to sort through her notes, she couldn’t really pass up the opportunity to talk with Gojo in a more natural setting–for the article , of course.  

“Fine,” Ai said, sealing her fate as she climbed into the car.

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺

Ai wondered if she was right to want to stay at the hotel like she initially planned. When she arrived at the bar with Junpei, everyone was already a few drinks in. The energy in the room was lively and inviting, but she felt a bit out of place. 

Ai had always tried to skip work drinking parties since she and alcohol never seemed to mix well. She cringed inwardly as she thought back to the office New Year's party where she slurred her way through Anri’s “I Can’t Stop the Loneliness” at the top of her lungs. That could not happen again. 

Unlike Ai and Junpei, Geto had arrived separately. He was happily sipping on sake and picking at some yakitori near the corner of the private room reserved for the Jujutsu Kaisen cast and crew. 

While Ai couldn’t be certain, it seemed like Geto had made nice with the restaurant staff because despite being sat in the corner, fresh plates of food always seemed to travel his way first. She figured that it must've been one of the giggly waitresses since they would always linger a bit longer than they needed to after setting the plates down, blushing and smiling when Geto gave them a quick wink. 

Ai walked over to the table where Geto sat, Junpei following behind her. “You seem to be enjoying yourself,” she said as she and Junpei took the unoccupied seats next to Geto, the apparent womanizer.  

“I almost thought you changed your mind again.” Geto hummed as he took another sip of his sake. 

Ai shook her head. “I got a phone call from my boss.” 

“Everything good?” Geto asked, easily shifting from comfortable and relaxed and back into work mode. 

“Yeah…” Ai nodded as she got more comfortable. “He just wanted to check to see where we were with the story.” 

Geto nodded as he listened, lighting a cigarette. “Is he always so hands-on?”

“You smoke?” Ai ignored Geto’s question as she eyed the cigarette. 

Geto raised an eyebrow at her. “Is that a problem?” He brought the cigarette to his mouth before exhaling a small puff only moments later. 

Ai shook her head. She didn’t mind, she just didn’t think it suited her image of Geto. In her mind, he would smoke using a kiseru-style pipe much like a monk or a samurai did back in the 1800s. For whatever reason, cigarettes seemed too modern for him.

“So about your boss…” Geto trailed off, waiting for Ai to get back on track.      

“Oh right,” Ai pursed her lips and thought and looked at Junpei, who just shrugged in response. 

The thing is, Ai wasn’t even sure. With all her previous jobs she had always reported to someone under Yaga. When she got the call from her boss earlier, her heart felt like it was going to stop. She wasn’t sure how he could have found out, but she was almost positive he had somehow discovered her crush on Gojo and was about to fire her. However, Yaga gave no indication that he knew about the crush because any sane person would know that it was impossible for him to even know that. In actuality, he called just to check in and see how things were going. Yaga had much more important things to deal with than Ai’s nonexistent love life.

“No, this is just a big story for the magazine.”

“Well of course it's a big story. It's about me .” Gojo butted in as he sat himself between Ai and Junpei. 

Ai couldn’t help but roll her eyes at Gojo's comment as she scooted over– then again, she couldn't deny the truth of it, either. 

The man was truly everywhere--on magazine covers, on billboards, on keychains, he was inescapable. She passed him each day on her daily commute to the office--promotional images of Gojo plastered inside the station. If she paid attention, she could make out lipstick marks and encouraging post-it notes littering the promotional pictures. If she paid more attention, she would notice the lipstick and notes increasing with each passing day. The love for the man’s character was unreal.    

Gojo shoved his phone in Ai’s line of sight. “Look, they’re making another figure of me. It’s beautiful, but I think I’m even prettier.” 

“You’re so humble, Gojo-san,” Ai said dryly as she poured herself a beer, getting a chuckle from Geto and Junpei.

She knew that drinking probably wasn't the best idea, but between Yaga talking her ear off and Gojo being Gojo, she needed something to help her unwind a little.

“Thank you, I know,” Gojo replied, not even missing a beat as he started to pick at the various plates that littered the table.  

Gojo leaned back in his seat, draping an arm casually over the back as he took the room in. “So what were we talking about before I so courteously interrupted?” 

Geto glanced at Ai, asking for permission to share their conversation. She nodded as she took a sip of her beer. It tasted awful, but she continued to drink it. 

“Work stuff, nothing too exciting, you really didn't miss much,” Geto explained as he took another drag from his smoke.

Gojo raised an eyebrow and looked at Ai from above his glasses, clearly unconvinced. He graciously let the subject drop and pushed a plate of yakitori in front of Ai's face with a charming smile. “Have some. It's good stuff.” 

Ai pushed the plate out of her face. She leaned forward to check on Junpei and let out a sigh of relief when she saw him talking with Yuuji, Megumi, and Nobara. She didn’t even notice him getting up and going to the other end of the table. She was worried that Junpei might have felt obligated to pal along with her, but she was glad to see him interact with others closer to his age. 

Gojo glanced in the same direction as Ai and smiled. “They're good kids.” 

Ai couldn't help but smile at Gojo's comment. Despite his usual obnoxiousness, there was a genuine warmth as he looked on at his younger costars. He almost looked fatherly with the way he spoke about them. There was an obvious care that went beyond the typical working relationship. 

“They are,” Ai agreed as she rested her cheek against her fist. She felt a warmth spread in her chest. She supposed it could be the beer making its way through her system or the pride she felt as she watched her shy kouhai laugh and smile so freely. In her mind, it was a bit of both.

“They work really hard.” 

“Oh yeah?” Ai glanced back at Gojo.

Gojo nodded as he bit some chicken off a skewer. “Mhm, I’ve been pushing them to train more.”

“Train more?” Ai sat up a bit straighter. 

She cursed herself for not bringing a notepad with her to write anything down. Of all times–why didn’t she take her notebook with her? She quickly fumbled for her phone so she could at least type some quick notes down for later.  

If Gojo noticed Ai acting like a frantic mess, he didn’t give any indication because he continued to speak calmly and affectionately. “Itadori and Kugisaki are pretty new, right? I mean, Gumi-chan is too, I guess...” he shrugged. “Anyway, I’ve been pushing for them to train more so they can do more of their own stunts.”

“How come?” Ai asked curiously. It’s not like Jujutsu Kaisen had a tight budget; they could easily afford as many stunt doubles as they needed. They just finished making a blockbuster movie with a record production budget.

“It might be a load of crap, but I think it’s necessary to truly understand your character,” Gojo explained rather matter-of-factly as he tried to steal some gyoza from Geto’s plate.

“Do you feel more connected to your character because you do your own stunts?” 

Gojo pursed his lips as he continued to try and steal from Geto’s plate. 

“Satoru, just get your own,” Geto complained as he started to fill a plate for Gojo himself.

“But I think the ones you have look the best,” Gojo insisted as he easily swiped Geto’s plate with a smile, causing Geto to glare at him. “Anyway, as I was saying, I think it just flows more naturally if you do it yourself.” Gojo shrugged as he started to eat his newly acquired food.  

“What do you mean by ‘flows more naturally’?” Ai asked curiously as she struggled to type as much as she could before Gojo continued. When she glanced down at her phone screen the text was riddled with typos. What the hell did ‘I’ve been psy9ny for them to twin more so they dan fo their own stunts’ even mean? She hoped that Junpei would help her decipher it all later. 

“I mean, it just looks better,” Gojo stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “It opens up so many different possibilities in terms of shooting fight sequences and aside from what Itadori and Todo have to do, the choreography isn’t that difficult.” 

“Are you sure it’s actually that easy?” Ai questioned. “I mean, of course, it’s easy for you –you were a professional fighter before an actor.”

Gojo put his chopsticks down and looked over to Ai with a cat-like grin, dipping his glasses down his nose to see her more clearly. “Ai-chan, have you been looking into me?” 

Ai blinked at the man. “I mean, that’s literally my job.” 

“Oh yeah.” Gojo chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. “I forgot.”         

Ai rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t help but smile to herself. Internally she wanted to throw her hands up in the air and cheer. She had finally gotten something more from Gojo. She made a note to herself to thank Geto and Junpei for convincing her to go.

The night carried on and Ai seemed to relax. The worries of work melted away as she drank more and more beer. She felt her body noticeably relax as time passed. She wasn’t sure if it was because she had some more workable material or if it was the alcohol making its way through her system. The only thing she could wonder now was when had she become so stressed that her whole body seemed to ache with tension. 

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺

On the trip back to Tokyo, Ai decided to use the two-hour ride home to sort through her notes despite her mild hangover. She wasn’t ready to start writing the article yet, there was still too much work that needed to be done, but this would help keep the information fresh in her tired mind.

She skimmed through her notes and prepared to transfer them to her laptop.

He hides behind smiles, but maybe even unbeknownst to him, his giveaway when he’s stressed is the way he tends to clench his fist. 

Ai frowned as she looked over that particular note. She recalled jotting it down when there was a technical malfunction on set, but she noticed him doing it whenever Gakuganji didn’t like a particular take of his. It was too wordy or maybe it was just that it wasn’t that interesting to begin with. She didn’t like it at least. She frowned as she transferred the line into her word doc. As a writer, she’d find a way to rework it at a later time. It could be the future Ai’s problem. The dull headache she had made it difficult for her to do much else anyway.  

Ai leaned back into her seat and stared out the window, taking in the blurring scenery. She was still having a difficult time pinning Gojo down. She couldn’t really make a whole article based on their brief conversations. It was difficult for her to discern what was real and what was just an act he put on. She only could capture brief moments of the person beneath the character; that was the nature of the game with actors, but she wanted to dig deeper. 

Most actors put up a front. It was all part of the job for them. It didn’t matter how famous the actor was. Ai remembered when she interviewed Nobara, the girl put up as much of an act as Gojo did, but unlike Gojo, Nobara was able to reveal her caring nature and sense of duty to her craft without much trouble. It did take some work, though. It was when Ai finally convinced Nobara that she wouldn’t write about her more-than-platonic relationship with one of her female co-stars that she seemed to really open up. 

Given that there was a large shipping culture around Jujutsu Kaisen characters, Ai decided to ask Nobara about her thoughts on same-sex female pairings. She expected Nobara to give a diplomatic answer, but she answered rather casually. Ai tried to remember what the actress said. It was something like, ‘Honestly, I think it’s great that people can see themselves in the characters they love. If I saw that on TV I’d probably come out to my grandma.’ Ai wanted to include that in the article. But since Nobara wasn’t fully out to her, she couldn’t bring herself to do it. She wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she hurt someone like that–even if she was trying to encourage others in the process.

Besides, it wasn’t the type of story that Ai wanted to write anyway. Ai did her best to be professional; she wanted her subjects and sources to know that they could safely talk with her. Yes, she was a reporter, but her integrity as a person meant more to her than any story. She would like to believe that didn’t need to rely on such underhanded tactics to get readers. She just had no idea how she’d convince Gojo of that…

It felt like whenever she was getting closer to gaining his trust, he’d immediately put a wall up. It was frustrating, honestly. She scoffed as she thought about it. People always said she rarely let people in, but she'd argue that Gojo might be worse. 

Ai frowned as she crossed her arms over her chest. She generally didn’t like getting too friendly with the people she was writing about–it was just easier that way. It probably would be safer for her if she kept Gojo at a distance anyway. She didn’t want her feelings to grow into anything more than a crush. For the sake of her sanity, she couldn’t allow that to happen. After all, these stories weren’t about the relationships she formed with her subjects. The articles Ai wrote were about her subjects and her subjects alone. 

Ai would have to make a special exception for this case. In order to get something tangible from Gojo, she would have to offer a bit of something in return. It was the last thing she wanted, but she didn’t have much of a choice. How else could she get Gojo to open up to her if she didn’t open up a little herself? She could stand to be a bit more vulnerable if that’s what he needed to trust her.  

As the train carried on towards Tokyo, Ai couldn't help but feel some anxiety stir within her. It felt like electricity was traveling down her arms and into her fingertips. She closed her eyes and tried to focus on her breathing instead. The tingling soon dulled and she opened her eyes again to stare out the window. She could see her reflection in the window and frowned as her tired face stared back at her. 

She could do this. Ai sighed and rubbed her temples, the faint throb of her headache still there. She refused to let it slow her down, though. 

Her gaze drifted back over to her laptop. “One step at a time,” she muttered to herself, as her hands moved swiftly over the keys. As time passed, Ai had amassed pages of notes, each line a fragment of who Gojo was. The pieces were coming together but she still couldn’t see the whole picture. 

Ai glanced out the window once more, the skyscrapers of Tokyo coming into sight. The train began to slow, and a voice came over the speaker alerting passengers of their imminent arrival. Ai quickly saved her work and shut down her laptop. 

She glanced at her reflection once more. The same tired woman stared back at her, but now there was at least a flicker of confidence. “You’ve got this,” she whispered to herself, standing up and preparing to disembark.

[pale-opal]

If u think about it Epic’s no Longer Yout fits X incredibly well. If you think of the blue man and the lyrics (I’m super normal yes ma’am I am)

A song of Past Romance (his Relationship with Marty)

A sacrifice of man (The Deaths of his soldiers in the maverick wars or Axl dying in the elf wars to save X and the others)

Portrayals of Betrayals (Sigma’s rebellion, Mac’s backstab and more)

A Brother’s Final Stand (X vs Zero or Their Battle Against Omega)

I see you at the brink of death, I see you Draw your final breath (him being sealed along with the mother elf only to have his “Mind” shattered into 5 fragments only four came and one left to wander)

I see a man who makes it home but it’s no longer you (X kinda returns but he’s no longer the same person anymore)

U can add the rest

Also can’t want for Ithaca Saga dawg- *Smacked by pipe*

Yes!!! This works so well, oh my goodness- And I love your analyses! Every single one fits perfectly. And I really like the one about Marty. Imagine "Suffering" with someone pretending to be her while X just has to stand there and pretend to be amused. Homeboy would be struggling not to square up. Here's what I think of some of the other lines in the song:

"There is a world where I help you get home But that's not a world I know"

This can be interpreted as the home were X lives being gone. Abel City is no more, destroyed by the Elf Wars. And the people who he associated home with are all gone, too. Zero got sealed up, Axl's dead... nothing's the way it used to be.

"This can't be - We've suffered and sailed though the toughest of hells Now you tell us our efforts were nothing?"

I can see this as X realizing that all the fighting he'd been through in the Maverick Wars was sort of like fighting a losing battle. Like Sisyphus pushing that same rock up that same mountain, only for it to fall all the way back down for him to push it back up again. Only what if one day, he couldn't push the rock anymore? And what if it came after the rock appeared to stay in place? For X, that would be Elf Wars happening after he got rid of the Sigma Virus. Things changed in a way that could never be fixed, and no amount of fighting or talking could fix it. All his options were exhausted, and all he could do was watch as things got worse.

"I see your palace, covered in red Faces of men who had longed believed you're dead"

Now this one is a bit more difficult. But I think the "palace" could be symbolic. Maybe X is looking out at the world he once knew, now stained with the blood of both humans and reploids alike. Or maybe he's looking at the remains of Abel City, if there are any left. Or maybe, just maybe, he's looking at a picture of his friends and family - people he once loved, taken from him as casualties of war. But he remains, his existence reduced to that of a ghost. The second line could refer to how X vanished until he decided it was time for Ciel to wake Zero up. He appears basically out of thin air, after everyone had realized they had no clue where he was. And a big part of Copy X's character was having a god/superiority complex (although it is more of an inferiority complex - the man had a lot going on. Freud would have a field day with his brain). He felt he had surpassed the real X - I bet he even thought he was gone for good. What better way to prove yourself greater than your dead predecessor than being alive? I think he was so sure the real X was gone that when he realized he wasn't, he threw an absolute fit at some point offscreen.

"I see your wife, with a man who is haunting A man with a trail of bodies"

There are two ways I feel this can be interpreted (three if we count both at the same time - the ideas aren't mutually exclusive): 1. These lines could be talking about X himself, and how he no doubt had to kill others just to stay alive in the Elf Wars. And he would definitely fight people if it meant keeping Marty safe. 2. These lines could also work as an allusion to Marty's death. I'm not really sure who would kill her, but Copy X seems like the angstiest option, so let's talk about that: He was known for his lack of mercy when sentencing mavericks. He probably sentenced more than a few to death. And he did whatever he deemed necessary for the safety of the humans. Copy X may have been a robot himself, but that did not stop him from treating his own kind like trash. So what mercy would he have for the wife of his predecessor? The same predecessor who he's convinced he's better than? He'd probably kill Marty just for being a reminder of the real X. She'd absolutely fight like heck before being done in, though. Knock-off X would definitely need some extensive repairs once everything was said and done. But then again... while Marty is an absolute boss, would she have it in her to try to kill someone who looked nearly identical to her husband, knowing that he didn't share his heart, and only his face? Or would she find herself resigned as she was torn asunder?

Also, I'm really excited for the Ithaca Saga too! I wonder if Odysseus will deal with Antinous himself, or if - *cut to black, credits roll*

[sincerely-sofie]

I love seeing your voice claims! It's so entertaining to hear how you would envision someone's voice, even if it isn't perfect!

But now i'm curious if you have any 'themes' for the characters. Like, something that would fit while playing in the background during a scene that focuses on them.

If you don't know what im thinking about (I REALLY hope that doesn't sound condescending) Thinking of your interpenetration of Skuntank makes Groose's theme from Skyward Sword play in my head. Something like that?

:00000 !!!! A FELLOW GROOSE’S THEME SKUNTANK IMAGINER!!!

Thank you so much! I catch your drift, and it wasn’t condescending at all! I have such a hard time choosing themes for characters because I have a very specific vibe for them all in my head, but its hard to find pre-existing songs out there that check all the boxes. I tried to pick songs (specifically instrumental songs because if I went into songs with lyrics we’d be here all day) that encompassed the general “feel” of the characters well enough. However, I’ll include some notes on what I’d try to include for the characters’ themes of if I were to make them from the ground up!

Also going to hide all the links and stuff under a cut because this post got big hehe

Twig

Twig's theme would be light and peppy for the most part— a fast, jaunty tune that would be difficult to play in real life. There'd be points in it where it sounds like the musicians are struggling to keep up the pace and would fail to play the same notes as previously used— giving it a desperate element, like she's struggling to keep up with her own happy appearance. I think she'd have an acoustic guitar or mandolin as a major part of her theme, and maybe one of those toy pianos that give a very chaotic, enthusiastic vibe to songs? She'd have a stretch in her personal leitmotif that would form a beautiful melody when paired with Kip's.

Kip

Kip would have a generally happy sounding song that incorporates the ukulele and maybe ocarina. He'd have a stretch in his personal leitmotif that would form a beautiful melody when paired with Twig's.

Sen

Otherworldly voices harmonizing are a must for her, as are audio glitches disrupting and changing the flow of the melody that they're harmonizing in.

Dusknoir

Dusknoir's theme would start off proud and almost boastful sounding when he's first introduced, then turn dark and intense when he's revealed as a villain, and would finally mellow out into something mournful yet soothing to listen to. I think he'd have cellos as a major piece of it.

Celebi

Celebi’s theme would be very light and peppy— almost bouncy in sound, and definitely extremely cutesy. I can see the hum of insect wings or cicadas singing being used as a kind of atypical instrument that could be used.

Grovyle

I'm not sure about instruments for him, but he'd have a very distinct leitmotif that would start off very aggressive and erratic sounding, then be slowed and softened in a way that makes it sound almost nostalgic later on.

Ark

His theme’s instrumentation evades me— maybe a violin or clarinet? A harp? It would need to be an instrument that isn’t typically played alone. Either way, it would have several points where it would go oddly quiet and mournful. It’d be an all around very mellow, vaguely sad tune.

Cresselia

Her theme would comprise of a piano— an instrument that is largely seen as a standalone in most compositions— and would layer perfectly over Ark's to make a complete song, the quiet parts of their individual themes allowing the other to stand out when they step back.

Opal

She'd have music box-esque instrumentation for sure, and twist her parents' themes on their heads in a way that they become something unique— Twig's frantically happy notes would change key in such a way that they'd sound genuine, and Ark's quieter, melancholy stretches would be filled in by a lighter accompaniment.

This was such a fun ask hehe. I’ve always loved making pretend OSTs for my projects out of pre-existing songs, complete with alternate titles that would replace the original if the soundtrack were real— I should get back into that hobby and make a full one for TPiaG!

[letters-to-rosie]

talk revolution to me: arcane fanfiction playlist

there are few moments more exciting as a fanfic author than when someone makes something inspired by your work. in this case, we have a playlist made by @arrowdite, and in this post, because there were rationales for every song picked, I wanted to respond! the playlist is a work in progress, and this post is, too! thanks again, friend! 💖💖💖

check out the fic here!

1. Black Sheep - this is pulled from my regular Timebomb playlist. I think it fits the state we find Ekko and Powder in, regardless of the universe. Now that the truth is just a rule that you can bend / You crack the whip, shape-shift, and trick the past again

I really like the lines you pulled out on the past for this one. The vibe of the song, like sonically, is very Powder I feel, and the lines about the past really fit with how I just kind of drop the reader into the story, into Powder and Ekko's relationship in the main timeline, before I bothered to explain how they got like that in the first place lol. Their own lack of understanding about what really happened between them and the other's motivations when they were kids is such a big part of their arc, so these lyrics really fit, not just the ship in general but this... articulation, I guess lol, of them.

2. Run Wild - I imagine Powder listening to this song to hype herself up as she heads to The Last Drop in chapter 2. I think some of the lyrics in the chorus fit her when we first meet her, too: determined, but aimless. I’m on a mission and I won’t stop / No destination but it’s worth a shot

For two, she wasn’t going to go. She wasn’t. But then she got back to her apartment, dumped her bag out on the floor, and saw that stupid green eye staring back up at her. She has nightmares about green eyes, sometimes waking, sometimes sleeping. Her worst ones are the what-ifs—if she had just done something different that day, or any of the days preceding it, what kind of life would she be living? Some of the what-ifs hurt for their immateriality, while others make her happy for what she’s got. And with Viktor, the human manifestation of her meager impulse control, gone for the weekend, Powder put on some music, dolled herself up, and got on the move.

She'd be playing this while getting ready haha, dancing in her apartment and feeling angry in a way she can't express right. She really is wild in that chapter. And that aimless state is so important, because Ekko is kinda right when he says she's not offering any alternative, but that's not even what she's trying to do at that point. Plus, this song is just fun, and I feel like Powder would like it lol. I also really enjoy the Thutmose reference, bringing it back to Ekko!

3. Pathetic - Powder’s opinion of Ekko at this point in the story, revealed when he makes his first appearance in chapter 2. …It's been / 1460 days since we were alright / You're having trouble sleeping and I think I know why / 1460 days since we were alright / But now you're just pathetic, I said it

Okay, I just really like this one hahahahaha like?? I can't even describe what exactly it is about it, but after a couple listens, it just stuck in my head. But considering "pathetic" is a word Powder uses in their fight at the end of chapter 2, it gets that other layer of meaning. The irony here is that Powder doesn't know why Ekko has trouble sleeping—and in Ekko's POV, we see how different that night plays out to him. In her head, he's just this posturing villain, and he is like that a little bit, but she has no idea the cognitive dissonance she's about to inflict on this man. Until later, hehehe. It's also fun to imagine Powder dancing to this one with a hairbrush as a mic. I'm sure y'all get the vision.

4. Pieces Of The People We Love - A character song for Powder. She has lost a lot of people and carries their memories with her, across distance (Vi), change (Ekko), and even death (Vander, Tovan, Mylo, Claggor, her parents…). As much as it can pain her, she keeps those people close to her heart. I think this is one of her strengths. She may not know how to express it, but she has a lot of love to give. Like when her empathy is on display at the hospital; though she doesn’t know the people there, they get to her. She takes them with her. Decides to stop looking away. Start her club. In short, the pieces of the people she loves are what drive her to build a better future. And all our time together is tearing me apart / I can't hold you tomorrow but I hold you in my heart

I remember I was actually really nervous about writing Jinx as a main character, just because I tend to relate more to Vi in canon, but working on this fic led me to appreciating things that hadn't stood out to me before. Jinx literally keeps versions of the people she lost near her because of how heavily the trauma weighs on her. I wanted revolution!Powder to have some of that same energy. The song has this kind of anxious energy, and I feel like that connects well with how Powder feels throughout the chapter. She's really knocked off-kilter in chapter 3, and she has to decide how she's going to deal with not only what Ekko said but what she's going to do with these "pieces of people she loves," and that really is what motivates her. She takes off the blinders and decides to empathize with others. I'm like a proud mom lol I love her!

5. Memories - Chapter 5, Ekko and Powder’s reunion at the community center. How Powder remembers Ekko and how he appears to her now juxtapose each other in her mind’s eye. And it’s reciprocated: Ekko is baffled to see her. I imagine they’re both confused about how to rectify the discrepancy in their minds. My memories came back in the form of someone else / …Why won’t you love me now? Why won't you love me now? / …You shouldn’t be on your high horse, we’re not so stable anymore

Yeah, they were both very confused lmao. They both have very preconceived notions of who the other is, and they don't really take well to the disruption to that. I alluded to it in the notes, and he says it outright in chapter 20, but Ekko really thought Powder was following him lol. And Powder accuses him of stalking her, even though she's able to put together that he went to school in that neighborhood way back in the day and would probably have some connections in that part of the city. She's also very much on a project to knock Ekko off his high horse after he retaliates with that threat. But as the creator of this playlist pointed out in a comment on this chapter, Ekko's not the only one being self-righteous! Plus more Thutmose! Yayyyyyy (for those who might not know, he's one of the people who provides Ekko's voice for True Damage!)

6. Hard Times - Chapter 6, but applies to Powder’s whole situation. “Vi huffs. ‘You gotta stop being so hard on yourself, Pow.’ ‘Tell life to be softer on me.’”

Is this the time to admit that I fully fit into that stereotype that black people love Paramore? I have a friend who's black and Brazilian and apparently the stereotype travels lmao. But I actually hadn't heard this particular song before, and I really enjoy it! Another one for Powder to dance and have a crisis to. But the funny thing about the particular quote from chapter 6 that was pulled here is it was actually inspired by another song with kind of similar enegry? "Softer to Me" by Relient K, because I grew up during a time when "Sadie Hawkins Dance" and "Be My Escape" were big hits, and that band was pretty formative for my teen years. I used to listen to them and Paramore on playlists I made in the late 2000s, so the connection was really fun for me!

7. Same Soul - Another song pulled from my Timebomb playlist. This one is kinda meta. They’re in a different universe, literally, since this is an AU, so it’s like they’re meeting again in different bodies. But it also works in-universe, since they’re meeting again after so much has happened and they don’t recognize who they were to each other. Figuratively—but also, Ekko’s eyes are green now. Would your heart know if I met you in a brand-new set of bones? / …I’m just somebody that you used to know

Also just really love this one, particularly the chorus, and especially the one after the bridge. I also thought of it in connection to Powder's feelings about Vi and meeting her after her years in prison. There are places where I make it explicit that Powder's feelings about Ekko and Vi are interlinked in some ways (particularly the poem at the end of chapter 17). This also fits well with Powder's gradual realization of how different Ekko's life is and how he has different people in it, which comes out strongly in chapter 12.

8. Starboy - This song makes me think of Revolution-verse Ekko. He’s under so much pressure and has to present a particular image to be effective in a lonely, high-stakes role he doesn’t like to play. And from Powder’s perspective, he does certain things just to hurt [her]. Look what you’ve done / I’m a motherfuckin’ starboy

Ekko definitely plays mind games. It's one of the traits I pulled out of his Arcane portrayal and turned up to eleven to make an "antihero" version of him. The first verse of this song I feel like connects to that part of him, and the second connects to the part that is tired of the games that are part and parcel of the shimmer business and take up so much of his time to push back against, even if he dismisses them as uncreative (and even if that comes back to haunt him). Everything he does is pretty much calculated to keep that inner universe steady and keep his head on amongst all Silco's allies as he comes into that more... administrative role. And Powder does see him as having particular tools to hurt her because of their history, as well.

The mac and cheese is baked as it should be. It is Powder’s sole consolation in this stupid, awful world. She ought to be able to enjoy the scene in front of her, but she can’t. Every time she interacts with Ekko, she comes away feeling like trash. Their history gives him a unique ability to make her miserable, and she knows, somewhere deep in her bones, that Ekko isn’t going to let this lie. Their little peace is over, and as long as she keeps coming to the community center, she’ll likely have to prepare for battle on a regular basis.

9. Undo - Chapter 8, the argument on the bridge from Powder’s perspective. You've been pouring gasoline in your living room / Light a cigarette while you complain about the fumes / Who are you to talk? / …Oh, come on, just say something / No, go ahead, tell me, what do I need?

Some of these lyrics kind of parallel a song I am trying to advance as a timebomb song, "Percogesic" by Gallant. But I think the lyrics here— You're so shook when I look right past you So surprised you don't get an answer Guess no one told you, now I told you We're not living in the forties Ain't it weird to feel small 'n stuff? —connect very nicely to Powder not answering Ekko's question at the end of chapter 8, even though it doesn't surprise him. He will get an answer, just not directly, and that's the surprise! But the lyrics in general remind me of them, how Powder is unwilling to give him that power over her; even though Ekko's presence does make her upset, he's far from the only problem she has. As she says at the end of chapter 9, "...she will handle Ekko. But first, she has to handle herself."

10. < Coping Mechanism > - Powder lost a lot the night of the explosion, including Ekko—from her perspective, willingly—to Silco. She sees Ekko as an adversary, but it’s because she feels betrayed. Now that he’s back in her life, she’s forced to look at some ill-timed big feelings in chapter 9. I've wasted so much time / Hating myself for trying / ...Had your eyes locked on someone else / No, you couldn't help it / Or could you?

Somehow this playlist beat me to announcing my headcanon that revolution!Powder would be a Willow fan, haha. Their energies match in my head. Plus, bi solidarity! But anyway lol, the song mentions voices in her head, which is very relevant for chapter 9, and there's this sense that the lyrics are questioning whether the situation in the song is predestined or not. I also like these lyrics for them: Fun fact, I really wanna fuckin' make you cry It just isn't right, so enticing just like you Mastermindin' every fight Rivers flowin' from my eyes No emotion from your side Fun fact, I'm the worst, it's true Fun fact, I learned it all from you I need a coping mechanism now, every night

11. An Honest Mistake - Chapter 9. Powder’s Anniversary feelings catch up to her. My old friend / I swear I never meant for this / I never meant— / Don’t look at me that way / It was an honest mistake

Powder really does see the accident as an honest mistake (because it was!!!), and I haven't written it yet, but there's a reason Powder doesn't see Ekko's expression in the scene where he finds her mid-breakdown. She's assuming he's looking at her a certain way, and she doesn't even know. I love drama lmao

12. Our Own House - Chapter 12, the porch scene. Powder’s group becomes official. It’s the culmination of and launching pad for so many things in Powder’s life, and for Powder as a character. We built our own house, own house / With our hands over our hearts / And we swore on that day / That it’ll never fall apart

The porch scene!! It really solidifies Powder's friendships with her club, and it so much of the politics I've been trying to explore is about that "own house" building. There are a lot of things we can't change, but building solidarity with people around us and working to build something that will take better care of us than the current system does is certainly a place to start. This gets a nice theoretical resonance in a book I recently read for class, Olúfẹ́mi Táíwò's Elite Capture: How the Powerful Took Over Identity Politics (And Everything Else). The theory is doing a lot lol, but he advances it in the hopes of putting forward this idea he calls "constructive politics," which is about building new rooms and houses, as he puts it, where we can create more equal ways of relating to each other and the world. A tall order, but I like to dream big. He also talks about how Pedagogy of the Oppressed was used in the liberation struggles of Cape Verde and Guinea-Bissau, and that is just super fucking cool haha.

13. Zanies and Fools - Chapter 12. The porch scene is such a pivotal moment for Powder, it deserves two songs. It may sound corny, but together, anything really is possible. (This song is a real-life reminder of that truth for me and I get emotional nearly every time I listen to it.) This song also recounts how Chance the Rapper met his future wife and I’m not saying that’s Ekko and Powder but I’m not not saying it 👀 I'm so powerful every time I look at you / No  memory of anything I couldn't do / …Everything will go right as it can / It's possible

It's true! If it weren't, there wouldn't be so much effort put into preventing solidarity on the part of the powers that be. If y'all will allow me a theoretical moment, there's this part in the Bible that says the wisdom of God runs contrary to people's wisdom, and I think that's interesting if we think of that in terms of how often we're told that humans are rationally selfish and human nature is greedy and violent and everything else. Acknowledging this is considered common sense, but we also know from practical experience that people are also often kind and generous, and we can choose to lean into that and cultivate it. Believing anything is possible is considered foolish, but how else do we change things, you know? Outside of the connection this could have to the porch scene itself, there's also a link to the way that Ekko sees Powder as constantly pushing what he thinks is possible, which is why she inspires him so much. They're so cute. Help lol

14. Montage - Chapter 13. Powder reminisces about the childhood she shared with Ekko. Tears soaked, we still make each other laugh / Fabricating a montage of our love / All the things we were gonna do fade away / We grew up and apart and we’re not the same

This one is a little funny to me just because it's so different from the song I chose to quote at the start. But it's a nice little flip side, because where I had a more... I almost wanna say cynical approach to that chapter, not necessarily in the content, but because I was the only person who knew where that moment would lead, it was almost like I was poking fun at it, but that's not how it is for Powder and Ekko. And she does make him laugh! That's how she gets through to him. The idea of the montage pairs really nicely with the play and the curtains that frame Powder's reminiscing in the chapter.

15. Let Me Down Easy - A song from Ekko’s perspective of chapter 13. Ekko expects Powder to tell him to fuck off forever when he offers, but it’s not what he wants. Despite how awful they’ve been to each other, despite expecting rejection, his care for her comes through. He holds her in higher esteem than she believes. I also like that the song mentions lemonade, a callback to the porch scene. It’s not a, a bad time, time spent with you / There’s cool lights and songs with good lyrics / We never have to talk again, whatever, up to you

Lol the lemonade needs to come back to tie things together in the plot. But this is a pretty good summary of where they are at this point. Ekko certainly doesn't think they'll be friends again, and he's willing to give Powder peace even if it means closing the door on the possibility that they could become close later. His care comes through, and he really doesn't expect the slightest bit of reciprocation, but Powder surprises him again (and gets ice cream for her troubles, lol).

16. Get Free - Another character song for Powder. I feel like this one could be Powder’s/this fic’s thesis statement: Not trying to get by / I’m trying to get free

I need Mereba to drop a new album because she keeps clowning us on instagram, and I have complained about this with a friend before lol. That said, I really think the title of the project this song (and "Black Truck," which gets quoted in chapter 25) comes from is really apt as well: The Jungle Is the Only Way Out. That phrase really sums up Powder's journey very well, and she really is trying to free herself from the structures that come more and more sharply into view as she applies herself to helping others and working towards change. And while this can be discouraging, she keeps pushing because she wants to be free. Very relatable feeling. Side note, I feel like "Sandstorm," another one of her songs featuring JID is a good timebomb song.

17. RICKY - An Ekko song. Particularly obvious in Chapter 16, at the hospital. “‘Catch more flies with honey than vinegar.’ Ekko scratches at his scalp. ‘But jealousy makes people do crazy things.’” His success doesn’t secure his safety. He has to deal with people he’d rather avoid or, at worst, would see him killed. But he’s successful because he takes wisdom from multiple—even contradicting—places, uses it the best he can, learns quickly, and doesn’t forget who he is. First they mockin', now they hoppin' / All on the wave 'cause they see me poppin' / Big-big-big large pockets, they start flockin' / Here's what I say when they ass keep knockin'

This is so funny to me lol. For reference, I quoted the title song from the ZUU album in chapter 6, and this is the track that follows it. There are a lot of themes (and I have a lot of feelings about Denzel's music, but this is not the time because otherwise we'll be here all day) about family and parenthood in Ekko's side of the story, so I think this is a good fit, even though it never occurred to me! He keeps things that belonged to his parents close and thinks about them often. Advice they've given him features in his inner monologue as well. But it's also true that people are trying to get things from him, and it's all catching up. (Chapter 16 also has a Denzel Curry song quoted in it, "Chrome Hearts" ft. Zacari and the Cold Blooded Soul Band; extra fun fact, I can rap this whole song lmao).

18. Dancing in a Daydream - Chapter 18. Ekko and Powder see each other at the club, on the balcony and dance floor respectively. This is, admittedly, the more angsty of the song options I had for this moment. I chose it because the lyrics describe a moment as temporary as the one they share. We've reached the palace but I'm betting that it won't last / Bright lights and mirror ball / We might be hurting but I'm ready for the free fall

It's fine if this is an angsty choice, because Powder's pretty angsty by the end of the chapter as she develops her plan to set things straight with Ekko, lol. The dream imagery of the chapter pairs nicely here. The song I picked for it is a pretty different vibe, and so is the song I could have picked but didn't think of in time, Kehlani's "Hate the Club," which is also a nice match. Between the three songs, you can choose your fighter lol. I like the name of this band, though. Fits the vibe, and me lol

19. Ego - Chapter 20. Ekko and Powder have a difficult conversation in Ekko’s hotel room. They’ve both been working on their egos, going by their ability to have one at all. (Thank you for recommending me this song forever ago, btw, it’s lovely.) Easy for me to care and you want me there / …I’m working on my ego

Y'ALL. This is my current favorite song. It has been since I first heard it. You gotta get like almost 4 minutes in before that switch comes in, but the strings and the bass... like it's truly magical. If you have headphones, I recommend using them. Done advertising lol. But that part at the end has nice lyrics for them too, as well as the beginning: Is that you, baby? Check when you're makin' no sense In this hotel bed Feels like, "What are we doin'?" Which is pretty on the nose lol, but I like it, and then toward the end: Don't wanna run Every time I get that feelin', I just rather be stuck Putting my favorite song at the most pivotal chapter, I'm emotional haha. The instrumental catharsis it provides matches the way the chapter is designed to build, too.

20. My Friend - By the end of chapter 20, Ekko and Powder clear the air. They reach a new understanding of each other. You’ve seen me from every side / Still down for the ride

These lyrics also capture part of why they work well as a couple; they work on most of their major issues before they even date, haha. On a more serious note, Powder really does get a real picture of what Ekko's dealing with, and to his surprise, she decides to stick by him and extend kindness. Just like in other situations throughout the story, Powder changes things by choosing to be understanding and kind. Perhaps it is cliche, but Powder/Jinx is a character who feels very deeply. I think it works.

21. Same Heart - You know I had to pick a song by Reed Shannon. This one has themes of reconnection while there’s action out in the streets. The moment Ekko and Powder part in chapter 21 feels like the start of something new, so I thought it fit. Baby, maybe we can do it again / Let’s restart, I’m your friend

In case you didn't know, Reed Shannon is Ekko's voice actor in the game AND in Arcane. As far as I know, he's the only voice actor from the game who reprised his role in Arcane. I love the 2000s r&b vibes on this one, very me. The fun thing is that Ekko realizes his feelings for Powder when he wakes up after the whole... hotel thing, and so there are a couple layers of meaning here. And it was just the night before that Scar was doing the stuff, so there was very much action in the streets! Really fun easter egg-type song to include.

22. Dirty - Caitlyn’s reveal in chapter 22 absolutely gets a song on this playlist. Full disclosure, I’m not convinced this is the one. But I like that it asks the question, “Do you love your neighbor?” because it has multiple meanings here: Piltover and Zaun are neighbor cities, and the rent strike is about helping your literal neighbors. And I like that some lyrics sound like they’re written by a schemer, like Caitlyn. I got a skeleton under the floorboard / I got a secret I need you to keep / …Aren't you fed up yet? / Do you have enough love in your heart / To go and get your hands dirty?

Caitlyn still has stuff up her sleeve in the plot! But she is very much a schemer, both in canon and the fic. Caitlyn's arc is very much about learning how the systems of exploitation that keep Piltover and Zaun in their places operate and using her influence to mess with that. Even if she doesn't get everything from the outset, she's determined to learn from Powder, and she's motivated by love, primarily for Vi, but also for the fellow people who are suffering under the name of the City of Progress.

23. Choose Me - Chapter 27, Powder and Vi’s fight. Powder is working hard to build a life she and Vi can be proud of, but they need different things. Vi doesn’t see what Powder does for Zaun and why, so Powder wonders how Vi can see her for who she is. How can Vi want her? I know there are places that I can't go with you / …I'd rather you choose me every day

OH BOY, there's a reason chapter 27's title has "tragedy" in it. Powder does want to be chosen by Vi, all of her, and not just the parts Vi understands. Vi's own trauma really does prevent her from seeing things from Powder's perspective. There are places she can't go because of how much pain they cause her, and while Powder's working on reaching out more, she wants the same from Vi. At the same time, Vi feels like Powder is choosing Zaun over her in a sense, so it works on both levels.

24. Call You Mine - Chapter 30. “Yeah, she decides later, lying in bed and looking up at the ceiling. She’s going to tell him.” Baby, can I call you mine, mine? / ‘Cause you're always in my mind, mind

This one is so hopeful! It's a big shift after the content of chapter 30, but Powder really is at that point where Ekko represents a bright spot in her life. They've been working to know each other better, and Powder's friends are cheering her on to go after something that would make her happy. It speaks to how sweet these two turned out to be in the fic, which was probably a surprise to everyone (including me lol, since it grew out of things I came up with as I was writing).

25. Hummingbird - Ekko and Powder steal moments when they can, resulting in long text convos and late-night phone calls. Pen pal on the night shift / She’s who I get away with / …And hummingbird, I know that’s our time / But stay on / Stay on, stay on with me / And hummingbird, I can never unsee / What you've shown me

The OG interlude! Even if it makes them both tired, they prioritize each other in those long convos and calls. You could almost imagine this playing in the background while the two of them are shown split-screen talking on the phone, lying in their beds.

26. Like 90s R&B - Ekko spends the night at Powder’s place and already she can’t wait to see him again. Feel like I was only seeking you, already got me feening for more / I spend all my time daydreaming, got me living for the weekend, oh no

I am an r&b girlie, what can I say. This one was a lot of fun! Powder really is in too deep, like the lyrics say. But so is Ekko, haha. I think the song will only fit more as they keep getting closer, getting frustrated with the things that make it so they can't be as open with their relationship as they'd want.

27. Offense - End of chapter 33. Powder announces herself to the wealthy of Piltover with her excellent award acceptance speech. Figured I should say some', but you don't wanna hear me vent / You can talk bad all day long, I will never be impressed / Dunno what I did to make you feel that you be earnin' my respect / …I said it with my chest and I don’t care who I offend, uh huh

Simz always has so much confidence in her music, haha. This song goes really nicely with the title of chapter 33, "polemics in free verse," which implies that Powder is attacking someone else's ideas through poetry. It really fits perfectly; Powder refuses to be taken in by the glitz and glamor, choosing instead to point out the people who make it all possible. All Power to the People indeed.

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