#I'm not answering this legitimately 'cause holy fucking shit

[dailyashleighraichu]

So you think you don't need help after having a panic attack from seeing food. You think you know everything about the world but the fact of the matter is? You don't. You're killing yourself by starving yourself, and for what? Some stupid notion of thinking you look hotter as a bag of bones instead? You will NEVER be 'perfect' as Ahuahu claims because there is no such thing. Perfection of self involves loving the person you are, and if you're so arrogant as to believe you're ok with not eating and ok with letting some figment of your imagination control you, and think they are good for you, and has your best interests at heart over your OWN FAMILY? You're incredibly selfish and ignorant to what you are doing to yourself.

Your family probably in a panic trying to find you right now and you probably don't give a shit about that, do you? All you care about is listening to some stupid blue rat despite the fact that Elliot? You know, the supposed love of your life? IS LYING IN BED RIGHT NOW DEPRESSED AS HELL BECAUSE OF YOU.

You stole from the mon you love. You hurt your entire family for months and you have the FUCKING SPINE to say Ahuahu is helping you? You're smarter than that, yet you have acted very, very stupid tonight. So do yourself a favour and use your ears this time: GO. TO. YOUR. FAMILY. Apologise to Elliot for ignoring him and treating him like shit if you even care about him AT ALL (which you obviously don't, btw. What you're doing? Isn't love. It's abuse.) and then talk to a fucking doctor about your problems with food. Because you need to. Badly.

(Animation done by @divine--tragedy)

[tw1stedthicket]

You know, what? I feel super fucking salty. About kinda everything related to my former time in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. But in this moment in particular, salty that there isn't quite a developed way in their system to address people who wish not be contacted unless those people pursue the legal process of having their names removed off the legal church records and petitioning the help of them to "undo a contract of religious affliation". I've told people a few times before that I do not wish to be contacted, but I still am, and I know the reason is because there's not really a way for them to have a continuity of records that demonstrate lack of membership. Right? Like that makes no sense. If you don't wanna be part of it, then your name oughta be removed. But they have to keep it on there. I wish there was a way to like, "inactivate" it in some way. Maybe add a note with some days of correspondence where I stated I wished not to be contacted. Maybe that's the part of me that works administrative stuff in healthcare talking? Or the part of me preparing to document every note as a counselor? But I have enough sympathy for these people who contact me that like, they don't know any better. Especially because most of the people contacting me are new to the area. Also, me personally, I feel like my deconstruction would have been impossible had I not had people around me who showed me the clear dichotomy over time of people who were grounded in reality, accepting of the broader world, and legitimately intended to do so for the sake of unconditional love and friendship, and how irreverent it was but in the best, most authentic and fun way, and that was holy all on its own.

So I just kinda feel like, what the fuck is the point of targeting my hurt or anger at people still members. It's just gonna come across to them as mean-spirited and bitter. Nobody deserves harrassment either I might add, which sucks ass already because missionaries do get that from people; and although I believe in my heart that they're doing fucked up shit by audaciously trying to convince people to move from their own convictions to believe a con by a dude from the Second Great Awakening of American history that ended up spawning a church that functions mostly like a corporation (rich ppl at the top getting paid and making investments and people at the bottom earnestly trying their best to achieve worthiness) - I do also believe in my heart these people think they're motivated by love, that would have them leave their family if asked and tell other people that they can be with their families "forever" because of the restoration of the ability for us to "seal" families together in our church and by our authority from on heaven, and they would only be hurt because they are too mired in mind control right now. I've been waffling on about my desire to remove my records from church membership whilst still living at home and what PR shit that might cause for my TBM father and brother, but. I can't honestly say that being contacted every once in a while is like, all that offensive. It's a different story for others who have people try to "bear their testimony" at them or show up at their house unannounced. But I did kinda think of something.

I've tried to imagine what I might say to people a million times over, but. I think if the opportunity comes. I'm gonna flip the script. I won't shun them away like others. I won't invite them to try to argue the ins and outs of books of scripture, or answer for things they have been trained to just default to "I know it's true blah, blah, blah." I'm just gonna meet them on their level. Earnestly tell them I feel compelled by the Spirit to say that God loves all his children. I won't get into the weeds of belief or disbelief, because who the fuck knows and who the fuck cares anyway - live and let live, to me. But I'll say, God loves all his children. He loves you, missionaries. He loves me too. He made us all in His image. And I'll come out to them right there. "I'm a lesbian. And I know God loves all of his lesbian children." "I know God loves me enough that He wants to see me again with my wife, and my kids, and my family, in heaven with him throughout the eternities."

Let them sit with that. Sit with the notion that no, actually, God doesn't love you enough to save you, and you seeing him again isn't actually part of his plan. His plan is for you to prove yourself through perfection to be worthy to even stand in his presence. Let them try to find a way to worm around the fact that my future wife and kids *aren't* a family. Let them try to say that this vision of love and how clearly I feel it isn't actually love, that God actually hates sin, oh - but we don't hate gay people! Let them try to wrestle in their mind why their God has damned some people He made that there's no way they couldn't just...change the temple ceremony, right? There's no way they won't ever allow gay people who earnestly want to fall in love with people a way into the church and into heaven, right? That anybody gay they know who has a heart and wants to love, technically loves *different* than them, and it's a love that God can't stand to be in the presence of...but what if they can? What about how they can stand in my presence and feel that I am human? Will they reject that? That will be a question for their spirit and conscience.

I have a lot of quandries about why I left. But it will never happen until it touches your heart, your sense of humanity, your love for others, your integrity, your conscience, your deeply held idea of "choose the right" -- even "choose the harder right". I believe they feel it. I once did. Not my job to do anything for them. But I'll meet them where we are and let them chew on that, if ever given the chance, I think. Until one day I remove my records. And then one day, if they get married in the temple, and they decide to have kids, and their kid grows up, and one day their kid comes out to them, hey. They might think of me. Think of my love for my family and my future family. And I hope they'll realize it's the same.

[pastafossa]

i saw your pic with charlie, just wanna say that im happy for you. 🥰

congrats on having him hold the red thread, i am very envious with you (and the others) who had the chance to be near him or even just to see him in person.

it was my first time seeing what you look like, and i hope you dont take this the wrong way…but you look like a vampire? i dont know if it’s the lighting but you’re so pale—like wow, that’s pale. like, WOW. THATS. PALE. and the widows peak? gurrlll..you can be morticia adams. and top it off with your dark eyeshadow?? not to mention your aura/vibe? ma’am are you a creature of the night? but it’s fine coz you’re like a happy vampire? like ‘what we do in the shadows’ happy. 🥰

anyway, that’s all i gotta say, congrats again on seeing charlie and i hope you dream of him. 😘

First off I want you to know this is literally, legitimately the funniest fucking way I've ever had asked about my pale af skin, which actually happens a lot. A brief summary of the funniest:

Been asked if I was wearing a wig, because don't albinos wear wigs?

Been asked by my own mother why I was wearing white socks with my flats. I wasn't. Thought that was it. Two years later she asked why I was wearing white tights with my shorts. I also wasn't.

Been told I could signal a plane, no mirror needed, on a desert island.

Been told by two happy tattoo artists that working on me is almost like working on white paper, 'it comes out so bright!'. First artist even knocked 50 bucks off because he didn't need as much ink or time as he usually would.

Had the 'THE BEACONS ARE LIT' comic hilariously reenacted when I wander out in a bathing suit or tank top, or in this case, in my photo with Charlie where they used a light that lit me up like a road beacon. You know, this comic:

Also after sending this to a friend, I have been dubbed Nosferpasta. 'I'm a vampire' is now going in the 'Standard Responses To General Questions Of Why I'm Pale' box because holy shit (truthful answer: one of my medications makes me incredibly sensitive/borderline allergic to sunlight, and I can burn in as little as 15 minutes without sunscreen. That means I never get a chance to tan. Kinda vampirish now that I think about it).

Not me also scribbling down Morticia as a cosplay option cause, well, yeah, I've got the hair and the skin and I definitely wear a lot of black clothes, dark eyeshadow, and black cat-eye eyeliner. I'd barely need foundation at all. Either that or I'll be a happy vampire, which I also love.😂

Thank you so, so much for coming to say hi! I'm honestly still on such a high having gotten him to hold the thread which is NOT something I ever really expected to have happen. I'm going to be drowning in that dopamine for a looooong time!

[sun-undone]

Raw thoughts here, so sorry for the scattered mess!

I wanted more of the Pogues together.

It felt like there was too much time with just John B and Big John.

Cleope was cute.

I actually wanted to like Topper, but nah. I hope Rafe continues to be a villain, because I don’t need more people sympathizing with him (and so not here for a love triangle with him). Also, Rafe is a POS for melting down the cross. I was hoping to see him get his ass handed to him by Pope and JJ.

Jiara moments for me were the creme de la creme (let’s be honest, they were the reason I got invested in the show — both together and apart). There are so many positives here, but I want to share my complaints first lol I wanted more scenes with them! Maybe more feral JJ. Better closure between Pope and JJ. More kisses (hello, final episode?). And I’m sad about the time jump because we didn’t get to see key moments at the start of their relationship. And I was hoping the machete scene in the jungle would have been better, like an ambush or something.

Mike pissed me off, but it was nice to see Kie’s mom making an effort. Wish we could have seen some form of reconciliation between the Carerras and JJ.

Okay, but he longing/angst etc. was so good. THE HUGS. Holy shit. AND THE KISS. And we actually got the “I love you” — I cried. And I cried after it was all over because now we have to wait at least another year. Excuse me? I keep replaying these scenes, and I’m just basking in them. So much to dissect here.

HI HELLO thanks for sharing your thoughts!!!! overall, i agree with pretty much every point you've made here ajshdakjdh but let's see if i can ramble about more specifics. the answer is yes and strap in cause this is a mess

the lack of pogues content (core 4 and entire group alike) is my absolute biggest gripe about the season. it legitimately made me so sad to see them split up for what felt like the majority of the season. it was definitely one of my worries going into the season since we knew it would be more romance based and the pogues have been paired off, but damn. i really thought they'd still find a way to have the pogues working together more often. it really felt like they were barely a part of the entire mystery, and it actually made me so angry that only jarah b got to see el dorado or even really do anything in south america. the pogues are the heart of the show, but i think with all the drama and the massive scope of the plot in this season, they got massively pushed to the side, and that stings. the first 2 episodes were gold mines for pogue content, while the rest of the season is a massive drought

the john b and big john stuff was also a big issue, one that's definitely directly connected to the lack of pogue content. and i understand why there was that rift, and in theory, i do like the arc for john b. i just wish it was paced better. in no world would i ever want the pogues' dynamics to suffer in favor of big john development like ?????? who wanted that????? i was also rooting for him to die the entire season so. glad he did and i'm not sorry about it.

cleope was so fucking cute!!!!!! i love how sweet and generally uncomplicated their romance was, it was such a needed tonal shift from jarah b and jiara. i kind of wish they'd done a bit more with fleshing out cleo's backstory as well as the "no love club" thing, which they literally only mentioned twice. but on the positives, i adored seeing cleo interact with pope's parents, her reaction to getting a room all to herself, and them pretending to be engaged in episode 5 that was fucking hilarious. their chemistry was off the charts

i never want to like topper but i actually did not expect to hate him even more than i already did, cause i literally thought that was impossible. but no. would you look at that. he's managed the impossible. i hope he burns in hell!!!

speaking of burning in hell, yeah rafe still sucks but is still the most compelling villain on this damn show by far. it was cool seeing him fly off the handle and go too far with his independence and then have to reel it back in by the end. i do wonder where the hell he ended up though, since we never saw him again after the airstrip. the whole ending scene was weird, but it was extra weird that we didn't get any sign of him, not even a tease. and yeah, i was hoping so badly for jj specifically to FINALLY get to fight rafe this season but. guess not. the pogues barely interacted with rafe at all cause carlos took up so much room as the new big bad.

jiara was overall such a highlight for this season!!!! i do think the writers hyped it up a little bit too much, calling them "the romance of the season" was kind of misleading imo, but YES WE HAVE CANON JIARA!!! i 100% agree about having another jj and pope conversation near the end of the season, i was truly SHOCKED that they never confided in each other about their respective relationship troubles, or really that none of the pogues talked to any of them at all???? not getting to see sarah ask kie about jj post-reunion hug was actually a fucking travesty and i'll never forgive the pates for it honestly. that one moment of john b realizing it in episode 9 was ADORABLE but god it just made me wish we'd gotten more of it. that's really how i feel about so much of the bright spots of this season, lots of potential and groundwork that was laid, but rushed execution. BUT there's also so many positive things to say about jiara!! the fucking hugs we got were incredible and so emotionally charged, every time kie looked at jj you could see her affection written so clearly across her face, and i ADORED how she was so open in expressing it to him. (although i wish there was more direct exploration into the trauma that didn't allow jj to accept that love at first, and more insight into what exactly changed on that front between the anniversary party and the kiss cause it kind of felt like something was missing there). i was hoping for a bit more feral jj too, but i was very pleasantly surprised by the slightly less aggressively feral, but more soul-crushingly worried feral jj that we got. plus the entire scheme of breaking kie out of kitty hawk was so great, he was on a mission and failure was not an option. and then adding onto all that, we got lots of great banter, lots of longing, some beautiful score and soundtrack moments, all in all: we won.

but even with that being said, i'm also 100% with you about the weirdness of the finale, in terms of jiara. i was floored that we didn't really get much of anything for our one episode with established jiara?????? not even a hand hold or a protective arm around the shoulders, idk i haven't rewatched it yet so maybe i'm missing some crumbs, but cleope and jiara in the finale were both so lackluster (aside from cleope's love confession of course that was so fucking adorable). it felt like they had no real reason to even be in south america in the first place, and the limited screen time they did have felt so wasted.

and then yes. we have the time jump. oh the time jump. i had a bad feeling we'd get one, but i was hoping with everything in me that it'd just be a couple of months. not eighteen of them. i can't even express how bummed that ending made me, it was so rushed and didn't really explain anything, and it sucks that we've missed out on such formative periods for both jiara and cleope. BUT my lovely jiara friends are giving me some hope for young adult pogues and all the goodness that could come from that and seeing established jiara a little bit older and more free. i'm also hoping that with the characters finally being older, the show might let itself get more mature again cause holy shit i miss when they let these kids curse whenever they wanted. also jiara sex scene that's all i'm saying

and last but not least, mike fucking carrera. bane of my existence. another gripe with the time jump is that he and anna are cheering for kie?????? so maybe they've reconciled off screen????????? i sure fucking hope not. i really felt for anna for a while too, i liked that she was making an effort to mediate and try to see kie's perspective while mike was so blinded by his own ties to the cut. but anna lost me again when she went along with sending kie away after all. that scene was genuinely bone-chilling, and i don't see any reconciliation from that. kie is with the pogues now. period.

this got so long so fast i am so sorry

[sharonisthebettercarter]

Billy and fucklander had opportunities to change and didn't take them. Ryan will have an opportunity to change and will try to change... only for his deadbeat dad and/or billy to take it from him because billy is at a point of no return and deadbeat is a life ruiner. Will any of this excuse some of Ryan's future involvement/behaviors? No... But it makes him more sympathetic than spermdonor and Billy combined.

goddammit anon. you're killin' me here. seen a couple of these answered by other folks in fandom so i'm guessing you have your thoughts written somewhere and then copy/paste them into people's inboxes?

i mean, i get the havin' thoughts lmao (i do~<3!!) but if you have so much to say/rant on and want specific people to respond, why not make your own posts and tag people about it? don't get me wrong, i don't mind answerin' a ramble or two here and there but sometimes it gets a lil excessive. 6 asks in one go is a lot, *especially* when the topics are *stressful* instead of *fun*.

scratch that, getting *ONE* of these asks can be a lot.

*SIX (6)* at one time is too fucking many, i can be overwhelmed too. i'm not just a place for you to dump these and expect a response, i'm a fucking living breathing entity behind this screen (who instead of being friendly, *can* delete and ignore them, need i remind)

do not abuse my kindness or patience, do not mistake either for weakness.

i'ma need a LONG ass break after this. leik. 666 months long cause holy fuck. gotdamn. gimme a breather. also still queuing shit so asking more shit and or bombarding me with asks *isn't* gonna make it come any faster.

it comes when it comes, i put it in the queue and shuffle.

you know the drill, you don't get 6 separate answers, i'm condensing into one and usin' italics and bold for the asks

anywho~ not true.

yes for billy, he is aware of his actions, his plight, and knows better, but he chooses to do worse. (altho i do recognize first hand how difficult addictions are to deal with, and billy is absolutely an addict.)

literally no for homelander. people who are victims of grooming like homie are kept in a state of childlike dependency/belief so that they *can't* leave their abuser, have no choice or 'oPpOrTuNiTy' to leave them, *OR* will only go from one abuser to the next because they've been *conditioned* to expect the abuse.

i feel like you keep saying that but i'ma be point blank this time. it's ableist, victim blaming, and completely undermines the situation homelander went through/is still going through. repeating it won't make it true, it's wrong, always was and will remain wrong. all you're doing is ignoring what his actual situation is and what has actually happened to make yourself feel better about hating him.

and that's not even to say you can't hate him or that his actions should be excused. literally no one is saying that and i don't think i've ever seen anyone actually say that unironically (not saying it can't happen but i'm guessing it's pretty rare to come across (at least outside of the maga chuds) since most people just hate him) but you should at least be fucking honest/aware about his situation/*NOT DISMISSIVE*.

i'm including another post i added resources to that debunk this gross (and very ignorant) claim. please give legitimate psychology the time of day before you go around repeating ableist/victim blaming talking points.

*even billy* to certain degrees, should get his addiction acknowledged, instead of denied or *enabled*, because addiction in *all forms* is a debilitating, life destroying THING that is fucking difficult to fight. it's like it's own form of battle with an abuser, except the only other person is *you*. becca alone should be example enough that empathy and compassion can *help* in ways people downright *refuse* to give the time of day (even if i do lament billy using her like his 'new' addiction... the cunt--)

seriously. i'm not kidding, take the time to educate yourself instead of just being angry (at fiction i might add) all the time. that stress can't be good for you, *anger is proven to make people dumber*, and otherwise the only response you'll get from me is going to be, 'actually you're wrong, here's why--*linked resources*'.

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results"

you repeat ableism and victim blaming? i'm going to call you out on it (if i don't just delete it, bitch i am TIRED--), you will not get a different response from me, i will always try to correct misinformation or disinformation when i can, however that may come.

*you* have a choice, but you keep *choosing* to ignore the resources i provide because they make you confront your own biases, but i ain't playin' on these subjects.

that is a no go in this court.

ryan will need someone to show him he has a choice and that he is worthy of love no matter where he goes or who he's with. again, this goes back to psychology but ryan is still only a child. his brain is literally not developed enough to make these decisions himself/be immune to influence (which just realistically, absolutely no one is regardless of age)

i feel for ryan, i *worry and hope* for him far more, but the trauma faced here is not a contest. please do not do that, that is super fucked. and even if it were--

homelander. homelander would win and take all the fuckin' prizes, there is literally *no one* in this series that has had shit worse than him (he was literally fucking tortured from the second he was created and then fucking groomed leik wut the fuck--)

honestly, it's kind of a fuckin' miracle he didn't turn out *worse*.

*and even then*, what homelander faced would be neither excuse nor reason to dismiss any of the trauma any of the characters have faced, even and especially as a result of him, and vice versa. sympathy overall is subjective. people generally sympathize most with characters they personally relate to.

i tend to sympathize most with the characters who have been through/currently going through the worst of it. (and obviously all the trauma is valid, but my brain tends to prioritize people in immediate crisis dependent on the crisis, which honestly i do feel we should normalize and apply on a global scale just for humanity's sake but i digress, generally this means it depends on the story and where it is in a given moment. but it doesn't mean my sympathy for the other characters has gone away.)

*you* *sypmathize* most with *ryan*, and i get that. that's valid, but it's also personal and subjective, not objective here. it's also subject to change depending on how ryan turns out i'm guessing...

but you're equating people with their actions when--those are two *separate* things.

UGH okay next ask--

That Billy and starlight getting along scene was rushed, like.....there was no build-up to it nor was is a slow burn. Also, starlight and Billy should've started throwing hands at each other or at least curse each other out. Truce my ass, people who hate each other in real life, do not get along all of a sudden, especially if someone they care about is hospitalized. Also, starlight should've chose violence when she and bitchy butcher met a 2nd time. If I saw the person who needlessly, shot my ass again, I would've started to curse their asses out and have them catch these hands.

... what the fuck, first off.

'getting along' is a stretch to describe what happened and this is kinda fucked anon (i will get to that cause you're making me worry)

things *were* tense when they met again, they were literally hurling insults at each other while hughie had to mediate. butcher literally called her 'chum' for shark infested waters, and starlight called him out on his bullshit bigotry with 'i know a guy just like that, he's got a flag for a cape'. hun, where the hell were you when they *were* literally silently seething and fighting *ON SCREEN*???

what *actually* happened was that they took a moment to *set their differences aside* because someone they *both* loved/cared for was in literal danger of *DYING*.

at that point, it didn't matter how *they* felt. hughie was in *crisis* so *HUGHIE*, NOT THEIR FEELINGS, became *priority*.

*after* the crisis was averted, they had a moment of playful banter about the person they just made sure was *safe* and would *survive*. the tension of the crisis was gone, and they could take a breath. that they happened to be around each other was just a fact of the matter. but *hughie* was still their priority and common ground.

so i guess you could say it's rushed, but the situation was rushed over all (of course it was, time crunch with a fuckin' crisis, hellooooo???) but what the hell were you expecting, for them to fight and argue in the *hospital* and potentially kill hughie with their stress and anger instead of letting him rest easy????????

what happened during those scenes is genuinely, a completely normal and very human reaction for people to have. prioritizing *crisis* over animosity. i.e. being normal ass rational people who don't let their hatred/anger take complete control over them.

annie (very obviously) is *not* one of those people and never has been.

for butcher, it *depends* on how he's feeling i guess, but there's clear implication that he leans on people *like hughie* or becca to *pull him back* from that place. in that moment, his worry for hughie outweighed his hate boner for supes. that happens sometimes.

and i gotta gotta gotta be clean with you on this hun, cause jesus fucking christ was this one loaded.

if you *genuinely* feel that *fighting* and *hatred* with someone you dislike should take *priority* over someone you both *love* fucking *DYING* right next to you?

you *NEED* to seek help, *anger management* (if you have the resources and i hope you do, sincerely)

from a *real* therapist, who can *actually* help you. (NOT ME)

or at least, idk, look up a couple videos maybe??

and listen, i'm not saying this to hurt you.

but i am getting strong STRONG bad *BAD* 'billy butcher'/'homelander' levels of toxic masculinity and irrational aggression from you here (not necessarily towards me i mean, just in general, dial it back, hun)

anger does not make you better, right, or stronger. anger *DOES NOT* solve problems.

*anger* makes you *stupid*, and going with the first knee-jerk angry response that pops into your head is a sign of *weakness*. it is an example of the *lack of impulse control* that many can and often do struggle with (society is fuuuuuuuucked...)

there are *healthy* outlets that can help you let off steam and cope productively, and i guarantee you it will lengthen your life and allow you to live happier the quicker it gets addressed!

shit, you can even try out something as simple as playing harvest moon--any of them! my darling friennnnn~<3 suggested it to me and whoopdi-fuckin'-do, it's actually *HELPING* me~!!

you seem to love to hate butcher and homelander (and i'll be fair, i do too! even if i love them just as much lmao) but i'm starting to get the vibe that it's more so because you see some major parts of *yourself* reflected in them.

it is *okay* to have fight in you. it is *okay* to feel angry. that's *natural*.

it is *not* okay to use that anger as a means to *only* be destructive, whether internally or externally. that is the whole point of what makes butcher and homelander wrong, but you are stuck and determined to commit the same error or see it committed by others, like ryan.

it's okay to have spunk and spirit, be a little assertive, live your life, enjoy yourself.

but giving into your anger at the drop of a hat?

i promise you (from fucking experience) it will only *RUIN* YOU and your life.

OR

at the *very least*, learn to recognize the most obvious factor here.

you are not other people.

other people are not you.

just because *you* would have a certain reaction to something (or believe you would because we never really know until it happens to us), *does not* mean *others* would have the *same* reaction to the same thing.

*OTHER PEOPLE* reserve the right to their own thoughts, feelings, experiences and appropriate *reactions* to whatever the situation may be.

**and regardless of what those may be, they are no less or more valid than you or yours for it**

actually, if i'm being completely real here, choosing *violence* over civility is what *should* be frowned upon. but you are *literally* making a complaint about them choosing to be *civil* instead of violent.

what the fuck.

NEXT--

I think had Becca survived season 2 in it's entirety, Ryan would've grew to be a caring and generous person, but comes from a religious family, which might make him unpleasant at times. It's possible he would be raised with the concept of gender roles (I mean, it's possible that Becca didn't get an abortion is because she's religious, why else would that st. Nick necklace would imply that). Though, I could be reaching because we did see her gouge a nazi's eye out

wut?

WUT???

just... honestly wut?? not leik in a bad way. but WUT???

this one is weird. i do think you're reachin' here because *just* because someone is 'religious', doesn't mean they're anal and obnoxious about it.

case in point, *ANNIE*

she's religious (and still religious tho not as strongly/has obviously struggled but accepted the cross from her mom at the end of s2) but she's not a bible-thumper or puritan, and feels uncomfortable about those sects of religion.

you also seem to underestimate the *severe* penchant for violence many *many* religious people have.

do the crusades not ring a bell to you? the nazis cited religion as their justification for their actions more often than not.

but religion itself or being religious is not an inherently bad thing (i'm critical because of how it's used/what i personally went through because of it), overall, it's just a tool that many normal people just use to have hope or make their lives a little easier stomach.

it give the placebo effect, if you will.

it's in the same boat as money. money itself is called the 'root of all evil', but in reality, it's just a tool that holds no moral weight one way or another. (it's the *people* who are moral/immoral or use it in such ways)

morality itself is subjective depending on the time period and the values that society holds at a given time. humankind is still in the process of trying to reconcile and rationalize a globally acceptable form of morality that prioritizes humanity as a whole rather than one specific group, and it's been... not great? very slow going lmao but i digress.

religious *text* is a bit of a different story, most bibles/written stories are fuuuuuuuuuucked one way or the other. but again, then you're looking at who's a bible-thumper and who isn't.

i will say that if becca had survived, things would def probably be a lot better for ryan. but it would be a different tense situation with either them in hiding/trying to find a new safe place (i like to think they'd leave the country) or with her *in* the safe place raising ryan.

and either *begging* billy to come home (cause she always believes in him :((((((((((((((() from his revenge rampage, or billy being there and raising ryan--while seething because 'homelander'...

this is dark, but i get the feeling it would eventually lead to an altercation, either where billy leaves to go after homelander and the above happens, or billy murders the kid in front of becca/finds a way to sell him back to vought (like becca had said he would and both knew he'd try again) to supplement the bottled in rage that had been slowly chipping away at him...

leik. s3 alone gave a perfect example of a seething billy/what his violence withdrawal does to him. and that was with him *still* getting the little bits sprinkled in here and there so--

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...

Ryan's life has consisted of nothing but hardships. He was isolated and sheltered from the outside world, living in a compound for a good majority of his childhood. He lost his rarely saw her real mother, and Grace served as his primary maternal figure afterwards. Got gaslighted by Billy because billy's connection to underages is too damn weak. Homelander, the only biological parent that he has left, sees him as an extension of himself, and treats Ryan more like a pawn than a son. Shitlander is going excessively control Ryan's life, manipulates, and gaslight him constantly when ryan displeases him. Spermdonor won't even view Ryan as his own person - to him, Ryan is a pawn that's his property to use in any way he wants, so he plays with Ryan's emotions to have the upper hand. Even though Spermdonor will treat him like dirt, Ryan will desperately try to please his deadbeat, and garner any sort of attention from him. If Ryan finally escapes the clutches of spermdonor and Billy to find others who will help him rather than hinder him, he'll be content and genuinely happy. Though, I wouldn't be surprised if his happiness is stripped violently from him when Homelander or billy take that away as punishment for ryan "betrayal". I wouldn't be surprised that down the line, Ryan snaps and becomes a hostile, hateful, bloodthirsty, and vengeful supe at the end of the series because Billy didn't bother to ask Marvin for help in terms of handling children and Homelander is a life ruiner.

some incoherency here, but i mean... that is history repeating itself??

baby, this one coulda been your own post. half time i ain't even really sure what you want me to say with these??? sometimes i feel like you're just throwing shit out to see if you can trigger me?? but that's the general paranoia talkin' (or at least i'd like to think i know myself well enough to say that)

but i gotta be honest, sometimes ya say stupid shit--(which fair enough, we all do at one point or another myself included~), but leik...

i hope this isn't too much to ask but...

maybe *think* before you *act*??

a lot of these read like impulse and like they're not thought out very well, but maybe if you took a moment/step back to make your own post/think about the thoughts you put into them, you could idk, make more sense of them i guess?? better organize it??

what do you mean with the first part??

ryan was in a compound, but he wasn't purely isolated/sheltered or in a lab. yeah, still not great (as no interaction with other children/general city life has given him some anxiety and that much is clear). but that can also happen when kids move from rural areas to cities in general. his real mother (becca) was also his *primary* caretaker, almost *always* with him unless she dropped him off at tutors/had to step away for a moment.

leik what's going on here, are you confusing baby homelander with ryan??? cause the baby they showed us in a lab and the kid getting experimented on was *young homelander*, NOT ryan.

but generally speaking, before homelander showed up, that kid was fuckin' happy, just livin' his life? that's what makes homelander's sudden appearance so fucking traumatic. the kid didn't really want or need saving at the time, but now he legit does.

homelander actually... sees ryan as an obligatory way to gain affection/love. you have to understand, homelander functions almost entirely on the belief that he is unloveable/people will abandon him/call him a monster/hate him/etc.

that's why he defaults on instilling fear to make them 'respect' him or *fear leaving his side* no matter how badly he mistreats them, that's clear enough when his relationship with stormfront starts and he threatens her for lying to him.

homelander has never had real family or love and is very desperate for both. he doesn't have a full understanding of it either. but ryan fits with the 'idea' of both. because blood family is 'supposed' to 'love unconditionally' and ryan is 'blood'.

on the flipside, ryan is very intelligent/quickly learning how to use his powers and what he can/can't get away with--due to who his father is. don't underestimate the kid, because homie is so stunted and ryan is still clearly very *special* to homelander (if for the wrong reasons), i think he can and will use that to his advantage.

ryan already hits all the tickers for *being* what homelander *wants* him to be, mostly by existing.

a boy

has powers

aaaaaaaaaaand that's pretty much the end of homie's list lol. and we can see at the end of s3 that *this* alone is *enough* for homelander to *actually* listen to and be manipulated by his son, not the other way around (ryan gets him to leave rather than killing billy)

you're under the impression that homelander will be a controling parent, and i think in some ways, he *could* be. but most of what we *have* seen is implying something *very* different will happen.

apart from the roof scene, he hasn't really mistreated ryan. he actually did really good with ryan's anxiety/has shown general patience but it's clear he's trying to gain ryan's trust/affection so i guess we could technically interpret this as the love bombing phase?? still, most of what we're shown was him mistreating *becca* or others, but not ryan specifically (he def does set some monumentally shitty examples tho)

either way, homelander *still* wants love and approval, *even* if and *especially* if it comes from *family*/his *son*. he's also a victim of grooming that still hasn't grown from the dependency that made him have on his abusers. believe it or not, that actually leaves him open/vulnerable to *ryan* being the one to control and manipulate him. granted ryan is a child. but 'he knows not what he's done/capable of' and all that jazz.

don't get me wrong, i do picture it's gonna be a fucked dynamic and homie will get 'controlling' to a degree. but don't think the kid is so damn helpless there.

we're more likely to see complete minilander spoiled brat ryan and full blast karen 'my kid can do no wrong/*HE* can do whatever the fuck he wants!' homelander than anything else.

ryan *may* try to desperately please homelander, but homelander *will* try to desperately please ryan. it's likely to create a very toxic and enabling 'we only have each other' dynamic because that is the point both have been driven to.

but again, history repeating itself

anywho~<3

The man who threw a can at Ryan back in season 3, is the same reason why people throw shit like rocks or just plainly spit at offsprings of tyrants.

i think it was a cup/soda?? but that's not really the point.

i'll be blunt here.

**the sins of the father are not the sins of the son**

just because people react like animals and blame innocent kids for what their parents do, doesn't make them right. i'd say it makes them dead wrong and very fucking stupid actually, because the kids *have no choice* of the family/blood they are born into, or even what they're initially taught to believe.

that man was a fucking moron. i won't say he deserved to die for something that didn't actually hurt ryan, they could have pressed charges for assault of a child on him and made a public spectacle of him and ruined his life (*that* would be rightly deserved)

but that was a *WILDLY* stupid thing of him to do, *knowing* homelander's powers, supposedly being a starlight supporter (which means he would believe homelander is evil) and *knowing* that this was his fucking *child*.

only the weak, childish, and stupid take aim at the innocent for the actions of a tyrant.

play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

Not only Ryan looks the most like spermdonor and is said spermdonor's son, but a painful reminder of what happened to Becca. Billy is going to despise/resent Ryan more nonetheless. No thanks to Billy's weakass connection to kids either. Besides, Billy already started showing signs of deflection after season 3, episode 3.

billy's been a cunt from before the story began, where have you been lmao?

billy already resents ryan more so for what he is (a supe freak), but i would def say who he's related to probably doesn't help. still, despite it, ryan is also the last remnant of becca that he wants any connection to (since he's absolute dogshit to her other family but still mainly for his promise to her).

the thing is, ryan is still a useful tool/something to hold over homelander's head, and that, albeit fucked up, makes him worth something in billy's fucked up head. if he hadn't made the promise to becca, ryan would probably already be dead.

i do think he will look for excuses to give into his urges/hatred and break his promise to becca (as nearly the whole of s3 was~) if not use ryan as his trojan horse and be the first person infected with that virus and send him back to homelander--

ANYWHO--

next time this ask bug bites you, for the love of satan, take a moment to take a step back and gather your thoughts, and maybe make your own post/rant on your own blog for it instead of sending literal barrages of asks to people (idk if you do this to others or how many/often, but if they don't answer 'em there might be a reason for that.)

or at least compile it neatly enough into *ONE* (SINGULAR) minimally semi-coherent ask.

of course i care about the serious stuff and make psas, i don't even mind answering asks, even the crazy ones~ ;))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

but i do actually wanna have *fun* in fandom (leik C'MON i obsess over shitty men fucking/impregnating billy butcher!!), not be stressed out all the time or stuck on the hard topics trying to explain things to someone i don't even know is actually willing to listen.

leik i literally had to keep randomizing my queue because it was filled with so much negative shit at one point and *i* was overloaded just by looking at it.

i especially don't wanna be dealin' with fuckin' ableism and victim blaming in my ask box. that shit is rank, and i'm tired of it

get smart or just stop, my answers on that shit ain't gonna change.

but you can even post it private if you want. just

LET ME HAVE A FUCKIN' BREATHER--

preferably... 666 months~<3

[anaalnathrakhs]

i dont understand what i'm doing wrong holy fuck it KEEPS happening psychiatrist appointments are starting to go weirdly again.

i've had three so far and we've spent a LOT of time going over menial shit, like, symptomatology i understand why you'd need to do that face to face, but name age address occupation, like, was it necessary to use up a whole session for that. was it necessary to start THIS session by slooooooowly recapping the whole thing to the therapist in training sitting in the session?

i'm always amazed by what she takes away from what i've said. i had said i was sent to a psychologist as a child because i was bullied at school, it caused me to have behavioral problems and sometimes turn violent towards other kids, SHE asked more about the violence thing, and then apparently what she wrote down is "went to therapy because it was violent towards other kids"??????? like i understand that a different point of view on the events of your life can be a very useful and constructive to know what you might be attaching too much or too little importance to, to know when you were in the wrong, when you did the wrong thing. but there's a bunch of little details like that that end up being the only topic of the sentence and ????? why do you fixate on THAT ????? not even a MENTION of the other things????

holy shit she just started asking about the topic of next year when we updated the info on my file, and it literally felt like i was arguing with my parents like when it was really bad around 13 or 14yo. it's not doing anything productive it's just. i don't fucking know it's just arguing. she kept making assumptions and when i'd say i didn't see it like that, didn't feel it like that, that i felt it was inaccurate, that there was something else that she didn't think about that contradicted the assumption, and it was like even more questions all based on "but did u think u might be too pessimistic tho" like. no i think it's a reasonable thing to worry about actually? i think it's a legitimate concern to have? your job is to help me learn to handle difficult situations and the way i react to them in an healthy way, not to tell me i'm literally inventing problems. once fucking again nobody believes that i have problems with school. once again it's treated like a self-esteem problem when i try to say i may be having good grades but it's a DIFFICULT THING TO DO FOR ME. that it's not the product of a good or sustainable work technique or ethic and that it's actually fairly reasonable to think it might not follow when i encounter more difficult academic challenges.

and fuck, that was supposed to be what "working on my problems" is? cuz she didn't fucking warn me. she didn't explain shit to me. she just started asking a question and then it took twenty minutes. when literally i showed up first session saying i stopped seeing my previous psychiatrist because she would just segway into a different part of the session without even notifying me that she'd stopped typing the administrative info and we could start, she was just waiting for me to talk, and didn't explain anything about what work she did with patients, what it looked like, etc. it is KNOWN TO BE A PROBLEM WHEN PEOPLE DONT EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT'S GOING ON. why would she do that again, if that was supposed to be actual work on the situation?

it feels like nobody fucking listens to what i'm actually saying. and i don't know, i guess that's where the problem is, if i keep having trouble to communicate with different people, then the problem is obviously me, but what the fuck am i doing wrong? how do i fix it? i feel like i ask one question, and i get back a pre-canned answer on the general topic, that doesn't take into account what i said my feelings were on the matter. i feel like i'm always pushed to give more nuance, more details, and when (by myself or when prompted, when she asks leading questions to know more about a specific element) i go into more depth, the thing that ends up being marked down in the summary, being focused on, is just the completely wrong thing. and it's not my JOB to say it's the wrong thing, the point of it is to pick up what i'm not rational about, but it's the ONLY thing on the topic. i said a bunch of other stuff and i put my own order of importance to it, don't you think you should at least also MENTION i said that even if you don't agree with it???? especially if it's going to be passed down to other people as your official record of my case????

fucking. just tell me what kind of info is relevant to the work we're doing right now. tell me WHAT work we're doing right now actually.

[ihassheepquake]

DC's Batwoman 3.08 "Trust Destiny" has aired on the CW and I'm here to talk about it

We're back baby! Batwoman has officially returned and I am so excited. This has easily been my favourite season so far and I'm really excited to see how it keeps going, so let's get into it.

Oooh a flashback with Renee! Seeing her evil love Pam. And we finally get to see Pamela Isley, this has been a long time coming. And she looks pretty good too. I'm liking this villain outfit. And she just straight-up murdered a dude, nice.

"Cause someone has to care." Interesting. Care about what? The environment? Or something else??

I really like Poison Mary. She's fun. Mary and Alice's dynamic is fun as always. And they're in Metropolis. Alice's answer to every question being murder is such fun. She might be legitimately my favourite villain in the entire arrowverse.

Oh I guess Pam didn't kill that guy. And she and Renee are just casually going on with their relationship despite Pam being a literal ecoterrorist? Now that is an accurate depiction of queer relationships.

I know the thing I should be talking about in this scene is how the Bat's + Renee are fighting and shit, but all I'm thinking about is Ryan and Sophie being married in Armaggedon and I'm just waiting for that to happen here.

I'm with Ryan in this argument though actually. Like, can they at least try and find something else to help Mary? Why is their first instinct the worst kind of Batman move?

Why does this show feel the need to give Ryan a Joker though? There are better Batman villains to recreate. For example, literally the Poison Mary plot.

Watching Ryan, Sophie, and Renee kick ass together is so satisfying.

OMFG Renee is the one who did the desiccation!!! Holy shit!!!!!

The bloody stump in the middle of the cave is where Bats kept Ivy??? That's kinda fucking genius actually. I'm pretty positive it wasn't but could you imagine if that was the plan the whole time? Haven't people in the show literally asked why there's a fucking tree stump in there?

This thing Ryan did with her bat-ear coms or whatever the fuck finally explains the fucking detective vision. That was pretty rad.

Ivy's basically dead body in the walls? Gross.

Ope, guess who really got desiccated? That fucking bitch Marquis. Fucking hate that guy, his bitch ass deserves it.

I really wonder if Alice is pulling a long-con on Poison Mary.

Oh no, Ivy made the forgiveness flower. That should be sweet but that's real bad actually. Renee no! Fuck, Ivy's a fucking princess or something because she's about to be brought back to life with true love's kiss.

Saying this before we find out what Sophie found in Renee's office that scared even Alice. What if this isn't actually Renee but actually Harley trying to start a new life or something.

Renee has the Joker buzzer!! Maybe my crazy Renee is actually Harley isn't as crazy. But no matter what, Renee having had that the whole time to get Ryan to find Ivy is a great twist. I'm all about it.

Y'all, this has been a great return to the show. I'm so happy! I can't wait for next week with DC's Batwoman 3.09 "Meet Your Maker". Ivy and Mary interacting face-to-face is certainly going to be something.

[kpop---scenarios]

Tutor

Pairing: Minhyuk x reader

Big thank you to @xoxoninibebe for her help with this. You're the real MVP

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

You were going to fail psychology.

Absolutely going to fail. You got 47% on your last test. You needed atleast a 70% on this test to scrape by with a passing grade.

So you did the one thing you didn't want to do but also kind of did. You called up your old fuck buddy Minhyuk to tutor you, he who also happened to be a psychology major.

You and him didn't fuck anymore. Well like, not as often as you did before. Just on occasion.

"Well well well, look what the cat dragged in. What can I do ya for?" Minhyuk purred answering the phone. You could already hear how cocky he was.

"Uh hi, I need you to tutor me" you say.

"Yeah sure, I'll tutor you. I'll tutor you all you want." He tells you with a slight chuckle.

"What? No. Jesus. I legitimately need a tutor."

"OH. So that wasn't just some code for you wanting to fuck?" He asks.

"God Minhyuk. Meet me in the library in an hour. Get ready for a long day. You say before hanging up the phone. Poor guy has alot of work ahead of him.

Sitting at the library table, you impatiently tap your pen, waiting for Minhyuk. Part of you was worried he wasn't going to show. When the other part was hoping he looked like shit so you wouldn't be tempted.

Hearing a throat clear behind you, you're met with the sight of Minhyuk. Blonde hair, dark eyes and a smouldering look.

"Hi baby" he says with a wink.

"No Minhyuk, this is serious stuff. I have to pass or everything is going to be fucked up." You say, trying to keep the tears in your eyes.

"Okay okay, just relax. You'll be fine. I mean, I'm helping you and I got 98% in that class."

"Ok smartass, I appreciate your help though, so thank you or whatever" you roll your eyes.

"Let's get started then" Minhyuk says.

After an hour you had given up studying. You couldn't help help stare at Minhyuk as he reads his book, and he bites his lip. With a smirk on your face, you stand up to lean across the table, picking a piece of lint off Minhyuk, your v-neck shirt hanging so low, he can see very well you're not wearing a bra. Looking up at him, you see him shake his head and lick his lips as you sit down.

"Come here, let me show you something" Minhyuk says. Moving to where he was sitting, you're extremely close to him. So close in fact you could smell the cologne he was wearing. The same cologne that drove you crazy, and still to this day drives you crazy.

Minhyuk asked you a few questions, and everytime you got one right his hand moved a little more up your thigh.

You couldn't help but bite your lip and rub your legs together.

"Excuse me, I'm just going to go to the bathroom" Minhyuk says, getting up and walking away.

You can feel yourself getting wetter thinking about the touches on your thigh. Your thoughts trailed off about having sex in a semi public space like the library got you feeling hotter. Your hands moved on intstinct to your right breast cupping it. You could feel your hard nipple through your shirt and pinched your nipple sending a shiver down your spine. Tilting your head back you closed your eyes to let out a soft, quiet moan. You left your head tilted back and slowly opened your eyes to find. Minhyuk looking down at you. You felt your face flush with embarrassment. His face however displayed a very dangerous yet sexy smirk.

"Do you want some help with that baby?" Minhyuk breathes into your ear, reaching forward, gently flicking your nipples with his thumb causing you to quietly moan again. The touch of someone else is much better.

"I forgot how delicious your fucking moans are baby" he whispers before sitting back in his chair. Looking around, he notices the section you're in is rather quiet.

He pulls your chair effortlessly and roughly towards him before crashing his lips onto yours. The kiss was needy, he had been wanting this, you for so long.

You missed the taste of his lips.

"Sit on my lap baby" he tells you. You wrap your arms around him and slowly getting yourself into his lap, straddling him. You could feel his cock getting harder underneath you. Sliding your tongue over his lips asking for entry as you grind against his crotch. He let out a loud moan into your mouth making you smile against his lips.

Hearing a sigh, Minhyuk quickly and frankly, violently pushes you out of his lap onto the floor.

"Sup." Jooheon says, and then notices you on the floor. "What are you doing down there?" He asked you.

"I don't know. I was in my seat and then next thing I know it was like I was violently pushed out" you reply, glaring at Minhyuk.

"Y/n is also having trouble with psychology" Minhyuk says as you sit down next to him. He spreads your legs open under the table.

Silently you thank yourself for not doing laundry and only having a skirt to wear.

Moving your panties to the side, he flicks your clit, causing you to squirm.

"You okay?" Jooheon asks, looking up from his phone. You nod your head.

"Well I better go find this book" he says, getting up and saying goodbye, muttering something about you two were nasty for doing that in the library.

"I need to go find one too" you say, pushing Minhyuk's hand away. Yes you were annoyed he pushed you off his lap. It could have been anyone and you understood that but you were petty.

You were towards the back of the library book stacks, where no one usually goes when your back was pushed up against one.

"Don't be mad baby. How about you let me fuck you to say sorry" Minhyuk says. "I know you love the way my cock makes you feel." He whispers. You whimper a yes.

He hikes your skirt up, and slowly takes your panties off, shoving them in his pocket.

Unbuckling his belt, he pulls his pants and boxers down just enough for him to let his thick, veiny cock spring free. The site of his cock always had made your mouth drool. How you loved him fucking your throat until it was raw.

Minhyuk hooks his hands behind your knees, signaling for you to jump. You do as you're told, he pushes you against the book stack for more support.

He teased the head of his cock on your entrance. You wiggle, trying to get him to just hurry up.

"Patience baby. I will fuck you" he whispers, slowly pushing himself into you. Your hands tightly grip his hair as he continues to enter you.

"Ahhh fuck" you shudder, putting your lips against his neck.

"You're so fucking tight baby. Shit. Your pussy feels so good" he moans as he slowly thrusts in and out of you.

"Please go faster" you beg, he smirks.

Granting your request, he drastically picks up his pace. You can tell by the dark neediness in his eyes he loves seeing you like this. Gripping onto the book shelf as he fucks you. Your tits bouncing, hard nipples pointing through your shirt. You throwing your head back in pleasure.

You lift your shirt up, just enough for him to leaning down and put a nipple in his mouth, harshly sucking. You thrust your hips to meet the rhythm of his.

You're a little surprised no one hears you, considering he's ramming into you, shaking the shelf.

"You gonna cum for me baby? Cum all over my cock" he breathes. Fuck. When he says shit like that, it drives you insane.

"Yes yes fuck. I'm going to fucking cum daddy" you cry.

"That's it baby, cum all over daddies cock like a good girl. Come on baby. Cum" he demands.

You do.

"Holy fuuuck" you cry, quickly thrusting your hips, trying to ride out your high for as long as possible.

"Cum in my pussy daddy" you whisper into his ear, making him fuck you faster and harder.

"WHAT THE FUCK" you hear, Minhyuk stops thrusting and you both turn to see Jooheon standing there with his eyes wide open.

He slowly shakes his head before starting to walk away, muttering. "Having sex in the library? Seriously? What has the world become? I did NOT need to see that. Today is just not my day. I should go back to bed"

"Well that was awkward" you say, Minhyuk beginning to start fucking you again. "Mhmm", he says picking up the pace.

"Tell daddy where you want me to cum baby" he moans. "I need to hear it again from your pretty lips"

"Cum in my pussy daddy" you cry.

"Fuck. Shit" he grits from his teeth, his pumps slowing down as he releases himself into you.

"I missed you" he whispers, pulling himself out of you and buckling his pants back up.

"I missed you too Minnie" you tell him, pulling your skirt down.

Grabbing your hand, he drags you back to the table where you gather all your things. He tells you that he wants to be with you but doesn't want to talk about it here. Walking further out into the library people turn and stare at you. They all knew. But somehow you didn't really care. But you were definitely still going to fail Psychology. Turns out Minhyuk was not the best choice for a tutor.

[shutupdevvie]

where do you even start with this fic ?? because i don't know.

my first thought while reading this being about jake tying his own wrists together is just- ridiculous. i am. dying already.

the fact that they have a hook in the wall already...

"You like this, huh?" FUCKING YEAH. OF COURSE.

and jake still being the dom while tied up idk how i'm gonna make it through this.

"C'mon, sweet girl, take care of me back." i can't do this. i know i just said i don't know how i'm gonna get through this and i figured out the answer. i won't !! i'm not gonna make it !!

"What?" "Like making you squirm," "I like it too," THE THOUGHT OF MAKING JAKE SQUIRM SOMEONE SCHEDULE ME A LOBOTOMY WHAT THE FUCK

"C'mon angel, fuck me. Let me have it," first of all stop saying c'mon. it shouldn't be making me feel anything but it certainly is. and let me have it ?? stop that right now too. please.

"Touch yourself for me angel, cum pretty for me," gotta take a break. need a breather. need a second to restart my heart. please hold.

"Cause I was gonna fuck you for the better part of an hour," "Was gonna stay all nice and tied up for you and let you keep cumming all over me," god damn it.

"That's it, come apart for me, sweet girl," "I bet it feels nice, huh? Too nice?" my brain is working overtime rn to make me hear this in his voice. this is self-sabotage.

"You could have listened," "would've still had me deep inside you," "You like this too, though, don't you?" "Nice and slow? You know I'll still fuck you in a bit," i feel like....... i need to stop reading these... it cannot be good for my health.

"I wanted to be inside you for it, though," "That okay?" that little bit had me absolutely demolished.

"Shh, settle down," "Want it harder?" my brain is literal soup right now. my whole body is turned up to level 80 holy shit.

"S'it okay if I go slow for a bit? I'll kiss you all over," "I just wanna fucking feel you," i am so fucking wrecked right now i don't even think you can possibly understand.

"I'll tie myself up again for you," "If you fuck me nicely and you listen," fuck this fic. tbh i need a break. again. i- yeah. like what the fuck do i even say anymore.

"You said you'd listen," "Gonna be good for me?" "M'sorry, I'm trying," "It's—it's a lot—" "Sweet girl," "Just kiss me for a second, come here," "S'okay," the way i legitimately had to stop and close my eyes and take a deep breath after this interaction. i was literally holding my breath and i didn't even know. what the fuck is going on.

"Such a good girl for me, aren't you? Do anything I'd say?" yes absolutely. of course.

him sucking her finger jesus CHRIST.

and he's whimpering. that's gonna be it for me !! the lobotomy won't be enough now. somebody might as well dig my fucking grave because this is taking me OUT.

"I liked that," who wouldn't what the hell

i really and truly think i need about seven years to fully process this but i don't think i have that kind of time.

satin // by daisyful

18+

*********************************************************

pairings: jake x reader

tags: soft dom jake, restraints, praise, denial, a little overstimulation, pwp,

word count: 5.4k

notes: 😈 this goes well with ‘my propeller’ by AM

*********************************************************

He slid off the bed and disappeared briefly into the closet. Deep in your stomach, heat grew. You exhaled slowly, bracing yourself for it.

Shirtless and tan, he sauntered back to the bed, linen pants hugging his hips wonderfully. In his hand, a black satin strand.

He flicked his hand at you, asking you to move to the side from your position at the top of the bed. You obliged.

Beginning to move up the bed on his knees, he flashed you a devious smirk, before turning to lay down. You kneeled next to him.

He broke the silence as he ran the satin through his fingers, looping it around and around.

“Kiss me?” He grinned.

You nodded, preparing yourself for the satin to be cinched around your wrists, holding them out together in front of you as you kissed him slow. He bit and kissed at your lip and as he did, you felt his body shifting, squirming.

Finally out of curiosity about what had him moving so much, you leaned back.

Oh.

His own wrists were brought together in front of himself, the satin wrapped around them snug, a loose knot between them. He brought it to his teeth and bit down, pulling the knot tight as his eyes flicked to yours.

A groan fell from you involuntarily.

“Jake,” you breathed, watching him still.

He smirked again.

After shifting on the bed until he was comfortable, he raised his arms up silently, and while you knew what was happening, it was still hard to believe.

He hung the satin between his wrists on the small wall hook above the headboard that was installed precisely for this—it was always you, though.

A whimper escaped you as you drank the sight in—

He squirmed a little, hips pushing up into nothing, as he laid out for you. His bare chest shone with a light layer of sweat. His lips were starting to become red from nibbling on them, and the sight of his arms extended up, all splayed out for you, was something you’d never forget.

He smiled up at you, “You like this, huh?” he teased.

It was silent as you tried to take a breath.

Slowly you nodded.

His grin spread until his cheeks were tight at the apples, pleased with your reaction.

“Yeah? Wanna take my pants off?”

You let out a shaky exhale and nodded again, moving on your knees to settle between his legs.

Looking up at him, his eyes expectant and his hands trapped above him, a flush of heat suddenly swept over you. You had him.

Instead of complying immediately, you bent down and licked a line from below his navel to his right hip. He hissed and bucked into the touch.

“Angel,” he warned, “Don’t tease. Take ‘em off,”

You looked up at him, and his eyes were dark. Maybe it would be best to listen. After all, this was not a common occurrence—you’d do anything not to have it ripped away from you.

Sitting back up on your knees, you hooked fingers into his waistband and tugged them off. His cock sprung free immediately, as he had not opted for underwear with the day consisting of lounging around the house.

He was hard and flushed against his stomach, and suddenly you suspected that you may not be alone in your enjoyment of him being like this.

You took a moment to admire him, sitting on your knees between his legs, trailing a soft hand up his thigh. He watched your face.

“You still need to listen, even with me like this,” he murmured as you took him into your hand. He hummed contentedly at the feeling, but watched your eyes, “Okay?”

You nodded, overwhelmed at the sight of him. The muscles on his sides rippled as he squirmed.

“Answer me,” he said in a sigh.

“Yes,” you breathed without hesitation, “Of course.”

He nodded, then, and let his eyes close briefly as you tightened your fist around him. His stomach tensed and he exhaled slowly.

“Hands off,” he grunted, and immediately, you let go, holding up your hands as if he had asked you to surrender.

You watched him with wide eyes, wondering what kind of game this was.

He grinned.

“Good girl,” he said softly, “Just wanted to be sure you heard me.”

His eyes sparkled wildly.

You loved the duality, and it was clear he did, too.

Here he was, splayed out for you, vulnerable and bound. But his voice was firm, as velvety and soft as it was.

Your mouth was watering, watching him like this.

“Suck it,” he murmured, canting his hips up, “C’mon, sweet girl, take care of me back.”

He was right—you owed him. He had just spent about twenty minutes with his head buried between your legs, licking at you until you trembled.

You traced your hands over his thighs first, and then up to cup the soft part of his stomach. He huffed out a breath, waiting.

Taking him into your hand, you pressed a kiss to the head, earning you a soft grin.

You peeked up at him, “What?”

His grin spread, “S’sweet.”

You hummed and pressed another kiss to it, and then parted your lips to suck on the tip of him. His head fell to the side, laying against his outstretched bicep. With heavy eyelids, he watched you.

You found it endearing that he knew you’d take care of him, that there was no need for his hands to guide you.

Sloppily, you licked and sucked on him, drawing out soft moans, making his hips push up into your touch. You licked a stripe up the length of him and then pushed the head of him into your cheek, all the things you knew he liked.

After several minutes he was moving, arms tugging occasionally at the ties, legs bending, hips bucking.

You peered up at him with a smirk and he returned it.

“What?” he laughed.

“Like making you squirm,” you smiled, licking over the front of his hip. His breathing stuttered.

“I like it too,” he admitted with a grin.

You sank your mouth back down around him and peered up at him as you did, and the groan from him combined with the way his eyebrows were drawn up in the inner corners made your thighs clench.

His mouth fell open in a soft gasp as he hit the back of your throat, and quickly he was growling out,

“Come here,”

You lifted your mouth from him with a soft pop and did as he asked, moving to straddle him. Lowering yourself down, you slid easily against the length of him, something that made you both moan.

“Mm, yeah,” he nodded, looking down where you bodies met, “Do that for a minute,”

You nodded and ground down into him—a slick, lewd feeling that made your cheeks hot. Experimentally, you lifted a hand up to grab at the tie around his wrists, using it as a sort of anchor as you slid against him.

He looked up at your hands on his, a submissive little glance, and you groaned at it.

“Fuck, Jake,” you breathed, grinding down again.

He looked at you, a proud smirk on his face, “Yeah? Feel good?”

You nodded and let your eyes scrunch close as he rubbed against you just right.

“Wanna fuck it?” He murmured, pushing his hips up, and you had to brace yourself extra firm to prevent yourself from collapsing on him at that.

“Jake,” you groaned at the vulgar question.

“What, angel?” he was breathless, possibly trying not to fall apart, “Want it inside, mm?”

“Yeah,” you exhaled, whiney, your other hand gripping at his tan chest.

“Yeah you do,” he cooed, “Go on, ride me,”

With a choked groan you listened, lining him up and sinking down easy.

“Oh,” he groaned. His eyes had shut gently and he was breathing out in a shaky puff of air.

He came to, then, eyes meeting yours, “C’mon angel, fuck me. Let me have it,”

You whimpered and began to rise and fall, legs bent at the knee on the bed, bouncing slowly. He was watching you closely, eyes raking over your chest, your neck, your face. His expression was somewhere between hungry and amused.

He was letting out soft moans when you would sink all the way down, and you felt drunk on the reaction.

“C’n you do it on your feet instead of your knees?” He murmured, eyelids heavy, “Always drives me crazy.”

You whimpered and breathed out a soft, “Yeah,” before listening, adjusting so you were squatting, balancing on the balls of your feet.

He sucked in a breath as you drew yourself upward, and as you sank down quickly, even more flush against him in this position, moans punched from both of you.

“Fuck,” he gritted, “Fuck, yeah, keep going angel,” he breathed.

You wobbled a bit, struggling to balance on the plush bed, and so you opted to grasp his hands, or mostly the ties around them. The rush that went to your head from the simple gesture was a bit ridiculous, but how could you feel otherwise—

He was glancing up at you, your tits nearly in his face, his eyes rolling every now and then as you bounced.

“Jesus christ,” he breathed, “Kinda wish I could touch you, now,”

His fingers curled around yours as best they could, an unintentionally desperate gesture.

He sighed, dazed, “Feels so fucking good.”

You grinned back and let yourself get lost in the feeling of him.

He always filled you perfectly and this was no exception, and the sensation coupled with the vision of him like this had you chasing an end already.

You leaned back slightly, steadying yourself with only one hand on the satin, the other hand pushing into the top of his thigh.

“Mmm,” he breathed, “You like this, angel? You close? You’re fuckin’ dripping…”

You nodded, jaw slack, unable to do anything but fuck yourself down harder on him.

“Fuck, let me help you, angel, come on,”

He thrusted up to meet you, somehow gaining leverage, his biceps and obliques flexing pornographically as he did.

“Babe,” you were moaning, desperate for it, “Please,”

“Touch yourself for me angel, cum pretty for me,” he soothed.

You moved a hand down to swirl lightly over your clit and with that, your eyes were rolling back, cheeks and chest flushing wonderfully with the tempting heat of orgasm.

“Good fucking girl, baby,” he gritted, rutting his hips up into you as you trembled, “Slow down, now, for me.”

You took a deep breath, moving slowly up and down. He exhaled shakily.

Something about the sight of him, the hair stuck to his face, the desperate look in his eyes shielded by an attempt at dominance, the way his chest was rising and falling, how his hands writhed in the ties— it unleashed something in you.

Meeting his eyes, you sped up, bouncing at a steady and quick pace, slick and divine.

His jaw went slack, eyes rolled involuntarily then focused back on yours, “Angel,” he whined, “Slow down,”

You tilted your chin up at him, watching him with heavy eyes, as you let out a soft whimper and continued the steady pace. Your thighs quivered, but the sight of him fueled you.

“Angel—“ he groaned, eyes squinting shut in focus, trying to keep his composure, “Ah—fuck—,”

As he blinked them back open at you, you slowed momentarily, letting yourself rest on him.

You paused long enough to let him safeword; he knows he can say one little word and you’d stop…

Instead, he ran his tongue over his bottom lip and tilted his head down, peering up at you, some very convoluted sort of submission. A silent challenge.

Smirking, you picked up the pace again, fucking him with punctuated ruts of your hips, and very soon after, he was whimpering, starting curses and not finishing them, eyes rolling back—

“I’m cumming,” he groaned, “Fuck, don’t stop, please don’t—“

His eyes squinted shut and his teeth bared as he let go, his arms and abdomen tensing. You whimpered, watching him come undone and fucking him throught it, slowing finally until you rested on him.

With a final shudder and a deep breath, he was blinking his eyes open at you with a lazy smile.

“Hmm,” he sighed, “Untie me, dear?”

You nodded, pulling his wrists down gently from the hook and working at the satin to unravel it. As he watched, you loosened it and slipped it off his wrists, finally tossing it aside.

“Good girl,” he smirked, bringing his wrists down in front of him to rub them.

You slipped off of his lap and laid beside him, taking a weighted breath.

He was on top of you, then, hand pinned around your neck. Your eyes blew wide, and his narrowed as he licked over his bottom lip and pulled it under his teeth.

“Thought I told you to listen?” he trailed the pointer finger of his free hand down your chest, down your stomach

“I…” you rasped under his hand.

“Shh,” he tightened his grip, “It’s okay,” he leaned down to bite at your jaw, “Gonna cost you, though, you had to know that,”

You whimpered as he licked over his bite.

“Cause I was gonna fuck you for the better part of an hour,” he murmured, “Was gonna stay all nice and tied up for you and let you keep cumming all over me,”

“Jake,” you groaned,

“I know,” he grinned against your cheek, “Would have been nice, huh?”

His free hand plunged between your legs, two fingers slipping inside you to the knuckle. You gasped as much as you could with your throat held.

“But you didn’t listen, angel. And now…” he licked at your bottom lip, “Now I’ve gotta sit here and play with you until I can get it up again. Cause I still plan on fucking you for the better part of an hour,”

Your head spun, both from the constricted airway and from the way his words dripped sex.

“How’s that, hm?” he fucked his fingers into you fast, making you whine.

You nodded. He pulled his face away from yours to stare down at you, eyes locked to yours.

“Can you cum again for me?,” he mused.

You nodded.

“Not too worn out?”

You shook your head, unable to talk, too wonderfully dizzy.

He slipped his thumb over your clit as he worked the other fingers in you, and very quickly you felt like you were coming out of your skin.

“Cum,” he demanded in a hushed voice, “Cum on my fingers,”

You groaned in a broken sigh as you gave into the orgasm, body shaking under his grip.

“Oh, that’s pretty,” he murmured, “Keep cumming, angel, c’mon,” he continued to fuck his fingers into you, quickly and perfectly.

As his dark eyes stayed fixed to yours, you found yourself doing as he asked, riding the wave as long as possible, until you felt like you were vibrating and could no longer stand it.

Still, his thumb moved over your clit.

“Jake, please,” you gasped.

“Mm?” his eyebrows raised, “more?”

“N—oh, fuck,”

He pushed his thumb harder against you, quickened his fingers even more, and your thighs were shaking and clenching around him.

Tears stung at the corners of your eyes as you struggled to breathe steadily.

“Mmm,” he was smirking devilishly, “That’s it, come apart for me, sweet girl,” his eyes raked over you, “I bet it feels nice, huh? Too nice?”

You were speechless, mouth hung open, taking whatever he was giving you as graciously as you could.

“How about this, mm?” He slipped down your body, removing his hand from your throat and instead wrapping his arm around your thigh.

“Oh, fuck,” you breathed, knowing what was to come.

He licked over you in a hot, wet stripe.

“Jacob,” you groaned, “Oh—“

He chuckled into the heat of you, licking slow and wet. The contrast of his soft tongue on you after the strong pulse of his thumb was lovely. His fingers still worked expertly inside you.

“Yeah,” he breathed, “How about some teasing, mm?” He licked so slowly, leaving long pauses between them, giving the occasional nip to the inside of your thigh.

His fingers slowed to an unbearably slow pace, still curling wonderfully to where you were trying to bear down against him, but his arm around your thigh held you still.

“Shh, patience,” he soothed, licking your thigh, “You could have listened,” he grinned, “would’ve still had me deep inside you,”

You huffed out a breath, trying to relax against his touch.

“You like this too, though, don’t you?” he lapped at you again, “Nice and slow? You know I’ll still fuck you in a bit,”

“Yeah…” you whined, burying your hands in his hair as he licked slowly.

“Yeah,” he breathed, “Just enjoy it then, angel, mm?”

He placed his palm on your lower stomach and resumed the slow licks, and even slower, the draw of his fingers in and out.

It was nowhere near enough for you to cum again and he knew that; it was the most perfect teasing. After a minute or so of it, your skin felt hot; and your hips writhed on their own accord. He put more pressure on your stomach.

Eventually, the slow circles he was drawing around your clit with his tongue summoned a burning sensation in your belly. It was barely there, deep below the surface, but coaxed ever so slowly by his movements.

His eyes peeked up at you, and even in the soft brown, you could see the devious glint in them clear as day.

You tightened your grip in his hair as the warmth started to build gently in your core. You bit your lip and exhaled, welcoming the sensation.

Then, his fingers and mouth were gone.

You looked down, confused, brow furrowed. He giggled.

“What?” He nipped at your inner thigh, “Something wrong?”

“Babe,” you whined, “Please?”

“Oh, babe, huh?” He grinned, “You want me to listen?”

He bit at the top of your hip, still grinning.

“I…” you huffed out a breath.

“Hmm?” he slipped two fingers back into you, watching them as he did, groaning softly.

You eased his head down softly with your hands buried in his hair.

“What?” He kissed your clit gently, “You want me to do something?”

“Jake,” you were frustrated, “Please,”

“Mm? I don’t think I’m understanding. Maybe you should ask for what you need,”

“Please, just—just go down—“

He lapped over you, causing your sentence to falter into a broken moan.

He hummed into you, working quickly to coax the fire in you again.

The sound of his fingers fucking into you at a steady pace was almost as temping as the look of his sweat-soaked hair stuck to his forehead.

So soon, you felt you were coming undone again. Your fingers tugged at his hair to the point where he was whimpering each time you tightened your grip.

Your cheeks heated, feeling the wave rise in you.

“Babe,” you rasped, “I’m…”

He lifted his head again, crawling up over you, fingers still working.

You groaned at the loss of his tongue.

“Ja—“

He cut you off in a kiss. When he pulled away, you resumed,

“I was close, babe,” you whined.

“I know,” he brushed your hair from your face affectionately, “I wanted to be inside you for it, though,”

He slid himself against your thigh, hard and heavy again.

“That okay?”

You nodded feverishly, and swiftly he was removing his fingers and easing himself in.

He groaned as he bottomed out, and you shivered at the full feeling.

“So fucking perfect,” he gritted. He left a gentle hand on your cheek, and planted the other near your head on the bed.

His hair and his necklace hung near your face, swinging gently as he fucked you at a steady pace. His cheeks were flushed. The weight of him, gently rocking into you, his stomach colliding occasionally with yours, was intimate and lovely.

You could smell him all around you, too. His cologne, his shampoo, his sweat. Even like this, enveloped in him, you wanted more of him.

Your hands gripped at his back, at his neck and his jaw, trying to get somehow even closer.

“Babe,” you breathed, “I…I need,”

“I know, I know,” he nuzzled his cheek to yours, never faltering the slow pace of his hips, “I’ve got you. You wanna cum?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, hand moving up to tangle into his hair, “Please, I—please—fuck,”

“Shh, settle down,” he kissed your cheek, “Want it harder?”

You nodded, gasping at how your body felt like it was alight.

He nodded back, rolling his hips harder, drawing whines out of you and himself with every thrust.

“C’mon, angel,” he licked at your jaw, breath hot, “Let me feel it,”

Like that, your face was flush with heat, head spinning and stomach tensing in orgasm, a pathetic whine tumbling from you.

“Yeah,” he licked at your neck, “My sweet girl, you feel so perfect,”

When you came to, you held his face in one of your hands, foreheads pressed together.

“S’it okay if I go slow for a bit? I’ll kiss you all over,” he sighed, “I just wanna fucking feel you,”

The air left your lungs, overwhelmed by him.

“Yeah,” you nodded fervently, kissing him hard, talking in gasps between kisses, “Wanna feel you, too,”

“Yeah?” he licked at your tongue, “I fucking love you, angel,” he sucked on your bottom lip.

“Love you,” you gasped, “Please don’t stop, I don’t know if I can cum again but—“ he nipped at your cheekbone and you shivered.

“I won’t,” he promised, nibbling at your ear, his sweaty hair stuck to your skin, “I won’t, angel, just relax for me,”

Time seemed to suspend for a while. There was only the roll of his hips, blissful stars in your vision, warm breath, soft lips, strong hands. He fucked you slow and whispered the occasional curse, the occasional praise.

After an indistinguishable amount of time, when sweat plagued your bodies, he pulled out gently and sat back on his knees.

You whined at the loss.

“I know, sweetheart, hang on,” he murmured.

He was looking around, biting his bottom lip, brow furrowed.

He found it then—the satin. You groaned again, unprepared for any outcome involving the fabric.

Weaving it in and out of his fingers, he looked down at you with equal parts love and desire. He took a deep breath and grinned.

“I’ll tie myself up again for you,” he traced the soft fabric against the inside of your thigh, “If you fuck me nicely and you listen,”

You groaned again, head rolling, so incredibly turned on at the thought you could barely stay present.

“Angel?” he teased the inside of your other thigh with the satin, “What do you say, hmm?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, finally able to meet his gaze, “Please, I��d love it.”

“Good,” he sighed, laying next to you on the bed.

“Actually, you wanna do it?” He held the tie with two fingers towards you.

You got up, sitting on top of his thigh. He whimpered at the feeling.

You nodded, taking the fabric from him.

“Wrap it like a figure-eight,” he murmured softly, holding his wrists out to you, “And just—yeah, just like that, good girl,”

You tried to copy what he always did, and you succeeded, despite your fingers trembling at the surge of arousal coursing through you.

When it was tied, you guided his arms up and back to hook the middle of the tie. He sighed once he was in place, then inhaled slowly. He let the breath go in a steady stream.

“First thing,” he grinned, “Ride my thigh,”

You gave a choked whimper and nodded. Holding yourself up with hands on either of his shoulders, you slid against him.

“Fuck,” he bit out, watching you, “That’s so sweet, keep going, angel. That feel nice?”

You nodded and tossed your head back, trying not to be embarrassed at the desperation of the gesture.

“Soaking me,” he murmured, “So pretty and wet,”

“Jake,” you whimpered.

“Mm,” he hummed, “Touch me,”

You nodded and took him into your palm, stroking slowly over him. He shuddered at the touch.

“Wanna be inside you again,” he murmured, “But we’re gonna wait a minute. Gonna make each other want it bad enough,”

“Fuck, oh my god,” you whined, grinding harder into him, stroking him faster.

“Yeah, sweetheart, oh—“ his breath hitched, “Kiss my neck,”

You leaned forward, free hand holding the side of his neck, leaning in to lick under his chin. He made a high pitched whine.

You gradually moved your hand from his neck, allowing you to lick and nip at it.

After not very long, he was breathing heavily.

“Please,” he gasped, “Fuck me,”

“A little longer,” you sucked softly as his neck.

“No, no, hey,” his hips pushed up into your touch, “Look at me.”

You pulled back to do as he asked.

“You said you’d listen,” he looked somehow in charge, still, “Gonna be good for me?”

You nodded, swinging your leg over to straddle him fully.

“M’sorry, I’m trying,” you huffed, “It’s—it’s a lot—“

“Sweet girl,” he interrupted, “Just kiss me for a second, come here,”

You leaned in and kissed him needy and hard.

“S’okay,” he smiled, “On second thought, why don’t you just sit on my cock and kiss my neck for a minute, mm? How’s that?”

“Fuck,” your eyes fluttered shut, “Yeah,” you nodded.

“Yeah,” he grinned, “That’s my girl,”

You lined yourself up and sank down easy, still so wet from everything preceding. He bit his bottom lip hard as you wiggled your hips to bring yourself flush.

“All yours,” he tipped his head to the side and shut his eyes, still grinning.

You wasted no time, threading one hand in his hair and resting another on his bicep. You licked and kissed and nipped at the full expanse of his neck, loving the taste of him, and loving even more the way his skin would buzz under your mouth as he groaned and hummed.

Quickly, he was rutting up into you softly, though unable to do much with the angle you were in.

“Feel good?” you asked against his skin.

“So good, angel,” he sounded almost sleepy, “Can barely think between your tongue and your pretty pussy wrapped around me,”

“Mm,” you lifted just barely and sank back down, and a broken moan came from him.

“Fuck,” he said, “Stay still, sweetheart, just get me all wet,”

“Babe,” you sighed, nipping at his collar bone.

“Such a good girl for me, aren’t you? Do anything I’d say?”

You whimpered and nodded against his skin.

“Look at me” he said.

You pulled away from his neck and tried with a dizzy head to focus on his eyes. He looked devious.

“Listen real close for me, angel,” he murmured, “Go up a bit,”

Hesitating only a moment at the specificity of his request, you did as he asked, pulling yourself up to where only the head of him was in you. You paused, waiting for his next direction.

“Good,” he licked his bottom lip. You raised an eyebrow at him.

He watched silently, eyes scanning up and down you. Your thighs began to shake at the way they were flexed to hold you up. He noticed.

“S’perfect, angel, stay right there,”

Not daring to question or challenge him, you whimpered, doing as he asked, thighs trembling more.

“Good girl, back down,”

You slumped back down easily, both of your breath catching at the feeling.

“Mm, good,” he breathed.

His hands writhed in the ties, his eyes flitting up and down you.

“Touch my chest,” he peered up at you, waiting.

You skirted your shaking hands over his collar bones, down his chest, touching the warm skin softly. He hummed.

“And my neck,”

Your hands slid back up, touching at the sides of his neck, effectively holding him.

His voice was gravelly, cracking here and there. He was nearly panting, breathing heavy, hips occasionally betraying him and pushing up.

You suspected he was doing all of this just because he could, just to watch you obey him even with his hands bound. You didn’t mind; if he got off on it, so did you.

He grinned, and you worried for what was to come.

“Touch my lips,” he murmured.

Nodding, you moved a hand up to his face, and gently, you traced your thumb over his bottom lip, tugging on it lightly. He grinned.

You touched his top lip with your thumb, and his tongue licked out at it.

You groaned, easing your thumb against his tongue.

“In my mouth,” he said, near whispering.

“Jesus,” you sighed, slipping the finger into his mouth.

He hummed and nodded around it, sucking softly, his mouth warm and wet.

“Fuck…” you whispered, “Can I move? Please?”

Removing your thumb, tracing the slick finger over his bottom lip, you hissed at the feeling of him pushing up into you.

He nodded, eyes blinking shut for a moment, “Yeah, angel, go ahead,”

Thighs aching, you rose and lowered yourself, making the breath catch in your throat at the drag of him.

“You’re being so fucking good, angel, so perfect,” he whined and looked down, watching himself slide in and out of you. “Fuck me just like that, sweetheart, make me cum again,”

“Oh my god,” you whimpered, tightening around him at the words. He sucked a breath in through his teeth.

You quickened your pace, bouncing on him, gripping at his neck and shoulders, watching him come apart beneath you.

Holding his wrists, your eyes stayed locked on him.

Soon, he was whimpering. No matter what, this was your favorite part. When Jake was close he always lost his composure—you knew that even this was likely intentional, though. Knew that he enjoyed letting himself break, letting himself say and do anything. He always sounded so desperate, it fueled you like nothing else.

“Fuck…fuck,” he whined, eyes shut, head resting against his arm, “Gonna cum, please keep fucking going, please—oh, just like that, keep fuck—oh,” he trailed off with a gasp.

“Baby,” you stroked his cheek, fucking yourself hard down into his lap, “Please, me too, come on,”

His eyes rolled open to look up at you, his mouth hung open, and like that you were gone.

As your head fell back, you rode him through it, and at that, he was pushing his hips up as hard as he could, releasing into you, letting out soft, ridiculously fucked-out whimpers.

When your eyes focused back on him, you fell in love all over again. He looked like yours.

He gave a sleepy smile. You held his face in your hands.

“Mmm,” he hummed and licked his lips, “Christ.”

You laughed and pressed kisses to his face, “Yeah, babe,”

“Untie me?” He asked softly, mouth chasing yours. You kissed him slowly.

“Of course,” you murmured against his lips.

You sat back and grabbed his hands from the hook, lowering them down in front of you, enjoying his soft groan at the stretch of his muscles.

“I liked that,” he whispered as you began working at the ties. Your eyes flicked to his and your hands stilled. He was looking up at you.

“Yeah?” you spoke in the same soft voice, hoping he would share more.

“Mm,” he hummed, nodding, biting his lip, “I mean, I came twice,” he laughed softly.

You laughed too, then leaned in to kiss his cheek. You pulled back to undo the ties.

“I love you,” he grinned at you, “So much, angel.”

“I love you more,” you slipped the tie off and rubbed at his wrists to soothe the red skin.

“Don’t you start that,” he smiled wider, “You know I’ll win.”

“Oh, fine,” you nuzzled into his cheek, resting against him and breathing deep.

“How about,” he kissed your cheek, “I pour us some wine,” he kissed your cheek again, “and order us some of that cheesecake you love,” another kiss, “and we shower off and lay down?”

You groaned, “Hell yes,” you pulled back to kiss him, slow, affectionate.

He held your face in his hands, thumbs running over your cheeks as he kissed. The pads of his fingers, even calloused, were always so gentle.

When you pulled away, he was smiling.

“C’mon angel, let’s relax,”

fin.

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