#I'm not answering for my crimes

[detectivebambam]

Keverejeandreil dynamics (since i consider myself an expert)

Kevi: Babygirl. gets doted on 100% of the time by everyone. he is also the main Piece of Ass of the group

Jean: Princess. he gets away with whatever he wants. he gets his hair pet and his head kissed and everyone spoils him.

Jeremy: Daddy. idk 😶.

Neil: The Cat. he quietly goes from one place to another and nobody ever really sees much of him, but when they do!!! that's their boy!!! look at him!!

Andrew: The Glue. strong, yet pliant. holds them together as individuals, and as a whole. the polycule would probably not work without him as the center of it all

[kwillow]

will theo ever be happy

Maybe in another life.

[brynnmclean]

I think if Mairon had to acknowledge exactly how fucking messed up he is because of Melkor and everything he did to survive Angband and what he built himself into during the First Age, I think he would-- well. I think he wouldn't, is the thing.

I think he can't allow himself to think about it too hard. What was it Charlie Vickers said about him still putting himself down through the rabbit hole-- he's been moving forward so long that he can't stop and look his own darkness in the eye. None of this can be about him, about fixing him. He utterly refuses the self-scrutiny. It has to be about fixing the world, about finding that perfect peace at any cost. I really don't think he thought about the elvish rings healing him. And actually I think if he put Nenya on and had a moment of-- idk, peace or healing or some distance from the scars Melkor left, I think it would be absolutely agonizing to him.

And you know, if he got to the end of his ruthless pursuit for perfect order and got everything he thinks he wants, I don't even know if he could look at the ruin of himself and what all the means have done to him in pursuit of an end.

I don't know that he could stop! He's been running so long!!!! I like to think that part of his refusal to plead with the Valar for pardon and mercy-- in addition to not wanting to be shamed and beholden to other people for the work of repair-- is that he can't listen when anyone says, you need to sit down and look at the trauma in you, it'll feel so bad, but you need to do it to really move past it, and then you'll need to see the steps you took in His shadow, as His shadow-- he can't, he can't, he doesn't want to, he won't, he'll keep running, there is no stopping--

[carlyraejepsans]

hey, you don’t have to answer this at all, I just want you to read it. I have been following you for only a few months now as I’ve only recently gotten back into the undertale fandom; but fuck that callout post. Fuck that callout post, fuck whoever’s is spreading it around and fuck whoever is harassing you for it. From what I’ve seen and heard, you are a very real and cool person, and all your analysis are banger as fuck, and it saddens me to see that people are trying to push you out of this fandom because you believe harassment is bad.

I think it’s incredibly insane how the game about being pacifist, and being kind, even when people are flawed has such a toxic fandom as this - and its not toxic because of the ships. Or the fanfics. Or the porn. Its toxic because people keep trying to push and hurt those who make such content, and it scares everyone else into a strict line and if you dare to even step a foot out by simply going “I don’t want people to be told to kill themselves”, you are the #1 enemy. This fandom is fucking scary, and I am so sorry you have become a target of it. You are in my thoughts, and I pray that this blows over relatively easy for you. <3 you are a great person and whoever thinks otherwise is a miserable, jealous wrench.

awww HAHAHA you're sweet, that's very thoughtful of you. no need for hopes and prayers, just a fucking break from it all a word of kindness was enough. I've had a few nasty anons claiming that the fandom "doesn't need someone like me" which are just hilarious. half this fandom isn't even about its source material, i promise to you I don't care what the Great Undertale Fandom needs. I make my art for myself and write my analysis for myself and my friends, and i know for a fact that they made people happy. people who were moved by it, who were pushed to think more critically about stories at my prompting, and who just plainly had a laugh. i know because they reached out to thank me for it. if I'm on here for anyone other than myself, those are the people I'm here for

this was always just a shitty little hole for an opinionated asshole, but it sure had a larger, more positive impact on the people around me than anyone currently trying to crawl up my ass. that's enough for me

[goldenpinof]

Why did the mukbang vid go up on dapg and not AmazingPhil? This is something they didn’t mention in the video but I wonder - is dapg the channel for ALL their joint vids now? It’s such a huge shift that started since they came back and I am curious as to why

basically, yeah.

they kinda mention it here and there, they talk a lot about where dnpg is going content-wise. also, dnpg is basically Phil's channel, it's the channel he is more focused on and the channel that gives him (them) more feedback than his (their) solo channel(s). and there's a lot of content on AP and dnpg that can be switched. and that's the moment where marketing starts playing a huge role when it comes to mukbang.

dnpg has a bigger audience to target. and it's not lost on dnp. this mukbang is essentially a promo for the tour. for a joint tour, so it's logical to put it on a joint channel "that isn't about gaming anymore", since it will also get more views than on AP. even promo of their solo projects is going on dnpg now if the other one is heavily involved (e.g. wad premiere). for the same reason, aka bigger audience, higher chance to sell tickets. and it's not bad! i'm so happy they are finally using dnpg for solo stuff and are treating it as a main platform to reach their audience. imagine if wad was promoted on dnpg from the beginning? we would have had flying cars by now.

[giantchasm]

Hey Peony! Are you a zombie!? O:

It's a favorite nickname of some kids I don't always get along with, unfortunately... these stupid jerks who are still caught up on stuff that happened a really long time ago. They don't like my family— Dad and Miss Sectonia especially, so they don't like me either. It's dumb 'cause all the things they're angry about are things that happened before we were even born. But their parents have told them all about it, and now they're mad even though it never affected any of them. I... hear a lot about how my dad really hurt people or is responsible for all of the current issues in Floralia. Truthfully, I wouldn't mind if they just took it out on me, but that's not what it's like. They're always going on about how bad my family is, and I hate hearing it. They call them awful people, and it's not accurate at all! Dad and Miss Sectonia didn't mean to harm anyone. Dad just loved too much, and Miss Sectonia was sick. I don't meet people who dislike my mom as often 'cause of where I live, but it's the same for her. She's not evil! She was just desperate! Granddad, too! ...It's okay, though. I try not to let their words get to me. I know they're just imbeciles. So it's not like I'll let them affect how I see myself or the people I love. Would still be grateful if you didn't call me that, though.

[Soft gasp] What's this? Not everyone thinks Peony is the specialest girl in the world!?

Yeeeeahhh. Unfortunately it just kind of comes with the territory of being the daughter of two war criminals. Taranza in particular kind of helped Sectonia ravage Floralia, which is where Peony lives. The kids around her have heard a lot of stories about their parents being traumatized or haven't been able to meet certain family members of theirs because said family members were killed during the tyranny. Lots of anger and sadness regarding that.

Not that that excuses them taking it out on Peony. Being mad at Taranza, sure, but Peony didn't do anything. Like she said: she wasn't even born at the time! But Taranza's not someone these kids feel they can lash out at (...in fact, they're kind of scared of him), so they aim at the next best thing: his innocent daughter, and that's where it crosses over into just being cruel.

...Yeesh. Just get some therapy, you brats! Leave her alone! D:<

It's okay, though. Like Peony said, she's coping. Truthfully, half of the time she just has her guardian angel taze these people to scare them off. Doesn't make it any less of a pain, though.

@kirbyoctournament

[tofangirlonly]

[heich0e]

NOW TELL ME WHY I JUST SAW A TIKTOK OF A GIRL TALKING ABOUT A MYSTIC MESSENGER CHARACTER AND WHEN I CLICKED THE RECOMMENDED SEARCH LINK AT THE BOTTOM W THE CHARACTERS NAME THE FIRST AUTOPLAY RESULT FEATURED A MAN WHIMPERING NASTY STYLE AT FULL VOLUME

[punkrogue]

some fucking idiot: when we say "magneto was right" we're saying he's right about society and shit not supporting his terrorist actions

me: don't lump in with your cowardly ass i'm in full throated support of his terrorism. sentinels, purifiers, the mardies etc are all real and exist and want mutants dead and literally no one gives a single shit. they'd rather pass the mutant registration act and make "scaly lives matter" jokes on twitter then help stop the genocide of mutants. it's a good thing actually he's blowing shit up and he should do more of it actually.

[cer-rata]

Zdarsky when I get my hands on you I swear to god--

[dreadfuldevotee]

I say this as a long time rpf enjoyer but it’s so funny to me that people are pretending to have the moral highground for voting for one ship of real life people over another . I really don’t think anyone should be throwing stones, ya know? Considering it’s like . RPF. Lmao. We’re all at the devil’s sacrament.

RIGHT! There is no winning here!!! I also don't think the people who are actually big mad about the poll are people who are like?? actually having fun and writing/talking about it? I think some folks just wake up mad about life and someone elses joy

[ficoandleo]

Hi guys, what do you think of me Romeo headcanons ?

All the best <3

The word 'headcanon' makes Romeo look to Leo for clarification. He's not exactly a fandom person and the combination of words is foreign to him.

"Headcanon is exactly what it sounds like. 'Canon,' but only in your head. Not the biblical kind of canon."

"So it's just a bunch of ideas that somebody--who probably doesn't know you to begin with!--gets in their head about you?" Romeo's phone gives a little buzz, a message from Leo allowing him to open your post. He already looks annoyed at the thought. The last thing he wants is more people spreading stupid, awful rumors about him.

"Well they're usually about fictional characters and not real people, but. Yeah, basically!" It's so funny how they think they're real people.

As a clarification from the writer, most anything Romeo says is 'right' or 'wrong' is merely in application to himself, here. It isn't meant to be applicable to all presentations of Romeo, only my own, on this blog. And even those are subject to change. Your headcanons are always valid, and I, personally, like most of them quite a lot! But you're not here for me!

"This is quite the list. . . ." Romeo crosses his legs and sits back in his chair, making himself comfortable. This is going to take a while. Leo makes himself comfortable, fiddling with his phone.

"I'll leave most of that to you. They're about you, after all. But no worries, I'll provide some witty commentary of my own if I see fit~!"

"Saying that I started at Darkwick 'a couple of years' after I turned 17. . .I've been here almost three years now, just how old do you think I am!?"

"The correct answer is~~~ don't ask💔! It's rude to ask someone pretty their age, okay?"

"Well, I didn't come to Japan before I reached adulthood, I can say that much. I lived in Italy until. . .until it didn't seem safe to continue to do so. Around four years ago." Ha. He wished he could have just come to Tokyo peacefully. . . .

"My parents were quite busy, and I won't deny that I wasn't as close to my father as my mother or nonna. I think most people are--it seems fairly common that fathers aren't the most. . .available for their own children." He doesn't know very many people who wouldn't say they're closer to their mother than their father. Maybe that was just the company he kept, though. "Expected to act as an heir, yes, but I negotiated a bit more freedom through my own skill and efforts. Although I don't think we have the same perspective of what I was supposed to be inheriting."

He briefly recalls how Taiga called him naive shortly after they met. How even recently he said he was still as naive as that day.

". . .but maybe even you know better than I did in this case." Every day he plays mafia. Sometimes he wonders how close he was to 'playing' mafia without ever having to leave the comfort of his own home.

"I mean, your family owned that super famous fashion brand. Not sure what else you'd be inheriting." Leo chimed, half joking. As if it weren't obvious what Romeo could have been in store for in another life--possibly even in this one.

"Ah. But, yes, three siblings and the languages are right. I understand little bits of other regional languages here and there--only what you pick up doing business and singing in other regions. I understand English and Japanese far better. Isn't that strange?"

Romeo frowns as he reads the part about his father, about gambling. He thinks of Taiga calling him naive and greedy. Like your old man. You gotta be more careful with your chips, Lulu! Of parroting words--he never really thought about it, but they may have been nearly the exact same ones--that his father had yelled at. . .his mother? His sister? His nonna? No, his father would never yell at her--

You're being ridiculous. He doesn't have a problem.

Even if he acknowledged it, what good would it do? His father was still in charge of everything--

He partially skips that one. "I was expected to take over for my father eventually. But our brand name was taken from me--from us. And everything went with it after that. I run the casino because that BTH won't do his own damn job and run the business he started. I don't need a reason to hate gambling--it's designed to make you keep trying and losing even when you're already at a loss. What is there to like about it if you aren't in the house position that's meant to see those profits?"

Even in the house position, he doesn't much like gambling. And he'd rather not admit that it might be more personal than that.

"And the drugs makes a profit, same as any other contraband. I wouldn't touch them if I weren't selling them. I don't smoke, either. I don't touch any of that unhealthy garbage. Do you know what that crap does to your body!?" It's a wonder Jin and Haku are in the conditions they're in with how much they smoke. Or, in Haku's case, smoked--he heard he's trying to quit. Good luck with that. "I'll admit to drinking, but I try and keep it to meals and celebrations." And moments of extreme stress. "The drinks Mickey makes are made from anomalous ingredients--all of the effects but none of the risks of actual alcohol. So it doesn't count."

But if that weren't an option he would be drinking real alcohol every night. He may not smoke, but Rui is currently, literally, the only thing keeping him from becoming a full blown alcoholic. . .no pressure or anything, Rui.

He grimaces at the mention of Catholicism or faith at all. "Is anybody back home really religious? Be honest, no one really practiced any of that BS." Well, some people did, especially older people. But it was more tradition and custom than actual belief that kept a crucifix hanging around his neck for most of his life. "I made a deal with a demon. That isn't a sin God would forgive, even if He were good. Even if I believed, what choice would I have but to put my faith elsewhere?"

The first thing he threw away himself after making that deal was the cross he'd worn around his neck. But he couldn't bring himself to blow it up. That felt. . .a little too dangerous, even for something he didn't feel like he really believed in. He'd simply thrown it as far as he could(much further than he could have thrown it a few hours prior) and left it behind.

After all, if a demon came to him and granted him great power, perhaps there was a God too? But by then it was too late to worry. If God saw fit to strike him down he would.

"I don't think most people like school, let alone Catholic school. And I assure you that any attempts to bully me wouldn't have needed my family or their connections to get involved. But they respected me and my family, so if anyone had any SAC about my middle name, they were smart enough to hold their tongues.

". . .as for keeping contact with my family, I don't know if any of my direct family--nonna included--are still alive. And they don't know that about me, either. As far as anybody back home knows the eldest son of the Lucci brand and his personal bodyguard have been missing for several years." Although he has quite the online presence, so if anybody wanted to reach out to him it's far from impossible. He still wears his name with pride.

"My indirect family, with whom I share my last name. . .I never spoke much to them, despite that they provided our security at home. I don't think they cared for me much when I pretty much had Taiga replace their men." But you really can't beat one guy who can beat up two or three guys at once and tells you how pretty he thinks you are all the time. "So I can't say I speak to any of them anymore. Even through letters. I CBA to find out if anyone's alright anyway."

It's probably paranoia. But if your family was attacked over unpaid debts that were out of your control you would probably be paranoid too. If he reached out or started some sort of investigation, someone could get hurt. What if it were him!

"It is virtually impossible to find good, authentic Italian food in Tokyo. Especially if you want something specific or regional--the available ingredients aren't the same either. We had people who cooked for us back home--anyone with money like ours would have, I'm sure--but I don't think that would stop anybody's grandmother as long as she had working hands."

He resists the urge to smile. "But she taught me how to sew more than she taught me how to cook. It's a wonder we got away with that--I had never liked my father simply having others make my designs without any input beyond sketches and notes. I wanted more involvement so that everything would be perfect. . .but that isn't what you're asking about. Nobody cooks like your mother--and even less people your grandmother."

Leo makes a contemplative noise and looks thoughtful about this. Sho is very good at replicating tastes and recipes based off of description. . .and getting good ingredients imported. And he loves making food from different cultures--'Highway To Home' was called that for a reason. For Leo, no one's made better food than Sho, even either of their mothers. It probably wouldn't be the same. . .but he likes the idea of Romeo owing him a favor and giving Sho a challenge, and files the thought away for later.

"Kurossa, which one is pansexual again?"

"Huh? Oh, it's 'where there's a hole, there's a goal,' more or less."

"I thought that was bisexual."

"These days it's pretty much the same thing depending on who you ask."

". . .Which one are you?"

"Awww, do you wanna be like me, Ro-Ro?"

Romeo smirks back at him, tilting his head. "What can I say, you have good taste."

"Honestly, I don't really care. The pan flag's colors look like printer ink, so I just say I'm bi because I don't want the ugly ass neon flag? It's so bright, those colors can look good but you've really gotta put effort in for it. The bi flag colors are a little more muted? The aro colors kinda suck too though."

Romeo appears to be looking up the flags and scrunching up his face. "They're workable colors. I think the fact that they're plain bars is part of what makes them look so unappealing. . . ." But then he realizes he's getting off track and goes back to the headcanon list. "Well, in any case, I favor men as a. . .noticeable pattern. But I've been attracted to others before, so I would say you're probably right. But my interest in fashion is from my family business, and my interest in self care is from both my desire to maintain personal perfection and an upbringing in the fashion business. Top tier clothing wouldn't be tolerated on a face and body that don't compliment it. It would be a waste."

"Like, still put the effort in obviously, even if you can't get it perfect. Some effort is a million times better than no effort." Leo adds, rolling over on the couch.

"Of course. Not everyone can afford the price of true beauty, and not everyone is patient enough for it even if they can. But that doesn't mean you don't do anything at all. They say you can't polish a turd but hikaru dorodango still manages to make some aesthetically pleasing work of simple mud.

"Speaking of brands, while I certainly favor Italian brands," especially his own family's when he can find their older pieces, "I don't shop them exclusively. Primarily, yes, but I'm not going to refuse good and aesthetically appealing products out of some sense of national pride.

"There's a bidet in my private office bathroom and my bedroom's attached bathroom. I've had both almost entirely remodeled, although fortunately, as this is a luxury cruise ship, there wasn't much to be adjusted.

"I'm not interested in sports." Which is to say you're correct in that he acts like he isn't interested, but he does follow it. He's a little too busy to be watching football games on the other side of the planet all that often, but he does keep up. "And I don't hate being called Romeo. I'm used to the mispronunciation by now, although I'm really not certain when it arose considering Japanese is a phonetic language and I've never written it ro-mi-o. Like I've said before, I don't like being called Vice-Captain because it makes me sound off-brand! So I gave myself my own title that they can use instead--there is no doubt that no one here but me is Fico! The only people who have to refer to me as such are my underlings, the casino staff, and the underlings of other houses!"

"I use 'Romi-sama' and 'Ro-Ro' for him and other people use different nicknames too. Maybe that makes it seem like he doesn't like his name since he lets us call him nicknames?"

"How is that I don't refuse friendly nicknames a sign that I dislike my name, as opposed to that the company I keep tends to be people who are much too friendly for their own good!? Most of them use 'Romi' in some way anyway!"

"I'm just speculating! You are so loud all the time."

"And, finally. Of course I have things imported for me from outside of Japan. If I can afford to do it, why wouldn't I?" Especially his fancy €12 bottles of sparkling water!? "It's annoyingly expensive but I've worked out a deal with the mail room. If I can't find something here I'll simply bring it here. I won't compromise my quality of life."

Romeo sighs in exhaustion. Why did he do all of that? He could have just said no, really! But instead you made him give a verbal essay on his own existence. You did it, not me. "There. Do you feel sufficiently validated or invalidated now?

[definitely-not-an-alb]

ooh, how do you think molly would grift essek?

Alright. Let’s grift Essek.

First I need to note that any objection along the line of ‘Essek is too intelligent to fall for grifts’ is unnecessary, because whatever you think of Essek’s specific characterisation, assuming you are to intelligent to fall for a grift is one of the major ways people fall for them, in a ‘renowned high pressure social group researcher proclaiming on twitter that Sissy Porn is real and dangerous’ kinda way (look it up it’s some hysterical terf bs).

Gonna use that joke as a sidenote that if I am conflating grifts and high pressure social groups in this, it’s ‘cause as far as I care the difference is how self-aware the people running the show are. Watch any MLM-Doku (and I think we can all agree MLMs are grifts) and you’ll inevitably get to the part about weird aspiration culture bs and group pressure. It’s all one soup.

With that out of the way, let’s establish a baseline: What’s Molly’s reason for grifting Essek? Probably money and also the fun of it/being bored. Considering Kingsley abandoned his perfectly fine shipping company job to run off to be pirate king, I don’t think ‘Molly keeps grifting long after the M9 have become financially stable for shits and giggles and because Jester enjoys it’ is too outlandish a projection. Additionally, I don’t think Molly is great with impulse control nor this whole thing where current actions cause future consequences.

Now; why would Essek fall for a grift. Grifting relies on the dupe wanting something more than having good sense about it. Most people want money, so most girfts are structured around greed, but we know money is no object to Essek (though this does make him a juicy target – what he would barely miss might make a good haul for any grifter). We do know he is primarily motivated by knowledge instead, as well as a desire to be recognized as intelligent and exceptional. Additionally, we know he needs (in the character development sense) The Power of Friendship. Lastly, I think it’s fair to say he subconsciously longs for excitement (happy, fulfilled bureaucrats don’t become heretic spies; nor do they befriend a gang of mercenaries; implicitly, Essek is happier living the life of a wayward refugee-adventurer wizard than that of an Evil Gay Vizier Court Wizard or whatever papers a Shadowhand stamps nine-to-five.).

Being a paranoid bastard makes him a harder target, though the fact that we know he has fallen for someone’s bs before (I’m counting the spectacularly bad decision that is him allying with the Assembly as falling for a grift here. That’s a stupid decision to make!) makes him an easier target. Being so socially isolated makes him an easier victim, too, though his general rejection of people and clear discomfort with social interactions makes him an unlikely target for something like a romance scam. Essek’s relationship to tolerating bullshit is a weird one; on the one hand, he does put up with Jester’s (and the rest of the Nein’s) shenanigans, on the other he clearly knows how to and dares to tell someone to fuck off, and there’s that time he just ditches everyone via teleport (hilarious). So boundaries-wise, he could go either way. Lastly, I’d argue he’s at least somewhat impulsive or at least not risk averse. Always remember we are looking at an NPC next to Sword’n’Sorcery Adventurers – Essek might look cautious next to ruin-trawling wizards, but compare him to Gundula, 55, who works in Insurance and just clicked on a phishing link to claim her Totally Real Oilve Garden Gift Card, and you’ll see what I mean – most people are too risk-averse and unimpulsive to, again, commit treason via international conspiracy and then run off without a moment’s notice to dig around a cursed-ass ruin to save the world from a Cronenbergian nightmare.

Conclusion: He’s rich, he’s bored, he loves pretending to be a spy or grand discoverer, he wants to buy your dodgy foreign papers and incredible discoveries about the Luxon so, so badly and he has absolutely no one left in his life who’ll tell him it’s a bad idea.

So, for example, Molly could Voynich him. All he needs is a battered notebook and some writing supplies, whatever knowledge of what wizards’ and alchemists’ and spies’ scribbles look like he can easily pick up from traveling with the Nein and an opportunity to ask Essek to have a look at this encoded notebook he’s been lugging around all over the continent with him, why, he was at this party in Zadash and everyone else was some boring old pompous wizard (such a bore!) so he pickpocketed one of them, just for the fun of it, but, well, turns out neither Caleb nor Beau can make head nor tails of the weird sign code it’s written in (how tragic, if only someone happened to be so much cleverer than both of them!) and if Essek wants to have a look Molly would be more than happy to lighten his pack. For a small pittance, of course.

What’s small change to Essek is probably pretty nice to have for Molly, even by that level and especially if we’re mostly doing this for the fun of it. Essek gets to fall face first into his desire to show up Caleb, Beau and potentially an unknown Assembly member with his clearly superior decoding, espionage and wizardly skills and gain Secret Knowledge, maybe even Assembly Secrets on top of that.

Arguably, this one does rely very heavily on the fact that it’s hard to prove a negative, or in this case, hard to prove a barely-literate conman’s scribbles are just that. Do keep in mind Essek doesn’t know Molly is a habitual conman, but even so, it’s not a fantastic con (Essek isn’t dumb and knows his arcana after all and Molly doesn’t, or at least not enough to make a proper Voynich).

You could make it a better Voynich by getting Caleb in on it, but instead let’s pep it and turn it into a proper Real Stradivari by changing the hints that this manuscript might be legit to being alchemy-related and adding in a shill. Let’s go with Jester, because she’s down to clown, can lie and has a way with Essek’s boundaries.

So this time around, we aren’t asking Essek outright to buy our bogus notes – instead Molly gives him the whole spiel, hands him the notebook, fucks off with as little time to actually look at it as possible before Jester enters the scene to ask what THAT is and go oh it’s about ALCHEMY well, that DOES look like the signs she saw around Yezza’s house, pretty suuuure, oh, do you think it might be Yezza’s? Do you think Yezza might want it? Do you think she should ask Molly to sell it to her so she can give it to Yezza as a present to be nice because she’s such a nice friend who does nice things?

Honestly, the money part is optional if this is wholly about making Essek look up to see if the ceiling does indeed say gullible (and if Jester is involved, it might well do so! Always better to check, with her!), but a proper Violin Drop concludes with the Grifter returning to take their worthless thing back only to be asked to sell by the victim, who thinks the grifter doesn’t know what worth he has. If it was real, offering to buy the notebook would mean Essek outsmarted a minimum of three people (Beau and Caleb can’t crack the code, Molly is too dumb and illiterate to know valuable research notes from the morning paper) and gets his hands on potentially unknown-to-him luxon-related secrets! Alas, it’s not real, as he will realize soon.

So these are two (related) ways to scam Essek. But there’s a third one I want to mention one that is a lot of cinematic fun and I didn’t know had a name until Wikipedia told me no one does it irl (boo! That’s no fun!). It takes a lot of prep, math, and a lot of people and combines Essek’s obsession with the Luxon’s secrets and Molly’s penchant for passing himself off as psychic.

Molly would need something people in Rosohna bet on, like some kind of sport, preferably one with only two results and places people do said betting on said sport in groups. I’m assuming this exists on account of gambling and sports being culturally pretty universal concepts that love to go together.

Anyway. Imagine you’re Essek Thelyss, and one day a bunch of weirdos show up in court with a piece of the god you’re atheistically-heretically obsessed with. A few weeks later, you, having your ears to the ground about new developments regarding said not-god-pieces, hear one of the weirdos has made a name for himself as a outright oracle, correctly predicting the outcome of Fantasy-Dodgeball (Rosohnas’ favourite sport) perfectly six weeks running. He swears it’s because proximity to the Luxon amplified his inborn and long-trained psychic powers to predict the future.

Now, this is obviously bullshit. Except if Essek, being regrettably acquainted with the weirdos, were to ask, Molly would certainly confirm that sure, he has mystic powers and certainly they were amplified by the Luxon and predicting sport results is a hobby of his wherever they go, does Essek want to see? and lead Essek to a bar where every regular can swear on whatever he likes that Molly has correctly predicted the results of Fantasy-Dodgeball since the first week of being in Rosohna, in fact since before he himself knew the rules or track-record of any of the teams. Not only that, but there’s a second bar full of people Molly can introduce him too. And if he wants, he can certainly come back for a drink in one of them again next week when Molly has done it once more. Just call on Molly, he’ll tell you the time and date to meet some true believers, not all of whom can possibly be his shills.

(And, incidentally, barely worth mentioning, really, since Molly’s psychic blessings from the Luxon are so accurate, he has Exciting Business Opportunities for anyone willing to place more than their weekly betting budget in his trust, and he’d love for Essek to take a look at his powers. For a small compensation of his time, of course.)

Of course Molly can’t predict the results of Fantasy-Dodgeball. Instead, the first week of downtime in Rosohna, he found out what people like to bet on in Rosohna and where, picked one or two places in each district, go there and make predictions with a fifty-fifty split, then eliminate each watering hole where he was wrong each week, slowly cutting his audience back to only people who are getting to know him as That Outlander Who Always Knows The Results of Fantasy-Dodgeball, all the while escalating the story from him being just some dude betting and drinking with the guys to the whole Chosen By The Luxon thing. Considering this is a double-scam involving a faith aspect, he might very well still cash in in places he’s been wrong once only since victims of faith-based scams are very likely to overlook inconsistencies in their scammer’s stories or promised results. By the time Essek gets involved Molly’d be down to one or two places of true believers coming to him for ‘always accurate’ tips and a bunch of other people all over Rosohna he might get some money off based on the faith-aspect. And now perhaps one intrigued high-ranking government official who’s more than willing to overlook the hereticism inherent to the whole thing and is instead very likely to fall in the academic glue-trap of trying to disprove something clearly bogus that you do kind of want to believe in because like.

Wouldn’t it be cool? If the Luxon had more awesome powers? And one of them happened to fall in Essek’s hands, with no oversight and no need to cooperate with someone like Trent or Ludinus? Would he not want it to be real?

Anyway. The real answer to this question is: Enlist Beau to send bogus stuffed bills to Essek’s secretary. Bureaucrat on bureaucrat violence, let’s go.

[novelcain]

I always root for absolutely villianizing how Tripitaka treats Wukong which is funny considering that I started out my fixation on JTTW thinking he's just a scared lil guy who gets kidnapped way too often. I know better now

Which leads me to this, I love the idea of the Reader just decking Tripitaka out of frustration as he's recitng the Tightening Spell. There are so many moments he did not need to punish Wukong, and Reader had finally had enough. The whole group is just too stunned to react

Sincerely 🐟, who is equal parts fluff and violence

Yes. This right here. I'm tired of people seeing Tripitaka as this monk that does no wrong so I am here for this. I also find it kinda funny how many people went into JTTW thinking that. Like I remember hearing the legends before reading the book and being like "wait he WHAT? that's not very zen of him"

And I love the thought of Wukong seeing someone stand up for him for once. This poor monkey demon as pretty much always been looked down on in some capacity by everyone except his troop. This man would be down right flabbergasted and I think seeing something like that would form a few deep connection for someone like him.

Gods I'm trying so hard not to go into a deep psychological analysis on the Monkey King rn. Maybe later~😌 If I can remember to💀

Sincerely, Skittle who is far more violence than fluff

[kyouka-supremacy]

***

[legolasghosty]

Okay but consider: Cat Café AU

I AM CONSIDERING SO VERY MUCH!!!

Anddd you never said no magic involved and I'm frigging sick and tired of the real world right now, so...

Julie is the proud owner of a small cat cafe in Los Feliz. Lots of great drinks, super sweet cats, plenty of comfy places to sit. To the outside viewer, it seems like a pretty standard setup, if surprisingly well funded. What is less common knowledge is that shapeshifters are also a thing and Dahlia's Sip and Purr also acts as a sort of safe house for many.

Reggie and Alex are the main two other front employees, with Flynn working there too on the business side of things. They take turns working the front counter and taking care of the cats, Julie hopping in with either job when she can. Everything on the menu has silly cat pun names, most of them courtesy of either Reggie or Carlos, Julie's little brother. (She regularly gets texts from him with no context, just a cat pun drink name. They've gotten more frequent since he moved out for college.)

About half the cats that come through the cafe are shelter cats, who are healthy and mostly adoptable but don't have proper homes. They have a board on the wall of which cats people can adopt. Julie has a great relationship with the folks at the nearby animal shelters, cause she takes great care of the kitties and often finds them good homes after a bit!

A couple of the cats are a bit older and have just been with the gang for long enough that they've gotten attached and Julie or Reggie and Alex (they live together) have officially adopted them. Julie lives in a studio over the shop, so she just kinda takes her babies up with her at the end of the day.

And then the last handful of cats... aren't full-time cats. Shapeshifters aren't super common, but they tend to find each other. Most of them have 3-5 forms, depending roughly on age. The first two forms (human and some animal) usually are based on genetics or whatever, and the shifter has no control over what the animal form is. But when they get a grip on their first nonhuman form and start learning a second one, a lot of folks will go for some kind of domestic animal. Both because they're generally small and easy to get away from bad people, but also cause no one is gonna ask weird questions about seeing a housecat in their backyard. At least not like they would if it was like a wolf or something. So most shifters have some kind of house pet form by the time they're teens/young adults.

Given both the high percentage of shifters who have a small cat form, plus the high population density of LA, plus the fact that being a shifter isn't always genetic and often comes out of nowhere... there's a fair amount of unhoused/exhausted cat shifters around Dahlia's. So when Julie and Flynn were daydreaming about running their own cafe in high school, Julie was like, "Okay but if we do the cat thing, we gotta have a way we can help out shifters somehow."

Julie learned about all this as a kid, cause her dad is a shifter (first form was a black bear, which caused some chaos... now his most commonly used ones are a big grey cat and a raven), and Carlos inherited those genes as well (first form was a badger, these days he spends his animal time mostly as an orange and white tomcat). So while Julie and her mom didn't actually change shape themselves, it's just kinda a part of life.

Alex and Reggie are both shifters and met Julie and Flynn in college. Julie sorta found out by accident when she came into their dorm room and saw zero human boys and two cats curled up together in a sunbeam. But now they're her employees/coworkers, having a good time working and also having a safe space to cat in. (Alex's first form was actually a cat, a jet black shorthair. Reggie's first was a hampster, but he much prefers being a dapper tux tomcat). They also know all the signals and stuff to let other shifters know that it's a safe space, which Julie really appreciates.

So yeah, some of the cats in the cafe are humans some of the time. These include :

Luke, who is also best friends with the main gang but absolutely hates customer service so he splits time between the cafe and writing music for a couple of indie bands in the area. Or sometimes both at the same time.

Willie, Alex's boyfriend (yes his first form was a raccoon) and another bestie of the gang. He teaches art classes for adults, but those are mostly in the evenings when people are off work, so he'll hang out as a cat and play with silly humans in the daytime (also skate around getting into trouble but that's fineee).

Bobby, who happened in one day in their first couple weeks of business and lowkey never left. He's a security guard officially for a museum or something nearby, but he mostly works the night shift, and well... the sunbeams are nicer at Julie's cafe than his tiny apartment. So he hangs out a lot and has gotten adopted into the gang. He and Alex are great nap buddies and customers like cooing over their lil yin and yang cuddle pile.

Coming along with Bobby, we have his twin sister Carrie, who is not a shifter but was kind of freaking out about her brother disappearing so much (she knew about the shifter thing) and ended up following him to the cafe about six months after he started going. Cue drama and chaos, but eventually things settled and it all got straightened out. Flynn and Carrie are dating now, so she's around a decent bit.

She also introduced Kayla, one of her dancers who was also a shifter, to the cafe. Kayla had gone for a dog form when she was younger, but started working on a cat after hanging at the cafe a bit cause it's just so cozy.

And well... the shifter community may be quiet, but it's got its rich people too. After finding out about the whole thing, Willie's adopted dad started subtly pushing business Julie's way, along with sponsorship deals and stuff. And well, when Caleb absolutely cannot get ahold of his kid, he usually knows where to go. Even if he's not actually there, Julie or Alex have usually seen him recently and can pass along a message. (Caleb is absolutely a shifter btw.)

And well frick this got WAY too long, I'm sorry!!! I shall shush now and leave you in peace!