#I'm not alone anymore

[wysteir]

“In the end it’s only ever been one step, and then the next.”

― Ann Leckie, Ancillary Mercy

[jinxxedmisery]

H!

I'm back from the dead!

And I have things to talk about 🤭

Last month into this month has been fucking wild for me!

I was connected to a girl my age through my therapist, her name is Sam. We've really hit it off and I now consider her a friend.

Then... for some reason I felt confident enough to make a dating profile.... and

AGAINST ALL ODDS I MET SOMEONE.

Like I live in a town over an hour away from any cities.. but he only lives a half hour out of town... so not a super long drive.

Anyway, we've seen eachother in person twice but I fell so deeply in love with the guy.. and I can tell he feels the same about me... the way he looks at me.... How he talks... He is also a total romantic.. much like myself, so it's been going really good! I'm hoping we'll get to see eachother again next week.

But I never thought I'd ever get into a romantic relationship... if I'm being honest

Don't read on if you're easily triggered by mental health issues and/or sexual themes.

I never intended to be around this long... I was literally planning on ending it all shortly after my 18th birthday... But for some reason... I kept going.. and I'm super happy that I did, otherwise, I wouldn't have ever met my friend and boyfriend.

Seriously...

Things are finally going right for me after so many goddamned years of being alone, isolated unable to find any real connection and incredibly miserable because of it...

I have finally realized I am not unlikeable, I'm not worthless and I can find friends. And for the rest of 2022 and into 2023, I will work as hard as I can to not let my anxiety control me anymore

My next big leap comes in November. I will be looking for my first job!

And here comes the part where I gush about my boyfriend

I now have this dream now where I'm settling down with my boyfriend.... we move into a little apartment in one of the cities nearby (in fact that dream could very well come true... because we both want to go to the same city for college) and we settle into a peaceful domestic life together.... hopefully with cats!

Ok... but like honestly this guy is literally the one I've been dreaming of. He's very attractive and emotionally available, and he doesn't judge me for who I am! I neglected to mention here, but I have discovered that I am agender and my pronouns are they/them... I live in probably one of the most conservative provinces in Canada and to make it worse, I'm in a small town with like 4 churches of the same exact brand of extremely homophobic and transphobic Christianity... I fully expected him to lose interest in me. But no, It hasn't affected how he thinks of me. and he is very careful to respect my pronouns...

He's also very funny (which I really love in people... I can't be around someone who is super serious all the time) I mean... when I last saw him on Monday, we were at my place, playing around (in an adult sort of way) and he discovered my toys

One of them had a suction cup at the base, so he goes and sticks it on the wall a few times... then he sticks it on his forehead looks at me and says "I'm dildo man" we laugh about it together.... and he goes to pull it off his face only to discover it has suctioned pretty hard to his face, so I help him by wedging my finger under the suction cup and lifting it off...

and HE HAS A BIG ASS BRUISE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS FOREHEAD... We're still laughing our asses off... me almost pissing myself with laughter as we frantically search for way to get rid of bruises and hickeys online... we try the fork method, icing it... everything we can do, nothing works.. so we decide to just take a bath to clean up before my parents get home from a trip they were on (at this point my parents don't know we've had sex... and I wasn't exactly ready to tell them) While we're in the bath, my parents get home and my dad calls out to me... I fucking panic and we get out and dress at breakneck speed.

My parents brought home some takeout and my boyfriend stayed for dinner... he met my mom for the first time... but damn... coming downstairs after that was... super awkward... but thankfully my parents aren't the type to be bothered by that kind of thing, all they needed to know was that we used protection (which we did ofc)

It's funny though, he really gets along well with my dad.. Maybe it's their sense of humour. Or maybe the fact they are both quite talkative..

But damn.....

This guy is special.. and I hope we last for years, decades... life even...

And done.. Sorry about all that.. just had to write this all down somewhere.. It's really hard to contain my happiness right now.

[dkettchen]

she would've told them unlike her canon! version who decided not to be an ally smh

[alaynestone]

rare sightings of dean's pretty armpits over 15 seasons of spn aka what you follow this blog for!

[screwpinecaprice]

Frolicking among the flowers I think.

I feel like I already drew this before so hoping I didn't!

[cozylittleartblog]

bug doodles so i can say i drew something

[zishuge]

The Spirealm 致命游戏 (2024) | Ep. 12

[kodzuken-chan]

Me putting a new outfit I earned for Zayne

Also Zayne:

My honest reaction:

[taradactyls]

"Willoughby could not hear of her marriage without a pang; ... For Marianne, however, in spite of his incivility in surviving her loss, he always retained that decided regard which interested him in every thing that befell her, and made her his secret standard of perfection in woman; and many a rising beauty would be slighted by him in after-days as bearing no comparison with Mrs. Brandon."

I'm normally too focused on 'well, well, if it isn't the consequences of your own actions' to really think about how this sort of thing would affect Marianne, but I mean, it's quite creepy, right??

Imagine you're living your life, happy with your husband, healed and flourishing, and every now and then you find out your HORRID ex is insulting other young women (and they must be young, if they're a 'rising beauty') by invoking your name. Like leave her alone, Willoughby!! You hurt her enough. She was 17 (to your 25) when she was in love with you, she's grown up, seen you for who you really are, and moved on. There's something incredibly selfish about even after treating Marianne so horribly, he refuses to stop associating her name with his own. I wonder how many people would know of Marianne PURELY because Willoughby casually mentions (many times) a young lady has no resemblance to her.

No one wants their worst ex to keep haunting the edges of their life.

[mostly-delusional]

i feel like people will start pelting me with rocks as soon as i say it but i did not like what the writers did with rhaenyra and mysaria this episode. i have nothing against sapphic representation in stories. i just think it would have way more meaning if the relationship wasn't a half-assed idea thrown in at the last minute for the sake of getting brownie points.

the decision to have them kiss makes no sense to me because a) rhaenyra did not like this woman (you know, the ex-mistress of her husband??) and only barely tolerated her because of daemon, and b) rhaenyra idolised daemon all her life and loved him way too much to cheat on him. the entire scene just feels like another attempt by the writers to appease the fans instead of wanting to stay true to the story martin wrote. there are other canonically queer characters you could bring more attention to instead of doing the bare minimum for the sake of representation.

i feel like whatever narrative choices the writers are making are either for shock value or to appease the fans. house of the dragon is just a poorly written fanfiction of fire and blood at this point. because they're not adapting the characters and the story martin wrote but creating their own headcanons. and it's frustrating to see such a good story be disrespected like that again.

pls do not hate me for this because i know a lot of you are happy and feel represented because of that scene. I'm just frustrated with the show and the writing and wanted to express it. i swear i don't hate queer people 😭.

[luna-loveboop]

Lu Flora, pointing aggressively at Lu Sun:

"Why is she the one called Sun?!?!?!"

Sun: ... :D

Flora *angry*: "I have ONE plant that I really like, but I specialize in technology research people! I like biology too but I literally have made revolutionary discoveries in sheikah tech! Yet I'm known as FLORA?!?!???"

Flora: "I'M THE ONE WHO HAS A 'SMILE LIKE THE SUN' FOR HYLIA'S SAKE"

The chain: ...

Flora: *storms off*

Twilight: "should we...?"

Wild: "no. never follow her."

[canisalbus]

I'm sure you get this a lot but because my cousin and I love that one Danny Trejo action comedy, I always have to snap my brain into the right position when I read Machete's name. Maybe I should draw them both chilling

.

[hauntingjasper]

Blind as a bat

[claitea]

joining you in the pla ruined my life club. also the idea that people confessing to volo about how much they liked him and they wish he wouldn’t have turned all evil on him would actually make him feel worse bc they just liked a facade? man. trying to hurt me huh. it’s like he’s allergic to genuine connection and is obsessed with making people hate him for no reason

YEAHHH ITS LIKE. what i like abt pokemas's volo is that we're getting a better look at exactly how he thinks and feels and what it is is that he literally. cannot identify when people are being positive to him anymore. he is Always on the defensive as a survival tactic so Everything must be treated as some kind of slight against him or a manipulation. because clearly something happened in the past to make him that distrustful! he literally cannot afford to trust again or whatever made him be this way could happen to him again!

what volo needs is a friend. but he wouldnt know one even if they fell from the sky, collected the plates and then beat his ass at spear pillar.

[profounddefendorcrusade-blog]

I feel bad for Starlo. (pt. 6)

I think the main thing we were supposed to see as Star's character flaw wasn't that he was acting proud/arrogant/reckless/badass (I mentioned that it's fine for him to act that way because he deserved it after everything good he did and obviously I still mean it 110%), but how that proud, charming guy was never the real him. He literally lost himself trying to feel worthy and please everyone in town. For years he's been acting the role (for a noble cause) but the price was him losing touch with the nerd he is.

Yet STILL, if only everyone had been a bit more gentle with him, I bet he'd have toned it down during the WE section, and even before that. But they all decided to let him know the truth at the worst possible time, right when he was supposed to make Clover his deputy. Right after they attacked the kid because they were jealous. It was supposed to be the PEAK of Starlo's day and they randomly threw the "we never liked any of this" bomb at him instead of trying to talk it out BEFORE things escalated. I'd be pissed too.

Oh yeah...

... his brother doesn't take him seriously apparently and doesn't realize that staying positive and strong 24/7 is tougher than it looks, especially with Starlo's insecurities (and yeah being a farmer is hard work, but so is being in Star's position; on the contrary, it's even TOUGHER) ...

Orion should try being an entertainer for a day and see what it's like, let alone doing it for years

...Solomon says how Star thought him and Crestina didn't support his life choices...

... and how he rarely talks to his family...

...and it suddenly came to me: in all these years, they didn't ever bother telling him that they did support him? They didn't bother trying to reach out to him more? Understand his passion (Ceroba doesn't get it either; once again, I don't blame Starlo for caring about Clover so much, that kid understood)? Have an honest talk?

No wonder Star stopped interacting with them for the most part. Maybe him feeling worthless came from his family? Who knows (or he was bullied as a kid for being a nerd). In any case, he clearly had to deal with these feelings by himself.

This man's been through some stuff.

P.S. I know he has flaws like everyone, but you've gotta ask yourself the important question: WHY? where did all this come from? But clearly nobody in his life ever asked themselves this. So it all kept building up till he almost killed his deputy for... status. He was SO desperate to feel valued and get his friends back (who made him feel less alone.. but ultimately just left when he needed someone the most, at least ONE person) that he was ready to go all the way to achieve what he'd been lacking his entire life: *feeling like he MATTERED.*

I wonder If he'll ever go 100% back to being his true self. Slim chances :'( this is him now. Half farmer half sheriff

[bardandbear]

So. Transient media. I'm not looking to start any beef, however the latest change to BG3 has me feeling uneasy, less for the specifics involved and more for what it represents.

For those unaware, some very eagle-eyed players spotted that Larian had rewritten some of Gortash's Act 3 letters. I don't know what prompted them to do this, they're extremely minor codex entries addressed to a NPC. I find it hard to believe that anyone provided feedback about these, and the opinion I've seen from most Gortfans is that they liked them before. They were a little character reward for people who were obsessively scouring the game for information.

What I find troubling is that the change definitely alters characterisation in a way that isn't building on something that already exists, it isn't reworking something in a remaster a decade later, it's literally been months. Lore and character are being retconned months after release in what was supposed to be a (finished) standalone singleplayer game.

When is it done? Bug fixes obviously can and should be applied when something is actively broken, but this isn't a bug fix, nor have the previous 'minor' tweaks to character approvals and voicelines etc. It's also not adding content to the game, it's changing it. It's like seeing a movie re-cut for the streaming release, or a book getting minor deviations introduced every time it gets a print run. By all means, fix errors left in by mistake, fix your typos, make a sequel, but why are we okay with increasingly crowdsourced transient media? What is the point in engaging with something, with forming connection with something, if there's always the chance that what you liked about it in the first place is going to get changed?