#I'm not a sociopath

[the-brash-spud]

Man, the want to make the angstiest, most heart shattering and sould breaking fic of a reader dying and being reborn as Batman (yes ala isekai, I dont care about your judgment) and despite their best efforts still making the same mistakes or not making one mistakes and making other ones instead is MASSIVE. I want my readers to suffer sooo much. I want to make the reader to have problems with trying to be Batman and not being able to at every step despite their best efforts. I want them to make the same mistakes as him when they forget some specific plots because, just like him, they are simply just a man at the end of the day. I want them to watch as they suffer despite their best efforts not to. I want them to desperately try to stop the narrative, despite it already being written to doom them.

[interoteme]

schizophrenia shown in jim

[lunarriviera]

Big Dumb Hot Cop & Effete Possibly Sociopathic Genius Consultant: A Manifesto

So it has recently come to my attention that this, my archetypal pairing formulation, has broken containment, probably because I've been flinging these terms around like a deranged person wielding a blunt instrument. Therefore it behooves me to explain what the hell I mean by all these adjectives, and who are some classic and contemporary examples of the idiots under discussion—who are by the way extremely in love with one another whether they realize it or not. (Don't you say "bromance." Don't you dare SAY that word to me.) I will use blorbo from my shows to illustrate.

I first realized that I am in fact a Big Dumb Hot Cop whisperer thanks to Chinese police procedural 猎罪图鉴 | Under the Skin (2022). Right away, it's very important to note that Big Dumb Hot Cop is NOT in fact all that dumb. He's only less intelligent IN COMPARISON to his Effete Slightly Sociopathic Genius Consultant, who is, as already stated, a genius. Big Dumb Hot Cop is in fact ruthlessly good at his job. He's driven, he obsesses about cases, he can walk into a crime scene and pick up on the one thing everyone else has missed. There is no suspect he cannot intimidate upon investigation. And he's even better when he's working with (or against, depending on what stage they're at) the genius consultant. They need each other, whether they're fighting or collaborating. They can only clear cases together.

Here are, then, police captain Du Cheng and his genius consultant, sketch artist Shen Yi, eyeing each other significantly as some witness is, I think, lying his face off? Honestly I can't even remember what's happening because the important thing here is their nonverbal communication. This is crucial for this pairing. They can think circles around each other without saying a word. Love that for them.

Effete Possibly Sociopathic Genius Consultant has two levels of Possibly Sociopathic. Most maddeningly of all, he has secrets. Sometimes many secrets. So at first, Big Dumb Hot Cop is going to think he's the criminal, or in some way involved in the wrongdoing. The second level is that he'll find Genius Consultant just worryingly, disturbingly good at predicting criminal behavior. And he will continue to be suspicious of him for exactly one or at most two episodes, until he's then swept off his big dumb feet by the rapidity and correctness of Effete Genius's deductions. There's nothing Big Dumb Hot Cop loves more than solving cases. Well, maybe beer. He also loves beer. Once he sees that Effete Consultant is useful, he'll do a 180º and stop complaining to his chief of police, and instead start demanding that Effete Consultant be his forever. He'll start hanging out in his office. He'll literally drag him to crime scenes by the wrist.

(And did I mention Effete Consultant must be very pretty? Did I mention that? He is lovely. Long, thin fingers to steeple while he thinks. Delicate features. Haunted dark eyes. Never sleeps. Shocking self-neglect. You may see where I am going with this.)

Another important attribute of Big Dumb Hot Cop: he's big. Or anyway strong, or a gifted fighter. Let's face it, he has to be, because Genius Consultant is going to be reckless with his own personal safety to the point of stupidity (now who's dumb, huh?). For example, consider another Chinese procedural, S.C.I. 谜案集 | S.C.I. Mystery (2018). Captain Bai Yutong is sort of impossibly physically talented (former fighter pilot! national sanda champion! runs over moving cars and then shoots at them, like some kind of weird urban biathlon!) and, like all good Big Dumb Hot Cops, his entire life is thrown upside down because he now has to drop everything to protect his effete consultant, criminal psychologist Dr. Zhan Yao, who's so careless with himself that in any another drama he would probably be driving Bai Yutong to drink. Thanks to the danmei on which SCI Mystery is based, however, we can safely assume Bai Yutong is taking it out on Zhan Yao in blow jobs.

Note that Bai Yutong is the cook, even though he's the gong, and that he moves in with Zhao Yan to "protect" him from...something, I can't ever remember what, and then just sort of forgets to move out again. For the length of the entire series.

I would argue that 镇魂 | Guardian (2018) is a procedural, even if it also has ghosts, a talking cat, snake lady, eerie dark energy that gets flung around like paintball splatters, and a whole bunch of other supernatural stuff that was not approved of by Big Red (it's based on a danmei of the same title by Priest, a novel which has been pulled from circulation for censorship). Further confusing matters, Zhao Yunlan isn't particularly Big or Dumb, nor is he even really a Cop, technically; but I'm claiming him for this genre not least because of his Effete (drop-dead gorgeous) Possibly Sociopathic (Chief Zhao thinks he's a suspect for a good third of the story) and Definitely Genius, Later Gangpressed into being a Consultant, chock-full of secrets Professor Shen Wei.

Once they finally team up, though, they do this genre/pairing proud. Why, there's nothing they can't solve except how to stay alive. Look at them here enjoying some fine nonverbal communication: "Oh my god, you're just like me—you too will fling yourself directly into bodily harm in order to save a clueless civilian. Okay this could be inconvenient for both of us. Also wow for a genetics professor you're really fucking built, do you lift my bro." (Yes. Yes he does lift.)

A final example: the cruelly short-lived 光渊 | Justice in the Dark (2023), which like Guardian is based on a danmei by Priest, 默读 | Silent Reading. I got baited into watching the eight (8) existing episodes by seeing a cut of Captain Luo Wenzhou taking on like forty guys with a champagne bottle, a pair of curtains, an axe handle, and a birthday cake, like some kind of cultivator. He's so big and hot, and he's so very dumb. He's also a cop, and ACAB (which is sort of the plot of Silent Reading); and Fei Du is possibly using him for his own nefarious ends (cf. possibly sociopathic and secretive). But underneath all of Fei Du's "I am the abyss, fear me, rawr!" scary posturing, like a puffed-up kitten, he's just a very pretty tender-hearted effete genius, and you can watch Luo Wenzhou melting, and practically pinpoint the exact moment when his whole heart flies out of his eyes and he decides: Yeah, okay, that's it for me. That one. The annoying little traumatized fuerdai with some kind of a death wish that I do not understand. I'll be throwing myself in front of bullets for him and/or cooking him dinner for the foreseeable future, thanks.

Priest is gonna mess with this dynamic of gong/shou caregiving and safeguarding, because that's what she does; but the fundamental beats are still there. Look at these ninnyhammers, just this second figuring out they're actually kind people who belong to each other.

Here they are confronting a suspect together. (You will notice the large butcher knife wavering in the foreground.) Luo Wenzhou, highly trained, nonetheless cannot de-escalate the situation. It takes a pretty playboy in an arm sling to come wandering into the room, and then, using his superb personal knowledge of what it's like to be traumatized to the point of insanity, getting the suspect to disarm. I just love the way they look at each other, incredulous (Luo Wenzhou) and mock-fascinated (Fei Du). If I ever meet the person who directed this scene I'm going to need to kiss them on the mouth.

Once you accept the gospel of Big Dumb Hot Cop and Effete Possibly Sociopathic Genius Consultant into your media-based life, you'll find it has many applications, not all of which have to be procedurals. Consider: characters from the Daomu Biji franchise, possibly (Hei Xiazi is the biggest dumbest hottest not-a-cop I've ever met). Leverage, in a weird OT3 way. Assorted combinations of Avengers. Teen Wolf fic, absolutely. Various Stargate incarnations. Several other Priest danmei, not only procedurals. Definitely Mysterious Lotus Casebook. Et cetera. (You're on your own with MXTX, though.)

This has gotten long and there are still so many nuances and features and wrinkles and problems with the theory that should be ironed out, but it'll have to do for now. I'll simply close by saying: yes, there is also a classic example and you already know exactly who it is.

ETA: this fall I watched 雪迷宫 | The First Shot, starring Huang Jingyu and Wang Ziqi, among other stunning actors, and it rewired my entire brain. Guess who the leads are? Please meet Zheng Bei, captain of a brand-new anti-narcotics team. He's a big dumb northerner and he's just met Gu Yiran, effete southern genius consultant and pharmaceuticals chemist who's about to change his life and also help him catch meth kingpins. Here they are in a rare peaceful moment at home together. Did I mention they live together, because they do.

I quite literally lost my mind about this Zhang Yimou-produced drama and you should move heaven and earth to watch it; but the point is, it's them again. They argue, make up, tease each other, bicker tenderly, eat, walk, go on dates, save each other, bury loved ones, touch constantly, LIVE TOGETHER, and somehow survive a plot that really wants them both dead. Gu Yiran is also an unexpected badass who goes feral at the drop of a hat and has an almost Fei Du level of secret tragic backstory, whereupon Zheng Bei laughs and says: hold my beer, mine is even worse. They were made for each other in a lab and I am obsessed with them. There are other ships in this drama (because apparently Zhang Yimou said to himself at some point: you know what I have more money and cred than god, I'm gonna make a prestige Chinese BL version of Breaking Bad) but theirs is mine, because they embody this archetype so perfectly. If you like service top police captains and their high-maintenance brilliant consultants, you might appreciate The First Shot as well.

Also, however improbably, season 2 of 猎罪图鉴 | Under the Skin is currently airing, so fans of this pairing are being very well fed. I leave you with an image of these two doing what they do best: Du Cheng is intimidating a suspect with the palpable choler of his irritation, also his eyebrows, whilst his genius wife Shen Yi has spent the last three years perfecting being bitchy and supercilious to a gorgeous and highly utilitarian degree. I feel a very normal way about them.

[atopvisenyashill]

when i'm writing something meta-y i like to look at what other people are saying to see if i'm forgetting a detail or something but that's impossible when it comes to joffrey because every single post is like "no he didn't even suspect for one moment that he was a bastard" oh so his clear switch up from "my uncle jaime" to "YOUR BROTHER JAIME" despite him constantly referring to tyrion, stannis, and renly as simply "uncle" means nothing of course "oh he isn't deep at all he's a cartoon villain" so the story cersei tells about robert almost killing him is completely irrelevant than, right right "joffrey isn't capable of love he's nothing but a sociopath" he literally calls out for his mommy every time he needs something my GOD

[nyarlathesleeper]

The Llamas With Hats Epilogue

So like any normal Jason Steele mega fan (I'm calling us The Steelers (Copyright be damned)), I was present for the Llamas With Hats Epilogue, a 20 minute append to the 11 year old series about a mad scientist llama with a particular skill for horrific contraptions involving human meat. He also wears a hat. I'm hardly the only one to have caught onto this story as an allegory for abusive relationships, and the epilogue continues this idea wonderfully.

Carl, having killed himself after his creations destroyed the entire world, finds himself in the afterlife. He's still haunted by the voice of his only friend, fellow llama Paul (also behatted). The epilogue is almost entirely focused on Carl and his coming to understand his greatest crime. Not the global genocide, or all the horrific torture he put countless people through with his many meat monsters, but hurting his llama boyfriend, the one person he actually cared about. Kinda.

Carl is a fascinating character, and the epilogue I think does a great job at outlining precisely what he is. The series finale is perfectly somber. No jokes, no laughs, just misery. That's the state of the world, and it's the state of Carl. But the epilogue does something to recontextualize the finale, in a way some may not like. The finale leaves the impression that Carl is well and truly miserable. This remains intact. But it also leaves you with the impression that he genuinely cared about and missed Paul. And while it's certainly possible that Carl came to genuinely miss Paul over the course of time between their last meeting and the finale, I think the epilogue does a much better job outlining Carl's exact relationship with Paul.

Carl, in his own words, is a dangerous sociopath with a long history of violence. Throughout the series, it's shown that he and Paul spend a lot of time together. Vacations, time at home, walks through the park, there does seem to be a functioning relationship there on some level. But in the series itself, all we see is a version of Carl that is well and truly a horrific monster. A monster who seems to primarily appreciate Paul because he's someone who puts up with Carl and his antics. Carl seems to have fun antagonizing Paul with his many monstrosities. When Paul finally leaves, Carl is desperate to get him back. The epilogue makes it clear that this isn't out of genuine love, it's just possessiveness.

Carl is stated very clearly to be beyond redemption. And though I'm typically of a forgiving mentality, I'm comfortable saying that a llama who makes meat dragons out of orphan baby hands for fun probably isn't someone who can be redeemed. Carl is very resistant to this idea at first. He thinks that Paul will forgive him if he just never does anything wrong again. And even after he dedicates himself to this idea, he can't help but enact violence on the first thing he sees. It takes remembering that Paul is dead, and that he was the one responsible for Carl to realize that he isn't healthy for Paul. That for them both to move on, that he needs to let go. For both their sakes.

Carl is probably the most deplorable character in Filmcow's catalogue. Not even Jenny with her Pizza Hut is that evil. But he's allowed peace. He's not punished forever, it's unlikely it'd even do anything if he was. He's just left to make what was probably the hardest decision he possibly could. He became the acorn. He let go. He gave himself up so that something else could live and be free.

You can't even really describe this as a selfless act, though. Paul is dead, he'll never know what Carl did. He'll never know, and he probably doesn't care. There's something beautiful about that. Carl making a sacrificial decision for nobody but himself. Even the most evil, irredeemable monster is capable and deserving of inner peace. The destruction of the world and death of every living thing didn't make Carl happy. Getting everything he ever wanted just made him miserable. Letting go is the only way for Carl, and abusive people like him, to ever achieve peace.

This all being said, the toxic llama yaoi does go crazy hard, 10 "CAAAAAAARRRLLLLLLLLL"s out of 10. Stay hydrated, eat your tube meat, and keep an eye out for phantom impostors. No, not like amogus.

[wilsonsmcgillsweatshirt]

🗣 HOUSES PROBLEM IS NOT THAT HE LACKS EMPATHY, IT'S THAT HE HAS TO MUCH OF IT

[dirtysenner]

Y’all correct me if I’m wrong (because I do not have the disorder nor am I a psychologist) but isn’t this some complete bullshit? This article kinda just portrayed people with ASPD as stone cold manipulators/killers and like. Okay as I mentioned I do not have any experience in this field but I’ve been researching on my own time sociopaths and ASPD in general because I’m writing a character with it and to me this doesn’t make sense. Lacking empathy does not mean that you are suddenly not a human with feelings. Yeah they may feel less than the average person but would you say an autistic individual with low empathy had no feelings? (I am aware those are two very different conditions but you get my point) Idk if I have a right to be pissed but from what I’ve seen this doesn’t sound right and there’s a lot of demonizing of the condition. Not all people with ASPD are Ted Bundy. Again I don’t know if it’s my place to be mad about this but it’s kind of frustrating because I know there’s a lot of stigma around personality disorders such as ASPD, NPD, and BPD, Among others. Also if I am wrong please do correct me as I strive to be accurate but please be polite I have been very clear that I am not claiming to know everything

[quillium]

DEBUT OR DIE NOVEL SPOILERS.

List of traumas Park Moondae has canonically given Keun Sejin:

Called him + forced him to drive his unconscious body to the hospital after he got kidnapped and nearly murdered

Imparted Keun Sejin (and Bae Sejin) with the fact that said kidnap and near-murder was done by an actual A-list celebrity who they couldn’t do anything about and swore them to secrecy

Nearly died in front of Keun Sejin

Immediately planned an activity with his kidnapper and near-murderer after waking up from the coma he was in after nearly dying in front of Keun Sejin

Ways that Keun Sejin responded to this:

Repression (his stupid no-complaining attribute is so strong bruh)

Researching surgery + constantly visiting the hospital

Eating issues

Crying

Moondae when Sejin shows the slightest hint of worry: Is he mad because he thinks I’m trying to make a solo debut???

[crimeronan]

i was explaining ronanessy to tera yesterday (who has not read trc OR tdt) and i've woken up still thinking this is hilarious:

sorry for thinking it's delightful that everyone becomes the worst possible version of themselves as soon as gansey blue and noah are gone. as if it's my fault.

[antiph]

Y'know, ever since I stumbled across Epic: The Musical by Jorge Rivera-Herrans, I've been somewhat surprised by the fact that there's been a boon in fanfiction relating to Greek Mythology—even if only primarily focused on the events of the Odyssey. Considering that I'm long since over my Greek mythology fixation faze from middle school about half my life ago (I've never read the Percy Jackson series, I just liked how wild the mythos was), I'm mostly indifferent to the topic, but I do have ONE gripe with all the stories I've been coming across lately.

There's this popular interpretation that Athena is Zeus's favorite child, but when you actually get down to assessing all available (AKA surviving) historical accounts/myths regarding the paternal fidelity of Zeus, it's pretty obvious that his favorite kid is Apollo. That being said, I'm pretty sold on the notion that Athena is at least the favorite daughter, with Artemis perhaps being a not-so-close second.

Honestly, percentage wise, I'd say Zeus's love for his kids goes 55% Apollo, 30% Athena, 5% to Artemis, and 10% split in varying degrees between EVERYONE else.

Ares has like -2 points if we only look at his portrayal in the Illiad lol. The Athenian account of him in Myths is NOT kind to him, despite the fact that he's undoubtedly the most decent male Olympian (never raped women, a good father, surprisingly merciful to mortals who genuinely slight him if they manage to impress or best him, and he was the protector of the Amazon women). As funny as it is, while Ares might be Zeus's least-favorite kid, I'd imagine that despite the differences between the two, he'd be Athena's favorite brother.

[bsptourist]

funhousemap (a.k.a. Goethe's Last Laugh: Funhouse [Early Access])

created by bones from Goethe's Last Laugh, a WIP HL2 total conversion mod

[mingot-studios]

Hey, remember that time a youtuber called Homura, [a lonely, near suicidal child who got unhealthily attached to the one person who ever showed her a modicum of kindness] a sociopath because instead of wishing Madoka back to life, she wished she could go back in time to protect and save her because she felt her friend's death was her fault because she thought she was too weak? (which is a very obvious symptom of survivors guilt)

Because I sure as hell didn't

[reveriedusang]

It's the way my hyperfixations have reached such a peak of insanity that the friends I've made in these fandoms agree that, between my physical appearance and my personality, it only makes sense for me to be the hypothetical and very broken lovechild of Hannibal Lecter and Lestat de Lioncourt.

HANNIBAL LECTER AND LESTAT DE LIONCOURT—

[ahkaraii]

Five [Kakashi fancomic, 72/?]

(Previous) (Next)

(Index)

[equalperson]

I decided to reflect on My PD status recently, and it's honestly something to see how much I've changed as well as the things I perhaps missed.

firstly, I'm barely even avoidant anymore. I don't fit either the main or alternative DSM-5 criteria for AvPD (not to say that criteria is everything, OFC), only fitting a preoccupation with criticism in the former and anxiousness, withdrawal, and intimacy avoidance in the latter.

even aside from the DSM, I've noticed this in Myself. I still show signs of being avoidant, but most of them feel "residual," so to speak: I still have social anxiety, I'm still inhibited, and I still have shame spirals under physical stress (hunger, sleepiness), but I generally have pretty decent self-esteem and take criticism easier than before nowadays.

but on the other hand, I've been wondering as of late if I have antisocial or negativistic personality in addition to My narcissism.

I was already wondering if I was negativistic, as I have a major aversion to doing what people want Me to (even beneficial things, like using My inhaler or eating) and often feign forgetfulness to get out of it.

but I especially started considering antisocial personality recently. I've found that I relate a lot to antisocial people, sometimes even more than prosocial narcissists.

for instance, I don't really care to abide by social or moral norms (especially as I've gotten less avoidant) and I don't feel much of any shame for My "disordered," "immoral," or irresponsible actions.

meanwhile, I notice a lot of other narcissists care less than other people, but will still beat themselves up for doing things "wrong," which I just can't relate to. I want to be admired, sure, but not at the expense of My own hedonism. I can have My cake and eat it, too.

by DSM-5 standards, I mostly fit the criteria for ASPD through deceitfulness, irritability, and irresponsibility, although rather than a history of conduct disorder (which I know not all antisocial people actually have), I also fit the criteria for oppositional defiance (though I have contemplated many of the actions used to diagnose CD on countless occasions).

I fit the broader, alternative criteria even closer, fulfilling basically every criterion there.

I arguably fit the definition of "ASPD" better than I do that of "NgPD" (negativistic, not narcissistic), as I don't experience the aimlessness and ambivalence often attributed to the latter. like I said, I know what I want and I do whatever I can to get it, even if I do need to be a bit dishonest in the process.

overall, I definitely want to look into the possibility of being antisocial, but I'm sorta dreading it; not only are the narcissistic and antisocial personalities so similar that it's pretty hard to distinguish the two unless one or the other is incredibly blatant, but they're both so demonized that I just know any searches I do to distinguish them will be filled with sanist pop psychology.

much to think about, for sure.

[moretheta]

why does he look..... sad.

sir you had your soldiers pull a gun on a baby