#I'm not a sociopath

[the-brash-spud]

Man, the want to make the angstiest, most heart shattering and sould breaking fic of a reader dying and being reborn as Batman (yes ala isekai, I dont care about your judgment) and despite their best efforts still making the same mistakes or not making one mistakes and making other ones instead is MASSIVE. I want my readers to suffer sooo much. I want to make the reader to have problems with trying to be Batman and not being able to at every step despite their best efforts. I want them to make the same mistakes as him when they forget some specific plots because, just like him, they are simply just a man at the end of the day. I want them to watch as they suffer despite their best efforts not to. I want them to desperately try to stop the narrative, despite it already being written to doom them.

[interoteme]

schizophrenia shown in jim

[nighteternal1052]

NO LITTLE TUMBLR USER! DON'T USE SOCIOPATHY OR NARCISSISM AS SYNONYMS FOR FASCISM! NO TUMBLR USER, NOOO!!! WHY??

[antisocialsharky]

ASPD - Reduced To Being Subhuman

Do you know whats its like to be categorically excluded from being human?

Do you know how it feels to know, that no matter how much you work on yourself, no matter what you do, no matter how much you contain your urges and no matter how desperately you try to belong, your entire fucking species has already decided that you are not a part of them?

Its rejection on an uncomprehensible scale. A repetitive slap in the face at every corner. Barely being permitted to walk among them and never more than that.

Fake promises of letting you in, while never stopping to cast you out. Demands of your action and care, while keeping the possibility of actually doing it out of your reach. Its fucked.

"What seperates humans from other animals, is their ability to form deep bonds with others, work together on a big scale, feel deep empathy and care for one another and go against ones survival instinct to protect others out of love"

"If you don't feel empathy, you're not human"

"Art is what connects people, the deeply embedded emotions in it, that can only be felt and understood, if you have what it takes to be human. The ability to feel with others"

"The most important thing for humans is connection and community. Caring about each other, feeling for each other and not having any intentions to harm others"

"Those who harm others are sick and don't belong. They're not human, cus if they were, their empathy and guilt and morals would prevent them from doing it"

If the core of being a human is to feel with others, to care, to connect, to subscribe to morals and to experience all of these things on the regular, that suggests, that those who do not feel that and cannot do that, aren't human.

This would only be an assumption, if it wasn't fucking proven to us in every goddamn moment of our existence.

The world is full of the insistence that without empathy, without connection, without morals, you're not human. It starts with music and books circling around the concept and ends with people using a lack of empathy as an explanation for any depraved thing they can think of.

Its impossible to exist, to consume, to live, without being assaulted by lines and images that question your very right to exist and be a member of this species.

If your love isn't an emotional care for others, its not human.

If your friendship isn't based on deep emotional connection, its not human.

If your care isn't based on genuine distress at seeing the other upset/in pain, its not human.

If your activism isn't based on being emotionally appalled and angry and distressed about what you're seeing, its not human.

If your actions aren't based on morals that are important to you, they're not human.

If you cannot understand art and do not feel moved by books and songs and movies, you're not human.

If you wouldn't go out of your way to save others, you're not human.

If your apology isn't motivated by genuine remorse, its not human.

If your behavior change isn't motivated by genuine care and guilt, its not human.

Not human. Not human. Not human. Never fucking human.

Do you know that they call those who they perceive as not human? Monsters. Sick. Deranged. Insane.

Do you know what things they classify as monstrous and sick and deranged and insane?

• not feeling empathy

• not feeling remorse

• being aggressive

• feeling pleasure at other peoples suffering

• feeling pleasure at your own suffering

• making reckless impulsive decisions

• living in a different reality

• being able to handle and look at topics they find morally wrong

• being obsessed instead of feeling love

• lying and being manipulative

• breaking laws

• not thinking about other people's safety/health

• being self obsessed or grandiose

• mood swings/erractic mood

• and basically every other symptom of all the mh conditions

Its not just behaviors that could cause harm, that make you a monster in their eyes. Its your brain. Its who you are. You will never actually be human in their eyes, because you lack everything they require in order to see you as human.

They make that clear by defining healthy relationships with these human qualities.

They make that clear by having them be part of job descriptions.

They make that clear by having them as community guidelines and rules.

They make that clear by inserting them into laws and judging you based on them in court.

They make that clear by defining their prosocial society based on them.

Without the human qualities, you will never be their equal. You will never get to experience what they do, you can always just watch from the outside and imagine what it might be like.

They make fake promises, telling you, that if only you went to therapy, if only you changed, if only you took those meds, if only you just followed what they told...you would finally get to be human.

But no. They may pretend. They may accept the show you put on as barely passing, but their requirements will not change and you're still not meeting them. You're tolerated, not accepted.

And they still don't want you there. If they did, they wouldn't make therapy so hard to access, they wouldn't continue spreading the stigma in psych lectures, they wouldn't continue refusing you treatment, they wouldn't continue telling you that you're destined for prison, they wouldn't demand for the d*ath pentalty to be brought back for people like you.

If they truly wanted you there, they would change the requirements for what makes you a human being. They don't.

So you do the only thing that is left for you. Your only option.

You find comfort in sickness. You make yourself at home in your deranged insane mind. You embrace the monster.

You adjust to being aggressive first and anything else later. You grow comfortable with the demons in your brain suggesting violent ideas. You get used to your fascination with the morbid and wrong. You learn to tolerate the loneliness and absence of others and your own emotions. You grow okay with recklessly and impulsively ruining your and other peoples lifes every now and then.

You embrace who you are and maybe you push the boundaries and delve deeper into the sickness of your own mind. Cuddling up under blankets of new levels of violence. Resting on added defenses and removing yourself further and further from other peoples idea of what and who you should be.

It doesn't always stop the longing. You might still catch yourself desperately hoping that maybe you can change, maybe you will get to experience those things as deeply and humanely as others do. You might grow frustrated and angry with yourself when you can't. You might lie in anguish, tossing and turning while your brain throws insults at you and repeats how much of a failure you are for being subhuman, not wanted, not perfect.

But maybe the longing becomes less. Maybe you don't need to be angry with yourself quite as often. Maybe you can be understood by other monsters, by others who are sick and insane and deranged. Maybe you can finally talk freely about your thoughts and your emotions and your urges.

Maybe you didn't need to be human afterall. Maybe being a monster is enough.

first posted on my instagram (same @)

[vesna-v-irkutske]

Ilona Herr, Artyom Anoufriev's friend: "Artyom talked like a confident and quite intelligent person. He had a great sense of humor and an indescribable manner of talking. I didn't talk to Nikita, but he looked pretty inadequate." Anonymous girl who had known Artyom since childhood: "We've known each other since kindergarten. He was a quiet, very nice boy, it was interesting to communicate with him. A calm, well adjusted, attentive conversationalist. I kind of wanted to talk to him more than we did. It's hard to believe that a person whom I sincerely respected and even admired at some points, and whom I really wanted to make friends with, could do such a thing on his own, for some reason of his own. I'm sure he was pressured, brainwashed, I don't know, even to the point of clouding his mind with something, but I don't believe and don't want to believe that he could have signed up for such a thing himself from the beginning."

[thelistenersfury]

[nyarlathesleeper]

The Llamas With Hats Epilogue

So like any normal Jason Steele mega fan (I'm calling us The Steelers (Copyright be damned)), I was present for the Llamas With Hats Epilogue, a 20 minute append to the 11 year old series about a mad scientist llama with a particular skill for horrific contraptions involving human meat. He also wears a hat. I'm hardly the only one to have caught onto this story as an allegory for abusive relationships, and the epilogue continues this idea wonderfully.

Carl, having killed himself after his creations destroyed the entire world, finds himself in the afterlife. He's still haunted by the voice of his only friend, fellow llama Paul (also behatted). The epilogue is almost entirely focused on Carl and his coming to understand his greatest crime. Not the global genocide, or all the horrific torture he put countless people through with his many meat monsters, but hurting his llama boyfriend, the one person he actually cared about. Kinda.

Carl is a fascinating character, and the epilogue I think does a great job at outlining precisely what he is. The series finale is perfectly somber. No jokes, no laughs, just misery. That's the state of the world, and it's the state of Carl. But the epilogue does something to recontextualize the finale, in a way some may not like. The finale leaves the impression that Carl is well and truly miserable. This remains intact. But it also leaves you with the impression that he genuinely cared about and missed Paul. And while it's certainly possible that Carl came to genuinely miss Paul over the course of time between their last meeting and the finale, I think the epilogue does a much better job outlining Carl's exact relationship with Paul.

Carl, in his own words, is a dangerous sociopath with a long history of violence. Throughout the series, it's shown that he and Paul spend a lot of time together. Vacations, time at home, walks through the park, there does seem to be a functioning relationship there on some level. But in the series itself, all we see is a version of Carl that is well and truly a horrific monster. A monster who seems to primarily appreciate Paul because he's someone who puts up with Carl and his antics. Carl seems to have fun antagonizing Paul with his many monstrosities. When Paul finally leaves, Carl is desperate to get him back. The epilogue makes it clear that this isn't out of genuine love, it's just possessiveness.

Carl is stated very clearly to be beyond redemption. And though I'm typically of a forgiving mentality, I'm comfortable saying that a llama who makes meat dragons out of orphan baby hands for fun probably isn't someone who can be redeemed. Carl is very resistant to this idea at first. He thinks that Paul will forgive him if he just never does anything wrong again. And even after he dedicates himself to this idea, he can't help but enact violence on the first thing he sees. It takes remembering that Paul is dead, and that he was the one responsible for Carl to realize that he isn't healthy for Paul. That for them both to move on, that he needs to let go. For both their sakes.

Carl is probably the most deplorable character in Filmcow's catalogue. Not even Jenny with her Pizza Hut is that evil. But he's allowed peace. He's not punished forever, it's unlikely it'd even do anything if he was. He's just left to make what was probably the hardest decision he possibly could. He became the acorn. He let go. He gave himself up so that something else could live and be free.

You can't even really describe this as a selfless act, though. Paul is dead, he'll never know what Carl did. He'll never know, and he probably doesn't care. There's something beautiful about that. Carl making a sacrificial decision for nobody but himself. Even the most evil, irredeemable monster is capable and deserving of inner peace. The destruction of the world and death of every living thing didn't make Carl happy. Getting everything he ever wanted just made him miserable. Letting go is the only way for Carl, and abusive people like him, to ever achieve peace.

This all being said, the toxic llama yaoi does go crazy hard, 10 "CAAAAAAARRRLLLLLLLLL"s out of 10. Stay hydrated, eat your tube meat, and keep an eye out for phantom impostors. No, not like amogus.

[dirtysenner]

Y’all correct me if I’m wrong (because I do not have the disorder nor am I a psychologist) but isn’t this some complete bullshit? This article kinda just portrayed people with ASPD as stone cold manipulators/killers and like. Okay as I mentioned I do not have any experience in this field but I’ve been researching on my own time sociopaths and ASPD in general because I’m writing a character with it and to me this doesn’t make sense. Lacking empathy does not mean that you are suddenly not a human with feelings. Yeah they may feel less than the average person but would you say an autistic individual with low empathy had no feelings? (I am aware those are two very different conditions but you get my point) Idk if I have a right to be pissed but from what I’ve seen this doesn’t sound right and there’s a lot of demonizing of the condition. Not all people with ASPD are Ted Bundy. Again I don’t know if it’s my place to be mad about this but it’s kind of frustrating because I know there’s a lot of stigma around personality disorders such as ASPD, NPD, and BPD, Among others. Also if I am wrong please do correct me as I strive to be accurate but please be polite I have been very clear that I am not claiming to know everything

[wilsonsmcgillsweatshirt]

🗣 HOUSES PROBLEM IS NOT THAT HE LACKS EMPATHY, IT'S THAT HE HAS TO MUCH OF IT

[mingot-studios]

Hey, remember that time a youtuber called Homura, [a lonely, near suicidal child who got unhealthily attached to the one person who ever showed her a modicum of kindness] a sociopath because instead of wishing Madoka back to life, she wished she could go back in time to protect and save her because she felt her friend's death was her fault because she thought she was too weak? (which is a very obvious symptom of survivors guilt)

Because I sure as hell didn't

[sumplysilly]

Ppl: Destigmatize mental illness!!!

Ppl when some1 is selfish: OMG a fucking filthy narcissist

Ppl when anything mildly weird happens: Schizo moment. Absolute sociopathic behavior. You're so delulu LOL. U should be put in a rubber room

Ppl when some1 they personally don't like exists: Let's armchair diagnose them with a personality disorder for no real reason other than I don't like them

[bsptourist]

funhousemap (a.k.a. Goethe's Last Laugh: Funhouse [Early Access])

created by bones from Goethe's Last Laugh, a WIP HL2 total conversion mod

[nshtn]

how well do you think wesker would get along with a s/o or friend with ASPD?

writing RE5 wesker and making him way more sociopathic than I normally pen him for the bit.

with ASPD? well, he has ASPD. severely. he's a psycho-sociopath - i fear this is one of the more effective passive ways to strip him bare when it comes to existing relationships, but it also makes him almost unrecognizable as the Wesker that is often presented to the audience. i also think he would overly-strip his own persona to chameleon their own until he's acting a degree of detached he doesn't even find himself.

kinda DDDNE below i'm ngl!

i think he would literally just be like "hey, what are positive reinforcements for you?" and then literally reward/punish them like they're an algorithm and not really a person. cut out the middleman of silly things like "overly-abundant lingual placations" and "social engineering in an attempt to garner a one-sided lovebombing relationship relative to interests". he's not fretting about reciprocation or communication too deeply. he'd probably drop a lot of his persona around them because there's no point, depending on the type and severity and the level of friendship that is shared.

probably likes to talk about deeper aspects of humanity he finds confusing with them. (issue: he's a know-it-all hotheaded egomaniac who is snobby & pompous) yes, he knows why people are programmed with disgust, but isn't it annoying? why must he fret in the trenches of 'reciprocal social warmth' so that his plan - benevolent in its' leanings (absolutely not) - may progress? why can his intention, the bigger picture, never serve as enough for most of this useless, ungrateful population?

he has to stem his brutal honesty when others speak. people twine their words around common idioms and metaphors, dancing around truths that mean nothing to him just to spare their own hide. it's difficult for him not to spring into a lecture when his scientists do something wrong that he could never. he has no empathy to spare for failure to incubate limited, unstable samples. must he do everything - must he teach everyone everything every time, or will they find insult in that, too? and doesn't his little friend find it difficult to participate in this annoying "dance"? it's draining.

i think he'd express less of his anger towards them specifically because, if their ASPD is severe, they're likely not even doing things to intentionally seek it (unless they're acting directly, inescapably incompetent - but he won't pull out the big book of ad homs; why do it if it is to no effect? he almost wishes they'd respond to his prodding so he'd have something to use, so used to the mask that going without feels itself a breed of foreign.) he automatically views them without the same level of malice as long as they don't harbor thrill-seeking in destruction or passive, extreme homicidality like Marcus.

he'd likely spring into deeply philosophical or scientific topics with them with very little to buffer between it, nixing the small talk that people are used to because it isn't optimal - ever the optimizer, to the point of mania - the kind of man who rounds a corner, spots them, and immediately breaks out into whatever problem he's run into with his own research with no buffer. hello, rubber ducky! of course, he expects the same from them, but he'll mind a lot less if they drudge through small talk, safety in the knowledge they find it as useless as he does when they're both public-facing. (the truth is that wesker does not mind the small talk when it's all about him, but...)

do they not feel an irk when they must relax their tension manually? do they find it difficult to pull the proper degree of smile that a situation demands - never too much, never too little? he will flat-out ask if he can imitate if they're really that good or find it easy - while he can certainly do it, he doesn't invest as much of himself as he reasonably should as a bioweapons manufacturer and continually sits on the splitting, guillotine's edge of the necessary imitation. he'll also learn the tics that represent the sign that their irritation is peeking through when they're with others and act as their wingman, swooping in to pull them away with the expectation they'd do the same for him.

probably keeps them around for Excella's invasions of personal space like they're a beacon of safety.

they talk about how natural he was afterwards - where he can improve, what was perfect, where irritation bubbled into the periphery. they will likely have picked up on the fact that he bathes in positive reinforcement and preens to it. honestly, they could probably defang him and have him under them if they play their cards right.

he'd definitely probe on how deeply it effects them - neurology intrigues him and is a cog in the grand machine of his research, and to learn about the finer parts is useful, especially if he might want to induce it in people who carry uroboros (what grand, irredeemably unreachable goals - to invade the brain will only result in severe irreversible cannibal disease). he would definitely seek the physical representations that underpin it, and would feel great interest in the difference between someone who was born with ASPD vs someone who developed it.

blue umbrella already knew how to make weapons out of the thick dough of the humanity they're initially presented with. he needs to know how to do it at the genetic level.

willing to experiment with eachothers lack of:

"did you hear about [x]? do you want to see the raw footage?"

"at what age did you realize you felt a separation?"

"have you had an f-MRI before?" ... "what about an EEG?"

definitely puts his hands on their shoulders, waist, or grabs their wrist occasionally in interactions, examining their face for the telltale signs of flush. display it, do it. give him something to work with, please.

treats them clinically, in an almost insulting way, simply the way he treats others stripped bare. over time, as the fascination pours and froths over, it becomes playful and natural.

as he gets to befriend them more closely he'd be willing to be indebted to them to provide them with what pushes their own personal goals forward. unfortunately, i think he'd always have a degree of his own personal separation because they're an uncontrollable variable who knows enough of his depth that they could fuck him over. he will always strive to put out the ward that that goes against their finer sensibilities.

i think he'd fear that being too truthful with them, especially about his own goals, would make for another birkin. at the same time, there's a draw to someone so similar or even worse than he is, especially if he can use them as a nearly-consensual canvas without much prodding.

if he can talk with them about topics that usually evoke disgust in others, this will be the ultimate springboard into the breaking dam of friendship into a warped intimacy.

kinda nsfw:

he'd definitely enjoy getting reactions out of them to an unhealthy level that becomes near-exponential as his interest breaks the dam - if they're a sadomasochist, they're in for a fucking ride.

what closeness and ultimate equality in standings would look like to him would be different than it would be for someone who lacks ASPD - would they like to test uroboros? he could do some gene edits to produce an artificial compatibility... this is, to him, one of the most intimate questions he could ask someone in this unique setting; it is like marriage, flipped on its' head from something done without a second thought to a ritualistic, hierophiliac art form. would you join him on his pedestal and ascend? do you want to become true equals?

[marvelousazula]

Agatha calling Rio: help, I think I've been adopted by a witch and a human, they're being motherly.

*amused Billy noises*

Agatha: Teen said he approves, hELp.

[mad-hunts]

what flavor is your soul?

salt.

ah little kraken, bold are you. restless sailor, dauntless fighter, lower your sword, let me see your shield. ah, of course, they are but the same object. oh, wave-tossed ruffian, lend me some of your mettle, would you? you have been struck by the sharpest of spears, yet you still stand here proudly. but off your guard, elsewhere of the battlefield, you will find your spirit can parch others. your words are but weapons crafted from your soul. little lion, sheathe your claws, or the ones you love the most will suffer. you do not have to be strong all the time, love. there's nothing wrong with being soft. vulnerability is not weakness, and if it were, what's wrong with that? strength is not always your greatest tool. your heart is good. put down excalibur, and use your words. you'll find they will carry you much farther. not everything in life is a battle.

tagged by: i'm not sure who tagged me in this BC this has been in my drafts for a while but!! i think someone did, LOL

tagging: @divingdownthehole, @riddlesnap, @sillyjokes, @whampow, @darkdevour, @vulpesse, @twcfaces, and anyone else who may want to complete this!

[artificial-ascension]

Am I insane or is Rin's satanic lineage a metaphor for aggression and social misconduct caused by mental illnesses and the mental illnesses stigmatized by these symptoms??? I don't know how to word it perfectly but like.

1. People treat him like a horrible monster the second they learn of his condition, regardless of how much they liked him before

2. As a child, he was written off and shunned for being 'evil' because of actions he couldn't understand as good or bad because he was a literal child

3. Furthermore, he struggles to understand how to connect with and rely people because he's always been shunned which makes him come off as even more 'creepy and weird'

4. His abilities make it hard for him to do nomal tasks (such as hold down jobs)

5. People judge his powers and how he uses them as evil because some other guy also used him for evil

And that's off the top of my head. Like... he just sounds so much like someone with ASPD, autism, schizophrenia, ect, who exhibits aggression or a lack of empathy or psychosis or any other symptom that can make it difficult to exist in 'regular society.'

I have no idea if this was the intended reading, but the way they talk about how hard it is for everyone to live with him and how people doubt if it's worth the trouble to let him live is really reminiscent to me of how people discuss those of us with neurodivergences that make us hard to get along with.