#I'm normal abt him btw dw

[daz4i]

btw the way i do it is i remember precisely what chapters nikolai shows up on (+other big events like ch88 and ch101 iykyk) and then i calculate in my head how far said event is from them and logically how many chapters it'll take to get between these points. works every time

my bsd autism isn't of the sort that like. i consumed every piece of media there is of this franchise and can tell you every detail there is to know about canon. BUT if you show me an event or a frame from the manga (mostly from the perfect crime arc onwards, but not only) i could tell you the exact chapter it's from with a margin of error of maybe 2-3 at most, or moments from the anime with the exact episode number

[heliswife]

jake x a reader who hates him and avoids him because he reminds them of someone they hate but when they are forced to hang out they realize that they actually have a lot of chemistry…..,,. take ur time btw no rush

TBIS IS A FIRE IDEA ACTUALLY!!! TY POOKIE!!! those following for pjsk fics sorry but the brainrot is taking over <3 plus writing for other fandoms is a nice break from pjsk :3 this is a non-idol au thing ig 🤭

@onthat611beat hope you like it ♡

Your ex-friend used to have a massive crush on Jake. She would rant about him all the time, saying stuff such as "we were meant to be!" or "he looked at me, he wants me bad!"

You were sick of it, and by the time you cut contact with her, you didn't want to hear anything about Jake again. You avoided him in the halls and in your classes, memories of that friend coming back whenever you looked at him.

"Y/N! There's this guy I'm sort of interested in, and he wants to have a study group with us and some of his friends!" Your best friend and roommate grinned.

"Who is it?" You asked her, secretly praying it wasn't going to be a repeat of what happened with your ex-friend.

"His name is Riki, look!" Your friend showed you a picture of the guy she liked. He didn't seem bad. And your friend seemed normal enough about him.

"Yeah, he's cute. Sure, I'll go to the study group with you."

The next day, when you walked in the café you guys decided to meet up in, you saw Riki, your bestie, and...

"Y/n, this is Jaeyun. He's in the grade above you, right?"

"Mhm, nice to meet you, y/n. You can call me Jake." He flashed a warm smile at you. It made your stomach churn with how nice he was to you.

Memories of your ex-friend and her toxicity flooded your brain, yet you pulled yourself together and held your hand out. "Nice to meet you, Jake!"

His hand was warm. You were sort of understanding why your ex-friend liked Jake now.

The study group went surprisingly smoothly, with you exchanging numbers with the two boys and leaving with a stomach full of sweets.

You explained to your bestie the situation between you and your ex-friend, how she was in love with Jake and how she was a huge asshole towards you.

"Is that why you looked shocked when you saw him?" She asked.

You nodded. "Was it that obvious? God, I really hope I didn't give him a bad impression of me..."

"Don't worry, y/n, it wasn't that obvious." Your friend said before being interrupted by the ding of your phone. An unknown number.

hey y/n this is jake from the study group i just remembered i had your number lol

"It's Jake. Whenever I think of him, I think of my ex-friend and then I start feeling sick. Should I answer?" Your finger hovered above the message icon.

"Yes, duh? Forget about that shitty girl, that's in the past. It's time to move on and forget about her, y/n."

"Hm.. You're right. I'll respond. I know it's been half a year, but it's hard to get over it." Your fingers rapidly typed and backspace until you found a response you would send to him.

hi jake!! dw abt it, im glad you texted me

"I literally can't do this bestie, what if he hates me? Fuck, that message sounded so cringy." The worst case scenarios flashed in your eyes.

"He doesn't. Read the message he just sent, I don't think anyone who hates you would send that."

do you wanna go get lunch with me tomorrow? i wanna talk to you more, you seem chill 😄 also your friend likes riki right? she makes it obvious

"I DO?" Your best friend gasped. When you agreed, your friend threw her head back, landing on one of the soft pillows of your bed. "It's fine, I'll deal with it later. Back to you, y/n~"

"Oh lord."

"You should go with Jake! He's asking you out on a date!"

"He is?" You reread the message. "Oh shit, he is."

"Y/n l/n, you are a total loser. Your life is so boring, like, you've never been in a relationship? You should go. It'll make your life interesting."

"Geez, you're such a nice friend." You rolled your eyes.

yeah ofc!! where & when?

is noon at the pizza place near the cafe alright with you?

mhm, see u there :)

You turned your phone off and let your brain process what was happening.

The only knowledge you've had of Jake prior to this was from your ex-friend, and she looked at him with rose-colored glasses. You were going on a date with the very person your ex-friend was head over heels for.

Fast-forward to the next day, you put on an outfit you deemed worthy for an outing and exited the house. You hoped your bestie wouldn't blow up the house.

Once you arrived at the pizza place, you spotted Jake waiting outside, scrolling on his phone.

"Jake!" You called, and his head perked up, smiling wide as he waved to you, "I hope I didn't keep you waiting too long!"

"Y/n! Don't worry about it, I just got here anyways, let's go in and order, 'kay?" It wasn't even a sort of anymore. You were definitely understanding why your ex-friend was obsessed with Jake.

Your eyes couldn't leave Jake as he ordered a pizza and drinks for you both, and you didn't even process the question he asked you until he pointed out your lack of response.

"Sorry, I just feel... I don't know, out of it? Could be nerves," You awkwardly laughed.

Jake only cocked his head his face painted with a confused expression before giving you a small grin. "I get it, nerves do that to me too. So, um, what do you like to do?"

"I- I like writing?"

"That's cool, do you think you could ever show me one of your stories?" When he noticed your eyes widening, he laughed, "I'm kidding, you don't have to show me if you don't want to."

The pizza came, and you two chatted about anything you could think of. You talked about your friends antics and he talked about his. He even showed you a picture of his cute dog.

"Y/n, if you don't want to answer this, it's fine, but why did you ignore me before you were forced to see me at the café. Did I do anything wrong?"

Shit. Now you were forced to talk about your past with your ex-friend. "I had a friend who used to like you. You were all she would talk about, and it was getting annoying. She was an asshole too. After we stopped being friends, I didn't want to be reminded of her, and you happened to be one of the things that reminded me of her. I feel bad about ignoring you, since you're a great guy."

"Oh, it was *****, yeah? I remember her." Hearing her name made you feel lightheaded. "I'm sorry you had to deal with that. If it makes you better, I never liked her much."

"Seriously?"

"Yup, you want to head back to my dorm? I could show you my lego collection?"

"Sure," You giggled, getting up out of your seat in the booth, Jake following suit. You felt a sense of relief knowing that Jake didn't like your ex-friend.

As you two were walking back, gray clouds started to gather. A few rain droplets fell on your face before the downpour began. You and Jake looked at each other before Jake took your hand and started running to his dorm, dragging you along.

Once you guys made it, you were both soaking wet and panting. "I wasn't expecting it to rain, sorry.."

"It's okay. I really enjoyed your company..."

Silence filled the room. Jake's hand was still holding yours. "Y/n... may I..?"

"Please, Jaeyun."

His lips pressed onto yours, and even if it was for a second, it felt like time stopped. It was just you and him in this little world.

"Tomorrow, I'll take you on a real date, when it isn't raining. We could go wherever, just tell me," Jake told you when the kiss ended.

"Let's hope it isn't raining tomorrow, promise we'll go wherever?"

"I pinky promise, dear." He held out his pinky, and you intertwined it with yours.

This was the start of a new chapter, a chapter without her, and you had someone, who although gave you bad memories from the previous chapter, would be by your side.

[seaquestions]

i'm totally enamored with your FHL oc's! would you be willing to elaborate on the relationship chart dynamics btw emil and lucas (esp. emil's "totally oblivious to the fact that he contributed to lucas' destroyed self-esteem")? the implications are so devastating

eeheheee can i just say first of all this super made my day thank youuu im so happy u like my FHL ocs its my darling little pet project 💙💙💙 and yes yes im very willing to elaborate. bear in mind though that this isnt entirely concrete yet, i take kind of a vibes-first approach lol. tbh i like having the tension between emil and lucas stay within the realm of Devastating Implications in-canon but. you caught me. i cant resist talking abt my ocs :3

had to put a readmore cut here cos this got kinda long omg. also tw for mention of bullying & ed.

but yeah so emil and lucas… they had been playing hockey together since they were 10 basically. they’re childhood friends, besties by default, bonded over a shared love of hockey & also for being considered ‘weird’ kids yknow. but they’ve also hurt each other a lot in little ways that never went addressed cos emil is too non-confrontational to make a fuss and lucas is too proud to admit when something’s genuinely fucking with him. but for the most part, they were besties. it’s only when they both started taking hockey more seriously as a possible career option that like, the relationship started to turn sour. lucas used to be a forward actually. he was also subject to a lot of pretty awful comments about his body from his peers (and from adults in his life too lbr). and also, homophobic comments, stuff stemming from his closeness to emil. something that hurt was the fact that emil never stood up for him but, well, even then lucas was willing to overlook that cos its not like he ever really fought back himself. just brushed that shit off, laughed it off, yknow, never let them know that what they say actually hurts you. he didnt wanna like. punch anyone over the stuff they said. especially since he started to Really internalise it. mostly the fat-shaming. its not just shitty teenagers right? its everything. it’s hockey. and the homophobic stuff well… i mean did he have a crush on emil? kinda yeah. just part and parcel of the whole codependent besties thing.

and on emil’s end, he was mostly trying his best to be accepted by his peers (aka, masking 24/7 and going along with the awful shit they said to lucas. cos well, that shit’s normal right? lucas said he can take it anyway, he said it doesnt fuckin bother him so) and stand out with his skill in hockey. he was, notably, better than lucas, who at this point was still a forward. lucas didnt particularly. choose to be a goalie. at least not at first, he loves it now dw. but he loves it now in part because it isolated him a little bit. or at least just kept him in sort of, a separate category, in peoples minds. it kept him away from being compared to emil (even though really they shouldnt have. their skill sets and strengths were quite different. but yknow. they had put themselves together like that). and emil liked that too. he liked not having to compete with lucas over this, which is something lucas took more as emil not wanting to share the ice with him anymore. and it was also another example of lucas bending to external pressure with emil saying nothing against it, encouraging it even. it started to feel like emil didnt give a shit about him anymore—so lucas starts lashing out against him a little. calling him annoying and weird and loud and stupid and shit. the stuff that other ppl call emil that lucas never did. emil took That as lucas finally getting with the program. it hurt but. everybody said it. and he’s been saying the stuff everybody’s been saying about lucas too, and lucas said that shit doesnt bother him so it shouldnt bother emil either cos he has to be strong too and. this HAS to be okay. THIS HAS TO BE NORMAL.

but. yknow. it’s fine. theyre still best friends by default.

their friendship starts to really deteriorate when lucas starts forming unhealthy eating habits. or unhealthy lack of eating habits. frm my experience as a fat guy whos struggled w disordered eating ppl dont tend to notice it unless they see you actively suffer. in fact they might see it as a good thing esp if youre visibly losing weight. i imagine lucas woulda have it worse than i did bcos he also has the pressure of wanting to be a professional athlete and also way shitter peers than me. emil is already not the most perceptive guy and lucas is incredibly reticent so. yeah. kind of a wonder theyre still friends honestly but, yknow, theyve known each other this long. theyve loved each other this long. why wouldnt they still be friends, even after every little thing. this is the one that breaks it. this is the one time where emil not having his back Really fucks with lucas.

lucas’ new goalie coach is the one who lays it all out to him. he’s realising that oh, fuck, fucking fuck, he’s been such a shitty friend and so has emil. thats when he starts his recovery and part of that is also figuring out how to deal with his and emil’s failing friendship. lucas cant bring himself to blame emil at all. like its HIS lack of communication that led to this. he knows emil’s an oblivious guy, he’s always known that about him. so… fix it, right? just, communicate this time and things will be better. but lucas also just doesnt want to see him anymore. like. he just wants his life to change. he’s going to college, in a different city, he’s playing on a college hockey team while emil’s off in major junior league and like, he’s far enough away that he can just ignore emil’s calls most of the time and say he’s busy and get away with it and just let emil think the friendship is fading away organically and not bcos lucas straight up never wants to see him again because it would remind him of a time in his life he never wants to revisit. and meanwhile emil… emil just misses him. emil just misses lucas with all his heart and wonders why why why lucas doesn’t seem to like him as much anymore. i guess that’s just distance but like, EMIL doesn’t feel any less so??? is lucas making friends in college who are cooler, less annoying, better at hockey, better than emil? whatever man… by the time they get drafted by opposing teams, the bff-ship is pretty much dead but. well. emil will still text lucas congrats and happy birthday and sorry ur being sent down and hell yeah ur being sent up and. and lucas just says thanks. so yeah. that’s lucas and emil, at least at the start of the FHL storyline.

and yes….. they ARE using blake and conor respectively to replace their bestie…. :3 but its good for them actually. maybe by learning to be a good friend to this other guy they can eventually learn to be better friends with each other. emil in particular is out here walking on eggshells with conor who freaks out over every little thing and is like. umm. hey did lucas ever feel like how conor is feeling at the shit im saying to him cos. um.

anyway. who’s to say if the reconcile. certainly not me nuh-uh im just the vessel thru which these idiots speak their truth.

ANYWAY THANK YOU FOR ASKING!!!! fun mini project to chip into every time i can catch a little break at work 👍👍👍

[masked-and-doomed]

NEW ME NEW INTRO!!

Hello, I'm Kat/Kats (or Yomotsu), welcome!! I am so normal about my boyfriends.

Please feel free to ask me about my OC, UG!! Hell, even cooler if you do it in a roleplay kinda way.

Other places you can find me:

@katsdoodles - art blog/archive.

Discord: thatonekats

👆 just in case. Tumblr explodes. Talk to me if you wanna ig (I am not good at conversing. So. Keep that in mind.)

Ao3: ThatOneKat2

👆 Might as well have it here. I've been more in a writing mood this year.

Twitter: @ThatOneKats

I have a twitter now I fucking guess. A bit of bonus content there (a little bit more of unhinged thoughts) but you're not missing much if you don't go there.

UG RP twt: @LIBRARIAMYLAMB

If you wanna see little bits of UG musing about go there.

--

Suspected BPD, have been diagnosed autistic. I will feel things very intensely either forever or feel nothing about it in the next hour max. You may see vent posts. Every now and then. Check the tagging system to block em out.

I am deeply in love and sickly affectionate for my 4 darlings. They're my boyfriends, girlfriends, besties- our relationship? Is uhh whatever man. It's love. It's love.

First two being Yomotsu Hirasaka (pfp), and Takao Hiyama. They are my most intense hyperfixation of 2 years.! They are from Mirai Nikki/Future Diary. An anime/manga which I don't really like.

The next beloved is Pocketcat! He is from Fear and Hunger. He's. A silly :) There's so much intrigue of him aaaghhh ough he is so sad.

Last one !! Faust. From Guilty Gear. He's a. He's somebody. Got him on Valentine's Day. He makes me a different kind of ill. Alas, this doctor cannot cure me.

They're 💙 just like me fr. I love them. URL is them btw. Masked men, doomed.

(comfortable with sharing and gushing together with everyone. I don't mind if you send or @ me in stuff that has Faust shipped with someone, (I like appreciating art of Faust in any form :] ) just know I'm uncomfy with all (canon x canon) Faust ships except Happy Chaos, meaning that I won't talk about them (eg., fau.slayer) together.)

I am. Also obsessed with my lambs as well. (The Conclave, consisting of Axus, Libraria, Baldias, and Chronus) They mean a lot to me. I wish to give them happiness they didn't have the time nor place for. You will see me reblog lambs and tag it as them. Feel free to send me lamb pictures, effectively beaming Conclave to me.

NOTE! I do sometimes post about needing my darlings to kill themselves, or wish great harm upon them. I will not always have positive things to say about them. I am a hater as much as I am a lover. (Not the "I want him dead" (lovingly) (though I do have sadism and would enjoy killing them for the fun of it), I have genuine hatred towards them all (Libraria the least) and I loathe their existence.

(if I had to guess, this is the bpd doing its thing)

--

Yayaya tagging system time!

#ah rambling - general yapping tag

#[MN/funger] rambling - ramblings of MN or funger

#[MN/funger] bangers - memes/shitposts of that fandom

#oc time - posts about the little OCs I have (currently empty. DW about it)

#unnamed girlie - posts about my self insert. (UG for short)

#UG spoilers - in case you wanna go through the UG tag but not be spoiled about the endings and such.

#guy in my head - headcanon posts

#doodle tag - stuff not high effort enough to put into my art blog goes here

#reblog moment - reblogs! So you can filter them out

#lovesick - yandere / obsessive behaviour

#gatito - kitty tag.

#belalang beloveds - grasshopper tag. Belalang is grasshopper in Malay :)

#art save - images I wanna draw (typically memes I wanna draw with my guys)

#art reference material - reblogs of posts with helpful art stuff

#general reference material - reblogs of posts with whatever that isn't art. Not really 'general' perse but I don't have another word

#epic meowtual art - art by the meowtuals!

#ask game - reblogs of ask game posts

#ask game answer - answers to asks abt the ask game

#hello asker - ask tag

#tag game - reblog of posts that are meant to have you tag other ppl to continue the chain

#negative. And #/negative are used for vent posts. Make those sometimes.

#hxrny aroace on main - (mind the x) epic posts where I feel feelings for some characters (carnally)

#fanfic shit idfk - posts related to fanfics I'm reading (or something like that)

#girl what you on?? - posts where I'm in some sort of delirium, talking to my beloveds. And being ill about them.

#shit I send to fictional guy - posts I'd send to fictional characters. Will prob have their name tagged too.

#unnamed oc core - wow it's just like him fr. Many things will be tagged this btw. They are not okay. (Same person as UG jsyk)

#pocketkitty - for posts I don't want in the pocket.cat tag or reblogging posts that are like pocket.cat. (only applies to him everyone else gets tagged with their name in posts that are like them)

#robot nephew - similar to pocketkitty just that it's. Mr robo.t K.y

#silly doctor man - I fell into gui.lty g.ear and now I'm in love with this bozo. When I don't want it to be in the main tag. Yes like pocketkitty and robo bo.

#mister omelette - guy that asks which came first the chicken or the egg. Answers himself, it's omelette.

#mask quartet - fucking stupid masked bitches trying to save humanity gone wrong

Liveblog tags:

Guilty gear: #pride in my gears: sign, #pride in my gears: rev, #pride in my gears: overture, #pride in my gears: strive

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Tag me in stuff you think I like!! I don't mind! Or like tag games.

There's also a *cough cough* side blog. For degenerate thoughts of mine. If you want it just give a DM ig.

--

Pictures i want here

(This applies mostly to Faust. Sorry not sorry Faust. I will give you the worst horrors.)

(This is me any time someone mentions Conclave. I wish I could say I was exaggerating. I'll just say that Conclave has spiked my libido and I've been the fastest to draw suggestive art of them and write smut of them than of any other character I've fallen in love with. I need them carnally. And I tell you, it is a need.)

[aranciadotcom]

hcs for the kids!!!

buckle up everyone bc this is going to be a long ass post

don't ask why the classic versions aren't here. it's bc i'm too tired to do one for them as well (i've got some for them dw). i meant to post this a while ago but hey-ho. i thought "why be a wuss when i can post these myself!"

(also cbn hmu if you want ideas from me yk just saying)

• they first met at an overseas resort when they were younger (around 5 or 6 years old). when they found out that they're both next door neighbours back in valleyview and that chris was going to be enrolling in joy's primary school, they became inseparable

• they're born on the same year but joy's a month older (they're both summer babies)

• chris is very much the touchy feely type. joy, on the other hand, isn't very quick to show pda but she'll do it every now and then. due to this, most people at school think they're dating. they either play into the rumours to take the absolute mick out of their classmates or they would shut down the rumours immediately bc they don't fiddle around with the idea

• chris' middle name is joshua (idk i have this headcanon bc he looks like a joshua and because his middle name canonically starts with a j)

• joy's middle name is lisette (i was actually thinking of her middle name to be aline bc one of her international names is aline but i don't think it would fit her name)

• they're both night owls

• whenever they go to a supermarket and they're in the fruit and veg section, chris always picks up a pepper and lends it to joy

• albeit the fact that she's very energetic, joy tends to be sleepy and gets into trouble for it sometimes

• they're definitely rin and len coded

• superbook visits the kids every now and then and checks up on them to see how they are. obviously, chris and joy use this time as an excuse to spill the tea on what's happening in their daily lives or they just vent to sb

• while they were younger, chris was taller than joy. it wasn't until joy started puberty when she was around 10 where she had a growth spurt and became taller than chris

• (it's not exactly the kids, but it's related to them) joy's parents' first names are richard and lori

• back when chris was 7, one summer of valleyview was hot. what did he decide to do? he climbed into the freezer of his kitchen and stayed there for 5 minutes (of course, giz had to get chris out of there before either crispin or phoebe could start a fuss abt why he was there in the first place)

• they're very telepathic

• joy's hair was originally short (this poor girl had the alice cullen/lisa rinna haircut while she was 3-8 btw) and was styled as a half up half down hairstyle with two sided pigtails. when she was 9, she decided to grow out her hair to how it is now. of course, she styles her hair like her mum, but now mrs pepper has a bob (in other episodes, her mum did have a similar hairstyle like joy's)

• gizmo is pretty much their younger sibling. he just acts like one and it prompts the kids to be parental/sibling figures for him even though his maturity develops when chris develops

(i love how this is kinda canon bc in one of the "ask gizmo" segments, giz actually says that he sees chris and joy as his siblings. it's sweet considering the fact that chris and him have been together since chris' birth and joy acts as an older sister to him as well)

• while joy is known for her pretty facial features and her signature headband, chris is known for his s- eating grin that'll make anyone think he's up to mischief (and most likely, he is)

• chris has a tendency to nickname joy "princess". his excuse is that "she's bossy like one" while joy normally calls chris "einstein" bc he thinks he's smart when he comes up with really dumb ideas

• even though she's focused on playing the cello, joy's vocal talent was discovered by none other than chris himself. he was the one that prompted her to sing more and to be in the church's praise and worship team with him (e.g: the promise of a child and rescued!)

[ctorres74]

oh dw! I am, actually a different Asker than th one who first asked Abt the mod ,uh!

blogs creation would be super useful but I know that is a lot so I'm ok with lik!! just kinda knowing anything y'know? I watch the silly little guys like an ant farm

{ SORRY i didnt respond to this earlier ^o^"....... turns out trying to condense nearly an entire year worth of lore into something people can actually comprehend is kinda time consuming whoda thunk it . this isnt an insult to you btw this is my laughing at myself for thinking i could get this done in a day LOL }

{ ANYWAYS i do have an old google doc where i tried to compile all cesars lore (i didnt even get halfway...) so maybe i'll dust that off before making it public . but i CAN explain why they are the way he is now !!! }

{ uh essentially he got slowly turned into an alternate beecause of a program put into place by their moderator (the reason why is kinda a long story) that was put into effect all the way back in december . it was only supposed to last 11 weeks, but because a core function of the program, who you may know as cesar's evil shadow self named violet, was missing (wilt split away from cesar because the reason it was created was to fucking kill everyone and it felt like they couldnt do that effectively while stuck in cesar's body). }

{ so the program was put on halt for like . months . blah blah blah stuff happened and then on april 23rd vi rejoined cesar's body after like 3 people tried to kick wilts ass simultaneously . now the program continues as normal and things kinda kick into overdrive because cesar had been resisting the mental changes the program caused as long as they could and . long story short it caught up to him . and they spent quite a while screaming in agony because the program finished and it had to forcefully remove any humanity cesar had left. and turns out that really hurts ! anyways so now he's full alt whos a little deranged from being in constant agony for over a week and a half but theyre . getting better ? sort of??? hes trying to relearn theyr humanity a bit but its not particularly working lol .......... or is it }

[neonstatic]

i am bad at taking compliments

i'm not terrible at it. i don't particularly indulge in self-deprecating humour. when i do a good thing, i acknowledge it. i know i am intelligent, i know i do my job well, i know i look cute, etc etc. but sometimes... someone will give me a compliment and i will just. get so mad abt how inaccurate it feels. example: i have a pleasant voice. if i were to apply myself, i'd have the potential for radio work or voice acting. my singing voice? it's quite good. i've got range but no passion. one time i had a regular at work, sweet old gentleman, and he said that my speaking voice was so nice that he could tell i could sing like whitney houston....... it's like he wanted so badly to compliment me that he aimed too high and now, well, i just felt insulted. still do, btw! (ms houston i'm so sorry this stupid bitch talked abt you)

or. one time i was working the donations. i was hot and sweaty, in a plain black fit w my hair in a slick low bun. like, i looked normal but i felt gross overall. and my coworker/friend passes by and says, "ray, you're gorgeous." ,,,y'all. i straight up told him to "fuck off!" jabfakjbb what followed was likely the most confusing back and forth of his life, with him defending his stance that he "just wanted to say smth nice" and me chewing his head off abt it. dw i didn't yell at him. i don't yell <3 i was just. cold and short. bc "gorgeous" out of all the words? i'm cosplaying as a hard-at-work, sweaty steve jobs -- don't call me gorgeous, wtf is wrong w you?

recently, my sister and i were discussing breaking bad habits. she said i was getting better at some of mine and i was downplaying it, giving all kinds of excuses as to how it was getting better bc of outside circumstances (not rly) and then my sister just went, "oh my god! would you stop it, we aren't playing compliment ninja!!" and i was like ok weird analogy but i get it lmao

anyway the reason why i thought abt this is cus this new girl at work told me she liked my fit. i forgot what i was wearing so i looked down at myself and i was so unimpressed that for a sec i nearly forgot to say thank you. cus i was abt to argue w her and thought better.

now why do i act like that? well it's a cocktail combination of low self-esteem and impostor syndrome and the unfounded belief that i am convincing ppl that i'm a better person than i actually am. which is so silly bc i am Hot Shit!!! I Am!!! i'm Tha Bomb! i don't need to convince ppl that i'm cool, i just am cool. and i am pretty and on some days i am actually gorgeous. but it's hard to take compliments bc when ppl give it to me i feel like they mean it as a permanent, ever-present state of me and, like, no i am not consistently good or smart or pretty or handsome or cool. i am too much aware of my flaws to take a damn compliment arghhhh and it's one of the reasons why i've never tried being in a relationship, but that's a post for another time.

in conclusion, i will learn to take compliments. ish. and it's fine if i don't "agree" w them, ppl are allowed to experience me thru their own eyes, even in a light that is too bright for mine

[envecord]

Hi, helloo

I wanted to ask u abt ur Ben design, might seem silly but It's been eating my brain

When and how did Ben get his piercings? Did he have them before he died? (also how old do you hc his to be at the of his death? Ofc, only answer If you want)

Did someone else do It for him? Is he even a ghost in your interpretation?? Can ghosts get piercings???

Sorry If I'm asking too much, I'm sleep deprived and my english isn't englishing (forgive me in advance for any grammar mistakes/things that don't make sense, english isn't my first language)

Hope you have a nice day/night! Stay safe, love ur art and interpretations btw :)♡

You're okay dw I love questions lol yeah, I think for me Ben prob died around early teens initially so I draw them around 16 yo age (whether or not it actually is conveyed correctly is another thing LOL) and with their piercings the main blue one in his ear is absolutely a pre-death one to me because even in ocarina of time link has that little blue earring (it just becomes bigger and more noticeable in botw/totk) so i think they'd be a nerd and get it lol. and post-death imagine they would try to actually enjoy teen life a bit? (after getting tired of vengeful ghost killing stuff) and maybe actually go through the normal motions of being an (absolutely queer, no cis het person likes link THAT much LMAO) teen and like self-expression and identification troubles and all.. I am one of those people who imagines all the pastas knowing each other lol so I think maybe Jane helped with the piercings? kind of have it in my brain that Jeff did the first one so poorly that she had to step in LOL. and for aesthetic purposes, I'm really not putting too much thought into the logical parts of a ghost getting piercings LOL. The two of them (Ben and Jeff) are pretty much 100% just young stupid teens who didn't get to grow up, to me. oh and Jeff is absolutely Ben's token cis het but stupidly supportive friend LMAO (sorry if this is a nightmare to read I only have brain dump mode rn)