#I'm no stranger to Tumblr but at the same time I've also been gone from it for years

[blackbirdffxiv]

A bit of rambling, and maybe I'm speaking too soon, but so far I've had a more enjoyable time back on Tumblr in the week I've been back since I quit seriously being on here three years ago, than the three years I've spent on twitter. And I'm still dealing with the shellshock.

Coming from twitter, I am used to people being absolutely so volatile that I actually became afraid to even say hello to people because I never knew what I was going to be met with.

And here I've had people message me such nice things and just act polite to me if I asked them something, and I've just been so used to people acting needlessly rude or defensive that having people actually be nice/courteous made me double-take.

On top of all of it, it actually feels like I can share Ellie's lore with no shame or fear of embarrassment because someone will call her cringe or something, or worse, say she's not a valid character because she bends the lore in a lot of places.

TLDR: I've only been on tumblr for less than a week but the sheer difference between here and my experience on twitter is such a culture shock, it's hard for me to process that people here are just nicer, if not that then far more patient and understanding.

[cdroloisms]

a little ramble about dreblr, meta, and the ever evolving nature of this fandom, i guess?

i don't mean to soapbox, this is mostly just going to be vomiting some thoughts into a post. some recent stuff and a post or two have had me thinking about this fandom and how different it is from when dsmp was ongoing. it's,, pretty obvious that the fandom is quite a bit smaller and less active than that time, and there are generally a lot fewer people actively posting meta and such every day--which isn't necessarily a bad thing, and is natural obviously considering that the dsmp ended almost 2 years ago, but does mean that the culture around (?) meta and such has shifted, as well. it's one of those things too i think that is felt so much more obviously in dreblr, which is an even smaller group within this fandom that formed in response to uhhh being very much considered unwelcome by the greater fandom at the time.

that being said, as is the nature of all fandom, dreblr is still a community of people who are largely strangers who have gathered together because of one commonality: very strong feelings and often very strong opinions on the dream smp and c!dream. and i think when the fandom was more active, the entire fandom felt a lot more like a "pvp enabled" zone, lmao -- it was every other day when there'd be some new batshit meta about c!dream or some stream to react to and analyze and fight people about and whatever. since then, though, with the dsmp gone, the fandom has become quieter -- which i think has allowed some of the variation in opinions within dreblr become more and more obvious? and also become a sort of source of friction.

again, this is normal for any fandom. i'm certainly not here to agree with everyone about c!dream always, lmao. but the vagueing of takes is always more awkward on both sides when it's someone where you share more of the same circles. at the end of the day, it's up to each individual blogger's discretion to choose what they will or won't post on their own blog, but at the same time ... when it comes to the community, just speaking for myself, i don't want a super high barrier of entry when it comes to people feeling like they can't join this fandom unless they've got [xyz] experience or [xyz] takes.

when it comes to actual analysis of the source material, though, keeping meta a safe place for people to say "no, i don't agree with this take because of [xyz]" is important as well, which always raises the question of how said disagreements should be handled. and again, i'm no authority, i'm not here to tell people what to do. personally, when it comes to my own blog, i don't like to post very much directly about any one blogger, but I know I've definitely written posts inspired by specific takes before as well as screenshots of takes from the fandom's heyday, etc. i don't necessarily feel uncomfortable with this ...? but at the same time, i know that vagueposts can be a source of discomfort, especially if they're about your take in particular (speaking from experience) -- so it's you know. not the easiest line to draw, I guess, especially when we're talking about a community where different people are going to have different levels of comfort with what they post on their own blogs and what other blogs do in response to their takes. and whatever.

vagueposting, i think, has been common in the tumblr dsmp fandom for a long time, and especially in dreblr -- direct engagement in the past errr usually went badly, so a habit formed of keeping everything we did kind of within our own spaces (hence why many of us don't even tag c!dream or even dreblr on most of our posts; keeping everything untagged, or keeping the tagging system restricted to our own blogs, limited the possibility of trouble). that being said, vagueing within dreblr has become more common, i think, as disagreements within dreblr have become more and more obvious in the time since the dsmp ended. (just for the obvious example: i think it's a bit of an open secret that i, personally, strongly disagree with much of the common depictions of c!drunz in this fandom. i've written some meta about this before, as well as some responses to meta--which i enjoyed greatly, believe me--but i've also noticed (perhaps coincidence) an uptick in c!drunz positive meta every time i or someone else makes a post that maybe skews more negative. which is normal, don't get me wrong, but also a pattern i've noticed. i'm also very aware that someone the arguments i may bring up as counterarguments or structure my posts around arguing against are based on actual arguments i've seen while in this space, which i'm aware is an easy source of friction within dreblr.) and it's easy to say "don't take it personally when it's just metaanalysis," but that's easier said than done, lmao, especially depending on the tone of the vaguepost and a myriad of other factors.

i'm not saying that i have the answers. or, for that matter, a single answer. the boundaries i set aren't going to be the same as the boundaries other people set, for one, and i have no desire to police what other people do on their own blogs. i do miss, sometimes, the more collaborative and discussion-based meta experience of this fandom when it was more active--i might try to more actively reblog posts (including those i don't necessarily agree with) to discuss this server and these characters, bc at the end of the day that is kind of why we're here. personally, i've always drawn a pretty sharp distinction between fanwork and analysis -- i think it's pretty bad form to criticize people's AUs In General (not that i've not. been guilty of it in the past, but i try at least to keep it to criticizing more general patterns within fanwork; look, i'm not going to claim a moral high ground, i love bitching way too much and should probably get a handle on that but asj;lkfdsaf) but when we're talking meta about the source material, barring shit like. you know, harassment and otherwise abusive behavior, i do consider it more of a free-for-all. at the same time, i know that these standards can lead to newer fans feeling like they're going to be booed out the door for sharing their thoughts, which, i mean, isn't great 😭😭😭 fresh eyes can bring a lot of really cool new insights, and it'd suck pretty damn bad to miss that because they don't feel welcome, yknow?

anyway, this is a very inconclusive post, but i thought i'd just throw some of my thoughts out as someone who has been here for a decently long time. and if you want to discuss w/ me, inbox and dms are always open :)

[wishingstarinajar]

I know, I know I'm a scratched record

But I'm dying to hear your thoughts on the Wakfu finale when you get to it!

I just finished watching it and it's uuh... hmm. I read people saying the finale was "satisfactory" but I am not fully on board with that sentiment.

Too much left unanswered, not enough wrapped up, too rushed to get to the end.

I know the Waven game is a continuation of sorts, it takes place decades after Wakfu's conclusion so that game might hold some answers or closure, buuuuttt... I'm not interested enough in the game to play and find out. I guess I've grown a bit tired of the whole cross-media info/lore some franchises love to do (like Blizzard and covering important info across the Warcraft games, books and short stories).

Wakfu season 4 obviously has an open ending, no matter that it is the final season, so who knows what might follow. I'm just a little saddened that the story picked up a little too late this season but the animation, particularly during action scenes, was pretty great... when not using the same static images of characters xDD They loved that a little too much but I understand the budget wasn't that big so I can't really fault Ankama for it.

Did I like this season? Mmmyyeeaaah, it's a mixed bag. Better than season 3 but not better than the first two seasons or even the OVA episodes. Glad it exists but I don't feel super satisfied with its conclusion.

HEAVY SPOILERS ahead, so be mindful but gonna share some thoughts:

Seeing Joris play a bigger part in the second half of the 4th season, and him vibing with Adamaï made me very giddy and happy. Love that for them, hope they become good friends. And thank fek neither of them died. RIP, Qilby, Armand and Brakmar (maybe?). The guys who needed to redeem themselves got their chance, at least.

Goddess Eliatrope was a big disappointment and an unlikeable character but I guess that was kind of the point...? Angry that she totally ignored Chibi and Grougal, like what the fuck even? Didn't even show a hint of acknowledgment towards them. What if they wanted to meet mom, huh?? And what even happened to Baltazar and Glip, who were in Emrub with the same kids that were asleep in Goddess Eliatrope's belly? What did she do with them?

But hey, at least my headcanon that the Sadida and Eliatropes will combine into a single kingdom/people (which I also wrote about in my Rebirth fic) actually happening was pretty satisfying x'D It even has Wakfu-infused trees, om nom nom.

A little frustrated with Necroworld (not the same Necroworld from the Transformers: Lost Light comics) because it's supposed to be a different planet in some other universe but it had dofus (dragon eggs) and races of the Twelve like Sadida, Sram and Sacrier. It was pretty confusing... Imo, it should have been something similar to The Upside Down (Stranger Things), or an alternate version of the world of Twelve rather than a completely separate place. But eh...

Why did nobody care about the state Inglorium was in, or that the Gods have disappeared? That bothered me so so so soooo much during the first two episodes; nobody non-Eliatrope or non-demigod cared that their God/Goddess was... well... gone. Aside from God Iop, where are they?? Hated the disinterest, hated the silence around it. Guess that's a mystery that will be unraveled in some other media.

Yugo grew tall and handsome and I'm not afraid to say it. Happy for him, though him suddenly growing so quickly was a bit silly. I figured there would be a time skip to justify his 'growth' that we saw in promotional images and teasers. Won't complain though, he deserved to finally be in a body that reflects his actual age, it took him long enough!

"Bootleg Alys" from the Dofus movie made a cameo in episode 11 which made me snerk. (I noticed a few more background characters from the movie that were re-used in episode 11.)

And that's all I have to say, at least here on Tumblr. It was quite a ride.

A big thanks Ankama and all the Kickbackers that made it possible; this show had its ups and downs over the past decade but it was enjoyable and loved. It still holds a special place in my heart and I will keep a tiny eye out for more Krozmos stuff in the future (like Welsh & Shedar, gimme!!).

[tmntkiseki]

Originally, I wasn't going to go public about this...

But I realized something yesterday: Suffering in silence is stupid. While it is true that there are a lot of horrible people on the internet, there are also a lot of incredibly kind people--people who may be complete strangers to you, but are more than willing to reach out a helping hand if you let them know that something is wrong, and I'm tired of pretending that everything is fine around here when it's not. So here we are.

The short version is this: Ever since I disabled anonymous asks back on the 6th of this month, I've been repeatedly stalked and harassed by an individual I've taken to calling Troll-san. Why Troll-san? Because I'm an older internet user, I've been active online since the mid-2000s, and that's what they are: a troll, and they've gone through so many URLs at this point that I have nothing better to call them.

Troll-san primarily harasses me through my ask box, but they've occasionally attempted to do what they've been doing through reblogs on my posts as well. I will give them credit where it's due because they've been incredibly persistent; every time I block one of their URLs, they proceed to delete and then remake it in order to circumvent the block feature and continue sending me more hateful messages. This also has the side effect of making reporting their behavior incredibly difficult, and that's assuming that Tumblr staff decides to even try doing something about this. (And I do not trust Tumblr staff at all.)

This is one of the only asks I made an effort to take a screencap of, sent not too long after I made my post on Friday regarding my recent ER visit, and let it be said that this is FAR from the worst message they've sent me. (They have, in fact, sent a couple of asks telling me to kill myself.)

So, at this point in their little harassment campaign, I can confirm a few key details about Troll-san.

This is indeed over the fact I disabled anonymous asks. I'm not particularly special for disabling them since so many Tumblr users do it, but presumably the reason Troll-san is so wound up over it is that if they're having a bad day and feel like being a dick someone (me), they can no longer send rude asks and avoid the consequences for it by using the anon feature. (In fact, that's the entire reason why so many Tumblr users disabled anons in the first place! Because people were abusing them to be assholes!)

I am definitely not their first victim. I did some digging around yesterday and can confirm that there is at least one other user who has also been harassed by Troll-san, and there are likely more people who may have/are dealing with the same person.

Even though Troll-san has been constantly deleting and remaking their URLs in order to bypass the block feature and continue their harassment, I am about 99% positive that their primary URL is grandangelkitty. It's one of the only URLs that they haven't deleted and remade at some point, and the other user who was harassed confirmed it was one of the URLs that they had to block. Whether it'll still exist by the time anyone reads this, I don't know, but I figured it was worth mentioning.

I realize that by acknowledging what's going on, I am potentially inviting yet more harassment and allowing this situation to drag out even longer than it needs to, but A) cyberbulling is never okay, and knowing I'm not the first person to be harassed by this particular individual makes me more angry than knowing I have to put up with it at all and B) I've never been afraid of Troll-san. They lost all my respect when they ignored my first block and I had pretty much lost my ability to take them seriously by the time they remade their URL for the fourth time. I just wish they'd learn their damn lesson already that no means no and that being horrible to strangers online is going to result in them making enemies rather than any friends.

I did finally reach out to a couple people online regarding this ongoing fiasco and while I won't be naming anyone specific; thank you all so, so much for your kindness and support. I was originally quite content to try and deal with this problem on my own, but I find so much comfort and renewed energy in knowing that I'm no longer alone and that there are people who do have my back. I'm not at all weak for having to ask for help; in fact, I'm all the stronger for it.

I am hoping that by finally acknowledging what I've had to endure for the last week that not only will I be helping to protect more users from this person, but that they'll finally get the message that this kind of behavior is not tolerated in this community. For anyone who has read this far, please, stay safe and I hope you have a good day!

P.S.

[purple-babygirl]

Hello! (I've decided to write this before going to read your recent story. I always wanted to write to you so many time but didn't have the confidence to do so).

I just wanted to take a moment to share how much I've been enjoying your writing on Tumblr. Your posts have a way of drawing me in and transporting me to different worlds with each word you write.

I followed you since the "don't call me daddy part I" (love it so much especially the part when doll talk about family that supposed to love you unconditionally, I FEEL her) and read almost all of your story. I like mafia! daddy!bucky and his angel. I love the name that angel call alpine "PinePine" *so cute😭*. There are so many things that I love in your masterlist (too many to write it down, maybe I should write it in a comment section if you're ok with it)

I also wanted to practice muaythai/thai boxing to fight those haters. (I saw someone said that before and I agreed with them) You don't deserve hate, you deserve kindness. As a reader, I didn't expect writers to write a long story. I just want them to be happy while writing. I'm ok if they post once a while or everyday. It didn't raise my standards and I hope every writers is enjoying themselves while writing. I LOVE every writers I've followed and read their story. I really appreciate them (and you).

Thank you for sharing your talent and creativity with the world—it's a gift that brings joy to so many, myself included. I look forward to continuing to follow your journey as a writer.

Sorry if this is too long lol. I need to tell you this bc it's been on my mind for weeks. Please be safe, healthy and happy.🥺❤️

Hello, lovely, sweet person💜💜💜 Please always feel free to stop by I'll always be here to talk to you. I apologize for not replying to your ask as soon as you sent it, yesterday wasn't the best day.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for saying that. Knowing that my writing could do that has to be the best thing anyone's ever told me and I can't thank you enough for the smile on my face right now💜💜💜💜💜

Don't call me daddy is very very personal to me and you saying that it resonated with you too makes me feel both that I'm not alone and that my writing is more than just words so again thank you so so much for that💜💜

Oh I'm so happy you read mafia!Bucky and angel they were my favorite before I wrote Orc!Bucky and I'm supposed to post more of them in the future but I'm still not finished with the new parts for their story (my comment section is your comment section feel free to tell me more please:"💜💜💜)

I wish I could learn kick boxing tbh but I'm still jobless for now (please wish me better luck with jobs if that's okay with you I can't sleep in the streets I'm too weak). Learn so you could teach me:" Jk jk. Thank you, it means a lot to me how kind and sweet you are. Humans will be humans, we can't stop them from being hateful or unkind. It's cool, I cry a little and then it's gone. I'm really grateful for you being so kind and understanding and I'm sure each and every writer you read for also feels the same way.

Thank YOU for being here for it all. It makes everything worth it and makes me feel less alone. You're an amazing person and I hope you know that.

It's okay, I loved and appreciated every word. Thank you so so much for taking the time and energy to send me this beautiful ask, it makes all the difference and it will leave me happy for days💜💜💜💜💜 Please take good care of yourself as well and don't be a stranger💜

[messengerhermes]

Thinking a lot about that one post about "make your OCs a hotter cooler version of yourself" and I want to show y'all something:

I'm writing a novel right now that started as fanfic, but got so distant from the original source material I admitted to myself this story is now it's own beast. On the surface, it's erotica about polyamorous witches harnessing magic via BDSM. But it's also about taking your agency back from oppressive governments, family legacies, and your own traumatic past in order to become a more whole, alive version of yourself. These drawings are of one of the three main characters. On the left is how he starts the series, and on the right is how he ends it. He begins the first novel In a Bad Place. He's been exploited and institutionalized for several years and essentially turned into an instrument by having his own desires used against him. This has eroded his sense of self worth quite a bit and a lot of his arc in the first book is about relearning the basics of "you are allowed to say 'fuck that' about shit you don't want." By the third book, his arc becomes, "Living for yourself, even when it makes other people uncomfortable, does not make you selfish, or unworthy of the things you want." Now, none of my characters are complete self inserts, and none of them have the exact same problems I do. But one of the most effective ways I have found to write characters that feel real is to channel shit I've felt, gone through and experienced through another lens. So, Story Time: --CW: domestic abuse, emotional and verbal-- About two years ago, I got my shit together and left an abusive relationship that really devastated my self image and my ability to trust other people. My partner, who has a lot of trauma themselves and I think coped with that by being manipulative as hell, was very good at using my shame against me, and playing a game of ping pong with my emotions---I could rapidly go from their dream come true to the destroyer of their heart, often in the span of a few days, or even hours. In a single night, they could make fun of me for my gawkishness, my clothes, my inflamed skin, and also berate me for a stranger flirting with me without me catching it. --end the abuse bits-- It was rough.

Since leaving that relationship, I've been doing a lot of what I'd call, "catching up" in terms of owning my own dreams for myself and reshifting my life to put me at the center. It's been really difficult, especially as shitshows unexpected have made me a primary caregiver for an aging loved one. But it's also been incredibly freeing to let go of trying to be someone who is lovable and just loving myself. As I go through this novel, a lot of T's character growth stems from him needing to figure out what "being himself" looks like outside of being useful to someone else. Part of being himself includes taking care of his body. Traditionally, especially in romance genre work, I feel like the "glow up" a character whose struggled goes through is often about them getting more conventionally beautiful. For men, that often means getting leaner, more ripped, and more manly. But (as I've seen many folks on tumblr point out) often times healing means getting softer and yes, fatter. And that is beautiful too. This is a T4T4T love story, and the trans woman in this series starts the series fat and stays fat, and she is loved and desired the entire time. In T's case, he starts the series with a lot of chronic pain and fatigue, and while he is thin and muscular, he doesn't have stamina to really enjoy the things he used to love. Regaining weight over the course of the series is about him regaining connection with his body and strength. It also is him literally learning to take up space again in his life, regardless of what other people think of him taking up that space. (and yes, admittedly I do love men who are built like refrigerators, and writing what you love, especially in romance, I think is a key to making work that's enjoyable to read) And the funny thing is, writing T this way is helping me as I go through my own healing. My body has changed *a lot* thanks to choices I've made, and even as I feel the fear of "will anyone else want me" I am compelled by how much more comfortable I am in my body and how much I find myself desirable in ways I never did before. And writing a character going through similar changes, letting him get bigger and louder and bolder as the story goes on, and writing a life for him where that makes him more and more desirable to people around him, yes is a wish fulfillment fantasy. But also, it makes that fantasy feel much more possible. T is a weird little guy who loves bugs and carrion birds and scavengers and likes growing plants and singing offkey as he gyrates in his kitchen. He's kinda clammy all the time and his skin gets green around the edges and he's got a pudgy belly to match the thighs that wear through his jeans. He also knows who he is by the end of the series, in a way that makes him the sort of confident that gets beautiful people to sidle up to him from across a crowded room. He's also funny and caring and fun to be around in a way that makes his lovers travel across the country to get him back when he's snatched up from their bed. He's messy, and he's loved. Just as I wish to be. Just as I am capable of being. Just as you are capable of being. So I dunno, maybe have fun with your OC, let them be a hotter, cooler version of you. But don't let predetermined ideas of what hotness is control that. Dig around a little, push against the ways you've been shamed into feeling ugly. Feeling too much. Let your character be all those things you were made to feel embarassed about. Let them be that even more than you allow yourself to be. Then imagine a world where they're even cooler and sexier because of those things.

[psychospore]

A Fateful Encounter

A/N :this is my first time writing, I hope I don't do too bad. Also, I just recently discovered tumblr so I'm still learning to navigate around. Apologies in advance for the clumsy mess that I am <3

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You sat in a dim corner of the bar drinking a frozen margarita. You've been thinking about how frustrating life is - you've been alive for centuries, in a constant dilemma of finding someone to love and losing them to death. You think to yourself if you've had enough breaking over your heart for such things that are trivial to your current state. But you are a hopeless romantic and you have to do something about it lest you'll keep repeating the same cycle that's been haunting you for the longest time. While deep in thought, you did not notice the raven-haired lad who keeps on casting curious looks on you. He seems interested so he made his way to you across to where you are seated.

Loki: what's a fine, young maiden doing out here alone in a secluded part of the bar?

y/n: not that it matters to you but I am enjoying the company of myself tonight.

Loki: care if I join you? I'm Loki

You look at him, and you are a bit hesitant but ultimately decided a nice chat would be good, maybe he could amuse and distract you from your existential dread. Besides, there is a strange sense of comfort that you can feel when you met his gaze

y/n: my name is y/n. go ahead

You signal him to sit beside you

Loki: now, tell me, is there anything you'd like to chat about with a random stranger?

y/n: that's a good one - I was thinking about pouring my heart out knowing you and I might not have a chance to meet again after tonight

Loki: well, that is certainly interesting. Tell me more

y/n: we're living in a world of monsters and magic now, so I hope it won't be too weird to hear that I have been in this mortal plane for far longer than necessary

You expected a weird reaction from him but he just looks at you intently, listening to your words

y/n: I've been with different people and it's a constant cycle between loving them and breaking my heart when death comes knocking on their door. Being a hopeless romantic is doing me any favors.

Loki: you know what I think about it - you can never avoid the pain when loving someone, but you have to think about all the great things you've gone through with them. How it's worth every heartbreak you've been through and how it made you the strong person that you are now

y/n: I guess that makes sense. have you been through a similar situation?

Loki: I don't think I did - but I hope to find that person when the time comes. Maybe I already did but haven't known yet. Who knows, it's the mystery of love

y/n: *you chuckled* first impressions don't last indeed - I haven't found you as a person with such profound wisdom on love when I first saw you

Loki: I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or insult *he smirked*

y/n: *you laugh* you're a mysterious person and I'm glad to say I enjoyed being with your company tonight. You have listened to me and given me a piece of your mind from a different perspective. Although, I am regretful to tell you that I'll have to take my leave now. The night is deep and I have more responsibilities to attend to in the morning

Loki: And I as well have relished the time that you have granted me tonight. Thank you for opening up your deepest thoughts to a random stranger. If destiny permits, we might have another one of these conversations in the future. *he smiles at you sincerely*

You don't know what came over you but you gave him a light peck on his soft lips before you go. The scent of pine hit your nostrils as you inched closer to him. You thanked him again and waved goodbye as you leave, your heart a bit fluttering as you were thinking about him - he is special and unlike any other person you have met before. You crossed your fingers hoping to see him again in the future - hopefully in a better situation.

Loki looks at you as you leave, as he traces the lips you kissed with his thumb. He smiled to himself thinking of the next time you'll cross paths again. He gets up to leave and changes into his emerald-green armor as soon as he was out of the bar and vanishes to a different plane.

[tirsynni]

Tirsynni....?

I feel like the meme where somebody touches the ground and goes "something terrible happened here."

Man, buddy... what happened?

I've been back on my Resident Evil kick lately, because of the Resident Evil 4 remake. I got super excited about it and I started rereading a lot of fanfics and I stumbled across your stuff again, and I started binging those again!

So I found your Tumblr and I decided to see what was up and I scrolled down and I feel like I shouldn't have, but oh my goodness, what happened?

Has the Fandom gone nuts? You and fonulyn are some of the best Resident Evil writers I know! Why is everyone suddenly being so damn rude?! I just....

I guess I'm just disappointed. I haven't been in the Resident Evil fandom for a little bit, I've been moving around the stranger things circles and I haven't had time to come back until the Remake dropped, and I came back to this.

The same thing happened with another Tumblr author who writes for Resident Evil that I know, I won't name them but I really hope that this doesn't discourage you from writing and that this doesn't discourage you or fonulyn or any other writer for Resident Evil from your love of this wacky, action packed, funny, horror franchise.

I can understand where you're coming from, I do some writing in my spare time, and it's people like you on Tumblr and on Twitter and on Discord that inspire me to be creative! You're one of the people that inspired me to start writing for Resident Evil in the first place, and you're one of the people who inspired my love for the threesome of Leon and Chris and Piers. You're also the person who really made me realize how much I liked hurt/comfort and whump, and how much I loved both reading and writing it. Your self-indulgent writing style made me realize that I didn't have to wait for somebody to come out with the fanfiction that I wanted to read about the characters that I liked, because I could write it myself!

And I'm never going to be able to thank you for how much that means to me.

That anon prompt about the five plus one with the hurt and comfort and whump between Leon and Chris and Piers sounds like a lovely project, and I think I might give it a try, if that's all right with you. Eventually, I know that you would probably write something about it, but I think I'd like to try writing for those three again. You write everything beautifully, and I've subscribed to your author profile on Archive of Our Own because I know that anything you post is worth reading, and I know that you take your time uploading because you want it to be good for us, and I know you take your time uploading because stuff gets in the way sometimes, and I understand that, I understand that more than you might think.

I'm not even a full-time writer, but there's someone who has a lot of creativity and as someone who is anticipating a very big workload in the next couple of months as I prepare for my first ever full-time job, I'm severely wondering how I'm going to be mentally functioning, or even how I'm going to be able to write anything.

But, I have faith in you. Because if you can inspire me, a person with a lot of things wrong about them, a person who has such a deep ingrained fear of writing down the ideas in their head because of the bullying they went through when they were younger?

Then I have faith that you can make it through whatever crisis or situation that you are going through.

We are stronger than the things that try to make us weak.

Sleep sweet, sing strong, stay brave.

I want you to know that I've been cuddling this for a couple days now. lol I haven't had the time (or energy) to sit down and respond, but I want you to know that I absolutely love and appreciate this and want to print this and carry it around with me. <3 <3 <3

On the personal front, everything has been nonstop crazy for the last several years. My dad got sick with leukemia, we thought he was in the clear (he rang the fucking cancer bell even!), only for the cancer to return. Last October, we were told that he was probably not coming home. Since then, he's had another stem cell transplant and he's doing much better, but everyone is still anxious because he was doing good last time and if he relapses again? It's done. My middle kitty's urinary issues returned and she currently has diabetes on top of it. My eldest kitty has pancreatitis. These health issues have required some major changes, multiple vet visits, a couple thousand dollars in vet bills, and me needing to stab my middle kitty with a needle twice a day. They're both doing well now! All my kitties are currently doing well; however, these health issues are a major weight and I'm worried that they're going to cut my middle and oldest kitties' lives shorter than need be. There have been major issues at work, the political situation where I live is terrifying, and I've had a couple health issues myself recently, including covid two months ago or so. Ugh.

Writing has been my escape for years, both original and fanfiction. I love writing and sharing my fics. I love talking headcanons and such with other fans. I love hearing opposing views or different kinks and stuff that makes me think even if I don't agree with it. I've literally been writing for decades. It's my happy place!

Unfortunately, there's been such a dramatic shift in fandom culture that it's difficult for it to be an escape anymore. There's always been some insane drama going on in fandom, but whereas before people would grab the popcorn, now it seems to be nasty and pervasive. It's exhausting. My writing has always been self-indulgent or happily indulging of others, but now there's such a high risk of someone being an asshole or doing everything they can to ruin something you find awesome and fun and inspiring. It hasn't just been RE: many fandoms and fandom culture in general have been affected due to the loss of places like Livejournal and the rise of purity culture and the horrific, dramatic politics of the last ten or so years. There's no more "don't like, don't read." It's people thinking criticism is necessary and the writer should be grateful for it. It's people thinking writers are greedy for wanting to know if someone enjoys their works. It's the rise in policing others and their works, in people insisting that "thought crimes" are real, in people deciding that it's acceptable to attack others.

That fic prompt? The 5+1? If you like it, absolutely go for it. I would love to read it and I'm sure the original anon would, too. I just wish that the anon ask wasn't such a good representative of some of the issues with current fandom culture. When you write it, please make sure to be as self-indulgent as possible, because why not? That's what fic writing is supposed to be, not "If you write this, you're clearly a terrible person and probably a pedophile."

So yeah, there's a lot going on in personal and fandom life and I'm exhausted and burnt-out, but there have also been awesome people like you and so many others along the way. I hope that you remember that, too, when your workload increases. Things can get nasty and frustrating but it's never an absolute scenario: there's always awesome, supportive people and there are always moments where you can catch your breath.

Thank you very much for this ask. <3 I'm currently working on ficcage now... slowly but surely.

[stardust-maple]

I've gotten a lot of replies like this since I posted this.

And I am sort of disappointed in how I explained what this was for before. But I'm also disappointed to get unsolicited advice from strangers about how to talk to my doctors.

You also seem to be wrong about how this chart works. My fault. Never explained it. But basically the "mine" column is for my own perceptions and scales. Because that's the range of pain I can be in. And the drs. Is for what to say to the Dr to translate it to their scale. The "mine" is the friends and family column. The " yeah man this is how bad it is today" column.

This is for a lot of things.

I made this after not being able to describe my pain with a number for a long time after having gotten covid. I got covid. I somehow was in so much more pain than I had been. it completely broke my perception of pain because I was in so much pain that I couldn't fully process it. I had never been at an 11 before, but I was suddenly at a 13. I was in more pain than was possible.

Unfortunately every time I checked the pain chart. I found that somehow my pain number had gone down even though I was in the same amount of pain. The numbers are based on function. The numbers are based on how much you can do.

So while I told everyone I was at a 3 I was in no less pain than when I had been at a 5. Because I had learned how to ignore the pain and continue working.

My PCP doesn't treat my pain. She doesn't treat my fatigue. But every time I go to the Drs office she asks me to rate my pain. This number is for the insurance company. And it is not an important one.

This is not the scale I'm using with my physical therapist or my pain management doctors. It's not for that. It was never for that. It's for talking to my PCP when I'm coming in for one of my checkups because she gives me prescription medication that she has to check in on to make sure I still need it.

And the number doesn't effect if I still need it or not.

A homemade pain chart is only good if everyone in the room knows what the numbers mean. I shifted the chart so my numbers communicate the correct thing to her.

I can do stuff. I'm not in less pain just cause I do stuff even though I'm in pain.

It allowed me to give a number to my family again. To be able to express my limits. Where I was.

It allowed me to reconcile the difference between what I could do and how much pain I was in.

When I was talking to people treating my pain, I ALWAYS looked at the pain scale THEY were working from or showed them mine. They ALWAYS knew what the numbers meant.

There are so many pain charts. There are so many ways of rating your pain. I cannot express how this was helpful to me. Constantly. Constantly it has been helpful to me.

So yeah. I'm not using this in the emergency room. I don't use this for non-chronic pain. My pain is constant. It doesn't feel like anything but itself. Acute pain feels so different.

This is a tool. It doesn't have to be perfect for it to be a good tool. It doesn't have to work for everything to be a good tool.

I'm not going to use this where it doesn't fit. Just like I'm not going to write an email in Latin to talk to a physics teacher.

Never have never will.

No one is using this in emergencies unless other people know what they're saying. No one has said that they're doing this.

And everyone is responsible for their own shit. It is demeaning to think that someone is going to sabotage their own medical care with this chart. Disabled people know what happens when you tell a doctor you're at an 11.

They know every doctor uses a different chart and that there is so much juggling going on every time you see a fucking medical professional. Cause they've done it before. They've messed up or heard the stories or someone else has warned them.

I'm sorry that you went through that. I'm sorry they didn't believe you.

And

I'm oh so sorry that I didn't put disclaimers on my Tumblr post.

I made my own pain and fatigue scale charts. Because I'm so adept at overcoming my symptoms the normal pain scale doesn't really work for me. I adjusted my numbers so that I could change the number into something I could tell a doctor when they inevitably ask me to rate my pain.

[Image Description: Pain Scale Chart with rainbow gradient background for each row, starting at red and ending at blue. Row 1: Mine Drs Pain Scale Description Row 2: 10 X I am not leaving my bedroom or bathroom, someone needs to bring me food and I need something to dull the pain or the pain will cause tears. Row 3: 9 X I am not leaving my bedroom and bathroom for anything other than food. Row 4: 8 10 Speaking is difficult. It is no longer practical to do activities outside of the bathroom or bedroom, but they can be done with assistance. Row 5: 7 9 Necessary care activities are sacrificed. Academic activities and social activities can no longer be tolerated. Row 6: 6 8 My pain is tiring. Paying attention is difficult. All activities require pacing and extra effort. Row 7: 5 7 My pain is so distracting it is making me tired. It is hard to think. Necessary care activities are no longer all doable. Row 8: 4 6 My pain is so distracting it is making me tired. It is harder to think. Necessary care activities are starting to be limited. Row 9: 3 5 I can continue to do most activities Row 10: 2 4 My pain bothers me but I can ignore it most of the time Row 11: 1 3 My pain bothers me, but I can ignore it most of the time. Row 12: 0 2 I am aware of my pain only when I pay attention to it Row 13: X 1 My pain is hardly noticeable Row 14: X 0 I have no pain. END Image Description]

[Image Description:

Fatigue Scale Chart with rainbow gradient background for each row, starting at red and ending at blue. Row 1: Mine Drs Fatigue Scale Description Row 2: 10 X Can barely sit up, needs assistance to get out of bed. Holding conversations is impossible. Laying down for most of the day is necessary. It is difficult to eat. Focusing is strenuous. Row 3: 9 X Able to walk and stand for short distances. Holding conversations is difficult. Laying down for most of the day is necessary. It is difficult to eat. Focusing is strenuous. Row 4: 8 10 Able to walk and stand for short distances. Holding conversations is difficult. Sitting for long Periods of time is difficult. It is difficult to eat. Focusing is strenuous. Preparing a meal isn’t possible. Row 5: 7 9 Holding conversations is difficult. Sitting or standing for long Periods of time is difficult. It is difficult to eat. Focusing is strenuous. Row 6: 6 8 Sitting or standing for long Periods of time is difficult. It is difficult to eat. Focusing is difficult. Preparing a meal is difficult. Row 7: 5 7 Standing or walking for long periods is difficult. It is difficult to eat. Focusing is difficult. Row 8: 4 6 Standing or walking for long periods is difficult. Focusing is difficult. Row 9: 3 5 Cooking for longer than 15 minutes is extremely challenging. Row 10: 2 4 Not everything can be done in the day. Activities are slowed down. Difficult mental challenges are sacrificed. Row 11: 1 3 Tiredness makes it difficult to enjoy fun activities. Row 12: 0 2 Things take more effort than usual, but everything is still doable. Row 13: X 1 Slightly tired but still able to carry on as normal Row 14: X 0 Not tired at all END Image Description.]

Feel free to use them yourself if you like them!

[alexeimcconville]

My Third Published Book: After Thoughts

I believe it's important to acknowledge my use of AI art for the creation of this cover. I, as an artist myself, understand the blasphemy I committed. People use chat GPT to generate trash books that they then throw on Amazon and rake in some amount of profit, while I've spent years writing, rewriting, and editing one book that barely sees the light of day. It sucks when someone uses a machine and gains more recognition from that then the real artists who put time and effort into their work. I am sorry. But I do have my reasons, and no, this time it's not because I wanted to save money. I was ready to spend anywhere between 100 to 500 (if I'm being honest) for a commission. My problem is that I am an extremely reclusive person. I have no social media, except for this Tumblr which I made just a couple days ago, and Reddit which really isn't so much an interactive social media experience but a meme, news, and pr0n delivery machine. With the cover for my first novel, the artist Brenna Goche was my significant other's friend's sister. The connection was thin, but existed, which was why I trusted her. Now with that relationship over and having nobody in my life, my attempt to commission a cover for this novel was a Herculean task. I went to Fiverr, and I checked out numerous subreddits (artcommissions and HungryArtists primarily) and did begin talks with people. Then I became anxious when payment came up. I really did not feel comfortable giving money to an internet stranger with promises that they would then send me art. What if they just took the money and disappeared? What if I did get the art but then I didn't like it? Would I have to pay them again to change it? Because of my uncertainties, I decided I wasn't going to have cover art. Instead, I'd just make the cover completely black with the title and call it good. Yet that did not feel right. So, I thought to use my own painting like previously, but abstract was not what I was going for. I wanted and knew I needed an image and resorted to AI art. That's my reason. Which is the same reason why my work is not known. I couldn't get a commission but also haven't been able to promote my work because I don't trust people. With the cover art explained, let me move on.

This novel is my Frankenstein's monster, by which I mean I'm Dr. Frankenstein and this is my monster. I patchworked it together from three separate ideas, and probably a few more from elsewhere.

Unlike the first two After Thoughts, to talk about this one requires me to spoil things, so Spoilers Ahead.

First, The Initial Idea. As a lover of creepypastas, I began writing this one at a time when so many Ritual creepypastas were coming out (The Midnight Man, The Elevator Game, The Wager Game, etc.). There were only two major characters, a sister and a brother. The brother would be dragged to another world and the sister, who loved the supernatural and knew of all these rituals, would begin conducting them to try and get her brother back. A fun little concept where each individual chapter would be a different ritual. This ended up becoming the A plot to the story.

Second, The Other World. Though the Initial Idea had the brother disappear, I had no intention of providing any details with where he went. He was just gone, and you would never hear from him until the end of the story. But as the story expanded, he could not just be a MacGuffin but had to be a fully fledge character, which meant there needed to be chapters dedicated to his experience in the other world. A decade ago, while I was in jail, I had written three chapters for an apocalypse story that I never finished. So, I took the second and third chapter (made adjustments of course) and use them for his disappearance chapter and for his first night in the other world chapter.

Third, Expanding the Cast. While working on the Initial Idea, I happened upon and bought a book called "Dangerous Games to Play in the Dark," to use as reference material for the rituals that would take place in the story. This was where I was introduced to the Game of One Hundred Ghost Stories. From it sprung a different book idea, which was intended to be just a hundred super short ghost stories. I came up with twenty or so but could not finish it, so it got left in the backlot for the time. Then, while I was working on "Love, Home, and The Dreamscape," I had an idea for one of the chapters where a group of kids attempted to play the one hundred ghost stories game. I took the short stories I already had, then added a plot around them where the kids told them. However, after completing the chapter, I realize it did not fit the novel. There was no organic way to add the through line, so the whole segment was removed. When I eventually returned to working on Beyond the Rite, I decided to add the removed chapter as the prologue since it was technically a ritual and fit the theme. But by doing so, it added more characters to the story who then needed be flushed out, and each ended up added more plot lines to what was once a simple concept. And as the plot became more complex, the prologue became more integral to the story and was changed to the first chapter.

Throwing all this together has made something so wonderful. Now I have a million more idea were to take this and have begun working on them. To think a bunch of my scrap would become, more or less, the foundation of the Darkess Noir IP. I love my work. I can't say that enough.

Please Buy Here. I get better commissions. Though maybe I shouldn't be asking because of the cover art.

[solarisdog]

decided to share my own experiences in the hopes of helping others who have gone through this maybe feel less alone- my interactions with solaris happened in august 2023; xey were always in my mutuals' notes (i am an rp blog for a specific fandom with multiple friends in different fandoms, so my dash content can vary, and xey were in mutuals' notes across multiple fandoms) and i kept seeing xem everywhere but didn't follow first due to a rule in xyr notes about not following older writers (i'm of an older age) and because i initially didn't see us interacting. xey ended up following me and i followed back, before xey filled out my interest tracker so i added xem on discord.

immediately, xey sent me a massive wall of text regarding plotting filled with a high energy i personally could not match with someone that was a complete stranger- i have my own things going on and even with people i've known for years, i simply do not match that energy well. i also struggled with how much the plotting involved xyr original lore and meta commentary, when i was (at the time) still relatively new to the fandom i was establishing my blog in. i decided to wait to reply, even talking to my partner and friends about how best to word that i wasn't ready to explore au's yet, as i was still trying to learn more about my current series.

in the interim of me replying, xey started posting about a new oc idea xey had involving lore and character ideas eerily similar to my own oc, making me feel highly uncomfortable- i'm not saying characters can't have the same motif (my character's basic motif is a rather popular character motif on tumblr, and i have a handful of mutuals who also use this motif for their own characters), but xey referenced some things highly specific to my character as a whole that made me suspicious. i ended up sending my message to xem about not matching energies or feeling ready to rp in other verses with people i'm not familiar with yet, and things seemed to end amicably and xey removed me from discord before we mutually blocked each other.

shortly after, xey made a huge post about people needing to read xyr pinned/rules and how xey will not drop xyr meta lore stuff for anyone which was never something i suggested; xey had a (heavily tied to xyr personal lore) verse for the fandom my blog is for, and even when xey suggested writing in that, i told xem i still didn't feel ready to personally write in something so different from the canon of my blog's series. i knew from reading it that the post was made because of me, and saw xem start talking about more about xyr new oc, leading me to vent on my blog about feeling weird seeing someone take ideas from me. my partner later told me i'd apparently been namedropped in a post by solaris with screenshots and somehow "proving" xey'd had the idea for ages for a similar character, despite all xyr relevant dated "proof" (discord scs talking with xyr partner/alter, amor) being a) after xey followed me and b) about a month after i initially created my character. my friends and i discussed this privately but did not engage, despite solaris claiming xey'd been sent anons over the matter, (the only anons xey published were someone saying xey vagued multiple times about me and that stealing headcanons was wrong, which i can confirm no one in my circle at the time sent, and then someone politely suggesting xey turn off anon if its getting so bad, to which xey refused), and eventually solaris hid the post before re-publishing it, removing all mention of me or my character (but to those aware of the situation, it was both too late and painfully obvious it was about me). the post and multiple others about the situation were finally privated/deleted, and i've gone the last year now staying mutually blocked by xem.

a friend showed me this blog, and i decided to send in an ask after reading lissi's personal experience with solaris because the part about feeling replaced/stolen from with solaris' newest oc that xey've had an idea for "for ages" felt extremely familiar and i feel like if it happened to both of us, it's happened to others, too.

Thank you for coming forward with your story and providing more information. I have no doubt that there are still others who have stories to share. I appreciate you taking the time to share yours.

[marypsue]

I know I'm a few years late to the party and probably somebody else has said this first and better, but I think all the issues I had with characterisation in s3 are actually symptoms of the one real issue: lack of continuity in character development. 

Seeing Hopper disrespecting Joyce, saying she sounds crazy and writing off her hunch about the magnets, doesn't make any sense at all coming from the man who's seen how sensitive Joyce is about being called crazy and seen how her impossible hunches have been right - twice - and how when she says the world is ending, it usually is. Especially if it's supposed to be more obvious than ever that he's secretly in love with her. I bought that he cared about her more in any one given scene from s1 than in 90% of s3, and that remaining 10% was packed into just two scenes.

Billy's relationship with Max also gets a big shiny retcon out of nowhere to make us feel sad about him dying, when I might have actually cared that he died if his 'redemption arc' had involved addressing literally any of the things he needed 'redeeming' for. Including, ironically enough, the issues with his relationship with Max that got cut to try to make me care about him more. If he'd ended up sacrificing himself for Max or, even better, for Lucas, if he'd ended up needing the Party's help with the monster situation he'd ended up in and wound up begrudgingly building a better relationship with Max and having to confront his prejudices on the way, I would have actually been there for that storyline and might have been affected by his death, instead of kind of just wishing we could see more of Will and Jonathan. Tying his story up to El's made a lot of sense - but only if you took s3 as an independent, individual unit, where they were both Designated Major Characters. As a season in a long-running story, though, it didn't really connect to and build off of what that had come before, thematically, narratively, or emotionally, so what was obviously meant to be big and climactic and meaningful just left me kind of confused and annoyed.

I don't really have detailed thoughts on everybody else, but there's been some criticism I've agreed with about Dustin "Emotionally Intelligent" Henderson being snippy and sarcastic with a doped-up Steve and Lucas being generally sidelined. I actually felt like a lot of Mike's and El's character stuff was really well done, once we got past the cringeworthy setup of his 'lie', and El's friends stepping up to save her was !!!yes!, but again, it got very much sidelined because the show was trying to focus on characters and plots that it hadn't really built up to, at least not in the way it had El's issues around identity and being used as a tool and a weapon and only valued for her powers, and Mike's fear of losing her again. The moment all El's friends jump in with fireworks should have been the big slo-mo climactic moment for the kids in the Battle of Starcourt, not the Jesus shot. That's where my emotional investment was, that's what I really wanted to see, but it got treated kind of like an also-ran.

There were individual scenes that really struck home, but the overall character arcs of s3 just kind of felt like they'd been written by people who'd had the characters described to them, but never actually seen an episode of the show. And it was especially obvious to me as somebody whose first experience of the show was watching all three seasons back to back. 

Also, Alexei had no noticeable distinct consistent character or motivation and so I did not imprint on him at all and would have happily cut 90% of the scenes he was in, and also, what the fuck was that plot with Karen Wheeler. Jesus.

[equius]

You can't just fakeclaim people you don't even know. Systems exist, retard.

nice ableist slurs you've got there lmao

systems exist!!!!!!!! they do! but i would easily bet my next hundred dollars that these 13-17 year old pluralkit-using tiktok/tumblr/insta addicts with their laundry list of mcyt/dsmp, genshin impact, irl school shooters and serial killers, cookie run, and stranger things "alters" who exist only in froofy system and minecraft servers for the purpose of having everyone's faves to publicly roleplay as, and very badly, at that, are literally nothing but fakers. none of these people scream any variation of genuine did/osdd system to me. yes, everyone's system will be different, but it's not what these guys have going on.

i've been seeing this shit. where'd the massive plethora of everyone's encanto alters go now that it's no longer popular? oh, they've gone "dormant", have they? convenient.

splatoon 3 just got announced and you already have alters of those guys? insane. it doesn't work that way.

i've grown extremely tired of people using did/osdd as a means of claiming to have what's essentially just characters to publicly roleplay as, all for the sake of attention. the worst part is? a lot of them don't even know that they're faking. they're 100% convinced that they have a dissociative disorder because they hang out in these circles and have people clamoring in their ears that this is what they have. it's especially infectious on tiktok where everyone sees the immediate clout users get when they post their fun little alter intros with 700 neopronouns and xenogenders.

i feel like they project themselves onto characters and youtubers so hard that they've successfully convinced themselves that those people and characters are a part of them. it's also the possessiveness of your faves that make you want to have them all to yourself.

very scary knowing that a lot of these kids aren't even aware that they're faking. they spend so much time in these endo circles and dream fans with like minds that they get sucked into the system cult and get convinced all too easily that they have to be a system/plural because they daydream about their fave characters, imagine them talking and doing stuff in their head/inner world, and they think that's all there is to it.

it doesn't help that the universal desire to be unique and special and gain attention from others is instantly attainable with being a system.

sometimes people pretend that they're a fictional person or character as a means of coping with something or for a confidence boost, and it's healthy to express yourself in ways like that. it's not healthy to think that you have a dissociative disorder because of it, or claim you're a system, or "plural".

another thing is like.. these kids aren't growing up like kids used to grow up, either. i was 13 and still playing with toys, getting out my sillies and using my imagination to my heart's content, acting out scenarios with my toy horses and giving them stories, pretending to be pioneers or whatever with my sisters outside, just like.. being imaginative. and being someone other than yourself through that power. but these kids are just given a phone and a tablet and that imagination is cut off very quickly at a young age.

what are these kids supposed to think when their imaginations are running wild and they have nothing to channel it into? and they're deep in communities full of other minors and young adults who are going through the same thing, and are all convinced that it means that they're plural bc their brains are going 200 mph and they're all hyperfixating on their favorite medias and projecting onto their favorite characters. we all do that! but these guys have nothing to put any of that thought and creativity into, because they have very little creative output outside of making tiktoks or writing bad ooc fanfic about eddie munson or wilbur soot.

idk where i'm going with this. it wasn't supposed to be me ranting. but my point stands. and no one with system/collective or whatever formative words in their tumblr usernames are going to convince me of anything else. you are all so full of shit and you don't even realize it. you've convinced yourself that you're like this. you need extreme psychological help to undo what social media has done to brainwash you into thinking you have a legitimate dissociative disorder. i hope you get that help someday.

[a-small-startup]

Bon Appétit

I haven't tumbled here in a while. I haven't written a story in a while. Not only that, but I look at old poems and think of storing them somewhere. I look at the ways in which I have narrated stories and I save them to watch later. I look at the scribblings at the back of my notebook, but before I could finish reading them, the to-do list from the front pages start haunting me. Furthermore, I open my laptop to look for some inspiration to write, you see I haven't written in a while. But then I lose the confidence to write. The “Tha ka dhi mi, tha ka ju nu” notes my roommate sings for the kids of her classical dance class rings in my head as I try to find a subject to write about. The tabs open in my laptop reminds me of the work I have to finish before the dawn of tomorrow, because Human Resources has asked me to finish tasks and have a new reporting format. But then I want to write. I want to write the same way Julia cooks in the film Julie and Julia; or is it Julia and Julie. It's my favourite film, and yet I keep forgetting the name.

I try to play a film in the background, some music that plays through my phone, Excel sheets and presentation decks, phone calls and emails. I'm multitasking, I tell myself. I've been multitasking for so many years, that somewhere I forgot how to perform just one task at a time.

I'm making tea and there's an episode of some random show playing in the background. I'm doing the laundry and there is music playing from my room. I'm bathing and in-between shampoo getting into my eyes and trying to balance on one foot I hear Sheldon Cooper explaining the theory of asymmetry.

I'm also a mental health professional, while I keep telling my clients to not google their symptoms, I struggle to restrain myself from self diagnosing.

The phone chimes and I know it's my best friend from miles away telling me her day went equally bad and at the end of the day we'll video call each other just to say “Life sucks (Exclamation point)”

I know I'm deviating from what I started writing about, I have no idea what I'm writing about. I think of sending the link to my partner once I finish posting this, but then there is a voice in the corner of my head that says I'll not post this, that I'll do Ctrl+A and click delete.

I know I shouldn't. It's after ages I decide to write, why shouldn't the world see it. At this point, you would be wondering why did I break into a new paragraph, do I have something to say? Am I changing the subject? Maybe yes. Because as I write this, I think of the first post I made somewhere in October 2017, and I can see the spelling and grammatical errors on that post. Not saying there aren't any now. By this time, all the above paragraphs have 5+ errors. The multiple grammar tools on my windows have come up, shooting red lines on the error. I ignore it for now. I can proofread much later.

So, what am I writing? I'm writing about not writing. I'm writing about having hated the urge to get my writing validated from strangers online, who have now become acquaintances. I'm writing about how my Instagram page is now non-existent and my Tumblr page had long died. But I will still shout to the world and tell them that I have gone back to writing, that I will write on a random day after a random period of time.

Adiós reader!

[charybdiss]

Oh no! It's a life update from what basically amounts to a stranger who never posts to tumblr anymore! :O

Hello life has been weird and wonderful lately! Which is a shocker to those of you who do know me in some capacity since all of my life updates before I dropped off the face of the earth were pretty negative. Anyway! On with the show.

I've been working the same job for almost 4 years now (in October) and while it's not what I envisioned myself doing, it's the best paid position I've ever held and I'm finally clawing my way into a position that I could see myself staying in if they'll let me.

I'm training new hires currently, and I found out that I really enjoy teaching/training. It's technically a temporary "flex" position that may end at the end of the year but the worst thing that happens then is I go back to fielding customer phone calls for a while at the same pay rate until I am needed in the training department again.

We finally moved!! We're still renting but it's a cute little house all to ourselves with no shitty neighbors playing their music so loud it rattles the windows. We got in a huge confrontation with our neighbors in the old apartment before leaving where we had to call the cops and she basically streamed live on Facebook and all of her friends threatened to get together and "roll on us" so that was fun. I hope she got new neighbors in our place who are just as loud and obnoxious as she is. Hey, maybe the nazi and his girlfriend moved back in now that the original landlord is gone! Either way, not my problem anymore :)

I had been miserable there for over a decade already (we had been there for 16+ years at the time of leaving) but finances being what they were we couldn't really do anything about it. When we finally ripped the band-aid off and jumped into our current house, it was like night and day. I caught myself for weeks still tiptoeing around and being quiet and fearful that the neighbors could hear us. They can't!!! It's phenomenal!!! And our landlord is extremely nice and flexible and any little problems we've had with the place he has fixed as quickly as humanly possible, and lives in another town so he's never here to "drop by" and inspections aren't a thing anymore. Why didn't we move sooner? To think of all the years we wasted in misery.

I guess the final bit of news is that I'm pregnant! Which is another thing I kind of never thought would happen. We were just getting comfortable with the idea of just being cat people for the rest of our lives and I think the combination of being finally happy at work and happy at home just kind of...allowed it to happen? I don't know but we're very excited and also terrified. I just had my 20 week checkup today and everything is healthy and in order as far as docs can tell. I gave them like 8 vials(!!!) of blood a couple of months ago so they could test for everything under the sun and she looks good.

Coming up with names is extremely hard but being the dorks that we are we are not above considering our (more normal-human-leaning) Warcraft character names lmfao. ONLY IF NOTHING ELSE APPEALS TO US OMFG. We're not that cruel :)

I swear I'm not the type of person who will constantly talk about baby stuff and post baby pics (come on this is a semi-anonymous platform online and is not Facebook) but I will of course tag all of my posts about finding a name and any other wacky baby adventures under some sort of tag I have yet to come up with.

I will also reward (hahaha) your patience with this rambling life update with some drawings in a bit :D

[shutterbug2012]

Ladies and gentlemen and non-binary readers, friends and foes, strangers, lovers and exes, the time has come for... THE! FINAL! CURSED! EURO! REPORT!!! (😢)

🇮🇹 ITALIAAAAAAAAAA 🇮🇹 is the ⚽️ Euro 2020 Champion!!!🏆

What an entertaining match!!! (and I can say this confidently as I've actually watched it this time hehe!)

England scored a goal in the first 2 minutes, which was 😮😮😮😮. This clearly destabilized the Italians, who had a hard time getting their head into the game, until minute '67 when they scored - making the game 1-1 until the end of extra time, thus having the game going into penalty shoot-out.

The 💦 tension 💦 was then at its 👏HIGHEST 👊 !!! After 120 minutes of running around in tight shorts, manhandling one another, falling over each other, touching each other, yelling (affectionately) at each others, the players only wanted one thing: 💦 RELEASE 💦 !!! To WIN!!! To be able to finally celebrate by topping one another, straddling on another, yadi yadi yada. And to be able to 💦COME 💦 to a conclusion, each team had to pick their 5 players with the best talent for juggling balls, the most stamina and the best focus to execute what was required of them: PUT IT IN!!!👉👌 It turned out that the Italian players were more experienced in that department and are really good at scoring, and thus won the game.

I'm gonna let tumblr recap the "football is gay" discourse for me:

Ngl, I enjoyed the match because we got to look at some fine specimens, starting with Gareth, who looked pretty good in his suit 🥵, and some of the English players including Trippier, Grealish, Henderson and your boy Kane... I was watching them like 👀👀👀wondering which one of them is more likely to receive a DM from Drunk!Louis trying to flirt hahaha. Also anytime I saw Marcus Rashford I could only think of that stupid Fish Fingers Butty Sandwich 😔Louis what are you doing to my brain.

What else is there to say.... I went over to England's twitter and the thirst posts are long gone (still taking note of this one, sent before the match, "Taking it all in. A big night ahead!" 😏 and this one, mid-game: "One more push" 😏).

About Louis... we got some WONDERFUL footage of SILVER FOX LOUIS TOMLINSON, with a new haircut, saying "It's coming home" (😬) with what Val says is a new jacket that was probably a gift.... 🥺(we're making this up but still 🥺) He was maybe at Wembley but content was sparse so no confirmation. But the 2 seconds we got gave me life because he looked so good!!! But I'm already grieving the longer locks because he also looked so good???? Louis Tomlinson needs to stop being so damn pretty, it's annoying.

Some of you might recall this anon I had last week that said this (among other cute and cursed things), and the tags that I included in my answer:

So... Louis being the literal sun, the center of the universe, the only reason that the human race still exists, I have no choice but to conclude that LOUIS CAUSED THE DEMISE OF THE ENGLISH NATIONAL FOOTBALL TEAM BY NOT HAVING GOOD LUCK SEX THAT MORNING!!!! THERE IS NO OTHER POSSIBLE EXPLANATION, AT LEAST NONE AS HIGHLY SCIENTIFIC!! IT IS WHAT IT IS. Mr. O failed L and thus the whole nation of England... which could confirm that Mr. O is French and has been plotting this since the beginning of the cup, because he's still sour about the France-England wars of centuries ago 🤔

In any case, we know Louis is probably grieving the result now, I hope he's taking the time he needs to get over the rollercoaster of emotions that it must have been for the English people, who thought they could say "Brexit" and "Euro 2020 champion" in the same breath. LOL.

BUT!!! Now that that's over, he can properly focus on new music!!! I know he probably prefers looking at 11 hot men running around in shorts, but now he can turn his attention to his ever devoted Louies, who have thrown themselves into the football euphoria and even cheered for England for his sake, because there's nothing we wouldn't do for him. But we have already turned the page and are now collectively clowning on 369 date theories, so! Vas happening!!!

England says they will be back, and the good news is that the World Cup 2022 is right around the corner, happening in Dubai in the Fall 2022!!! So!!! Louis' football jerseys won't be taking the dust for long. 😌And his footballer boyfriend can be home for a while and comfort him in these trying times and give him all the **** *** **** ******* ****** ***** ****** he needs. That's all we want 😌.

I will make a recap of the reports once this one is published. But to conclude these last weeks, let me take the words of Daddy Gareth and apply it to me, you, our dear readers, everyone who enjoyed these stupid reports, which I loved writing: “They’ve got an incredible spirit. They’ve loved each other’s company. They’ve loved the adventure.”

Adieu,

💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

Thank you Gareth Girl for your incredible service these past few weeks <333