#I'm new can't you tell?
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I see a fellow Vhad shipper :3
You dooooooooo :')
Might draw something for them. For my AU
Look out for that ;)
#miley's rambles#murder drones#v x thad#lime lemonade#stabbedfootball#killingblonde#uuuuh i forgor the other names for this ship#I'm new can't you tell?#murder drones: the next generation
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we were sitting on the floor and i was cutting out tiny pictures to make a collage for a friend's birthday. you were on your phone and you laughed about something, and i was still in love with you then, so i asked what had you giggling.
"sorry. i was just..." you took a moment and went back to texting. "i was telling someone about how you're afraid of the dark."
i'm afraid of the dark because something bad happened. "oh." i felt a little slinky of shame crawl down my throat.
you glanced up, and maybe it showed on my face, because you rolled your eyes and held the phone to the side casually so i could see the group chat. "what? was it a secret?"
i looked down to the scissors in my hand. "i just..." no, it's not a secret. it just felt like something private, something serious. saying why would you tell someone that just feels like an accusation. it's unfair. i honestly am not even ashamed of it, it's just a fact about my person that i don't usually share.
what a strange experience. is this a human thing or a generational thing? for our grandparents: did they need to worry about how quickly someone can just... share your personal information? again, i didn't even really have a true objection. what could i say? i want any person in my life to feel they can be honest with their friends. it's not like i said don't tell anyone this.
i cut out another letter to complete the rainbow happy birthday, started hunting for the exclamation mark. i heard you sigh dramatically.
"don't make a big deal about this," you said.
this entire conversation was a pattern for us, and this was when we got to my least favorite part of the pattern. i would get my feelings hurt in some oblique not-technically-terrible way, and then it would be making a big deal about something. you'd get frustrated for me for being soft, but i was born soft. you knew i was soft when you pierced me. it's one of the things that made controlling me so easy.
"i'm not," i felt my voice crack. the question came without my wanting. "why are you guys talking about me?" and why are you saying that thing? why not like - i'm telling them how you're generous and kind and pretty.
you let out this low, tragic groan. "oh my god." you tossed the phone away from your body. "there, see? i just won't talk to them if you don't like it."
the rest of the hour went the way it always went, between us: i said i don't actually mind if you talk to your friends but -, you found a way to call my minor expression of discomfort "being dramatic." you got upset that i had been offended. i ended up apologizing, even though i hadn't actually done anything.
afterwards, you picked up the phone again. after texting for a little bit, you snorted. "okay," you said, "but it is kind of funny you're afraid of the dark. i mean, when you think about it."
#spilled ink#writeblr#i'm trying to write about this really specific and wierd new experience#that i think is specific to the internet generation#where people you trust can just... say whatever??? and while most people are trustworthy#sometimes they'll just like... put ur shit out there????#and the thing is that sometimes it's GOOD - i want you to tell ppl if ur partner is being cruel!!!!!#i want u to be like ''hey is it normal if xyz happens'' ... but stuff like ''she's afraid of the dark''#PARTICULARLY when it's CLEARLY making fun of me....#what is the point of that.#this is huge and complicated and happens outside of romantic relationships too btw#like someone u thought of as a friend will be like . oh did u know she's scared of heights and it's like.#girl why are u fuckin doing that tho?#it's not a SECRET i just ...???????????????????????#and i think that gross feeling of like -- ''i can't REALLY be upset bc there's not a TRUE RULE about this....''#it's just not something talked about. bc it's so specific and yet so complex#bc how could i say like '' this is a violation of trust'' when it... technically I GUESS isn't????????????#idk maybe im just like super sensitive but please tell me in the comments/tags/etc if this is#something u have experienced (a trusted person like spreading ur shit) and if u were cool with it
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imo one of supernatural's greatest weaknesses is what i'm going to call its locational homogeneity. like. obviously this is largely a side effect of filming a show set all over the united states in the same small area of canada for 15 years but there's just a certain sameness to every location and every episode that's uncanny at best and breaks immersion at worst. they should have gone all in on southern gothic horror and spooky old northeastern coastal towns and rural midwestern isolation and instead it's just episode after episode of identical suburbs with arbitrary location titles slapped over them. the seasons never change. the weather is always mild, never with extreme enough temperature or precipitation to require a change from the standard jacket-over-flannel-over-tee costuming even when we see snow on the ground. this episode is set in the summer in idaho. no, wait, it's set in the winter in kentucky. this episode is set in the summerfallwinterspring in kansachusettohiowa. sam and dean travel all over the country and yet stay completely still. supernatural shows us a massive world and it does not turn and absolutely no one lives in it.
#help i'm seeing the matrix#the greatest hits#this brought to you by me watching the first 1 1/2 episodes of season 2#*15#and looking at the big new-build canadian suburban neighborhood standing in for a small town in kansas#and going 'that looks like lisa braeden's neighborhood from season fucking 3. i don't think it is but they look so alike'#and suddenly being struck by the horrific realization that EVERY town sam and dean visit looks like that#you can't tell any of it apart it's all the fucking same!!!
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Crocodad AU where immidiately after having left Dragon and his baby boy Crocodile finds an 11 year old Robin. And while he's 100% only recruiting her so they can make a beeline for the Poneglyph and Pluton in Alabasta by the two of them... Crocodile accidentally sorta kinda adopts Robin.
At this point Robin's been running for her life from the Government for three years so her deep trust issues and fear of betrayal are starting to take root in her little heart. Like perhaps they haven't taken fully over yet, and being still a child I'm sure Robin might've still had that genuine hope that she could find a safe place to stay in. But I'm sure the though of "what'll he'll do with me once he gets what he wants?" would be nagging at her at the back of her mind. Meanwhile Crocodile's struggling between the pain and hurt he's already gone through and given him his trademark trust issues, as well as the aftermath of The Dragodile Divorce. But he also has his Fresh Paternal Instincts and probably misses his baby. So when given a small, scared child who is running for her life, being chased by the very same Government that'll want his son dead if they ever find out about him... Yeah that might fuck with your brain a little
You know this post was supposed to be just that first paragraph and just a few footnotes from the following two paragraphs. And then I kept on Having Thoughts. And I kept on writing them down. And oh no what happened when did this post get so long (Look I was going to either kept on writing my Additional Thoughts in the tags or I just put them in the actual fucking post)
Like considder this: based on this one SBS, we can kinda tell that if Crocodile was given a chance to raise a child, that child would be a spoiled little shit, right
So in this scenario, where Crocodile's looking after lil Robin, would he be kind of torn? Unsure how to feel about her?
Because on one hand, this strange child would have the potential to not only ruin his plans, strip him of his Shichibukai Privileges by outing him and his plans to the World Government, but also put his son in grave danger by extension (if she found out about him having been involved with the Revolutionaries and/or having a child). But on the other hand, his paternal instincts could make him want to spoil this poor little girl rotten. But only because he needs to (perhaps literally) buy her trust so she'll behave. No other reason, he doesn't feel sorry for her one bit, no sirree. (But maybe he did feel sorry for her, since his son could very well end up exactly like her. Poor little thing) (Which is why he needs to nuke Marijoa out of orbit as soon as possible, no matter the cost, and this child can't get in the way of Crocodile protecting his son) (But also this is a child. Like how bad could she be. Besides all he really needs to do to win her trust is be nice and make her feel safe, right?)
Of course, while I'm suggesting Crocodile could have some parental instincts, realistically, he hasn't actually spent any time being, you know, a father to a child (looking after his newborn for an unknown though short amount of time aside), so it's possible he wouldn't even know how to parent Robin even if he wanted to, would he? (Like taking care of a newborn and an 11 year old kid aren't the same either) So if he was kind of just emotionally flipflopping between No Trusting Ever and It's Just A Kid for God's Sake, Crocodile trying to be nice to Robin to make her feel safe and then telling himself to stop being so soft and vunerable... Yeah that would make for an absolute mess of a relationship. (Not to mention, let's be real, dude's a scary motherfucker too, and a bloody giant compared to itty bitty baby Robin. He could keep on accidentally scaring the shit out of Robin (who would be On Fucking Edge To Begin With) by just Being Himself. Like for example, can you fucking imagine if he caught Robin trying to cheer herself up with a little "dereshishishi" only to tell her to stop because "it was stupid"? 'Cause I can imagine him doing that, and boy howdy would that make Robin feel bad)
Or who knows, maybe Crocodile was just Born To Be A Dad, maybe he just Fucking Gets It. Like Crocodile is canonically pretty good at manipulating people to do what he wants them to do (see: how he played Vivi like a fiddle), so knowing Robin's position and understanding how she feels, maybe he COULD completely nail how she needed to be treated. Not being too familiar but still making her feel safe and happy, knowing exactly when to be stern and when to spoil her, etc. Dude just goes off and wins the Dad of the Year Award while being a deadbeat dad himself. The only thing Crocodile would have to worry about then would be making sure HE doesn't get too fond of her. And certainly that could never happen, he's so in-touch with his own feelings and so grounded, he's not a softie, get outta here. Or maybe he does but never realizes until it's too late and good luck backpedalling on those emotions now dumbass
Alright so, the reason I went on that whole rmble is just that like. I'm so interested in the relationship Robin and Crocodile already have in canon. I'm so facinated and curious about how the two feel about each other, considdering they did spend 4 whole years of their lives together as criminal business partners, though neither ever trusted the other. A partnership that was only ended because Robin betrayed Crocodile, out of her own trauma. (God, I want to see these two "reunite" so bad, I want to know how they feel about each other now after the timeskip and Robin joining the idiot in flipflops who foiled Croc's plans)
My question here is just that... if they had met 13 years earlier, would things have been different? Especially if Crocodad Real? Because as I mentioned in the begining, Robin would've been on the run for only 3 years by this point, as opposed to 16 years before running into Crocodile. Simultaneously, this would be before Crocodile went onto spend an entire decade all alone, slowly losing his marbles in his emotional solitude. They'd both be emotionally traumatized, yes, but would it have been as bad in this scenario? Like I did start this post kind of joking about Crocodile adopting Robin, and for clarity's sake I don't think they'd have like a father-daughter relationship nececarily. But it would be a strange relationship still, because we'd have two broken people, both struggling to trust anyone. One who had lost her mother and her only friends, leaving her all alone and afraid while running for her life. The other a father who had just given up his son whom he probably missed dearly. Both having these holes in their hearts from loss of family, holes that could not be filled with replacements. But could they find comfort in each other anyway, because they still as people occupy similar roles to their respective loved ones? If they both could just get over those trust issues?
Okay I've been going off on the Emotional Side Of Things for this AU Concept, THERE'S PLOT TOO
So if Crocodile did pick Robin up like 19 years ago, that should be before he set up base in Alabasta, long before he had built is homebase and financial empire etc.
Now the thing is, while we don't know when, where and how Crocodile learned about the Ancient Weapons, Pluton specifically and how the lead on it would be in Alabasta... Considdering Crocodile did once upon a time aim to become Pirate King, it would make perfect sense if he had learned about Poneglyphs during his past adventures, as he would have needed to get the Road Poneglyphs to find One Piece. And while the World Government did bury the truth about why Ohara had been burned down and why Robin had been given her bounty (remember, the WG claimed it was because she had sunken a fleet of battleships, which she had not, it was because she could read the Poneglyphs), considdering this is a Crocodad AU specifically, you could totally make an argument Crocodile could've learned about what actually happened to Ohara from Dragon and co. So, just to make this AU work, you could just assume Crocodile learned about the concept of the Ancient Weapons from Dragon. And who knows, maybe he overheard the truth about why Robin had been given her bounty from Dragon too (maybe Dragon was able to get intel from Garp in secret) or while going to Marijoa himself to attend a Shichibukai meeting or something IDK.
Maybe he learned about Pluton being in Alabasta before finding Robin by accident, and maybe they made a beeline for Alabasta the second Croc recruited Robin. Travelling takes time and the guy would've most likely had to find an Eternal Pose to Alabasta just to get there (also canonically Robin didn't enter the Grand Line until her 20s so they should've met in West Blue probably, since that's where Ohara was) Or maybe Crocodile had to haul Robin around for a few months while looking for That Missing Piece of Information that would lead him to Alabasta. (Imagine the two travelling from like island to island, library to library, Crocodile trying to find that leads while Robin's just so excited about ALL THESE BOOKS (she's helping too with the research) (but to her, research is playtime, so she's just having the time of her life) (Also, notice how Crocodile's Theoretical Child is a fucking loser ass nerd? Yeah Crocodile would encourage Robin reading and studying, surely. And that would be fucking cute))
But like, once they set sail to Alabasta...
Sure, Crocodile could try to do it The Slow Way that we know he tried in canon, building trust and creating his little empire etc. But also, in canon, Crocodile couldn't have jumped into action head first because without Robin, even if he had found the Poneglyph he couldn't have read it and found the location of Pluton. Crocodile choosing to do it the slow way may have been partially because he didn't have much of a choise and it could've felt like the smarter move long-term.
But in this scenario, he already has Robin. Yes, he could do it the slow, secure way.
But what'd be there stopping him from infiltrating Cobra's palace and kidnapping him (in the night, when nobody suspects a thing), demanding Cobra to spill the beans lest Crocodile kills him and/or his pregnant wife* (*Vivi was born 10 months after Luffy so depending on how long it's been between Crocodad leaving Luffy behind and this scenario... Yeah either the wife is there, still pregnant, or there's a newborn Baby Vivi)
Like it'd be a risky move but depending on how ballsy Croc's feeling and how confident he feels in being able to kidnap the king without being noticed... Yeah he could probably do it. And I'm sure he'd have no problem killing Cobra either, if anything it'd be required if he didn't want the Government to find out he was out to find Pluton, and god knows Cobra would tell on Crocodile if left alive. I could see Crocodad being maybe a little iffy about killing Baby Vivi though (it's not like the newborn baby could report him to the WG anyways), but if nothing else, he just needs to be able to pull off the bluff of his life to convince Cobra to do as he's told. And we all know Crocodile's good at convincing people.
The only question is, how would Robin take that?
Watching Crocodile go into Full Murder Mode, hearing him say he'd kill a pregnant woman/a newborn baby if he didn't get what he wanted? Like yeah, I'm sure 11 year old Robin would be fine with that, that wouldn't make any alarm bells go off in her head at all, it'd be fiiiine. IT WOULD NOT BE FINE, SHE'D BE SCARED SHITLESS. That fear of "what will he do with me when he gets what he wants"? Well, Robin may not have found the answer to that question in particular, but she certainly found the answer to the opposite question, and it's not good
So say Cobra, kidnapped (perhaps with Baby Vivi) by Crocodile in the night, guides the two to the Poneglyph under the tombs. Crocodile puts Cobra out of his misery because he's not needed anymore. And he asks Robin to read the Poneglyph for him.
Robin, who has spent the last little while, be it weeks or months with Crocodile, him having become her "guardian", the thing keeping her safe. Crocodile, who has now shown how cold blooded and cruel he can be. Robin, who might be scared out of her mind. Of him.
And the Poneglyph says Pluton, the thing Crocodile wants, isn't there. It's in Wano.
What's she going to do?
EDIT: I wrote a sequel post, enjoy
#Moon posting#OP Meta#Sir Crocodile#Crocodad#Nico Robin#THIS POST WAS AN ACCIDENT. I DON'T KNOW HOW THIS HAPPENED. WHY DID I WRITE THIS. WHAT DEMON POSSESSED ME#I'm sure someone's written this already right#Right#Surely this fanfic already exists#Please tell me it exists#I dunno what to tell you I am not immune to a Juicy AU#Anyway on a more wholesome side of things: Robin accidentally calling Crocodile ''dad'' and he just inhales and swallows his whole cigar#Nearly chockes to death. Gets burns on his throat.#Robin feeling less alienated because of her DF ability because Croc has seen weirder AND is made of sand himself#If anything if they're literally by themselves then Robin being able to literally lend a hand to Croc at any time could be extremely useful#Like. In regular life situations. 'Cause Croc only has one hand. And Robin as many as she wants. Perfect duo.#(Also if they were travelling on like a small ship then it'd probably be built for a Tall Motherfucker like Croc right)#(Robin's ability would just make the ship more accessible to her and Croc would find that independence good)#Robin still gets a codename because Croc can't have anyone realize who she is. Maybe she even wears like a mask or summin' in public#If Crocodile's openly trans and the news of him transitioning recently broke out. Like. No avoiding that convo eh#Baby Robin's like ''...I read in a book once that some reptiles can change sex but I didn't know crocodiles could do it too''#''💦.../Humans/ can't do that normally either''#''Hmmmm. Weird. I don't think being a girl would suit you though'' // ''...I'll take that as a compliment''#I just. I think they could have really cute interactions if they warmed up to each other after a little while#And I'm Extremely Normal about that
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detransition is something that should Absolutely be talked about but the idea of going into this tag terrifies me beyond belief
#ramble#things they'll never tell you about detransition:#it is Not always by choice!! a lot of the time it's for financial/social reasons#and a lot of detransitioners go on to retransition#technically i'm a detransitioner BECAUSE of terf/transmed bullshit and i'll tell the story if anyone is interested#and like. the people in the news aren't the average detransitioner#they're saying 'it wasn't right for me so therefore nobody should have it'#also trans people and detransitioners are not enemies. we don't hate eachother#idk i have a lot of thoughts and i can't articulate them but i know what i want to say
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Ace Attorney Investigations Collection Announced
At the Nintendo Direct today, news I have been tirelessly waiting six years for arrived: The Ace Attorney Investigations games are coming to all modern consoles! This includes Ace Attorney Investigations 2 (now officially known as Ace Attorney Investigations: Prosecutor's Gambit), after THIRTEEN YEARS of being a Japan-exclusive game!
Now everyone gets to experience Debeste Ace Attorney games! ... The Winner Ace Attorney Games!
Key Information
The collection is coming out on September 6, 2024 to the Nintendo Switch, PS4, XBOX One, Windows, and Steam. It will be available in Japanese, English, French, German, Korean, and Traditional and Simplified Chinese, with new voice dubs. Most of the information in this post will be coming from the official website, which you can check out for more details.
The reveal trailer is as follows:
youtube
There's lots of information here, so let's break it down:
New Features
Since these were originally Nintendo DS games, there's a massive jump in graphic quality to HD! This includes a new interface for Logic, the court record, and redone full-body sprites. But if you prefer the classic look, the AAI collection will let you swap between the sprite styles:
Similarly to the Great Ace Attorney Chronicles and 456 Collection, the AAI Collection includes story mode, dialogue history, a gallery containing concept and special art, and music including orchestral arrangements of the soundtrack.
You can also change the in-game soundtrack to rearranged tracks! This applies to Confrontation - Allegro, Confrontation - Presto, Objection 2009, and Pursuit - Chase Down The Truth (commonly known as Lying Coldly) with and without the intro.
Pre-Order Bonuses
Much like the AAI tracks, AAI2 arranged tracks can play in game, but these are currently restricted to pre-order bonuses (though this might change in the future). This includes Confrontation - Allegro 2011, Confrontation - Presto 2011, Objection 2011, and the intro and non-intro versions of Pursuit - Uncover The Truth (commonly known as Wanting To Find The Truth).
That's all on the English side, but much like the 456 collection, Japan has a physical collector's edition called the Mitsurugi (Edgeworth) Checkmate Set. This includes an arranged mini-album of songs by other composers, and new album art by Tatsuro Iwamoto.
The new songs include "Objections of Different Eras" (seemingly a remix of Objections 2009 and 2011), "Raven that Pursues The Truth" (remix of Kay's theme), "It's Time for Action!" (remix of Gumshoe's theme), "Howling Echoes" (remix of Lang's theme), and "Unveiling the Truth" (remix of the Pursuit songs).
This collection also includes a diorama set:
The set has two backgrounds (the rooftop of the Grand Tower and Edgeworth's office), and has standees of Edgeworth, Kay, Gumshoe, Franziska, Lang, Gregory, and... Verity and Eustace.
Which is a good segue into:
Localization Differences
Since most AA fans will be familiar with the fantastic AAI2 fan translation, the new names will likely be an adjustment for all of us. Characters in AAI (like Kay and Lang) will not have their names changed, just characters that were previously exclusive to AAI2.
Known name changes include:
Yumihiko Ichiyanagi / Sebastian Debeste -> Eustace Winner
Hakari Mikagami / Justine Courtney -> Verity Gavèlle
Tateyuki Shigaraki / Raymond Shields -> Eddie Fender
We also know that Manosuke Naito / Horace Knightley's new last name is Knight, and Gai Tojiro / Ethan Rooke's last name is Rook, which isn't much of a departure from fan translation names. We also know that Mikiko Hayami / Nicole Swift's new last name is Lloyd. I will provide updates on more names when they become available!
Regardless of your feelings on the new names - it's going to be an adjustment for everyone used to the fan translation that has been around ten years now - let's all keep in mind that despite the new names, the characters behind the names will be the same. And personally, as a massive fan of AAI2, I think the adjustment will be worth it if it means that more people get to experience my favorite ace attorney game for themselves.
With this announcement, all canonical ace attorney games have been ported to modern consoles and given an English translation. As I mentioned at the beginning of the post, this announcement is thirteen years in the making for AAI2! This is an unprecedented time for the popularity and accessibility of Ace Attorney.
(All we need now is the Layton crossover...)
Thank you all for joining me in this excitement and I look forward to collecting and sharing more updates as they arrive!
#ace attorney#news#ace attorney investigations#I AM SOOOO EXCITED#YOU CAN'T REALLY TELL FROM THE POST BUT I'M SO EXCITED#Youtube
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it's hell on earth to be heavenly them's the breaks, they don't come gently
#daniel ricciardo#dr3#went on a hike the sunday after the official announcement and listened to this song on repeat for probably 3 of the 8 miles#POV: me in the middle of the woods telling myself to get it together#while crying about a 35 year old millionaire before I end up passing someone on the trail and they call the police on me#so song is about how female stars are treated overtime and when they first arrive they're praised for being authentic and refreshin#but once the shine wears off and they're a little older and reveal imperfections or they struggle they become a target for ridicule#and then they're discarded for the next new thing in town and the cycle keeps repeating itself forever#which to me so closely mirrors daniel's trajectory in F1 in the eyes of the media#but also when you take the lyrics at face value they are just so daniel...#the f1 ecosystem and more specifically the redbull “family” are fake as hell#and yet daniel is one of their most genuine products who actually can't be easily reproduced (but by god they'll try)#he showed a great deal of promise despite coming from a place that really never should've produced a successful f1 driver#because the cards were stacked against him and nobody really thought he would make it#but he did and he gave us 13 brilliant years (and he has SO much more to give and do and succeed at and he will)#but the wheel of time keeps spinning and the cycle continues for the next shiny new toy that they can nurture and then destroy#anyway i'm not totally in love with these gifs but I need to be done w/them and I had to exorcise this demon that was making me sad
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"wolverine should be played by and represented as a trans man" i say into the mic
the crowd boos
"he's right"
the crowd parts. it's hugh jackman
"please. god. anyone but me. i'm so tired"
#this is not a new take by any means i'm just passionate about it#give that man a break#if they bring him back at least cast someone of his canon height it would be great for short kings everywhere#also. logan howlett??? that's a trans man name you can't TELL ME IT'S NOT-#wolverine#deadpool and wolverine
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#poll#polls#new poll#shakespeare#theater#trans#transgender#nonbinary#i'm really normal about shakespeare and gender can't you tell#i want to play at least half of these characters So Bad#the tempest#midsummer night's dream#twelfth night#as you like it#hamlet#macbeth#romeo and juliet#i made this poll instead of making run sheets for tech of love's labor's lost tonight oops
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#you know... bc his name is... CLOUD#you can't tell me they didn't crack jokes like this there's just too much opportunity#and zack WOULD#i did this little thing back in january btw i have no new content srry kjkhjkhj#but i'm so hyped for ff7 agaiiiin after the new trailer god help me#cloud strife#zack fair#final fantasy 7#ff 7#final fantasy vii#ff vii#crisis core#crisis core reunion#final fantasy 7 fanart#zakkura#zack x cloud#final fantasy 7 meme#ff7ccr#ff7 remake#shinra company#ff7 fanart#art commissions#open commissions
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I love this man so much. Keir my beloved, the things I would do for you.
Rotten Raccoons thank you for making him exist. You guys are doing a great job, keep up the phenomenal work.
#Someday I'll get around to playing the other routes#I can't help it#I've played though this game 4 times and all of them have just been Keir's route#Everytime I start a new game and tell myself I'll try someone elses route I'm back on Keir's again#I have so many wip#you will be seeing more of this man#he's filled every crevice of my brain#obscura vn#obscura game#obscura vesper#obscura keir#obscura fanart#keir#keir fanart#vesper (mc)#vesper fanart#meme redraw#digital art#drawing#fanart#art#digital drawing
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you have to go to work so you can pay for your doctor, who is not taking your insurance right now, and if you say i can't afford the doctor's you are told - get a better job. it is very sad that you are unwell, yes, but maybe you should have thought about that before not having a better job.
(where is the better job? who is giving out these better jobs? you are sick, you are hurting - how the hell are you supposed to be well enough for this better job?)
but you go to the doctor because you had the nerve to be hurt or sick or whatever else. and they tell you that it is because you have anxiety. you try your best. you are a self-advocate. you've done the reading (which sometimes pisses them off worse, honestly). you say it is actually adding to my anxiety, it is effecting my quality of life. so they say that you are fat. they say that all young people have this happen to them, isn't it a medical marvel! they say that you should eat more vegetables. they say that you probably just need to lose a little more weight, and that you are faking it for attention.
(what attention could this doctor possibly give? what validation? that's their fucking job, isn't it?)
there is always a hypochondriac, right. someone always tells you about a hypochondriac. or someone who is unnecessarily aggressive during the worst days of their life. or someone looking "for a quick fix". or some idiot who wasn't educated about how to properly care for themselves who just abandons their treatment. and again, the hypochondriac, the overly-cautious hysteric. these people don't deserve to be treated like humans (right), and since you might be one of these people, you also don't get treated like a human. because those people can really fuck with the system, you now have to pay for it. and besides. you're actually probably faking it.
(more often than not, you find a 2:1 ratio of these stories. for every "hypochondriac", there are 2 people who knew something was wrong, and yet nobody could fucking find it. the story often ends with pointless suffering. the story often ends with and now it's too late, and it's going to kill me.)
you are actually just making excuses. someone else got that procedure or that diagnosis and he's fine, you should be fine too. someone else said they watched a documentary about other inspirational people with your exact same condition, maybe you should be inspirational, too. you're just too morbid. your pain and your experience is probably just not statistically concerning. it is all self-reported anyway, and you're just being a baby.
(once, while sitting down in the middle of making coffee, you had the sudden, horrible thought - i could kill myself to make the pain stop. you had to call your best friend after that. had to pet your dog. had to cry about it in the shower. you won't, but that moment - god, fuck. the pain just goes on and on.)
you know someone who went in for routine surgery and said i still feel everything. they told her to just relax. it took her kicking and screaming before they figured out she wasn't lying - the anesthetic drip hadn't been working. you know someone who went in for severe migraines who was told drink water and lose weight. you know someone who was actively bleeding out and throwing up in the ER and was told you're just having a bad period.
in the ER there are always these little posters saying things like "don't wait! get checked today!" and you think about how often you do wait. how often the days spool out. you once waited a full week before seeing the doctor for what you thought was a sprained wrist. it had actually been broken - they had to rebreak it to set it.
but you go into the doctor. the problem you're having is immediate. the person behind the counter frowns and says we're not taking your insurance. you will be paying for this out-of-pocket.
they send you home with tylenol and a little health packet about weight loss or anxiety or attention deficit. on the front it has your birthday and diagnosis. you think about crying, and the words swim. it might as well say go fuck yourself. it might as well say you're a fucking idiot. it might as well say light your money on fire and lie down in it. and the entire fucking time - the problem persists.
it's okay. it's okay, it's just another thing, you think. it's just another thing i have to learn to live with.
#spilled ink#warm up#can you tell what i'm mad about today specifically#i will say that there are a LOT of things that go into this. like a lot. this is ungendered and unspecific for a reason#it isn't just sexism. it's also racism. and ableism. and honestly classism.#and before a healthcare professional reads this as a personal attack: i understand ur burnt out#we are ALSO burnt out. your situation is also dire. this is not an attack on you.#this is a commentary on the incredible amounts of bigotry that lie at the heart of capitalism#where people have to pay money out of pocket to be told to fuck off.#your job is important. so is our humanity. and if you cannot accept that people are fucking mad as hell#at the industry - you are probably not listening .#anyway at some point im gonna write a piece about sexism specifically in medical shit#but i don't want terfs clowning in it bc they can't understand nuance#> it is true that ppl w/a uterus are more likely to experience medical malpractice & dismissal globally#> it is also true that trans people experience an equally fucked up and bad time in the medical field#> great news! the medical industrial complex is an equal opportunity life ruiner :)#(if you find it necessary to go into a debate about biology while discussing medical malpractice#i want to warn you that you're misunderstanding the issue. because guess what.#cis MEN might experience this. particularly black men. particularly disabled men.#so YES having a uterus can lead to more trouble for you. but this happens a LOT.#instead of fighting those ALSO experiencing your pain.... try working WITH them.#which btw. is like. actual feminism.)
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sun visits the moon at spk headquarters and gets so so so sleepy
#death note#my art#meronia#mihael keehl#nate river#mello dn#near dn#mellonear#trying out this new thing where i post quick art that is entirely for my own self-indulgent amusement here#this was an exercise in letting go of a piece as soon as possible and you can tell i failed because i couldn't stop retouching it#here and there. OLD HABITS DIE HARD but [with passion and confidence] expect a drop in quality/finishedness#kind of very into the colors here i like exaggerating their colors and saturations. their sun and moon codedness compels me#i also think people aren't as much into this ship because they assume they have very rigid [pardon my language] seme/uke roles and i'm like#[standing on soapbox] [crazy ex gf voice] the situation is actually a lot more nuanced than that#but these tags are long and i can't get into the push and pull power dynamics of it all. mello can heel is all i'm saying#ok that's all i have work to get back to drawing for work ( <- girl who just took a two hour break from drawing to draw)#brothercrush.txt
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Happy lunar new year! 🐉
Couldn't make it home this year but i'm still determined to have a good time :')
(no reposts; reblogs appreciated)
#my art#artists on tumblr#original art#art#lunar new year#lny#chinese new year#year of the dragon#illustration#omg guys first original piece in like 2 years#i'm healed from AP art burnout it's a lunar new year miracle#AND I FINISHED IT ON TIME (rare occurence)#shotgunned this painting in a day so it's messy but i'm trying to focus less on making everything perfect#i'm still learning procreate and i just discovered the bloom feature if you can't tell from all the glowy stuff lol#also just realized this lowkey looks like i'm setting the wall on fire but i swear that's not the intention!!#i'm a law abiding citizen no arson here
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Random stuff
#incredibox#sepbox#monart#spiders#Okay time to dump my thoughts in the tags#The first doodle was drawn cuz it had rained recently#I thought Edgar would enjoy the rain (assuming it doesn't rain in the depths)#The Watcher doodle was me thinking about how the Watcher watches over everyone#He sends out his little spider minions to spy on ppl!#He sees everything through their eyes#The Edgar comic is what I imagine he did when he left the depths#While the docs say that they only found his jewerly and crown at the Gateway#I like to think that Edgar saw this new place and immediately stripped naked. Cuz it's funnier that way#He decided to leave his past life as the prince at the gate with his royal clothes and jewerly#or something like that#The last doodle is how I imagine Tam's illness spread across his face#The documents don't mention how exactly he got the illness#I thought maybe it started from an innocuous scratch#He lost his eye cuz it straigh up rotted away#Annnnd that's about it#I'm always thinking about this mod as you can tell. So sad I can't draw every idea I have orz#Anyway I'll contunie having thoughts and patiently waiting for v8
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livin' on a prayer
#TAKE MY HAND AND WE'LL MAKE IT I SWEAR#vtuber#holostars#holotempus#regis altare#axel syrios#I haven't stopped bouncing up and down#you have no idea YOU HAVE NOOO IDEAA#I'M TELLING YOU THIS PAST YEAR HAS BEEN (SIREN NOISES)#BUT NOW WE'RE EMERGING ON THE OTHER SIDE#VICTORIOUS!!!!#RAAUGUGHHHH SHINY SPICYYY#also trialing a new animation style hmhmm#I do think it's cleaner than my old one#but I might still keep tweaking it a bit#I AM SO HAPPY MY DUDES#ALTARE AND AXEL IN JAPAN!!!#I can't stop smiling I'm sorry like this is so incredible to me
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