#I'm much happier with this version of the epilogue

[gallusrostromegalus]

Ehehe, I see that Josuke Araki has made his way into your script :P

Are there any other JoJo's floating around in Soul Society and beyond?

So I like to populate the background characters of my fic with characters from another series as just a fun reference, but I feel like some people are reading into it a little to much. It's like- well, there's a watsonian perspective on it and a doylist one and a sort of meta-watsonian one.

From the watsonian/in-narrative perspective? You know that line from that Stucky fic everyone loves about "we deserve a soft epilogue?" I like to imagine AUs for main characters where they still live in an animeverse, but are free from the burden of being The Main Character. Usuke Urameshi lives in Karakura town, but he was never The Spirit Detective. He's just some former punk with mild psychic abilities who runs the ramen shop Ichigo goes to sometimes. Josuke is just some guy that has enough power to be a shinigami, but he's just like, rank and file. You see him in crowd shots. They're alternate universe versions of their full powered, main character selves and probably happier than those versions.

From a doylist perspective, it's a fun game of reference tag to play with the reader. A sort of where's Waldo of random characters from related series. Sort of like putting Samuel L Jackson in a bit part in your movie and giving him a purple prop to fiddle with. He's not playing Mace Windu, but for sharp-eyed nerds, he is making a star wars reference. Sometimes it's just for fun, sometimes is a way to lay on some really subtle thematic context. Like overlaying a 8% opacity layer of yellow on a digital piece to give the impression of late afternoon. Nothing explicit. Nothing relevant to the plot. Just a bit of seasoning.

From a meta-watsonian perspective, a lot of how I write fic was influenced by the old Kids WB bumps where the voice actors would play their characters *as though they were actors hanging out on the warner studios lot* Batman was still Batman, but he was also a guy playing Batman on TV. Yugi moto still had the cosmic powers of the millennium puzzle but also complained about how much time he had to spend in hair and makeup. So when you see a character from another series in my fic, they're an alternate universe version of themselves that is Not Relevant To The Plot, and on another level they're like an actor famous on another show, coming in to do a bit part on their friend's show for funsies.

...but mostly I do it so I don't have to make up names for OCs I'm only using for four seconds.

To actually answer your question: Yuzu is a HUGE fan of this educational YouTube channel run by Marine Biologist Jotaro Kujo. He's the only guy who gives echinoderms their due. She shows Ukitake and Unohana and they like him a lot too. Unohana writes to him to put him in touch with Hanataro and the two put together a major survey of venomous marine life with potential medical applications. Ukitake just likes fish :).

[hyenahunt]

Obbligato: Epilogue - 4 (END)

Writer: Akira

Season: Winter

Characters: Hiyori, Jun, Tatsumi, Nagisa, HiMERU

Proofreading: Remi + 310mc (JP) & Skyress (ENG)

Translation: Peace & hyenahunt

Tatsumi: Amen.

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Hiyori: Haha. Yes, do continue to lavish your praise upon our Jun-kun!

...Honestly, when I was first shown around Reimei Academy, I found myself feeling as though we'd gotten the short end of the stick.

At that time, we had nowhere else that we could go, so we'd no choice but to resign ourselves to it. That before we could escape from Hell, we'd continue to be trapped in its depths for a while longer still.

Hiyori: But you see, as I walked along preoccupied with such melancholy thoughts, I happened to look out the window, and there I saw Jun-kun, dutifully practicing in silence all on his own.

The atmosphere of Reimei Academy at the time was truly dreadful — everyone seemed either dead inside, or they glared at each other with pure resentment.

Jun-kun was the only one with none of that air about him — instead he aspired only to improve himself.

Hiyori: And what a beautiful sight he was... Of course, telling him that to his face would be too embarrassing — it'd go to his head and he'd never let me hear the end of it.

It was while watching this boy that I found it in myself to believe my decision hadn't been made in vain. That if there was even one person like him here, then perhaps it wasn't all so bad.

And so that's why I made the decision to enroll at Reimei Academy, with Jun-kun as my goal. Honestly, I was there initially to scope out Shuuetsu Academy, a school made up of nothing but Special Student elites.

But I found myself believing that I should start all over again at rock bottom and covered with mud, just like Jun-kun.

After all, when you're up somewhere so lofty and high, you'll fail to see what's truly important.

Jun: And just what have you been so cheerfully badmouthing me 'bout, huh~?

Hiyori: Goodness, I wasn't badmouthing you. You're simply being paranoid.

Jun: You swear?

Tatsumi: That's right. I believe that you're rather important to Tomoe-san, Jun-san.

Hiyori: It's true! You rank right after my family, namely Nagisa-kun and Mary!

Jun: I rank below a dog, huh?

Hiyori: If that bothers you so much, then climb your way up! Come now, put your all into it and work ever harder for my love!

Jun: Shut it... It's not like I'm working hard for the sake of your love, y'know~?

I'm working hard so that I can be a better version of myself. Maybe my life looks all kinds of unfortunate and pitiful besides yours, but...

That's precisely why I wanna become the best and strongest idol, so that someday I can declare that's who I am, loud and proud.

It's then that the hard work of my past self will finally all be worth it.

So I'm gonna work hard, right now. I'm gonna give it everything I've got — 'cause giving it all that I've got is all I can do.

Tatsumi: That's right. Fufu, you truly do have no need for God's divine protection.

Jun: You got that right. I don't need no God to save me — 'cause I'm gonna be the one who'll save myself.

Tatsumi: .......♪

Nagisa: ... Shall we stop this idle chatter and begin recording, everyone?

... Though we could simply just rehearse today, and leave the actual filming for another day…

... We don’t have another day to spare, do we?

HiMERU: HiMERU agrees. There is no time to be looking back on days gone by.

We must look towards the future instead, and live earnestly.

So long as we are allowed to do so.

HiMERU: (Kaname. My poor, pitiable little brother. I shall take your place, at least for now.)

(I hope that one day, when you are able to walk once more, you will be able to live a little happier than before.)

(I'll arrange an environment in which you can, and secure a place for you in it as well.)

HiMERU: (I am your older brother, after all.)

HiMERU: (When you awake, when you're able to walk once more…)

(I won't fail this time. I'll make your wish come true.)

(Long have I lived alone, void of any dream at all — and now what was yours has since become my own.)

Tatsumi: (... Ah, even though this is the same place as then, the same Reimei Academy…)

(It feels different. Right now, I feel so refreshed and full of energy.)

(Are you the one I should thank for that, God?)

Tatsumi: (Our Father who art in heaven, you have always guided my life with your hand.)

(Dear fate, dear faith, I thank you for leading me to where I stand today.)

(We have faced much sorrow, despair, and tragedy.)

(Nonetheless, I stand enveloped in the warmth I had always craved. If this is reward for my piety, O God, then I truly could never detest you.)

Tatsumi: (Even if it happens that God does not exist, and this is nothing but a series of coincidences…)

(Then I shall call those coincidences miracles, rewards, and love you all the more.)

(Amen.)

(Fufu. I shall do as Tomoe-san did and use Jun-san, whom he loves so much, as an example; I'll begin at the very bottom, crawling my way through the mud.)

Tatsumi: (No matter how often he gets knocked down, how often he collapses, he still stands right back up.)

(I am forever grateful for that. Not only do I have God on my side, but friends as well.)

(Such invaluable friends who support one another…)

(Who share their warmth, and move forward with happiness in their hearts.)

(We shall walk together on this road, step by step.)

Tatsumi: ♪～♪～♪

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[everythingdnddd]

Starting to sift back through the literature and art for CR Campaign One and this series nails it a little bit for me. I started to reblog it with tags, but I have a rule that if tag ramblings become a paragraph, they become their own post instead lol

I do think there's something to be said for Vax choosing Keyleth because he does see that healthier, happier version of himself there. Their beginning is very 'moth to light' in a way, but when you step back and look at the campaign as a whole that quality about her is more in the beginning of her arc than the ending. Even without Vaxleth her trajectory was always toward something more grim and serious. Responsibility does that to a person, especially one who comes from such a carpet-of-sunshine being ripped out from under them origin.

It's almost like they started on opposite bases and traveled opposite, intersecting trajectories, origins to endings. Vax begins in such a difficult, emotionally turbulent place and Keyleth, such an optimistic, sunny one. Early in the filming they both reach centric territory and find each other there, powerfully pulling them both in the direction they're already headed. Even accelerating their rate.

But because their paths are so opposite, that effect is temporary and they end up halting each other's directionality instead of encouraging it.

They end up traveling in Keyleth's direction, which becomes even more grim and serious because of Vax's starting point and where he begins to work backward. Both of their fates become so much heavier because of their combined velocity. Don't get me wrong-- I loved the tragedy and all the brushstrokes around their ending were STUNNING. Oh my gosh. Unbelievably stunning. Their relationship took that fate-touched aspect to such a striking, crystal clear end point. And the art. The ART, man. I fucking LOVE the art.

But there's a part of me that does wish Keyleth had the chance to move on. The raven is such a beautiful sentiment, but part of me wishes that eventually (maybe even hundreds of years eventually), Keyleth might be able to call it first love instead of fate love and find a less aching sort of happiness in her epilogue.

And a similar, although wholly separate part believes Vax's original trajectory toward that intersection could have continued through to its original endpoint alongside Gilmore.

Even with the ending he had intact.

I'm so SO curious about where and how that would have gone. The linked post nails the reason imo. Both connections are powerful in different ways, but I think in his canon decision he drifts back toward familiar territory.

Gilmore's not-even-slightly-oblivious optimism toward Vax's situation from the very beginning, gosh that torn attempted goodbye scene in Whiterun and the last encounter-

THE LAST ENCOUNTER

It ripped my heart out. The Gilmore goodbye where he doesn't KNOW???? AGH. Killed me. Absolutely devastating. Absolutely beautiful and horrible and right and also not at all??

Incredible work.

But I would have been curious to see Vax's internal journey if he'd taken that path.

That's what fanfic is for I guess, right? But AGH.

What a show. What a SHOW.

[agender-john]

This has been bothering me ever since i first read homestuck sorry i need to yap

Disclaimer vriska serket opinions ahead

Vriska is a bad person right? Like we all know that right?

I'm not even talking about the murder or the war crimes i can excuse that but she's genuinely an asshole to everyone around her right???

Don't get me wrong i love asshole characters as much as the next guy go off girlboss if she stayed the exact same from beginning to end i will not complain I'll eat it up

But she didn't did she? She changed right? At least one version of her

I'm not here to say that ghost vriskas arc is perfect or anything like that but it was the development she needed (IN MY OPINION!!!!!)

She did some self reflection and figured out stuff about herself and came to terms with some of her issues she even looked happier

And that's a good thing right? So why reverse that??? She grew as a person so why is the retcon pretending like vriska has always been the best thing to ever happen to the rest of the characters and that character development is bad actually??

First of all no matter how many cute mini comics you give me you'll never convince me that vriska being there is gonna solve everyones problems like come on she's gonna bully them for having personal problems right? That's literally what she does before the retcon she's literally the reason behind like at least a 1/4 of their problems

Also if you wanna have asshole not dead vriska back that's cool awesome good for you but why are you shitting on ghost vriska so hard?? Like oh vriska will totally cure roses alcoholism and get terezi out of an abusive relationship cause she's cool now but she's still gonna bully her own ghost for having character development cause imagine changing as a person that's loser behaviour soooo lame she's a softie now ewwww

And it even feels like the comic is taking not dead vriskas side like why are you so against vriska becoming a better person? What's so wrong about being a softie or whatever? Do you hate happiness??

And even in the epilogues and beyond canon where ghost vriska isn't really present they keep pretending like vriska is the coolest person ever and that she's always right about everything all the time like that isn't vriska that's what vriska thinks she is she's not supposed to actually be cool she's the only one who thinks she's cool

I just idk i don't really know where I'm going with this ig i really liked the way vriskas arc was going so the retcon was like a personal attack on me in particular am i even making sense at this point

TLDR i don't like how homestuck became the let's talk about how vriska is so cool and awesome comic my girlie ghost vriska deserves better

[thisbelongsto-nohbodys]

So have you seen Amphibia Volume 2? It is a webcomic made by another Fan artist like you in which it depicts the Calamity Trio returning to Amphibia 10 years after the epilogue. It is a pretty stunning continuation for the Amphibia story. I'm quite interested in how your Marcy would interact with the Marcy of that story who believed Sasha and Anne would be much happier without her and is reluctant to share her feelings with them.

I’ve read it, haven’t seen an update in a while in the tags tho’. (Understandable since it looks like they do digital and I do traditional pen n paper)

As for the double Marcy interaction, they’d b more interested in the multiverse stuff and of course finding out they both love their (version) girls’ would be a “it’s a canon event” moment for them.

[msviolacea]

A couple of current/recent gaming distractions:

Coral Island - or, what if Stardew had prettier graphics, a more diverse variety of NPCs, a Southern Pacific vibe, and mermaids? Their 1.0 release happened last week, though don't mistake that for a full and unbugged release, it's still updating and working out some kinks. There's still plenty to do that justifies the price and time, though. Highly recommended if you need a cozy farming sim to take up your hours over the next few months. I have dumped 20+ hours into it over the last week, so, you know, there's where I'm at.

Lovebrush Chronicles - a new (to North America/Europe) otome mobile game, which takes place in a multiverse anchored in a modern-day university. This is interesting, I find it hard to describe the storytelling vibe here, though I'm digging it thus far. The plan appears to be to follow the same four (maybe 5-6? it's complicated) male love interests into different alternate universes. The first one is a fairy-tale/fantasy universe on the brink of destruction, and I enjoy the way each LI's story bleeds into the other ones to tell a coherent story about how the frozen apocalypse is averted. I will warn those going more for the otome romance parts that only 3 of the 4 romance storylines in this first bit end happily, which was a bit jarring to me upon reading it - the fourth is narratively satisfying, don't get me wrong, but it's definitely a tragic love story as opposed to the HEA versions the other three got. (There's an eternal/"canon" epilogue where you can pick your favorite suitor, which can give that one a happier ending, but it didn't quite give me what I was looking for overall. YMMV, obviously.) But the worldbuilding is very intriguing, and the writing is excellent, so I'm happy to keep going with it. I just know for future reference that they're not always going to provide a romance HEA for every route. It's scratching the right itch for me in many ways right now, anyway. The LIs are very trope-tastic, you've met them before in pretty much any other otome game you've played, but they're well done here and worth investing your time in.

Am I avoiding work today? Maybe. It's the quiet of pre-holiday around here.

[qin-ling]

i read as lions today and it's now my favorite icemav fic ever <333 i absolutely love the development and emotional aspect of it. and thanks for undoing mav's trauma. i was gripping my seat the entire time. i wish i could read it for the first time again. it's AMAZING.

(the epilogue was kinda bittersweet... *sobs* current mav may be happier with his family, (finally) his ice, and his newfound friends (more like friends he had made along the way but it never lasted) but it stole away the kids' mav that gave them hope in a suicide mission)

thank you so much!!! i'm so glad. 😭

and i know... but i think they'll be okay. and i suppose a different version of them will still meet him again someday :')

[kaelarts]

Dreams (Epilogue)

So for the last week or so I have been having dreams but there's been no real ascribed meaning to any of them? It's just been me processing the days' events. I'd like to think that she's in a much happier place than I am and I want to reach that for myself. I'm usually the type to analyze, y'know...what it all meant but I think that in this case it's more prudent to just let what happened, happen and acknowledge that I believe I grew spiritually and emotionally from it because it gave me time to process my emotions and thoughts and feelings. Does that mean *I* probably am a pagan? I mean it would track. My family has a few members that are pagan, all women. I have a history myself in spirituality regarding fortune/tarot/sigil/Rune reading etc when I was younger, so maybe this was a way for me to connect with a younger version of myself that I thought was long dead and buried. I'd like to think that there was a big event where everyone got together, had some kind of "graduation" ceremony or whatever the pagan equivalent of that is, and she's just kinda...living her life now, fully aware of her spiritual nature and fully connected to her emotional and physical awareness. Also maybe she pursued a career in mycology to be fully immersed in the world of mushrooms and being out in nature that she loved so much. If there's somehow a chapter 2 that pops its way up, I will absolutely start journaling it again!

[theoneandonlylu]

So a while back I had this cute idea to have an epilogue at the very end of The Watcher (my comic) where Wren is grown up and thriving, so I drew an adult version of her. But my original design (the last pic) ended up being so boring lol - quite literally just regular Wren but larger, no cute little design changes to show that she's changed and grown as a person, no nothing, just a super plain old boring design lol. So yesterday I doodled a new adult Wren design (the first 2 pics), and I'm MUCH happier with it now :)

[dancing-to-architecture]

41 - Otis Redding - Otis Blue

Welp, all I know of Otis Redding is "(Sitting On) The Dock of the Bay" and that he wrote Respect before Aretha covered it and effectively made it hers.

Wikipedia says this is (paraphrased) mostly a cover album. Otherwise, I'm going in blind on this one.

•Ole Man Trouble-

It's ostensibly a blues album, and this is an amazing first track; a blues song about getting stuck in the dumps again and again and again. Fuck Ole Man Trouble.

All my homies hate Ole Man Trouble.

Those horns are hot, though! Hoping for a lot more of that coming up.

•Respect-

Okay, I was expecting this, but this version is just WEIRD. The pieces are there, but it's subtly wrong. Lukewarm take: Aretha did it WAY better. This song works so much better as a feminist anthem than it does like this, it's very 'better have my dinner ready when I walk in the door'.

•A Change Is Gonna Come-

Hearing this man's beaten-down and bedraggled optimism about how things have to get better for the black community despite living though a particularly dark part of America's history gave me a bit of hope that, yeah, things have got to get better.

Then, I think about my racist, fascist governor and I can't stop myself from thinking: "well, not fuckin yet, I guess."

Then, I lose myself in thinking about pushing Ronathan Desantis into the industrial crushing machine from the end of 30 Days of Night, and I get just a bit happier.

It's legitimately soul-destroying to think that it's been so long since this song was written and we've gotten to "no no, you see, slavery was good actually because it taught them valuable skills!" and that kinda makes me want to slit my fucking wrists

This country sucks shit.

•Down in the Valley-

As if he knew the last song was gonna be A Bummer, this one is basically "oh yeah, shit SUCKS, but those motherfuckers can't stop us from dancing, even if it's just to spite them."

That said, I really like it. A breath of fresh air.

•I've Been Loving You Too Long-

My man, she's gone. She's checked the fuck out.

She wants out, you said as much. Let her go.

I get that you feel like you can't let go, but you're being the Crab in the goddamn Bucket right now.

(For real, it sucks to be in a one-sided relationship but let them go if they want to leave, and you'll both be happier eventually for it.)

•Shake-

This song has some SERIOUS energy to it. Funky as hell, and the horns are working overtime. If this doesn't make you want to move, you're broken.

I bet this one was a killer at a live set.

•My Girl-

I was initially going to say that this sounds wrong without the Temptation's back-up singers, but the horns actually work pretty well in their place.

Also, god DAMN, the man could sing.

A beautiful cover. I almost like it more than the original, tbh.

•Wonderful World-

Was expecting trees of green and red roses, too, aaaaaaaand now all I can think about is Animal House, a now deeply problematic fave from my younger years. (But still not nearly as problematic as Revenge of the Nerds.)

(For those who aren't familiar, this was a featured song in that film, iirc the last song of the movie that plays over the epilogues.)

I definitely relate to this song though, as I also don't remember much about the French i took, either.

Possibly the most upbeat song so far.

•Rock Me Baby-

2001. Junior year history class taught by one of my all-time favorite teachers: Mr. Bradish.

This song was the given example of how creative people could get around the strict censorship laws in the mid-century like the Hayes code.

"Well, we can't say 'i want you to screw me all night long', but these dipshit honky record executives don't exactly understand what we mean by the word 'rock', they're just snapping their fingers, so we're good."

I simply cannot divorce this song from that moment in time.

That said, A SERIOUS blues guitar solo, hot damn.

•(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction-

To be totally on the level, I was always more of a Beatles fan than a Stones fan.

That said, this cover FUCKING SLAPS!

In a perfect world, this song would be known as an Otis Redding song.

•You Don't Miss Your Water-

The inverse of I've Been Loving You Too Long, and the return of: "Aww, man I've been such a gigantic cheating prick it's been so great, wait, why is my girl leaving me? [Surprised_pikachu.jpg]"

I seriously CAN'T believe how common a subject that has been during this project.

Well, that was an interesting album, all in all. Otis Redding had one hell of a voice, and it's on full display here.

Definitely worth checking out, especially since it's a quick one at like 35 minutes long.

Favorite Track: (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction. It's amazing how much better this song can seem when it's not being sneered at you by a quasi-noncey British multi-millionaire. It comes off much less like the diatribe of a jaded douche when it comes from Otis.

Least Favorite Track: You Don't Miss Your Water.

Yeah, maybe I'm a dyed in the wool wife-guy, but I will never, ever be a fan of the nigh-omnipresent "I'm an asshole, I'm a cheater, wait a minute, why doesn't my partner like me anymore?" song.

[tachineko]

One of my favorite parts of the book is in part two when Jom was pondering about his feelings about Khun Yai and Commander Yai on the big tree and it turns in to this big love confession confrontation that leads to rejection but also clarity for Jom. I definitely did some googling so I could really get a feel for how the book was trying to set the scene. All the way to the clothes, houses, and settings like the field and camping grounds in Chapter 2.

I can’t blame you for finishing the book, because I also did the same! I was having such a hard time back then when I purchased the book, and it kind of made me feel at peace and happier when I was reading it during those times, so I definitely get the urge to finish it. Also because it’s just so good! Like you get the feeling that you can’t let go of the story after you’ve gotten hooked from chapter to chapter.

I really appreciate that they did their research when it came to making this book. Having to reach out to local historians in order to make literature is something that I can appreciate in any form, whether it is in the making or already published. I do hope that the live action does the same since based on the teasers and pilot trailer, there are hints of historical accuracy in the setting, but I'm not sure if the direction of the series would have as much heart in historical accuracy as the book.

The second part is where I loved the book the most. It’s where Jom really recognizes his true feelings for Yai as a person and as a lover that he clings on to a different version of him, which makes it a million times better. The book definitely wraps up in the most satisfactory way. It’s the kind of ending their story deserves. And the epilogue. Oh my god. After reading it, I was yearning for more content from the present Yai and Jom, but there’s just so much you can do with these characters.

I do hope the series covers it all, but I think it’s less likely.

Since the series is converted into a typical online Thai series I do hope that someday they turn this novel into a lakorn where they cover all aspects like historical accuracy, setting, and acting. Ah, having to type this makes me want to read the book again! I really hope by the time the series comes, we'll be as satisfied as we were when we first finished reading the book.

im sooooo glad you posted your text post on reading ifylita on the tags cuz ive been dying to discuss the book to someone since i finished reading it back in 2022 when the teaser trailer dropped. its such a good book. and the translation is top notch since it describes the setting in their specific timeframe and they also add footnotes for non-thai speakers. i also agree that the formatting could use some work but the book is just... so beautiful. it keeps you on your toes. im interested to know more about your insights with the book in the future

Hi! 😊 And yay, someone else who's read I Feel You Linger in the Air! What were your favourite parts? Did you also look up historical Chiang Mai architecture because the house(tm) seems just as much of a character as Jom and Yai? 🤣

I finished the book yesterday and now I'm a bit sad because I rushed through it in like, two days. I just couldn't help myself. It's so beautiful. I keep returning to my favourite chapters and moments. I'm not ready to let this book go. It has such a grip on me.

The author has said that this was their first piece of historical fiction and how they extensively researched Thai literature, history and architecture to be able to capture the distinctive style of both eras. It really shows, especially in the way Yai speaks. It's so poetic but not stilted at all and full of warmth and love. I wish I could read the Thai original with all of its linguistic nuances and different dialects (although the translator - as you said - did a fantastic job of conveying all of that).

And I did not expect the second part at all. But I loved it just as much. I'm curious how they'll tackle this for the series. Negl I'd be very sad if they ignored the second part entirely (although it would work, I suppose). I love Commander Yai just as much as I love Khun Yai.

And they cast Nonkul so well as Jom. I could picture him instantly while reading (I haven't seen Bright - the actor who plays Yai - in anything but I'm sure he'll do an amazing job, too).

I'm also super impressed that the author managed to avoid all the usual clichés and tropes. It's like you said, the book really keeps you on your toes. Everything - the past and the present, the mystery and time travel, the history and romance - fits together so incredibly well.

Lmao I'm sorry I'm just really, really in love with this story atm. And a bit sad that I probably won't find anything as beautiful for a long while.

Also, to the anon who asked me if the story ends in tragedy: no, it doesn't. It's a beautiful, satisfying ending with only a hint of bittersweetness.

[iffeelscouldkill]

it only means there is no room for you to fall [Epilogue]

A/N: This is a follow-up to it only means there is no room for you to fall, my alternate post-episode-5/episode 6 Sana/Arkady/Violet fic that I wrote uh... last September, wow. It won’t make much sense if you haven’t read that, so go read that fic first!

Those of you who follow me on AO3, or who followed the fic on AO3, will know that I already wrote and posted an epilogue to this fic about a week and a half after it was written. But I never posted it to Tumblr. I liked it, but I also wasn’t that happy with it - there was too much “plot”, and not enough of the fluff and indulgence that I’d so enjoyed when writing the first fic. And I liked how the first fic ended, so I sort of wanted that to be a stand-alone on Tumblr, until I was happier with the epilogue.

I never intended to rewrite it - I was originally planning to write a follow-up fic or two in the same ‘verse, and figured that once those were written, I would post the epilogue to Tumblr first so that it made sense. However, I lost a bit of steam with the next fic in the series, so that didn’t quite happen.

Fast-forward to now, and... well, I’m sure I don’t need to spell out why I needed a dose of fluffiness and self-indulgence in my fic-writing life. So, I decided a couple of days ago to have another go with writing this epilogue, and see if I couldn’t write a version that I was happier with. Turns out I could! Here it is :D

---

The first thing that Sana is aware of when she wakes is that she’s very, very warm.

The second is that someone is playing with her hair, carding their fingers through the strands that have escaped from the loose plait she wears it in. It feels nice. Sana closes her eyes again.

A vague memory filters through the sleepy haze in her brain. Arkady and Violet hugging her. Arkady leading her into her room, pulling her down onto her bunk, wrapping her arms around her. Violet at her back. She realises that she can hear voices talking softly.

“...might wake up and decide that she can handle it without our help.” Violet’s voice. “She is the Captain, after all.”

A snort from Arkady on her other side. “You underestimate my willingness to flat-out pin her to this bunk until she admits that she can’t handle everything by herself.”

Sana cracks one eye open. “I’d like to see you try.”

She feels Violet jump behind her, but Arkady just smirks, unrepentant. She looks slightly softer-edged in the morning (well, Sana realises that she doesn’t really know for sure that it’s morning, it’s hard to tell on the ship), her normally carefully tamed hair in unruly tangles around her face. It’s a look Sana has only rarely had the privilege of seeing.

“How did you sleep?” asks Violet, and Sana turns to smile at her.

“Like a log. I hope I didn’t snore.”

Violet laughs. “I don’t think so. I would know if you did - I’m a pretty light sleeper. It comes from being a medic,” she adds by way of explanation.

Sana is about to say something else - ask what the time is, maybe - when a key part of the previous night suddenly comes back to her: Ricky Q’s smug voice on the other end of the line. His threats against her crew, and the rendezvous on Hafizah. Sana groans as her head starts to throb slightly.

“Sana?” Violet looks worried, reaching forward to brush strands of hair gently from her face. Sana realises that Violet had been the one playing with her hair when she woke up, and she takes a moment to delight in this tiny gesture of affection from the other woman, who had always seemed quite reserved in her interactions until now. They would brush past each other, sometimes, in the narrow kitchen, and Sana was often guilty of wanting to read too much into the touch of fingers as moonshine cups were passed around, or Violet’s gentle ministrations as she checked an injury. She’d always told herself she was wishing for the impossible. She’s now starting to realise that might not have been true.

“What is it, Sana?” Arkady asks her, tense, like she’s readying herself for a fight. Sana weighs her options. She knows that telling Arkady about Ricky Q and his blackmail will only make her angry, and she doesn’t want to puncture the little cocoon of warmth and calm that they’ve created for themselves. But she also knows that putting her best friend off won’t be well-received. Arkady will probably make good on her promise to pin Sana to the bunk until she opens up about what’s going on (Sana carefully doesn’t think about all the ways that image appeals to her).

Even as she hesitates, Arkady says, “Look, you know all that touchy-feely crap you pull the moment one of us freaking blinks wrong? You know that goes both ways, right? You can’t just... It isn’t right for you to always have our backs, and not let us have yours, too.”

There’s frustration in Arkady’s voice, but there’s an underlying hurt, too, and a hesitancy. Arkady isn’t used to voicing her innermost feelings, Sana knows, and she’s always quick to retreat defensively afterwards, like she’s afraid of being mocked for it. But Sana thinks that Arkady is more afraid that Sana might not trust her with this. That she doesn’t see their friendship (more than friendship? a part of Sana’s mind wonders) as a partnership of equals. Sana lets out a soft breath, fighting down the urge to pull Arkady to her in a crushing hug, which might not be well-received.

“Before I tell you both what’s been going on,” she begins, “Kady, I need you to promise me that you won’t... fly off the handle.”

Arkady eyes her suspiciously. “That depends on what it is you’re about to tell us, because I already really don’t like the sound of this.”

Sana sighs. “Just, promise to hear me out first? I need you to do that for me.” She levels Arkady with her best Captain’s stare, a mixture of sternness and warmth. It works on the whole crew, but particularly Arkady, who will often back down only when Sana levels it at her.

Sure enough, Arkady grumbles but subsides, her cheeks going pink. “All right. Whatever it is, I’ll wait until after you’re done telling it before I blow a gasket.”

Smiling slightly, Sana looks at Violet, whose expression is intent and serious, before she begins.

“Last night, not long after I got done fixing the temperature reg, I had a call from Campbell...”

She outlines the tense exchange with Campbell, his assurances about Red Gregor, and then her accusation, the argument and Campbell’s parting words. True to her word, Arkady doesn’t interrupt, though she frowns indignantly on Sana’s behalf a couple of times. As expected, however, when Sana gets to the second caller and reveals his identity, she explodes.

“What?! What do you mean, Ricky Q? How did that rat bastard even get your number?”

Sana gives her an amused look, but it’s tired. “I told you you’d be angry.”

“Did he hack us? No, he can’t have done,” Arkady says. “Goddamn it, I should have known he’d crawl back up out of the gutter somewhere-”

“Arkady,” Violet says quietly but firmly. She reaches across Sana and takes Arkady’s hand. “Remember what you promised. Let Sana tell it.”

Sana bites back a smile as Arkady goes pink, looking down at their entwined hands as if she can’t quite parse what she’s seeing. “I- fine, whatever,” Arkady stutters.

Violet looks serenely back at Sana. “Carry on, Captain.”

Sana presses her lips together with amusement, and files away the way that Violet says ‘Captain’ to turn over in her brain later, because right now she can’t give it the attention it deserves.

“He talked to the Fowleys, that’s how,” Sana says in reply to Arkady’s question. Arkady’s expression darkens, and darkens further as Sana recaps the conversation and Ricky’s threats.

“That bastard,” she hisses, and this time neither Sana nor Violet stops her.

Violet looks upset. “He said that someone on this ship has been informing to a middleman... but we haven’t had contact with anyone...”

“He’s lying,” Arkady says instantly. “He’s making it up to bait you. Sana, you can’t meet him, you don’t know what he’s gonna do.”

“He knew about Violet,” Sana points out, her voice quiet. “He knew things he never could have found out unless he had some kind of… source. I don’t know what it is,” she goes on, before Arkady can say anything else. “And I don’t believe it’s any of you. But I have to know how he got the intel.”

There’s silence for a few moments as they all contemplate the situation. Sana hates that they’re in this bind, that they have to bow to the whims of someone like Ricky Q because they can’t risk the alternative. And she resents the loss of what could have been a quiet, peaceful morning with her two favourite people if not for this whole mess. (Oh, who is she kidding - the Rumor has never even met “quiet” and “peaceful”).

“I don’t think you should go in without backup,” Violet says quietly. Sana looks at her in surprise, and Arkady does a double-take.

“Hey, that's my line!” she exclaims, mock indignant, but she’s looking at Violet with warm admiration. A tingling sensation spreads through Sana’s gut, and she takes a moment to appreciate the way these shared looks between Violet and Arkady no longer make her feel a stab of jealousy and loneliness; instead, she feels overwhelming affection for both of them.

Still, she shakes her head. “I said I would meet Ricky alone, and I will. I can handle him.”

“Yeah, but you don’t have to,” Arkady points out, practically vibrating with frustration. “You can’t seriously believe he’s going to play fair with his one. You don’t know what shit he’s planning to pull. He could be waiting at the rendezvous with an army of IGR agents!”

Sana shakes her head again. “No. However much of a scumbag Ricky Q might be, he has more to fear from the IGR than we do. He won’t have tipped them off. Listen,” she goes on quickly, “I’m going into this to get information out of Ricky, so I need him to have his guard down. He won’t, if you’re there. And no offence, but I don’t think you could restrain yourself from stabbing him in the gut if you saw him again.”

Arkady shrugs. “Not really sure I see the downside there.” Violet gives a little snort of amusement. Sana smirks slightly, but then becomes serious again.

“I know you’re worried,” Sana says gently. “But I’m still the Captain, and if Ricky is making threats against all of you, I can’t let that lie. It’s my job to make sure you’re all safe. And to make life a living, breathing hell for whoever dares to cross us.”

Arkady smirks and stretches languidly. “I love it when you talk scary,” she jokes, though there’s a spark of heat in her eyes that makes Sana think she’s not entirely joking.

Sana smiles and reaches for Arkady’s hand, lying on the bunk next to her, and twines their fingers together. She does the same with Violet’s hand on her other side. For all that the situation with Ricky Q is a mess, and it could go sideways on them in the worst way possible, she feels calmer than she has done in a while. And her headache has miraculously faded.

“So...” she says. “Is this the part where we talk about... this?”

She feels Arkady go tense, as she’s prone to doing whenever feelings enter the conversation, but to her credit, she doesn’t pull away. Violet is nodding.

“I think... maybe we should? Arkady and I... well, we kind of talked about how we wanted to uh...” Violet blushes bright pink, but forges on, “take care of you, because you always do it for us, and both of us... care a lot about you, and we wanted to show it. That’s why we came to your room, last night. Well, this morning, I guess. I’m not even sure what time it is.”

“I was wondering that, too,” Sana admits. “And speaking of which, I haven’t even thanked you both for-”

Arkady groans and buries her face in the bunk’s one pillow, which she has somehow managed to steal. “Oh my god, can we please skip the speech? You really don’t need to thank us for that. At all.”

Sana knows from years of experience that Arkady’s protesting is her way of saying ‘you’re welcome’, so she isn’t affronted. She shoves Arkady lightly on the shoulder. “It wasn’t going to be a speech. I just wanted to say thank you. That’s all.”

Arkady makes an inarticulate noise of disbelief, and Violet grins.

“And, so that we’re all on the same page about this...” Sana begins, feeling like the ball is in her court now. She’s suddenly unaccountably nervous. They spent the night in the same bed, and Violet has just said that she and Arkady “care a lot” about Sana and wanted to show it, which is pretty hard to misinterpret. But Sana also hasn’t felt about anyone the way she feels about Arkady and Violet. And living as they do in such close quarters, she can’t afford to get this wrong.

“Sana?” Arkady prompts her, and the note of nervousness in her voice is enough to spur Sana on.

“I care a lot about both of you too, and have done for some time,” she says, feeling her face warm with a blush. “As more than just friends,” she adds, to be absolutely clear. “I don’t really know how… dating… will work on the ship, especially not with everything else that’s happening right now - but if you’re willing to give it a try, then so am I.”

Violet nods vigorously. “Yes. I would really like that,” she says, with a heart-melting soft smile. “And, well, Brian and Krejjh seem to manage somehow, so we can probably make it work, too.”

She says it with a grin in her voice, and Sana knows she’s saying it at least partly for the inevitable reaction it will provoke from Arkady when she emphatically declares that their relationship is in no way going to be like Jeeter and Krejjh. There’s a pause as both she and Violet wait for that reaction, but weirdly, it doesn’t come. Sana looks round at Arkady, who is red-faced and fidgeting with the pillow cover.

“So, uh, Krejjh might... know about the three of us already. At least, they know that I have feelings for both of you.”

“Really? How?” Sana asks, and from the surprise on Violet’s face, she can tell this is news to her, too.

“They sorta... gave me a pep talk. Last night. Just before I ran into you in the kitchen,” Arkady adds to Violet.

Violet’s eyes widen. “I wondered what that announcement over the comms was about.”

Sana senses she might have missed quite a bit while she was dealing with the double crisis of Campbell and Ricky Q. She makes a mental note to ask for the full story later. “So, let me get this straight,” she says slowly, because she is absolutely not passing up the opportunity to rib Arkady about this. A lot.

“You took romantic advice from Krejjh? The same Krejjh who kept inviting us to dinner with Brian when he was trying to ask them out? That Krejjh?”

“Well, it worked, didn’t it?” Arkady shoots back, still red in the face. “Anyway, it wasn’t really advice, it was more like... encouragement. They suggested that you guys might be open to the possibility of a relationship involving... all three of us. And something about Dwarnian relationship norms. Apparently polyamorous relationships are pretty normal for them.”

“Huh,” says Violet, contemplatively. “So I guess it’s Krejjh we should be thanking, then.”

Sana smirks at Arkady. “You realise that Krejjh is going to be insufferable about this as soon as they realise we’re together.”

Arkady groans again and faceplants back into the pillow. “Don’t remind me.”

(Sure enough, when the three of them enter the kitchen in search of breakfast - well, lunch technically - about half an hour later, Krejjh’s squeal nearly ruptures their eardrums. “Crewman Jeeter, come look! They’re holding hands!”

“We can hear you,” Arkady complains, half-heartedly.) 

[heyidkyay]

Masterlist |

THE 1975

MATTY

Works

Blueberry Muffin 4k words

London, its many strangers, and a whole lot of guessing..?

Tag along Part One Part Two

A single phone call leads to a concert… where you catch the eye of a certain singer.

10 Things Y/n Can't Live Without | GQ 3.1k words

Reader's GQ interview!

These things, they have been playing on my mind 11.2k words

Professor!Matty

It all starts with a cancelled lecture. Then there are the shared smiles, the catching of eyes, the train rides... I don't really see it coming until, finally I do.

Series

Who can say no to bridezilla? 30.6k words (completed)

With no date to your sister's wedding, what are you to do? No worries though, she's already got it covered, well, sort of...

Masterlist or Part one Part two Part three Part four Part five Part six Epilogue

And I'm petrified of being alone, now She’s just trying to get by, really. What with being a single parent to her four year old son whilst simultaneously trying to kick start a successful career as a radio presenter. She’s got everything she’s ever wanted though, friends close by, a mum who’s merely a phone call away, and of course her baby boy. What else is there to wish for? But then, it’s not long before her relatively normal life gets upended and turned on its head, and she’s suddenly forced to deal with situations she’s never even thought to imagine. What happens when one mention of a certain controversial singer on her show sends a flood of unexpected challenges her way?  Masterlist

GEORGE

Series

I guess I'll take this pain, instead of your name (completed)

In life, things changed. The boys you'd once grown up with were men now, and famous ones at that. The type that toured the world and had millions of adoring fans.

The five of you shared a shit ton of history. But you also shared a lot of mixed emotions for one of them in particular, a certain drummer. Masterlist

ARCTIC MONKEYS

ALEX TURNER

Works

And if it weren't this dark part two

You and Alex have been together for ages and it's been so incredible, only now things have changed and you're struggling to tell him just how you feel.

ᴀʟʟ ꜰᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ɢᴀᴍᴇ

Works

Proud Parent Monster

Incorrect quotes

Butterfly

Adulting Jealousy jealousy Happier Officer? Put a ring on it Fuck you Askin for it

Extras

Total drama island

Fancast

ʜᴀʀʀʏ ᴘᴏᴛᴛᴇʀ

Fics (AO3)

Verus

On November 1st, 1981, little Harry Potter isn't found on the doorstep to a number 4, Privet Drive. No, he's somewhere much grander than that. Because it seems as though Merlin has a tendency to meddle and is rather fond of the idea of having little Harry grow up amongst the Hogwarts founders- only, a thousand years in the past.

What happens when a teenage Harry, one who not only knows the familiarity of love, but also of magic, shows up at Hogwarts so utterly different to the boy everyone else had expected?

Share my night sky

Sirius Black, a loudmouth rockstar who's hobby it is to always make headlines. Sirius is beyond troubled and stuck in a constant cycle of sex and partying that he just can't seem to drag himself out of. Ever since parting ways with his former bandmates, The Serpents, Sirius has lost his passion for music and doesn't believe he'll ever become the version of himself everyone thought he was destined to be all those years ago. He's stuck on a never ending roundabout with no way out, and with no control over his own life everything seems to be slowly crumbling around him.

Remus Lupin is just trying to get by. What with being a single parent to his four year old son while simultaneously trying to kickstart his career as a radio presenter. Remus has got everything he's ever needed though, friends that are always close by, his mum who's only a phone call away, and of course, his son, Teddy. What else is there? But it's not long before Remus' relatively normal life gets flipped on its head and he's suddenly forced to deal with situations he never thought he'd have to.

Incorrect quotes

Cult Flirt

3

Hexed Er Restraining order The one where James proves he's an idiot 2am Open up Red

Extras

Things that remind me of Sirius Black Marauders as texts I've sent Things Sirius Black has definitely said Things James Potter has definitely said Things Remus Lupin has definitely said Things that make me jealous - (Marauders edition)

THE SUMMER I TURNED PRETTY

Series

Paper cuts.

Aurelia Cunnings, eighteen, freshly graduated, and stranded with no real family to phone or friends to reach out to. The past year has been a neverending nightmare, one she can’t seem to escape from. But will this be the summer to change all?

AO3 TWITTER

[jerzwriter]

Delaying the Inevitable - The Final Chapter NEW VERSION - 7-27-2022

Those of you who know me know that I was immensely unhappy with the epilogue that I originally posted for this series. So, it's gone. This is now the final chapter, and I am much, much happier with it. 💕

Book: Open Heart (Post Series) Series Pairings: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC, Tobias Carrick x F!MC Chapter Rating: Teen Warnings: None Words: 7994 Chapter Summary:  Casey has moved on to the next chapter of her life, and she takes Washington, DC by storm. But as life looks perfect on the outside, some friendly help is required to help her face her truth. See how she faces this new reality, and how those left behind in Boston deal with theirs, in this THE OFFICIAL FINAL CHAPTER of Delaying the Inevitable. Category: Extended Series (Completed)

A/N: If any new fanfic writers are out there, here is some advice. Make sure you love the ending to a beloved series you took nearly a year of your life to create before you post it. Because, back in April, I didn't, and I really regretted it ever since. I blame three things for my poor choice:

I had covid at the time. Writing during covid? Maybe. Making any decisions of value (like posting the ending to your series) during covid. Don't do it.

I was too concerned about the length of the chapter and completing the story quickly. So I rushed it. I joke that I wanted to make it feel like a real Choices story, rushed end and all, but honestly. That was foolish. @liaromancewriter told me not to do that from the start. I should have listened to her. (Go ahead, Mal, say it, we should always listen to you! lol)

I was too worried about the ending others wanted and not concerned enough about the one I knew the story deserved. Re-read that one - I will time and again - NEVER make that mistake again!

Do I wish it had gone differently? Yes. Of course. But I'm glad I corrected a wrong, I've learned some valuable lessons, and I am truly elated that I gave this story the ending it deserved - even if I'm the only one left who cares. :)

A/N 2: Some brief notes - for those of you who don't know The National Mall (The Mall) is a park that links the US Capitol through the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, DC. It's not a shopping mall, and it is "The Mall" referenced in this chapter.

Lastly, a huge thank you to all who have listened to ideas and helped me throughout this series, especially to @coffeeheartaddict2 and @liaromancewriter for pre-reading this chapter for me and providing feedback. I'm immensely grateful to both of you. 💕 Without further ado, here is The Final Chapter of DTI.

SERIES MASTERLIST

Casey peered out of her bedroom window on a bleak Boston morning.  The grey clouds blanketed the skyline that had become as familiar as an old friend, rendering it almost unrecognizable.  Perhaps this is how it should feel when one leaves home. 

A little over a week had passed since she handed in her resignation; since then, she shared many tearful goodbyes.  Only one task remained on her to-do list:  board the plane that would carry her to her new life.  Her parents offered to take her to the airport, as did each of her friends, including Ethan and Tobias. As much as she wanted to wrap herself in all their love, she knew this was something she had to do alone.  

After placing her bag in the overhead compartment, she took to her seat.  A wistful smile on her lips as her fingers ran down the edges of the window. The grey clouds had lifted, and the sun now glistened over Boston Harbour.  The city she called home, the place that held so many people she loved, was awash in light as she departed.  She choked back her tears and smiled.  It was a sign; she was sure of it.  Everyone was going to be all right… even her.   Her heart was heavy but full of pride… she made it!  The page had officially turned, the pen was in her hand, and a new chapter was about to begin.

~~~~~

Ethan didn’t turn around as footsteps approached.  His eyes were fixed on the sky above.  He knew it was Tobias the instant he felt a hand clasp his shoulder. No greetings were exchanged as the two men stood in silence and gazed out the window together.   

“How did I know I’d find you here?” Tobias said several minutes later.

“I don’t know.  Probably the same way I knew you’d be joining me… eventually,” Ethan grinned.

“Suddenly, we have a thing for watching planes take off.  What a coincidence, eh?”

Ethan tried to conceal the pain that shot through him as he slowly turned with the assistance of his cane. It was only his second day back at Edenbrook, part-time for now at his doctor’s insistence and to Ethan’s disdain, but at that moment, he had never been more grateful to be there.

“There are no coincidences, Tobias.  Haven’t you learned anything?”

“Jesus!” Tobias exclaimed.  “You sustained more head damage than we originally thought, didn’t you?  Maybe you do need more time off.”

“You’re not as funny as you think, Tobias.”

“Oh, yes. I am,” he chuckled.

“What have you got there?” Ethan asked, motioning to an envelope in his friend's hand. “You already resigned.  Brigham will be lucky to have you.”

“Yeah, well… about that.  Have you found my replacement yet?”

“No.  We just started the search.”

“Good,” Tobias said, placing the envelope in Ethan’s hand.  “Because I’m rescinding my resignation.  If you’ll have me… I’d like to stay.”

Ethan’s brow wrinkled.  “Wait.  You want to stay? Why? What’s changed?”

“I have.  I came to Edenbrook to work with you, to be the best doctor I could be.  But I also came because I wanted to heal the damage between us.  I think I made great headway on both things until we kind of made it… a mess.”

“It was a little bit of a mess,” Ethan smirked. 

“Just a little,” Tobias grinned. “But there’s more to be done, and I think you know that too.  If we push one another, there is no end to what we can accomplish and many would benefit. As to us, it’s clear as day… we’re family, and this place is home.  It’s where I want to be.  But, of course, you can take this opportunity to rid yourself of me for once and for all, and I’ll admit… I can see the appeal.  So, the decision is yours, and I’ll do whatever….”

“Would you shut up,” Ethan interrupted.  He reached into his blazer to retrieve something. “Here.  It’s your resignation letter.  I was hoping you’d change your mind.  Why don’t you do the honors.”  

“You just can’t quit me, can you, Ethan?” Tobias smirked.

“Just tear that damn thing up before I change my mind!”

The two men laughed as Tobias tore the letter, scattering its remains over a trashcan in the corner, then turned back toward the windows, staring in silence as planes passed overhead.

“She’s probably gone by now,” Tobias said with a broken voice as Ethan pat his friend on the shoulder.

“You’re probably right.  Are you holding up OK?”

“Me, yeah.  I’ll be fine…” he said with a wave of his hand.  “It might take me another forty years or so, but I promise, eventually… I’ll be fine.”

“I’ll do my part to help.  I’m going to give you a ton of work.”

“Expected,” Tobias snickered.

“And I’ll remind you… she’s only in DC. You can go visit her.”

“And I’ll ignore you.”

“I’m impossible to ignore, Carrick. You know that by now.”

“Yes, but If anyone is up for that task, it’s me.”

Ethan shook his head, his smile finally reaching his eyes.  “I’m glad you're staying on… buddy.”

“So am I,” Tobias sighed as he patted Ethan’s back.  “So am I.”

~~~~~

Six months later….

“Excuse me,” Casey smiled politely while squeezing through throngs of commuters.  Regulars were used to the scene by now; if jogging up the Foggy Bottom Metro station escalator was an Olympic event, Casey would easily win the gold. 

She rushed down the hospital hall, trying to make it past William Carrick’s office without him seeing her.  But spotting top staff members was his Olympic event, and he hadn’t missed her yet. 

“Why are you running by, Dr. MacTavish? You young doctors! Never have time for a chat!”

“Just earning that big paycheck you sign each week, William,” she smiled.

“We can get you car service, you know! No need to take that dreadful Metro.”

“I love the Metro,” she yelled as she approached her assistant Jaime’s desk.

“No one loves the Metro, ” Jaime winked. 

“It keeps me humble!”

Casey stepped into her office and locked the door behind her.  Kicking off her heels, she tossed her suit jacket on the chair and searched her closet for something more casual.  She was happy to play the high-power suit game wen needed, but she preferred carving her own path.  So when she unlocked the door and took a seat behind her desk, she was in neat pair of pencil pants, a classic silk tee, with a cardigan tied around her neck. This was Dr. Casey MacTavish.

Jaime entered the office, glowing as she plopped into the chair in front of Casey’s desk.

“This morning’s interview went splendidly! You already received at least a dozen congratulatory calls!”

“Any that should I return right away?”

“I would say the Vice-President, but she clarified that her schedule is booked until tomorrow.  So I think you’re in the clear right now.”

“Great!”

“So the only thing left for me to do at this point is plan a happy hour celebration.”

“Really, Jaime?” Casey laughed.  “Do you expect me to believe you don’t already have that planned?”

“You know me too well! It’s this Friday, 6:00, at The Hive Bar.  Everyone who needs to know will be notified.  Heck,” Jaime winked.  “Maybe I’ll try to get the Vice President to stop by.”

“Jay, we could do without secret service at our happy hour. Let’s let that idea go.”

“Good point! But… one more question….”

“Yes, let William know. He’d kill us otherwise….”

“Oh, he already knows! But… should I ask the lovely Dr. Tyler to attend?”

“Randy?”

“Oh, we’re on a first name basis, are we? Yes, Randy.  He is crazy about you, Casey.  I know he’d jump at the chance.”

“Jaime….”

“What? My matchmaker skills are unmatched! And you two? Gorgeous? Check.  Brilliant? Check.  And while you’re working into the wee hours fighting for healthcare for all, he’s volunteering at our Pediatric clinic.  Casey! What more do you want?”

“What I want is to not hamper your perfect matchmaking record.  Jaime, Randy is a catch, but I’m not in a place to be caught right now.”

“How do you know that if you don’t jump in the water? And I don’t know how long I can keep this one single.”

“Well, I’ll tell you what, if I feel ready, you’re the first person I’ll call, and if he’s still free… fine.  If he’s not…”

Casey’s phone rang as she shrugged, “Oh, Jaime, I’m sorry, but I have to take this call.”

“Saved by the bell,” she teased as she left the room.  “This conversation isn’t over.”

“Oh, I think it is.”

“Ethan!” Casey beamed.

“How are you, MacTavish?”

“Hanging in there, how about you?”

“Good.  But you’re doing better than hanging in there.  I just watched your interview on Good Morning America.”

“Oh, that….” she waved dismissively, “it's all just part of the job.”  

“Did I teach you nothing? Stop diminishing what you’re doing!  You were spectacular! I don’t know how you do it.  A top attending, your research is garnering global attention, and you’re pushing the envelope to change our disgraceful healthcare system… and people are listening! So I just have one question.”

“What’s that?” she asked with a roll of her eyes.

“Where do you get your cape dry cleaned?”

“I don’t have a cape,” she laughed, “but I have ample time, so I can accomplish a lot!”

“Speaking of that… are you doing things… other than working, that is?”

Casey grimaced.  He’d know if she were lying, even over the phone.  So she took a cautious approach. 

“To a degree….”

“Casey…”

“I’m going to happy hour on Friday….” she chirped.

“It’s a start.  But you can’t make work everything.  I did it for too many years and missed out on so much … life. You’re the one who helped me see that, so now it’s my obligation to make sure you don’t do the same.”   

“Oh, so I’m an obligation?” She teased.

“You know what I mean!”

“I will make more time for fun, Ethan.  I promise.  Things are hectic right now, but I will.”

“Good!”

“Speaking of which, are you still planning on coming down for a visit next month?”

“I am counting the days,” he assured.  “But, I was going to ask….”

“Yes?” Casey sang, anticipating what he was going to say.

“Would it be OK if I brought Sonia along this time?”

“Of course, it’s OK!  I really like her.  Honestly, I think I might like her better than you.”

“Good,” he laughed, “Because I like her better than me too.”

“It’s kind of the popular consensus.  So, you two… are things getting serious?”

“We seem to be.  Neither of us wants to rush things, but I enjoy her company, and she’s foolish enough to enjoy mine and… I think we’re good for each other.”

“Good!” Casey smiled, leaning back in her chair.  “I’m really happy for you both.  She’s an amazing woman.”

“I’ll admit, she is,” he smiled.  “So… what about you?”

“What about me?”

“Are you seeing anyone?”

“Me? Oh… no.  No.  I’m not.  It’s just… I mean… I’m not ready yet, Ethan.  It wouldn’t be fair to me or to anyone I date.”

“I guess you’ll know when the time is right,” he replied. 

An uncomfortable silence took over the call, then he decided to say what they both knew he was thinking.  

“Have you spoken to Tobias?”

“Uhm, here and there… not often, if I’m being honest.  It’s… it’s hard for him, you know.  He keeps telling me it will get easier in time, that we’ll be able to at least talk again, but…” she swallowed, “I’m not sure I believe that anymore.”

“Ah, Casey.  I know it’s hard on him, but what about you?”

“It’s hard on me too. I miss him, but I’m the one who let go.  I chose to leave, and when I did, I promised I’d give him time.  I’d let him make the first move… no matter what direction we were heading in.  He needed the space, but… I don’t know the answers anymore.  All I know is that if he’s not willing to speak to me, I’m not sure we’ll ever find them.”

“Would you like me to speak with him?”

“NO! Ethan, please, keep this between us.”

“If that’s your wish, you have my word.”

“How is he?” She asked nervously.  “Do you see him?”

“Casey, we work together.”

“No kidding!” she mocked.  “I mean outside work… do you spend time with him?”

“I do, often.  We've really patched things up.  It’s amazing what a good therapist can do.”

Casey wrapped herself in an embrace, it wasn’t the affection she yearned for, but it would have to do.

“You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear that.  There was always so much love between the two of you, it would be a shame for it to go to waste.”

“There was a lot of love between all of us.”

“Yeah…,” her voice cracked, “there was.”

Her mind drifted to another time, not long ago, but with so much changed, it may as well have been another lifetime.

“Casey, you know that….”

Casey wiped a tear from her cheek; she needed to get off the phone and a knock at her door saved her for the second time that day.

“Hey, I have to go, Ethan, but… next month? Call me this weekend and we’ll solidify plans?”

“Absolutely.  I’m looking forward to it.”

“So I am I.”

“And Casey….”

“Yes?”

“I love you, and I’m always here for you.”

“I know, and I love you too, Ethan.”

~~~~~

Ethan placed his phone down and smiled wistfully. Lost in his thoughts, he didn’t hear the sound of feet shuffling up from behind.

"Was that her?" Tobias muttered in a voice so low it was barely a whisper.

"Yes, it was.”

“How is she?”

“Well, you’d know that for yourself if you called her. Have you?" Ethen questioned.

"No, I haven’t.”

"Why not?"

Tobias shot Ethan a disgruntled look. "We've had this discussion before, and I'd prefer if we didn’t have it again."

"Oh, you prefer?  And since when have I cared about your preferences?  And don't give me that look! I'll keep it up until you come to your senses. I can be a bigger ass than you, you know."

“Oh,” Tobias snickered.  “Of that, I am sure!”

“Sonia and I are going to spend a weekend with Casey next month… come with us, Tobias.  I think it would be good… for both of you.”

Tobias squirmed uncomfortably in his seat without answering.

 “I understand your aversion to DC,” Ethan continued, “but I guarantee it will not bite you.”

“I’m not afraid of being bitten, Ramsey. It’s just….”

“What?”

“It’s not about DC anymore… it’s about… Casey.  I let her down her in many ways.  I promised her I’d always be there for her, then let her go….”

“Tobias, you didn’t let her go.  You told her to make a choice.”

“And she did, didn't she?” He half-smiled.  “Her choice was to leave.  To leave Boston and to leave me. Forgive me if I don’t want to open the door to feeling that pain again.”

“So, the pain has gone away?”

Tobias shook his head with a snickered.  “Not even a little.”

“Then what do you have to lose?”

“Ethan… she’s happy; she’s doing great things.  I’d know that even if my mother didn’t call me 10 times a week to remind me.”

Tossing his folders on Ethan’s desk, Tobias stood up and moved to the window.  He lived in Boston for more than a decade before he met Casey.  He knew the landscape like the palm of his hand; it was home.  But as he stared out over the familiar terrain, nothing was the same.  Since she left, home was no longer a place, and he didn’t know if he’d ever find it again. 

“She’s doing great, and I’m happy for her. Can that be enough for now?”

“No,” Ethan insisted.  “It can’t.”

“She’s 400 miles away, Ethan.” He huffed. “ What Am I supposed to do? Huh? Have a long-distance relationship? With our schedules? How long do you think that would last?”

“So you don’t even try?”

“For what? It wouldn’t work!”  

“Then find another way! There are jobs in DC, you know.  Moving there is an option.  Your past doesn’t have to dictate your future.  So why do you keep pushing her away?”

“Because I can’t risk losing her again!!” He yelled.  “OK?  I can’t.  You know me, you’ve known me…. falling in love, talking about the possibility of forever… whose life was that? It certainly wasn’t mine!  It just wasn’t meant to be.”

“Then why are you so upset?”

“Because she made me want it,” Tobias grieved.  “And she didn’t even try.  She didn't even ask. It just happened, and I wanted it more than anything I had ever wanted before.  I thought I’d live my life alone.  I had my work, my dream home, freedom!  I had a line of women waiting for me. I felt like a king back then!”

“And now?” Ethan asked.

“Now…. all I feel is alone,” he sighed.  “I try not to think of her.  I stay busy and try to put her in the past.”

“And how’s that working for you?”

“It’s not.  She haunts everything, but as much as it hurts, I don’t really want it to stop.  Because when it does, it will mean she’s really gone, and I can’t even bear the thought of it.”

“Would you listen to yourself?” Ethan groused.  “You’re acting like all is lost, and it’s not! Come with us next month, please….”

“Ethan, I can’t.”

Ethan threw his hands in the air.  “Suit yourself.  I sure as hell can’t force you.  But I hope you won’t live to regret this.”

“Don’t worry, buddy,” Tobias smiled.  “Living with regret is my thing.  But I land on my feet.  I make do.”

“Hmmm,” Ethan grumbled.  “Make do. I suppose that’s something, but I’d rather see you live.”

~~~~~

One month later…

Ethan slammed the trunk of his car, tapping it twice when it was closed, while Casey and Sonia said their farewells at the curb. Ethan smiled over at them; so much was right.  The weekend was lovely and filled with laughter.  Casey and Sonia were becoming so close that he joked that he couldn’t handle his girlfriend leaving him for his ex.  Sonia cautioned him to behave and keep that in mind because he had steep competition.  After all, anyone would want to scoop Casey up. Well, almost anyone.

But the allusion of perfection hid some darker truths, and while others may have been fooled, Ethan could see the fissures a mile away.  Whenever he asked if they could meet some of her DC friends, Casey became a deer in the headlights, weaving explanations as to why that couldn’t happen.  It was clear she hadn’t made DC a true home.  Casey was brilliant, but she couldn’t fool an expert. Ethan knew all about letting work become all-consuming and about refusing to let go of the past.  He saw the signs of it beginning to rob her soul,  and he was determined to stop it.

Just three days before, he watched as she anxiously rushed down her brownstone, eager to greet them.  But one glance, and he knew she was expecting to see one more. Casey did her best to conceal her disappointment when her eyes landed on the empty back seat, and Ethan allowed her to take the lead.  She did her best to ignore it, so he did the same. 

But as they were about to return to Boston, guilt clenched him in its grip.  Casey changed his life, and they swore they’d remain the best of friends until the end… and a friend doesn’t ignore their friend when he sees them heading i to the dark.  He called Sonia aside and asked her to give them a moment. Happy to oblige, she hugged Casey and headed to the car.

“Oh, no,” Casey grumbled. “You were almost in the car, this is not the time for you to get all deep on me.”

“Fine, then I’ll just get honest… because I care about you.”

Casey crossed her arms indignantly in front of her chest.  “Is there any way I can avoid this?”

“No.”

“Fine, then can you at least make it quick?”

“We’ll make it as long as it needs to be.  I’m worried about you.”

“Why? You know I’m Super Woman,” she smirked. “You even asked about my cape.”

“Yes, your career is brighter than we could have imagined, and we imagined big.  But that’s not your whole life, Casey.  Be honest with me.  Have you made any friends here?”

“Ethan,” she huffed, “I’m friendly with my assistant and my staff, we go out and have drinks occasionally, but it isn’t exactly like I have a ton of time.”

“Bullshit.”

“Excuse me?”

“You can’t possibly have less time than you did as an intern. Yet, within 30-days, you wove a half-dozen ragtag strangers into the tightest knit family I’ve ever seen.”

“Yeah, well, magic doesn’t always repeat.”

“The only magic was you, and if you want to repeat it, you will.  Casey, I don’t want to overstep, but you came here to start fresh, and you’ve done that professionally, but on a personal level… have you moved forward at all?”

She turned away and focsing on a passing bus, following it as it drove down to the end of the street.  Anything to avoid looking directly at him.     

“Case, the longer you hold on, the harder it will be to ever move forward.”

A single, heavy tear rolled down her cheek, and her lip quivered when she spoke.

“But Ethan, what if I don’t want to let go,” she whispered.

“Then why did you? Why did you tell Tobias that you wanted to come alone?”

“Because I had to learn to put myself first! I needed to know I could stand on my own two feet and learn who I was without being attached to someone else.”

“Well, it’s seven months later.  Have you made any progress?”

“Yes!” she exclaimed, “I have. I’ve learned I can make it on my own.  I can thrive on my own, but… but I don’t want to.”

“Good! So you know what you want! Now, what are you going to do about it?”

Casey’s eyes narrowed as they met his. 

“Have you told him that you still want him?” Ethan asked. 

“I… No.  I promised him I’d give him space. He wanted to be the first to bridge any gap between us.  But it’s been seven months, and I can count how many times he’s called on one hand.  I was the one who ended things.  I hurt him, so I can’t go back on my word.  If he wanted to call, he would… and he isn’t.”

“Casey, you need to stop using that as an excuse.  You have….”

“Did you ask him to come with you this weekend?” She interrupted.

“Yes.”

“Did you ask just once?  Or more?”

Ethan lowered his eyes.  “More.”

“Mmm-hmm.  And he turned you down each time, right?  Vivian and I have dinner once a month, and it doesn’t take a diagnostic expert to know she has been on him about it, too… but he doesn’t want to, and I can’t change that.”

“Casey,” he said, tenderly taking her hand.  “What if he’s just as stubborn as you are? I love you both, and it hurts to see you with your lives on pause.  Don’t let a stupid “rule” created in the middle of heartbreak control things.”

“I knew the risks when I walked away.  I did.  Now, the ball is in his court… and he’s made it clear that he doesn’t want to play. I have to accept that.”

“Well, if you really believe that… then you already have your answer… and it may be time to move on.”

“You know what,” she said, wiping another tear away defiantly.  “Maybe you’re right.  I didn’t move four-hundred miles away to run in place.”

“That’s my girl! And I’m here for you, whatever you decide.”

 “Thank you, Ethan,” she smiled.  “Maybe I needed this push.”

“I’ll always push you,” he grinned.

“You have from day one.  You look happy, Ethan.”

“I am happy.”

“I’m glad.”

“But I’m happy today, largely because of you.  So you have got to be out of your mind if you think I’m going to sit around and watch you be anything less.”

“Thank you,” she demurred.  “I’m glad you’re my friend.”

“We’re not friends,” he said with a hug, “we’re family.”

“We are, and as family, I’m telling you it’s getting late.  You have to go.”

“You’re just trying to shut me up,” he smirked.

“Always,” she laughed. “Can we do this again soon?”

“Maybe?  Or maybe you can come up to Boston for a weekend?”

“Yeah,” she smiled sadly.  “I’ll be happy to host again.”

Casey was used to her apartment being quiet, something she insisted she enjoyed.  But after a weekend where its walls were filled with laughter and chatter, she realized just how lonely she had become.  Ethan was right. It was time to make some changes. She picked up her phone and dialed.

“Hello?”

“Jaime… it’s Casey.”

“On a Sunday night? Is everything OK?”

“Yes, yes.  Everything is fine… I was just….Why don’t you pass my number on to Randy….”

“Really?” Jaime said, the excitement evident in her voice.

“Yeah,” Casey sighed with a heavy heart.  “I think it’s time.”

~~~~~     

Two weeks later…

“So,” Jaime grinned as Casey exited her office, “a little bird tells me that you and Randy have another date tomorrow.”

Casey shook her head. “I’ve never been able to figure out how so many little birds get into hospitals! They flourish in the environment! It’s astounding.”

“Is that a confirmation?” Jaime laughed.

“Yes, it is,” Casey replied with a roll of her eyes. 

“Your third, then? In two weeks?”

“Take it easy, Jay.  Randy knows I want to take things slowly.  We’re going for a morning jog; we’re not introducing ourselves to DC society.”

“Eh, it’s a matter of time,” Jaime winked. 

“Goodbye, dear!” Casey teased as she walked passed her desk. 

“Hey! You’re not coming to happy hour tonight?”

“It’s been a long week, and if I’m expected up at the crack of dawn to go jogging….”

“You know, I’m a little disappointed in him,” Jaime said with a shake of her head.  “What the hell kind of ‘date’ is that.”

“It’s a perfectly fine date,” Casey insisted.  “You know I love jogging on the Mall. It’s my happy place.”

“Ooooh…. So you’re sharing your happy places! Now this date takes on a whole new meaning!”

“Good night,” Casey laughed as her assistant hollered after her.

“You can’t avoid me! I’ll be here Monday morning.”

It had been a long week, but the truth was trying to move on was exhausting.  Casey was proud of herself.  She spent more time with her co-workers, signed up for a local Zumba class, had lunch with a neighbor or two, and of course, her dates with Randy.  She was trying.  But making another attempt in the morning would require quality time alone on the couch and an early turn-in tonight. 

And her couch never disappointed! Freshly showered, with a slice of pizza and a glass of wine at her side, she was so content she could squeal. She pulled out her phone to do something she hadn’t been able to in ages… mindlessly scroll through social media. And what a night to do it.  There was a big happy hour back in Boston.  Her feed was filled with the smiling faces of her dearest friends and former co-workers getting far too tipsy at Donahue’s.  But seeing their smiles light up her phone made her heart sing as much as it made it ache.  She loved DC, but it hadn’t become home yet, and tonight made that abundantly clear.

As she looked at the photos, one person was glaringly absent. She told herself she wasn’t looking for him, but the lies we tell ourselves are the loudest lies of all, and she found herself pulling up his profile.  Her hand slightly trembling when he stared back at her.  He hadn’t been active in nearly a week, very unusual for him.   His last post was a picture of him standing on the banks of the Charles River at sunset last Saturday.  His arms at his side, those mesmerizing eyes, and a tentative smile on his lips.  All she could think about was how much she wanted to kiss those lips – but she pushed that away.

“Moving on, Casey,” she said out loud. “Moving on, remember?” 

She couldn’t peel her eyes away.  “Possibilities.”  That was the caption.  230 likes.  The comments – Bryce attempting to be philosophical, Ethan mocking Tobias, everyone mocking Ethan.  She laughed despite herself; some things never changed.  But there was a comment from someone she didn’t know: “EMBRACE LIFE, T!” Giselle Consuellos.  She didn’t know her, and, of course, her profile was private. A gorgeous, young brunette residing in Boston, Tobias was the only mutual they shared.  Casey felt her heart begin to race as her mind drifted to the places she dared not to go.

“Great,” she muttered.    

Someone had to take that photo of him, she thought.  Her mouth went dry and her eyes unwillingly filled with tears.  She turned off her phone and tossed it onto the couch.

“So what!” She she spoke to herself as she paced her apartment.  “So what if he is dating someone?  Good for him.  You have a date tomorrow. Why shouldn’t he?”

Curiosity proved too strong of a hold, so she grabbed her phone and looked at the woman again.  She had a kind smile…. perhaps she was nice. He deserved someone nice, she thought as she emptied her wine glass in one gulp. She wanted Tobias to be happy… didn’t she? Her eyes softened as she returned to his post, gently tracing his features with a manicured finger.   

“Oh, Tobias…” she whimpered.  “I do want you to be happy.”

She shut her eyes to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. Finally closing the app, she headed into bed. 

This isn’t how you move on! She scolded herself as she slipped under her covers.  And no matter how hard she tried to push it from her mind, once seen, it was could notbe forgotten.  She could ruminate about who Giselle was or what Tobias was doing tonight.  But she needed to sleep. She had a date in the morning.  And eventually, sleep came.  And maybe her assessment was wrong. Perhaps this was exactly how you move on.  Doing your best to embrace a new life, even as her pillow was soaked with tears over the one she left behind.   

~~~~~ 

Morning came sooner than she would have liked, and her alarm failed to go off. 

“SHIT!” she cursed, realizing how little time she had to get ready. But in the end, it was a blessing. Having to rush meant there was no time to think about last night’s discovery. 

Randy’s reply arrived as she threw a blue sweatshirt over her head.  He told her to take her time and meet at the Corner Bakery by Capitol Hill.  He even thanked her for the opportunity to sneak breakfast into their date.  His smile when she arrived confirmed that he hadn’t minded at all.

“If being late ensured that we could have breakfast together, too, well, then that’s just fine with me.” he smiled.  “Plus, I have a confession.  I overslept, too, so I didn’t get to eat, and there is no way I’m jogging the Mall without some sustenance.”

“Well, jogging on an empty stomach is not advisable,” Casey smiled, “and what kind of physicians would we be if we didn’t follow the advice we give to our patients.”

The conversation flowed, and Casey watched as he chatted animatedly. He ran a hand through his sandy blonde hair, and his emerald green eyes sparkled as bright as his smile.  He was truly a vision.  Kind-hearted, successful, funny… any woman would consider herself blessed to be here with him…. But Casey didn’t feel blessed; she felt like she was using him, and a wave of guilt washed over her.

“…so it’s great that we have jogging in common, but I usually avoid the Mall. I know some great places to run that are off the beaten track, some right by the Hospital. I’d be happy to show you sometime.”

“Oh,” Casey smiled politely. “I’m sure there are, but the Mall is where I go when I need a little peace, so I’m going to stick with it.”

“That's fine,” he smiled.  “Of course, if you ever want to branch out, let me know.  You’d be amazed at the possibilities.”

Possibilities.

It took just one word to take her 400 miles away; all she could see was Tobias.  She could hear his voice, his laugh, she could feel his touch. She wondered where he was right now.  Had he really moved on to someone new? Someone would have told her, right? He would have told her? Her head was spinning when she heard someone calling her name. She swore it was Tobias’s voice, then she looked up…

“Casey… are you all right?” Randy asked.  “You were suddenly a thousand miles away.”

“No… just 400, to be fair.”

“What?”

“Randy, I’m really sorry.  But I probably shouldn’t be here.”

“Did I say something wrong?”

“No! You are wonderful! You really are, and if this were another time… or place… but it’s not… it’s now… and the truth is,” she let out a deep sigh, “I’m still in love with someone I left back in Boston.  I really thought I was on my way to being over him, but I’m starting to see that I’m not… not by a long shot, and until I am….”

“Hey,” he smiled tenderly, “It’s OK.  It’s only our third date, and I appreciate your honesty.”

“Sure,” Casey muttered.  “Be all nice about this and make me feel even worse.”

“There’s no reason to feel bad.  But would you answer a question for me?”

“Sure.”

“This man, does he know that you still love him?”

“No, he doesn’t.”

“Then here’s some unsolicited advice.  You used the word love, and that’s no little thing.  If you really love him, let him know.  If he has half of a brain, he’ll be overjoyed to get another chance with you, and if he’s not, well, he’s a fool.  But either way, you’ll know, and then you can be free.  You deserve that.”

Casey lowered her eyes and smiled. “You know what? You’re right.”

“Sometimes I am,” he smiled.  “Here,” he said, throwing a few bills on the table, “this should cover breakfast.”

“Oh, Randy, no! The least I can do is pick up the bill, I….”

“Nonsense,” he said as he stood up.  “You have a friend in DC now.  And if this guy is a knucklehead and doesn’t want you… well, let me know when you’re ready.”

“Ah! You’d be off the market by then,” she grinned, “but I love having a new friend in DC.”

“I love having a new friend too.  Take care, Casey.”

“Take care, Randy… and thank you.”

~~~~~ 

Casey knew what she had to do, but that didn’t mean she was ready to do it.  She decided to take a jog alone to clear her head.  But it didn’t have the desired effect, her mind too consumed with emotion. The questions kept coming, and answers were elusive.

Could she handle the pain of learning that he had moved on?  If he had, did she have any right to potentially upset him by calling? She also reflected on Naveen’s advice, “Let someone fight for you.” Calling him would be the opposite, of that…wouldn’t it?

Standing at the edge of the Reflecting Pool, she attracted the stares of several tourists when she let out a cry of frustration.      

“Sorry,” she waved as she slowed down to a walk.  “Sorry!”

This was ridiculous, she thought. By this point, she was only delaying what inevitably had to be done. But the thought of calling him and having him answer as someone else laid by his side was too great.  So, she decided to send a text.

“Tobias…” she typed, “can I call you? Sometime soon? I need to talk.”

She clenched her jaw and felt her stomach churn as she hit send, though her heart rejoiced when he replied almost instantly. 

“You don’t need to ask, Casey.  I’ll answer anytime you call.”

So she did.  Immediately, before she lost her nerve.

“I didn’t think you would be that quick,” he chuckled upon answering.

Dizzy, she was dizzy. Her breath hitching at the sound of his voice. It had been months since she heard it anyplace other than in her dreams, and she almost forgot why she called.

“One could argue that it’s taken too long,” she replied.

Casey could hear him on the other end, but it was now he who was rendered silent. Her voice was home, and hearing it again reminded him of just how lost he had been.  

“I don’t disagree.  It has been too long.  So, why did you call now?  Do you know that I am in….”

“Why?” She interrupted, her voice trembling with anticipation and fear.  “Why? Because I miss you, Tobias.  I miss you so much, and I don’t want to hide that anymore.  Because I dream of coming to Boston to surprise you, but the more time slips away, the more I worry you wouldn’t want to see me.  Because I ordered the same blanket, you used to keep on the couch. I thought if I snuggled under it when I was home alone, it would make me feel closer to you, but it only made me miss you more.  Because it’s been so long now, but I still see your face next to me when I wake up each morning, and I still long to feel your arms around me at night.   Because I miss my best friend, and no matter how full my life is here, nothing fills that void.  Because… because I love you.  I love you so much, and I couldn’t stop if I tried.  Now, you can tell me I’m a fool. Maybe you don’t feel the same way. Maybe we lost our chance, and it would hurt like hell to hear, but it would hurt less than living in this limbo I’m in.  It will hurt less than laying in bed at night wondering if you still think of me too.  So, God, I want the happy ending, but I now know that any ending is better than none at all.  So… you see… I love you, I love you with all my heart, and I need to know… do you still love me too?”

She could hear him breathing as her phone felt like a thousand pound weight in her hand… getting heavier each second he didn’t speak. She had been franticly walking throughout the call, but her steps now came to a halt. Her knees felt like they were buckling beneath her.  This was a mistake.  She waited too long.  Possibilities.  What possibilities? He had moved on. Unable to endure the silence another moment, she spoke out.

“I’m sorry, Tobias,” she choked through her tears. “I shouldn’t have bothered you. I promised I’d leave you alone. I’m sorry… I won’t call you again, I….”

“Casey, wait!” He blurted.  “It’s just… it’s just… this isn’t how I wanted to do this….”

“Well, there’s no good way to break a heart, right?” She chokes, tears running down her face.  “So it really doesn’t matter how you do it.”

“No, Casey, listen to me.”

“What?”

“For God’s sake, Casey, would you just turn around.”

“What?”

“Turn around!”

The world seemed to move in slow motion as Casey turned around, a look of utter confusion on her face.  What could he want her to see? The Mall was crowded… joggers zipped by, children playing, nothing out of the ordinary, what could….

“Oh, my God,” she gasped as her free hand covered her mouth. 

There he stood, not even a half block away.  She wanted nothing more than to be near him, but the utter shock kept her feet locked firmly in place.  So she continued to speak into her phone.     

“What… how… Tobias,” she breathed. “Is that… what are you doing here?”

“It’s kind of a long story,” he laughed nervously.  “You see, I stopped dreaming about coming to DC to surprise you, I decided to finally do it.  And when I said I didn’t want to do it this way, I wasn’t talking about breaking your heart… I was talking about telling you how much I miss you and that I’ve only been a shell of myself since you left.  How I’ve been a stranger in my home because no place will ever b home without you in it. How I kept lying to myself, saying the pain ease in time, but it only got worse with each passing day, and I realized I need you as much as I need the air I breathe.  But mostly, I didn’t want to tell you that I love you with everything I am and that I don’t want to live another day without you on the phone,” he swallowed, “so I came here to tell you in person. I love you, Casey.  I want you back, and I promise, if you give me another chance, I’ll never let you go.   So what about it? Do you want me too?”

Casey’s arm fell slowly, and she dropped her phone into her pocket.  The look of bewilderment on her face slowly melted into a delighted grin, and before she knew it, she was she was running. Running as fast as she could, to the man that she loved., and a future she was sure had ceased to exist. Tobias was only able to take took a few steps when Casey lunged into his waiting arms. Smiles were on their lips when they finally crashed together again. A joyful noise escaping him as he lifted her off her feet. Later Casey would wonder how she managed to laugh, cry as and kiss him, all at the same time. They cling to each other as if they’d never let go. They were finally home.

A few college students who had watched the whole thing applauded as Tobias lowered her to her feet, but lost in their own world, they didn’t notice.

“You’re real,” Casey cried, running her hand dow his face.  “You’re real, and you’re here.”

“I am here, baby,” he sighed, “and this is where I’m going to stay.  By you… where I belong.”

“I’m not dreaming, right?” She asked.  “Do you need to pinch me or something because I think I might be dreaming.”

“As much as I’m eager to pinch you, darlin’, I’ll save that for later.  You… we… are very much awake.”

“How did you know where to find me?”

“I didn’t,” he shrugged.  “I was planning to call you tonight. I got to town this morning, and I came right here.  I always do after I land. It’s where I walk around, to clear my head…to center. I had no idea you’d be here.”

“This is where I come to do that, too,” she laughed.

“You see, we’re meant to be,” he grinned. “I suppose I should fill you in on the rest,” he said, motioning toward a nearby bench.  He offered his hand, which she eagerly grasped and followed.

“Please,” she implored. “Because I feel like I’m high, even though I’ve never been high, so I don’t know what it feels like… but I’m pretty sure it feels like this.” 

“Well, hopefully, this will keep you on that high, sweetheart, but only in a good way.  I’m moving to DC.”

“You’re… you’re what?” she gulped with wide eyes.

“I didn’t want to tell you until it was done deal.  I got a job down here, at the practice my dad was with before he passed. They’re doing some real cutting-edge stuff, and I’d love to be a part of it… and I think he’d like that.  I know he’s gone, but somehow I feel like it will bring me closer to him.”

“Tobias, that’s wonderful!”

“It is. And as of 10:00 PM last night, it was for sure.  So, I hopped on the first flight I could. I didn’t even bring luggage,” he smiled.

“But… you didn’t want to live in DC….”

“Casey, with you gone, I started to see that I needed resolution in many parts of my life.  You know my history. I left here and didn’t look back, but you know what, I have good memories here too.  And my family, yeah, there are some I will always do without, but there are also good people who love me, but I’ve pushed them away for over a decade.  It’s time I fix that.  I know I’ll regret it one day if I don’t.”

“So, you came back to work things out with your family… I’m so happy for you!”

“Oh, that’s only part of the reason,” he smiled and brushed the hair out of her face.  “The main reason is my life is here… because you’re here.  I should have known that from the start, but now it’s as clear as day now.  Do you forgive me for not realizing it sooner?”

“T… there is nothing to forgive… do you forgive me for leaving?” she cried.

“Shhh,” Tobias consoled as he wiped away her tears.  “You needed to find yourself, baby, and you have.  I needed to find myself too, and what we learned is….”

“….we belong together,” they said in unison.

“So, does this mean you’re giving me another chance?” he smirked.

“Oh, you damn well better believe it!”

Casey jumped into his lap, and they kissed over and over, causing the college students to cheer once more. 

“Hey, get a room!” one yelled.

Laughing, they broke apart.

“Take it easy over there, Pal,” Tobias yelled.  “It’s on the agenda, trust me!”

“Wait,” he turned anxiously toward Casey, “it is on the agenda, right? I didn’t mean to presume….”

“Oh, it is most certainly on the agenda! But we don’t have to get a room. I have a place, you know.”

“That’s right! You’re a step ahead of me.  I will be renting my condo in Boston out for now, but I’ll need to find a place in DC.  Will you help me shop?”

“No.”

“No?”

“Absolutely not. You have a place here, Tobias, and it’s with me.”

His face softened, and she saw tears fill his eyes.  A puff of air escaped him as he tilted his head toward her.  “Are you sure? I don’t want to pressure you if you need some time? I can even stay with Ma temporarily if….”

“Shhhhh,” she gently covered his lips with her finger. “You’re my home, I’m yours… we deserve to be home, Tobias.”

“Yeah,” he smiled, “we do.”

“Well, why don’t I take you there then.  You should know where you live.”

“I guess I should,” he smiled.

“Let’s go,” she said, jumping up and taking his hand. “It’s in Foggy Bottom. It isn’t very far. We can walk.”

“Lead the way.”

“It’s not too big and nowhere near as fancy as your place was.”

“I couldn’t care less. Besides, we can buy a place together when your lease is up. If you want….”

Casey stopped and looked up at him, placing her hand against his chest.

“Oh, we can?”

“Hey, I said I’m never letting you go.  This is for the long haul, baby. I’m sorry, but you’re stuck with me.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” she beamed. “Tobias?”

“Yes?”

“Did you ever think you could be this happy?”

“No, I didn’t.  But that’s on me. I should have known all along, with the two of us? It was inevitable.”

Thank you to all who have followed this series. Your support has meant the world to me!

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@choicesjuly2022challenge - Day 1 - National Park

[thickenmyblood]

i just spent 3 days straight reading WTSIOA and i have 0 regrets. it was so poignant and well written. genuinely on of the best works i've ever read, in any fandom. thanks so much for sharing it with us. i'm a bit dense so i just want to clarify a couple of things about the fic: why was laurent wearing tight clothes? i saw you mention it in a couple of comments and replies but i didn't understand the significance. also, why did damen say auguste would never scar again? (ctd)

Hello! I’m very happy you enjoyed that fic, and I’m even happier you decided to reach out to let me know how you felt. Thank you for the compliments and the kind words! 

Your questions were very interesting, so don’t feel dense for asking them. You apologized for the length of your asks, so now it’s time for me to apologize for the length of my reply. I get carried away sometimes.

So, here’s what I think.

Laurent has a complicated relationship with self-destruction. It was hard to write it explicitly, mainly because I couldn't use terms like 'trauma' or 'self-harm' or even 'depression'. As you can imagine, writing Canon Setting fics is very hard sometimes. There's so much of modern psychology that just couldn't be included for the sake of historical accuracy. Even the Patran physician sometimes felt like a stretch, and so I found myself avoiding scenes where I would have to show exactly what happened in those 'therapy sessions'. I'm very ignorant when it comes to phycology, and although I did some research when I was writing the fic, most of what I found was related to dreams. So that's what I stuck to.

As a child, Laurent has little control over his life. Abuse is, in essence, the loss of control over one's body and decisions. This manifests in Laurent wanting control in whatever shape or form he can get it, similarly to what happens in canon. When the abuse stops, Laurent doesn't magically gain all the control back because A) his uncle has managed to emotionally manipulate him to the point of making him believe that what they had was love, thus still controlling him from a distance and B) Auguste makes it his life's mission to ensure nothing like that ever happens to Laurent again by basically having him watched 24/7 and constantly reminding him that he's too young, that he's not to engage in certain acts, etc.

He's a very controlling child. He doesn't like Aimeric not only because Aimeric has been mean to him and tried to humiliate him multiple times, but because he can't quite control Aimeric the way he'd like to. Child-Aimeric is very fierce and doesn't care about propriety, something that is foreign to Laurent as a prince. Laurent also likes the fact that Jord and Lazar are, up to a certain point, obliged to obey him. He likes to refuse food. He likes control so much he lies to himself about his situation when he foolishly believes he's managed to manipulate Auguste into sending him away to Akielos. Auguste sends him to Akielos because he's been advised to, presumably by the Patran physician and Damianos. It has little to do with Laurent.

As an adult, Laurent still craves control. Here's where the tight clothes come into play. Self-inflicted pain has a lot to do with control issues and over discipline. As readers, we've missed a large portion of Laurent's life, four years where he goes through puberty, and so we can only guess that his need for control has escalated to a more physical level. Puberty revolves around the changes in one's body, changes that Laurent despises because he knows/has been told his uncle doesn't like them either. And Laurent wants to be liked by his uncle.

He wears tight clothes and tight shoes because they hurt him, because he's uncomfortable in them. I think he's been uncomfortable his whole life, for one reason or another, and through these small practices, he's able to control that discomfort. He can regulate it perfectly. 

His self-harming tendencies go beyond the clothes he wears. He does things without caring much about how they will directly affect him. He has a lot of negative feelings towards himself, some he voices out loud, some he does not. For example, he's willing to give himself to Torveld in exchange for soldiers despite having no sexual attraction towards him (it could be argued that he's internalized that to serve his kingdom through marriage is his duty, but he says very clearly to Damianos that he does not want to be married. To let Torverld fuck him would be a self-rape kind of situation). In the epilogue, he calls his past self a whore. As I said, negative self-talk.

He dresses very stiffly in the books as well, hiding a lot of skin. I always thought the laces, despite being just part of his culture, were very functional to his self-imposed "modesty". They're great tools to show restraint.

Moving on to the next question, Damen says Auguste would never scar again because he believes Auguste will be executed that day. Between the scene where Auguste is wounded and his supposed execution, there are only a few hours. It's not enough time for a scar to appear. 

Now we've reached the juicy bit of this ask. So, Laurent and Auguste.

I agree with your interpretation. Auguste's guilt is immense and unimaginable, and he never deals with it 'correctly'. He blames himself for the abuse, for being naive and too trusting. That guilt makes him feel ashamed.

Laurent can sense some of that shame in Auguste, but he interprets it to be shame towards him. Laurent thinks Auguste is repulsed by him, by what Laurent thinks he wanted, and that Auguste is essentially ashamed of him. That is not the case.

In reality, as I said above, Auguste is ashamed of himself. He was left in the role of Laurent's main caretaker (something that is only heightened by the fact that he is the King—the caretaker of the whole kingdom, in a way) and he failed his brother. He failed Laurent so terribly their lives are forever changed and shaped by that failure. 

Auguste's obsession with Laurent being a child has nothing to do with fetish. It's about how Auguste knew Laurent as a boy before the abuse took place, and how he remembers Laurent being back then. He calls him sweet, in contrast to adult-Laurent who is cunning, and mean, and very much like child-Aimeric. Auguste treats Laurent like a child because he wants that version of Laurent back. In fact, Auguste is convinced Laurent's 'true' personality is sweet, but that the abuse took that away from him. If their uncle had not existed, Laurent would have grown up to be very, very different, and that is something Auguste is continuingly mourning.

I think they're both very codependent and bad at communicating. They don't have the tools to address what happened to Laurent, and so the shame and the guilt fester in both of them, making their relationship very twisted at times. You mentioned Auguste's jealousy, but I wouldn't necessarily call him jealous. I'd say he's extremely overprotective, to the point where he ruins things for Laurent. He kept Laurent inside the palace for four years, not even letting him attend Damianos' coronation. (However, Laurent proves time and time again that he's not to be trusted too easily. He did try to run away and get back to their uncle at fourteen/fifteen). Auguste is overprotective because of the guilt he feels. He's overcompensating, basically.

He kills Benoit because of the disrespect he shows Laurent, but also because he can't stand Laurent's objectification/sexualization. Children are not sexual beings, and to him, Laurent is a child, no matter how old he is. 

He's mad at Torveld because he was overstepping. Courtship is important, and to skip the step of asking Auguste first whether or not he can pursue Laurent's affections is a big deal. Auguste views that behavior as predatory because it happens behind his back. This is why he's so angry at Damianos towards the end. Auguste has trusted him to keep Laurent safe, something he's only ever done with one other person (their uncle, duh, we all can see why he's projecting so hard and why he's so angry at Damianos in that tent. It feels like he's failed all over again, thus he feels renewed shame and guilt).

Lastly, Auguste's reluctance to take a pet has to do with control. Laurent is not the only controlling bastard in Vere, apparently.

Because of his uncle, Auguste has not had a moment of true peace in years. Half his country hates him and accuses him of the worst acts he can think of, and the other half follows him out of fear rather than true and free commitment. To have every action scrutinized… to be always in the wrong no matter what and have everyone dissect your choices…. He's just not willing to bend in some areas. I really think he'd rather snap.

Pets are one of those areas. Auguste tells Damianos he's had pets over the years, but he doesn't go into too much detail. When the lords keep suggesting he beds one (but not ANY of them, it has to be a man who looks nothing like Laurent) Auguste views this as other people trying to control him. He can't do any of the things he wants (hug his brother in public without being accused of being incestuous, rule his whole country, execute his uncle, etc) and so he thinks 'why must I give them this too?'

His reluctance to take a wife comes from the fact that the last woman he liked enough to court was one of his uncle's spies. He had her killed in a horrible way and her betrayal has stayed with him. It makes sense that he's a bit cautious of dating again.

Laurent is jealous of his brother's pets, but not because he wishes he was one of them. Laurent is jealous of them because they hold his brother's attention. He's jealous of anyone who takes or threatens to take Auguste away from him. It's because of this reason that he's so irrationally angry at Aimeric in the second half of the story. He hates the idea of Aimeric, who's always been his 'rival', getting to be in a position of controlling Auguste or holding his affection. 

Despite how much Laurent criticizes Auguste, he can't conceive a life without him. He doesn't want Auguste to die, and he also doesn't want to go away forever and never see his brother again. This is mentioned a couple of times, both when he's a kid and when he's an adult. "I don't like sharing" is one of the quotes that come to mind. Again, codependency.

Lastly, Laurent's dislike for pets has to do with his self-hatred and, controversially, with his slut-shaming. He's been on his knees for his uncle, not just sexually. Again and again, he keeps mentioning kneeling/sitting by his uncle's feet on the floor, being fed by him, etc. I think… Although there's a big part of Laurent that still fervently believes his uncle loves him, there's also a small, tiny part that knows or suspects his uncle's interest in him was purely sexual. Which means he was just a boy being used as a pet. Which in turn makes him dislike pets for reasons he can't quite explain. There's always disdain and disgust when he speaks of them, but it's pretty obvious it's not because he cares about the morality of sex work. That knowledge that his uncle used him is subconscious, but it manifests itself in his dislike for pets. 

How can pets enjoy being used sexually? The only way Laurent can justify what happened to him is through the lens of love. His uncle loved him, and that's why they had sex. Otherwise, to 'enjoy' being used without the romantic component lowers him to a pet status. It's degrading.

The ending is very open. Auguste and Laurent have both done pretty horrible things to each other, but they've done so out of love most of the time. Ultimately, the fic is about abuse aftermath and how different people deal with it. As mistaken as Auguste was, I think it's fair to say he loved Laurent very much. And Laurent loved him too. They both lived their lives with only each other in consideration, but Damianos' presence in their lives shifted that dynamic slightly. It wasn't just the two of them against the world (and each other lol) anymore.

I apologize for this deliriously long reply to your questions. It's been a while since I've had the chance to talk about this fic, and I would hate to think you were left wondering things. If anything I've said was unclear, feel free to message me again.

Also, please keep in mind these are my personal interpretations and headcanons. They don't have to be yours. These were my thoughts as I wrote the story, but they aren't more important than any reader's opinions. 

Thank you for giving me the chance to talk more about this fic, and for being awesome and reaching out!

[bteezxyewriter12]

High/ Ending 2

Pairing- Yoongi x Named Reader

Includes- drug use, alcohol use, overdose, depression, death

Part 1 Part 2 Ending 1 Epilogue

*For the people who like happier endings*

Yoongi POV

"Hi baby", I say when I see her

She comes and sits on the bed next to me

"Hi Yoongi."

"Jagi I'm sorry-"

"It's ok this time Yoongi. I know what today is and how hard it must be for you. But you can't do this anymore. You're going to kill yourself"

"I don't care Joanne. If it means I get to be with you, I don't care"

"I do baby. You're only 26, you can't die so young", she argues

"You did"

"I didn't do it on purpose. I love you Yoongi but I don't want you to die"

"I know but I just need to see you"

I reach out for her and she comes into my arms

We spend the whole time together, talking and laughing like we used to.

But deep down I know it's not her

I know I'm talking to myself, that I'm holding air

But I'm too high to keep a hold on that thought

After a few hours she starts to fade away

No

Not happening

"Hold on baby", I say, getting up

I stumble over to the rest of the powder, mixing all of it

I inject all of it, having to use two syringes

I'm aware that I might die but I couldn't care less

"Yoongi no what are you doing!", she cries

I look at her and she comes right back into focus, not fading away anymore

"I'm ok", I say although I don't feel so ok

My heart is racing

I go back to her and sit on the bed

"Yoongi...are you ok?", she asks

"I uh, I don't know. But you're here. That's all that matters"

"No that's not all that matters Yoongi!", she says sounding scared

I'm having a hard time breathing

I can't get enough air

And I'm getting so sleepy

"Baby I think I need to lay down"

"Yoongi! Yoongi!", she shrieks while I lay down

"Jo, I uh...I"

"Yoongi you took too much!"

I know I did

My heart is beating so fast, it feeling likes it's going to burst out of my chest

I think I'm dying

Joanne is leaning over me

She looks up, surprised, then back down at me

"She's here"

"What?", I get out

Who? What is she taking about?

"She's here. She came to get you. The real Joanne. Not me."

"The what?"

It's so hard to stay awake

"Your Joanne is here. Not me, not the one you made up. The real Joanne. She's really here", she says

I squint trying to keep my eyes open

Joanne looks down at me as she starts to fade away

No!

No!

I took more heroin so I can see her. So she can be the last thing I see before I die. And it's not working

"Yoongi"

I slowly turn my head to the side of the bed

Joanne is standing there, looking so sad

Wait what?

Isn't she hovering over me?

I look back and I see her still over me but she's fading away more

What is going on?

"Yoongi. That's not me baby. That's the one you made up. I'm over here", she calls

I look at her again

"Jjjj....Jo?"

She gives me a sad smile and nods

"It's really you? I'm not hallucinating"

"No baby. You're not. Not this time. I'm really here"

"How? Why didn't you come to me before?", I ask sitting up and moving closer to her

For some reason I'm feeling a lot better

"I couldn't Yoongi. You were alive and I wasn't. But I was here with you, by your side. You just couldn't see me. But I was here."

She didn't leave me. She was with me the whole time

"I hear you talking to me when you're not high. I heard you at the cemetery today. I was sitting next to you, wishing I could hold you again, make you feel better. I answered you but you couldn't hear me"

I can't help it, I start to cry

She heard me and tried to answer. She never left me alone

But if she was with me....

Then she saw all the things I did

"Jo..."

"It's ok Yoongi. I know what happened, what you've been doing. I was right next to when you were getting high and talking to the made up version of me"

No

I only did that because I couldn't be with her

"Jo, I'm sorry-"

"It's ok Yoongi. I understand. I don't agree with it but I understand. I don't know what I would have done if I lost you. So I understand baby."

"Joanne, I miss you so much. I'm sorry we fought on that day. I didn't mean anything I said. I'm sorry I didn't tell you I loved you before you left."

"I miss you too Yoongi. I know you didn't mean it and I know you love me. I heard you say this to your version of me. And her answer is the same as mine", she says reaching out and touching my face

And this time I feel her. I actually feel her hand on my skin, her warm soft hand. Just like when she was alive

Not the nothingness of the Joanne I was getting high to see

She really real

And when I put my hand over hers, I feel her solidness, her fingers, the bones in her hand. I didn't feel anything like this when I was high

"You remember what she said? Or rather what you said?"

I nod

I do remember

"It's the exact same thing I would of said to you baby. So don't worry about that"

She's the best. She always was. I'm so happy she's here. But...why is she here?

What's different now?

"Jagi, uh, why are you here now? You said you couldn't be here but you are now", I ask, confused

Not that I'm complaining

"Because baby, now we're the same", she answers

We're the same? What?

Then I realize what she means

Before she said she couldn't come because I was alive and she wasn't.

But now she's here which means...

"I'm dead?", I ask, looking around

Oh shit

I'm looking at myself laying on the bed

My....body?

It looks like me but it's not me. I'm here. It's not breathing, just laying there. I turn back to her

She nods slowly, "You took too much Yoongi. You...you overdosed. Your body stopped breathing and your heart stopped. You were already gone when you first looked at me and really saw me."

Huh

I don't feel anything about being dead. I actually feel happy

Because I can be with Joanne now

Right?

"Uh so you're here.....for me?", I ask

She smiles, "Yeah baby. I'm here to take you with me."

"We can be together?", I ask hopeful

"Yeah Yoongi. There's no reason for us to be apart anymore. I just thought you'd be a lot older when you'd see me again"

I know she's upset that I'm with her even though she loves me. I know she wanted me to live my life, a long life but I couldn't. She's my life. And my life ended when she died

"I'm sorry jagi. But I couldn't live without you. I couldn't", I say

"I know Yoongi. I felt the same way while I was here, watching you, wishing I could be with you. I didn't want to be here without you but I was willing to wait for you", she answers taking my hand

Fuck, I missed holding her hand. I missed the feeling of her small hand in my big one so much

"So how is it where we're going?", I ask

She shrugs, "It's just like here. Except uh brighter? And happy. Just happiness. No pain, no worry, no sadness. It's nice. But it'll be even better now that you're with me"

I'm actually so happy to hear that

"I love you Jo", I tell her

I'm going to tell her this forever now that I actually have forever to be with her

"I love you Yoongi. So much", she whispers

My heart explodes in happiness

I lean forward, my lips touching hers, in a kiss I've waited a year, waited for life and death for

Her lips are so soft against mine, so smooth. She wraps her arms around my neck while I pull her closer to me

I don't care about where we're going. Heaven, paradise, whatever, it doesn't matter

Heaven is wherever she is

"Ready baby?", she asks, smiling at me

I feel a smile burst on my face

"Yeah jagi, I'll go anywhere with you"

She takes my hand again and we leave