#I'm making her do ALL the things she hates in this update aren't I?
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Have to thank my partner for realizing before I did that talking about kids with people makes me extremely dysphoric --- whereas I thought I just had a problem and hated children or something lol
#you can't really start a sentence with 'i don't hate children--' though.#do i... like them..? ehh they're fine on their own. i just don't like to be around them for very long. they freak me out.#but mostly it's parents who freak me out. or people who aren't parents yet but kids are all they talk about#(cough) my sister-in-law.#it's not ALL she talks about but she does happen to bring children up an awful lot around me. and uhh i have bad news for her.#anyway i feel like the worst person on earth but my gut reaction when i hear people talking about kids is to just get pissed off#or roll my eyes or want to leave the conversation STAT. like my flight instinct takes over.#so it was my partner who figured out that these conversations activate my dysphoria like a nuclear bomb.#dysphoria has manifested in the form of irritation for me this year. same with depression. i just feel angry and annoyed all the time#plus a bit of despair. and it gets more intense with every passing month.#my sister has decided to work in childcare and is doing a placement. she also updates me on every single thing she does in a day -#- down to how many times she shits. i wish i was kidding.#so i get a constant feed of what these random children did in a day (yesterday a girl showed my sister her poop lol)#and it would be funny and fine if it didn't make me want to jump out of my gd skin.#happens all the time at school too.#'whaaaaaaaat you don't want BAABIIEEES?? but you'd make such a good mom!!!'#ahaha No i would not thank you. jesus christ please no thank you. please.#i'm a father figure to a few of my friends and it's the best feeling in the world. that's all i need.#conversations like that always trap me. i feel like a fucking rabbit. stuck with all the aunties in the kitchen.#so i have to be a dick and not offer to clear the plates because none of the men are clearing the plates.#just........ Gender. UGH!!
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i've been having a couple of downer days recently, and i kept looking for a verse i haven't read thrice yet for some comfort, but you're age! gap verse has been a pleasant escape even though its not what i was looking for. you're writing never fails to make me feel better ari 💕💕
Here's how they met 💜
Bruce sighed. He was starting to hate talk show appearances, but at least this one had never been too bad. Angelique was chatty and fun but not grating. Her show ran as school let out. So grannies watched after their naps and kids watched getting off the bus. She ran a little something for everyone.
He assumed he was here for the grannies.
"I'm so sorry I'm late the shoot ran over and I couldn't get away."
The voice caught his attention. Not the fake starlet over dramatic gushing, but genuine distress. And he half turned to look. You looked like you came from a shoot. Straight off the pages of a glossy magazine.
"No worries, Miss Y/L/N we got your call in enough time. We'll just touch up your face and you'll be good to go," the manager greeting you, said.
Bruce smiled a little. Clearly, you were a frequent guest. You thanked him profusely and trotted off. Not needing to be told where to go. And as you go, there's several crew members you can greet by name. You've either been here a lot or worked with them before. Or both. But, it's endearing.
He turned back around listening to Angelique get her updates on where production was. "-And Y/N is in hair and makeup as we speak."
"Oh, bless her heart," Angelique said. "That's what I get calling her last minute." She turned to Bruce and held out her hand, "Are you ready?" she asked.
"As I'll ever be," he chuckled taking her hand, "You know these sorts of things aren't my forte. My oldest on the other hand-"
"Don't you worry about a thing," Angelique reassured him, patting the hand she was holding before letting it go. "Y/N is an old pro- Ah! speak of the devil!" She swooped over and kissed you on either cheek. "You look absolutely divine, is that one of yours?"
"You know it is," you tell her laughing, returning the gesture. "As if I could walk in and NOT wear my own design, you'd never let me live it down."
"So true. Darling," she said grabbing your hand and pulling you over to Bruce, "I want you to meet Bruce. You'll be on stage together today. You know it's charity week and I though it would be great to highlight all the work you do for school arts programs along side the Wayne foundation," she said.
"Hello," you tell him, holding out your hand.
"Pleased to meet you," he said, taking the hand you offered warmly. Giving you his most charming smile. You did look good. And he could tell they hadn't done much to your face or your hair. "I'm a big fan of your work," he commented.
Your smile didn't falter but your eyes narrowed slightly. And Bruce cringed internally Shit. She thinks I mean the Playboy spread, he thought. "Your last movie, the drama, especially. The range of emotion and the depth- It really was incredible."
"Thank you," you tell him. "It was challenging but I really enjoyed it."
Bruce felt his face heat when Angelique coughed and he remembered hearing that you had the ability to make someone feel like they were the only person in the room. He'd forgotten for just a second. In just that brief moment that he was waiting for an appearance. "It showed I uh- my kids made fun of me when I cried at the end-"
"Aww, Angelique gushed, "This is amazing. you guys keep up this chemistry. It'll go totally viral." She bounced on the balls of her feet and kissed your cheek again, "I'll have someone bring you a coffee, sweetie. You're going to start wilting soon."
And before you could say anything or Bruce could offer to go and get it for you himself, Angelique had bustled off to find and assistant to give marching orders to.
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The casual type: 05 . The art of paying attention
Pairing: Min Yoongi x fem!reader Wordcount: 3,354 words Genre ( for the whole series ): AU. College!verse. Strangers to friends with benefits to ???. Eventual smut. Hurt / comfort at times. Fluff for cute friends. Summary: ( Series ) • Hobi and his girlfriend set you up with a friend of hers to help with whatever happened months back. However, no one really expected things to end the way they did. ( Ep. 05 ) • Sometime the little details mean more than people think. More info under read more.
Includes ( this chapter ): The squad<3. Subin my love. And other new characters. A kind of out of nowhere jump in time ( just a few weeks ) because the writing just flowed like that, I don't know what to tell you. A mini-drama ( this is the spoiler I posted on ko-fi the other week ) and a bigger drama. Author's note: so… I'm sorry this took so long to be updated Y_Y As you may know, inspiration hasn't been too good these days, but after some lovely comments and knowing people are interested in this story, I finally finished this chapter, so thank you! Also, let me know if you figured out what the drama was before the end, or if you had a theory about it, etc. Hopefully you like this one, and remember to leave a comment, reblog, send an ask, follow or what not, to help my motivation. Thank you for reading <3
“Kang Subin, queer and honorable member of the divorced parents club.” Is how your roommate introduces herself friday night, pointing to the latter as the reason she is only now, a month after classes started, arriving to campus and the city in general.
She says her dad insisted on doing a year abroad as he did, assisting to his Alma Mater and hopefully fall in love with the city to move full time with him. And she did love it… a little too much. She admits the change of scenery was liberating, she could be a totally different Subin from the one in Seoul, and sadly that meant neglecting her notes and putting at risk her art history degree.
You're glad to note she will be joining you ( and some of your friends on occasion ) for classes, since she managed to keep her notes high enough to not lose her first semester. And then you spend the weekend getting to know each other, practically becoming friends overnight. Subin says it must be a you thing, and shaking your head no, you confess essentially begging the administration for a roommate because you're stuck with silly boys and all girls hate you because you aren't cool like them. She laughs, asks if that means the plan is making everyone hate her too and be stuck with you. And you freak out a little, but her laugh keeps flowing across the dormroom and you know she is joking; you know that things would be fine.
Monday arrives and between classes, you continue to give Subin small tours of the campus, mostly the art building and where all the vending machines are.
“There's more than I thought, could you make me a map?” She jokingly asks.
“I'll ask Jungkook for the one we made last semester,” you know he has it because it was offered to Yoongi before.
“Hey, y/n!” calls Taehyung, appearing at the other end of the hall with Yoongi, and when he asks “you got some gum?”, you know they were just on a smoke break.
“Oh, hi, Tae. Nice to see you.” Sarcastic tone all over it, “are you having a nice morning?”
He rolls his eyes and Yoongi laughs at his side.
“Sorry, I'm actually not. And I'm running late,” still you give him a look and as a little kid he repends. “Hi, you guys look pretty today, as alway.” He adds before you can argue anything, and only then Subin chuckles, understanding this must be part of your dynamic. “Do you happen to have some gum for us, your lovely friends?”
“Yes, actually.” Taking one strap off, you move your backpack to your front, looking for the little package they keep stealing from. “Here,” you hand one wrapper to Tae, who starts running in the other direction immediately, screaming how much he loves you. And a “nice to meet you!” to Subin.
Everyone laughs, Yoongi turning back in your direction after Taehyung disappears down the hallway.
“You want one?” You ask and before being able to stop yourself, you add, “Is cherry, though”
“Of course it is,” he smiles and you look away, pretending it's only to search for another one to offer Subin. Memories of friday’s night invading your psyche and shyness your whole body.
Well, that's your own fault.
“Thank you,” she says, looking at the two of you while unwrapping it. “I'm Subin, by the way, the new roommate.”
“Oh, she actually found one!”
“Just hoping she doesn't abandon me too,” you pout and Subin wraps one arm around yours.
“Never.”
“Yoongi,” He introduces, thumb pointing to himself and then behind, “And that was Taehyung, but I guess you'd meet the whole squad later.”
“Ah, yeah. I've been told she collects cute guys.”
“Did someone actually say that?” Yoongi asks when you're not even surprised.
“Yeah and when I asked about girls she looked relieved,” subin goes on, “I actually wanted to know, you know.”
Yoongi and you laugh, “someone doesn't like competition,” both say in unison.
“I told you, they lied.”
“Well, I can't really say that yet. I've to look first,” Subin insists, walking through the cafeteria's door. And it doesn't bother you because it comes from a place of curiosity and not horniness. No shame to anyone, your friends are hot, but you've known them for so long and know they have other great attributes that sometimes it feels superficial and it bothers you.
Besides, as a friend, you need to keep their egos just high enough to be healthy for everyone involved.
“Listen, kids,” calling for the table's attention, you stand in front of them, “this is Subin, my—”
“New roommate?” Asks Jungkook, remembering the text you sent, and you nod excitedly.
“That's Jungkook, he is in music and sports.”
“Which ones?”
“All. Some. We don't have time for that,” you joke, but only continue with the rest of his introduction after the youngest clarifies is soccer and box this year. “Oh, he also takes an art class with Taehyung and I, and now you, this semester. You know Tae from earlier, the one who keeps stealing my gum.”
“You're the one that tells me to not show up to class with cigarette breath!” He pushes back against accusations.
“I think she wants you to buy your own,” Jimin suggests.
“Or quit,” adds Hobi and the table laughs even more.
“That’s Hobi, the group's mom.” Tae offers after.
“Does that make Mai the dad?” Jungkook asks, with a serious expression on his face.
“I'm telling her so,” Yoongi says, already phone in hand and texting his best friend.
“You'll have to meet Mai later, she is great,” you continue, “but Tae is in arts. And Hobi and Jimin, are both dancers,” index finger pointing at their direction as you say each name, “and well, you already know that's Yoongi, he is in music too.”
“And the last new guy, right?” Subin remembers from your talk earlier after she met him for the first time, “I guess I took your title.”
“Are we enemies now?” He jokes, “I was about to offer you my chair, but now I don't know.”
Again, laughs all around and before anyone can think about the sitting arrangement too seriously, Jungkook is standing up, saying he needs to go back to the house before his next class.
“Oh, you are the biker from friday!” Subin exclaims as Jungkook’s helmet comes into view, everyone turning to look at her, “can't believe I forgot to ask you.”
And then five pairs of eyes are on you, all but Yoongi's, since he doesn't need an explanation.
“...What?” Asks Tae, finally.
“Had to call her to my rescue because I lost my key and from the hallway's window I saw someone drop her off on a motorcycle,” she explains, “that's when the girl told me about you collecting cute guys.”
“But that wasn't me,” says Jungkook.
“Yeah, you weren't with us that night. We were all at the house, so who was it?” Ask Jimin, and the curiosity in his voice makes you nervous. You have never lied to them, and starting right now without preparation is terrifying.
However nothing compares to the feeling on your stomach when Yoongi answers, “it was me, actually.” And without a beat, your friends are looking at him now, “What?”
“You what now?” Mister interrogation Tae goes on, “Why were you together? What time was it? Was it late?”
“You were alone? Why?” Asks Hobi.
“We can't hang out now?” You ask back, wasn't he who set you up in the first place? And yes, it didn't turn out the way they planned it, but wasn't the whole premise to get to know Yoongi?
“Not what I meant,” he corrects, “Just… you didn't say anything.”
“Well, you guys canceled, what were we supposed to do? Not do anything just because you weren't with us?” Yoongi answers before you.
“And we just hang out, you know, eat junk food and chat. Nothing to write home about.”
“Aww,” coos Jungkook, sliding his arm over your shoulders, “does that mean you missed us? You really love us, uh?” you pull back, sticking your tongue at him and pushing him towards the exit, telling him to hurry because if he is late to class you aren't covering for him again.
Thankfully, that's enough to get them off your back and Subin’s arrival provides better entertainment through the lunch hour, as your friends don't hold back on their questions to get to know her. And you're glad they seem to like her as much as you do.
“So… should I've not mentioned the bike thing?” worries Subin later, when everyone has left and is only her and Yoongi at the table.
“Don't worry about it.” He reassures her, offering a tangerine slice when she doesn't return the smile. “Seriously.”
Is not her fault, he thinks. He can't blame the guys either for wondering and going into big brother mode as soon as they hear you're hanging out with someone, since the prevalence of that is not the best right now. And although he does feels bad about keeping things a secret from them, mostly Hoseok, who Yoongi himself give the “you better be careful with what you do with my best friend” talk, it consoles him a bit to know that the both of you are on the same page with what you have.
Maybe if they knew it wouldn't be a big deal, he thinks. Better him than anyone else, right?
Putting away your phone and with the excuse of going to the bathroom before class, Subin and Tae follow their journey to the second floor without you and without suspecting anything. As you walk in front of one of the classrooms, a hand wraps around your forearm and pulls you in.
“What th—!” scream is interrupted when you recognize Yoongi. “You almost gave me a heart attack! I could've punched you.” And with adrenaline still running through your body, you actually push his shoulder with less force than you first intended.
“Ouch.” He rubs the place you hit, dramatically, as he explains, “Sorry, I panicked. There were people around and I didn't want to scream your name”
“Yeah, we should be careful after what happened at the cafeteria. Good save, by the way.”
“You own me,” he quickly returns.
“I do not,” you deny, crossing your arms, “You were the one insisting on going into the parking lot, I told you to leave me at the gate.”
“Well, forgive me for being a gentleman.”
You laugh, “and modest.”
Yoongi smiles, relaxing his body against the wall beside the door, “are you telling Subin about us?” he asks before you can question him about why he asked to meet.
Uncrossing your arms, you fiddle with your nails instead, scratching the acrylic paint off of them. “What is your opinion on that?”
“You can't answer a question with a question, miss.”
“Well… I don't know.” Is your final answer after a few seconds of silence. “She is cool and I really think we’re going to be friends and maybe I can gossip to her about you.”
He chuckles at that.
“And also she said sorry and asked if it was supposed to be a secret.”
“Really?” Yoongi sounds surprised, “She asked me that too earlier and I told her to not worry.”
“I feel bad about it because it seems like she is actually worried she messed up,” you share, “maybe I should just come clean. Only to her, at least. But of course not, if you don't want to.”
“No, it's okay. I think is good you have someone to talk to. And she seems nice.”
You nod in agreement, relieved you don't have to start hiding things from Subin as soon as you two met.
“Also,” Yoongi goes on, holding your hips and bringing you closer to him. You allow him to without much thinking. “It was nothing to write home about?”
“What?”
“Friday night, you said that earlier.”
“Did your ego get hurt?” You tease.
“No. But I didn't know you were a liar.” he throws back and you laugh. “I'm going to call you Pinocchio now.”
At that, you gasp, “stop giving me nicknames!”
And your attempt to pull away is just that, an attempt, because between laughs he holds you closer. “But is funny. And all of them are true.”
“They aren't.”
“Are so.”
“I don't like you.”
“That's not what I got from friday.”
“Yoongiii—.” you gasp again, his laugh louder this time.
Wanting a clarification stops him from dumping his phone back into the duffle bag and so, throwing the strap over his shoulder, he makes his way over to Chris and other teammates.
“Are you ready to go?” His roommate asks, and Yoongi nods, “good, I'm just waiting for Ha-ri.”
“Hey!” As they turn around, it is not difficult to recognize her as one of the cheerleaders since she is carrying her pom-poms and all, but is only as they continue talking that Yoongi realizes who she is, “sorry, I was saying goodbye to the girls and planning for next practice.”
“Don't worry, babe.”
“You must be Yoongi, hi,” she waves her free hand enthusiastically enough the pendant on her bracelet makes a jiggly sound, catching his attention “welcome to the university. And the team. Go, Bears!”
She seems nice, Yoongi thinks, “Go, bears!” first in the air, he chuckles in response before they all make their way to the parking lot and to Chris’s car.
The drive home is short and filled with questions about his last school and the reason he transferred, which Yoongi manages to give simple and vague answers that satisfy Ha-ri’s curiosity. It definitely helps that he has been questioned about it more than once the last few weeks, giving him more than one chance to practice before today.
The more weeks pass, the less people ask. And soon the mystery of his arrival is pushed to the side as people decide to talk about his accomplishments in the basketball games.
Every now and then someone recognizes him as an ex Tiger's player, and asks why he changed teams, but before anything can get to deep, a “well, now you are on the right team,” or something alike is thrown his way and he couldn't be more glad for the rivalry between the universities.
For what is worth, the change has proven to have been a good decision. Of course he is nostalgic for the past and he misses hanging out with Mai more often, but he has friends, basketball and music. He has even been planning to perform at school events with Jungkook as he did with Jay back then.
It feels like he is starting to build a new life, and it wasn't as difficult as his brain told him it could be.
With chuseok around the corner the university starts to plan the events for the weekend and some professors feel generous enough to give extra credits for participation. Others just used it as an excuse to make the assignments related to it, that's his and Jungkook’s case.
Yours is the first one, because getting a good grade for hanging out with your friends sounds too good to pass out. That's why for the last few days you have been following them around taking pictures and notes, preparing your article about their performance Saturday night.
“Are you done?” Yoongi asks from his spot at the end of the bed when you take the headphones off, the ones he made you wear so he wouldn't have to listen to himself on the interview recording.
“Yep. I only need Kook's side and I'm done,” end of the sentence elongates a bit, arms in the air as you stretch your back.
“How long for him to be here? I need him to go over something before he eats and gets a food coma.”
“I'm glad you're already prepared for that,” you giggle, “Because he is not even seeing my texts.”
“He is still busy?”
“Yeah, kissing someone for sure. Does he think I don't have things to do too?”
“Like making out with someone too?” he jokes, putting his guitar down on the bed, deciding to take a break too.
“Why? Are you jealous?” you tease, trying not to laugh and is surprising when you're met with a serious expression as you spin around on his desk chair.
“I thought the rule was to tell if there were other people.”
“I'm just kidding,”
“Wow, a comedian.” he rolls his eyes, and you know he is only pretending to be annoyed.
So, you push. “I'm funnier than you, don't get mad.”
“Cocky.”
“What, you don't find confidence attractive?”
“Oh, I find a lot of things about you attractive.”
Touche; you think as a smirk appears proudly on his face and makes you turn around, shy reaction at the security of this voice.
And he laughs. Of course.
“Shut up, Yoongi.”
“If you want to kiss me, just do it,” he only has to stretch a bit to pull on the chair, making you turn to him again and bringing you close.
And you do kiss him.
Not only to erase his stupid and attractive gummy smile, but also because you've missed it.
With projects and exams, with Yoongi not only being in a different major but also in his third year, hanging out only the two of you hasn't happened as much.
You don't mind. You understand that is not a priority and there is something relaxing about it being an unspoken agreement, something that you truthly appreciate.
But you would be lying if you said that you didn't miss Yoongi's lips against yours and the way his hand cups your cheek, still gentle as he tries to lead the kiss.
Looking for closeness, your hand finds balance on his tight, making you contemplate ditching the comfiness of the desk chair for a sit on his lap.
“Is pizza night, baby!” breaks through the house before you can make another move, making you jump and pull away on instinct. Moving out of Yoongi's reach, even hitting the desk with the back of the chair as you stand up in record time.
“Careful,” he murmurs and you don't understand why he isn't freaking out. Even dears to chuckle.
“Min, come out!” another voice calls out.
“That's not Jungkook,” you say as a matter of fact, your brain still in shock.
“I'm starting to think he stood us up.” He stands up, looking at his phone still without texts from the younger guy, “Wanna meet my roommates? They have pizza, apparently.”
And your empty stomach makes the executive decision to hide your shame, and disappointment, in exchange for some food.
You're introduced to Jin first, who introduces Namjoon while taking the knife out of his hand with a “let hyung do it.”
“I swear he never lets me hold a knife for more than five seconds,” he says and you find it adorable, but Namjoon seems genuinely confused and maybe a bit hurt by it.
You wonder what more there's to that. But before you can ask anything, a third roommate comes out of the kitchen, “Is for your own good and the wellbeing of everyone involved,” he says, making your whole body tense as the familiar voice rings through your ears.
“That's Chris.” Jin says, and you almost answer that you know, but for a second it is even hard to breathe.
Nevertheless, you don't need to say anything, because your silence is everything Yoongi needed to confirm that an introduction isn't necessary and in fact, you'd probably rather forget about him.
Because is him.
The guy who hurt you.
A/N: I missed writing this! again thank you to anyone who has show interest one way or another, you're the reason this chapter was actually finished uwu♡. A/N 2: I'm working on the intros for the characters that aren't part of the squad, and sometimes I ask for your help with fc's suggestions or names, so... that's something to know if you're interested. Send a tip on ko-fi and get some rewards!!
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Notes and Journal Entries by Kip Kinkel
A compilation of writings by Kip Kinkel. This is for informational and educational purposes only. Post is below the cut.
Disclaimer: the majority of his writing pieces (that have been released to the public) are only available in a typed transcript format, provided by PBS. Because of this, I am only able to include a few images of the original writing. This post will be updated if any new images come out!
Journal Entry by Kip:
"I sit here all alone. I am always alone. I don't know who I am. I want to be something I can never be. I try so hard every day. But in the end, I hate myself for what I've become.
Every single person I know means nothing to me. I hate every person on this earth. I wish they could all go away. You all make me sick. I wish I was dead.
The only reason I stay alive is because of hope. Even though I am repulsive and few people know who I am, I still feel that things might, maybe, just a little bit, get better.
I don't understand any fucking person on this earth. Some of you are so weak, mainly, that a four year old could push you down. I am strong, but my head just doesn't work right. I know I should be happy with what I have, but I hate living.
Every time I talk to her, I have a small amount of hope. But then she will tear it right down. It feels like my heart is breaking. But is that possible. I am so consumed with hate all of the time. Could I ever love anyone? I have feelings, but do I have a heart that's not black and full of animosity?
I know everyone thinks this way sometimes, but I am so full of rage that I feel I could snap at any moment. I think about it everyday. Blowing the school up or just taking the easy way out, and walk into a pep assembly with guns. In either case, people that are breathing will stop breathing. That is how I will repay all you mother fuckers for all you put me through.
I feel like everyone is against me, but no one ever makes fun of me, mainly because they think I am a psycho. There is one kid above all others that I want to kill. I want nothing more than to put a hole in his head. The one reason I don't: Hope. That tomorrow will be better. As soon as my hope is gone, people die.
I ask myself why I hate more than anyone else. I don't know. But my head and heart want him dead. He only knows who I am through reputation, and I know he is scared of me. He should be. One bad day, and there will be a sawed off shotgun in his face or five pounds of Semtex under his bed.
Oh fuck. I sound so pitiful. People would laugh at this if they read it. I hate being laughed at. But they won't laugh after they're scraping parts of their parents, sisters, brothers, and friends from the wall of my hate.
Please. Someone, help me. All I want is something small. Nothing big. I just want to be happy.
End. New day. Today of all days, I ask her to help me. I was shot down. I feel like my heart has been ripped open and ripped apart. Right now, I'm drunk, so I don't know what the hell is happening to me.
It is clear that no one will help me. Oh God, I am so close to killing people. So close.
I gave her all I have, and she just threw it away. Why? Why did God just want me to be in complete misery? I need to find more weapons. My parents are trying to take away some of my guns! My guns are the only things that haven't stabbed me in the back.
My eyes hurt. They hurt so bad. They feel like they are trying to crawl out of my head. Why aren't I normal? Help me. No one will. I will kill every last mother fucking one of you. The thought of you is still racing in my head. I am too drunk to make sense.
Every time I see your face, my heart is shot with an arrow. I think she will say yes, but she doesn't, does she? She says, "I don't know". The three most fucked up words in the English language.
I want you to feel this, be this, taste this, kill this. Kill me. Oh God, I don't want to live. Will I see it to the end? What kind of dad would I make? All humans are evil. I just want to end the world of evil.
I don't want to see, hear, speak or feel evil, but I can't help it. I am evil. I want to kill and give pain without a cost. And there is no such thing. We kill him - we killed him a long time ago. Anyone that believes in God is a fucking sheep.
If there was a God, he wouldn't let me feel the way I do. ....Love isn't real, only hate remains. Only hate."
Essay about love, written by Kip
"Love Sucks
No, I don't believe in love at first sight because love is an evil plot to make people buy alcohol and firearms. When you love someone something it is always taken away from you. I also would like to add that I hate each and every one of you. Because everything I touch turns to shit. I think if you think you fall in love with someone at first sight it might just be lust. Love at first sight is only in movies. Where the people in the movies are better than you. That is why you go to a pone [pawn] shop and buy an AK-15 because you are going to execute every last mother fucking one of you. If I had a heart it would be gray.
It is easier to hate than love. Because there is much more hate and misery in the world than there is love and peace. Some people say that you should love everyone. But that is impossible. Look at our history it is full of death, depression, rape, wars and diseases. I also do not believe in love at first sight. But I do believe in hate at first sight. Therefore love is a much harder feeling to experience."
Monologue written by Kip for a homework assignment. This monologue was written for the character Tybalt of Romeo and Juliet.
"But you know me, I loathe all of them. I am no longer blind in my hatred, I can see with my hate. Blood will flow until they are all dead. This was the first moment in my life where I had taken the life of another. I loved it. It dispelled all the anger and animosity I was feeling."
Note written by Kip, confessing to the murder of his parents. This was found on a coffee table in the living room of the Kinkel's home.
"I have just killed my parents! I don't know what is happening. I love my mom and dad so much. I just got two felonies on my record. My parents can't take that! It would destroy them. The embarrassment would be too much for them. They couldn't live with themselves. I'm so sorry. I am a horrible son. I wish I had been aborted. I destroy everything I touch. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I didn't deserve them. They were wonderful people. It's not their fault or the fault of any person, organization, or television show. My head just doesn't work right. God damn these VOICES inside my head. I want to die. I want to be gone. But I have to kill people. I don't know why. I am so sorry! Why did God do this to me. I have never been happy. I wish I was happy. I wish I made my mother proud. I am nothing! I tried so hard to find happiness. But you know me I hate everything. I have no other choice. What have I become? I am so sorry"
A concerning note written by Kip on a Spanish worksheet
Another concerning note by Kip
"Respect Sheet" filled out by Kip
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Hey!! Idk if you are watching Eurovision or if you are but still are a bit behind but when you end/see the final results, were you expecting Israel to end up where it ended up or?
Hi Nonnie!
I absolutely watched, gotta cheer for Eden, after all she had been through! It wasn't easy, we had a rocket attack by Hamas at Israel during the show, while people who have never had to run into a bomb shelter for their lives booed in the venue at Israel getting as little as 3 points here or there, from a random jury.
I think Croatia deserved to win, I didn't expect us to, and TBH, with the financial crisis Israel is currently going through due to the war, I might not want us to, because it costs a lot to host.
But Israel making it to second place in the public's vote? Wow. WOW. What a statement. The judges in the juries have to put their names to their vote, and with the hatred that some protesters have spilled at anything Israel related, to the point of people personally threatened, I'm not that surprised that we didn't get more during that part of the show. But where people aren't being personally threatened? All these countries showed that Israel isn't as much of a pariah as some violent protesters would like you to believe, and that sane people understand what Israel is going through.
Israel also beat in the public vote every one of the awful "artists" that had no qualms about being disgusting to a 20 years old girl, who is representing her people, as if she's guilty of what they think about her government. Considering that it could have easily been them, targeted because of something their government was doing, the complete lack of empathy and basic human decency, or even just understanding for a fellow performer was beyond vile. So yeah, I'm glad Eden got more points than Switzerland, Ireland, Portugal, Greece and the UK. These, together with the Dutch singer (who got himself disqualified) were the worst offenders, constantly harassing and humiliating Eden and others in the Israeli delegation. MUCH LOVE to the people in those countries that were better than their representatives, and to those in every country that voted for Eden, showing compassion and an actual endorsement of humaneness.
Did I expect it? I had hopes the public would be kinder than expected, but yeah, I didn't think we'd get a second place among viewers. And enough points from juries to get to 5th place overall, too? It was incredible, and it felt like a win. I'm very proud of all those voters, of the jury judges who dared to put "Israel" next to their names, and of the Israeli team (they said that all that hate just made them want to be even more professional about the whole thing).
Am Yisrael chai! We're alive, kicking, and in our way, even winning!
(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)
#israel#antisemitism#israeli#israel news#israel under attack#israel under fire#anti terrorism#antisemitic#antisemites#jews#jew#judaism#jumblr#frumblr#jewish#terrorism#hamas#ask#anon ask#eurovision
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reluctant parents
series masterlist
penelopetrevino posted new stories
he said, 'amor, i have a surprise for you.' i'm patiently waiting to see what it is. update: the surprise is just lando... again 🙄
penelope trevino quick, when someone says, 'i have surprise for you' what does one normally think?
rowan todd well, last time pierre told me that we got a dog, so a dog.
natalia ruiz a dog, charlie did the same thing.
zoya torres well he said 'we have a problem' and it was his parents, whom i was meeting for the first time ever.
mick schumacher considering i told freya 'i did a thing' and i had gotten angie, i'd think a dog.
daniel jones-ricciardo i got a cat the last time she said that.
daphne jones-ricciardo i got a heart attack because it was followed by the words 'i got in an accident'
penelope trevino I TOLD YOU TWO!!
lando norris but aren't i a nice surprise? penelope trevino you have a girlfriend, spend time with her for the love of god. bailey winters he just tells me to spend time with max and p so he can spend time with his boyfriend.
carlos sainz but amor, you love lando!
mae jones-verstappen praying carlos sainz lives to see another day.
isabella perez he may have survived appendicitis but he will not survive pissing off penny.
pato o'ward he's about to learn that you never piss off a mexican woman. dulce perez rip carlos sainz, you would've hated to see max win another gp
gael perez rip carlos sainz, oscar can finally let out a sigh of relief
oscar piastri why am i always getting involved in shit?
lewis hamilton does carlos hate oscar because lando loves oscar and carlos wishes that was him?
fernando alonso he wants that mclaren seat back sebastian vettel you two are the biggest instigators in this group chat. fernando alonso it's a talent
rhys jones it's like watching a tennis match but only one cares and the other doesn't
penelope trevino BACK TO MY PROBLEM PEOPLE!
lance stroll carlos has attachment issues and lando imprinted on him like a baby duck.
pierre gasly alternative: carlos and lando have been cheating on their girlfriends with each other.
bailey winters i hate that i can actually believe that. penelope trevino why is that actually believable?
carlos sainz we are not that bad.
zoya torres if trevor noah can make a joke about lando looking like more of a couple with his former teammate (carlos) than his own girlfriend (bailey) it's bad.
lando norris we may have a problem.
penelope trevino you think?
penelopetrevino and landonorris have posted new stories
he's crashing another date. i could probably hurt him. i may be smiling but i need a bottle of patron to get me through the day. she's going to kill me. mclaren you know who to blame when i mysteriously die
penelope trevino quick, say something so i won't kill lando.
rowan todd you'll go to jail?
penelope trevino not good enough
isabella perez jesus will never let you forget this.
penelope trevino we're getting there.
zoya torres you'll never be able to see little jewel again?
penelope trevino thank you for that reminder zoya.
bailey winters i can call his mom for you? that's what i tend to do when he pisses me off or i call ria and she reminds him that i wrote a heartbreaking album about him.
bailey winters and if none of that works i call max, who laughs in his face for hours on end.
daphne jones-ricciardo or you could talk to them, like normal people
penelope trevino you think i haven't tried that yet? it's impossible to get through to them daph!
dulce perez they're like his work parents, he needs them around 24/7
isabella perez personally, i wouldn't let this slide.
mae jones-verstappen throw him into the slammer!!
natalia ruiz all of you guys have third wheels that suck. i love my third wheel.
penelope trevino not all of us can have a joris natalia!
natalia ruiz at least it's lando and not like pierre, who would be an annoying third wheel.
rowan todd okay, that's my boyfriend nat.
natalia ruiz you cannot be publicly defending a man who makes 🐶 jokes or calls himself tripod
bailey winters EMBARRASSING!!
rowan todd your boyfriend would rather spend time third wheeling his best friend than spend time with you.
bailey winters
rowan todd never make fun of me again bailey.
mae jones-verstappen she was obviously starving
isabella perez somewhere on the coast.
rowan todd you two are comedians.
daphne jones-ricciardo i see now why this group chats is named what it is.
daphne jones-ricciardo you're all fucked in the head.
natalia ruiz daphne's never one to reply but she always roasts the shit out of us.
penelope trevino i'm just resigned to the fact that lando is never going anywhere.
penelope trevino he is my sea urchin.
daphne jones-ricciardo this is why lando always crashes your dates.
dulce perez it's an irrational fear daph!!
daphne jones-ricciardo NO THE FUCK IT ISN'T!!
zoya torres so many problems so little time to digest it all.
liked by carlossainz55, landonorris, lando.jpg and others
penelopetrevino photo dump but half of it is me with a beer (my only company because carlos always ditches me for lando) and the other half is carlos with his true love (lando)
tagged: carlossainz55, landonorris
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landonorris i am his true love, glad to see you finally admitting it
↳ penelopetrevino go spend time with your own girlfriend. rowan's roasting her in the groupchat.
↳ pierregasly WHAT GROUP CHAT?
↳ isabellaperez ABORT MISSION!! THEY CAN'T KNOW!!
↳ alex_albon FAKE PEOPLE EVERYWHERE!!
user26 i would rather die than let this happen to me.
↳ user60 what makes you think penelope has a choice in the matter?
↳ user26 that's very true
user89 those texts from lando are foul!!
baileywinters i say we dump them and date each other instead.
↳ penelopetrevino now that's a good idea.
↳ landonorris hold up what?
↳ carlossainz55 no.
user02 and when these two get married is lando going to interrupt the wedding for shits and giggles?
↳ landonorris that's actually not a bad idea.
↳ penelopetrevino you pull that shit on my wedding day and i'll hurt you.
patriciooward personally i would run him over with my car but that's just me.
↳ landonorris STOP GIVING HER IDEAS!
baileywinters contrary to popular belief, we do actually spend time together.
↳ user57 i would've thrown hands if norizz was neglecting his relationship to crash carlos' dates
↳ landonorris why am i always getting threatened with violence?
↳ isabellaperez because you pull shit like this.
taglist: @burningcupcakefire @arkhammaid @applopie @sunflower-golden-vol6 @lorarri @bb-swift @thewannabewriter @mypage-myfandoms @stopeatread @hobiismyhopeu @lilsiz @alessioayla @niniluvsainz @au-ghosttype @six-call @justtprachisblog @nichmeddar @landonorizzz @unluckyyoshi @cool-ultra-nerd @kami10471633 @1nt3rnetgf @fernandoswarcrimes @arieltwvdtohamflash @brekkers-whore @natcha888 @camdensreg @mycenterfold @dear-fifi @georgeparisole @dan3avocado @nikfigueiredo @namgification @jensonsonlybutton @weekendlusting @trouble-sistar @lesliiieeeee @leclercsluv @33-81 @theseus-jpg @sarah-thatstings-ann @minmira95 @casperlikej @formulaonebuff @hopenshaw @ijustgomessitupx @hwalllllllelujah @doodlehunz @prongsvault
¡leclerc-s speaks! and it's another late night update!!! woooo!!!
¡disclaimer! this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!
#leclerc-s#the honest series#formula 1#formula 1 fic#fanfic#fanfiction#f1#f1 smau#f1 social media au#f1 instagram au#f1 fic#carlos sainz#carlos sainz x female oc
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Exorcist gang! (I'm so sorry it took forever to get to your ask. I kind of dropped the au for a long time and just now got the motivation to pick it up again.)
Right on the money! I just narrowed it down to three because I can't do anymore(lazy ahh). But they can't actually drive motorcycles because none of them have a drivers license so they just try to seem badass by saying they are a biker gang. All christian but they have no idea how it works and do things looked down upon by the christian community. Left Victoria. Middle Stephanie. Right Kamaria. Kamaria got a tattoo of the upside down cross to seem cool but she knows it's St. Peter's cross so it's kind of a double meaning for her. I also gave Kamaria three toned lips because I jst found out that exists and I had to include that in some character. Atleast one.
Maybe one day I'll draw them as angels just to do it.
For context, they are exes 😫
Are there still feelings? Kind of, they just aren't over eachother yet. Right now tho they are mainly enemies. Valerie(Vaggie) is kind of like Blitzø(relationships wise), but less of an asshole. It was mostly her fault they broke up though. She was uninterested and embarrassed by Kamaria almost all the time so ofc Kamaria doesn't stand for shit and ended it before it got worse. Valerie is like that with Charlie in some ways, but of course that's for growth purposes.
Oh also Valerie dated Lute too before she dated Kamaria so it's just this entire problem within the group bro.. Like, Lute is not over Valerie and not in a "I am in love with u still." Way, but in a "I hate the way you walk, the way you talk, I hate the way dress-" ahh way(and in an i am still in luv wit u way but shh). Lute has no idea why Valerie broke up wit her ass and takes it out on Kamaria. Kama takes no shit and bounced out that place quickly. Good for her ig. She still an asshole too, anger issues ahh, everyone except Charlie(until the vee accident 😏)deserves a kick in the ass.
Pretend Charlie is in her human form. I'm still workshopping it right now! 😔 so yeah nobody else except Valerie knows she's a demon jst so you know!
Chaggie aren't dating yet! But they will one day 😈
For now it's kind of just pining. On both sides ofc.
"So it mine el" we say in unison.
PLEASE TELL ME SOMEONE GETS THE REFERENCE?? THIS IS SO AWKWARD NOW...
Helmets and glasses off! I think they look pretty nice but im not great at making my own character designs from ground up. Which is why I havent shown my actual own OC's. Victoria is trans because I said so. Kamaria is probably Lesbian but she doesn't know yet, it's kind of a label she uses until she knows for sure (so me). And Stephanie is Stephanie (she don care. She don kno 💀). I FORGOT THE FLAME ON KAMARIA'S JACKET RAAAA.
They also all have a picture on the back of their jackets that's jst wings and a halo. So do with that what you will.... if u wanna make fanart that is..... pls..... I'm begging..... jk but it would still be cool lmao.
They used to be in a gang with Adam and Lute but after Valerie was beat up real bad by Lute they all decided to just part ways. Not on good terms... So it's just Adam and Lute now who jst act like they are all that when they cant pack a punch at all 😒. I'll show Adam and Lute's designs in the next update (or somewhere) but that's all I have right now. I can't wait to draw the duo ughhhh‼️‼️‼️
(I have also changed a few things from my original idea, so if your a hxd au og from the first like... 3 posts I made abt it then ya... there's major changes. I'll go through them deeper in my next updates on this au!)
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel charlie#hazbin#hazbin art#hazbin vaggie#charlie x vaggie#hazbin hotel vaggie#vaggie x charlie#vaggatha#charlie morningstar#charlie hazbin hotel#hazbin charlie#hazbin hotel kamaria#hazbin hotel stephanie#hazbin hotel victoria#hazbin hotel exorcists#hazbin exorcists#character tags cuz ill def use the characters again one day#fanart#artists on tumblr#chaggie#hazbin chaggie#hazbin hotel chaggie#varlie#rainbowmoth#fallenstar#the trio arent too important to Valerie as a whole but they still are fun to use as like unserious confrontational characters#its mostly adam and lute who are like a big impact#OOOHH I FORGOR. I CANT WAIT TO ALSO SHOW YALL EMILY! I HAVE IDEAS OF HER DESIGN ILL SHOW WHEN DONE!! 😍😍 OK BAI!!#forbidden chaggie au
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TEASER REVIEW BECAUSE I'M DEAD
it's him. he's back. HE'S BACK. BESTIES HE'S BACK. i'm sick. his letter has caused my entire brain to shut down. "I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU. I LOVE BEING NEAR YOU. BREATHING THE SAME AIR" bestie how did you find ao3 in 1717? AND THEY GAVE US ALL THAT IN THE FUCKING TEASER TOO?????? dude he looks so fucking heartbroken– YEARNING RAAAAAAAH
THIS FUCKING SCENE— he CUSTOMISED THE TOPPERS TO LOOK LIKE THEM I'M CRYING SOBBING ROLLING ON THE FLOOR. omg omg omg omg they love eachother so much PLEASE. and poor sweet ed jesus he has been CRYING AND HE LOOKS SO EMPTY IM SICK IM DYING IM DEAD. i'm sick, i need the icu help. does this mean he's good at painting.
GOTH UNIFORMS. THEY'RE REAL. im so incredible sick frenchie has cat claws. HE HAS CAT CLAWS IM DYING. and JIM HAS A PAINTED BEARD and SHAVED SIDES. i'm actually going to burst into tears. my heart is going to stop at any moment. even FANG HAS A COOL NEW UNIFORM
i don't think i'm alive anymore at this point. THE PARALLEL. THE PARALLEL. and 9 guns he literally turned into the kraken. HE TURNED INTO THE VERY THING HE HATED HELP ME PLEASE (also did anyone notice the scene where he rose out of the ocean was very similar to potc??????? help??????) stede please stop looking lovingly out in the distance my heart has gotten enough beatings
competent stede in red. FABULOUS IM GOING TO CRYYY 2. izzy hands it's izzy isreal it's you PLEASE this is so reminisence of all the ao3 fics— izzy's finally realised what ed has become and needs to go find stede and bring ed back PLEASE HELP I'm GOING TO CRY IZZY AND STEDE BEING FRIENDS NO NO NO NO NO HELP HELP HELP HELP this is his road to self discovery and acceptance and love i'm feral
that's the same place mofos THAT'S THE SAME PLACE. THEY'RE CLOSE. omg they're going to end up FIGHTING EACHOTHER AREN'T THEY AREN'T THEY OR IS IT THE FIRST TIME THEY SEA EACHOTHER . (also, COMPETENT STEDE?????) HELP ME THEY'RE SO FIGHTING. OMG what if they're running TOWARDS EACHOTHER OKFLAIKHFL please this is insane i will cry david jenkins you have forsaken us all.
minnie what are you doing to stede. HE DOESn'T WANT IT. He'S UNCOMFORTABLE IN SUCH A STATE. LITERALLY THE NAME OF ONE OF THE EPISODES ANNE LEAVE HIM ALONE, (and do it to me) (please i'm desperate)
these two barbies are having the times of their lives.
im convinced that "susan" (whoever ruibo quan is playing) is a mermaid. buttons is being taught the way of the sea by her since she is part fish. she is setting him up with the ocean so they can make sweet love, instead of yearning like captain blondie and emo over there
WHO'S FALLEN IN A RIVER IN LEGO CITY. IT MUST BE SOMEONE ON BLACKBEARD'S SHIP MATES IS IT ED????? ED HAS FALLEN OFF A SHIP IN LEGO CITY. HELP ME WHAT IS GOING ON HERE. I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW OMG THE REVENGE ISN'T SINKING ISN'T SHE??? PLEASE DON'T DO THAT TO ME
THIS IM SORRY BUT WEE JOHN IS LOOKING ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS, ROACH HAVING THE TIME OF HIS LIFE, AND IS THAT PETE THAT MUST BE PETE IT'S PETE ISN'T IT IT'S BLACK PETE. we don't have enough content with pete. YOU KNOW WHY? or else it would have to include LUCIUS. HAH. got you there david
well. that concludes my current rant. other parts of the trailer have been excluded bc they deserve their own posts OR others have phrased it better than me LMAO (yeah because what i wrote is peak shakespeare)
october 5th can't come fast enough help me
**UPDATE: FULL THEORY BASED ON THIS
#ofmd#our flag means death#rant#ofmd teaser rant#ofmd s2#ofmd 2#stede bonnet#ed teach#david jenkins#taika waititi#rhys darby#they're back they're really actually back#october 5th
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Filter Tag Lists
// pt: filter tag lists //
This is a master list of what each of us would like filter tagged due to triggers. Only Ula, Pearl and I will have tags.
Last edited 1/02/25 by Host
Please don't lump our filter tags together, by the way! These are tagged separately because some of us may be fine with these things while others aren't.
// pt: Please don't lump our filter tags together, by the way! These are tagged separately because some of us may be fine with these things while others aren't. //
Triggers with * have been also general tagged by us as well, so general tags would suffice for them. Please note that the link below we will not be general filtering since it's so niche and also has to do with something important
Host
// pt: Host //
Tag: #tagging for vamp (alternatively #batty please ignore this)
Reblog bait*
Gore*. PLEASE TAG YOUR GORE and do not CENSOR THE TAG use "tw gore" the censoring is horrendous and is counterproductive!!
Any sexual remarks regarding our sources, ESPECIALLY PEARL
Telling anyone to die in any way (i.e. "kys" etc) that is not a joke
US Politics, especially regarding the 2024 election*
Any "___ of pro endos" blogs. It's upsetting for me to see due to past incidents with the one who started the gimmicks.
Talks of thanksgiving, as enstated by Pearl*
Vagueposting, I could mistake it to be about us and get triggered. Positive vagueing is fine, though
Discourse in the following communities: lgbtqia+, fictionfolk, alterhuman*
The r slur*
Posts with the names of the w creature and s creature
Intersexist posts*
The queer term "bat", due to our NPD
Art meant to induce paranoia
Omegaverse and Misceverse content*
Monsterfucker content*
Trolls / Anon hate*
Hate involving Jimmy from mouthwashing, I am a swordsperson and we personally know a canon divergent Jimmy fictive and it makes me go APESHIT seeing hate due to that, no we do not support source Jimmy's actions use your common sense please 🫡
Stuffed animal harm
Tag games if I'm not tagged, due to npd
Ask games, we have memory issues and feel excluded
Ula
// pt: Ula //
Tag: #tag for ula
Syscourse*
Identity policing, as long as the identity isn't problematic
Mentions of religion as she is a demon* (does not include saying the word "God" or "Jesus" or anything, just downright religion talks. Could trigger her to front, which isn't bad, but he can get annoyed.)
Werewolves being treated like dogs
Hate against persecutors/prosecutors
She used to have a few urls filtered as well, but we don't see them much anymore and have been removed unless needed to be reinstated.
Pearl
// pt: Pearl //
Tag: #beach city outskirts
Greg x pearl mentions / art. Self explanatory*
Hate against zeir source
Source being compared to a bird, finds it offensive
Age Regression posts that include zeir source in some way, ze is personally uncomfortable with age regression or even being seen in that light. (We are unsure if this includes pet regression.)
Very up close images of bugs, apparently <- mainly spiders, mantises and -pede bugs. Ze's fine with moths though
Posts about hating children
Please read this post as well (link)
That's all we got for now, I think. This will be updated as needed - Host
[ dividers by cafekitsune ]
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DISCLAIMER
This is simply an awareness post!! If you still wanna support c0stiffen or whatnot, that's fine, and I'll try my best to respect that. I simply wanna share my experiences with them and a few of their friends.
If you're an adult, you can move over to a document that I have made that includes all important information WITH screenshots and evidence.
ADULTS ONLY
If you're a minor, this post is a quick run down of what's in the document without showing anything inappropriate.
Simply explained, c0stiffen and I exchanged NSFW art and conversations whilst they were an adult, and I was 16 (and then newly 17). These include art clearly depicting sexual acts with genitals that we both drew. The ones they drew and 2 of mine were specifically of their Giarven AU (in this AU, they're supposed to be adults!)
Due to the sensitivity of this subject, I can't show proof of this here. Everything is in the document for ADULTS.
This is not to point all the fingers at c0stiffen. I did a lot of dumb stuff throughout the situation too, I should have been more responsible. Not only have other ppl (mostly minors) seen my nsfw art, many went on to do the same. One even made a whole NSFW server full of minors (c0stiffen wasn't a part of it, I don't think there were any adults there.) I feel disgusted with myself, I wish I never did this to begin with. I can't help but despise myself. I should have just left at that moment and I'm sorry.
This is not a guilt trip, I'm afraid it'll come off as that, unfortunately.
What I can show is proof of them purposefully deleting these drawings, as currently, there's only one left. That one I believe they forgot to delete as it's isolated from every other art.
I should point out that I don't usually draw NSFW. Those pictured were some of my last ones, I made a few others around the same time and that was it. I drew 2 pieces of NSFW before this entire situation for myself only as I struggle with sexual trauma and I use it to cope. I never intended on making so many and I shouldn't have done that as a minor. Truth be told, it made me feel seen and special. Every piece got me so much attention and I didn't want it to end, it felt nice.
Something I can share as it's not sexually driven are situations where C0stiffen hurt me, knew they hurt me and still refused to apologise.
Situation 1
When I was still talking to c0stiffen, I remember them getting pretty carried away with their opinions on things. At that point it felt like it was their life goal to insult my comfort character. For context, my comfort character is Sada and over the months she just became more and more special to me, often being my only source of comfort. I won't delve into this too much, in short, I think she's misunderstood, she is extremely flawed but not evil.
C0stiffen made it pretty apparent that they hated her and never failed to remind me. In each of costiffen's AUs Arven canonically despised his mother, they even made up a lie how Sada ‘intentionally starved Arven’ and that it's confirmed to be canon. Many role plays we did of them generally stressed me out, but that's my fault for not speaking out. I inserted my version of Sada into one of heir AUs (Arven is a Prince, Sada is a queen, etc), they even made art of her
C0stiffen proceeded to mischaracterize her and make her into a bad mother again. Saying she's a bad mother for leaving her kids when literally the lore was she was about to be killed and had to flee, but I digress.
I approached c0stiffen about this as I was genuinely getting hurt, and I wanted to talk to them:
They were nice about it, I'm not saying they weren't. But not once did I get a single apology for them simply lying about her and freely hating her in front of me as if I'm not bothered by that. Also I genuinely believed my Sada was supposed to be the ‘canon’ version, I was never informed she wasn't, I don't know whether this is a lie or the truth. Take it with a grain of salt.
I'm not saying c0stiffen has to love or even like Sada, I don't care if they hate her, I wanted them to keep it to themselves and not share that hatred in spaces where I was and felt safe in. Those servers in particular were the ones I was most active in at that time. C0stiffen’s Sada and Turo are mostly based on their own parents from what they said, which is fine, but again, I don't wanna be around that.
It isn't overreacting if I'm simply stating my boundaries. And I think I deserve an apology for having my feelings ignored like this.
I'm gonna make a response to something c0stiffen said at one time. Apparently I was ‘angry’ when they said “Giacomo's mom > Sada”
Simply said, I wasn't angry, I was more hurt than angry and they have no right to shame me for that. I was simply hurt because of all the other things that were stacked onto it.
Maybe I was jealous, I just really wanted MY VERSION of Sada, who feels like an oc I had for years, to be loved like every other character. But just because of the stupid canon story, she can't. I tried so hard, I bent over backwards to get them to love at least my version of her. I'm sure if I gave the same exact story to a completely original oc instead, even them would be treated better than this.
I don't need c0 to like Sada, but I feel like they're blinded by the canon to just notice mine is different. They hate Sada so much they can't put that hate away for even an AU version that helped their friend feel loved and safe and that's what hurts so much. They treat her like the canon one and they treat that one like shit already. They need to accept the fact that they can't just dump on someone's comfort character and expect the person to not be upset. No matter how much I'll hate a character I won't make up petty lies about them to make them appear worse especially in front of someone who really likes said character, even worse if said person relates to the character. It's gonna make them feel incredibly shitty about themselves.
Apologies for the heated section.
Situation 2
During the end of July me and a friend got into a petty fight about a headcanon and I ended up leaving the server we were in to cool off. I have problems with my emotions and it's impossible to regulate them sometimes, I feel them physically, whenever I'm upset I feel genuine pain and I can't calm down. To deal with this I learned a flight strategy of just fleeing the situation to calm down and fixing stuff when I'm more grounded. I was hoping people understood that, even if they wouldn't, I was perfectly fine explaining it once I was feeling better.
The next day when I felt better, I planned on apologizing and explaining why I acted the way I did.
Long story short, multiple people cut contact with me, many people I trusted and called friends, no one wanted to hear my side of the story, everyone heard out Paltic (now former friend) who spread false rumors around me and screenshots that were taken out of context. Such as that I was a creep for sending NSFW to minors as if others weren't doing the exact same thing and I in particular was being influenced by an adult. Paltic is C0stiffen’s friend. I was struggling a lot mentally and even had a failed suicide attempt, I was easily irritated and exploded at people a lot.
When Paltic posted a “call out” post on me that was filled with what I said, things when taken out of context make me look like a bad person, etc. He called me awful for things his friends did too, but didn't call them out on it. He filled my partner with lies and that made them leave me, thinking I was a bad person. C0stiffen still failed to see how Paltic could be bad for doing this.
I made a response, which was pretty heated, I made an updated one later on. But that day C0stiffen dmed me that I should ‘stop’. That I was stressing them and everyone out, telling me that “they thought they were my friend” telling me how badly this is affecting them mentally as if I wasn't the one struggling the most in this situation. I was losing people I felt like I couldn't live without, there was a post about me that could potentially ruin my life when I did nothing wrong. I apologized for anything I genuinely did wrong.
I need to add something onto this
C0stiffen/Paltic like to use this moment to say I was comparing our traumas/using traumas against them, I wasn't doing that and in fact it was never on my mind to begin with. I brought up something that happened to them a while ago hoping it would help them see how I was feeling as the situations were similar. I wasn't thinking clearly at that time, but that's no excuse and I shouldn't have done that.
I apologized to them multiple times, at first I didn't want to as that's something they never did to me, but I wanted to do the right thing.
I wanna point out, I'm in no way saying I'm the greatest friend or person. I'm far from that, I am flawed, I do bad stuff, I hurt people (unintentionally). I have a lot of things to work on as someone whose mental health problems impact everything in their life such as behavior.
But I'm not a bad person, never did I truly had horrible intentions and wanted to hurt somebody just for the sake of simply hurting somebody. I explode, I say things I'm not proud of when I'm provoked, but nothing of those I would actually say if I was just given the chance to calm down and deal with it calmly.
It's hard to have a friend like me simply because of how much care I need, and I'm sorry for that. I'm never gonna force someone to be my friend, but I want to end on good terms. I don't see the point in treating a mentally ill person like a bad person simply because they happen to be ill and for no better reason otherwise. There's better ways to go about this than make the person feel like worthless trash. I wanna be told if I do something bad, I'm so used to my symptoms that there's times when I genuinely don't notice that I could be doing something wrong. I wanna take accountability for my own mental illness, but I'm not being given a chance to do that calmly. I am forced to admit I'm a bad person whilst everyone else are angels even though they're far from being innocent.
I don't wanna be treated like a bad person simply for experiencing symptoms I can't control or being influenced by a third party. As friends I hoped they would help me grow and deal with these things.
If they don't wanna do that, they should have calmly ended the friendship, not that they spread false rumors of me, make people hate me, and then treat me like I don't exist as if that's not gonna make me feel like I don't deserve to be fucking alive.
Conclusion
I wholeheartedly believe c0stiffen or their friends are gonna contact me in their defence. To that, I say, get the hell away from me. You aren't innocent, stop acting like it and take the fucking fault for once. I didn't start any of this.
My DMs are closed to trusted friends only for my safety. Please respect that.
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I just read an article in that guy who murdered two women. Absolutely horrifying. All the booktok crazies fawning over him reminds me of the women that would write letters to Ted Bundy while he was in prison.
I wasn't gonna answer this because I felt like I said what I needed to say and like, I was just preaching to preach but THEN while I was asleep, an anon came into my askbox to accuse me of not being a girls girl while intentionally missing my point. I blocked them before I thought of a good comeback (tragic) but like fellas is it anti-feminist not to stan a man who killed two women because (and this is so important to me) he hates women?
I'm gonna put the rest of this under a cut with a heavy trigger warning for domestic violence, I just want to say it and then I think I'm done talking about it because it's genuinely so disheartening.
Anyway, I think sometimes I get nervous to answer these kinds of asks because as a therapist I should know better than to speculate on people and what they're going through and whatever else, but as a person, its like...do you want to be picked that badly?
I think we all know by now that I work in DV and all the people fascinated with men like this fuck me up because like..."oooh what makes him tick, I want to talk to him, why did he do it-" and for me, I sit on the opposite end talking to survivors of violence asking the same questions with hollow eyes, with shaking hands, with safety plans meant to buy them just enough time to get out of their house so they aren't killed. I still think about some of the people I spoke with who didn't survive it.
When I was in grad school, I took a summer internship at the local DV court helping survivors with orders of protection. The system was set up better than a lot of other courts, but its still the legal system, you know? With all its flaws. My job was to flag for lethality based on what I was reading in the OPs and then reach out directly to survivors to help them navigate the process, connect them with resources, and sit with them in court. And I still remember this one particular woman who's situation was so desperately dangerous. We did a safety plan- and at that level, a safety plan isn't like, "remember to take your keys and wallet with you when you go", its "don't go into the basement or bathroom if he's in the house with you because there are too many hard surfaces, exposed pipes, and basins of water that making killing you easier. Go to a bedroom or closet because strangling a person is really hard and takes time," like THAT kind of safety plan. Anyway she thanked me, I remember this so well, she said thank you and I told her I'd call her the next week with an update and over the weekend he bludgeoned her to death.
And I guess I just don't think there is anything fascinating, interesting, or otherwise unique to men like this (obligatory yes I know women kill/abuse too). They're everywhere. I saw another post about how some podcaster is trying to get him on to talk to that guy and its like, why don't you just call up one of your friends' exes. Like. If you've got more than one female friend, you've probably got a friend who has experienced violence at the hand of a male partner, call him. Talk to him. Ask him why he did it, let him give you his made up story about trauma and sadness and oh life is hard because whatever whatever.
That's my thing. Books, movies, tv- they're not making people like this, and I'm not condemning people for what they enjoy in fantasy spaces. I am condemning it when you bring it out of those spaces and side against the women who were violently murdered because, and this is so important to me (did I say this already??), he HATES women. You are not special. You cannot fix him. He's not smart, or interesting, or fascinating and the having an attractive face is literally just chance and not something inherently moral.
And like, lastly, when you prop these men up and give them a platform, you signal to EVERY man just like him that there is something special and tragic about him. You let him play the victim, you let him rewrite the narrative, you shift the blame of his actions off of him and onto the people he hurt. Like with this particular man, you also side with a white supremacist so what are you saying to all your BIPOC/Jewish friends/mutuals, you know?
Anyway. That's my self-righteous rant, I guess.
#tw: domestic violence#if you open the cut i share a story of someone i worked with who was murdered so protect yourself first#watching people simp for this individual has been so infuriating#ive gone to work mad every single day like we joke about needing someone in a way thats concerning to feminism#but like its a joke- did you guys realize we were joking????
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Baldur's Gate 3 Dribble
Do any of my mutuals play? This game is absolutely addictive, especially when trying to get certain outcomes. If Marvel had come out with anything similar I would have sold my soul for it probably.
In the last week and a half I've played another 70+ hours so I have 389+ hours and do you know how many playthroughs I've completed? Just the one. Only have 36/54 achievements. Some people have played 1500 hours and said they've discovered new things along the way (whether exaggerating or because they've played since it's earlier phases, it's constantly getting patch updates and new content).
I've got another campaign going that is nearly there, but I've been into character creation again and UGH it's just so fun to do the stuff for the Emerald Grove in Act 1.
But also, there so many companions whether you romance them or not, just to do their quests sometimes. And then you can still get good and bad endings for EACH?
Lae'zel, Shadowheart, Astarion, Gale, Wyll (these first ones are the main ones that you can even play yourself and get g/b endings for), and then Halsin, Jaheira, and Minsc can join you later. I don't know if the last 2 on the list are romanceable, but there are still bad characters you can have that I haven't explored yet.
Gushing about my Tavs below, and possibly spoilers for anyone who hasn't gone beyond Act 1 if you are playing, so just be aware.
In my first playthrough it was Karlach that I romanced, gods what a beautiful Devil. My character is a wood half-elf barbarian named Narriel. And she joined Karlach in Avernus when she had to return, so they look so badass in leather and everything!
Second playthrough, the beefcake and 'my heart' Halsin (no I did not do him in bear form, as tempting as it was, maybe on another run). I stuck with Narriel, (it's my fave name for a fantasy character okay?) as a wood half-elf cleric. This campaign is nearly there and I hate to see it go.
Third playthrough (I tried Astarian with another Tav but lord is that man difficult to please unless you are playing a bad guy) is with Gale. They are a non-binary wizard wood half-elf named Phoenix and they are stunning. I've just arrived in Baldur's Gate and so the final quests begin.
Fourth, I've started a Durge (Dark Urge) Playthrough, a White Dragonborn named Minerva, and it's going good so far for her (I'm not accepting The Urge, because I'm a simp for these characters and they don't like you doing bad shit). I've only completed the Grove so there is much more to go. I'm not quite sure who to romance yet, but I like that idea of Halsin saving her.
Possibly restarting Morgan's story (again, which sucks cause I played nearly 70 hours, realised Astarion was never gonna make a move based on a missing cutscene in Act 1, and now dedicated another 8 hours just to be frustrated) to go for Shadowheart instead, as being a tiefling makes it impossibly difficult for Act 1 to please Astarian without going against your own race, like damn. But also she's not that dark and Shadowheart is so easy to please, in most of my playthroughs she's tried to come on to me in the beginning, so I see how she was the most romanced.
Made a bard named Callon, he is (surprise) a wood half-elf who is starting off with the Lute. Going for Wyll the Blade of Frontiers because I watched Neil Newbon (Astarian's actor) play BG3 and invited the actor to speak about him, and it made me want to try! It's been adorable so far and I'm barely in it yet.
Made a character for fun named Nixie (based off of the All for One DnD YouTube series by Deerstalker Pictures), who is a pink tiefling sorcerer that loves casting firespells and is mischievous. We'll see where she takes us, but without that in mind I've decided to ignore her playthrough so far haha.
That leaves us with Lae'zel who I haven't decided a character for just yet, and Astarion who I need to reconsider for. As well as Minthara? I'm not sure what other companions can be romanced that aren't in the initial party, all I know is Minthara is easy for a Durge playthrough. I also think there was a possibility with Mizora? I don't know.
Send help.
#baldurs gate 3#bg3#bg3 rant#bg3 tav#video game#romance#playthrough#astarion#gale dekarios#karlach cliffgate#wyll ravengard#shadowheart#lae'zel#minsc and boo#jaheira#halsin#baldurs gate
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new update - 'thank you for the venom', chapter 4: 'sugar, we're goin' down swinging'
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter 4 Summary
After a hard day, all Lute wants to do is relax in the bath. Alone.
Adam, however, has other plans.
Author's note:
I have a super cool announcement to make - I now have a beta reader! And not just any old beta - she is none other than the most incredible, incomprehensibly talented @branded-rose! She deserves the utmost thanks for being my sounding board, fellow head-canon theoriser, hype gal and all-round legend. Also, if you aren't familiar with her work, close this tab right now and go check her art and accompanying mini-fics out!
I have had the MOST fun writing this chapter. The concept for it has undergone a few transformations in my mind, and I'm glad it's ended up where it has. I hope you all enjoy reading it!
As always, thank you for the comments, likes, reblogs, inboxes and for reading this silly little story <3
***
Lute’s Apartment, Exorcist Training Centre, Heaven
Lute hated being injured.
It wasn’t necessarily the feeling of being in pain that she couldn’t stand. On the contrary, she welcomed the tenderness of every bruise, the sting of every laceration – hell, the dull, aching throb of every broken bone that had been inflicted upon her over her years as an Exorcist. Pain meant she had no hesitations in putting her body on the line; she was renowned, after all, for her reputation as an unrelenting, unstoppable, balls-to-the-wall killing machine.
Her body was heavily adorned with the scars as proof of her status; hundreds of faded gold marks of varying sizes were flecked upon her otherwise pale skin. Each healed wound beheld a gory reminder of her battles and triumphs.
No, what irked Lute was the unwanted attention that she attracted whenever she sustained an injury. Thankfully, due to her recent refocus on physical conditioning, there were no weapons being handled and therefore, there should have been minimal opportunity for anybody to come into harm’s way under her guidance.
There was just one variable that Lute hadn’t accounted for: her dickhead boss.
What the fuck had Adam been thinking, tackling her so suddenly during that afternoon’s training session? One minute, she’d been pointing out common weak spots to hit on a Sinner’s body to expose their vulnerabilities, and then the next she’d unexpectedly been crushed by him. Her right hip and lower back had taken the brunt of the fall as he’d grabbed her around the torso, pinned her arms against her body and drove her into the floor with a force so great she’d been winded before she hit the deck.
Then, her sisters had shrieked, screamed – there may have even been one who cried, there usually was when someone hurt themselves – and crowded around her as she lay on the hardwood floor, dazed, confused and completely smothered by Adam’s considerably larger frame.
“Get off her, Sir, she’s not breathing!”
“I-is…is she dead?”
“Lieutenant, are you alright?!”
“Are you fucking kidding me, Commander?! What the fuck was that?!” Thank God for Vaggie, who had elbowed her way to the front of the gaggling group and stood, hands on hips, glaring at the angel who lay atop her friend.
“Out of line, Vagina,” he had drawled lazily, finally pulling himself up to a standing position. “You owe me burpees for that.”
“I don’t owe you a thing after the bullshit you just pulled,” she’d snapped back, helping Lute stand to her feet. “Ladies, back up, she’s coming through.”
“Thanks,” Lute had managed to grunt, shuffling away from the crowd as quickly as she could so they couldn’t see the golden flush of humiliation that had started to warm her cheeks. There was only one thing that she hated more than being injured, and that was being embarrassed.
Luckily, the colour of her face had returned to normal by the time she’d knocked on Sera’s door to report that training had been cancelled for the rest of the day. She’d even come up with the perfect excuse: the Exorcists had made such remarkable progress with their strength training she was giving them the rest of the afternoon off as a reward while she made some adjustments to their schedule.
Too bad her hip and lower back had started burning by that point – not to mention the feathers of her wings were incredibly ruffled, a dead giveaway that she’d been involved in some kind of mishap. Sera, astute as ever, noticed her limp and disgruntled appearance and had demanded to know what had happened. And it wasn’t like Lute could lie to the Head Seraphim.
At least, not off the cuff.
And so, she found herself fumbling for her key outside her apartment door, ordered to rest up for the evening lest her injuries worsened.
Oh, she was going to rest up, alright. Today’s events called for a bath so damn hot her skin would burn brighter than the surface of the sun, a glass of wine in one hand and steamy novel in another. She’d slip beneath the bubbles of her bath and into the pages of her book, with zero plans to re-enter reality for at least three – no, maybe four hours.
At last, she felt her apartment key in bottom of her bag. Sighing in relief as she entered her immaculate personal sanctuary, she softly pushed the front door back towards its frame without looking, kicking her trainers off as soon she was fully inside. Hanging her bag onto a hook in her entryway, she made a beeline for her small kitchen – specifically, for a bottle of red wine she knew she’d had stashed away at the bottom of her pantry for emergencies and unexpected visits from Vaggie.
After the day she’d had, this was absolutely classified as an emergency.
Ignoring the burn that seemed to now consume most of her lower body, Lute located a wine glass and unscrewed the lid of the bottle, pausing to take a long swig directly from it before filling her glass.
Classy.
Sipping her drink from its intended vessel, she plucked a candle off her coffee table and wandered into her bathroom to start preparing for her date with her bathtub.
As Lute sat her glass and candle onto the counter, she caught her reflection in the mirror. God, she looked like she’d had a day – though, to be fair, she’d had the absolute wind knocked out of her only a few hours earlier. Her platinum hair, half of which had been twisted into a small knot on top of her head, had loose strands starting to fall around her face. The bun was askew, leaning more towards the right and threatening to unravel any minute. If her little altercation hadn’t been so public, it wouldn’t be so farfetched for one to imagine she’d been sandwiched between her boss and the floor for a different reason.
Snorting in disgust to herself at the mental image she’d painted, she released her topknot and leant down to turn on the bath mixer, nudging the lever closer to the right until the water temperature was practically scalding. Perfection. She plugged the bath and turned her attention to the unlit candle.
She’d forgotten the lighter. Dammit. She walked gingerly back out into her living area, peeling her crop top up and off over her head, letting it fall to the floor somewhere near the bench of her kitchen, her socks following. Usually, she’d never allow herself to leave stray items of clothing around her apartment, but she was so hyper focused on getting into her bath she was willing to break her own rules - just this once. Besides, she’d tidy up before bedtime anyhow.
After she grabbed the lighter from an overhead cabinet that was just out of reach, requiring a little assistance from her wings, she set back to the bathroom to light her candle. The calming combination of rose geranium, bergamot and patchouli filled her bathroom almost instantaneously; the smell reminded her of the one and only time she’d allowed Vaggie to drag her to a day spa for a massage and to get her wings preened.
It was a one-time event because, as it turned out, strangers touching her body made her skin crawl and she couldn’t bring herself to relax, even if the aim was to help relieve years of built-up tension, stress and physical exertion. Getting her wings preened was even worse; the therapist kept running her fingers through all her sensitive spots, which made Lute squirm uncomfortably throughout the entire session. Neither experience was what she would call enjoyable.
The only good thing to come out of that disaster was the candle she’d purchased to reassure Vaggie the day hadn’t totally sucked.
She took another sip of wine and looked back in the mirror, turning to see if she could see any obvious signs of bruising on her body. She pulled the waistband of her leggings down for a better look – ah, there it was, a familiar dark orange patch beginning to bloom directly over her right hip. She leant forward to inspect it further – that was going to be ugly tomorrow – and a repetitive, robotic tune sung from her pocket, breaking her concentration. Probably Vaggie checking in on her, bless her.
Lute dug her hand into her pocket and retrieved her phone, frowning as she checked the caller ID.
Commander Adam.
“Absolutely not.” She hit the red decline button and padded out to her lounge, where she turned her phone off and tossed it onto her couch. Bath time had a strict no-phone policy, and Adam had already ruined enough of her day – she didn’t need him encroaching on her night, too. She shimmied her leggings down her lower half, resting against the arm of her couch to support her body as she bent over and tugged the end of them off her feet.
Clad only in her underwear now – a practical, black, seam-free thong ideal for wearing under workout clothes – Lute headed into her bedroom, where she grabbed the book she was currently reading from her nightstand, closing the door as she turned towards the bathroom. Pausing in the hall to rid herself of her last item of clothing, entered the bathroom, fully naked, shutting the door firmly behind her.
The bath was now full and inviting, bubbles threatening to spill over the edge and onto the white tiled floor, steam visibly rising from its depths and dissipating somewhere just short of the ceiling. Grinning in anticipation, Lute shut the mixer off and turned off the light switch, the flickering flame of the candle providing the only source of light – just enough for her to be able to read. Grabbing her book, she stepped into the hot water, allowing the heat to envelop her completely as she slid down into its warmth, tucking her wings comfortably against her sides.
Sighing contentedly to herself, she opened her paperback up to where she’d dog-eared her page and allowed herself to be fully consumed by the words between the well-loved cover, banishing any thoughts, any feelings, any pain that had arisen from her day out of her mind.
What she was blissfully unaware of was that she hadn’t closed her front door properly.
Or that she’d missed two calls, a voicemail and a text message from her boss.
And that he was on a frantic mission to try and find her.
Right now.
Adam and Lute’s Office, Exorcist Training Centre, Heaven
“You’ve reached Lute. Leave me a message if it’s important.”
“What is the point of having a damn lieutenant,” Adam growled to himself furiously, “if she doesn’t answer her fucking phone when I need her to!” Huffing impatiently, he threw his phone onto his cluttered desk, knocking a ball made entirely of rubber bands onto the floor. Women were always on their phones, why was this one any different?
Because her sole purpose in life is to make everything difficult.
He glowered in the direction of Lute’s spotless desk. This was all her fault. If she hadn’t of approached Sera with her shitty statistics and stupid proposal, he wouldn’t be facing the prospect of a pointless life in less than a year’s time. Sera would have just let Extermination Day continue as it was, and things would stay the same. Stay normal.
And now, he had to figure out a way to coexist peacefully with the she-devil. Pretend to support her ideas. Not lump his paperwork on her. Make small talk with her.
Fuck his life.
“Ribs or wings?” He asked the empty chair. He figured he may as well sound out some practice questions in preparation. “Actually neither, you’d be the type to survive on gross shit like protein shakes and probably don’t know what real food tastes like. Alright…” he cleared his throat. “Uh, what was the last movie that made you laugh? Nah, that one’s dumb, I don’t think you’ve been programmed to laugh or understand humour.” He groaned. “Last one, because I’m starting to feel like a dickhead. Most fuckable member of a band…go!”
Silence.
Adam narrowed his eyes.
“Yeah, you would pick the drummer,” he grumbled, standing up. He reached for his phone and tried calling Lute again. Bitch better pick up, or he’d search every nook and cranny of this complex for her. And once he found her, she’d have hell to pay. Screw the idea of a truce, she was pissing him off now.
“You’ve reached Lute. Leave me a message if it’s important.”
Beep.
“Fucks sake, Lieutenant, pick up your phone!” He hissed. Instead of locking the phone after hanging up, he hit the message icon instead and tapped out a quick text, tongue between his teeth as he concentrated.
Adam: Lt. Call me. That’s an order!!!
He shoved the phone into his pocket and sighed, puffing his cheeks out. Dammit, he really had no other choice but to find her.
If I were her, where would I spend my spare time? No – it could take hours trying to find her. I need a workaround. Someone who would know where she lives.
Adam grinned maniacally, inspiration suddenly kicking in.
“I’m a ge-ni-us,” he sang to himself, taking his phone out once more and tapping on a contact.
“Hello, Adam. Have you calmed down?”
“Me? Pfft. Don’t worry about me Sera, I’m so fine. I’m calling because I really want to apologise to Lute, but she’s not answering her phone. Do you have her apartment number so I can drop by to check on her?” He balled his hand into a fist near his crotch and made an obscene gesture. Check on her, his ass.
Silence.
“Adam.”
“Sera.”
“If I do this in good faith,” her voice was dangerously cool on the other end of the phone, “and I find out that you’ve misused the information I’ve given you, there will be consequences. Understood?”
“Crystal, boss.”
“Her apartment number is 583. I mean it Adam, one more incident from you and I-”
“SweetkaythanksSeraloveyoubossbye!” He quickly hung up the phone before Sera could finish her sentence. He’d deal with the inevitable lecture he’d get for hanging up on her later.
He had a lieutenant to hunt down.
Apartment Block, Exorcist Training Centre, Heaven
It wasn’t often that Adam found himself in a situation that required him to make a mental pros and cons list.
However, Lute had left him in quite the predicament: her apartment door was slightly ajar. Which meant he was likely to find her in there: big pro.
He was also likely to find her in a more hostile state than usual, given the events that had transpired earlier that day: big con.
But, if he went in, he’d be able to propose a truce, which would help ensure the success of the next Extermination: bigger pro.
Also, he could twist his pitch to emphasise that it would make her job easier: another big pro.
Fuck it, that was all the evidence he needed. He was getting impatient. He nudged the door open, expecting a response from inside. Nothing.
“Lieutenant?” Adam called, pushing the door open further and poking his head inside. “You home?”
No answer.
He frowned as he fully entered the apartment, observing the immaculate home in front of him. His colleague lived a truly minimalistic lifestyle – he found it borderline depressing, really. A small TV, two-seater couch and coffee table were all that occupied her living room. No decorative clutter. No prints on the walls. No photos of friends. Clothes on the floor.
He did a double take. Clothes on the floor?!
That… he hadn’t been expecting. Then again, he didn’t take Lute as the type to leave her front door unlocked and open when she was nowhere to be seen.
He strode forward, trying to get his bearings around her apartment based on the trail of her clothes. Crop and socks by the kitchen counter to his left. He walked past the discarded pants next to the couch on his right. A dead end with two closed doors and…something scrunched up on the floor? He bent to take a closer look and bolted upright once he realised what it was.
Her underwear.
Dismayed, he blinked repeatedly at the offending item of clothing on the floor in front of him. This surely had to be some kind of fucked-up fever dream. Because if somebody had told him that during his search for his second-in-command that he’d find himself staring down at her underwear on the floor, he would have thrown them down into the pits of Hell himself.
“Sera must have put some kind of curse on me with her four hundred weird eyes,” he muttered. “This is too messed up to be real.” He took a wide berth, desperate to avoid the offending undergarment, and found himself directly in front of one door, with another to his left. Both were closed.
He tentatively opened the door in front of him, hoping to catch her in bed, asleep. Where else could she possibly be? He knew he’d likely pay for it – she wasn’t likely to enjoy being woken up, least of all by him – but it’d be worth it just to see the sheer panic that would likely cross her face for a brief second before she went off the rails.
However, nothing could have prepared Adam for what was behind that door.
Because, he’d found his lieutenant, alright. In the bathtub, her body illuminated only by candlelight.
Naked.
Adam looked down at her, his eyes widening in horror. Oh no. No, no, no. This wasn’t happening. This was meant to be her bedroom, she was supposed to be asleep and she definitely wasn’t supposed to be fucking NAKED.
He’d opened the wrong fucking door.
“SHIT!”
He clapped his hand over the mouth of his mask, accidentally banging the door completely open in the process, revealing his presence to the wide-eyed angel laying in front of him.
The same wide-eyed angel who, renowned for her reputation as a bloodthirsty killer, had a murderous look in her eyes that he’d never seen before, despite many an excursion down to Hell.
Shit. I’m SO dead.
Lute’s Bathroom, Apartment Block, Exorcist Training Centre, Heaven
“I am going to KILL you!”
The water in her bath had long gone lukewarm, but white-hot heat radiated throughout Lute’s body, starting from her cheeks and spreading rapidly all the way down to her toes. Still seated, she instinctively flung her book to the other side of the room. She desperately grabbed in the direction of her towel with one hand, her other arm pressed tightly against her breasts in a feeble attempt to cover as much skin as possible. She just needed to get this towel around her, sprint to the kitchen, grab the butcher’s knife and-
“Shit!” Adam yelped, turning away from his lieutenant, drawing his golden wings around his middle to protect himself. He hastily began retreating into her lounge, eyes fixed on the front door. At lighting speed, Lute seized her opportunity to stand – an awful squelch filling the room as water sloshed out of the bath onto the floor - and retrieve her towel, hastily wrapping it around her body with one hand, not bothering to dry herself before hurling herself out of the tub towards her superior.
Her wings were weighed down with half of the water from her bath, soaking through her white towel completely so it clung to her like a skin-tight dress. As she ran, enormous puddles of water pooled in her wake, but she didn’t care. Water could be cleaned up anytime.
She had mere moments, however, to violently murder her boss.
With an almighty cry, she launched herself at Adam’s back, still clutching the towel at the top her sternum. Her knee caught him in his lower back, causing him to stumble and trip, face-down onto the carpet of her living room.
“How-” she growled, straddling his upper back with her thighs, knees poking into his armpit, leaning forward so that her free arm curled around the front of his neck, “- the fuck did you get into my house, you disgusting piece of shit?”
“Maybe,” Adam rasped, using both of his hands to pull Lute’s arm away from his windpipe, “you should learn to lock your door, Lieutenant. You left it wide open for all of Heaven to come in and enjoy the show!”
“And you didn’t think it polite to knock?!” she roared. “Or, I don’t know, try calling me first?! What could you possibly want so fucking badly,” she grunted the last word as she squeezed her thighs against his back, bracing herself so she could fend off his hands, which were gradually freeing her elbow from his throat, “that you needed to walk in on me in the fucking bath?! How long were you standing there, perv?!”
Adam groaned in discomfort as her knees dug into his underarms. Lute squeezed harder again as she moved her mouth closer to the side of his head to get close to his ear.
“I am giving you three seconds,” she snarled, ignoring her towel slipping down her chest as she channelled all her energy into closing the gap between her elbow and his neck, “to explain yourself before I choke you to death. I don’t care if Sera casts me down into hell; a life of damnation would be worth it if it meant I got to be the one to end yo-”
Adam’s right hand let go of Lute’s forearm and he braced it on the floor so he could jerk his right shoulder up and over to his left violently, causing Lute to teeter off-balance and fall sideways onto her already bruised hip. She yelped in pain, motionless for a moment and Adam, now free, took advantage of her breather to straddle her thighs, pinning them together with his own. His knees were quickly becoming soaked as he pressed into the wet towel that still clung to her lower body, but he didn’t care. She howled in rage and made to claw at his mask with her free hand before he caught her wrist and held it to the floor above her head, his face only inches above hers. With his other hand, he swiftly untangled Lute’s fist from her towel and brought it up next to her other hand, pinning her down completely.
“Listen here, girlie,” he seethed as she thrashed her legs violently behind him, attempting to use her hips to throw him off. “I didn’t fucking come here to do anything untoward, alright? I needed to talk to you urgently and you weren’t answering your phone. Your door was wide open. What else was I supposed to do?”
“You didn’t notice the trail of clothes on the floor and think I might be otherwise occupied?”
“Oh please, I’ve seen enough thongs to last me an afterlife. Your underwear on the floor wasn’t going to stop me from finding you. Besides, I’d assumed you were in bed, asleep. Hold still you crazy bitch, I need to talk to you.”
“There is nothing you could need to tell me that necessitates coming into my home uninvited - argh.” She arched her back to try and twist herself free, her towel now dangerously close to being rendered completely useless. Frustrated, wet and spent, she let her head drop back against the carpet, her chest heaving with exhaustion. Adam’s eyes flickered downwards, and he grinned devilishly.
“Didn’t realise you gave up so easily, Dangertits.”
“What the fuck did you just call me?!” she hissed. Her cheeks flushed brilliantly as she looked down and realised that he’d snuck a quick look at her cleavage, which was beginning to spill over the top of her towel.
“You heard me, babe. I think that’s what I’ll refer to you as from now on. It really…” he let his gaze trail down to her chest again, before deliberately taking his time to being his eyes back up to hers again, knowing that he was antagonising her now. A wicked gleam etched across his mask. “…suits you. Ready to wave the white flag and hear me out?”
“I’d rather fucking die.”
“Not an option, Lieutenant. Shut up and stop running that filthy mouth of yours for a sec and listen to me. That’s an order.”
Lute glowered at him.
“Let me go.”
Adam snickered. “Not a chance.”
“Now.”
“Nuh-uh.”
“I’ll tell Sera.”
“Tattling again, Lieutenant? That would be twice today. I’ll give you a hot tip, because I’m feeling generous.” He bent his head low against her ear, his forehead pressing against her hair as he whispered into her ear. “I strongly advise you against it. Wouldn’t want the boss thinking you can’t hold your own now, would you?”
Lute shuddered at his closeness – or was the adrenaline starting to wear off and a chill settling in because of the wet towel? It didn’t matter, anyway. He was right. She couldn’t go to Sera again with something like this. It would make her appear weak. Incapable. Not to mention that the whole situation was utterly humiliating, and there was no way she was telling a single soul about what had happened tonight. Not even Vaggie.
“What do you want, then?”
Adam lifted his head back up, so their faces were parallel once more and scoffed.
“Are you kidding me, babe? We’re not having this conversation right now! In case you haven’t noticed, you’re soaking wet – not in a good way, either – and basically naked. We can talk tomorrow morning.”
“Y-you,” Lute gasped, shutting her eyes in disbelief. After all this, he wasn’t even going to tell her. Oh, how she wanted nothing more than to tear him apart, limb by limb. “You asshole. You evil, conniving sonnuva-”
“Nine o’clock. Our office.” Adam released his grip on her wrist and rose to a standing position. He held out his hand to help her up, but Lute swatted it away angrily. He could shove it up his ass, as far she was concerned.
“Don’t be late.” He straightened his robes and headed towards her front door, whistling merrily to himself. Lute pulled herself into a sitting position, readjusting her towel so she was adequately covered once more. She said a silent prayer of thanks that the wetness of the towel meant that it stuck tight to her lower body, ensuring some level of modesty for her during their scrap. She desperately wanted to scream at him, throw something at his head, charge at him again and make him pay for the humiliation she’d just suffered.
But she didn’t. Because, despite wanting to exact her revenge immediately with every fibre of her being, she was overwhelmingly exhausted. At this point, all she had the energy to do was crawl into bed and forget that she’d even woken up this morning.
Adam grinned as he opened the door.
“At ease, Dangertits.” He saluted her mockingly before exiting.
He managed to close the door just in time to hear the TV remote hit the back of the door and clang to the floor.
***
Next time: Lute's suspicious that Adam's trying to poison her.
#hazbin hotel#adam x lute#guardrock#guitarspear#guitarspear fic#hazbin adam#hazbin hotel adam#hazbin hotel lute#hazbin hotel fanfic#hazbin lute
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Hiya again! i follow you on twitter and have seen the amount of hate going on and i think i can say confidently that the haters will never out way the supporters. We (the people who enjoy your content and every other sims 4 creators content) will always speak louder than the people who just hate to hate <3
onto my question: How to you deal with the people who don't like you and choose to hate on your content and you as a person? do you ignore it? block them?
ALSO! i want an updated on Jinho!! how is he doing? i bet he misses shin and maya, and definitely mayumi! is he a toddler now? do you think him and mayumi will be friends in the future?
hii! thank you so much for your kind words and support it truly means a lot to me especially when things get rough online, thankfully the genuine support that i get from people like you totally outweight the negativity ♡ to those wondering what mounikka is referring to, here is a thread you can read where i show some things that were said about me in a discord groupchat by people that were my followers/mutuals
when it comes to dealing with hate, 90% of the time i immediately delete the comments, block the users, and move on, especially when it’s obvious that they’re just trying to provoke me; but there are times when i choose to respond and make things public like i did recently
i'll explain how i approached that situation and why i feel good about going public with it
after reading those people's hateful messages, i checked the accounts involved and what i found was very telling: almost all of them were following me (on multiple platforms!) and closely watching every little thing i do with my sims. one of them had even made a video edit AND fanart for me, another one was calling me a bitch and mocking my genuine supporters while also saying that she still wished i gave her attention seeing me getting praised irritated them, it irritated them so much that they resorted to making fun of my appearance and attacking my identity as a black woman (unfortunately for them i'm not insecure & i will not change the way i look to make them happy)
it quickly became clear that the people who hate me all share common traits: jealousy, envy, and cowardice all of their criticism came from a place of jealousy and their own insecurities, not from anything i’ve done wrong having people that you can trust & talk to in the sims community is very important when those things happen before going public with all of this, i made sure to talk about the situation to multiple of my mutuals privately, talking to others made me feel much better thankfully i think that most people in the sims community are great, and that this type of vile people are a minority, i was happy to see that even simmers that didn't know me supported me, and of course i'm also really grateful for my own community for always supporting me and sending me sweet messages ♡ i don't regret going public about it and i don't feel sorry for them at all (just as most of them aren't sorry for what they said)
now, onto jinho! he’s doing okay with his moms, he's still the same sensitive baby and he definitely misses them especially maya and mayumi (though he was present at mayumi's birthday which you can watch here on youtube) he’s growing but he's not a toddler just yet! i'm not sure if he and mayumi will be close friends in the future, i will make them meet though because maya has his moms' numbers, but jinho & mayumi will decide on their own if they still like playing with eachother, i will definitely document that though!
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Hi Cas
First off, please don't feel any pressure to answer this. I'm not heavily relying on this and would seriously prefer it if you put yourself and your mental health above mine
Second off, how are you?
Third off, I need advice :(
Little backstory so you understand, I'm a queer indian that shifted to London 12 months ago for my year 8-9, and when I first joined the school I was best friends with four people including the girl im talking about lets call her Saoirse cause she's Irish. 6-7 months later we've all drifted apart except Saoirse and her best friend. During class we talked occasionally and bantered as friends, until one day she insulted and laughed at me with a couple of friends about my Indian three letter name and when I called her out for it by mentioning her own name, she got into a strop and ignored me for 3 months, as well as trying to one up me with my supposed best friend who I ahwv a shaking relationship with. Admittedly, I did grovel a bit until she started talking to me randomly one morning. A month and we're good friends and then she gets caught doing something and when she gets a detention blames it on me. The next day the teacher asks me and I deny it, it becomes a whole thing for three weeks in which I promise myself to not let her into my life. But one day Saoirse just starts speaking to me again and since we're in the same friend group and it just felt so good I let her. For a week she dotes on me, pulling me to sit with her, and just something about the way she acts and speaks makes me wanna compliment her every time I speak to her. The second week, she unnecessarily touches me whenever she can, compliments me, and when a friend asked her if she was straight (a question she continuously replied yes to and she had a bf) she looked at me, smiled, and said her minds been changing lately. Throughout the week she flirts with me and calls me 'pookie', which whatever everyone does but before we had more of a love language: rude relationship. Finally on the last day, she pulls me aside and applies her lip balm on my lips slowly and constantly, leaning into close and then abruptly leaving. On Monday, peek a boo, shes a bitch. She continuously love bombs me, and whenever another girl who liked me looked at me she would put on an act and make me confront that girl because she called Saoirse a dick for everything. On Wednesday she just acts like she subtly hates me, but I can't speak to anyone cause all my friends are her friends. And also, shes so so so addicting so I can't use my remaining self respect and move away
What do I do?
(sorry for the long ask)
Hi hon! I'm good!
Well, it sounds like you already know what to do, it's just a matter of doing it:
You know Saoirse isn't treating you well. You know you deserve better. And you know she's the type of person hat keeps drawing you back in.
And trust me, I know those people. They're - like you said - addicting. But addiction never ends well, does it? So I think you know that the best idea is to take space from her.
I know it's a lot easier said than done, I know. But you deserve to be treated with respect. And it's okay to take space from people who aren't giving you what you deserve.
Think about it. Message me again with updates or if you need encouragement!
Naming you self respect anon <3
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Evitative by Vichan
Main Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter (There is very little romance)
Type: 5th Year Rewrite - Morally grey harry potter
Explicitness: None
POV: Harry Potter
Word Count: 222,453
Song:
My Summary:
The year before fifth year Harry Potter ends up expelled; luckily it was a mistake so he is able to return to Hogwarts under one condition, he must be resorted. Harry can already guess what that might mean for him, hadn't the sorting hat told him twice already where he belongs? When the sorting hat finally gets his way Harry finds himself in the den of snakes; but Harry is finding that not everything is as cut and dry as it seems.
My Thoughts:
I have a lot of thoughts! Long story short I enjoyed it. It gave me a lot to think about which I think is always a good sign. I wish there was more closure its left very open ended. Other than that it was super well written and a great read. But read on if you want my more in-depth thoughts on it!
I have so many thoughts on this I'm not even sure where to start. So maybe at the beginning. I started this fic twice before i decided to buckle down and finish it.
The first time the size was taunting so I chose a shorter fic. The second time the subject matter was a bit taunting so I chose a softer fic. I this the themes were what stopped me the longest. I finally decided to just do it and I am glad I did.
The writing is very good, it draws you in and is easy to follow. I think the main theme of this book is very complex and I think the author handles it well over all. I think i wish I could see one of these types of stories where Ron isn't a jerk about it haha but it is what it is.
This fic really makes you think about what is good and bad and why you think these things. I think I found myself doubting Harry's actions and whether or not I liked the way the story was headed; however, I do think it was entirely intentional. I think you are meant to doubt meant to question and in that find that there are many ways to do things and many reasons people may choose the things they do.
I do have to say, I liked all the characters and how they were written. None of them felt like caricatures of a type of person. For example Ron was a bad friend and didn't believe in Harry but he was a person raised a certain way with a set of beliefs, this feels more real than some other portrayals I've read where Ron is just almost goofy with how much he is a bad friend. Hermione is still Hermione in all the ways that matter but she was told her whole magical life that dark magic was bad so she is understandably distrustful of it. The Slytherins who were raised with hateful ideals aren't suddenly going to stop having those ideals because Harry becomes a Slytherin. All these things made sense to me and didn't feel forced or goofy.
The one thing I have to point out because I wasn't aware was it is only of year 5. I wish I had more it's no one's fault and I know that some people prefer an open end; but, I really kind of felt we didn't get enough a payoff for all of the growing and thinking that Harry did. I know there is a sequel; however it hasn't been updated in a little over two years if it gets updated I may pick it up. On its own though this is a very good fic. I wish there was more closure to the overall plot line of Harry choosing dark but that is what it is. I can't say enough though, how well written it was and how much I have been thinking about this fic the last couple of days.
#drarry#fanfiction#harry potter#draco malfoy#harry potter fanfiction#harry potter/draco malfoy#hpdm#fanfic#thoughts#running read#Spotify
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