#I'm lucky in that way I think and I hope all LGBT people experience that sense of belonging in their lives

[artemismatchalatte]

Okay BUT that ancient idea that all 'good' women don't have any sexual desires at all, only men do is highly destructive and still influencing society today...

For a very long time, I was so uncomfortable with the idea of having a sexuality at all because I internalized that shit. YES, REALLY!

For many years, I fought for the rights of my gay friends fiercely (all the while not connecting the dots of why it mattered to me on a more personal level).

I was loudly vocal about LGBT activism at my college, all while living like a nun and avoiding ever having to deal with any of my personal feelings.

Suppressing yourself like I did is NOT healthy. I wouldn't suggest it at all.

[alexissara]

15 Years Of Love

Today marks my 15 year anniversary with my Fiancé. It means officially half of my life has been with them. I'm 30 years old now and when I was 15 we started dating. I was a freshmen in high school, I wasn't out, I casually might have said I was bi but I had not yet come to realize that I was ace, a lesbian, a trans woman, or polyamarous at the time. Nor had he realized he was trans masc gender fucky pansexual polyamarous sexy little goblin. They and I did not have the most clear start, as teens we both did and said plenty of things we wished we never said or did to one another. Still in 15 years we've every year become more of ourselves and as a consequence fallen more in love.

It is wild to think how radically different we both are from where we started and how our love and selves have bloomed. Being with someone as long as we have clearly shapes you. This kind of love is the kind of love where you become the same kind of weirdos in so many ways but we're still also very different people. We have so many layers of inside jokes, so many shared memories, so much life experience that it is impossible to really decipher us if you were a fly on the wall. It is such a joyful life to be able to live as silly as fucking possible together. We are two halves of a whole without being monogamous or dependent on one another, we date separately and both have very long term committed relationships with amazing women that aren't ending any time soon. It's like a Soul Mates AU if they weren't hyper monogamous where somehow we were meant to each other.

Our love story is funny too, we were enemies to lovers over a mutual crush. At the time they didn't know they liked girls and I didn't know I was a girl but we both had a crush on a mutual bi friend of ours. We met at a Japanese cultural festival both wanting to learn more about the culture sure but also both wanting to spend time with our crush. Neither of us particularly liked each other and in fact they gave advice to my crush that going on one date with me didn't mean we were dating and she didn't owe me shit. Which is so true, very true and also very funny in retrospect. We add each other on myspace, I had been pretty in my depression era we talk and talk from time to time about our mutual crush and about random stuff. I decide to ask him out and he says yes. From that showing of What Happens In Vegas, a movie which is a time capsule for sure we started dating.

While our goals and ambitions have shifted radically to this day my Fiancé inspires me in my art. Even back then I knew I wanted to tell stories and they were an apple of my eye always making me want to tell more. They always supported me in making art and telling stories and acting and everything I did and I always supported them in drawing and crafting and aiming for whatever goals they wanted. Our hearts and spirits always longed for making the world better in whatever ways we could and it's something we still do together.

While we may no longer be teens caught between Emo and Scene we still get to radically be ourselves together, to express ourselves how we want and encourage each other to explore ourselves, challenge our ideas about the world and expand what we know. At the end of this year we plan on leaving our home for the whole of our relationship Texas thanks to anti trans, anti LGBT and racist laws popping up left and right. While this anniversary is huge for us the future looks so exciting with us hopefully finally leaving this hell hole behind and entering a new era of our lives with hopefully more community, love and exciting discovery along the way.

I don't know where I would be without my Fiancé, they got me through all the worst times in my life, their a part of my DNA. I feel so incredibly lucky to have had 15 years with the worlds most sweet little gender monster. This love is always going to be worth fighting for to me and I hope I can tell so many more new stories that honor the love they've given me in my life.

[If you want me to spoil my gender gremlin consider giving me money on Patreon or Ko-fi ]

[secretly-sapphic-confessions]

Hello Aunt Sappho! I have 3 questions that I'm hoping you can answer... 1:How do I hint out to someone Im a lesbian/love women/want to be stepped on by a women? 2:How do I ask, but then at the same time not ask is someone is a lesbian (or is also attracted to women)? (Like I dont want to directly ask someone if they like women, I want to hint out that im tryna ask if they like women) 3: Are there some sort of...idk like some sort of signs that someones tryna hint out that they like women??? I go to a religious school (they dont except people of the lgbtqia+) and I want to try and figure out if there are girls who are also like me, a person who is very closeted yet very gay and in love. Thank you!

Hello there my esteemed Anon!

OOoOooh questions, I love questions, I’ll do my best!

Thankfully, I’m very lucky and live in an area that isn’t particularly religious where my peers are very accepting, so I’m not very experienced with being discreetly gay, but I’ll try my best to put myself in your shoes and hopefully I can help!

1: This is always a hard one as some people are more oblivious than others (me) and some are just begging for that hint (also me). If you want to hint and not make it directly obvious, wearing subtle pride colours or rainbow accessories is always a confidence boost and a great push for those that are looking! For example, back when I was a baby gay, I would wear a rainbow loom band bracelet ✌︎('ω')✌︎. That allows people that are looking for hints to catch on, and if anyone you don’t want to know about your sexuality asks questions, you can say it’s just because you like rainbows or colourful things! If you’d like to try something else, talking about LGBT+ celebrities or media can hint things to the right people too! I don’t know if you know about or watch The Owl House but if you’ve seen that I’m sorry but there’s no way in hell you’re straight. Sorry I don’t make the rules. The LGBT+ always flock to the same media and interests usually! You could even say that *insert gay celeb crush here* is hot, but whether that’s because you’re gay or because you want to be them is up for your interpretation (^_-) ! It’s all about getting creative!

2: For matters like this, it’s paramount to remember to remain respectful and mindful that other people may not wish to comment on their sexuality if you suspect they’re a little fruity too, especially if you’re in an unaccepting place. I would be careful as you don’t want to accidentally force coming out onto someone, even if you have good intentions with this information. However, I can think of a few easy none intrusive methods! Similar to the answer to your first question, If you’re comfortable with it, you could strike up conversation on the topic of characters or people etc you find attractive (of the same gender obviously haha) and ask their opinion! This gives them the opportunity to agree or disagree if they so wish to comment. Also, asking what they think about lesbians or just the LGBT+ in general can give a few hints. I would say on the whole though, if you want to know if someone is gay or not, in my opinion the best way is for it to come from you first! Create a safe friendship and space for them, it’ll be easier if they know that you bend that way first, but don’t endanger yourself! If you give hints first, they’re likely to follow suit if they’re ready.

3: I wouldn’t say that there are any set signs or explicit ways of hinting that you’re gay other than the obvious, so all I can say is stay intuitive and trust your gut! Please be safe though, I’m always so worried about my wlw friends In not so accepting places _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):

Man, being gay is hard sometimes. I hope you can locate the rest of the pack!! <3

In my hilarious experience though, everyone LGBT+ seem to have a weird magnetism to each other, so the other wlws are most likely close by!

My best wishes for you going forward! I hope you have a great day/night 🌈

~ Sappho

[cassandraclare]

I'm sorry to hear that your hard work was leaked but I was curious about what happened. I hope the person faced consequences because that was a very selfish thing to do leaking your work like that :(

I haven’t taken action against the person who leaked the book. I know who they are, since they uploaded the page I signed for them, and I was able to match that against my records. 

I haven’t refrained from taking action because I feel sympathy for them. I don’t. It’s beyond shitty behavior to receive an early, signed book as a gift, and to then leak the entire book online. It’s a shit thing to do to the authors and an equally shit thing to do to other fans. However, I don’t want to put myself (and Wes) through the exhausting, grim and expensive process of legal repercussions. It doesn’t mean what this person did isn’t horrible, and it doesn’t mean they haven’t cost the entire fandom any chance of there ever being an early contest giveaway like that again. They did. There never will be. There will be no ARCs of Chain of Iron, either, and you can thank them for that, too. 

Part of what makes piracy such an issue for authors goes far beyond the individual assholes who upload and distribute and translate stolen books. It’s that the whole system is set up to make it incredibly difficult for us to do anything about it. Publishers do little to nothing to prevent piracy, and authors shoulder the entire burden of searching out and reporting illegal copies of their books. And even then, we’re dependent on whether or not the reported website feels like complying with copyright laws or not. Twitter is incredibly slow to respond, Tumblr is about fifty-fifty on bothering at all. They’re legally required to take action, but they also know that the effort of doing something about it if they do not falls on exhausted, overburdened artists who often can’t afford to follow up with a lawyer’s letter.

And like, I get being broke and wanting to read books; there were a lot of books I had to pass up reading when I was broke (I will be forever grateful to the library system of New York and Brooklyn, which is how I read books at all from about 2001-2004.) I was broke enough that I slept on a bare mattress because I couldn’t afford sheets, but I’m pretty sure if I broke into Bed, Bath and Beyond and stole a bunch of fitted percale bedding I wouldn’t have encountered much sympathy if I got caught. 

I talked about this on Twitter before, and I’ll say it again here though I know it will make very little difference: pirating books doesn’t just hurt the author of those books. It hurts everyone at the publishing company, where the margin of profit is razor-thin (and yes, publishers should do more to protect themselves against piracy; I agree there); it hurts bookstores, especially indie bookstores (I remember doing an event at a store that told me, sadly, that they were likely going to have to close because people “came into the store, looked at the books, took notes, then went home and pirated them.”) It hurts libraries, who rely on circulation for funding, and the shutting down of libraries hurts people who actually can’t afford books.

Now, I know is no way to talk people out of piracy; the internet has normalized it, and besides, people will generally do the cheaper, easier thing — you can’t talk people into not doing something they want to do by telling them it’s wrong, in my experience. They’ll find ways to justify it, whether it be that they can’t afford the book or it isn’t yet available in their language or that they find the author “problematic” and this is the way they’ve chosen to punish them. 

The reason I put “problematic” in quotes is because yes, of course you can read and enjoy work that has problematic elements. Pretty much everything has some element that’s going to be found problematic by someone — which is exactly why deciding that it’s morally excusable to steal from people you think are creating flawed work is more than problematic. Holding creators accountable for their work means critiquing that work, not stealing it.

I listen to a lot of political podcasts, and some of them review work by extreme right-wing politicians etc. who have written books that the podcasters find morally despicable but wish to, or need to, review and discuss. Since they don’t wish to give money to the authors, they buy second-hand copies or take the book out of the library. They certainly don’t steal, translate and distribute copies of the books because they genuinely do not like them and do not want more people reading them. That’s what it looks like when you have an actual moral problem with a book or author. 

However, running multiple fan accounts for a book series, naming your internet identity after characters from that book series, and talking endlessly about “your favorite parts” and how this is “your favorite book” entirely invalidates any argument that you’re doing this because you think the books are bad, evil, etc. If you claim a book is actively homophobic or racist but are so desperate to read it that you’ll steal it, so excited about it that you’ll share that stolen copy, so obsessed that you’ll illegally translate a whole book and provide that stolen translation to as many people as possible, and so dedicated to the fandom that you’ll name yourself after the characters in the books and write poetry about them, I have to tell you: the last thing that looks like is that you actually find the books problematic, regardless of what you say to the contrary. It looks like you like them but don’t want to pay for them, because in fact, that’s the case. (Either that or it looks like you’re really into racist, homophobic books, and making sure as many people read them as possible, which is your problem.)

One of the issues I have with piracy is that it teaches you to hate creators. You have to hate them, because you’re doing a fucking awful thing to them and you have to justify it. This results in lying about creators — about their process, their translations, their research — as if somehow, even if they were bad researchers, that would justify widespread theft. (It doesn’t.) Those who steal books wind up in a headspace where they are obsessed with the content of the books, and entirely unwilling to accept the reality that those books were created by a real person that they’re really harming. It encourages the mentality that I didn’t create Jem or Magnus or Will or Cordelia: they came from some kind of sparkly outerspace planet and I was just lucky enough to get to write down their adventures. It invalidates the hard work creators put into what they create, and in fact, erases their very existence. The internet attitude toward creators is already incredibly toxic (especially if they’re women, LGBT+ and/or BIPOC) and the feeling of entitlement to free content, and vicious hatred toward those who aren’t providing it (even though a lot of creators, me included, provide a great deal of free content) contributes to that. Genuinely, if you’re stealing someone’s work, the least you could do is not also be an asshole about them. (Or pretend you’re Robin Hood. He stole from the rich who had taken property and goods from the poor, and returned that stolen wealth. He didn’t steal from artists and independent bookstores and use that stealing to benefit himself and his friends. The idea is actually kind of funny.) 

 I understand there is a pressure to be up to date on the books that are being released so as to participate in fandom, and I do get that. Unfortunately, piracy has real consequences that stretch beyond just hurting me and Wes. Because LGBT+ books are pirated at such an incredible rate, and we’ve definitely seen that with TEC, I am left wondering if there will ever be an actual Spanish translation of TEC, or whether the publisher will decide not to bother because it’s already been so thoroughly pirated in Spanish. I have to wonder if there will even be a third book of TEC at all, or whether publishers will feel it isn’t worth doing. And I have to wonder why the people who create this situation so often have usernames that include Jem or Magnus or Alec or Cordelia or Julian or Tessa. What an incredible misunderstanding of those characters, to imagine a world in which Will Herondale or Magnus Bane or James Carstairs would approve of stealing books and harming writers. And why name yourself after a character who absolutely couldn’t stand you? I don’t know. I don’t get it, any more than I get hating someone who provided you with something you claim is your favorite book. 

That was a much longer answer than you were probably expecting or hoping for, and I know I’ll get yelled at quite thoroughly for writing it. Writers always do, when we engage with the issue of piracy. I know most of you reading this acquire your books honestly; most of you are not like this at all. But like most things on the internet, a small amount of people really do have the power to make things pretty rotten for everyone else.

[acespec-ed]

Confession: it’s hard to accept being ace/aro.

Being bi and genderfluid were way easier to accept. They feel like exclusive clubs I’ve been invited to, and I enjoy and embrace my identity.

But being demiro and ace is so hard. I crave intimacy and want to experience all the amazing kisses and touches that other people can have, but I don’t desire that unless I’m romantically attracted and in love with someone, which takes months of being friends for me to even figure it out. And then how do I pursue someone if I’m already in love with them and they could’ve gotten in a relationship at that point already?

I just wish I could embrace this part of myself, but it kinda sucks.

It honestly bothers me how common these feelings are. Sometimes, I think, maybe our problems really are as insignificant as aphobes make them out to be. And then I read something like this- something from someone who isn't "cishet," saying how much harder being aspec is than their other LGBT+ identity, and it just really puts things into perspective. I'm sorry you're going through this. It really does suck. I don't have an answer for the pursuing part, other than it comes down to luck. Someday, you might get lucky with becoming romantically attracted to a friend who returns your feelings. A lot of relationships start off that way. It seems impossible for it to happen, but you never know what the future holds. All you can do is hope for the best. 💜

[antispopausandstuff]

I saw your post about same sex and Sapphic relationships in media and how not every pair of gay/bi/etc people have to be together and homie, I get that there are a lot of other ways to show love in lgbt+ shows but dude. Canon romantic relationships of all kinds is one of the big goals for our community. The "unrequited love" and such was what we Always used to see in shows and media and books. Always hinted at just enough to make audiences hopeful but never any follow through. We are LUCKY to have LGBT+ relationships and romances on screen nowadays and a lot of younger people don't remember the days when no one in the community even thought it was possible to see a pair of women or a pair of men kiss on TV or in a movie in a way that wasn't just a joke or going to be played off. Yes, we need more lgbt+ friendships on air but not at the sacrifice of the romantic relationships our community and our elders have fought to be shown and accepted as normal for decades now. If you wanna see pining and unrequited love and "will they, won't they", you can easily find it in the past. Typically it became queerbaiting of some kind if the authors refused to acknowledge the obvious subtext or in some cases, people would retcon it in after the dust has settled and people can't refuse to watch something if they have to see gay people being gay.

But comparing things to the "control group", it's exceptionally rare that showrunners don't try to shoehorn in some kind of tension between straight people. If showrunners don't, fans are always THRILLED to ship them. Until shows get better writers that know how to write friendships of any kind, I'm sticking firmly in the camp of happier to see the gays kissing rather than hearing showrunners whine about how they gave us representation so why aren't we happy to see said rep not acting on their sexuality in any way.

hello there!

i'm sorry for offending you, and i might've explained my thoughts poorly.

i do not believe we have to sacrifice one or the other, or that there's anything wrong with queers kissing and the "obvious" ( still not sure if that's the right word ) being canon.

what i do believe though is that, especially since comics and other online forms of media ( youtube, for ex ) are becoming more and more diverse and becoming more popular in general, there are a lot of opportunities for different topics of queer romance.

i'm very aware of how difficult it can be for shows/movies specifically, so i think i should've mentioned that i wasn't only talking about TV media, but i'm not sure how relevant that would be in hindsight.

to talk more about the unrequited love conversation, i definitely should've specified more on that! i understand how that can come off as incredibly queerbaiting, and often is, if it was one "potential" queer relationship.

however, i didn't mean to give off that i meant it in that context. i am a writer who makes all of my characters POC + queer, and only not do that in rare circumstances, so it was natural of me to think of what i said in that specific context, instead of how it could come off to others. i apologize for that!

i meant unrequited love, and potential "will they, won't they"s in the context of many already existing queers and queer relationships, rather than the sole relationship with clear queer subtext being used as a bait to lure in the gays.

i know this is less possible to do with TV media than it could be with social media and comics/manga, but i don't feel like that should stop others from trying to play around with these concepts. as time goes on, hopefully society will too, and queer media on TV, books, anything it can be in, can be even MORE diverse!

i'm very sorry for coming off as insensitive and like i want the old things back, this was my own doing by being unclear about my personal experiences of what i was saying. i kinda forgot that not everyone knows what i'm talking about ^^;

thank you for telling me this, though! it'll help me keep in mind of my explanations in the future, and i hope this cleared up your worries or concerns!

TLDR; my discussion was in context of multiple queer people/queer relationships in media, but my wording ended up being misleading and most likely came off as irritated or bitter. and, there is NO problem with having the crystal-clear gays kiss! if they're not unhealthy, let them kiss all they want!

[palmett-hoes]

how do you think this fandom deals with "measuring" trauma? i've seen a couple posts detailing aaron's reaction to trauma/nicky's reaction//seth's/etc and it seems like some people have a tier list of trauma responses in regards to the foxes? like what's "acceptable" versus what isn't, and who's trauma was "enough" to make their actions excusable versus others. this doesn't make much sense but i hope you get where i'm coming from?

no no i get you don't worry

i think it’s something i used to see more said explicitly than i see it now. like i definitely remember a point in the fandom when ppl were very openly mad at aaron for the way he acted in the books and especially him not being “grateful” enough for all that andrew had “done for him.” additionally seth used to be used as a minor villain or an abusive ex in fics a lot more than i see now. then of course there was a period of calling out these trends and reminding ppl that these are books about trauma, not books about ethics, and that you really really can’t read them without attempting compassion for every character. they’re not books about who’s right and who’s wrong, they can’t really be read in terms of theory or ideology. they’re about survival and recovery.

i haven’t really seen those sentiments in the past few years tho, at least not as openly as they once were, nor have i seen the old posts recirculating. at the same time, i think that there’s less meta and character analysis being written in general so there’s also less debate in general. i don’t see the whole fandom tho, just who i follow and the stuff from the tags that shows up on my tl. if this stuff is actively still going on idk about it, though i’d like to think we as a collective have moved on from seeing trauma as a zero-sum game

additionally, because of the discourse period over them it seems like aaron and seth in particular are treated with extra care not to invalidate that they came from abusive situations and were shaped by that. i’d say it’s now seen as bad taste to openly denounce what a character has been through as “not enough”

however

measuring trauma isn’t always angry, it isn’t always saying to a character “you didn’t go through enough” or “he went through more so shut up.” measuring trauma can also be dismissive. it can take the form of simply choosing not to include it. of removing character traits or actions or topics that make us uncomfortable or are maybe complicated to approach. by removing them or replacing them or avoiding them and simply writing like they’re not there, you essentially get to the same place as saying “get over it” but instead you write them as having, well, gotten over it

so i do still see people measuring trauma it’s just not as outright anymore. instead it’s paring certain characters down for ease and digestibility, and simply not engaging with their trauma and circumstances

i would say i see this most often with the upperclassmen, dan, matt, and allison especially (and nicky even though he’s not an upperclassmen) (ik i mentioned him but seth content is still pretty few and far between) (renee’s trauma has the “rule of cool” so it still gets in there). i’ve mentioned before how sidelined the upperclassmen are in fan works and some of the unfortunate implications of that, but another dimension is not acknowledging or considering their individual backgrounds. they all come from some pretty fucked up circumstances and more than that they’re all SHAPED by those circumstances

in the books, they are all wary isolationists with attitude issues.  they can be mean, they can be nasty, and they can be violent. they come from poverty, abuse, neglect, drug addicition, gang violence, and sex trafficking. they are treated with extreme suspicion by their school, the media, their classmates, and their fellow athletes, and they respond with suspicion right back. their relationships with each other are often on thin ice. they treat neil the way they do - tolerate his puzzle pieces that don’t fit together right without questioning - because they can all recognize themselves in him. and on the flip side, neil is able to relate to them for the same reasons, because they are also wary dogs used to being hit

but then i so often see the upperclassmen used in ways that mostly imply they’re like,, mostly normal, chill, often quite woke. goofy and cool. they all grew up watching disney movies and going to carnivals. they get used as a contrast for neil and andrew to highlight their traumatized behavior and the extremity of their circumstances, and if their trauma gets mentionted at all it’s in passing and it doesn’t inform the way they act. their trauma isn’t sufficient to inform their actions so it just,, doesn’t factor in or get mentioned really and they’re all nice, friendly, happy-go-lucky neurotypicals who are trying to teach poor traumatized neil how to be normal. tell me that isn’t measuring trauma

it’s annoying, in all honesty, especially since it now seems to come in a form that’s hard to call out because it’s no longer content that actually states a bad opinion so much as it is a lack of content or consideration for certain characters, pushing them further and further into the background and giving them increasingly more vague, palatable, and relatable characterizations.

in fact, it often comes off as praise, by ascribing them positive traits like nicky being a good guardian for the twins or allison being super knowledgeable about lgbt stuff or dan being a “queen” or matt being a “himbo” and because this is all good stuff it’s fine, right? it’s better than canon actually, right? except actually what it is is dismissive of their trauma and individual experiences. it’s a series of easily digestible filler words used to make the messy, ugly, complicated characters of canon softer and easier to swallow

also this is by no means restricted to the upperclassmen it’s just the one that slips most through the cracks. i definitely see this happening to andrew, too, but it works in slightly different ways and is a whole other discussion

[therealsehinton]

Alright, I feel like you're probably just going to read this and laugh at me like you've done to everyone else today, but this a genuine problem I have and I'm hoping you'll actually listen and help me. I'm hated no matter where I go. I'm a Pansexual trans person. I'm fat. I'm afab. And I'm white. Now, yes, me being white is a Privledged compared to my other problems, I don't understand how to deal with the constant hate that comes to me from all sides. I get hate from my own parents for being trans. I get hate from people around me for being Pansexual. I get hate everywhere for being fat. and the one place I go to get rid of that hate, to the lgbt+ community and other online communitties.... I get hate for being born white.

Now, I get it I guess. Poc people are allowed to feel anger towards their oppressors, just like I'm allowed to feel hate towards mine.

But how am I supposed to navigate the world where it's constant.

How do I live my life happily me, when no matter where I go somebody hates me for being simply born wrong.

How do I not absolutely despise myself because a blog I enjoy, and I person I believe is my friend, says they hate me for being born a certain way.

How? Please, this is a genuine question because I don't understand how to safely and comftrably even be in my own communities because all I see is people hate me. How do I not learn to hate every fucking aspect of myself because of people constantly saying that hate those aspects and that they're bad and evil.

And I'm aware this sounds like "oh boohoo the wittle white person is white oh no" but it gets to be a lot when it's every single aspect of me that I can't control that gets hated.

i genuinely do not know why you’re on anon my guy 😭i know who you are, why don’t you just dm me and spare yourself of the embarrassment of everyone seeing you cry about how everywhere you go you get hate for being white like �� honestly, this could have stayed private between the two of us

i hope you know that talking about how you’re afab and trans and pan and fat makes no difference to me about you or your white fragility. those labels don’t add any sympathy to how i feel about your plight. as an enby lesbian who’s plus sized i’m not gonna invalidate your pain ig but you’re always gonna be white before that dude. imagine what you go through and multiply that by a thousand. you’re lucky you’re white, that makes your experience as a trans person, as a pan sexual person, and as a fat person 1000 times better than most if not all poc. trust me, as bad as you think your experience is, poc have it much worse, in all categories. particularly black people. a lot of modern views of homophobia have developed from slavery, fat phobia literally stems from slavery. the black experience is much more harsher than anything you could feel or imagine

i’m not trying to invalidate you but the moment you try to compare yourself to the poc experience, you’re gonna get shut down. it’s utterly embarrassing for you tbh, and it’s not my problem. if you’re so sensitive then why don’t you block me man like 😭 i’m not gonna stop making fun of white people just cuz it hurts your feelings dude. to say you’re “born wrong” for being white is so??? you have the biggest privilege in the world? and you’re sad about it because some black person and their white friends are poking fun of you 😭

why are you coming to me about this issue? all i said was that people who are white shouldn’t deny their whiteness. i didn’t talk about privilege for white people, i was talking about rich people. the fact that you find this issue in me is so. like. lmao okay 😭 do you want me to feel bad for you? i was gonna hear you out at first but then you took a whole ass 180 into a pity tea party as your rant when on, and i’m not gonna service you. find that sympathy in someone else, you’re not getting any from me

like i’m sorry you’re white? i’m sorry you have privilege? lmao. i’m sorry that people who look like me are shot everyday gooodbye. go back to crying dude.

[imaginebeatles]

hey, I hope this isn't too personal that it makes uncomfortable,but I'm kind of starting to learn about my sexuality and knowing that you're asexual I was just wondering how you figured it out, u know that ur asexual, and this might be the stupidest/longest question you've aver got but like if you fell in love with someone does things change and how did you deal with it?

No! It doesn’t make me uncomfortable at all. I know how tough it can be trying to figure things out and having someone tell about their own experiences can really help. This answer may end up being a little rambly (figuring stuff out was confusing for me and took years). This answer is long, so I hope it’ll help you. 

If you have any questions, message me. I don’t mind talking about it :) 

Basically, I never really questioned my sexuality at first. I grew up in a very open-minded household (my mum’s bisexual herself) and I always figured that I’d fall in love with whoever I fell in love with. If it was a girl, then it was a girl. If it was a guy, it was a guy. I never really experienced sexual feelings towards anyone, but I did like the idea of romance and intimacy (still do) so I figured it would come later when I met the right person. Sex was always taught to me by my parents and school as a natural thing that everyone will engage in and that you’ll start feeling those desires when you’re older. For me, I thought sex was weird (the idea of actually doing it or people actually having done it kinda seemed very weird to me), but it still interested me and I liked reading smut fics and having private me time ;) 

When I had my first serious crush at 16/17 however, things got... complicated. He was a friend of mine from school and we began hanging out more during a school trip to America, at which point I began to slowly realise I kinda fancied him. However, even though I wanted to hang out with him and be with him and touch him (hold hands, etc.) and kiss him, I never thought about him in a sexual way (I tried once but had to stop after five seconds because... no). At that point, I had started to learn more about lgbt+ stuff (although my country is accepting, they can do a lot better in terms of education. basically all our sex ed was about heterosexual sex with one a few lose comments along the lines of “sometimes girls like girls and guys like guys” but nothing more in depth than that. The joke was mainly that you didn’t have to worry about getting pregnant.) 

Nothing ever happened between me and the guy (we went on a double date once and flirted a little, but we were both too shy to do anything, and right now I’m kinda glad, seeing as I didn’t know I was asexual yet and having a romantic relationship would have made that whole thing so much more difficult), but it got me to question my sexuality, especially because I realised that even though I liked girls and thought they were beautiful and had strange feelings sometimes, I never wanted to have sex with them, but neither did I want to have sex with guys, making me question if I was bi again (which I am) (also, at this point, people kinda started thinking I was gay (friends and family), so that got me thinking too). 

At this point, I knew about the asexual label, but I didn’t fully understand it (there was a lot of ace discourse happening back then, which didn’t help at all with making me feel like I was experiencing a normal thing). Having always been taught sex=love=sex, I thought that if you were ace you couldn’t have a relationship with anyone and would never be able to love anyone. I really did not want to be asexual, not wanting to die alone. Now, I know this is, of course, complete bullshit, but I was still figuring stuff out. I did find the gray ace label at that point, which offered me a bit more freedom, so I adopted that privately when I started university two years later, though I never came out to anyone. 

At uni I came into contact with other lgbt+ people and we had a lot more academic discussions about gender and sexuality too, which made me question a lot of stuff again. I did more research on both gray ace and asexuality, and got more confident with the gray-ace label. On a holiday to London with one of my closest friends, I came out to them, and we talked and while she didn’t understand it, it did help me think about it more. That was the summer before my third year of university, which I would spend abroad in Edinburgh. Before leaving, I did more research on asexuality and got a more thorough understanding, and finally realised that maybe asexual described me better, so I adopted that label for my exchange year. There, I also didn’t come out, but I did more research and used the label privately for myself for half a year, before I finally came out to @chut-je-dors when I was certain it fitted me. I talked with her about asexuality and she kinda understood. That’s when I fully realised and accepted I was asexual.

Coming home that summer, I told my mum, who started to learn more about it too and then my step-dad. Then, last spring I accepted I was bi too, and that’s kinda where I’m at right now. I’m “out” in the sense that if anyone were to ask about my love life or sexuality, I would tell them, but because I’m generally quite private, I haven’t really told anyone else yet. 

I’m sorry if this was rambly and i don’t know if any of what I told you will help in anyway, but basically, for me, it was a relatively long journey. I was lucky to grow up in an accepting environment, but still the lack of information and the negativity around asexuality really did not help me accept myself. I still struggle with it sometimes, but now I do like being asexual. I wouldn’t want to change it. It’s just who I am and I don’t miss it. 

I did a lot of research on the internet (AVEN is a great resource, as well as youtube videos), and talked about it with people who I could trust, even if they didn’t know anything about asexuality themselves. But yeah, I really didn’t know I was asexual until I was 21 and even then, I didn’t fully accept myself completely until quite recently at 22/23. University was especially a struggle at times, because of certain courses I took where this kinda stuff around my sexuality came up, but it forced me to really look within myself and analyse myself and listen to what exactly i wanted, both in a relationship and sexually. 

The important thing to keep in mind is that asexuality is a broad umbrella term and everyone’s experiences are different. People’s attitudes to sex are different, as well as if they still want a romantic relationship (I do, though I only experience romantic feelings for someone I have an emotional connection with) or not. Also, some things that you may be taught are sexual, aren’t necessarily that. I’m a very sensual person when it comes to romantic relationships and I love intimacy and closeness and touching, but actual sex is a big no for me (though I’m open for negotiations, as I may have forms of sex to satisfy my partner and for closeness with them, but it’s about intimacy, not sex. I can get it through other ways too). This means that my experience of sex is different from others, even if the act itself is similar. Lots of ace people also have kinks for example, but it’s about emotional trust and connection (or something else), rather than sex itself. 

In terms of romantic relationships... I’ve only ever really wanted to date one guy and I didn’t. However, being in love didn’t change anything for me. I still liked him romantically, and I still see people who I fancy romantically or sensually or aesthetically. It’s just that I don’t want to have sex with them. However, as I’m quite neutral about sex, I’d be able to negotiate something with my partner if they want, but this depends on the partner as well as personal boundaries, which differ from person to person. Also, I didn’t really feel like dating anyone until last summer, because that’s when I figured out what kind of relationship I want. Now that I know who I am and what I want, i’m more comfortable putting myself out there and getting a romantic partner. 

Asexuality can be rather frustrating when it comes to dating, however. It makes it a bit more complicated, because you have to be sure you’re compatible in bed as well. That doesn’t mean you can only date ace people when you’re ace, but it requires good communication. However, anyone should probably have good communication with their partners, so to a certain degree, I’d say it’s better because it forced you to do this. The important thing is to know what you want and what your boundaries are. But really, in terms of feelings towards another person, it’s not that different. I just don’t want to have sex with them, but I still want to be with them and do all the other stuff couples do. Sex is not a requirement for a good and healthy relationship :) 

Aside from this, I had some very ace moments of walking with my friends in the streets and not noticing cute guys, because it’s not what I’m thinking about, or feeling weird when people bring up their crushes or sex life, because it seems so foreign and strange. Sometimes the idea that people actually have sex is still a bit weird to me. I just don’t have that desire with other people. 

Anyway, I hope this someone helped you, at least a little bit. If you wanna talk more, please don’t be afraid to message me. Figuring out your sexuality can be lonely and I sure wish I had someone to talk about it back when I was first questioning myself. Just take your time and don’t worry too much. Stuff will make sense eventually. 

[pickledchickenetti]

(pt 1) I'm a woman and am happily married to another woman and I don't understand why everyone was so upset at Krista. She openly supports marriage equality and has defended it. She has close LGBT friends (I know having black friends doesn't make you not racist but in my experience people that have been opposed to my sexual orientation stop being friends with me) and advocates for LGBT persons to be included in the church and conservatives to accept us.

Hi friend, thanks for your thoughts! I don’t know your background, so I hope that my answer doesn’t come across as condescending or rude as that is certainly not my intention. My opinions on Krista’s stance on gay issues are strongly colored by my experiences, which I have no problem admitting. I’m sure plenty of other LGBT folks have different feelings, which is totally fine. For what it’s worth, I saw more people upset with Krista over her posts about abuse victims not remarrying after a divorce than I have over any of the LGBT posts she’s made, but I’m not going to pretend that I haven’t regularly made critical comments about her LGBT posts/stances here. 

In order to be fair to her, I decided to go back through her blog (on Tumblr, not her other blog) and re-read her posts on gay issues in order to make sure that I’m not taking other people’s comments about her or vague memories I have of old posts and projecting my own frustrations with other conservative Christians’ opinions onto Krista.. I’m going to do my best to source anything I reference via links to that post, but I apologize if I miss anything. 

I will also be focusing on issues regarding people who are sexually attracted to the same sex (using the blanket term of “gay”, which also represents bi/pan/etc.) for this post. I am cis myself, and your question references your same-sex relationship and family, so in this case it feels appropriate to stay in my lane and not offer opinions on a cis person’s stances on gender issues as another cis person. I do not mean to exclude gender nonconforming people from the overall LGBT community in any way. 

The oldest about posts I can find from Krista about anything gay-related are anons asking her opinions. I’m fairly sure that this is the first one, where she essentially gives a fairly neutral action that could be interpreted as “I don’t think being gay sends you to hell” or as “I think gay people can go to heaven too as long as they repent of that sin along with the others”. She does not make it clear what her opinion on same-sex attraction specifically is, as another anon then pointed out in this post. Does her tone in addressing the anon bother me? Yes. Does she have the right to call out people she feels are being rude to her? Also yes. 

Early on in the post she says “First, you missed out on a lot of people. It’s actually LGBTQIAAP.” (likely referencing the anon saying LGBTQIA), and it’s just a personal pet peeve of mine for straight people to try to act like they have any authority on things like the acronym, but I realize that that’s just me and she also has no way of knowing the anon’s sexuality so perhaps it was one straight person (sarcastically) informing another straight person of a perceived shortcoming. Perhaps not. She then goes on to defend her refusal to give a “straightforward answer” by, in my opinion, continuing to dodge the question. 

Further down she brags that she “was actually named best advocate at a national moot court competition this past year arguing that Title VII protects against sexual orientation discrimination”. Now maybe I’m wrong, but it’s my understanding that moot courts aren’t typically events where you’re expected to defend your own personal beliefs, but events where you are assigned a stance and have to argue it regardless of what you believe. If that’s the case, mentioning that is irrelevant. If it is not the case and she was able to choose that stance, bragging about it for some sort of ally point is, in my opinion, arrogant. 

She ends the post by saying that her LGBT friends “are entitled to all of the rights, privileges, and safeties that I enjoy as a straight woman. Who you love and who you’re attracted to does not change your place in society or the rights that you have or opportunities you should be able to pursue.” Sure, your sexual orientation SHOULDN’T change your place in society or your rights, but it DOES. It absolutely does, and to say that LGBT folks are entitled to the same rights as straight women is, at best, misguided. Krista is a lawyer who has, in theory, interacted with multiple members of the LGBT community, so she should realize that regardless of what should or shouldn’t be true, LGBT still DON’T have the same rights as her in many states, and even in states where legally we have the same rights we still live with fears she will never experience. 

As for the claim that Krista is “not only tolerant of my family but accepting” and that she “accepts me and defends my rights”, here are my thoughts. I don’t want to be tolerated. If you’re cool with just being tolerated then more power to you, but as someone who is merely tolerated by a number of Christians, it really hurts and feels extremely de-humanizing. I do feel that “tolerates” is an accurate word for Krista’s stances on gay people (with the possible exception of the gay friends she claims to have). I do not feel that Krista “defends” gay people and our families beyond her belief that she is legally obligated to uphold the law. She has said that she is “totally fine with gay couples adopting”, which is a positive. She has also said she feels families with same-sex couples should be treated like “any other couple”, which again, is a positive. I guess I just don’t feel like that’s the same as defending. She recently admitted that she has never voted for a Democrat, and while I understand why someone from Vermont might see third-party candidates as viable (because in many Vermont races they are), she has to realize that voting third-party for president is throwing away your vote in the current political climate. Beyond voting, what is she actually DOING to “defend” gay people? Nothing she has ever said makes me think she’s using her privilege to truly defend us to her conservative Christian circles. Unless proven otherwise, I can’t help but feel that she’s able to talk a (vague) big game about being supportive without actually doing any supporting. 

I have recently said that it is my belief that she thinks gay sex/acting on same-sex attractions is sinful, even if our marriages should be legal. I will admit that I formed that opinion largely based on a private conversation I had with her, and which I will not share publicly without her permission. In going through old posts, I came across this post, which I feel also supports this opinion. An anon says that they can’t see any good qualities to overcome “when the thing they disagree with is gay rights/gay marriage/that being gay is a sin”, and that they’d “say the same about someone who identified as a Nazi or a white supremacist”. In Krista’s response, she literally says “But, by the same token, you and I are talking right now, and hopefully, I’m not reminding you of a Nazi”. That statement seems to imply that she falls into at least one of those categories or else why would she remind the anon of a Nazi? In another post she also says that “I do believe that all people are responsible for their sexual BEHAVIOR”, which seems to imply that there is something sinful about sexual behavior between people of the same sex. 

If we want to get down to it, this is the post that was the cause of my initial feeling that Krista was not a safe person for gay people. If someone asks you if you think being LGBTQ+ is a sin and your answer is to tell them they are trying to “stir division”, it is only fair to assume that you think they won’t like your answer. If I ask someone their belief on that subject, I am asking because I want to know their opinion. This anon echoes the same sentiment. If she’s really worried about “stirring division” she should have just ignored the question. 

To anyone still reading at this point, thanks for sticking it out with me. Honestly Krista’s recent posts (paired with some events in my life offline) have really got me thinking, and I have a lot of things weighing on me. I’m glad that you are able to feel that as long as she believes you deserve the same rights as she does it’s fine. I hope you continue to feel safe in that. Unfortunately, many of us aren’t that lucky. Many of us have lived too much of our lives feeling disgusting and broken and worthless because of teachings that that same God she worships and we were brought up to worship disapproves not only of any relationships we have, but of an inherent part of who we are. The biggest reason that I continue to speak out against Krista’s posts is because I just need any scared or confused young gay teenagers in the church to know that they don’t have to settle for being tolerated, and no matter who thinks they’re sinning, they’re not. 

Krista’s posts (in the context of the rest of the blog) would have devastated me at one time in my life. When I speak out against them, I’m usually saying the sorts of things I wish someone would have said to me then.

[ginwhitlock]

I grew up in a very small town as well. Pana, IL. I'm about an hour from the state capital, and roughly 4ish hours from Chicago. Our community has a southern kind or mentality, I suppose. Very conservative, very religious. Although I don't think people who use the bible to excuse their hatred can be considered Christian. My grandmother was Lutheran but she was also quite liberal. I never was able to come out to her but when I discussed sexuality with her in general, she was very accepting of the LGBT community. The rest of my town isn't the same way. Most people my age don't really give a shit about what someone's sexuality is. There are some homophobic people but not as much as older generations. We are also a predominantly white community and racism is definitely an issue.

Most of the town is also quite poor. There are a few families who are known for having money. I wasn't one of them. Realistically, we made enough money to get by, but having to pay for my father's cancer treatments/medication left us broke. I always had clothes (not the nicest ones but still), and I never went to bed hungry. I later found out my parents and my brother would wait until they knew my stomach was full before attempting to fill their own.

At the age of 14, I experienced SA myself. I was lucky in the sense that I was able to get away before things went too far. I experienced another assault when I was 19. I am in therapy for both. I also have trouble expressing love and gratitude in relationships without being sexual as a result of both experiences.

I'm very sorry about your grandfather. I was very close to mine, even more so after losing my dad, so when my granddad passed, it was so hard to deal with. We had very different views, specifically when it came to politics and gun control. But he never argued with me and respected that I had my own opinions and was actually very proud of how strongly I believed in things. Him and my grandmother are a big part of who I am today.

I also want to say it has been very nice discussing things with you. I'm a bit surprised to see what things we have in common. But you seem like a really wonderful person.

I have a couple of friends in Collinsville, IL! I actually love currently about 30 minutes from St. Louis which I understand is basically have a state away from you but that’s fun to know. I actually really like Illinois, no matter how much us Missourians hate you with a passion… haha

Summerville is still pretty much culturally segregated. I mean the whole one side of the train tracks thing still applies to our town. We have a pretty good balance of both white people and minorities but that does almost nothing to help the rampant and disgusting racism black people have faced and are facing especially in the middle of Summerville. I mean, burning crosses and nooses tied to trees of black families. My great grandfather really tried to step in when those things started popping up again, but he died when I was pretty young. Some very weird brain disease that has no name— I mean it ate away at his brain in a number of days. John Hopkins still has his brain sealed or something, we couldn’t even do a proper Methodist (my mother and I are Lutherans but her family are Methodists) burial, he had to be cremated to rule out any other infection to us. So if you ever hear about any flesh brain eating virus coming from the Deep South… that’s us

But anyway, my family doesn’t talk much. They don’t share political or moral views or even gossip. I don’t know how they feel either way, I mean my mothers mama is a die hard democrat Lutheran but she shys away from most “moral” debates. She’s a Texas Democrat if that says anything, but I love her to bits, even if the women in my family are horrible at showing it (we’re all very mean and very cold. It’s awful)

You too! This was a wonderful talk and I hope you don’t feel reluctant to ever start another one. And I’m just ordinary and snappy I promise

[evakfanficsrecs]

I really love AU fics, so I want to know what are your favourites (chaptered). But like really AU changing a lot the story (like That's Not My Name, You Don't Even Know Me, Half Blade and Half Silk... you know what I mean?) And I'm sending you love and luck

Thanks love :’) I’m sending both right back! ♥

Listen, you are lucky you only asked for chaptered fics, because otherwise this would be like 10 times longer (not that it’s not long as it is lmao). Have fun!

P.S. Those 3 you named are some of my favorites too, but I feel like I still need to list them anyway, I’m sure someone else will appreciate it ;)

*

Half Blade and Half Silk by smokeshop ✓ Summary: uni!au; Isak’s friends introduce him to an art student at a college party. He won’t stop calling Isak baby and Isak’s bad at pretending to hate it. College AU where Isak’s past is a little more colorful but Even still won’t leave him alone.

the city of illusions, the city of yearning by elisewinSummary: The whole point of going on a student exchange program is to meet people from different countries, learn about different cultures and so on. Isak, of course, falls in love with another Norwegian while in Rome. 

torches (life’s too short) by xxLeviBech Summary: “My mom used to tell me my thoughts would pour out of my ears if I kept thinking too hard.” Isak threw back another fry, keeping his gaze down. “That’s pretty fucked up, man.” Even deadpanned, making Isak snap his head up in a laugh .“Fuck you,” He giggled, tossing one of the soggier ones at Even and being decidedly unimpressed when he caught it in his mouth. Or, a canon divergence AU in which Isak’s childhood is exponentially more severe – where he can’t remember coming to school without bruises, a bottle of hand-sanitizer, and long sleeves. It’s fine, he’s fine. It wasn’t for his friends, though; and that’s how he wound up here, in a fold-up chair every Tuesday and Friday, talking about his experiences with other post-secondary kids diagnosed with some kind of PTSD. It’s also where meets a guy whose name starts with the same letters as everything, because that’s… exactly what he is.

with love, from anonymous by cosetties & iriswests✓ Summary: secret admirer!au; Isak just wants to get his coffee in peace, Even has a crush, and there’s a secret admirer on the loose.

in better light, everything changes by TimeInABottle ✓ Summary: wrong number!au; “I just checked the revue website and blackmailing people for smoking weed wasn’t listed under the Kosegruppa description"… Isak accidentally texts a stranger (Even) while trying to text Sana.

i guess that’s destiny doing it right by allyasavedtheday ✓ Summary: The alternate universe where Even originally went to Nissen and became friends with Isak and Jonas when they started first year but moved away after his episode at the start of second year only for Isak to never hear from him again. Fastforward to the summer before Isak starts college when he’s travelling around Spain and bumps into a certain someone in Barcelona.

I’m Not A Baby by cuteandtwisted ✓  Summary: childhood friends!au; “This is Even, my bro. The part about him being my personal servant is kind of true though.” “Your bro? Your bro?! What the fuck, Isak? We need to get rid of this whole masculinity thing they teach you at Nissen.” aka, Isak and Even are childhood friends.

love and condoms by kassie ✓  Summary: Isak was about turn on his heels and say “Fuck it” and go home, when a tall, slender-looking boy approached him from down the aisle. Shit. “Finding everything okay?” he asked once he reached Isak, his face entirely consumed by his smile. Judging from his choice of clothing, the boy definitely worked here. And, by the black letters scribbled on his name tag, the boy’s name was Even. Great.. Or: Isak owes Eskild a favor and Eskild sends him out to buy condoms where he runs into a tall boy who is a little too eager to help him.

super rich kids by koolranchkidz Summary: The van was parked on the side of the empty city street, next to an apartment building. The sun had begun to peek out from behind the horizon and the streetlight had been turned off for the past ten minutes. Even heard Jonas grunt, “Fucking finally! Jesus-” from the front seat. He turned to face the other car window and froze in his spot at the sight. He saw a boy coming down the apartment stairwell lugging an over-packed, black suitcase lazily behind him with one hand. In his other hand, the boy was holding a cup of KB coffee with drips of brown down the sides. He couldn’t make out the boy’s face from that far away, but going by his body language, Even could tell he was exhausted. Or: In which Jonas is rich as fuck and takes The Boysquad™ to the Bahamas after graduation, and many, many things happen.

I feel it when you look at me by photographer_of_thoughts✓Summary: blind!Even; “Did you hear about the new guy?“ Jonas asked, motioning over to the other side of the cafeteria. Isak looked up and became rather breathless at the sight of the tall, blonde, and totally gorgeous boy wearing sunglasses. Wait. Sunglasses? Inside? “Must suck to be the new transfer and blind. I hope someone is helping him find all his classes.” Or, Isak and Even learn to see each other.

making new clichés by strangetowns Summary: childhood friends!au; They are young teenage boys who don’t have jobs, and thus don’t have money except for when they beg their parents for allowances. The stunning lack of creativity that goes into their activities just goes without saying. What doesn’t go without saying is this - Even doesn’t care that they don’t do anything exciting. They could be lying on their backs for hours watching the ceiling and he’d still rather be there than anywhere else in the world. As long as Isak is there, he will have a good time. This is a thing he knows to be true. - In this universe, Isak and Even are best friends. Some things are different; some things stay exactly the same.

Something Borrowed, Something Blue by BluebeardsWife ✓ Summary: fake dating!au; Even hires Isak to pretend to be his boyfriend at his ex’s wedding.

WAKE UP! by cuteandtwisted ✓ Summary: Even can’t stop having dreams about this strange boy. He’s never seen him before. But why does it feel like he’s the only person that ever mattered? Or: Even has no idea who Isak is but he still loves him aka EvenDreams!AU

don’t you keep it all to yourself by colazitron ✓ Summary: coffee shop!au; Isak starts buying daily coffees before school at Kaffebrenneriet around the corner because it tastes better than the coffee in the cafeteria and keeps his hands warm. But mostly because the barista is heart-stoppingly cute. Or: An AU in which Even didn’t need to repeat his last year and instead started working at the coffeeshop Isak passes on his way to school every morning.

i hate your face, it makes my heart skip a beat by Bellakitse Summary: HateToLove!au & tutoring!au; Isak is failing History and his friends have the great idea that their new friend Even should tutor him. It’s perfect except Isak doesn’t like Even or the way his stupid face makes his stomach flip.

Those, who could not hear the music. by UniversalParadox_13Summary: In this story, Isak and Even are ballet students and collide while preparing for a play they’ll be performing in. It’s odd and exhilarating, and does not make sense to their yearning bodies and vulnerable hearts, until it does. But Even is in a steady relationship and Isak has no place for love his life, so there is that.

The Comments Below by DickAnderton ✓ Summary: youtubers!au; Isak is a notoriously lazy gamer living with lgbt icon Eskild. When they invite youtube sensation Even Bech Naesheim over for a collaboration, #Evak is born. But it is not only their viewers who are falling in love.

That’s Not My Name by cuteandtwisted ✓ Summary: one-night stand!au; “Isak.” Even smiled, then licked his lips. “Wanna go back to my place?” - aka: Isak is an exchange student in new york city where he meets a very forward and bewitching Even.

I’m Not in Love by cuteandtwisted ✓ Summary: uni!au; Isak was not in love. Nope. Not even close. Or: Even never transferred to Nissen in his third year, so they meet in college instead. Uni AU in which Isak doesn’t believe in love but Even Bech Næsheim won’t stop kissing him. 

Home Is Wherever I’m With You by cuteandtwisted  Summary: travel!au; “Hi. I’m Even and I don’t usually walk around in nothing but a towel.” “Uh, I’m Isak.” “Isak. Mind if I kidnap you for some fun sightseeing activities?” Or Isak and Even keep meeting in hostels all around the world and never exchanging contact information.

The Notion of Falling by smokeshop✓ Summary: HateToLove!au; Isak hates Even and Even hates Isak and Sana is the only one who knows why.

Things Look Different in the Morning by allyasavedtheday✓  Summary: roomates!au & uni!au; “So,” he says, drawing the word out. “I told Even he could stay here.”Isak blinks, convinced he’s misheard. “Eskild,” he says flatly. “We don’t have a spare room.” Eskild straightens his back, expression turning sheepish. “That’s the other part…I was thinking he could stay in your room?” * In which Even needs a place to stay, kollektivet gains a new roommate, and Isak just really wants to sleep.

Membership Dues by Sabeley ✓Summary: fraternity!au; Isak is pledging Even’s fraternity. Even keeps having to be reminded that he’s not allowed to date the pledges. “It’s a ten-week pledge period. How hard could it be?” Famous last words.

Doctor Patient Confidentiality by skambition✓ Summary: “Male, maybe late 20s, didn’t carry an ID. Was hit by a car. Broken ribs, lots of internal bleeding, his left hand needs some work, a lot of crushed bones. Punctured lung. His heart frequency shows irregularities, but we’re not sure why. Unconscious. The driver called, he’s in surgery, too.” “Okay, thanks”, Isak said, got his rubber gloves and went into the OR. He was good at fixing people. And he knew it.

take me to the stars by iriswests  Summary: HateToLove!au & friends with benefits!au; Isak thinks Even is pretentious and impractical. Even thinks Isak is arrogant and uptight. They’re not each other’s biggest fans, even if they do happen to have spectacular sex on a very, very drunken night. And Isak doesn’t mean to do it again, but he does, anyway, so now they’re establishing ground rules and deciding that maybe they can keep doing this, no strings attached, no commitments, no feelings, and, most importantly, no need to stop disliking each other.And then it’s not quite that simple anymore.

(✓ - completed fics)

[silentfcknhill]

hey I've seen you reblog stuff about drugs and stuff and I just wanted to ask what narcatics were you into? random and blunt question but just curous. I'm having a hard time lately... drinking but I'm trying to quit with with it now and just started weed. I just feel like it's neve gonna be better, you know? shit I so okay for so long and then it all goes to fucking hell again. I'm sorry for unloading like this....

It’s okay, I hope you don’t mind if I ramble a long-ass answer. I was mainly addicted to drugs that were not traditionally considered addictive physically, just psychologically. My main drugs of choice were weed, acid, mushrooms and occasionally molly. I never had a huge problem with alcohol, as in I didn’t drink often but when I did I went way overboard and would often mix drugs that would make me very ill. Weed was okay for me at first before I went overboard and was spending hundreds a month, and I am not completely anti-weed like some people in NA, but I think there are people who can and can’t handle it mentally. I can’t. If you have mental health issues, especially anxiety (though I’ve seen some people it can help their anxiety), paranoia, dissociation, derealization or hallucinations/problems with reality to begin with, it is like playing with fire. I’m not saying you should panic, everyone has different reactions, but I could never smoke again after the bad acid trips and ego deaths I’ve had. Too many flashbacks. And I got serotonin syndrome a lot. I quit using 17 months ago and I’m still dealing with effects like visual fractals, a new worldview and mood problems. 

For about a year I was suicidal and having panic attacks every day, and I had to work double shifts while crying and vomiting (quiting was not an option because we are too poor and I did not want to be homeless again, especially in that condition). It takes a while for your brain to recover and learn to produce it’s own serotonin after smoking weed every day for two years, so there is a major depression that occurs when you get clean. I lost my appetite for a couple months, and also couldn’t sleep on my own. Drugs were basically my go-to for every minor inconvenience, so learning to be a person again and deal with problems directly was difficult. I became extremely paranoid while detoxing. I also lost all interest in everything, I experienced no joy and only dread, terror and depression. My obsessions such as movies and music were no longer enough to enjoy, I needed to experience them on absurd amounts of psychedelics and meditate on them and see them from weird perspectives to appreciate them. I have started gaining back my appreciation for the little things in life again by now. 

The hardest part for me was coming to terms with the fact that I will never be the same as I was before ever again, and now I just have to adjust. It sucks that I was a teenager while this was happening, and my brain was still developing, so now it became a part of my youth and shaped my personality a lot. But I try to think of it positively, because now I have a new chance to become a better person, I have a fresh start and not many people can have a second chance after fucking up and having no common sense. I am lucky to have not gotten into any legal trouble, though a lot of relationships were destroyed, I really deserved it. I am not trying to self-pity, but it is a fact that I have suffered beyond words and been to hell (I’m not religious but to me hell is a psychological state of torment and existential darkness and lack of reality), but I have also grown as a person and become exponentially more self-aware, empathetic, introspective and accepting of my defects. 

I know exactly what you mean when you say you feel it will never get better. When you’re in darkness it effects your whole perception and sense of reality and colors every area of life. We lose our memory of anything good ever. Kind of like a Dementor from harry Potter has sucked out our soul, which Dementors incidentally were written by JK Rowling as an analogy of her depression (Sorry for random reference, I am a fan of Harry Potter). But we are both still young, well I am and I assume you are as well as I don’t know many elderly people on Tumblr, and time changes things. Time doesn’t heal, but it does give you the opportunity to heal and grow. Nothing will ever magically heal, we will always be addicts, but you will have good days, and some very good days and memories, and those are worth riding through the bad to get to. It is very difficult to keep perspective, but I spent a couple years of my life on drugs. I have 70 years left ahead of me, best case scenario. This is not the end at all. 

I have seen people successfully drink and smoke and not become upset or addicted, but I have Asperger’s and BPD and I was foolish to ignore the sensitivities and chances I was taking and I put my trust into the wrong influences and people. I have developed my own coping mechanisms throughout my life, because addiction was obviously not the first and only trauma I’ve been through, I’ve been having issues since being a toddler basically including emotional violent abuse from the time I was born, sexual assault, personal deaths, bullying, self-harm and mental illness, having parents who are mentally ill and unstable and dealing with their suicide threats as a child, divorce, homelessness, murderers in the family, robbery, knife attacks, being a therapist to my mother, trying to stay objective as she described to me her post-partum depression involving demons telling her to throw me off a balcony and molest me, multiple suicide attempts of my own including a horrendous overdose, multiple hospitalizations, medications, dating a man in his 40’s as a young teen, being cheated on twice, coming to grips with my LGBT identity, and much more. I grew up in a fantasy world, always acting and playing pretend even to this day, I live my life through the eyes of my favorite characters, even while alone. AT this point it is very easy for me to detach from my emotions and reality and observe my own suffering as though I was a character in a movie or something. This is also why I have a decent tolerance to pain. I just view it as an experience, a memory. Time is really an illusion, so when I am hurt, I just remember that in a few hours it will be like nothing ever happened. 

Also, the one most important message I took from NA is probably the simplest, and most people don’t give it a second thought because it’s just a cliche to them, but when you really meditate on it and practice it, you realize how incredibly true and helpful it is: “One day at a time.” And that motto is a principle, not have to take it literally. I know for a lot of people, myself included, it can be more like one minute at a time, but you really gotta try to keep priorities in sight and self-care when need be. Sometimes there is nothing you can do to help yourself but go to sleep all day. It is fine to do that. I have trained myself to fall asleep relatively quickly using deep, controlled stomach breathing and and stims and mental focus patterns such as waterfalls, space travel, etc, movement that stays constant and is relaxing. Music helps too, but only without lyrics. There are a lot of sound pieces on youtube and stuff made for relaxing, like the sound of rain, or nature like the ocean or amazon. Whatever suits you. It is handy to have an off button like a computer sometimes. You just shut down and reboot. 

I’m not saying it is healthy to be avoidant, and I definitely have shut down and become very robotic as of late, but it is highly preferable to the alternative for me until when/if I learn better skills. You will hopefully feel better when you wake up, whether it was physical anxiety or mental or both. Plus, scientifically, sleep and dreaming is when our brains process information and memories, so we may come to familiarize ourselves with unknown fears or stresses while we sleep and wake up more able to deal with them rationally without the fight or flight. One day at a time ties in to a concept we call “the triangle of self-obsession”, and it relates to how living in the past causes resentments, focusing on negatives in the present causes anger, and fear stems from living in the future. One day at a time, take shit as it comes and don’t cross bridges before you get to them. of course, planning still is good but we must be flexible and not place our whole mental state on something that hasn’t happened yet. Anger roots back to fear, fear roots back to lack of control, and once we accept that we really cannot control everything and be omnipresent and all-knowing puppetmasters, we become more humble. 

I myself have come to terms with the fact that I am very narcissistic. I never thought I was, due to low self-esteem, but it only recently occurred to me that being narcissism is usually just a symptom of low self-esteem anyways, and it is just expressed differently. Some people build massive egos and brag. For me, my narcissism forms through being self-centered and selfishly focused on my own problems. Some people focus daily on distinguishing whether they are living and acting on their own will or their higher power’s will, and adjusting their behavior accordingly, because living on our own will is what got us in this position in the first place. I don’t really have a higher power in the traditional sense at this point, but it is still good to be mindful that I am not the center of everything, and that even though I claim to be open-minded, I am still just as judgmental and hypocritical as anyone else, I just express and experience it in different ways. Anyways, long tangent, no one cares, I will shut up now. I am kind of a basketcase, but if you need to talk, you can message or dm me anytime.

[jinlian]

hi, do you have any advice for lgbt+ youth? i'm just confused about what to plan for the future and i don't know if i'm a lesbian or bi, but i've never fallen in love with a guy... so that worries me that my future will not be as pretty as if i were straight

hey anon 💕 here’s my reply as i promised - i hope you still find this response despite my being a few hours late, and i hope you find it helpful.

i didn’t start questioning my sexuality until i was 18, and i didn’t find the right answer until i was 20, so i don’t really have any personal experiences from which to draw if i had known when i was younger. i can say that confusion is normal, and this is something that’s deeply personal and can be difficult. while it’s 10000% okay to take your time coming to an understanding or a label that feels right for you, sometimes having that label can feel really validating - it did for me. so be okay with questioning, with thinking about different terms that feel right for you, with changing if something feels more true later. you are the only one to whom you have to answer on this.

i can’t tell you whether or not you’re lesbian or bi, and i doubt you want me to either, but if it helps there are a few things to know. one is that a lot of lgbt+ youth do face compulsory heterosexuality; i know i for years dismissed the possibility of being into women because i was “safe” because i knew i liked men, and the alternative scared me. i know lesbians who’ve dated men and didn’t know they were lesbian until much later. my first boyfriend spent years struggling with whether he was gay or bi, through the whole four years we were off and on - i don’t actually know what he wound up feeling is most right for him in the end. it’s expected, it’s “normal,” it feels “safer,” and a lot of us go through that.

you could be a lesbian facing compulsory heterosexuality, or you could be bisexual and have just never had romantic feelings for a man before, and i don’t know the answer to that. i think my point is just that you’re not alone with feeling that sort of confusion, and that it’s okay to question the social influences around you that may help you come to an understanding of your own sexuality. in fact, it’s more than okay - question it. question everything. question anything that makes you feel as though you “should” be a certain way, challenge it, and whether that “certain way” is you or not is both entirely up to you alone and is perfectly okay if it changes in the future.

secondly - do you have any sort of social support structure? family or friends or even teachers/mentors? that can make such a huge difference in surrounding yourself with people whom you know will support you. and i’m not telling you that if you’re not out that you should out yourself to them, either -- whether you feel comfortable doing that or not is totally up to you. but just knowing that there are people who stand with you, in any context, can be just enough to help you make it through the hard times. 

and finally, about your future: as much as you can, try not to think about/plan for now. i know it’s not a totally unavoidable thing, but the unexpected always happens, and sometimes it’s better just to let it and to see where things go.

i know that being lgbt+ is not always a walk in the park. i’ve been very very lucky in that i’ve always been supported, but some of my best friends have not been so lucky. but the common thread for each of us, no matter what, is that we love being who we are. i said this last night but it’s worth repeating that there is genuine love, light, and joy in being lgbt that you just can’t find elsewhere. being wlw has shaped a lot about who i am, and i wouldn’t give that back. i love being bi. despite the hard things, you will find good things, too. you’ll find warmth. whatever happens, trust in that to be true.

i don’t know if this is reassuring or helpful, but i hope that there’s something in here that is. i’m definitely sending you all of my love, anon. 🌈😘💕 

[creepyjirachi]

hey i don't wanna overstep my bounds or anything but i saw the post about your counselor and i think she's wrong?? like it's your business and your choice and i don't think you should be expected to come out to mcfuckin strangers or anyone really unless you want to. i've been figuring out gender stuff too recently and tbh i wouldn't want to tell Random Susan about it either? i'm sorry for the stressful situation tho, i hope things work out

thank you for the kind words u_u

to be fair i can understand where the dude is coming from: as a medical professional, he wants to make sure i won’t get cold feet when i need to explain myself as a trans/gender nonconforming person to strangers like employers, teachers, randos in public, etc. in his eyes it’s a way of making sure i know what to expect once confrontation becomes inevitable. 

it’s just that……… asserting yourself as your true gender when you pass is vastly different from doing that when you don’t, even if you’re like me and dress in a gender nonconforming way. it’s very hard to simulate the experience before it actually happens, because the way other people see you is completely flipped. it’s hard to actually practice this skill in advance beyond just talking it through with the most important people in your life.

and in my case specifically, i’m lucky enough that i just……. haven’t really butt heads with anyone about my gender yet. i haven’t justified myself to anyone yet because i haven’t HAD to: my close friends are all lgbt people themselves, and i come from a progressive family that would never disown me for any reason. with a couple exceptions, they’ve all been pretty great! so that means all i have left to prove i can “handle it” is just blurting out my transness to random strangers that i would never have come out to naturally. it’s none of their business and there’s a very slim chance i could get through to them without passing in some way, so why bother? why overshare like that anyway? it makes no sense. but the people in my life aren’t forcing me to give a dissertation on gender theory, so it looks like i’ll have to start confronting cashiers or some shit if i want testosterone. fuck