#I'm literally about to cry over here
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✨I SUPPORT THIS BITCH ✨
#𖤐「ʜᴇʟʟ ᴏꜰ ᴀ ʙᴏꜱꜱ」 &&. * 𝐒𝐞𝐥𝐟.#( LOOKIE MY NEW DESKTOP BACKGROUND )#( BUT LEMME GO ON A TANGENT... sort of#I STARTED OUT WATCHING HAZBIN#AS MOST OF US HAVE#I DIDNT HAVE PRIME THO SO /PILOT/ WAS THE#ONLY VIDEO I WATCHED#I FELL OUT OF IT FOR AWHILE#BUT I NEVER FORGOT HOW AMAZING IT WAS TO SEE#ANIMATORS DO GOD'S WORK#I ALMOST WENT THAT CAREER PATH#I GET HOW /HARD/ IT IS#THEY HAD MY UNBOUND RESPECT#WHICH COMPELLED ME TO GIVE HELLUVA BOSS A SHOT#AND LONG STORY SHORT I MADE MY BLOG HERE#ABOUT A YEAR AGO#GIVE OR TAKE#BUT ITS THANKS TO HAZBIN HOTEL THAT IM#HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE#WHICH IS ALSO POTENTIALLY MY SAVING GRACE#FOR THE DARK SHIT IRL#IT HAS HELPED ME IN SOOO MANY WAYS#I LOVE YOU GUYS SO SO MUCH#AND I CANT EXPRESS HOW HAPPY I AM#THAT WE ARE GETTING THESE CROSSOVERS#I'M OVER THE MOON CRYING LITERAL TEARS RN#i'm going to bed now but-#YES CHARLIE HAS A SPECIAL PLACE IN MY HEART#AND BLITZ'S SUPPORTS HER HELL AND BACK#IT'S OFFICIAL NOW <33 )
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OUR SKYY 2 x BAD BUDDY TRAILER
#our skyy 2#bad buddy#our skyy x bad buddy#ohmnanon#ohm pawat#nanon korapat#patpran#pat x pran#inkpa#love pattranite#milk pansa#my gifs#THEY'RE HERE THEY'RE HERE THEY’RE HERE#OUR PATPRAN AND INKPA ARE COMING BACK TO US 😭#i don’t even care about the plot i’m just so happy to see them again#i'm literally crying at work over a 30 sec trailer this show will forever have me in the biggest chokehold ever 😭
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Is it weird that I kind of feel...sad(?) in a sense, now that I'm about to leave this place? I know that's probably crazy to say. Of course I'm so excited to see my friends. But. I don't know. I'll never forget what happened here, for better or worse. To this whole experience - I don't know if I've been changed for the better, but because of all this, I have been changed for good And to Dark - Now whatever way our stories end, I know you have rewritten mine by being my friend
#out of character tags#wow cringe over here wicked lyrics#sorry I can't help it I love that play#movie is...fine#yellow wouldn't do this#he's just...#accidentally quoting them#;3#SORRY#I literally can't help it#this is so funny to me idk why#this is also yellow kinda just talking to himself#he forgets this is a public platform sometimes#so no one has to respond or anything#just thinking out loud#and if you get upset about the wicked lyrics#sorry I guess i'm cringe#boo go cry about it#/j /j /j /j /j I SWEAR#ava yellow#yellow rp blog#animator vs animation#animation vs animator#ava#yellow rp#ask yellow#yellow blog#animation vs tumblr#stockholm syndrome???#/hj
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Blue Bloods finale things/spoilers under the cut that I wanted to yell about:
• Jamko parents!!! Parents!! Oh how far they've come 😭
• I'm going to miss Eddie Janko so damn much, that's my girl.
•Jack and Erin getting married!! They finally got their happy ending. And the looks on their faces at dinner as they decided to keep it to themselves was just so 💜😭
• Danny's face when Henry tells him to find his person to come home to. He already knows.
• Danny Reagan! Asking Maria Baez! On a date! And her saying yes! He doesn't need to go look for his person because she's right there besides him. And the look on her face when she agreed!!
#blue bloods#jamko#jerin#daez#eddie janko#i'm going to miss so many of these characters so fucking much#crying over jamko on tumblr gone midnight I suddenly feel like i'm 18 again when I literally just turned 25 yday#I expected jamko parents and we knew that jack and erin were back together but getting 3/3 for my ships? blessed#jerin getting married again feels so right. their chemistry is unmatched#(the way jack looks at her. I get it.)#and then danny asking baez on a date took me out#the implication that he thought about what henry said for a few days and all his thinking led him back to maria because she's his girl.#and he just knew he had to take that leap.#(It's fine i'm going insane over here)#i am a bit miffed that we won't actually see anything beyond him asking her out and it was slightly open ended#but considering that we knew that danny didn't want to act on his feelings bc he didn't want to risk the pain of losing her/her getting hur#the fact that he asked her out was hugely significant#the fact that he specifically said it was because he had been thinking about what henry said to him is making me lose it#they obviously hang out outside work anyway but this is Different. you could tell by how almost nervous danny was 😭 but#she was right there with him. as she always is. they're partners in every sense.#and baez knows it too!!! the look on her face!! danny will tell her one day what it was that henry said and she'll Know.#god I am going to be thinking about them for the forseeable#3/3 on my ships and a good ending on a series finale is so rare for me#anyway i've been watching this show weekly since like 2014/15 and had watched it before that with my dad#so it's so strange that it's ending. it's one of the first shows that i've watched week in and out for donkeys years that is ending and it'#gonna be odd to not have that show in my watching list anymore#shut up g#(good god sorry about the tags I had to get that all out)#if anyone actually read any of that and still wants to come yell about these things please do :)
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#currently on the worst road trip of my whole entire life! well. i don't want to jinx it lmao but#today i popped TWO TIRES at once in the middle of the Katy Freeway in Houston TX (the widest highway in the US; 26 lanes btw)#managed to make it over to the shoulder without DYING but then had to sit there for like an hour? and panic called a tow truck because duh#I know how to change a tire but I was – again – sitting on the shoulder of the widest freeway on the continent so#anyway I called a tow; a guy showed up. I assumed it was the tow! turned out it was not. but he helped me put on the spare and then was lik#“follow me to my shop I can do the tires for you” and I was like okay! 👍 but then the ACTUAL tow called me and I realized this was#just a random guy (very nice up to that point but then I got scared about following him to a secondary location?) and so I didn't lmao#I just kept driving and didn't follow him but the guy on the phone was then mad at me because I wasn't where I said I would be because#AGAIN – I thought the original guy WAS the tow company that I called? but anyway guy 2 on the phone was like “YOU OWE ME $200!!!!”#and I said for what? also how would I pay you? and he tried to get me to cash app him lmao?? I didn't. I hung up on him#he called me like 6 more times yelling at me until I finally just blocked his number 💀#however NOW at this point I'm driving on one spare tire and one rapidly-flattening second tire and I still have 3 hours left to get where#I was going for the night and to top it all off I'm in the middle of a city I've only been to one time before? so I manage to get to a hote#like a nice-ish one where I'm like “okay if I get stuck here this won't be the end of the world”#because keep in mind today is a national holiday so basically everything is closed!!!! btw!!!!!#but eventually I'm sitting there and it's literally 100F outside and I remember oh right lol I have car insurance which pays for a tow#(a normal one; not a random one I panic-found on google who calls me screaming at me to cash app him $200)#so anyway I call my insurance and the guy on the phone is very nice and is like “it's okay; we'll have someone to you in 45 min”#and I'm like okay. OKAY. 🙌💪 I am a strong independent woman who is figuring this out and no longer on the side of the highway#but instead in a nice calm neighborhood and all I have to do is wait 45 min and everything will be okay#one hour goes by. I call back. get redirected to the tow company that was dispatched. guy says oh! is my guy not there yet?#I say no. he says okay – I'll have him call you. hangs up.#okay. 20 more min go by. guy finally calls me. says “I'm 20-25 min away” at this point I've been waiting about an hour and a half#I say. okay? okay. 30 more minutes go by. I try to call the guy back. straight to voicemail. three more calls. three more no answers.#I call my insurance back. sit on hold for 15 min. eventually get put through to a different person who's like “okay let me check on him”#get put on hold. eventually she comes back and says “okay he says 15 minutes” I've been waiting over 2 hours at this point. I have to PEE#I just... burst into tears. on the phone with this poor random woman from Geico Insurance. I'm bawling my eyes out.#she was trying to get claim info from me but I'm crying so hard she's like “oh baby no. okay. okay. we can get that from you tomorrow.”#when you cry so hard that even the insurance company is like “you know what we're just going to let this one slide”#anyway guy eventually shows up. he's very nice even though I hate him a little for being so late. he drives me to an OPEN TIRE SHOP
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Realization.
#etrian odyssey#moe once again picking names on a whim LMFAOOO (first instance was. itself. and it just keeps doing this.)#I HAD TO. MAKE THIS. i had to give the sheep a name so bad upon learning this.#also i think one thing that's really important to remember about sharena and her core character#is that she's a weird girl at heart.#like i think she makes the same mistake i did (thinking kuro is a plushie) and is enthusiastic about it anyway#LIKE. sharena is a concentionally attractive literal princess weird girl. she flies under the radar#bc of those first two things (and also is given more grace/weird traits could even be romantised BECAUSE#she's pretty. high status too)#someone like moe. on the other hand. maybe there was a time it was considered close enough#to conventional attractiveness. but it's deviated so far from that One (1) societal expectation#that now it's more ostracized. its weird traits are no longer packaged in something pretty.#it's no longer desirable. it's un-romantisizable. which makes its traits more unpalatable.#it's... an aquired taste. some might say.#also i can't fucking get over the fact that moe looks like a fucking gnome in that hat LMFAOOOOOOOO#SOMETHING ABOUT THAT SPECIFIC HAT SHAPE AND THE FACIAL HAIR...... IT'S SO GNOMECORE.......#i'm gonna cry. moe. you got gnome'd. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#sharena#moe tag#my art#don't. mind the typos in here btw i'm not fixing that.#ALSO TECHNICALLY FE??? but also it's such a rough sketch idk if it matters??????#also primarily eo????#well.#fire emblem#feh#moe is. technically a summoner oc as well.#i feel like we're so far removed here i'm not tagging it LMFAOOO
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I'm gonna be honest I think iron flame is cruel and unusual punishment.
#🐇#I liked the first book just fine. I had issues with it but I finished it in like three days#iron flame has taken me like six months and I'm only 200 pages in and I feel like I'm literally being tortured#the constant made up drama between violet and xaden is ANNOYING and POINTLESS holy shit! she just wants to be mad!#every time she sees him it's like god he's so hot why am I mad at him again??? like what are we doing here#and just the lore is fucking annoying. I feel like everything gets explained so many times that I just sort of black out and I don't retain#any of it at all so half of the time I'm like huh????? whenever they're in their little war classes#it feels like she goes 'wow it's been five pages since I've talked about wards better bring that up again'#and even if it it foreshadowing I'm so irritated with having to hear about it over and over again that I don't even care lmao#there's literally a picture in the front of the book to explain the military formation and still that does nothing to help me. I don't know#what the fuck she's ever talking about and it's brought up so often#like I feel like I'm being gaslit on a lot of levels. I'm really good at understanding/remembering lore with fantasy and these books make m#feel like my brain simply doesn't work. and to see everyone having actual tantrums over the onyx storm release today??? these books are NOT#good enough for any of you to be acting like this. filming yourselves crying in target! honest to god!#I started reading these because of the dragons obviously and now I'm trapped. I'm trapped I can never leave. don't read fucking fourth wing#head my warning don't do it!!
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the REAL tragedy of having my phone stolen is that i'm gonna have to rebuild my meme folder from scratch 😔😔😔😔
#i swear i'm going to back up shit regularly on my new phone. learned the hard way that saying “i'll do it at some point” for 2 years#is gonna bite me in the ass if shit happens#jokes aside (i need those to cope) yesterday i literally started crying so hard on the bus home after it got stolen#bc i realised i had like over 1500 pics of my cat who passed away last december and most of them were only on my phone#and the thought of having lost so many memories of him makes me feel so so so so devastated#i'm going to ask my mum to let me find all the pics of him i've sent her on whatsapp over the years bc i did use to send them to her often#as i do with our new cat#and i'll also look thru like discord#i know i posted quite a few pics of him on tumblr when he passed away and in the months after but my old blog is no more :/#there could be some on here/my main i have now so i'll check if i can find them but yeah#it's maybe dumb bc like it's not as if pictures are everything he'll always be in my heart regardless!!! but. my memory is not the best#with like... idk life memories slip away from me very easily which is very very scary so i cling onto pictures a bit to be able to remember#so yeah. i'm sad about this. and not just my cat like i had concert photos and videos i had a ton of things! like as an example i had#a folder with nice words my friends have said to me like nice things they've said about me. and i stopped updating it a long time ago#it didn't have A LOT of screenshots but it did have some and they were very dear to me#idk. i swear. i'll back up everything from now on lmao#sorry for going on about this btw. i'm so tired i don't even feel like watching tennis or whatever lol#ik this is supposed to be my sports blog and you guys follow me for that instead i talk about all these things that aren't sports lol
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i don't know what i'm feeling, everything feels like too much.
#randomly dog days are over by florence + the machine was stuck in my head#and that song always makes me think of my dad because he says he played it a lot when i was a baby and it's 'my song'#so then i started thinking about being little and just being happy and everything was so simple#and idek what's going on in my life i don't know who i am i don't know who likes me and who hates me i can't stand this feeling#literally just have been lying here listening to dog days are over and crying and wanting to go back and wanting everything to stop#but it will never stop i can never go back#i'll never go to school with most of the people i love most ever again#i feel wrong i feel like i'm not supposed to be here#i'm crying so hard rn i feel like i might throw up but i can't i can't be loud or else my parents will hear me and see me crying and i can'#go through everything again#i can't do this
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kinda really upset i was too broke to get access to Workin Boys by the time i found out about it and now i just never get to see it?
#like#i would pay#i would pay to watch it#but it just literally isn't an option#and i'm lowkey pissed about it not gonna lie#i am currently just like. so upset and frustrated i'm trying to hold back tears bc crying over this would be stupid probably#anyway...#starkid#hatchetfield#ugh i hate it here
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major ofmd s2 spoilers but it’s kind of beautiful in a way to see the youngins call That character dying a “typical” bury your gays trope, in a show that is specifically about queer love filled with queer characters who have happy endings, where both casual and passionate gay affection is shown again and again, and always portrayed as something beautiful and tender and good to be embraced
#ofmd s2#ofmd spoilers#‘typical’ bury your gays.......... 😭#y’all rly have no idea what it��s like to NEVER see yourself portrayed unless it ends in a violent tragic death huh#specifically targeted BECAUSE the character is queer#and i say this genuinely with love like that’s why it’s also pretty nice. i’m glad such a point has been reached#but also omg. experiencing sadness and disappointment over a writing decision for your fav doesn’t make it a hate crime#personally i thought it happening was rly uninspired and predictable so kind of feel nothing over it because it’s so blah#feel like they just straight up didn’t know what to do with him#also s3 hasn’t been confirmed has it?? bc this season def felt like they shoved what was supposed to be a 20eps arc into 8eps#and there won’t be more. idk#but IF there is i need him to come back as the ship’s ghost fucking with everyone lmao#anyway i'm not even that old and when i was 12 i watched brokeback mountain and when i was 13 it was boys don't cry#and that was basically ALL i'd seen for big queer rep in media. like literally only thing ever#and the fear it instilled truly was part of me rejecting my own queerness for so long#who would look at izzy hands & go welp better stay cishet for the rest of my life or the devil will come for me; thats def the lesson here#if anything the end scene was about how happy he could’ve been if he’d realized earlier he had a whole queer fam who loved & accepted him#just as he is#END ESSAY
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ooooh i woke up in a bad mood and it's so hard not to be a bitch about it
#i don't want to ruin the mood for my family so i'm just laying in my bed and think about everything that pisses me off#and i'm getting more and more mad about it#come to think of it it's kinda funny but also really frustrating#i probably just need to cry because i've been extremely tired and stressed for the past week#but i don't want to make myself sad on purpose so now i'm really angry over literally nothing lol#for example today i saw my colleague and turns out she knows my father#and she was like 'oh your dad really misses you!! he mentions you all the time!!' and i was like '....really?.....'#because i thought he didn't care at all (and the feeling is kinda mutual)#because call me crazy if you want but if i miss someone i just go talk to them.... problem solved........#we barely talk but apparently he's yapping abt me all the time to everyone so everyone thinks that he's oh such a loving and caring dad#which makes me look like a bitch of a daughter#which is like#on one hand i couldn't care less#but on the other#why would you talk about missing me to other people and bever bother to try and talk to me yourself??#though i probably dodged a bullet#talking to him is extremely hard because he's incredibly stuffy? boring? english doesn't have enough words for that#and i don't wanna listen to him talking about himself for 2 hours straight without having a chance to interrupt him 🤩🤩🤩#ooof#idk how to stop being mad i probably need to distract myself somehow#anyway there is probably a ton of mistakes here but i'm too lazy to fix them#idk i wish i could scream so loud that every bad thought in my head would disappear forever#i'm so tiredddddd
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do you have a favourite portrayal of a character in the gotg game!! who is it and why <3
Oh I think they're all great honestly!!! Part of why I love the game so much is that genuinely, the whole team + supporting characters are written with such obvious love of the source material and equal attention between them all. When I see comments of people saying who their favorite character was from the game and the answer always being different from each person I'm like!! That's how it SHOULD be!!! They're the Guardians of the Galaxy (plural) the focus shouldn't all fall on a singular character like most other GotG media usually ends up as 😭
The two (sorry I can't pick just one) whom I think benefit the most from the game though are Drax and Gamora because they're almost always sidelined both in-and-out of universe by most of the various writers (especially as of late) and in turn the viewers/readers. I've been told plenty of times that they're the most boring members of the "main" team, BUT IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY! The amount of love the game versions get (by the few who've played it at least) proves that 🥺
I've never really liked 616 Drax shifting to being a complete clown during the 90s and such (and even less so when the MCU followed along 💀) So I appreciate the game taking a bit of his seriousness from the DnA run and just making him struggle with nuance and context clues in a less exaggerated way (autistic Drax I still believe in u) and I feel the focus put on him and how losing his original family + the aftermath deeply affected him hits pretty hard here because it's treated very seriously and shown in depth, especially with how his family (wife) gets actual focus. I cannot tell you anything about Yvette in comparison to Hovat, who actually seemed to have had a personality lol (AND she was on their village's council like omg imagine having more to you than just being The Housewife) Though I will say I flip and flop on my thoughts about Heather being disconnected from Drax's life in this universe... The TLDR is that I think his arc here specifically works stronger when he has to come to terms with losing his entire family and accepting the life he currently has with the Guardians. BUT!!! I very much appreciate that Heather is still confirmed to exist within this universe, even if that means her dad issues would have to be dealt with in a different context if we ever get to see her.
Also? Shoutout to the writers actually bringing up the intense paranoia that always kneecapped 616 Drax but having that be a turning point in his backstory here, with that conversation he has with Peter where he talks about how he was becoming so paranoid of everyone being a chitauri/Thanos conspirator to the point of literally turning into an obsessed maniac like Thanos, and realizing that he desperately needed to turn his life around, it's so ough.
Out of the already many great conversations throughout the game, I think the ones with him are the most poignant. My favorite scene in the whole game is Drax and Pete's little moment on Knowhere... makes me go wahhh
(l also love that out of everyone on the team, it's his headspace that we quite literally get to go into. You KNOW that if this was any other media it'd be going into Rocket or Groot's head and likely treated as a joke.)
And oh my god, Gamora...
I find it so extremely refreshing that her role in the plot doesn't revolve purely around the men in her life, and instead, it's nearly exclusively her connection with other women. Or in the most direct obstacle she has to deal with, being how she starts projecting to the millionth degree on Nikki's situation for reminding her of what happened to her and Nebula. I find that infinitely more fascinating as a reading of her character rather than just dating drama or her arc getting completely overtaken by a man's instead.
And especially in her friendship with Mantis, who, despite having all these futures she's constantly seeing and having to navigate, still makes time to do her best to help her 🥺 From saving her life and being the one who put her on the path to healing on Lamentis, to getting her to join the Guardians and still checking in on her when she's able 😭 Friendship between women can be so powerful... u love to see it (🏳️🌈)
I also find it nice that there's this emphasis on her recovering mentally, and the comparison between Thanos essentially teaching her to just Deal with the shit in her life through very simplistic meditation versus the priests of Pama actually teaching her something to help soothe the mind :^( and that she still has moments of relapsing essentially. I find that to be a realistic take on recovery because that's just part of the journey since healing is not linear... and I think it's very sweet that she finds comfort in collecting something ---girly--- like dolls. Love to see a person reclaim a part of their childhood that they weren't allowed to experience. And how she's allowed to make BAD JOKES?? Imagine a woman being written to have multiple dimensions, crazy and absolutely unthinkable, I know.
There's this extremely specific theme in relation to Gamora across media that's been rattling around in my brain since first playing the game. When near the end during the revisit to Knowhere, she's about to completely lose it when Peter tries talking -for- her on what she's so upset about before immediately shooting him down, and she explains what happened between her and Nebula and she starts crying. It really struck me right then that she's never given a moment to cry elsewhere (or in the 616's case, the quite literal inability to.) aside from her shedding a Single Manly Tear (Original Sin) or a single moment out of legit fear (MCU 💀) because she's a hashtag Strong Independant Woman who can't be vulnerable etc etc. But for her to cry in front of the people she's come to care about, It gives her a moment of true vulnerability that I don't think she's allowed ever in most other media.
That and all of the above hits hard and is what makes me genuinely believe that the writers cared about her in the narrative and tried to do right by her when every other bit of media really hasn't nor cared to the majority of the time since the 90s :'^/ Brings a tear to my eye that she's allowed to just... exist in the narrative on her own merits and not on what she can provide to someone else's story.
#lex thoughts#gotg thoughts#universe: eidos game#gotg2008#sorry for asking for a question then immediately disappearing for a month 💔 I'm on the most stressful roadtrip ever#i 🫶 you for asking about them though the Eidos gotg are my everything and i won't shut up about them if given the chance#very funny to me that all these important moments happen on Knowhere. Strange things can happen at the end of the universe.#The end page of W&tIW 09 is the only other Gamora moment of vulnerability across media that i can specifically pinpoint#But it's more self reflection in a way of a heavily traumatic experience that I don't feel ever truly got resolved within the 616 IMO#And I find it a specific point to be made when Gamora is/isn't allowed to feel or literally denied things that are stereotypically-#-categorized as -feminine- (which is dumb to assign gender roles to a simple human emotion such as CRYING.-#-But you get what I mean I hope) We play fast and loose with gender around here pardner I think all of the gotg should cry more#but in Gamora's case specifically it Hits Different knowing her past and treatment throughout media#i could also heavily go into the way the game adapts Peter's character in relation to his element guns but that's an essay for another time#just because -i- find that extremely fascinating doesn't mean i think he should particularly be the main focus (and he isnt)#bc pete rocket and groot are the ones that already get all the attention (even if i dont agree with how they're written elsewhere)#i just find it more engaging for the other two main characters of the team that always get sidelined by the writers actually being put in-#-the spotlight with equal attention given to them for once to be sooo -shakes fist#sorry for the intense word salad i hope i make sense lol ESSAY/RANT OVER .🤐
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he's crying and they put the triumph theme over it. that's it. I'm done. I'm going to bed.
#I'm gonna listen to Murderbot first though#I need emotional support. and to calm down lol#and what better for calming down than listening to a rogue robot having a stressful day but handling it like a champ#uh. to those of you who are watching my complete emotional collapse over an anime show about a board game: thanks for uh#being here#I guess#this means a lot to me#and I am having a good time I promise. this is cathartic#I loved having a breakthrough about why I identify with Akira Toya and then seeing him break down crying literal seconds later#catharsis <333#I didn't even get through 1 whole 20 minute episode and it took me over an hour ahahaha#hikaru no goposting
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Can somebody hold my hand and tell me without explicit spoilers just how much Gustav I have to endure. Like. I know Alfonse has some voice lines about it, and talks about him a bit during his 40 convo. I haven't even touched Forging Bonds yet. It's so dark in here.
#at. my fucking limit about it LMFAOOOO#i'm. so sorry. i try so hard to not be a hater.... i always wanna see the silver lining i always wanna have a conversation w canon#i always want to glean like. even if i don't like the direction taken here. i want to ask myself What's the greater picture here?#like what does this say about alfonse? what story does it tell? and i always want to examine it i always do#i def. use both alfonse and sharena as filters for. my own bullshit. if that isn't like Abundantly Clear LMFAOOOO#but for me alfonse is much easier to look at directly bc he's something i'm not. even as a man i'll never be a cis man#i'm able to see through the looking glass about it. the way parents can feel this weird sense of ownership/kinship over their same sex kids#and when their kid makes a decision they personally wouldn't make they don't understand. like. you're Like Me aren't you?#it just. gets so i'm gonna throw up about it when you're trans. they literally cannot fucking comprehend that.#bc They wouldn't Do That. why are You doing that.#needless to say you probably see what i'm on about here. there's the literal part of it where alfonse is meant to take gustav's place#should he keep at it. which he does. something that was preordained but also a choice he wanted to make.#but also i cannot with the cycles man. i cannot. it's just like when aaron west's sister catherine said#'you paint dad like a damn saint / and you know that i loved him too / but he drank himself to death the same way'#<- LITERALLY BARELY LIKE NOT EVEN VAGUELY LIKE THAT. but it Is. to me.#literally i'm gonna start crying just reading those lines. what the fuck ehat is fucking wrong w me LMFAOOOOO#it's. so dark in here.
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No wait I'm actually not done talking about how The Dawns Here Are Quiet (1972) fucking broke me and I need to rant about it a bit more
Just.. the concept in general? One senior sergeant and 5 young girls barely out of school, the oldest of them only 20, having to hold off 16 German paratroopers? Knowing how low the odds of success are and yet understanding that they have to do it anyway? Being overcome with fear and hopelessness but keeping at it because you have a duty to your homeland? How fucking terrifying that would be?
And then, the girls dying off one by one. Liza, sent to warn the rest of the troop of the germans, dying in a swamp as she wasn't careful in where she was stepping, all because she was rushing to get there as fast as possible to hopefully save the lives of the other girls. But her death being in vain, because Sonya was stabbed and Galya was shot before her demise was even discovered. Only two girls and Vaskov the sergeant left, not even having the chance to mourn the fallen because the germans are still there. The sergeant ordering the girls to retreat because he wants at least them to survive. Them disobeying, remaining in those woods until the end. Some of the germans were dead too, but at what cost?
The absolute fucking tragedy of what happens next, Rita being wounded by grenade shrapnel causing Zhenya to go off with nothing but a rifle, singing at the top of her lungs as she runs through the woods to get the germans to follow her away from her friend. But of course she could never survive doing that for long and is killed. Vaskov finding her and telling Rita, who understands that with the rest dead and her wounded only Vaskov can face the Germans but he refuses to leave her, so she asks him to look after her little boy and kills herself
Vaskov burying the girls and finding the germans, shooting some, screaming at the remaining that they were facing only five young girls and still weren't able to pass by them, and now he will kill all of them himself and that he doesn't care if he will be judged for it because he will avenge the girls he was supposed to protect
The epilogue, thirty years after the war ended, showing Vaskov and Rita's son, who he adopted just as asked, placing a memorial plaque in those same mountainous woods of Karelia and being discovered by a group of campers the same age as those girls were, all their joy and laughter immediately fading as they stand in respect and mourning too for the girls they weren't even alive at the same time with but who were part of the reason they can now spend their youth camping and having fun instead of fighting on the front lines
And that's only the plot, if I started talking about the symbolism and cinematography too I would be here typing all day. But I will mention the genius decision to make the entire movie in black and white except for the 'modern day' scenes of the campers and Vaskov hallucinating the girls after their deaths as he mourns, as he threatens the germans, and as Rita's son places the memorial. Genius, I tell you
Just... The Dawns Here Are Quiet (1972). That's it that's the post.
#it's available on YouTube with English subs and I recommend literally everyone watch it#it's extremely heartbreaking but also so so poignant too#I'm not even ashamed of crying over it#usually I don't like war movies for this exact reason. I'm way too emotionally unstable. but this one I actually really enjoyed#despite it breaking me#I can't really explain what it is about this movie. but it just hits all the right spots in my tragedy loving heart#all those sacrifices being in vain...#both liza's death in the swamp. not being able to warn the rest of the troop#and zhenya's death running through the woods. hoping to save rita. rita killing herself anyway#I'm losing it again#okay. okay. I'm done#gonna stop before I start crying#go watch this goddamn movie#the dawns are quiet here#а зори здесь тихие
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