#I'm just sad so I'm gonna lie here and maybe cry a little bit and maybe that will make me feel better

[ananxiousgenz]

kinda just having a rot in bed kind of day

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Sebastian (Pressure) fluff. I need it.

"I gotta ask, do you have personal beef with those Squiddles? Because you sure like harassing them with that light of yours."

"I don't do it on purpose! If that damn Angler stopped killing the lights in every big room, maybe I could see my own hand in front of me!" You scowled up at the sea creature while standing in his humble shop.

Why was Sebastian always taunting you whenever you died to something unexpected..only to act all friendly-like in this place?

Well, you had to be grateful he was the only thing down here that wasn't trying to kill you, and that no other monsters could barge into the shop when you least expect it.

So for once, you could breathe easy..

Until he decided to remind you of those creepy squids who were somehow always in your way.

He must get a kick out of watching you perish.

"Oh of course, blame everybody except yourself." He tsked. "You have more than enough clues on how to survive each creature you encounter...but maybe they should've spoonfed all the details to you instead-"

"I don't need this from you." You huffed. "My damn hands are cramped from holding a locker shut against Pandemonium, Eyefestation gave me a killer headache, nobody bothered to tell me about the people in the walls-"

"And don't forget about those Squiddles, hehe."

Silence.

"Okay, okay. I've had my fun. I'll shut up about them now."

"Thanks. You have any medkits available?"

"Right on my tail, buddy. Hope you got enough data."

"More than enough." As your eyes surveyed the items strapped to his tail, they eventually wandered over to the desk with batteries laying out.

But it wasn't them that caught your interest, but rather the file on the table. 'How curious..is this for a monster I'm gonna meet soon?' You went over to investigate.

"Is the document for sale?"

"Wow, you might be the first to ask me about that and be able to afford it! The others before you barely had enough for a flashlight." Sebastian chuckled, clasping his hands together. "If you're interested, give me a thousand data, and I'll have it ready for you to read when you return to the surface. And don't worry, it's all there. So I won't have to kill you to to reveal any information."

You blinked, realizing what he meant by that as you read the folder's cover and why he was asking so much for it.

Sebastian's Document

Of course, you knew he'd be recognized as a specimen, too, but to be put with Pandemonium, the Anglers, and all those other monsters that tried to eat you alive?

For some reason, it made you frown a little.

"This is your file, and they let you keep it?" You turned back to him.

"...I stole it. And I'm not gonna lie...I regret reading it." He muttered, suddenly looking a bit tense..and sad, even, although he was quick to mask any signs of vulnerability when he realized you were staring. "Anyways, it's a steep price. I'm sure you'd rather spend your assets on-"

"What if I buy it and take it off your hands right now?"

For a moment, his ear fins perked up with surprise, glowing eyes widening. But he was quick to give you a suspicious gaze. "Really? You're that nosey about my lifestory? Pretty weird if you ask m-"

"It's more of a courtesy to you."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"I mean..you look like you're carrying a heavy weight just from that folder being there. You haven't stopped looking at it since I mentioned it." You pointed out, seeing his ears twitch again. "You've always told me "out of sight, out of mind" with the Anglers. Couldn't I say the same about you and that document?"

".....using my own words against me, eh? What're you, a damn psychologist?" He teased, although his words didn't hold as much spite or sarcasm as usual. "But no, you're right. I'd rather forget about it forever. So if you want it that badly, be my guest." His third arm made a grand gesture towards the table. "Just don't get caught parading it around. And don't come crying to me when you realize you needed something else instead of-"

"I won't, trust me." You exchanged the data, taking the folder. "I'll be on my way now. I got a crystal to find."

With that, you began ducking down to renter the vent and continue your journey into the abandoned site-

"Hey."

You paused and looked back at Sebastian, tilting your head as you wondered why he seemed nervous again--wringing his hands together.

"Um..thank you, genuinely..for taking that off my hands." He cleared his throat, sweeping back his dark bangs. "I hope that whatever you find in there doesn't..get in the way of our "partnership". I'd hate to lose my number one customer."

Nodding, you gave him a reassuring smile. "You won't lose my business, Seb. That I promise."

"..now hold on we aren't THAT close to start going by nickna-" He began to snap, but you've already disappeared into the duct. "Aaaand they're gone...hmph..well..least I don't have to worry about that anymore."

Sighing, he looked around the shop, wondering what he should do now.

What you did was certainly a nice gesture.

He only hopes you'll keep your promise and not be afraid of him.

[weebsinstash]

Since you guys have been digging poly yandere LuciLili do yall wanna hear one of my more fucked up ideas

I keep thinking about scenarios where Lilith is emotionally intelligent enough to kinda, get a read on who you are pretty quickly and, maybe you even help out by being a bit too honest about yourself, and she falls in love with you first and decides almost on his behalf that you would be perfect for Lucifer as well. Like I'm talking this man may know barely more about you than your name but Lilith sees certain similarities or contrasts between you that she's like, INSANELY POSITIVE you two would be perfect together, and she may be totally right, but the ethically dubious part is when Lucifer isssssss not quite as fast to warm up to you and Lilith tries to... expedite that process

I've thought of, the idea i mentioned before with you being pulled into a kind of dream dimension where you're bonding with them in a pseudo-Eden, that maybe Lilith "invites you" into their dream without telling or asking Lucifer first, and then it's in Eden where he falls in love with you, since, you're acting more like your actual true self since you think it's a dream with no consequences. In the waking world, you're nervous, barely making eye contact, maybe even a little scared of him, but in Eden, it's "do you two have nicknames for each other? Like do you ever call each other things like, maybe Lucifer is Lulu or Luci or Ducky and Lilith would be Lili or-- also when you two first met, Lucifer, were you ALSO completely naked or did you accidentally teach her what clothes were and made her self conscious? Since Lilith was naked when you met her, was it hard not to stare at her p--" like, you have so many interests and all this curiosity and they both think it's so cute and once you start talking, you speak in paragraphs not sentences and they just pofe watching you get excited and interested about things

but picture it gets to the point where here's Lucifer, "ok Lili OK I like her alright?! But it's- she's not really ready for a relationship let alone a BABY right now" and Lilith is just pouting and crossing her arms and BANISHES HIM TO THE COUCH. IM SERIOUS. Kicks him out of his own fucking bed and tells him he should be in yours instead. "Well just MAYBE she would be ready for a relationship if she had someone to show her she was safe and cared for LUCIFER >:( don't pretend you haven't been wanting another child LUCIFER >:( don't make me get her pregnant myself LUCIFER >:(" and also she very very well COULD do that so it IS a credible threat

Like Charlie is getting so fucking worried her parents are bickering all the time and she's worried they're gonna get divorced and it's just like, THEM ARGUING OVER GETTING YOU PREGNANT OR NOT. Lilith is over here privately having conversations with you where you're breaking down about dying before you could get a partner and get married and have a wedding and have a baby and she's running back to Lucifer, "cmon Lulu... don't you want to know what your baby would look like? She's just so SAD, Lulu, she wants her baby and her family SoooOoooo badly. You mean you don't want Charlie to have another sibling? You dont want a little baby to put in a little duckie onesie?"

I just. Picture. Lilith inviting you and Lucifer to drink with her and she just. Drugs you both, completely unapologetically slips you both aphrodisiacs. Gets you Hella Hella Drunk and, at some point later in the night, Lucifer thinks he's having sex with his wife, but uh, not wife number 1, that's for sure. He doesn't snap out of it until either the next morning or when he's already, you know, finishing, and you're just slurring and clinging to him like a teddy bear and honestly probably already pregnant

LATER ON DOWN THE LINE AFTER YOU'VE HAD YOUR BABY, you break down crying to Lucifer, "I want to tell you something but I'm worried you'll be mad but I- I don't want my baby to grow up with a lie and get hurt in the future, and, and you're a really good person and a good husband and a good dad and I hate lying to you" AND YOU REVEAL YOU WERE IN ON THE DRUGGING THING THE WHOLE TIME. LILITH APPROACHED YOU AND TALKED YOU INTO IT. But Lucifer still doesn't blame you because you're absolutely perfect in his eyes and, now you two have a beautiful little baby and you're both so so happy together, and here's Lucifer, "hey honey? I'm gonna go talk to Lili for a lil while, ok? Be back later ^^"

Skip to like a month later, here's Lucifer looking quite smug, "big news everyone! Lilith is pregnant! We've got another Morningstar on the way!" and here's Lilith ALSO looking quite smug cause, awwww that's so cute, he thinks he got back at her, but really, she got everything she wanted in the end. Lucifer just puffing out his chest because he's got a new baby and another on the way and Lilith just smirking coyly as she continues to knit little baby socks. If they'll go to your baby or hers or, maybe another future baby of yours, now, who can really say? Honestly the happiest Morningstar is Charlie because now she has her dad, her mom, and her other new mom, and now her new siblings too! And if anything bad ever happened to you or your baby the entirety of the Hotel will go to war for you with unspeakable unspeakable violence :)

[scribe-of-hael]

Wonder what would happen if TFA Optimus got yeeted into earthspark

Y'know it's gonna be funny between an unofficial prime with no holy tits and have no idea why the warlord having beef with Autobots meeting a prime with holy tits who also have history and make peace with megatron the slagmaker

Im so sorry for phrasing it this way it's just funny and my brain isn't braining anymore it's just a jello with lots of shenanigans-

I also love your writing ahaha

I love this so much omg ?

Tfa Optimus in my opinion is basically Orion Pax (in general any orion). Like who I imagine Orion to be before taking the matrix. He is sweet, loyal , brave but is still struggling to be this leader but he's trying his damn hardest to take up the mantle.

ES Optimus would immediately be so drawn to TFa oppi because that's him , literally who he was before, young and not alot of experience. But also sad that this oppi has had to go through so much in such a small time. The losses he has suffered. He feels for him so much.

They are dads btws. This is two big bot dads with dad jokes. A young dad and aolder dad that goes

"I've been at this for years watch and learn ~" //finger guns//

Does the sickest ax move you've ever seen

Tfa like "I WANA DO THAT TO?? TEACH ME PLZ?"

I do think TFA would think ES is a lil goofy but admires who he is and what all he's had to go through to get here. He hopes to be like him one day.

And I know TFa is probs just as big as ES. But funny to think he'd be smaller cause tfa Cons are just HUGE.

Also yes tfa may not have tits for days, BUT THOSE HIPS DONT LIE, #respectthehips lol

Now comes ES Megatron. Oh dear he's not use to this. When comes to the size and the fusion Canon on his arm. Tfa can't help but be uneasy. ES oppi would reassure him that this megs is ok and has changed. Its hard for tfa to wrap his mind around. So he trys to talk with him a little. Tfa oppi is a bit awkward but Megs sees he's trying so agrees.

He's so blown at the different personalities and history they share. Even a bit envious but happy that this Megatron saw the error of his ways and wnates to change. Meanwhile his was stuck as he was,, evil and murderous..

Megs is more than happy to show he's happy to talk. But hearing what tfa megs is like just makes him disgusted, particularly guilty as some traits he used to share maybe even struggles with right now.

But Megs is also like that Dad who's been around is trying turn his life around be there for the kids. Literally lol so Tfa Optimus and these two big boys get along well.

Bonus:

I know the kids would love TFa oppi so much omg. I cry.

I'm also happy you like my writing !!! Thank you so much

[that-one-anxious-mango]

You + Me = US (1)

Summary: After a shocking discovery is made that you decide to keep to yourself out of fear..you realize your secrecy may be doing more harm than good.

Content: BIG ANGST. Reader feeling sad and conflicted. Appearance of a friend. Argument and Tension between Austin and reader. Tense and sad Austin. Just all around Angst. 

A/N: Hello Beautiful humans! I hope you’re all well. I know this is something I hadn’t planned out putting out so soon. But seeing as ya’ll wanted the first part of the juicy angsty story I mentioned so bad..this is it. I hope you all enjoy because..yeah. Much love. *hugs*

P.S Please Always feel free to comment, reblog, and send me letters about the fic and anything else pertaining to the series!  And also let me know to be added to the taglist! 🏷️

Taglist: @purejasmine , @wacoshuffle

---

So here you were.

One Bathroom Counter

Six tests.

Twelve brightly positive lines.

One Shocked Alana

And one terrified you.

The room was so silent you could have heard a pin drop.

You almost couldn't believe it.

You were pregnant and scared shitless.

Immediately you’d burst into tears while Alana who usually wasn’t one for traditional methods of comfort..did her best.  

From there a hour crying session began until you got the strength to talk.

" Alana what am I gonna do. This isn’t suppose to be happening right now. Not n-now." You sniffled out hanging on to your friend tighter.

This was bad..no scratch that...it was terrible timing.

You had just finally broken some ground at work and was finally feeling like your contributions were being used. Austin was riding the high of Elvis and had also just finished filming Dune part 2. Not to mention you'd only gotten engaged not even three months ago and hadn't been in the new condo two good months...which you'd been literally going at it like rabbits in.

But still, everything was flowing just the way it needed to flow, and something like this was certain to disrupt it.

" You're gonna have to do what you need to do, babes. No matter what you need to take care of you first above all else." Alana offered.

Looking at her with red eyes you asked, " What would you do? "

Mirroring you back with a face of stone Alana was hesitate to answer because in her mind.. you may not have wanted to hear her true opinion. 

She replied, " Honestly."

Taking a breath you nodded.

" Well...."

—-

It'd been almost a month since you'd found that you were pregnant. And it had not been a easy ride. Between the fatigue, constant nauseous feeling, tiredness, and the task of doing your best to hide all signs of the minimal morning sickness from everyone.

You were exhausted.

But still the only two souls that knew were you and Alana.

And as much as you wanted to tell Austin and everyone else...you weren't ready.

Immediately when you stepped inside your home you smelt the delicious scent that carried through the air along with the soft jazz music you could hear from the kitchen. When you entered you were greeted by a enthused Magnus who did his everyday duty of administering your daily dosage of puppy kisses. After you went to the kitchen.

" Hey, mama. Been waiting to see you all day." Austin chirped from his post at the stovetop. He looked to have been making Fajitas and yellow rice, one of your favorite things he made, but  your stomach didn't jump at the sight of them like they normally would.

" Hi. That smells good, babe." You responded slowly inching toward the living room faking a smile. Really the closer you got, the more you wanted to gag. It smelled so funny.

" Thanks. I figured it had been a hot minute since I'd made it and I know its a favorite of yours. I thought we might eat this for dinner then maybe we could finish another chapter of the book we got Saturday upstairs."

You just nodded, " Yeah, Aus. That sounds nice. I'm gonna go lie on the couch for a little bit though. Feeling little tired." You informed.

Austin had to hold back the sullen expression that wanted to form and instead replace it with a small smile, usually whenever he cooked you were perched right on a seat at the kitchen island chattering and giggling. But as of recent that hadn't been the case and Austin would be lying if he said it didn't bother him.

" Okay."

From there the two of you had dinner as normal making little small talk here and there. Mostly work talk and little about plans for the summer the two of you had made which now made you said since they might not be feasible with the new information of your...condition.

Post dinner Austin let Magnus out to potty before you both ventured upstairs with the happy hound following where the two of you separately shower and change to then got in bed and Austin took his turn to read.

Feeling actually tired you let him sort of cuddle you with his unoccupied hand on your back while your head rested on his chest and your legs were intertwined.

Seeing that the book was a romance once you'd hit a certain part of the chapter it'd gotten..spicy . And with the two of you particularly in a enclosed space like your bed, it wasn't shocking to you when Austin decided to make a move.

He'd leaned in and grabbed your face pulling yours to his in a sweet kiss. A kiss that you couldn't help but naturally blend into. This was the most action the two of you had seen in a while. He was enjoying being this close to you. He drank in the scent of mango and vanilla that came from you and savored the soft of your skin on his fingertips. 

Gaining more traction without breaking the union Austin had managed to to set the book aside on the nightstand while maneuvering to hover over you. Everything was okay until you felt a hand move from caressing the top of your breast down to brush the top of your stomach.

Startled you abruptly pulled away alarming Austin.

" Whoa. Hey you alright? What's the matter? " He questioned searching your face.

Putting on a poker face you nodded, " Yeah I'm fine, babe. Just..do you mind..." You trailed silently gesturing for him to move off.

Obliging instead of just rolling over, Austin got up from the bed standing to look at you. You couldn't quite pin-point what he was thinking, but from his expression it was clear he was bothered.

" Y/N what's going on? Is it me? Have I done something? "  He asked.

Shaking your head you scooched off the bed moving to stand, " Of course not, Aus. Why would you think that? It's fine. I'm fine." You said feeling a whoosh of anxiety enter your chest.

" Well I honestly don't know what you want me to think, baby. I mean as of late every time I come near and try to hold you , you move away from like I got the plague. We haven't had a date night in three weeks because you always keep saying you're too tired or busy. Whenever I'm home and I cook dinner for us you don't wanna even sit down and eat with me." Austin poured looking at you with pleading eyes. " It feels..like you don't want me around most days."

Your eyes began to water hearing his outpour of concern and neglect. 

“ That’s not true, baby. You know I want you around all the time.” You tried assuring.

You hadn’t meant to get this way. You felt terrible. Like a monster. You'd never meant to make him feel this way.

A bitter laugh left him, “ I can’t tell.” 

Looking at you he could see that you felt bad and once your tears began rolling,  he felt his eyes begin to feel moist.

" Baby...." He dragged out trying to keep the strain against his voice small, " We're not even making love anymore. The last time you let me touch you was almost a month ago. A-and before that we could barely keep our hands off each other." He painfully pointed out thinking about all the passionate love making the two of had been doing. You used to joke around with him and tease that he had to be part energizer bunny because he never needed a recharge.

But nonetheless it was true.

You'd been avoiding him, and tucking yourself away while you tried to figure out what you were going to do.

Doing little things like wearing loose clothes even to bed when he knew you preferred to be near naked most times. When he'd offer shower with you, you'd always politely decline brushing it off as you were just going to be in and out. You put space between the two of you when you watched shows or ate dinner. Austin had taken note of it all, and while he had been trying to give you some space and be supportive. But he feared he was at the end of his rope.

But still you couldn't find the voice to say anything back to him, and this unfortunately heighten his emotions so bad that he said the unthinkable.

" You know what cut the shit, Y/N! " Austin sighed placing his hands into his face. " Who is he? " Austin accused feeling like you'd just been struck in the chest.

" E-excuse me." You gawked in disbelief at what your fiancée was shockingly insinuating. He had to know better than even letting a passing thought like that enter his mind.

" You heard me. Who is he? " He repeated with more attitude. " Because whatever you're not getting here you gotta be getting somewhere, right? It's Lucas isn't it?" He sourly threw out the name of the name of your friend who'd been helping with your photography classes you'd enrolled in. The same Lucas from the night at Alana's party that had tried to get extra friendly with you. “ You’re fucking him, aren’t you?” The words thrown out like venom.

You felt you heart race prompting you to rest a hand on your chest as you tried to calm yourself down. But no much how much steady breathing you practiced, it wouldn't help stop the tears that began cascading down your face, " Austin...H-how could you even think that. No! There isn't anyone else. Not Lucas..not anyone!" " You choked out in disbelief full on crying now.

Raising his head to look at you he sighed, " Ah hell, Y/N." He mumbled in discontent at seeing you cry the way you were. He hated when you cried. " I don't know what to think at this point! This isn't like us. This isn't like YOU."

You nodded feverishly trying to calm down, " I know...I-I just don't feel like myself, Austin." You half confessed being sure to leave out the major components of why.

" Okay, I understand. And I absolutely hate that your feeling that way. But I can't help you if I don't know what's going on. Can please you tell me what's wrong. I wanna be here and help you. But you're shutting me out. Please." Austin pleaded looking at you intently, all he was asking was for something..really anything that you could tell him to steer him in the right direction. Because right now he felt lost.

Biting your lip to the point of near bloodshed and twiddling your thumbs you contemplated just spilling your guts and telling him right then and there, but the little voice in your head agonizingly sniping at your thoughts wouldn’t allow it.

If you tell him now it becomes real. And there isn't anything guaranteeing that he'll be happy. I mean you told him about your childhood, why would he want someone damaged like you to raise a child with.

Who would want you as a mother?

Feeling like the walls were caving in you just barely spoke, " Austin. I want to....But I can't.... I just can't."

The words had come out.

And now you had to painfully watch as his face fall at your response. It was like you could see a little embers of hope die behind his eyes, and it broke your heart even more to watch as he sniffled up what would have been a stray tear.

When he responded his voice sounded taut, " You know when we first started dating and we played that game with all the questions. And I asked you to describe our relationship in three words. One of the words YOU specifically picked was honest." Austin reminisced reminding you both of the happier time. He took a second to breath until his glossy eyes met yours in a intense lock, " W-when did that change?"

Once he finished, he then proceed to back away from you softly wrenching the bedroom door open, he casted you one more look before closing it behind him.  Leaving you to shakily lay yourself down on the bed and wrap yourself in the covers to ensue in a good old fashion sob out.

That night for the first time since the two of you had gotten engaged and moved into the loft you'd sleep alone in your king size bed. You heard when the guest bedroom had opened and closed. This only made you cry more.

You felt cold. And not just because the usual warmth Austin gave off holding you in the night wasn't present, but really because it was as if you were standing in the middle of nowhere with no shelter and no place to turn.

You felt alone.

In the wee hours of the morning while your fought yourself in and out of sleep you'd heard the bedroom slowly creep open. With your back to the room you listened as he moved about the bathroom and the closet in what you knew was him getting ready for the interview line up he had today for some of the precursors for award season.

You so badly wanted to turn around and call out for him. Apologize and explain everything a thousand times over. But still it felt like your body physically wouldn't move.

When he came out the final time, you could hear him come to his side of the bed and put something on the duvet. He sighed before turning around and back out the door closing it softly behind him. The alarm chime could be heard soon after and that's when you knew he was gone.

Slowly pulling yourself up to turn around. You hit the toggle for the lights and looked at the folded note that sat on his pillow.

You'd be laying if you said that your heart didn't fall to your ass. Was he leaving you?

Numbly you grabbed the note bracing yourself to take in it's contents.

Then you read it,

Dear Y/N,

I know that I already told you that I'd be out for most of the day today but I also wanted to let you know that when I get home I'll be retiring to the guest room.

I don't exactly know what's going right now but I just feel like I'm putting in so much effort into this relationship as of recent only to receive half of it back. And as a couple who recently got engaged..this worries me. I understand that you have a tough time opening up about certain things bothering you and that is completely understandable. But just what I don't understand is why your pulling back from opening up to me after all we've been through in two years of progression.

With that being said, for right now I think it'll be good if we just take some space. Hence why I'll be staying in the guestroom for a couple of days. Unless you're ready to talk in some type of honest capacity or there is some type of emergency, I ask that you please respect this boundary for the time being.

I love you, Y/N. And I know we can work at this and overcome whatever is going on.

But I badly need you to try.

I'll still be home in time to make dinner as normal and I'll leave you a plate in the microwave.

All my love always, forever, and beyond,

Austin.

[strawberry-cowmilk]

♡ don't stop dancing ♡

-> asmodeus x mc

a/n: so, somehow the old version got labeled as mature. I like this fic so here's a 'censored' version with less swearing and other vulgarities!! ♡♡

mc's gender is not mentioned, not proof read

content warnings: reverse comfort, crying, insecurity

-----

It's a nice distraction, you know? Going out, talking to friends, forgetting why you were sad last night. Was it because your favorite eyeshadow sold out? Maybe you messed an assignment up? It was an important one after all. Did you realise nobody you've been with ever truly loved you? They just thought you're a cute score, a doll. Or did you secretly hate yourself, the shell that is the way you look isn't pretty enough to fool others into thinking you're not messed up underneath? Who cares, right? You have an audience, everyone you know (and, well, those you don't). Don't you dare make them worried for you! Leave them with a smile!

Oh, don't misunderstand. You're not manipulating anyone! Your toxically positive image is technically not a lie. It's still you, but without any flaws. But you have hard days too, you know? Sometimes you vent just a tiny bit of that cooped up frustration and feel terrible afterwards. It's just who you are, but you can't stop dancing, so pull yourself together and smile for the camera! Devilgram's gonna love this! You look so beautiful!

How many times have you felt so bad and unloved you impulsively went clubbing several nights in a row? With the pure intention to find somebody who's willing to spend the night with you? Just to quench your thirst of your messed up image of love. Honestly, who wouldn't pass up a chance to be with you! You're so pretty! But honey, deep down, you know that's not love. But, you've become the perfect identity, somebody should take a bite of you, right? What was all the work for otherwise? And then the same somebody makes you leave their place at dawnbreak. Then you walk back home in shame, only to repeat the cycle again. Ah, don't forget the times you were convinced you were totally over an ex, only to miss them again five minutes later. One day, enough will be enough. How much longer can you play the actor? What if somebody sees right through you? What if the facade crumbles? Actually, nevermind. You know it's too much when you're leaning against your bathtub in your grandiose bathroom, crying your eyes out.

It's not unusual for Asmo to stay in his bathroom for hours, but this time, you couldn't help but worry. Maybe the average person couldn't notice, but you could tell he was acting a little off for a while. Perhaps Lucifer noticed too. It might be a bad idea, given how much your stomach fluttered. Still, you knocked on the door regardless. 'Hey, are you okay in there?' you could faintly hear some shuffling and running water before the demon replied. 'Yes, everything's okay! The bath temperature just isn't right yet.' No, something was definitely wrong. Asmodeus always calls you some sort of pet name when you suddenly show up. Also, he always takes a bath first when he enters the bathroom. Considering the demon's been in there for hours already, it would be odd if he went in the bath now. You pursed your lips briefly before knocking again.

'Can I come in?'

'No need, All is good!'

'I just want to see you.'

'Mc! You can wait for me to leave the bathroom if you miss me so much!'

'It's not that, I just want to check if you're alright.'

'No need, hon!'

'Asmo, I'm coming in, okay?'

'...'

Just as you thought, something has happened here. There wasn't even water in the tub, just some splashed on the floor in front of the sink. The mirrors were covered with towels, robes and clothes. When you looked Asmo in the eyes, you saw the redness around his amber irises, and slight the dampness of his lashes, yep, he was crying earlier. You sat down on the edge of the tub, patted the spot next to you and waited for Asmo to join you. His shoulders were all stiff and his smile was forced: you caught him doing things he didn't think the world should know. Why didn't he send you away, though? One time Solomon walked in on Asmo using a smile trainer and he flung a vase at the sorcerer, making him leave.

'So, is everything okay?' the avatar of lust asked innocently, oh the irony. You carefully placed your hand over his. 'Asmo, are you okay?' That was when something in him shattered, like a glass cup colliding with the floor. He stared at you with widened eyes before clinging onto you, letting the sobs shake his body. Had he so desperately waited for somebody to ask him that? To 'save' him? The sudden change in mood took you by surprise, but you gently embraced the demon back, letting your fingers trail up and down his spine. Asmodeus held you when you were upset and cried, now you're doing the same for him.

'Mc, it was never okay! Not even back in the Celestial Realm!' He coughed a little before continuing. 'I was praised for my beauty, but I wasn't even the best there! But it was all I had. I ignored all my problems to make them think I'm beautiful inside and out...' Asmo squeezed you a little closer to himself, as if using you to hide behind. You carefully played with a lock of his hair in an attempt to comfort him. '...and then, and then after we fell, it became worse. I'm literally a monster now, Mc! I'll never even be pretty! I'm a fraud! Nobody cares about me, nobody loves me!' That was when the uncontrollable sobs came back. Honestly, you were fighting a couple of tears yourself. To have Asmodeus be so open with you, is it because he trusts you so much or because nobody else bothered to check on him?

'Hey, listen to me.' you spoke gently after the demon was cried out. 'You are more than just how you look, or what others think of you.' You tried to look him in the eyes, but he was hiding his face in the crook of your neck. Asmo couldn't believe his ears. His whole life he's been reduced to seeing himself as an accessory. Won't others hate him if he was vulnerable? Or think he's a burden? Right now his face is all red and puffy, if he showed you this 'ugly' side of himself, would you leave him?Reluctantly, Asmo pulled himself away from you, and stared right into your gaze. You didn't run, or look disgusted or anything. You just smiled. Are you proud of his little act of bravery? 'Mc, you're really sweet. Thank you.'

[nogenderbee]

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ 𝕃𝕒𝕥𝕖 𝔸𝕦𝕥𝕦𝕞𝕟 𝔼𝕧𝕖𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘 ₊˚ˑ༄

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ TW: yandere behavior(?), manipulation, slight mentions of deaths

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ @bleachtheidiot @qwnelisa @miya-akane @miguelito-maruti-blog

ᵀᴼᴰᴬʸ'ˢ ᴬᴿᵀ : The Late Autumn's Evening Twilight - Shizuku Hinomori

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

Apparently, there was a village that was forced to make every person living there flee due to effects of Yokai who appeared few days ago. And you as the brave adventurer and fighter you are, accepted mission with big money reward and decided to try your best at defeating said Yokai!

Village didn't look much abandoned... maybe it's because not much time passed before the citizens moved. You carefully entered the mansion that was apparently location of the whole problem. And you were slightly surprised to find beatiful woman with light blue hair sitting there, as if she was waiting for you.

"Oh? Another one? You're gonna draw a sword at me like everyone else, won't you...?"

She said almost worried as she looked down hurt by the mere thought you want to hurt her. She looked so vulnerable, yet she was the reason whole village had to leave...

"I think it's quite obvious. You caused many problems."

You carefully took each step, not taking your eyes off her while also keeping your guard, in case something from any other side was to attack.

"Eh... I assume it's my time after all... and to think I only wanted to be accepted..."

"Huh? Would you like to elaborate?"

You couldn't help but feel curious and slightly bad about her situation. Did she really meant no bad...? Was she just trying to be nice? But she's a Yokai... what if it's just a big lie?

"I simply wanted to find a... friend. Maybe someone of greater importance to me..."

"And you showed it by scaring everyone away?"

"I never wanted that, please believe me! The only thing I did was care for them... maybe I was a bit too caring...?"

"Like in what way?"

"You know... I know you humans are fragile, so I always made sure they have proper clothing on, so weather won't damage their health... Speaking of which... you look incredibly cold, dear..."

She brought a hand to her cheek as her expression was now one of worry. She quickly scanned you with her eyes before moving to take scarf from behind her.

"Here! Let me wrap it around your neck!"

"No need... I'm actually quite warm-"

"Oh, please... I don't want anything to happen to you... Are you.. scared of me like everyone?"

Her look of worry only deepend and she sounded like she's genuinely gonna cry in a second... you couldn't help but feel a bit guitly for your words. So with gentle sigh and still your guard slightly up, you came over. She didn't seem so bad after all! She sounded and looked like she genuinely wanted to help!

Her sad look soon was replaced by gentle sad smile once you came closer. She wasted no time and put the scarf gently around you, like she was worried it's gonna hurt you if it touches front of your neck even a little bit.

"Hehe~ You look much warmer now! Don't you feel better too?"

"I uh... suppose so?"

You stayed in silence for a little moment, her hands still gripping two ends of the scarf as she just looked you up and down with a bit of an admiring and caring look.

"Is there... anything else?"

"Oh, no! Just... no one ever was as nice as you before~"

"Everyone deserves a second change, don't they?"

"That's so sweet of you~"

Despite you taking small step back, her hands stayed on two ends of scarf in safe grip, even tho it looked like gentle one.

"Would you mind letting go now?"

"But why would I?"

"Excuse me-?"

"I can't let you go... I'm sure you're gonna be the one! After so many failures... you'll survive as my lover, right? I can already feel it! You're so kind and trusting after all~"

Panicking, you quickly used the fact your hands were free and took the sword out, slashing it at her, just for her to take it away mid attack and tossing it right next to some bones...

"You won't be needing that... you're safe with me! I'll take good care of you, I promise~"

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

[ur-lll]

So, this is the first part. It's the first time I write something so long, especially in English. It's not my first language so be nice ahah.

TW: swearing cursing bad words. I'm serious, I don't want to be responsible for you, kids, swearing. Also it's kind of sad. So don't read it if you don't like sad things. :(

--------- Roots of your problems : part 1

- Is it painful?

- What? To marry?

He chuckled loudly, yet he silenced himself fastly, as if it helped for her not to get offended by her little stupid question. But she felt so stupid for asking that to him. How could someone who’s never been married tell her how is that to be married? Well, atleast that's what Clef always said. ”I've never been married”. Alto lies a lot. Like, all of her childhood he used to lie, and lie, but somehow she doesn't think that it's one of his lies. How can a man like him lie about being married? He doesn't look like he has a wife or kids at all. And Marzia felt an embarrassment by asking something so stupid from a man who aren't even able to fall in love (at least that's what she thought about him and that's what she said to her)

And she was twelve once. She doesn’t go to school. When your adoptive parent works for a super-top-secret organisation and your sibling starts college to get a job at the same organisation it’s not like you have time or an opportunity to live a normal life. To be honest, it was ok for her to get an education at home. Marzia never liked other people, it was tiring to even be at the same room (it wasn’t the same with Michelle or Alto. Maybe it's because they’re not, exactly, ”people”?). People are gross. They're loud, they're stupid, they're nosy and Marzia didn't like them at all. Some of them were tolerable enough, like Glass. Their visits were long and she got used to him.

- She needs to socialise. You know how is it important for her age…Michelle, you have to…

- I know that. You see, she doesn't want to. She doesn't even pay attention to me, it's like I'm dead to her. I'm so, so fucking tired.

No. No, that's not true, she doesn't see him dead. Why did he say that? Maybe that's because she doesn't notice him sometimes? But that's not on purpose, that's just how her brain works, that's it. Sometimes it's just hard to talk, but he is dear to her. If only she was able to tell, things would be easier.

When she turned eighteen, she realised, that it's hard to find friends in the Foundation. Marzia didn't have even one, but somehow, she ended up in a group of pathologists. That's how she met Clem, who just got out of college straight to the Foundation. She was older, she was fun and she was like a star. Like a sun, but Marzia is nothing but a moon. She's not even a fucking planet, she doesn't deserve any of her warmth, but yet, somehow, she's here for her. So they're friends, for the first time Marzia had a friend who wasn't looking at her like she was a burden.

Oh, how she tried to shapeshift. She had a great example to follow, it was easy to pretend to be someone she wasn't. She tried to wear makeup and bright, extravagant clothes, she was unhinged, she was loud and sometimes it was too much of her in the room and she felt embarrassment when her laugh was just a bit, just a bit off. It’s like she was laughing a little bit longer and louder and somehow, she found herself crying while laughing. Because she couldn’t stop. She was trying, but she was laughing and laughing while tears are rolling down her cheeks.

And Marzia, stupid, little Marzia, Marzia with no friends at the age of eighteen, Marzia with no goals for the future, Marzia, who's life for the next fifty years is gonna be this stupid, concrete base, dusty shelves full of books and articles and paragraphs she'll never be able to understand, she was so lucky to have someone at her side, to have a person, the only person in the whole world who LOVES her and doesn't even wait to be loved back. And she was grateful, and she was trying so much to not be this stupid, little Marzia with her stupid socialising problems.

And they're sitting in front of fireplace. It's almost midnight and Clef and Michelle are already sleeping in their rooms. Clef doesn't like Clementine, neither does Michelle, but still, he allowed them to have a sleepover, and they're talking till the midnight and they're laughing and hushing at each other and Marzia knows that Clef is not sleeping. He's waiting. It's like he felt all this shit that was hiding inside Clem, he knew it. He felt it. But Marzia didn't care at all, he can think what he wants, she liked her. Even if she's evil. Even if they're doomed as a couple, and it won't be the last time it happened to Marzia.

- I want to show you something. Can I...uhh...trust you? Can I?

Clem nodded without saying a word. Her dark brown eyes reflected gold from a fire next to her. She was in flame herself, she was that flame from a fireplace. The only one who understands her. Her only friend. Her lover. And her eyes got wider as something tickled her ear as Marzia tucked hair behind it. Marzia handed her a flower. And Clementine knew about Michelle. She knew everything about her family, everyone did. And her face acquired a grimace of regret. She stood up immediately.

- I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I can't. I don't want to...Shit, why did you do that to me? You know how complicated it's gonna be. I thought you aren't...you can't...warp...- She got silent, pursing her lips. And Marzia knew, she wasn't able to deal with a reality bender. She didn't want to have problems, to be in danger and to have her family and her friends in danger. And more, she didn't love Marzia back. She liked her, yes, but she didn't love her.

- I'm sorry. I'll call a taxi.

And Marzia is looking at her. And a big, painful lump got stuck in her throat.

- Marzia.

- Yes?

She was hoping so much that she'll change her mind.

- I won't discuss it ever again. And I don't want to talk again. Please, leave me alone, ok?

The door closed.

And the first abnormal spot ended, pulling her out of her own memories.

Now Layla is here.

- We got everything we wanted. Let's get out of here.

[kolour-me-kourt]

Chapter Thirteen: Getting my lick back

****2 days later****

She calls him and he answer pretty quickly "yooo?" He sounded confused it had been forever sense they actually spoke. "Um I'm outside your place can you come out? Don't feel force but could you?" "Yeah I'm on my way" he was very serious simply because he heard the sadness in her voice the way it wavered like she had been crying forever and the way her voice cracked he hated that she sounded like that the first time he had heard from her in so long. She was upset at herself for still being this sad she needed clarity from someone other than Jayson. Someone who she knew understood his side of this situation so who better than Melo....

Soon enough he was outside in his shorts that had his name spread across the front some slides and nothing else. She noticed he had updated his tattoos they looked fresh. She unlocked the door "nah come out here" he says to her very sternly So she turns her car off getting out of her car walking around to him still sniffling he looked down in her eyes "so what's wrong?" And as soon as she tried to open her mouth to tell him she lost it completely. Crying he stood there and watched waiting for her to calm down and then he just pulled her close letting her cry into his chest.

He tried to remain hands off because he didn't know where her relationship with Jayson last time he saw them they were happier then ever. "I need you to calm down so you can tell me what's wrong YN try to calm down" she took deep breaths but couldn't get herself together however to kill the suspense she struggled to say the words Jayson cheated on me. Maybe it's because she hadn't said it out loud to any person that wasn't Jayson. That was the important part and through the tears and the heavy breathing Melo heard her.

"Are you fuckin serious?" She nodded her head "and it got you crying like this?" She pulled away due to his disappointment she heard all in his voice. He knew YN up and down backwards and forward but sometimes he truly forget how soft she could be when she opens up so seeing her cry like this over this nigga left him partially confused and partially disappointed cause YN was supposed to be a real nigga when it came to this relationship shit

"I just thought he was different and he cheated with his ex I feel like it's worse than just fucking some random he has feelings for her he loves her or it was to hurt me" "did he tell you that?" "Why else would he cheat with his ex?"Melo sighed because for once he was gonna give Jayson some grace "I hate that I'm even about to say this shit cause I don't wanna take up for him but maybe he was trying to get it out of his system if she was around and he felt that old vibe it's better he do it earlier if he was gonna do it y'all still pretty early.I would hate for you to be married for ten years going through something like this " She sniffles again. "But he had me stop talking to you cause he thought I would fold and then he goes and fucks her and he wasn't even gonna tell me he was just gonna be a dick about it" "yeah it be like that.... But do you want me to keep 100 wit you?" "Always"

" I feel like you should adjust your expectations a little bit " "why? Cause every nigga cheats?" "The type of Niggas you like cheat" he stresses the word you "you would cheat on me?" "YN..." he drifted off "just be honest with me like you always have would you cheat on me?" "Not if you got me in the right time of my life I wouldn't need to cheat but we all still young and it's just so much thrown at us and it gets harder and harder to resist it when it's being offered everywhere " "so men need to cheat? Or basketball players have to cheat?" "YN—" she cuts him off "MELO IM JUST ASKING" "calm down" she sighs becoming frustrated. She wanted Melo to kiss her ass and tell her all the things she wanted to hear .... And if that lined up with the truth cool but if it didn't ... we'll that's this situation. YN lied about wanting honest cause niggas being honest with her had her crying for two days straight. She tried to get herself together she tapped his chest lightly.

"you know what this was a bad idea" she started to walk to her car door" he pulls her back "stop" "no you just basically told me everybody will cheat on me and they need to do it so I'm just supposed to be okay with that? Well I'm not that type of girl" "why did you come over here then? You remembered when I told you that he would cheat and if you wanted to get your lick back come to me? That's why you here" "Lamelo"

"just admit it weather or not you about to go through with it that's why you here.... To give your pussy back it it's rightful owner" she laughed for the first time in two days that was his goal he knows his cockiness always made her laugh "even if that's right Melo I gotta go before I do something stupid" "I respect that.... Uh but don't just call me when he fucks up.... We were friends we are friends don't do that shit no more I Fr missed my friend I know how not to touch you inappropriately or flirt but that's only if you in a relationship but I do miss you " "I won't I promise" "come give daddy a hug" she laughed again going to hug him he kissed the top of her head innocently

" so...you staying with him?" "Should I?" "Only you can make that decision... but let me know what you do" she pulls away "okay I'll text you tonight" she gets in her car "drive safe too don't do anything stupid" "I'm going back home to meet him" "still don't do anything stupid" "okay"

When she got home she found Jayson In there staring at a blank wall. She should've took his key. She bit her lip due to being nervous  "You ready to talk to me?Should I have waited outside for you?" He asks when she walked in. She nods her head "yes and it really doesn't matter at this point " "okay You wanna go first?" "you can say what you have to say first" she noticed she was being aggressive so she tried to stop

"I want you to stay with me and I want us to work through this I'm sorry I betrayed you like that it's never gonna happen again I couldn't imagine seeing you look at me like this again for two days I've been going out of my mind"

"For the past two days I've been wrecking my brain trying to come to some conclusion or find something that'll make me wanna stay with you and I honestly just don't feel like I can love you the same Im not one to give up I don't want to but it won't be the same like I know I keep saying this but it's because it's true " "you right it's never gonna be the same it's gon be better you gon love me more ima make sure of that" "well I have one rule for if we stay together " "okay you get anything you want right now" "me and Melo get to be friends again" he sighed "YN—-" "before you even start him and I were friends before we dabbled ....into the other things im capable of just being friends with him and vice versa" "I'm the one that fucked up not you so .....okay" "okay?" "Yeah what else you want" she stood there really thinking "was she better than me? Did she give you something I can't?"

"It wasn't nothing like that it was a weak moment I'm in love with you I don't just say that to anybody" " I guess that's just hard to believe cause I know you Jayson and you don't do things lightly... you're trying to be honest but In order to do that you have to tell the full truth" "I am in love with you but I honestly don't know if I'll ever truly be over her because all this time I thought I was but when she touched me I folded her and I have always been on and off but when I met you I only wanted to be with you "

"okay now we're getting some where so does that mean anytime she comes around she can have you?" "No not at all next time I see her I won't be alone with her or even talking to her but it does means she's always in my heart" "more than me?" "No" "you sure?" "Hella" "okay I believe you" she really did it's something in the way he spoke "thank you baby" "I'm still gonna need time so .... I'll need space but I'm working on Forgiving you truly but you don't get another chance"I understand that.... So where you coming back from?" "Melos" she said with a stone face "to do what?"

"To get some clarity if anybody else knows about cheating and you cheating it's him.... And he actually kinda helped you out so you might wanna say thank you" "let me say this now so you don't have these expectations even if y'all are friends me and him are not..... the way he thinks he should be with you.... Will never make it okay for me to be homeboy friend" "it's kinda like the same way Ella owns you.... Im a renter... and when you make peace with that we can move alot further"

"so you belong to Melo? Is that what you telling me? This why I didn't want y'all to be friends I'm in love with you that shit hurts to hear you say that " "no at this point I own my body nobody else nothing else does what I was saying is even if I'm not talking to Melo he's in my heart he's somebody I care about he's my friend " "do you love him?" "I love all my friends " "stop playing...." "Did you love Ella?" "At one point but we were in a relationship"

"when you were fucking her did you talk to her like you talk to me?" Her voice cracked getting choked up again. That was one of YN's favorite parts during sex the way he talked to her and handled her it was totally different from how they were in public she loved the duality.

"YN.... The things I do to you are only for you I wish it was a way you can truly know that when I Fucked Ella it was just that quick and to the point I didn't cum I didn't kiss her I didn't talk to her I didn't look in her eyes none of that " she rolls her eyes "sounds lame anywayyyyy  I never loved Melo like a boyfriend it was never on no romantic shit but as far as a person and a friend yeah I love him" "present tense" "yes" "ight"

"do you love Taylor?" Taylor Rooks was another bad bitch one of the prettiest women on the planet and about her business and she knew all about basketballl they could probably talk for hours just about that sport  and they were friends close friends YN never suspected a thing so that was her point "I never fucked Taylor though you can't compare those two friendships together but regardless I already gave you my blessing to talk to the nigga ....just please"

"yeah yeah yeah yeah  I won't do you like you did me" "YN!" "Huh?" "Yn" he said sternly "okay okay that was a low blow I'm sorry" she slightly laugh "why are you laughing" "idk cause it's not funny but like it is" he shook his head "well you'll get your space cause I gotta head home and be with Deuce" "okay thats fine you'll be gone for like a week?" "A little over a week we have an appointment looking at elementary schools" "oh yeah well good luck" "thank you" "his mom will be there?" "Yeah .... My mom will be too" she smiled even though the tears threaten to fall again

"this is why you wanted resolution cause you gotta go" she sniffles while her voice begins to crack "do you want space YN? What do you want tell me cause I'm confused" "I thought I wanted space until you said I'll have it....but it's not about me right now it's about Deuce I'll manage just call ... when you have time?" "Yeah I'll call" "when you leaving?" "I don't have to leave until tomorrow afternoon" "you wanna get your stuff and come here?" "That's what you want me to do?" "Do you wanna spend time with me?" "Yes of course" "then yes thats what I want" "okay ... wanna ride with me to get my suitcases?" "I would love too" he reaches for her hand leading her out of the house.

She wanted desperately for this to work but it was gonna take a lot of work from the both of them. He seemed down for it. But not only did she have to forgive him she had to forgive herself.

.

[ezra-editss]

"Dean doesn't reciprocate" MY ASS

I'm just kinda gonna write down my thoughts about this. I'm in season 7 now, I know what happens in the very last episode, but nothing else so I don't read any posts about the show here yet :) (just so yk and don't accidentally spoiler me) Oh and I do this mostly out of memory and some notes that I took, so this might be a little chaotic :,)

Okay, so the whole season 6 fight was crazy to me. The way Cas was watching while Dean kept on defending him. And he knew how much Dean trusted him. ("The worst part was Dean. He was trying so hard to be loyal, with every instinct telling him otherwise.") It hurt him, but the whole time he was, again, protecting Dean. And yes, he hurt Dean, but I think it was as bad for Cas to hurt Dean, as for Dean to be hurt.

Then, Dean apologizing for the others? They (thought they) were wrong and Dean had kept on trusting Cas, so why was it him who apologized? Because he knew it meant more to Cas when he did it? Idk.

Cas wasn't able to lie when he looked in Dean's eyes.. come on? Also, the fact Dean wasn't actually mad when he found out was really interesting. He was just extremely sad. Yes, his trust got broken and maybe he was just tired of it all, but it didn't seem like that to me, I felt like he usually got madder.

I love how they always share those sad looks when they go apart after the fights btw, such a best buddys thing to do.

It was really hard for both of them. We can see that Dean can't sleep that night and that Cas comes back to talk to him alone, because it only matters to him that Dean understands.

Oh and the "I'm doing this for you, Dean." I don't even need to explain his motives, because he reveals them himself.

Then the scene from my edit. (at the top) (it's kinda laggy, bc it's slow-motion, but anyways) They both have teary eyes a lot, but this is different. Dean turns aways because he knows he's gonna cry and Cas disappears before he really starts crying, but they are both fuckin crying about this. They're both just sad and want this to end. Even when Dean said he's gonna stop him and so on, it was way less threatening than usually. And Cas kept coming back when Dean was in danger.

But Dean still cared as well. In the first episode of season 7, when Cas asks for help, he pretends he doesn't care about him anymore for a bit, but you can clearly see that he still does. You at least can see it when he thinks Cas is dead. He's devastated.

It's kinda funny how Bobby's there but Cas very obviously only cares to make it up to Dean. Like he always says "they're my friends" but in reality he means Dean.

AND THEN.. Cas tries to protect everyone else again and sends them away but DEAN STAYS. I think he knew that there wouldn't be anything he could do, but it didn't matter.

Cas dies again. (give my man a break, please) Dean keeps the god damn coat? I think he might've done it, because he was hoping that Cas would come back again. Anyways, scene was devastating.

In the judge/court episode about Dean's guilt, I immediately hoped Dean didn't feel guilty about Cas too, but was pretty sure he did. My worries were confirmed in episode 5.

So yeah, I suppose that's the part where I am, I guess I have to wait 'till Cas comes back now :,)

I don't think anyone read all this, but I hope I didn't make any grammar mistakes, bc English isn't my first language, so I sometimes get stuff mixed up (I definitely made the tenses confusing). Anyways, rant end.

[that-spider-fan-over-there]

I said I wasn't gonna post about the chapters until the official ones were out (and because I didn't want to go "spur of the moment reaction" for the last five) and in the process I FORGOT TO POST MY THOUGHTS ON CHAPTER 426 SO HERE IT IS:

I'll admit I'm not that engaged in the Todofam plotline despite being a fan of that trainwreck, but I think it was a pretty solid chapter, wish Touya and Shoto talked more but after the soba I don't think I would've handled it without crying "THEY'RE THE CHARACTERS EVER DAMN IT ;-;" lol (<- I say but I genuinely sobbed). Plus. 15 pages, can't complain with the amount of content we got.

Cheered when Natsuo cut him off and holy shit what do you mean that caused discourse, he has the right and was pretty much badass considering Asia's. *ahem* Values with filial piety so to speak. I don't think Rei's gonna take care of Enji, he might get himself a caretaker while Rei lives with Fuyumi or something. Maybe in that separate house he idealized (because basically if they divorce Rei wouldn't get anything out of it to keep herself up according to japanese laws).

And despite this being about the family getting closure, I don't think Touya's gonna die so soon, he and Shoto have to talk more and eat soba together after all. Plus he lived out of spite and rage, if he dies because he's guilty for what he did to Shoto that'd be. Fucked up. In my opinion.

Shoto saying he's gonna be okay because Class A is by his side. Have I ever told you guys I love him? No? Okay so: I love him and he deserves the world and his found family ;-;

I read Hawks as being the PSC president as a good thing for four reasons and they're all angst-related:

He wants to atone for killing Twice and therefore starting Himiko's breakdown/rampage.

He thinks he can try and do good considering he knows the system well enough. And it's also a way to take back control of his life in a way.

He doesn't think he can be free from his responsibilities because of the guilt he feels, so a little bit of a punishment for him. Can't call himself a hero anymore and being president will not change he has blood on his hands now. But he can try to make things better for others and avoid his mistake(s).

He can't go back from his Hawks identity. Touya exposed he's the child of a criminal and that's what the public sees Takami Keigo as. But fittingly with the themes of names, masks and self-identity, people would still see "former" Hero Hawks in a better light. And so does he, because he sees it as someone who can help and his real identity as something to leave behind.

(I am, of course, assuming he's doing it as his choice, if not, then I Do Have Negative Opinions)

Lady Nagant did stump me with the "Midoriya Izuku demonstrated something to the world". I let it slide with Toshinori because it can be read as him breaking his "hide but never lie" statement from Ch. 2 to comfort him, but unless somehow the vestige world was broadcast like the Steven Universe episode "Cry For Help", Izuku just reinforced he's Toshinori's successor, alright: punched a villain to defeat him with OFA on borrowed time and ended the fight Quirkless again.

And I'm saying this as a "Tenko gave reset OFA back to Izuku and/or Katsuki will help Izuku reignite the embers" truther. Tenko died on broadcast TV looking like Izuku killed him, and on purpose to boot, instead of being a horrible side effect of the transfer. Izuku is pretty much a tired repressed little sad sack close to losing it. (Dare I say Shoto, Ochako and Katsuki showed more to the world than him? That's the vibe I'm getting.)

So I'm assuming she meant Izuku's heart connected everyone to a singular goal of a hopeful future, something she didn't get? Since no one knows what happened in the vestige realm and even if they did, Izuku didn't get to talk to Tenko. But unless it's about these connections he made that helped him in the long run and "win" the battle, what did society see from Midoriya Izuku's actions? Good question that makes me more hopeful (or delusional depending on your point of view) about a potential sequel.

But apparently they barely learned anything because Trauma, from reading Chapter 427, but I'm still writing and processing my thoughts on that. An old lady should've been punched, tho.

[motheatenscarf]

Okay, headache gone, can post thoughts now.

Man, Shadowbringers legit gettin me misty eyed.

Played through the Crown of the Immaculate, had fun getting there, the design on the dungeonand the trial was VERY cool. I'm living for this whole "light as corruption" thing, stark and stagnant, anathema to the churning chaos required for life to thrive. The visual implication that ugly as he was, Vauthry was human and fallible until his transformation into a full sineater, becoming beautiful and corrupted and beyond saving.

And Alphy continues to be my little proletariat pogchamp, I love him so much.

Sad about the Exarch, I get why he had to lie, cuz yeah, his plan to sacrifice himself to save the WoL is not something Talia would have gone along with. She's tired of people deciding she's more important than anyone just because she's the better murderer in a world full of things that need to die. (I'm aware people genuinely see the WoL as a hero, good and true, but from a character psychology standpoint, Talia Does Not see herself that way.) It was what happened with Haurchefant :(

Glad to have it confirmed that Emet Selch WAS sincere in his efforts to try and reach out and see if maybe 7 rejoinings was enough for him to consider us "worthy" again. NOT HAPPY he shot my cat, but the moment before that where you can call out to G'raha Tia directly was sweet.

Even if I'm like.... 85% certain that was a Cats reference.

Anyway, Talia had accepted as an innevitability that defeating the lightwardens would kill her, but was gonna count on the nerds or Ryne to send her to space or strike her with Hydalen's power and scatter her across time and space or something. Learning what G'raha Tia had been doing for the last like... three centuries worth of despair, clinging to hope and helping the people of the Crystarium, that was emotionally affective on its own.

Loved the beat where you're talking to Ardbert and your character starts balling their hand up into a fist and he tells them to take it easy, that if they lose control of their emotions they will DEFINITELY turn into a sineater at this point. It then lets them take a breath and ask what your character is gonna do.

LOVED the options there of either saying, "I"m going after Emet Selch," or, "I'm gonna go and have words with both Emet Selch and the Exarch," and then finally the one Talia chose. I grant you this is likely the one it EXPECTS you to choose/is the default, but I'm glad it was a choice and not the assumption.

Because Talia having to calm down in that moment and being told not to "lose control", i.e., letting her anger take the reigns, gave her that beat she needed to think back to why she was angry. Think back to something Alphinaud told her over hot chocolate about not letting people be sacrificed for a cause.

So she said she was gonna go save G'raha Tia.

And as if that wasn't a sweet enough moment, the fact that the Scions refuse to let you sneak off and do this alone, and then summon the people of the Crystarium who also want to save the Exarch after everything he did for them.

It's that Sam Rami Spiderman shit for me, man. Where the hero just gets their ass beat again and again and when shit looks its bleakest, is saved in turn by the people they've been protecting. The whole "People of Nordvandt coming together to build a kaiju, the world saving the world" bit was nice, I like it, it rewards you for putting in the effort.

But idk. I'm personally more about that whole, at the darkest hour, the hero didn't stand alone shit. Let them think this is the end or they're on their own or they have to hold out just long enough for the acceptance of the inevitable sink in only to offer that ray of light.

Also, goddamn, the voice acting is so good here. You can HEAR Alisaie's voice actor crying when Alisaie cries and tells you off for trying to refuse their help because you could turn into a sineater at any moment. You could HEAR Urianger's choked back tears as he begged for forgiveness, or at least being allowed to help, after having to deceive you.

And then the people of the Crystarium being like, whatever's happening, if it's to help you and the Exarch, we'll do it. We know who you are and what you've done for us and we won't let you face this alone.

Idk. It's nice to see the hero get to have people to lean on. To know that they aren't just saving people as a passing do-gooder but are building a community.

And I hate to say it, but it's made all the more meaningful after the miserable slog that is ARR's thankless hoop jumping where F'lamihn doesn't even save enough food to give your character a decent meal after a long and terrible day. Keeping most of the Scions at arms' length for most of the game only for them to realize and express how much your character actually means to them is good, actually.

And then clicking on the characters afterward, and having Alphinaud mention the exact moment and conversation I the player was remembering as I made the choice that this was a growth moment for my WoL, was like.... YAY, good writing, they know what they're doing and their themes and message are consistent! Him saying, "I wasn't gonna give up on Estinien and I'm NOT giving up on you now!" about my WoL after everything they've been through made me misty eyed, and yeah, Talia would be a sobbing wreck to realize there are People Who Love Her, maybe even as much as she loves them!

[ghosts-and-blue-sweaters]

k I'm gonna go off with this. have fun. also I always accept headcanons as answers. canon is forever on thin ice in this house

Philza: 8, 12, 16, 33, 37, 49

Wilbur: 1, 4, 9, 14, 21, 23, 24,

Ranboo: 2, 3, 5, 8, 15, 17,

Tubbo: 2, 5, 6, 13, 16, 30, 36, 48

Tommy: 1, 4, 6, 14, 16, 20, 29, 50

Philza

Unpopular opinion about them

Gosh I don’t know… oh! He doesn’t know nothing about cooking! I feel like a lot of people have this idea that he’s Good at making meals, but I just don’t see it. He can’t cook nothing, man! A lifetime of immortality can’t change that! It’s ingrained into his very being.

He can, however, make incredible tea.

Crack headcanon

He puts up photos of Wilbur and Techno and Tommy all up in his house like a grandma <3

Everyone is embarrassed about it except Tommy, who gazes at himself with pure adoration and loudly declares that Phil should have more pictures of him.

Wilbur is more sad than anything, really. He looks around and sees who he used to be, and he knows he’s not that guy anymore. He kinda misses old-Wilbur.

Techno Avoids the pictures At All Costs.

Deepest darkest secret they won’t even admit to themselves

That he did kill Wilbur, and that he had a choice in the matter. He was pressured, sure, and he was confused and overwhelmed, but he still did it. He chose to do it.

Something guaranteed to make them cry

See, this one’s tricky, because Phil doesn’t really cry ever, at least around other people.

I feel like even if something awful and traumatic happened, like Wilbur’s death, Phil wouldn’t really cry about it, at least for a long long time.

This one really is tricky lol

I don’t know, maybe seeing Kristin after a long while. He is so in love with his wife and she is beautiful and he loves her and he doesn’t know what to do with all that love so it just comes out in tears <3

What they really think about themselves

I honestly feel like Phil is chill. He knows he has faults, but he also knows he has strengths, and overall I genuinely thinks he’s chill with himself.

However. That does not stop the Anxieties that come at night.

Favorite toy as a child

AWWWWW THIS IS CUTE

Something wooden, I think. A little block he’d carve or chew on, or a little figurine he’d play pretend with.

Or like. A piece of rope. Or a wilted celery stick. Something odd.

Wilbur

Canon I outright reject

Easy: that he was born and raised in Utah.

I accept that he went to Utah later—took me a bit to accept that but I’m chill with it now—but I just can’t come to terms with him literally living in Utah for his childhood. Like. What the heck. No. Stop it.

Nah, he grew up somewhere in the Minecraft world (not the Dream SMP) with his dad and his dad’s friend and it was next to a lake/beach and that’s where he met Niki as a child and that’s where he met Sally as a teenager and that’s where he packed up and left for a new land. Not freaking Utah. The heck…

Favorite line

“I was very sad.” — The pure vulnerability and the utter lack of fancy words and eloquent monologue and the sadness in his voice… it shows a side of Wilbur that we don’t see all that often.

“But I never did quite forgive myself.” I- okay. Look. It’s like

DO YOU KNOW HOW OFTEN THAT LINE HAS PLAYED IN MY HEAD AT NIGHT. TORMENTING ME. MAKING ME LIE AWAKE IN HORROR AND PAIN. GAH.

It’s not “forgiving myself was hard” or “I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive myself”. No.

It’s “I never forgave myself.” KEY WORD HERE IS NEVER!!! HE NEVER FORGIVES HIMSELF!!! EVER!!! UNTIL THE DAY HE DIES HE NEVER FORGIVES HIMSELF!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW HEAVY I FEEL BECAUSE OF THIS???!!!! HELLO????? NEVER???????

Scene that first made me love (or hate) the character

Honestly? I can’t remember!

Now that I’m thinking about it, I find it strange that I like Wilbur so much in the first place; he’s not really… my type, as far as fictional characters go. I don’t typically like the dramatic, main character-esque guys, which Wilbur most definitely is.

Huh. Dang now I’m confused lol- why do I like him so much??

But yeah, I genuinely can’t remember what made me start liking him lol

CC!WILBUR, ON THE OTHER HAND- I REMEMBER THAT!!!

I watched this video and this video and thought to myself, “Oh, he’s a good singer. That’s nice. Oh wow, and he’s weird too?? Hey.”

The rest is history <3

Most heroic moment

I think that time where Wilbur heard Schlatt being awful to Niki and decided to hurry down, showing himself in plain sight, and told Schlatt to leave her alone and hurt him instead was really heroic. Wilbur knew that if he showed himself, he could be captured or killed, but he did it anyway to try and save Niki. Just… yeah. Cool moment.

Drink of choice (not just alcoholic)

Hot chocolate! He loves that stuff! He dislikes tea, which angers Technoblade a Lot, but he will absolutely consume a mug of hot chocolate, even in the middle of summer. Tommy think it’s weird and wrong.

I saw a post one time that was like, “c!Wilbur is the type of guy to say ‘this water is spicy’ while holding a can of coca-cola” and I think about that a lot.

If they were a scented candle, what would they smell like?

Like… smoke and spring rain and coffee and a teeny bit of chocolate and whatever food he’d had that day (he is a messy eater so he constantly Smells of Food)

The candle would also smell dirty, because Wilbur does not shower (cc!Wilbur has confirmed this). It’s a problem.

Most annoying habit

I don’t find this annoying—it’s kinda fun—but he’s a messy eater. After every meal, he’ll either have food smeared on the edges of his lips or fingers covered in crumbs or spotty stains on his clothes or bits of food stuck between his teeth, or all of those things at once. He gets significantly more messy after he’s revived, and it annoys Tommy greatly.

Ranboo

A canon or headcanon hill I will die on

I like the idea of two ender-ladies taking care of him when he was little <3 I just think it’s cute :)

Obscure headcanon

Hrrmm…

He likes to eat yogurt. And fries. Together. And he’s so innocent about it, too. Tommy is disgusted and Tubbo is proud.

Best personality trait

He always tries to put people first—even when that turns out to be an unwise decision, it’s so incredibly clear that he cares so so much. He doesn’t want anyone to be hurt, and he wants to try and help everyone, and I think that’s lovely!

Unpopular opinion about them

I kinda don’t think I have any? I don’t have many opinions at all about Ranboo, not gonna lie.

Worst thing they’ve ever done

I’m kinda coming up empty alsgaksgkags

I mean… he went along with Tommy and they burned George’s house together, and that kinda… caused the whole Exile thing. So that wasn’t great.

So maybe that?

Quotes, songs, poems, etc. that I associate with them

Not Waving But Drowning by Stevie Smith and I’m Not Here For You by Emma Hamel!

Tubbo

A canon or headcanon hill I will die on

He loves bees <3

Best personality trait

He thinks through all his options very carefully before he makes a decision, rather than just jumping in headfirst. That’s kind of a rare trait on this server lol

Worst personality trait

Sometimes, he can put so much thought into things rather than people. He put l’manburg over Tommy, even though Tommy was his best friend.

And like… I get it, but… people are more important than things, aren’t they?

Dumbest thing they’ve ever done

Strapped Ranboo to an electric chair and dropped an anvil on his head alsvakdgoags

Like… there really wasn’t a point to that. It was just an experiment on Tubbo’s side lol

Deepest darkest secret they won’t even admit to themselves

That he caused Tommy’s exile, and that he caused Tommy to consider suicide, and that he caused months of anxiety and loneliness and fear for Tommy. He caused that.

True, Dream is the one who made things so bad, but Tubbo still put Tommy in Exile to begin with. It’s still his fault.

Sleeping habits

Very quiet sleeper! No snoring or sleep-talk or anything.

It always takes him a while to fall asleep; the blankets are too hot or too rumpled, and he’s not comfortable enough, and his pillow is too flat. He’ll wrestle with the bedding for a good while before laying flat on his back, breathing hard and staring at the ceiling.

And then he still can’t fall asleep, because his mind is racing.

Very long nights for Tubbo, yep yep.

He also has a habit of not realizing how late it’s getting, so he’ll stay up until 2am working on a little invention before Ranboo makes him stop.

But Tubbo always wakes up early! He hardly ever sleeps in!

Their favorite season

He likes spring because of all the flowers, and he loves summer because of the bees, and he likes autumn because of the cool weather, and he likes winter because of the snow.

Hmm.

I think I’d say he likes summer the best. Everything is green and colorful, and there’s bugs everywhere, and Tommy is always going on walks and exploring and he brings Tubbo along, and there’s swimming and shady trees and picnics with Ranboo, and Michael gets lots of ice cream :D

It feels happier than the other times.

Scariest moment of their life

Being killed by Techno.

Oh, and looking up at the tower on Logstedshire.

He’s had a real fun life, hasn’t he?

Tommy

Canon I outright reject

The whole… amnesia/dying thing. 0-o

Honestly, I don’t really see any of the finale streams as canon. They just… don’t fit. They’re not right.

Nah, Tommy gets some other ending—a happy ending, mind you.

And maybe somehow he can get Ghostbur back 😭

Favorite line

HE’S GOT SO MANY GOOD LINES WHAT THE HECK!!! Okayokay, let me look at my notes real quick…

“People used to tell me it wasn’t my place to speak, and then I decided that everywhere was my place to speak, and ever since then, my life has gone so much better.” — I feel like this encapsulates his personality near-perfectly lol

“I remember when I’d listen to these songs, and I’d feel something.” — He’s talking about Animal Crossing music.

“Don’t call me a broken record. If anything, I’m a sturdy record.” — Yes <3

Dude, I’ve got so many other quotes saved lol he’s such a Great Talker I love him.

Worst personality trait

Gahhhhhh

Sometimes, he doesn’t know when to stop. He gets so caught up in the thrill and excitement of doing something that he fails to see how it could hurt someone in the future.

Most heroic moment

Honestly, one of the first things that comes to mind is when Ghostbur’s about to die; Ghostbur is really panicking, and he’s scared and crying out, and Tommy is also really hekkin scared, and it’s awful.

But even in the midst of all that, Tommy still takes the time to help Ghostbur calm down by counting to ten. He didn’t have to do that, but he did.

I don’t know, I think that’s pretty heroic.

And also when he gave Dream the discs so that l’manburg could be free! I could tell it was really hard for him to do that, but he chose to be selfless and give them up anyway :’)

Deepest darkest secret they won’t even admit to themselves

I feel like Tommy is pretty honest with himself and wouldn’t not admit something he’s done wrong. Hmm…

Maybe that he caused Ghostbur’s death, albeit indirectly. The only reason Ghostbur died was because he was doing what Tommy wanted him to do.

I think that probably weighs on Tommy a bunch.

Scars

A stab wound in his back from his first death, an arrow puncture in his chest from his second death, and lots of scars scattered about from his third death (he doesn’t like to pay attention to those).

In addition, he has lots of smaller scars from smaller fights, including a little line across his middle finger that he got when he was a kid. He… quite likes that scar lol

I think when he got his first scar as a little kid, he was pretty excited about it, and would flaunt it around and brag about it.

But then, once he realized that the scar would be there forever, he got sad :(

Tommy just seems like the type of guy that always has a bazillion band-aids on him. That’s one of my favorite headcanons, actually :)

Eating habits

Contrary to popular belief, he’s quite a neat eater! He doesn’t get all messy like Wilbur does.

No no, Tommy eats (most) of his food with a fork and he’s very polite and makes sure to wipe off all the food residue from his face with a napkin. Very polite Tommy Innit.

He really likes pasta, and fresh fruit, and burgers. He’s kinda lost his love for hot dogs, but they’re okay. He loves ice cream. He really likes sweet tea. He Dislikes lemons (gross!).

So basically he’s from South Carolina.

A memory they’ve blocked out

Like I said before, I think Tommy is very honest with himself and doesn’t try to hide things away.

Oh. Oh wait. Oh ho ho, now I’m thinking about ANGST

He’s probably “forgotten” about a time that Wilbur hurt him in Pogtopia. Like… physically. Wilbur probably didn’t mean to do it, but he did, and it hurt Tommy, but Wilbur would never do something like that, so Tommy had to have imagined it, and the mark on his face is just a coincidence, and it’s not real, Wilbur would never do this, he wouldn’t… he wouldn’t do this? Would he?

No. He wouldn’t. He would never.

Wilbur didn’t do that. The mark on Tommy’s face is just a coincidence. It’s not real.

:)

[chickwiththepurpleguitar]

YOU STILL NEED PROMPTS AND I NEED CARRIE + RAY IN THE PARENTING VERSE, OKAY? just.... he is papi. i'm cry

Here you go my friend! Hope you enjoy! This takes place in like March 2015.

Carrie blows out a long sigh as Mr. Molina’s van pulls into the elementary school parking lot.

She considers checking her phone for the 800th time, to see if maybe she missed a message, an excuse, an apology. But there’s no point. There won’t be one.

The van rolls to a stop in front of the curb where Carrie’s been sitting since school let out, since Mami picked up Julie to take her to soccer practice and Carlos to baseball and called to Carrie through the car window, “Your dad’s on his way, sweetheart, he’s just running a little late!”

Well. “A little late” was four hours ago. Carrie already missed dance class, did tonight’s and tomorrow’s homework, and left about ten thousand messages with her dad’s assistant.

And not only did he not call her back, he’s still not here.

The driver’s side door slams open, and Ray Molina tumbles around the front of the car. “Carrie! Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry, I totally forgot I was supposed to pick you up today. You’ve been waiting so long, are you okay?”

If Carrie were younger, or stupider, she might have believed him. Heck, two months ago, she probably would’ve believed him.

But ever since the new year, Dad’s been acting weird. Distant and distracted. He eats dinner in his room more often than not, leaving Carrie alone with their private chef Gerta in the giant dining room of tier stupid new giant mansion. He missed Carrie’s last dance recital because of a “work emergency” and she can’t even remember the last time he smiled or laughed or told her he was proud of her.

“It’s okay,” she says as she tosses her backpack into the backseat and climbs up onto her booster. “You don’t have to pretend. Was it important?”

Papi hesitates as he buckles her seat belt for her. “Was what important, hon?”

Carrie sighs. “Whatever Daddy’s doing.”

Papi sighs, caught, and gives her a sad smile and a kiss on the cheek. “He just got held up at the studio, okay? It won’t happen again.”

“That’s what he said last time.”

Ray goes quiet again, just for a moment, like he doesn’t want to lie to her but he can’t quite bring himself to tell her the whole truth either.

Finally, he says, “Your daddy loves you very much, Carebear. He’s going through a bit of a hard time right now, that happens to daddies sometimes. Doesn’t mean he loves you any less, just means he might need a little help now and again. That’s what your mami and me are for. But don’t worry, we’re not gonna let him get off scot free for making you wait so long before he called me to come pick you up. I’m sure he’s sorry.”

Carrie squirms in her seat a little. She wants to believe him, wants to believe her daddy just needs a break from everything, like she does sometimes when the world just feels like too much.

But God, it feels like whatever kind of hard time he’s having has been lasting forever.

“Tell you what,” Papi decides, patting her knee. “How about you and I stop for ice cream on the way home? We don’t even have to get any for Julie and Carlos, it’ll just be our treat.”

Carrie bites back a smile. She can’t just start feeling better that easily, she’s been grumpy too long. “Can I get a double scoop?”

“Whatever will make you happiest, nena.” Papi holds out a finger. “Deal?”

Carrie twists her own finger around his. “Deal.”

--

Taglist:

@whenweremarried @sunsethimb0s @pink-flame @penguin0613 @fighttoshine @sunsetcurvecuddles @teenagedirtbag-dot-jpeg @brightattheorpheum @queenmolina @jandthephantoms @lexilucacia @sapphossidechick @acnhaddict @shrimp-colours @sunset-bobby @lenacarstairspotterstewart @conversationaltreestump @burntchromas @julieandthequeers @joyandthephantoms @it-tastes-like-lizard @jatpfs 

[barbex]

Hi hello and happy Friday!

May I request some "I’m not gonna pretend anymore. I’m still fucked up from it all and I don’t know when it gets better", for Hawke + Merril?

Thank you for this prompt for @dadrunkwriting!

This ficlet got a bit sad. There was a post I can't find anymore, talking about how, towards the end of Act 2 so much shit happens to Hawke, that it's a wonder that they don't lie whimpering in some corner. So that was my inspiration for this little pre-hawkemerrill ficlet.

---

"Hawke?" Merrill tiptoes up the stairs, making herself heard. Bodahn let her in, solemnly gesturing towards the upper rooms and leaving her to go alone. Her naked feet are silent on the carpets and she calls out again, to let Hawke know that she's here. 

"Hawke, it's me, Merrill. I brought you tea." She clutches the small bag with dried leaves to her chest. She's quite aware that most people don't like her tea, but these leaves are special. Medicinal. She learned these things. 

Hawke doesn't answer when she knocks on the door. She stares at the wood, frowning. Doors are strange anyway, always in the way, making every room a prison. When she first moved into the rooms in the alienage, she always left her doors open, but then all her things disappeared. She even had to get a lock.

She opens the door and steps inside. It's dark, the curtains drawn. It really looks like a prison. She steps carefully towards the bed, avoiding various things scattered on the floor: plates, mugs, knives. Luckily, she can see better in the dark than humans. Because of her elven vision, she notices right away that the bed is empty. "Hawke?"

"Over here." Hawke's voice comes from behind the bed, from the floor. Merrill tiptoes around the massive frame and finds Hawke wrapped in a blanket, her back against the bedframe. A finger of light pokes through the curtains and falls on Hawke's face. 

"What are you doing there, lethallan?" Merrill asks. 

Hawke stares ahead into the beam of light. "I don't know. I'm just sitting here."

Merrill grabs a blanket and folds it. Placing it on the ground next to Hawke, she sits down and takes Hawke's hand. "It's a bit much sometimes, isn't it?"

"You can say that again." After a long silence, Hawke turns to Merrill. "How do you know?"

"I think..." Merrill squeezes Hawke's hand. "I think you never grieved. After your mother died."

Hawke lets out a shuddering breath. "Maybe you're right. Things just kept happening and then I nearly died and now they call me Champion of Kirkwall and stupid nobles invite me to their garden parties and still, when I go down the stairs, I expect Leandra to sit by the fire in that stupid chair that's still there. And she would ask me why I haven't married yet." Tears roll down her cheeks. "And I hated that! I hated that I could never do anything right for her, and that everything was my fault and that she kept making remarks about elves and wanted me to go out with some perfumed noble nose fucker." 

Merrill almost asks what a nose fucker is but decides against it. She puts her arm over Hawke's shoulder instead and says, "It's alright to cry about this, you know?"

A sob seems to fight its way out of Hawke's throat. "I think I can't pretend anymore. I’m still fucked up from it all, and I don’t know when it gets better."

"That's alright." 

Hawke looks at her. "Is it?" 

"Yes." Merrill pulls her close and presses a kiss to her forehead. "You have friends and we still love you."

It's a long night of Hawke crying in Merrill's arm. At some point, Bodahn appears to clean a few things up and he prepares Merrill's tea according to her instructions. It tastes as terrible as expected, but it does what it should. Hawke finally lies down in her bed and falls asleep with Merrill curled up to her, holding her. 

The next morning, Hawke throws the curtains open and walks barefoot down the stairs, holding Merrill's hand. They take Leandra's chair and throw it out into the garden and burn it. As they watch the flames, Hawke keeps holding Merrill's hand and when the chair is nothing but ashes, she turns to Merrill and smiles.

"Thank you, Merrill."

[rockingrobin69]

Hello Robin! Thank you so much for sharing so much of your writing. I always enjoy it and sometimes it just gives me this little mood boost because it's so lovely and comes out of nowhere. So a meh day is made better and a good day is made great! Whether it's a reread or new discovery, it's always a treat.

I'm so glad you're doing flufftober! I do not want to trauma-dump, but you've made a day I find myself quite sad to be a little softer and sweeter. Reading about two of my favorite characters be in like/love/lust and finding their way to each other in so many ways just gives me joy and a bit of hope. And to read it written with such talent and grace is even better.

Please don't feel obligated to answer this. I just wanted to anonymously (because I'm a bit shy and embarrassed) let you know you made a stranger's day a little brighter and that you're a source of joy for me, even though we've never really spoken. Thank you so much for being you ♥️

Nonnie I'm not gonna lie this absolutely floored me. I get what you mean about nice things coming out of nowhere (like this message!!!) and just. Writing is a very lonely process, for me, and thinking there are other people out there reading my little stories? is honestly still a bit wild.

I'm so happy they bring you joy. You don't know how much it means to me. Really. I - wish I could pick my jaw off the floor long enough to thank you! for sending this to me! for being so lovely and so kind!

So anyway I'm going to go cry a little and polish tomorrow's flufftober piece (it's an important one). I hope I manage to write a lot more! Thank you, thank you, thank you for this encouragement, for reading, for being here and being lovely and. and. thank you. Maybe we've not really spoken, but I love you (oops?)