#I'm hoping for the best but bracing myself for the worst

[purplecoffee13]

Nemesis with Benefits - Part 4*

Keep me awake, buy me a coffee

Summary: “You go on a horrible date, and there’s only one address that pops in your mind when you think about blowing off some steam…”

Wc: 4.3k

Tropes: enemies to lovers

Warnings: SMUT, degradation kink (kinda), use of sex toy(🤭), bit of bondage, tiny bit of jealousy/possessiveness

A/N: I passed my exam and in celebration I have written for you this new part of Nemesis with Benefits chapter! Hope y’all like it😋

General Masterlist

Series Masterlist

"And so, he said he couldn't get it, so I had to get my brother's car and drive an hour to get the keg!"

You fake a laugh, noticing that the sentence is supposed to be some sort of a punchline. Oscar's eyes twinkle with amusement at the sound of your fake giggles, and you have to do your best not to shiver at his prideful nod.

It has been three weeks since Tyler's party, and since... the events that occurred in Tyler's bedroom. Afterwards, you had picked up your life as usual, convinced that the itch was scratched and you could go back to more important things.

However, the memories of that night resurfaced your mind every single fucking day, like clockwork. Some nights you'd give in, bringing yourself to an orgasm with the help of your vibrator, but most nights you pushed the sinful thoughts down as far as possible. It made you less fun to be around, though. A bit snappy, huffing and puffing about every little thing that didn't work like you wanted it to.

So, when Benjamin suggested to set you up with this guy he knew, you couldn't agree quicker. You didn't quite care if you would get a love match out of it, you were mainly hoping for a good fuck.

Unfortunately, that wasn't going to be on the program tonight. The guy, Oscar, was the biggest fucking bore you had ever met.

Okay, maybe that is a bit of an exaggeration. He has his interests... or better said interest: drinking beer. Every story he has told so far this evening is about drinking in some kind of way. He doesn't tell any jokes, he just says the ends of his sentences a bit louder and waits for you to laugh on cue. After about three stories, you caught on.

So far, you're on story number six, and he has not yet asked one thing about you. This date is a bust, you're going to have to admit defeat.

"Excuse me for just a minute, I'm gonna go to the bathroom." You say with a polite smile, sneakily grabbing your phone as you stand up and walk away to the toilets.

Once you're out of Oscar's sight, you hurry to the bathroom and quickly get into a stall. Unlocking your phone, your fingers work fast to get to Rebecca's name and click on 'call'. You put the phone to your ear, waiting for her to answer. She is quite quick, answering you in just a few seconds.

"'Sup girl, how's the date?" She asks casually.

"Unfortunately, he's got the personality of a wet sock. I'm gonna need you to fake an emergency, please?"

"Oh my god, is it that bad?"

"I can't listen to one more second of this guy's stories. All he talks about is beer! I mean, I like myself a beer, but you can't possibly fill up an hour and a half of stories about beer!" You exclaim, making Rebecca giggle.

"I'll call you in five minutes."

With a bit more hope, you walk back to the table, and brace yourself to be bored with another beer story. You almost laugh to yourself when Oscar, like you predicted, brings up another story of the time where he drank almost half of the keg and puked in the bushes. With your jaw clenched, you lay down your fork, having lost your appetite entirely. This is the worst fucking date ever.

You count down the seconds until the phone rings, and your heartbeat rises in excitement when it does. You fake a frown, telling Oscar that you need to pick up really quick. The second you answer the call, a string of screaming and crying sounds from the other side of the line.

You should have known that Rebecca would go all out, she's a theatre major after all, but it still throws you off a bit. Holding in your laugh, you put a bit of your own acting skills to use.

"Rebecca?! What— what's up?" You hold the phone closer to your ear again. She cries out something along the lines of 'He cheated on me!'. You glance at Oscar, who is positively terrified. Mission accomplished, you think.

"Stay where you are, okay? I'm on my way!" You say as you get up from your seat, grabbing your purse. Rebecca says something else about wanting to die, and after that you hang up.

"I'm so sorry, I've got to go. This was fun, text me." You spit out before speed walking towards the exit. You hear Oscar shout out how he doesn't have your number, but you act like you don't hear him.

The second you are outside, you dial Rebecca again. Like before, she immediately picks up.

"Did it work?"

"Yes, you're a genius, thank you!" You smile, looking around to see if maybe there's a taxi near. "Now I just need to get out of here before he catches up with me or something."

"I already called an Uber for you."

You let out a dreamy sigh. "Are you an angel sent from heaven?"

"Actually, yes, I am." Rebecca jokes, and the two of you chuckle. "No but seriously, it's not big deal. It should be there now I think. It's a black Volvo."

And as if on cue, a car matching the description pulls up in front of you. You put your hand up, signaling that the driver is here for you, and walk towards the door.

"Thank you so much babe."

"No problem. Debrief tomorrow?" She asks as you slide into the car and silently greet the driver.

"Yes, over lunch?"

"Sounds good, I'll text you tomorrow. Love you."

"Okay, love you, bye." You say before hanging up the phone. The driver turns around, asking where you want to go. You give him your address, and he begins driving. It is quite a drive from your place and from campus, this restaurant.

You look out the window, reeling the ridiculously bad date. You're a bit disappointed; you were really hoping to have a fun night tonight. Sighing, you look at your phone screen, allowing a forbidden thought to crawl to the front of your mind.

After fiddling with you hands for about five minutes, going back and forth with your stance on your own idea, you make a decision. Swallowing, you unlock your phone and go to your message app.

You

Where r u?

The realization kicks in your mind the second you send the message. What the fuck are you doing? You go back to the chat, holding your finger on the message to delete it, but then you see three dots.

+1-334-555-0383

Home, why?

You

Text me ur address

+1-334-555-0383

Why?

You stare at the word he sent you for a couple of seconds. You scoff. As if he doesn't know why you are texting him right now. You think for a bit, deciding on what to send him.

You

I want my panties back

*****************************************

It doesn't take long after you've banged on Harry's door that he opens it. He wears a smirk on his face, his signature look it seems. He likes this, the fact that you're going to give in. Technically, you already have, but you aren't going to admit that.

He doesn't say anything, merely stepping aside to let you in. You stride into his apartment, letting your eyes fly over the apartment. It is not what you expected at all. The boring beige and grey colors you had imagined would dominate the color palette of his living room is instead a navy blue. There is nothing grey about this place at all.

Nevertheless, you ignore all the things you want to say about his apartment, and turn around, hands on your hips.

"So?" You shrug, insinuating for him to give you your panties back. You both know it's not what you're here for, and Harry raises his eyebrows, as if having accepted the challenge to see whoever can hold up this act the longest.

"It's probably somewhere in the panty drawer."

"You have a panty drawer?" You frown, disgusted with him even having such a concept.

"Women always seem to leave them here." He says, casually strolling towards his bedroom. You follow him with a sigh. Entering his bedroom, you try your best not to look so surprised over how beautiful it is. The deeper shade of dark blue that coats the walls looks very pretty in comparison to the light bedding, curtains and other furniture.

When you turn around, you see your panties in Harry's hand. He holds it out for you to grab, but pulls away just when you try to do so. You give him a pointed look, but he doesn't seem to care. The second attempt to snatch the panties from his grip fails as well, and you find yourself groaning in frustration.

"Stop being a fucking dick." You bark at him.

"Fine." He shrugs. You reach for the panties again, but Harry catches your worst with his free hand. His eyes search yours. "Tell me why you really came here, and I'll give you your panties back."

"I came here to get my panties." You say through gritted teeth, blood rising to your cheeks. The touch of Harry's fingers on your wrist heats your skin up even more than his infuriating actions do.

"Try again." He grins, dimples showing and everything.

"I came here to get my panties." You repeat, glaring at him with nothing but fury behind your eyes. He throws the panties behind him, and they land back on his drawer.

"See, I think you're lying." Harry says, stepping a bit closer to you. You lose your breath at the proximity, and you feel like you might start sweating. Harry notices, and smirks, pressing his thumb into your wrist. "I can feel your heartbeat, you know."

You huff, not sure you're able to keep this up any longer. Harry lets go of your wrist and sneaks his hand around your neck instead. You feel the blood pumping through your veins as he leads you backwards towards his bed.

"I think you're a little bit frustrated. You couldn't get me out of your system, so now you're here to beg for my cock." His low voice vibrates through the room before he pushes you onto the bed, standing over you. "Did I guess that right?"

When you don't answer, Harry scoffs.

"Fine, you won't mind if I find out for myself, will you?" He asks, pushing your legs apart. You obey him silently, shaking your head. You refuse to admit defeat, but you're afraid that the second his fingers touch your pussy, it'll be game over.

Harry's fingers slowly trail up your leg, taking his time with his victory. You hold your breath, the pounding of your heart making it feel like it might jump out of your chest, as you stubbornly hold his stare. His fingers wrap around your panties and gently pull them down, the smirk on his face only growing the further the panties are pulled down your legs.

The cool air that hits your cunt nearly makes you shiver, but you resist the urge, and focus on maintaining the last shred of dignity you have by holding up that poker face of yours.

You watch Harry observe your pussy, as if it is the first time he's ever seen it. Despite knowing that he is dragging this out to tease you, you can't help but ball your fists in anticipation of what he's going to do or say. When Harry's eyes flick up to yours again, you let out a hint of a sigh.

"Well, well, look who's turning out to be a liar." He says cockily, tongue running against his cheek. Your face remains stoic, and you refuse to say anything. "What am I going to do with this, hmm?"

He looks at you for a few seconds, a thought running through his mind. Then, he suddenly walks away from you and to his closet. You lean on your elbow to sit up a bit, trying to see what the hell he is doing. When he turns around, he is holding a small box. Your eyes widen when you see the picture on the box.

"Are you open to trying out this toy?" He asks, nearing you again.

"I'm not going to put a vibrating egg inside of me that has already been inside of like seventeen other people." You argue, shaking your head in disagreement. Harry quirk up an eyebrow, the right corner of his mouth tugging up.

"Seventeen is an oddly specific number." He notes, and you roll your eyes. Of course that is what he pays attention to.

"It's the first number that came to mind." You reply, unimpressed by his attempt to seem funny. He laughs softly, putting the box down beside you.

"It's new, I just bought it. It's not even out of the plastic wrapping yet." He tells you as you scan the box. The shiny plastic coat around the box makes you believe he is indeed telling the truth. You think it over for a second, still not entirely sure.

"Why'd you buy it?"

Harry shrugs. "Well, technically I didn't buy it. The website had this deal about getting an extra secret toy, or something. I honestly don't really remember, truth be told I was kind of high when I ordered it."

You sigh, your lips cracking into an unavoidable smile. Of course he orders sex toys while he's high, the bloody idiot.

"Okay, yes. I've always wanted to try it."

Harry looks pleased with your answer, and he is quick to return to business. "Alright then, get further onto the bed and lean your head against the headboard."

Your stomach bubbling with excitement, you crawl towards the headboard and wait until Harry comes walking over with a belt. When he signals for you to give him your wrists, you don't hesitate to do so, biting your lip impatiently as he ties your wrists above your head.

You wait for him to put the batteries in the toy and test it out on his hands—which seems like it takes forever—before he finally saunters back to you. He sits down on the side of the bed, and brings his hand down to your cunt, inspecting it with his own digits.

You gasped out at the sudden contact, not having expected it to be so much and out of practically nowhere. Without a word, he pushes a finger inside of you. You try to catch up with your breathing but it is hard with Harry pumping his finger in and out of you, especially when he decides to add another one.

The frown that paints your face and expresses the emotion that your shut eyes can't portray, have Harry picking up his pace a bit. The squelching sound of your wetness only increases with every time he sticks his fingers inside your hole, but you manage to keep quiet despite the immense pleasure that makes you want to scream out.

It is only when Harry removes his finger that a slight whimper falls from your lips, and Harry feels the immediate results of it: tighter pants. Figuring you are wet enough now, he grabs the toy from his lap and brings it to your pussy.

"'M gonna put it in now, okay?" He announces. You squeak out an 'okay' and watch as Harry lets the toy disappear inside of you, filling you up ever so slightly. He softly restrains your legs from closing, watching in awe at how your chest rises and falls at the hand of your breathing.

"You okay?" He asks when he's put the toy all the way in. Your heavy eyes fight to stay open as you answer him with a soft 'yes'. He nods, looks down at the remote in his hands, and gets up from the bed. Your eyes trace his every movement, heart pounding at the thought of what his next step could possibly be.

He walks over to his dresser, and grabs the panties which you came to retreat in the first place. He turns around and stalks back to you, standing in front of you now on the end of the bed. One hand in his pocket, the other one holding your panties.

"You wanted these, right?" He asks. You nod, and open your mouth to respond, but the feel sudden vibrations cause you to let out nothing but a string of moans.

"I asked you a question." Harry taunts you, walking over to you. "Did you want these?"

The chance at an answer is interrupted once again by the increasing speed of the toy, and you shriek out at the intense feeling of it. Your body squirms, and you feel yourself getting fed up by these stupid games Harry is playing.

"Alright then, let me ask you a different question. Why did you come here? Honest answers this time." He warns, sitting down next to you again. He strokes your shaking leg. You take a deep breath.

"I was on a date." You confess. As soon as the sentence has left your mouth, the rhythm changes. Your hips buck at the sudden switch. Harry, with his jaw clenched, nods at your honest answer.

"Doesn't explain why you're here." He replies nonchalantly. You sigh in frustration.

"I— I needed... I was frustrated, and I thought he could help me, but he couldn't." You say, hoping he's catching onto what you're saying. From the look on Harry's face, it seems that he does.

"So you came to me to relieve that frustration? How sweet..." He concludes arrogantly. You can't put him in his place, though, because that's exactly why you came here.

You don't expect him to add his thumb to your clit for extra stimulation, but he does. You cry out his name along with a few profanities at the increased pleasure, especially now that he's changed the speed to its maximum.

"Hmm, just this once, that's what you said, right?" He taunts, pressing his thumb down a bit harder, leaving you nothing but a whimpering mess under him. You lower your arms unconsciously, but Harry pushes them back.

"Wish you could see yourself, tied up and crying for me like the desperate slut you truly are. Knew you'd come running back, begging for my cock. Knew one time wouldn't be enough for you." The filthy words fall from his lips so easily, as if second nature to him. It sounds so good with the combination of his voice and accent. The degrading words bring you to the edge, and his fingers push you right over it.

"Ah, shit! Oh fuck, fuck, fuck!" You whimper, eyes shut as your entire body moving along with the aftershocks of your orgasm. While still coming down from your orgasm, you hear the faint sound a belt unbuckling, but you only open your eyes when you feel the bed dip.

You watch in awe as Harry leans over you, and hiss when he takes out the egg. He puts it on the nightstand along with the remote before aligning his hard, bare cock with your wet hole. And just like that, he pushes himself into you.

You wince at the change of size, breathing deeply as he enters himself entirely. It is easy to slide in considering how drenched you are, but you still have to get used to his girth again. Harry sighs at how tight your pussy feels around his cock, uttering out some curse words as he lets you adjust to him. And then, he begins to move.

"Shit, you’re so big… it feels so good." You pant, your eyes fluttering shut. Your senses are entirely focused on the way Harry is building up his pace inside of you and his lingering touch on the rest of your body. He is everywhere; he massages your tits, grazes his fingers over your thigh, and grips at your waist.

"I know baby, just the way you needed, hmm? Worth breaking the one-time rule, isn't it?"

"F-fuck... yes Harry."

"Glad you came to your senses and called me, sweetheart. Not like that guy could've satisfied you the way you needed." He cockily remarks, and it almost feels like the comment is more for himself than to you.

"Maybe he can." You decide to stir the pot. Your core flutters at the low chuckle that leaves Harry's mouth. He pulls himself almost all the way out of you, before he thrusts into you with way more force. You moan loudly at the feeling of him reaching your g-spot.

"No he can't, sweetheart. Otherwise you wouldn't have texted me after your shitty little date, begging to be fucked dumb by me." He says, resuming to deeply thrust into you. You have lost nearly any ability to truly form coherent sentences, only borderline pornographic moans managing to escape you. Your face is curled up, and you clench your fists together.

"Fuck you—" is all you manage to croak out.

"I am fucking you, baby. And you love it so much, I can tell you’re close. Are you gonna do it, baby? You gonna soak the cock of the guy you hate most?" Harry teases you with his words, but his fingers are back on your clit. It doesn't take long after his touch reaches your most sensitive nub before you begin to spasm under him. A long string of high pitched whines accompany to euphoric orgasm that overcomes you.

Instead of slowing down, Harry begins to chase his own orgasm, driven by the way you are clenching around him, and picks up his pace. The sound of your bodies clashing against each other and your panted moans are like music forming a symphony and you can't quite fathom how good the two of you sound together. During sex, that is, not in any other situation.

"You fuck me so good, Harry. I hate it." You confess, still woozy from your orgasm and how deeply Harry is driving into you right now. Not even a few seconds later, Harry's hips still, and he lets out the sexiest groan you have ever heard in your life. He falls over you, catching himself with his hands. He keeps himself and his seed buried inside of you as he tries to steady his breathing and looks at you, curls hanging in front of your face. A smile creeps on both your lips.

"So... can I have my panties back?" You joke, and Harry laughs accordingly. A silence follows soon after, one in which Harry pulls himself out of you, unties your wrists, and carries you to the bathroom to clean you up.

Afterwards, you walk back to the bedroom together, where Harry puts you back on the bed and tells you to wait there while he grabs you some water. You obey, but your eyes fall shut by accident.

When Harry returns, he sees you, lying on your side with your eyes closed, breathing deeply. For a second he thinks about walking you up, but it quickly dawns on him that he doesn't really feel the need to do that. He has tired you out quite a bit, and he's already seen you naked, so what does a few hours of sleeping next to each other really matter?

*****************************************

*The next morning*

It was quite the shock to open your eyes and realize you weren't lying in your own bed. It had come back to you swiftly, the events of last night, and you were quite disturbed with the fact that a smile was the first bodily reaction you had to the memory.

You didn't want any unnecessary drama or awkward conversations, so you decided to sneak out.

Now, on your way home with the bus, that same smile paints your face again, that is until you are interrupted by the ringing of your phone. You immediately pick up when you see Rebecca's name.

"Hey, how are you?" She asks once you've greeted her.

"Good. Better, knowing that I am never ever going to date again." You exaggerate, mainly for fun.

"Don't say that! You'll be fine." She urges, her voice letting her gentleness shine through like it always does. "Anyways, I wanted to ask, where are we having lunch?"

"Uhm, how about that new place across your street?" You suggest, and Rebecca contests in an agreeing hum.

"Sounds good!”

You smile. “Okay, then I’ll meet you there at… twelve?”

“Perfect, and then you can tell me why you didn’t go home last night.” She says, and you can tell she’s holding back her laugh, but your face pales entirely. When you don’t respond, she’s quick to continue. “I saw that the Uber ride ended on some street near campus, so you definitely didn’t spend the night home right?”

You take a deep breath, a thousand possible lies running through your brain as you think of a response.

“I’ll tell you over lunch.” You finally say, and distance your ear from the microphone at the sound of a high pitched squeal coming from the other line. You giggle at your friends’ enthusiasm, but your stomach is heavy with the weight of this blown up lie.

After that night at the party, you thought, that would be that. You’d never hook up with Harry Styles ever again, and the event would be erased from your memory. Although, it didn’t exactly, as you thought about it every night, but you didn’t expect yourself to do this kind of shit. And the worst thing is, it feels too good to stop. You don’t want this to be the last time.

So, you better think of some elaborate lie to tell Rebecca.

Your head shoots back to your phone screen when it lights up and the familiar ping of a text sounds through the bus. You lower your volume and unlock your phone to see who texted you this early in the morning.

+1-334-555-0383

You forgot your panties again

[zibus]

Alright, so it looks like Usopp is going to have pretty light-toned skin in the remake. Of course this is all concept art so it could change (I hope it changes) but my hopes are not high. Because this seems to be the "official" direction across everything except the la. He is bone pale in Toei Egghead now as well.

This sucks, for lots of reasons. Anime often has issues with racists or at least unflattering depictions of black people reflecting larger issues with race in Japan ( not unique to them, obv.). One Piece has historically avoided a lot if these criticisms (that I've seen) because most named black or black-coded characters are allowed to be cool and/or have interesting characterization. Mr. One, Blackbeard, Kuma, and King come to mind (Blackbeard and Kuma being some of Oda's best characters!) not to mention all Fishmen to some degree. These characters all have varying levels of complexity and avoid the worst stereotypes of African Americans and other black people.

However, black people are still few and far between in the world of OP and they do often end up pigeon holed into certain roles. Of the list above only Kuma is heroic and only Blackbeard is a leader. The "Zoro is a racist" jokes come from somewhere. While many black characters have great designs, there are several examples of really awful caricatures.

Hopefully I dont have to explain that this guy on Buggy's crew is.... not great.

And so if Usopp no longer has dark skin, but is merely black-coded (and some of that coding is borrowed from minstrel shows as well), then a massive hole opens up in One Piece's black representation. The most* nuanced, compelling, and relatable Strawhat is no longer black, and the lense on the rest of Oda's track record for black characters starts to deserve harder scrutiny.

Thing is, this isn't the animators going rogue. This appears to be how Oda imagines Usopp. Consistently from his first appearance to today, Oda colors Usopp with basically the same skin-tone as the other characters.

In fact, all of the characters Toei gave a darker skin tone have much lighter ones on volume covers or in the colored version.

The lighter Usopp, then, can (and you can bet your ass will be) defended as being closer to Oda's original vision. But that doesn't make it better or even good. This is a case where I think Oda's vision/interpretation is wrong. These characters are black-coded and should be drawn in ways that make it obvious and clear that black people of all shades exist in OP and anime in general. Leaving dark skinned characters out entirely betrays a shortcoming on Oda's part.

So... what does this mean? Idk. As a white fan, I'm upset and disappointed. It puts a stain on a series that has spent so much time discussing race and racism in a nuanced and generally helpful way. Its another reminder that you can always have deep biases and internalized bs, even decades into writing a series at least partial about breaking oppressive and racists regimes. But the people this hurts the most are black fans of the series and anime who are having a role-model and wonderfully nuanced and sympathetic black character erased.

I hope Oda changes his mind, or maybe someone at Wit or Toei can speak up and bring this issue to light. Maybe fan complaints will help? Idk. Im just bracing myself, I guess. And yes, I'm sure I'll "get over it" eventually and enjoy the remake, but I won't be able to forget.

*your millage on Usopp may vary, of course, but Water 7 is Peak One Piece for a reason and a lot of that reason is Usopp.

[maefansblog]

(Disclaimer) This is my opinion in between Season 3 Part 1 and 2, because as of right now, Part 2 has not come out. I am allowed to change my mind just like everyone else, but right now this is how I'm feeling and processing. You can have your opinion. That's okay!

I love this season so far. I love Polin. That is why you see it on my page.

I trust Colin's character.

I understand that Colin doesn't feel intimacy with these other women. Colin is putting on a mask to society. He can only feel that with Penelope. I understand that he gravitates to Penelope.

I understand media literacy-but stop using that as an excuse!

I do not trust the showrunners of Bridgerton Season 3.

They already changed plot points: like the brothels, no Smythe-Smith night, and the lack of Agatha and Penelope’s relationship. They murdered the friendship of Eloise and Penelope.

That is why I'm anxious for episode 7.

I understand that these are complex characters. I understand that Eloise is growing up and needed to have a way to find her way in society. She's never fit in and she needed to see other people's viewpoints. It's understandable that she would be upset that her best friend betrayed her. However, I don't like it. Penelope is also young. She was trying to protect Eloise. I don't like how Eloise is treating Penelope. Like I posted earlier, the two of them are very different.

I know there will be a happy ending for Polin.

The rumors may or may not be true for episode 7. Everything is speculation, but I'm taking it as true so I can brace myself.

Spoilers:

Yes, it will be expected for Colin to be angry at Penelope for Lady Whistledown. Just like the books.

I hope they keep the abuse out of it. That was the worst part of the books that Colin left bruises on Penelope.

I hope they will not even do a fake out of Colin going to a brothel. Cheating does not align with Colin's character. Colin is "my wife" Bridgerton. That is why there is so much frustration with the rumors. I don't think there will be cheating, but I think there will be thoughts or a fake out. Because the writers and showrunners have already shown that they could rewrite the carriage scene, rewrite the amazing writer that Colin is (by having him write smut), and having Colin have relations within the social season.

Don't get me wrong, I loved the carriage scene.

I'm okay with all of the other rumors, it's just these that I'm worried about.

Just give me Part 2 already so I can understand, stop speculating, stop my anxiety, and finally sleep.

I have not had peace since knowing.

I'll leave on a happy note with Eloise and Penelope together again, Colin being a hungry boy, Lady Whistledown resolved, Polin in love, and Colin completely devoted to his wife! 💕🥰

[jsdimensions]

Error Of My Ways: Chapter 2

Words: 2,994

Rated T for multiple instances of swearing and heavily implied death.

Read the first chapter before reading this if you haven't already!!! There's a ton of important context there that you will miss out on if you don't.

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Fic is below the cut.

I felt my heart stop.

Or…soul. Whatever. That didn't matter. Yet.

Turning around slowly, my shoulders raised, and my posture became defensive as I braced myself for the worst-case scenario.

Looking down, however, all I saw was a child with short, brown hair, a yellow shirt with a blue stripe, matching blue overalls, and brown boots. Their eyes were brown, but I could see a hint of red close to their pupils. Rosy cheeks decorated their face.

They looked like a Chara to me. It seemed to me like my portal abilities were a little off. Oh well.

My posture loosened up for the most part, still a little tense and awkward due to my lack of mental preparation when it came to talking to anybody but the voices.

“Oh, uh, hello there…” I smiled anxiously. “What are you doing here?”

“Exploring.”

“Nice,” I responded plainly, trying my best to keep my tone from shifting outside that of casual small talk.

“Hey, you look kind of like somebody I know! His name is Sans.”

“Oh, do I?” I tried my best to feign surprise, but the child I assumed was a Chara variant didn't seem to fall for it.

“Yeah! Here,” the child grabbed one of my sleeves with their smaller hand, “We should go meet him! I bet you'd like him!”

“Well, I don't know, I'm kind of busy–”

They tugged at my sleeve. “C'mon…please? You don't look busy.”

I glanced in a random direction, hoping the voices could help.

“Hey, who knows? It could be fun. Give it a try.”

“don't make the kid sad!!”

“You can leave at any time if something goes wrong.”

I sighed. “Alright, alright…take me away, then.”

I let out a yelp as the child began to run, my sleeve still in their hand. I felt myself almost fall on my face, yet somehow I caught myself. “Hey! Slow down!” The kid didn't seem to hear me. Either that, or they ignored me. As we approached civilization, I quickly used my free hand to pull my hood over my head. Various houses, buildings, and people almost seemed to fly past us as we rushed by.

Finally, we stopped. I quickly saw the building next to us as I regained my composure.

It looked to be about two stories high, with bricks painted a light purple. It wasn't quite the wooden cabin that would usually be found in Snowdin. Despite the place’s seemingly cold atmosphere at first glance, I quickly discovered that it was given a warm sense of life with various decorations scattered about the house, like the colorful Christmas lights that outlined where the edges of the roof were and a sign hung on the door with “Bone Is Where The Heart Is” carved into it.

My posture shifted as I easily became uneasy by the second. The child seemed to notice this, as they quickly spoke up about it.

“What's wrong?”

“I don't know about this…wouldn't they be…well…suspicious of a stranger suddenly being at their house? I don't think the more serious brother would be so welcoming…”

The child looked like they were about to ask a question, but quickly decided against it as a skeleton, about my height, opened the door.

He appeared to be a Swap variant, wearing a large blue cape with constellation patterns littering its deep blue coloration. The rest of his outfit, including a t-shirt, gloves, pants, and boots, were all blue as well, with yellow accents that matched the cape.

“HELLO, HUMAN!” His voice was loud and booming, which caused me to flinch. “DID YOU MAKE A NEW FRIEND?” His eyelights scanned my form, seemingly making sure I meant no harm.

Chara nodded vigorously, a smile spreading across their face. “Yeah! This is…” They looked at me. “What's your name?”

Oh.

I glanced away, a hint to the voices. “Um…”

“go with error for now. you never know if youll decide to change your mind about acting like yourself later.”

“...Error.”

The Swap variant reached out to me, offering a handshake. I accepted tentatively, giving him a nervous smile.

“IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU! I'M SANS. SAY, I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU AROUND.”

I mentally scrambled to think of an excuse.

“Oh, yeah, um, you see, I just…don't go out much. Not really the most social person.”

“I SEE…IN THAT CASE, I COULD BE YOUR SECOND FRIEND!”

“Oh! …Really? I mean, we just met, and–”

“I MEAN IT. YOU SEEM LONELY. I BELIEVE THAT EVERYONE DESERVES A FRIEND OR TWO!”

I let out a short chuckle as I grabbed my scarf again. “Thanks.”

Sans stepped to the side, holding the door open for us. He used his free arm to motion us inside. “COME ON IN! I'M ALMOST DONE WITH SOME TACOS. FORTUNATELY, I MADE EXTRA THIS TIME!”

Chara eagerly entered the skeleton brothers’ home. I tagged along right behind them, scanning the area out of curiosity. As I sat down on a chair in the dining room, I tapped my fingers on the table in front of me.

After a series of noises from plates colliding with each other harshly to what sounded like plastic packaging being torn to shreds, Sans finally strutted into the room, holding two plates with tacos atop them, one in each hand, and carefully set them down in a smooth motion that would make a waiter at a restaurant blush. “BONE-APPETIT!” He punned, eliciting another smile from me.

As Chara began to dig into the taco, I reached towards it but froze.

…The tongues.

I shook my head, grabbing the taco. Why would those be a problem? I doubted they would act on instinct. If anything, I could use them to mess with people…

That final thought made my smile return as I took a small bite out of the taco. It had burger patty meat, cheddar cheese, lettuce, green onions, and sour cream inside its crunchy tortilla shell.

I let out a satisfied noise as the ingredients and flavors melted in my mouth, seemingly dissolving inside it and giving me a refreshing wave of energy that felt similar to the stuff I used for the portal or the bones. Magical energy, I promptly dubbed it. I knew the name wasn't that original, but I didn't really care.

“PAPS!! THE TACOS ARE READY!! GET OUT OF YOUR ROOM!!” Somehow, Sans yelled even louder than usual.

I continued to eat the taco, relishing in its flavor. It was quite similar to the tacos my dad used to make for me a few years ago, minus the green onions and lettuce.

A muffled “coming” could be heard from another part of the house, followed by a collection of soft footsteps. A taller skeleton shuffled into the room, wearing an outfit with the same colors as his brother's. He wore a blue hoodie with yellow sleeves and a fluffy hood, navy-blue shorts, and a pair of matching sneakers.

His relaxed demeanor momentarily faltered as he gave me a brief suspicious glare while I stuffed my face with another bite of taco. I gave him a nervous wave before his gaze shifted to his brother.

“who's this?” He stuffed over to the free seat on the table, which was on the other side of mine.

“A NEW FRIEND! THE HUMAN BROUGHT HIM HERE TO MEET US. HE'S VERY NICE!”

Papyrus scanned me one last time before his expression softened. “if ya say so, bro.” He took a bite out of the taco that sat in front of him. Oddly, Sans hadn't eaten any tacos–did he even make one for himself? I wasn't sure.

I thanked Sans for the food as I (swallowed? dissolved? consumed?) the final bite of the taco. He gave me a thumbs up and a “YOU'RE WELCOME!” in response. Soon after, I got up, pushing the chair I sat on back into the table.

“I'm sorry, but I really need to go. I have some things I need to do.”

Sans nodded understandingly as Papyrus continued to eat his taco.

“Aww, already? There's so much stuff left for us to do, though!” Chara complained, a slight pout on their face.

“Yeah…Again, I'm sorry. If things go well, though, I should be back soon!” I looked at Sans. “Thanks for the hospitality, I appreciate it.” He nodded, his huge smile not shifting in the slightest.

“YOU'RE WELCOME! IT'S THE LEAST I CAN DO FOR A NEW FRIEND.”

I walked over to the door, saying my goodbyes as I turned the doorknob and left. After a few minutes of walking, I found an alleyway where I was able to create a portal back to the Anti-Void from.

I stretched my arms contentedly as I walked through.

“Ahh…that went better than I expected it to.”

“Yeah!”

“Wait A Second…”

“jupiter? theres somebody behind you.”

“What–”

I turned around to see Chara once more. Deja-vu.

“…SH–”

The voices cried out in outrage.

“–HOOT. Shoot! What are you doing here!? It's not safe for you here!” Chara looked around, puzzled.

“It isn't? It doesn't look like anything's here to hurt me.”

“But that's the point! Oh, God, I don't know what'll happen if you stay here for too long…We need to get you back home as soon as possible!”

I frantically opened another portal, immediately noticing that it was an Underfell. Closing that portal, I tried again, only to see an Underground caked in monster dust.

Many attempts after were met with failure. Only once did I see the starry skies of an Outertale, and it was a regular variant, not an Outerswap.

Finally, I sighed loudly, my posture becoming a resigned slouch.

“What were those places? Other planets?”

My anxiety spiked further. My voice wavered and distorted more than usual, shifting in pitch at random. “…Yeah, let's just say that. It's…easier.”

My voice seemed to catch Chara off guard. “Sheesh, are you okay? You…”

“I'm fine. Just voice cracks.” I felt my glitches intensify slightly as I crossed my arms. I turned around, giving Chara a nervous smile and a thumbs up. I could practically see their thought process on their expressive face as they seemed to shrug it off.

“Well, if you say so.” They still remained a little suspicious, but it seemed like they didn't want to pry. Thank God for that…

“Okay, um, hold on–”

“Focus.”

“I'm trying. Shut up.” I waved with one of my hands dismissively, as if the voice was a bug.

“Who are you talking to?”

I felt another spike of glitches, a little more severe than the last, wrack my body before coming up with something on the spot.

“Uh, myself.”

I tried my best to focus once more, attempting to block out the voices until I could finally portal to the right AU. I opened another portal.

However…

“Chocolate?”

Wait, really?

I squinted.

Yup.

“Chocolate!?” Chara ran up to the portal. I stretched out my arm, a motion to stop them from going further.

“LOL???? THEY SOUND LIKE THE CHOCOLATE GUY FROM SPONGEBOB???”

…Oh my God. They did.

Wait, they could hear–

“Hey! We have to go there!”

“Well, I don't know–”

“C'mon! It's chocolate! I know it is! Who doesn't like chocolate!?”

I sigh. For whatever reason, chocolate sounded very good at that moment.

“Well, you got me there. Just make sure to be quiet, and stay hidden. Who knows what could be on the other side?”

They nodded vigorously, running through the portal. This place appeared to be a variant of the woods near Snowdin, made of chocolate. The ‘snow’ was made of tiny white chocolate pieces, the bark of trees was made of dark chocolate, the ground made of…perhaps cookie crumble..? Either way, this place looked delicious. Chara immediately started chowing down on a tree.

“huh never heard of this au before”

“me neither,” I mumbled, making sure I was quiet enough so Chara couldn't hear me as I scooped up a handful of ‘snow’, “but i'm not opposed to it…i explode if i don't have dessert after a meal, anyway.”

“Explode!?”

“r u ok, jupiter???”

“…metaphorically.” I specified before letting out a small, satisfied noise while I shoved some of the false snow into my mouth. “Hmm. This tastes better than I thought it would.”

I wondered if this meant a fragment of Error was still…there. Likely not, I concluded, as it could easily be a change in taste buds. An odd thought, indeed, but one I'd have to get used to along with everything else.

“I know, right!?” Chara yelled whilst chewing on bark. “This place is paradise…” They took another bite of the bark they tore off.

I wasn't sure how much time went by as Chara and I stuffed our faces with candy. The voices murmured to themselves as we did so, but I was too focused on how good everything tasted to listen to them. If I had spit, I was sure my mouth would be watering. The flavor was almost enchanting; a perfect balance of sweetness, bitterness, richness, and salt.

Suddenly, I heard an odd, melodic whistling noise. I could see Chara turn their head to stare at it at the same time I did. The sound of the voices was muffled, but they seemed panicked.

Was it a person making that noise? My vision of the whistling object was almost a strange blur, as if I didn't have my glasses on. I knew I did, however, when I reached up to feel them.

The whistling object looked…appetizing. Was it alive?

“JUPITER.”

I supposed I'd have to find out.

“JUPITER!!! SNAP OUT OF IT!!!”

“You need to leave right now, this place is dangerous.”

“open a portal below you before you two eat a person!”

Shit!

I leaped at Chara before quickly opening a portal below us. I had no time to think of a specific place to go to before we went through, landing in snow.

Real snow this time, thank God.

I had my arms wrapped around the child. Their pupils, which looked a little too dilated moments ago, returned to their regular size. I quickly let go of them, getting up and surveying our surroundings. They simply stayed on the ground, disoriented.

“...What was that.” I didn't know how to process what just happened. The glitches made themselves known once more.

“there was an enchantment of some sort on the candy. i think. idk.”

“Whatever It Was, It Seemed To Do Something Strange To You!”

“i'm glad you got out of there. ty, loud voice!”

“YOU'RE WELCOME!!!!!!”

“Bro you almost ate somebody”

The sound of the so-called ‘loud voice’ made me flinch. Well, it wasn't like the other voices were wrong…

Wait, hold on, I was getting distracted!

“Wait, WHAT!?” Ohhh, shit. Fuck. A person!?

“yea…”

“Shush! Don't attract attention! If even we had no clue what AU that was, then who knows what else could be out there!?”

Oh.

I heard a noise, followed by a groan. Chara was waking up. I didn't even know they were unconscious in the first place?

“Ow…” They held a hand to their forehead as they sat up.

“Let's…not do that again. Where are we, anyway?”

“It looks like a Fell AU”

“yup, red sky in snowdin.”

I turned around, the cold breeze sending a shiver up my spine as I came to a realization.

It's empty.

Abandoned. Particles of dust and snowflakes were almost indistinguishable from one another. Bones impaled various structures around the area.

Footsteps in the distance. I turned around.

A human child, covered in dust with a knife in hand.

I looked back at Chara. They looked frozen in fear, like a deer in headlights. They knew what the dust meant.

The footsteps, suddenly, became faster.

Faster.

I didn't waste any more time.

Once more, I ran to Chara, opening another portal and dragging them through it with me.

I tripped on my own foot. Right before the portal shut, I heard something fly right by where my head just was. It landed on the floor of the Anti-Void with a clatter.

Oh. We're back. Finally. Took me long enough. I rolled over onto my back before sitting up, eye sockets wide.

Chara stared at me in shock. Their expression alone told me everything I needed to know.

“I'm…so, so sorry! I didn't want to…put you in danger like that.” I hoped they would understand what I said, as my voice shook and stuttered at an almost-constant rate. They seemed to get the gist of it, nodding understandingly.

“It's okay! I…think I'm ready to go home. Are all other worlds that scary?”

“No, no…” I opened another portal, “We just got…unlucky, that's all.” The AU on the other side looked like Chara’s original home, but I couldn't know for sure yet. “Stay here, alright? I'll scout ahead and see if this is your world or not.” They nodded wordlessly as I stepped through the portal, finding myself back in the alleyway. A decently-sized group of monsters wandered about, calling Chara's name. Seemed like it was.

I let Chara follow me through the portal. They held out their hand, offering for me to hold it. I accepted their offer, wondering if they did so to comfort the both of us. Maybe, maybe not.

As we got to the end of the alleyway, I stopped.

“Are we still friends?”

They nodded, eliciting a small smile from me. “I know you didn't mean it. You said earlier that you're still learning.”

“Thank you. Go on ahead. I'll see you later. I gotta catch a break at home.”

They let go of my hand, walking away. They looked back at me and waved goodbye. I responded in kind, then went back into the Anti-Void. As soon as the portal closed, I let out a huge sigh.

What a long day, if it even was a full one. Time in the Multiverse was probably very strange.

“where are we headed next?”

[manicpixiedreamguy]

The trans man's guide to singing (on T and other things)

Introduction:

First things first: I am a trans man on HRT who's studying to become a professional singer (not opera lmao, I'm studying modern singing) and all the information I'm providing comes from my personal experience and what my current teacher, who's been teaching me since I started T, taught and told me during my voice change. This is directed towards people who want to go professional because, again, that's my personal experience, but if you're reading this because you like singing as just a hobby, most of what I'll be talking about applies to you too. I might overexplain things because I want this whole thing to be understandable to everyone, including people who barely know what vocal cords and the diaphragm are; on the same note, I hope I don't end up sounding condescending and if I do, just know that's not my intention at all. I won't be saying anything about pre-T voice training because I never did that and giving the wrong advice when it comes to these things can lead to serious damage to people's vocal cords and throats, so this is strictly a singing through and after a voice change post.

The Basics:

The first thing you have to do is talk to your teacher and explicitly tell them everything about your situation (this applies to anyone, cis or trans: you've worn a back brace during your whole childhood? Tell them. You've had any kind of surgery on your nose? Tell them, and so on; they'll probably ask anyway). I know it can be hard and even scary when you're trans, but if you don't do it you won't achieve your goals; I remember going to another teacher when I was a semi-closeted teenager without disclosing I wanted to work more on my lower register and it made my dysphoria so much worse that I just quit after a few months and didn't try taking singing lessons again for years. And being straightforward helps with both finding a good teacher and finding a safe and positive environment by avoiding bigots (sad, but true). Being honest with your teacher is also crucial because when it comes to singing, it's very important to find positions that feel comfortable and don't physically hurt your throat and vocal cords (or any other body part that's involved in singing) in order to not train your muscle memory on movements that are detrimental for your body, and while no one can find them for you, you need to tell your teacher when something your muscles are doing hurts or feels uncomfortable. Singing is almost like doing sports as the vocal cords are muscles that can and do get hurt, and adopting the wrong positions can result in a less than ideal performance at best and in injury at worst. I can't really help with this though, because I can't tell someone else how to move their own body and how to flex their own muscles and I am not a teacher, I can just tell you to take it slow and that when something's right you'll feel it and when something's wrong you'll also feel it. And remember that something not working for you doesn't make you a failed singer or anything like that, it just means you haven't found what works for you yet.

Singing while wearing a binder:

I wanted to start with this first because I think it's very important. Back in the day I've read posts on the Internet saying you should not sing while wearing a binder and while I do get where those posts are coming from, not everyone can afford to not wear one, myself included (before getting my top surgery last year). At first I tried going to my singing lessons with a sports bra under a loose flannel shirt (that kind of pattern, along with checkered patterns, helps hiding curves) but honestly it sucked as I felt too dysphoric, so I had to come up with a solution. At the time I happened to have an older, more stretched out looser binder that I decided to relegate to the role of singing binder because it didn't do its job properly anymore as an every day binder, but if worn with looser shirts in warm weather and layers in cold weather, it was perfect for singing. It still hid my chest fairly well and wasn't as constrictive as a newer and tighter binder would have been. One important thing to keep in mind is that while wearing a binder your ribcage doesn't have as much freedom as it would have without one and while that does suck, don't beat yourself up if you notice that it's difficult to do some things. I've sung while wearing a binder for most of my life and you can make it work, it just takes time and patience. If you can/want to, you can just not wear anything underneath your shirt to sing, but personally I tried doing that like once and felt awful. And if you wear tape, I guess that would be the best option; I never figured out how to wear it so I have no experience with it, I watched video tutorials and stuff but for me it never worked and I still don't know what I did wrong, but if you do wear it, try going with that.

Singing after top surgery:

I'm sorry for what I'm about to say, but after top surgery you'll have to forget how you sang while wearing a binder and start learning (almost) all over again because it's a whole 'nother story: your posture will be better and your ribcage will be more free, making you able to hold notes for longer and breathe in more air, which means you'll have to do some adjustments. First things first, you'll have to wait at least a month after your surgery to sing again (that's what my surgeon told me but you should still talk to yours, even though I'd say that as long as you'll have to wear the post surgery tight thing I forgot the name of you should avoid singing) and you'll have to take things slow. I got my surgery in August 2023 and I'm still (re)learning stuff, so be patient because it's worth it, my ribcage feels so much better now and my posture has improved, making singing overall better and easier. The most important rule when it comes to singing is listen to your body. If something feels weird or wrong, stop, figure out (with your teacher if you're taking lessons) why it feels like that and try to fix it (again, with your teacher); don't push yourself too far/too hard, otherwise you could get hurt. This applies to singing with a binder, singing after surgery, and just singing in general. Trans, cis, doesn't matter: listen to your body. I can't say anything more about this because everyone's different so I don't think I should be giving tips as what works for me might not work for you, you have to figure it out yourself. Having a teacher helps and there are some things that are pretty much universal, but their body is not your body and there are multiple ways to do the same thing based on each individual's preferences, needs, and bodies.

Can I/should I take singing lessons while my voice is still changing?

Yes, it's actually recommended! I've already said it here, but a couple months before going on HRT I found out through another trans man singer's website that taking singing lesson during your voice change helps a lot, both with your technique and with your voice is general. For your technique, it's beneficial because otherwise you'd end up with a completely different and untrained voice all of a sudden, making it harder to get back into singing and harder to find new positions that work for you, and for your voice in general, it just make the change easier. I have recordings of me singing and talking that I made each month as my voice change progressed and while my singing voice was a mess, some months literally changing every week (not necessarily going lower and lower each time, one week I'd be a baritone and the week later I'd be a tenor for some reason, then back to baritone and so on), my speaking voice rarely cracked. No idea if it's related to me taking singing lessons since the beginning but I'm saying this regardless just in case. For reference, I started T on August 4, 2021 (on this exact same day three years ago!) and started taking singing lessons the following month, so I've basically trained my voice during its entire journey.

Oh no, my voice change is a mess!

Worry not! It's totally normal and there will be lots of adjusting to do and what works for one week or one month or any other period of time probably won't work anymore as your voice keeps changing (especially when trying to switch from your regular voice to your falsetto, as your muscle memory was trained to switch at/on a different range), that's frustrating but, again, normal so don't panic if a position you adopted for a few weeks suddenly doesn't work anymore and you'll end up sounding like a hairdryer with no sound coming out of your mouth. Actually, sometimes what my teacher and I call the hairdryer effect isn't even a matter of positions, sometimes during your voice change you just won't have some specific notes and your voice will break instead but again don't panic, the notes will come eventually. While my voice did drop pretty fast, it took me around two years to finally get a full range (in my case the missing notes were exactly in between my regular register and my falsetto register, making switching between the two a pain; I think it's actually how it is for everyone in general but I'm not sure as I am just me y'know). Also my teacher told me most guys' voices will drop very low for a while and then stabilize themselves on a higher speaking range and while it kinda didn't happen to me according to her due to me being a bass-baritone and my voice stabilizing itself on a much lower speaking range, that's the average experience. Anyway don't worry, your lower notes aren't gone, you still have them but you'll have to work a little more than you used to to hit them.

Figuring out your range and type:

I'll have to tell you about voice types, ranges and classifications first. There are many different voice type classification systems, none of which universally applied (music is messy), so I'll go with the basic operatic six types one that I grew up with and that most people use. From highest to lowest: soprano, mezzosoprano (also known as just mezzo), contralto, tenor, baritone, bass. Those are the main groups, but there are subcategories as well, such as countertenor (sometimes considered a main group for some reason, no shade though) and bass-baritone (my voice type! 👋). If your voice's done changing or if you are pre-T, figuring out your range and type will be quite easy but if your voice is still changing, don't worry about it, you'll just have to check what it's up to from time to time until it'll be done and it'll settle on its final range and type (me and my deep ass voice had to go through almost the entire male range spectrum in like a year and a half so I'm speaking from experience here). An important thing to know is that pitch isn't everything as there are many other characteristics that together define and categorize a person's voice, and that voice range and voice type are two separate things as well; your vocal range doesn't define your voice type on its own because voice types are more about where you feel more comfortable singing rather than what notes you can hit (which is what defines the range of one's voice). To have an idea of what you'll probably sound like after your voice's done changing, you have to see what you sound like pre-T. The length of the vocal cords plays a huge role in this: the longer the vocal cords are, deeper the voice is; testosterone puberty results in elongated vocal cords, so if you've always had longer vocal cords like in my case, your voice will be on the lower end of the spectrum. As I just said, I had a pretty low voice pre-T, as I was a contralto as a preteen (I sang in a choir from age nine to twelve, started as a mezzo but then my voice started dropping around eleven years old), and therefore have a pretty low voice now, as I am a bass-baritone (a subtype of both the baritone and the bass types; the term refers to a lower baritone or a higher bass that can sing both and I am a lower baritone but usually sing bass because it's more physically comfortable for me), because I have long vocal cords and that's it; and while there aren't many studies about the exact role of genetics in the developing of the human voice, I sound eerily similar to my father so here's that.

Don't think that starting T sooner would have given you a deeper voice because I started it at twenty and while I acknowledge that's still fairly young, my first puberty was (sadly) already done and yet my voice is deeper than most cis men's (both statistically and anecdotally speaking). You can start whenever and it won't impact how your voice turns out. And if you're thinking about starting to smoke to make your voice lower: don't. I'm a former smoker myself and while I don't make a fuss about people smoking because I'm European, it's just counterproductive from a logical standpoint. Though one thing about singers is that, just like doctors, we smoke; when you meet a singer there's a high chance they're a smoker and if they aren't there's a high chance they used to be, no idea why. Anyway, don't smoke because it's not worth ruining your voice and lung capacity over and it's also not recommended at all while on testosterone (I smoked very little, like a few cigarettes every two weeks or sometimes even once a month, and my endocrinologist still told me to quit because my blood tests were a little messed up because of that). While it's best to go to a professional, there are YouTube videos that illustrate how to find your vocal range if you want to do that on your own or only plan to sing as a hobby, so I won't say anything about that. What I will say though, is that you should warm up first (always warm up first at least a little no matter what you do, especially if you plan to sing in the morning; even just talking out loud for a while can count as warming your voice up) and if you want to find out your range on your own please use the aforementioned YouTube videos, I've watched and even used a few back in the day and they'll tell you exactly how to do things right, don't just start belting out note after note until your voice is straining and uncomfortable because you'll get hurt (I want to make clear, as I've mentioned the possibility of getting hurt in the previous paragraphs, that getting hurt when it comes to singing ranges from having a bit of a sore throat for a while because you didn't drink water before performing to permanently ruining your voice and losing parts of your range because you tried metal screaming with no training so yeah, be careful).

Useful exercises:

In my experience the most useful exercises to do during a voice change are interval slides with the classic, iconic brrr (that I had to look up the name of because I swear no one, not even one singer, in human history has ever called it by its proper name: lip roll; I'm leaving the brrr thing instead of editing it out because it's funny) and some basic hear it and sing it. Also my teacher and I found out, during a phoniatrician check-up I did while my voice was still changing, that singing big jumps between notes helps a lot, even though I have no idea why. Basically, get a piano or keyboard (here's a link for a virtual piano if you need it), play random notes, and sing; it's important for you to switch between your modal (what I've been referring to as "regular" in this post) register and your falsetto register. I suck at explaining things, but this is what you have to do: play one note, sing it, then play the next, and so on. Additionally, I went through my text conversations with my teacher back when my voice was at the beginning of its journey and found the links to three videos we used a lot at the time, so here they are: this 10 minute vocal warm up, some beginner bass vocal warm ups, and some other bass-baritone vocal warm ups. If you go through these channels you'll find other exercises for other voice types and ranges as well. I recommend using jazz singer Judy Niemack's recordings (playlist linked in the above paragraph) because those are the one I used and still use. Your range and voice type don't really matter, you can either harmonize with her or sing in your comfortable range (in tune!) (or not in tune if you're doing this as a hobby I guess, I'm a singer not a cop) (but ear training is fundamental if you want to go professional, so: in tune!).

Alright I think I explained pretty much everything, but if you have questions don't hesitate to ask! I'll be more than happy to answer.

[butchboylesbo]

ty for your post about mobility aids, that hit home. I use a cane occasionally, always carry it with me (folds up) but use it when I need to for the same reasons you use your crutches. my problem is that I am incredibly self-conscious and feel guilty if I take it out to use it in public. moreso when I take the train home from work - if I get a seat, I don't need it but if I have to stand, I take it out to use it. I feel like I get dirty looks from people who think I'm just trying to make someone give up their seat (important to note that no one ever does anyway.) I'm not expecting them to, I just now need it to stand and reduce my pain. I'm not trying to trick or scam anyone.

I guess I'm just curious if this is something you've dealt with, and if so, how you got to a place where you're confident in using your mobility aids. I'm just not there yet :(

i've also felt self conscious about mobility aid use, and for me that was something i just had to get through in therapy/do some self work, but i do have tips for possibly reducing the dirty looks you get if it continues to be a problem:

(keep in mind these are the things i do and they might not be helpful for everyone/some people might consider them 'attention seeking' but that's not why i do them, i do them to avoid confusion and be proud of myself)

when the weather permits it and if it'll help you, wear knee braces when you wear short bottoms, (or just all the time) so that it's less likely for people to think you're able bodied (again, if they'll help you, if not maybe don't cuz they might make it worse LOL)

this may seem too flashy, but wear disability merchandise. i have cripplepunk patches on my patch vest and other stuff related to disability pride on my jackets. You can probably get some cute/funny shirts or buttons or stickers relating to your disability to wear out and about.

For me this isn't just to reduce people assuming the worst, but it also helps me allow myself to be proud of being disabled, and it helps me get out of the denial that comes w being medically gaslit by doctors and people in my life.

also, in these cases, it might be best to use your cane as you walk into a place that you'd need a seat, not pull it out later. There's no public transport where i live currently but often in germany people would stand to offer me a seat when they saw me using crutches as i got onto the public transportation, if you're in the US or the UK that probably would happen less but you never know, shrug emoji

sorry if this is ramble-y i'm pretty low spoons on the ADHD front today, but i hope this helps you. My biggest tip overall is to try to gain confidence in every aspect of your life, because being disabled requires being stronger than most of us would like to be. I know it's a lot harder than it sounds especially if you have anxiety or any other thing like that, but i believe in you and im proud of you

[zephfair]

Hello? Anyone still here?

Hey, who disappeared for months and has desperately missed all her little friends who live on this hell-site but has been too exhausted and overwhelmed to actually login ... and who lost track of where this sentence was going ... Yeah, this girl.🤗

But, wow, have I missed you all and all the beauty that is Tumblr, and I hope you'll forgive me for secreting myself away since--holy cow--January.

Quick life update behind the cut.

So, I knew going back to work full-time at my age after quite a long unintended break AND now having health disabilities, well, I knew it would be hard. I knew I would have to adjust my whole, entire life. I expected it to be incredibly difficult, and I fully planned to give myself some grace and time in having to change my every routine.

But somehow, I still underestimated it.

I am so thankful to have a job now, with a steady (if small) income and benefits that frankly make me want to weep with thanks. I mean, I don't have time to go to the doctor, but at least now I could afford to go, if I could get there.

But wow, work is tough. Not just the literal work but, as I said, changing my entire life around it. I'm not complaining, but I am doing my best to learn all new skills (job is not in my old field), relearn how to work and reschedule my own needs and just upend everything.

The absolute worst thing has been trying to take care of my aunt. I was to leave town on Jan. 7 to start my training on Jan. 8.

My 90-year-old aunt fell and broke her pelvis (and a finger and needed some stitches) Jan. 2. I spent every waking hour with her over the rest of that week. While I'd planned to spend that week cleaning my house, getting my business in order and just resting, I was freaking out and traveling through the snow and literally worried sick about her.

It was bad.

And I couldn't stay with her like I did when she broke her hip because I had to attend training full-time. At least they let us come home super-early from that first on-site week of training, but that led to a literal nightmare of a drive home one night through snow, ice, rain, flooding and fog that I'm not joking I've had nightmares about before and now since. Long story.

So, I spent January and February training and working 9 hours a day then spending all day Saturday at her place cleaning and doing laundry and making sure she had everything she needed for a week, and then I had Sunday to do my own laundry and clean the house and take care of my own things...which just keep getting pushed back because I'm too worn out.

Thank God, Aunt made a miraculous recovery and now is doing her own house and laundry etc. but I still go out one day a weekend and do anything else she needs and make sure she has all her groceries and supplies and stuff.

We're all each other has.

Needless to say, I haven't been taking care of myself. I don't sleep well anyway, but add the stress of the new job and my dear aunt and my own health issues, and I'm exhausted. Weary. Overwhelmed and just so very tired. My body is so heavy, I can barely move anymore. It's bad.

And when I finally got to my doctor two weeks ago for my long-delayed check-up, found out I was right about my blood pressure being sky-high again. It went high for the first time several years ago when my Mom was dying, but it eventually settled and was fine. But yeah, it's bad again now. No shock there. And all my lovely chronic health conditions have flared which was no surprise--again, I had braced myself to expect it and power through it, and that's what I'm doing. But it sucks. And it's hard. And there's so much pain.

I don't want to say much about my job, but the over-arching Praise the Lord wonderful thing about it is working from home. There have been so many days already that I never would've been able to get to an office to work, but I can push through it here because I don't have to use any spoons to get myself "ready" (sweatshirts and leggings, no personal grooming necessary, yay), and I don't have any anxiety about driving because zero commute. It has its challenges too because Teams is a weird office communication alternative to get used to, but on the good side, I don't have to deal with interpersonal drama from co-workers.

The work itself is challenging, but I have some days where I finally feel quietly competent and think, Oh, I can actually do this. And then there are some days that leave me in tears and praying for help because it's just too hard. But there's no way I'm quitting; they're going to have to fire me because did I mention the benefits are incredible? I mean, I live in the US and if you knew how much I had to pay last year for my own health insurance, and then the scope and biopsies and then the skin cancer and surgery and then the other skin pre-cancer biopsy and treatment. Yeah, I'm still in big debt from all of that.

So I keep praying that they keep me and that I'll do a good job. And my immediate supervisor has started piling extra work on me over the past 3 weeks so suddenly I'm doing my own stuff AND cleaning up the work from co-workers who aren't keeping up. And all of them have been working since October while just a handful of us began in January?

I have been complaining about this to my aunt, and I thought it meant that my supervisor thinks I'm incapable or is punishing me for trying to get through own my entire workload every single day. But she believes he's giving me all their shit work because I'll actually do it, and I admit, I have gotten some of it completed successfully after they'd given up on it. So, I don't know.

I know that I'm a perfectionist and I've always pushed myself as hard as possible to do my best at work (not at housework and other things in my life lols) but I really hope that it gets me a good reputation at this job and they keep me.

So yeah, that's what's going on here. I've completely abandoned the fandom things in life that I actually enjoy. I almost feel, like, guilty when I'd think about trying to make some time to browse Tumblr or wasting time on social media or even trying to write fic. I get done with work at 6:30 pm, and until I get something to eat and then clean up, it's 8 or 8:30. I have to spend about an hour on the phone with Aunt (and I call her every morning, break, and lunch time too). By then, I can barely walk or move so I just try to make it upstairs to bed. Even though I can't sleep, it just feels nice to lie down.

But I miss all of you. And I miss fandom fun. And I want to be around more because maybe it would recharge me rather than me feeling so freaking overwhelmed every minute of the day.

And I promise not to complain and bitch all the time, now that I've gotten it out of my system. But thanks for listening.

I do miss you, and I love you all.

PLEASE let me know if I've missed anything important in your lives and goings on here! I've got A LOT of catching up to do!

[gil-galadhwen]

The Lord of the Rings | Elrond x F!Reader

This is pure fluff to begin with, but hopefully we'll get to more 👀🔥

Note: I've used a little lore from LOTRO (if anyone else plays, let me know! I'm on the Brandywine server and would love to make new friends!💕)

Carrier of Messages

Elrond was in your library. Not your library exactly, but it felt as though it was exclusively for your use as nobody else in Celondim used it much anymore.

You had come to study a certain aspect of Lore Mastery and King Gil-galad had graciously allowed you access on the condition that you carry messages between Celondim and Lindon where permitted. You thought this was a delightful benefit as you hadn’t expected you’d get to travel but so far you’d carried messages to Lindon many times, even travelling as far as the foothills of Evendim. You’d delivered messages to the King’s herald more than once too, each time more thrilling than the last. Where most people accepted your hand delivered scrolls with a nod of thanks at best and with minor contempt at worst, Elrond did something nobody else did. He spoke to you. He asked you questions about your purpose in Lindon, your studies in Celondim and he always gave you something in exchange for the message. The first time, he gave you an acorn from his pocket which you found endearing. The next, he gifted you a silver coin. He once offered you a glass of wine and to sit with him for a moment which you profusely refused, flushing under your veil as you practically leapt back onto your horse and hurried back to Celondim at a gallop.

While you wanted nothing more in the world than to drink a glass of Lindon’s finest with the half elven lord, you were certain it would be deemed unacceptable if anyone found out and you couldn’t risk your position. Not when you’d worked so hard for it.

Elrond was unlike anyone you’d ever met. He was kind, attentive and had the ability to make you feel as though you were the most important being to him when his attention was on you. Like you truly mattered. You couldn’t help wondering if his perceptiveness came from the human side of him.

Why was he here? You wondered, stepping down from the ladder you’d been using to reshelve some books. Had you missed something? A message undelivered perhaps?

“Hello?” His familiar voice echoed through the mostly empty chamber and you shivered a little. “Is the Lore Master here?”

“Yes, I’m here,” you called, brushing dust from your robes and readjusting your veil. As you rounded the corner towards the front door, you caught the moment Elrond saw you. The way he straightened. The way his lovely, elegant fingers clenched tightly around the scroll he was holding.

“Ah, there you are,” he said as you reached him, a heart-rendering smile breaking out over his face.

“How can I help, my lord?” You asked, grateful for your veil as you bowed low.

“I have brought you something. It has been in my keeping for some time and I always meant to bring it to the great library of Celondim.” He held the scroll out to you and you were sure his fingers trembled as you accepted it.

“Thank you my lord,” you said, holding the scroll close to your chest. “A gift to the library is a gift to the entirety of Ered Luin.”

Elrond nodded. “It is my pleasure.”

“Forgive me for saying, but I hope you did not travel here especially to deliver this,” you said, trying to keep your voice steady.

“I could have collected it with the next messages--"

“I could not wait that long,” he interrupted, taking a step closer.

You will yourself to breathe even though there was barely any space between you now and Elrond’s hand was reaching towards you, slow and uncertain. You squeeze your eyes shut and brace.

“I apologise for disrupting your work but I could not find the strength within myself to stay away,” he said.

You open your eyes and look down to find Elrond fiddling with the end of your veil.

He laughed lightly. “I am not usually so forward but there is something about you.”

“My lord, you do not know me. You have never seen my face--”

“I am admitting that I want to.” His fingers on your veil tighten.

“Tell me to leave and I will never speak of it again.”

You bite your lip beneath the veil. He was handing you power like nobody had ever done before. Elrond, Half Elven wanted to know you, a veiled lore master and carrier of messages.

Gently, you take Elrond’s hands in yours and squeeze as you murmur quietly.

“Tell me exactly what you want, my lord and I shall give it to you. All of it."

[scratchandplaster]

Stack The Deck - Tremors

CW: withdrawal, emetophobia, Carewhumper

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

"I get the feeling that vomiting is like a hobby of yours."

Even thought Chris had to fight for this privilege, he manged to bring them into the bathroom again. Elliot perched between the wall and toilet, his tormentor sitting right across on the tub's edge and keeping a watchful eye out for him.

To Chris, it felt like they had been here before, in fact, more than once. He was certain it also would be the last time.

"I hate you," Elliot wheezed through chattering teeth and spat limpid bile into the bowl.

"Then you are in the best of company, I hate myself too. Look how much we have in common!" 

A sob, so defeated and frantic it hurt to listen, made Chris back off with a sigh: "It was just a joke. But you're not in the mood, huh?"

Sniffling and rubbing his nose against a sleeve of his sweater, too dried out for any tears, the trembling form was practically begging to be consoled. It had been a massacre when Chris handed out Elliot's old clothes. Sure, maybe it was a bit weird that he kept these old rags for months, but there was no need to shout himself croaky over a bit of memorabilia.

His mother told him that she gave them away - short and simple. Elliot had thought in terms of Goodwill or her coworkers' children, not right into the hands of the man he wanted her to stay miles away from. They had met, he knew that much now, and it made him dizzy with disgust again.

But Morris just stared, with these hungry eyes Elliot was caught in day in and day out.

He wanted to hold him, softly kiss his pain away or try a certain something else that could brighten Elliot's mood but Chris knew how a person in his condition was likely to act. Usually, he left this kind of behavior on the streets.

Speaking of which, Morris was still plagued by the hours spent in the dark. He had to figure out the truth, sooner rather than later.

"Nothing happened while I was gone."

The sallow face adorned with blood-shot eyes looked back in annoyance. Drenched in hot-cold shivers emerging from the inside, he just swallowed thickly. 

"Dutch, he...he didn't do anything, right?"

To his relief, Elliot quickly shook his head. Apart from the emasculation, they both got off cheaply, an untypical graciousness Dutch would surely love to dangle in front of Chris' face for the next few years.

Another retching came over Elliot's lips, just as sour tasting as the words he continued to repeat after each wave of nausea: "I'm not a junkie, nor your boyfriend."

Both was false, both were fallacies. Yet today was not the day to argue about labels, maybe it was the word itself that upset him so dearly - partner sounded too distanced in comparison. A lover one day, but well, for that Elliot needed to loosen up a bit more.

"Do you know the surefire way to figure out if someone's dope sick?"

"Enlighten me," Elliot gave a dirty hiss.

"You simply wait." 

He went cold turkey for what now, forty-eight hours? The worst was about to hit them both like a sledgehammer made from vegetative dysfunctions and paranoia.

Chris needed to brace himself for the collateral damage that waited for them during the mandatory week of isolation. After the storm, he could take Ell out for the first time to have a proper date, surrounded by the safe darkness of the docks and cheap gas-station wine. Or beer, or liqueur - whatever he preferred.

Elliot had other visions. As soon as the virus he probably caught on that goddamn bench eased up, he would be up and running out of Morris' grasp. And if he had to dig himself a hole into the floor below, nothing could keep him here for a minute longer!

Amber or what unlucky soul came before him knew too well what an unbelievable catch Chris was. With every minute spent in the same room, Elliot understood less and less how someone wanted to get involved with that man. He hoped Amber suffered twice as much under him. 

Not an ounce of sleep was granted to him, just fainting and dozing off for minutes at a time was possible, and even then he had to fear a curious hand hovering close above his nervous flesh. 

All he was given for dinner was a plastic cup full of soup. The ramen and broth were carefully separated in front of him, as if to show that it hadn't been tampered with and out of fear that the noodles would be spat out anyway, Chris seized them for himself. The now chilled instant terrine was not what Elliot had hoped for.

"Can I please have my meds?" he tried again, not consciously aware of why he made his voice soften and shoulders drop, "I'll do anything you want."

Chris' mesmerized gaze was entirely focused on the man who looked like death incarnate. If only he was allowed to kiss life back into his chapped lips. Anything, huh?

"Please!"

Morris shook his head sternly. Though it was nothing more than a temptation to withstand, he decided to let his deeds speak for themselves. New chances didn't wait around every corner, so he surely wouldn't waste this one: "Do you believe in fate?"

"Shut the fuck up," his lovely guest mumbled instead and twitched weakly away from Chris' foot, playfully searching for any sliver of contact.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Thanks for reading 🤍 [Masterlist]

Taglist: @whatwasmyprevioususername, @canislycaon24

[celticcrossanon]

I don't know... the anon and you bring a good point about Charles listening to Camilla... but I'm not so sure he would listen to Camilla when it comes to the subject of Harry. Charles seems so dug into his obsessive desire to have Harry back that it doesn't seem like Charles at this point will listen to anyone who disagrees with him in bringing Harry (and Meghan) back from California. I hope I'm wrong on this, though.

Hi Nonny,

I think King Charles would listen to Queen Camilla on this subject, in the sense that he would hear her out. Whether he would let her opinions influence him is another issue, and I don't know. As you said, he does seem to be fixated on having Harry back in the BRF, but on the other hand Queen Camilla does have a lot of influence over him. The question is whether her influence is enough to moderate his desire to have Harry back with him, assuming that she is trying to moderate it in the first place (for all we know she is cheering him on). I think that without a direct witness to their conversations, it is impossible to tell at this point. I am going to hope for the best and brace myself for the worst, which is all anyone can do, really.

[queenofbaws]

aw snap, here we go again!

just another quick organizational update from ya gurl: my goals for the immediate future are (1) finish CREEPS: MM&BS, (2) get out a chapter or two of like wringing blood before my brainworms eat their way through my skull, (3) work on finishing the tale(s) of the champion. so if you're someone who's been waiting on any of those projects, i promise...they're comin'. hehehe.

i'm really, truly set on tying up the wips i've left gathering dust this year, so i'm trying my haaaaaaaardest to rein my ever-fleeting attention span in to do just that. i'm tossing a snippet of each of those three above-mentioned projects below the cut for anyone who's interested, and, as always, thanks so much for reading and hangin' out with me, y'all :) you guys are the best, and i hope 2024 is treating you kindly so far <3

of mummy men & bathtub soup

He wasn’t sure why he said it. Brotherly antagonism, maybe, or his pathological need to run his mouth at the worst possible time. Both felt like strong contenders. Whatever it was that spurred him on, the result was the same: As Julia sputtered, trying and failing to remember the story that had pissed her off so intensely in the first place, Conrad opened his mouth and finished the sentence for her.

“…bathtub soup guy?”

BANG!

The basement door slammed shut.

Before any of them had time enough to flinch, to jump, to yell at the sudden noise, the lights went out completely, sending the basement into perfect darkness.

Then there was yelling.

“Is…is everyone okay?” Alex asked a moment later, his voice missing the cool and confident mark by a couple notches.

“I, y…yeah,” Julia answered, and wouldn’t you know it, her fury had gone out like a candle in the wind.

“I’m good,” he said, nodding before realizing, whoops, right, no one could see. It was then, in the nervous stillness of the dark, that he noticed someone had grabbed his hand in theirs, no doubt grasping for him in fear and surprise. He couldn’t say it healed it battered ego, not after he’d been treated like a punching bag all night, but it certainly helped. “What about you, Fliss?”

From somewhere behind him, not beside him, she snorted. “I think I’ll live.”

“I…wait, if you’re there, whose hand am I holding?!”

“Uh, sorry, man. I got scared.” “Brad, for the love of—”

like wringing blood from a stone

“JEEED!”

Jack stopped an arm’s length away from her.

“TRAAAVIS!”

He opened the fridge.

“BOBBYYY!”

After a moment of deep contemplation, he pulled a beer out and shut the door again, using his thumb to pop the cap off. He looked her way once more, but instead of attacking her or grabbing her or plain old saying anything to her, he simply brought the bottle to his mouth and drank.

He watched her as he drained the damn thing, his throat bobbing. Just swallowed, swallowed, swallowed…not stopping until the bottle was empty. Not breathing until he’d finished.

“TRAAAVIS!” Constance yelled a second time, willing him to appear with his gun drawn and lather high.

“Give it another go, why don’t you,” drawled Jack. He set the bottle down in the sink, then braced his hands on the countertop behind him. His eyes kept moving across her face in a way she didn’t appreciate. “Third time’s the charm.”

She drew another breath, but didn’t dignify his taunt by shouting. Instead, she brandished the knife. Dared him with her eyes.

The ghoul just kept leaning back against her counter, though; his fingers left brackish smears wherever they touched. “Go on,” he mocked her, “keep hollering. See who comes running. I’d like to see for myself. Awful curious about it.”

the tale(s) of the champion

Josephine’s attention (and eyebrows) shot up from the desk. Her face had taken on the pallid cast of someone who’d had the bad luck to spot an especially large and hairy spider shriveled at the bottom their morning breakfast bowl much too late for anything to be done about it. Had she been speaking to anyone else, the Inquisitor might’ve thought that was the expression of someone staring their own death in the face, and yet all she’d done was present Josephine with the very probable reality that Hawke had simply bunked in Varric’s room for a single night of her stay.

“…I just figured,” she continued carefully, her words made slow as they crept forward on delicate tip-toes, terrified of tripping another unseen trap, “They were probably catching up after all that time apart, and since they were essentially always sharing space in Kirkwall…” Her voice trailed off and she shrugged.

It was logic, wasn’t it? Nothing more, nothing less? If one of her own friends from her life before (before all of this madness, before the Anchor, before Haven, before being pushed out of the Fade) had shown up on her doorstep out of the blue, she would’ve insisted on keeping them close. It only made sense!

Not to Josephine, it seemed. “But Varric’s quarters are so small,” she said in a voice more suited to, perhaps, finding out the crown Prince of Starkhaven had been assassinated. “Oh I certainly hope you’re wrong about that, Inquisitor, I hope she found other lodgings if she did in fact stay the night…I can’t imagine there’d even be room for two people in his quarters…Andraste, they would’ve been right on top of each other the whole time!”

[idolsgf]

wip wednesday

I was tagged by both @greypetrel and @shivunin for this week's wip wednesday! thanks so much <3

tagging: @fenharel-apologist94 @gvnseylike @transprincecaspian @ell-vellan and anyone else who wants to share. again, no obligation to share anything :3

I haven't had much time to work on it, but I've been drafting for that epistolary story a bit. I've been debating on who should be featured, if it should just be letters between Mori'na and her mother, if it should just be from Mori'na's pov, or if I should include some letters from Bohean. It's, naturally, a work in progress.

Despite those debates, here's a snippet from a letter their mother wrote in reply to the first letter Mo will send (I'm tweaking it, tweaking everything haha).

---

Clan Lavellan to Haven Addressed to Mori’na Lavellan

Da’assan,

When the letter had arrived, your poor mother’s heart dropped. I had thought the worst had come, and thought it best I brace for it. “Just one more day and then I can rest,” I remember thinking to myself. Dear Bohean held onto it for me until I could muster the courage. I set up at the shrines everyday until I could. A week it took me, if only I had listened to the Halla. Such strong creatures, never fearing what fate may come.

A fool you must think of me, dear one.

A fool you must think of all of us. Bohean has been pacing non stop; it’s rare I can stop him long enough to fill his belly. The duties of First have brought a cloud to his mind I fear. I hope this hold on him fades soon. Not even a chuckle from him from your request. What am I going to do with that boy? What am I going to do with you? Both my children, grappled with things that are out of their control.

[harufallinwonderland]

Vivienna science coat vignette part 1 (oc)

Note this oc is not mines but one owned by @shinysparklesapphires and with the link i will provide you can check out her whole fandorm Curetiel which is A dorm for twst x precure ocs https://www.tumblr.com/shinysparklesapphires/731189611410472960/a-dorm-based-off-of-team-work?source=share (one last note I'm far from the best writer and I wrote this in A google doc if I catch something wrong copy and pasting it I will fix it but I won't catch much)

Location: alchemy class

“Ok pups for today’s assignment i will be pairing you all up in duos myself.” Crewel then braces for the incoming noise

Loud groans are heard around the room after Crewel announcement from all the students

“OH GREAT A duo project why must i work with these people i can do better just by myself…”Viviennes says to herself barely above A whisper to not be heard in the crowd of groaning students

“ QUIET! Be good boys and girls and listen for your partner and there will be no refusals unless there is A good reason behind it!” he speaks through the groans loud engough that the whole class goes quiet from his loud demanding voice as he pulls out A paper

“I don’t want to work with any of these people but maybe A pomefoire student….hell no there egos are to much to deal with…I guess if I’m paired with another Curetiel student that wouldn’t be the worst experience of my life anyone better than…HIM!” she thinks to herself refusing to even think of the name of the so called “HIM”

“And the final pair will be Sebek Zigvolt and Vivienne Coruset.” Crewels proceeds to destroy any of Vivienne’s hope this won’t be horrible.

“Damn it just my luck this is the absolute worst” Viviennes quietly groans walking over to the cauldron Her and Sebek have been assigned too.

“You should be honored to work alongside me human I believe you won’t even be needed for this but I’m kind enough to let you try” and cue Vivienne ready to just skip class “Oh great sevens give me strength” she mumbles to herself preparing for this unpleasant experience

For A few minutes all is well while there have been some problems but they both give out half hearted apologies containing themselves because of Professor Crewel’s intense stare but then A ghost appears through the door to tell him something “Ok pups I will trust you for 10 MINUTES to be without me while I handle A rowdy student outside the classroom this ghost will be taking over my class and making sure you all do nothing to hurt yourselves” he makes the announcement before leaving the class quickly the sounds of his heels slowly fade and like that any chance for this to go well.

It started with A simple “Move” and “that's wrong” which normally would not be bad but with the tone they were using quick irritated the other and without Crewel’s stare getting them to calm down in only A few minutes of him being gone A whole on argument started. “Are you stupid why are you trying to put A vanishing potion in the cauldron? It's A potion for curing colds!” Vivienne was clearly irritated by Sebeks behavior and what didn’t help was Sebek never being able to admit he was wrong “Nonsense this is the heating potion we need for the assignment. How can you not tell something so simple human!?” Sebek clearly lost his temper too.

“I Could say the same thing to you stupid who knew knights were this dumb!” Vivienne went straight for Sebek’s core which he is clearly repressing his urge to go all in on her “You know nothing of Briar valley knights human!” he then ignores her going to pour the potion into the Cauldron in which Vivienne goes to take away from him but bumping the cauldron causing it all to spill everywhere.

“LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO STUPID !”Vivienne yelled.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT I DID?” Sebek yelled back.

“WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!?” Crewel yelled between the two making the two shut up in seconds.

-in the Curetiel dorm-

Vivienne was in the dining room munching on some cupcakes aggravated that most of the students already wary of her starts to outright avoid her well besides the housewarden Ink in which they pull up A chair at her table and sits next to her “Hello Vivi” he says in his confident and friendly tone catching Vivienne’s attention “I’m guessing you're here because Professor Crewel told you what happened?” she was clearly not in the mood for being annoyed which Ink notes to himself.

“I won’t come at your neck for it don’t worry I feel like professer Crewel already did that giving you and Sebek after school detention until you two can work together and make the potion and all” Ink says goes to grab one of the many cupcakes but A glare from Vivienne quickly makes him back up “anyway may I give some advice to help you?” it was A actual question cause knowing Vivienne well meaning advice can be thrown to the side if not in the right mood then she just nods eating another cupcake.

“Well you gotta try to understand Sebek’s emotion and try to work with him unfortunately I don’t know that kid well to give direct advice but this is what helped Marble and me get along more” Ink says playing with his hands waiting for Vivienne’s reaction which at first she gives just A side eye “well that was some of the most usel…” her whole body paused the cupcake near her mouth being right outside of being devoured and then A big smirk that screams no good spreads on her face then she consumed the cupcake whole “useful advice i heard all day you can be A good housewarden after all as A reward you can eat some of my cupcakes’ Vivienne starts eating her cupcakes faster and ink starts eating them too wondering if that advice came off the right way which i can guarantee….it really didn’t.

[sweetchcolate]

With only a few days left until the finale, what are your thoughts about the future of Sugar Apple Fairy Tale? Do you think it'll be coming back for another season and if so what are you most excited/hoping for?

Ooof, I'm really divided on this one! On one hand, shojo/romance shows rarely get more than 12 or 24 episode anime adaptations, and so it's very rare for an adaptation to completely cover the og material (or even cover all the material available at the time of the anime production).

For example: Akatsuki no Yona, Kamisama Hajimemashita or Akagami no Shirayukihime stopped at one (AnY) and two seasons (KH, AnS) respectively, despite the manga having much more material to adapt (I know that kamihaji covers some of the later arcs through OVAs, but that's a bit of a cheap move imo: just give the anime a third season, yeah?). If they had been popular shonens like Naruto or One Piece or Boku no Hero Academia, I have no doubts they'd have gotten multiple seasons announced to keep up with the manga.

On the other hand, JC Studio has completely adapted another shojo called Niehime, and from what I remember discussing with a few mutuals, they have a history of usually completing the shojos they adapt. That, combined with the fact SAFT's og material is done, could be a good sign that they might adapt the rest of it.

tldr: bracing myself for the worst, hoping for the best

If SAFT does get another season soon, then I'm looking forward to Anne's next (mis)adventures! I know from general spoilers that she has a rough time ahead of her in the next volumes, but I still want to see her grow and overcome the odds. Plus, I wonder if and how the fairy slavery plot point gets addressed.

If not, then I hope that 5 or 10 years down the line, it will get adapted again (either the Brotherhood/Fruits Basket treatment where it gets a whole new anime, or the Kimi ni Todoke treatment where it gets a new season to follow-up the old anime)!

Or at least that it gets an OVA or a original movie! That would be so cool!

[fragmentedink-archived]

at work today I realized a feeling I was having besides anger was sadness and I immediately judged myself for it and rejected it

somewhere along the way I started assuming the best in others, I started to have Some kind of hope and optimism but I swear every time I do, I get crushed and then I get proven right

sometimes I really, really don't want to be proven right about people. I'd actually like to think not everyone has the worst intent and that I didn't have to brace myself for the shoe to drop and the inevitable knife in my back

I want to believe people are better than that. That I can actually trust someone around me and somewhere along the way I started to believe that. but then multiple of my coworkers proved I cannot trust them and it makes me feel so sad but I want to immediately reject the feeling of sadness

I'd rather be angry and spiteful and hateful bec there's fuel in that. Sadness takes and takes from me and I'm left feeling hollow and alone bec I cannot trust people to be there when I feel like that so I just shut myself in my room and try to distract myself and turn Sadness into anything else because I don't want to sit with it by myself

[mariacallous]

Bracing myself for how to deal with the worst of the worst outcomes after us midterms and russian armageddon general appointment and opec fuckery and iran and climate etc......your brecht posts always offer cold comfort bc im like SAME but im also like. Hmm wld not like to be relating this hard to a chronicle of the end of the weimar period LOL. Its just so lonely out here. I wish there was a local chapter of something i could join, the 2020 election season was gnarly bc im a blue dot rn and there wasnt anyone else i could talk to.....i feel like im hoping for the best but prepping myself for the worst as we get closer and it would be nice to have IRL convos and be able to like. Cry in company lol. Im in alabama in case any of your followers have any orgs to recommend. Love your blog best wishes from the deep south!!

ooof, yeah no that's all a Big Mood.

I would recommend seeing what your county or local democratic party might be up to, or the league of women voters, or anything in your community (libraries are usually pretty good about providing spaces for community and local groups to meet and publicize) but I'm also going to throw this out to my mutuals and followers, several of whom I know are in/from the South and see what they recommend or know.

Sending you support and positive thoughts! <3