#I'm here for the silly goofy.
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nosferatufaggot · 4 months ago
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Does anyone else feel like Deep Breath is such a shitty episode of Doctor Who? That is, up until they go to the restaurant and then it immediately becomes one of the better Doctor Who episodes out there. Before I rewatched it when I got it on DVD, in my memory they were two seperate episodes that were a two parter. Like genuinely I think Deep Breath is so bad in the beginning but as soon as Clara and Twelve meet in the restaurant it's a whole different episode.
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thatoneluckybee · 1 year ago
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I forgot how funny this panel is I-
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Aiden trying not to laugh. Ben immediately going into concerned mom friend mode. Taylor's panic. Ashlyn's absolute lack of a reaction after accidentally giving her friend a concussion. Even Tyler's concerned. And Logan of course gets obliterated. I love them all so much I can't
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nebuladreamz · 8 months ago
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A little different than last year's, but here we are again. To say that this past year hasn't been absolutely wild would be a lie, cause HOLY SHIT MAN
This year's birthday is. A little different for me, but you already have the silly comic to show that so I won't make like a broken record oops
But, despite the changes and hills that life's decided I should climb or throw at, it hasn't changed the fact that I'm so genuinely fucking thankful to the people that I've known since joining this fandom. I'm not even kidding when I say that being here has actually changed my life for the better. I know I said something similar last year, but this time, hoo boy it sure turned up the AMP and test how far I could go.
So, to everyone, both new and old; thank you for being here :D
@garbagechocolate @darkxsoulzyx @smoljeanius @bunmuffin @skizabaa
@tuzesdays @sleepykas @fernzwing @kandidandi @starsketchez
@just-a-drawing-bean @notdysfunk @ilsole @amberluvsbugs @cloudyvoid
@nomsthecat @alfinefalf @nosleepygay @theblog-with-thestuff
@cacaocheri
(Edit: ty kibbits for informing me of the. Fuck ass tagging system)
AND TAGGING OTHERS BECAUSE. POINTS. BONKS WITH HEAD. GETTING TO EITHER INTERACT OR TALK OR WHATEVER IS ALWAYS A DELIGHT
@ohno-the-sun @kibbits @ink-yy @saltyfryz @kaprisvn
@hierba-picante @sunny-sophies-garden @cookiiemancer @sneeblbop @justaduckarts
@pepethehumanz @crystalmagpie447 @woolysstuff @mocha-illustrates @duhsty1
@sanchensky @pillowspace @victarin @witherfide
[I DEFINITELY GOT SONAS WRONG AND THESE AREN'T ALL THE SILLY PEOPLE I KNOW BUT IM SITTING HERE AT 2:30 IN THE MORNING JUST KNOW YOU'RE THERE IN SPIRIT HANDING YOU ALL POPTARTS WAUGH]
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crazy-ache · 3 months ago
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benevolenterrancy · 10 months ago
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@hereticcryptid i'm late responding to this prompt, but have a continuation on baxia and hensheng wanting more cuddles than one would normally expect from a spiritual sword!
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starry-bi-sky · 4 months ago
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Clone^2 - Separation Strikes
"Why do I have to go?" Damian asks, surly and accent-thick, it sounds more like a demand and a whine at the same time. Sitting on the kitchen table with his arms crossed, in a green t-shirt that Danny bought him at a whim when he was at a thrift shop, and black shorts, he's never looked more like a kid. There's a little backpack leaning against the table leg, Damian begrudgingly picked it out when they went shopping.
His English has grown in leaps and bounds since Danny found him -- er, or more accurately; since Damian was spat out in front of him. -- and very little did they have to use the translator on Danny's phone these days.
Which meant one thing: Damian can start attending school comfortably now. And 'go' was the Amity Smiles Child Care Center. Danny and Jazz went as kids until they were twelve, and Mom and Dad actually managed to convince the center director to let Damian enroll for the summer.
And it was summer; Damian starts today.
"Because," Danny says, trying and failing to hide the smile pulling on his face, his heart warm and soft, and also laughing at Damian's expense; "being cooped up in the house all day isn't good for you, and you're starting school in the Fall. And, in Jazz's words: you need to have interactions with other kids your age for the benefit of your social development. And besides, it's only for the morning."
Damian's nose scrunches up, and his eyes roll so violently that for a moment, Danny thinks about joking that he'll get his eyes stuck like that. He holds his tongue; his little brother already looks like he's five seconds away from committing an act of violence.
"I don't need social interaction." Damian sneers, his cheek in his hand; a neverend pool of pride. "I am--"
"The Blood of the Demon Heir, better than everyone else." Danny cuts off, waving his hand in dismissive circles, his voice mockingly deep. Damian's brown skin darkens in embarrassment, and he scowls at Danny. "I know, bud. But Jazz is right, -- don't tell her I said that, -- you should be around kids your age."
Especially when he starts First Grade in the Fall. Honestly -- Danny was a little nervous to send him to the center. Damian's long since cut the habit of trying to kill or otherwise maim people, his palms ache-burn with gentle reminder, but his tongue was as sharp and as cutting as his sword. He still struggles with trying to quell it when he's upset. Vicious child-weapon that he once was, and will never be again.
Danny knows that it comes from a place of fear and defense, that Damian lashes out because that's what he's been taught. That at the end of the day, he doesn't really mean what he says, and he's learning to express himself better. But the other kids don't know that, and kids can be unforgiving and cruel.
Danny just...
His slow beating heart sighs, melancholy settles behind his lungs.
He doesn't want Damian to be outcasted. He doesn't want him to be alone.
Not like he was.
Damian sneers again, but says nothing, his shoulders crawling up to hide his ears like a turtle receding into his shell. Danny watches him silently, leaning against the kitchen counter with his own arms crossed. The clock hanging on the wall ticks in their ears -- it's almost time to go.
He watches Damian, careful, and so he sees it when his little brother's stone-shell pride and petulance shudders, and cracks. The darkened furrow of Damian's brows weakens, and for a moment, slants back.
Ah, Danny thinks, his own shoulders slumping. Epiphany washes over him, and his sad-heart soothes in warm understanding. So that's what it is.
His head tilts, and his hair spills over his shoulders, messy and fluffy, tickling his neck. Some of his bangs fall into his face. "Hal 'ant easabiatan ya habibi?" He asks, voice low and soft. Just as Damian's English has improved, so has Danny's Arabic. He still stumbles over himself some days, and Damian says his accent is trash, but they can have whole conversations now in Damian's mothertongue.
(Danny was incredibly proud of himself for it.)
Damian's face darkens, his blush spreading across the rest of his face, and he ducks his head down. Grown-out curls, black-brown and springy, falls over his eyes. "La!" He yells, loud and indignant, and not at all convincingly. "La 'asheur bialtawaturi!"
He was nervous. Danny can see it now, in the hunch of his shoulders and the tightness of his face, and faintly, he can feel it too. In the ecto-rich air of the Fentonworks House, it thrums, barely-there, like a hummingbird behind his lungs.
Danny can't stop the little, fond smile that forces itself across his lips and upticks the corner of his mouth. "It's okay to be nervous, little brother." He says, he sounds like Jazz when he says that. He doesn't think she'll mind him borrowing the nickname.
He pushes himself off the counter, and Damian refuses to look at him, hiding behind his hair and in his shoulders. It takes three long strides for him to reach the table, and Danny turns, plants his hands on the ledge, and hoists himself up. Right next to Damian.
Damian leans into him easily when Danny's arm wraps around his shoulders and tucks him close to his heart. He can feel his ear against his ribs. Danny hunches over him, resting his chin on Damian's head. "It's so okay to be nervous, actually. I was nervous, Jazz was nervous." He tells him, scratching the blunt edge of his nails across his scalp. "Everyone gets nervous."
"'Ana last aljumiea." Damian mumbles, as small and feeble as he was the night on the OPS Center balcony, realizing that his mom and the League weren't coming for him. Realizing that he was replaceable.
Danny's half-working heart squeezes; in grief, in rage, and his faucet eyes sting. He breathes in carefully, and presses his nose into Damian's hair in a loving faux-kiss. "You're right, you're not everyone." He says, steady and strong, because if he's not a pillar for his family, who else is he?
He can feel Damian's eyes flick up to him, and Danny smiles into his black-brown curls. Tilts his head to squish his cheek against him instead, hand dropping to thumb below Damian's lashes. "You're Damian Fenton," Because the adoption went through a few weeks ago, and he's still riding that high, "You're my baby brother. O' Artist Extraordinaire, Kickass with a Sword, Vegetarian and Wonderful Co-Ghost Hunter."
Damian tries to stifle a smile, and fails. Score! Triumph gathers in Danny's gut, his smile grows wider. He squeezes Damian tight, and only releases him so he can look him in the eyes. "And if anyone gives you a hard time at school, and I mean anyone--"
Danny has bad memories of the teachers looking the other way when the other kids were bullying him, all because he was a Fenton.
And Danny, bleeding heart, bleeding hands, loves his family more than he will ever love himself, will never let Damian experience the same injustice. Not if he can help it.
His eyes narrow, and the buzzy-film of ectoplasm covers his eyes, making them glow, "--You tell me. And as your awesome great big brother-and-technically-dad-but-only-biologically, I will handle it."
Damian, wonderfully made, full of light, his little brother Damian, giggles weakly at him. A sound that's worth it's weight in gold. The scary eyes dissipate, and Danny matches the sound with a cock-eyed, impish grin, dragging Damian into a soul-crushing, too-tight hug. The kind that only annoying older brothers can give. "Got it?"
That gets a proper, if short, laugh out of Damian. He wriggles in Danny's arms, trying to break free. But Danny does calisthenics, his arms are as big as Damian's head, so it doesn't work. "Understood, now, daeni 'adhhab ya 'akhi!"
Danny laughs, loud and bright, and loosens his hold just a smidge, only so he can adjust his grip and hop off the table with Damian still in arm.
"Never!" He crows, hoisting Damian slightly. One eye flick at the clock, and in one quick move, he secures Damian under one arm like a football, and hooks his foot under the strap of his backpack. Kicking it up, he tosses it into the air and catches it with his free hand, and slings it over his shoulder. "Now, to the car, my boy! Before we're late and Mom and Dad get charged."
Damian groans, childish and dramatic and long, but his face is all squished up with a wide grin and glee. Danny can taste his joy beneath his tongue.
"And, if my little pep talk didn't encourage you," He says, reaching the door to the garage, flipping Damian up onto his hip instead. "If you have a good day today, I'll make you bal mithai when you get back."
Like all kids at the promise of sweets, Damian's eyes widen and glitter. Danny loves seeing Damian be a kid, it's his favorite thing in the world. "I will!"
#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dpxdc#dp x dc#dpxdc crossover#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc au#dpxdc fic#dpxdc ficlet#clone^2#clone danny fenton#MAN I LOVE THIS AU SM#clone danny#danny fenton is a clone#i lomv. them :((( SO MUCH. I'VE MISSED WRITING THEM. i had this idea since talking to purple-goo-writes abt clone danny last week#they mean everything to me. they are the brothers ever. so family coded. don't ask me about the timeline here it doesnt exist#its post-danny's hands getting permanently fucked up and thats it lol.#parent danny is great but 'big brother danny' is SO fucking fun to write. he's silly and goofy and annoying in the way only siblings are#smth about writing danny being so full of love and kindness and protective compassion. bleeding heart that he is. its like doing cocaine#chaotic danny is SO fun and silly but kIND danny is. holy shit its better than getting high. altho ive never been high so i can only guess#there's just smth addictive in writing him being affectionate and loving and caring. he's heartful and heart full.#he's sweet - not like sugar - but like caramel. fulfilling and chewy. a kindness that gets stuck in your teeth and melts on your tongue#he's such an annoying older brother. i love him#bal mithai is a type of pakistani dessert btw. since Nanda Parbat is based off the mountain nanga parbat which is in pakistan. i figured#that the food damian had in the league might've been pakistani-based. or at least heavily pakistani in orign. maybe. i just didn't wanna#look up 'arabic desserts' and pick the first one off the list. felt inauthentic that way alsdh#translations since you wont get it through google translate:#1. 'are you nervous beloved?' 2. 'no! I am not nervous!' 3. 'I'm not everyone' 4. 'let me go brother!'#while i dont usually use 'little brother' or 'brother' as terms of endearments between siblings. Jazz canonically calls Danny that and#i figured if i worded it in a way that sounded natural. it would sound less soul-crushingly cringy. look as someone wit THREE siblings.#i know exactly how siblings interact with one another. but this felt like a special exception. they don't say it often
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scarapanna · 5 months ago
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Rabies
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bingiessm · 10 months ago
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WARNING, LONG POST
Hello, welcome to the Bridgerton Season 3 trailer over-analysis corner. I am bingiessm--a film student that needs an outlet right now and wants to practice some film analysis--and am here to bring forth the FIRE/FLAME/CANDLE motif that was all over this trailer and I feel will be a HUGE motif throughout this season for Penelope and Colin (Polin).
So within the Polin context, let's look at each shot where a flame of a candle or lack thereof could represent their romantic interest in one another--and in particular the understanding/recognition of it.
This show is going all out putting candles EVERYWHERE--yes it was actual lighting in regency era, but you don't have to have it in the shot. That is a CHOICE. Also a choice to have it lit or not.
Also, "I burn for you" anyone?
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FIRST SHOT: somewhat obvious but considering the context of both the mirror as well as other future shots within this trailer, this flame represents the feelings Penelope has for Colin, that she is well aware of and has held for a long while.
I also just have an inkling that she is seeing herself differently in this moment (feeling something for the first time possibly)--the way Nicola looks feels shocked/contemplative, but not scared as if it might be Whistledown-related.
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SECOND SHOT: they are outside, talking about Penelope being a "lost cause." WHY IS THERE AN UNLIT CANDLE IN A MARKET STALL, if not to represent some unrealized feelings on Colin's part? It is also on his side of the frame. This is similar to this next one, both of which I believe are earlier in the season, as this is the start of him "helping" her.
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THIRD SHOT: Once again, right there on Colin's side of the frame, YOU DID NOT NEED THIS IN THE FOREGROUND. It was a CHOICE to put a candle there again. They could have not had it, yes the shot would have had less depth and this does give a better sense of the space, placing them in a corner of the room instead of in an open space--but they didn't need to make it another CANDLE.
Colin has not fully recognized his feelings for Penelope yet, though they have always been there, and these two shots demonstrate that lack of understanding/feeling, but one that is soon to come with an unlit candle.
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FOURTH SHOT: this, in the timing of the trailer, does come before the third, but RIGHT THERE IS A MIRROR AND CANDLES. It is on Penelope's side of the frame, but Colin, the mirror, and candles are what is in focus. She might be center frame, but we are drawn to the light as well as the contrast in Colin's outfit. This could arguably be Penelope's perspective, her burning feelings as he compliments her--also her future (we all want that mirror scene).
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FIFTH SHOT: a HUGE TURNING POINT--a small flame, barely noticeable suddenly burning brighter as we focus on Colin in the background. This is so clearly him realizing his feelings for Penelope. It is also at the midpoint/turning point of the trailer when there is a big tonal shift. There is no more talk of Colin helping Penelope, but a larger focus on his perspective of her (all the gazing), the idea of romance, as well as mention of Debling--his rival. It will be a turning point for Colin when Debling--an actual suitor vying for Penelope's hand--comes into the picture. EDIT: Also going to add in, the candle is in a lantern--though that might have been easier to manage filming-wise--which could also represent him still holding back, especially with Debling in the picture.
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SIXTH SHOT: This comes right after we hear Debling say "You look especially beautiful tonight, Miss Featherington." One of the many examples of Colin staring at the two of them, being jealous/worried. But right behind him? Oh, more candles. That they totally didn't need to have in the frame. Also, it doesn't look so much like a candle, but they are placed so close to one another that it looks like more of a flame. The lack of focus adds to this.
THEN WE GET TO THIS FINAL SEQUENCE--which imo is a FANTASY SEQUENCE
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SEVENTH SHOT: Colin is coming from the darkness, with an unseen flame flickering directly behind him (small ember that he can't see).
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EIGHTH SHOT: Penelope, also coming out of the dark, but with another flame on (what in this sequence is) her side of the frame. Though it is somewhat hidden behind these bars--some rough patches/guarded emotions? (probably depends on what point this is in the series).
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NINTH SHOT: Penelope, already in the light of these fires, Colin entering with the large burning flame in the background covered by some growth.
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TENTH SHOT: Penelope, lit by these fires, breathing heavily. A very clear close-up with so much blur to focus just on her face.
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ELEVENTH SHOT: Colin, with a flickering/burning flame literally right behind him, lit by these other fires, staring right at Penelope.
So this whole sequence, in my opinion, is a dream sequence. But, in terms of this flame representation, this is Colin realizing he has feelings for Penelope. We see the flickering from the unseen light behind him in the seventh shot build and become the flame right behind him in the eleventh. It feels so obviously representative of the season. (The fog also seems to lift for him in this sequence, he comes out of the fog to Penelope--I could say more about this sequence and why I do think it is Colin's dream, mostly due to costuming and lighting and the fog as well) ______________________
And thus comes to a close my analysis/evidence of the FLAME/FIRE motif between Polin. I am cutting myself off here because this is a lot and I have an actual film shoot to plan. Thank you if you actually read all this. I love film analysis and Bridgerton is so fun and a stress reliever for me, so this was fun for me to write out.
Anyway, if any more of this fire/flame stuff comes up I might add on later.
TLDR: they are using fire and candles to represent the burning love between these two.
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cherryvampiro · 3 months ago
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you with elaine /pos
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IT'S TRUE YOUR HONOR!!! I love this funny lil dog with all my HEART 💕😤💕😤💕😤💕
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lovertm · 3 months ago
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pins by FlamingoInk
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genericdragon · 1 year ago
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One of the devs in the server literally told me to draw catgirl Conly
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springbeans-art · 6 months ago
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Top of the food chain Print available on INPRNT
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derelictlovefool · 11 months ago
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Misc nsfw hc's (trans man!reader)
Small hc's I wrote a while ago bc I had brain worms
Characters: Sharky Boshaw, Jacob Seed, Eli Palmer, John Seed, Jerome Jefferies, Joseph Seed
Contains NSFW content, minors do not read!
Sharky is a submissive bottom, he loves being under you and feeling your full weight on him when you fuck him. He's down to take anything you give him, whether you're using your fingers, strap or a butt plug or your tongue he doesn't care he is gonna take it like a champ and say thank you after.
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He loves doggy style, having your strap buried inside him, your chest pressed up against his back while you stroke his cock with one hand and hold his hip with the other. He loves the sensation of you thrusting into him while you jerk him off, it's overstimulation heaven especially after you've made him come a couple of times.
He gets shy if you do missionary but he loves how you kiss him while you fuck him and the way you hold his wrists beside his head. He whines about it but he's super into when you make him come all over his stomach and then lick it up, it's super hot.
The closet he gets to topping is whenever you suck him off, especially if you make him brace himself on the wall and let him fuck your face when he gets close. And even then after he comes he wants you to press him up against the wall and take him from behind.
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Jacob couldn't bottom if his life depended on it, he is always the one giving and using your body like his personal cocksleeve. He could be swayed to taking your strap if it was your birthday but the chances are very slim, He's a top and he likes making you get off and seeing how undone he can make you.
He is a big fan of edging so he'll have you on your back, get you close and then just stop, making you beg for him to move while he presses lazy kisses to your collar bone. If you beg good enough he'll go to the next extreme and fuck you until you're crying from the overstimulation.
He'd love taking you in his truck or somewhere public, he enjoys seeing you try to keep quiet while he's hitting all the right spots inside you and whispering the nastiest things in your ear. He's also a fan of doggy style and will just fuck you on the ground whenever he feels like it.
His typical style is rough, hard and dirty, making you his little plaything for a few hours and turning you into a mindless mess but he can do gentle and sweet sex. It's a more vulnerable thing though and usually saved for anniversaries and other important dates.
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Eli doesn't discriminate and he's happy to be taking or giving in bed, he loves the way you feel inside him and he loves the feeling of being buried inside you. He's not really rough but he can man-handle you like the best of them and he really enjoys having you on his lap while you ride him.
If he's taking he prefers missionary so he can see you as you thrust into him, just the sight of you sweaty and panting above him drives him nuts. And getting to kiss you while you also jerk him off is always a bonus.
He likes taking it slow when you go at it, lots of touching and kissing before one of you gets too excited and flips the other over and takes charge. He gets really horny when you're the one to take charge, something about you pushing him into the mattress and ripping his boxers down really gets him going.
He's a weak man for you so when you tease him it's very effective, he will rut against you until you shimmy your pants down and let him slip his cock inside you. If you squeeze in between him and his desk and grind your ass on his crotch it's only a matter of time before you're bent over it and getting fucked.
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John is a service bottom with a twist and that twist is that when you frustrate him enough he'll tie you down and fuck you like an animal. He loves watching you ride him, he loves burying his face between your thighs and making you come undone with his touch.
He also loves restraining your hands and making you confess your flifthiest sins while he fucks you, going from long slow thrusts to quick deep ones that rock your entire body. He doesn't care what position you're in as long as he can watch your face twist into blissful pleasure and pain.
He'll lose himself when you take charge, becoming a babbling mess chanting your name like a prayer while you thrust into him. He'll beg you to do your worst to him, cling to any part of your body, bite your neck when he comes and rut against you uselessly in between sessions.
John can switch from cruel sadomasochist to subby brat in two seconds and he will give you whiplash if you're not ready for it. If you indulge both sides you'll be his personal god and he'll worship you any chance he gets, his main goal is to make you come as much as humanly possible.
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Jerome is a sweet man and he just wants to make you feel good and take care of you, body worship is off the charts with this man and he'll make every sexual encounter feel like a religious experience. He loves running his hands over your body and kissing every inch of you before fucking you nice and slow.
He may unintentionally cockwarm as he gets carried away kissing you and singing you praises but it just makes it better. His thrusts are always deep and hit all the right spots every time and the drag out is slow and sensual, he really works it up and makes you want it.
He's not opposed to letting you take him, he'll happily suck off your strap and get himself ready to take you. He only asks that you be gentle and if you can do that he's happy to lose himself to the feeling of you inside him, he might enjoy it so much he can't keep his hands from jerking himself off while you thrust into him.
He will happily engage in some sinful activities in the church, as long as it's empty. Either one of you bent over the podium while the other fucks them is always an experience. He may start reciting certain bible verses and likening you to angels while you fuck, he can't help it when his mind gets all foggy.
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Joseph does whatever his heart tells him to in the moment so it's a toss up on whether he'll be taking or giving in the bedroom. Sometimes you can tell from the look in his eye or the way he grabs you but mostly he takes you by surprise every time.
If he's feeling like taking he'll start by kissing you all over your body and sucking you off/eating you out, rutting his hard on against you and whimpering your name when you touch him. He'll go into any position you put him in but he does like being able to hold the back of your neck and look into your eyes while you fuck him.
He'll prattle on about how god brought you both together and how his body and soul is yours to take and he'll choke on your name like it's a prayer to hard to swallow. He gets embarrassed if you make him come on himself but can't complain when you clean him up with your mouth.
If he's giving he likes to press his body flush against yours and really enjoy the feeling of being inside you, he'll unintentionally edge you and himself because he wants it to last. And then when you both come undone he thrusts into you like a wild animal until he can't hold himself up any longer.
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skippygiraffee · 3 months ago
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like clockwork I am thinking of Leon, but this time I'm thinking of the fact that Hop says that Leon doesn't care what food tastes like, and calls whatever Leon usually orders and eats "rubbish takeaway," implying Leon literally just has bad taste (or at least how I take it anyway). and I always imagine Leon being a rather competent cook, like able to make a wide variety of dishes but...
man is making absolutely diabolical shit in that kitchen, and thinking of him presenting a plate of well made but horrible tasting food is forever funny to me
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skill7spark04 · 3 months ago
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Terrible Pickup Lines:
I love terrible pickup lines. I don’t mean terrible as in terrible at their function, but stuff like:
"you know what you and alcohol have in common? I have a crippling dependency for alcohol" 
"You can't spell D.U.I without 'u' and 'i'!" 
"Are you a slot machine? cause I'd spend all day looking into your bright lenses selling my life away."
"I would say I'd die for you, but the truth is the extents I'd go just to see your face every morning have me put on a watchlist as we speak."
“I hope when I jump from the tallest bridge in town you’ll be the one there to catch me~” “I seem to have lost control my life a long time ago. Can I have yours? I’ll give it back one day, I promise!”
"Call me Insomnia the way I'll prevent you from sleeping."
"damn. I might be a virus cause I wanna spread through every fiber of your being."
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zebratimw · 2 years ago
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Spirit animal SQH
#svsss#shang qinghua#but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but#but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee#also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but#I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg#oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left#I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something#or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird#LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm#I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either#I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself#eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it...#I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up#I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa#man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong#cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk#its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment#with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig#and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a ✨️break down#but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake 💀#irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living...#just the ol regulars yknow?#and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want?#I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what?#whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate?#so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it?#that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications#and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly#man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk
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