#I'm gonna stop worrying and just post this now I think
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Oooo headcannon’s…If possible can we get Ace with a reader who’s fire resistant due to a devil fruit?
Hello!!! I love love love receiving your asks! i'm so sorry this took so long, i finished writing it at the start of november but it got deleted when i went to post it😭
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He is a silly goose at heart, and if you're his friend, you'll need to be ready for a few pranks once he finds out about your fire-resistance. For example, setting you ablaze when meeting strangers because their reactions are priceless, or annoying you with little fire-punches that have flames licking at your cheeks when sat next to each other at dinner (his fist never actually came in contact with your skin— he's not that stupid), or anything else he can come up with.
Also, expect a lot of testing. Like, constantly bothering you and begging you to be a guinea pig for the new move he's been wanting to try, or seeing how hot he can make his flames by slowly trying to burn your palm, things like that. Of course he'd be careful if you were unsure of it, but he would trust you enough to be 100% confident that you'd be fine if you told him that there was no way he could burn you.
If he had a crush on you though, he's a little bit more careful. Yes, he knows that you won't get burned no matter what, but with the added complexity of having feelings for you, he doesn't really want to risk anything. That doesn't mean he won't show off though, because trust me, he loves to do that.
He'll create firework shows just for you, or come up with excuses to use his powers whenever he can— including warming you up by making himself a human bonfire.
Now, if you're his lover, the whole game changes.
If you were a badass, cool, tough kinda babe, he has little issue with creating small flames in the palm of his hand and letting you play around with them, but that's about where he draws the line before he gets too worried. If you were the sweet, kind, shy type however, I don't think he'd be able to bring his flames anywhere near your skin.
He'd be WAYYYYY too paranoid to set his sweetheart on fire— what if he burned you?? What if your devil fruit powers worked differently then you thought???? WHAT IF YOU HATED HIM AFTERWARDS????
"Ace, come on, stop being a party pooper!" You whine, wanting to test out your abilities. And what better way to do so then with your fire-fist boyfriend? "Babydoll, I'm not gonna set you on fire..." He murmured uneasily, as if the thought made his skin crawl. "Fun hater😒" "Love you too, angel-face!😚"
For afab readers, he most definitely works as your full-time heating pad when you're on your period.
It wasn't even your idea— he just asked Marco how to ease your cramps (tearfully, might I add, mans was terrified for you), and he just about jumped with joy when he found out that heat makes it better, skipping back to your cabin to fulfill his God-given duty, which was cradling you like a baby to his chest and heating your back and stomach.
NSFW HEADCANONS BELOW! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!
While on the topic of periods, hear me out: heated period sex.
My man loves him so good period sex, especially if you let him act as an internal heating pad by warming his cock. He'll keep his large hand on your stomach to feel the bulge of his cock and heat up his palm to ease your cramps, whispering sweet praises into your ears while he keeps himself to the hilt, letting you adjust to his large size while he himself tried not to cry out in bliss.
Mess? What mess? You think the Fire Fist Ace is afraid of some blood? Honey, we have towels for a reason, don't even worry about it.
100% into temperature play, but again, only uses real fire if you're the tougher type or you beg. Though you'll never forget that one time he teased your nipples with a flame on the tip of his tongue...
In summery: Ace is a complicated guy, so your personality and role definitely change his opinions a lot (sorry if the way i'm writing it is annoying tho).
#one piece#one piece x reader#portgas d ace#portgas ace x reader#portgas ace x you#portgas d ace x reader#portgas d ace fluff#portgas d ace x you#portgas d ace x y/n#portgas d. ace x reader#portgas d. ace#ace x reader#ace x you#headcanon#ace headcanons
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home sick (f.o.t.s.): william h. bonney
Summary: As the weather changes, you catch a nasty cold and Billy takes care of you.
Warnings: slight angst, fluff, brief helping of suggestive content
Word Count: 519
A/N: A little self-indulgent since I was taken allllll the way out with strep and a fever. Please wash your hands and take care of yourselves <3.
masterlist // fresh out the slammer universe
Achoo!
Another sneeze rings out through the little cabin as you stir the stew. You tried to overcome your cold, not wanting to worry Billy, but it was no use. You passed off coughs as clearing your throat, sniffles as hay fever, and even passed off your temperature last night as post-sex heat. Sneezing, however, is something you have yet to successfully conceal.
You try to stop them from coming and manage to do so pretty well. Until Billy saunters in. He's kissing and touching you all over and you're getting distracted by how handsy he's being behind you and how sweetly he's talking to you when-
Achoo!
Billy freezes, his hands and lips pausing. You cringe, bracing for the lecture awaiting you as the stew bubbles on.
"Are you sick, sunshine?" He asks softly.
"No." Achoo!
When he spins you around, he's frowning heavily. His rough hand presses against your forehead.
"You're burning up." He mumbles.
"I'm fine, Billy. I swear it-"
"Quit." He says firmly. "Stop lying to me, darlin'."
You blink up at him and frown.
"I tried to keep it a secret so you wouldn't worry so much." You whisper.
He shakes his head and tucks some hair behind your ears. The disappointment and anxiety in his heart is written all over his face.
"You can't hide that from me. Ever." He says softly, scooping you up and forcing you to the couch. "What if you got worse and I had no idea?" Billy's scolding you, but there's a weakness evident in his tone.
"Billy, I'm gonna be fine." You reach out and reassure him. He gives you a sorrowful glance, his big eyes getting wetter by the second. "Billy..." You coo softly.
"You can't leave me." He whispers. "Not when things are getting so good." He says, resting on your lap.
"I'm not going anywhere. It's just a silly cold, that's all." You comfort.
When you met Billy, he had no family. He explained one teary night that his mother and brother passed from consumption when he was younger, leaving him on his own to grow up fast. He got nervous easily when someone he loved got sick. You never told a soul or made him feel bad, but now that you're sick, you're seeing just how bad it really is for him.
Billy wraps tighter around your waist.
"No more hiding from me, okay?" You nod, stroking his hair gently. He laughs into your thigh.
"Look at me. I should be taking care of you and here I am, needing you like a baby." He wipes his nose and sits up, kissing your forehead.
"I'm sorry Billy." You say, embarrassed about making him upset.
"You can make it up to me by not moving a muscle until those sniffles and sneezes go away." He smiles. "I think I owe you some finished stew darlin'."
When you open your mouth to protest, Billy gives you a scolding glance and you're silenced right away. He makes you stay in bed or on the couch until you're fully recovered, doting on your every need and want.
#blyth me#billy the kid#william bonney#fresh out the slammer#billy the kid fluff#billy the kid angst#billy the kid fic#billy the kid series#billy the kid imagine#william bonney fluff#billy the kid x reader#william bonney angst#william bonney x reader#william bonney imagine#william bonney fic#william bonney series#fluff#angst#series#fic#imagine
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Okay noncon thoughts about ford forcing himself onto fem!stan after the science fair incident, it isn't more so intentional but in an act of rage, it's rough and merciless, with hard thrusts. Fem! Stan initially attempts to fights it off at first but later just gives in it as it would be useless and she technically "deserves this" or whatever lie she makes up to comfort herself in the moment
Cue the post nut clarity hits and stanford is either a) deeply disgusted/horrified at himself and regrets it immensely, after all, no matter what- that's still his little sister or b) literally does not regret it at all and is finally glad he could be open about his desire for fem!stan
(Please ignore or delete this ask, if you aren't comfortable with noncon aaaa, I'm so sorry if this was unwanted)
hello anon! not uncomfortable with noncon, so no worries there, but i appreciate you checking! but! lol i will say that i do tend to be picky about the noncon stuff i consume and enjoy, and it's usually one of those things that has to be "right situation at the right time." and in typical me fashion, i uh. managed to talk my way into it! putting the rest of this rambling below a cut for anyone who is sensitive to this topic! <3
all of THAT being said, if we're looking at a scenario where we do get ford who kinda loses it, seeing red and wanting to put stan in her place, i think it's a lot more interesting if it's NOT the first time these feelings are out in the open. let's say, instead, that they've already crossed that line with each other. so at first, it isn't anything usual even. getting ford annoyed and riled up enough to want to be rougher than normal, pull out a little more of that possessive streak of his -- that's something stan's gotten good at. so that's what this must be, right? they're gonna fight about it and then they're gonna fuck about it, and then they're gonna get over it.
except ford is a lot angrier than usual. angrier than when she sneaks back in after curfew with with a new hickey and won't tell him who gave it to her, angrier than when she disappears halfway through a saturday shift in the shop and makes ford finish restocking by himself, angrier than the time ford had to come and pick her up from a bar she'd snuck into but got too drunk to make it home by herself -- angrier than she's ever actually seen him, maybe.
that's probably fine tho, right? she likes it when ford wants to manhandle her a bit, and when he gets worked up enough to growl the kinda lewd shit against her neck that's just a sexy cover for the fact that he gets jealous or worried. but he isn't saying anything now, actually, and it's kinda weird, the silence. they've stopped arguing and his hands are in all the places she usually likes, but the anxious anger from the fight isn't dissipating into lust and want like it usually does. ford isn't grinding his knuckles against her clit through her clothes and chewing on her ear in the way that that usually redirects all that energy into something to better spend it on. he's gripping too hard, being too pushy, and none of it actually feels good like it should. when she actually loses buttons off her goddamn shirt for how hard he tries to yank it open, she snaps at him, "jesus christ, stanford, at least try to be careful, will ya?"
and she's not at all prepared for how actually fucking angry and, worse, how cold he sounds when he responds. "like how you were careful with my project? shut the fuck up."
and suddenly this isn't about fucking it out, and it's not about letting off a little steam. and when when she goes to shove him, ford is. a lot heavier than she'd realized, actually. he doesn't rock easily back like she ususally does when she pushes him, and his grip is hard enough to bruise when he shoves her down. and it hadn't ever really occurred to stan before then that ford just...let her push him around when they were scuffling. that his time being forced into boxing lessons by their pa actually meant something on her scrawny nerd brother.
suddenly ford is threatening.
and suddenly she's afraid of him.
and stan is used to that feeling of fight or flight surging through her. usually through a her fist into some loser's face. but she's not at all used to feeling that way with ford. especially not like this, underneath him. and he's suddenly heavy and huge in ways that had always been nice and good. but they're not anymore, and it's the first time stan has ever felt the rush of fight or flight and just....frozen instead.
he doesn't even take her panties off, just yanks them to the side. and she knows she's liked that before, found it really hot even, but now all she can feel is how hard the material is cutting into her hips and thighs and how wet she isn't. and some of the fight does kick in, finally, when he pulls his dick out and she realizes, holy shit, she doesn't want this to happen. but he's already got her at a fucked up angle, crushed down against the mattress, out of reach of anything on the nightstand, the width of him pressing her thighs too far apart to get enough leverage to knee him as hard as she tries to.
that just makes him angrier, anyway, and she yelps when he grabs her by the thigh so hard she knows she's going to have six finger shaped bruises for days afterwards.
"shut up!" he hisses again, squeezing the already sore spots on her leg hard enough that she flinches and tries to jerk away, but the mattress doesn't give her any leeway -- it just dips and reshapes to support her exactly where she's at. "if anyone comes up here, i'll tell them you came on to me to try and make up for what you did. it is the least you could fucking do, after all."
and he's....right? she thinks? ford's the golden child, the eldest son, and she's always been too loud, too stupid, too shamelss, too fat, too her. they'd believe him. and maybe....maybe she does, too? this is how they've been handling all their fights, lately. most of them fights that she starts on purpose to get goad ford into fucking her. so....so maybe that is on her? for setting the precedent?
it all hurts, but maybe she deserves that, too.
there's a shitty little sketch of a sailboat on one of the wood slats holding ford's bed up above hers. it almost looks like it's the one moving.
after, ford climbs off of her, and the sailboat stops moving. she hears him cleaning himself up and getting changed, and she flinches when he climbs the ladder to his bed. but she doesn't peel herself off the sheets until she recognizes the slow, even cadence of his breaths from overhead that suggest he's fallen asleep.
it's probably the quietest she's ever moved around their room. usually, she doesn't care if ford hears her shuffling around. usually, she's hoping he'll notice.
now, she's careful not to make any noise at all. it's dark, which she appreciates when she's stripping out of her ruined shirt and stretched panties, but it means she doesn't know what she's grabbing to throw on instead. she doesn't really care as long as she's dressed again as quickly as possible, but she is grateful to find a sweater and jeans to pull on. nothing else she grabs out of the dresser gets a second glance, though. clothes just get pushed as quickly and as quietly as she can manage into the bottom of her bookbag, and she doesn't risk making additional noise by closing the drawers back up.
ford's bed squeaks, just once, when he shifts in his sleep, and stan nearly throws up on the carpet, gripping her bag so tightly it makes her hands hurt. the door is only a few steps away, but it feels like it takes forever to get there. the soft clicking of the handle have her heart in her throat, but ford doesn't move again, and the hall is silent when she slips out of his room. her shoes and her keys are downstairs, which is good, they'll be easy to grab. she wants desperately to shower. she wants to use all the hot water their ancient water heater can provide and then some. but she thinks that even if she could get it to spit out boiling water, it wouldn't be enough. she also thinks that if she goes into the hall bathroom now and closes the door, that she's going to fall apart, and she can't do that. not yet. instead, she sneaks downstairs the way she always has, skipping the creaky fourth step, dodging the table of tibetan singing bowls Ma uses for "ambiance." she doesn't even lace her shoes, just shoves her feet into the sneakers and grips her keys in a clenched fist to keep them from jangling. she feels the metal teeth digging into her palm and clenches harder. she doesn't breathe until she's behind the locked door of the El Diablo and three, going on four, five, six blocks up the street. she'll find a parking lot to pull into later, when she's out of town and can't keep the wheel straight anymore. she'll lose it there. she'll cry until she has to stumble out of the car and throw up, and she'll bloody her knuckles punching asphalt.
but for now she keeps a white knuckle grip on the steering wheel and drives and refuses to look when she passes the beach.
#i'm at work btw god help me#i wasn't even sure i was gonna answer this one tbh#cause i LIKE noncon from time to time but it's not my go-to#but HERE WE ARE#stancest#cw: noncon#pretend my ask tag is cute
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SHORT VERSION:
shitty people in the fandom are causing fighting because the idea of a trans character being in the silly little Miku Gives People Therapy game makes them uncomfy//mad, so they keep calling the character a crossdresser even after it was p much confirmed without a doubt that She Is Not.
LONGER VERSION:
Project Sekai has units in it like any other idol rhythm gacha game thing and one of those units (25ji Nightcord De // Nightcord at 25:00, I'll just shorten it to Nightcord for this post) has a trans character in it that wasn't directly confirmed trans in game until yesterday when the event "Where does the path of thorns go?" Finally released.
That character is named Mizuki Akiyama and their gender is listed as "?" In her bio (and has been since launch) I will be using She/They for her in this post.
Pre 3rd anniv (OG launch vers) post 3rd anniv
These are directly from the Project Sekai website -- the page was originally in Japanese and was auto-translated by google. I would use the official English site but they leave Mizuki's gender off the bio on that one for some reason ?????
anyway SPOILERS AHEAD FOR AFOREMENTIONED EVENT. UNFORTUNATELY THIS MEANS THE MORE DETAILED EXPLANATION IS UNDER THE CUT AS WELL ^^"'
This event is really really upsetting and features Mizuki being outed by her bullies to her friend Ena (who is also in Nightcord) right before she was going to tell Ena her 'secret' on her own.
Throughout the game it is implied if not just directly shown that Mizuki is transfem. This is their secret, as Nightcord does not know this about them.
Over the course of Mizuki's character arc it is shown that she's afraid to tell the rest of Nightcord that she's trans in the fear that the way they treat her would change (and at first she also doesn't know if they would accept them or not)
THE THING IS there's been arguing about this in the fandom since basically day one. For whatever reason (transphobia-- it's transphobia), there are a lot of people under the opinion that Mizuki is not in fact transfem//nonbinary, but a crossdressing boy. Apparently it's worse in the JP side of the fandom than the ENG side but I'm not 1,000% sure since I don't interact with the JP fandom very much (language barrier and I'm honestly just shitass when it comes to interacting with fandomspaces in general. also my phone is running out of space as is--)
A lot of people on the side of transfem Mizuki have rightfully pointed out that Mizuki gets incredibly uncomfortable whenever she thinks about middle school (pre-transition) and when being called a guy -- thus indicating that Mizuki is probably some form of trans and not just crossdressing.
The new event has exasperated the argument by a lot. I've generally managed to avoid most of it, especially since the TL videos of the event by PuroEng have only been out for a day (and some only a few hours) and the majority of the comments were just some form of 'Guy's it's Mizuover" or "Does anyone else hear that ominous bell tolling??😄😰" (meme phrase popularized some time shortly before the event came out -- Image below) when I watched them earlier today//yesterday.
For some reason some people still think event does not confirm Mizuki as being transfem despite basically everything pointing to the opposite (especially in the outing scene, which is linked below)
Warning: this video has the possibility to be very triggering especially to those that have experienced transphobic bullying.
youtube
There are also several other things outside this event that point to Mizuki being trans, such as her and Mafuyu being the singers in the SEKAI version of "VILLAIN" by Teniwoha (a song about being transgender and being your authentic self in spite of others' discrimination) and the aforementioned middle school flashbacks.
I feel like @/project-sekai-facts 's post about Mizuki being trans explains it a lot better and more in depth ^^', so I'm going to link that as well.
So uh yea thats that is the long post nobody asked for. I really recommend reading the whole event (if not just all of the Nightcord event stories) if you want to know more about this topic.
I don't know how to end this uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh--- send post of whatever people are saying nowadays
I’m being informed about project sekai drama
#reblogged#trans#transgender#Mizuki Akiyama#sorry for unleashing this long ass post upon you#I don't know what is compelling me to write and post this but for whatever reason I'm listening to it#transphobia#transmisogyny#project sekai#project sekai colorful stage#25 ji nightcord de#nightcord at 25:00#The amount of times while editing this I had to resist italicizing something for emphasis--#I'm probably missing a few things-- esp since I don't have much direct experience with the Mizuki argument itself#if anyone wants to add to this do feel free to do so as that would be really helpful#ESPECIALLY IF I GOT ANYTHING WRONG !!#I really hope I didn't get anything wrong :<#I'm gonna stop worrying and just post this now I think#thanks for coming to my unsolicited ted talk
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Hmmm. What if I attempted to write a piece of Trash and posted it anonymously?
#What is wrong with you Sam you should not be allowed to write#This post was inspired by...something#Namely me getting a Bad Idea for a fic (thanks to someone's else's fic)#And then feeling The Shame because I'm just like that and this would normally be enough to stop me from even attempting it#But then I was just like...what if I tried anyway and just stopped giving a shit?#I'm being super vague here because reasons#But...this bitch is tempted to just write some problematic poorly written trash and shove it out there for all to see#It's not like I have a reputation to worry about I'm a nobody LOL#But at the same time there's a bunch of reasons why I don't think I should bother#Shame is only part of it tbh there's other more valid reasons why#it doesn't help that most of the other stuff I've been working on is stuff I don't think I could ever post anon or not#I'm babbling on about nothing here what the hell?#This is what happens when I kinda-sorta inch my way out of a month-long writing slump and then I start getting Ideas again#Bad Ideas!#Folks if I'm really about to enter my IDGAF Era of writing it's gonna be a baaaaaad time for all involved...#OK that's enough Sam let's stop now#......................................the idea is for an OrangeHook fic#Or whatever people are calling that now
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Anyway here's Fuzuki and Piko
#vocaloid#Genderbend#Genderswap#fukase vocaloid#Utatane piko#I tried naming the piko genderbend I swear I just. Couldn't find any names that felt like they worked.#I created these two a few years back and didn't do very much with them#I made a drawing of them together recently that I'm probably going to post in a day//a few hours or so#Drawing on paper and coloring digitally is very fun I'm not sure why#I think because I can get the line art done a lot faster#I tend to do better with physical art lineart I think. Probably something to do with not being able to zoom in#And also the fact I'm using a pencil and not my finger !#Watercolor is also very fun#Ohmygod Piko's hair#Can you tell I was in the MegaMan X fandom?#I'm gonna stop rambling and worrying and hit post now I think#I wonder if a robot can wear a binder#Guess it would depend on what material their chest is made of 🤷♂️
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dude...
#if I don't stop hyperfixating on my breathing... like... idfk how much longer i can live like this...#it's been happening since last august snd I'm so tired of it.....#it's not even only when I'm high anymore it's like... all the time#i just like.. stop automatically breathing once i think about it and it takes me *so* *fucking* *long* to start again#honestly I'm just typing this post to distract myself a bit and hopefully i just start breathing normally again but I'm still manually#breathing rn. and now im wondering what the normal amount of time in between breaths is and if I'm taking too long ??#i tried to time my breaths with N's but she's asleep so i know it's gonna be different than mine#hoooo boy wish me luck falling asleep this is so annoying!!!!#is this ocd??? I've had several ppl in the past year tell me they think I have it but thinking about it makes me spiral#but it would explain A Lot of my thoughts n habits#anyway. I'm very annoyed with myself rn i just want to breathe normally and not worry myself into panic attacks anymore#actually very worried about how bad my stress in general has been bc there's no way it's been good for my body#ok. time to snuggle up n try to fall asleep!! im v cold rn so i have to warm up before i hug N bc i don't want to wake her with my ice cold#skin lmao. i can't wait for it to be warmer so i don't have to worry/feel bad about that lol#OKAY BBYYYYEEE if you read these tags I'm so very sorry.#rAMbles
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🥰✨😍💌😌💅🏼🏳️🌈☺️💖
✨🫶🏻💜🏳️🌈☺️💌💕🥰
#sorry this took a day i already saw your message this morning and then just didn't know how to respond?!#like i've been thinking about a cool way to answer all day#and the only thing i came up with was putting some emojis here too#and believe me when i say i've stared at the emojis i typed for a few minutes now#and i have no idea if i want them to stay like this or if i want to change something#so i'm just gonna hit post and stop worrying about it#also this put a smile on my face basically every time when i thought back to it so thank you 🫶🏻#dasloddl#(oh and btw if there was some deeper meaning to this do tell me! i'm pretty bad at texting in general bc i can never read the tone so yeah)
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Wee ha
#Arright here I go again I gotta do some of these when I gotta vent#posting this on the 17th of August#So the elestral thing is going alright. My focus has shifted a LOT there but I'm still working with em#But the majority of my work comes from another client now. It's another one of these things that I'd love to make by myself#But someone else is making it and wanting me to do the art and music. It's gonna be huge. What a life it is. Anyway#This gif is from yet another project I started recently. Separate from Smile More HoaM and anything else. I keep fucking doing this#But this one's strange. It reflects my current working skills I've built up all these years. A multimedia experience that has a start n end#featuring all your favourite elphame characters in a new style. I'm enjoying making it but there's one problem#I haven't worked on it in like a month and a half#Work is piling up. Pixel art is something I don't do for myself anymore#It's not even a case of “as soon as I have time to myself my fingers can't move" it's that I just do not have any spare time lmao#I meet Ashley once or twice a week. We still play digimon a lot but we're taking this month off since she's petsitting and can't go out lat#My flatmate has basically taken the summer off work since his job pays well enough for him to do so#so having him around to play games with is nice. Feels awkward taking baths with him in the house tho lmao#He is kind of the only reason I take breaks. I got pikmin 4 and it is incredible. Genuinely might have replaced Digimon World as 1st place#Mum took Andy and I to Netherlands recently. It was incredible. I played in a local digimon tournament and ate shit#Have just been so excited about travelling lately. Ashy taking me to manchester soon and I think we'll go london next spring or sooner#Worried I'm overdoing it with the tags so I'll sign off here. Work is stressing me out but it looks like big things are happening.#OH MY GOD I HAVE STOPPED BLEEDING BTW. Like almost altogether. Haven't in like a month. The trick is in the big box I rest my feet on.#It's too tall. I tried replacing it with a pile of folders half as tall and my bleeding fucking stopped. No crohn's disease or anything.#Just a big stupid fucking box. Anyway see you
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i'm grabbing y'all by the face and telling y'all that the alternate version of jorogumo is gonna be chiyo's mom and it's gonna be angsty as heck bc chiyo never got to know her mom and her mom never got to know her and : ))))) it's a very weird and uncomfy situation when they meet before it's actually kinda healing. but first i gotta brainstorm and develop her momma a lil more and find a fc... if anyone has suggestions, i'll take 'em uvu
#this has been bouncing around in my brain for a few days now and i'm putting it out there!!! so that i can get my butt in gear!!#i've felt so hesitant about expanding upon this au like this lately but putting that poll up really helped tbh#bc thus far the majority of y'all don't mind that i'm rambling about spiderverse stuff and that's very comforting#it's very easy to get too self-conscious about what you post and write when you aren't sure how others feel#especially when you're me and worry too much and think too much :' )#i might still move things to a sideblog for the sake of organization bc this au is growing way more than i imagined it would#i love!! figuring out stories and fleshing stuff out and to do that with chiyo of all characters??? dude i'm having a grand time#and i just very much from the bottom of my heart appreciate y'all for putting up with and humoring my sudden interest in spiderverse <3#now lemme stop rambling asdfg i need to touch base with more folks and start typing up a lil stats page for chiyo's mom#she was already wee bit fleshed out in my mind but obviously i gotta do more work since this au is gonna change her a bit :' )#get ready to ramble | ooc
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#forgot i had one more uhhhh idk personal update post?#lemme give you a quick meaningless rant to bury the tags i want to be less visible#i think my mom's finally over the dementia hump and i am worried about how to handle that since i'm apparently#the designated problem solver for this family#but idk how to solve that problem idk what you do when someone has dementia and refuses to see it#like i have no problem financially taking care of it for her i just don't know how to social part of it works#anyway we had our monthly team meeting today#and my boss kept bringing me up!#he was very nice but also i'm easy to embarrass!#and it's setting off my weird neuroses where i convince myself everyone's gonna hate me#as soon as i stop being perfect#IN MY DEFENSE this truly happened a year ago!#so that is not me being paranoid...#my true goal in life is to find that ideal level where like...#i outperform your average person enough to be noticed#but not so much that i eventually burn out#and i fear it is unrealistic :(#BUT for now my two main projects at work are both department expo projects for our organization-wide presentation coming up#and they are watching far too closely to see if my proposal wins for my external project#so i am scared of crashing and burning#even though i've gotten almost nothing but positive feedback in my entire time here
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sleep is dumb... maybe i was on the computer a bit too long before bed, maybe it was watching tv that did it.... or looking at my watch idk
i was laying in bed trying to get to sleep from like 23:00 to 01:00, getting up to watch late night local programs cause hopefully it would make me tired.
try to sleep again from 01:00... check watch later, and it says 04:17... get up at 11:00
what is a consistent sleeping schedule?? I wanna be normal and not screw myself up again...... I wanna stay consistent w long term sleeping schedules and not screw myself up month to month.....
I know it's a normal routine of me at that point that started when i was a teenager; and I haven't broke out of it.
but holy crap is it so much easier to do things when your visually impaired ass can get a ride and go to the store, appointments, etc... that's easier in the daytime~~
I mean i like the night cause that's the peaceful time where there are no people but it makes it really hard to do things... brain come on.....
*oh you were on the computer for a minute before trying to sleep? no sleep for you*
*oh you were on your phone/ipad a bit before bed? no sleep for you*
*oh you got used to having the lights off and now they're on again and blindingly bright now? It woke you up more... no sleep for you*
I'd assume this is what's happening last night......
I'm sorry for constantly feeling like I'm ranting btw.... It surely can't be fun to any of my followers so I deeply apologize... I'm just so annoyed.
#personal#thoughts#thinking#i think too much#sleep#sleep schedule#sleeping schedule#rant#vent#rant post#vent post#personal rant#personal vent#i've literally been messing myself up like that as a teenager andjust never stopped#now i feel i can't fix it and it's just gonna happen anyway#consistency is nice in life tbh#cause it allows you to actually get rides and do things if you can't ddrive#i'm not totally blind so no I don't have that non 24 sleeping disturbance thing#low vision#legally blind#visually impaired#to all the people following me am sorry for posting personal rants more often i worry it's annoying#i just want my sleeping schedule to be normal people hours man
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we are finally off the phone! I'd misjudged the time in the last post but in total it as 2 hours and 5 minutes. I do not know what half that conversation even was but holy shit so much of it was her basically making herself out to be so generous and caring and talking about how worried she is about our mum and how terrible it is that other family members don't help her with anything.
meanwhile she calls our mum and asks her to do all this stuff for her and talks to her like shit and guilt trips her into doing stuff and I know about so much incredibly fucked up stuff she did when our mum was a kid but she doesn't know that we know she's done all this.
also she normally keeps our mum on the phone for this long but doesn't keep us on the phone for very long and it's really weird suddenly being treated like our mum, but she called us because our mum wasn't picking up the phone (she's at work and can't do that) and it's reminding me of the thing where when we had covid in 2021 and our mum couldn't answer the phone, everyone started calling us and dumping every responsibility they'd normally dump on our mum on us instead and basically treating us how they'd normally treat her.
like oh the usual family scapegoat isn't available? time to pester her eldest "daughter" until they have a breakdown and almost end up blocking everyone and refusing to talk to the rest of the family
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#''I started experiencing [very graphic description of symptom repeated over and over for at least 5 minutes]#and thought I'd ask you what you think it is because I figured you'd know'' well I don't know but I do feel sick now#I was about to fucking get something to eat but no I'm gonna have to wait for the nausea over that to die down first#she called us panicking and sounding like she was about to cry because our mum wasn't answering#and she ''had a feeling something had gone wrong'' and like okay but you fucking know she's at work. you know she can't answer#''your mum works so hard and I worry so much and I feel so bad when she does things for me''#you mean the things she does for you because you make her feel really guilty if she doesn't?#where you decide to stop answering calls from anyone else in the family so they all call her panicking and make her go and check on you#and you keep this up until she does what you want but then you still carry on doing this if something is even slightly not to your liking#and then you lie about why you wouldn't answer anyone but give 3 different contradictory reasons in half an hour#and keep changing the story when you realise your lies aren't being believed and you're starting to look bad?#are you sure you aren't just saying you feel bad to make it look less like you're manipulating her?#there's so much more that's so much worse but I don't want to get into that right now and I'd need to figure out the right trigger warnings#but god it's all just such a shitshow
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I may not be good at doing much with activism cause I'm still getting my own shit together, but I'll tell you I remember stuff
Slips my mind more than I like, but I don't forget what's happened to Iranians, to Syrians, I don't forget the Hong Kong protests
I remember how it was, I refuse to follow a new narrative when I was there watching across an ocean
As an American I think I have an obligation to support people fighting for their freedom... kinda one of the things about the American identity that's supposed to mean something, the idea you're supposed to support everyone everywhere in being able to choose how to live their life
So I won't forget what the Iranian government's done, I won't ever let them pretend to be moral after I watched them with blood on their hands, their so called morality police brutalizing people just trying to live, and then fighting to be free
I may not be able to do much, probably don't do as much as I could or should, but I'll never forget and when it's called for I'll never forgive either
Can't follow all the horror in the world, hell, I can hardly keep up with Haiti or Sudan who both deserve support
But I do pay attention, I do see some of what happens, I won't forget and I won't let people feed me a new version of what I've seen
#i was thinking about other less serious but still serious stuff#think cultural issues rather than human rights issues#but i was thinking about things that have happened; that i watched first hand#and how... people just have this new version of them#they take the word of a random tumblr user over people who were there#and there rewrite stuff#fine... i can't force you to listen#but... i won't forget#and the places the details get fuzzy at least I'm honest#at least i say 'I'd have to do some research on what happened'#like i know the broad strokes of when the Night in the Wood's dev killed himself#but I'm forgetting a couple details that... really don't matter#but i had my ear to the ground; you won't make me forget this stuff#big or small; i keep this stuff in mind#you people (broad general gesturing at the world) love lying about shit i was there for#and people gobble up these narratives#but fuck you; i saw what i saw#not gonna say other people didn't see what they saw too#but... i think some people are spinning some bullshit cause they were spinning it at the time#just like now it seems people are spinning bullshit around these attacks#trying to rewrite history like those brutal crackdowns on protests didn't happen#protests over police murdering an innocent woman for existing#I've seen stuff; at least i cite what i saw and moot second hand tumblr posts#was on my mind already; seeing that post just... made me think in other contexts#please stop fucking swallowing whatever some tumblr user said#I'm begging you; i adore you; i don't think you read my tags#please stop falling for this stuff; your so smart and caring#please stop worrying about your past and fearing falling out of step with the crowd#think for yourself on this stuff; be critical; your so good; please be critical#mm tag so i can find things later
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#feeling a bit better this morning#slept well#rereading some angsty murderbot fanfic is helping...#the ones where it has a mental breakdown and can't think of itself as more than a broken machine to be terminated for everyone's safety#and gets confused by the humans and art trying to help it#those feel really comforting right now#i'm starting to be able to hold the idea that my fuck up won't ruin me to the point of break down#it'll probably be good for me--or at least neutral--to take a two week tolerance break#and A and i have known each other a long time. i know it'll be okay if we take this trip slow. probably better anyway#so we don't get too burned out and can't enjoy ourselves#it was never going to be one of those hyper-busy trips that the people who post their itinerary on reddit are taking anyway#i don't know why i expected it would#and to be realistic i don't actually have accurate data to say what it feels like to go completely off my adderall yet#the closest thing is when i was trying to stagger XR dosing which had me crashing and cycling and was not an applicable measure#to compare to how just stopping entirely will feel#i still feel. really emotionally raw though. like i'm inside out#not in a way i'm familiar with feeling anymore#i think it was more shutdown-y then meltdown-y yesterday which is why#i'm just more worried than anything that it's gonna be hard to manage being overstimulated on this trip#but i suppose. i'll figure it out. and things will fall into place#personal
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honestly, it is your fault that you're still here 🤷🏽♀️ (long rant incoming...)
a lot of my posts are basically the same information written in other words, and y'all still view pure consciousness as the opposite of what i'm telling y'all, and ask a bunch of questions that don't even need to be asked.
if y'all can't accept the truth, then continue accepting the misinformation that circulates around tumblr, and still 'struggle'. pure consciousness is WAY 👏🏼 TOO 👏🏼 SIMPLE 👏🏼 TO INDUCE for y'all teenagers and adults to still be overcomplicating it like this!! y'all don't feel shame?? are y'all not tired???
respectfully, i have see WAY TOO MANY false info circulating around tumblr on pure consciousness, and WAY TOO MANY posts making pure consciousness sound so personal and deep (and they haven't induced pure consciousness themselves 🤦🏽♀️ but y'all took their points and ran with it 🏃🏽♀️💨). it is not deep. it's as shallow as sleeping, but no. y'all rather follow a routine u saw from someone's success story and spiral when you didn't induce pure consciousness. y'all aren't susceptible to facts. like- AT ALL
y'all won't stop coming to me with the sameee questions based on the wrong information yall picked up, and expect me to give y'all an answer you're hoping for? i'll be endlessly repeatin the SAME 👏🏼 FRICKIN 👏🏼 THINGS 👏🏼 OVER AND OVER back to y'all!!
if y'all want a different answer, it's gonna be liessss and i will NOT be sharing lies.
now i am all in for helping persons understand what pure consciousness truly is (which is literally the point of my blog 😐) but y'all refuse to accept the truth no matter how it's written.
STOP SEEING PURE CONSCIOUSNESS AS SUMTHING HUGEE!! IT'S ON THE SAME LOW LEVEL AS SLEEPING AND BEING AWAKE READING THISS!! EVERYTHING IS CONSCIOUSNESS AND AWARENESS!!
MANY of y'all should be living y'all dream lives by now, but no. y'all rather stress and worry, than accept the truth and apply it 🤷🏽♀️ o well- that's on you.
"but-" OKKK, AND??? IM STILL GONNA BE REPEATING THE SAMEEE INFO TO YOU ANYWAYYY!! what do y'all want me to say??
nothing is hard about getting distracted or carried away by your own thoughts! you just do it!
have y'all never gotten distracted by your own thoughts in class before? huh? have y'all never ever been so immersed in a daydream about a crush before? HUH?? i know MANY of y'all have, cuz MANY of yall tryna manifest sum sp yall so head over heels for.
literally my first three pure consciousness resources to y'all were enough. what more do y'all want?
"but, u see.. i'm experiencing bad circumstances, and i NEED to induce pure consciousness NOW" LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!! AND I STILL WILL BE TELLING YOU THE SAMEE INFORMATION!! YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA RECEIVE SPECIAL TREATMEMT?? DO YOU REALLYYY THINK YOU'RE GONNA GET A DIFFERENT ANSWER FROM EVERYONE ELSE??
NAH!
y'all really need to start applying! y'all do challenges and routines with ease, but when i told y'all how to induce pure consciousness the basic, traditional way, suddenly is "BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT"
BUT WHAT?
IS YOUR BEHIND ITCHING U THT BADLYY DAT U CANT SPEAK PROPERLY??? if not, then NO BUTS!!
are not y'all not tired? like- i know. you can wake up as pure consciousness if you're a little shaky about inducing it awake. and i know there are persons who have induced pure consciousness and manifested their dream lives with the wrong information. but if you're not gonna induce pure consciousness awake and try another manifesting method, then that's law of assumption.... ANOTHER THING Y'ALL "STRUGGLE" WITH 🤦🏽♀️ and then yall are running to loass bloggers who already provided y'all the info y'all needed in their posts 🤦🏽♀️ sigh.....
now, if you know this is targetted toward u, lemme tell you something😑 ☝🏽🫵🏽☝🏽🫵🏽☝🏽🫵🏽 you are too grown to be hopping from method to method, and running from blogger to blogger hoping for a cheat code, cuz there literally is none. you are either gonna get facts or an overcomplicated answer.
as much as i really didn't want to write a full-on rant about this, i just think y'all are too grown for this typa behaviour 🤷🏽♀️ it's honestly getting a lil ridiculous now.
i love being a blogger i can't deny ☺️🩷 but y'all need to wake up and stop treating pure consciousness as sumthing big. it is not.
#b4ddprincess#b4ddprincess's rantss ‼️#pure consciousness#i am state#pure awareness#manifestation#void state#law of assumption#law of being#law of self#3d reality#4d reality#3d#4d#states of consciousness#consciousness#awareness#law of manifestation#manifesting#loass#loassumption#manifesation#manifest#b4ddprincess's asks
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