#I'm gonna be sick if I have to think about cleaning because it's too anxiety inducing for me to handle

[heartshattering]

no no no no I can't be getting a "how to make your life perfect - step one - just clean your entire house! :)" post right now at 5 AM after I just took half a sleeping pill fuck I don't want to redo my entire life right now I can't do it it's too overwhelming it's too much for me to handle like I know I need to clean but fuck it's too much I'm gonna explode just from the thought of it I just can't I can't I can't

[dogcircle-scans]

I'm really curious to know if you have officially dropped the manga. If so (and even if not obvs), I'd just like to thank you for so many amazing years of awesome translations. This manga may not be very popular in the west but I'm glad you kept bringing it for so many of us

Hey, sorry for just now seeing this even though this question was sent back in late November.

No, we haven't officially dropped the manga, and Idk if any group has picked up the series while I was gone. Emphasis on the "I" because our absence was not a consenting choice made by anyone else in this group. So if anyone harbors any kind of resentment, then do not direct it towards anyone but me. If we ever decide to officially drop the series, I'll make an official announcement on this blog. To be honest, I wasn't really gonna make much hubbub about a comeback and just post a chapter as if no time had passed. But, because I got this question and you were very nice about it. I'll give some insight.

- 🦙

The only reason I'm an active part of this fandom (any fandom now really) despite it being against my lurker nature and excessive anxiety issues is because I was encouraged to do so by a friend. If you know me from Discord, then you probably know that aside from running this blog, I'm leader of the scan group and owner of its server, I'm even an admin for the Natsume fan server which is its own separate thing.

I don't know if that sounds already sounds overwhelming, but just to scare you, I also proofread the scripts so the dialogue sounds natural and act as quality checker for each chapter. This means cleaning/redrawing sections of pages if the CLDR forgot or didn't meet the standard of quality I'm looking for. Similar with typesetting, I'll rearrange the text if I feel it could be done better. I'm also the main SFX person. When it comes to the scan server, outside of running and maintaining it, I also act as mod to make sure people aren't posting anything inappropriate or inoffensive + setting up bots and permissions.

When I was in High School and even during my early years of college, I could manage it cause I had the support and energy for it. Plus, my love for Natsume was scary intense. So when life got hard, I found that working on scans acted as a lifeline.

Then I had a messy fallout with the friend who prompted all of this, and things shifted. It didn't help that things in my personal life got really bad and more or less stayed that way for 2/3 years. And because of the association, and the guilt of falling behind, working on Natsume was no longer a stress-relieving activity. It became the source of my stress. I ran away because I was scared and overwhelmed. It wasn't healthy and it only made things worse, honestly.

But, I've been really hard on myself over this past year, and I finally reached the point of wanting to come back, but the guilt from being a deadbeat was still eating me alive. Then I got really sick at the start of this month, and I'm no lie, I'm still sick... but that gave me a lot of time to think and reevaluate all kinds of things. Because honestly? I miss working on scans and the collaborative aspect that I fell in love with because of Natsume.

And literally just this past Saturday/Sunday night, I sent a message to the group, apologizing for what I did and provided a similar explanation of why I did what I did. I trying it as just an explanation and not an excuse - I hope I was able to do that here too.

I told my group to give me several days before I actually start working on scans again, though, because it'll allow me to catch up with everything and figure out what needs to be done next, and it'll also give me more time to recover.

Thank you once again for being kind and understanding! I really appreciate it 🥹💚

[thetinygentledoggy]

Rose Thorn In His Side

A/N Hey! This is gonna be my first fanfic ever, and kind of long so bare with me as I world-build. I get nervous thinking about posting this but my maladaptive daydreams just come up with the best material I have to type it out. This is gonna have some key points that I've entirely made up and doesn't exist in the TLW universe but hey, anything to make the story flow yeah? Lastly, this is Fem!Rabbit (medium-sized)(Y/N Ramirez)x Death(Lobo)

conejita = bunny (fem)

if there are spelling errors feel free to alert me! enjoy ☆

_________________________________

Chapter One: Table 7a.

'I am definitely a morning person.'

You thought to yourself as the sunlight from your bedroom window basically blinded you. You sighed, it must be 10am. You always woke up at 10am. No alarm needed, somehow your body knew what awaited it and got itself up without much help.

'I am absolutely a morning person.'

You tried to convince yourself as you stretched and felt all of the stiffness from sleep crackled and popped itself away. You finally summoned the energy to stand and immediately a shiver shot up from your feet to your head. The floor was ice cold, making you want to jump back into the sunny warmth of your bed. But instead, with a heavy sigh you treaded forward into your bathroom. You splashed warm water on your face and when you did you realized your face was cold as well, and the water felt nice. You let the water form a shallow pool in your hands and gently placed your face there.

'Maybe you really are a morning person.'

The thought crossed your mind only to be quickly interrupted by the sound of loud knocking on your front door.

You hastily patted your face dry and rushed to the door to see your long-time friend, Mateo standing there, looking more guilty than a murderer in Church.

"Don't be mad-" he started before you cut him off with a whiny retort.

"Noo Mateo don't do this to me pleasee." You begged, trying to avoid the inevitable B.S you knew was gonna come out of Mateo's mouth.

"I'm sorry Y/N, but Diego got hammered last night and he's really sick this morning, I even went over to check, just to make sure he wasn't lying and the poor kid is throwing up chunks. There's no way he can work, can you pleaaase work a double, por favorrr."

You sighed, knowing that you were definitely going to cover for him, but you were absolutely going to complain to yourself about it all morning.

"I am NOT a morning person, Mateo...but fine. I will come in, give me an hour and I'll be there and before you ask, sí, you do owe me, as well as Diego."

"Wait what, I'm just the messeng-" Mateo blurted before being interrupted with a playful "Adíos" and the door being shut in his face.

While getting ready to start your work day hours earlier than usual you cursed everything under the sun.

Curse your anxiety for making it so you would work at the same bar for 6 years, too afraid of new settings and people to ever try and get another job.

Curse Deigo for not knowing his drinking limits, forcing you to come in early instead of following your usual morning routine that you clung to so tightly.

Curse your need for control over your life, making you feel so overwhelmed and anxious when simple things like covering for a coworker occurs unexpectantly.

Curse life for being so difficult all the time.

Curse death too because if you were immortal you wouldn't have to worry about any of this at all.

You chuckled at your mini rant in your head before heading off to work at the bar that's been somewhat of a second home to you.

When you arrived at the bar, you took your usual position behind the counter, setting up your work area with clean glasses and making sure your kegs were ready. Your boss, Maria, placed a hand on your shoulder making you jump.

"Hola Y/N! Sorry to call you in like this, I know you already were gonna work the night shift but idiot one, Mateo, spent the after hours taking shots with idiot two, Diego, knowing he's a lightweight so, here we are, your lunch is on me today okay?" She gave you a reassuring smile before zipping away to take care of her duties.

You caught Mateo cleaning a table across the room and you shot him the coldest dirty look you could muster. No wonder he looked so nervous this morning, he was the main culprit. Mateo mouthed a pitiful "Sorry...love you!" while making a heart shape with his hands before running away out of your view into a backroom.

You sighed, and decided that you were going to try and make today a good day. At least at work you can escape your head. No room to overthink when you have to think about orders and drink making and cleaning tables.

Looking at a wall clock that read 11:34am, you decided to get lost in your work.

To your appreciation, the earlier work day went by fast. You saw the usual customers with their usual tales and problems and met a few newcomers who were just happy to see the bottom of a glass.

Checking the time again, it read 1:39am.

'Last call is at 2am, if I go fast I can be outta here by 3am.' You thought to yourself while drying some shot glasses.

Most of your coworkers bid you goodnight a while ago, they were lucky enough to only have one shift. You were left with Gabriella, a nice girl with good street smarts, and Maria, your ever so loving boss.

Gabriella bumped her hip into yours with a tired but happy smile on her face. She was always a bit of a space invader but she also was the first person to check in on you most times as well as defending you from customers who got a bit belligerent after too many drinks. So, you didn't mind her touchiness.

"Hanging in there Y/N? We're almost done! I'm ready for a nice hot bath tonight." she said while she picked up a few glasses, helping you get them clean.

"I'm definitely tired. When I see Mateo and Diego again they're never gonna hear the end of it....like...ever. I will haunt them in the afterlife, just watch Gabi, just watch."

Gabriella laughed before greeting Maria who then came behind the counter and got very close to you and Gabriella.

"Alright ladies, mira mira, table 7a.-"

You glanced up at the table that sat in the back corner of the bar, there sat a hooded figure, so tall they looked like they would tower over you even while sitting. You couldn't make out much of the figures face, except for a nose and mouth that definitely belongs to a wolf.

You were a little unsettled by them, afterall, if they wanted a late night drink, shouldn't they have approached the bar? Why sit in the dark, and why not speak to the bartender..? Are they looking for trouble?

Your thoughts were interrupted with the rest of Maria's sentence.

"He called me over, said he wants a Black Russian, I've got to count the drawers for the night so you two handle that..and be extra kind to him..seems like he's in a bad mood..."

Maria looks up at you both with a hint of concern in her eyes.

"If he causes trouble..call the coppers first...then me..kay'?"

Both you and Gabriella were a bit taken aback by Maria's request.

'Did he really give her that bad of a vibe?' you thought before returning your glance to the hooded figure. He now was looking up, and straight at all three of you. He had piercing red eyes that seemed illuminated no matter the lighting. You could swear you saw a small sinister grin on his face as he stared intently. You suddenly felt so uneasy, and unsafe. Your heart quickened its pace so you forced yourself to look away. Maria had apparently already left and you turned your head to see Gabriella caught in the same petrified state you were in.

"Gabi-" you started only to be cut off by her somewhat shaky voice. She snapped her head to look you in the eyes.

"Y/N, I'll wash the dishes, wipe the tables, sweep the floors and even prepare the kegs for tomorrow. But I'm not serving him."

"Gabi, you don't have to do all tha-"

Gabriella took another glance at the hooded figure and whatever she saw made her have visible goosebumps.

"I'll start now." She chirped quickly before dashing into the backroom.

You looked back at table 7a, and now there was no mistaking it. He was smiling. A bit wider than he was before as well. He found something funny, and for some reason, that gave you the same goosebumps Gabriella had.

You didn't want to trigger an anxiety attack, which were at times unfortunately frequent for you, so you figured you would just make his drink, the quicker you can get this stranger out of here, the better.

His drink...

.......

His drink....

'What the hell did he order again???'

You cursed yourself for forgetting what Maria said he wanted. You cursed this strangers intense gaze for erasing all of the thoughts from your head. Maria kept her office locked while counting money, and there was no way Gabriella remembered since she never had the intention of serving him anyway.

You were gonna have to ask him.

'Shit.'

You grabbed your little notebook and pen from behind the counter before hesitantly making your way to table 7a.

You tried to keep your eyes down at the floor but you did glance up while making your way over and confirmed your suspicion that this wolf was staring you down all the way to his table. It left this ball of uneasiness in the pit of your stomach. You took a big but quiet breath in as you approached his table.

"Hola señor, I'll be serving you tonight, could you please remind me what your order was again?" You prayed your unease didn't show in your tone as you put on your best customer serving voice.

The wolf said nothing for a few seconds, staring at you with a smile that maybe would seem friendly on anyone else but him. Those seconds felt like an eternity as you took the time to see his face up close. His fur was white, with a dark mask like pattering over his eyes leading all the way down his snout. Despite the ghastly hood that might have suggested otherwise, his fur looked soft. You admittedly thought about what it would feel like to touch it. You concluded that on closer inspection, he was a bit handsome.

"A Black Russian." His voice interrupted your shameless thoughts. His voice was deep, smooth and cold and had the inflection like he thought something was just a bit comical.

"Of course, coming right up." You quickly spun yourself around and sped walked away back to the safety of the counter.

In practically no time, the Black Russian was made. This time while walking back to the table you made sure to keep your eyes down. You wondered when the last time someone even ordered a Black Russian was.

When you reached his table, you desperately didn't want to meet his eyes again, they made you feel like you were frozen in place, staring hopelessly at something that looked like it kinda wanted to eat you. So instead you focused your sight on your hand placing the drink on the table, trying again to hide your uneasiness.

All the while, Death, unbeknownst to you, was having a bit of a fun time watching you. The way you had tapped your pen nervously on your notepad, the way you bounced from one foot to the other, biting your lower lip and desperately trying to avoid eye contact. And he especially took notice of the way your tail twitched now and again. He knew he made you unbelievably unnerved and you wanted nothing more than to escape the situation. And yet there you were, taking his order with the shakiest smile ever. You could've cowardly escaped to the backroom like your friend but you didn't. You endured his unsettling gaze and he admittedly loved every moment of it.

"Will that be all..it's the last call so.." Your voice finally gave in and you couldn't hide your uncomfortability towards the end of your sentence.

He decided he was having more fun than he planned to, and he wasn't finished torturing you yet. He licked his lips, and you took a shameful amount of interest in the size of his teeth and the way his tongue rolled over them.

"Actually, I meant to order a White Russian. Would you mind.." He looked up at you, giving a smirk that didn't hide his devious amusement.

It took you a second to find your train of thought.

"Right, a White Russian..so cream then, I'll be right back." you chirped before retreating once again to your counter.

While fetching the cream needed for his drink, Maria finally left the safety of the office, she had her coat on, so you guessed she was ready to leave. She glanced over to the wolf, before turning her gaze back onto you.

"Any trouble out of that one?"

Truthfully, despite feeling as though you wanted to run for the hills during your entire interaction with him, and having a hunch that you will never forget those daggers he has for eyes. He wasn't actually guilty of anything other than looking like serial killer. You couldn't truthfully claim he did anything worth being labeled trouble.

"No, he um, just wanted a White Russian instead." you stated while motioning with the small pitcher of cream in your hand. Maria breathed a sigh of relief.

"That's good, well Gabi seemed a little sick when I saw her last in the back so I sent her home, she didn't get to wipe the tables so that and locking up are your final tasks for the night. It's raining pretty hard so try and find a spare umbrella in the back. Night Y/N." Maria then made her way out of the back exit. Leaving you and the wolf in the bar alone.

. . .

Oh right, his White Russian.

You spun around to see him tapping his claw on the table. Guess you took too long, he no longer seemed as amused.

You zipped to his table, while simultaneously trying not to spill any cream. When you approached him he immediately startled you with his voice.

"Any longer and the ice would've melted..and I thought rabbits were meant to be fast." He gave a deep half chuckle.

You were almost offended at his comment, there wasn't a need for stereotypes, after all you could say a lot about him being a big scary wolf. Suddenly, you had newly sprung courage bubble up in you. You poured the cream carefully and decided to speak up.

"If you had ordered the right drink the first go around you wouldn't have to wait Señor Lobo. We all can't be perfect."

As soon as the words left your mouth, you desperately wanted to swallow them back up. Hesitantly, you peeked up at the wolf. For a second you thought you might've saw a surprised expression on his face before quickly being replaced by one of devious amusement once again. He gave a deep hearty laugh before downing his drink and licking his lips. You cursed yourself for focusing on his mouth so much.

He then abruptly stuck out his paw with a grin.

You hesitantly placed your hand in his and gave a small shake.

"Death." he spoke as he tilted his head slightly, not letting go of your hand.

"What? Wait like, that's your name or..are you wishing it on me?" You asked giving a fake chuckle, hoping that he wasn't actually wishing death on you.

"That's my name. And yours is?" He still held your hand, it was strangely cold for someone who was covered in so much fur.

"Y/N..Ramirez." You gave a small smile before gently trying to pull your hand back only for him to hold it tighter for a second longer before letting go.

You hadn't really thought too deeply into his name, you've met a lot of folks with all sorts of unique names, some they were given, others they came up with themselves. If anything, his name suited him well. You couldn't imagine if he had a name like..José or Luis.

"Well, Death..the bar is now closed and I've just got these tables to clean before locking up. It was..nice meeting you and I hope you come again." You gave him the same spiel you gave every new customer.

"Of course, enjoy the rest of your evening, Y/N," He said smoothly. You nodded and reached into your servers belt to fish out his receipt.

However, when you looked up to give it to him, he was gone, and on the table was a pile of gold coins that were worth more than what one lousy White Russian would cost.

You looked around in confusion as you didn't comprehend how he could've gotten past you without making a sound. Or how he could've left through the front doors without ringing the bells at the top. You shook your head as you realized how tired you were. You scooped up the coins and left them on Maria's desk for tomorrow, after that you wiped the tables down and let your mind wander as you locked all the doors and windows of the bar.

You initially thought that Death's encounter with you would leave you with nightmarish memories of his red eyes and chilling demeanor. Instead, however, you kept thinking about all the wrong things.

You thought about how you liked his fur, and how soft it looked.

You like his scent, it reminded you of how it smells right after it rains.

You liked the way he talked, deep, smooth, and confident.

You liked the way his tongue glossed over his large teeth..and the way your hand felt in his..

You forcefully ejected yourself from your embarrassing thoughts as you locked the front door and stepped into the hard rain.

'Right. Maria did say it was raining and I did not grab an umbrella. What a damn idiot am I.'

You sighed deeply, preparing yourself for the 15 minute soaking wet walk you were gonna have to take home. You only got a couple paces in the direction of your home before you stopped in your tracks.

'Ah, I was right. I didn't forget those eyes.'

You thought to yourself as you immediately recognized Death's illuminated red eyes in the shadow of a tree not too far from where you stood. Hesitantly, you called out to him.

"...Death?"

Instantly, he emerged from the shadows, chuckling to himself as he approached you.

"Bien, conejita, muy bien. You have good awareness."

For some reason, you made a mental note to remember his compliment to you.

"Were you out here waiting for me?" you asked as he finally got within a few feet of you. It was then you truly realized how big he was. You weren't as small as other rabbits in your family, in fact you kinda considered yourself tall for a rabbit and yet, your head only came up to his chest, forcing you to lift your head up to look at him.

"Sí, it's raining hard and you have no umbrella. So I'll be a gentleman and lend you this."

Suddenly the hard pellets of rain no longer battered down on you, you blinked and realized, Death no longer had on his poncho, instead, it was on you.

You felt your cheeks and ears burn red with embarrassment.

"Ah, gracías.." You focused your sight on the ground as you found it too hard to face him in that moment.

"No problem, though of course you can't keep it..we are strangers after all, sí?"

'Oh right. Well then he'll have to take it back...after I get home.....Oh.'

You then realized what he was implying. He was gonna walk you home, you felt your cheeks and ears burn even hotter, and for a second you wanted to feel the rain on your face to cool you down.

"Right, well just this way then.." you trailed off as you began picking your pace back up in the correct direction.

While you focused your gaze on the ground out of shyness, Death focused his gaze on you.

He admittedly wasn't entirely sure why he was out here, walking some bunny to her home in the rain. He only meant to stop in for a quick drink after a long day. He mentally flipped through reasons that led him to be here, chauffeuring a little rabbit home.

He found you interesting, he liked the effect he had on you, specifically.

He had a strong effect on practically everyone. The running, screaming, pleading, fighting back kind of effect.

But on you, there was a push and pull. He noticed the way you couldn't be still under his gaze, how when given the chance you practically scattered to the comfort of the counter away from his table...but he also noticed the way you had unconsciously grazed your thumb over his paw when you shook hands... and the way your breath hitched when he leaned in too close. He chalked up his interest to wanting answers for this strange behavior and figured a quick chat on the way to your home would be all he needed to satisfy his curiosity.

....Plus, he enjoyed the way you had to keep pulling up his poncho because it was much too big for you. He couldn't help but chuckle at the sight.

"It's just past this uphill, not too far." You interrupted his thoughts. Your voice shaky, but this time not from uneasiness, instead, you found yourself very, very cold. Despite his poncho covering most of your body, it wasn't thick enough to not be eventually soaked in the relentless rain.

The shivering as well as the now slippery uphill walk slowed your pace greatly. Death, who was already making an effort to not speed past you with his naturally longer strides now had to come almost to a complete stop. He watched you helplessly attempt to conquer a small hill.

He didn't want to spend this much time on this little side quest of his. Shaking his head, he decided there was no other option.

He swiftly got close behind you and scooped you up bridal style into his arms. You screamed out in surprise as you found yourself suddenly looking up at Death, and the cloudy night sky, with rain more gently now, hitting your face. Death looked annoyed as he moved his mouth dangerously close to your ear.

"Hush now, conejita, you're starting to become more of a burden than you're worth." he whispered in your ear.

Offended, you scowled and looked away from him.

'It wasn't like I asked you to walk me home.' You thought to yourself as you begrudgingly let Death carry you in his arms, wishing you were home already in your warm bed.

Death looked down at you, seeing your hurt expression made him upset. He truthfully didn't mean to come across as rude as he did. The whole reason he's even here right now was to talk to you. Strangely for him, he regretted his comment and tried to change the subject.

"How long have you worked at the bar?" He asked plainly.

"Six and a half years, 17 days and 14 hours but hey who's counting." You grinned at your joke. You honestly did love working at the bar, despite all of the challenges it can present you.

Death nodded before carrying on.

"So then, you've seen many different kinds of people. What do you think of them?"

You gave your answer thought before speaking, humming while you did so.

"Ahh, most people are fun. They just want to let loose and chat everyone's head off. That, or they are looking for some comfort in drinking. Either way, I've had no real problems with most of the customers. I just do my best to give them what they need."

The rain has now come to a light sprinkle, the cold air pushed against you, making you want to retreat into the fur of this large wolf, but you refrained, not wanting to cross a line.

Death hummed in response and then there was a silence. You closed your eyes and focused on the crunch of the leaves under Death's feet as he carried you to home.

You could faintly hear his breathing, calm and steady despite just overcoming the uphill in the rain. The rhythmic rise and fall of his chest combined with the sway of the walk was just the break you needed after such a long day.

Death's voice broke the silence.

"And what do you make of me."

Although it was a question, Death said it like he it was more of a thought to himself, as if he already knew the answer and was just thinking out loud.

You took even longer to answer this time.

"I think you must have it hard, with your appearance being so...unnerving. But you're a good guy I think. Plus, when you get a good look, you look kinda handsome. So cheer up, and don't be so down, you don't have to be the big bad wolf, you can be whatever you want."

You decided to answer honestly as you saw your cottage not too far away. And it's not like you'll ever see this guy again, so who cares if you say something just a bit embarrassing.

Suddenly, Death placed you gently onto your feet and removed his poncho from you.

You turned to look at him, hoping your honesty didn't tick him off. Death stared off at something else. This time he was the one avoiding eye contact.

"You're home, rabbit." He said as he put his poncho back on himself, seemingly unbothered by how cold and wet it was.

You turned to see your cottage just a few paces ahead of you.

"Ah thank you, be safe on your travels."

He paused, still glaring into the void.

"You too conejita, I don't want to see you too soon."

Before you could ask him what that last part meant, you blinked and he vanished. And somehow, with his departure, the air felt warmer.

That night, after a much needed shower and dinner, you laid in your bed with your head full of nothing but the wolf from the bar.

You wished on every star you could see from your window that he wasn't just a passersby.

That you might get to see Death again.

You drifted off to sleep, with dreams of Death filling your head.

.....

Not far from your home, Death sat against a tree. Your words replaying in his mind. He ruffled the fur on the top of his head with a heavy sigh.

He knew he couldn't leave you alone after that.

End of chapter one.

[fushiglow]

just gonna talk about the 228 leaks for a second because i'm not coping

it's actually so unfair. gojo was born to suffer, he never wanted any of this!! why does he have to clean up everyone's mess and carry the whole world on his shoulders and go through so much hurt in the process????

and now with season 2 we get to watch a highlight reel of the happiest times of his life before everything goes to shit 🙃 gege is sick, he should check into a hospital (i'm kidding, i think he's incredible but HELP)

as for ~that wheel~, we knew it was only a matter of time but i'm not ready!! i don't wanna know what happens next!!! i'm thinking this isn't the end for gojo because he was expecting sukuna to use it at some point and he recovered the last time we were left on a cliffhanger like this.

but maybe that's just wishful thinking. ha.

one thing is certain though. i say this with SO MUCH love for the man, but sukuna is a FRAUD if he has to use megumi's technique to beat gojo. he's stealing all megumi's growth too, and i hate that!!

anyway this is getting out of hand, i can't deal with this anxiety every wednesday morning. love how i have to go to work now and pretend i'm not just thinking about gojo's face in that last panel!!

[cinnapuppymilk]

Rose Thorn in His Side

A/N: Hi!!! if you think you are seeing this post AGAIN, yes, yes you are! I had to switch accounts so I'm reposting this here and all following chapters will be posted to this account. I pinky promise to write extra spicy scenes to make up for it! Mwah!! xoxo

Original A/N Hey! This is gonna be my first fanfic ever, and kind of long so bare with me as I world-build. I get nervous thinking about posting this but my maladaptive daydreams just come up with the best material I have to type it out. This is gonna have some key points that I've entirely made up and doesn't exist in the TLW universe but hey, anything to make the story flow yeah? Lastly, this is Fem!Rabbit (medium-sized)(Y/N Ramirez)x Death(Lobo)

conejita = bunny (fem)

if there are spelling errors feel free to alert me! enjoy ☆

Chapter One: Table 7a.

'I am definitely a morning person.'

You thought to yourself as the sunlight from your bedroom window basically blinded you. You sighed, it must be 10am. You always woke up at 10am. No alarm needed, somehow your body knew what awaited it and got itself up without much help.

'I am absolutely a morning person.'

You tried to convince yourself as you stretched and felt all of the stiffness from sleep crackled and popped itself away. You finally summoned the energy to stand and immediately a shiver shot up from your feet to your head. The floor was ice cold, making you want to jump back into the sunny warmth of your bed. But instead, with a heavy sigh you treaded forward into your bathroom. You splashed warm water on your face and when you did you realized your face was cold as well, and the water felt nice. You let the water form a shallow pool in your hands and gently placed your face there.

'Maybe you really are a morning person.'

The thought crossed your mind only to be quickly interrupted by the sound of loud knocking on your front door.

You hastily patted your face dry and rushed to the door to see your long-time friend, Mateo standing there, looking more guilty than a murderer in Church.

"Don't be mad-" he started before you cut him off with a whiny retort.

"Noo Mateo don't do this to me pleasee." You begged, trying to avoid the inevitable B.S you knew was gonna come out of Mateo's mouth.

"I'm sorry Y/N, but Diego got hammered last night and he's really sick this morning, I even went over to check, just to make sure he wasn't lying and the poor kid is throwing up chunks. There's no way he can work, can you pleaaase work a double, por favorrr."

You sighed, knowing that you were definitely going to cover for him, but you were absolutely going to complain to yourself about it all morning.

"I am NOT a morning person, Mateo...but fine. I will come in, give me an hour and I'll be there and before you ask, sí, you do owe me, as well as Diego."

"Wait what, I'm just the messeng-" Mateo blurted before being interrupted with a playful "Adíos" and the door being shut in his face.

While getting ready to start your work day hours earlier than usual you cursed everything under the sun.

Curse your anxiety for making it so you would work at the same bar for 6 years, too afraid of new settings and people to ever try and get another job.

Curse Deigo for not knowing his drinking limits, forcing you to come in early instead of following your usual morning routine that you clung to so tightly.

Curse your need for control over your life, making you feel so overwhelmed and anxious when simple things like covering for a coworker occurs unexpectantly.

Curse life for being so difficult all the time.

Curse death too because if you were immortal you wouldn't have to worry about any of this at all.

You chuckled at your mini rant in your head before heading off to work at the bar that's been somewhat of a second home to you.

When you arrived at the bar, you took your usual position behind the counter, setting up your work area with clean glasses and making sure your kegs were ready. Your boss, Maria, placed a hand on your shoulder making you jump.

"Hola Y/N! Sorry to call you in like this, I know you already were gonna work the night shift but idiot one, Mateo, spent the after hours taking shots with idiot two, Diego, knowing he's a lightweight so, here we are, your lunch is on me today okay?" She gave you a reassuring smile before zipping away to take care of her duties.

You caught Mateo cleaning a table across the room and you shot him the coldest dirty look you could muster. No wonder he looked so nervous this morning, he was the main culprit. Mateo mouthed a pitiful "Sorry...love you!" while making a heart shape with his hands before running away out of your view into a backroom.

You sighed, and decided that you were going to try and make today a good day. At least at work you can escape your head. No room to overthink when you have to think about orders and drink making and cleaning tables.

Looking at a wall clock that read 11:34am, you decided to get lost in your work.

To your appreciation, the earlier work day went by fast. You saw the usual customers with their usual tales and problems and met a few newcomers who were just happy to see the bottom of a glass.

Checking the time again, it read 1:39am.

'Last call is at 2am, if I go fast I can be outta here by 3am.' You thought to yourself while drying some shot glasses.

Most of your coworkers bid you goodnight a while ago, they were lucky enough to only have one shift. You were left with Gabriella, a nice girl with good street smarts, and Maria, your ever so loving boss.

Gabriella bumped her hip into yours with a tired but happy smile on her face. She was always a bit of a space invader but she also was the first person to check in on you most times as well as defending you from customers who got a bit belligerent after too many drinks. So, you didn't mind her touchiness.

"Hanging in there Y/N? We're almost done! I'm ready for a nice hot bath tonight." she said while she picked up a few glasses, helping you get them clean.

"I'm definitely tired. When I see Mateo and Diego again they're never gonna hear the end of it....like...ever. I will haunt them in the afterlife, just watch Gabi, just watch."

Gabriella laughed before greeting Maria who then came behind the counter and got very close to you and Gabriella.

"Alright ladies, mira mira, table 7a.-"

You glanced up at the table that sat in the back corner of the bar, there sat a hooded figure, so tall they looked like they would tower over you even while sitting. You couldn't make out much of the figures face, except for a nose and mouth that definitely belongs to a wolf.

You were a little unsettled by them, afterall, if they wanted a late night drink, shouldn't they have approached the bar? Why sit in the dark, and why not speak to the bartender..? Are they looking for trouble?

Your thoughts were interrupted with the rest of Maria's sentence.

"He called me over, said he wants a Black Russian, I've got to count the drawers for the night so you two handle that..and be extra kind to him..seems like he's in a bad mood..."

Maria looks up at you both with a hint of concern in her eyes.

"If he causes trouble..call the coppers first...then me..kay'?"

Both you and Gabriella were a bit taken aback by Maria's request.

'Did he really give her that bad of a vibe?' you thought before returning your glance to the hooded figure. He now was looking up, and straight at all three of you. He had piercing red eyes that seemed illuminated no matter the lighting. You could swear you saw a small sinister grin on his face as he stared intently. You suddenly felt so uneasy, and unsafe. Your heart quickened its pace so you forced yourself to look away. Maria had apparently already left and you turned your head to see Gabriella caught in the same petrified state you were in.

"Gabi-" you started only to be cut off by her somewhat shaky voice. She snapped her head to look you in the eyes.

"Y/N, I'll wash the dishes, wipe the tables, sweep the floors and even prepare the kegs for tomorrow. But I'm not serving him."

"Gabi, you don't have to do all tha-"

Gabriella took another glance at the hooded figure and whatever she saw made her have visible goosebumps.

"I'll start now." She chirped quickly before dashing into the backroom.

You looked back at table 7a, and now there was no mistaking it. He was smiling. A bit wider than he was before as well. He found something funny, and for some reason, that gave you the same goosebumps Gabriella had.

You didn't want to trigger an anxiety attack, which were at times unfortunately frequent for you, so you figured you would just make his drink, the quicker you can get this stranger out of here, the better.

His drink...

.......

His drink....

'What the hell did he order again???'

You cursed yourself for forgetting what Maria said he wanted. You cursed this strangers intense gaze for erasing all of the thoughts from your head. Maria kept her office locked while counting money, and there was no way Gabriella remembered since she never had the intention of serving him anyway.

You were gonna have to ask him.

'Shit.'

You grabbed your little notebook and pen from behind the counter before hesitantly making your way to table 7a.

You tried to keep your eyes down at the floor but you did glance up while making your way over and confirmed your suspicion that this wolf was staring you down all the way to his table. It left this ball of uneasiness in the pit of your stomach. You took a big but quiet breath in as you approached his table.

"Hola señor, I'll be serving you tonight, could you please remind me what your order was again?" You prayed your unease didn't show in your tone as you put on your best customer serving voice.

The wolf said nothing for a few seconds, staring at you with a smile that maybe would seem friendly on anyone else but him. Those seconds felt like an eternity as you took the time to see his face up close. His fur was white, with a dark mask like pattering over his eyes leading all the way down his snout. Despite the ghastly hood that might have suggested otherwise, his fur looked soft. You admittedly thought about what it would feel like to touch it. You concluded that on closer inspection, he was a bit handsome.

"A Black Russian." His voice interrupted your shameless thoughts. His voice was deep, smooth and cold and had the inflection like he thought something was just a bit comical.

"Of course, coming right up." You quickly spun yourself around and sped walked away back to the safety of the counter.

In practically no time, the Black Russian was made. This time while walking back to the table you made sure to keep your eyes down. You wondered when the last time someone even ordered a Black Russian was.

When you reached his table, you desperately didn't want to meet his eyes again, they made you feel like you were frozen in place, staring hopelessly at something that looked like it kinda wanted to eat you. So instead you focused your sight on your hand placing the drink on the table, trying again to hide your uneasiness.

All the while, Death, unbeknownst to you, was having a bit of a fun time watching you. The way you had tapped your pen nervously on your notepad, the way you bounced from one foot to the other, biting your lower lip and desperately trying to avoid eye contact. And he especially took notice of the way your tail twitched now and again. He knew he made you unbelievably unnerved and you wanted nothing more than to escape the situation. And yet there you were, taking his order with the shakiest smile ever. You could've cowardly escaped to the backroom like your friend but you didn't. You endured his unsettling gaze and he admittedly loved every moment of it.

"Will that be all..it's the last call so.." Your voice finally gave in and you couldn't hide your uncomfortability towards the end of your sentence.

He decided he was having more fun than he planned to, and he wasn't finished torturing you yet. He licked his lips, and you took a shameful amount of interest in the size of his teeth and the way his tongue rolled over them.

"Actually, I meant to order a White Russian. Would you mind.." He looked up at you, giving a smirk that didn't hide his devious amusement.

It took you a second to find your train of thought.

"Right, a White Russian..so cream then, I'll be right back." you chirped before retreating once again to your counter.

While fetching the cream needed for his drink, Maria finally left the safety of the office, she had her coat on, so you guessed she was ready to leave. She glanced over to the wolf, before turning her gaze back onto you.

"Any trouble out of that one?"

Truthfully, despite feeling as though you wanted to run for the hills during your entire interaction with him, and having a hunch that you will never forget those daggers he has for eyes. He wasn't actually guilty of anything other than looking like serial killer. You couldn't truthfully claim he did anything worth being labeled trouble.

"No, he um, just wanted a White Russian instead." you stated while motioning with the small pitcher of cream in your hand. Maria breathed a sigh of relief.

"That's good, well Gabi seemed a little sick when I saw her last in the back so I sent her home, she didn't get to wipe the tables so that and locking up are your final tasks for the night. It's raining pretty hard so try and find a spare umbrella in the back. Night Y/N." Maria then made her way out of the back exit. Leaving you and the wolf in the bar alone.

. . .

Oh right, his White Russian.

You spun around to see him tapping his claw on the table. Guess you took too long, he no longer seemed as amused.

You zipped to his table, while simultaneously trying not to spill any cream. When you approached him he immediately startled you with his voice.

"Any longer and the ice would've melted..and I thought rabbits were meant to be fast." He gave a deep half chuckle.

You were almost offended at his comment, there wasn't a need for stereotypes, after all you could say a lot about him being a big scary wolf. Suddenly, you had newly sprung courage bubble up in you. You poured the cream carefully and decided to speak up.

"If you had ordered the right drink the first go around you wouldn't have to wait Señor Lobo. We all can't be perfect."

As soon as the words left your mouth, you desperately wanted to swallow them back up. Hesitantly, you peeked up at the wolf. For a second you thought you might've saw a surprised expression on his face before quickly being replaced by one of devious amusement once again. He gave a deep hearty laugh before downing his drink and licking his lips. You cursed yourself for focusing on his mouth so much.

He then abruptly stuck out his paw with a grin.

You hesitantly placed your hand in his and gave a small shake.

"Death." he spoke as he tilted his head slightly, not letting go of your hand.

"What? Wait like, that's your name or..are you wishing it on me?" You asked giving a fake chuckle, hoping that he wasn't actually wishing death on you.

"That's my name. And yours is?" He still held your hand, it was strangely cold for someone who was covered in so much fur.

"Y/N..Ramirez." You gave a small smile before gently trying to pull your hand back only for him to hold it tighter for a second longer before letting go.

You hadn't really thought too deeply into his name, you've met a lot of folks with all sorts of unique names, some they were given, others they came up with themselves. If anything, his name suited him well. You couldn't imagine if he had a name like..José or Luis.

"Well, Death..the bar is now closed and I've just got these tables to clean before locking up. It was..nice meeting you and I hope you come again." You gave him the same spiel you gave every new customer.

"Of course, enjoy the rest of your evening, Y/N," He said smoothly. You nodded and reached into your servers belt to fish out his receipt.

However, when you looked up to give it to him, he was gone, and on the table was a pile of gold coins that were worth more than what one lousy White Russian would cost.

You looked around in confusion as you didn't comprehend how he could've gotten past you without making a sound. Or how he could've left through the front doors without ringing the bells at the top. You shook your head as you realized how tired you were. You scooped up the coins and left them on Maria's desk for tomorrow, after that you wiped the tables down and let your mind wander as you locked all the doors and windows of the bar.

You initially thought that Death's encounter with you would leave you with nightmarish memories of his red eyes and chilling demeanor. Instead, however, you kept thinking about all the wrong things.

You thought about how you liked his fur, and how soft it looked.

You like his scent, it reminded you of how it smells right after it rains.

You liked the way he talked, deep, smooth, and confident.

You liked the way his tongue glossed over his large teeth..and the way your hand felt in his..

You forcefully ejected yourself from your embarrassing thoughts as you locked the front door and stepped into the hard rain.

'Right. Maria did say it was raining and I did not grab an umbrella. What a damn idiot am I.'

You sighed deeply, preparing yourself for the 15 minute soaking wet walk you were gonna have to take home. You only got a couple paces in the direction of your home before you stopped in your tracks.

'Ah, I was right. I didn't forget those eyes.'

You thought to yourself as you immediately recognized Death's illuminated red eyes in the shadow of a tree not too far from where you stood. Hesitantly, you called out to him.

"...Death?"

Instantly, he emerged from the shadows, chuckling to himself as he approached you.

"Bien, conejita, muy bien. You have good awareness."

For some reason, you made a mental note to remember his compliment to you.

"Were you out here waiting for me?" you asked as he finally got within a few feet of you. It was then you truly realized how big he was. You weren't as small as other rabbits in your family, in fact you kinda considered yourself tall for a rabbit and yet, your head only came up to his chest, forcing you to lift your head up to look at him.

"Sí, it's raining hard and you have no umbrella. So I'll be a gentleman and lend you this."

Suddenly the hard pellets of rain no longer battered down on you, you blinked and realized, Death no longer had on his poncho, instead, it was on you.

You felt your cheeks and ears burn red with embarrassment.

"Ah, gracías.." You focused your sight on the ground as you found it too hard to face him in that moment.

"No problem, though of course you can't keep it..we are strangers after all, sí?"

'Oh right. Well then he'll have to take it back...after I get home.....Oh.'

You then realized what he was implying. He was gonna walk you home, you felt your cheeks and ears burn even hotter, and for a second you wanted to feel the rain on your face to cool you down.

"Right, well just this way then.." you trailed off as you began picking your pace back up in the correct direction.

While you focused your gaze on the ground out of shyness, Death focused his gaze on you.

He admittedly wasn't entirely sure why he was out here, walking some bunny to her home in the rain. He only meant to stop in for a quick drink after a long day. He mentally flipped through reasons that led him to be here, chauffeuring a little rabbit home.

He found you interesting, he liked the effect he had on you, specifically.

He had a strong effect on practically everyone. The running, screaming, pleading, fighting back kind of effect.

But on you, there was a push and pull. He noticed the way you couldn't be still under his gaze, how when given the chance you practically scattered to the comfort of the counter away from his table...but he also noticed the way you had unconsciously grazed your thumb over his paw when you shook hands... and the way your breath hitched when he leaned in too close. He chalked up his interest to wanting answers for this strange behavior and figured a quick chat on the way to your home would be all he needed to satisfy his curiosity.

....Plus, he enjoyed the way you had to keep pulling up his poncho because it was much too big for you. He couldn't help but chuckle at the sight.

"It's just past this uphill, not too far." You interrupted his thoughts. Your voice shaky, but this time not from uneasiness, instead, you found yourself very, very cold. Despite his poncho covering most of your body, it wasn't thick enough to not be eventually soaked in the relentless rain.

The shivering as well as the now slippery uphill walk slowed your pace greatly. Death, who was already making an effort to not speed past you with his naturally longer strides now had to come almost to a complete stop. He watched you helplessly attempt to conquer a small hill.

He didn't want to spend this much time on this little side quest of his. Shaking his head, he decided there was no other option.

He swiftly got close behind you and scooped you up bridal style into his arms. You screamed out in surprise as you found yourself suddenly looking up at Death, and the cloudy night sky, with rain more gently now, hitting your face. Death looked annoyed as he moved his mouth dangerously close to your ear.

"Hush now, conejita, you're starting to become more of a burden than you're worth." he whispered in your ear.

Offended, you scowled and looked away from him.

'It wasn't like I asked you to walk me home.' You thought to yourself as you begrudgingly let Death carry you in his arms, wishing you were home already in your warm bed.

Death looked down at you, seeing your hurt expression made him upset. He truthfully didn't mean to come across as rude as he did. The whole reason he's even here right now was to talk to you. Strangely for him, he regretted his comment and tried to change the subject.

"How long have you worked at the bar?" He asked plainly.

"Six and a half years, 17 days and 14 hours but hey who's counting." You grinned at your joke. You honestly did love working at the bar, despite all of the challenges it can present you.

Death nodded before carrying on.

"So then, you've seen many different kinds of people. What do you think of them?"

You gave your answer thought before speaking, humming while you did so.

"Ahh, most people are fun. They just want to let loose and chat everyone's head off. That, or they are looking for some comfort in drinking. Either way, I've had no real problems with most of the customers. I just do my best to give them what they need."

The rain has now come to a light sprinkle, the cold air pushed against you, making you want to retreat into the fur of this large wolf, but you refrained, not wanting to cross a line.

Death hummed in response and then there was a silence. You closed your eyes and focused on the crunch of the leaves under Death's feet as he carried you to home.

You could faintly hear his breathing, calm and steady despite just overcoming the uphill in the rain. The rhythmic rise and fall of his chest combined with the sway of the walk was just the break you needed after such a long day.

Death's voice broke the silence.

"And what do you make of me."

Although it was a question, Death said it like he it was more of a thought to himself, as if he already knew the answer and was just thinking out loud.

You took even longer to answer this time.

"I think you must have it hard, with your appearance being so...unnerving. But you're a good guy I think. Plus, when you get a good look, you look kinda handsome. So cheer up, and don't be so down, you don't have to be the big bad wolf, you can be whatever you want."

You decided to answer honestly as you saw your cottage not too far away. And it's not like you'll ever see this guy again, so who cares if you say something just a bit embarrassing.

Suddenly, Death placed you gently onto your feet and removed his poncho from you.

You turned to look at him, hoping your honesty didn't tick him off. Death stared off at something else. This time he was the one avoiding eye contact.

"You're home, rabbit." He said as he put his poncho back on himself, seemingly unbothered by how cold and wet it was.

You turned to see your cottage just a few paces ahead of you.

"Ah thank you, be safe on your travels."

He paused, still glaring into the void.

"You too conejita, I don't want to see you too soon."

Before you could ask him what that last part meant, you blinked and he vanished. And somehow, with his departure, the air felt warmer.

That night, after a much needed shower and dinner, you laid in your bed with your head full of nothing but the wolf from the bar.

You wished on every star you could see from your window that he wasn't just a passersby.

That you might get to see Death again.

You drifted off to sleep, with dreams of Death filling your head.

.....

Not far from your home, Death sat against a tree. Your words replaying in his mind. He ruffled the fur on the top of his head with a heavy sigh.

He knew he couldn't leave you alone after that.

End of chapter one.

Chapter Two 🔽

[undertheknightwing]

Sorry for the wait @ramonahblog ! I've been sick!

I'm gonna self-project a little bit because this headcanon came from me seeing him, recognizing things, and going "oh he's me"

Also this stuff only applies to the s1 - 2 Jon because s3 Jon is a totally different dude and a lot of this comes from how I saw original Jon acting like in the show

First is obvious, his special interest is football and anything to do with it.

He gets distracted/loses attention easy. If he's trying to write/read for school, he'll have a strong urge to do something else like clean his room and forget what he was doing before while doing the other thing until it hits him, then he'll feel guilty afterwards.

Him having more energy than Jordan is very much canon, so I don't gotta add much there.

Constantly fidgeting. Bouncing his leg, picking at his fingernails, shifting in his seat, moving his gaze around while he talks to someone.

Lots of acting on impulse instead of thinking everything through (but I'm pretty sure that's canon too).

Sudden out bursts of emotions. Mainly excitement or anger.

Repeating words (and sometimes actions).. which is - again - very canon. Jon stutters, talks over himself, and repeats words in the show.

Forgetfulness. He'll plan to do something or go somewhere at a certain time, and more often than not someone will have to remind him of what he had planned. If they're aware he had plans, that is.

Sometimes he can't read the room and make a joke/say something at an inappropriate time.

It made his anxiety worse, as well as making him obsess over what could go wrong. It's even worse when his fear of failure and not being good enough because of his upbringing got mixed in.

It's a part of mine and my friend's au but there's a whole "episode" about Jon as an adult ending up in the hospital because he couldn't stop worrying about something related to his job and it made him unable to relax/sleep that long.

I'm sure there's more, but I don't wanna go on forever and these are all my brain think up right now

[drpeppertummy]

another one from a prompt yipeeeee

[stuffing, tummyache, tummy rubs]

"Val, honey, are you alright?"

"Huh? Yeah, I'm alright. Why?"

"Well, you look like you're ready to go flying through the roof."

"I am not gonna go flying through the roof."

"Well, I'm glad to hear that. You do seem a little stressed out, though." Connie sat on the arm of the couch, watching Val pace around. "Are you that worried about the kids? I mean, they're your kids."

"It's been so long, Connie! Half of them haven't even met each other! And it's probably been about three hundred years since I last saw my oldest."

"Three hundred? How does that happen?"

"I don't know," Val groaned, holding his head in his hands. "I try to keep in touch. You know I try to keep in touch. Him and Elizabeth too, though, they never call, they never want to talk, they're always busy! Sometimes I think I must've done something to drive them away."

"Aw, come on, I doubt that," said Connie. She stood up and pulled Val into a hug.

"I don't know, Connie," he mumbled into her shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her, loosely gripping the back of her shirt. "I just don't know."

"Granted, I've only known you for a few years, but you seem like such a good father. If they agreed to come, they can't have that much of a grudge against you."

"I guess not," he sighed. "I just can't believe it's been so long since I've seen some of them."

"It'll be fine," Connie assured him, running her fingers through his hair.

"I hope so," said Val. He didn't sound convinced in the slightest.

In addition to his fretting about the family reunion, Val was beginning to face another problem: his stomach. Connie had been watching her fiancé grow increasingly stressed out over the past few days, a state she was not used to seeing him in, and she had made a few observations. The first, and possibly most important, was that he didn't take his nerves out on anybody else. That was a nice change from her last partner. The second was that Val had a way of pacing around almost nonstop like a trapped animal. It would have been comical if he weren't so troubled. The third, which was now beginning to present its own problem, was that Val seemed to be a stress eater. Each time Connie saw him, he was eating something different. Nibbling on something as he cleaned, snacking between chores, spending his breaks worrying with a bowl of leftover pasta. Without realizing it, he'd even finished off a few snack packages that he'd opened himself. Connie found this quirk particularly amusing; as much as Val liked cooking, he wasn't typically a big eater. In fact, apart from the occasional steak indulgence, Connie thought he ate like a bird. As amusing as his nervous appetite was, however, she worried that he was going to be spending this long-awaited reunion with a stomachache.

Connie wasn't the only one to whom this thought was occurring. Val, after a few days of trying to bury his anxieties with junk food, was beginning to feel the effects of failing to give his poor stomach a break. He felt bloated and queasy, and his nerves weren't helping. Still, he found himself unable to stop. When Connie found him again, he was standing against the kitchen counter with a bowl of cold tortellini. Their eyes met, and he looked at her like a deer in the headlights.

"Val?"

"Yeah?" He swallowed his mouthful.

"I think you must've finally given yourself a tapeworm, because that's the third time today I've seen you eating cold pasta out of the fridge." She gently took the bowl from his hands. "Take it easy with the snacking, alright? You're gonna make yourself sick."

"I'm trying," he said, looking ashamed of himself. "I just don't know what to do with myself! I feel like I'm losing my mind!"

"You definitely do seem restless," she agreed with a sympathetic smile. She set the bowl aside and placed her hands on his waist. His loose, layered shirts concealed the shape of his body, but the feeling of his swollen middle under her palms was unmistakable. Connie raised her eyebrows.

"Sheesh, Val," she said, bringing one hand from his side to the middle of his belly. His eyes fell sheepishly away from her. Up until then, even as he realized he was eating too much, he'd still been too distracted and full of nervous energy to really focus on it. Now, the full extent of it was beginning to hit him. The tortellini he'd topped off with sat like a heavy, congealed boulder in his already bloated stomach, and Connie's touch made him suddenly aware of just how much his belly was bulging out.

"Alright," said Connie, taking him by the hands. "I think this place is as clean as it's gonna get. So we're not gonna clean anymore, alright?"

"Okay."

"Now, you and I are going to go lay down, and you, sir, are going to take a nap," she said. "Alright?" Val nodded. The two of them made their way into the bedroom and changed into their pajamas. Connie caught a glimpse of Val's belly poking out absurdly from his slender frame as he changed his shirt. She laid down first, and when Val climbed into bed, she grabbed him and pulled him up beside her.

"Let's try and sleep some of this off," she said, patting his round tummy.

"I'll do my best." He snuggled up against her, pulling the blanket up to his chin. "I love you."

"I love you too," said Connie. She gave him a kiss on the nose and held her hand on his stomach, gently rubbing the taut skin. The comforting motion slowly melted Val's anxiety away, and before long he was fast asleep in her arms. Smiling sleepily, Connie held him close and drifted off with him.

[1d-trashcan]

hello!!

i was just going through your blog and you have mentioned a anxiety disorder a few times, i do not really know anything about it so if you want to please educate me on this concept, if you dont wanna its all good. just know i am here if u wanna talk any time :)))))))))

HI!! I absolutely wanna educate you, thanks for asking :) This is suuuper long though, I'm so sorry :´(

There's a few anxiety disorders out there but the most common ones are social anxiety disorder or panic disorder, and then there's GAD which is short for Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and I have GAD.

Stress and anxiety is an evolutional response to danger more commonly known as fight or flight, which is the sympathetic nervous system being activated. GAD is the body being stuck in fight or flight mode, whereas social anxiety, for instance, generally means that the sympathetic nervous system kicks in in social environments (like a phone call or meeting a person).

GAD, usually presents as excessive worry about anything and everything. My grandmother will cough and my brain will think "she has lung cancer and she's dying". When I didn't know I was ill I was basically living in a nightmare. I've had a lot of therapy so nowadays I can identify it as an anxiety thought and ignore it. Some days I can't shake them, and those days are just bad anxiety days. And I can either power through it or I can take anxiety medication, but I can't work on those because they make me really drowsy.

You can develop GAD at any age, really. All it takes is being under extreme stress for a period of time, I think the criteria is like 6 months or something. There are differential diagnoses like chronic fatigue syndrome, ADHD/ADD, bipolar disorder and clinical depression that have to be excluded that early on, though. It's fairly easy to treat if caught early. It's hell, but they'll most likely have you on antidepressants and or something that helps you sleep and give you therapy. Therapy will help you deal with your triggers through cognitive behavioural therapy, exposure therapy (where you're literally exposed to your trigger/fear in a controlled environment) and that will in theory treat the disorder. You're never gonna remove anxiety because it's a survival instinct, but you're basically telling your brain that it's overreacting, and if you get help early you can actually be cured.

I have GAD because I was bullied between ages 10-16, and there's also a probability that my parents' divorce started the whole thing. The problem was that I didn't get proper help until I was 19 and I didn't even meet with a psychiatrist until I was 25 (I'm 29 now). I'm never gonna be cured, we're basically just looking for ways to help me live WITH my anxiety. I just have too many triggers and my body is too used to being in this state that there's currently no way of fixing it.

GAD sometimes comes with executive dysfunction which is where you just physically can't do things. It's a very common ADHD symtom as well. You know you need to do it but you can't, and it essentially becomes a handicap. My most common triggers for executive dysfunction is school work of any kind, opening my mail or important phone calls. In Sweden this is actually recognized as a handicap, which means that I can get help faster. But I have to make the call, which I can't do because of my anxiety so idk how foolproof that safeguard is. I'm on sick leave right now because of extreme stress (it could be chronic fatigue syndrom, but it's too early to tell rn) and now my executive dysfunction is everywhere, so like showering, cleaning my flat or making food is extremely tough and usually doesn't happen, so I have to take shortcuts (like eating at my parents' house, not washing my entire body and only cleaning small parts of my flat a a time).

Apart from being afraid anxiety triggers a lot of physical responses in your body because it is designed to keep us alive. If you have social anxiety you might have issues with your stomach (like stress pooping or nausea) when you have to engage with others or even, like, ride a train. GAD patiens almost always have chronic IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) and muscle pains because our bodies are constantly preparing for flight. I have really bad chronic muscle pain in my neck and upper back which leads to tension headaches. So on any given day, I'd rate my pain at a 5, and that's just. A thing I have to live with.

Physical activity generally alleviates the pain and the endorphins from workout are really beneficial but you can't exercise GAD away. It's just something that helps.

I'm on a high dose of antidepressants, antihistamines to make me sleep and quetiapine/seroquel, which is a mood stabiliser that basically reduces my executive dysfunction, and my medication is always gonna change depending on what my life looks like. Realistically I'm always gonna be on some form of antidepressant. I'm on SNRI's, which control the serotonin and noradrenaline in my brain.

Naturally, my serotonin is really low and my noradrenaline is really high, but in a healthy person the serotonin is high and the noradrenaline is low. The body typically restores the serotonin/noradrenaline levels during sleep, but my brain does the exact opposite so I just have extreme anxiety during the night, which is why I'm on medication to sleep bc otherwise I a) don't sleep and b) have terrible nightmares. I still have those nightmares, but the antihistamine I'm on is a muscle relaxant as well as an anxiety medication so it helps calm me down so I don't really remember my nightmares and it reduces my muscle pain by quite a bit. I still have bad nights that lead to bad days when I'm in a lot of pain. I sleep in a fetal position and tense up at night and I have a weighted blanket to help me relax so during those bad days I have trouble walking becausec my hip muscles are locked.

I think i basically covered everything. There's a lot more to it if you have any questions. I'm super open about this, and have been since I started therapy when I was 19 because I literally did not know I was sick until I was 17 and it took another two years to understand just how bad it was so I like to be as vocal as possible so people might find out and get help.

I'm SO SORRY for this long ass post though.

[theindiscreetbookworm]

I've had anxiety since before I knew what that was (and it was the 90s so a quiet and careful child was a good child, never mind the reason). I fell in love with stories as a way to escape, at first. I think I probably dissociated for a bunch of my childhood and adolescence.

Stories were my favourite way to experience emotions. When I figured out what being a fan of something was (far later than you'd think), I dove in head first and didn't look back. There's probably more than a decade of evidence of that right here.

Stories climbed into my chest and ached in the most beautiful, wonderful way. Somewhere along the way, though, the edges of the stories got sharper, or maybe the cavity inside my chest got smaller. It started hurting in a bad way, made my head swim and made me dizzy and sick. I started collecting scars, from breakups and failures and letdowns, and they made me afraid to care too much.

2017 may have been the real juncture, although I can't be sure. I used to spend all my time on tumblr and I stopped, really slowly, but surely. I stopped engaging with media I was really interested in; I never watched a bunch of shows that I know I would've liked. I retreated to podcasts and YouTube, and things that were interesting but not fascinating. (Nothing wrong with podcasts and YouTube, I still like them!)

I've been in therapy a long time, the better part of the last decade. It's been great. I've been with my current therapist for 5 years and learned more in long form therapy than I ever thought possible. We got me out of my head, where my anxiety has always lived. (I say that, but I'm still in my head, just less than I was.) I was on the verge of "graduating" therapy. And then new physical symptoms cropped up.

I couldn't breathe. At first, whenever I was a bit anxious. It started happening more and more, culminating in a 10 day period where I couldn't draw a full breath at all. I went to my doctor. Chest x-ray came back clean, as did blood work. We concluded that it must be my anxiety.

I've been afraid of meds for a long time. I can't articulate why exactly very well, but I'm afraid of losing my control of my own body and mind. Of feeling a way I don't want to and not being able to do anything about it. (I am aware of the inconsistencies of that and having a mental illness, yes.) But I didn't know what else to do.

Long story short, I got a psychiatrist for the first time in my life, brand new meds, and a trial period. It's not even a month in, and changes have been gradual. Until I watched Our Flag Means Death.

I'm sure it could've been anything. There's a miles long backlog of shows I will love that I couldn't bear to care about. But I picked OFMD. Watched it in two sessions, the first 4 episodes and then, a week and a half later, the other 6. And my blood is alight.

I thought I'd lost this feeling for good. I want to write, and read (stopped reading books and fanfic too when everything else stopped). I want to engage and ponder and yell all of it from the rooftops. I want to love OFMD, and everything, openly and unabashedly. I care so goddamn much. And it aches. And it feels incredible.

I'm not afraid anymore, of almost anything. I hadn't realized that had happened. This seems small and silly but it feels like my life has been changed. I feel like I've fallen in love. I'm not gonna say I didn't know how bad it had gotten, because I did on some level. I just thought those feelings were over for me. Therapy took away the terror I lived in every day. But I think medication has given me the light back.

[kyrathor]

I stopped doing it when the mandates stopped. I still wore one on the airplane while it was required. I still wear one to the doctor's office.

When the pandemic hit I worked a rather physical job, being out in the heat sometimes, but always close to people. I genuinely think that my issues breathing in the mask, combined with the physical exertion, and the respiratory issues I developed living in Central California for a few years, actually kinda messed me up in some way.

The time I got covid was literally because my gf went out on a day trip (she's been far better ar being careful and still masks up every time she goes out), and caught it from the friend she went with who had caught it from someone at their job. It was just the most absurd way to have caught it, considering I'd worked through the height of the pandemic in a retail position that had me interacting with dozens of people every day.

And then I went on a trip recently, and got sick. It's not covid, tested for it and came back clean (though some other people that went to the same event apparently got covid). And I read something about how much, even when there isn't the big scare of Covid (which yeah, isn't gone, and probably never will be), masking helps with other sicknesses too.

I wonder if, had I been masked up for the majority of the trip, I wouldn't have gotten sick.

I bought a new mask recently. My old ones are from the pandemic and are a bit worn out. And even after getting better from this cold, I'm gonna keep wearing it out and about. I no longer work that very physical job, I can work with glasses fogging (foam mask inserts help me a tonne, completely blocking air from traveling up to hit my glasses), I can deal with the headaches caused by the ear loops (ear savers. I bought some silicone ones ages ago. Even made additional hooks by cutting them further in so the mask can fit even tighter), and the anxiety or whatever mental issues I got from the pandemic. I wanna get a half face respirator too, one of the ones they use for jobsites, with replaceable filters, to see how that feels.

I guess TLDR: I hate wearing a mask, and stopped doing so after the fear of getting covid stopped. But I'm trying to do it again. If it really helps other people, and myself, I'll do it.

Want to do something small that makes everyone around you safer and signals to strangers that you're a considerate person? Wear a mask.

[strawberry-nugget]

𝙄 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙨𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝𝙩𝙨 𝙄 𝙠𝙚𝙚𝙥 𝙄 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙖 𝙨𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙮𝙤𝙪 | E. Kirishima/ Reader/ K. Bakugo

𝙋𝙖𝙧𝙩 1

𝙎𝙮𝙣𝙤𝙥𝙨𝙞𝙨: after weeks of Bakugo distancing himself from you and Kirishima you finally get the chance to talk out what happened the other day, one thing leads to another and...

𝙒𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨: 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, thr*esome, oral (f! and m! receiving), double penetration, fingering, p*ssy slapping, dacryphilia, all characters portrayed are over the age of 20

𝘼/𝙉: I'm so sorry this took me so long. I know this is 6.5k with little to no plot but I hope you enjoy this, hehe, thanks for all of the notes and amazing comments on the last one. I'll be reblogging in a few minutes with the tags in those who asked. Also. This is top Kirishima. Top top top top Kirishima.

It's been two weeks now that you and Bakugo exist in different timelines.

He's never home, lost in patrol after patrol, leaving a hot mess behind him in his room, belts, gear, his back up costume messily sprawled across his room -you guess he doesn't have enough time to clean everything up. Still, the rest of the apartment always looks inhabitable, save for the little mess you make in the kitchen when you cook; he never cleans what's supposed to be your task.

You feel yourself growing sadder every day. It's something Kirishima notices and informs you he feels as well, rooted deep in how Bakugo is treating the two of you ever since that night. And the worst part is you can't do anything about it. He doesn't return his phone calls nor does he ever pick up, and by now you've accepted that he purposely avoids being in the house with you. It hurts even more knowing that he and Kirishima see each other at work every day; at least he knows Katsuki is doing okay, though as he reports, he rarely ever talks more than patrol and business.

You only wonder why he acts the way he does, thinking you don't deserve to get ghosted over for what happened. He's your roommate and one of your best friends, whatever made him feel like he has the right to ghost you with such each is not going to go by so easily and you're not willing to wait it out anymore either.

Thus, this Thursday night you call in sick for work and emerge yourself in the bathtub after checking the clock. 7.25pm. It's still an hour until Katsuki is off his shift, which means you have plenty of time to do some self care. Shave your legs, scrub your whole body with your coconut scrub- anything to calm down that put of anxiety that's starting to boil in the pit of your stomach.

You fear for the worst. That Katsuki doesn't want to be your friend anymore, and losing him doesn't sit right with you. Not over just catching him masturbating once.

There's a ton of things you want to say, or ask him. The lingering thought of him liking Kirishima or you digs deep enough into your brain and plants itself there, getting comfortable right next to the thought of him being jealous of your relationship. Could this be it? Could he just be lonely? He never talks about meeting anyone or having sex -that must be it, he's lonely, that's all.

Your bath doesn't last for long because you're nervous and the water runs cold before you have the chance to enjoy yourself. Maybe it's time to start turning the heating on in the apartment and you curse yourself because you have to talk this out with Bakugo as well -fuck its hard to not live on your own when you have to make shared decisions with someone. To your stomach's turbulence dismay you can't get out of talking to Katsuki.

"No, I literally won't tell you where she is Bakugo"

Your heart skips a beat at the sound of the door unlocking and closing again, followed by your boyfriend's familiar voice. You don't make a single movement to exit the bathroom yet- you're frozen, opting to rest on top of the toilet cap until you hear Bakugo's reply, your gut falling into a muddy pit of panic.

"I swear to fucking god if you two are trapping me to talk about it"

Typically of him, he shouts, barking and chewing a few sounds of what he's saying. Kirishima knows he's all bark and no bite though, you're eager to figure out how he'll oppose him.

"She wants to talk to you, you can't just ghost her like that when you live with her" There's a long pause next "and you should have told me that you're in fucking love with her"

"What?" Katsuki exclaims

What?

"You think I'm an idiot? Or that I can't comprehend basic human behavior? I know how people who feel the way you do act"

"What are you even saying Kirishima? That I'm jealous?"

You blink feverously, trying to take in what you're listening to unfold in the other room. You know a part of you has been wishing that this scenario wasn't true.

"Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You should have told me you liked her in the beginning. I would have never made a move"

They bicker back and forth for a few minutes; Katsuki accusing and Eijiro defending, then switching back and forth before going silent. It's then that you think you should emerge from the bathroom. It feels wrong to not be part of this conversation when you're the reason for their bickering, but at this point the guilt in your stomach is rotting and polluting your insides.

With a sigh, you turn the doorknob and inhale deeply. You tell yourself you can do this. You have to do this, yet your eyes are filled with hot and salty tears as you approach the living room.

Both of them eye you simultaneously, pursed lips and hands crossed over their chests; the only relieving thing about this is that they're sitting next to each other on the couch, their calves slightly touching. You know they'll make up again, they always will, but you're scared you won't be able to be part of that make up. Not with the information that's been poured onto you.

"Hi" You whisper and despite being sure both of them heard you, they make no effort to open their mouths and talk back "I uhm" You clear your throat "I heard what you were ah saying"

"Course ya did" Katsuki growls "course ya fucking did"

"Baku- I-"

"Save it! I'm gonna-" He snaps and makes a move to get off the couch, though Eijiro has other plans; he slams him back down with just a push of his hand

The same hand that's extended to you, overlapping Katsuki's chest, wordlessly asking you to join them on the couch. Your heart warms up slightly. Kirishima always does his best to make you feel included, it's no surprise he's smiling at you when you take a seat next to the blond.

"You're not going anywhere Bakugo. And babe, you can speak now"

Though you smile nervously with your lips, your first word falls silent, in awe of a lung filling sigh. Then by the time you gather some thoughts together your chest is shivering and the tears that you managed to drown before are now threatening to spill from your eyes again.

Kirishima is watching you religiously, pouting as you throw your head to the opposite direction of his to let out a small sob. He tightens the grip of his hand around yours and barely notices Bakugo batting his eyes to that direction.

"Hey, no, don't cry"

"I just don't want to lose Bakugo because of this" you sob and Kirishima shoots a killer gaze at the blond, biting the inside of his lip.

"You're not losing anyone idiot" Bakugo says, clearing his throat, giving Kirishima a strained look as well

"Babe, don't worry, Bakugo and I will be fine, you and Bakugo will be fine"

You sob again, wiping a stream of tears that's falling from your eyes and Kirishima wastes no time on cupping your cheek after bullying Bakugo to do the same. A nice change, you think, two hands reaching out for your face, you could almost get used to this.

"Yeah, you're not losing me" Bakugo tries to soothe, though by Kirishima's demand he adds to his words "I- uhh, I might want you but this has nothing to do with us not being friends"

"Yeah?" You sniffle, looking up

"Yeah"

It's too soft how you're cuddled into their arms instantly, pulled on top of them to sit on both of their laps, held tightly in both of their embraces. You coo into their arms for a while, content when Kirishima kisses your cheek and sobbing faintly when Bakugo rubs your back in circles.

"Do you want a beer baby?" Kirishima asks, softly patting your back and kissing your nape as he leaves you clinging onto Bakugo. You nod into the crook of Bakugo's neck in reply and Kirishima smiles from the other side of the couch.

The sound of the fridge opening is timelines away from what's entering your mind. Is it wrong that you like that cuddle too much? And is it even more wrong that you want more? Bakugo feels nice when you're curling up onto his lap and Kirishima adds warmth and love into everything he's touching, you almost feel your thighs clench at the idea of where your mind's traveling to.

"What if we had a threesome?"

It's so faint when it comes out of your mouth that you're convinced there shouldn't be any loud reaction to it, though you hear the can of beer that's presumably in Kirishima's hand hit the floor, you feel Katsuki's hand freeze on your back. Both of them wonder if they've heard correctly, but never asking you to repeat it.

"A uhm.. Threesome?" Kirishima asks "you'd like that?"

"Yes"

You try to hide your face deeper into Bakugo's neck, but he doesn't seem to approve of it- he pushes you back softly, with a thick hand on your stomach and another still on your back. You feel your face burning as you're forced to face him

"You'd really want a threesome?" You nod and Bakugo gulps "Right now?"

"Mhm" You gulp too, your nose almost nuzzling against his "if- if you want to"

The way you're swamped with attention is overwhelming. From the way Kirishima jumps to the edge of the couch towards you, to the way Bakugo lifts you up and stands on his feet, urging you to do the same as your feet land one by one on the carpet underneath you.

"Fuck okay uh, are you fine with it Bakugo?" The redhead asks, scratching the back of his neck.

"Yeah, I am."

Kirishima gulps when he sees Bakugo latch onto you, placing his hand on your shoulder and coughing up slightly "Should we set some rules?"

"Yes" Bakugo coughs as well, though you can feel him getting hard to where your thoughts are meeting his "wanna suggest anything?"

"Great uh, maybe no kissing between the two of you, since she's my girlfriend? And Katsuki you're wearing a condom too. Are these fine?"

Both of you gulp and nod. It's natural for Kirishima to ask this. Sharing you out of the blue can't completely sit right with him; it almost flicks a switch on inside your gut, making you gulp again when you feel him hugging you from behind.

"Safeword?" Bakugo asks

"Red" You reply cooing when your back finally hits your boyfriend's chest.

You don't even have enough time to count down seconds before you're pounded and squished between the two of them. It's a miracle that you somehow manage to convince them to move it to the bedroom.

Even if making a small stop at the hall wasn't in your original plan

Kirishima's hands are everlastingly on your waist pulling your back into his chest. He's nibbling on the nape of your neck, his fingers light as feathers as they're peeling your T-shirt off of you. He almost grunts at your exposed back, leaning down just to place a kiss on each of your shoulders before latching onto your ear

"It's fine baby, it's fine if you're embarrassed okay?" He blows into you then takes a bite of your ear lobe to which you shiver as you snap your head to his face. “what? Are you that excited?"

You gulp, nodding with your eyes shutting, an expression on your face that looks almost painful -Bakugo can't help but palm himself, searching Kirishima's carmine eyes with his, waiting for a sign that he should make a move or retreat. Anything that doesn't involve him getting a front row seat to how your chest bounces as Kirishima runs his hands on your torso from behind.

"Fuck, I-" He says, swallowijg his tongue in the process, just when Kirishima's hands change paths, now wiggling underneath your sweatpants.

"Enjoying the show Bakugo?" Kirishima's smiles and fuck- when did he adopt such an attitude? "Come 'ere"

Bakugo does as he's commanded, guided by Kirishima, as he trails your torso with his hands intertwined with his, squeezing your upper hips, trailing your belly button, eyeing you with doe eyes before launching a kiss to your navel. You writhe and wiggle in Kirishima's embrace- the feeling of another man too new, too strange to take in in less than a few moments, but Eijiro's got you, kissing your nape, your cheek, softly playing with your breasts above your bralette. Whispering his praises with his hands across your body.

"Good girl" You're sure he whispers in your ear "I got you" But all you can feel is Katsuki's breath as he's placing open mouthed kisses across your tummy, over the valley of your chest, your cheek.

Kirishima is overly alert by this, jumping in between the little scene, capturing your lips with his, using a hand to push Bakugo into the kiss as well, pulling him in as lips as smeared against lips, your saliva trailing out of your mouth. You instinctively rub your thighs together to relieve some of the burning sensation between your legs

Soon enough, Bakugo is taking off your pants, rhen his shirt, Kirishima's taking his off too, managing not to let you go all while pushing the three of you into the bedroom. There's nothing but a trail of clothing in the hallway that could suggest what's happening inside the room once the door closes shut; three pairs of sweats, three different t-shirts and maybe the white ghost of hot and heavy breathing.

On the bed, it's way more comfortable. Your arching back is finally resting against the pillowy mattress, Kirishima's smile from upside down soothing and forgiving, you almost melt away while he cups your face and bumps his nose to yours, giggling slightly, before glaring at Bakugo. He guides your head into his lap, still holding your cheeks, still rubbing circles onto your soft face, pouting hard before facing your friend.

"You good babe?" He asks you and you nod again, humming a small reply to him "you too Katsuki?"

"Yeah, fuck yeah, I am" He gulps, pumping himself twice.

"You're not getting in without prep by the way"

You writhe in Kirishima's lap, gooey eyes and mouth open wide as he leans to pry your legs open, trailing his middle finger across your clothes slit. Your chest jumps when you hear him chuckle. You know he's struck the gold vein he's searching for, your panties swimming in a puddle, completely damp from getting your neck attacked only a few minutes ago.

Katsuki marvels a finger across your slit as well, avoiding your clit purposely or flicking it occasionally, moaning every time his finger touches the chilly dampness of your underwear.

Kirishima pries your legs open wider, hooking his middle finger under your panties and pulling them over and slightly to the side, flashing the blond with a glimpse of you -you swear you see him gulp. Hard.

"Want a taste?" Kirishima asks, chuckling, as if Bakugo isn't frothing at the mouth at the mention of the action, as if he isn't diving in between your thighs like a starved man.

He almost rips your panties by pulling them to the side. Your hands link through his platinum hair and you almost whine at how soft it feels, or, about the moaning sounds he makes as he's digging his fingers in the plush skin of your thigh, swinging your leg wider. You slide a little further along, laid completely flat on the bed -head still on Kirishima's lap.

Sweetly, Kirishima captures your inner lips with his fingers and circles them around before making you hump on him, his knuckles bumping with Bakugo's nose when he chuckles again. You almost tear up by the over stimulating pressure Kirishima's fingers provide for you, but you decide to hold it in; not sure hitched breath leaves your mouth until Bakugo takes an experimental lick across your slit.

With a thumb presses to your clit he retreats for a second, just to watch as he sinks his middle finger inside of you and -"oh my fucking god Katsuki"- he's back at it again, licking at you religiously. Softly, like Kirishima always does, patiently. Just like you love it.

It has your back arching, chest bouncing for Kirishima's eyes to enjoy. He decides he won't have you hanging, bouncing and thrashing. With two huge palms he cups your breasts, flicking your nipples, massaging you for just enough time to make your heart burn, then he wiggles a finger to the hood of your clit, applying throbbing pressure.

The knot in your stomach is tight, your vision blurry, you're sure what you think is silent moaning is probably full-on screaming, mewling or pleas of pleasure that you can't comprehend.

Kirishima is smiling at you from above, still wiggling his finger on you left and right in Bakugo's business and you can't help it- you yelp, pushing Bakugo's face deeper into you. It feels good- too good, like your legs are nothing but jello, your stomach and thighs feeling like they've transformed into liquid smooth. You mewl in Kirishima's arms, coiling, desperately eyeing him in hopes that he and Katsuki won't stop what they're doing.

"M so close" You slur when Kirishima takes a hand of yours away from Bakugo's hair, softly turning it upside down, until your palm is met with the wetness of his foreskin, the pulsing slit of his that leaks precum into your hand.

He whines -"ohh"- when you wrap your fingers around him, instantly pumping your hand up and down, your grip firm and steady as you twist your wrist with every bob of your hand.

"Suck me off baby" Kirishima softly commands, rubbing an experimental circle with his tip on your lips, smearing some of his precum around your mouth. You gulp at how carelessly he pumps his base, until he pries your lips open.

You take him eagerly into your mouth, feeling your stomach churn and your thighs freezing in place by Bakugos movements; so long as you're steadily sucking Kirishima's cock into your mouth, he scissors his fingers inside of you.

"You like that?" He moans into you, eyeing Kirishima "you twitched- fuck you're twitching"

"Show me how wet she is"

Kirishima commands and Bakugo complies by taking his fingers away from your heat and shining them into Kirishima's face. You whimper but how good it feels when he moans against you, blinking as you watch your boyfriend take your friend's fingers in his mouth, sucking in eagerly, before popping the digits out of his mouth, leaving a trail of saliva fall faintly onto the valley of your breasts

"Your pussy's s'wet baby, you're dripping all over over Katsuki's hands" Kirishima thrusts in your mouth "you taste so good" then turns his attention to Bakugo "tell 'er, how fucking good she tastes"

Bulky fingers rub on your clit once more and Bakugos hand secures your tummy in place while pinning you down; you feel it then, the inevitable end of what has been building up in your stomach for such a long while and you can't help but scream at the feeling of coming undone. Shaking, struggling to take a breath without popping Kirishima out of your mouth.

"Fucking perfect"

Your vision is white, your head is buzzing and your legs are frozen. You can feel Kirishima fucking into your mouth once, twice and ever so slightly, depending in how relaxed your jaw is as he's moaning. You don't choke when he hits your throat, you simply moan onto him, too blinded by the afterglow of your orgasm to even react to what's about to unfold.

"Fuck- take 'em off- Fuuck" Kirishima says, you notice. Bakugo probably does as he's told; you hear shuffling and grunting, the soft pop of his dick to his stomach. You want to see-

Bakugo, hazed and drenched in you, cups your womanhood with his hand, landing his thumb on your clit and you yelp again, thrassing onto the bed, finally popping Kirishima out of your mouth. He tugs and drags his fingers away- he's opening you up, of course, that's it- and you can't help but roam your eyes all over him. Searching for his cock, wanting to see it dive inevitably into you.

It's unfair that Kirishima has a better view than you do, but at least, you hope he enjoys the view. You buck your hips forward when you feel Katsukis thighs grace against your own. His skin is unbelievably cold, making the hair on your legs and tummy raise; a tear rolls down your cheek then the moment the tip of his cock touches your clit.

"We've got- ah- condoms in the first drawer. On your left" Kirishima says cheerfully, bucking his hips away from your face, kneeling just to place a kiss on your forehead- your nose- your lips, finally bumping the tip of his nose to yours when he sucks your inner lip into his mouth

"You liked that baby?" Kirishima breathes "You liked Bakugo eating you out?"

"Mhm" You nod, not wanting to break away from the kiss, unlike Kirishima

You can hear Katsuki cursing, slamming the drawer shut as he fidgets with the condom. Everything seems slow, from the way his thick fingers can't grasp the tiny edges of the wrapper, to him finding out what's the right side to put it on -he grunts, inevitably- stealing giggles from both you and Kirishima

"Ah man, you're struggling, come 'ere let me help"

Bakugo grunts once again, although this time it's not out of frustration. Kirishima playfully pulls him close, places a kiss on his navel and extends his hand underneath Bakugo's, politely asking for the condom -you know his lips are pressed into a goofy smiley line right now just by the way his body moves.

Kirishima lets your cheek rest on his thigh when he moves to grab Katsuki's cock, to roll the condom on him while twisting his fist on him no more than twice -unfair- before playfully slapping the blond's ass, urging him to climb onto the bed again.

It's then that your hips are jerked and raised towards the blond, huge palms on your hips, pulling you towards him. Nervous touches, unspoken apologies for potentially harsh movements, his eyes are flickering into yours and his lips are all pouty, scrunched, his cheeks plump with embarrassment. He doesn't know if you notice, nor does he think he ever will, but it's killing him -that he's only allowed to line himself up with you under this circumstance.

Whether you notice the hurt in his eyes or not, you don't comment on it, nor do you spare him any worried look. He doesn't even know if he wants you to take pity on this state of his.

No.

No, he doesn't.

He only hopes Kirishima won't get mad when he cups your face tenderly, nor when he traps your face with his other hand caging you away from the redhead thigh -it's for better leverage he'll say if he's asked to- but you melt into his touch.

And his chest burns.

It's worse when he finally pushes into you. His heart won't stop beating hard and fast and he's scared he's going to have a fall. No-no- he shouldn't think about it, if he does think about it, he'll definitely have a fall.

"Ooh, ooh, ooh," You murmur, feeling the voice come from the depths of your chest.

That's the only confirmation he needs to ignite his ego and light it on fire. You feel good, you're sucking him in deeper and your cheek is still melting into his palm. It's more than enough; he ignores Kirishima's gaze and whatever it may carry behind it. It's for his own sanity he reminds himself.

"You're doing so good babe,'' Kirishima asks you, cupping your other cheek. He's smiling- no need to worry about him not having a positive reaction to Bakugo caressing you

(The rules that had been presented to him were simple- wear a condom and no kissing)

"You're taking it so well, isn't she Katsuki?"

"Fuck yeah" He grunts, thrusting harder

"So, so well baby, we'll make sure you get to come first okay?" You ogle your eyes at Kirishima, teary and soft by his words, clapping your lips together and pouting, begging him silently for a kiss. Only to feel the void when his soft lips don't come in contact with yours

"Oh no, no kiss for baby. You're so naughty, wanting me to kiss you when you're getting fucked by our friend"

"What?" You whine, popping on to your left elbow "Eiji- i want my kiss"

"None can do" He smiles and Bakugo snaps his hips into you "unless you earn it"

Your stomach is tied in a knot again, gummy walls tightening around Bakugo, back arching. It's almost painful to watch you sprawled like this underneath him, reacting in peak with the rhythm of his hips, begging him to go faster, harder. At one point, he's losing himself in the speed he's fucking you with, feeling like he's about to combust from inside out is not helping either

-He thinks, he'll be spent for days after this-

It's guttural, the way you feel as Bakugo thrusts inside of you, the way you mewl and twitch and feel your eyes roll to the back of your head. You feel full, so much that you mutter it, slurred and incomprehensibly at Kirishima. It's more than enough for him to rub your chin with his thumb and buck his hips on your face again. You take him eagerly, smiling with your lips when he lands on your tongue. You swirl it around, pump him deeper into your mouth, suck on his tip until he moans in sync with you.

"Bakugoo" He hisses, biting his lip as he's eyeing you "don't chase your own satisfaction! Go slower and rub her clit too" He takes Bakugos hand away from your face, tracing it down your body before landing on your heat, pinching your clit softly making you moan "ah so responsive"

For a while he doesn't move his hand away, focused on guiding Bakugo's fingers on you, teaching him how to make you feel good while he's fucking and you're on fire, gut churning and chest tight, ovestimulated by how good it all feels. You can't even take a proper breath as Kirishima humps deeper into your mouth. He groans too loud when his tip hits your cheek.

You know this is too much for him, you know he can't hold back any longer, but you grab onto his shaft and twirl your grin on his base, bobbing it into your cheek and popping it out before swallowing it again.

And while Bakugo's thrusts are becoming desperate, Kirishima bursts into your mouth, holding your hair softly, pulling you closer to you- closer, closer, until your nose hits his navel, biting on his cheeks and squinting his eyes so he won't shut them, drunk on the view of you overflowing with his come. He only grubs your chin, swiping his thumb on the white trail that's spilling from the corner of your lips, trying his best to smirk at you without taking a breath.

"Swallow it sweetheart -ah- that's right, you're so -fuck- perfect for me"

Your lower stomach is protesting, bursting slowly as Bakugo is thrusting faster into you. His speed, him hitting that spot in your gut repeatedly, creating the perfect feeling of numbness, it's all too much and not enough all at once, you want to cry out- you gush and you writhe as your legs hook around Bakugo's waist.

Your boyfriend retreats from his previous position, smiling as ever, petting Bakugo's blonde hair, massaging your breast, kissing your nipple, then attacking your upper chest, trapping supple skin in between his tongue and teeth, dragging Bakugo along with him. It's what ultimately leads Bakugo over the edge, his tip feeling numb, blood rushing all over his body, he thrusts a few more times before he pulls out, spilling his own satisfaction into the condom, feeling his heart race faster than ever before.

"Your doing sooo good" Kirishima says once more, pecking your lips repeatedly. "Wanna ride me? Or are you tired? "

"Fuck no, lay down"

"That's my girl" He smiles "Katsuki, come here"

Kirishima rubs your wetness up and down, grunting when he finds your clit, grazing it with the back of his hand, whispering about how wet you are, to which you respond by hugging your arms around his neck, hiding your face in the crook of his neck. You only pull back when he lets you coo into him by petting your hair softly.

You're instantly met with Bakugo's eyes blazing into yours from above- it's not intimidating, rather, it's lustful, but you still need some time to pull yourself back, despite the eagerness in his eyes. You must have missed the point where he discarded his condom, or just how thick he actually is, because he's standing hard and proud before you, nervously searching for Kirishima's approval.

Your boyfriend's approval comes with gripping on him and easing him close to you. You take him in both of your hands, relying on Kirishima to keep your torso lifted, focusing on twisting your hand around him in the same way you did for Eijiro. Too bad you almost lose grip when He snaps his hips into you.

You can feel Katsuki's dick twitch into your hands as you pull him down lower, getting your tongue out of your mouth to place kitten lips all over his length. Eijiro mimics you, licking the tip when you're not licking the base, letting you take control when he ceases his movements for a bit, to lift both of you a little higher, so you don't have to bend your neck as much. He strokes some sweaty strands of hair away from your face, he kisses your cheek and Bakugo is already thrusting into your mouth feverously.

"Fuck"

"You're so wet baby, you feel like you could take us both" You yelp, wide eyes as you freeze on the spot "want to take us both?"

"I do" You yelp with tears in your eyes "I do I do, I do I do"

"Oh, look at you being so desperate, want to get -ah- wrecked, don't you?"

"I do Eiji- you cry out

"Then ask Katsuki to take you too, ask him to shove his cock into you while I'm fucking you too, like the greedy little thing you are"

At this point, you think poor Bakugo isn't going to make it to the end of this.

"Katsu" You plead, watery eyes staring into desperate carmine ones "Katsu fuck me while Eiji fucking me too-"

"Say please" Kirishima interrupts, pinching your nipple "or I'm not going to let him"

"Please, pleaseplease, please"

"Fuck yeah" Katsuki replies "ill fucking wreck you" The sounds he's making are supposed to be words, though they're far from being clear and understandable, his veins are pulsing into your mouth. He's too excited for this, so excited that you know he'll never make it to the drawer to reach for a new condom. So Kirishima is doing it for him, hooking the little rubber between his fingers as he's opening the drawer.

"Come on baby, pull back" He taps on your shoulder and places a kiss on your collar bone, thrusting deeper into you this time. The reaction is immediate, you're throwing your head back in seconds and Bakugo whines at the sudden departure of your warm mouth.

Kirishima allows you to kiss his thighs, his tip, his navel, to squeeze the small of his back and his ass before letting you wear the condom onto him.

You lose track of Bakugo until you feel wet kisses being planted on your thighs and ass, the back of your knees. You feel his hand being placed on your thigh, the warmth of his palm as he's soothingly rubbing it up and down your skin, to prepare you, raising his thumb to graze at your crotch occasionally. You whine every time he thumbs your clit, or flicks it when it meets with Kirishima's navel.

"You good? I'll start with my fingers" You choke on the sound of his words and nod frantically. If only you could actually watch him when he delves his middle finger in you along with Eijiro's cock. Still you whine loudly, when another finger joins the first one, slowly scissoring inside of you "fuck you're gonna take it so well aren't you? Kirishima's right. You love this"

"Answer him," Kirishima whispers, teeth biting down in your lobe. He grabs your face, trapping your cheeks between his fingers, turning you in Katsuki's direction, pushing your cheeks together. You swallow when you see the blind focused on watching you stretch.

"I love it

But Eijiro isn't satisfied with how you're trying to make your words get past from your lips

"Say it like you mean it doll, or I won't let your friend put it in"

You eye him dangerously, putting your lips even further before muttering a soft 'fine' -your redhead doesn't make a comment on your little attitude, probably because he's gotten what he's wanted from you- and Katsuki hisses, fisting his cock faster.

"I love it so much Katsuh"

"And Eiji- you mean. It's not only him that's here" Kirishima smirks and this time he pulls out of you, flipping your body so that your back is facing him. One hand comes to your wetness, spreading your lips apart, stretching you wide open "Try again" He lets go just for a moment, to slap your clit loosely. Once. Twice. Never ceasing when you whine. Your hips buck up towards Katsuki.

"Look at how nice I am, I even gave you a full view. Am I not?"

"You are Eiji. You're the best, the best. And I love this so much, I'm going to combust"

"Oh you will?" Katsuki interrupts, grunting when Kirishima pulls his dick closer to you, rubbing the head on your clit until Katsuki gets the hint. You let out a guttural groan at the feeling, tears starting to form in the corners of your eyes from being too overstimulated for so long

"Yes baby, I will, just please"

"M going in-" Katsuki announces, earning a nod from Kirishima "If he won't let you come, then we don't listen to him 'kay?"

Kirishima chuckles at the one and bites the top of your ears dragging his tongue to the base of it- a warning- to not try and agree with what Katsuki's offering. And being obedient definitely pays off when you feel your boyfriend's head poke against your entrance.

It feels splitting and painful all at once; the tears in your eyes are pouring, and none of the caresses you're receiving is helping. You need time to adjust and both men provide that for you. Minutes pass spent with soft kisses. Kirishima sucking your neck and Bakugo kissing your breasts, the three of you making out- anything until you feel like you can get used to them.

And when you do, they go slow, each at their own pace, simultaneously hitting spots that you don't know could or should ever be hit at the same time.

"You good?" Both men ask and you have to gulp that frog that sits at the top of your mouth if you want to talk, but you can't. Your throat is too tight, your eyes are too watery

"Babe"

"Better than I thought I'd be actually"

You get lost in the haze of their hips, their thrusts and you can already feel Katsuki collapsing onto you, chasing his own pit of pleasure when it hits you. Your gut coming undone for the last time has your heart leaping and skipping beats; you hook your arm around Katsuki's neck, jumping up and down from how fast both men are thrusting into you and you bring your face to his, cooling your mouths together.

When he feels you clamp down on him -and Kirishima- he pulls out, rolls the condom off and strokes himself slightly. You whine at the sudden departure of him inside of you but you quickly clamp down on just your boyfriend, before feeling him shifting from underneath you, finally pushing down the small of your back. You take Katsuki into your mouth while Kirishima slaps your ass, thrusting fast and hard into you.

There's no sweet talk right now, authority and intimidation hiding away as satisfaction is being chased. Sloppily and not carefully at all. It's evident in how you're sucking Katsuki off. There's no consistency in your rhythm, you're squirming as Kirishima is slowing down before picking up his pace again, running his hands through your hair affectionately. When he comes, he coats your insides in white ropes of pleasure, riding off his orgasm softly, until he feels himself stop twitching.

By the time he pulls out you've made Katsuki come as well, hearing his high pitched grunts as he lets it all out in your mouth. Although this time you're not overwhelmed with the amount; it's his second round nonetheless.

Katsuki's hands don't cease to take this chance, even if they're awkward and shaking he's grabbing your cheeks squishing them just like Kirishima did a while ago and kisses you, poking his tongue in your mouth, moaning at his own taste, pulling your lips under his teeth.

You know your lips will be bruised by this. And you don't care. Because when he pulls back, Kirishima is kissing you as well, pulling you into his arms, caging you into his chest.

You even smile as tiny, peppery kisses are pressed onto your skin.

"You did so well" Kirishima smiles "you too Katsu, you both were amazing"

Katsuki smiles, popping onto the bed as well, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling himself onto you and Kirishima. He nuzzles his nose at the crook of your neck and for the first time in a while he feels warm, content, calm and collected. Or so you think by the kiss that's planted onto your back by him.

It's tender and soft, mimicking Kirishima's but feeling nothing like your boyfriend's kisses at the same time. You collapse further into Kirishima's chest and he kisses the top of your hair and your cheek, mellowy.

"Wanna take a bath?" He suggests under his breath and both you and Katsuki nod, sinking further in the sheets with heavy eyes. Maybe when your feet won't feel like they'll betray you, you'll get up and have a warm bath, sandwiched between Katsuki and Eijiro, smothered in kisses, lathered in lavender soap, maybe you'll make a cup of chamomile for the three of of you and cuddle between them before you go to sleep.

Until then…

[transgenderknothead]

Talk to somebody - Larry Johnson x Little Sister!Reader.

Summary: A couple months after their dad disappears Larry finds his little sister self harming.

Tw: self harm, crying, anxiety attack, hurt comfort, blood(briefly).

A.n. I have seen people write lovers comforting their lover who is self harming because they have a horrible family, but recently I have craved some loving family support and since everyone loves my Sally Face head canons and one shots here we go. I would also like to say that I do not self harm in any way, and I very rarely get the faint urge to do so, but if you know anyone who does please reach out to them and make sure they're okay, no one should have to suffer.

I was sat curled up in the tree house, it had been three months since Dad disappeared and the police gave up on searching for him. Everyone in town says he just left, sick of his life here and took off. I tried not to let it get to me for the first couple of weeks, but I wasn't as strong as my brother, who had been too busy helping Mom so I kept my pain to myself.

He was going through just as much as I am, at least that's what I was telling myself. It helped a little, but it didn't stop the ever growing collection of scars on my inner thighs, just barely covered by my shorts in the summers heat.

I had brought my knife up with me, adding more scars and watching the blood drip onto the paper towel I was using to keep my "work area" clean.

"Y/n I have been looking everywhere- what the hell!" Larry shouted as he crawled in and across the floor to me.

"Larry I-" I had no words, I didn't mean for him to find me, I just had no place that was as private as our tree house.

"You, oh my god, Y/n," Larry covered his mouth a little, "why?"

"Do you think Dad left because he got sick of us?" I asked, almost involuntarily. Travis had bugged me about it since he disappeared, and no matter what I did he wouldn't stop. I burst into tears when Larry gently pulled me into his arms.

"Y/n," Larry rubbed my back, "I don't think he left us because he wanted to, I think he was forced into leaving."

"Are you gonna leave me too?" I pulled Larry closer as my body trembled.

"No, no hey, Y/n," Larry comforted me, "you need to tell someone when you feel this way, I'm not gonna leave you, ever."

We sat in mostly silence, my sniffles and soft cries being the only exception.

"C'mon, Mom wants dads stuff moved up here so she doesn't have to look at it," Larry pulled away, "you can have first pick on the shirts he left behind."

"Thank you," I wiped my eyes and pulling away, neither of us payed attention to the first of many moving vans that were pulling into the parking lot as we went back inside.

[silkholland]

Summary: Running into your former best friend on your 25th birthday wasn’t in your celebration plans. What makes It even worse is that he doesn’t even seem to remember you or the reason you completely disappeared from his life. What is in your plans though, is to make him fall in love with you only to break him the way he broke you. There’s no way you could end up hurt again…right?

Pairings: Tom Holland x plus size! reader

Word Count: 1.8K

Chapter Warnings: ANGST, like, a lot. language, blood, name calling, depictions of anxiety, self hatred.

A/N: Hey, I'm alive, barely. I'm gonna start writing again in the new year, I promise, but these past few months have been hard. My car broke, I work retail, the panorama, everything is rough. I hope you like this chapter though and decide to stick around.

Chapter 6: Killin' Me Slowly

You huffed as you threw your book bag over your shoulder. The bag along with your puffy winter coat made you feel, and look, like you were Violet Beauregarde. You hated winter. The snow was already a good enough reason to hate it - you were very accident prone - but the clothes were another. You loved your sweaters and leggings, but you absolutely hated the multiple layers you needed to keep your body warm. It always made you look like you were much heavier than you already were. You didn’t feel you needed any assistance in that department.

It was the first day after winter break and you were just excited to finally see your best friend again. While you normally spent every waking moment together, he oddly was busier than usual. You received multiple texts consisting of “oh I promised my mom I’d help her clean” and “my mom needs me” and “I’m spending time with family” and so on. You tried not to think anything of it, but you couldn’t help the drop in your stomach when pictures of him and a few other freshman boys popped up on your instagram feed.

You began putting your books into your locker, just knowing that at any moment Tom would sneak up and try to scare you. At least, that’s what he always did. You tried to stall, putting your books away much slower than necessary. The final bell rang and you sighed, making your way to math class.

The day seemed to pass at a snails pace. It was like the world wanted to keep you and Tom apart. Every time you made an effort to see him, you were pulled in a different direction. You didn’t have any other friends besides Tom - you didn't see the need for them when Tom was everything you needed - but your classmates still found reasons to need your help with assignments. It was exhausting if you were being honest.

Lunch finally rolled around and you felt like you could finally breathe. You were gonna see him and catch up and fall right back into your rhythm. But then…he wasn’t anywhere in sight. Again. What was going on? Was he sick? Did you miss something?

This was pointless. You weren’t gonna worry yourself sick about him when you could just ask him yourself. You threw your half eaten sandwich in the garbage and made your way towards the girls’ bathroom. One simple phone call would give you all the answers you needed.

The squeaking of your shoes against the sticky linoleum flooring wasn’t enough to cover up his distinctive voice. You’d know it anywhere. Just a few steps away from the bathroom you could hear his laughter intertwined with the just barely cracking voices of a few other boys. They were just outside the doors that led to the football field, which seemed odd because Tom wasn’t much of a sports guy.

Eavesdropping was bad. Eavesdropping on your best friend was even worse. You needed answers though, answers that he apparently was too busy to give you.

You quietly entered the bathroom, immediately grabbing the thankfully empty trash can and turning it upside down. As gracefully as you could, you climbed on top to peer out the small window near the ceiling.

There Tom stood in a simple black tee, a blue plaid flannel covering the science pun you just knew was plastered on it. Two other boys stood on either side of him, smoke blowing out from one of their mouths as they passed what appeared to be half of a blunt to Tom. Your eyebrows screwed together at the sight. There was nothing wrong with smoking weed, but you and Tom had never done so. He always had said he was too worried it would affect his anxiety in the worst way possible. Yet, here he was, making stupid jokes and passing the blunt between the two boys that were covering his instagram page.

You were just about to step down from the trash can when you heard one of the boys, Gavin, say your name.

“Y/N still blowing up your phone?”

Tom scoffed, shaking his head, “Yeah, pretty much. I wish she would get the hint already.”

Your heart dropped. The hint? What was that supposed to mean?

Another boy, Brandon, spoke up next. “I’m surprised she didn’t force her way into your family vacation.”

“Oh, she has in the past. My mom just feels sorry for her because she has no other friends,” Tom mumbled the last part but you heard it perfectly.

Your eyes began to burn, tears stinging and ready to fall at any second.

Gavin nudged Brandon and then Tom before chuckling and uttering the cruelest words you had heard yet. “Yeah, wouldn’t want fatty to off herself.”

Tom seemed to stiffen at that before falling right back into awkward chuckles.

“Do you think she’ll get the hint before Summer rolls around? I wouldn’t want her to embarrass herself trying to come to Becca’s yearly pool party with you, ” Brandon asked.

“As if I’d let her come with me. I’d never be caught dead at the pool with a whale. I’ll get rid of her way before that, don’t worry.”

That was it. The tears fell at a rapid pace, your knees wobbling as you tried to get off the trash can without falling to the floor. You thought Gavin was cruel, but it was absolutely nothing compared to hearing your supposed best friend tear you down.

Your hands began to shake, like they needed to grab anything and everything to ground yourself. Your breathing increased and it felt like your heart was going to beat out of your chest. You tried to control it, taking steady breaths, but it wasn’t working. It was like you couldn’t get any air in your lungs, they were closing up and the entire world around you was closing in. Your fingers gripped at your sweater, then your thighs, then your stomach, then your wrists, anything to feel something. It wasn’t working. Nothing was working. Your body finally collapsed into a stall, your knees quickly pulled up to your chest while your head sought comfort on them. You slowly rocked yourself, trying with everything in you to get your breathing under control, to stabilize yourself.

It could have been hours, minutes, or even just seconds, you had no idea. The whole world seemed to have stopped in that moment. Your best friend, the one person you could trust with your entire life, had just broken you beyond belief. You never imagined he could say such cruel things, let alone think them. How long had he felt this way about you?

Suddenly you couldn’t stop second guessing every moment you spent together. Were all his laughs fake? The times he hugged you when you cried, was he secretly rolling his eyes and thinking about finally getting away from you? What did you do that was so wrong? You were always there for him, were you there too much? It wasn’t like he had other friends besides you - until now that is.

If he wanted Gavin and Brandon as his new confidants, then he could keep them. You didn’t want to be around someone who could make you feel so horrible.

Your legs were sore when you finally began to stretch them to stand up. Your head was filled with mucus and regret, the lights of the bathroom suddenly too bright as your eyes adjusted. Pushing the door to the stall open, you were immediately met with your disheveled appearance in the school’s mirrors.

Your body felt hot, too hot, like you were walking on lava. Your hands began to shake again and your eyes narrowed at the vision in front of you. You didn’t know who the person in the mirror was, but you hated them. They caused all of this. They weren’t a good enough friend. They ate too much. They didn’t care enough about looks. They weren’t funny. They were annoying. And you despised them for making you lose the one good thing you had.

Without thinking, your fist rose to smash against the mirror, tiny fragments of yourself spraying around the room as it cracked into multiple pieces. All you could hear was your breathing increase as you stared at the fractured version of yourself staring back at you.

Time seemed to stand still as the door flung open, the pitter patter of feet scurrying in and over to you. A voice was calling your name, trying to pull you out of the fog you were in. You blinked your eyes slowly, your gaze flittering down to your right hand which was now cut and covered in blood. The voice grew louder and you finally met the eyes of its owner, Tom. How did he hear you? Why was he even in here? You could barely make out the shapes of two other teenage boys standing in the doorway in shock before one ran to seemingly find a teacher. Pussy.

“Y/N! What happened? Are you okay?? Look at me!” Deep brown eyes stared worriedly into yours, begging for answers.

“C-Can you call my mom…I need my mom.”

He nodded furiously, one hand wrapped around your wrist to keep your bleeding hand raised, the other hurriedly grabbing for his phone to dial the number he had memorized as a child. You weren’t kidding when you said you were accident prone.

The next hour seemed to pass in a blur. Tom kept trying to get answers out of you but soon gave up when a teacher entered and rushed you to the nurse’s office. Your mom showed up five? ten? minutes later. She held you while you cried and begged for answers that you refused to give to Tom.

“I can’t stay here anymore, mom. Please. Please. Can we go anywhere but here?”

She stared into your eyes and simply nodded, wanting to do anything to help her broken child in that moment.

She was able to transfer jobs pretty easily, thankfully, and within two weeks you were packed up and moved out. You refused to go to school for those two weeks. Refused to answer any texts, or calls, or ringing doorbells from Tom.

That day in the bathroom was your last memory of your best friend…until your birthday.

“That fucker!!” Lucia yelled, her hands slapping her thighs as you finished your story.

Kiara nodded in agreement before turning to you. “So what’s your plan?”

“I…I don’t really have a plan,” you shyly admitted.

“You don’t have a plan?!” Kiara shouted.

“I’m just winging it!”

“Maybe you should wing yourself a fucking clue,” she yelled back.

“What the fuck does that even mean, Kie?!”

“It means maybe you should stop this ‘plan’ before you get hurt, babe,” Lucia interjected.

“I’m not gonna get hurt. I know what I’m doing. The only person that’s gonna get hurt is him,” you spoke confidently.

“I sure hope you’re right.” Kiara glanced at you before sliding off your bed to retreat to her own room.

You hoped you were right too.

Taglist: @blindingdutchy @gh0stgurl @wayfaring——stranger

[shadowsinger11]

You, The Stars And I

Pairing: Fred Weasley x Reader

Word Count: 3.8k (oops)

Requested by @amira3113: Can I request a fic abt the reader seeing Fred and George comforting a kid after Umbridge punished him and the reader helps them and Fred thinks it's so cute what she is doing and she does the same and extra mega fluff, pls?🥺 you don't gotta do it if u don't want to btw.. so no pressure ;)

Warnings: A bit more angst than intended, Fred being a soft boi™️

A/N: I don't know how to feel, I just roasted myself hardcore with this and I'm feeling even more single. I'm sorry for not being able to use a 'keep reading' tab

Masterlist

The sun fell asleep behind the endless hills, enveloped by dense, opaque darkness. Its golden rays no longer shone through the wide windows of the castle and instead let shadows creep into the long, empty hallways, revealing the ugly truth about what the school had turned into over the past few months.

The naked walls stood tall, towering over you and inching closer with every step you took, and you hung your head low, aiming to block out the singular buzzing thought in your head.

Hogwarts was no longer home.

Your heart ached at the memory of hundreds of students chattering and laughing all day long, freely walking around the school grounds and simply being children. You so terribly missed being careless and having fun without the fear of potentially facing a life-threatening punishment.

But now there was no laughter, only your footsteps echoed in the hallway.

You were headed straight to your common room, determined to go to sleep early. The curfew and the dozens of new restrictions prevented you from meeting your friends, and you hoped that sleep would at least somehow distract you from your worries for a couple of hours.

The deafening silence nearly caused you to miss the muffled sobs and quiet whispering, coming from a turn not far away. It seemed as though there were more than one voice speaking, and your chest clenched with dread.

You hurried your pace until you reached the source of the noise, and peeked from behind the wall.

The sight most definitely surprised you, but the pain in your chest only sharpened.

There, on a bench, Fred and George were sitting, hunched over a small boy, probably no older than a second year. You could tell by his green robes which house he was in, but his red, tear-stained face was what alarmed you.

You immediately approached him and fell to your knees. George was on his left, rubbing slow, soothing circles on his back, while Fred was on the other side, holding his small hand in his, on the back of which a few words glistened with fresh crimson blood.

I must not ask questions.

You sent the twins a questioning look, but Fred dismissed it by shaking his head; clearly that was not the time for an explanation, nor was one necessary to begin with.

You placed a hand on the boy's knee to make your presence known.

"Hey. How are you feeling?"

This only caused the child to sob harder and you internally cursed for having to go through this routine.

"It hurts…" he whimpered, "I thought Hogwarts was fun. I met friends last year and it was great. But now… Now I really want to go home."

Your jaw clenched and you swallowed hard, furious about seeing innocent children slowly losing faith and joy in life, turning into hollow shells of the amazing people they could have grown to become.

The horrifying experience would inevitably have a massive impact on them and unexplainable guilt twisted your stomach. And even though the long-term damage had already been done, you could at least take care of the temporary pain.

"It's not going to hurt for long, I promise," Fred whispered, tenderly playing with the boy's trembling fingers. "Ours are already fading."

"That's true, see?" George showed the back of his hand on which you could make out the faint, bloody words 'I must not cause trouble.', and you felt sick. "Soon you won't even remember it was there."

Tears stung in your eyes, but before you gave them a chance to fall, you turned to the redheads.

"I can heal the wound. Well, to an extent. If anything, I can lessen the pain," you began. "But I need to grab something from the Charms classroom."

Fred frowned, confused, "Wouldn't you need a potion for that? Why Charms?"

"Snape isn't the only one armored with potions for just in case things go wrong. And we can't risk going to the dungeons at this hour. It's not wise to tell Madam Pomfrey yet either."

The twins nodded. George said.

"It's not a good idea for all of us to go at once. I suggest one of us returns and covers the others up if necessary."

"I'll go with her," Fred stated without a second thought. "I can get them safely where they need to be, let her do her thing and bring them back."

Fred's eagerness to help filled you with warmth and for once that night you had the strength to smile, even for just a second.

"That sounds like plan then. But you should really take the map," George added, already pulling out the neatly folded Marauder's Map from his backpack. "Don't wanna risk getting caught by the ugly toad, you know."

"As if she'd be strolling down the hallways late at night. Doesn't she have hobbies?"

"Does hanging creepy pictures of cats on pink walls count as such?" you commented and the second year giggled, which made you feel slightly better as well.

Fred took the map from George and you grabbed the boy's hand.

"Good luck, guys. And, like, don't die."

"Woah, greatly encouraging, Georgie," you replied sarcastically, but appreciated it nonetheless. "You sure you'll be fine?"

"Absolutely. I got the route memorized like the back of my hand. I'll be careful."

And with that, George headed towards the Gryffindor Tower while you, Fred and the boy went in the opposite direction - the East Towers.

The night was eerily quiet, only the footsteps and shuddering breaths of the three of you keeping you sane. The soft light, gleaming at the tip of your wands, didn't do much to brighten the empty hallways which now seemed like endless voids of darkness.

Occasionally Fred would warn you about Filch's cat approaching, or Peeves causing trouble nearby, but fortunately, you reached the classroom sooner than expected.

"Alohomora," you whispered, but the door didn't bulge when you tried to open it.

Fred grinned, "Surely a Charms professor wouldn't let such a cliché unlock his own classroom."

"Shut up," you grumbled. "Aberto!"

The door opened. Fred's eyes widened in amusement and you flashed him a charming smile on your way in.

You placed the boy to sit on a desk as you and your friend rushed to look through drawers and chests for something useful. Most of them were full of basic items such as old books and quills, half-full jars of salamander blood, pearl dust and gillyweed, and after long fifteen minutes of not having found anything, you slid your back down against the wall, sighing in frustration.

Sleep-deprivation was kicking in, but your anxiety was getting stronger.

You needed to do something. Fast.

"What about this chest right here?" Fred asked from the other side of the classroom, pointing at something under Flitwick's desk.

You shook your head, "Doesn't open, already tried. Even if the cure is there, we can't get it."

"I take it your brilliant spells don't work anymore?" the redhead teased and you so badly wished to slap away the cocky smirk on his face. Or kiss it. There was something oddly attractive about the way he'd set your nerves on fire, and you hated yourself for enjoying it. Fred seemed to love it too.

"If you're only here to be annoying, just leave."

"I'm here to help too. I can multitask."

You nearly jumped from the ground to strangle him, and he clearly saw through your intentions because his toothy grin almost split his face in two. That bastard.

That super annoying, devilishly handsome bastard.

"Are you gonna keep staring at me, or are you coming? Not that I mind the attention," he shrugged.

You rose to your feet and made your way over to where he was standing, not granting him the pleasure of facing him, "Don't flatter yourself, Weasley. Your stupidity is simply impossible to be unnoticed."

Fred laughed, "Oh, so I was annoying and now I'm stupid too? Make up your mind, woman."

You pulled out your wand and smirked at him over your shoulder.

"You said it yourself that you can multitask. Aberto!"

Nothing.

Fred squinted his eyes as he stared at the wooden chest. What spell could the professor have possibly used? Could you have even heard of it? The chances of ever finding the precious item were becoming grimmer with each passing second and the inevitable sense of dread had started to settle in.

After a minute Fred finally spoke.

"I think your problem is that you're using spells that only work on doors. You need a charm which unlocks containers."

"You might be right. What would that be then?" you enquired, glancing at the redhead. He took his own wand out of his robes.

"I know a spell that's come in handy before. Hopefully it will work now," he wettened his lips and said. "Cistem Aperio!"

Blinding light caused you to cover you eyes,  and the chest opened with a loud thud which could have easily alerted the entire floor of your presence if it wasn't for the silencing charm you were lucky to have used when you first entered the classroom.

You finally dared to open your eyes and kneeled on the ground, carefully rummaging through fancy-looking boxes and vials sparking with liquids that seemed to be quite important.

"What are we looking for?" Fred asked as he crouched next to you.

"Wound-Cleaning Potion. Purple."

It was weird having Fred stand this close to you; sparks of electricity would pierce your heart every time his shoulder brushed against yours, or his fingers would accidentally graze yours. And when they did, they had you longing more and more for their touch, for their warmth.

But this warmth did not belong to you.

You swallowed down the disappointment and instead attempted to focus on the task at hand.

Just as you had expected, the precious crystal bottle was carefully wrapped in sparkling cloth and placed inside a box that was hidden deep in the corner of the chest. You breathed a sigh of relief and got on your feet, determined to stay away from Fred. For his sake and yours.

"Here it is," you smiled at the boy as you walked over to him. "Fred, can you get me some bandages from the drawer in the back?" you asked, pointing right behind him, and he did as he was told.

You took the hand of the young Slytherin and examined it closely - the wound was sure to leave a nasty scar, one that would never heal.

"Can you make it disappear?" he asked, fearfully.

Your heart dropped. But you replied with all the courage you could muster.

"I can try."

Fred was soon by your side and placed the medical items on the desk; a half-full packet of cotton, some bandages and a small box of bandaids. You muttered a 'thanks', not even looking at him, and opened the middle-sized bottle. It spread a characteristic smell of ashes, mint and lemon when you lifted it towards your nose - it was ready to use.

"So what now?" Fred asked.

Not granting him a reply, you simply took a small piece of the cotton and dipped the opening of the bottle into it, soaking it with a generous amount of the purple, dense liquid. The smell grew stronger.

Fred could only watch as you yet again gently grabbed the boy's hand and carefully dabbed the back of it; a thin steam of smoke soared from the contact of wet cotton and wounded flesh, purple mixing with red, and the kid hissed in pain. You worked attentively but quickly, with measured gestures and a straight face, and you missed the way Fred's eyes seemed to soften at the sight of you helping a small kid.

But one thing baffled him - why did you suddenly start acting so emotionless? Even towards the youngling who didn't know a thing. And though your expression seemed calm and collected, the Gryffindor noticed your tensed jaw.

What he wasn't aware of, however, was the racing speed of you heart, increasing each second. He wasn't aware of the short, shallow breaths you were taking because if you had allowed yourself to breathe freely, you'd certainly let out tears along with the deeps sighs.

Every move was calculated, every word and breath.

You pressed a fresh piece of cotton against the now cleaned wound and kept it there as you began to roll the bandage over it, securing it in place. When you were done, you placed a gentle, lingering kiss on the hand.

"There. It should do the trick."

The boy's face lit up and he hugged you, not giving you another choice but to wrap your arms around his small body. At least you had managed to bring him back some of the lost warmth.

"We should get him to his dorm," you told Fred and despite not facing him, he knew the words were directed towards him. That still didn't prevent the stinging pain in his chest from being so effortlessly avoided by you, and he frowned, bewildered by your unexpected coldness towards him.

Had he accidentally done anything to upset you? Were you mad at him? What for?

The boy jumped to his feet, visibly less burdened despite the present tear stains on his puffy cheeks. You hoped he'd be able to get some sleep that night regardless of the circumstances.

The three of you left the classroom as quietly as you had entered it and went in the direction of the dungeons. Fred, as usual, did his job at looking at the map and keeping track of the names, moving on the yellow-ish piece to old parchment.

Fortunately, you reached the Slytherin common room without any disturbances along the way, and the boy went inside, eager to crawl into bed and not think about the ugly lady who had punished him so unfairly just a few hours ago.

The door closed without a sound, leaving you and Fred on your own.

His soft voice broke the burdening silence.

"Are you going to bed?"

If you were being honest, you hadn't even thought about sleep during your secret adventure and though your body was on the verge of giving out, your restless mind was sure to wander all night. And the idea of being alone with your thoughts scared you.

"Actually… I don't think so," you began, fiddling with your fingers in hopes to not let Fred see how much they were trembling. "I doubt I'd be able to get any sleep now."

"Me too, I admit," Fred scratched the back of his neck, uncertain as to how to make the situation less awkward than it was. Trying to get you to talk was hard enough as it was, but your sudden avoidance wasn't helping either. All Fred wished for was to witness the hopeful spark in your eyes, the spark that he had noticed diminish on the first day of school when the unsettling news was announced.

Fred was determined to bring the light back and see your joyous smile again.

Without skipping a beat he said.

"Come with me."

Your eyes shot up in surprise, meeting Fred's for the first time that night. You expected to see the ever-present playful mischief in them, but instead they glistened with something you could not quite recognize. The corners of his mouth had formed a smile, one that didn't intend to mock or provoke in any way, but still contained his usual boyish charm. It was humble and sincere, and along with the anticipating look in his eyes it read.

Trust me.

Your mouth went dry, any and all reasoning to stay vanishing in thin air as you tried to make sense out of your inner conflict. Fred surely wouldn't care if you said no, would he? It's not like he'd be offended that someone like you refused to go with him; why would he even be interested in you in the first place?

But the idea of spending some time alone with him did sound very tempting - you desperately needed some positivity in that moment, feeling exceptionally drained of all your energy after having to witness the emotional and psychological impact of Umbridge's dictatorship. And if there was someone who could lift your spirit even in such dark times, that would be Fred.

Screw the idea of a potential relationship, you needed a friend right now.

"Where to, Weasley?"

Fred grinned at the nickname and shoved hands into his pockets.

"The Astronomy Tower. Are you coming?"

You smiled at him.

"Sure."

It was indeed a brilliant idea to spend the night at the place where anyone rarely ever set a foot. Regardless of it being crowded during classes all day, the Tower wasn't a common choice for students to meet, them much preferring locations like the common rooms, the Great Hall, the school grounds or even the Black Lake. But the Tower did possess a magnetic, obscure charm which many people failed to comprehend and appreciate; charm only meant to lure the wandering souls seeking peace under the stars.

Fred approached the iron railing, breathing in the cold, early spring air, and sat cross-legged on the ground. As he saw you standing a few feet away from him, he patted the empty spot next to him.

"Come on now, don't leave me sitting on my own like that," he joked and his face lit up when he noticed the ghost of a smile on your lips for a brief moment. You joined Fred on the ground, settling on a polite distance from him, and though he was slightly disappointed by the gesture, he was grateful to be in your presence nonetheless.

Silence fell over both of you like soft velvet while you stared off into the horizon; the view reached the Forbidden Forest, the outlines of which had melted into the pitch black sky like ink, the lines between the two practically nonexistent in the dead hours of the night as they blurred into one endless void.

"I don't remember the last time I saw stars on the sky," Fred addressed your ever-listening companions above in a low, hushed voice that caused warmth to blossom within you regardless of the cold surrounding you.

"Me neither," you agreed, nostalgia creeping into you, but you decided you'd welcome it this time. "Such a shame we can't see the moon though."

Your friend nodded, lips pursed into a thin line, "That's because it's currently new moon. We'll need to wait for awhile until it's visible again."

You turned to Fred and the air was knocked out of your lungs. All you could do was silently admire the way the starlight was softening his sharp features and giving his usually flaming red hair a calming shade of copper. His eyes seemed to glow in the dark, and you found yourself coming to the conclusion you had realised long ago.

He was such a beautiful man.

Those glowing eyes landed on yours and you felt your face heat up.

"How are you?" he asked abruptly and you choked out in bafflement.

"Y-You mean, right now? Or in general?..."

"How are you coping?" he rephrased. "You know, with everything going on. I noticed Umbridge bothering you recently."

A shuddering breath.

"I like to think that I'm doing better than others," you nodded hesitantly, finding it hard to sort out your emotions. "I'm more worried about the most vulnerable among us, the youngest students. They're just children. They're the ones that are most terrified. I really hope Dumbledore will be able to do something about it… no matter where he might be right now."

Fred was watching you intently; he did not miss your expression, darkened with concern, nor did he miss your slumped figure, slightly hunched over for a reason he believed was other than exhaustion. Your friend moved closer and nudged your foot with his.

"I don't want you to talk to me about the rest. I want to hear about you. I can clearly see you're being tormented by her."

"As if you're not."

"That's not the point," he insisted and placed a hand on your knee, causing you to face him. His smile was gone. "I need to know how this madness is affecting you."

"I couldn't care less about what that toad puts me through," you shook your head dismissively and shrugged. Why was he getting so worked up about it? "It doesn't matter."

"Of course it does! It matters to me!" Fred hissed in frustration. "Do you think it doesn't hurt me every time I see Umbridge picking at you or calling you for detention? Because it bloody does and you have no idea how horrible it feels to not be able to help you."

He gave your knee a squeeze.

"For once, just for one time, please. Please, stop trying to be the hero of everybody. Believe me, we see- I see how hard you're trying to keep your chin up despite all the shit you're facing, and that's admirable, but right now it's not necessary. Let go. It's just me."

A way too familiar lump formed in your throat and your chest constricted painfully before it harshly dilated, letting out choked breaths. Fred was quick to envelope you in his long arms before your tears even rolled down your cheeks, and when they did, they met his shoulder. Your hands flew around his neck, body falling into his and soaking up his warmth. Fred pressed his soft lips to your temple, calming the racing pulse as you cried freely and unapologetically. Darling, you feel too much.

It's just me.

Your friend didn't let you out of his hold even when your heart-wrenching whimpers were reduced to weak sobs. He continued cradling your exhausted body which was on the verge of completely giving out. But Fred didn't mind, finding astonishing strength in your vulnerability.

After what seemed like hours, you forced yourself to timidly whisper, lip quivering, "I'm scared... And confused."

"Me too, sweetheart," Fred hummed into your ear. "Me too."

You wiped away the trails of dried tears lingering on your face.

"There's just too much going on. Too much that I'm not ready for."

Realization flashed in Fred's brown eyes and they looked down at you with so much longing, sincerity, but also sympathy and understanding.

You weren't angry at him. You were afraid.

And that was alright.

There was enough time, not need for a rush.

Fred had been waiting for years to find out whether his burning feelings for you were reciprocated, constantly suppressing them in fear of scaring you away and losing you. And now that he knew your heart belonged to him like his did to you, all the stars above couldn't contain his untamed happiness, pure and hopeful.

Surely he could wait a little more for you to grow comfortable with your own emotions.

Fred tightened his hold around you and pecked your cheek tenderly, the subtle touch sending a shock throughout your body and subsiding your need for sleep.

"That's alright," he whispered. "Rest now."

@self-ship-love @susceptible-but-siriusexual @hufflexpuff @neovannii

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Masterlist

[bobohu4eva]

Pink Lace - Chapter 5

Characters: Baekhyun x Reader

Genre: College AU, stripper AU, fluff, smut, slow burn

Summary: Baekhyun, a philosophy professor with mysterious wealth, got himself completely fucked over a girl who can’t let him into her life.

Word count: 4k

Warnings: sex work, mentions of sexual assault, adult themes/situations, eventual smut

Tag list: @smolbeanmika @leave-me-in-the-summertime @totallynerdstuff @bbhmystar @nana-banana @kimyhappy @thegreatandi @geniusloey @deligxt @baekswifey @bbhyun506 @lovebuginlove @bellamendoza @baekyeonoreo @bobohumyonlyboo

Masterlist

After your conversation with Baekhyun Monday evening Tuesday was spent desperately trying to get Baekhyun off your mind, with little success. He’d asked you if you liked him like that, and you couldn’t tell him no. Hell, you knew in the back of your mind that the answer was definitely yes, you just couldn’t bring yourself to say it to his face. 

As much as you did like him, the prospect of starting something with a customer who was also your professor was still terrifying. What if you two got together and people found out? Or what if things started to go south and you were still stuck with him as your teacher? 

Despite your other schoolwork, and cleaning basically everything you possibly could, your mind just kept racing with every different possible scenario for if you did tell Baekhyun how you felt. And most of them were quite unpleasant. He could lose his job, you could make class absolute hell for yourself if things didn’t go well, and so on. Different possibilities played themselves out in your mind over and over, and there was little you could do to stop it. 

However the thoughts that stuck with you the most were the ones where things didn’t end badly. Thoughts of his arms around you, his comforting words whispered in your ear, and the gentle touches of his pretty hands on your skin. As much as you fought it, the attraction was there. 

The way your mind bounced between thoughts was stressful to no end. Every time you tried reasoning with yourself, you just thought about how good he made you feel when you were alone together. 

Baekhyun was always so willing to be vulnerable with you, it made you feel appreciated. He was so open about his feelings, and honest with his intentions towards you that it made it difficult to push him away. You wanted to be able to show him the same kind of vulnerability as well, but the possibilities if you did still frightened you too much. 

You knew you wouldn’t be able to go on like this forever, sooner or later you had to figure out what to say to him. 

Your essay was plaguing you as well. You’d tried to start it on several occasions, but Plato’s writing was so old timey and incomprehensible you didn’t even know where to start. It also didn’t help that every time you tried to start writing, all you could think about was what Baekhyun would think. The idea of turning a shitty paper in for him to read and grade made you feel sick. You knew you were shooting yourself in the foot putting it off but you just couldn’t bring yourself to start it either. 

“You’ve cleaned everything in the apartment. Twice. What’s with you today y/n?” Mia asked as she walked out of her bedroom and into the common area, finding you once again wiping down all the surfaces in the kitchen. 

“I’m trying to distract myself, was that not obvious?” You knew what was coming next. 

“Baekhyun still on your mind?” 

Yes. He was. In every possible way, good and bad, and you couldn’t stop it. 

“I think I do like him.” 

“See! I knew it!” You rolled your eyes at her. “Anything exciting happen yesterday? Did you decide to keep the money?” She asked, sitting down at the dining room table, you sitting down across from her. 

 “I’m keeping it, I tried giving it back but he told me some stuff and turns out he doesn’t need it after all.” 

“So he IS rich?!” 

“Yeah... although not from anything cool or fun. His rich parents died recently.” 

“Oh shit, that sucks. That must’ve been an awkward conversation.” 

“Not really. I don’t know why but talking to him is getting easier and easier. I even stayed after he told me I could go.”

“You really must like him then, damn. Can’t blame you though, he is hot.” You shot her an angry look but you both knew she was right. “So what are you gonna do about it?” 

“Do about what?” 

“You liking him. He obviously likes you a lot too, so what happens next?” 

“Nothing. He’s my professor.” 

The look she shot you next said something reminiscent of ‘are you fucking serious’.

 “Oh come on y/n this guy is hot, and rich, and super into you. Even if he is your professor you can’t pass up a fling at least.” 

“And when it ends? What then? Or if someone finds out he’s fucking a student? He’d lose his job and it would be my fault.” 

“No, it would be his fault, and he’s rich anyway so it wouldn’t even matter.” 

You thought back to your last conversation with Baekhyun, and what he said about his parents. Even if he did choose to risk it for you, the thought of him losing a job that meant so much to him still didn’t sit right with you. 

“It would matter to me. Either way I don’t want other students shit talking me either. If my classmates found out there was something between us it would be hell.” 

“All I'm hearing right now, is that you just need to not get caught. The semester is only 16 weeks, as long as nothing gets out while you’re in his class nothing too bad can happen. You just have to be careful.”  

You thought about it, and she wasn’t exactly wrong. As long as nothing got out while you were his student, nothing too bad could happen. 

“He won’t lose his job if people find out we’re together later on when I’m not his student anymore, right?” 

Mia shrugged. “He doesn’t hold any power over you anymore then so I don’t see why he’d get in any trouble. People might just think it’s weird since he’s older. How old is he anyway? He looks young.” 

“I’m not exactly sure... Somewhere around 30? Late 20s maybe? I should ask him.” 

“Yeah you should. I still have homework I need to do, I should get back to that.” She said before getting herself a glass of water and retreating back to her bedroom. 

~

The next morning you were exhausted. You hadn’t gotten much sleep because of everything that was going through your head. You wanted Baekhyun, and he wanted you, but there was still too much risk involved. But part of you kept thinking about what Mia had said as well. Could a fling really be that bad? 

You were nervous to see him too. You still hadn’t given him an answer to his question, and you knew you wouldn’t be able to dodge it forever. Lying seemed like a decent option, but you knew with how honest and vulnerable Baekhyun always was with you, you wouldn’t be able to bring yourself to lie to him. Especially when you did want something more with him, you were just scared. 

As philosophy class drew closer and closer you felt uneasy. You felt bad seeing Baekhyun again without giving him an answer, but you didn’t know how or what to say. You only hoped he wouldn’t press you for it. 

Class went by and you didn’t speak to him. He didn’t keep you after either, which was a relief. You had been hoping he’d at least go over some stuff that would help you on your essay, but you had no such luck, and you needed it done by midnight if you wanted any credit. 

When you got home you cursed yourself for procrastinating so much, but you had other homework too and you knew you’d be able to focus on that better, so you started it first. 

Eventually your mind got sucked into your physics assignment, and you forgot about Baekhyun and the essay, too focused on the task at hand. 

By the time you were done with your other assignments it was 8pm. Four hours until you had to submit your essay. One hour went by just reading and rereading the text you were supposed to write about. Another was wasted on an intro paragraph you kept deleting, because you still couldn’t understand the text. When 10pm hit, and you started to panic.  

You realized that you weren’t going to be able to do it. Your mind was now in freak out mode and you couldn’t concentrate anyway. Either the paper wasn’t getting turned in at all, or you needed to do something fast. In any other class you would’ve BS-ed  your way through it to turn at least something in, but you just couldn’t do that knowing Baekhyun was going to read it. You weren’t going to be able to submit it that night, but you needed to at least contact him and explain so he wouldn’t think you were stupid. 

By 10:30 you found yourself scrolling through your contacts, staring at his name. You’d thought about emailing him, but he probably wouldn’t see until morning and you didn’t have that much time. 

In hindsight you probably would’ve been fine to just send an email and try to get an extension, but the combination of anxiety over your grade and wanting to talk to him had his name in your phone looking better and better. 

So you called. 

Your nerves were on fire as you waited for him to hopefully pick up. Was this stupid? Would he even answer? Worst of all, what if he was disappointed in you for not being able to do the assignment?

After a few rings, he picked up. “Hello?” 

“Hi Baekhyun, it’s y/n.” 

“Y/n? Are you alright what’s going on?” You could hear the concern in his voice even over the phone, and you remembered why he gave you his number in the first place. 

“I- I can’t do the essay.” You felt your voice shake, before unloading all your grievances in one breath “I read the thing a million times and I still have no idea what it’s about and I put it off until tonight cause it was making me so anxious but I still can’t focus and now it’s too late and I don’t know what to do and I’m freaking out.” 

You heard him sigh. “Slow down, It’s okay, I know it’s a difficult assignment. Have you at least started?” 

“No..” You felt tears swelling in your eyes, threatening to spill and you’re sure he can hear it in your voice even over the phone. “Can I just skip this one? I tried to start it so many times but I don’t know how to analyze something I can’t even understand.” You choked out. 

“Y/n...” You could tell he was thinking of what to do. He probably shouldn’t give you special treatment, and you knew that but right now you hoped he would just give in. Unfortunately you had no such luck. “I’m sorry but I can’t let you just not do it. It would make it too obvious that I’m treating you differently than other students.”

“Then can you at least help me? Or give me more time? Please?” You begged.

“I’m still in my office. I can help you if you meet me here.” 

You felt your palms get sweaty and your heart beat faster at the idea of going to his office again after what had happened last time, especially this late at night and in such a fragile state. 

“O-okay. I’ll be there in 10. Bye.” You said, hanging up before he could respond.

Quickly you got on some shoes and drove yourself to the building his office was located in. Last time you’d been in there he’d asked you about your feelings for him, and now you had to go back. You told yourself to just focus on getting the essay done, but the thought still hung around in the back of your mind as you walked down the hall towards Baekhyun’s office. You felt jittery and embarrassed, but you needed to do this for your grade.

After taking a few deep breaths to ready yourself, you knocked on the door, and heard a muffled “Come in” from the other side, so you let yourself in. Baekhyun was sitting at his desk, which was covered in papers you assumed he’d been grading. Instead of the nicer clothes he would usually wear during lecture, he was just wearing a black t shirt and sweats now. 

“You know you scared the shit out of me when you called. I thought you were in danger or something.” He said to you as you sat down in front of him. “I really didn’t think you’d call me over school work.” 

“I’m sorry..” 

“It’s okay! I’m not mad or anything, just surprised. What part of the text are you having trouble with?” 

“All of it...” You felt your lip starting to quiver. “I’m sorry I know this sounds so stupid and you probably think I’m just trying to take advantage of how you like me but I promise it’s not like that.” You said, looking down and fidgeting with your hands, trying to hide the frustration on your face.

Baekhyun crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair, smiling. “I never said I thought that. I told you it’s not an easy assignment, it’s ok if you’re having trouble. Plato can be difficult especially for people who aren’t used to reading things that old.” 

“I should’ve at least started earlier...” 

“Probably, but it’s too late to dwell on that now. Let’s just try to go over the reading together, yeah?” You nodded. 

He moved his chair to your side of the desk before opening your textbook to the reading for the essay. 

“So the first thing that makes The Ring of Gyges so confusing is that you don’t really know who’s talking. Basically it’s a conversation between Plato and his brother Glaucon where they’re discussing justice, and it’s actually Glaucon speaking for most of it, not Plato.” 

You were listening to what he was saying of course, but you were still distracted by the proximity. Baekhyun was sitting right next to you now, arms almost touching. The only other time the two of you got that close was at the club. And you did not need to be thinking about that while he was explaining your assignment to you. 

“Are you following me so far?” 

Your eyes immediately shot up from the book to meet his, and you quickly nodded. Having him look you in the eyes again like that made your face feel hot.

“Glaucon argues that people only peruse justice for the benefits of it, and not because they actually want to be good people. He uses the example of a ring that grants it’s user invisibility, therefore allowing them to do unjust things like steal without being caught. He tells Plato a story about a man who finds such a ring and uses it do overthrow the king.”

You groaned. “It still doesn’t make sense though, what does some story about a stupid ring have to do with justice?” 

“Well, if you were given the ability to steal and deceive people for your own benefit, without ever having to worry about getting caught, wouldn’t you do it too?” You stayed silent. “Basically, what you need to understand is what Glaucon is arguing. He’s saying that doing good deeds isn’t a part of human nature, and everyone would behave unjustly if they knew they would never get caught. Therefore, justice is something people pursue not out of want, but out of fear of the consequences if they don’t.”  

All you could do was stare at him. It was infuriating how attractive he sounded while explaining it to you. 

“Do you have a bit of a better idea what to write about now? Remember it’s only two pages, so don’t stress too much.” 

You snapped yourself out of your thoughts. “Yeah, it makes a bit more sense now... do I still need to finish it tonight or?” 

“Friday. Just email it to me by midnight on Friday and I won’t count it late.” He said, smiling again. 

“Thank you for doing this, I’m sorry it was so late and everything.”

Baekhyun just chucked, “You know if it’s you I don’t mind. You could keep me here all night with questions and I wouldn’t stop you. But you understand now, right?” 

The way he was smiling at you now along with the closeness was making you slightly dizzy. 

“I think so, Glaucon is basically saying that injustice is better than justice then right? Because everyone would do unjust things if they’d always get away with it.” 

Baekhyun nodded. 

“So according to him the best way to live life would be to do things you know are wrong, but without being caught.” 

“Exactly. See, I knew you were smart, y/n.” A smirk had made its way onto his face as he spoke. 

You couldn’t help connecting what he was saying to what you were feeling inside towards him. You wanted him, and you knew it was wrong, but how could you deny it to yourself when it felt so right? 

“Baekhyun...” You asked, hesitantly. “D-do you think it’s okay to do things you know are wrong, as long as no one finds out?”

“I think it depends what you’re talking about.” He answered, now looking you in the eyes again with intensity. “I would never kill anyone, for any reason, even if I knew I could get away with it. But, if I really wanted something, I think I would take it.” 

You were hyperaware of how his eyes were now scanning your face, lingering on your lips. “Take what?”

A hand made contact with your thigh, slowly moving up until he stopped, right below the hem of your shorts. His thumb drew soft circles on the sensitive inner flesh, giving you goosebumps. 

“I know you feel it too, you want this, don’t you?” Baekhyun asked, now moving a stand of hair out of your face. He let his hand rest on the back of your neck, keeping you facing towards him. 

Your heart felt like it was about to short circuit from how fast it was beating. Your palms were sweaty and you could feel yourself shaking slightly. The way his thumb stroked your neck beneath your ear made you shiver, and you knew he saw. All you could do was stare back at him, dumbfounded. Any words you tried to get out stuck in your throat. He was right, you did want it. Now more than ever. 

“Tell me you don’t want this. Tell me you don’t want me to kiss you right now. I dare you.” He said, running his thumb over your bottom lip, eyes fixed on how it trembled beneath his touch. He was slowly moving your face closer his, but you didn’t stop him. 

Your silence told Baekhyun all he needed to know, and his lips quickly found yours. Immediately you let yourself melt into the kiss. You felt your whole body buzzing, finally getting what it had wanted for so long. His lips felt unbelievably soft against yours, moving in a slow rhythm as his other hand came up from your thigh to cup your face as well. You wrapped your arms around his neck and deepened the kiss, letting it become messier and more desperate. 

“I like you” you pulled away just enough to whisper “so fucking much.” You felt him grin into the kiss as your lips met again. 

He tasted like strawberries, and you felt high as your lips kept crashing together with more and more need. Your whole body felt like it was set on fire and simultaneously dunked in an ice bath, every nerve vibrating with want.    

When Baekhyun pulled your bottom lip gently between his teeth you let out a soft moan, and he started to lose it. He broke the kiss, standing up and pulling with him, before backing you up against the wall, a hand on either side of your head. 

“Sweetheart, don’t push me” He breathed, and started peppering kisses along the side of your neck, from under your ear down to your collarbone, sucking and biting on the way. 

Trapped between him and the wall, you felt weak and breathless. Your brain was in overdrive and you gasped at his ministrations, hands burying themselves in his soft hair.  His hands had traveled down to your waist, holding you against him tightly.

“Baekhyun” You breathed out, rubbing your thighs together as he sucked on a particularly sensitive spot. 

“Fuck, y/n. Don’t say that.” He forced the words out through gritted teeth.

His body pressed you into the wall, and your arms wrapped around him pulling him into you even tighter. He was completely consuming your senses and your knees felt wobbly from the intensity of it all. He was already smothering your entire front, but you tried to pull him even closer regardless.

You felt something hard press into your hip as his mouth covered yours again, and this time you shamelessly moaned his name into his open mouth. 

Much to your disappointment, Baekhyun immediately detatched himself from you, backing up until his back hit the opposite wall of the office. You could see how turned on he was by the outline of his dick through his pants and the pained look in his face. 

“Fucking christ...” He said, leaning his head back against the wall and closing his eyes. You just watched from the other side of the room. He kept his eyes closed and you observed as his jaw clenched and unclenched before you heard him continue. “You have to go. If you don’t I’m gonna fuck you on my desk and I won’t be gentle.” 

Your throat went dry at his crude words, but you couldn’t deny your own arousal. You walked back towards him, reaching out to touch his chest which was now rising and falling rapidly, but he grabbed you before you could make contact. His grip on your wrist was so tight it was almost painful. His knuckles were white, and you could see a drop of sweat trickle down the side of his face. 

His eyes bore into your own with a stare that warned you not to try anything more. 

“I’m sorry y/n but you have to leave. Not tonight. Not like this.” With his free hand he grabbed your belongings off his desk, shoving them into your arms. 

Still speechless, he opened the door and pulled you outside before going back in and closing the door behind him. You stood and stared at his office door for a minute, recollecting yourself and processing what the hell had just happened. 

Eventually your shaky legs began making their way down the hallway, back towards your car. You were pretty sure a janitor saw you as you turned the corner just down the hall from Baekhyun’s office. You kept your head down, trying to hide your face best you could while hurrying past. 

Once you were sitting in your car, you slumped into the seat, mind still in a daze after what happened in Baekhyun’s office. You waited for your breathing and heartrate to slow down before you drove away. 

Baekhyun left shorty after you as well, unable to concentrate on anything but the sound of you moaning his name. He felt terrible for throwing you out of his office but he’d meant what he said. He didn’t want his first time to have you to be in his office, purely fueled by pent up lust. He wanted to give you more than that. 

More than anything, he just couldn’t believe he’d gotten what he’d wanted for the entire summer. It didn’t seem possible, but now it had happened. And you actually kissed him back. It felt too good to be true. He felt himself once again struggling to sleep, but this time because he was too excited. This time, he didn’t have to keep himself up wondering, he knew he had you. He just couldn’t wait to see what would happed now.

You on the other hand couldn’t stop worrying about that exact thing as you stared at the ceiling above your bed. What would happen now? The thoughts weren’t fearful anymore, there was just too many of them to shut your mind down enough to sleep. 

You’d finally allowed yourself to give into him, and there was no more turning back. 

Next Chapter

[castiel-barnes]

Domesticity.

Pairing: Javier Peña x fem! Y/N Peña. (Reader is married to Javier).

Summary: After the events of Escobar and the Cali cartel, the one thing Javier expected least was to settle down.

Warnings: Fluff. Slight angst. Pregnancy. Medical inaccuracies. Mentions of throwing up. Swearing. Soft Javi. Like extra soft.

Word count: 2.7k

A/N: Yet another early morning thought that I got.

Tags: @phoenixhalliwell @scribbledghost

Picture from Pedro pascals Instagram at pascalispunk.Taken in 2013.

After years of running around Colombia and the amount of informants slept with. The last thing people expected who knew Javier Peña, was to settle down.

He had found you and fell hard in love. And the same thing happened to you. After being with you, Javier had no need to go have a one night stand with any of the girls from the brothels or any informants. Because he had you.

It was quite unheard of within the DEA, Javier Peña and the domesticity of having a family.

*********************

Javier had been out for most of the day, which you were kinda glad for. You had been feeling sick since you woke up and when Javi finally left the apartment, you finally rushed to the bathroom to throw up your breakfast.

Then it hit you. Your time of the month has been far more late than normal. After throwing up, you digged out the spare pregnancy test you had at the back of the cupboard for emergencies.

"Oh fuck." You said quietly to yourself. It was positive. Neither of you had discussed the topic of kids. It was something that you wanted, but not sure if Javi wanted it.

"Hi cariño, I'm home." Javier called out,

"H-hey, I'll be out in a moment." You replied from the bathroom, quickly wiping your tears away. Walking out the bathroom, you smiled like you usually did and kissed.

"What's up honey?" He asked frowning a little,

"Oh nothing much, why'd you ask?" You replied.

"Cause I can tell you've been crying." Javier said looking at you. Sighing you placed your head against his shoulder.

"I hate how easily you read me sometimes." You pouted, and pulled him to the couch and sat him down. Letting out a shaky breath you held his hands gently in yours.

"I really need to tell you something. B-but I don't know how to say it, and I- I know we haven't discussed anything about this." You continued starting to ramble from being anxious.

"Honey, honey calm down what do you need to tell me?" He said frowning even more, stroking your hair back.

"Javi... I'm pregnant." You stated. There was a stunned silence that blanketed the apartment.

"Really?" Javier asked. You nodded and looked away tears springing back to your eyes. Javi wiped your tears away and smiled pulling you into a hug.

"I'm so happy mi amor." Javier stated,

"You are?" You asked looking up at him.

"I am cariño, we can have a little Peña running around the place." Javier responded smiling. The two of you hugged for a while and had dinner, then decided to lay in bed and relax. At some point you must have fallen asleep on top of Javi, and stayed asleep until early morning.

Your not sure what woke you up, but you could feel Javier's hand on your stomach his hand stroking his hand back and forth.

"Cariño? You ok?" You asked quietly,

"What if the kid doesn't like me? What if I do something wrong?" Javier replied.

"What do you mean?" You said frowning,

"I mean, I'm not a good person cariño. I've done things and seen things that shouldn't be seen. I've never been the best with children, I don't know how to look after something so small and innocent." Javi stated.

"Javier Peña you listen to me. You are not a bad man, yes you've seen bad shit and maybe shot a couple of people but those people were the bad guys. Not you. You will be a good father Javi, I just know it. Plus you're not the only one who hasn't had much experience with children." You explained firmly. In truth you were the youngest sibling, and the only experience you had with children was when your cousin had her baby. But you lost contact with them a while ago.

"Thank you. For putting up with me Y/N." Javier responded, nuzzling his head into the crook of your neck. You stroked his hair back out of his face, but it was evident that he had been tossing around for a while.

You started drifting off again until you felt like throwing up again. Gently rolling Javi off of you, you rushed to the bathroom to throw your dinner up. You groaned as you hunched over the toilet, then felt a pair of large hands rubbing your back.

"You ok cariño?" Javier asked worriedly,

"Morning sickness." You responded throwing up again.

"You need me to get anything for you? Water?" He said still rubbing your back gently,

"Please." You said "thank you." You continued. Javier bought you a glass of water, and let you clean yourself up before carrying you back to bed.

"Try get some sleep mi amor, neither of us have work tomorrow dont worry." Javier stated,

"M'kay love you Javi." You said drifting off to sleep.

"Te amo mucho cariño, y nuestro pequeño bebé." Javier whispered kissing the top of your head.

********************

2 months pregnant:

You were at home today and Javier was at work. And today you noticed something slightly different about your appearance. Realising what it was, you smiled and you got excited about telling Javi.

Opening the door Javi was immediately greeted by your smile and hugging him.

"Well hi there cariño, what you so happy about?" Javier asked smiling and kissing you,

"Come look." You replied dragging him to the room. When you got to the bedroom you sat him down on the bed and took your top off. Turning to the side you smiled and run your hand over your small bump.

You looked at Javi and saw his jaw drop.

"That’s your little kid in there mi amor." You said looking at your bump. Javi smiled and pulled you gently in front of him.

"Oye chico, soy yo tu papá. Estoy muy emocionado de conocerte dentro de unos meses." Javier stated quietly then kissing your stomach. He looked up at you with slightly watering eyes and smiled,

"We're going to have a kid cariño." He continued.

"Yeah we are. I love you so much Javier Peña." You stated kissing the top of his head,

"I love you too baby. I'm so excited." Javier replied. Out of nowhere you just got really emotional and started crying, which confused the hell out of Javi.

"Woah, woah baby what's wrong?" He said quickly standing up hugging you,

"I-im just so fucking happy. I have you and now we have our little kid. Oh im a mess, fucking hormones." You replied crying into his arms. And that what made it clear for Javi, your hormones were heightend due to the pregnancy. Javi chuckled and kissed the top of your head.

"Don't laugh." You stated quietly sniffing,

"Ok, I'm sorry baby I won't laugh I promise. Im happy to cariño." Javi replied smiling.

"But I like when you laugh its cute." You said looking at him.

You were glad to have Javi, yes he could be a bit stubborn and hard headed sometimes. But around you, he was gentle, understanding and everything you could wish for in a man. Although he had doubts about being a good father, you knew that no matter if you had a little girl or a little boy they would have him wrapped around their little finger.

**********************

4 months pregnant:

"Baby? Wake up, we need to get ready to go to the doctors." Javi said gently, trying to wake you up,

"Mhm..." you groaned and closed your eyes again.

"Come on honey, don't wanna be late to the appointment. I promise when we get home I'll run out and grab anything you're craving and we can nap." Javier stated stroking your hair back out of your face.

"Promise?" You asked leaning into his touch,

"Yeah cariño I promise. We'll go to the appointment, come home and then anything you want I'll get ok?" He replied smiling as you leaned into him.

"Ok." You smiled getting up slowly. The two of you got changed and got in the car. Arriving at the doctors, Javier could feel some anxiety radiating off of you.

"You ready baby?" He asked holding your hand,

"Yeah, im ready." You smiled at him and gave the back of his hand a kiss.

"Come on then baby." Javi said getting out the car, walking round to your side to open the door for you. The two of you sat in the waiting room for a while before getting called in. Laying there on the bed, you gasped at how cold the gel was on your stomach. Looking at the screen the doctor told you that you were going to have a little girl.

"We're having a baby girl?" Javier asked is disbelief,

"Yeah cariño, we're gonna have a baby girl to look after and love." You smiled with tears rolling down your cheeks. Getting home you cried from happiness and this was one of the only times you saw Javier cry.

"Baby can you get me pickles and ice cream please? Maybe some chocolate too." You asked him,

"Of course I can cariño. Anything else you want?" Javier replied.

"Maybe get 2 of each just incase, you never know." You said,

"Okie dokie." He responded. Javier left the apartment and came back about 20 minutes later with pickles, ice cream and chocolate.

"Here you go mi amor, got what you wanted." Javier stated coming through the door with a shopping bag,

"Thank you love." You replied smiling and getting some ice cream and pickles. The two of you sat there, with you snacking on your pickles and ice cream and Javier with his arm around you.

"We need to think of some names for our little girl." Javier stated,

"We do." You responded eating another pickle.

"Maria?" Javier started out,

"Hmm that's a bit overused I think, Isabella?" You replied.

"True, true. Isabella is a nice name. Isabella Peña. That's nice. Rosa?" Javier responded. The two of you sat there writing down names and slowly but surely got it down to the name you both liked.

"I think Isabella." You stated,

"Yeah perfect. Isabella Peña, it's beautiful." Javier replied quietly smiling. Javi slid down the bed a little so his head was by your bump, and lifted up your shirt a little bit.

"Hola Isabella, soy papá de nuevo. Solo quiero que sepas que te amo mucho a ti y a tu mamá y que siempre los protegeré a los dos." Javier whispered to the bump and kissed it. About 4 months ago at the start of your pregnancy, Javier had his doubts about being a father and how what he did would affect your daughter. But now here you were 4 months pregnant eating ice cream and pickles, and he was being so gentle with you and looking after you and your baby girl so well.

"You're going to be such a great dad Javi." You smiled running your hand through his hair,

"You think so cariño?" He looked up at you with those doe eyes of his.

"Yeah... I do. You've been looking after me so well baby, and I just know that little Isabella will absolutely adore you." You responded,

"Thank you cariño." Javier said rubbing his hand over the bump.

*********************

9 months pregnant/ due date week:

It was the week that you were due to give birth to Isabella. Javier decided that he'd take the week off before his maternity leave was due to start.

It was about 2 in the morning, when you woke up. And that's when you felt it, your water had just broken.

"O-oh no oh shit why now? Javi wake up, baby please wake up." You said pushing his shoulder,

"Carino what's wrong?" He asked you groggily, his eyes barely open.

"The baby is coming." You stated. And that one statement there got him up and awake.

"You serious right now?" He asked looking at you finding your face quite serious,

"Ohhhhhh shit. Yes I'm fucking serious." You replied having your first contraction. You looked at Javier and one of the only things he saw in your eyes was fear.

"Ok, ok I've got your bag honey. It's going to be ok I promise." Javi stated chucking jeans and a shirt on with shoes, and then helping you with some shoes.

"Javi im scared." You stated,

"I know cariño, I know but im going be right next to you the entire time. I promise." Javi replied holding your hand. Squeezing his hand as you went through another contraction, he held you up as he walked you to the car.

In the car, javi was going as fast as he could to the hospital whilst letting you hold his hand.

"Just breathe baby, you've got it." Javier said reassuring you. Getting to the hospital you were immediately given a room and pain killers to help.

"We're gonna meet our baby girl soon javi." You stated looking at him,

"Yeah cariño, any minute now we'll be holding our girl." Javi responded. You two were somewhat relaxing when you weren't having any contractions. It had been about an hour and half since your water had broke. It all seemed to by in a blur, one minute you were sleeping, the next your water had broke and now you need to push.

"J-javi go get a nurse. I really need to push." You exclaimed squeezing your eyes shut and letting your head fall back,

"Ok cariño ok, I'll be right back." Javier replied kissing the top of your head. Javi rushes out the room and finds a nurse. He came back into the room with a nurse, who were both by your side. The nurse told you to start pushing and so you did.

"Ahh fuck! J-javi I don't know if I.... if I can do it." You stated squeezing his hand as hard as you could,

"Yes you can cariño, come on you can do it. Just breathe with me, you're so strong." Javier replied stroking your hair back.

A few minutes later, and hard pushing you heard the cries of your beautiful little girl. You let your head fall back on the pillow and caught your breath.

"I told you that you could do it cariño. She's so beautiful." Javier said smiling at you and kissing you gently. The nurse bought Isabella over to you, so that you could hold her. Pulling down your gown a little bit you laid Isabella on your chest so you could have some skin to skin contact.

"Hey baby girl, welcome to the world. Oh you're so beautiful, she has your eyes miel. Big brown eyes." You smiled gently stroking your hand over Isabella's back,

"Do you wanna hold her?" You continue looking at Javi.

"Really?" Javier looked at Isabella,

"Yeah baby, she is your daughter after all." You responded giggling a little. Javier looked between you and Isabella then back to you and saw you nod. Standing up from his chair he took the shirt off that he threw on before leaving, and gently took Isabella from you.

People had told you to look out for Javier Peña when you first joined the DEA. The stubborn, hard headed DEA agent who had one hell of a reputation. But now as you saw your husband hold your little girl barely an hour old. All of that stubbornness, hard headedness and reputation had dissipated.

"Hola, cariño, es un placer conocerte finalmente. Eres tan hermosa como tu mamá." Javier speaked to Isabella quietly as he say down in the chair. You smiled and laid your head back again, eyes drooping a little bit.

"You wanna sleep for a little while? You just pushed a fucking human out." Javier asked,

"Language we have tiny human now. Yes I wanna sleep." You replied somewhat out of it, already drifting off to sleep.

"Haha ok baby, you get some sleep now." Javier chuckled.

*********************

Home:

When you were finally discharged from the hospital, you and your husband with your baby finally went back home. You got home and Javi changed the sheets on your bed from where your water broke.

Picking Isabella up, you showed her round the apartment although you knew she was in a milk coma from her feeding.

"Do you wanna put her down for her nap cariño?" You asked Javi,

"Yeah ok." Javier replied with a wide grin as he took Isabella from you. Gently Javier bounced Isabella as he made his way to her cot. Standing next to him as the two of you looked over your daughter. You smiled and placed your head on his shoulder.

"Our baby is so beautiful cariño, we did good." Javier said quietly,

"That we did. See I told you, that you'd make a good father. I have a feeling we might have a hard time saying 'no' to that cutie." You replied kissing his cheek.

"Agreed." Javier said smiling giving you a proper kiss.

Safe to say that the only people who really get to see Agent Javier Peña soft side is you his wife Y/N Peña, and his daughter Isabella Peña.