#reddaysareforharry28

[1d-trashcan]

hello!!

i was just going through your blog and you have mentioned a anxiety disorder a few times, i do not really know anything about it so if you want to please educate me on this concept, if you dont wanna its all good. just know i am here if u wanna talk any time :)))))))))

HI!! I absolutely wanna educate you, thanks for asking :) This is suuuper long though, I'm so sorry :´(

There's a few anxiety disorders out there but the most common ones are social anxiety disorder or panic disorder, and then there's GAD which is short for Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and I have GAD.

Stress and anxiety is an evolutional response to danger more commonly known as fight or flight, which is the sympathetic nervous system being activated. GAD is the body being stuck in fight or flight mode, whereas social anxiety, for instance, generally means that the sympathetic nervous system kicks in in social environments (like a phone call or meeting a person).

GAD, usually presents as excessive worry about anything and everything. My grandmother will cough and my brain will think "she has lung cancer and she's dying". When I didn't know I was ill I was basically living in a nightmare. I've had a lot of therapy so nowadays I can identify it as an anxiety thought and ignore it. Some days I can't shake them, and those days are just bad anxiety days. And I can either power through it or I can take anxiety medication, but I can't work on those because they make me really drowsy.

You can develop GAD at any age, really. All it takes is being under extreme stress for a period of time, I think the criteria is like 6 months or something. There are differential diagnoses like chronic fatigue syndrome, ADHD/ADD, bipolar disorder and clinical depression that have to be excluded that early on, though. It's fairly easy to treat if caught early. It's hell, but they'll most likely have you on antidepressants and or something that helps you sleep and give you therapy. Therapy will help you deal with your triggers through cognitive behavioural therapy, exposure therapy (where you're literally exposed to your trigger/fear in a controlled environment) and that will in theory treat the disorder. You're never gonna remove anxiety because it's a survival instinct, but you're basically telling your brain that it's overreacting, and if you get help early you can actually be cured.

I have GAD because I was bullied between ages 10-16, and there's also a probability that my parents' divorce started the whole thing. The problem was that I didn't get proper help until I was 19 and I didn't even meet with a psychiatrist until I was 25 (I'm 29 now). I'm never gonna be cured, we're basically just looking for ways to help me live WITH my anxiety. I just have too many triggers and my body is too used to being in this state that there's currently no way of fixing it.

GAD sometimes comes with executive dysfunction which is where you just physically can't do things. It's a very common ADHD symtom as well. You know you need to do it but you can't, and it essentially becomes a handicap. My most common triggers for executive dysfunction is school work of any kind, opening my mail or important phone calls. In Sweden this is actually recognized as a handicap, which means that I can get help faster. But I have to make the call, which I can't do because of my anxiety so idk how foolproof that safeguard is. I'm on sick leave right now because of extreme stress (it could be chronic fatigue syndrom, but it's too early to tell rn) and now my executive dysfunction is everywhere, so like showering, cleaning my flat or making food is extremely tough and usually doesn't happen, so I have to take shortcuts (like eating at my parents' house, not washing my entire body and only cleaning small parts of my flat a a time).

Apart from being afraid anxiety triggers a lot of physical responses in your body because it is designed to keep us alive. If you have social anxiety you might have issues with your stomach (like stress pooping or nausea) when you have to engage with others or even, like, ride a train. GAD patiens almost always have chronic IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) and muscle pains because our bodies are constantly preparing for flight. I have really bad chronic muscle pain in my neck and upper back which leads to tension headaches. So on any given day, I'd rate my pain at a 5, and that's just. A thing I have to live with.

Physical activity generally alleviates the pain and the endorphins from workout are really beneficial but you can't exercise GAD away. It's just something that helps.

I'm on a high dose of antidepressants, antihistamines to make me sleep and quetiapine/seroquel, which is a mood stabiliser that basically reduces my executive dysfunction, and my medication is always gonna change depending on what my life looks like. Realistically I'm always gonna be on some form of antidepressant. I'm on SNRI's, which control the serotonin and noradrenaline in my brain.

Naturally, my serotonin is really low and my noradrenaline is really high, but in a healthy person the serotonin is high and the noradrenaline is low. The body typically restores the serotonin/noradrenaline levels during sleep, but my brain does the exact opposite so I just have extreme anxiety during the night, which is why I'm on medication to sleep bc otherwise I a) don't sleep and b) have terrible nightmares. I still have those nightmares, but the antihistamine I'm on is a muscle relaxant as well as an anxiety medication so it helps calm me down so I don't really remember my nightmares and it reduces my muscle pain by quite a bit. I still have bad nights that lead to bad days when I'm in a lot of pain. I sleep in a fetal position and tense up at night and I have a weighted blanket to help me relax so during those bad days I have trouble walking becausec my hip muscles are locked.

I think i basically covered everything. There's a lot more to it if you have any questions. I'm super open about this, and have been since I started therapy when I was 19 because I literally did not know I was sick until I was 17 and it took another two years to understand just how bad it was so I like to be as vocal as possible so people might find out and get help.

I'm SO SORRY for this long ass post though.

[enchantedlandcoffee]

🏆😬✅🤩

Hiii!

🏆 What's your most popular fic?

My most popular solo fic is If The World Was Ending, You'd Come Over, Right?

However, I cowrote a fic with @red-pandaaa which is actually my most popular one so far called: Court Wine

😬 Which of your fics would you be most horrified for friends, family, or coworkers to stumble upon?

Probably Eager To Please 😅 It's 1k of pure smut and I wouldn't be able to show my face again

✅ What's something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don't mean to?

Rants or monologues seem to appear a lot in my fics 😅 My characters get very emotional sometimes and start ranting or going on long explanations.

🤩 Who is your favorite character to write?

It used to be Niall but it's becoming Louis because I feel like I can capture his voice more and flesh his character out a little more

[1d-trashcan]

I have so many favs but probably Friends, Big Bang Theory, Brooklyn 99 and the X files. They're my on repeat series. Fav movie is probably the fault in our stars or the intern. Fav franchise is absolutely Nando's. I worked there for 8 months and I'm not shitting you when i tell you I had Nando's every single day and I did not grow tired of it.

Hiiiii what's your fav TV show, what's your fav movie/movies aaaand what's your fav franchise?

uhh i dont watch many tv shows but i really liked gilmore girls and "one day at a time". my favorite movie is Mulan i love it i dont even know why. or Rapunzel. just Disney i guess. KFC OH MY GOD I LOVE KFC SO MUCH LIKE I LITTERALY AM OBSESSED WITH IT, ALWAYS MY FIRST CHOICE FOR ANYTHING (except the chips lol)

wby?

[surrowndedbylights]

you hug your pillow when sleeping

It's very comfortable, but sometimes when I do it, I wake up and I can't feel my arms, so I try to avoid it. But yeah, sometimes.

Make assumptions about me

[theeliampayne]

Let's spread some positivity around our fandom. Tag your favourite tumblr users! 💕

ooh, okay!

@enchantedlandcoffee @callouiee @freyaforestafay @nouies @keeganisabluegreener @greeneyesfriedrice @reddaysareforharry28 @greenblueish @fearlesslarrie28 @imprintmoonstone @harrylights @hellolovers13 @beardyboyzx @likeiwould @louisneckveins @alloutime @userlouistomlinson @larrysballetslippers @28goldens @ayansbff @itsnotreal @sunxsunflowervol6 @hl-obsessed

[niallermybabe]

To all of my mutuals,

I just wanna send a huge thank you to y’all. I used to be so lonely, and you guys suddenly joined in my life and it’s so much brighter. I can’t describe the wonderful feelings I’ve had since you guys. You guys make me feel liked and included, and it means the world to me. I really wish you the best in life, you deserve all the love!

❤️@ravenclawdirectioner @w4nn4b3adv3ntur3r @starvingwhenitcomestothis @fearlesslarrie28 @doesanyonehearrunningwotah @reddaysareforharry28 @niall-ate-mynamee @banginghoranbang ❤️

[christmassavestheyear]

thanks for the tag @youreverydaydemikid

if you’ve never heard track 9 then go listen to it; it’s a really important song and that sounds dumb but you’ll get it when you hear it

tagging @ravenclawdirectioner @reddaysareforharry28 and @keeganisabluegreener

[1d-trashcan]

Hi everyone!

I am not necessarily okay. There’s a lot going on for me that would have anyone panicking, and ten years ago this would have meant death for me. I have a really great relationship with my parents and my stepmum, who are all extremely helpful and supportive, but things are really difficult right now. There IS a risk that I may have myself committed to a psych ward temporarily but it’s a one day at a time kind of thing. Thank you so much for caring enough to clog my ask. I’ll try to keep you posted❤️

[enchantedlandcoffee]

flicker?

my favourite lyric - you could offer the world babe, but i'll take this instead

my favourite song - On My Own

the song that makes me cry - Mirrors

the song that's a fucking bop - Slow Hands

the song i most dislike/least love - The Tide

[surrowndedbylights]

what do you think happened between larry like the storyline? do you think they have broken up or not and why?

When I first joined the fandom in 2021, I used to believe that they were together at some point but they had broken up. However, my only source of information then was YouTube videos and stuff.

In October (I think?) I rejoined the fandom after a break and I started to watch some videos and then joined tumblr and I think it's pretty clear that they have never broken up (at least officially, of course they had their ups and downs like any long time couple under pressure).

After a little research, I suppose there isn't something to convince me they haven't been together all these years, so I continue to believe they are still together, still going strong (Thanks Shania).

[theeliampayne]

Thank you @enchantedlandcoffee <3

Tagging @callouiee @keeganisabluegreener @alloutime @imprintmoonstone @beardyboyzx @reddaysareforharry28 @fearlesslarrie28

It’s for you! 🌷Feel free to pass it along to someone else as well!

Chibird store | Positive pin club | Instagram

[theeliampayne]

Thank you @enchantedlandcoffee for tagging for this picrew!

Tagging @keeganisabluegreener @callouiee @reddaysareforharry28 @fearlesslarrie28 (no pressure!)

[1d-trashcan]

helloo!

how are you, not trying to annoy you but haven't heard from you in a while lol

hope you enjoyed your trip

Hiii! Thanks for checking up on me 🥺🥺🥺 I've missed you! The trip was great! I saw my stepfamily whom i love so so so much and haven't seen since like 2019. We have group chats and talk every day but i haven't seen them all in so long. Barring the car accident everything went fine.

I'm still living at my dad's house now until I'm in all right shape and my sick leave comes in, which is fine. I feel like I've aged backwards to my teenage years though, like I reverted to doing my old chores automatically. There have been times when I've done a chore that I used to do when i lived here and my stepmum's just gone "what? I was just gonna do that how'd you know". I've been living on my own since 2015 so it's a bit weird. My dad does wake me up if I oversleep and I'm getting back to a normal routine so that's nice but I think I just accidentally forgot about tumblr bc it wasn't accessible on the trip.

Anyway thank youuuuu <3<3<3 Hope you're well. xx

[enchantedlandcoffee]

guess mee

...@reddaysareforharry28 ?

[surrowndedbylights]

💌

I love that you sometimes rant under my posts and we have interesting chats which make me relax.

[theeliampayne]

thanks for the tag @hl-obsessed and @enchantedlandcoffee <33

Apparence

i’m over 5’5 // i wear glasses/contacts // i have blonde hair // i prefer loose clothing to tight clothing // i have one or more piercings // i have at least one tattoo // i have blue eyes // i have dyed or highlighted my hair // i have gotten plastic surgery // i have or had braces // i sunburn easily // i have freckles // i paint my nails // i typically wear make-up // i don’t often smile // i am pleased with how i look // i prefer nike to adidas // i wear baseball hats backwards

Talents and hobbies

i play a sport // i can play an instrument // i am artistic // i know more than one language // i have won a trophy in some sort of competition // i can cook or bake without a recipe // i know how to swim // i enjoy writing // i can do origami // i prefer movies to tv shows // i can execute a perfect somersault // i enjoy singing // i could survive in the wild on my own // i have read a new book series this year // i enjoy spending time with friends // i travel during school or work breaks // i can do a handstand

Relationships

i am in a relationship // i have been single for over a year // i have a crush // i have a best friend i have known for ten years // my parents are together // i have dated my best friend // i am adopted // my crush has confessed to me // i have a long distance relationship // i am an only child // i give advice to my friends // i have made an online friend // i met up with someone i have met online

Miscellaneous

i can fall asleep in a moving vehicle // i am the mom friend // i live by a certain quote // i like the smell of sharpies // i am involved in extracurricular activities // i enjoy mexican food // i can drive a stick-shift // i believe in true love // i make up scenarios to fall asleep // i sing in the shower // i wish i lived in a video game // i have a canopy above my bed // i am multiracial // i am a redhead // i own at least three dogs

Tagging @keeganisabluegreener @nouies @imprintmoonstone @reddaysareforharry28 @alloutime @callouiee @fearlesslarrie28 @freyaforestafay (no pressure!)