#I'm gonna be really sad when I start losing weight

[tikki-tok]

Whenever the depression chooses to rear its ugly head, it always shows up with a briefcase full of yearning that I DID NOT ASK FOR like NO bitch you will NOT cope with the stress of doing the dishes by dreaming of men you will DO THOSE DAMN DISHES

[goquokka00]

The Little Things (Felix Ver.)

The small things he does every day that make you feel oh, so special.

Bangchan | Minho | Changbin | Hyunjin Jisung | Felix | Seungmin | Jeongin

| Massages |

We all know that Felix gives absolutely killer massages. And he wouldn't hesitate to give you one on the dot if you asked him to. If I'm being completely honest, I think that Felix would give you one if he felt you needed it, too.

If you come home from a long day of work, or if you're stressed or tired, Felix will sit you down and just give you a massage to help you relax all of your tense muscles from the day. Of course, he'd slip in a kiss or two on your back, too. Every here and there, he'd check in to make sure you're doing okay, smile, and then gently kiss your shoulder or back before continuing.

Felix would also ask you about your day while he worked at your knotted muscles. Ask you what had happened to make you tense. He'd listen to every single word, giving his feedback and thoughts. He just wants you to not have any weight on you. Whether it was physical or mental. He's always gonna make sure you're okay.

| HUGS!! |

We all know that Felix is a huggable person. That, and he's a hugger. This man hugs his other members any chance he gets. You are no acception. Any chance he gets, he hugs you. Hell, he even warned you that he was a hugger when you both first started going out, so you knew what you were signing up for.

This man will literally use any excuse to hug you, too. You make him laugh? He's hugging you. You're being cute? He's hugging you. You made a delicious meal? He's hugging you. You're upset about something? He's hugging you. He's upset about something? Take a wild guess as to what I'm gonna say.

Felix is 100% hugging you if you're upset, though. It doesn't matter how serious or unserious it is. The same goes if he's feeling down. And he's not letting go until he's feeling better, or you're feeling better. Once you're okay, he'll loosen his grip, but he still won't let go. Rather, he'll talk things out with you and make sure you're not sad anymore. And then he'll let go, only to start cuddling you on the couch.

| Language Switching |

Felix is multilingual. That's a given. But if his lover was also bilingual or multilingual, I think that language switching would definitely be a thing. Mainly, you both would be switching between Korean and English. One little bit of the conversation would be in Korean, then the next moment, you're speaking in English.

I definitely think that there would be times where you both would be in public and wouldn't want anyone to really understand what you guys were talking about, and so you'd switch languages depending on where you were. Just so then you could both stay where you were, but not have to worry about anyone eavesdropping.

It's also a great way for you both to stay sharp in the languages you both know. You don't really have to worry about losing any accents you might have, but it also helps you both remember things in each language or remind the other what something means. And if you both can't remember the word for something, then you both have fun trying to remember together.

| Bakes with You |

Y'all, I can't express the amount that I want to bake with Felix. And it's exactly why I think that Felix would want to bake with you. He'd show you how to make his brownies and cookies, and you'd both have a lot of fun doing it, too. Because let's be real here, neither of you would take it seriously in the slightest. You'd try, but you know that it won't last for long.

Flour will be blown towards each other, batter will be booped on noses, messes will be made. You'd both laugh hysterically with each other, though. It'd be a good time. Hell, you'd both have fun cleaning up the mess you made, too.

I also believe that you and Felix would take a ton of pictures while baking with each other. Some of these pictures would be posted on bubble, but only the ones that were of Felix. If he wanted to post one of you in the picture as well, he'd ask permission first. Because you being comfortable is always number one to him.

| Lets You Style His Hair |

Since Felix is currently growing his hair out, I feel like it gets annoying sometimes. And so, he goes to you to help him put it up. You know what you're doing, anyway. And having his hair done is relaxing to him, especially when you spend the first few minutes just running your hands through it and gently massaging his scalp.

I think Felix would sometimes ask you to teach him how to do certain things with his long hair, too. Like how to do different braids. He might struggle with tired arms halfway through, though. And so he'll end up just having you take over. He'll still pay attention to what you're doing. He's just not used to holding his arms up at that certain angle for how long.

Even if he did eventually learn and was capable of doing it himself, he'd still prefer for you to do it. There's just something in the way you do his hair in such a caring way. It's so sweet and gentle, and it's also such a nice bonding time, too. Felix can just rant about whatever's on his mind and you'll happily listen. It's definitely one of his favorite things to do with you.

Hey! Firstly, thank you so much for reading this post, and I really hope you enjoyed! If you did, please like, reblog, or comment so I can see how I'm doing with writing and getting feedback! I hope you have a lovely day! Sleep well, stay in good health, and eat something if you haven't! ❤️❤️❤️

[relentlessly-tired]

I am really upset today, like really really really terribly upset but I downloaded this app again and started my fast and thinking of all the ways I'm gonna speed run this weight loss and..

I feel really happy right now! So excited and motivated!!

I think that's why this stupid stupid thing is so hard to escape from- it's always there.

I can always fall back to this. If I'm sad. If I'm stressed, hell, even if I'm just bored. It's something to do. Something to dedicate myself to. Something that gives me meaning. A fairly shit one, but meaning nonetheless.

My life becomes centered around this. Every time I lose weight I get so so happy!! In a way I can't always rely on getting through my real life. Even when I binge or gain weight, the opposite of what I want- it still works. The anger, sadness, disgust, at the weight gain or binge is like controlled? Like, I did that. I caused that pain. I can still reverse it. My life becomes this one little tiny bubble of me and my weight and it feels so controlled and safe and sorta like "me and my ed against the world". Bc nothing else matters.

[swaglet]

slinky rant under cut

i will be honest my heart is so so so broken that slinky isn't here anymore but there's a part of me that's relieved. i'd have much rather seen him make a full recovery and live for like 3, 4, even 5 more years like my mom's ferrets did ... and i would do anything for him no matter how sick he was, even if he needed a little ferret wheelchair and hormonal implants and needed to be carried around 24/7 in a bag so i could feed him wet disgusting nutrient paste full of medication .... but in the last couple months while he was in and out of the vet, i could tell he felt so yucky and was tired of feeling that way and the vets weren't sure what was wrong and couldn't figure it out fast enough to fix it or delay it .... but at least now he isn't in pain or stressed anymore :[ he was always really really picky with his food, i would have to have like 4 different bags of digestive support freeze dried meat kibble specifically designed for ferrets in a rotation because if he didn't have variety he would get bored, and if he decided he didn't like one of them anymore and any of his food smelled like the other food he just wouldn't eat and would fling it into a pile onto the floor near the cage ... even though i was feeding him carnivore care that the vets gave us 3x or even 4x a day along with a soupified version of all his favorite kibbles, he wasn't putting on any weight and was actually slowly losing it. i wish our vet wasn't 3 hours away and i wish we had more time to let them figure out what it was, but his little ferret body was probably just old and tired and frail and he was one of the ones that lives to 5 instead of lives to 8. i'm just glad i spent as much time with i did in the last few months and i'm glad i ate every meal with him syringe/spoon feeding him and i'm glad i got so many more months of getting to cuddle him even though he didn't feel very good and was tired.

it makes me soooo sad that he was always so picky with his food, because the very first sign that something is off with your ferret's health is that they will stop eating and drinking, or eat and drink way less frequently, and start losing weight. when i originally took him to the vet years and years ago when he was still just a little baby guy, i was so worried that he'd eaten something he shouldn't have and gotten a partial blockage, or that he had some health issues that made him so picky and finicky with his food. they said he was perfectly fine, showed me all his x rays and bloodwork and a little ct scan of him, nothing was wrong back then except he had allergies & sensitive skin which was fine for me because same girl. his vet said that was just his personality and that i would probably just have to spend a little extra time finding something he enjoyed eating, which was totally fine with me, because i'm just as picky with food as he was so it's like we understood each other. he was always tiny and wiry and just on the border of almost being underweight since the day i got him, despite the supplements and vitamins i was giving him and stuff. i just was ok with the fact i was gonna have to weigh him and monitor it and make sure to change how much food he gets as needed. but near the end, he was sooo so much tinier than he'd ever been in his life and just kept getting tinier despite how much i was giving him. and maybe if he wasn't as picky all thru his life, i could have noticed sooner .... but i think his little body just couldn't handle it anymore. my poor little old man. i miss and love him sm

[themeraldee]

Hi! I love reading your notes so much. I remember more your opinion that Homelander doesn't care about the appearance and body of the woman who will love him. It's so nice, really, but I'm afraid it wouldn't be like that… Using the example of A-Train, we know that Homelander does not like fat people. What kind of women did he deal with? Queen Maeve, Starlight, Madelyn Stillwell… They are ALL slim and attractive. Homelander, as Antony Starr himself said, has the mindset of a teenager. Therefore, I highly doubt that our cutie boy will not pay attention to appearance, figure, breast size/shape and much more. It's sad, but I think it's a fact…

Hi hon! I'm glad you're enjoying perusing my blog!!!

I'll start off with your A-Train example. I had to go rewatch the scene to jog my memory. But to me the scene was less about Homelander caring about A-Train gaining weight and more just losing control of it all. He used to be the sole leader of the Seven (this scene comes straight after being co-captained with Starlight), had everything under control. Now his ego is bruised, he's no longer considered #1 and the other members of the Seven (like A-Train here) don't care to keep up their manicured image while he's doing his best to still be as perfect as everyone expects him to be. On top of that Ryan's gone, Stormfront is bedridden, clearly not doing well, so his head is all over the place. So I feel like A-Train was just an easy target for his frustration.

It's not that I think that he will be immediately attracted to a larger size. He most certainly will throw all sorts of jabs and sarcastic remarks. Until he catches feelings for whatever reason that is. It's especially then when he starts not only not caring about what his SO should look like but I can see him get very hostile and defensive if anyone did try to insultcomment on his SO's unconventional body type.

Sure, it's easier to be attracted to a conventionally attractive person but that doesn't mean they will be able to fulfil what he seeks. Like Firecracker whom he couldn't care less about.

@hom3landr's tags on the post you're referencing sum it up really well. (hope you don't mind me pulling them up, I feel that they explain it better than my entire post does lol)

All in all I'm still gonna smush Homelander and reader together like Barbie dolls no matter what they look like because at the end of the day we're here to have fun and not shame each other for whether a certain character would actually be into us or not! So really, he doesn't get a choice from my POV 😂

[sorryimananti-romantic]

Hey bestie sooooo lots of stuff happened and there was an opportunity I was really hoping I was gonna get, and I didn’t. On top of that it went to the same favorite people that get everything every time and I’ve just been feeling really upset and everything so if you’ve got any mingi comfort that would be great. I could just really use a lil virtual hug rn 😅. There’s a bunch of other stuff that led up to this but now im just feeling really hopeless and wanting to give up on my major even though it’s my dream. I think I kinda need to just sit and wallow for a bit and I’ll be fine but if you got any fluff I could use all of it 😅🩷

aw babes i'm sorry to hear that 😭🫂 you and me both honestly really need a virtual hug (nah a real hug actually) and well, i hope you get much better things than what you were aiming for! we never know where the flow of life is gonna take us so hoping for the best for you, always 🩷 and i hope you fight for your dream too! if you want to talk about it, i'm here for you 🩷

a mingi comfort fluff though, who am i to deny you? ;)

there are times in your life when all you want to do is lay down on a bed and sink through it into the void

or lay down on soft grass and hope the ground swallows you

you put a weight over yourself in the form of your blanket- the only physical thing weighing you down among a bunch of other invisible things

but that isn't enough

the warmth of it, the softness of it, it isn't enough

everything is silent. you can hear the static background noise- that's how quiet it is

could this go on forever while you gather your pieces together?

could time stand still for you?

no.

it never will

you're being swallowed by a bunch of thoughts

i'm alone in this world

no one will understand me

everything is over

there's no going back from here

and a bunch of other negative phrases that are murky in your head, but there in all their mighty presence

it feels like everything you've worked for is crumbling down in front of your eyes

everything is going wrong, wrong- where did it all start to go wrong?

you can't quite put a finger to it

all you know is that you are overwhelmingly sad.

the emotion 'sad' didn't make much sense to you- you always thought it was associated with some other emotion or feeling- such as when you lose someone dear and it's associated with grief

but now... you think you're starting to understand a little what's it like to be just sad. the plain old sad

it springs a little sarcastic laugh out of you and you have to purse your lips to keep another awful sound from bubbling out of you

but this time, your ears detect the familiar sound of footsteps in the house and you wonder just how deep in your thoughts you were to miss the sound of the door unlocking

you don't move. you don't make an effort to. you just hope that he goes to take a shower first or starts cooking. you hope he doesn't realise you're home already

you hope you get a little time to yourself so he doesn't have to see you in this state-

but a knock sounds on the door anyway and his voice calls your name, his eyes probably searching the darkness

you hope that he misses your curled figure in the blankets, but he's far too observant for that

he doesn't turn on the lights. you feel the edge of your bed dip as he sits there

"you're not hiding from me... are you?"

it's mingi. you could cry just hearing his voice

"no... just tired. i'll be out in a few minutes."

he doesn't miss the crack in your voice either

"do you want me to give you some space, or do you want me to stay?"

there's one thing you love about mingi. he always asks you what you need

and he always gives you what you ask for

if it's space you need, he will gladly give you it because he realises the importance of personal space and just sorting your own mess yourself

he won't question you until you talk yourself but he will keep reminding you that he's here

he's perfect in that way

but if it's him you need... he'll drop everything to be with you too

he'll either just hold you in silence or mutter affirmations

and for the first time in a while, you don't know what you need

so you tell him exactly that

mingi sighs deeply and gets up. you wonder if he's going to leave so you check through the little gap in the blanket, your heart beating anxiously

but he only draws the curtains apart just a fraction so he can see better

and then he's back, crawling in the bed next to you and asking if he can get in the blanket with you

you allow it. you scoot a bit to give him some space and he positions the blankets so he can hold you in his arms as he lies down next to you

you're slower this time as you make way to him and he notices that too. so he simply just holds you for a while

and you let the tears flow and wet his sweatshirt. you will apologise later, but for now, you can't stop it

his hand caresses your back repeatedly in soft, circular motions. his other hand is holding yours and squeezing it affectionately

you don't know how long you stay like this but at some point, the tears stop flowing and you move a little to wipe your face

"sorry for being a mess," you laugh and he lets out a short chuckle himself

"you know it's perfectly fine with me," he assures you, planting a kiss on the top of your head. "feeling better?"

"a bit, yeah," you tell him. you take a few deep breaths

"what's wrong, love?"

"everything," you sigh. "everything's going wrong at the same time and it's too much, mingi."

mingi brings you back in a hug, this time stronger and a reminder that you're not alone

and you realise that yes- you may have been a little selfish when thinking that you were truly alone in this world

you have him

your constant source of strength, a pillar to lean on

someone who always nudges you in the right direction when you're lost

someone whose words of wisdom heal you

and someone who makes you laugh, especially when he's being goofy like now

"shall we take that little trip now? drop everything and run away?"

"oh, how i wish i could, but i can't run away from this," you sigh.

and just like that, you start talking. slowly, but gradually, you tell him the sequence of events

and he gives you the validation you need- that everything you're feeling right now... it's okay to feel that

he makes you sit in front of him and he holds your hands as you work everything out

he gives objective answers- he knows your strengths and weaknesses, and he suggests the best course

he also plans every possible direction things could go from here on out- something he's really good at

"and like i always say... it can only get better from here, right?"

"sure feels like an all time low, so... yeah?" you say.

"every time i think i'm at an all time low, life throws another one at me"

you laugh at that- he's relatable like this

"well... it can't get worse than this, maybe, yeah?"

"and even if something bad happens," mingi addresses the anxiety in your heart. "even if things don't go as planned and you have to give up something important, you should remember that you're a strong person who can get through this."

you nod, letting his words sink in

"i'm here for you, yes," he says, "but i'm only a guide and emotional support, yeah? whatever you do, it's all you. and you're incredible and amazing. you will get through this. i'm proud of every decision you will make moving forwards. i believe in you, love."

it's all you need to hear and a few tears spill again, but you smile through them as you look at mingi, the dark strands falling over his forehead, his eyes warm

mingi, the person who makes you stand on your own two feet time and time again

mingi, who makes you realise that you can face anything in this world on your own

and mingi, who'll be there when you return from your battles. who'll patch you up, kiss your head and hug you

just like he hugs you now, all warmth and love

he brings you outside so you can eat dinner and it gets better

you don't feel like you're drowning anymore

you're not out of that surface, no, but it's a whole lot better for sure

he talks to you and you address other things in between jokes and kisses exchanged

and when it's time for bed, he holds you, preparing you for tomorrow

it will be okay

you will be okay.

[theboywithburninghands]

So I pushed through my writer's block. Here's the newest Funnybunny thing. Uh, well, sorta. It's got shipping stuff in it, but most of it is just Jax and getting into his thoughts, and a really nasty encounter with something horrible. The... fun kind of horrible though. Yeah, word of warning, this is a pretty violent little ditty, so if you're squeamish, I'd say either sit this one out or don't eat while reading? I'm damn proud of it either way LOL T/W: Violence, gore, vomit, horror

The Dollhouse Part 2: Reap What You Sow

Jax slid down the tube slide with his hands behind his head. You fall through enough trapdoors and they start to lose their shock value. The slide dropped into a pit full of something cottony and plush. Jax crinkled up his face upon recognizing what he just landed in. Corn silk. The cloyingly sweet smell of corn made him queasy, and he’d be picking strings of silk off of his clothes for hours. 

Jax: Not scary. Just annoying.

Jax climbed out of the pit, doing his best to dust himself off. Silk drifted off of him like hair off a shedding St. Bernard. After he was reasonably clean, he approached the door in front of him and nudged it open with his food. 

Inside was what appeared to be a disused barn, or at least an imitation of one. It was divided into a ground floor and a hayloft. The ground floor had only two things of note, a door, which appeared to be locked, and a tractor. One of those old fashioned ones that curved in the middle and had big wheels that looked more like those on a kid’s wagon than farm equipment. It was caked with rust and would probably crumble into scrap metal if someone managed to start the engine. A rickety wooden ladder led up into the hayloft above. Jax hummed and gripped one leg of the ladder, shaking it. Seemed climbable enough. 

Jax went over to the locked door, finding some words scratched into it with what looked like a knife.

Jax: “In your eye, a promise kept 

Through my eye, a line is swept

I trace the day, a circle spun

A hole in skin, a scarf begun. 

But beware, do not guess wrong

Or they will find you before long.”

Jax sniffed at the poem. Riddles, huh? Cute. Caine must’ve spent a while finding rhymes. Jax examined the lock, pausing to pick another piece of corn silk off his glove. He tried a few of the keys he had in his pocket, but they were all too thick. It was a pretty heavy padlock too, no real way to pick it. 

So what was the riddle for? In your eye, a promise kept… waaaait a minute. He was surrounded by hay. What did you go looking for in a stack of hay?

Jax: “Stick a needle in my eye.” Alright, fair point, Caine.

He smiled a bit at his deduction,  but now came the actual needle in a haystack part. He sighed, cracked his knuckles and began to climb up the ladder. It squeaked in protest a bit at Jax’s weight, and the third rung from the top made an ominous crunch when he stepped on it. He’d have to skip that one on the way down.

The hayloft was full of… well, hay. It might’ve been in bales once, but now it was a big, messy pile strewn over the baseboards. The hay on top was the usual healthy yellow color, but the hay on the bottom was damp and brown. Jax caught a whiff of rotten hay, the smell almost indistinguishable from horse manure. He looked around for a pitchfork or a shovel to make his life easier, but no such luck.

He sighed again, then began to toss hay off the loft, two handfuls at a time. It would have been easier with the others around. Heck, he could have just made the excuse that he wanted to watch for monsters down below while the others dug around in the hay. 

…Nah, it probably wouldn’t go that way anymore, actually. Pomni would scold him for it, or worse, give him those sad, wet puppy dog eyes. And then he’d do it so she’d want to cuddle with him later. 

…That, and it did feel nice to make her happy. Weird how that worked. 

Jax: *sudden coughing fit* Ugh… *hocks and spits* 

Damn haydust… it was like inhaling sand. He was gonna be feeling the grit in his throat for the rest of the day too. Man, he would have pulled out one of his teeth for a bottle of water and a hot shower right about now… Caine probably would have just thrown boiling hot soapy water on him if he asked, then told him to drink said boiling hot soapy water. Idiot.

Whatever. Maybe after the adventure he could go swim in the lake. If he did, Pomni might tag along. Or maybe she wouldn’t, since Ragatha was a thing in their relationship now. …Nah, she could come too. He could play nice with her for a little while. Come to think of it, he couldn’t remember a time when he and Ol’ Rags had ever actually hung out together. He wasn’t opposed to the idea. Other than Pomni she was probably the least annoying person in the circus. Sure, the overly smiley persona got annoying, but… it was… refreshing now and then. So sure. She could come with. Actually, thinking about it, could she even swim…? He’d never seen her in swimwear. 

…Not a terrible image to conjure up… 

Jax stopped to cough again. If Caine’s idea of an adventure had gotten to the point of just doing manual labor, the future looked bleak. He cringed backwards upon touching the rotten hay on the bottom, wiping his hand on his overalls. He wasn’t digging through that with his hands, Caine could sit and spin. He hocked and spat one more time to futilely try and get some of the grit out of his throat, then began to climb back down the ladder. Maybe the needle was in the hay he’d already thrown onto the floor. Even if it wasn’t, there had to be something down there to help him shovel the-

The pile of rotten hay shifted. Jax froze mid step down the ladder, watching the pile of rancid mush churn about, before a small patch of it slid off the greater mass with an unceremonious plop, revealing-

Revealing a-

Jax: What…?

A single red eye, the size of a beach ball, swiveled around from under the hay. Hateful, malevolent, and all too familiar. It was here. 

Jax automatically put his foot onto the next rung on the ladder, determined to leave Its line of sight and wait until It fell back asleep. His stomach squeezed into a knot when the third rung on the ladder messily snapped in two like a stale loaf of bread. His chin thwacked against the floor of the hayloft and he fell a good ten feet to the barn floor. The hay softened his landing a bit, but not much, and he felt a dull, ringing pain in his chin and lower back. He scrabbled to his feet, slipping a bit on the hay, and risked a glance up at the loft.

Its eyes, burning red like irons left in the hearth, leered down at him. Well, hello, little rabbit. How nice of you to come visit. And just in time, I’m famished…

Jax: I’m dreaming. I’m dreaming! Wake up, wake up! *slaps himself in the face# You got too hot in bed, that’s all, wake UP-

Jax yelled in frustrated terror as It lazily flopped over the edge of the hayloft, sending a shower of rotten straw clumps everywhere. Jax’s eyes darted around the area for anything that might help, something to use as a weapon or that needle where was the needle WHERE WAS THE GODDAMN NEEDLE-

Rowstalker: Gnnnnnnnnn…..

It snarled, peeling back Its lips to reveal Its irregular, shattered glass teeth and blight-blackened gums. Those teeth which hurt so badly in mere dreams were now real, and they could finally shred his skin off as easily as peeling an overripe orange. Jax scurried onto the back of the old tractor, desperate for any sort of high ground, not that it would help. It could do anything to catch him… 

Jax: Caine, this isn’t FUNNY! GET RID OF IT RIGHT NOW, DO YOU HEAR ME?!

It bellowed at him, and Jax felt nausea lurch in his stomach. The stench of Its breath was like 100-year-old corn cobs and pulverized animal carcasses rotting on a freeway. He felt his breakfast snake back up his gullet and leaned over the side of the tractor to vomit, a stream of black sludge with a rainbow sheen, like an oil slick. He could have sworn he heard It snort in amusement. “Poor thing, whatever will you do when you’re inside my mouth? Well, don’t worry, you won’t have to put up with it for long after I gnaw your head off and slurp your spine through your neck.”

Rowstalker: Gnnnnnn… CHRRR! 

It lunged for him, missing his leg by centimeters and plunging Its teeth into the left tire of the tractor. Air rushed out of it in an alarmed hiss and Jax fell backwards over the driver’s seat, his head colliding with the steering wheel. Through the smeary lights now dancing in his vision, he saw It pull Its teeth from the tire, air spouting out of it with an almost relieved sigh as the tractor sagged to the left. Jax dimly groped around for the steering wheel so he could hoist himself up before It lunged for him again. His hand slid across the dashboard, accidentally clicking a few powerless switches, and his glove nearly slipped when it ran over the slick, circular face of the odometer. 

Odometer. Something was important about the odome- 

This hesitation, coupled with the haze of hitting his head, led to him being unprepared for Its next attack. He jerked upwards a moment too late as It pounced for him, successfully plunging Its front teeth several inches into his right foot. Jax screamed, his voice raspy from the dusty air. In his dreams, this was where it ended. Once It had him, there was no escape. It would eat him now, immediately chewing him into a wet and mushy wad or worse, take Its time, snapping off his arms and legs first and saving his head for last so the pain lasted as long as possible- 

But… this wasn’t a dream. He wasn’t paralyzed in his bed by sleep. He could move. He could survive. If he didn’t survive, they would never go swimming. He couldn’t remember the last time he had wanted something. He wanted to go swimming. He was going to go swimming. 

Jax: What big teeth you have…! *hoists himself up so he can reach Its mouth and punches one of Its misshapen teeth with all his strength*

It let out a garbled roar of pain and surprise, Its tooth snapping inwards at an odd angle, rotten fluid dribbling out of the partially exposed socket. It let go of Jax’s foot to recoil, shaking Its head around violently. Had It ever actually felt pain before..? No, It couldn’t have. It was against the rules!

Jax looked at the bloodless hole It had left in the middle of his foot. Light shone right through it, and it sparked and stuttered with a glitchy shimmer. Caine’s creations weren’t supposed to hurt them this badly, anything beyond typical “stars and birdies” cartoon nonsense. That could wait, though, he had an opening. 

Jax risked a quick glance at the odometer. He couldn’t explain it, but he felt that it was somehow important. The faceplate was marred and scratchy, so he could barely see the numbers or needle- 

Needle. Of course. 

Jax elbowed the faceplate, shattering it like sugar glass. He glanced back at It, which was still reeling from Its sudden dental luxation, and he stuck his hand into the odometer. Sure enough, he retrieved a long, thin silver key from inside, a fragile little thing no thicker than a sewing needle. 

Rowstalker: GNNNNCCHHHHH!

It made a full bodied lunge for Jax, the rabbit diving off the tractor and belly flopping onto the straw covered floor. The needle-key skittered across the floor and vanished into the hay.

Jax: Nononono-NO! 

Jax attempted to stand but cried out. The massive hole in his foot flared with pain as he tried to put weight on it, jolting with glitchy after-effects as he fell back onto the floor. He glanced over his shoulder and saw It climbing around on the now upturned tractor, no doubt priming Itself to pounce. He frantically climbed forward and sifted through the hay, rotten and fresh, to find the key. A faint glint in a small pile up ahead, there it was! Jax lurched forward and gripped the key, just in time for It to leap off Its perch and land right on top of him. 

Its body was crushingly heavy and Its skin was clammy and squamous, like a reptile or worm, but nauseatingly hot at the same time. It reared back and opened Its vile maw, infected drool, rancid corn juice and a few fat cutworms raining down on Jax’s face. It lunged forward, intent on closing Its jaws around Jax’s upper half, pulling it right off of his hips with one vicious tug. Jax, yelling right back at the creature, swung his left hand, clenched around the needle key, right at one of It’s bloated, scarlet eyes. 

There was a noise like a straw being jabbed through a plastic lid, and It stopped moving. Its maw hung agape in shock. Jax clutched the key, the blade wedged into Its right eye all the way up to the bow. Without a second thought, he cranked his wrist, cutting through the vitreous humor with a fetid, wet squelch. 

It yowled in agony as crimson jelly gushed out of its eye. It wasn’t supposed to feel pain! That’s not allowed! That’s-

Jax, using his uninjured left foot, pushed The Rowstalker off of him with all of his adrenal strength. It tumbled off of him with remarkable ease, still trying in vain to process the amount of pain It was experiencing. It thrashed about on the floor, red phlegm-like goo pouring from Its eye. Jax limped to the exit door, sliding in the needle key with a rather nauseating squishy noise, not bothering to look behind him as he slammed the door shut behind him, leaving him in utter darkness. There was the click of an automatic lock. It couldn’t reach him now. 

He… beat It. 

He slumped against the door. He panted hard and fast for a good five minutes. His foot bloomed with horrible pain, and he grasped it weakly. He probably couldn’t walk on it until Caine fixed him. Caine.

Oh, he was gonna KILL Caine… Later. 

Another door opened across the way, beaming a shaft of light across the dark area. Jax tried to scramble to his feet, but found himself unable to on account of the enormous gaping hole in his foot and how achingly tired he was. Pomni: …Jax? Is that you..? Oh my God, what happened?!

Jax relaxed and fell back onto his butt. Pomni. Pomni and someone else. But Pomni most importantly. His eyes hurt. 

Ragatha: Jax, your foot..! Wh-How did th- a- *coughs, covers her mouth and nose* Oh, you reek! Did you roll around in compost?! 

Jax: Speak for yourself, Rags.  The response came automatically, along with his usual cheeky grin, but it was shaky with  exhaustion. Pomni approached him and gave him a hug, although she held her breath as she did so. Jax savored the hug. Sure, they probably weren’t safe yet. But… he had fought off his worst nightmare. And it was thanks to her. He was… really tired. 

Jax: …I love you guys.

Jax closed his eyes.

[lesbianfakir]

I could write a three hour video essay on tutu and gender but I really love how a show in a genre that’s primarily targeted towards girls explores how expectations of masculinity can traumatize young boys.

This is shown with Fakir especially. While the text never explicitly attributes his behavior to his gender, his arc over the course of the show is quintessentially informed by toxic gender roles. This got long and I have a lot of thoughts so I'm gonna put it under a readmore:

Fakir has one unchanging goal for the duration of the show: he wants to keep the people he loves safe. But outside elements twist this motivation into an identity. He is suffocating under the weight of a person he has never been and can never be no matter how hard he tries to mold himself.

Much of his personality is likely a direct result of circumstance. We are shown multiple times that when he feels in his element he’s inclined to a gentle disposition (ie how he acts with Duck as a duck or with Raetsel). As a young child especially he appears earnest and naive, his already innate desire to protect blinding him to the cruelty of the world. However, this sweeter side is near overwritten by the cold, domineering personality that characterizes his early appearances in the show.

We can infer that without the trauma inflicted on him by the story Fakir would have retained much more of this gentler personality as he grew up. Instead, his desire to protect others is twisted and warped by fear, becoming a desire to control.

Even before having his life upended, Fakir wanted to to take the weight of protecting the entire town all upon himself. He sees a true hero as someone who stands on his own without help.

So how does this tie into gender? Fakir deliberately crushes his "weaker" side--the earnest, sensitive young boy in the favor of a tough persona. He particularly views emotions as a weakness. It's notable that in one of the most iconic scenes in the show, Fakir has a breakdown over someone seeing him crying. This simple display of human emotion is enough to completely shatter the image he has constructed for himself. Fakir's harsh, impossible standards for himself are rooted in toxic masculinity, in the idea that men--real men--are never visibly sad or scared.

Immediately after losing everything as a child, Fakir was given a new source of hope and pride: the role of the Knight. He, of course, built his whole identity around this role. The Knight, like the Prince is expected to protect others without fear. This can be read as analogous to how men struggle under the expectation to be the protectors and the breadwinners, expected to take pain and hardship upon themselves so those under their care may live a comfortable life. However, the story's knight is doomed from the start: a failed protector. Fakir is growing up under literal impossible standards. He's meant to give everything and crumble under that weight without achieving anything.

It's worth noting that the Princesses' roles are meant to revolve seeking affection from men while the men's roles are colored by violence. Contrast the Knight and Princess Tutu who are both destined to accomplish nothing and be forgotten: while Tutu gracefully dissolves into a speck of light, the Knight is gruesomely torn apart. Here, masculinity becomes inextricably linked to violence in Drosselmeyer's world.

For as long as Fakir tries to be a knight worthy of the story he is confined by a toxic gender role. A protector relies on the idea of a weaker subset of person--the protected. Even without malicious intent, this strips agency. Fakir ignores Mytho's wishes all for the sake of "keeping him safe." Likewise Duck doesn't' want Fakir's protection. In several episodes she begs him to give up on fighting and search for peaceable solutions.

Even though neither Duck nor Mytho ask for Fakir to fight for them he feels personally responsible for their safety to the point his entire self esteem rests on his ability to protect them. Despite his guarded exterior, two of the three times he breaks down crying are because Duck got hurt --due to his own incompetence in his eyes.

Fakir can only grow as a person when he stops placing everything on his own shoulders. For all he clings to the sword his real strengths are found outside of battle. He only saves Duck by opening up to her in his first display of willing vulnerability.

By the end of the series he has entered a genuine partnership with Duck. Rather than a one-sided relationship where he sees himself as her protector, he writes her story and trusts her to guide herself through it. This is in direct opposition to the masculine ideals he clung so hard to. The knight and the prince --his role models--are both meant to be self-sufficient in the original fairytale. Instead, Fakir is able to be a vulnerable boy who gets scared and hurt--and doesn't need to hide it--but has friends he can rely on when times are tough.

Fakir's arc doesn't involve him becoming more feminine, necessarily, but it does show him breaking free of the standards placed on his shoulders by toxic masculinity. He was never meant to be a fighter; that was an unfair role he was forced into. At the end of the show Fakir was achieved his freedom. He isn't a knight. He isn't a protector. He isn't personally responsible for the lives of those he loves. He's just Fakir.

[cookiegirlsstuff]

Tickles for Tae

Lee: Taehyung

Ler: Seokjin

♫₊˚.🎧✩｡

Taehyung was desperate. Not long ago he realised that he really likes beeing tickled.

It all started when he was tickled by Jungkook because he drank the bunny's banana milk. He couldn't believe it at first but after a little research he found out that there is a whole community of people with the same pleasure.

There are also special terms for the persons involved. A Lee is a person who likes to be tickled and a Ler is someone who likes to tickle others. There are also switches who like to do both.

Taehyung is a lee but there is a problem: nobody knows about it. He would really like to tell his friends, but he is afraid that they would think the wrong thing of him or find him weird.

However, Taehyung had been in a lee mood for almost 2 weeks and still hadn't been tickled. He really didn't know what to do now…

He was so desperate and sad that he locked himself in his room straight after dance training and hasn't come out yet.

"Taehyung, please open the door," he heard the voices of his hyungs outside the door, but he remained stubborn.

Taehyung thought he could finally think about his problem in peace, but rejoiced too soon….

After a few minutes he heard a key being turned in the lock and shortly afterwards the door opened.

It was the oldest of the Members Jin.

"Taehyung please tell me what's going on. We're all worried about you," Jin said carefully.

The younger man just shook his head. He was embarrassed to talk about it, especially since he had locked himself up over such a topic.

"Taehyung, I'm going to stay here until you tell me what's going on," said Jin with a confident grin on his face.

Taehyung didn't say anything back. He knew that he would have to give up for better or worse. So he got up and locked the door once again that day.

"Well not too long ago I found out that I…really like being tickled", Tae said ashamed.

"Please don't think weird of me! It's not a fetish or anything!" he made clear when he noticed the look on Jin's face.

"Eww Taehyung that's really weird! Why can't you be normal? You're so disgusting!" said Jin.

"I know", Taehyung said and laid down on his bed, his head buried in the pillow.

That's exactly what Jin wanted. He seized the opportunity and turned Taehyung around, only to find himself over the younger one afterwards.

"What are you doing hyung?" asked Taehyung, giggling as he looked into the grinning face of the oldest.

“I was just kidding and now I’m gonna tickle the sadness out of you!” Jin said smiling.

Soon Taehyung felt his shirt being raised and Jin wiggling his finger above the youngers tummy.

“Gahahahahahaha nahahahahahahaha” Taehyung blushed and covered his face.

"Does this even count as tickling? i'm barely touching you." Jin laughed and started spidering Taehyung's tummy.

Jin coed as he dipped one finger in the younger's belly button and used the other on his waistline.

“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HYUHUHUNG NOHOHOHOHO” the tiger let out high pitched giggles as Jin started squeezing his sides.

“Whoa! i didn’t expect that much of a reaction.” Jin said.

"YEHEHESS YOU DIIID", Taehyung replied.

"As much as I'd love to keep tickling you, tickling the same spot all the time gets boring. I wonder if you're ticklish anywhere else?" asked Jin, looking at the giggling male in front of him.

“Oh, seems like someone’s got the giggles!" Jin teased.

Then Jin sat down on the boy's ankles and gently ran his finger up and down Tae's foot.

“STOHOHOHP!” Taehyung tried to squirm and to pull his legs towards him, but Jin was doing an amazing job on pinning him down with his weight.

“I didn’t think you’d be this ticklish, .” Jin wondered happily as he kept on playing with the others feet, teasing the crap out of him.

“IHIHIHIHI *squeal* NAHAHAHA STAHAHA *squeak* SHUHUHUT UHUHUP STOHOHOHOP” This was so embarrassing and he was losing his mind. And then his laughter dipped into silence for a quick second and Jin knew he’d had enough, lifting his hands and climbing off of the younger, leaving him to curl up and cackle his little heart out.

"Did you have fun tiger?", Jin asked curious.

“Yehehehes thahank you.”

“I’m glad you had fun.” Jin had his arms wide open for Tae to crawl into and so he did. They lay there, younger still occasionally giggling until they were left in a comfortable silence. Then the elder spoke up.

“You know you can always come to me and ask for these types of things. You don’t have to be embarrassed tiger.

“Now I know hyung. Thanks.”

[miyokurenai]

izuku and Bakugo fic where the reader is a childhood friend with them aswell! And she starts becoming distant with them all of a sudden. Thank u ❤️

I'm flattered and thanks for the request. Genies may not exist, but your wish is my command. Sorry I took long to make this. Here you go and enjoy.

••Redeemed Regrets ••

••••••{Bakugo x Reader x Izuku}•••••

Your name POV:

"Help!" I screamed with a crack of voice while laying down, unable to make a move.

"Don't..... push..... yourself" Izuku faintly spoke but I didn't focused on what he said. I focused on how he is now.

His dark black and greenish hair are covered in dust with little fragments of rocks. His cheerful smiling face now beholds scars at his cheeks and blood dripping from his forehead. While his body, especially his arms are like decayed leaves in color of ash that appeared almost no content of bones, unable to move. Like me he was also trying to steady his breathing, resisting the weight of the wall that fell on our lower body leaving only our arms and neck free.

He gave a slight smile even if his eyes are teary and droopy indicating there's nothing to worry about him. However, he can't pretend no more, he's already in a critical state.

"You're the one who's pushing yourself! Stop talking or you'll run out of breath!"

He gave a small laugh. "You're still...... the (Your name) I liked..." he shared while breathing in and out fast  to deliver those words clearly. He turned his head and looked at me with his eyes

I blinked many times but never spoke anything and just looked at him. I just never thought we'll talk again.

But his eyes are slowly closing he opened his mouth but uttered no words. He realized it too so he stopped then tried to smile even if he is shaking. I can't hear anything unless my heart beat. It  beats faster overtime out of fear and not joy.

"Izuku there's no time for  sleeping" I joked to lessen the serious aura around, trying to hide a fear that may happen.

He cleared his throat trying to talk once again, I moved my hand giving extra effort to do it that took a while. My body is really weak. I thought to myself. I held on tight to his sloppy arm for him to stop talking or else he'll kill himself.

"Take.... Care"

The tears in my eyes continuously fell on my cheeks like a never ending waterfalls. "Sleep well" I whispered and I hope he heard it. But some hopes stay as hope. I bit my lower lip stopping my self to sob but it never stops shaking. What made me sad most is he is still smiling even at his last day.

I admired him for never leaving a smile even when we're little. Still, I hated him often doing that.

"Deku!!!!!! You b*stard!!!!!!" Someone shouted from the door filled with rocks. The room slowly trembled resulting for other debris to slowly fall.

"Stop! It will collapse!"

"Wait?!!! (Your name)!!!! D*mbass, Even you?!!!!!"

He's here. I missed the times he calls me that. My inner self chimed with hope. Still, Bakugo's voice produced too much shock wave that not only trembled the place like an earthquake but also the massive pipes that are already loose. Izuku's lucky it didn't hit on him, I was.

"Ah!"

"Brace yourselves!!!! I'm gonna blow this up!!!!-"

"Quit shouting!"

"You're the one's shouting!!!! I'm trying to save both of you!!!!!"

"You're killing us! Not saving!" I yelled that left the room in silence. I stopped myself to ask if he is still there. Not only because I'm losing oxygen due to the added weight now the metal pipe is on top of me but Bakugo, didn't talked back.

A prideful person never gets speechless in an argument.

"Looks like you're only friend left you" someone mysteriously talked. I  looked around using my eyes, it didn't took long since he is on top of me. Sitting on the wall that fell at me while he's feet laid on top of the metal pipe like some guy relaxing on a beach.

"Good grief, it's just you" I complemented with a sleepy eyes looking at him.

"People do like to underestimate others just to be offered help."

"I don't "

"Don't get selfish my dear weak cousin. It's your fault that he died" he pointed on Izuku.

" And he changed" he blamed then pointed behind those rocks that covered the door way.

I gritted my teeth and lucky him that my hands are under these pipe for his face would be great  to be hit by it. He is still the cousin I've known, cruel and manipulative. His outfit is simply  a dark navy blue Sapphire cloak with a hood and yellow shoes. He still isn't good at fashion sense. But even so, I looked at Izuku's wounded face and remembered what I just yelled to Bakugo.

From the day I met them I only wished for them to smile purely not forcedly. I sighed making a decision I never thought I would think of.

"Alright-"

He cut me off and took a pouch from his pocket. After it he took a sandy silver dust and sprinkled all over my face. I made a small cough and he did that on purpose so I won't be able to talk.

"It's a deal! Okay you'll die when you reach 16. Good luck being a kid again, bye!" He continued while not allowing for me to speak a last word.

My eyes and vision are turning dark then black. The last thing or person I saw, was his grin.

I don't care about him nor myself. This is for Bakugo and Izuku.  I said to myself full of determination.

But then I felt different, I feel like I want to hit the bed.  That made me yawn like I never slept in ages.

             *******

"(Your name)!"

"Hey d*mbass!'

"Kacchan! She won't wake up  if you call her that"

I heard voices of two kids and felt their eyes looking at me.

"That's it! I'm going to shake her"

"You shouldn't -"

"I know what I'm doing!"

I felt a small hand wrapped at my back and lifted up causing me to sit. I decided to open my eyes to know who is it but  the hands of it are now at my shoulders.

"Wake up!" He shouted while shaking my shoulders that caused my whole body to wiggle like a broken vending machine trying to get a choco bar.

I got irritated and opened my eyes immediately with eyebrows close together like a tiger ready to attack her prey down.

"Hey! I'm not a living vending machine!"

"(Your name's) awake!" A little boy happily mentioned my name.

My eyes automatically looked at him and he is just beside me. He's alive and lively.

"You can smile?" Another boy asked with a sarcasm and he is just in front of me. I didn't noticed that I smiled until he spoke about it.

"I can! Why can't I ? You probably just liked it" I bragged confidently.

He swiped his head avoiding our eyes  to try hide his face but I can see his ear is already red.

"Kacchan maybe we should head  home, you've got a fever" Izuku gasped and put his little hands on Bakugo's forehead.

My guts want to tease him so I acted like an innocent child. I went close to his face and did what Izuku did and I felt the temperature arouse at him.

"Spider?!!!!" Izuku shrieked and once I heard that my face is ready to faint but if I do that creepy insect might bite me. So I jumped like a cat that was just thrown a cucumber while hugging.... Someone.

"Oh! It's just black fur ball" Izuku realized and turned his head to us but his eyes widened and now dumbfounded.

"Are you kidding me?! Geeez" I blurted and exhaled to let out the tension.

"Ahh... I can't breathe, get off"

"Hm?" I hummed cluelessly then took a look on Bakugo why did he said something off. But my whole dignity almost sank. My eyes opened really wide while both of my eyebrows almost reached at the air. I pushed him violently by accident and also embarrassment. I haven't felt I hugged him.

We looked away in opposite directions that left the field a noice of only coming from the grass as the wind passed.

This is literally akward! My inner self shouted that almost bangled my ears.

"I'm just going to fetch some fruits" Izuku broke the silence but his face is still the same as before, shocked. He walked stiffly like a robot after seeing unexpected things.

After what happened, I had enough of Bakugo's face and we'll just definetly fight if we're only the two of us.

"I'll help" I voluntarily shouted.

              *******

"I can almost reach it!" Izuku exclaimed with excitement . As he stretched his arms to get the red apple hanging on a tree while maintaining his balance on a branch.

Now's my chance. My selfish side cued.

I closed my eyes and deeply focused making a landscape of flower fields where butterflies fly freely. My skin tingled after sensing something pointy and a bit itchy.

I opened my eyes to reveal if it's here and they are. I swift a hand gesture dancing in the air and pointed at Izuku's back in the end of my hand incantation. While processing commands to be transferred at the mind of my butterfly.

"Get his quirk"

By that they followed it and flew in a rush towards Izuku's back for him not to notice and for me to teach him a lesson.

But I felt a sudden change of mind to continue or stop. He is your friend.

But I'm doing this for him.

Am I sure? Or I'm just doing it for myself.

"Got it---ah!!!"

"Izuku!"

He screamed not out of the bite of my butterfly but he fell when he jumped out of joy that resulted for his feet to land on air instead of a sturdy branch.

My feelings and thoughts were circling of worry and fear for he might get injured.

"Please save him" I let out a whisper out of unexplained emotion and action to be done. Yhe atmosphere then went windy and one butterfly came after another to Izuku's direction.

They gathered under the spot where Izuku may possibly fall. But as Izuku was on top of those butterflies ready for him to be caught  his body just passed at it as if he is  passing through a cloud mist. So he ended up hitting at a rock with butterflies on his back, the butterflies are for sure flat but atleast Izuku's drop impact lowered.

"Told you not to get it!" I worriedly shouted as I ran to him

"It's a hero's duty to meet the humanities needs. Atleast the apple is not squashed, here you go" he told cheerfully with a wide smile then gave me the apple forgetting how it's hurtful for your back and butt to hit at a rock.

"Stop pretending"

"Pretending?"

"It's okay not to smile if you're hurt. Smile if you want to not need to.  We're friends you don't have to pretend." I declared but the word friend almost hit like a shot of arrow in my heart.

"Well, as All Might does he puts a smile on his face even if things get bad."

"You've said that a hundred times"

"Really?! Well, it's a new record, a hundred in one"

"It's a hundred AND one"

"As I was saying let's get back!"

I wonder if you would even smile once you learned your quirk is gone.

"Ah!" Izuku shouted that waked my thoughts of daydreaming. Sometimes past hunts your present to change for the betterment of it's future.

I looked to his direction and saw him rubbing his back but he can't stand up like it's paralyzed at the grass. My hands are shaking as I ran towards him to scan what I can do.

Just like what happened before.

"Why did you took the apple?!!"

"You were looking at it. It's a heros duty to meet the humanities needs"

"For goodness sake" I slapped my forehead and rubbed my temple trying not to explode.

I took a deep breath and concentrated to call the butterflies that could help.

More of them carried herbal leafs water droplets, and a vine for treatment of his back. It didn't broke since I already ordered them to pull of the rock then gather dried leaves. Knowing the past is quite cool. What I don't know how my butterflies did that.

Atleast his quirk is at him, ready for tomorrow.

               ****

"Next is Izuku Midoriya" our teacher called him. This is Quirk Test, the day where things have changed. But now changed it for the better.

"Izuku it's your turn" Bakugo toughly said after being praised by our teacher for having a flashy quirk. He pushed Izuku where he is already shaking and frozen stiff. He is still shy as always.

I want to help also so I supported them but aggressively. My childhood days won't exist if weren't for them. They know how to make me smile purely but I never let them see it. That's the down part of my personality. Afraid of expressing myself too much.

I pushed Bakugo mildly but powerful enough for them to stumble on the floor like a domino.

"How dare you do that!!"

"I was trying to help"

"Well, you're not!!"

"Alright enough, Izuku is about to showcase his quirk" teacher calmly told us and Bakugo just mumbled and that's about me for sure. I stuck out my tongue and saw his nerve pop out of his forehead.

Izuku closed his eyes and focused everything on his energy from within. All eyes on him waiting what happens. After a minute, nothing happened.

Our classmates mumbled almost the same statement. "He is quirkless, one of the 20% in the population". I showed them my fist then glared and they shut their mouth automatically.

I looked at Bakugo and like before he gave a grin. Now the tragedy starts that I thought I changed it.

I already stopped myself to get his quirk. My thoughts said that made me think what are the possibility but a lightbulb appeared at my idea.

I took a robot toy and threw directly at his face.

"(Your name) why did you do that-" teacher's word were cut after all of us heard a blow from the walls. All of our heads turned and saw the wall formed massive and many long cracks circled from one source. The toy I threw.

How I threw it is not the suspect but because of his reflexes where the toy hit on the wall revealing his quirk.

"Cool, it's similar to All Might"

Everybody exclaimed and crowded around at Izuku. He is scratching his back while accepting praises and amazement of them then he payed a smile almost reaching his eyes. A blushing smile out of a little nervousness but full of gratefulness.

I'm thankful too that it went fine. I don't need to avoid him like I did in the early days. Not because he is weak but because of my weakness. Once I did a mistake I avoided the person whom I did it to.  But now my soul is purely filled with joy .

               ******

"You beat up those 4th grader all at once!"

"The most amazing heroes always win. They come on top no matter what."

"Wow your so cool!"

"I want to follow you whenever you go!"

"Yeah like a leader"

"Well, your first rule is-"

"Alright that's enough for today" I demanded and pulled his hands for him to stop thinking of a decision. I have to, if not, Izuku and Bakugo's friendship will  deteriorate.

There are times power binds growth of strength but blinds you in the end.

Bakugo wrenched his fist and sparked flame on it like fireworks, a sudden heat made me let go to him "Stop dragging me! You're not my sister!"

I did not argue back and looked around to know if we're here.

"Sit down" I commanded while pointing at a metal bench close to a medical store.

"You're not a boss"

"Don't be stubborn" I insisted then pushed his shoulders to forcedly sit. He was about to put away my hands as a kid  full of pride and that annoyed me.

"You're face needs to be treated!"

"I don't need your help! I'm not weak d*mbass!"

"Not being treated is weak, you just can't handle the sting of the alcohol that's for sure."

"That's not true, even if you pour that to my whole face"

"Really?"

"Go on"

With that I had a chance to treat him, taking a cotton soaked with alcohol after wiping his scars and dust at his face. Then sticking it with bandages in the end.

"You did that on purpose didn't you"

"You took long to realize it"

"Hmp" he pouted while crossing his arms who seemed really distracted when someone helps him.

"Asking help is never a sign of weakness it takes courage to do it, got that" I advised him but instead of listening he mimicked my voice I did got irritated but I took a deep breath. I just organized my supplies inside my bag. I new this would happen so I prepared. In the past, what I did is lift him with the help of my butterflies to lessen the weight and brought to the clinic six blocks away. My bones almost collapse after it.

"If a villain would ask what are your last words what would it be?" Bakugo suddenly asked.

I stopped what I'm doing but didn't look at him either. That's the last conversation I had with him. But now I need to make it right. I turned and look at him ready to tell the truth

"I don't know, how about you?"

"Hey I was the first who asked!"

"Clearly it's a situational question, you definitely have a answer in mind"

"Is it bad to ask"

"No.. but if it's you yes"

"D*mbass, I would tell to the villain to kill you"

"And I'll tell to the villain whoever demanded to kill me is the one I never had the chance to say I like him."

~~~~After 10 years ~~~~

I am standing in front of the entrance arc of an institute with big U. A. letters as the name of the this school. U. A. High

Without exploring your weakness, you'll never discover your true strength. That's what I learned

I distanced myself to two people I want to be with their side. Not to the reason of their fault but because of my own.

I avoided Bakugo, afraid to tell the words I never imagine I would say those eight letters.

I never spoke to Izuku, after realizing he doesn't need a friend who took away his quirk.

Only for one reason, for them to not smile. For them to realize it's okay not to do it and save it to moments that deserves it.

But what I learned is instead of finding a way to remove their smile is find a way to let out their pure smiles.

" Weekend just passed and you already missed this school"

"A little. Hey?! Where's Super All Might " I suddenly remembered that three of us walked here so I tried to turn my head if we left him behind but instead of that. I felt a hand wrapped at my back and pulled closer to where his heart beats.

We can hear each other's heartbeat while his face is slowly getting closer to mine. I didn't push him and decided to let him. It's just a small kiss. So I closed my eyes and smiled waiting for the moment that could motivate me at class.

"Guys! Why did you left me-- oh!"

We stopped while looking at him but I can feel a rage of energy beside me that can explode in a second. I let out a laugh while Super All Might explained himself while bowing many times asking forgiveness. Kacchan didn't accept it then took a deep breath ready for a shouting session.

"You really show off in the wrong time! We were about to--"

Ringggggg ding dong dingggggggg

The school bell covered some of the loud speech of Kacchan so we almost heard nothing.

"Come on, Mr. Aizawa will expel us if he found this out. You can do it some other time"

"Is it bad to do it with my girlfriend. Hey! Stop pushing!"

"You've already done it many times. Me and ochaco never done that."

"That's because I'm not weak"

"Hey! I was just explaining"

"Then let's settle this once and for all"

Kacchan announced and grinned ready to fight .

"Bring it on" Super All Might agreed while I just laughed holding my stomach for this two are getting stupid.

All of a sudden my heart beat pumped slowly, but made an impactful vibration that almost burst my hearing senses. A pump after another that beats stronger and more painful. I holded my chest. Now even my chest hurts like it's been squeeze by a snake unable to breathe normally.

Before I could tell them knees gave up and now I heard my body hit at the ground.

"(Your superhero name!)" Two of them shouted as they ran to me but my vision started to blur.

I smiled. Atleast I made things right.

*******

Sorry if the ending is somehow unexpected. But I hope I met your expectations. Thanks again 🥰

[bombingqueen]

Season 1 Overview

Season Rating: 8/10

This was a good season. I honestly miss when SPN was this grounded before the Angels entered. Season 1 has so many classic and good hunts and the best moments of brotherly bonding between the boys. And just innocence is bliss with those two.

Dean loves so much and so fiercely. Like, how does Sam and John not melt away from all that intensity? Especially Sam. Dean's love for Sam is pure devotion and adoration even if it goes beyond human comprehension to others. Literally Dean is the personification of love in all forms. Dean is terrifying when the ones he loves are in danger and there is no regret because he will do everything and anything for what he considers his. And it comes at the cost of himself. He will let people take advantage of him just to protect what's his. The fact that he stood up to John and put himself on Sam's side to show where his loyalty has begun to shift. (John straight up did abandon Dean and not just physically. Dude just wanted to have his Dad love him without his mistakes being thrown in front of his face or without the YED or Sam taking priority). I love this man even if he is an obsessive and possessive bastard.

Sam makes my heart hurt and bleed. This boy has been through so much and honestly I wish Sam never did return to the life. Season 1 Sam is so good and so pure (he still is in later seasons but there is something about season 1 Sam). The way he looks at a witness or family member of the victim in the eye and makes his voice gentle. The way he subtlety takes care of Dean. Putting his body in front of others to take the blow. I love him even if he doesn't believe he should be loved. It hurts how he is never the same after the encounter with the yellow eyed demon. He hides all that hurt, anger, and love behind a facade. I love how Sam looks at Dean differently with a whole new perspective. The way Sam looks at Dean just hurts; this boy loves his brother so much but also fears that he could lose Dean like he lost Jess. Sam during this season keeps his distance from Dean and the closer they get to the YED, the more he is losing himself to Dean's orbit. I'm sure Sam knew that once he let Dean in there was no turning back to 'normal.' The cross he bears would have killed him if he didn't have Dean to pull him from the edge. Dean is his constant, his compass, and his north star. The love the boys have for each other is unreal at times. Can't live with him, can't live without him (totally took that line from Hannibal. Speaks so loud of entangled lives.).

As much as I do not like John as a parent. He did what he thought was best at the time. I don't agree with the emotional and mental trauma he gave his boys but loss has a way twisting love into something unbearable. Unimaginable. And it is a torture to get up each day to imagine a world where it could be snatched away again. Bearing the weight of the cross is the life of a Winchester.

I am deliberately not talking about Mary yet because of the role she plays later on. I'm gonna be focusing on the Winchester men for most of the series.

Missouri is amazing and I love her. I wish we got to see more of her.

Top 5 Episodes:

Home (This deserves a post just for itself honestly. Mary's I'm sorry is just astounding considering future episodes. Also, John is once again a dick. Dean begging his father to come back is so freakin' sad but good television)

Dead in the Water (This episode just gives so much insight into Dean and how the trauma over his mom's death is so ingrained in every interaction he has with others that are in a similar situation or just vulnerable)

Nightmare (Gut-wrenching knowing what could have been with Dean and Sam if John had made a different decision and the events that would have happened had Sam powers was used for evil. This is also such a smooth transition into the bigger plot at hand and where the show really started picking up steam)

Faith (John is just an asshole period. You care so much about keeping them safe but you don't check up on your dying son. Sure John. Sam and Dean love each other more than life itself okay. Their love continues getting more and more possessive with each near death. Beautiful)

Something Wicked (Dean never was and was never gonna be a child. Had the weight of the world on his shoulders in more ways than one)

The Worst Episode:

Route 666 (This episode has literally always made me uncomfortable not gonna lie. Being a black woman has made me look at this episode in so many different ways and it just makes me upset for a lack of a better word. Considering that they don't revisit this type of thing again says something. That is a huge can worms that does not always end well.)

Favorite Quotes:

"People don't come here for the truth. They come for good news." - Missouri (Home)

"Man, I'm not going to give you a loaded pistol!" - Dean (Asylum)

"A young man with an important purpose. A job to do. And it isn't finished." - Roy (Faith)

"Sam's my responsibility. He's coming back. I'm bringing his back." - Dean (Benders)

"Yeah, I don't want you to leave the second this thing's over, Sam." - Dean (Shadow)

"These guy...probably bitchslap them both," - Sam (Hell House)

"Spent it on ammo." - John (Dead Man's Blood)

"I want you to go to school. I want-want Dean to have a home." _ John (Salvation)

[kart0]

I found a hack to start eating again !!! Me fanboying over food ?

Ok I'm super super excited about this. This is daniyuu lore guys it's very serious: there was a time when I seriously considered studying gastronomy and pursuing this career. I didn't want to have a restaurant or be a chef, I really really just wanted to learn more techniques and improve my abilities. But then I thought "hell no id rather DIE than make this my life. I love cooking and baking and this is my fucking hobbyyyyy !!!!" And then I chose arts lol

As my previous update, and some other posts, I mentioned having an eating disorder ! And I think I've rationalized enough to overcome it ? Like bro I honestly feel like a superhero rn no joke. Disclaimer: this is what works FOR ME. I'm not saying this will work for everyone who's struggling with an ED. This is MY own experience !

Ok so I have trouble with consistent eating, and trying new things. ARFID: avoidant restrictive food intake disorder.

My current safe food is basically: cauliflower, neoguri/shin ramyun, and monster energy drinks. And popcorn.

I know, I KNOW, those aren't super healthy or...nutritious, BUT IN MY DEFENSE: eating anything is better than not eating at all !

Anyways, after being kinda sad that I miss food, and miss feeling happy when eating, and miss cooking, I've finally come to terms that: I can guarantee I will eat, if I cook my meal. Sounds very basic because it is ! If I am the one cooking, I'm the one who has control over EVERYTHING. I can choose my seasonings, my ingredients, my own method. I know what's in there, I know what I will be having, and I will be having fun ! I will associate food with my happiness because I will be happy cuz I love cooking !

I really really miss cooking and since I'm on my uni break my mom and sister have been asking me to cook more meals, and I've been doing that. And enjoying so much !

I feel so happy when all my family praise my food. I really really do think, hmmm, I did a great job.

And I'm not gonna lie, I'm a very good cook lol

Last year I was responsible for picking and making our Christmas AND New Years menu. I carefully planned three meals a day for a week, and administrated my family to help me out. like a real chef would do ! By the way, my family members have a lot of restrictions: sister mom and aunt: lactose intolerant; dad, other aunt: can't have too much salt; mom and aunt: gluten free; me: literally the pickiest eater ever !

And every time, literally no joke, I would ask how did they enjoy my meal ( I mostly did all the cooking while they would prep the ingredients ) and they would ALWAYS say it was awesome and good and most importantly, tasty. I felt this rush of emotions and I'd always think hm, this was worth it. I'd be tired my legs would be sore but my tummy would be full and I'd be happy. It was worth it.

Then I got very bad and totally stopped eating, I wanted to lose weight and I did, I lost a LOT of weight but I also felt so bad and I literally was very close to passing out all the time.

I cut off some foods specially meats, idk they just.. started grossing me out. I always hated pork so that was never an issue ( no I don't like bacon ) , and I was already a picky eater and would only eat some type of meats and cuts ( I hate hate hate cartilages, skins, fat lol ) but then I just. Stopped eating red meat, and then I got even more restricted from eating chicken ( chicken breast is the safest cut and meat for me ) and I'm not the biggest fan of seafood.

Anyways, I had to take blood samples and well I now have iron deficiency 🥴

Got sidetracked I'm sorry but I really really like talking about this ? Since it's like...my hobby I guess. Ok so I stopped cooking cuz it was too much work and effort and I wouldn't even eat it in the end. So I just, stopped.

My birthday is coming up tho, and my sister wanted us to go to this restaurant that I've been wanting to go for AGES !!!!! ( More daniyuu lore: I love cooking shows specially Masterchef ) And there's this restaurant from a Masterchef winner and I wanted to try her food for sooooo long. But when my sister told me this I actually got very, very sad. I thought, it'd be a waste of money and time. I won't eat anything. Not only do I rarely eat, but when I do, I tend to eat very small portions. And I thought DANG IT this would be SUCH a waste of opportunity.

And then, my secret weapon: actually, two secret weapons: my THINKING, and my STUBBORNESS.

Thinking, I could come to this solution. And stubborness, cuz I will follow through and this will work.

Came to the conclusion that the only way to start eating again, is by making meals I'm proud of, and excited to try. Yes !

I've been saving some videos of different foods to try to make and I've been sooooo excited !

Only problem is that I fucked up both of my arms cuz of the last post ( sakuatsu baseball ) ( I locked in too hard and drew for 8 hours straight.... ) ( don't do that )

And now I'm in so much pain I'm trying to not do anything and just rest ( not working cuz my family keeps asking me to do chores and stuff that needs a lot of arm strength . I got pissed off cuz they seem to worry but in fact don'tgaf - so this hasnt been working ugh ). Even writing this post makes me feel like there are electrical wires on my hands wrists elbow and shoulders. I shouldn't be but I'm so excited and I need to post this before I forget. I can't lose momentum ? Idk

I'm very excited too ! I've always been curious about vegan food and vegetarian options, which is kind of funny since I'm not a big fan of many, MANY, vegetables.. but seeing them being prepared in ways I've never tried before actually make me feel so happy and curious ! Maybe I will like them then ! I just need to find a way to make them to my taste. Isn't this so exciting ? The magic of genuine curiosity and passion is literally flowing through my veins. I'm so, so happy I found my love for cooking again !!!!!! I can't wait to be fully healed and better and cook these awesome meals.

( by the way I used to joke to my sister that I'd be a vegan vegetarian super Nature vibes when I'd turn 30 - I was like, 11 at the time )

I'm so, so excited. Also, important note: my mom doesn't really season food... Since my dad can't have too much salt, and she can't either ( she takes blood pressure pills ? ) she will put a PINCH of salt. And that's it.

It was kind of sad....

Anyways, I found out I really really like caeser salad and some veggies if they're actually seasoned lol

Ahhhhh I'm so happy ! I feel like I'm actually gonna get better ! I'm planning to make a wonton soup cuz it looks sooooo gooooood ! ( Yes it is pork. No I won't eat the pork. I hope I won't find pork on the market... And then I can search for ground chicken meat. Heh. Probably won't find ground chicken tho. ) I've never had wonton soup so I won't be sure if it's like, good, and the real deal cuz I won't have any data to compare but ! A boy can only dream

And then, I want to try and make more salads ( I love salads ) and also ! I want to make my own pickles ! We don't have a lot of varieties here, it's always the same two or three brands. And the pickles are never crunchy which makes me so sad. They're also very mild and have barely no flavour. WHERE'S THE PASSION.

Also I want to try and make a filet-o-fish from McDonald's. I really like those but they were discontinued, plus, I'm boycotting McDonald's ( and a lot of other brands as well ) and honestly, McDonald's is super expensive here anyways.

And my food is better 🤭🤭

Its funny cuz I'm a very insecure person, but when it comes to cooking, bro I am very proud of myself and my skills. I do in fact cook and I'm...the best cook in my family 😬

It makes me happy that you can see ( and I can see too ) how happy this make me. I really enjoy cooking. I'm really excited to cook again. And I'm very, very ecstatic to eat. Wow !

I'm very proud of myself.

[dollfaceksj]

I genuinely felt everything that y/n said. Even though I'm not a mother, I'm 100% sure all of us felt like that at some point if not all the time.

I never speak about this ever, but I've always struggled with my weight ever since I was a little girl, I wasn't even a tiny baby, I was just over 4 kg which usually isn't considered to be small for a baby. And I've never been thin ever in my life from then, right until now and I can truthfully say that sadly, most of the time (or in my case), your family is usually your biggest bully. Girls generally grow up always having to hear people comment on their weight, and it's sad that we have people body shaming us as literal CHILDREN. No child or person should ever have to experience something like that. And because I've constantly had people pick on my weight and make jokes about it, it became a fear of mine to even have someone comment on their own weight in front of me because I immediately think that they're gonna say something about me and I try my best to never engage in those conversations with them or I try to change the topic because I'm always so afraid. It became so bad that I actually avoid even going to see a doctor for something as common as a cold or flu, because I'm always scared that they're going to tell me something about my weight or that they will weigh me. I don't even like meeting people that I haven't seen in a long time because I'm afraid of what they're going to say. Both my siblings are also extremely skinny so I always questioned myself as a child and I still do. This developed into such a huge fear for me that I associate it with every single thing that goes wrong in my life. This has and will always be the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with in life, even if i finally manage to lose weight some day, because it's caused so much of damage to me already that I already know that even if it does stop one day, it's still going to be apart of my story as the most difficult thing I've ever had to deal with. Especially when you keep everything bottled up inside because I could never find the courage to ever speak up about this. It's so sad when it isn't even something you have control over, if we did every single woman and man on this earth would have ideal bodies and faces and everything that we want. But I've come to realize that no one is ever happy with the way they look, we're all human beings and we all have flaws, we just have to realize that we are all beautiful in our own way and that what other people think of us should never matter.

So I really understood y/n so much when he asked her why she couldn't just speak to him about it instead of hiding, cause I know exactly how she feels, it's not something you can just speak about openly because there's sooo much shame that comes with it even though it shouldn't be that way. It's like you're constantly embarrassed about these things even when it's not our fault.

This update of cal really hits very hard because it's a sensitive topic and you portrayed it so well Clover🥺

I'm so glad I found your account when you first started writing cal. And I'm so glad that we get to interact with you.

I know that i dont know you personally, but i know that you're not only an amazing author but you're an even better person ❤️ Thank you for always trying your best to interact with us, you truly are my favourite.

And if you ever struggle with these feelings as well, just remember that you are so beautiful and sooo loved Clover💜

Ilysm :) ♡

you worded it perfectly! i hope it gets easier as you go on because i agree, it is the most difficult thing i’ve had to live with as well so i 100% know what you’re on about.

i struggled with the same things all my life until i started losing weight. the difference in the way people treat you (and yes, even family!) is nauseating. they’re a lot nicer to me now that i fall into the beauty standard. it’s such a slap to the face and really makes me mourn the me that once was because she didn’t deserve any of that

so when i took on the idea to write yn as a mother, i knew i couldn’t brush over the one thing so many mothers struggle with. i’m not a mom but i’m surrounded by them! and as someone who has lost a lot of weight, these are things i relate to (minus the baby lol)

craving validation, affection and love isn’t wrong, never will be. how you go about it is definitely a debatable topic but i still think people who have never gone through this specific thing will also just never understand. they will never understand how it is just embarrassing to admit that you feel this way sometimes. it’s embarrassing to have to tell others that someone else made fun of your body, it’s embarrassing to have to tell others that the clothes they got you don’t fit, it’s embarrassing to admit that the world puts majority of your worth into how you look.

these things combined with isolation and years of self hatred make you do stupid things, things you regret. i wanted to portray that without painting yn out to be the villain, because wholeheartedly, she’s not. i feel like people who were upset at yn even after seeing the world through her eyes have just never experienced it. not approving of her actions does not mean we can’t understand. learn. have empathy. it’s just another example that people don’t take mental health seriously

society is not easy on people and their appearance, especially women and afab ppl.

so it’s okay if you’re still struggling with it. how can you learn to uplift yourself overnight when the world is still treating bigger people like a disease or less worthy? not deserving of respect?

i hope you continue living life to the fullest and always be happy with yourself, cause if you aren’t, who will be?

love, clover

[thatguymao]

Not my brother basically describing losing weight the same way I did this summer as I was stuffing my face with cake during this party.

"Basically just reducing my calorie intake by a lot and doing lots of weightlifting" my bro that is literally how i lost 30 pounds in 2 months and now I feel like an impostor because I've been gaining weight like crazy since I got back home.

I need to get back to campus and really get back on track or I'm gonna go crazy. And I'm also gonna go back to relying on weight lifting again rather than cardio since that helped me lose 30 lbs in the first place. Idc anymore if that means I'll have to work out at my dorm in front of my roommate, I actually felt stronger and better and more on track when I relied on strength training rather than cardio.

I just have one more day here where at home where I'll be eating way over my cal limit. Then Monday I go back to campus, I can start getting back on track. Sad I won't reach my ugw at this rate by halloween, but I'm still gonna work hard. At least I know I can definitely reach it by winter break lol, roughly 30 lbs to lose in 2 and a half months? That's exactly what I achieved over the summer, I can do that again plus more since what held me back was forced daily dinners under my mom's supervision. Now it's just a matter of self-control, no one can force me to eat dinners on campus. If my brother can do this, so can i.

[mightdeletelater]

The current discourse surrounding the cost of living crisis seems somewhat incomplete to me. When it comes up in the media or in discussions around me, it is consistently framed in terms of individuals' financial constraints, addressing what people can or cannot afford. I am not disputing that at all; that perspective is undeniably valid. In fact, I would argue that livable wages, affordable housing and rental control, neighbourhood resources, adequate public transit, high-quality education and efficient and productive health services are all very prevalent issues that fall under public safety.

But aside from all of that, when thinking about the cost of living crisis, I find myself asking: Why must we pay for everything in the first place? Today, I read this article highlighting local repair shops evolving into community hubs for free assistance in fixing gadgets and clothing. It prompted reflections on a bygone era when reciprocity thrived in communities, emphasising mutual aid rather than profit.

The individuals interviewed in the article are far from being revolutionary figures. Their actions echo sentiments reminiscent of historical resistors of industrialisation, like the Luddites (a word I learned from an English professor I hated) from the 19th century. Their resistance took various forms, some violent, but it takes one Google Scholar search to show that many chose to assert the mentality of: 'I do not need your money as desperately as you think, for I have systems of kinship outside this monetised economy.' The viewpoint of acknowledging that while currency is nice to have and it provides things, it really does not meet the majority of my needs right now is one that I am newly trying to adopt every single day. For me it's about starting small. I constantly think about that one viral Tumblr post about the commodification of friendship. It says:

the commodification of friendship is the most annoying thing to come out of the internet in ages. like actually i love to break this to you but you’re supposed to help your friends move even if it’s hard work. or stay up with them when they’re sad even if you’re gonna lose sleep. you’re supposed to listen to their fears and sorrows even if it means your own mind takes on a little bit of that weight. that’s how you know that you care. they will drive you to the airport and then you will make them soup when they’re sick. you’re supposed to make small sacrifices for them and they are supposed to do that for you. and there’s actually gonna be rough patches for both of you where the balance will be uneven and you will still be friends and it will not be unhealthy and they will not be abusive. life is not meant to be an endless prioritization of our own comfort if it was we would literally never get anywhere ever. jesus.

No, it isn't talking about the cost of living crisis, per se, but I like that the writer has specified how important community is and how yes, it may be unbalanced at times, and you won't gain from it monetarily, but that's OK. I'm constantly trying to remind myself that the human experience should be about giving. And I try. With my family. My friends. And in my community.

And so back to the main point: Does a significant portion of the cost of living crisis lies not just in our inability to afford things but in the imperative to afford everything. The issue transcends high prices; it's about the pervasive commodification of all aspects of life. It's about everything having a cost to begin with: whether that is physical items (like the things people were working on in repair shops) or emotional support (commodification of friendship). Capitalist logic has infiltrated to such an extent that almost everything is now part of a monetised economy. That's just so lame to me and not a trap I want to fall into.

[wibble-wobbegong]

Wibble, I need you to explain me something about the van scene pretty please. It's about Will mentioning "playing nintendo and dnd for the rest of their lives", was Mike sad about El or was he sad because he remembered their rain fight in S3? I'm not entirely sure about this, so I really need your thoughts about this.

short answer: he was thinking about el

long answer: ok so to answer this we’re gonna really have to consider the weight behind that line and the context we were given going into that scene

I’d suggest watching the scene itself while i talk about this bc i can only use photos and those don’t relay the information as well as the scene

so! context. what’re we being set up with? the stuff with mike and will us in the middle of their conversation. it seems they had been looking at stuff on the map already when will brings up vegas. mike responds to will’s question, “from vegas?” as if they had been seeing how far other things were from NINA. probably stuff like gas stations or motels or restaurants, but then will brings up vegas which doesn’t really fit with other stuff so that’s why mike asks “why?” (pronouns: whaey..? with extra breathlessness)

what’s important about mike’s body language in this scene is that he’s watching will intently, staring at will as he talks.

we see mike have this staring problem in scenes when he’s thinking about will because his eyes are naturally drawn to him. will just so happens to occupy a lot of mike’s thoughts, so it happens a lot

there’s a change in this body language after he brings up DND and nintendo, though. mike is no longer able to hold eye contact with will for very long. he’s thinking about something else and he’s thinking about it hard

why does that line trigger this change? well, let’s think about it. DND, video games, rest of their lives. those are all very important in mike wheeler code for loving will. i think it’s important to remember here that mike is still waiting for an answer from will. he’s confessed his feelings and will has yet to confirm or deny his reciprocation. will has just brought up something that immediately reminds him of the struggle of s3 that involved both will and el, specifically the romantic issue. he’s currently in the in-between phase of breaking up with el and being with will here. mike has confessed and will hasn’t responded. el has returned the sentiment that she doesn’t love mike by signing off her letter “from, el” rather than simply breaking up with him

mike being in this weird limbo with both of them and having those old memories brought up probably shone a light on mike’s biggest fear about breaking up with el; losing her. he doesn’t feel like he has value to her outside of being her boyfriend, and he’s been able to ignore it this far but will has just brought up the very thing that almost caused him to lose will because he was obsessing over el. in the same way, i think he’s afraid that when he and el officially break up and he returns to the things he pushed away, he might lose her.

his following rant is mostly filmed like this;

whenever mike is thinking about will, he’s in frame if he isn’t looking at him directly. even when the moment definitely should not call for him to be in frame, he’ll be there if mike is thinking about him. my favorite examples of this!

during this rant, mike is only occasionally and quickly glancing at will before staring back at nothing. will isn’t in frame for the vast majority of his little self deprecating speech!!

really, mike was thinking about el at that point. mike knows he’s in love with will, confessed to him, and he also knows el isn’t in love with him. waiting for will’s response has left mike with a lot anticipation and he’s started to get closer with will in many ways. he’s not afraid of what will has to say, so that isn’t what’s stressing him out right here. he’s worried about how truly embracing himself will impact his relationship with el. he doesn’t want to lose her, but they’ve already started the process of falling apart and he’s been able to distract himself from it but then will says something that hits the very core of a lot of mike’s pain around his feelings for both of them.

that’s why mike looks Like That when will says, “you’re scared of losing her.” he read mike’s mind, but just not in the way he thinks

but basically, he was thinking about el here. he’s spent a lot of time using el as a cover before this conversation, but this wasn’t what one of those moments. when he uses el as a cover, he watches will intently for reactions and he speaks vaguely. none of what mike says is vague and he isn’t looking for a reaction from will. he’s just ranting about his fears to the one person he know he can trust with this information

hope that explains it 👍