#I'm gonna ask her why she thought it appropriate to ask me if I'd tried cleaning up

[ooc-miqojak]

Fuck Landlords

Today, I started sharpening my proverbial knives for this winter's Devouring of the Landlord. Here is the snipped text from an email I got from her today in response to a request that they assist me with a foul smell emanating from a wall in my apartment.

Since the snip is so small, I'll copy/paste what the bitch wrote when I told her that there is a horrifyingly vile stench of death in a closet/in a wall that is between my downstairs closet, and my computer room. A smell that is so pervasive, it has even begun to stink upstairs now that it has been almost a week we've been waiting for this to be dealt with (this is a closet under the stairwell).

"We had a maintenance tech and our pest control vendor come over earlier to look at and identify the smell.  They said they noticed a smell but it was not strong.  The pest control vendor said it did not smell like an animal and he did not see any animal droppings.  He was concerned that it may be a pet going to the bathroom in the closet?  Is there anything that could have spoiled that is in a box or around the closet?  Perhaps some cleaning out may help? He will come back in a couple of days and if it has not gone away can go in and open the wall.  We reached out to the resident in the unit below and they are alive.  So there are no dead bodies in the building. Please let me know if the smell continues."

So, when I complain that there is probably a dead squirrel in the wall in my apartment (and intimated they might want to do a quick wellness check on my elderly neighbor downstairs just to be safe, because you never know)... they send pest control who says 'nope, no pests here!'...which I already knew, because I didn't need pest control. Then, either the landlord is lying to me about what pest control said, or he seems to think my cats have human hands that can twist round doorknobs, and they are using their ~magical human hands~ to sneak into my closet to take massive, invisible shits, then they are leaving the closet and closing the door behind them. She is implying that it is my fault and I must just...be living in filth? Except...what pest control person thinks that feces and urine smell like death? And I doubt that anyone said 'the smell wasn't strong', because the first maintenance person to show up today immediately noted that it smelled like death/rot, and even mentioned they'd probably have to open the wall up to access it!

So the bitch lies to me, gaslights me, and then insinuates I must let what are effectively my children shit in the floor, and that's clearly the source of the stench. Except, I know my rights, and I wrote her about 4 paragraphs back about how I know my rights, how what she did is gaslighting and inappropriate and incredibly condescending... and in as kind a way as is possible, made it clear that I'm willing to make this a long, ugly fight she's not going to win. I grew up in the Southeastern U.S. - I will smile bright, call you hon, and the venom you never see will still melt the flesh from your bones, so I think she got my point. She is bound by law to deal with this issue, especially as it could be a health hazard - and it's real funny how her tune changed completely in her responding email, upon having me point out how I would also be making sure to hold onto her condescending and wildly inappropriate email here that blames me and condescends to me (especially as she is not the first member of management to try and step to me), for when I take this complaint further up to the parent company that owns this place.

Just a shame her apology email came too late, and I had already left a voicemail and an email for the parent company about the shockingly inappropriate behavior of this employee, and how she sets a low bar for their brand.

(It's worth noting that she's full of shit on other points, too - I specifically mention in my first complaint email that this closet stores nothing in it but nice smelling candles and toilet paper. So the bullshit question about cleaning it out just amounts to 'cOuLd It Be ThAt YoU'rE jUsT gRoSs?', which is wildly inappropriate, as well!)

Eat the godamned rich. Hold your ground against landlords.

Make them eat shit.

Edit: I made a follow up post to this, but the tl;dr is that I was right and she was wrong(obviously), and she refuses to actually apologize - she just makes almost-apology-excuses for her dogshit behavior. I hope she gets food poisoning over the holidays.

[violetclarity]

started last night online shopping for new bras/bralettes because mine have gotten gross af, ended it looking at crochet bralette patterns so I could make a rainbow top for pride. I solved a different problem??

[jawllines]

Olivia, hi! I don't know if you are gonna reply to this but turns out I can't keep my weird fucking thoughts to myself. I tried ignoring it for the last two days but I can't anymore. I know this is sad time and I'm not sure if what I'm gonna share is appropriate for the this time. Excuse me for my overthinking. But yeah, my coping mechanism is escapism I think. So I have been reading your fics that I hadn't read before. I was reading the Prince Harry and Chambermaid Y/N story. And I sent you an ask about the part 4 because I don't know if you have a part 4 to that. Maybe on patreon. Because it felt like there should have been more after how part 3 ended.

Now my problem is, whenever I read your stories, be it a one part or multiple parts, I love how you build the worlds and I love your characters. They're truly magical and even though I don't relate to them I certainly connect with them. And when the story ends I don't feel any sense of loss. Yes I do want to see what happens next with them but I don't dwell on it because how you end your stories is satisfactory for me. But oh my God I'm feeling this incredible loss after I finished reading Prince Harry fic. Like this is on a weird level how I am just immersed in their story and world. It's so fucking beautiful. I have been thinking constantly about them and what must have happened next but I also don't wanna think about it myself because I want to know what you would have done? Does that make sense? For other stories I'd just make up scenarios in my head but this time i just don't want to do this. And it feels like I lost them, i lost my dearest friends and someone close to me after I finished reading. Like "oh my God I won't get to see anything new about them!". And it made me so sad. Because there were so many things I wanted to see.

I wanted to see how they'd navigate sex now that she doesn't have the purpose of pleasing Edgar. Would he tell her how she saved his life, would she realise that she's in love with him, would he tell her he loves her, how are they gonna go about it if they confess and decide to be together, would he ask her if she thought about Edgar the whole time they were being intimate in the beginning, would he keep his promise of "putting my tongue inside you"?

Would Harry leave the royals like his uncle and leave a quiet life with her, would he ever lose his temper and burst infront of their parents and yell out everything that tormented him since childhood and would he tell them that Edgar is not the perfect son and he's the reason why Harry behaved the way he did, would his parents feel guilty? Would he tell them that he's alive because of the Chambermaid? I wanted to see his mother coming to his room and just spending time with him telling him she's sorry and she loves him and just doting on him. I wanted to see Harry become responsible and wanting to do something on his own.

Wanted to see more of his possessiveness and what happens when they don't know how the other feels and then she sees him talking to a princess in another royal gathering (that she had to work hard for and didn't get to spend much time with Harry last few days) and that princess is trying to get all over him and she gets jealous and Harry just knows that she has feelings for him too (but he's gonna tease her about it first of course), would she admit her feelings to him or would he have to work hard to get her to say her feelings out loud? Also wanted to see their friendship being stronger before they get intimate again and he teaches her new things.

What happens to Edgar, how does he react to Harry and the Chambermaid being close friends, what do their parents think about him after knowing everything he did to Harry, is he still suitable to be a king, does he feel guilty? Does he change and try to be sincere instead of pretentious? Does he make up to Harry? Does their relationship improve?

There are so many things I wanted to see happening and this time I just can't let it go. And weirdly enough I feel guilty that I'm stuck there and I feel like that's not fair to you because it's your story and you can write it the way you want, I don't have a say in it. But God it's bothering me. I think it's because I wanted an escape from reality but this world you created in this story turned out to be too hard for me to let go. And I'm so fucking confused with everything I'm feeling. Trust me I have tried to read other fics to just avoid thinking about it but I just come back to it inevitably and feel more sad. It's honestly pathetic the way I'm letting it affect me. I'm sorry

oh WOW!!!! WOW WOW I REALLY DIDNT REALIZE THAT THERE WERE SO MANY QUESTIONS LEFT UNANSWERED!! IM SO SORRY D: sometimes it’s just hard, especially when a fic has a specific premise (royalty AUS), i have to be in a certain mindset to write it! when i lose the mindset or have been writing something else it can be kind of hard to get back into the flow of the story

I WILL TRY!! i’ll read through the fic and try and get into the same flow from before and write more for it!!

and don’t apologize!! i’m really happy that my writing can leave you with a sense of longing, that means you really enjoyed it!! thank you so much for reading it and getting so immersed!!

[loudestcloud]

The thought doesn't count if you don't fucking care!

So basically, A TikToker was doing an angel tree gift kid and ordered online and I was, in a nicer way, like thank fuck someone used the internet to get all the kid wanted instead of just going 'I couldn't find it so they don't get that item that they specifically needed like a coat' and she replied with basically 'Oh at least they tried, we should just be encouraging ppl to care, its the thought that counts blah blah' NOT ITS NOT, Its fucking not! and I can tell you cos I know! I hated pink as a kid but because I was a girl, I always got the girls stockings when I needed them (I'm from the UK/we never got enough help to get onto custom lists like that) and it was all pink glittery shit and skin care stuff. The year I got a box from my school, ppl that knew me? Still pink girly shit and products I can't use, It ruined my Christmas each fucking year because I hated all that shit and thought about the other girls who didn't get one but would have loved it! Making me more sad and I'd just have to donate almost all my stocking fillers to a different place. We eventually stopped using services like that because we decided it wasn't working at all for us so just went to the food places when we needed help. I just wanted the cheap plastic cars and maybe some glue sticks and my teachers and classmates knew that, even a pink car would have been nice! My favourite child toys were a purple Barbie car and a pink thunderbirds car, you can combo girly with my interests as a kid but no one ever did, I was more excited about having the canned foods and trying new brands I'd never seen before. Also I never got a jumper in a single one? All these American kids getting coats, It was only last year that i had a stocking with a hat and gloves like damm. Anyway-

It's like when ppl said we as a society need to stop getting art kids the cheap shitty art sets that will dry out and snap in a week, that's not a thought that counts, they're gonna have ONE good day then have a break down over how they think they did something wrong to the kit when actually it was just a shitty gift. Like yes, if this is a 4 year old maybe get them that horrible thing to test the waters so you can find out what they like but art kids still get them into their 20s! If your kid is older than 4, they will have a preference in art medium. Get the kid that paints some nice paints, better if you know what type they like but even paint they don't like is still better than that shit. Get the drawing kid, wait for it, pencils! Whoa! So new! Care about your fucking kid. They can always tell.

It is not. The thought. That counts.

Edit: Actually, I'm not done. Angel trees this year have been pissing me off because, okay so this one TikToker picked a little boy asked for Bluey stuff and she got him really cool bluey stuff because it was very clear that he'd like that because the note said that. Her girl? They girl card she picked up? Just said anime. Just fuckin anime! No show, no genre, no manga NOTHING! Just anime! Imagine if Bluey boy just said Dogs or cartoons. Someone could get a fuckin Monster high doll for him, that's what it'd be like for these anime kids! This girl liked unicorns and make up so I'd assume maybe she's into magical girls but i understand why the TikToker chose this nice BNHA book because BNHA is popular and, ngl it was probably the only thing available in store but again thats why online is a thing. No shade to this lady tho, she didn't a good job. But another person got another girl who just said anime and FNAF. So y'all can write FNAF, but not a single anime name? Because she had FNAF, they got her a demon slayer color book, they did check the pages for age appropriate stuff before tho. But like we are just assuming these kids are into the popular, boy fighting stuff when they might not be and it sucks cos imagine getting a gift of an anime you actually hate, like I hate Demon slayer but love FNAF, it is a safe choice and a good one like sge replied to be about and i was like 100% the best guess... But why are we having to guess on these personalized fuckin hand made lists! Bluey kid didn't have that! The gamer kids don't get that! fuck these poor girls I guess, girls never need shit apparently! Take what you get you piss poor kids and be grateful it's something 🤪 fuck off

[branmuffins22]

THE TAGS ARE NOT POWERFUL ENOUGH TO CONTAIN ME

I haven't elaborated on it since I made this blog in the first place, but I've always had that curious line, "name collector without a name of my own" in my bio.

The short explanation is pretty straightforward:

I'm an artist of sorts, and have come up with a handful of characters to populate my works, but wasn't very confident at naming them at first, so I took up name collecting as a way to have a good stockpile of names on hand.

I'm also trans, and had a very gendered deadname, so I've abandoned that one while I look for a new one, with no name currently taking its place.

These factors combined to become the disasterpiece you see before you today.

The full story, of course, is a bit longer.

The first name I ever chose came from way back when I was a little kid, LONG before I realized I was trans. I was starting Pokemon Ruby, and when it asked if I was a boy or a girl, I thought "Well OBVIOUSLY it's not gonna let me pick girl, girls don't play video games! I'm gonna pick it anyways and see what it tells me!" and then it just. Let me. I was a fool to think it wouldn't.

When it asked for my name, and I realized it was letting me go through with it, I threw in the first name I could think of, "Kayla", likely inspired at least in part by my sister's name. From then on, that was just Who I Was in Pokemon games, until middle school came around and that started to be "weird", so I switched to my real name and gender.

Fast forward to high school, I did a little bit of ttrpg gaming, and so had to come up with a couple characters (and names for them). Some I just took straight from the appropriate fantasy race's in-manual name guide, like "Fonkin Nackle" the gnome shipwright, but others I actually came up with on my own, like "Tip" and "Eureka".

(My subconscious may have been trying to tell me something with those ones, leading me to play characters with ungenderable names, but I wouldn't pick up on it for several years yet.)

I also made a few video games in late high school, but they were all uncomplicated one-character affairs, and I personally didn't handle many of the creative decisions anyways. Of the games with named characters, one was my project partner's fave OC, "Blue", and the other was a not!inkling we eventually named "Fuschia" (yes, we misspelled it, but honestly I think fuSCHia makes more phonetic sense than fuCHSia anyways).

Then, a few months after I flunked out of college, WOOPSIDOODLE TURNS OUT IM TRANS! I had a dream in which I got access to a character creation menu, and discovered that I was a lot less miserable as a woman than as a man, and even less miserable as some combination of the two.

Y'know, besides the whole "burden of insurmountable failure" stuff.

I tried to stop using my given name pretty much then and there, opting instead for "Bran", a nickname I'd picked up from someone who lived at my house during high school (a friend of my older sister, and older sister of my friend. never did find out why she ran away from her old place).

It helped that it was already in all my online handles (and still is in all but my Twitch, Discord, and Splatoon 3 handles, where I've since switched to "botmuffins" and variants).

Some time later, after I came out to my friends, I figured "Bran" wasn't as neutral as I'd have liked, what with that Game of Thrones character in the zeitgeist.

I then tried "Bay", and liked that one a LOT, but it was uncomfortable to use irl thanks to the common petname "bae".

Then, I tried "Basil", thinking I could still keep "Bay" as a nickname, but only a month or so later, Omori came out and got popular and now that name was in the zeitgeist as a boy's name too.

I actually applied for a testing position at Nintendo with that one, but they kept leading me on for months and months instead of giving me an actual yes or no, until eventually they ghosted me. The interview questions heavily implied I would have worked on TotK, if only they would let me in.

It wasn't until a couple weeks of silence that I decided to give up on the name, that job application being the only thing left holding me to it.

Next up was "Bayla", an April Fools joke that I actually ended up liking. I still wanted to find a name that'd let me keep "Bay" as a nickname, but I wasn't coming up with any good ones, so when the jester's holiday rolled around, I took on a portmanteaux of "Bay" and the first name I ever came up with, "Kayla".

Then, there was Trans 2: The Identity Crisis.

I'm still not entirely sure what I don't like about the name "Bayla" anymore, it's cute, it's nice, and it's quite gender. It served me well for the month-ish I used it, but for some reason it didn't feel like mine anymore.

Nothing did.

No specific gender really did, no specific sexuality really did, no name really did, hell, I'm not even completely sure what all flavors of neurodivergent I am!

I've been identifying EXTREMELY broadly as "queer" for a while now, because that's the best I've got, and I've been completely nameless for a bit over a year, offering only the initial of the most recent name I took, "B", when asked. It's not my name, I don't really like it that much as a name (though, as a letter, it's probably my favorite one), but I live in a household with multiple other people, and I've been trying to get a new job, so I need something for people to call me, and that was my compromise.

Here, dear readers, is where The Lists came from.

I've been distraught, desperate for some kind of personal identifier, and so every time I came across a name I liked, or even a regular word I thought might make a fine name, I wrote it down into a giant list. Eventually, it got to the point that I kept adding duplicates, with the list too long for me to see when I already had one in there already, so I turned to organizing it.

I've currently got four lists, though I might turn that into five, we'll see.

List 0 is full of names I've tried for myself, but since abandoned.

List 1 is full of names I'm still considering for myself, though it hasn't been updated in a while, for Reasons.

List 2 is full of names I think would be good for fictional characters. It's by far the biggest list, and there's a lot of overlap with lists 1 and 2 here, so I might make a list 2.5 or something to pull out the names I'm currently using for characters.

List 3 is full of names for groups, be that the names within a scheme for a themed group, the names of the groups themselves, or whatever else. By length, its hardly a footnote to list 2, and there's a lot of overlap there besides, but it is currently a separate document on my computer, so whatever.

I've compiled lists 0, 1, and 2 (and the names of individuals from list 3) into a monolithic list here, in case you're curious.

reblog and put in the tags your favorite names!! names that you'd love to use, whether for yourself, your kid, a pet, an original character, etc — just names that you love!!

[rendevousz]

mum?

mother figure!nat x fem!teen!reader

avengers x reader

req by @teenwonder ; i absolutely love the entire teams adoration for reader skfksngnsf its so cute! could i please request one a little more nat based? maybe r treats and loves nat like a mom but nat hadn’t noticed that before, and the whole team is like listing examples of how and why ����🥺🥺

summary: the four times you needed nat and the one time she admits that she needed you too.

warnings: blood, a random attack out of nowhere because i'm not creative, inaccurate writing of medical situations because i have no idea how those things work, also let's just pretend bruce was around during iron man 2 when tony still had palladium in his arc reactor, also inaccurate descriptions of palladium effects bcs i just...don't know much about palladium pls forgive me thanks, and idk any hospitals in new york/manhattan or even the states LMAO so uh bear with this, and last but not least, my inability to write good endings

word count: 5426

notes: that's a long ass warning nevertheless pls do enjoy this fic <3

"i'm going now, bye!" you bid the team who were having breakfast together, walking out of the common area.

"bye, cupcake! don't get into trouble, don't do what i'd do and definitely don't do what i wouldn't do." tony advised and you rolled your eyes because tony says that to you every morning before you leave for school.

"wait, don't forget your lunch!" nat stands up from her seat and grabs your lunch that she had packed, from the kitchen island, bringing it over to you. "thanks, nat!" you grabbed it, giving her a quick peck on the cheek before leaving.

nat smiles at the action, turning around to walk back to her spot on the table, only to find the team staring back at her with knowing looks.

"what?"

"you know, you only need to sign a couple papers and the kid's all yours." tony states matter-of-factly. nat snaps her head towards the man, an incredulous look on her face. "what are you talking about?"

"we all see the longing looks on both your faces. she's dying for you to call her your daughter and you, her mother." clint explains and the others nodded in agreement.

"that's nonsense. she has wanda too," nat reasons, sitting back down. "i'm pretty sure she sees wanda as a sister considering how much she drags wanda with her whenever she's causing trouble around the tower." steve raises his brows at the redhead who was in denial.

"she sees you as her mother, nat. just accept it," wanda tells her, taking a sip from her glass. "really? name me one time she showed it." nat challenges them, not knowing that they've been watching your interactions with her for the longest time.

"you have no idea what you just got yourself into, romanoff," clint chuckles, cracking his neck and knuckles as if preparing for a fight.

"remember new mexico?" he smirks and nat only frowns, trying to remember.

i.

"no!" you screamed, dropping down to the ground. you didn't care that you scraped your knees doing that, the only thing that mattered was the overwhelming feeling of grief engulfing your whole being. tears streamed down your face as you looked at the debris on the ground, the remainder of what used to be standing in front of you; a building. blown up, now in ruins.

clint, bucky and steve watched you break down in front of them, their hearts breaking at the sight in front of them as well as the fact that their teammate had been caught up in the middle of the explosion.

"y/n/n? come on, tony's team called for back up. we gotta go," steve tried to get you to stand up, failing when you kept your ground. you screamed when he tried again and their hearts clenched at the heartbreaking sound.

"we can't just leave her! please, we have to find her," you cried, clinging onto steve's body as he ran his hand up and down your suit-cladded back to soothe you. "y/n/n, we can't. the whole place is in ruins now," he didn't want to say it but he had to. he had to in order to get you to leave. "she's gone."

"she can't be gone! she can't just leave us! we need her! i need her, stevie.." you cried into his chest and he had to control himself so he didn't cry right then and there too.

he looked up to see bucky looking at the two of you guiltily, tapping his wrist to indicate that they were running out of time. steve had no choice but to carry you in his arms, getting you to leave the site against your will. but you were too weak to fight back now. "what am i gonna do without her now, stevie?" you asked quietly.

"we're gonna be okay, y/n/n," he tells you, sitting you down on a chair and settling down next to you as clint flew the jet to your next location. the atmosphere was tense and you could tell everyone, too, was sad about this.

"what if we're not? what if we're not gonna be okay, stevie? i know i won't be." you wiped the tears streaming down your face despite the fact that your face still wasn't drying up any time soon.

"because nat wouldn't want to see us like this. she'll be angry if she sees that we're risking people's lives just because of her." he says truthfully.

"we're landing, guys." clint announces and the team prepared for another round of fighting. steve turns to you, wiping the tears on your face as he made you look up at him. "now let's save some people and make nat proud, yeah?"

you nod at him sadly, preparing your weapons. all of you got out the jet and the second battle of the day begun. boy, were these people unlucky because they were on the receiving end of your fury.

you were busy taking down a group of guards alone when you heard a familiar voice. "y/n, behind you!" and you turned just in time to take down a guard who was aiming at you.

you didn't even have time to register your shock of seeing the redhead because more guards came at you two. you guys fought alongside each other until all the men were taken down.

"nat?" you breathed out. "yes, bub?" she answers as you both carefully walked over the knocked out men. she was taken aback when you slammed into her, hugging her the tightest you ever did since you met her.

"please don't ever do that again." you mumbled into her chest. she was about to ask you what you meant when she heard you sniffling. figuring out it wasn't the appropriate moment to ask, she continued to just hug and comfort you in silence.

"wait, that was why she cried that day? because she thought i was in that building when it blew up?" nat asks after steve finished the story. "i never found out why because she never told me."

"yeah, you should've seen her when the building exploded. completely shattered my heart, dude." clint states, remembering the broken down state you were in that day.

"wait, did you guys not grief over my supposed death then?" nat glares at clint, bucky and steve. "in our defense, they were about to blow up about a hundred people, we didn't have much time to process the whole situation." clint tries to convince his best friend, only to receive a glare again from her.

"alright but just because she cried when she thought i was dead, doesn't mean she sees me as her mum. i'd cry too if any one of you guys died," she states, still in denial.

she did love you like how a mother would love her child. but she didn't want you to feel that she was forcing the title onto you. after all, you had so many other adults around you, who's to say that you saw someone else as a parent figure instead of her? she didn't want to make you uncomfortable.

"woman, are you serious?" sam exclaims, throwing his hands up in the air dramatically. "need i remind you that the girl sacrificed her life for you?"

ii.

"nat, watch out!" you stood right behind her where the man was about to attack her. you gave him a harsh kick to the head and that was all it took for the man to go unconscious.

the redhead turned around, not having enough time to comprehend what had happened before you dropped into her arms. you two were lucky the last of the men had already been taken out.

"bub? what's wrong?"

at this point, you were fully leaning against her. she was holding up your whole weight, hands wrapped around your middle to support you. that was when she felt it. the familiar thick substance on her fingers, leaking from the back of your suit.

her eyes widened, pulling one hand away from you to look at it. red. her breathing picked up as one of her hands felt around your back, finally feeling the handle of a knife sticking out from your back.

your eyes were already drooping by now and she lightly shook you awake, careful to not hurt you. she lowered you down and you were both sat on the floor now.

she presses a finger to her ear and you could hear her voice echo in your ear from your own comms. "can someone come please," she paused, exhaling shakily. "y/n's down."

if it had been any other person, she probably would be bringing them to the jet by now but it was you. she didn't know what came over her but when she saw that you were injured, it was like her whole body shut down. her knees felt weak and she couldn't bring herself to move.

"hey, hey, keep your eyes open. can you do that?" she asked gently and you nodded weakly. "bub, why did you do that?" she cried softly, moving your hair away from your face as you leaned sideways against her. the action caused your face to be smudged by your own blood from her hands but she didn't care as she caressed your cheek.

"he–he was gonna hurt you. i–i couldn't..." you paused a while, the pain getting too much for you to bear. "y/n, don't strain yourself. you need to stay awake," she tells you as tears streamed down her face.

"rather me than you," you whispered. nat's eyes widened at this. "don't say that, bub." she scolds gently.

you smiled weakly at her. "i've grown too dependent on you, nat. it's to the point that i," you coughed and nat worried that you were straining yourself but you continued. "that i'd rather die than live without you. you probably can go on with life without me but i can't without you. i need you, nat." your eyes closed and nat panics, shaking your body.

"y/n?! bub?! stay awake, please, they're coming!" nat cries out loud, holding onto your limp body.

"did we not agree to not mention that to me anymore?" nat glares at sam for bringing that up.

the night of that incident had been one of the worst nights for nat. she sat by your bed all night after you had been treated. she had been the first one you saw after you woke up. she had been the one you broke down in front of after you admitted the full reasoning behind your actions. she had been the one who opened her arms for you to make yourself at home in.

"i'm sorry but you must be blind if you can't see how really she sees you for the past years," bucky states. nat turns to him with a glare. "you don't know what you're talking about."

"oh really? who does she call whenever she has a really bad nightmare?" bucky questions rhetorically with his eyebrows raised.

iii.

"no, please, don't!" you begged, asleep and thrashing around in your bed. quiet whimpers turned into heavy breathing as you plead for your life in your nightmare. "please," you whispered, inhaling and exhaling harshly.

FRIDAY, noticing the amount of distress you were in, alerted the closest person to your room, that being bucky who was returning from a late night trip to the kitchen for some water.

he quickly went into your room, only to see you shivering and thrashing around in your bed. "doll?" he approaches slowly, finding you still asleep, though sweating a lot. nightmare, he realised.

"doll? wake up," he gently shakes you and you immediately jolt awake, breathing heavily as you register what was going on. "it's okay, it was just a nightmare," he soothes you, holding you close as one hand rubbed up and down your back while the other held your head to his chest.

none of that helped as you were still in the same state as you were when you woke up. "are you okay?" he asks, worried. "nat... i need nat.. please i need her," you whimpered, shaking in his hold. you were having trouble breathing.

"FRIDAY, get romanoff."

within minutes, nat arrived, looking panicked and disheveled like she had just woken up, which she just did. "what's wrong?" she asks bucky, approaching you two.

"she was having a nightmare and woke up and i think she's having a panic attack. she asked for you," he informs her and immediately moves away when she approaches, so that she could take his place.

"bub? it's me," you look up to meet natasha's pretty green eyes. "you're okay, bub. can you tell me five thing you can see?"

you looked away from her eyes, looking around your room. "i–i see my book on my nightstand, my lamp, my jacket on the chair, my laptop and the painting on the wall." you told her after some difficulties.

"good, that's good. four things you can feel?"

"i feel the socks on my feet, my fluffy blanket, the pillow i'm leaning on and your hands around me."

she smiles softly at you. "three things you can hear?"

"i hear your voice. a–and the faint noise from the ac and i can also hear bucky's breathing." you look up at the man and he smiles sheepishly at you, standing around awkwardly. you gave him a small smile back.

"two things you can smell?"

"i can smell my own shampoo..and my room's air freshener." you told her more calmly now, feeling the panic attack already going away.

"one thing you want to taste?"

"i wanna taste wanda's blueberry pancakes." you pout and the two adults couldn't help but chuckle. "you can have them in the morning. right now you need to sleep so you can have the energy to devour them tomorrow, okay?" you nod at the woman as she tucks you in.

not long after, you fell asleep. she then presses a kiss to your forehead before leaving with a less worried bucky now. and sure enough, the next morning, wanda made you blueberry pancakes.

"okay, so what? we all need someone to help us through panic attacks?" nat rolls her eyes. "did you miss the part where i came in and tried to help but she specifically asked for you? she needed you, nat."

"guys, i... i love her with my whole heart but she has all of us. i don't wanna make her feel like she's restricted to only one of us. you all love her too," nat reasons.

"yes but she doesn't have anyone to call her mum and frankly, i think you'd be perfect for it." wanda encourages the older woman.

"i—" before she could continue, her phone rang loudly and she thanked whoever it was that called her because now she didn't have to make up excuses about her doubt of becoming your official mother.

iv.

she looks down at the caller id, sighing when it was you, meaning the team had more against her now. of course she didn't mind you calling her, you could call her when she'd be asleep after a mission and she'd still pick up with a smile on her face. but it was the fact that the whole team could see how she softened when she realised it was you who called that bothered her. she really didn't want them to let her have hopes that you'd accept her as your mother.

"bub?" she said into the phone and half the team smirked at her while the other half gave her knowing smiles. "aren't you supposed to be on your way to school?"

"yeah but uh are you busy right now? i um, i need you."

nat immediately stands up, worry etched onto her face and the team frowned at this. "what happened? are you okay?"

"you know how i told happy i wanted to walk to school today? yeah, i just remembered why i don't walk to school anymore."

"what do you mean? what happened? are you hurt? did someone hurt you?" she bombards you with questions out of worry. at this point, the team had also stopped their chatter and teasing looks, equally worried for your well-being.

"yeah, i am. wait, maybe not. i mean, i was just being dramatic but uh, i tripped on who-knows-what and now i have a sprained ankle. i can't walk now so i'm standing in an alley right now so i'm not in the way of people. can you come get me?"

nat sighs in relief, thankful that it wasn't anything that she was thinking of. "you are unbelievable, y/n." she chuckles in disbelief at your clumsiness. "can you tell me where you are? i'll come get you now. i'll have the school know you're not coming today." you told her your location and she immediately leaves after telling the team what happened to you.

you were expecting nat to call again, to tell you she was around the corner but instead you heard a whoosh of air beside your head, followed by a crack sound. your head followed the sound, eyes widening when you saw that a dart had struck the wall beside your head. you looked ahead, trying to see where that came from.

if it hadn't been for your fast reflexes being an avenger for the past few years, you probably wouldn't have ducked in time when another dart came flying right for your head. "what the hell?" you grunted, staying low but still looking around for the source. you squinted when you looked up, the sun blazing but you managed to catch a glimpse of a man on a rooftop nearby. he had blonde hair and was dressed in all black, donning a same coloured mask that covered the bottom half of his face.

"you had one job! how could you miss her twice?!" the blonde hears his colleague hiss in his ear through the earpiece. "i'm sorry! i'm no hawkeye, how was i supposed to get her in one try?!" he scolds back.

"you didn't even get her in two!"

"shut up and just let me work! you're distracting me!"

"hurry because i see the redheaded one nearing the alley. boss'll kill us if he finds out we didn't get her in her vulnerable state."

"i'm trying, i'm trying!" the blonde closes one eye, his sight now locked on your crouched state. he saw you move once you saw him and he cursed under his breath, his weapon following your movements. "she's moving!"

"just take the shot and be done with it! you have to go now!"

and shoot he did. after he shot the dart gun, he immediately fled but it wasn't like you were going to be able to chase him down or anything. a scream left your lips as a dart pierced through your skin, right under your shoulder.

you dropped down to the ground, right in the middle of the alleyway. you cried when you felt the burn in your flesh. you had been stabbed multiple times before with much bigger objects so why did this feel different?

"y/n?! is that you?!" you heard nat's voice yell from a small distance away. "i'm here," you croaked out, feeling your body grow weaker at an alarming rate.

"oh my god, bub, why are you on the ground? it's dirty, c'mon let's get you up. which foot did you sprain?" she places both her hands under your arms, pulling you up on your feet before accidentally dropping you back when you let out a shriek, crying out in pain.

"oh my god, did i hit your ankle? are you okay?" nat assumed that your tear-stained face was because of your sprained ankle but then you wheezed, your eyes drooping the longer she stood there.

your right hand slowly reached across your left shoulder, the butt of the dart sticking out of your skin now in between your shaking fingers. nat's eyes followed your hand movement's, a gasp leaving her lips.

"y/n, what happened?!" she panicked but before she could even get an answer from you, you had already blacked out. her eyes widened, knowing it was the dart because why else would you pass out that quick from a simple penetration in the shoulder. you had dealt with much worse than that and she knew your tolerance level.

she took off your bag, careful to not move the dart. she then placed her hands under your knees and behind your back, easily picking your unconscious body up and rushing back to the tower.

when she arrived, she was met with many confused yet concerned looks from the tower staff, seeing the black widow, rushing in with the youngest avenger unconscious in her arms. they had seen you leave the tower for school about half an hour ago so they knew something must've happened on the way.

"get bruce in the hospital wing. tell him it's urgent." she tells the woman working the front desk, hurrying into the elevator and telling FRIDAY to get her to the floor she so desperately wanted to arrive at quicker. black lines appeared on the left side of your neck, slowly spreading to the right side and she assumed it was from that damned dart in your left shoulder.

"natasha! what's wrong? they said it was an emergency," the doctor spoke in a panicked voice when nat entered, immediately going quiet when he saw you in her arms, neck lined with seemingly black veins.

nat laid you down on the surgery table, frown growing when black lines steadily spread to your arms now. though she was too worried to think, she managed to at least tell bruce what was outwardly wrong with you.

"dart. left shoulder." she blurted, incapable of forming proper sentences now that she had seen more of you. the black lining your skin got her speechless and anxious. bruce got ready with medical gloves, removing the dart from your flesh before analysing the pattern of your skin. it looked familiar.

"FRIDAY, get tony down here. it's urgent."

"bruce, please, what's wrong with her?" she cried, tears now freely streaming down her face. she didn't cry much in front of anyone but when it came to you, you always managed to get her to do just that.

"hey, what's going on? FRIDAY said there was an emergency here, who's hurt?" nat heard tony's panicked voice but she didn't make an effort to reply. her gaze was fixed on only you.

tony's jaw dropped, frowning when he saw you on the bed, upper body covered in black lines. "what the hell happened?!"

tony stepped beside bruce, taking a closer look at your skin. his frown deepened. "wait, it looks like.."

"yeah, looks exactly like when you had palladium instead of vibranium in your arc reactor."

"does that mean—"

"palladium's been running through her veins for about twenty minutes now. FRIDAY, how high is her blood toxicity level?" bruce asks, sampling a drop of your blood from when he took out the dart.

"53% and it is still steadily increasing."

"tony, at the rate it's going, if she's not treated in the next fifteen minutes or so, she'll.." bruce pauses, not wanting to say it out loud.

"no, she just needs lithium dioxide. that's how fury and i cured your palladium poisoning, tony." nat finally speaks.

"SHIELD probably has them but they're all the way in dc. they're not gonna reach here in time," tony states solemnly, reaching over to move your hair out of your face, looking down at you sadly.

but he was immediately pulled aside, nat grabbing his collar and looking him straight in the eyes. "you have your stupid iron suits that can probably travel faster than the speed of sound if you try. you can go down there yourself and get the damn thing. i swear to god, tony, i'm literally going to destroy those stupid suits myself if you don't put them to good use." nat threatens, glaring at the billionaire.

tony's eyes widened, the genius having not thought about nat's idea yet. "yeah, yeah, you're right, i'll go now."

he left immediately and nat approached your bed hesitantly, not wanting to see the black lines making home on the skin on your upper body. "do you think tony'll make it back in time?" she sniffles and bruce's worried frown on his face softened. "of course he will. he won't let anything happen to y/n. we won't let anything happen to y/n." he assured her.

there was nothing they could do now but wait for tony to come back with the lithium dioxide. nat sat beside your bed, hands gingerly grasping one of your own. despite the black staining it, nat held it to her face and her tears rolled past the back of your hand.

bruce decided to give her some privacy, opting to inform the whole team of the situation instead of standing around idly.

nat pulled your hand away from her face, rubbing her thumb over the back of it, crying even more at the sight in front of her. "y/n, please. i've never told you this but i need you." she pauses, breathing in shakily. "i've always needed you and i'll always need you. you can't leave me, please. you said i could go on with life without you but you're so wrong, y/n. you're the reason i'm still here and you're the reason i still want to be here. if you're not here then it's as if i have no reason, no purpose. i need you, y/n. so much more than i'd like to admit. heck, probably much more than you need me. so please, don't leave me. i can't do this without you." nat sobs out, watching the patterns on your skin spreading and growing bolder.

at this point, the whole team had now gathered outside of the room, watching nat cry over you. they wanted so bad to get a closer look at their beloved baby avenger but they respected nat and instead, waited for her to finish talking to you. once she stood up and looked around, bruce knew she was done so he entered, followed by the team.

"status, FRIDAY?" bruce asks, sampling a bit of your blood again. "blood toxicity at 96% now."

the team looked your unconscious body in apprehension, some crying and some worried out of their minds.

"goddamnit! where the hell is stark?!" nat growled. her eyes were now puffy after having spent the last half an hour crying. the team had never seen her lose her cool like this but they figured why.

as if on cue, tony's iron man suit crashed through the windows of the room but he couldn't care less. his main priority was to get to you quickly. in his hand was a silver briefcase that he passed to bruce.

bruce opened the case before wasting no time in plunging the syringe containing lithium dioxide, your supposed cure, into you. immediately, the black patterns on your skin started disappearing. it was slow but noticeable. it started from the tips of your fingers, going up towards your neck.

everyone sighed in relief, and to tony's surprise, nat hugged him tightly. "thank you. you have no idea how much this means to me." she whispers. tony pats her back gently. "hey, i care about her too, okay? of course i'd do this for her. any one of us would."

nat smiles at him when she let him go, turning back to you and almost crying out in joy when your skin had finally turned back to normal. she let the medical assistants set your bed up and handle your sprained ankle before going back to sit by you. the team left her alone with you once again.

it was only about an hour later did you wake up, squinting when bright lights shone down on you. you moved around but you felt hands around your left and you heard a familiar voice.

"and remember when you dragged wanda to pull that prank on me with you and after you did, i grounded you like i was your mum or something?" you hear her chuckle, still not noticing that you've woken up.

"i didn't mind, though. frankly, i don't think i would ever mind if you continued acting like my mother or something," you spoke and she immediately tore her gaze from your hands, looking at you, now wide awake.

"bub!" she hugs you so tightly you didn't think you could breathe. you still returned the hug though, laughing. "i was worried you might still have some palladium in your bloodstream."

"wait, palladium?" you asked her in shock. "yeah, the dart that got you in that alley, it contained palladium. it's highly toxic so we used lithium dioxide to counter it. speaking of the dart, i'm going to find out who did this to you and they're never going to see the light of day for putting us through all of this." nat says, disturbingly calm.

"yeah...you do that," you tell her, slightly scared. "but palladium? in my blood? how cool is that? i had literal metal in my blood! i could've become like tony but like...palladium woman or something." you said excitedly.

"you do know we already have metal in our blood, right bub?" nat questions in amusement. "oh." you say dumbly. "and palladium don't belong in our body and you literally almost died because of it." your mouth opened but no words came out.

"speaking of, can you please not do that again? i really thought i was gonna lose you." she whispers, stroking your hair. "oh yeah, of course. i'll just announce to the whole world to not target the youngest avenger," you joke, smile dropping when nat gave you a stern look.

"nat, being part of the avengers at my age undoubtedly means i'll be a target for the bad people out there, but i don't care because while i get to kick ass, i know all of you have my back when it's my ass that's kicked. and i think that's the best part of being an avenger; the sense of security i get having you amazing people as my teammates." you tell her honestly and she smiles softly.

"oh come here you," she pulls you in for another hug but this time it's better because you could still breathe. you make yourself comfortable, snuggling into her.

"did you mean it?" she asked and you look up at her in confusion. "mean what?"

"when you said you wouldn't mind me acting like your mother."

"of course i do, you're like the mother i never had. i wouldn't even mind you being my actual mother." you say without a second thought, eyes widening when you realised what you had said. you swore under your breath, knowing you've just made it awkward between you two.

"i– really?" despite the teams efforts to make her see the truth, it was much more meaningful when she heard you say it yourself. "y–yeah.." you admit sheepishly.

"then you wouldn't mind if i actually adopted you?" she asks carefully, gauging your reaction. your jaw dropped, eyes going wide once again. "are you serious?!"

"yeah." she smiles at you fondly. "no! of course i won't mind!" you hug her tightly, tears forming in your eyes. you had gone all your life without parents so this was a huge thing for you. not only were you going to finally have a mother, but the most amazing woman you knew was going to be your mother.

"mum?" you tested the title, smiling when she acknowledged it. you were now crying in joy.

"hey, don't cry." she soothes you, running a hand up and down your back. "no, no, i'm just so happy. this is the best day of my life." you tell her. "me too, bub."

you stayed in her arms until you fell back asleep, nat tucking you in before going back to sit down on the chair. she looked down at you fondly.

sure, she was scared of the big step she was about to take with you but she had you with her and she knew that was enough. "i love you, y/n." she whispers, planting a kiss on the side of your head.

taglist <3

@amourtentiaa @rqmanoff @abitofeverythinggg @andreasworlsboring101 @cay-writes-fan-fiction514 @teenwonder @sevenmorningstars @fleurlovesbucky

[helloalycia]

The Wrong Lifetime – Six // Wanda Maximoff

chapter five | story masterlist | main masterlist | wattpad | chapter seven

author’s note: i’m glad you all seemed to like the last chapter! i’m all for slow burn but i didn’t want to leave you hanging too long aha. Now onto dating territory!

Since going to Blackpool with Wanda, we hadn't actually gotten another moment to ourselves. Wedding plans were picking up which kept her busy, and if not that, then I'd only see her in passing in which we'd exchange smiles before moving on.

So, I though it would be good to take her out on a date. A proper one, even if it was to be disguised as a simple outing between soon-to-be sister-in-laws. The plan was to 'bump' into her in town, which we did, then I asked her if she wanted to go to the art gallery. She'd been before, but they'd put in a new exhibition which I thought she might like.

We couldn't exactly hold hands when there, but I made the most of her presence and stood a little too close to her than a friend might. Since she'd kissed me at the beach, I wasn't able to think about anything else. And when shot me a knowing smile, I knew she felt the same.

"I like this one," I told her, pointing to a piece hung on the wall, before squinting to read the plaque. "Jedburgh Abbey from the River by Thomas Girtin."

"And why's that?" she asked, watching me with humoured eyes.

I pursed my lips, glancing between her and the painting sheepishly. "I'm not gonna lie, I just like the way the guy painted the clouds in the sky."

She stifled laughter, not wanting to draw attention from passers-by, and nudged me in the shoulder. "You're unbelievable, milaya (darling). We didn't have to come here if you don't like art."

I gave her a knowing look. "Hey, I love art. Especially when it's by a certain Sokovian artist named Wanda Maximoff."

Rolling her eyes, she shook her head. I grinned at her bashfulness, wanting to tease her but also very true with my words. Her work was my favourite, biased or not, and I still had that amazing portrait she'd done of me in my room back home. It was tucked into one of my drawers where nobody would find it. I didn't want anyone else to look at it since she'd done it for me and it was private... it was a beautiful reminder of the amazing day we'd had.

"You're poking fun, but in all seriousness, I'd actually love for my work to be up here someday," she said softly, looking at the painting before us with hopeful eyes. 

"They wish they were that lucky to score someone as talented as you," I said without skipping a beat.

She cracked a smile, tilting her head in my direction. It was obvious she was losing her patience with me, but I enjoyed watching her lose it. She didn't know what to say, especially when being complimented, and it was endearing to witness.

We remained civil for the remainder of the 'date', refraining from holding hands or gazing at each other longer than friends would, and I was pretty proud of myself for not thinking about kissing her once when we were done.

As we got into the carriage to go back home, the door closed and I was going to ask her how she found it when she moved towards me in an instant, kissing me without question. I raised my hand, caressing her jaw and closing my eyes as she leaned forward, practically on my lap, not that I cared. She sucked on my bottom lip sensually before she opened her mouth, pushing her tongue into mine. I almost forgot how to breathe as she did, unprepared for such an intense kiss.

"I've been wanting to do that all day," she revealed when she pulled away.

I flushed at the contact, a dazed smile on my lips. "Huh."

She chuckled as she sat back beside me more 'appropriately'. "Thanks for taking me. I loved it."

I nodded lamely, still trying to recover from our kiss. "I'm– I'm glad."

She smirked playfully, leaning forward to press a gentle kiss to my lips before sitting back. "You're so cute."

My words still hadn't returned, so all I could do was nod before looking the other way. Her laughter filled the carriage and I wondered how I'd gotten so lucky to be in the presence of someone so perfect.

After exchanging some more kisses and actually being able to hold hands without prying eyes, we reached Wanda's home and she invited me in for some tea. Sadly, that meant we had to let go of one another, but I think she'd given me enough to remember her by as we parted, and she must have thought the same, judging from the smirk she sent my way.

We sat on the patio outside to have some tea and biscuits, enjoying the sunshine and blue skies, a rare occurrence for England. We were chatting mindlessly when her brother decided to make an appearance, helping himself to a seat between Wanda and I.

"How lovely of you to grace us with your presence, Miss Y/L/N," he said playfully, shooting me a charming smile, before reaching to grab a biscuit. Wanda slapped his hand but he stole one anyway, making her roll her eyes.

"Nice to see you, Pietro," I greeted with amusement, always enjoying his presence.

"And you," he returned, before chowing down his biscuit.

Wanda gave me a fed up look over his shoulder which he was oblivious to, and I tried not to laugh as she clearly wasn't a fan of him interrupting our time.

"So, I caught a glimpse of the wedding invitations," Pietro said, making conversation. He glanced between us with a nod of approval. "They're coming along well."

I hummed in agreement, smile becoming less real when he mentioned the wedding. Wanda didn't acknowledge his words as she fiddled with the handle of her teacup.

"Is your brother behaving, Y/N?" Pietro continued jokingly, looking to me. "I know how many admirers he has, but my sister should be his first priority."

"Oh, Piet...," Wanda breathed out with embarrassment, facepalming.

"Of course he is," I assured her brother with a small smile. "He wouldn't dare try hurting Wanda or he'd have a lot of explaining to do."

There was some playfulness in my voice, but an underlying truth to my words.

"It's sweet how close you've gotten," Pietro noticed, looking between us, before settling his gaze on me. "It's about time Wanda made friends with people who aren't me."

Cue another slap. I chuckled at her sheepish expression, amused by Pietro's antics.

"Anyway," he changed the subject for his sister's sake, "mother has been getting on my very nerve about finding a bride because you decided to get married."

Wanda rolled her eyes. "We both know I didn't decide, Piet."

He sighed over-dramatically. "Well, it's because of your engagement that she's now on my back about it."

"Join the club," I joked, knowing exactly what he meant. "My mum was already on my back about finding a husband, but since this engagement, it's ten times more annoying."

Pietro laughed. "Oh, no. Has she lined up suitors? My parents like to point out every pretty woman they see to me in hopes I'll make a move. It's hardly productive."

"I haven't asked her for fear she'll pull out a folder with all of the eligible bachelors in town," I said, half joking and half serious.

Pietro snickered as Wanda rolled her eyes in the background. She should have been happy I was getting along with her brother. He was actually quite entertaining to be around.

"It's funny you say that because you're one of the women my parents pointed out," he admitted.

"Oh, God, so they're saying the same thing to you?" I asked with a groan, and he nodded regretfully. "Isn't it just the worst?"

"You're a lovely girl, Y/N, don't get me wrong," he began gently, "but I don't like you like that."

I raised my hand for a high five. "Me and you both."

Laughing once again, he returned my high five and I was glad we were on the same page. The amount of people that had been hinting at getting to know Wanda Maximoff's very single brother was getting pretty annoying. It was nice to know he was just as irritated at the insinuation as I was.

"Okay, I should leave you both to it," Pietro concluded, slapping his knees and standing up. Looking to me, he said, "Miss Y/L/N, it was as lovely as ever to make your acquaintance."

I smiled as he winked playfully before looking to his disgruntled sister.

"Dear sister, the pleasure is always mine," he continued to tease, and she slapped him once more, making him dodge her and begin to leave. "Love you, too!" he called before heading back inside.

I laughed at his silliness and relaxed in my seat, looking back to Wanda. She didn't seem half as amused as I was as she drummed her fingers on the table and chewed on the inside of her cheek.

"I may be mistaken, love, but it looks like you're jealous," I poked fun at her.

She rolled her eyes and her jaw tensed before she finally looked to me, expression softening. "Can you blame me?" she asked quietly. "You're both single. You're both similar age. Everybody talks."

I shrugged nonchalantly, having a sip of my tea. "True... but I've got my eye on another Maximoff anyway."

She sighed, small smile creeping on her lips. Subtly moving my chair closer to hers, I grabbed her hand under the table and squeezed. My thumb stroked her hand softly as I leaned on the palm of my hand on the table.

"You look really beautiful today," I admitted in a hushed voice. "I should have told you earlier."

She, too, leaned into the palm of her hand as she watched me with an enchanting gaze. "So do you, milaya (darling)."

Unable to resist, I glanced around quickly before kissing her cheek and pulling away. Letting go of her hand, I busied myself with the tea and biscuits again.

"Biscuit?" I offered her, and she began to laugh at my attempt at acting casual.

Playing along, she accepted the biscuit from my hand. But a knowing smile was on her lips as she nodded. "Thank you."

—

Being with Wanda was a luxury in itself, even if we had to keep it private.

To everybody else, we were merely two women about to become family who happened to create a bond that was close. But we both knew what it really was and weren't eager to say it. Because saying it made it true and that meant that what we were doing became realer than it was in our daydreams and hidden moments.

I did find myself wracked with guilt sometimes – particularly the times when Y/B/N would gush about how excited he was to marry her. Wanda was technically cheating on him with me, his sister, but that fact was something that was still blurry to me.

We had no choice but to lie and be secretive. In a world like this, where we would never be able to be together like we wanted to, all we had was secrecy and deception. Did that still make us bad people?

I tried not to think about what would happen when she actually married my brother. The future was something I was adamant on pushing to the back of my mind because I knew what it would hold and I just wanted to enjoy the time I had with her. Convincing myself that what we had wasn't serious, just a heat of the moment relationship maybe, made things easier to accept. But really, I knew that whenever she looked my way with her signature smile and dazzling eyes, it was way more than I envisioned. She was way more.

So, trying not to be dragged down with the weight of reality, I vowed to myself to only focus on the now. Focus on the moments I shared with her whilst we could. Anything beyond that and I'd surely snap.

"Medovyy (honey), the Y/L/Ns are here!" Iryna called behind her, before looking to my family and I as we stood at her front door. "Please, all of you, come in!"

She ushered us into the main hall before closing the door after us. Perfectly timed, the rest of her family left the living room and came to greet us.

Automatically, my eyes found Wanda's and she was already looking my way, her dimple making a show as she attempted to reign in an excited smile. I did the same, trying to ignore the way my heart stirred upon seeing her.

Oleg and Iryna welcomed my parents and then me, kind expressions accompanying genuine greetings. In the corner of my eye, I saw Pietro shaking Y/B/N's hand before Wanda took his place, accepting a kiss on the cheek from Y/B/N. It wasn't jealousy that I felt whenever they were together, at least not entirely – they were to be married, what more could I expect? – but it wasn't anything pleasant either.

"Ah, my favourite Y/L/N," Pietro beamed upon shaking my hand, making my lips twitch upwards. "You excited for dinner? We're having salmon."

"Ecstatic, Pietro," I answered with a playful eye roll. "All I've been thinking all day."

He chuckled at my sarcasm before letting go of my hand and moving over to greet my parents. Wanda was next, her shoulders relaxing when she stepped before me with a soft smile present on her lips.

"It's good to see you," she said, but her eyes said much more than that. "How have you been?"

Exchanging a friendly-looking hug, my body was warm where she pressed against me. Touching her always sent a rush of emotion through me and I looked forward to it every time.

"I've been good," I answered aloud, before whispering into her ear, "Better now."

She squeezed my waist inconspicuously in response before letting go. "That's good. You know, we've got time before dinner and I wanted to show you the painting I've been working on lately. Wanna see?"

I glanced at my parents and hers for permission, knowing they'd heard her question.

"Just try not to take too long since dinner will be on the table soon," Iryna said with a nod. "It's so good to see you girls getting along."

Breathing out slightly, I smiled gratefully before letting Wanda intertwine our fingers and drag me up the staircase. She led me past several doors before we finally reached hers and she tugged me inside.

As soon as the door closed, she was quick to connect our lips in a heated, desperate kiss. I relaxed against her instantly, my hands falling to her side and pulling her closer. Her fingernails gently scratched the sensitive skin behind my neck, giving me goosebumps, and I let out an involuntary gasp at the feeling.

When we pulled away for a breath, her nose brushed against mine and she pressed a final kiss to my lips, slower and more tasteful compared to the first, before smiling at me.

"I missed you," she said, as if reading my mind.

A breathy laugh escaped my lips. "It's only been a week since we last saw each other, love."

She shrugged, arms laced around my neck. "A week too long."

Raising a brow judgementally, I gave her a knowing look. She wasn't embarrassed in the slightest as her half-lidded eyes met mine with a confident smirk.

"Did you just pull me up here to have a quick snog?" I teased her.

"Well, yes," she said, making me laugh again, before adding, "And I wanted to ask you if you'll go to the park with me tomorrow. A picnic. If you want."

She bit her lip anxiously, eyes darting elsewhere as she waited for an answer. I always found it amusing how she could be so confident one second and then so innocently adorable the next.

"Wanda, I'd love to." My thumb rubbed circles on her waist as I kept ahold of her. "I hear it's supposed to be nice weather tomorrow, too."

She pursed her lips. "Even if it rained, I'd still drag you to the park with me."

"Somehow, I feel like that's true," I countered with a ghost of a smile on my lips. She tried to hide her own smile and I continued, "Was there an actual painting you wanted to show me or...?"

Breathing out with amusement, she intertwined our fingers and pulled me to the back of her room where her 'studio' was. Since the last time I'd visited, there were plenty of new additions to her work, all as wonderful as the next.

"This one is from the beach at Blackpool," she said, stopping before a medium-sized canvas depicting the horizon. "When we sat on the bench. Just before I kissed you."

My heart fluttered at the memory and I studied the canvas, recalling it looked similar to her watercolour painting of the same view. She'd done a spectacular replica in oil paints, reminiscent of the trip we took.

"You should already know what I'm going to say," I said, looking to her knowingly. "But just so you can hear it again, I absolutely love this. You're so talented."

She rolled her eyes to distract from the pink spreading across her cheeks. "Thank you... and again, thank you for taking me. Seeing an actual water source upfront really helped me refine my paintings. It feels so much more real now."

I looked back to the painting, noticing what she meant. Either way, I loved both versions of her work, before and after going to the beach.

"You did good, love."

She squeezed my hand gently before sighing quietly with realisation. "We should probably go back down."

"We should," I agreed, glancing at her. "Thanks for showing me these."

She cracked a smile, teeth nibbling on her bottom lip. "Always."

Reluctantly, the two of us returned downstairs and joined the others as they were settling at the dining table. Wanda and I sat side by side, and this time when her fingers brushed mine, I made no move to pull away.

The meal was good, but as usual, I found myself zoning out. The conversation made its rounds, falling to me as the Maximoffs wanted to know how I was doing, then moved on, giving me chance to focus on eating my dinner and getting through the evening. I knew that at one point, everybody was talking about some play that was showing in the theatres.

Bits of the conversation were going in one ear and out the other and I was minding my own business until Wanda's bare foot rubbed against my leg under the table. The sensation of her skin against mine made my knee bounce up and hit the table with surprise, earning everyone's attention.

"Are you okay, dear?" Oleg asked, noticing my discomfort.

I cleared my throat, straightening up and ignoring the stifled smile Wanda had in my peripheral vision.

"I'm good, sorry about that," I apologised awkwardly, shivering when she dragged her foot back down my leg. "You were talking about the play, right?"

That seemed to distract them, as they leapt right back into conversation, giving me a chance to breathe out with relief. I looked to Wanda, watching her lean on her palm and hide a smirk as she stared at me with mischievous eyes.

Glaring and nudging her in the arm subtly, I looked back to my food, but she didn't move her foot, nor her hand. Both brushed my against me, starting a fire on my skin and making me swallow hard. She kept like that for the whole evening, making my head dizzy and leaving me at a loss for words.

And when I looked her way, she was already staring, definitely knowing the effect she had on me.

—

"I just need to find my shoes and we can go," I told Wanda the next morning, before our date at the park.

She'd come to pick me up at my house and was hanging around my room as I finished getting ready. From her place at my desk, she hummed in acknowledgment before distracting herself with my notebooks.

"I see you're making great use of the notebook I picked out for you," she commented, and I glanced towards her mid-search for my shoes, seeing she was flicking through the already-filled book.

"I have a lot of ideas, what can I say?" I joked, before looking under the pile of clothes near my wardrobe.

She chuckled, before falling quiet again. I wasn't really paying attention to what she was doing until she spoke up after a few minutes.

"Y/N, your writing is beautiful," she said, making me look her way to see an amazed smile on her lips. "I didn't know you could write like this. I mean– I should have because you helped write that letter Y/B/N gave to me, but this..."

I shrugged awkwardly, distracting myself with my search again. "It's okay, I guess."

She exhaled mockingly. "Okay? Y/N, this is miles better than okay. Why didn't you show me this sooner?"

I smiled satisfactorily as I finally located my shoes. Grabbing them, I approached Wanda and took a seat on the edge of my bed, opposite her seat at my desk.

"Because it'll never be anything more than what you're looking at?" I said rhetorically. "It'll only ever be words confined to pages that nobody will see?"

She gave me a knowing look. "I think you forget that my brother is a publisher, dorogoy (dear)."

"And I think you forget that he is the publisher to my brother, dear," I retorted playfully.

She sighed, shaking her head and putting the notebook back on my desk. "You know Pietro would love this, right? He'd sign you in a heartbeat."

I snickered at the ludicrous thought. "Wanda, you're a little biased, love."

She rolled her eyes. "Writers write for audiences. I am an audience. I consume literature. And I'm telling you that it's not just me who would read what you have to write."

I tried not to laugh as I pulled my shoes onto my feet.

"Are you really telling me that you'd never want to get published?" she asked with a raised brow.

My heart ached at the thought of such a fantasy. "Of course I would, Wanda." I met her eyes, which were already peering across from me patiently. "I've dreamed of that. But it's just not what's to happen. My family have told me that many times. In another lifetime, maybe."

She pursed her lips, studying me thoughtfully. I offered her a smile and stood up, holding out my hand.

"Forget that," I told her. "I believe you promised me a picnic."

Thankfully, she dropped the subject and accepted my hand, letting me pull her up. The topic wasn't brought up again and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

We went to the park like she wanted and she brought a picnic basket with her, having packed a lovely variety of finger foods and snacks.

As she was unpacking the food onto the blanket, I narrowed my eyes at her. "You know, now that we're finally alone, I can say how unfair it was of you to do what you did last night."

She played dumb, shrugging, focusing on neatening up the sandwiches on a plate. "I don't know what you mean, milaya (darling)."

"Huh. Sure you don't."

Giggles flew from her lips as she glanced at me through her eyelashes. "I'm sorry, I couldn't help it. I just love seeing you squirm. You get all tense and it's so cute."

I pursed my lips. "I figured. You've been watching me squirm since we met."

She grinned knowingly before straightening up. "Okay, I made sandwiches and there's also some coleslaw, fruit, cheese... I made some Sokovian dishes, too, if you want to try them. Okroshka – it's like a cold soup. Then there's this olivye salad. It's... well, salad."

I smiled at the thought she put into it all and grabbed her hand between us. We'd set the picnic out behind a tree so we wouldn't have curious eyes watching us. It didn't look like we were overtly hiding, but we still got our privacy, too.

"It all looks great, Wanda," I said with appreciation. "I can't wait to try it."

She squeezed my hand in response before letting go to grab some paper plates. After popping a strawberry in her mouth, she asked, "Do you just want a bit of everything?"

I leaned on the back of my hands as I hummed a 'yes'. She began to put me some food in and I watched her, admiring the sight.

Her hair was half-pulled back today, falling in waves down her back and exposing her perfectly sculpted jawline. Everything about her was perfect – the way she moved was elegant and graceful, even when her hair fell over her shoulder and in her way; she simply moved it back with a flick of her hand and resumed what she was doing. The sun caught her immaculately, her hair glowing bright under the light and her eyes magnificently green as they focused.

As always, she took my breath away.

"Here," she said, holding out the plate towards me and pulling me from my reverie.

I accepted the plate and fork, returning her smile, before she watching as she began to make another plate for herself.

"You sure this is fancy enough for you?" I asked jokingly, stabbing my fork into a carrot. "I heard you and my brother went to a very luxurious restaurant the other night."

She met my eyes, holding amusement in her own. "Jealousy doesn't look good on you, milaya (darling)."

I kissed my teeth and rolled my eyes. "I'm not jealous, I just– it's so annoying listening to him talk about how beautiful you are or how funny you are or how kind you are."

"Oh, so you don't think I'm any of those things?" she teased, trying to get a rise out of me.

I titled my head towards her. "Of course I know you're all those things. But it doesn't mean I like hearing him talk about it constantly..."

Clearly amused, she erupted into laughter and I felt my face heating up with embarrassment. I know it sounded like I was whining, but it was true. Sometimes, I wasn't envious of my brother but rather at the fact that he could actually take Wanda out properly. He could be seen with her in public and hold her hand without fear of getting looks or disowned. He had the privilege of being with her and it wasn't fair.

"You may hear him talk about it, but there's one thing I can assure you that you get that he doesn't," she said when recovering from her laughter.

I stared at her with an exasperated sigh. "And what's that?"

She smiled confidently, glancing around quickly, before leaning forward and kissing me softly. As quickly as it came, it disappeared, leaving me desiring more.

Licking my lips, I couldn't tear my eyes from hers. "You know, you're a really good kisser."

She chuckled at my reaction and I found myself leaning in again, entranced by the way she tasted. Putting my plate to the side, I raised a hand to pull her closer, getting better access to her mouth.

She tasted sweet like the strawberry she'd just eaten and I swiped my tongue across her lip, indicating I wanted her to part her them. She did, allowing me to slip my tongue in and wrestle with hers, revelling in the way she tasted. My heart was thumping loudly in my chest as she let out a moan, it reverberating in my mouth and giving me goosebumps.

When lack of oxygen became an issue, she pulled away breathlessly, flushed cheeks adorned with a smile.

"As lovely as that was, I actually want to eat what I made," she ridiculed playfully.

"Yes, we will," I assured her, my hand moving from her neck up to her jaw. My thumb touched her lips, outlining them tenderly, subconsciously committing them to memory. "We'll get back to it."

She wanted to laugh, but I moved forward and caught her bottom lip between mine, unable to stay away. It was wrong, the rush I felt in my gut and the warmth that spread all over my body and the tingles that travelled down my spine. Because I knew what it all meant, but admitting it was a different story. So, I didn't.

I just continued to kiss the girl before me, knowing I could have kissed her forever and not regretted a single thing.

[johnsamericano]

『 ‎ ‎لąҽհվմղ / ᎠҽӀմʂìօղ 』

warnings: mental illness implied, hallucinations, meds, aggressive jaehyun, implied sexual relations.

taglist: @nakamotocore @jisooapproved @la-ra-rumi @winwiniee @yijiujiujiu @nctlovesme

loveholic masterlist.

Lies.

That's what Jaehyun hated the most in the world, lies.

He hated the way you'd smile at him during class, only to pretend he wasn't even there as soon as you exited the room. It wasn't fair. He wanted to confront you, wanted to ask for an explanation for your uninterested attitude, but anytime he'd try, words got stuck in his throat, choking him uncomfortably.

Jaehyun wasn't sure when his interest in you began growing. He was never one to have secret crushes, so then, why you? What made you special enough for him to like you?

The answer came one lucky day when the professor paired you up together for a project. While people usually whined when being put in the same team with someone other than their friends, you seemed all but annoyed, smiling with your white, pearly teeth and waving at him as if he were your very best friend.

“Guess you’re stuck with me.” It was his first time speaking to you, beads of sweat collecting on his upper lip. “Jaehyun, right?”

He hated small talk almost as much as lies. Almost. But when it came to you, he could do it all day long if it meant listening to your delightful voice. All of his pent-up frustrations scattered as you started planning your schedule to work on the project. He’d only hum in approval, still too shy to speak to you.

“So tomorrow's okay with you?” Your head was tilted to the side, the tender skin of your neck looking awfully tempting. He pictured himself kissing it, having you struggle under his weight while he kissed it for hours on end. “Jae?” He was pulled out of the scenario his mind was working through by a gentle hand on his wrist.

There were no mirrors nearby, but the tips of his ears were surely tinted red by now. But most importantly, his pants were becoming uncomfortably tight in his crotch area. A touch from you was all his body needed to go insane.

“Sure.” You smiled, removing your hand from its previous spot. His skin itched for more contact, but he was too shy to initiate anything. “I need to go to the restroom.”

He rushed out of the classroom with his hands in the pockets of his jeans, pushing the fabric forward to conceal his growing boner. He relieved himself inside the small cubicle, his own heavy breathing muffled under the sound of a couple doing less than appropriate things inside the following stall. Would that be you and him one day? Probably, but not quite yet.

Your kindness had no limits. That's what Jaehyun thought when you sat down to have lunch with him, the guy who no one ever liked enough to hang out with.

“Why?” He asked on the second occasion you sit with him.

“Because I like you.”

You started hanging out more often not long after that. Even after you handed in your work, you were keen on staying by his side, and he had nothing to complain about. It was as if the universe was finally smiling at him, all the times you'd ignored him after class now long forgotten. He was happier, brighter than usual. He told his roommate, the closest friend he had, about you. He was happy for Jaehyun, of course, but a feeling in his gut told him something was off.

The night before your spring break started, you invited him to a frat party. He’d never been to one, he didn't like them. But you were so insisting that he had no other choice but to oblige. The entire house smelled like sweat, alcohol, and drugs, disgusting, he thought. However, it was all worth it when he finally got to see you, tucked inside a tight dress that showed the figure you'd so thoroughly hide in baggy shirts. He approached you, wanting to greet you, but one of your friends dragged you away. He didn't mind it, the night was still young and he'd have plenty of time to be with you.

Not even five minutes later, you reappeared by his side, giving him one of your signature eye smiles.

“Having fun, pretty boy?” A light blush crept up his face, settling at the tip of his ears. “Let’s dance.”

His hands were firmly gripping your hips as you rubbed your body on his, causing a more than an obvious problem in his pants. Before his brain could register the current events happening, your lips were on his. It all felt too sudden, yet, he enjoyed the way you'd nip at his lower lip. It sent him to frenzy.

“I’m so wet, Jae.” You mumbled seductively against his fleshy pillows. “Want you to make me feel good.”

You dragged him to the closest room, increasing under his adoring gaze. You were so beautiful, and all his. The promise of your union was sealed that night, as you fell asleep between his arms after three intense rounds of pure bliss.

“Jaehyun?” He felt someone shaking his shoulder, it was a male voice. His arms instinctively closed tighter around your naked body to hide it from whoever was calling him, only to realize it wasn't you who was between them, but a mere pillow. “Dude, get up.” It was his roommate Johnny, picking him up after he got a call from one of the frat members. “You got so wasted yesterday, let's go, I'll take you for food.”

Wasted? He hadn't drunk anything the previous night. Nonetheless, he left the house after dressing up. He tried calling you as they waited for their waffles to no avail.

“Jaehyun, I saw your pills today in the trash bin. Have you stopped taking them?” Johnny seemed truly concerned.

“I’m better now, John. For real.” The sincerity in his words put his roommate’s heart at ease. “I found someone, I like her a lot and it seems like she does as well.”

“Dude, that's awesome. We should hang out soon, I'll invite my girlfriend.” A double date, it felt like you and Jaehyun were finally official. But the question remained, why had you left the house early in the morning?

“Sure.”

Because you wouldn't pick up any of his calls, he had to wait until Monday to confront you. During breakfast, Johnny had crushed some of his pills and sneaked them into his eggs, you can never be too safe, he thought. And, oh boy was he right.

You were picking up your belongings from your locker, getting ready to go back home during the break.

“Hey.” He leaned against the closest wall, flashing you a dimpled smile.

“Oh, hey...Jay, right?” Was that a joke?

“Sure, whatever you want. So, my roommate wants to meet you, just let me know whenever you have time and I'll tell him. By the way...” He leaned in, lips brushing against the shell of your ears. Some curious eyes were looking at you, eager to know what was happening. “I really enjoyed that night, but it would've been better if I'd woken up with you between my arms.”

“Excuse me?” You backed away abruptly, escaping his proximity. “I think you're taking me for someone else.”

“What do you mean?”

Realization hit him like a truck. You were ignoring him yet again, but he wasn't gonna take it this time. He hated lies.

“Come with me.” He gripped your forearm, easily dragging you all the way to the janitor's closet. “You don't get to play dumb with me anymore. Stop fucking lying.” You looked like a scared little mouse about to be eaten by a cat.

“I-I’m sorry, but I'm not lying, the only time I've spoken to you was when we worked together. We haven't been in touch ever since.” Even in a situation like this, you still pretended to be kind.

“Lies.” His hands closed against your neck, slightly choking you. “I don't like them, so you better be good and tell me the truth before I do something we'll both regret.” Your eyes welled with tears as you begged for your life, his grip getting tighter with every second. “Come on, angel.”

“I’m sorry, I'm a liar!” Your air supply was running short and your only option was to say what he wanted to hear, even if it was just a lie. “Please!”

“That’s a good doll.” He let go of your bruised neck, letting you fall on your knees as you coughed. “Now, you better stop lying for your own good, are we clear?”

“Yes!” You choked out, unsure of what was happening at the moment.

“I’ll call you later, have your phone by your side.”

You had walked into a trap without even knowing it.

[astro-rain]

delicate; b. barnes

chapter thirteen - “sober desires & the reminiscence of a winsome smile”

delicate masterlist

word count: 4k

synopsis: wakanda gets a visit from our favorite captain, two drinks is too much rum for a reticent psychologist, and bucky knows (& feels) more than meets the eye.

pairings: bucky x fem!reader

[A/N]: this took so long to write but WHEW this chapter!!!! pls let me know what you think >:D

The knock on the outside of his hut was followed by a deep accented voice, one that he had heard before.

"Sergeant Barnes?" it called.

Quickly enough Bucky was outside, facing the king of Wakanda himself. He wasn't sure exactly what to say. You see, the majority of their past interactions included the Black Panther trying to kill him. T'Challa was kind and Bucky trusted him. It was just... a little awkward given the history.

"Your highness," he greeted.

He smiled bashfully at the title.

"I have some news for you."

Bucky's head cocked to the side, curious. News? Should he be worried? He hadn't been expecting anything.

"Captain Rogers is on his way here. He was alerted about our recent complication with N'Jadaka," he said, referring to who Bucky guessed was who Y/N called Erik Killmonger, "and he asked to come check in, make sure you're okay."

Steve was coming. His mood was immediately uplifted. He hadn't seen his oldest friend for months. It was weird to have Steve feeling the need to make sure Bucky was okay; it was usually the other way around. Nonetheless, he was excited. And he had the sudden urge to tell Y/N.

- - -

READER

"Sharon. Hey," she said into the phone.

The friends hadn't spoken since Y/N left for Wakanda - security measures since Sharon helped Steve and betrayed the... well everyone.

"Y/N!" Sharon greeted. "How is everything? Are you alright?"

"Yeah, no I'm totally okay. The Killmonger thing was more the royal family's deal than mine. I was just hiding out in some bunker with Barnes."

Concerned weaved its way into Sharon's voice. "Oh my god. Did anything happen?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, historically, stress hasn't affected him well..."

She wasn't sure why she almost got offended. "No... he was completely fine. He doesn't lose control out of nowhere and turn into the winter soldier. It's a lot more complicated than that... We were fine."

"Oh, that's good. Listen... I'm actually on my way to Wakanda right now."

"You're-... what?"

"Steve needed to check in on Bucky after Killmonger. Wilson and I are coming too."

They must all be together. It makes sense considering what happened after the disaster in Berlin, and then the airport fiasco in Germany and then... everything in Siberia.

Aw, they're in hiding together, Y/N joked in her head. She almost laughed out loud.

"Oh. Is that safe? For you? For everyone?"

"I've been careful. We've all been careful. But, things don't always go as planned. And T'Challa feels bad about putting you guys in a dangerous situation when he was supposed to protect you."

"It wasn't his fault."

"I know. We all know. But, it's kind of his way of making up for it: letting us stay so that Steve can check in on Barnes and we can cool off for a bit."

"Was Rogers mad?"

"Well, he wasn't thrilled that his best friend was trapped alone in a country that just got taken over..."

He wasn't alone.

"...he was mostly worried," Sharon continued. "Still is."

"Right."

"Alright, well I got to go. We'll be there in a couple hours."

"I'll see you. Be safe."

"See you."

- - -

BUCKY BARNES

"Hey Buck," the happiness in Steve's voice was genuine as he patted his oldest friend on the back in the middle of an embrace. "How you been?"

"A hell of a lot better than the last time I saw you, that's for damn sure," Bucky smiled.

Sam Wilson stood next to the star spangled man with a plan. Bucky briefly glanced at him.

"Wilson," he deadpanned.

"Barnes," he returned the greeting.

"I was worried when T'Challa told me about Killmonger," Steve said. "Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful that they let you stay here, but I just didn't think I'd have to be worried so soon."

"It's alright. Everything turned out okay and I was fine the whole time. You don't have to lose your head."

"I'm not losing my head."

"You never had it in the first place."

The blonde changed the topic of conversation.

"You were with that therapist right?"

"Yeah."

"What do we think about her?" he asked with equal parts caution and suspicion. "Do you trust her?"

Bucky wasn't sure why he was almost offended.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I?"

"Well, you know what happened the last time you were with a psychiatrist..."

"Yeah well, this one doesn't have a personal vendetta against the Avengers."

"You sure she's alright?"

He looked serious, and Bucky could see the genuine concern etched into his friend's face. Steve was truly wary.

"I'm positive. She's helped so much since I've been here. I really trust her."

"Okay, if you say so. I trust you."

Bucky smirked. "Hey uh... is Sharon with you?"

Sam said nothing but radiated a smirk to match Bucky's perfectly, a kind of smirk that only a ball-busting best friend cracks.

"She is..." Steve replied. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh nothing. Just wondering, that's all."

"She said she wanted to talk to a friend."

"Oh, she's probably with Y/N."

"Who?"

"Y/N. Dr. Y/L/N. 'The therapist.'"

"I didn't know they were friends."

"Why do you think Sharon recommended her?"

"She said she knew 'the best' person to help."

"That true. She's crazy smart."

"As long as she can do the job, I'm all for it, no matter whose friend she is."

In a short-lived thought, Bucky wondered what Steve Rogers would think of who else Y/N was friends with. He wondered if Steve would think it was strange to be friends with your doctor, or if he'd be pleased that Bucky had gotten close to someone, anyone else in this world.

"How long are you guys staying for?" Bucky asked.

Steve rubbed the back of his neck anxiously. "Honestly, we were only planning on staying for like a week or so. We've been moving throughout Europe, and the other day, when we were in Prague... it was almost really bad."

"We need to stay low for a while," Sam added.

"What did you do?" Bucky asked, used to Steve getting himself into trouble.

"It's a long story..."

"What did T'Challa say about it?"

"He said to take as much time as we needed," Steve filled him in.

"You know, I'm startin' to really like this guy," Sam nodded, smiling. "Obviously when he went all cat murderer on you, he was a bit of a pain in the ass. But now? Guardian angel."

Bucky shook his head at Sam's nonsense. What an idiot, he thought. He wondered what Y/N would think of Sam, but then a more pressing question popped into his head.

"Where are you guys gonna stay?"

"I'm guessing there," Steve said pointing behind Bucky.

When he turned around, Bucky was shocked but he also wasn't. Behind and around his hut stood three more just like it, but slightly smaller. He could've sworn those weren't there yesterday, but that's the beauty of Wakanda. They were ten steps ahead of the rest of the world and he guessed that included speed building as well.

"I will never stop loving this place," he admired.

-

He tried not to sound too eager when he knocked on her door. She looked shocked but didn't really try to hide it.

"Oh," she sounded confused. "Hi, Bucky..."

"Hey," he grinned. "I have a proposition for you."

Her eyebrows lowered as her lips twisted into the most devilish smirk. She could communicate an entire joke with just her face.

"Not like that!" he exclaimed.

She laughed, smirk morphing into an endearing smile. "Like what then?"

"Steve wanted to have like a bonfire sorta thing to catch up since we're all together for once. You know, just like drinks and stupid stories from the forties. D'ya think you could part with your paper work to grace us with your presence?"

"Oh, uh... are you sure?"

"Of course. I'd love to have you there."

She wrung out her hands. "I don't know, Buck. Is that really appropriate? To have your doctor hangin' out with your friends?"

"That may be, but that's not what I'm asking. I want my friend to 'hang out' with my other friends."

Out of her composure seeped a meek smile. The air felt softer to him.

"And maybe you can analyze Wilson and tell me what his biggest fear is later," he added.

She snickered.

"Okay. Lead the way, James Buchanan."

-

The fire was a monster, roaring and crackling with all the life in the world. Bucky loved it. He loved the warmth, the heat, the lack of cold.

"I'm gonna get another drink," Y/N said. "You want anything, Buck?"

"I'm all set," he smiled, gaze lingering for only a second too long.

"Sharon?" she turned. "You?"

The blonde shook her head. "Oh, I think I've had plenty."

Surrounding the fire sat five chairs. All but one was empty as Y/N went to get her second drink. Of course they were in Sam's hut, Bucky thought. After all, even though it was Steve's idea, Sam was most excited about the whole thing, actually sitting down and just relaxing instead of fleeing from belligerent governments.

"Therapist's pretty," Sam noted with a smirk once she was out of hearing range.

"Y/N," Bucky corrected, mind going completely elsewhere. "She's so smart."

"Smart enough to call you Buck..." Steve said, catching on to Sam.

"What?"

"She calls you Buck."

"Yeah, so? You do too."

"Yeah, but I've known you longer. And I'm your friend."

"She's my friend too," he shrugged.

"She's your doctor..."

"And I'm a hundred year old man with one arm trying to get un-brainwashed in a country that the rest of the world doesn't even know exists. None of this is conventional."

"...fair," Steve said, with only a little bit of skepticism. "Are you guys close?"

Does spending hours alone talking with someone in a hidden bunker make you close? Does them comforting you after a nightmare and then subsequently allowing you to get the best night sleep you've had in forever? What about making daring voyages to quaint waterfalls and laughing a kind of laugh that makes your heart swell? What about-

"Buck?"

He shrugged. Again. "I guess so."

Sam narrowed his eyebrows. "How close?"

"Wilson," Sharon admonished exasperatedly. "Y/L/N's his doctor, come on. That's inappropriate to suggest."

Sam put his hands up in mock surrender. Briefly, just briefly, Bucky imagined kicking the leg of Sam's chair and watching him fall back. He didn't, obviously. But it would have been funny if he did.

The seemingly never ending conversation was cut short when Y/N returned, drink in hand, and took her seat next to Bucky.

"What'd you get?" he asked, demeanor subtly but swiftly changing into something lighter, something happier.

"I don't know, but it has rum in it," she shrugged sardonically before clinking her glass with Bucky's.

"Cheers," Sam raised his glass, trying to engage.

Y/N wordlessly, and with a half-smile, raised her glass in his direction.

"So," Steve started, comfortably crossing his legs and leaning back into his chair before asking Bucky, "you wanna know what actually happened in Prague?"

"Do enlighten me. I've been waiting all night."

"Jerk."

"Punk."

The rest of the night went on sort of like this. The group took turns telling stories and then listening. Cracking jokes and then laughing. Everyone but Y/N, Bucky noticed. She just... sat and drank, livelihood only extending to the borders of her seat.

He hadn't seen her like this before, and he found himself stuck halfway between confused and worried. Had something happened? Had something wrong been said?

He kept an eye on her as dusk melted into night. He told himself it was because he was concerned, but that was only in addition to the way he was magnetized to how she looked with the light of the fire gleaming on her skin.

After she would finish a drink, she'd stare into the fire for a little while, before leaving to get another. When he made sure no one was looking at him, he'd look at her. Discretely. At her eyes. The reflection of the fire in her pupils made him wonder if she would burn the fire before it could ever burn her. He was all too aware of the heat that accompanied her gaze. It was a ravishing burn that made him ache for the searing feeling as soon as it was taken away.

He didn't dare think of it for too long or else he would get distracted. And someone would call his name, pulling him out of a trance he didn't want to be caught in. A trance he wasn't sure he wanted to admit that he was in.

The night remained as such until someone - he couldn't remember who - said they were tired, and everyone bid their farewells, and wished their good nights.

Y/N spared about a side hug to Sharon before walking off on her own. Bucky half volunteered, half insisted on tending to the fire to make sure it went out, only to ignore it as soon as everyone was gone and follow after his psychologist.

He caught up to her as she was in the middle of opening the door to her living quarters.

"Y/N."

She turned around in the spot, door wide open, staring up at him.

He bore into her eyes, looking at something, noticing her dilated pupils and hazy stare.

"You're drunk," he said, but it sounded more like a question.

"Yeah."

"But you don't seem drunk?"

"I'm not wasted," she padded into the room, carelessly leaving the door wide open for him to walk through. "Just drunk enough to remember why I didn't drink in college."

She rubbed her eyes.

"Think I want another one," she sighed, heading for the door with a bitter smile. "More rum."

Bucky gently closed the door, maneuvering himself in front of it, and blocking her from exiting. Another drink is definitely not a good idea.

He changed the subject. "Why didn't you drink in college?"

Her eyebrows raised, introducing a look that said Really? You think I don't know what you're doing?

"Wow, look at you being the voice of reason for my otherwise inebriated brain."

Nevertheless, she cooperated.

She sighed. "It just... makes me miserable. I'm a sad drunk."

"Better than a mean drunk," he offered.

"Possibly. It's a real mood killer, though."

"That why you were off all night?"

"Off... ? I don't know, I guess so... I'm usually pretty inconspicuous when I'm drunk. Didn't think anyone would really notice."

There was no hesitation when he spoke.

"I did."

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't be sorry. Just... why did you keep drinking if it only makes you miserable?"

"Alcohol is a depressant," she breathed mechanically, as if speaking was difficult. "It depresses your nervous system, then you get disinhibited. Then you don't care about rationality and just drink! Then in the moment it feels kinda good... but then it makes you sad... and then you need more to blur the feeling away. It's like... the worse you feel, the more you need to drink... but then the more you drink... the worse you feel..."

"How are you drunk but still talking... sorta still like you usually do?"

She smirked, looking like she was trying not to laugh. He was glad she was smiling.

"Maybe you're not the only one with heightened metabolism as a result of the serum..."

He looked at her quizzically, amused. She wasn't making total sense, but he couldn't find it in himself to give much of a damn. She smiled, again.

"Kidding. I just have outstanding self-control."

She plopped down on the floor, deciding that she no longer wanted to use her legs. Fine motor function was overrated for intoxicated people.

He sat down with her, next to her.

"If I tell you a joke will you be less sad-drunk?"

"I already am 'less sad-drunk.' I wasn't before, but," she took a breath in, "now you're here, so... improvements have been made."

"That's good 'cause I was worried before."

She glanced up at him with brazen eye contact. Her face held a mixture of what looked like a confused and pained expression, as something changed. Some sort of realization or reality check.

She wiped her hands over her face. "God, this is so ridiculous. I'm sorry. You shouldn't be worried about me, that's not your job. I'm sorry. I should just go to bed, and you can leave..."

"I know it's not my job. I just wanted to make sure you were alright."

"I was alright- it... it's not like I was crying at the fire or something. I was fine."

"After your second drink, you were silent almost the entire time."

"You were counting my drinks?"

Not exactly.

"I was paying attention."

"To what?"

To you.

"You completely turned into yourself. Your elbows and legs were drawn in close to your body: unrelaxed and almost apprehensive posture. You were nonverbal, didn't make any jokes, no sarcastic commentary. I was literally purposefully saying things I knew you would correct or tease or laugh at and nothing. I was waiting for a 'smartass' or a 'there's a reason behind everything' explanation or anything science related. But there was nothing."

Her face was blank. It took her a second to catch up. Blinking slowly, she shook her head, eyebrows furrowed, all emphasis on the word. "Why?"

Her tone was truly confused. It was like she, in her heart of hearts, for the life of her, could not believe he was concerned.

"Y/N you're my friend," he chided. "Why wouldn't I be?"

She averted her gaze. Her voice was barely above a whisper. "I don't know."

"Look," his voice was soft. "I know you know everything and you know my mannerisms and micro-expressions and you know when I'm lying and whatever else 'cause you're a genius psychologist. But is it really that hard to believe that, after all the time we've known each other, I know you a little too? That I saw you for once instead of you always seein' me?"

"I think you're the only person who sees me."

The words leaked out before he thought to analyze them, tone lower than a whisper.

"Well I can't seem to look at much else."

He had never felt such potent silence. Did he just fuck up majorly? They just sat, on the floor, eyes glued to each other like twenty year old dried cement. He didn't think he could move away if he tried.

"I see you now," she whispered.

"What do you mean?"

"Blue," she breathed. "Your eyes are so blue. I don't... think I've ever seen that shade of blue."

It happened exponentially slowly, but the closer her face got to his, the more his chest felt like it was going to burst in the best way possible. As if liquid light poured into his lungs, inflating his chest and igniting every nerve with adoration.

Her lips hovered over his so lightly it was as if it wasn't even happening, like her affection was a ghost. But it was happening, and he could feel it. He could feel the softness in her lips and the smell of the rum she drank as they combined into the wondrous dual sensation that permeated throughout his brain.

They weren't kissing by any stretch. Their lips were hardly touching. However, in that moment, he was at her mercy. He was prepared to bend the laws of nature to her will if she would allow the continuation of this feeling for even a fraction of a second more.

Until it stopped and she waned away like the moon bidding adieu to the morning sky.

Her voice shook. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't... it's-"

"No. It's not okay. It's not okay."

He leaned back, examining her face. She looked confused and embarrassed and scared.

"Y/N, it's fine. It's okay, seriously, don't worry about it."

"I'm sorry, I'm... I'm drunk and I'm disinhibited and it's affecting my judgement and making me impulsive. I'm sorry."

He couldn't be exactly sure, but it sounded as if she was trying to convince herself more than she was trying to convince him.

Neither of them moved a muscle.

"Do you want me to leave?" he asked.

She was silent, frozen. It reminded him of a past conversation about the fight or flight response.

Bucky stood up and offered his hand to the woman sitting on the floor in front of him. "Here."

She took it gingerly and stood up with him before wide eyes stared into his apologetically.

"Please don't feel bad," he pleaded. "Barely anything happened."

"Still..."

"Why don't you just get some sleep and we can talk tomorrow. I promise it won't seem like such a big deal when you're sober."

She nodded but they both remained motionless, hands still together. He knew they needed to let go, but her hand didn't move, and she just kept looking into him.

"Okay," she whispered.

She walked him to the door, hand still in hand, and until he was forced to let go of her to open it. He stepped, ever so slowly, out of her room and onto the grass outside. He looked up at her, the doorway between them suddenly feeling like worlds of distance. They stood on opposite sides of the open door like statues. Bucky didn't know what to do and he wasn't sure what to say.

He settled on a, "Goodnight."

He tried not to make it sound so weak and timorous but he failed entirely. He didn't want to leave her like this. Guilty and alone. God knows he knew what it felt like.

Her voice was dry and quiet. "Goodnight."

He wasn't sure when the door shut or which one of them had shut it. The only thing he was sure of was the feeling of formidable regret pooling in his stomach.

On one hand, there was regret for letting her lean in and get so close because now he was scared that their dynamic was ruined and worried that Y/N felt awful. On the other hand, there was regret that he just let her pull away. Regret that he didn't lean in more and shamelessly drown in her. Regret that he didn't unapologetically suffocate himself with the softness of lips, the inebriating smell of rum on on her tongue, and the utterly bewitching taste of her he was sure would follow.

He wasn't sure what he felt, to be honest. He was a muddle of emotions of which he had no idea how to sift through. Momentarily, he wished he was drunk so he wouldn't have to think so hard. Then, he remembered the saying, "drunk words are sober thoughts," and he was damn glad he was stone cold sober; he could only imagine the things he would say to her if he was drunk.

This lead him to pondering, it got the gears in his brain turning. It made him wonder. Maybe... just maybe... if drunk words were sober thoughts, then what if drunk actions were sober desires?

Thinking like this could cause him read the situation completely differently. Thinking like this could make him read the situation in such a way that conceived the slightest sliver of hope for emotions gone repressed. Hope is dangerous...

Hope is dangerous, so Bucky shoved it down into the deepest cavern of his brain, the very same cavern where his feelings for her resided. It was a monster in a cave, growling and hissing menacingly. Intensely.

It scared him, this intensity. It scared him so much that the only way he could fall asleep was by thinking about the way James Buchanan sounded when she said it with a winsome smile.

delicate taglist: ​@bakugouswh0r3 @thefridgeismybestie @strivingforelegance @ilovespideyyy @xpurpleglitter @bluelakeee @darkacademic2 @nickkie1129 @eclipsedplanet @paradisedixon @crazy-beautiful @coffee--writes @lilithknight1111 @buckybarnesishot310 @softladyhours @alwayssandy @quxxnxfhxll @those-sea-green-eyes @hero-ically @devilswaldorf

[multifandom-girlie]

𝐒𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐚 ?

Imagine: He asks you what you'd like for Christmas and you take it up a notch since he asked.

Pairings: Human!Elijah x Human!Reader

Warnings: Smut and a sweet family moment.

A/N: Hey guys! I just wanted to apologise in advance because this ended up being a lot longer than anticipated because I got a bit carried away and added the sweetest little family moment at the end anyway no more spoilers but enjoy!!

I had just unlocked the door to Mine and Elijah's apartment, where I had just got some a sexy Christmas outfit for Elijah's Christmas present, since he said I was enough and that he didn't want anything. I thought I'd give him me.

I was just finishing my hair, when I heard the front door open and close, that meant Elijah was home and just in time. He decided to be nice this Christmas and give Klaus and lift home since he got hammered at Rousseau's for Christmas and why not. 

“Beautiful ? I'm back.”

“Okay baby, just wait in the living room. I'll be out in a second.”

“Okay sweetheart.”

I smiled at the terms of endearment, it's a usual thing but I love it so very much. I get Goosebumps and start to blush whenever he says things like 'beautiful' or 'sweetheart'. I looked at myself in the mirror and smiled, I know he's going to love it. He always likes it when I dress up just for him.

I opened the bedroom door and stepped out, before walking towards Elijah and standing in front of his chair that he was sat in.

“Happy Christmas, Handsome.”

He gaped for a second and then closed his mouth regained his usual posture and smirked. His hands reached out to grab the diaphanous fabric of the lingerie I was wearing and muttered under his breath.

“Happy Christmas indeed. Wow....I feel terrible I didn't at least get dressed up for you.”

“No, it's okay. Don't worry about it.”

“No it's not. Tell me what you for christmas.”

“Santa ? Is that you ?”

He chuckled and I kept my act up and sat on his knee whilst his arm wrapped around my waist and his other hand rested on my knee.

“It is indeed. What would you like for Christmas this year ?”

“I've been thinking very hard about this Santa because I really don't want anything except one thing. So I would really appreciate it if you have it too me....”

“It better be a good thing to ask for because that was a hell of a build up...”

“I promise it is....”

“Well then, what would you like ?”

“I would like you to fuck me hard. Please.”

I looked at him lustfully and he returned the gesture. Before pulling both my legs and wrapping them around him, making my heels rest on his back. We were inches apart and very desperate to make good on my wish.

“As you wish, my beautiful.”

We grinned at eachother and kissed eachother roughly, passionately....lustfully. I'd never been so turned on as I was then in my life. He was about the rip the lingerie off of me but luckily I stopped him before he could.

“Wait, I spent too much on this for you to rip it straight away. At least let it get 2 wears in.”

“Fine.”

He left it on instead, luckily for us both, there was no bottom half to it. The lingerie was a just a transculent dress really. He pulled the cups of the dress under my breasts so they could breathe however they were immediately suffocated once again, only this time on the sweet mouth of Elijah Mikaelson. His tounge encircled each nipple, one by one and discharged a quiet moan from me.

I clutched at the nape of his neck and began to rub myself against his hard on immediately. He let out a small groan and tightened the grip he had on my nipple with his mouth, which inspired a slight screech from myself. I ripped the belt off of him and I threw it behind him to an empty space by the tree. I continued to rip his clothes off and one of the articles of clothing hit the tree and disturbed us because a bauble had smashed on the floor. We pulled away and started giggling at eachother and we're also incredibly out of breathe. He slipped his boxers off and I immediately blushed.

Everytime I saw how much I affected him, I blushed and I thought it was such an awkward thing to do. I had expressed how I felt about it before to Elijah but he reassured me that he very much adored it but I still feel that tiniest bit awkward. 

I still continued to rest my body on my knees and wrap my lips around his cock, he threw is head back and groaned before he forced himself to pull me off of him and stood up and made me sit down in the chair before kneeling down and lining himself up with my entrance. The action made me bite my lip in anticipation and my lip almost flew out of my mouth as soon as he thrust into me.

My hands gripped the arms of the chair and he consistenly thrusted into me at a slow pace. I stretched around him and his hips slapped against the back of my thighs and he deepened himself further inside of me. It was a tantinisingly slow pace but I knew he was making it last though.

It's not often that we get to just have sex without arranging it. The kids were staying with Rebekah and Marcel for the night and we were going to have a quiet night alone. We often have to plan we have sex though, which makes it less special and it's not even the kids we have to arrange it around...it’s also Klaus. He's incompetent without Elijah with him, I swear he has separation anxiety. I do feel bad for him though since Hayley doesn't like him seeing Hope alone because she's worried he's constantly drunk. He just missed Camille and has just attended the wedding of the love of his life and someone he saw as a brother to him.

Elijah gripped my legs, leaving handprints embroidered in my skins. He pulled out suddenly and flipped me around on the chair. I gripped the back of the chair and my knees sunk into the fabric of the bottom cushion. His large hands stroked my hips tightly before getting down on his own knees and licking and kissing my entrance, earning a few sweet moans to erupt from my throat. Not long after, he sprung back up and stroked my clit with the tip of his cock before suddenly thrusting straight into my entrance which caused a loud moan to echo around us. One of my hands gripped the arm and one gripped the back of the chair, as his pace quickened and he created slapping sounds between our bodies. He kept rocking his hips back and force at a never ending pace. Groans emitting from his body aswell and his hands founding the best grip on my hips. I started to tighten around him and not longer, I came all around him. 

He pulled me to stand up after I came and sat down himself before gently pulling my hand and prompting me to sit on his lap. He positioned himself at my entrance as I was still a bit shaky from my release. I sat down on him slowly whilst letting out a long breathy moan. His hands found my hips again and mine gripped his shoulders. I was too overstimulated to keep moving, so he moved my hips up and down on his lap so he could reach his orgasm. He started throbbing, stimulating me more and more until we both released all over eachother, making a mess. His juices were running down my thighs and dripping down his cock, falling onto his stomach. Mine, combining with his...again running down my thighs and drenching his now flaccid cock.

I carefully removed myself off of him, to grab a warm towel to clean us up with. The sheer material of my dress, tickling my legs as I walked. I walked into the bathroom and looked at myself. I knew I wasn't ugly but damn do I look good after sex. Although it never feels like just sex when it's with Elijah, it feels like pure, physical luck. I always feel like the luckiest women in the world...not forgetting the best looked after cause wow is he godly in physical act of love, for lack of more appropriate words. I walked back in after finishing cleaning myself up and handed him a cloth too, before giving him a kiss and going to run a bath.

“Hey Lijah handsome, I'm gonna run a bath do you wanna get in with me in a sec ?”

“I would love too, beautiful.”

He just finished and stopped in the doorway to our bedroom and turned to him.

“Can you b-"

He cut me off.

“Yes, I will get the wine. Give me a second sweetheart.”

I giggled and walked off. He walked into the bathroom, seeing me already in the bath. Surrounded by candles and and the sweet aroma of the Christmas candle burning, that smelt like cinnamon, hot wine, vanilla, ginger, orange,honey and chocolate. Just a warm, inviting smell to relax too on Christmas day. He got in and poured some white wine he had delivered, along with himself.

“Here we go beautiful.”

I grabbed the glass he handed me and we spent the whole bath talking about nice thing like: the kids, new years eve and complimenting eachother. After about 45 minutes, the water started to go cold so we decided to get out and get into some more comfortable clothes and tidy up a bit. We started to relax by sitting on the sofa and throwing a blanket on top of us whilst watching ‘It’s a wonderful life'...and let me tell you it most certainly is. We were just about to go make some hot cocoa when there was a knock on the door, confusing us both. We glanced at eachother in wonder and when I opened the door, Rebekah and the kids were standing there. I smiled at them as they ran in to say hi to their dad. I turned to Rebekah.

“I’m sorry, I know I promised I'd have them for the night but they wouldn't go to sleep unless Marcel read them a book or your and Elijah were there, but Marcel passed out whilst we were watching a film. I really wanted you and Elijah to have a night to yourselves and I really tried bu-”

I chuckled at her and held my hand up.

“Rebekah, it's fine we don't mind. Honestly, I was missing having the kids here anyway and we were just about to make hot cocoa anyway. Calm yourself down and go to sleep, you look exhausted.”

“Thankyou Y/N, I owe you one !”

“No you don't!”

I closed the door, to see the kids sat with their dad watching home alone. I smiled at the view, this is why I'm lucky to have Elijah.

OUTFIT

MASTERLIST

[waitimcomingtoo]

Heyyyyy baby! Okay, I don't know if I'm the only one who's experienced this but did it ever happen to you that you're really good friends with someone in a platonic way and then one night you have a dream about them and you just wake up with this weird crush? Making you notice things about them? Maybe you could do a Tom x Co-star reader oneshot based on this? I'd want reader to be working on Spiderman then we could explore her relationship with the rest of the cast. But that's up to you. ;*

Don’t Dream It’s Over

Pairing: Tom Holland x reader

Masterlist

“Don’t be scared. I got you.” A smirk lit up Peters face before he slipped his mask on as you peered off the ledge hesitantly.

“What if I fall?” You chewed your bottom lip.

“Don’t worry about that, pretty girl.” He said softly as he held your chin between his thumb and pointer finger. “I’m always gonna be here to catch you.”

“Okay.” You agreed, and Peters pumped his fist in the air.

“You might wanna hold me a little tighter.” The eyes of his mask widened in excitement as he wrapped his arm around your waist. “For safety reasons, of course.” He added timidly.

You rolled your eyes at him but complied. You wrapped both arms around his neck and fit yourself as close against his body as you could.

“You ready?” He asked you and you nodded.

“You’re gonna love this.” He said excitedly and stepped off the building. You began to fall freely until and a scream ripped through your throat. Peter shot a web at a nearby building and you were suddenly lit flying upwards, wind rushing in your ears.

“Don’t let me go!” You squealed and tucked your face into Peters neck.

“I won’t.” He laughed in delight as he swung towards another building. Sensing your fear by how tightly you were clutching him, he decided to land. He swung towards a building and landed gracefully on the rooftop. You still held him tightly and he let out a chuckle.

“You can let go now.” He said shyly, not that he wanted you to. You slowly slid your arms down and opened your eyes.

“How was that?” Peter asked you as he removed his mask. He noticed the look on your face and worried that he had upset you. “Did you not like it? We don’t have to do it again.” He said apologetically. You flung your arms around Peters neck and pressed a kiss to his lips. When Peter recovered from the surprise, he kissed you back and let his hands rest on your hips.

“I love you.” You mumbled against his lips when you pulled away. The corner of his mouth tweaked up in a half baked smile. “I’ve felt it for a while. I don’t feel scared when I’m with you. I feel like I can do anything. Isn’t that love?”

“I think it is.” He nodded, eyes full of hope.

“Then why are you just standing there?” You asked him and he made a face that showed he didn’t understand. “Kiss me.”

The moment your lips touched Peters, your eyes fluttered open and you found yourself staring at the ceiling of your trailer. Your heart was beating out of your chest as you sat up in bed. Even though it was just a dream, you felt a sinking feeling in your stomach that it was over. You felt oddly disappointed, and a little dazed. You had hours upon hours worth of fittings and rehearsal to look forward to that day, but there was only thing on your mind: Had Peter Parker always been that cute?

You’d seen Tom in his Spider-Man suit a million times since filming began, but the thought of him in that red and blue was making your heart skip a beat that morning. You rushed out of bed to get dressed, suddenly feeling eager to see him. You threw on a dress he had complimented once before and smiled at your appearance before something dawned on you.

“Oh shit.” You whispered.

You now had a crush on Tom Holland.

You sped walked out of your trailer on high alert. You spotted Zendaya by the makeup trailer and waved her over.

“DAYA!” You shouted. “Daya come here.”

“What’s wrong girlie? You look like you’ve had a fun morning.” She folded her arms and laughed at the panicked look in your eyes.

“You know when you have one of those dreams that make you wake up with a crush on a person you thought you could never have a crush on?” You asked her quietly and she raised her eyebrows.

“Oh shit. Are you asking me out?” She teased you and you clenched your jaw.

“No, Daya. It wasn’t you.” You looked around for anyone who might be listening and quieted your voice. “It was Tom. Well, it was Peter. But now I think I like Tom.”

“Everyone knows that.” She shrugged you off and you scoffed.

“No, everyone speculates that.” You corrected her and she pursed her lips. “I honestly never had feelings for him until now. How am I supposed to act around him?” You whispered harshly.

“Just act like you always do.” She said and you groaned. You ran your fingers through your hair and tugged it.

“I can’t even remember how I used to act. All I can think of is that damn suit.” You folded your arms and blew out a breath. Zendaya looked you up and down and cocked her head.

“Damn, girl. What kind of dream was this?” She raised an eyebrow and you shoved her playfully.

“It wasn’t like that. It was romantic. I kissed him.” You insisted and she nodded skeptically.

“How did the kiss feel?” She interrogated you.

“I mean, I left my earthly body and saw the time knife but that’s it. It wasn’t anything special.” You dismissed it and Zendaya let out a laugh.

“So mediocre then?” She asked sarcastically. “Just talk to him. It’s the only way to tell if these feelings are real or just from your dream.”

“What do I say?” You asked desperately.

“I can’t think of everything. You need to take it from here.” Zendaya told you and you nodded reluctantly.

“You’re right. I’ll talk to him.” You squeezed her arm and walked away. You only got a few paces before you ran into a lady from the props department.

“Hey, Y/n.” She greeted you. “Could you take this to props please?”

“Oh, sure.” You smiled at her and took the fake knife she was holding. You kept walking and tried to think of a plan for what you were going to say to Tom.

“Hey there Juliet.” Jacob nodded at you. You stopped in your tracks so hard that your shoes skidded.

“Juliet? What have you heard?” You held the fake knife up to his throat and he held up his hands in defense.

“Woah there ku’uipo. Relax.” He chuckled and you lowered your knife. “I was just referring to the knife. You know how those crazy kids killed each other in old England.”

“Romeo and Juliet takes place in Verona.” You said and Jacob made a face like he didn’t understand.

“It’s in Italy. And they killed themselves.” You corrected again. “Why are we talking about this?”

“You’re right. What we should be talking about is what you think I heard.” Jacob smirked. Knowing Jacob wouldn’t drop the subject, you confessed.

“Have you ever had one of those dreams that makes you wake up with a crush on someone?” You whispered and he nodded.

“Yeah. I had one just last week and now I’m in love with Jake Gyllenhaal.” He said seriously and you glared at him. “Why, have you ever you ever had one of those dreams?”

“No.” You said quickly.

“Then why did you ask?” He challenged you.

“Ask what?” You played dumb.

“I…I don’t remember.” He blanked.

“You asked me if you could bring this knife back to props. And I said yes.” You lied and handed him the knife.

“Okay.” He shrugged and began to walk towards the props department. Jacob turned around again with a cheeky smile on his face.

“Tom.” He stated, and your heart stopped.

“What?” You faked a laugh.

“You dreamt about Tom.” He said, sure of himself this time.

“What? No.” You tried to lie but saw no use. “How did you know that?”

“Hawaiian intuition.” He tapped his head twice.

“That’s not a thing.” You accused him.

“Oh yeah? Then how did I know you’re crushing on Tom?” He asked you with a knowing smirk.

“I think Props is really missing that knife.” You tried to get out of the situation by sending him away.

“Alright. See you around, Juliet.” He saluted you with the knife and walked away. You swallowed thickly and soon as you turned around, you were met with Tom smiling face.

“Hey Y/n!” He greeted and you jumped back.

“Christ on a bike, Tom. You scared me.” You clutched your hand over your heart.

“Sorry, love.” He laughed softly, making your knees weaken beneath you. “Why was Jacob carrying a knife?”

“It was a prop knife. You could find it at a dollar store. It’d probably be more than a dollar, though. My guess is $3.99. Are you excited for the holidays? I am.” You rambled and Tom tilted his head in confusion.

“Are you okay?” He chuckled, taking a step closer to you and stuffing his hands in his pockets.

“Are you kidding? I’m fine. It’s almost crazy how fine I am. How are you? Are you parents doing okay? They were so nice to me last time I saw them.” You said through a smile and Tom snorted.

“Yeah, you are pretty fine.” Tom commented and you gulped loudly.

“God in Heaven.” You said in a straggled voice and looked up at the sky.

“I’m sorry, Y/n. I didn’t mean to offend you.” Tom said, thinking he offended you. “I just meant that I think you’re pretty. I’m sorry if that was inappropriate.”

“No, no, no.” You stammered and he relaxed. “Totally appropriate. Don’t even worry about it. I don’t even remember it. What were we talking about again?”

“That I think you’re pretty.” He played along and you pretended to remember.

“Were we? That’s crazy. You’re a crazy guy, Holland. One crazy son of a gun. But I uh, I think you’re pretty too.” You said quietly as you looked down at your shoes.

“Hey uh, did you hear about the crazy actress who killed her costar?” You asked suddenly and he furrowed his brows.

“No, oh my God. Who?” He wondered.

“Reese.” You nodded and looked past him.

“Witherspoon?” He asked in shock.

“No. With her knife.” You gave the punchline and grimaced. “I’m so sorry. That was a bad joke.”

“I thought it was funny. I always think you’re funny.” He smiled. Your breath hitched in your throat at his gaze. You’d never noticed how pretty his eyes were, or the little flecks of gold embedded in them.

“I , well, you — but you know, it’s just — I didn’t even uh, it was just a joke so, you know.” You stammered.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked you and you felt your palms beginning to sweat.

“Never been better, Peter.” You gave him a thumbs up, not realizing your slip up.

“Peter?” He repeated and your face fell.

“I didn’t say Peter.” You said quickly, eyes shifting to the left.

“I’m pretty sure you did.” He looked you up and down, wondering why you were acting so funny around him today. His stare only made you worse.

“Really? That’s funny, you must be hearing things. Hold on a minute, COMING DAYA.” You yelled behind you as if you were being called.

“I didn’t hear Zendaya calling you.” Tom said skeptically, beginning to think you didn’t want to talk to him.

“Wow Tom, you better get your ears checked. They are all out of wack, my man.” You laughed nervously as you began to back away. “I gotta go help Daya with something but I’ll catch you later.”

“Okay. Have fun.” Not too much fun, though.” He joked and you pointed finger guns at him, immediately killing you inside.

“Fank yew! It’ll be an alright time, it will.” You shouted in a cockney accent. You shut your eyes and covered your face with your hand. “I’m so sorry. I regret that so much. Can you please forget I just did that?” You pleaded with him.

“Might be a little hard to forget, love. I think it seared itself into my frontal lobe.” He tapped the side of his head and smiled at you. You gave him a big smile and hurried away. You stormed all the way to Zendaya’s trailer and shut the door behind you.

“I cannot believe that just happened.” You whined and covered your face with your hands.

“Woah there. Why are you all red?” Zendaya put down her script and laughed at your appearance.

“Because Tom just tried to talk to me and I forgot how to person.” You yelled in frustration, only making her laugh harder.

“I’m sure it was fine. It’s just Tom.” She insisted in dismissal.

“Exactly!” You exclaimed. “It’s just Tom. So how come when he looked at me, my brain told me to go EFF myself and put on a Nikki Minaj song.”

“Oof. That bad, huh? What song?” She asked you, amused with your embarrassment.

“Super Bass.” You half smiled. “The whole time Tom is talking to me I hear “this one is for the boys with the booming system. Top down, AC with the cooler system.” I couldn’t even think straight!” You whined.

“You’ve been friends with Tom for years.” She pointed out. “What happened?”

“It was that stupid dream! I had a dream we were in love and now I’m whipped. Whipped like…” You trailed off when you couldn’t think of the right word.

“Whip cream?” She raised an eyebrow and you glared at her.

“Shut up. I feel ridiculous.” You sighed and took a seat on her bed. You rested your head on her shoulder and she rubbed your back.

“I’m sure he didn’t think you were ridiculous.” She said quietly. “And look on the bright side.”

“Which is?” You asked her as you plopped down in her swivel chair.

“There are worse people you could be crushing on. Tom is a really great guy. He ill, he real, he might gotta deal. He pop bottles and he got the right kind of build.” She said in a serious tone.

“The way I’m about to shadow kick you right now.” You said gravely as you looked up at the ceiling.

“I’m serious. He’s one of your best friends right? What’s so bad about him being your boyfriend?” She nudged you gently and you sighed.

“There’s nothing bad about it. But what if that’s not what he wants?” You asked quietly as you played with your fingers.

“Take a look at yourself in the mirror, model.” Zendaya spun your chair around to face the mirror as she tucked some of your hair behind your ear. “Of course that’s what he wants.”

“You better be right.” You looked at her in the mirror and she smiled at you.

“I am. Now come on. We have rehearsal on the Crown Jewels set.” She held you up out of the chair.

“I’ll meet you there in a second. I have to grab my script.” You told her before leaving her trailer. You went back to your trailer as she went to set.

~

“Is this mace real?” Jake asked as he weighed it in his hands as the rest of the cast went over their scripts.

“You really think they’d give us a real mace? Especially with you on set, Donnie Darko?” Jacob teased him and Jake began to play with the mace like it were a sword.

“Do they even make maces anymore?” Zendaya wondered, backing away from Jake a little as his swings gained momentum.

“Who’s they?” Jacob laughed.

“The blacksmithes.” Jake said seriously before we went back to moving his mace.

“Yeah, Jacob. Don’t you know about the blacksmiths?” Zendaya asked sarcastically, making a face at him.

“This thing is kinda heavy, though. Makes me want to swing it around and take down the leader of the Huns or something.” Jake realized as he began to swing his arm in a circle.

“Jake, put the prop down.” Jacob laughed nervously as Jake got a little too close with the mace.

“I physically cannot put it down. It’s in control now.” Jake insisted as he swung it around even harder.

“How are you the oldest and most childish person here?” Zendaya asked as she hide behind a suit of armor for protection.

“I feel so free.” Jake smiled wildly. “Is this how the vikings felt?”

“How would anyone here know that?” Zendaya sassed.

“And why do you want to know how the Vikings felt?” Jacob added.

“Hey guys.” You greeted the room happily only to get smacked in the mouth with the mace upon arrival. You collapsed to the floor and felt warm blood trickling down your face.

“Y/n! I am so sorry!” Jake covered his mouth with his hand when he realized what he had done. He bent down beside you and sent the mace down.

“Jesus? Is that you?” You asked groggily as you looked up at Jake.

“Yes. Jesus accidentally hit you in the mouth with a mace. But Jesus was just trying to feel like a Viking. Do you forgive Jesus?” Jake as he he picked your head up a little and let it rest on his hand to keep you elevated.

“Yes?” You asked in confusion as the corners of your vision began to blacken.

“She’s okay guys!” Jake called to Zendaya and Jacob. “But can we get a medic?”

Zendaya rushed out of the room to get a medic right as Tom entered it. He took one look at you on the floor and bloody and dropped to his knees.

“What the hell happened here?” Tom snapped as he took your hand. He dabbed some of the blood off your chin with his sleeve and saw a large cut on your mouth. He looked up at Jake for answers and Jake looked very sheepish.

“Someone hit Y/n with a mace.” He said quietly.

“Hm. Could it be the man holding the mace?” Tom asked in sarcastic anger as he pointed to the mace. He turned his attention back to you and slowly helped you sit up. He held you against his chest and tried to get the hair unstuck from your face.

“Jesus hit me.” You whined and Tom looked at Jake with a raging anger.

“You hit her? I’ll kill you.” He tried to move towards Jake but you patted his chest.

“Jesus hit me accidentally.” You added, and Tom calm down.

“Are you okay, darling?” Tom asked, switching to his most gentle tone. He pulled a pack of tissues out of his pocket and held it against your mouth to slow the bleeding.

“I’m all dandelions and fruit cups down here, handsome.” You giggled, vision still swirling.

“She’s losing consciousness. Where is the medic?” Tom growled and look towards the door right as a woman in white came in.

“Right here. Move aside, please.” The medic ordered. Tom reluctantly laid you down on the ground and backed away to give you space.

“Pickle side, pickle side.” You laughed to yourself and moved your hands like you were conducting. The medic transferred you to a gurney and began to roll you towards the door.

“Where are you taking her?” Tom asked as he followed them.

“We’re gonna take her to the closest hospital. It looks like she needs stitches.” The medic told him and his heart sank.

“I love that song.” You mumbled and began to hum Stitches.

“Can I come?” Tom pleaded as he helped push the gurney along.

“Are you family?” The medic asked him.

“Yes.” He said quickly but she didn’t look convinced. “No. Please. I need to be there when she wakes up.”

“Fine. Get in the back of the ambulance.” The medic nodded towards the ambulance and Tom climbed inside. He waited until you were loaded in and took your hand in his.

“This is just like Grey’s Anatomy.” You smiled a little, then stopped when it hurt. “Nobody knows where we might end up. Nobody knows.” You sang to yourself.

“Thats right, Y/n. Just hang tight, sweetness. It’s gonna be okay. We’re almost there.” Tom said soothingly as he stroked your hair. You smiled at him softly before you fell unconscious.

“We’re almost there. Just hang tight.” Peter looked over at you, taking your hand in his to kiss the back of it.

“Is she gonna like me?” You asked him, hoping for an honest answer.

“Sweetheart, May is going to beg you to move in before dinner ends.” Peter chuckled. “She’s gonna love you.”

“How do you know?” You worried, trying to distract yourself by looking out the window.

“Because I love you. And I’m her kin.” Peter shrugged and you snapped your attention to him.

“That’s the first time you ever told me that.” You smiled softly at him as the streetlight lit up his profile.

“Is it?” He raised his eyebrows to play along. “I didn’t know.”

“Pull over.” You pulled your bottom lip between your teeth.

“What?” He laughed, his smile fading when he saw that you were serious.

“Pull over.” You repeated. Peter obliged and pulled over as soon as he could.

“Is there something you needed?” He asked you with a coy smile.

You smirked at Peter before unbuckling your seatbelt. You leaned across the gear and pulled him into a long kiss.

“I love you too.” You told him, and kissed him again.

“Love? You awake?” Toms voice pulled you out of your dream. Your eyes fluttered open and you looked over to where his voice was. He was sitting in a hospital chair, pulled right up to your bed. “How you feeling?”

“Like I got hit with a mace.” You tried to sit up and he immediately went to your side to help you. You gave him a grateful smile and rubbed your eyes.

“Yeah, I figured. Jake said he’s really sorry. He’s been calling me every five minutes to see if you’ve woken up.“ Tom smiled softly and touched your cheek. He kept his touch light, not wanting to hurt you.

“Thanks, Peter.” You leaned into his touch and rubbed his wrist lightly with your thumb.

“Back to the Peter thing, huh?” He laughed softly. “They told me they got you on some crazy pain killer that was gonna make you loopy.”

“You wanna know something?” You raised your eyebrows suggestively.

“Tell me, darling.” He took a seat on your bed and gave you his full attention. You walked your fingers up his arm and drew patterns on his shoulder with your fingernails.

“I’ve been dreaming about us.” You told him, something you’d never admit if you weren’t on the medicine.

“Have you?” He raised his eyebrows. “What are you dreaming about us doing?”

“You’re mine.” You leaned into him with a sleepy smile. “And I’m yours.”

“You’ve been dreaming about us being together? Like as a couple?” He asked for confirmation and you nodded.

“Uh huh. And then I wake up and I’m sad.” You pouted and stuck out your bottom lip.

“Why are you sad?” He asked quietly, his heart beginning to speed up. You looked up at him through your eyelashes and gave a sad smile.

“Because it was just a dream.” You told him. Tom let out a shaky breath and tried to process what you were saying.

“Are you saying your want us to be together?” He tilted your chin up so he could see your reaction. He knew you were high on medicine and probably had no idea what you were saying, but a part of him hoped you were telling the truth.

You leaned in with a dopey smile and pressed your nose against Toms.

“You’re the boy of my dreams, Peter.” You cooed and he pulled his face away in annoyance.

“Right.” He sighed and looked away. “Peter.”

“Are you mad at me?” You worried when you noticed his reaction. Even with the medicine compromising your mentality, you could tell he was angry.

“No. No darling, I’m not mad. Not at you.” He mumbled, avoiding your gaze.

“Come here.” You pulled at his shirt and he cradled a smile. “I want to be close to you.”

“Okay.” He obliged and scooted closer. You shut your eyes and rested your head against his forehead.

“Can I ask you something?” You whispered, and he could’ve sworn you were sober for a moment.

“Anything.” He nodded against your head.

“Can you hear my thoughts?” You asked seriously and Toms face fell in disappointment.

“No. No I can’t hear your thoughts.” He told you and pulled away.

“Good.” You cupped his chin and turned his face back to you. “Because they’re all about you.”

You let your thumb slowly drag down his lip, laughing a little at the sound it made when you let go. Toms throat tightened at your action and he gulped.

“You’re so pretty.” You smiled as your eyes trailed down his face.

“You’re pretty too.” His lips tugged into a grin.

“Peter.” You whined as you pushed him away.

“What?” He asked, confused with your mood change.

“You’re giving me butterflies.” You said timidly as you played with the edge of your hospital gown. “But I like someone else. I can��t like you too.”

“You like someone?” His face paled. “Do I know him?”

“Yeah. He’s like a really, really good friend of yours.” You blew out a breath.

“Is it someone on set?” He questioned you.

“Maybe.” You said in a sing song voice and shrugged.

“Who?” He asked, getting more worked up by the minute.

“I like Tom.” You whispered loudly and Toms eyes widened.

“What?” He whispered back.

“Shhhh, Peter.” You pinched his lips between your fingers. “You can’t tell Tom that I like him.”

“I think he might already know.” Tom said when he pulled your hand away from his face.

“What?” You panicked. “Who told him?”

“Whew, I don’t know.” Tom played along. “I think Zendaya did.”

“Daya? No. She swore she wouldn’t. It must’ve been Jacob.” You hit your fist against the bed.

“You told Jacob before me?” Tom exclaimed.

“I didn’t tell him. It was his Hawaiian intuition.” You tapped the side of your head twice.

“His what?” Tom tilted his head to the side.

“I have to go to sleep now, Peter. I can’t talk about this right now.” You waved your hand and pulled the sheets over your lap.

“You’re gonna tell me that you like me and then go straight to sleep?” He whined. 

“I don’t like you, Peter. I like Tom.” You corrected him. “I like Tom and his curly hair and his brown eyes and his cute ass nose. God, what a nose. And I like his accent and his smile and his ambition and FUCK, his nose.”

“You mentioned that already.” He chuckled shyly.

“I did?” You sat up slightly and shrugged. “Because I love it. I love it all. And if you’ll excuse me, I needs my sleeps.” Tom sat back in his chair and sighed, knowing he wouldn’t be getting any real answers until you woke up.

~

“Good morning.” You said weakly as you reached for the ice pack next to your bed. You held it against your cheek and sighed in relief.

“Hi sunshine.” Tom smiled softly. “Are you feeling any better?”

“Yeah. I don’t feel like someone put my brain through a pasta maker anymore.” You said as you rubbed your eyes.

“Aw. How about your mouth?” He questioned. 

You gave him a weak smile until it hurt and returned the ice pack to your face.

“There she is.” He smiled back. “You may want to keep the smiling to a minimum until those stitches heal.”

“That wont be a problem.” You groaned in misery and leaned against his body. He hesitantly brought his hands to your head and stroked your hair.

“Hey, can we talk about before? About what you told me?” He asked softly as he combed the tangles out of your hair.

“Tom, if you think I remember a single thing since this morning…” You shook your head as you trailed off.

“You told me that you liked me.” He got straight to the point. “Or, you told Peter that you liked me. But I heard, o-obviously.”

“Oh God.” You buried your face in your hands to hide your shame.

“Jacob knows, Zendaya knows. You told everyone but me.” He said softly. You began to panic now that he knew. Even if he was cool about it, it’d never be the same between the two of you.

“Sorry, no.” You blurted, back to forgetting how to act around Tom.

“Sorry, yes. You told me a few hours ago, love.”

You turned away from him in shame and squeezed your eyes shut, wishing you were anywhere but in that hospital bed.

“I’m sorry if that creeps you out. I guess I don’t really have control over the fact that you’re…” You trailer off with a loss of words.

“The boy of your dreams?” He humored you and you huffed out a breath.

“Leave me alone.” You groaned and put your head back in your hands. Tom gestured for you to scoot over so he could take a seat beside you, and you did.

“You know, those stitches come out in a week.” He brought you and you looked at him quizzically.

“And?” You asked, unsure of his point. Tom took your chin between his fingers and placed a kiss on the corner of your mouth. Your entire body froze as he pulled away and gave you a half cocked smile.

“Find me in a week.” He winked.

“Pssh.” You smirked. “In your dreams.”

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[a-mended-pact]

Unsteady keys: Chapter Eight

A/N: Hey everyone sorry for the wait on this chapter! I hope you enjoy it! Please let me know your thoughts.

Warning: this chapter contains Smut. If you are not 18+ DNI

Word count: 2,320

Request are open

If you wanna be added to the taglist just ask!

I was the first one awake. I tried to go back asleep but the longer I layed there the more my mind filled with images of him and Ethan. I wasn't upset about them having been together.  Quite the opposite actually if anything I just wanted to know Spencer from back then. Was he happier? Did Ethan make him experience a happiness that I wasn't giving him?

This isn't jealousy right? I've never really had this emotion around Spencer before. He's never given me a reason to feel like this. It's a strange thing. 

I glanced down at his hand resting on my stomach. His silver band was shining in the sunlight that was peeking through the curtains. Even though my mind was a wreck, the atmosphere in our room. Our home was calming. I didn't want it to be shattered. Of course I knew that eventually it would. I only hoped just not right now.

I closed my eyes and kept trying to fall back asleep when I felt his arm tighten around me and pull me in. He nuzzled into my neck and started peppering it in kisses. A soft sigh escaped me.

'Good morning love.' His voice was hoarse and extremely dreamy. I knew we wouldn't be able to have our talk about Cat if he sounded like that the whole time. All I'd want to do is jump his bones and show him exactly who he belonged to. 

I rolled over to face him and groaned in small annoyance because of course he looked delectable. 'I can't tell if that was towards me or the thought of being awake with the sun in your eyes too.' While he spoke he was rubbing sleep from his eyes. 

'Oh it most definitely was to you. It's not fair that I'm supposed to be upset and you look like this when waking up. Derek wasn't kidding when he called you pretty boy all the time.'

As I spoke I shoved him on his back completely and straddled him. I watched as he closed his eyes and let out a small moan as my hands purchased on his chest. The longer I sat there feeling him beneath me the more my mind filled with ideas. Pleasant dirty ideas. 

I dug my nails into his chest and scratched him softly. I leaned forward and began kissing his neck, placing wet kisses up and down it until he started squirming beneath me. A moan left his lips as I bit his neck and started sucking. Sure I knew this wasn't a professional thing to do. Especially since everyone would definitely see it. That was the point though. I wanted everyone to see it.

Apparently the ring wasn't enough to show he was mine and I wanted to make sure the point got across this time around. 

His hand wrapped itself in my hair as he held me down to his neck and grinded against me. Making me moan in his ear and him shudder at the sound.

I pulled away and sat up completely on him. 'This wasn't how this morning was supposed to go.' I punctuated each word with a movement of my hips.  I could feel him through my panties. God it was a glorious feeling. 

A small moan escaped him as he rested his hands on my thighs watching me. 'This definitely isn't how I imagined it happening either but I'm not gonna complain. ' He met my motions on his own and I couldn't help but dig my nails into his tummy. 

'I'll only let thi-' before I could finish my sentence he bucked up into me and pulled me down to him by cupping my throat gently. I couldn't do anything but moan and whimper. Life definitely wasn't fair sometimes.

He kissed me hungrily at first until he pulled away and stuck his thumb on my swollen lip. 'Mark me.  That's what you want isn't it? You want to have more of a claim over me than the ring on my hand. You wanna show them that my body is yours just as well as my heart. Do it Y/n. I'm all yours.'

We both rushed off the bed quickly to strip ourselves of our clothes before I shoved him down to the mattress. He laid there with his hands behind his head with a smug smile. 

'I hate that you're right. I thought after we got married I wouldn't have to keep showing people that you're mine. I'd wipe that smile off your face though if I were you or else I'll make sure your breath smells like me when you interrogate Cat later, maybe even when you go talk to Ethan too.'

A small chuckle escaped him as he watched me climb up his body leaving bites and claw marks in my wake. 'Careful darling your possessiveness is showing.' I glared up at him from his belly before biting him there. He winced slightly but still held that blasted smile. 

I was already turned on just by seeing him nude. He always had that effect on me and he knew that. Once I made it up to straddle him again he pulled my head down to his neck. 'Go on sweet girl. I know you want to.' I moaned into his ear as I rubbed my wetness up and down his hard cock. I laced my left hands fingers in his hair as I latched onto his neck. He lifted my hips slightly and aligned himself up with me and made me slowly sink down on him. I gasped and let go of his neck as he bottomed out completely. 'F-fuck!' I sighed into his neck attaching myself to him yet again as I started to ride him. 

He felt amazing inside of me. Stretching me. I had missed this. We'd be so distracted with work and Diana and my mental health it's taken a toll on our sex life. I pulled myself back and rested my hands on his chest for leverage as I started riding him harder and faster.  'God, that's it. ' He moaned, throwing his head back in ecstacy.  

I dragged my nails down his chest to the end of his happy trail making him buck up into me. His hand moved to my waist as he pulled himself up to cup my ass. He started kissing up and down my neck until he made it to my pulse point and bit. A loud moan escaped me as our movements became more violent.  My hands began clawing at his shoulders and back. 

A whine left me as he pulled me into a gentle kiss. His other movements making me thrash on top of him. My legs started shaking and clenching.  He was the only thing keeping them apart.  'You're almost there sweet girl. Just let go.' I continued gasping and whining as his own thrust became a bit irregular.  My eyes brimmed with tears when he began covering my neck in kisses and bites. My hands caught into his hair as I held him there.

'I- I don't wanna. Not yet.' I was so breathless I wasn't sure if he heard me. He smacked my ass making me let out another moan. A few tears escaped my eyes as I fought against my own orgasm. I didn't want right now to end because the moment it does we will have to actually confront the storm around us. I wasn't ready for that.  

He cupped my face and caressed his thumb along my cheekbone.  'I'm yours. Only yours. All yours.' His thrust became sloppy as he kept kissing me each time he pulled back to speak and our lips were still touching. Caressing. I whined again and clung to him harder. I felt his other hand move between us. The moment his fingers touched my clit I felt myself come undone. He let me ride out my orgasm as he continued to thrust until he came too.

'I love you Mrs Reid. ' He said right before he tossed me off of him so he could get off the bed.  I could feel his cum leaking out of me and I could do nothing but shudder. I was going to yell at him for what he did until he grabbed me by my ankles and jerked me to the edge of the bed, spreading my legs wide. Before I could ask what he was doing his face was buried between my legs and he had me pinned in place by his strong arms and hands. 

'Oh! My god Spencer!' My hands immediately went into his hair as I squirmed from overstimulation. I was gonna cum within seconds. I'm sure he could tell too. It was always so easy drawing orgasms from me when he used his tongue.  

He pulled back and looked up at me, his face glistening with my essence. He kissed my thigh and smiled at me. 'Sweetheart you shouldn't threaten me with something I would enjoy and then not do it.' He buried his face back into my heat bringing me closer to orgasm with each stroke of his tongue.  

'There you go. Cum in my mouth darling. I'll be sure to talk to Cat and Ethan when we go into work first thing. ' I began shaking again as I grinded on his tongue.  With a couple of more licks I was a goner.  I climaxed into his mouth and he ate it up eagerly.  

'I'd say you thoroughly marked me my love. '

______________________________

By the time we made it into work we were late. I had no regrets though. I could see her smiling at me the whole way Into the building. Obviously admiring her work. She was giddy and to be honest I didn't blame her because I was too. Even if my neck was killing me. Y/N really did a number on me. I was certain I'd get looks had I let anyone see me before I strolled into the interrogation room. This was going to be fun. I could still smell her on my skin and on my breath. I had brought my go bag up so I could clean myself off properly after. As much as I loved having her state her claim on me like this. It wasn't work appropriate nor was it polite to the rest of the team.

I had no idea whether or not my wife followed me here or not. Honestly I didn't really care if she did. This would happen whether she were watching or not regardless. I had let Cat get to close for comfort in more ways than one. 

I sat down in the hard chair across from her and watched as she took in my new markings. Her face contoured from amusement to hatred back to amusement.  'Oh, Spencie looks like you've been a naughty boy. Are you trying to tempt me into ruining you too?' She went to reach up to touch me when the cuffs pulled her back into place. 

'I'm married Cat. Nothing I do with my wife is any of your concern. However what is my concern is where Lindsey is. Why don't you give me a little hint?' My voice came out monotone. I really just wasn't in the mood for today. I much rather be surrounded by someone that wasn't such a pain in my ass. 

She clicked her tongue at me as she let out a laugh. 'What like I'd just give you the answers? Please.' She scoffed. Her eyes never left my neck and I couldn't help but fight a smug smile as her emotions started getting the better of her.

I stayed silent as she thought of what to say next.  'Why don't we play a game first?' She smiled at me, her teeth showing. 'I think it would be more fun.' It was like she was reminding me she was still in control and that made me nauseous. 

'If I guess right to my own assumption I'm gonna need you to tell me what I want to know but if I guess wrong I'll tell you everything I know about Lindsey.' The smile never left her face. Someone like her shouldn't be able to get under my skin.  She was a killer and here I was thinking of how attractive her mind was as if she hadn't killed about 200 people. 

'I'm not playing your games Catherine.  If I heard right you and I aren't playing anymore. It's you and the misses.' I smiled as I got close to her making sure I blew my breath into her face. Her eyes widened as she Jerked herself away from me like I had burned her.

'You're a bastard spencie.' She looked away from me and down at her hands. If I didn't know any better I would say she's trying not to cry.

'What's the matter? You are showing signs of jealousy. Do you wish it was you that did this to me? I leaned away showing off my neck a little as I stretched.  'You love the idea of getting your claws into innocent men especially when they aren't expecting it.' A smile formed on my features as I watched her struggle to make eye contact with me. 

'Well I'm expecting it. I was from the moment we knew you were involved in this case. You are trying to taint me and Mark me as yours.' I pointed to my head and I watched as her eyes followed my hand movement. 'Luckily for me I've already got someone's claws into me and I wouldn't have it any other way.'

I got up to leave when I turned and looked at her

 'Have fun with the other Agent Reid, Miss adams.' I couldn't help but let out a small chuckle as I closed the door behind me.

Taglist

@sassymoon @rainsong01 @onlyhereforthefanfics @itsdars @dreatine

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Home - Part 1

Summary: Fresh out of a divorce, Y/N moves to Sun Valley for a fresh start, a house left to her by her aunt and a new job as a nanny.

James 'Bucky' Barnes owns a law firm and has been left with three kids after his wife died giving birth to their youngest.

Bucky is nervous about leaving the kids with a nanny but he cant keep finding babysitters and the kids need someone more permanent around.

The Barnes kids were great, we hit it off straight away and i settled into a new routine with the family. Brooklyn and Alice were at school for most of the day so it was just me and Rosie. While Rosie had her afternoon nap i'd do the house work and make sure everything was done so that James didn't have to worry about it when he got home. Once that was done it was usually time to pick the girls up from school, on the way home we'd stop off at the park for half hour before we headed home. When we got home id sort out their dinner and put something together for James for when he got home, when that finally happened id give him a quick run down of our day and head back to the farm house.

After spending all day with the girls, the farm house felt so big and empty with just me there.

It was a friday morning and i had just arrived at the Barnes residence ready for my day when James came strolling in carrying Rosie and greeting me with a smile.

"Morning Y/N"

"Good morning, where are the other little monsters?"

"They insisted on dressing themselves for school today"

"Oh god help us" i chuckled, this was gonna be funny. Brook would probably be okay but Allie? I could already picture her wearing bright colours and a tutu!

"Oh my.... dont you girls look beautiful" James said suddenly with wide eyes.

As i thought.... Brook was doing okay, she had on jeans and tshirt with her converse sneakers but Allie?..... she was wearing a stripy pink and purple sweater, pink tutu and red cowboy boots.

"Y/N!!" Allie said called happy when she saw me and run into my arms "i missed you!"

"I missed you! But i havent been gone that long" i chuckled "and what are you wearing today?"

"My favourite boots and my tutu! Daddy said i can wear what i want"

"Well you look so pretty!"

"I tried to tell her not to wear the tutu" Brook rolled her eyes as she took her seat at the table. Allie went and took her seat next to Brook and i held my hands out for Rosie "i'll sort miss Rosie out while you have your breakfast" i said to James, he smiled and handed her over.

"Thanks" he winked before sitting at the head of the table and pouring himself a cup of coffee while i set up Rosie in her high chair and gave her her breakfast.

"Y/N, i might be late tonight. Ive got a big case coming up and there's still so much to prep..... would you be okay staying?"

"Yeah sure, thats fine"

"Thank you! I dont know what id do without you"

"Its not a problem, i was only going to be at home watching TV anyway" i shrugged.

"How's things going with the house, you more settled?"

"Not really, I'm gonna be getting rid of some of my aunts furniture this weekend, I've ordered some stuff more to my liking. Im sure it'll be better once its more me....you know?"

"Yeah, it still feels like your aunts house having all her stuff there"

"Exactly, i feel like i shouldn't be there" i shrugged "doesn't help its so quiet, its been a long time since I've lived on my own and then after spending all day here with the girls...."

"I can imagine" he nodded taking a mouthful of his coffee "so who did you live with before coming here? Friends? boyfriend?...."

"Erm....husband actually" i told him shaking my head "but that is a story for another time, when there's no little ears around" i smiled and turned my attention back to Rosie.

After dropping the girls at school i headed to the store with Rosie to get a few bits, i thought it'd be kinda fun to have a girls movie night being as James was working late. I grabbed some popcorn and some chocolate and saw the cutest pyjamas! They were pink with unicorns on in both kids and adult sizes so i grabbed us all a pair (my treat).

After the store we went back to the house and had lunch, Rosie sat watching cartoons while i cleaned up the kitchen.

The afternoon flew by and i was soon stood out the front of the school waiting for the girls to come out. Brook was out first i gave her a hug before taking her school bag and hanging it from the handle of the push chair.

"How was you day Brook?" I was asking as i looked up only to see Allie running towards me. She crashed into my legs holding tight.

"Woah, Whats wrong Allie?" I bent down to her level so i could talk to her properly.

"Mrs Harper was mean to me about my tutu!"

"Who's Mrs Harper?"

"Her teacher" Brook replied for her sister who was still holding onto me.

"Well Mrs Harper obviously has no fashion sense sweetheart. You look so pretty!"

"Mrs Barnes??...." i heard a woman call out heading our way.

"Thats Mrs Harper!" Brook rolled her eyes at the woman.

"Mrs Barnes, can i have word?" The woman marched over "I'm Mrs Harper, i just wanted to talk to you about Alice's attire. Its not appropriate for school...."

"Im sorry, Mrs Harper was it?? Whats the big deal?? I'm not seeing the point of making a big deal out of this??"

"It makes the school look bad....."

"Shes 5! Who cares what shes wearing! If Allie wants to wear a tutu and cowboy boots then thats what she'll wear"

"Your okay with her wearing that?"

"Why wouldn't i be?? she's a kid, they like to dress up. Im sure by Monday she'll be back in jeans and t-shirt, but if she wants to wear a tutu and cowboy boots then thats what she'll wear! She's not hurting anyone"

"Maybe Mr Barnes would have different opinion...."

"Feel free to call him, I'm sure he'd love to hear your opinion"

"So thats all you've got to say on the matter??"

"No actually..... if i hear you've upset my kid again?.... you'll regret it" i said quietly to her so the girls couldn't hear.

"Come on girls lets go home".

When we got home the girls had an early dinner, while they were eating i thought id better call James and tell him about Mrs Harper just incase she did call him.

"Hey, everything okay?" He answered on the third ring.

"Hi, yeah everything's good. I just thought id tell you about what happened at the school this afternoon"

"Okayyyy...."

"I may have gone on the attack a little at Allie's teacher...."

"Mrs Harper huh?"

"Thats the one. Allie came running out upset saying Mrs Harper had been mean about what she was wearing, low and behold out came Mrs Harper asking to speak to me. Told me Allie's attire wasn't appropriate and made the school look bad!" I told him.

"What did you say that?" He asked sounding amused.

"I told her that no one cares what a 5 year old is wearing for school and that if Allie wants to continue wearing her tutu and cowboy boots then she will! Thats when she said that maybe you would have a different opinion on the matter.... i told her to feel free to call you, that you'd love to hear her opinion"

"Oh i want her to call me!" He scoffed "i'd give her my opinion alright"

"Well she might call you to complain about me more than anything.... she asked if thats all i had to say on the matter.... i told her if i hear shes upset my kid again that she'll regret it. Im sorry James but she was pissing me off! How dare she!"

I was expecting him to be mad at me for kinda threatening Allie's teacher but he started to laugh.

"You dont need to apologise, id of done the same"

"Even still i thought id give you a heads up incase she did call you"

"Thank you, how are the girls?"

"Their great, their just having dinner then we're gonna have a girls movie night"

"Sounds fun! I wish i could join you guys"

"No boys allowed sorry" i laughed "well i'll let you get back to it"

"Okay tell my girls i love them and i'll see them in the morning?"

"Of course, bye".

[punkscowardschampions]

Jac & Savannah

Jac: Cannot stop thinking about that one dress in that last boutique we checked out though... Jac: so lowkey mad at Isabelle for having to go home to walk her dog 🙄😩 Savannah: UGH I know! Don't get me started yet again on how her mum is literally never there to do anything for it & they don't even have a garden Savannah: I'll go back & get it for you, she can't stop me Savannah: I have less than zero reasons to hurry home Jac: Lowkey like, who do I call again? 😬 Jac: the poor thing, as if breathing wasn't issue enough without having to contend with getting overweight and her mum's vape habit Jac: You're so pure 🥺🥺 Jac: and I'm personally not over seeing you in that one shade of pink like ??? Jac: 👼🏾 walking Savannah: ^^^  the levels of cruelty make my heart hurt, honestly 😢 but I won't get to Heaven until I convince them to see the error of their ways & that is a battle I simply do not have the energy for today Savannah: you could literally wear that AWFUL dress that Isabelle was considering- thank god we talked her out of that much! 🙌🏾- & still look like an actual goddess Jac: Seriously, I don't know how they can live with themselves Jac: that would be their business, because I'm not as caring as you, or even close, but the fact it hurts you means it's mine too 😤 Jac: actually though, would have had to pretend to not know her, oh my God Jac: not to mention how short it was, as well as just hideous...like this is a SCHOOL event, girl, I... 🤦 Jac: it does mean we're scheduled to help her keep looking though Jac: which is becoming a trial, like I'm so sorry to say but wow Savannah: I likewise don't have the necessary reserves to try and teach her the difference between positive & negative attention Savannah: Can Amelia not help her look? I highly doubt her wardrobe is fully stocked with suitable school event dresses so surely she still needs to keep looking too? Jac: That's a whole conversation her mother should be having with her but also needs Jac: sad, really Jac: Poor, poor Is Jac: Meels is a committed outfit repeater, no matter the occasion Savannah: She can't wear jeans to this though Jac: 🙄 I've also tried on that subject Jac: it'll just become a whole THING Jac: us trying to sort both of them out and getting nowhere with our own looks Savannah: 😔 I'm exhausted by their indecision, it's taking the excitement out of it Savannah: I understand that they can't and don't feel themselves in just anything, but it's getting ridiculous Jac: ^^ Totally agree Jac: although us being on the same page is not anything like a surprise these days Jac: it's so unfair, really Jac: they're not even THAT bothered about the whole thing Jac: we've put effort in before this whole step even Savannah: I knew you'd understand, despite feeling like I'm the one who is being totally unfair by saying anything, the rational part of my mind which isn't on the verge of tears as a result of Is' complaints or Amelia's apathy is like no, Savannah, you're not wrong Savannah: it does matter to us & it's allowed to be viewed as important Savannah: not to mention enjoyable, god forbid Jac: You NEVER need to doubt yourself Jac: you're a complete empath, honestly, to your own detriment Jac: but that isn't your fault and people should try to give even a fraction of what you give them back Jac: so, for your wellbeing, I'm calling a time-out on this and them Jac: you've got to focus on you for once ❤ Savannah: I can't tell you how wholeheartedly I wish I was the person you think I am, Ty & I had a HUGE fight earlier & I've been plagued by self doubt ever since Jac: Oh no, okay, what was said? Savannah: He seemed to think that we had plans today, which is not a conversation I remember us having, so of course I wasn't going to cancel on you all Savannah: & that makes me the most thoughtless girlfriend he's ever had Savannah: I'm so sorry the girl you dated for like two weeks dropped everything without a second thought if you even hinted that you wanted her too because she didn't have a life Savannah: they broke up for that exact reason Jac: He's totally got the wrong day Jac: you don't double-book Jac: not dragging him, he's clearly just so busy with his own stuff too but yeah, no way Jac: he'll work it out and owe you a great apology Savannah: it was beyond upsetting, I swear I need a mental health break from everyone but you Jac: I get it Jac: no boy drama but my family are driving me INSANE right now Jac: I vote we go test 💅 colours and get a hand massage to boot Savannah: Can we? I don't want to be responsible for causing you more family drama Jac: Ugh, no, they're fine Jac: and you're more important than any of this drama, Is and Amelia's too Savannah: ^^ I don't care how hard Ty is sulking, I'm not going to leave you to cope with them on your own Savannah: you needed my help first Jac: Like, he can't put that on you Savannah: he's never spoken to me that way before & I have no idea where it came from Jac: Is he under a lot of pressure right now, on the team? Jac: or at home, school Jac: either way, the issue is not with you, and he probably knows that already Savannah: No, everything's going really well Jac: 🤔 Savannah: It's me, it has to be Jac: You've not done what he's saying you have Jac: accusing would be too strong a word but Jac: we'll work it out but I'm totally clueless right now Savannah: me too 😢 Jac: Lowkey mad at him now Savannah: I shouldn't have even said anything, I told myself that I wasn't going to Savannah: but then Isabelle & Amelia started sulking too & it brought it all back Jac: No, I want to be there for you Jac: and make you feel better Jac: which I definitely will Jac: but I just can't explain away why he's being like this 🥺😢 Jac: and I wish I could Savannah: You'll definitely make me cry, you're the best Savannah: he was acting as though I don't make time for him, which is not true, but if it were, the reason would be that nobody deserves as much of it as you Jac: making you cry doesn't sound like something the best would do Jac: you've got to have your own lives, own friends Jac: you do NOT wanna be THAT couple Savannah: if you don't want my tears because I couldn't be happier to have found the love of my life, I'll keep them in, since they are yours, it's totally fine Savannah: yes, exactly & he knows that, he has more friends than extra-curriculars & he has as many of those as I do Savannah: it doesn't make any sense Jac: I will treasure them Jac: and make sure they never, ever spill for anything less than the happiest of moments, because that is all you deserve Jac: I could talk to him...totally on the low and in the most well-intentioned way Jac: maybe it's something he doesn't want to burden you with? but he has accidentally burdened you with this doubt and worry instead Savannah: 🥰🤗 Savannah: you'd do that? Jac: Of course! Jac: You're my soul sister, so I hope Ty at least considers me a friend too at this point Jac: he's going to have to get used to having me around 😅 Savannah: if he doesn't we have a bigger problem than I thought because I love you so much Savannah: & I will run away with you if anyone ever tries to make me choose 😄 Jac: He's smart, he's not gonna do that Jac: though honestly, I could do with the break right now, would not say no Savannah: maybe we could have one, it's essentially my right as a child of a broken home to play my parents off against each other Savannah: & if my dad is foolish enough to believe he can buy back any of my love or respect after what he's done, why should I feel bad for treating him like one Savannah: I refuse to, I do need to focus on myself Jac: In terms of making-up-to-do, he's in the lead no question, or so far behind everyone else, looking at it that way Jac: I think it would be the most appropriate way to end transition year Jac: God knows if my parents would go for it 🙄 Savannah: I'll talk to them, I've never lost a debate so far & I couldn't be any more well intentioned, my heart is in the exact right place Jac: 👼🏾🥰 Jac: next year is when everything gets REAL Jac: we need the holiday we are NOT going to get until...I don't even want to think about the next time we'll be able to take a real break after this Savannah: ^^^ Savannah: whatever I have to do to make it happen & be perfect, so be it Jac: the salon is the EXACT right place to plan all this Jac: all the inane questions they ask about your holidays will actually be useful for once 🤭 Savannah: 😄 Jac: This is like, just a you and me thing, right? Savannah: of course Jac: Okay because helping Isabelle pick bikinis is the opposite of fun 😂 Savannah: oh my god, I don't even want to imagine Jac: if the dress breakdowns aren't bad enough Jac: we'd be so stressed we'd be put on the no-fly list, honestly Savannah: Amelia would probably throw my body into the sea, weighted down by rocks or Isabelle's dog, I swear she hates me Jac: How could anyone hate you? Jac: and she's friends with me, so her taste can't be THAT off Savannah: we won't mention that she's also friends with Is Savannah: any excuse to talk about how perfect you are instead Jac: I seriously think if we wouldn't, who would 😶 Jac: you'll make me 😳 Savannah: OH! The tans we'll both get Savannah: you'll be sightseeing & I'll just be staring at you in disbelief because you somehow got even more beautiful Jac: Oh please Jac: you're so stunning they'd be running to write new laws just to make it illegal how good you look Savannah: stop, nobody can see me 😳 but I still feel it Savannah: it should be illegal how you make me feel Jac: sorry, but a world where you don't know and aren't told how perfect you are is just not one I wanna live in 💁 Savannah: I don't deserve you, all I've done today is mope & wish your friends away so that I can have you all to myself Jac: We deserve each other Jac: if I didn't have you, who would I be able to get excited about this with? Jac: I'd be going on my own, most likely Savannah: okay, you're right Jac: I just get sad thinking about all the time we weren't friends and didn't know each other properly before Savannah: No, don't be sad, baby, we trust in the universe because it was meant to be now not then Savannah: lord knows I needed my glow up before I could be around you Savannah: 👼🏻✨🌞💛 Jac: That's true Jac: I'm more thankful that we have NOW and the promise of forever than I could ever be sad Jac: definitely not ignoring how blessed I am Jac: also blessed that my hair grew back in and I lost the puppy fat look 😬🤦 Savannah: I stand by what I said when I first saw the pictures Savannah: you were ADORABLE Jac: you're too sweet but I'm not gonna complain about it 🥰 Savannah: It's true & you know that because I would never jeopardise our connection Savannah: you're the only person I can talk to with total honesty, it's so important to me Jac: I only feel like myself with you Jac: no one else gets it all Savannah: I feel like a better person when I'm with you Savannah: but with none of the pressure that my parents put on me not to fail or the fear I have of letting Ty down Jac: You're the best person Jac: if all I do is give you the confidence to believe that, then that's totally worth it Savannah: You're going to achieve everything you want Jac: I can't wait to be Dr Taylor to your Dr Moore Savannah: 😊 Savannah: I'll be there to make sure every second of your life is worth it until then & of course after Jac: Naturally ❤ Jac: have you seen the groupchat? Savannah: please don't judge me for not having opened it Jac: I couldn't even when I'm just sat here like 🤨😑 Jac: Is has sent a million links and they seem to be getting worse every one I open ??? Savannah: Well I can't face that until later when I'm 🛀🏾🥂 Savannah: not that I'll be staying at Ty's unless he apologises to me Jac: You can always stay with me Savannah: I don't think any of your family would be fine about the always, but I wish I could Jac: They'll deal, I have to put up with all of them so 💁 Jac: I'm trying to persuade them to move the sofa bed from the hangout area to the music room, make it more of a spare room too, more privacy Jac: it's not fair that Jesse has a whole room with all his crap in, there's plenty of space in said hangout room for him Savannah: 😄 I'm sure we could win that debate too, I definitely have as much passion about the subject as you if it means I don't have to go home Savannah: it's impossible to 🛀🏾🥂 when my mum is mid-breakdown in her en-suite Jac: 😬😥 Jac: she needs to convert the passion she had for couples therapy for solo therapy now Savannah: Honestly! It's a full time job making sure she's adequately but not over medicated & if I'm worrying about it I know Sienna is Savannah: I have to unlock the door to let her in & before I know it I'm re-doing her braids or checking her homework, all the while my bath water is going cold Jac: You're actually such a good sister, and daughter Jac: In awe of you Jac: I wish you didn't have to work as hard as you do, but it's really admirable Savannah: like, so sorry that you had to go home to walk your dog, Isabelle 🙄 it's no wonder she doesn't understand me Jac: She doesn't even try Jac: she lives on planet Is where the most important thing is which bland boy she's going to get off with next Jac: I can't claim so many of your experiences and struggles but I respect the hell out of you, and try to make your life easier where and when I can Savannah: oh my god, the boy from the other night! I can't Jac: 🤢 Jac: her taste! Jac: worrying Jac: ugly dresses are the least of her problems Jac: I feel like I can't leave her alone sometimes, honestly Savannah: if this thing with Ty is leading to a break up I refuse to date any of the boys in our school Savannah: that would be another full time job working out which of them have & haven't done what with her & when Jac: tell me about it 🙄 Jac: they're all so lacklustre Savannah: ^^^ Savannah: we know our worth & we're simply too good for any of them unless they have a serious emotional glow up of their own Jac: Mhmm Jac: Ty is never gonna break up with you though Savannah: I don't know anymore, I never thought he would raise his voice to me Jac: That's pretty out of order Jac: he knows about your dad, what he's like Savannah: & it's really out of character too Jac: Yeah, totally Jac: men and anger issues are a whole can of worms Jac: there's something he isn't dealing with, for sure Savannah: or something he's not telling me Savannah: I just hope it's not a someone Jac: who could even come close to you? Jac: he's not that cliche of having the perfect girl and risking it on some skank Savannah: Logically I know that but I'm so scared Jac: Babe 🥺 Jac: you NEED to put you first, even just for the length of this nail appointment Jac: you don't need this extra stress from him Jac: I've started the convo, you can read it all once we get to the meat of it Savannah: I just want to be excited about 💅🏾 & all the iconic outfits we saw Savannah: it's SO unfair Jac: I hate this Jac: I wish I could take you away right now Savannah: you do, I'd be even more a wreck if you weren't the amazingly intuitive person you are, earlier without even having to be told I was upset you made me feel better over and over again Savannah: and right now you know what I need, way before I can put it into words or coherent thoughts Jac: we trust the connection too 💫💐💞 Savannah: I love you Savannah: I'm not devoting time & space to anyone else today, from this point on Jac: and we're definitely getting lunch after, my treat Savannah: no, mine Savannah: you've already been taking such good care of me Jac: Okay, but we will be going [place] and I will be getting you your favourite dessert Jac: no arguments 😘 Savannah: Okay, I won't fight you on it Jac: there are so many more important, and fun, decisions for us to make Savannah: ^^^!! Savannah: is Is still trying to force you to make outfit decisions for her though? Jac: I've said we've got more pressing matters right now Jac: I've made it sound like a me issue though, don't worry Jac: they'll have to cope without us for a while Savannah: Thank you, I can't cope with their relationship advice at the best of times Jac: Yeah, there's less than zero chance they'd have anything useful to say so Jac: they don't need to know Savannah: We won't tell them about the holiday plans either, that way you'll have a nice secret to keep as well as my stupid boyfriend drama Jac: to secrets 🥂 Savannah: 🥂 Savannah: Are you still thinking about that dress or have I ruined everything? Jac: You could never ruin anything with me Jac: so yes Jac: but I'm also remembering that other shop we didn't even get a chance to check out Savannah: their window display is INCREDIBLE ✨ Savannah: we should go Jac: I KNOW Jac: I've been window shopping every time I go past Jac: and to be fair, I think it's a bit out of Isabelle's price range, so it actually wouldn't be nice to take her there Savannah: the universe has spoken, I'm taking you there, our secret Jac: 🥰 Jac: I swear I only have fun when I'm with you Savannah: you're so much fun that nobody considers you might not be having any, but I promise I'll always think about you & what you need Jac: You'll make me cry now Savannah: Baby, no 🥺 if you start you'll set me off again Savannah: I'm a really ugly crier & you look like an 👼🏻 Jac: Okay, okay, no crying Jac: we'll stay flawless Savannah: that's harder work for me than it could ever be for you, but I'll do my best Jac: You're the most perfect person I've ever known Jac: inside and out Savannah: I feel that way about you, I'm not just saying it like, oh sure, me too Savannah: you're so perfect I should hate you Jac: Yeah, I know Jac: sorta been there done that Jac: not that I ever hated you really Savannah: I couldn't Jac: No, in the way how perfect you are SHOULD be impossible, that's how hating you felt Savannah: that's it exactly Savannah: & I just wanted you to notice me, I'd wait all day sometimes, getting more extra about everything Jac: It was like, I should've been mad at you but I could only ever be impressed Savannah: Well, I can't lie, I'm glad because I've never worked that hard for anyone before Savannah: it'd be super awkward if I failed Jac: 😅 Jac: I'm flattered Jac: how many boys wish, like Savannah: of course, but boys are easy Jac: duh, if you need to try then you've got bigger problems Savannah: I don't understand what Amelia's is, a smile & a hair flip & she could be dating anyone in our year Jac: Yeah, me either Jac: maybe she's had the same 💭 about Isabelle's seconds Savannah: 😄 Savannah: at this point I'm seriously expecting her to come out as asexual Jac: 🤔 maybe you're onto something Savannah: I do have good instincts for these things Jac: True Savannah: one of Sienna's friends is & nobody's been anything but really supportive about it Savannah: her year group are so sweet though Savannah: I was not like that a year ago Jac: Awh Jac: yeah, she knows we'd all support her Jac: and no one is going to say anything to her Jac: no one with half a brain cell anyway Savannah: & even if things were said it'd be no worse than what they say about her now Jac: Facts Jac: I don't know if she 1. genuinely doesn't hear 2. pretends not to or 3. seriously doesn't care Savannah: & you know her better than anyone so if you aren't sure she probably isn't either Jac: 😕 Jac: if she gave any indication, I'd do everything to help her Savannah: I know you would Savannah: I'm honestly so jealous of how close you two are & have been for like, ever Jac: but we're just as close now Savannah: I can't help but envy all the shared history you have though, all the pictures & stories that I'm obviously left out of Savannah: I shouldn't think like that, I know Savannah: but sometimes it does get to me, even though I try & be a better person than that Jac: We're going to make so many memories together though Jac: from now 'til forever Savannah: of course we are Savannah: it's no wonder he also accused me of being over sensitive, that one is very clearly true Jac: people just say that when they don't want to make allowances for other people's inconvenient feelings Jac: you can feel that, and I feel it too Jac: I wish you had been there Savannah: it just feels like she brings up all these past anecdotes as often as she does to try & leave me out Savannah: but maybe she doesn't realise how much it hurts me Jac: I'm sure she doesn't, but I'll make extra effort to clock it and get her to chill now Jac: we don't need to dwell on the past, especially at our age 🙄 Savannah: I don't want to cause friction, I can totally understand her wanting to reminisce, if we'd known each other then, I'd be the same Savannah: I talk & think about you literally all the time as it is Jac: Not even Jac: I don't want you feeling left out, or anyone Savannah: you would never Jac: you're so important to me Savannah: you've always let me know that Jac: 🥰 Savannah: I don't know how I would cope with anything that's going on in my life right now without you Savannah: I didn't even realise how badly I needed someone to talk to Jac: You look after everyone, you need someone to look after you Savannah: I can't rely on anyone to do that though Jac: me 🙋 Savannah: you can't leave me ever, I swear I'll go crazier than my mother Jac: I never will Jac: I promise Savannah: okay, I'm yours to look after then Jac: I can cope with that 😄 Savannah: you've definitely handled me at my worst, I haven't forgotten my bathroom breakdown, trust me Savannah: the embarrassment will last forever Jac: it so easily could have been me Jac: and maybe I wouldn't have had the courage to ever reach out if not, frame it like that Savannah: No, I hate that Jac: Okay, but no embarrassment either Jac: because you're the strongest person I know, and nothing I've learnt about you has changed that opinion Savannah: Well, I think you're the bravest & I fully believe you'll always find the courage to do whatever you want Jac: 🤞 Jac: I've got a lot of things I want and intend to do Savannah: 👏🏾 Yes girl! Savannah: I can't wait for transition year to be over Jac: Ugh, I know Jac: on the one hand, LOVE the extra opportunities and learning experiences they simply do not bother with the rest of the time Jac: but the other half is having to do lessons I have NO intention of carrying on with, which is just, pointless Savannah: ^^^^^^^^^ Savannah: my auntie was complaining at me as if it was OPTIONAL & I CHOSE it, excuse me Jac: Ha! 🙄 Jac: we all know it's meant to be in theory Jac: but if you don't go to a school with a high teacher to child ratio, with the budget and time to care about tailoring the learning experience to each child...then you're gonna have to do it with the rest, like it or lump it Savannah: She's a product of the American school system, there is zero place for her criticism Jac: and I- 😶 Jac: even our worst school would be preferable I'm sorry 😂 Savannah: Right?! Jac: Compared to the English and American systems, except maybe the super-elite English ones, I feel like we're still going to be at an advantage when we go to Uni Savannah: Agreed Savannah: even this year we've totally made the most of so far Jac: You've got to Jac: or you'll end up with a mediocre life and what is the point in even living Savannah: Ugh, exactly Savannah: I can already tell who is going to end up living like that Jac: I know right Jac: like, sorry to break it to you, but they're called FORMATIVE years for a reason Savannah: mhmmmm Jac: you can still have fun without ruining your life and future Jac: you just have to work hard too and some people are simply too lazy 💁 Savannah: ^^ we manage to have it all Savannah: I'm not sorry if they don't want it enough to secure it for themselves Jac: Exactly Jac: can't be sorry for you if you chose to act that way Jac: maybe some of them will turn it around years down the line but it'll be so much harder than if they'd put the work in when they were meant to Savannah: It breaks my heart that everybody doesn't have you to guide & hype them Jac: Only you deserve me though, that's the truth of it Savannah: I'm willing to work at that for the rest of my life too so Jac: 🥺 Jac: Ugh, I just love you Jac: you've really solidified all my life choices, if that makes sense Jac: like I know now everything I want is exactly what I need too Savannah: It makes perfect sense & I feel it too Jac: Thank God you do Savannah: My family are always pushing me to go to Trinity, they don't understand at all Jac: like, yeah, it's a good Uni, but we've done Dublin Jac: it's also the point of Uni to expand your horizons, put roots down somewhere else Jac: your hometown and Uni town are NOT meant to be the same Savannah: ^^ thank you Savannah: Sienna is the only one whose opinion is valid because I will be leaving her here alone for a year before she can go wherever she decides to & she'll actually miss me Savannah: my parents just want to control me Jac: Right, you aren't being selfish about it Jac: it's because you're too useful to them, like you said, looking after Sienna and your mum Jac: but those are actually both jobs your dad took on when he got married and made a family so Jac: he still has to deal with them Savannah: He gets to literally walk out but god forbid I take the next step in my life Jac: Right, he has to realize you are not a surrogate carer Jac: and that sorting those things out will always be his responsibility Savannah: He takes no responsibility for abandoning us never mind the fact that he spent years emotionally destroying my mum & then walking out when he didn't like who she became Jac: He's going to have to face his blame one day Jac: if nothing else, he does love you and Sienna, he wouldn't let anything really bad happen to you two Savannah: I don't feel loved, I feel like he decided none of us were good enough Savannah: maybe I'm too much like her for him to handle too Jac: I hate that he's made you feel like that Jac: but if anything, that shows failure on his part, not yours Jac: you're brilliant and loving and you're still there, even though it's so much for you to handle Jac: you don't need him, but that doesn't mean he shouldn't be held accountable right now, and that it's shit that he isn't stepping up Savannah: I hate him & I can't stand that he's made me carry hate in my heart when that isn't who I want to be Jac: Oh, Sav Jac: you wouldn't hold negative feelings towards him if he wasn't giving you that energy first Jac: you're never a doormat, again, it shows you're strong Savannah: Don't let me be with Ty, okay? Jac: Promise Savannah: Throw my phone into the 🛀🏾 if you have to, I'll forgive you Jac: 😅 I've got it in writing Savannah: 😄 Jac: would never drop it in 🥂 Jac: such a waste Savannah: Lord no, I need the full 🍾 Jac: 🙌 I can get behind that Jac: it's been a DAY Savannah: it had it's genuine 🙌🏾 moments nevertheless, because of & featuring you Savannah: I've looked at the pictures so many times, I CANNOT believe you really look like that Jac: 😳 says you Savannah: yes & I'm going to keep saying it until it sinks in for both of us that you're the most beautiful person that has ever existed because I'm hoping that if it does for me, at least, whatever dress you choose won't take my breath away as soon as I see you in it Savannah: otherwise you'll be trying to twirl but also having to catch me as I legitimately faint Jac: you'll have to not kill me before then or I won't be any use to anyone Jac: just a blushy mess on the floor Savannah: that isn't fair, on the one hand, you can't die, I need you, but on the other that sounds ADORABLE Jac: it's unfair how much of an 👼🏾 you are to me but I don't wanna share so Savannah: pink is one of my favourite colours, you know this & you wear it so well 🌺😳🌷 Jac: I'll wear it for you Jac: even if I don't go for that dress Jac: I wonder if we can get corsages or is that too extra 🤔 Savannah: I'll get that dress if it makes you happy, I'll wear anything you want me to, including a corsage Savannah: there is no such thing as too extra when you're talking about 🌷 🌹 🌺 🌸 🌼 🌻 Jac: my sentiments exactly 😄😄 Jac: I don't think Amelia will wear one Jac: but we can get them Jac: we can get our birth flowers and favourites and it'll be so cute Savannah: It should be an us thing, the holiday is so far away Jac: ^^ and it's more our vibe Jac: doesn't go with a short dress or jeans, really Savannah: 😄 Jac: I've got some books I need to return to the library, do you wanna meet at that little coffee place by there? Savannah: how many books? If you need help carrying them all I'll meet you at the library Jac: love the romcom fantasy 😅 Jac: you know me, there's a few... 😬 Savannah: 😊 I'll be right there, baby Savannah: no more struggles today Jac: ❤❤✨ Savannah: 🥰

[caranfindel]

Recap/review 14.11: “Damaged Goods”

THEN: Oh, good, we're going to have a Nick episode. I was hoping for that. (NOT.) Michael is trapped in Dean's internal walk-in. Billie has bad news related to that.

NOW: Nick interrogates a demon about another demon named Abraxis. The name sounds a little familiar and I waste a few seconds wondering where I've heard it before, but then I realize it's the demon who killed Nick's family and this has been Nick's entire focus and that's how little I care about Nick and his quest, that I couldn't even bother to remember who he was after. Anyway, he learns that the hunter who last dealt with Abraxis is in Hibbing. Oooh, who else do we know in Hibbing?

Title card!

Dean is packing. Books about angels. Tools. Work gloves. I was a little afraid we were going to ignore last week's horrifying revelation, and Dean would just sit on that information for a while. But he's wearing his Red Shirt of Bad Decisions, so we know the shit is going down tonight! \o/

He leaves the storeroom and kind of looks down the hallway, which is really insignificant the first time you watch this episode, but on rewatch you realize what he's thinking right here, and that he doesn't ever expect to see this hallway again... but I'm getting ahead of myself. He goes into the library, where Sam is quietly studying in the darkness (is that a new shirt? I like it). He ignores it when Sam asks how he's feeling. Dean tells Sam he appreciates that he's trying to help him, and Sam's all, yeah, what else would I do? He asks if Dean wants to join him, and they have this conversation.

Actually, I thought I'd go for a drive, you know, just me and Baby, long stretch of road. And figured I'd make it a two-fer, go see Mom at Donna's cabin.

Yeah, yeah, that sounds great. Be good to see them. Just let me find a stopping point and get packed up.

Actually, I was, uh, I was kind of hoping for some one-on-one time with Mom, if that's cool.

Yeah. Sure, yeah. Whatever you need.

And I thought this conversation was going to break my heart, because Sam clearly does NOT think this trip sounds great, but he's going to go anyway because it's what Dean wants/needs to do, and then Dean rejects that, and Sam's little face is going to do me in. And on rewatch, it kind of seems like Dean is stalling here, like he can't bring himself to leave (but again, I'm getting ahead of myself) AND THEN THIS HAPPENS.

Dean comes around behind Sam and HUGS HIM and says "take care, Sammy" and I'm just WHAAAAT. NO THIS IS NOT RIGHT. THIS IS SUCH A BAD, BAD SIGN, SAM WINCHESTER, AND YOU KNOW IT.

And also, there goes the rest of my heart.

Cut to Mary at the aforementioned cabin, talking to Sam on the phone. She says the cabin's been quiet since Bobby took off for a few days. The old "I need a little space after killing the ghoul version of my dead son" thing. Happens to the best of us. Sam tells her he's worried because Dean's acting so weird, and mentions the hug. Mary says "that's sweet," proving that she doesn't know her sons at all. Really, Mary, you've witnessed ONE hug between them. ONE. Sam points out that they don't hug unless it's "literally the end of the world," which isn't quite true. It would be more accurate to say "unless one of us is dying or just came back from the dead," which is slightly more frequent than the end of the world Either way, Mary assures him that everything will be fine. But as Sam's talking to her, he's walking through the storerooms in the bunker and he sees some books are missing.

(Sidebar: Why are these books kept in the storeroom and not the library? And why are regular tools apparently kept with supernatural paraphernalia? Couldn't that cause problems? What if a MoL novice was sent to Storeroom 2 for a reciprocating saw and he couldn't figure out why a saw would reciprocate or what that would look like and he came back with something he dug out of a curse box instead? I'm seeing all kinds of potential OSHA violations here.)

Now we see Dean enjoying a messy burger. Oh, he's with Donna! I love Dean and Donna, y'all. She tries to ask him about himself, but he keeps deflecting. Which doesn't fool her at all, and she finally says "just wondering if you've run out of ways to ask me how I'm doing, so as to avoid me repaying the favor." She knows about Michael, because of Sam. "What, has he got a freaking newsletter," Dean grumps. But I'm glad to see Sam's been talking to his support system, because in the past, he's not done that as often as he should.

Dean ends the conversation with the typical "I'm fine" nonsense and gives Donna one of those big hugs where he looks absolutely stricken while she can't see him and then plasters on a smile when they pull apart, and you KNOW how I love when he does that. He pulls away and says "I'll see ya." But it's pretty obvious Dean is on his farewell tour and never intends to see Donna again. It's also pretty obvious that Donna can tell something is up.

Dean pulls up to the cabin, which is seriously in need of some work on the roof, and immediately hears gunshots. It turns out to be Mary murdering some pumpkins for target practice. (SHE'S STILL GOT THAT LOCK OF TOO-LONG HAIR.) He tells her he wants to stick around for a couple of days, which surprises her. She suggests they call Sam to join them, but he says he wants to be "a little greedy with my Mom time." No, Dean, that's not suspicious at all. Jesus. (Or, as someone pointed out, Sorry Sam, but Mom was MY gift.)

Mary pushes it, and Dean comes right out and says "I don't want Sam here," and again, Dean, that's not suspicious at all. How is someone who lies professionally such a BAD liar? He explains his mood away by claiming to be hangry, even though he just finished the best burger in all of Minnesota, and tells Mary he wants the one thing she can cook, something called Winchester Surprise. She heads out to the grocery store, and doesn't suggest that the son who drove all this way to see her would want to ride along. Or maybe she does, and he refuses, and they just didn't show us that part. Anyway, the important thing is, Dean's alone and he has work to do.

He gets his bag out of the Impala and strides purposely into a large shed decorated with pictures of topless guys with 70s porn 'staches. The first one reminds me a LOT of Doug 2.0, so I laugh when Dean says "Well, Donna certainly has a type." Yes she does. He finds an 8-track player, of all things, but is interrupted by a sudden burst of Michael banging on his door. The tape he chooses is the Guess Who, and the song is "No Time Left For You," which I've never liked (lots of experience with 70s music here, kiddos) but it seems appropriate. And then he gets to work, and if you thought Sam soldering last week was hot, you're in for a treat. Let's forget our annoyance with the soundtrack and concentrate on how much we appreciate Metalworking!Dean, complete with welding helmet and safety goggles, under the watchful eyes of several shirtless moustachioed cowboys.

Mmmm, yes, we do appreciate it.

(Sidebar: Where did all this metal come from?)

Meanwhile, at the grocery store, we get a fake-out where we think someone threatening is accosting Mary, but it's only a friendly employee. And we also see that Mary puts her grocery bags in the bed of her truck? So not only does she not know how to cook, but she doesn't even know where to PUT FOOD? I.e., IN THE CAB?

He says buying food is new for her, because she usually buys whiskey, pumpkins, and crossword puzzles. Damn, Mary, it really seems like things aren't going well out there at the Love Shack if you're spending all day drinking, shooting pumpkins, and doing crossword puzzles. I'm gonna go ahead and call it - Mobby is doomed. She tells him she has family in town, which I expect to turn into the inevitable oh no, this guy is a demon and now he knows Dean is there.

But I'm exactly wrong. Nick pulls up in the creepiest windowless van possible and asks the guy if he knows where Mary Winchester is. Because why wouldn't he? Why wouldn't Random Grocery Store Guy know where everyone in Hibbing Minnesota, population 16,361, resident or guest, lives? Random Grocery Store Guy pretends he doesn't know who she is. Good for him.

(BTW, the fastest route from Lebanon to Hibbing is about 12.5 hours. But it's all interstate and I suspect either Winchester would take the route that uses more state highways and is 13.5 hours.)

(Sidebar: Yes, when I open Mapquest, Lebanon is always in my Recents. Is that not normal?)

Apparently Nick decides he'll just cruise the greater Hibbing area and try to find her, because we seem him after nightfall driving his creepy van. A police car drives by, and then turns around and pulls him over. He makes sure his stolen angel blade is in place and hides a paperclip somewhere on his person before the officer gets to him. Oooh, it's Donna!

She cuffs him and tells him the van's been reported stolen, but she also reveals she knows he's looking for Mary, and don't like the way she lays all her cards on the table like that. Let him think you're just arresting him for a stolen car, Donna. Don't let him know you're onto his Grand Scheme. He says his name is "Nunya" and then "Eat Me" (oooh, is he related to the Eat Me Sam met a few seasons ago?), but she's got some kind of mobile fingerprint scanner. Does this thing exist? She discovers who he is, but while her back is turned, he uses his paperclip to get out of the cuffs. They fight, and she seems to have the upper hand, but he gets her taser and that's the end of that.

Love Shack. When Mary pulls up, Dean is outside by the door to the Shed of Mysterious Building. He lies about what he's doing out there and carries the groceries inside, to where the table is set and he wants to help her cook (THIS IS NOT OKAY) and she FINALLY realizes something is up. (Also, Dean, we know you're not a terrible cook. Don't lie just to make your mom feel better.) She quietly talks to Sam from upstairs (though not quietly enough, Dean totally would have heard her in the real world) and agrees that something is going on. Sam tells her about the missing items and says he thinks he should come up, but she says to give her more time. WHY, MARY. WHY DO YOU THINK YOU ARE THE PERSON TO ADDRESS THIS AND NOT SAM. WHY DO YOU INSIST ON KEEPING HIM 13.5 HOURS AWAY. WHY. It doesn't matter, because when Sam hangs up, we see he's already on his way. YES. THAT'S MY BOY.

Dinner. Dean tells a funny/tragic story about their childhood and Mary gets a case of The Sads, realizing how much she's missed and "how much the two of you just..." Just everything, Mary. They just EVERYTHING. Together. Without John, without you. AND STILL YOU THINK SAM SHOULD SIT IN THE BUNKER AND LET YOU HANDLE THIS. DAMMIT, MARY.

Anyway. Dean says her being alive has meant "everything to me, and everything to Sam." He claims to appreciate this wonderful time they're having, but he falters when he says "there's no clouds on the horizon." Because it's a LIE. She tells him he can talk to her about whatever he's going through, and he says "Everybody keeps asking me how I am. And how I am, is I don't want to talk about it. Please."

Oh lord, his face.

Later, as he snores gently on the couch, we see Mary tiptoe downstairs and outside, to check out what's happening in the Shed of Mysterious Building. (Sidebar: Dean sleeps with one arm flung behind his back, which I think we first saw in No Escape, and I always thought it was an odd and fake-looking way to sleep until I realized I actually do that sometimes myself.) She looks through the books and things and figures out what he's doing and it must be bad because she says "no, no, no." Meanwhile, Donna is waking up inside her own cruiser. I wonder why Nick left her alive?

Dean wakes up to the sound of a ringing phone. It's not his, it's Mary's. Donna is calling to warn him about Nick. But it's too late, because when Dean goes outside, Mary isn't there. But Sam is. "Hey, whoa, easy!" he says, facing down Dean's gun, and that tickles me for some reason.

Creepy van. Nick whines to Mary. He found email from Mary in Donna's phone, giving the address of the Love Shack. He thinks Mary knows where Abraxis is. She does - the demon is trapped inside an Enochian puzzle box in a storage locker, locately conveniently in or near Hibbing. I don't care about any of this.

At the Love Shack, Sam blames himself for Nick running around like a free madman, because of course he does. Donna's APB gets a result - the creepy van has been spotted outside Grand Rapids. Donna says that's 30-40 minutes away, but Grand Rapids is actually 11.5 hours away from Hibbing. Maybe there's a little town called Grand Rapids near Hibbing. A town so small that Mapquest doesn't even know about it.

(I KNOW. NO ONE CARES. MOVING ON.)

Nick gets the Enochian puzzle box (yeah, this scene goes on FOREVER and I'm skipping a lot here, is anyone complaining? nope didn't think so) and wants to release the demon so they can talk. Mary points out that the demon needs a host to talk, and it can't be Nick and it can't be her, and she flashes an anti-possession tattoo as explanation. So drills the box open and Nick forces the storage locker employee to be the host. Abraxis says he'll tell Nick why they killed his family if he kills Mary slow and bloody.

While this is happening, we see Sam and Dean on that 30 minute/11.5 hour drive to Grand Rapids. Sam looks despondent, and they have this conversation:

Say it. I can see you want to. Might as well go ahead and say it.

All right. Nick is not a project. He's not a freaking puppy. He was Lucifer's vessel for years.

I know that, Dean, I thought -

You thought he'd what, just walk it off? Come on, man, you're not that dumb.

It's not about being dumb, Dean, it's called compassion. Look, what happened to Nick could have happened to me. It almost happened to me. You change one little thing in our past and that WAS me! Lucifer wearing ME to the prom. Besides, since when do we give up on people? Since when do we just cut people loose?

Well, maybe you need to learn, okay? Because when people are past the point of saving, maybe you need to learn to walk away.

Ouch. I hurt for both of them. Poor Sam, seeing himself in Nick and wanting to save that guy the way he wishes someone had wanted to save him. Having faith in Nick's potential the way he wanted someone, anyone, to have faith in his own. And Dean obviously isn't talking about Nick, at least not there at the end, because we've heard it from Dean before, talking about himself. I can't be saved; walk away.

The guys arrive at the storage locker just in time to stop Nick from killing Mary slow and bloody. Nick scratches out the devil's trap that's holding the demon, and Abraxis immediately tosses them around and tells Nick he was chosen completely at random. Damn, Nick is as whiny as Lucifer was. (I wonder who influenced who? Discuss.)

Dean tries to quietly exorcise the demon, but Abraxis flings him against a shelf and we get a flash of skin. But before he can start killing anyone, Nick stabs him with the stolen angel blade. Then Nick acts like he's going to stab the others if they don't let him escape, so Donna shoots him in the leg. Dammit, Donna, this was the perfect opportunity to kill him. He already killed one person, and he was threatening to kill the rest of you. It would have been a clean shoot. Instead, Mary punches the wounded whiny baby and Sam does a wee little version of his glorious post-exertion huff.

Outside, Sam gives Nick a sad, confused look.

Why?

I needed the truth, Sam. I needed revenge for my family. You would have done the same thing.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't help you, I'm sorry I didn't know how.

It's not about you, Sam. It was never about you. You couldn't fix me because I didn't want to be fixed. I was never broken.

Yeah, Nick, you are. I don't feel sorry for you, Nick. I feel sorry for the people you hurt, the people you murdered. The people whose faces will haunt you every night for the rest of your life. You can burn.

FUUUUUCK. That's cold as hell and it's not like Sam Winchester at all and I love it to pieces. He's finally given up on this asshole. But it's finally time to move away from the B plot, and Mary tells Dean she saw what he was building in the shed. She knows what he's building, she knows what he's planning, and the three of them ARE going to talk about it. And if he doesn't tell Sam, she will. So, you finally think Sam's input is important, Mary? Good to know.

When the sun rises, we're back at the Shed of Mysterious Building. Dean is showing Sam what he's done. He calls it something like a "maloch box," which I'm sure is spelled wrong. It looks like a giant coffin (yeah, about that...) Nothing can escape it, not even an archangel. Sam knows what they are but says they're impossible to build, and Dean's all, "not so much." And then they have this conversation and I'm sorry (no I'm not), but I had to transcribe the whole thing.

That's your plan? You want to be buried alive?

Buried's not safe enough. Plan is, pay a little hush money, charter a boat to take me out to the Pacific. Splash.

You and Michael, trapped, together, for eternity.

Yeah.

You do realize how insane this is, right?

It's the only sane play I've got. Michael gets out, that's it for this world. And he will get out.

How do you know that for sure?

Because I do. Because I can feel him, in my head. That door is giving. I can feel it giving.

There has to be another way.

There's not, okay? There's... Sam, you've tried. Cas has tried. Jack. And I love you for trying, but none of it's going to work.

But we don't know that!

Yeah, we do.

What?

Billie. She paid me a little visit. She said that there's only one way that this ends right. And this is it. This, right here. This box. So she gave up the special recipe and all I had to do was the work. It's fate.

Since when do we believe in fate?

Now, Sam. Since now.

So, you came out here, to see Donna, to see Mom, on some what, some sick secret farewell tour? You were gonna leave, and you weren't even gonna tell me. Me. Do you realize how messed up that is? How unfair that is?

I didn't have a choice! Sam, you're the last person I could tell, the last person I could be around, cause you're the only one that could have talked me out of it! And I won't be talked out of it. I won't. I'm doing this. Now you can either let me do it alone, or you could help me. But I'm doing this.

...

All right.

Oh, guys.

Well, I've got to admit, Dean's prophesied horrifying death was a letdown. First, because it wasn't even new - it was basically the same fate Death offered him when he had the MoC. Worse, sure. Being locked in a box with an angry archangel rather than floating in space and having some kind of dream life, never a good option. (ASK SAM. HE KNOWS.) But mostly because it didn't live up to his reaction when he first read Billie's book. I was sure (and I wasn't alone) that his tearful reaction meant it was going to involve something horrible for someone he loves (SAM). But this? The Dean we know would have reacted the way he did when Rowena told him he had to "be the bomb" in order to destroy Amara. Yeah, this sucks, but I always knew it was gonna end ugly, so, whaddya gonna do?

(Sidebar: This brings up an interesting question. I know an angel's vessel is immortal, but would Dean still be immortal even though Michael was trapped inside his head? Would the fact that Michael wasn't in the driver's seat stop him from keeping his vessel alive? Or would the angel's grace do that all on its own?)

But oh, guys. This scene. THIS SCENE. These two. Dean saying I love you for trying. Dean at the beginning, chin up, so defiant, so defensive because this is exactly what he was afraid of - telling Sam, and having to stick to his plan. (He's probably remembering the last time Sam talked him out of this very thing, kneeling on the floor in front of him, agreeing to support the plan for Dean to lock himself up with the Mark of Cain forever, looking up at him with the puppy dog eyes and nodding to accept that Dean has to cut his head off in order to prevent him from undoing that act; or maybe he's not actually remembering that but now I am, goddammit guys, I need a minute.) And Sam realizing that last little hug was Dean's last planned goodbye, and being so angry and so hurt, and the way he looks so young there at the end, when he stops and finally says "all right." I know we've seen this before but IT STILL GETS ME. EVERY DAMN TIME.

(Sidebar: Did Dean leave Sam a note? Is it in the bunker somewhere? Because Sam's last conversation with his father was the old man saying I don't know why we always fight, now go away and his last conversation with his brother would have been I want to go visit Mom without you. Discuss. Fanfic it. Come wail with me about it.)

(Also... Dean's farewell tour didn't include Cas? Jack? Jody?)

Well. Happy 40th birthday, Dean Winchester.

Worst. Birthday. Ever.

So, this episode? Too much Nick. Not enough Sam. Things that did not live up to expectations. But also, things that were wonderfully unexpected. I've seen worse, my friends. What did you think? And please help me stay unspoiled, thanks!