#I'm going to start socially transitioning soon

[slut4celebs]

Jersey Swap

Sabrina Carpenter x Reader

Word Count: 1,056 words

Trigger Warnings: nothing but a lot of cute fluff imo, I know nothing about soccer so I left that part kind of short and looked up random players.

Request/Synopsis: "i was thinking like the reader is a really good and famous soccer/football player. Maybe like her a sabrina are in a secret relationship and havent told the public yet so sabrina comes to one of her games wearing her jersey. Then maybe reader goes to her concert and like comes on stage or something idk." - A fic in which Sabrina wears R's to a game and (Y/n) wears a custom made Sabrina jersey to her show.

Requests are open. < Please guys, I'm begging.

Sabrina Carpenter and (Y/n) (L/n) had decided to keep their relationship private over the course of a year due to the backlash over Sabrina's last few relationships and (Y/n) being a much private relationship. However, this was proving to be harder as time has gone on, and they've been wanting to actually go out on dates together or hold hands in public. It was something they had to discuss, but they finally figured out how they would come out as a couple to the fans without giving up their full privacy or hardlaunching on social media. They chose a more demure way to get their point across without giving too many details away or letting the media comment on their posts.

It started with (Y/n)'s soccer game. Sabrina attended with her best friend, Joey King. She wore a custom made jersey with (Y/n)'s last name on it. At one point, during the game, (Y/n) even blew Sabrina a kiss. It was in the little moments, if someone was paying close enough attention, they'd catch it. And saying as women's soccer had a majority of gay watchers, someone was bound to catch up on it pretty soon. Sabrina blew a kiss back, making (Y/n) grin before the coach yelled for her to get her head in the game. Lucky for her, her face was too red from running for it to be too obvious she was blushing from being reprimanded. After the game, (Y/n), Sabrina, and Joey (as well as a few teammates) were pictured at a restaurant.

The next night, there wasn't incredibly commotion on Sabrina and (Y/n). Only a few people caught onto their charade, but their posts weren't reaching anyone yet. (Y/n) pulled on her custom Sabrina Carpenter jersey, lying on her girlfriend's bed. When Sabrina got out of the restroom, having just put on some make-up for soundcheck, she grinned. "I love that on you," she commented happily, leaning down to kiss her girlfriend, who reciprocated the kiss happily. (Y/n) was, admittedly, a sucker for her girlfriend's kisses. She was enamored by everything Sabrina was. She was incredible on stage and off. (Y/n) couldn't help the way she simply admired her girlfriend to the fullest.

At the show, (Y/n) was in a special section alongside her teammate, Naomi Girma. While Girma had some merch on, it was (Y/n) who adorned the custom jersey and had a big kiss mark on her cheek, put there by Sabrina. It was the transition from Dumb & Poetic where Sabrina is pretending to arrest someone from the crowd. That someone happened to be (Y/n). "Um, excuse me, everyone, but do you see that girl in my jersey? Next to that soccer player. Her name is (Y/n)…" She said coyly, being extra flirty on stage. "Girls, girls… See that girl? She's under arrest for being too hot and sexy." She said with a fake pout to her dancers. One holding up pink, fluffy handcuffs. (Y/n) laughed and blushed as Girma shoved her shoulders playfully.

"Oh, my gosh… Ladies, I just… She's so gorgeous that I'm thinking so many inappropriate thoughts right now and- oh my gosh my clothes. My clothes are falling off just with her looking at me." She said, the bottom half of her skirt falling off, leaving her in a shorter skirt. "Jeez, that's so embarrassing… It just falls off when my girlfriend looks at me, guys. Like I'm just so in love, you know? I'll hold onto these for later, baby." She took the handcuffs, smirking slightly when she announced that they were girlfriend's, the agreed upon approach that left (Y/n)'s cheeks burning. She didn't realize it would make her blush so much.

As Juno played, (Y/n) couldn't take her eyes off Sabrina, knowing full well many cameras were on her. Once the show was over, she and Girma were escorted backstage to meet with Sabrina. She hugged her girlfriend, kissing her. "When you said you were going to call me your girlfriend on stage, I wasn't expecting that." She flicked her shoulder playfully, a huge grin decorating her lips as she looked over her mischievous girlfriend.

Sabrina had an impish smile on her face, holding up the handcuffs playfully. (Y/n) blushed darker as Girma snorted at the scene in front of her. "That's your own fault. I told you to I was going to do it in a very 'me' way." She responded, earning two hands up in surrender from (Y/n) because, after all, she was right. She did say she was going to do in her way. And. knowing Sabrina, she was going to make it comedic. She just didn't expect to actually be a part of the show. It was funny though, and she liked it. She especially didn't mind Sabrina telling the world that she was "so in love" either.

"Right, right. Well, come on. We have to get Naomi home on time. She has a curfew." She teased her friend, Girma rolling her eyes. As the three walked out, they made their way through a special exit. That didn't mean that they weren't bombarded with a few fans regardless. The fans who waited wanted several pictures of Sabrina and (Y/n) together, and Naomi was happy to not be as in the spotlight, as it was overwhelming just as an onlooker.

The next morning, the 'Jersey Swap,' as it was deemed was being reported everyone. Those who captured Sabrina and Joey at (Y/n)'s game (and the two of them blowing kisses) might now be experiencing newfound TikTok fame having witnessed the beginning of Sabrina and (Y/n) going public. The two laughed as they went through the TikToks, ignoring any negative ones. "Looks like we're out in the world, now." (Y/n) said before they shared a kiss. They decided not to make a post about each other, agreeing to only share pictures on special occasions, such as, their birthdays and anniversaries. They still wanted to remain private. Only now, if they wanted to go out, it wouldn't be a secret that they were together. It was just them going out. It was a new feeling that flooded the two as they basked in each other's presence.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not having time to read my mutual's writing?

Met a mutual on here, bonded through fanfic, have been tight with them for a few years with pretty much no bumps in the relationship, just overall had a really good time hanging around them when I could. We both write a lot and share our writing, and occasionally we talk about that writing/workshop it in passing.

In the past few years I've gone through a ton of life changes. Most notably I went from a multi-person household to a single-person one, and I've been living alone in a prohibitively costly city for a while now working 40 hour weeks and barely scraping by. As soon as the transition started I spent the last of my free income on a shitty little laptop so I could still write, putting down words on my bus/train commutes in the morning and quite literally writing on my breaks at work because I feel insane when I can't create. I bring this up to really stress that I don't have the time for the hobby, I force myself to make the time and even then it never feels like enough.

The only thing I can really stand to do with my 3 hours of free time at night is hang out with my moots online. I'm an extrovert so being around people recharges me. If I don't have designated social time I get super depressed and can pretty much feel my soul withering away. I also feel like I should probably mention that I kinda have a slew of mental issues, personality disorders and PTSD and AuDHD and the works. Point being, shit is rough my dude, but I am a person who likes to work hard and face challenges head on and even though we strugglin, we doing it with a positive outlook.

But! I am an incredibly solution-oriented person and I have found what I personally believe to be a good balance. No one should have to live like this, but I do, and I have found a way to be happy. My writing and my social time is all load-bearing. It is not something I just choose to do on a whim, it's all planned and scheduled and I adhere to those routines very strictly because, I cannot stress this enough, I will go fucking bonkers if I don't.

I'm mutuals with a lot of writers obv, and I sadly don't have time to read their work anymore, unless I get some extra time on my days off or something gets cancelled or like, I end up taking a vacation. I carry a great amount of guilt for this, though, even though I logically know it's reasonable. I try to support them where I can, cheer them on when I see them writing and tell them how cool their ideas sound, hype them up even when I can't actually read & review.

One of the things I do is sometimes I leave a kudos on fic I haven't read. I'm not trying to be ingenuine, and if they asked me I'd tell them like 'Oh I didn't read it yet, just wanted to show support!' but to me it's kinda like ripping a paper tab off a poster so that other's feel inclined to do the same. Plus my pals get a little email and a hit of serotonin.

Except one of my acquaintances, the one I mentioned at the start here, saw that I left kudos on a couple pieces another mutual of mine wrote this year. They more or less blew up my DMs with a ton of accusatory (like, literally presented like a 'GOTCHA!') stuff about how I was selective in who's fic I read, more or less implying that I secretly held some sort of grudge or negative feeling toward them and was making the conscious decision not to read or interact with their writing because of. Something, I don't actually know what they were trying to say. They also told me they vented to their friends about this MULTIPLE times, but they never once approached me to let me know they were feeling paranoid or neglected, they literally just took the most bad faith reading of it possible and then presented that to me like it was something I intentionally did, while the whole time I was unaware.

I tried to explain to them the kudos thing, that I didn't do it to every story, just ones I caught/noticed in my busy schedule. And I laid all this out and asked, multiple times, what free time am I supposed to read with? They didn't answer, and doubled down, kept trying to show me 'proof' that I was shorting them and no one else. Once they started to realize how wrong they were they backed down, but they didn't really apologize, or admit they were wrong, and they tried to end our relationship and left every single server we were in together. Because of some other unrelated stuff going on in my life, I didn't really consider them to be a close friend, but they were someone I really held dear and would've walked through hell for if they'd asked.

I still feel like there is something I'm missing here, and that's why I wanted to ask if I'm TA. I'm a pretty good communicator but one of the things I told myself when talking down my disordered thoughts (guilt about this prior) was "no one in their right mind would use reading fanfic as a metric for friendship." Now that I've had that exact thing happen, I'm starting to think maybe those thoughts weren't so disordered. Maybe this IS a big deal, and I should think about it more, but I don't even know what the solution to that would be. I just. Don't have time to read something lovingly crafted and appreciate it for what it is. All the hours in my week are used up, I'd have to lose sleep for this and with my mental health the way it is that is not an option.

Feel free to be a brutal, my skin is thick. Thanks!

What are these acronyms?

[drdemonprince]

sorry if this is too long but i really appreciate your perspective and would love some advice

i have a mixed gender friend group irl, however i am the only transmasc in the group (the rest of the group is queer transfems, queer cis women, and our token cishet guy) and ive run into a little issue in that im quite close to one of the cis girls of the group, and we occasionally have deep chats about our queer identities (we're both aro, im ace, shes bi) . these chats are great and i really appreciate her as a friend but one thing shes always bringing up, even in unrealted conversations is how much she hates men .

im not a transandrobro so this isn't gonna be one of those "im one of the good ones" or "i feel guilty for being transmasc" asks dw. the issue came up when i was discussing how i was going to start T pretty soon (i pass decently well without it already but as more of a butch/androgynous type look) and as we were talking about the changes she was acting... genuinley scared and disgusted??

especially when i talked about how i will likely grow more body hair, and how T affects scent and stuff. she was almost horrified. "yeah but you dont want that right? youll shave it?" . i already dont shave my body hair (she does) and i cant help but feel scared that one of my closest friends is going to find me revolting once i start transitioning medically.

i didnt even mention bottom growth after that because i was so scared of what her reaction to that would be.

idk if you have any experience or advice for this? or any reading on the subject? ive found that its only the cis women in my friend group who are acting this way as well. i feel like maybe its because theyve secretly been viewing me as "just" a masculine woman this whole time. i id as nonbinary with the group, but secretly i really do think im a trans man, but based on the disgust with those things im reluctant to come out again.

Honestly this is a really common way that cis women microaggress against trans mascs! Those two identities have competing privilege/oppression intersections and a lot of really wild shit can play out as a result, as well as due to the projection that can happen because both groups have shared a social identity at some point (whether we liked it or not). It may not be fixable, but I think you need to set the tone that this kind of negative commentary on your transition and body is NOT acceptable, and to do so EARLY, so that you are establishing ground rules for how you will be treated.

Example conversation:

You: So I started getting some hair on my neck around my Adam's apple.

Her: Ewwwww, but you're going to shave it right?

You: (pause and look at her seriously). Gender transition is something I'm very excited about and that's very good for me, you know. I am happy about everything that's happening and I hope that as my friend you would be happy for me too.

Let's say that she continues to be somewhat shitty about your transition multiple times. Here is how you might escalate without totally blowing your lid.

Her: Wow, your [voice is so deep/your acne is getting so bad/your hair pattern is changing/whatever thing she is being shitty about].

You: (stop whatever task you're doing if any to give this full attention. lock eyes with her, maybe even sigh). I have told you multiple times not to comment on my appearance. It makes me very uncomfortable. I don't enjoy spending time with people who comment on how I look.

I think your focus should be not on correcting her feelings, which she needs to go like stare at a pond and reflect about on her own, but instead reign in her shitty commentary completely -- and if she won't do that for you, then you will need start ending conversations/walking away/not inviting her to things/whatever other boundary setting strategy you like. I would prioritize nipping the personal comments in the bud over the "men are so disgusting and evil" kind of commentary, because I think that matters more and seems to bother you more -- but if it were me? I would also be pissed that she wasn't including me in the category of "men" when she was talking about them, and would say things like "I'm a man too, you know." Or "Yeah, WE can be kind of annoying/boorish/smelly sometimes." This isn't some transandrobro NOT ALL MEN thing, it's an anti-transphobia don't misgender me thing. And perhaps by taking accountability for all that manhood is -- the good and the bad, the euphoric and the just neutral, you will influence her in a positive way to think about these things more neutrally. If not, well, that's her fuckin loss.

[self-loving-vampire]

I'm not a gender abolitionist for various reasons, but on an emotional level I'm pretty ambivalent about gender, and it is nice to see another person who shares some of my sentiments but isn't transphobic. A lot of trans people will try imagining a world without gender and find that pretty distressing, but I find some comfort in the idea. While some parts of transitioning and adopting a social identity as a trans person are really nice, and gender itself is a fascinating subject, gender has created many obstacles to my flourishing and self-actualization, and almost certainly has been net-negative in my life.

I think there's multiple reasons for my position here. Just to name a few:

1- Like you, I am also rather detached from gender norms. At most I have a mental map of how my appearance should look, but even then my truly ideal preference would be to become an infomorph with no set physical body (but a customizable avatar).

2- Adjacently, I am a transhumanist. I think morphological freedom is a good thing that should be advanced and made accessible to all. I wish for a world where everyone has access to the character creation screen and can shape their body to their liking, even in radical ways that go beyond what is considered human.

In a lot of ways this is just an extension of being in favor of both medical technology and bodily autonomy.

But I also think the kind of world I want is one where gender soon becomes incoherent (which I consider a good thing). In a world where anyone can freely and completely transition whenever they want (including temporarily and/or recreationally) or even adopt forms that don't look human at all then gender as a system most likely breaks down further.

3- I grew up in El Salvador (unusually sexist country) to extremely conservative parents. I saw the most ridiculous gendered rules and assumptions during that time and it didn't take long for it to get tiring.

I have talked before about how my father was downright insecure in how much shit he denied himself because it was "unmanly." He literally thought Real Men were not allowed to like cats or go to the mall.

When you're an autistic, atheist child already starting to developing into a narcissist like I was that kind of thing ends up looking like civilizational inadequacy that is beneath you. It sounds exactly as insane as when people use the bible to justify beating children against all scientific evidence of its value.

Maybe it would be better if people did not shape their lives around harmful and fake garbage like that?

[rosesradio]

peter parker x trans male reader?

hi there !! assuming based on when this was sent it was for summer of smut, so here’s a little something for you 🤲💌

this is my first time writing an x reader with a trans male reader, i did my research into other x readers & i hope that the terminology is as inclusive & accurate as possible.

note: the reader is considered (subjectively) early in transition, with top surgery & not bottom surgery. the reader revives oral sex & the terminology “clit” & “sucked off” is used. (“suck off” is masc while “eat out” is fem To Me, but to each their own yk)

okay, enjoy !! <33

word count: 3,024

summary: you meet Peter at a party, and the two of you have an instant connection. once you two can find a spare room to have an innocent conversation, the intention soon turns less than innocent…

You were not supposed to be here.

That was what you told yourself, anyway.

Your friend, Ashley, would call it your Spidey-Sense—that prickle of dread you got when you found yourself stuck in a situation...or trapped in a web. You just called it social anxiety.

You couldn't even find Ashley. After a round of drinks, she linked up with a pink-haired girl and weaved through the crowd into the living room for dancing. As for where they were now...you had no idea. Probably hooking up in a spare room.

Lucky her. You could not relate.

The flashing purple and orange lights at this house party were jarring, though at least they went with the theme. It was something along the lines of Haunted House Pride Nights, where all the extroverted gays brought their introverted friends for an extended night of socializing.

It wasn't all bad. You made your way into the kitchen, relieved to find a seat at the bar. Not only that, but there was still one last slice of pizza left. A bit cold as you bit into it, but still a score.

"Hey," a voice called over the music. "Who took the last slice of—" the speaker's eyes locked on yours, and you felt yourself shrink back.

The guy was cute, if not a little odd-looking. His brown hair was slicked back, with dark, curious eyes. At least, the two normal eyes. The other six looked inattentive, seeing as they were googly eyes that were glued at odd angles across his cheeks. He was also wearing all black, with what looked like black painted pool noodles attached to his back.

You raised an eyebrow. "Spider-Man, huh? Clever."

The guy's eyes widened for a fraction of a second before looking down at his costume and relaxing. "What? Oh, yeah, my costume. Yeah, just a regular spider—sticking to walls isn't in my budget. I'm Peter." He stuck out a hand to shake, which you found a little odd—who did that anymore, and especially in this type of setting? Still, you shook his hand. "And you're the guy who took the last slice of pizza, but..." he narrowed his eyes, pursing his lips as if in deep thought. "Seeing as you like my costume, I'm inclined to let it go."

"I appreciate your forgiveness," you grinned. "I'm y/n."

Peter nodded. He looked familiar, in a way, though you couldn't place it. He walked around the bar, looking you up and down. Strangely enough, you didn't feel weird about it—it didn't seem like he was quite checking you out.

"So," Peter started. "Guessing by the small cape over regular clothes and the devil horned headband, you are...?"

"Too broke to shop for a last minute costume, so I borrowed stuff from my nephew's costume chest." You replied, raising your voice over the music and talking.

Peter grinned. "That's adorable," he said, his voice almost too quiet to hear. "Did you, uh...did you wanna go somewhere a little quieter?" He paused, realizing how that sounded. "Not to hook up or anything! Even though you are cute—but I don't have, like, intentions, it's just the noise is a little..." he started to say something else, though you couldn't hear it.

Your face flushed a little, though you nodded. You wouldn't mind getting out of here...or hooking up with this guy, if that happened to be where the night went. It was a little outside of your comfort zone, but in a good way—like in the movies.

———

The house was big, which meant lots of bedrooms.

That also meant walking in on a lot of people hooking up. After the third round of this, you sighed, continuing down the hall.

"You'd think they'd at least put a sock on the door," you said, knocking on the next door. Based on the giggling coming from inside, this room was also occupied.

At least the navigating time gave you plenty of time to get to know Peter. It turned out you recognized him from a speech class you both took together in freshman year of college, though neither of you spoke to each other.

Well, that and—

"You looked different," Peter commented. "Your hair was, uh...longer."

You let out a huff of laughter. "Yeah, that's one way to phrase it. That was before I got the Big Chop." You gestured to your hair, which was now at the length you preferred. "Well...one of the big chops..." you looked down at your chest, where you had your trans flag pin, and, pointedly, didn't have other things.

Peter snorted. "Man, I regret not talking to you back then. I mean, I didn't really talk to anyone, but...you're pretty funny. And for the record, I like your new look."

You found yourself unable to help but smile as you opened one more bedroom door, and...it was empty. Maybe you were lucky after all.

You pulled Peter into the room, checking the closet inside for good measure.

"Do you want me to check under the bed?" Peter offered, to which you playfully flipped him off.

The pair of you used the space, true to your word, to talk. You shared your interests, talking about your favorite shows and hobbies as he matched with stories of his own. You leaned against the wall, nodding to the bass of the music pumping outside as Peter talked through his tier list of the best Star Wars Legos.

It was strange in how nice it was, as if you'd known each other for a long time. You didn't get that feeling with a lot of people.

"You wanna know something?" Peter asked, a curious smile gracing his features. One of the googly eyes glued to his face looked like it was about to fall off.

God, he was such a loser. He was so cute, it was hard to look at him.

"Sure," you replied, his smile contagious as you continued to meet his warm brown eyes.

"You're being a wallflower," Peter pointed out. "I can tell you like this song, but you're not gonna dance."

He said it like a challenge. You didn't need to take a psych class to know he was using reverse psychology.

Even so, it worked like a charm.

You stepped two steps away from the wall, moving your hips, your arms bent awkwardly. "You see what I'm working with? There's a reason you didn't see me dancing out there."

Peter laughed, copying your movements. "No, this is perfect, it's fun!" He took your hands, holding an arm up for you to spin, which you did. You did for him as well, and Peter laughed between belting out what lyrics he remembered.

"This is ridiculous!" You protested, though it was hard to take even yourself seriously considering how you were laughing.

You then stepped back a little too far, hitting the wall with your shoulder with a painful thud. You winced, rubbing the spot as you smiled sheepishly at Peter.

"Sorry," you said. "I'm okay, that just hurt a bit."

"You sure?" Peter's eyes were a little wide. He held up four fingers. "How many fingers am I holding?"

You snickered. "I hit my shoulder, not my head. Dummy." You looked at his hand, then back up at his eyes. "Eight. Four on your hand, and one for each of the spider legs you have sticking out of your back."

Peter rolled his eyes fondly. "Okay, smartass," he put his hand down...pointedly, on your shoulder.

You raised your eyebrows, a smile tugging at your lips.

"Sorry," Peter pulled his hand away. "I didn't mean to, like..."

"Didn't mean to what, Peter?" You asked, your own tone a challenge. You took his hand gently in your own, placing it back on your shoulder.

"I mean," Peter swallowed. His eyes were utterly transfixed on yours. "I really didn't come in here with intentions, but..." he leaned in closer, his forehead resting against yours.

"Yeah?" You whispered against his lips. "Well, what if I did?"

You weren't sure who kissed who first, though before you could sort out your thoughts, your lips were on Peter's. You cupped his face as Peter wrapped his arms around your midsection, pulling you close against him.

"I," you started breathlessly, pulling away for a moment, Peter resting his forehead against yours again. "I didn't just come here with that in mind, by the way. It was kind of in the back of my mind, but...I did also like hearing about your Star Wars Legos. The Millennium Falcon does sound super cool to build..."

Peter blinked, seeming unable to process the statement for a moment. "You saying that," he grinned. "Is way hotter to me than it probably should be."

He kissed you again, and you couldn't help but smile slightly against his lips. He tasted like Coke and chocolate chip cookies, and every small noise he made into the kisses spurred you on a little more. Your hands wandered under his shirt, and he froze for a moment, a hand on yours.

"Sorry," you said, pulling your hands away. "I didn't mean to, like, overstep or anything..."

"That's okay," Peter's brows were furrowed, and he had an odd, unreadable expression in the dim light. He shook his head. "I thought I had on—never mind..."

Your raised a brow, though you didn't ask for clarification. You figured that was just your type—a weird guy—being your type—weird. Instead, when Peter kissed you again, you kissed him back, getting lost in the feeling.

Peter began to kiss down your neck, nipping and sucking marks along your skin. Although you tried to hold back the noises, you couldn't deny how his lips and teeth and tongue on your skin made your breath hitch.

The song outside changed, and you nodded, unable to help but grin.

"I love this song," you murmured, hands on Peter's arms, squeezing his biceps. You didn't remember him being quite so built before, though you weren't complaining.

"Do you wanna," Peter whispered between kisses. "Stop and go dance?"

You scoffed, shaking your head. Curiously, you shifted a leg in between Peter's, moving up, and—Peter let out a surprised hum. Yep. He was half-hard.

"Do you wanna stop and go dance?" You asked pointedly.

Peter let out a small sound from his throat, almost like a whine, as you continued to press your thigh against his clothed cock. "Uh—no, preferably not. Please."

You felt a smile tug at the corner of your lips, and you pulled Peter close by the hem of his sweatpants.

"What do you think we should do about that, Peter?" You asked, an offer and a challenge in your tone.

Peter kissed you, and for a few moments, he seemed too lost in the feeling to want anything else. He then pulled away, his voice small in a way that made your stomach twist with excitement. "You could...touch me, if you wanted? And I could maybe return the favor?"

As much as you wanted this, whatever this could entail, doubt ran through your mind. "I don't know." You frowned. "I want to, but I'm...not that far in my transition. I've had top surgery, but not..." you looked down, fixating on the button on the fly of your jeans. "I'm not exactly handjob ready yet."

Peter snickered, and though your heart sank for a moment, he quickly shook his head. "Sorry, I wasn't laughing to be malicious. You're just blunt—but I like that. And as for that, I really don't mind—I'm up for anything. If I could choose what to do, though..." he trailed off, his cheeks flushing in the dim light.

"If you could choose," you echoed uncertainly. "What—what did you have in mind?"

"I, uh..." Peter shrugged, trying to play off some sort of nonchalance, though it clearly wasn't working. He had a hunger in his eyes that was undeniable. "I could suck you off...?"

You felt your whole body flush with heat at the thought, a vision forming in your mind. Peter on his knees, licking and sucking eagerly between your legs, looking up at you with beautiful, half-lidded brown eyes.

"I, uh," you swallowed, nodding. "Yeah, that's cool. That's cool."

Peter grinned, moving in to kiss over the previous litany of marks he made across your sensitive skin. "You're so cute..." he murmured into the crook of your neck, his nimble fingers unbuttoning your jeans.

"Hi pot, I'm kettle," you fired back, carding your fingers through his hair. You blushed immediately afterwards, chiding yourself on how odd and old that sounded.

Peter didn't seem to mind as he unzipped your jeans, pushing them down slowly. He leaned in and pressed a deep kiss to your lips, rubbing your outer thighs as he did so. Pulling away almost reluctantly, Peter moved down to his knees, gently nudging your legs a little further apart.

You complied, unable to help but feel a little exposed. Even so, you couldn't deny your excitement. Plus, something about Peter and his cute dorkiness made you feel safe.

"Hey, y/n?" Peter asked, gently and almost teasingly as he pulled down your boxer shorts.

You nodded, swallowing, hoping he didn't notice how wet with excitement you'd already gotten.

"Could you," Peter's voice was nervous, breathless. "Could you pull my hair while you fuck my mouth?" He let out a shaky breath, warm against your inner thigh. "Please..."

You nodded again, carding your fingers through Peter's hair as he finally, finally put his mouth to work. He licked and sucked your clit, his shyness melting away at the the way your breath hitched. Low moans escaped your lips as you pulled his hair, Peter responding with moans of his own. The vibrations spurred you on further, giving you the confidence and desperation to grind down against his lips and tongue.

"Peter—mm, fuck," you groaned, closing your eyes as your head tapped the wall. The sensation overwhelmed you in the best way, though you couldn't stay that way forever—you had to see more of Peter like this. You looked down at him, lost in his dark, lust-blown gaze.

"This is—hah—exactly where you belong, isn't it?" You mused. "On your knees, so desperate to get me off..." you rolled your hips, letting out a shaky breath as Peter pinned your hips to the wall. He then moved a hand to your lower thighs, squeezing hard enough to bruise.

Curious despite the haze of pleasure, you looked down at Peter, at where his other hand could possibly be. It only took you a moment to notice, and once you did, you felt pushed even closer to the edge.

"Fuck, Peter, are you jacking off while you—" your back arched, and you whined, your stomach coiling with a fast approaching orgasm.

Peter pulled away, effectively pulling you away from the edge for a moment. "Can—can I?" He asked, giving puppy dog eyes whether he knew it or not. His lips appeared shining in the dim light. Despite asking for forgiveness instead of permission, he didn't appear to be in a rush to stop. "Please let me, I need it..."

You nodded, tugging Peter's hair, relishing the moan from his lips. Flashing you a relieved, charming smile, Peter continued to work his magic on your clit. It didn't take him long to pull you to the edge once more.

"Good—good boy, Peter," you murmured. "God, 'm close, 'm so close, just..." you panted, the coiling in your stomach so intense and pleasurable it almost hurt. It was when you heard Peter whimper around you, a desperate sound that could have only been caused by his release, that you were pushed over the edge as well.

You came hard, grinding down on Peter's lips and tongue, chasing the sensation until every last drop of your high wore off. It was then that you pulled Peter away by his hair, trying to steady your breathing. You started to smile, covering it slightly with your free hand.

"Damn, Peter," you said softly. "Where'd you learn to do that?"

Peter seemed surprised, and he shrugged. "I don't have a lot of experience...guess my desperation paid off?" He grinned, wiping his mouth as he stood, pulling his sweatpants back up. "I'm sorry I, uh...took care of myself. I got too excited too early, I guess."

You shrugged to mirror his own. "That's okay...it was hot, really, you being that turned on by sucking me off." Your voice faltered as you slid your boxer shorts back up, your jeans following. "Um, if you ever wanna do this again, we could explore other stuff. Or we could just stick to, like, friend stuff if you want." Your voice was a little more hesitant on that part. "We could just stick to Legos, maybe."

Peter smiled crookedly, and it was in that moment you had a memory of him from before. You sat across the room from him in class, and he had this far away look in his eyes. When he caught you looking, he fixed you with that look, and you had looked away with a flushed face.

That felt like so long ago; it felt like yesterday.

And now, despite how little time the two of you had actually spent together, he seemed to have genuine affection in his gaze.

"We could do both," Peter settled. "Sounds like a dream come true, to be honest. Here, before I forget." He unlocked his phone, adding a new contact, and you gave him your number. He added your name with a smiley emoji, the type of which you tried not to ruminate on.

It was an odd feeling, how easily you two connected. It felt like kids talking about comic books—it felt like teens at the skating rink—it felt like a missed connection between two college students finally clicking into place.

And when Peter muttered one more before pulling you into a sweet and passionate kiss, you knew that this was far from the last moment you'd share with Peter.

[genderqueerdykes]

the election results have me feeling really bummed out as a closeted/pre-everything transmasc person. i feel like im grieving a version of myself that will never get to exist because im too scared

hey it's okay to feel this way, i'm sorry you're so scared right now

something i'd like everyone to keep in mind is that it's literally impossible for trump to change everything overnight. i hate our government but it has to fight with itself in order to function. individual states in the country are proposing some very questionable and unsafe bills, but it's not a reason to give up hope. there will always be states in our country like California who have and maintain strong enough trans protection laws that people will still have somewhere to go

change when it comes to government is gradual. it doesn't happen over night. that's how transphobes and republicans want you to feeel. they want you to give up, to become defeated and to never, ever try to transition. youre not wrong for feeling bummed, but do not give up on your transition because of them. that's what they want. fight like hell for your future. fight like hell for your comfort and identity

if anything now is the best time to get started. trump literally cannot do anything until January. and even then that's the motion of attempting to put bills and laws into action. attempting. there's no guarantee anything will be passed. reminder that we lived thru 4 years of trump before and barely anything happened. republicans are not as scary as we think they are. trump is a fascist yes but he can only do so much when it comes to bickering with the rest of the government

government moves slowly. change happens gradually. if you need help relocating to a safer place, feel free to ask. pursue transition now if you have the ability to. don't let some fascists get into your head and make you think it will literally be impossible. i promise it won't. they want you to get scared and feel like they're so powerful you can't do anything. fortunately the're not. you don't have to give up on your future. you don't have to give up on transition

take care of yourself, okay? it's okay to feel bummed but don't let them get too deep into your head. thats exactly what they want. they want all the trannies to detransition, go back into the closet, or never transition. and it's okay if people do this. but this is what they want. im going to continue being shamelessly trans. im going to continue being a tranny who looks acts and sounds queer. i know not every queer can do this. i know not every trans preson has that luxury

if you genuinely can't medically or socially transition it's alright. a lot of people just can't. it genuinely is very unsafe for many people. but i just want to stress that things will not become 1000x worse over night. you still have a chance. and there are people fighting for your right to transition right now. we will continue to fight harder. defeat is not an option- we will not let it be.

good luck, i hope you're able to feel better soon. take care of youreslf, no matter what you choose it's okay. but remember that change happens gradually. we will adapt

[forcemasculinisation]

I agree with the anon asking about T-dick. We need more content.

Imagine bumping into a girl one day who looks like she's trying to look like a guy but doing a poor job of it. She's got half a used tube of low dose T-cream, wears a jock and a packer and binds. It's the not quite short enough hair and voice that tips you off.

A perfect candidate to be forcemasced perhaps?

Trigger Warnings: Dubious consent.

I'd say shes already on her way to being easily manipulated, pretty malleable even. He just needs that extra push to know what's best for him.

Once you get to know her, she piles on excuses about her appearance. Her shaggy hair covers half her face, like she is insecure about her soft features. She swears she binds for some sort of personal preference, and takes T to help her gain an advantage in track. There's no point in justifying the silicone dick between her legs; but she still finds a way to try and convince you. It puts her in the right mindset - that's all.

You take stronger medication than her, enanthate injections, and you eventually coax out of her that she's curious about it. Says she's always been curious about upping her dose, but scared about the effects. You give her the illusion of consent by letting her know, casually, of some of the major changes she could see. Thicker and longer body hair. A much deeper voice. Coarser skin and less curves. You joke with her that an increased sex drive is another common effect, and his eyes subtly widen at that.

Soon enough, months of her straddling you as you push your needle into her skin go by. You're already starting to see major changes, and soon enough a man stands before you. His hair is still long, shoulder length by the time facial hair starts to show, but - seemingly on her own accord - he buzzes it off. She still seems uncomfortable with such sudden changes, as anyone would be, but it's your job to assure him that it's all fine. She'll still be straight if she presents this way, and straight guys love masculine girls (a sweet lie, of course, but how else will you pursuade him?).

It's fun to watch him flush as you call him a good man (a good boy, occasionally) for taking his shots so well. You get to introduce him as your mate, your boy to others, using he/him pronouns, and watch with pride as his protests of "I'm actually a girl" falter with every moment.

Social transition is the hardest. But he'll get there soon enough. He's your boy toy now.

[glowettee]

Hi Mindy!!! I hope you’re doing well, and I just wanted to say that I love your posts. Really well written and thought out!

I just wanted to ask.. can you create a guide for preparing to a completely new school which isn’t, like basic? Not in a mean way, but lots of the advice on the internet is generic.

For any extra info, I’ll be joining in the second semester, so there’s plenty of time to make long term changes. It’s also a private school, but I don’t know if that will make a difference.

Thank you in advance 💖 love you!

hi sweetness! @prettieinpink thank you for your adorable ask 🌸 i'm so happy to see this from you!!!!! i'd love to help you from personal experience, and things i documented being in private school. please make sure you look at the 10 secrets because they're super helpful and things i've personally used. i'm going to pour my heart into this comprehensive guide for you. transitioning to a new private school mid-year can feel overwhelming, but i've got you covered with everything you need to know! love youu <333

the ultimate guide to conquering your new private school journey: a glowettee exclusive

by mindy ♡ @glowettee

pre-arrival preparation (1-2 months before)

academic groundwork:

request detailed course syllabi from your future teachers

create a comprehensive academic portfolio of your previous work

research the school's grading system and academic expectations

familiarize yourself with any specialized learning platforms

set up digital organization systems (i use notion + google calendar + xTiles)

purchase textbooks early and start preliminary reading

research the school's academic support resources

understand the homework and assignment submission policies

social preparation:

create a private social media presence specifically for school

research student organizations and clubs that accept mid-year members

join class-specific group chats or discussion boards

study the school's social media presence to understand culture

prepare conversation starters based on school activities

research any school traditions or special events

understand the social hierarchy (yes, private schools have these!)

identify potential mentor opportunities or buddy systems

practical essentials:

develop a morning routine that starts 30 minutes earlier than needed

create a capsule wardrobe that aligns with dress code

invest in high-quality school supplies that last

organize your study space at home

set up a dedicated homework station

create emergency supply kits for your locker and bag

establish a meal prep system for lunch and snacks

plan transportation routes and backup options

digital organization:

set up a comprehensive notion dashboard (i'll share my template soon!)

create specific folders for each subject in google drive

download all necessary academic apps

set up a digital calendar with color coding

create assignment tracking spreadsheets

establish a backup system for important documents

organize email folders for school communication

set up notification systems for important deadlines

mental and emotional preparation:

start journaling about your goals and fears

establish healthy boundaries for social interactions

create a stress management toolkit

develop positive self-talk mantras

plan regular self-care activities

identify potential support systems

create a growth mindset framework

establish regular check-in times with parents/guardians

first week survival guide:

day one essentials:

arrive 30 minutes early

bring extra supplies

wear something comfortable but polished

pack emergency essentials

keep your schedule easily accessible

bring a small notebook for important information

have your introduction speech ready

prepare questions for teachers and peers

social navigation:

observe before participating

sit in different locations to meet various groups

join lunch conversations naturally

show interest in others' experiences

take notes on names and interests

identify potential study partners

respect existing social dynamics

be authentically yourself while observing school culture

long-term success strategies:

academic excellence:

create weekly study schedules

establish relationships with teachers early

join or create study groups

maintain detailed notes from day one

schedule regular review sessions

utilize teacher office hours

keep a detailed assignment tracker

create subject-specific study guides

social integration:

participate in school events

volunteer for school activities

join at least one club or team

attend school sports events

participate in school traditions

create study groups

organize small social gatherings

maintain connections with existing friends

personal growth:

set monthly academic and social goals

maintain a gratitude journal

create a personal development plan

establish healthy stress management techniques

develop time management skills

build positive relationships with staff

create a balance between academics and social life

regularly evaluate and adjust your strategies

pro tips from my experience:

keep a spare set of supplies in your locker

create a school-specific emergency kit

maintain a digital photo of your schedule

establish a homework routine from day one

create a support network outside of school

document your journey through photos or journals

maintain open communication with teachers

celebrate small victories and progress

10 secret tips that transformed my private school journey ♡

the bathroom rule always scout out the least-used bathrooms in your first week, but don't just look for any quiet bathroom - look for one that's strategically located between your most stressful classes. trust me on this - i found my favorite quiet bathroom on the third floor of the science building, and it became my secret sanctuary for quick meditation breaks, makeup touch-ups, or just moments of peace between classes. the lighting there was immaculate for those confidence-boosting mirror talks, and it was far enough from the main hallways that you could actually hear yourself think. i even started keeping a small essential oil roller in my bag to make these mini-breaks feel more spa-like. this space became my personal reset button during hectic days, especially during exam seasons or when social dynamics felt overwhelming.

teacher connection hack bring a small notebook specifically for writing down personal details teachers mention (their favorite books, coffee preferences, hobbies, their children's names, or even their pets). this isn't about being a teacher's pet - it's about building genuine human connections. i started bringing my teacher's favorite starbucks drink on presentation days, remembering to ask about their weekend plans they mentioned, or sharing articles related to their interests. not only did it make their day, but it also showed i paid attention to details. these small gestures created authentic relationships that made a huge difference during finals week, college recommendation season, and even when i needed extensions during tough times. remember, teachers are people first, and when they see you acknowledging their humanity, they're more likely to understand yours.

social currency secret keep a small emergency kit with hair ties, bobby pins, bandaids, mints, tampons/pads, tide-to-go pens, pain relievers (if allowed), small sewing kit, clear nail polish for tights runs, double-sided tape, and even a phone charger in your locker. nothing creates instant friendships like being the person everyone knows they can count on for emergency supplies. i actually met my best friend because i had a spare hair tie when she desperately needed one before her presentation, and that simple moment turned into a three-hour conversation after school. this kit isn't just about having supplies - it's about being the person who thinks ahead and cares enough to help others. i started keeping track of what people borrowed most often and would stock up accordingly. it's like having your own little convenience store of kindness.

the popularity paradox here's something no one tells you - in private schools, being overly eager to be popular actually makes you less popular. the social hierarchy in private schools is often more subtle and complex than in public schools. i learned to focus on being genuinely interested in others instead of trying to fit in, asking thoughtful questions about their interests, and remembering small details about their lives. surprisingly, the moment i stopped trying to be part of the "it" crowd was when people started naturally gravitating towards me. i focused on developing my own interests and passions, which made me more interesting to others. the key is to be confidently authentic rather than strategically social. this approach not only helped me build real friendships but also protected me from the exhausting game of trying to maintain a carefully crafted social image.

the uniform advantage even with strict uniform rules, there are always creative ways to stand out while staying within the guidelines. i invested in high-quality accessories that complied with dress code but made my uniform look more polished - pearl earrings, delicate necklaces, classic watches, and subtle hair accessories. these small details helped me feel more put together and confident. but it's not just about the accessories - it's about how you wear the uniform itself. i learned that having my shirts professionally pressed, skirts properly hemmed, and shoes well-maintained made a huge difference in how put-together i looked. i also kept a small steamer in my locker for emergency touch-ups. this attention to detail showed respect for the school's traditions while allowing my personal style to shine through in acceptable ways.

the lunch table strategy don't commit to one lunch table for at least two weeks, and be strategic about your rotation schedule. i created a subtle system where i would sit with different groups each day, making mental notes about the dynamics, interests, and personalities at each table. i rotated between different groups, which helped me understand the social dynamics better and prevented me from being boxed into one clique too early. pay attention to how each group interacts - some tables are for studying, others for gossip, and some for genuine conversations. i kept a small note in my phone about each group's interests so i could contribute meaningfully to conversations. this strategy gave me the freedom to form genuine connections across different social circles and ultimately helped me choose where i truly felt comfortable. by the third week, i had a clear understanding of where i naturally fit in, rather than where i thought i should be.

the academic alliance create study guides and share them with classmates before they ask, but make it systematic and sustainable. i started a google drive folder with my notes and study guides, organized by subject and topic, with clear summaries and practice questions. it naturally evolved into a collaborative study group where everyone contributed their strengths. i became known as someone who not only shared resources but also helped others understand how to create their own study materials. this approach created a reciprocal learning environment where everyone felt comfortable asking for and offering help. i even created templates for different types of assignments that we could all use, which saved everyone time and helped maintain consistent quality in our work.

the extracurricular edge join at least one unexpected club that's not typically "popular," but don't just join - become actively involved in ways that showcase your unique talents. i joined the astronomy club despite it being small, and instead of just attending meetings, i started organizing stargazing events and creating instagram-worthy posts about our activities. this not only helped grow the club but also showed others that you can make any activity exciting if you're passionate about it. the unexpected benefit was meeting people who shared my genuine interests rather than just social aspirations. these authentic connections often lead to the most meaningful friendships and impressive college application stories.

the social media strategy create a finsta (private instagram) specifically for close school friends, but treat it as a carefully curated space rather than just another social media account. wait at least a month before adding anyone - this gives you time to understand the social dynamics and ensure you're connecting with the right people. i used my finsta to share study tips, funny school moments, and support for others' achievements. it became a safe space for sharing real moments with trusted friends, away from the pressure of maintaining a perfect image on main accounts. i also used it to organize study groups and share helpful resources, making it both social and practical.

the legacy link learn about your school's history and traditions from older students, but go beyond just knowing the basics. i spent time talking to seniors, alumni, and even teachers about the school's evolution over the years. understanding why certain traditions started, knowing the stories behind school legends, and learning about notable alumni helped me feel more connected to the school community. i created a digital notebook of these stories, which became a valuable resource for other new students. this knowledge made me feel like part of something bigger than just my current school year and helped me appreciate the school's culture on a deeper level.

personal advice from my heart to yours:

sweetness, i want you to know that the first few months at a new private school can feel like you're learning a new language - everyone seems to know the words and customs except you. i remember feeling so out of place during my first semester, constantly second-guessing myself and wondering if i was "doing it right." that feeling of being an outsider would hit me hardest during school traditions or inside jokes that everyone else seemed to understand instinctively. i spent countless nights journaling about feeling like i was watching my school life through a window, wondering when i would finally feel like i belonged. but here's what i learned: that feeling of being an outsider is actually your superpower. you have fresh eyes to see things differently, and that perspective is valuable. you notice things that others have become blind to, and you bring new energy to old traditions. your unique viewpoint can actually help breathe new life into established social circles and activities.

the most important thing i wish someone had told me is that it's okay to take your time finding your place. private schools often have students who've been together since kindergarten, and it can feel impossible to break into those established circles. but here's the truth - while everyone else is trying to maintain their image and social position, you have the freedom to be authentically yourself from day one. you don't have to carry the weight of years of expectations or predetermined roles. focus on building genuine connections rather than strategic ones. keep your grades up, but don't let academic pressure steal your joy. document your journey - take photos, keep a journal, save little mementos. these will become precious reminders of your growth. remember that every single person who seems perfectly adjusted now once stood exactly where you are, feeling exactly what you're feeling. and most importantly, remember that the version of you that walks into that school on day one isn't the same version that will emerge at the end of the year - and that's exactly how it should be. you're not just adapting to a new school; you're growing into a newer, stronger version of yourself. embrace this transformation with open arms.

sending you the warmest hugs and all my support! feel free to message me anytime for more specific advice or just to chat about your journey 🤍

mindy x

p.s. would you loves be interested in detailed posts about my notion templates and organization systems? let me know in the reblogs/replies!

[sweettransformationprincess]

How are the trans in the Russian Federation going now? You may have questions about how a trans girl from Russia can make the transition. The answer is simple. Illegal. In the Russian Federation, it is forbidden to pass through the trans-crossing. Previously, the possibility of transgender transition was fixed by the USSR Circular back in 1926 (yes, I'm shocked). LGBT propaganda is also prohibited in the Russian Federation, and it includes the usual public recognition that you are queer or that queers are the norm. In fact, I heard a case where they came to a lesbian's apartment for a pride flag in their apartment, which they saw from the street through the window. A smiley face with a trans flag in the comments will also be considered propaganda. I'm not going to talk about what they'll do to you in prison, what the police will do to you… Also keep in mind that being queer in the Russian Federation means officially belonging to an extremist movement (yes). But I felt really bad. I opened up deep in childhood, and I began to persuade my mother about the trans transition at the age of 12. My mom was doubtful, but after reading what was happening to me, she started looking for a doctor for me. I was diagnosed with ICD-10 transsexuality at the age of 13, and was told that I would be allowed to undergo hormone therapy after the age of 18. I cried and worried a lot, because very soon the changes in my body were going to come and I would turn into a monster (let's not be offended, boys, that's how I felt). For a whole year, the tests showed very terrible results about my condition, and the therapist understood that simple persuasions would not do without waiting. It's illegal, but then I started trans-transitioning at the age of 14. The hormones were supposed to be prescribed to the mother, but they were designed for me. Yes, it's all expensive and dangerous. My mother was looking for trans-positive doctors through social media, and every three months we have to travel to a big city in another area for several appointments with doctors to prescribe new hormones and check my health, see a psychologist, psychotherapist, and psychiatrist. It's terribly difficult and scary. But what could be scarier than being tortured in someone else's body? Yes, I'm tired of living like this, but it's the best thing that's happened in my life. I got a girlhood. I'll just try to go to South Korea or a European city, maybe the United States (but Donald Trump scares me, I'm sorry for you, sisters) when I can. I feel the danger of sitting on social networks for transgender people in Russian, as they can be attacked by all sorts of wild right-wingers (we recall the laws of the Russian Federation and it becomes a bomb). That's why I'm glad that I have access to the English-speaking side of the Internet. (/▽＼*)｡o○♡ I'm trying to work on something right now. I hope you like my work, I plan to use it to make a social transition, since almost all the extra money goes to my health.(˘∀˘)/(μ‿μ) ❤ I'm sending out beams of support ♡( ◡‿◡ )

[sassysnakedemon]

Sorry - it's been a while

So, I've been missing for a while. I had to take a break from socials of all kinds (although, tbh, I really only have tumblr and Ao3). There's been a lot of stuff happening. Trump getting re-elected was just the first brick in the wall (enjoy the Pink Floyd reference, if you like). I've been going through deep clinical depression, which is not unusual for me, but a real stop sign for social activity. I can cope, but only with a very basic amount of social activity, which includes 'real' relationships only, as those make my paycheck come through, where social media relationships do not put ramen on my table.

This sounds bleak, but on the plus side, prioritizing my real world activities has netted me a side gig that pays a hundo an hour for teaching the elderly to play the ukulele. That sounds like a joke, but it really isn't! And it's uniquely fun!!

I've also had to divest all of my investments that were made in the US, and transfer the funds to my bank up here in Canada - that took several days, and I was making sure to make it happen before the Inauguration took place. Luckily, I was able to make that happen, but I have a bunch of work to do now to make sure I can make some good investments in Canada instead. I would surely love to invest so properly that I actually become wealthy, and then I can start giving back in a really big way to the various communities that I so desperately want to support. But that's kinda first world problems, so I understand if you don't care about that! (I mean, my real dream is to become like Michael Sheen and just give up everything to help the people around me, and only keep that which I really need to live - unfortunately, with inflation and everything, what I have now is barely what I need to live for the next couple of years - and again, first world problems, but I have some plans - that don't include crypto - that might actually make it possible for me to turn what little I have into something big that could actually be life changing for the world around me)

On a far more personal note, I've finally made the decision (at the ripe old age of almost 48) to finally transition to male. I wanted to, like 30 years ago, but the LGB community was really unfair to trans people back then, so I spent the last almost 30 years trying so hard to be femme, when that's not what I am. I'm going for top surgery, as soon as I can lose enough weight to make it look good (I'm not enough overweight to have a problem with surgery, but enough that I wouldn't be happy with the results), and then we're on the road. If anyone wonders, my name now is Ezra - partly a cultural thing, and partly a Good Omens fan thing (if you know, you know), and I've gotten approval from everyone - friends, mother (and that was the hardest one, friends were all like 'yeah, we knew', but mom is a bit difficult) and best of all, my husband, who said 'I'm not much of a boob man anyway' in answer to my revelation. He also said that he couldn't live without me, no matter who, or what I was. That's something special right there! The plus is that I would be a gay man after transition anyway - never been really attracted to women in the first place, just didn't want to be one. So, I'm still wildly attracted to my husband of 20 years (this year in November - on Guy Fawkes Day, no less), but now I'm coming at the attraction as the man I've always been, rather than the woman I've been cosplaying for way too long. That's something, and it's been a big thing eating at my mind and soul for a long time. It's been keeping me from being completely open with everyone, and I apologize for that. But I had to wrestle with this particular demon one last time before I could rejoin the world.

I've also had walking pneumonia for the last month and a half, which does NOT make it easy to do anything, so I've been avoiding anything which isn't strictly necessary to do. I'm starting to recover though, so I will try harder now to rejoin 'all y'all', to make an appropriate Texasism, as I lived there for enough time to pick up the local jargon.

Suffice it to say that I will try harder to be a better friend to the friends I've made here, but give me a minute - I'm still finding my feet. And I've had a bit of trouble with the GO fandom, as I am finding it hard right now to hyper-focus on it when I've got so much else going on.

Can I say that the world sucks right now? Can I say to all of my friends here, and all of the friends that I'm yet to make, that I feel you, and will protect you? I am really feeling a sort of way, and it's hard to deal with. I wish the troubles were over, and that we could all sing together in fields of green - that we could love each other, even when we don't always agree. I would give anything, including the blood in my veins, for that future.

Sorry for the ramble - meds are partly to blame, but so is my depression - and my planning for a future I cannot see. I want to be engaged, but I'm finding it difficult. I want to be present for you, but that may not always be possible. I'm trying though, and I haven't forgotten any of the friendships I've made here - I'm just trying to be a better version of me before I come back and interact with everyone again!

@missunderstoodlyrics, @naturallyteal, @isiaiowin, @ilikeblue, @inezrable, @copperplatebeech,@phoen1xr0se, @di-42

[maleswillbemale]

The way that TRAs interpret gender oppression is so conflicting and unstable that it is mostly the reason why I peaked. TIFs have male privilege as soon as they start using he/him pronouns - it doesn't matter if she's on testosterone or physically transitioning yet or not, if you say you are a man you are and therefore you have somehow gained a systemic power over women, ESPECIALLY trans women.

A trans woman doesn't have to do anything to transition to be the most oppressed gender in society. He could look genuinely 100% like any other male without the slightest change, if he decides tomorrow to say online "Actually my name is Veronica and I'm a woman", that's it. It doesn't matter if everyone in his physical real life sees him as a male. He still gets promotions at work, he can still navigate the world safer than a female has to because every other man around him sees him as just another man.

He can still go online and speak over women experiencing misogyny. He can speak over TIFs, who grew up socialized as young girls and experienced genuine misogyny all of their lives - doesn't matter, he is a woman now and they're not and therefore he has it the worst.

A TIF has to be very careful to discuss the misogyny she still faces in her life. If she doesn't 100% "pass" as a male and experiences misogyny in her life, she can't have a genuine discussion about it. Saying she's experiencing misogyny because she's "AFAB" is transmisogynist, it implies trans women have privilege. She can't say it's because she's female for the same reasons obviously. She can't say it's misogyny because she's a man now...but if she decides to say tomorrow that she's actually a woman again, then what she experiences is misogyny again.

It's a very confusing ideology. TRAs won't allow trans men to discuss experiencing a patriarchal world because if they do it rips off the mask hiding the fact that there another side to this coin: the "love your sisters, not your cisters!" crowd. The males who get boners for wearing dresses and hearing his friends call him a she on Discord would have to address the privilege they are born into, and that's simply too much to ask of them.

[manytoonepoet]

"It's a Rainbow of Secrets..."

Cielomort's Sacrifice told in Willmesh's perspective.

~~~

(GUESS WHO'S BACK AFTER A LOOOONG BREAK FROM ANY KIND OF SOCIAL MEDIA.) I am so glad to be back and I can guarantee you lots of quality theories and analyses that will soon follow. I'm particularly excited about the Bouquet of Wishes Theory... I have a lot of thoughts about that song. I really do hope you guys will end up liking it as much as I do. Anywayss, enjoy!!)

(Date Started: July 2024. Date Ended: January 2025)

1.) Visuals.

Around 0:36, we see the way Willmesh, in full color, sat within the grayscaled background. Now, this could mean one of two things: 1.) This reflects how Willmesh feels, who has kept an entire world of emotions within him, reminiscent of colors, sees the world around him gray in comparison to what he feels. Remember, he is described as a highly observant person of his surroundings and has a certain ability to grasp the essence of things, here, the essence being shown through color. And 2.) This represents the world of Fragaria and the concept of memories in this new timeline. Without those memories, this new timeline have lost the true essence of Fragaria, leaving the world grey all around, the only ones in color are the ones who "remember".

0:44 –> 0:53 and 2:20 –> 2:28 may relate to what I've written for Your Melody where basically the knights are fixated on this illusion of a "perfectly peaceful" life that was created by the SEEDS to cover up the truth, and why Merold and Ciel's attempts at "protecting" the ones who are dear to them failed in the long run because their means of defense is no different from the SEEDS' means to attack; to cover up the truth and cover everyone in a veil of ignorance.

From 0:54 –> 1:03 and 2:29 –> 2:35, this relates to my best friend's insights in my Blue Bouquet post (A Bittersweet Love.) where basically she said that "everyone has a feeling of those memories being there, despite not being fully aware of it." how "no matter what happens, it will find a way to override reality for a sense of balance." — @c h a m a l a m.

She related this to the line from "Key My Notes" where Kurode sang: "It may be full of absurdities and even riddled with bugs, however I still love this world so much." Despite the flawed and fragmented the world of Fragaria is, they will always be drawn to wanting these memories back, to want the truth.

But as said, they aren't quite aware of it yet, which explains why the timestamps I've pointed, why the characters are blurry in those scenes. Their memories, the truth, have yet to be clear to them, but in comparison to... let's say, Ever Red — where their memories are shown briefly in-between glitchy transitions, I can say they're getting closer and closer to the truth. Which means... the SEEDS will strive harder to be tougher to beat.

1:04 is most probably a tie to Aozura, a nod to how the sky is meant to symbolize the bad memories of the past. To "Cut out the gotten clouds and blue sky... for they are the footprints of this waving memory, this memory of the blue sky," means to shut those bad memories and emotions away to make room for better ones. The rainbow is an interesting detail as well, accompanied with what looks to be letters ascending. This, I believe, is their symbol of hope. Going back to Aozora we were greeted the sight of books, with Ciel's book specifically opening up to reveal the fluttering pages in the colors of the rainbow.

This scene is something I'd like to tie to Ciel's sacrifice, the presence of books symbolizing Willmesh's involvement with Ciel's sacrifice. Or at least, what he did in preparation to initiate the said sacrifice. (Which is something I've talked about in my poem "The Genius of a Novelist," and my theory "May My Body Carry Time and Unwanted Emotions." (Cielomort Vessel Theory)").

↓

Given Willmesh's unique ability to grasp the essence of things, and that he's Ciel's childhood friend, his involvement may not also be expected, but also needed.

1:04 → 1:35 and 2:49 shows the imagery of a rainy/stormy sky which was followed by colorful scenes. For the prior timestamp, the faint show of rain was still seen overlaying these scenes, only to be flown by, by doves and pieces of paper, I believe.

As I've mentioned before, the SEEDS utilizes their Illusory abilities to become the knights' fixation to overpower them and the world of Fragaria, and this mv is no different. Here, the rain represents the SEEDS and Willmesh's fixation. It is known that Willmesh is quite the shy and elusive individual who struggles in expressing his emotions, assuming that his struggle is an insecurity of his, we can say that, as the SEEDS made sure to have him fixate on the struggle, this will allow them to easily overpower what truly matters to him, therefore making it easier to, let's say, corrupt him.

But like the SEEDS, the knights also represent something within these mvs. And here, they come in the form of the doves, or maybe even the letters or the rainbow since all of them represents hope, but I believe the rainbow is most fitting, for this song is basically "There's always a rainbow after the rain," kind of song.

Though the difference between the two timestamps is that, the timestamp prior still shows the faint show of rain, whereas the latter one was gone in almost an instant – This may show Willmesh's hesitance, uncertainty, but, in time, it shows his acceptance, his perseverance, his want for what's right and true.

That's why in 3:05, we see this scene where it holds the words "Willmesh is the FRAGARIA of Wish me mell." He has finally owned up to his title, finally opening up and faced the storm of his fears, no longer hiding behind the shadows, or under his hood.

In this music video, he learned about how to express his emotions through his letters, through his writing...

2.) Soundtrack

a. Instrumentals.

The thing I enjoyed the most about this song sounded is the juxtaposition between how Willmesh is feeling, in comparison to how the outside world is. This is most noticably shown in the intro, where we begin with Willmesh singing in a softer, slower pace which then is followed by Louter and Myunna's brighter, faster tone, as well as the more joyous music.

For 0:19 though, I'm quite torn between footsteps and the sound of writing on a board with chalk. If it were the former, then it would imply a companion approaching Willmesh to.. let's say support him, or just help him in general. (Fragaria seemingly has this buddy system of sorts).

The shift in pace within the instrumentals may imply the urgency of the situation and they need to act fast, else the world of Fragaria will fall.

3.) Lyrics.

"To whom he wished to admit his first thoughts.

Dear, you who I think of the bright dawn.

Tell me a name of a flower.

Compose a poem you like, and show me."

Here specifically the line: "Compose a poem you like and show me." I thought of how this would be if someone I care about would ask me of that, I would think that I was in a place where basically I have become detached from myself in a way that I'm close to giving up on everything, let's just say I'm not in the right place nor in the right condition to speak about such. And since, you know, as a poet, my tends tends to gravitate towards my feelings and I tend to be more comfortable in expressing those feelings in poem-form because for me, seeing my work, despite it coming from a bad place, it makes the situation a lot better and easier to bear.

"It will surely reach me this way.

I want to greet the sunrise with you.

"Become an unforgettable sky."

This aligns with what I said moments prior, the first line referring to his feelings being shared through his stories as a novelist, the last two referring to hope and memories. With sunrise representing a new day this another chance to bring change – therefore hope. While to "become an unforgettable sky" means to be an everlasting memory as refered in the line of the song "Aozura no Memory".

"The root of the sprout's heart is terribly delicate.

The sound of emotions floating in the silence."

"Wherever you are, even if it's far away."

"If you believe me, we'll reach an understanding."

"Because you're more important to me than anything. I don't think about anyone but you."

"It's a rainbow of secrets."

A lot to talk about here... the first line refers to the intensity of Willmesh's emotions and how it's taking a toll on his body and mind, though he is inept in expressing his emotions, the "sound of emotions floating in silence" is what's happening to him. The next line still related to the previous line: "It will surely reach me this way," though this line here is more of a reassurance rather than a confirmation like the former.

The line "If you believe me, we'll reach an understanding," may relate to the line from Your Melody where they sang "Just listen to them carefully, don't get flustered now," mainly because of how they used "believe" and "listen" in a way where it feels like the two people talking to each other has a genuine, yet equally complicated connection, and who, despite the complications, genuinely wants to be there for each other, to provide support and comfort each other.

Another lines that connect with each other are: "Because you're more important to me than anything. I don't think about anyone but you," and "Even with their fragile heart, above all else, you are my dearest (Tell me, tell me why)." This also relates to what I've said earlier about the connection.

The final line may refer to the things I've talked about in my post about Aozora and Key My Notes, as well as the second episode of Red Bouquet. I would like to add how the usage of "rainbow of secrets" may imply how the colors of the rainbow is not only reminiscent of secrets, but also emotions, a range of emotions to be specific – with red being the strongest of them all.

"Don't look down, beloved seven colors.

Why are your tears so clear?

Like the dusk blotting out the sun.

Like the ever weeping sky.

If only I could light a color in my heart.

Without rain, there won't be a rainbow.

If so, then what are these feelings?

What bridges the gap without a hint of sadness is a heart full of love."

The first two lines may relate to what I've written for the line "It's a rainbow of secrets." Though here, it's shown how even with those "seven colors", Willmesh's tears are still clear, muth to others' confusion because "clear tears" doesn't convey that much. But it makes sense when you take into account how a rainbow appears after white light is being shot through a prism – These emotions appear after the Knight's innocence and want to serve their lord and kingdom is being challenged, in a way.

The next lines may represent the SEEDS, basically in writing (I'd assume it's related to writing since it's quite prominent in the mv and Willmesh is a novelist.), blotting means to cover writing or pictures with ink or paint so that they cannot e seen. What I believe is being shown in these lines is, to blot the sun, means the SEEDS, basically, in writing (I'd assume it's related to writing since it's quite prominent in the mv and Willmesh is a novelist), blotting means to cover writing or pictures with ink or paint so that they cannot be seen. What I believe is being shown in these lines is, to blot the sun means the SEEDS are trying to cover certain things up just to keep them away from the knights. And to be quite honest, I think this is why certain things from kingdoms went missing - they're being "covered up" as to not be seen - a metaphor for the SEEDS making things disappear.

Other than that, I also think this is a tie to Hallritt, especially with what has been revealed in Ever Red, and how he is described in his wiki: "The Proud Sun that Connects the Future", and what Merold said in episode 2, part 1: "The very embodiment of the world of Fragaria" and how he is an "Exceptional Soul".

In Ever Red, the sun is being compared to the very thing that guides the knights to the right path, and for the SEEDS to cover it up, they will be led astray and end up in pain or even corrupted "Like the ever weeping sky."

"If only I could light a color in my heart." is quite similar to "If only I become accustomed to the perfect sound that makes one happy." not because of the way it was written, but rather in the way it conveys their wishes. Both of them wished for this certain thing that they lacked but happened to be quite important in terms of protecting the things they hold dear, yet along with that, they ended up degrading and belittling themselves as well. But instead of staying down, they use this as a means of motivation, to drive them forward and then help themselves to be able to reach those said things that they longed for.

For the last three lines, I'd say this involves yet another question relating to the validity and the worthiness of being able to feel these intense emotions with the "lack of pain" he has. To be quite honest, other than theories and the limited information we were given - which involves the little thing we got about Willmesh's intentions, and the orders he was given by his lord - we still don't know much about him.

I'd say that the "lack of pain" he's feeling comes from the fact that even though he's doing all of this for his lord's happiness like the rest of the knights, the only thing he's doing is basically just following orders, unlike the other knights who are doing these out of free will, not merely following like a pawn. (Meaning, instead of doing it themselves without needing orders from the lord, Willmesh is just depending on his lord's words.)

But even with the lack of sadness, he's still filled with so much love.

"Gather up the words that spilled over (Scratch them off)." Write them down before they get blurry (Write it down). So that I could leave behind just a little bit of my feelings." "I don't know if this fleeting nature is something I can understand. It makes you wish for an eternity in writing. "I wanted to see the scenery passing by together." "I wanted to capture it's unchanging beauty." "Such contradictions make the present more irreplaceable.""

(The first three lines will be discussed in the next segment,) All of these just really relate to memories. The fleeting nature of the present is not enough to convey everything and the sheer depth of it, it's confusing, overwhelming, only wanting what you can't have but desperately need - time. This is why you would want to wish for an eternity in writing just so you'd be able to express everything you need.

This is why one would want to see the scenery together as well, so they would be able to hold onto those memories when they part - "to capture its unchanging beauty" = to forever remember such. And the usage of "contradictions" is quite fitting.

The present is fleeting, yet the beauty of that day is unchanging, it remains constant in memory despite the very obvious, ever-changing nature of the present.

"Dear, my beloved you. As long as you receive it, as long as you receive it. This small token of gratitude. No matter what, what I wanted to convey, what I wanted to convey. It isn't enough with just words. These thoughts I can't write about. Only faded letters would know."

These relate to the previous passages as well, with wanting forever despite the very obvious inability to have such.

What I want to relate to the last line, though, is the first three lines of the previous list of lyrics - These are particularly drawn to the past timeline itself, but more on their emotions from they were within that past timeline.

"Only faded letters would know." which is why they'd want to gather and write all the words down. Not to capture their feelings now, but the truth they once knew and felt back then.

"This letter to you becomes a bookmark. Every time I read it again, I get taken back to that day."

-> a relation to the line "Only faded letter would know" and the day when everything fell.

"Show me, beloved seven colors. These childish and naive emotions. A flowery smile in the spring and summer. The loneliness of autumn and winter. The warmth of the person who wants to be remembered."

This segment primarily the passage of time and how these "childish and naive" emotions would affect the understanding of the fleeting nature of time (as said in previous lyrics). The last line emphasizing "to be remembered" may be a tie to the line "I still remember", in Ever Red, meaning, the person who wants to be remembered would be Hallritt. But it could also be applied to Cielomort as well. By remembering him, they would no longer remember those times of horror, but the love he felt for the world of Fragaria that he was willing to sacrifice himself for everyone. Or maybe even the past knights, wanting to be remembered so the memories of the truth would be revealed.

"I hid the rainbow beyond the sky. I don't ever want anyone to find it. The rest of us hope to never cry. Overflowing with love. The rainbow that fills the dawn."

He hid the rainbow beyond the sky because he believed one should keep the things that are close, dear to them hidden. They wouldn't be found, therefore they would be safe. All for the sake of this overwhelming feeling called love.

Which is why the rest of them, the rainbow - the knights, will continue to hope and cry just so no one will ever cry. And instead, will be embraced by the symbol of tomorrow that fills the dawn.

(This took so long, I'm so sorry. I'm glad I could do some analysis with RARE and I'm Stitch Dot, and I hope the next song with lore won't take as long to make, haha.)

[ravenstargames]

✦ Lost in Limbo Devlog #10 | 04.01.24

And just like that, March is over! We are heading into a very busy April, but as nervous as we are about it, we are also pretty excited. This month has been full of newly accomplished goals, new challenges, and wonderful milestones! Let's jump into it, shall we?

<<There’s not much information about the figure that greets you in a mysterious occult shop. The only known thing is that they were the beginning of everything…and also the ending.>>

This month we finished the rework and the sprite of the first character you'll meet in the demo! They're as mysterious as they're charming, which makes them specially dangerous...

Also, we finished March with a boom! We opened a casting call to add some voiced lines and soundbites to the demo. We have received a lot of wonderful auditions, more than we expected! It has been overwhelming (in a good way) and so exciting to finally get to this stage of the demo's production! ; v ; Also, as always, Raquel has outdone herself with the artwork—just look at these two! 💜

Another background finished by our wonderful Airyn! 💜 This is one of my favorite ones (I'm afraid I'll say this about every background Airyn works on, but oh well), so now the only step left is to animate it! There's three backgrounds left (all of them in progress), so we hope this month we can make good progress on them!

Coding-wise, the script is almost fully coded. Almost. Ten pages left. Then, I'll start polishing everything—transitions, animations, sprites, some finishing touches on some screens...But honestly, seeing everything finally come together is quite moving. Being super positive, we'll start looking for beta testers at the end of the month for windows and mac. Sadly, I'm not sure if we'll be able to test mobile at the same time, but we'll see! I'm going to work so hard to achieve it!

We are soon starting the legal process to make Ravenstar Games official. We have been looking for information and professional advice these past months to make sure we do the whole process right, as it's a huge (and scary) leap for all of us. As you may or not remember, we started this as a passion project to be able to work the job of our dreams. Everything we have is either made by ourselves or paid with our personal savings, as only one of us has a steady job. It's terrifying to think we are going to do this, to invest what little we have in something we are passionate about but that could sadly not bear any fruit. Of course, we are staying positive and will work as hard as we have been working to make it happen, but doubts and fears arise every now and then! 💜

Also, our masterpost has been updated! Now it matches our itch.io page. There's more info I'd like to tweak here and there, but the important stuff (the premise, duh) has successfully been updated!

We have also started to think about the Kickstarter, as we are getting very very close to the demo release and we want to take as much advantage as possible of the momentum the release may give us. I don't dare to give a date yet, but we are very, very close ; v ;!!!

What a wonderful month! I'll never get tired of saying that. Everything is going great for us and the success of the casting call has given us the little confidence boost we were lacking. Well, at least when it comes to me—blame it on the OCD! As the director and the one who manages all social medias, I'm always worried of my performance, but the team has been there for me whenever I have doubted my abilities. I can only hope April proves to be as fantastic as March has!

Thank you as always for reading, for supporting us, for being there. It means the world to us. Take care, stay hydrated and healthy, and let's see each other next month! 💜

[study-with-aura]

Wednesday, May 28, 2025

My piano performance practical is complete! I am so grateful to be done with it. It went extremely well. I'll know my results in a month or so. Sometimes they're quick and other times it takes nearly two months to get them. If I get high enough marks, which I think I will given how the exam went, I can start ARCT preparation this upcoming academic year!

Tomorrow is the bridging ceremony for Girl Scouts. I will officially be an Ambassador after tomorrow. This upcoming year, I will also be highly focused on my Gold Award project. I already know what I'll be doing, but I still have to submit my proposal which I will do over the summer so I can start on it as soon as possible. My proposal title is: Voices, Books & Belonging: A Literacy and Dignity Project for the Unhoused in ______ ______. The goal is to collect personal life stories from willing unhoused participants and put together a book with a collection of the stories for the local library system. I also want to create literacy kits and a sort of book nook in the transitional housing spaces we have in our community using the literacy kits and other donated materials from local businesses and community members. I really wanted to focus on combining literature, history and social justice in the project, so this allows me to do that since story collection will engage in history, the literacy kit engages with literature and focusing on the unhoused population engages with social justice. Plus, the project helps the unhoused population indirectly by addressing stigma in the community and directly through the literacy kits and book nooks. I know that I want my timeline to be 18 months so I can work on it over the course of my last two years in Girl Scouts and not feel rushed given all of the other things I have going on throughout the year. I think that will set me up for success best instead of trying to finish in one year. It's a big project, so hopefully the full thing will get approved, but I also know they may want me to trim it down some. I have a lot of support in the community though from people at the church who do a lot of work already with the organizations I'm hoping to partner with and with my connections at the library and the Mission through my volunteer work.

I have Youth Group tonight, which I am excited to finally be able to attend again! Our church combined with two other churches for youth meetings, so I'm really excited to meet new people and make some new friends!

I hope everyone is having a lovely week!

[post-maester]

I am a trans girl. I have been for a long time. I wish I started my transition earlier when I first realized, but better late than never. I'm on HRT for 10 weeks exactly. Almost time for my 3-month follow-up with the doctor.

I'm coming out on Tumblr now because it hurts me so much to hold it in irl. Perfect opportunities pass for me to come out to my family and friends and it hurts, but I'm not ready for social change. My body doesn't match my brain yet and I need it to at least be closer than it is now to matching in order to come out. I need to be able to look at myself in the mirror and not cringe at the sight of myself. I need to be confident because nobody else will be for me. I need to be as happy outside in public as I am in the shower playing with my hair and discovering my new body for the first time.

I think it would help if I had more trans friends, people who could guide me and help me. People who could come over and do my makeup and help me try on nice outfits that I can be proud of. People I can be comfortable being myself around. I'm never myself unless I'm alone. Even with my boyfriend I'm a little reserved though I should try not to be, he's so sweet and supportive and as a trans man knows very well what I'm going through.

I hope very much that someday soon I can wear my favourite skirts outside my home, or feel pretty when I look in the mirror, or feel like I deserve the happiness I feel when my new breasts ache.

Maybe I'll be a little more talkative on the subject now that I've made my very own first post that isn't a reblog.

[oldiesstationlover11607]

HIII BFFF!!!🤗🤗 i hope u are well!!!

sorry for not being active 😣😣 a gal has been booked and BUSY. but hopefully i’ll have some more free time soon 🙏🙏

i was going to write something like this… howeverrrr i have a lot of ideas already & i think you can do a really good job with this!!!

but basically you can pick either josh or tyler & the reader is a pop rock kinda artist & tyler/josh have always admired her from afar. so they invite the reader to open for them on tour. there’s some romantic tension & reader plays a song dedicated to tyler/josh & the fans r all 😮😮😮

something like that!!!! you can do whatever with it, i think there’s a lot of directions you can take this:3

p.s how are you feeling abt getting a LIVE ALBUM… still in shock.

Smithereens - Tyler Joseph x Singer!Reader

Warnings: Nothing hehe

Word Count: 3648 - pretty sure this is officially the longest fic I've written and posted on here :)

A/N: OH MA GAWD THIS WAS FUN AF FREN... this is so freaking cute I can't even deal with it! I'm in massive shock at the fact we're getting a live album btw my show isn't even until November and things just keep getting better and better with the tour lol I can't believe we're getting some of the transitions like natn to hds like WHAT THE WOW oh and the possibility of hometown x slowtown (um slowtown on streaming???? Tyler the man u ur–and josh bc ily). I cannot wait. oh and heathens into next semester... I'm so excited bc the setlist is so good it's gonna rock and be on repeat forever. Anyways, enough rambling onto the amazing fic I am incredibly proud of! 😁

“What!” I barked into my phone, rubbing my eyes until my vision went from blurry to clear. It had been a crazy night before, staying up late partying with my friends before falling to sleep at 3am. What had woken me up was a series of buzzing noises from my phone, buzz after buzz after buzz until it started ringing. 

“Y/N? It’s Mary.” Shit. My manager. 

“Oh! Sorry! It was a hectic night,” I laughed, running a hand through my hair. 

Her laugh echoed through the speakers of my phone. “So I’ve heard. It’s all over social media.” I shook my head, knowing exactly who had posted what to their thousands of followers. 

“What’s up?” I asked, flopping down onto my perfectly plump pillows. 

“I’ve booked you a tour!” I could tell she was ecstatic, even more so that I was. We’d been hoping to book a tour for the last year and a half and finally we’d done it. It was hard trying to find bands or musicians who were open to having newer and alternative artists open for them–especially someone whose genre is somewhat all over the place. 

“What?” I shot up in bed, wide awake now, the sleepiness immediately replaced by a rush of excitement and nerves. “With who?”

Mary hesitated for a moment, letting the anticipation build. “Well... how do you feel about opening for Twenty One Pilots?”

My heart practically leapt out of my chest. Twenty One Pilots? As in Josh Dun and Tyler Joseph? I’d always admired them, like... from afar. Sure, we’d crossed paths a few times at festivals and award shows, but nothing like this. In fact, I wasn’t even sure if they’d heard of me before.

“You’re kidding,” I breathed out, my voice barely a whisper.

“Not at all,” she replied, her tone giddy with excitement for me. “They specifically asked for you. Apparently, Tyler’s been a big fan of your music for a while. This could be huge, Y/N.”

I could hardly process it. “Wait… they asked for me? Tyler listens to my music? Sorry WHAT?!” Tyler Joseph? A fan of my music? It felt unreal. “I—” I stammered, feeling overwhelmed. “When does it start?”

“Next month. But you’re going to need to rehearse like crazy to get ready.”

“I’ll be ready.” I hung up the phone and collapsed back onto the bed, staring at the ceiling in disbelief. I was going on tour with Twenty One Pilots. Tyler and Josh. The guys I had admired for years were now... going to be watching me from backstage? I felt a shiver of nervous energy run down my spine.

A few weeks later, rehearsals were in full swing, and I was gearing up for the first show. 

“Y/N! They’re here!” My friend Joseph had screeched running into the rehearsal space. “No way.” I covered my mouth to try and hide the growing psychotic smile on my face. I was going to pass out from excitement. This wasn’t happening. I turned to the entrance to see the two of them strutting in, shaking the hands and bumping the fists of crew members they both knew and didn’t know. My heart was pounding as I watched them walk in, every movement somehow both casual and magnetic. Josh, with his surprisingly natural brown hair and classic easy smile, waved at a few familiar faces, while Tyler, wearing his usual baseball cap and oversized hoodie, exuded that quiet intensity I’d always admired. They looked like they belonged, like they owned the room without even trying. And here I was, standing in the middle of the rehearsal space, trying not to lose my cool.

Joseph was practically vibrating with excitement beside me, nudging me with his elbow. “Dude, go say hi!” he whispered, eyes wide.

“I-I can’t. Look at them,” I replied, clenching my jaw through every world to hide my delusion.

I swallowed hard, my palms already sweaty. What was I supposed to say? Hey, I'm Y/N, a rando who's admired you from afar for years? Oh, and thanks for asking me to open for you on tour, no big deal.

Before I could overthink it any more, Tyler's eyes landed on me. My breath hitched as he gave me a nod and a small smile, his gaze lingering just long enough to make my pulse race. He elbowed Josh, who turned and followed his gaze.

“Oh man, it’s her!” Josh said, grinning as they walked over. Sorry, what? 

“Y/N, right?” Tyler said, his voice warm but somehow deeper in person.

I turned to look around the room as if trying to figure out if he was talking to me or not. “Uh… yeah?” I said, it came out more like a question than an answer. “Yeah, that's me,” I repeated, trying to sound casual even though my heart was doing backflips. “Thanks for, uh... asking me to open for you guys. It's an honor.”

Tyler exchanged a glance with Josh, something unspoken passing between them. “We’ve been following your music for a while now,” Tyler admitted, rubbing the back of his neck like he was just as unsure of what to say as I was. “You–You’re really talented.”

I blinked, trying to process the fact that Tyler Joseph just said that to me. “Thanks. That means a lot, really.”

“We’re stoked to have you on board,” Josh chimed in, flashing that friendly, easygoing smile. “I think the fans are gonna lose it when they see you perform.”

“Yeah,” Tyler added, his eyes meeting mine again. “It's gonna be a good tour.”

There was something in the way he said it, the weight behind his words, that made my skin tingle. I felt that spark again, the same one I’d felt from watching him in interviews and onstage, but this time it was real. Tangible. 

Over the next few days, I kept catching Tyler’s eyes during rehearsals, our conversations short but loaded with something unspoken. It was subtle—just the way his gaze lingered a little too long, or how his smile felt more personal when it was directed at me. I wasn’t sure if I was crazy–my immense crush on the multi-talented lead singer getting the best of me–or if he had noticed the same thing. The energy between us felt electric, charged with something we weren’t quite saying out loud.

One evening, after my home city show, I was sitting out on the stage–the venue completely empty. I was alone, staring out at the abandoned seats and floor, still able to feel the energy from less than a few hours ago. Letting out a deep sigh, I heard footsteps behind me. I turned to see Tyler standing there, hands in his hoodie pockets, his expression unreadable.

“Mind if I join you?” he asked softly.

I shook my head, patting the spot beside me. “Not at all.”

He sat down, close enough that I could feel the warmth radiating off him, the proximity making my heart race. We sat there in comfortable silence for a moment, the faint hum of the venue’s equipment the only sound. I could feel his eyes on me as I picked up my ukulele which was sitting next to me and started absentmindedly strumming a few chords.

“I didn’t get to say it earlier,” Tyler started, his voice quiet, like he wasn’t sure how much he wanted to reveal. “But… your performance today? It was incredible.”

I glanced over at him, biting back a smile. “I didn’t know you were watching.”

“I’m always watching,” he said, his gaze intense, sending a shiver down my spine.

I swallowed hard, trying to keep my cool, but it was impossible with the way he was looking at me. “I’m trying… I’m so worried that I’m gonna mess up and make a fool of myself in front of your fans.”

“You’re not and you won’t,” he said quickly, his eyes searching mine. “Far from it, actually. Last time I checked twitter they were talking about how much they love you.”

We fell into another heavy silence, the air between us thick with tension. My pulse was racing, and I felt like there were a million things I wanted to say, but none of them made sense in my head. Tyler shifted slightly, his knee brushing against mine, and even that small touch sent sparks through me.

“Is it weird,” I started slowly, my voice fragile, “that I feel like I’ve known you for longer than I have?” 

The question clearly caught him off guard. His breath hitched, but I forced myself to stay calm. “No, it’s not weird,” he said, glancing down at the floor. “I feel that way too.” Tyler smiled, a small, almost shy smile that made my heart flutter. 

“It’s just… I’ve been following your music for so long, and now that you’re here… I don’t know, it’s different.”

“Different how?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

I hesitated, his eyes flicking to my lips for just a second before I answered. “Better. Way better than I imagined.”

The air between us felt charged, like something was about to happen, but neither of us made the next move. I could feel the weight of his words settling into the space between us, making everything feel more real, more intense.

I had to break the tension before it swallowed me whole.

“Speaking of better,” I said, trying to lighten the mood but failing to mask the shakiness in my voice. “I was thinking of doing something special for tomorrow’s show.”

Tyler raised an eyebrow, curious. “What’s that?”

I glanced at him, feeling a rush of boldness as the idea solidified in my mind. “I was thinking… I’d cover one of your songs.”

His eyes widened, clearly surprised. “You’d cover one of our songs?”

“Yeah,” I said, biting my lip nervously.

Tyler blinked, taken aback, and for a moment I wondered if I’d gone too far. But then his expression softened, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

“Which song?” he smirked, laying back on the stage.

“Something off Trench, it’s not on your setlist if that’s what you’re worried about,” I laughed, joining him. 

“Why?” he asked, his voice low, like he already knew the answer but wanted to hear me say it.

I took a deep breath, feeling the weight of what I was about to admit. “Because it’s personal. And I’ve listened to your music for so long. It’s always been a dream of mine to get to perform one of your songs live.”

For a second, the world seemed to stop. Tyler’s smile faded, replaced by something deeper, something I couldn’t quite read. His eyes searched mine, and I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, waiting for his response.

“You… you’d really do that?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Yeah,” I said, my voice steady even though my nerves were all over the place. “I mean, if that’s okay with you.”

He didn’t say anything for a moment, just kept looking at me like he was trying to figure something out. Then, finally, he smiled—a real, genuine smile that made my breath catch.

“It’s more than okay,” he said softly. “I think it’s… perfect.”

The tension between us didn’t break; if anything, it intensified. But it was different now, like we’d crossed some invisible line, and there was no going back.

The next night, the arena was buzzing with energy. I could feel the excitement in the air as I took the stage, the fans screaming and cheering, completely unaware of the surprise I had in store.

After a few songs, I paused, taking a deep breath as I stepped up to the mic. The crowd quieted, waiting for what was next.

“How’re we doing tonight Seattle?” A roar of screams and cheers rang through the venue. “I’ve got a little surprise for you guys tonight," I said, my voice echoing through the speakers. “I’m going to do something I’ve never done before. I’m going to do a cover of a song that means so much to me. A song that a certain band didn’t put on their setlist this tour. Any guesses who I’m covering?” I laughed. 

The crowd erupted into cheers, and I smiled, glancing toward the side of the stage where Tyler stood, watching me. Our eyes met, and I felt that familiar spark, the unspoken connection between us stronger than ever. 

“You want to come up and play piano for this one Ty?” I asked, the crowd erupting in cheers. Tyler shook his head, hiding his face in his hands. “No? Oh come on, you know you want to. The sheet music’s up there…” I turned to the audience, “I haven’t told him what song I’m playing yet,” I laughed. “You sure you don’t wanna come play?” The fans started chanting for him to join me. 

“Tyler! Tyler! Tyler!” 

“Oh fine!” he shouted, his voice barely audible over the crowd. He climbed on stage and jogged over to the piano, shaking his head with an embarrassed smile. “You're really doing this, huh?” he teased as he adjusted the mic on the piano, sitting down with an exaggerated sigh. I walked over to him, turning the mic off for a second. 

I grinned lightly as the energy of the crowd buzzed in the air. “Oh, I am definitely doing this. And you’re gonna enjoy it.”

Tyler's hands hovered over the keys, clearly waiting for the cue. “Smithereens? Really?” he laughed and I nodded, proud of myself. Tyler turned the mic back on as I waltzed back to my spot. 

“Alright,” I said, glancing over at him. “This one’s for you Tyler.” 

The crowd went wild, their reaction so loud it almost drowned out my words. Tyler chuckled into the mic, shaking his head again in disbelief, but his fingers were already on the keys, playing the opening melody. The soft, familiar notes filled the arena, and my heart started racing again, but for a different reason this time. This was personal. Intimate. And Tyler was right there, playing along with me.

I began singing, my voice steady but carrying all the emotion I had for the moment. I looked over at Tyler as I sang the words, and he glanced up, meeting my gaze for just a heartbeat. There was something in his eyes—something deeper than just admiration, something almost vulnerable. My chest tightened as I sang the next line, the weight of the song suddenly feeling more significant, more real than ever. 

Tyler’s playing was flawless, but there was a hint of tension in his posture, like he was trying to keep something in check. I knew exactly how he felt; the energy between us was palpable, the tension from all those unspoken moments finally reaching a crescendo. The crowd sang along, but it was like they were in the background, as if this performance was happening in our own bubble. Just me and Tyler. 

Every word felt like it was meant for him, and I couldn’t stop myself from looking at him between the lyrics, feeling the connection spark every time our eyes met. When I hit the chorus, the crowd sang so loud I almost couldn’t hear myself. Tyler grinned, his fingers dancing over the keys, the music swelling around us, and for a second, I forgot we were even on stage. It was just him and me, sharing this raw, unfiltered moment. 

As the song came to a close, the final notes ringing out, I turned to face Tyler fully. His gaze was locked on mine, his expression unreadable but intense. The applause and cheers from the audience roared to life, but I barely heard them. Tyler stood up from the piano, slowly walking over to me, and without thinking, I pulled him into a tight hug. The crowd went wild again, their cheers reaching a fever pitch, but it was just background noise to the heartbeat pounding in my ears.

As Tyler wrapped his arms around me in a warm embrace, time seemed to stand still. The world outside faded into the background—the roar of the crowd turned into a distant hum as I buried my face in his shoulder, savoring the moment. His warmth enveloped me, grounding me in the excitement and emotion of what we had just shared.

When we finally pulled back, Tyler kept his hands on my shoulders, his gaze holding mine for just a moment longer than necessary. A shy, yet genuine smile played on his lips, and my heart fluttered. I could feel my cheeks heating up, but I couldn't look away from him.

“Thank you for that,” Tyler said, his voice low but filled with an intensity that made my heart race. “You were incredible.”

I nodded, still breathless. “I’m glad you liked it.”

“I didn’t just like it Y/N, it means more than just liking it,” he whispered into my ear. 

The energy in the venue surged as I turned to the audience, their cheers echoing through the air. With a grin, I stepped back to the mic, trying to compose myself. “Wow, thank you, Seattle! You guys have been amazing tonight!” The crowd roared, and I took a deep breath, adrenaline coursing through my veins.

“This is the end of my set, but stick around because the real show is about to start! Twenty One Pilots is up next!” I waved to the fans, their cheers drowning out my words. “Thank you all so much! I love you!”

As I stepped away from the mic, Tyler clapped a hand on my back, leading me off stage. The moment we were out of view from the audience, the energy shifted. Tyler turned to me, his expression more serious, and I could see a mix of admiration and something deeper in his eyes.

“You made that song come alive in a way I never expected. You’re something else aren’t you?” he said, stepping closer, the air thick with unspoken words. 

I chuckled, shrugging slightly and running a hand through my hair. “I just felt right to play,” I admitted, heart pounding. “It means a lot to me, Tyler.”

He took a step closer, his voice dropping to a soft, intimate whisper. “You’re more than just a talented artist, Y/N. You’re something else entirely. That performance made me realize how lucky I am to have you on this tour. And honestly?” He paused, searching my eyes, the tension palpable. “It just further confirmed how I feel about you, not just as an artist, but as a person.”

My breath caught in my throat, a rush of warmth flooding through me at his words. “I admire you too, Tyler. You and Josh have been a huge inspiration to me.”

Tyler smiled, a soft, genuine smile that made my heart race. “No, really. That was more than just a performance to me. It felt personal. There’s something here, between us.”

I nodded, my heart pounding in my chest as I took a step closer to him. “I feel it too. I’ve been trying to figure out how to say it.”

He brushed a thumb over my cheek, his gaze unwavering. “Then let’s not overthink it. I’m here, you’re here, we clearly both feel something for each other,” he brushed a strand of hair that had fallen into my face behind my ear. “Every time you look at me, it’s like you see straight through to my soul.”

I swallowed hard, his words washing over me. “I could say the same about you.”

“Good,” he replied, his voice deepening. “Because I want to explore whatever this is between us. I want to see where it leads.”

With the distance between us closing, I felt the thrill of the moment, the intensity of his words and the warmth of his presence enveloping me. I wanted to lean in, to let him know just how much I felt, but the excitement and nervousness tangled together in a way that made me hesitant.

Tyler stepped forward, closing the gap even further. “Y/N,” he murmured, his voice soft, yet commanding. “You’ve got to know that every word of that song was a reflection of how I feel about you. It might not have been written with anyone in mind but it’s exactly how I feel about you. And I’ve been waiting for the right moment to tell you how much you mean to me.”

Before I could respond, he leaned in, his lips brushing against mine, sending sparks of electricity through my entire being. The kiss was soft, yet filled with an undeniable passion, and in that moment, everything else faded away. All the worries, the nerves—everything was drowned out by the intensity of his kiss.

When we finally pulled apart, breathless, he smiled down at me, his expression both playful and serious. “I think I’m going to enjoy this tour a lot more now.”

I laughed, the tension lifting as I felt lighter, happier than I had in a long time. “Me too, Tyler. Me too.” I held onto his hand, brushing my thumb over the back of his hand. “Now, you’re supposed to go on in 10 minutes so you should probably go find Josh.”

“Oh damn you’re right,” he looked up at the clock on the wall noticing the time. He started down the hall in the direction of their dressing room but stopped to turn back towards me. “I–We–We’re going out after the show, okay?” 

I nodded, letting out a quiet chuckle. “I’ll come find you. But you really need to go,” I smiled. 

“I really need to go,” he repeated, looking slightly sad that he had to leave. And with that, he walked back into his dressing room, the excitement of the night still crackling in the air. 

//

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