#I'm going to have to force myself to rest wont I

[applecaviar]

Horny thoughts 🔥🔥#2

TW: Smut

Part #1 Here (Caleb)

Xavier lifted you effortlessly, his arms encircling your waist and thighs. His touch was electric, igniting a fire beneath your skin that only he could stoke.

After all this years he'd shown you nothing but patience, understanding, and an unwavering respect for your autonomy, it felt right that today would be the day everything changed between you.

He had been patient, always putting your needs and wants before his own. He had respected your wishes for so long, using condoms each time he made love to you. He knew that you didn't want to deal with the side effects of other forms of birth control, and he didn't want you to go through that either. But you knew that lately, he had started to dream of a different kind of intimacy. One where he could give you all of himself, and take all of you in return.

You felt the soft give of the mattress beneath your back as he set you down, gentle as always. The cool air kissed your bare skin for a moment before his warmth enveloped you once more. You could feel every hard plane and angle of him pressed against every soft curve of you, a perfect fit that never failed to take your breath away.

Your eyes fluttered closed as his lips found your neck, his breath hot and heavy against your racing pulse. You watched, as his hand reached for the drawer of the small table beside the bed. The sound of it opening and closing was deafening in the charged silence of the room. He had the condom in hand, his intentions clear.

He was already hard, his arousal pressing insistently against your hip. You could feel the dampness of his leaking tip, the heat of him burning into your skin. He was aching for you, desperate to be inside you.

You saw the confusion in his eyes as your hand covered his own, stopping him before he could tear into the condom packet with his teeth. For a moment, he froze, his brows furrowing as he tried to understand your sudden hesitation.

Wait," you whispered, and you saw his confusion deepen, his eyes searching yours for answers. You took a deep breath, your free hand coming up to cup his cheek, your thumb brushing over the soft skin.

"I want to feel you," you breathed, words tumbling out before you could stop them. "All of you. I'm ready, Xavier. I want this."

"Are you sure? I don't want you to feel pressured, I-"

You silenced him with a finger to his lips, "I'm sure."

Your breath caught in your throat as he leaned in closer, you could see the way his pupils dilated, the blue of his irises turning stormy with desire "If we do this I wont hold back," he murmured "Once I'm inside you like this, you'll have to take all of me. Every. Single. Drop."

He emphasized each word with a slow, deliberate roll of his hips against yours, letting you feel the hard, heavy weight of him. Your lips parted on a soft gasp, your fingers curling against his chest. He was so close, so hard and ready.

"I want to give you a piece of myself that you will never be able to escape," he continued "A part of me that will be with you always, no matter where you go or how much time passes.

"Then take me," you breathed "Give me all of you, every part of you"

"As you wish," he said, before he was surging forward, his hips snapping against yours with a force that stole your breath. He was inside you, filling you, stretching you in the most delicious way. You could feel every thick, hard inch of him as he sank deeper and deeper, until he was buried to the hilt. Your walls fluttered around him, trying to adjust to his size, to the intense fullness of him.

He paused for a moment, his forehead resting against yours, his breath mingling with your own. And then he started to move, a low groan escaping his lips as he savored the feeling of your tight cunt enveloping him.

"So fucking soft," he grunted, his voice strained with pleasure. Another hard thrust had him sinking even deeper, his hips pressing flush against yours. "so wet," he panted, picking up the rhythm "so warm," His rhythm grew steadier "and soooooo fucking tight."

He braced himself on his elbows, his biceps flexing as he gazed down at you with a look of pure lust. You could see the way his jaw clenched, the tendons in his neck straining as he fought to maintain control. You wrapped your legs around his waist, your heels digging into his backside as you urged him on. Your fingers raked down his chest, leaving faint red lines in their wake as you clung to him.

Your walls clamped down around him as you felt the head of his cock kissing your cervix with each thrust. The sensation was intense, bordering on too much, and your body's instinctive response was to try and push him out, to clench and flutter around the thick intrusion stretching you so deliciously.

"Stop clenching like that, my sweet darling, I need to be*thrust* right *thrust* there if you want to carry my baby"

In a show of strength, he flipped your positions, leaving you straddling his hips. You found yourself looking down at him, your hair tumbling around your shoulders. Your breasts heaved with each breath, peaks hard and begging for his touch. But before you could do anything, he was gripping your hips, his fingers sinking into the soft flesh of your ass as he urged you to move.

"Come on, fuck it out of me," he said "Ride me. Take what you need, what we both want."

You braced your hands on his chest, your fingers splaying over the hard muscles. You could feel his heartbeat, fast and strong beneath your palms, it matched the throbbing of his cock inside you. With a moan, you started to move, lifting yourself up until just the tip of his cock remained inside you, then with a cry, you sank back down, taking him to the hilt once more.

"Yes," he hissed, his head falling back against the pillow as you started to ride him.

You felt your arms start to tremble slightly as you continued to ride him, the ache in your legs was growing, the muscles burning. Just as you were about to pause and catch your breath, Xavier intervened and grabbed your wrists, his fingers wrapping around them. He tugged your arms down, pushing your elbows straight and forcing your breasts together, making them swell and strain against each other.

"It's my turn now," he said, his eyes flashed with a wild light as he looked up at you "Grab my thighs tightly, bunny. It's going to be a bumpy ride, and I need to see these perfect tits bounce for me."

Before you could respond, he let go of your wrists and grabbed your hips tightly, his fingers sinking into the soft flesh hard enough to leave bruises. Then, with a powerful flex of his thighs, he started to thrust up into you, driving his cock deep into your core.

You had to lean back and grab onto his thighs, your nails digging into the firm muscle as you tried to anchor yourself. The force of his thrusts was incredible, shaking you to your very core. Your breasts jiggled and swayed with each snap of his hips.

"Yes, fuck," he groaned, his eyes glued to the mesmerizing sight of your breasts. "Just like that. Let me see them, let me feel you."

You knew you wouldn't last much longer, knew that you were racing towards a climax that would shatter you completely.

"Look at you," he said "Look at your little cunt stretching so prettily around my cock." His thumb brushed over your clit as he watched it swell and peek out from beneath its hood with each thrust. It was a fleeting touch, a mere whisper of sensation, but it was enough.

Your back arched and your nails left angry red lines on his thighs as you came undone. Your pussy clenched around him, walls rippling and fluttering as your devastating orgasm crashed through you.

But Xavier didn't stop. He couldn't stop. He was too close to the edge, too consumed by the need to fill you, to claim you. He kept driving into you, each thrust pushing you higher, making your climax stretch on and on until you thought you might pass out from the intensity of it.

With a hoarse cry, he slammed his hips forward one last time, burying himself to the hilt inside your still fluttering heat and at the same time, he pressed down firmly on your lower belly, his large hand spanning the area where the thick outline of his cock was clearly visible.

The added pressure made your already impossibly tight cunt even more so. It was too much, too perfect, and with a moan that echoed off the walls, Xavier came undone.

Hot, thick ropes of his seed erupted from his cock, painting your insides white as he emptied himself inside you. His hips jerked and shuddered against yours, each spasm triggering another surge of his release. He pushed down harder on your belly, ensuring that every last drop of his essence was forced deep inside, directly into your waiting womb.

"Take it. Take every drop. I want it to take, I want to put my baby inside you." He captured your lips in a kiss, his tongue delving deep to claim your mouth as thoroughly as he had just claimed your body. You could taste the desperation in his kiss, the need to possess you completely. Your own arms came up to wrap around his neck, holding him close as you both drifted down from the heights of your shared ecstasy.

@hwangintakswifey

@mcdepressed290

@sadfragilegirl

[woniefication]

Lost and Found Love P.Sunghoon

Warnings: Car accident,mentions of bruises,hospital setting

930 ish words/Park Sunghoon x fem reader/Non Idol AU/Angst+fluff+might be spelling errors!

You never thought it would come to this.

Right now you were in the car with your husband,well soon to be ex-husband Sunghoon,driving to court to finalize your divorce papers. Your relationship was slowly but surely starting to fail; neither of you felt happy anymore. Sunghoon was going well over the speed limit,but that was the least of your worries.

You looked out of the passenger seat window, suddenly you felt your eyes get blurry. Oh great. Tears. Sunghoon looked over at you rolling his eyes.

"oh cmon, drop the act Y/N, Youll be fine you wont even notice I'm gone. You noticed his hands tightening on the steering wheel.

"How could you say that Sunghoon! You wasted my time! How am I supposed to recover from this?!" You retorded wondering how he could be so insensitive.

"Dont make me start screaming again lets just spend these last moments together in peace." Sunghoon sighed heavily his eyebrows furrowing.

As you got closer to the courthouse you noticed Sunghoon growing more impatient his foot pressing hard on the gas pedal.

At the last turn a vehicle came crashing into you guys at full force, the last thing you saw was the airbag.

——————————————————————————

Slowly blinking you took in your surroundings, a hospital room, you survived after all. Why were you here in the first place?

Next to you was a man in a hospital bed that looked just as confused his sharp features noticable despite the blood and bruises on his face. He looked tired you felt bad, did his family not visit him often? Your curiosity won over so you decided to spike up a conversation.

"Hey, how are you, what happened?" You asked in a quiet tone not wanting to startle him.

He looked up at you, fidgeting with his fingers,he looked so innocent. " Oh hi, to be honest... I have no idea but im glad that I survived whatever this is..." He responded while pointing to his bruised arms and legs. "What about you, you look equally as bad." He said in a joking tone his voice carrying a hint of curiosity.

"I'm equally as confused, no idea how I got here either! I barely remember anything about myself." You laughed though you felt your world crumbling.

You saw his eyes light up as if he just won the lottery. "Me neither! Do you think we were involved in the same accident? Maybe my car crashed into yours or we were in the same train accident. I'm Sunghoon by the way! What's your name?"

Just as you were about to answer a young woman came in who looked like a Nurse.

She spoke up her voice soothing your headache that you managed to ignore up until now "So Mr and Mrs Park how are you both feeling?"

The expression on your face as you heard that was indescribable. Was she reffering to you? What was your last name again and why did the guy have the same name? The shock on Sunghoons face was as confused as yours. What is going on?

"W-what..?" Sunghoon choked out finally breaking the silence, the tension was so thick it could be cut with a knife.

"Oh...uh-oh! I'll be right back!" The nurse said as realization hit her. The nurse quickly left the room.

You both were left to wonder what she meant. Soon after an older man entered the room looking way more professional.

He sat down on a chair infront of the bed of both of you, sitting opposite both of you.

"Mr and Mrs Park I have some good and bad news listen carefully." He took a deep breath closing his eyes before continuing. "The bad news is, that your both suffering from memory loss. "The good news is that its temporary lasting three to six days or even less."

You thought you were dreaming, What the hell is even happening?! You had billions of questions.

"This might be shocking news to the both of you, but you both are actually married to eachother. The more time goes on the more you'll regain your memory its best if the both of you just rest. If theres any further questions feel free to ask the nurse."

With that the doctor left the room completely unbothered,like this was an everyday occurence.

Just then you noticed the sparkling ring on your ring finger, the doctor wasn't kidding after all.

The man next to you wasn't some guy that just looked familiar, he was the man you have been spending who knows how many nights with.

"We really are married...It's all making sense... who knows where we were going? Maybe on a date?" You chuckled.

Sunghoon let out a loud laugh, you noticed how attractive he was. "Maybe, or maybe we were driving home?" I wonder how our house or apartment looks like."

You chuckled feeling a bit happy that you guys were connecting, you understood why you had married this guy, he was exactly your type. With that you both decided to rest.

Over the next few days you started regaining more and more of your memory remembering almost everything except of the crash. No matter how hard you tried you just couldn't remember.

When you both felt healthy enough to go home, you got discharged from the hospital and went home living the happy married live with the love of your life.

The truth was Sunghoon had never lost his memory this was all part of his plan the crash,the memory loss everything. But you didn't know and he'd make sure it will stay that way.

[yumeiyokobatsuu]

Hello! Are you accepting requests?

If you are could I request some fluff for Bon and Yukio please?

I was thinking about them seeing their crush cry of worry for them, like they did something dangerous or almost died and their crush gets so angry and worried they cry, please?

I hope I made sense! Thank you!

Hello! Thankyou for requesting! (Even if I am only responding almost a whole year later-)

Warnings: none

WC: 866

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Ryuji Suguro

-This one will take place after everyone finds out Rin is the son of Satan because why not?

-He see's you crying in the doorway of his medical room as he is getting his wounds patched up

-Your trying to play it off as if you aren't crying even though its painfully obvious

-Once the medic moves away he beckons you over to comfort you and let him know he's there and alive

I stood in the doorframe of the small room Ryuji sat in, an exorcist with a doctor Meister tending to his wound's caused by Amaimon, I knew he was able to hold himself in a fight, but witnessing what Amaimon had done to him and so easily. I grabbed the edge of my sleeve as I remembered the fight. I could have lost him, so so easily in that second, and yet he pulled through all thanks to Okumura, even if he is the son of Satan, I had to thank him. I snapped out of my trance when I felt wet tears running down my cheek, I let out a sniffle and quickly wiped them away, I wanted to be strong for Ryuji, I didn't want him to see me crying, not now, besides death was common in our field. I knew I should expect for one of us to die but it still hurt to think about. I watched as the doctor finished up with Ryuji and moved away from the doorframe so she could exit. I stared at Ryuji, trying to stop anymore tears from falling.

Ryuji stared back at me, his gaze soft unlike the hardened one he wore around campus before giving a small "Hey" to me and opening his arms a bit, inviting me for a hug. I rushed into his arms immediately, choking out a sob. "Hi" I responded through them. I felt him gently rub circles into my back. "I could have lost you" I mumbled into his chest.

He let out a hum of acknowledgment. "I know. But I'm here and alive. Do you really think I cant hold myself against a demon k-" He said confidently before noticing a small glare I gave, he sighed upon noticing that it was not the best time to stroke his own ego.

Ryuji left a soft kiss upon my forehead. "I'm sorry for worrying you (Y/N). I wont be leaving you anytime soon. You're stuck with me" he whispered, pulling my head closer into his chest. I listened to his heartbeat as he played with my hair.

Yukio Okumura

-Oh boy does he piss you off

-He continues pushing himself???? while injured???? after nearly dying????

- What the fuck is wrong with him???

-You have to genuinely force him into resting so he can heal

-Sit on him to keep him down

-He feels guilty upon seeing you cry all because he nearly died and wont let himself rest

"Yukio please! You're still healing! Hell you have hardly started healing!" I yelled at him, watching him struggle to put on his school jacket. "I appreciate your concern (Y/N), but I'm perfectly fine to continue going to school whilst injured" He said, dismissing your concern's for his health. You clench your fists together "That's bullshit and you know it!" you yelled again at him. "(Y/N) I will not continue fighting you with this, I'm fine" He said, completely calmly and that only pissed you off further. Right before he had the time to leave the room you grabbed onto his wrist, flinching a bit upon realizing you grabbed his wounded wrist and pulling him backwards. "Then don't fight me. Just let me take care of you! What happens if one of your stitches reopen because your pushing yourself too hard." I said. 

I felt Yukio begin to move his hand away from mine, and I took that chance to drag him to his bed and gently push him down, and straddling his legs.

"Your staying home. Right here. In your bed." I said to him.

"(Y/N)-" He started before looking at me properly.

Tears brimmed my eyes, I was trying not to blink so they didn't fall, however the fact I was looking down at his chest didn't help and only allowed them to fall faster. 

"You're a fucking dumbass Yukio. I nearly lost you. You got impaled for fucks sakes! I still can lose you if you don't rest!" I choked out a sob before continuing, my voice shaky. "So please just lay down, let me take care of you" I whispered as I lowered my face onto his chest, as a way to beg him to take care of himself and take a break, his shirt slowly becoming wet due to my tears soaking it. I felt him let out a sigh and intertwine our hands together, his other hand going on top of my head "Fine. But only for a few days" He said. "No. For the entire time the doctor recommended." I quickly said in response, looking up at him, taking in a breath as I tried to control my tears. He stared at me before sighing once again. I moved off of him to ensure I did not hurt him bringing him to the bed, knowing I had won.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Apologies for taking so long to reply! The reason is on my page somewhere ^w^.

My asks are open so request away!

[kidcanines]

"What do I do?? I'm terrified."

x - x - x

--DNI NSFW--

HEADS UP: tw for depictions of panic attacks and graphic descriptions of what it feels like to be triggered + stern parenting

It's only in the night that it attacks me. When I’m not distracted and alone, on my own. Like a predator waiting in the dark of night, covered by its shadows. It hurts.

A quiet cloying feeling underneath the skin and bone and ichor of my sternum. Bright and burning and heavy, all consuming, non-relenting. Crawls up my throat, into my arms, down my back and into my legs and feet. Makes me immobile and shaky-a terrible feeling. 

It can wake me up out of my sleep. Make me feel dirty after I step foot out of the shower- infested and unclean. Creeps up my shoulders and burrows claws into the cap of my skull. Unsteady. Relentless.

It loves my suffering. The way I starve, the way I give up and succumb. Gets in my ears with wordless mantras that I understand all the same. Blocks out those voices, muffles my eardrums so skillfully, like a wad of tissue stuck inside of them. Makes me curve my spine in on myself, attempt to resist it’s every attempt to take me to places I have no desire to be in. 

Bodily reactions were never my favorite thing, especially not ones like this. That when I look down I see my hands shaking, feel my body caught up in a full body shiver that wont quit because my brain is attacking itself.

The unspoken shows up and I’m down for the count, pieces so carefully put together shattered into something smaller, something more fragile than the first, last, tenth, second time I’ve done this careful waltz of squeezing my eyes shut and hoping and praying that the unspoken will stay far, far, far away from me for the rest of my life.

I keep thinking it won’t affect me, that seeing it will do nothing and I will remain apathetic to its significant presence.

But no.

That doesn’t happen. It never does.

And I’m not sure if it ever will. 

So. I think it’s okay when my feet pad into the living room. Eyes fearful, cortisol pumping.

It is painful, the way I force each foot in front of another. Every thought leads back to the unspoken dragging its claws through my entire body.

But he is in the kitchen. The pots and pans in the kitchen clinking against each other hits my sensory harder than I thought it would, and that hurts too. 

Every nerve inside of myself that I possess is on the edge of a cliff. I am dually over and under stimulated no matter what I do and every time I move I place myself too deep or too shallow into either.

It is mind boggling and only serves to further my pain and confusion. Still I walk, breaths shallow. I know if I push the tears back now they’ll disappear forever, so I let the sniffling continue, allow the thoughts to grow on me like invasive ivy up an old brick building and creeping charlie through a sidewalk.

After a while the tears slip down silently, my neck feels like its been used and abused so I keep it still. 

In fact, every exposed bone in my body, which is to say none, feels used and abused, which is to say all. I use the ones I need to get where I want to go. 

But he finds me before I find him. Death grip on my lovey–Ellie–tears falling freely as I try to stifle my hiccups even though I really want to scream.

It takes him a while to process exactly what's going on, parts of me still don’t think he understands completely what it takes to come to him for help I feel I maybe don’t deserve.

And I don’t really know what it feels like to have someone who’s fingertips brushing up against my cranium chase away the pain of being. The pain of the unspoken when it comes knocking at my doorstep. 

Still he’s on his knees in a second. The smell of food from the kitchen infesting my nostrils and it hurts and I hiccup and sniffle because it's not the unspoken and I’m so grateful for that.

His eyes search, intuitive. Hear my heartbeat, rushing blood, the gears I’ve tried to stop from functioning turning painfully in my head. His socked feet walk toward me and all of a sudden I am alight with explosions tearing across my skin. Afraid that he will hurt me just as the unspoken. That he will crush me like a bug and look back and laugh and think nothing of the way he has utterly destroyed me.

I want to run away.

Instead I feel the warm air against the back of my throat as a shuddering breath wracks through me, into my closed throat, down my esophagus, settles unpleasantly into my stomach because it doesn’t belong there but is placed all the same.

The turmoil shows and he stops short, crouching with his hands limp across his thighs, telegraphing his moves. 

“Hello lovebug,” He whispers. I whimper at the nickname, pulling my trimmed nails to fruitlessly pluck at the skin of my lip. 

“Ah ah ah..” He chides, I flinch against his disapproval and the tips of his lips pull up into something like a sad smile. He transitions so that his butt is on the floor, so that he is criss-cross applesauce on the hardwood floor and I am safe on the square carpet near the couch who’s arm I have in a death grip. 

“What happened?” He questions. And I cannot answer that. So I cry some more, chest heaving against my ribs as I clench every aching muscle in my body and force myself to breath. It comes like quick pants when I really wanted slow, full oxygen- none of the air ever effectively fills up my lungs the way it needs too. 

My knees seem to fail me then, but my ankles do not no matter how bad they hurt and so I hug Ellie tight and bury my face into her soft fabric, crouched similarly to how he was just a moment ago. Ashamed and terrified.

Afraid, but most of all, angry. The emotions weigh in on me, press against my skin and urge me to give up, to lay out on the floor and never get up again, too overwhelmed by feeling and light and sound. 

And then the world is light and my heaviness is nothing when the warm arms I know, even though I don’t see, are gathering me up close to a steady beating chest. 

The air is warmer up here and I choke on feelings that I can’t say.

One arm supports my legs while the other comes up to rub soothing circles into my back. Rhythmic and constant, his hand pushes into my spine, squeezes me the right way.

He smells warm, like freshly washed laundry and cinnamon, like a new book just opened. I don’t know how the unspoken smells but I know it can’t be this and that's what makes my hand come up to clench at his black shirt. 

His scent is invasive but ten times better than whatever I was experiencing when I was on the floor, alone, by myself.

He’s moving, walking into the kitchen and it’s soothing to my frazzled mind, walking around the house but not actually doing all the work it takes. He’s humming something, I know what song it is but dont have the strength to focus on anything more than him.

I’m too scared to go back into my mind for fear of what might find me. With one hand he continues cooking, I look back, curious, looking to distract myself.

“Whazzat..” I whisper through tears and sniffling, clear my throat, hiccup again, and again before he is soothing me with a strong palm against my back.

“Rice and chicken…” He absentmindedly cuts a quarter of butter with its paper and, taking a corner of the parchment, shakes it over the muffled burbling of the rice until it falls and sinks silently into the thickness. 

He’s back to humming again, going into our room to wrap a blanket around me and grab a fluffy piece of towel–Doily, Doi for short–before placing it in my hands. 

It smells like him because it's with him for the majority of the day, so that when I’m in need of it he can just pull it out and give it to me.

It is white and has wavy, soft ends and feels good between the skin of my thumb and pointer finger. Only in bed because that's where we’ve been for a good chunk of the day.

It is warm and soothing, familiar, lovely. 

His steps make creaking sounds against the wood, the weight of two people making the material groan underfoot as he drags his heels over the house to make sound despite his unnaturally quiet nature.

We are back in the kitchen and he is skillfully plating a mixture of rice and chicken into a bowl with raised edges and silly characters on the side. Unknowingly, his rhythmic breathing has me taking deep breaths of my own, helping me even them into long shuddering ins-and-outs. 

He grabs the remote off the black and gray raised marble counter and sits on the couch with careful steps, bowl in hand beside my hip- spoon hilt resting on the lip of it before sitting down and maneuvering me onto a side of his lap. Eyes focused on not dropping anything or creating a too loud noise. 

“What do you want to watch, baby?” He asks, flitting across multiple movies and shows, before eventually landing on my favorite. Definitely not for kids but comforting all the same, Scream 1996. He turns it on with a huff of a laugh, leans me back against his chest so that my shoulder is ensconced between the side of his tummy and the elbow of his arm. 

He briefly tastes the chicken and rice, leaning down to grab a bite to judge whether or not it's too hot before humming and taking another scoop, bringing it to my lips.

I purse them and look up at him as the movie drones on through the starting credits. 

“I’ve already eaten lovey, your turn.” He waves the spoonful of food gently and I shake my head, afraid to defy but doing it anyway because I am not hungry. 

“Come on, if you do, we can play in the snow tomorrow..” But do I want to play in the snow tomorrow? What is usually a yes morphs into a slow no and I find that I have no interest in playing or even talking to anyone. Too exhausted, too bone-tired to do anything but sleep and leave those who want to play alone. I bury my face into my dad’s black shirt and I can feel that he is displeased. 

“Love, if you don’t eat you won’t feel better. Dad needs you to take care of yourself.” Why would I take care of myself when it is this very self that has made me feel this way? I don’t say as much, but the anger inside me simmers, directed aimlessly like a gun, loaded and ready to squeeze the trigger all the same. I bury myself deeper into his chest and he jumps me with his arm, a gentle jostling. 

“Hey. Come on, I need you to do what's good for you…I’m offering a hand, are you going to take it?” With those words dad puts my care into my hands, ready to give it when I affirm. An effective, gentle tactic that allows me to have control.

I want to say no, that I will not take the hand no matter how many times it beckons. My eyebrows furrow against his black shirt and I know he feels it.

Breathing too deeply feels too volatile but I am too angry to care so I scream into the couch cushion behind him with what little breath I have. Squeeze my nails into my palms so tight they make tiny moon crescents.

Again and again while the tears are fresh and warm do I use my voice to aimlessly communicate my inner anger.

And finding that I want to hit, move away from him so I can punch the cushions, so I can kick my feet and hinge my knees and beat against the carpeted floor and cover my ears.

It goes on like this for a while. I don’t want it to end. But my body can’t keep up and it seems neither can I, cannot give what my mental seemingly needs. 

So I end up lying on the floor face down, crying harder, face undoubtedly flushed against brown skin.

A hand comes to rest atop my twists, the headache does not leave but the claws there disappear momentarily, replaced with actual feeling.

It will be long days before I feel normal again.

But my dad lifts me up by my armpits and puts us back in our position on the couch. Like he knows, been through this with me before. He moves the full spoon to my mouth and I take it, chewing despite my tears. 

“Thank you, my good boy..” and he ruffles my twists and kisses my forehead as I curve my spine to rest into him, turning my focus to the tv and taking another bite when he holds it up to my lips.

[theambitiouswoman]

I wonder how you force yourself to block, mute and delete the person from everywhere. It's hard for me to do, do you have any advice?

I don't know that I will be saying anything you guys would want to hear when it comes to this because to me it has always been very easy. Maybe ill explain my own thought process as an example.

Even if I am crazy, madly, super, "i'm going to marry them and spend the rest of my life with them" in love- when it is over, or when they incredibly mess up- I nip it in the bud. I say "i'm done" I disconnect and I block them.

I don't go into back and fourth, not with arguing and not with going back. I do this because I know my own boundaries and standards. I have a very clear definition of love in my mind and I know when people do certain things, they do not love me. Its not a definition I made up for the word. I just appreciate the definition in a literal sense and hold myself to it. I do not gaslight myself into making excuses.

Why would I want to go back to someone who hurt me? Who, if I broke up with them... would mean I probably let it slide or forgave them once before (unless it was extreme).

Do not get me wrong I have had some hard heart breaks. My last heart break was really hard on me. But I blocked them and have not looked back since. Why would I? You can't find happiness where you lost it. What is meant for you won't cause you pain. I can come up with a million examples to hold on like, "wrong person wrong time" whatever. But I know that as it stands- it did not work.

If i'm still trying to hold on then that would just cause me more pain. Freeze me in time. What good would that do? Won't help me get them back. Wont help me move on. More often than none, those people who hurt us move on with their lives. I am my own person. With my own life. My own goals. My own dreams. My own everything. I can live without them. Me dating someone does not come from a place of lack or attachment. It comes from a place of CHOICE.

Relationships that do not work are lessons and experiences. They help us figure out not only what we want, but learn about who we are. So instead, I focus on working on myself and becoming the person I want to be. Becoming a better woman continuously attracts better in my life.

Anyway, hope this gave you some insight <3

[spearxwind]

not to sound weird but what was that work you put in to get where you are 🙏 i want to improve my life so bad but have no clue where to start. even a general gist of things

You dont sound weird! I think it's commendable to want to change your life for the better, and I want to help in any way I can :D

This is also my own perspective but I think a lot of it could be universally applied if you look at it through different lenses of ppls different situations. This also got rly long so I'm putting it under a readmore ^^;

So I had pretty much been isolating myself with increasing ferocity for years until recently. Even when trying to reach out to people I was extremely closed off, keeping my feelings behind many walls and chains always. A lot of my hard work has come from undoing all of that fuckup. I put all my eggs into my online friendships (and even then had a hard time with them).

My behavior was a cluster of personal garbage, learned mannerisms from keeping bad company, and hardwired reactions to specific behaviors. It's something pretty hurtful to realize when you do realize it, but that doesn't mean that you are a bad person or a failure or anything like that. It just means that you have certain bare minimum survival behaviors that worked before but now are only doing you damage, and you have to learn to undo them. (which is a great step!!)

Which brings me to what I have (painfully) learned over the past several years: the basis to any and every good relationship, romantic, platonic, family, or anything is crystal clear communication. Straight up for the love of god communication skills will save your life time and time and time again

And also like I said in earlier posts the solution to wanting to be more social is just BEING more social. This is arguably extremely hard, especially after years of "if they want me around they'll ask me" and always waiting to be invited but not wanting to bother anyone by asking if you can join NO!!!!!!!! GET THAT SHIT OUT OF YOUR BRAIN EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY!!!!! It really does NOT work that way at all. People will invite you to things if they see you express interest in them. The same way that in your head you think 'theyll invite me if they want me to go' if they dont see you express interest people will think you dont want to join. If you go someplace and just stay recluse because youre shy they likely will also think "theyre probably not comfortable or dont want to be here, so we wont force them". People are inherently kind and they are definitely NOT thinking about shunting you on purpose (and I am speaking this, genuinely, from personal experience)

While I was studying my major I got close to a group of people and thought of them as my friend group, but they always seemed cold to me, and I rarely got invited to hangouts because they seemed closer among themselves so I ended up always thinking that they didn't really want me around, and created all of these assumptions in my mind about them or what they thought of me.

Years later, recently, I found one of them again just... randomly while walking through the street and we started talking. And in my much better state of mind I asked about this whole thing because I wanted to know how the rest of the group was doing (I care very much for them still) and he revealed to me that THEY were the ones who thought I was shutting myself off of the group bc I didnt wanna be close to them. Which just blew my mind but it made a lot of sense and explained a lot. I was always on my phone too, talking with my internet friends (because it was my comfort zone), so what they'd assumed was that I already had a friend group that I was invested in and so I wasnt going to prioritize them. SO basically this whole thing ended up being resolved with clear communication and would have been solved much earlier if I had just spoken up about it and gotten braver (though my mental state did not let me at the time)

Anytime you are making up assumptions and ultimatums in your mind without communicating them to the other party you should stop and very much go and speak out loud to the other party (or parties) it will genuinely do you good cause huge as hell brain snowballs do nothing but drown you in your own mind.

Also on the being social front, if you dont have the practice in then it will be hard but a lot of it is very much "fake it till you make it" and I genuinely cannot recommend that enough. Inject yourself into conversations and places and act like yourself unapologetically because the secret isnt to craft a persona that you think people will like, its just being yourself and finding people who will love you for who you are. And like I said I just got invested in other ppls plans and asked to be able to go to places, and oftentimes just by expressing interest i got invited "oh I love this show very much!!" "well we have a plan to watch it at my pals house do you wanna come?" "we were planning on going to X place this week" "omg that sounds so cool can I come with" "of course!" Generally people will respond with "the more the merrier" so please dont be afraid to ask. And even if you get a rejection or two it's fine, don't let it discourage you. Some plans are simply not meant to be, and that's totally fine too!

Something else I worked for was reestablishing contact with old highschool friends I'd lost and I missed terribly. I went out of my way to find them again (old phone numbers, old emails, old instagram accounts that hadnt posted since 2019), and I found them!

And most of them really missed me too and were absolutely thrilled I contacted them again, we picked up right where we left off eight years prior. With a lot to catch up to but its genuinely so nice to have them in my life rather than just melancholically thinking about them and wondering if they hated me or anything. Turns out that they had also thought to contact me as well or had tried and lost my phone, or some of them even thought that it was better to leave things as they were to not "stir up shit" so we were all stuck in the same loop of insane thinking without actually confirming it until one of us (me in this case) finally broke the ice (and it took a damn long time too)

The thing is, people are just like you. We all have our own mental nonsense to fight, and we all have our assumptions and propensity to think ourselves into the grave, that's why its so so so so important to communicate things as clearly and as often as possible. Bearing your suffering alone will only make you miserable in the end, and your circle is there to help you

As a last note, I do want to say I have been incredibly lucky, because the friend group I've been adopted into I have met through that one friend from uni that I just HAPPENED to find on the street. I could have not waved him over on the street and just kept walking with my music on and ignored him. I could have said 'no' to his offer to get dinner that day if I'd wanted to be home earlier. I could have never spoken up about liking eurovision and never gotten invited to the hangout where I met my bf. And none of this would have ever happened at all. But that just strengthens my advice of "just say yes and reach out of your comfort zone" because you never know where it's going to lead you!

All this to say:

Communicate clearly with your peers to reduce misunderstandings. More likely than not they'll be in the same boat as you are. (Also extra note. Communication works BOTH WAYS. It needs to come from both parties. It is also a skill you have to nurture and hone!!)

Be kind!! and be loving!! and be yourself unapologetically!!

reach out to people the same way that you'd want to be reached out to. It sucks that sometimes (even often) you have to be the one to do it, but you eventually reap what you sow and people will learn that they can reach out to YOU

People will respond in kind to you being nice to them and a positive energy in their life. Some people will take advantage of it yes, thats just how things are, and its something you have to learn to recognize but you should never let that steel your heart. It is so so so important to remain kind and loving the world needs it so much. We're all out here trying to make our own lives and our loved ones lives a little bit brighter <3

[hazbinsponsoredbyvee]

How are you all doing so far and how do you feel about spring time?

Also, I might end up sounding alot like Charile and Emily when I say this, but um.. to everyone on here from Hell that's a sinner, and a Overlord on this blog, I want to try and give you some hopefully helpful and kindhearted advice if you don't mind?

I do think you might have the chance to change, at least deep down inside, if that makes any sense to any of you, to like you know, be a better person so you can get to heaven like what Charile is trying to do, maybe if you ever think about it sometimes?

I know Angeldust is doing his best, hell even Husk, at least to me seems like he's trying to even if he doesn't care nor want to try but, I know he still cares about Angel and all his friends at the Hotel, ya know?

I hope that makes sense.. I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense or if some of you don't like it or want it, I get it. I know it might sound stupid or a lost cause to some of you. It honestly up to you all that Charlie wants to see reedeemed and get into heaven.

Btw, sorry if I say sorry alot, I'm not great with this sorta thing lol.

So you can just ignore me if you want to, if you think that anything I have to say is stupid at all or just nonsense to you, that's fine, ignore me all you want, after all I can't force you to do anything.

Either way, for anyone that wants to listen, please hear me out, I still hope that this, deep down, hopefully helps any of you, only if you ever want to truely be a better person some day, if you want to and are ready too that is.

Lol again, I can't force you to jack shit.

Look, I'm just hopeing for the best and that you all can go to heaven so you can rest in peace and get to do things that you mind not be able to do in Hell, I don't know the rules lmao

Like I said, only if you want to be able to go o heaven, like if you want to be reunited with anyone you love and miss alot. Only if it want to and if it actually means something to you, sorry if it doesn't.

Like I said, sorry if that sounds stupid or just silly to anyone of you all. I honestly don't know how any of you guys feel about this at all. No offense

I just wanted to make you all hopefully smile and feel better deep down, incase you're sad, upset, frustrated and if you are having a bad day in general and to make you think about it incase you never really thought about it before. Alright?

ps If any of you wants to choose to not coment or bother to answer me, that's ok too, I won't make you, since some of you might not like and or give a damn about what I have to say to try and help make your day better, at least just a little bit and feel hopeful, at all. I feel like Charlie, Vaggie and Charlie's dad, who I shall call Ducky or Just Luci as a nickname if he's ok with it, might be better and more qualfied for this kind of talk and advice in general, since I know they're all so just really careing and want the best for those they love and consider family as well as wanting to try and make hell a better place dispite it being hell.

Take care always. ✨️🙏😇 (I hope people don't come harassing me on my blog for trying to be nice for a rp ask blog thingy.. I just wanted to be nice and make people smile, plz dont hate me, I'm not trying to upset or offend anyone plz, I'm just a lil guy, if someone doesnt like what I said as a disabled person, then I wont be saying stuff like this no more, ill just keep it to myself & lurk instead, since that's the safer option for me :'3 )

"We're all doing pretty good here, thanks for asking! Spring is the one with flowers, right? I always really liked the idea of it, but we don't really have seasons in Hell, unfortunately. And your advice is really good! If any Sinners want to chime in..."

"Yeah, thanks, I 'preciate it. An' if people wanna harass you, they can take it up with my tommy gun."

"Well, I still don't know if Heaven is in the cards for me. There is such thing as too far gone. But thanks for the kind words."

"Husker is quite right. The vast majority of us are right where we belong. But if some demons want to strive for something better, I am happy to watch them fail! As for me, I'm quite happy where I am, and any change on my part is certainly not necessary."

"Yeah, I can't imagine anything better than what I've got right now, and I'm sure as hell not changing shit. And only I get to call Lucifer cute nicknames, so don't go getting too familiar."

[too-much-sunshine]

Finished the most recent chapter, and as an aroacespec person myself, I was so comforted by the slow and natural progression you've given Scar and Grians relationship in this. I'm inclined to physical affection myself, and that's something frequently excluded in pairings that people write as aroace/qpr adjacent. A lot of times they're always considered strictly romantic, but the way you've written this feels so right in the sense of Queerplatonic, as you mentioned you intended originally in the notes. I just wanted to say thank you for that! Reading how they hold each other and comfort one another (wont go into detail, as to not spoil ch26 for anyone reading this) just clicks in a way that's Their Connection, and it doesn't feel like it's trying to or needs to be anything else. It's so content, and it makes me feel so warm to see that in a fic with two characters I resonate with a lot.

Not to mention the plot- omg, I've been fawning over it all week! My favorite moment I think is definitely the kitchen scene with Iskall and Scars little standoff- the visual was so sassy and queer from Scars end, it just made me cackle to no end I absolutely loved the attitude. But really, I try not to theorize too much when reading stories that way every turn feels like a huge shock, and this fic keeps my attention so well I didn't even have the chance to, I was far too busy enjoying every little flair of dialogue and fluid change of scenario. I literally gasped and yelled "OH /SHIT/" aloud multiple times, I'm not embarassed to say it. There are so many details you kept so quaint and innocent at the beginning, I never even questioned them until their importance later on!

This story has been absolutely, insanely, phenomenally fun to read, and I can't wait to see where you take things next. I've been planning my own fic for ages, and reading something like this has really inspired me to pick up my pages and keep going. I hope you have a wonderful day, and that you have a lot of fun working on the rest of the story! I know I'm dying to read the next chapter whenever you feel it's right to show, and others will be too :).

Much love!

- minecraft-cake

OH MY GODS IM GONNA CRYYYY (/pos) TOO LATE I AM CRYINGGGG TTTTTTT AAAaaaa this means so much to me TTTT ASDFGHJK

Ive said it before, and I'll say it again: I started writing WOftL because I wanted to read something like it, but it hadnt been written. Not only in the superhero space (even tho I am a bit a whore for superhero fics UuU) but also just aspec wise. Im arospec/ace, and I just felt it wasnt being represented in a way the resonated with me!! So I wrote it myself <3

Im so glad that it resonates with others as well! I really hope that deciding to change the relationship romantic doesnt takes away from that! I feel like, personally, it doesnt change their background and their connection for each other. I certainly dont plan to have them act much differently then they do now lmaooo

Ommffggg you are so nicceee TTTTTT If Im forced to say one thing I'm proud of for this fic, i'd say the foreshadowing turned out much better then I expected lmaooo This is my first looongg fic, so I really happy with that turned out!! I have so much I can say about specific scenes and how they came to be in my brain!!! But for specifically Iskall and Scar, I loved how their little plot came out! Those two have History UuU

Thank you so much for reading and the kind wordsss!! This seriously made my whole week and its only monday!! Im so happy to have inspired you, and if your willing to share I would love to read your fic when you write it! I hoep you have a phenonial day, week, month, year and life bestie <3<3<3<3

[justagalwhowrites]

Hey Kit,

I’m Demi from@/getitoutofmymindwrites!

Since you're doing it, too,

Can I ask for 4. and 24.???

Hi Demi!!

You're so kind to reach out and ask!!

4. A story idea you haven't written yet - OK this is one that's been giving me some brain rot but I haven't shared too widely yet I don't think? I'm thinking it'll be a mini-series of sorts, maybe like 5-10 chapters? I have to fully map it BUT it's... an Agent Whiskey fic! He's sent on a mission to acquire something of great spy importance (details are still fuzzy) but he's beaten to it by a beautiful, mysterious woman. That's when he discovers the existence of another private intelligence agency: Noman, a group of women who specialize in going to "no man's land" and getting the job done (get it? Kingsman, Statesman, Noman? I feel so clever for this, please let me continue to lol.) The rest of the fic would be some flirtatious super spy stuff before the stakes get higher and they have to work together to save the world. Of course, fucking ensues. I want to write this on the side of my regular fics hopefully soon? And share it once it's all written so I'm not accidentally leaving people hanging for a million years like I've been wont to do lately.

24. How do you recharge when you're not feeling creative? - I'll be honest, I'm so bad at forcing it? I do listen to music a lot to help get the juices flowing when I'm looking for a groove but my bigger problem tends to be "brain won't shut the fuck up, must write stuff to make brain shut the fuck up." I have gotten better at trying to force myself to rest (something I'm not great at) and step away before stuff swallows me up too much. I've been reading more books lately which has been great! But yeah, on the rare occasion I'm not feeling it, I usually just don't write that day. Those days are kind of few and far between for me, though. I have a very serious case of cannot shut the fuck up itis and it's incurable.

Thank you so much for asking!!! Love you!!!

[the-s1lly-corner]

Hey man, its me again~

(If i may overwhelm you or anything just say so, i sometimes dont understand the limits of being too annoying)

So. Hehm. I got covid. And. I was sick for a few weeks but then yesterday it became very, very bad(i presume because of stress and overexaustion, as well as due to not taking care of myself properly..) to the point of not being able to hold a bottle. I felt kinda horrible, but until night that was only the start. I could only lay in bed, overheated, and ended up falling asleep midday and having hallucinations/nightmares at night. I woke up in tears after a supposedly silly goofy dream(caine×kinger (i just knew they were a couple) arguing, well, more like kinger being very, very mad for some reason and caine looking at him with his pathetic sad eyes while trying to argue back/explain himself. Also there was zooble looking all smug at The Camera like in Office in a way only an asshole weedsmoker would do, all relaxed. Oh also it was a Zombie Apocalypse au and kinger just had a big booty for no reason) and hyperventilating, it was horrifying for some reason(maybe because i love the guys... royalteeth<3). I was Very Delirious.(i am a bit better after finally being taken seriously and given medication after

Anyway i said all this only for you to know about the dream, i liked it very much in the end, yummy angst.

So i was wondering, maaay i please req a worried itward trying to force sick!reader to go to bed but they bluntly refuse because "I have WORK to do and people to TAKE CARE of! I don't care, am just.. a little under the weather, yes, but its nothing a warm tea later wont fix. So i need to- no, i am perfecty capeable-" <- said before falling over a coffe table half dressed, almost landing on Mr. Midnights fluffy butt. When they finally give in they're kinda clingy and a bit whiny("..do you still love me?"; *stumbles out of the room to get to itward who decided to get them some tea, scaring him shitless in the process* "can we hold hands? Please")

(The dream and other info has nothing to really do with the request and has no purpose but to tell you abt the silly scenario, you can just disregard it. Anyway i'm going to sleep good noight!!♡♡♡)

Itward x sick!stubborn!Reader!

IM SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LOKG TO GET TO THIS SOBS

That said I hope youre feeling better man :( sickness sucks!! I hate sickness!! Beats up the sickness!!!

Also I know I already said this when you checked your request status, but you're not overwhelming me or annoying me!! Get down with the silliness!!

Also look at this goofball, how he almost falls

Loser

(Gently holds)

I think that he would treat most sicknesses on the same level of seriousness; like sure he wouldn't panic if you had a simple fever or cold.. but he's going to be firm on you not overworking yourself

In fact its likely that he will bar you from chores and work for at least an entire day after all your symptoms die down

Very quickly notices that something is wrong with you. I mean itward looks over a bunch of kids and kids get sick all the time, so I think he can see the signs even before you're fully ill

Asks you if anything is wrong and offers to do some of your chores around the ship (and that's assuming he even assigned you any) as well as offer to run the errands you needed to do that day

Gentle but firm when talking to you and trying to keep you in bed

Like gently pushing you back into bed and covering you up in a blanket or two

"Yes yes, I know dear that you've got work to do... but please, I need you to rest... can you do that for me?" And other similar pleas

Hes making you soup when you wobble in and ask if hes mad at you; because his tone sounded a little stressed when he last talked to you

He cant even answer before you face plant onto the floor of the ship...

Immediately rushes to your side; which likely only takes about two steps for him thanks to his long legs.. scoops you up and just

In this gentle quiet voice reassures you that hes not angry. A little stressed out for you, but not angry

Key words, "for you", not "by you"

I would say for comic value he would tie you to bed, but I feel even itward wouldnt go down to those extremes (and this man can get a little silly. I mean he literally locked Fran in a room so he could make her a surprise birthday party. Itward can get a little intense, I think)

No instead I think he would just stick by your side to ensure you're actually resting

One of admin favorite tropes; character b is sick/very tired and in bed, character a who just put them to bed goes to leave only for b to grab their sleeve/hand/arm/whatever to stop them and just. "Plesse stay"

That happens with you two, I think

And most likely, if itward doesn't have anything super time sensitive or important to do, he will stay with you

Besides, hes a skeleton from another reality. What are the chances that a human sickness can spread to him?

Well that's assuming it's a sickness from the third reality and/or one that cant jump species

But shhh

Itward pretty much becomes a mother hen and tries to prevent you from doing anything that may make your symptoms worse.. as well as caring for you via making you food, keeping you hydrated, and even carryout you around if your legs are too weak to support you

[raamitsu-personal]

Hello bestie, its me ayşegül, i wanted to say whatever is that you are going to through , it wont last forever and after it ends you will find yourself become more stronger , cus the pain that doesnt kills us makes stronger, remmber that theres people who cares for you <3 give yourself a time to relax and if you are feeling sad and angry, you can write your thoughts on a journel, and it will take time to things get better and with paitince and help things will get evauntly get better in time so in the mean time, take care of yourself ❤

THANK YOU BESTIE FOR YOUR ENCOURAGING WORDS 🙏

For the past few days, I have been feeling extremely burned out and exhausted mentally. It is easier to mask the problem when you're constantly going through it. Whenever I do my stuffs, I try to listen less to music cuz it will effect my system knowing I am not quite alright. While I want to keep up my interests, I have to force myself to confront my life as an adult and it sucks, ya know? And the whole expectation from me? Girl I'm dying inside. This whole thing messes me up. I want to be here every day and forget about it but eventually I'll be back to square one. Sometimes I tried to sit down and asked myself, "girl, what is it that you want and why is it so difficult for you to achieve it?" - and I was left with no answer, still.

you know... I tend to come into conclusion that I may be destined to become like this: keeping people happy but I am not, trying to be respectful to the people who gives zero fxcks but I am not built as such, maintaining my sanity but my insanity craves visibility, and other things that I wished I could tell you but I'd rather keep them for myself. I'm sorry for not being mentally available for you when you want to share your story. I may looked hyper outside but God knows the rest within me.

I'm so glad to be able to post and keep up with my fav manga leaks yesterday. Those are what kept me busy for awhile. Just a head's up: you don't need to reply anything to me if you don't know what to tell me. Reading my words is enough. I am alright and I'll be fine :D

[glitterymiracleeagle]

Period Pain

Contains: emeto, dizziness, fainting, little bit sneeze

Caracters : Ot7 (BTS)

You are a famous dancer and singer and a huge fan of bts you know each other about 5 6 yrars and you are like brither and sisters and you will take part in a show with bts

We were practicing and I was in a pain. I always had bad cramps and pain in my stomache when I got my period and with that unfortunately I have a spring allergy. So my allergies are also acting up and with period it was getting worse. We were dancing but I wasnt really focused and I looked so pale . İn the morning, jimin noticed and asked me about it I said I'm okay. Suddenly, I was about to sneeze but we were in the middle of the practice.When we turn around I stifled three sneeze :Hnnngh , hatcchi, hnngh.

That was the 13 th today.I sneezed while showering 10 times. I hate spring. Then jungkook noticed me : "Hey, you okay blees you " I said : " Yeah just allergies" . Thankfully, we got break I lay down the floor and I was crumbling with pain.I also got very dizzy all of a sudden. I was layimg edilen holding my stomach. Jimin , came next to me and said:" Are you okay ?" I said yeah but my face says opposite Jimin : Sit right there I'll get you water . I said :I'm okay dont worry we have so many work to do Jimin : Dont lie to me again just rest there you wont practice today and I got mad and : No I need to be here to practice then jimin : I 'm worried about you you're being selfish " and I get angry and stand up but I get dizzy and my eyes get blurry then a strong arm catched me and lifted me to bench. I heard alk the members comw towards me then I wake up in jurse room. I saw taehyung and jimin .They saw me wake up and : " Oh thank god are you okay ? I said yeah then Namjoon came and pick me up "Let 's go to car " I said : You din't need to carry me I can walk . He said : " No you 're sick " I thanked him. While, we were in the car I fall asleep in jungkook 's arm .He carried me to my room and I slept. After 3 hours , I was members getting ready in the sallon I wasn't feeling well but they were going to practice so I need to come with them . I walked in with a full energy and I said :" Guys I 'm okay I can come with you " they said : No , you need to rest " I said : I'm okay I took medicine please and I insisted to go with them they finnaly agreed but they tell me to not forced myself . We arrived at the agency , while dancing I felt like throwing up but I didn't tell but it get very bad and I ran to the bathroom.

[ajjconcertat2am]

this shit shoulda gone to the notes app but whatever idgaf

Sometimes i get really numb to the idea of a romantic or sexual relationship.... its hard to muster up a fictional ideal, a detailed dream or fantasy. The repetitive times of forced desires upon me during what i can only describe as the peak of my youth and malleability had created this instilled feeling that my time has past. I have to be deserving and disciplined and needed before i can even begin to think about what i want. Its not only that there cannot be pleasure without pain, but the idea they need to be happening concurrently.

When i say these things i know in my mind i am being melodramatic and impatient, my brain wont let me rest in pity. I understand my insecurities and i cannot cave to same fate, the same mistakes. However, understanding my mental state and causes and correlations, how to break it down, how to channel it into a better outlet, theres days where i am numb beyond a point of ration. i cannot force myself to feel positive of my desires and i experience a sort of un controllable response to what i thought was my own bodily functions. What was pleasure in an instance become a flash of fear in a self curated environment, where i am alone in the bed. I cannot bring myself to imagine what loving me would look like, and despite that pain my brain still betrays me and makes me afraid of my own satisfaction. It makes me feel as if i was a cube jammed into the wrong circular shaped hole again, again, and again. Surley there was the right shape for me but now im so bent none of the shapes look recognizable to me, and myself is so abstract and foreign at times it seems unlikely theres a solution.

Maybe I'm too focused on what the perfect fit wants me to be shaped like, what it likes about me, what IT wants. I need to be careful of being molded if i so desperately want it. But maybe I'm too focused on what i want. If i'm desperate to fit, i will jam myself in a desperate attempt to make it work. What seems impossible, if reflected on, becomes a self fulfilling prophecy, a nightmare waiting to happen again.

Posting this seems like the wrong choice and im tempted to write something stupid like anyways i need back shots 💖 to lighten the mood at the end, however with writing out something so sincerely im not going to lie at the end. I must say i desire the ability to desire again. I desire the ability to desire without the concurrent destruction of myself. And truely i do not despise the pain, I want the perspiration, the nausea, to be sick, to make a mess, the odor, the spectacle, i want it again, but this time, mutually.

[just-bullshit]

Unexpected vent incoming ig?

Sometimes I'm just really exhausted by the state of the world

Like.. look at everything that's happening in America alone

Still dealing with school shootings, women's rights and trans rights are being disputed like we're not people, STILL dealing with corrupt police forces, the blending between church and state + ballooned military spending that led to the fall of Rome is going to lead to the fall of America too, economic disparities between the wealthy and the poor are WORSE than they were in the French Revolution, I have to get a job ASAP because in a couple years our mom wont get the money to keep us both alive (we live off disability payments and child welfare from the gov), homelessness is being battled with outright hostility even though its CHEAPER to just give them homes and rehab, everything about our healthcare system, EVERYTHING about our education system, its all just fucked

And that's not even counting what's happening in other places! All I really know about is the Palestine/Israel and Russia/Ukraine wars because I'm American and our government does not tell us anything that isnt 1. Directly related to us or 2. Something the entire rest of the world also knows

I'm chronically exhausted and running off adderall and energy drinks, struggling to take care of myself, and depression apathy has been kicking my ass. I can barely even cry about these things anymore, they've become so normalized. I want to scream. I want to cry. I'm so upset. I'm so numb. I'm trying so hard and I feel so lazy. I want to snap my fingers and fix everything. I want the apocalypse to come so that we can rebuild a society based on kindness and community and love.

At the risk of my mental health, I'd like to be informed about all the things happening in other countries. Please reblog with anything I didnt mention.

[radiovisual]

are you going to come back?

((I keep telling myself im going to, but im not sure. Im especially unhappy with how this blog was written and how it looks at the moment, bc theres a lot of things id Want to change before getting back into rp here, but I have no energy or motivation to do so 😔 my art block from last year is Still ongoing, im still deeply fixated on other fandoms, and VERY recently I had an epiphany of some kind and haven't been able to stop paying attention to the news, bc anxieties about what's happening in Gaza/the West Bank, Sudan, and Chile, and not to mention this next American presidential election, have me reassessing my priorities in life, ykwim?))

((Im still around technically, i wont be deleting this blog or anything, im just in kind of a tough spot, mentally+emotionally+physically, and that makes it hard to get reinvested in something like this.))

((There's also the factor of... feeling rather restricted in this community. It's not any particular person or group of ppls fault, people are entitled to feel however they want around fictional subjects and themes, but i know that the types of things that i like to write and rp are dark and mature, and this fandom [despite the Nature of the show itself and the topics it covers] tends to attract a lot of very aggressive, very judgemental people -- as im sure youre all aware 😂 i found some friends here, but even still, a lot of the time i know i Can't get into the kind of stuff i ACTUALLY want to write, because most of the ppl in this community would [at least, way back when,] assume that That kind of writing means I'm a bad, dangerous person who wants to engage with those themes in real life 🙃. Which isn't to say anyone is Wrong for avoiding me if darker themes trigger them, by all means PLEASE block me for your sanity if thats what you have to do!! but when most all of those Exact Themes are LITERALLY, graphically present in the show, now, it's like. Idk man whats going on! Why are you here! if sexually abusive relationships bother these fans so much, then Why are they in THIS fandom of all places instead of somewhere tangibly Safer for their sanity, yk???))

(( i don't know. Maybe im just a brat, but ive always felt a little put out by the Hazbin community online. Its extremely self policing and isolating trying to find people i can feel comfortable talk to about my ideas, so ive kind of... given up and moved on, found a nice group of Freaks to be perverted about the Avatar sequel instead lmao))

((So... idk. I guess we'll see. But im very sorry it may have been wishful thinking when i said id come back. I really, truly meant it at the time -- things just changed 💔, both in me And in the community. And maybe theyll change again, idk!but i Do know there's people in this overarching Hazbin Tumblr RP community who don't like me very much (which is Okay), and I don't want to force myself to walk on eggshells anymore -- so I'm won't💪😎))

((I adored my time here while i was active, whuch it why i wont delete it -- i go back to re read threads all the time! -- but unless there's a group of sexual weirdos developing that i could fall in with AND I can find a way to balance this with the rest of my life, im still gonna be on this indefinite hiatus 💀👍 sorry))

((Btw -- Palestinians are in desperate need of e-SIMs to keep in touch with their loved ones and to organize humanitarian aid within the Gaza strip itself -- if any of you have a few spare dollars, please consider getting involved. I know the news is very quiet rn, especially if you're in America like me, but let me make this very clear; We are. kind of sort of Already IN World War Three. Russia and China and the global south are finally starting to hold the west accountable and the west is failing a shitting its pants about it Spectacularly. The world order is literally shifting. There's not one, but SEVERAL major international conflicts brewing right now, as America is sliding into fascism at break neck speed bc Genocide Joe is finally realizing he's probably not going to get re-elected [on account of all the genocide] on TOP of finally seeing the tangible effects of climate change. South America and Australia are on FIRE. Like NEVER before.))

((Never Again is Now. We could be going over the temperature "tipping point" of the planet BY 2030. now is NOT the time to be wallowing in escapism, no matter how much we desperately need/want it. If there is EVER a time to get involved with the real world and to take a step back from the internet and high stress fandom bullshit, it is NOW. No matter what Side of these issues you stand on, EVERYONE needs to be voting, everyone needs to be paying attention.))

(( if you can't afford esims [no shame, i often can't either, money is tight everywhere], then at the very least get This website open in your tabs. It generates revenue with free Daily clicks, the proceeds of which are all sent to UN organizations -- particularly UNRWA, which is VITAL to maintain not only getting aid INTO Gaza, but also retaining Palestinians legal right to return to their land -- without UNRWA, Isreal can begin to LEGALLY, haphazardly "deport" Palestinians, which would take YEARS to reverse through future court proceedings. Do your part, it only takes a few seconds a day 💪🌱))

((Alright, thats all! Sorry if you wanted a short sweet answer, but ive actually been ruminating on all of this, so thank you for this ask, for giving me a chance to talk about it all. Im happy to see this community thriving in the wake of Season 1, even if im not joining in myself -- you all keep up the great work, and keep having fun with it ❤ let it empower you to explore the value of Charlie's message and think of ways to impliment it in your daily life And on the world at large‼))

[mythicaldemigoddess-of-deltarune]

I Became Not A FAN Of Toxic Christian Nationalists After Seeing A Video...

[Note: please do NOT reblog this without my permission. also reading this post is optional, and I know that not everyone will end up reading this anyway...so yeah, it is still optional to read this post or not at all.]

so yeah, before I get to work on writing the part 2 of a fan theory about show I like, and I may end up making other theories about other shows and video games I like...but later.

I think I should say this, first of all I know that not everyone who is Christian would dare to do such a thing...

and not everyone from a religious with some toxic people in it, are well, not all of them are bad.

but yeah, the video I found that is from a few years ago...and I think this year was the first time I watched it...

but yeah, it makes me want to stay a Maiden for the rest of my life and NEVER get married, even if I did find out that some Aroaces do in fact get married, and I'm a Gray-Aroace, and for all I know I could be a Demi type of Ace but I don't feel like finding out right now in this moment in time...

but yeah, and if some Christian Nationalist knew anything, is that some Aces do in fact do the whole "snu-snu" thing...

but it should still be a choice, no matter if one is Ace or not.

and from how that video had explained the whole thing...

well to me, it makes it sound a bit like Sexual Coercion...

and just in case, I'm gonna have this go from "For Everyone" to "Mature" just to be safe...

but yeah, and we can only hope human beings like that do not get there way,

because it might be a bad image for Christianity if that happen.

even if some might believe they are "helping" some only do some emotional damage, like the one who kept misusing the words "may god have mercy on you" or "may the lord have mercy on you" at me, even though it was making me upset and making me cry...

they couldn't just accept the fact I believe in the Goddess now too, even though I can still believe in God, and we can't just focus on the Divine Masculine alone, and we do need to have balance for both the Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine...

but you can't force people into it, they have to do so willingly.

but yeah, and I'm not okay with the whole messed up stuff that video had pointed out, even if it is a video from a few years ago, but still...it isn't cool that some Toxic Christian Nationalist would be okay with that...

did they even know that makes it sound like Sexual Coercion...?

maybe they didn't know and hadn't even realize that.

I'm still thinking over if I should identify as "Catalyst-Christian" or not, even though I rather not call myself "Christian" anymore, because of certain reasons...but I be open to becoming a "Catalyst-Christian" even if I might end up being the only one...

I think I will listen to the RWBY song "I Burn" later, and might watch Steven Universe Movie later as well...

so excuse me if this Earth Angel Princess, who is also Ace, is not really a big fan of Toxic Religious People like that...

but at least there are some Religious People and even People who aren't Religious at all, have more sense than to suggest something that sounds like Sexual Coercion...

anyway I wont say the type of Christian Nationalist that got me really upset before to the point to crying because of that video that talks about those Monsters...only that, they make me NEVER wanting to get married and possibly stay a Maiden for the rest of my life...

I knew of the possibility I might end up keep being a Maiden, but they just made me feel like I shouldn't ever get married because of what they want to do...and hopefully, they NEVER will able to get away with it...and that gross stuff never happens.

and by the way a "Maiden" even for a Enbirl, you know Nonbinary-Girl...it is someone who still has their V-Card...

but yeah, I do not need another religious trauma after what happen the last time when someone kept misusing certain words towards me and making me cry, and I hope those Monsters never able to do those sick plans...and if I feel ready to, I might edit this sometime and put the name of the video that I found that talks about it...

also no matter what Man says, Women were not put on this Earth to be Subservient...it's called being Equal Partners, Two Halves of the Same Whole, Being Each Other Better Halves...

and it isn't love at all if one or the other is being forced into Intercourse even through that Coercion...and love isn't always about s*x, there has to be a deeper level of a bond that isn't just that...

and at least not all Men are as bad as some, so there is still hope...

of course there are some Women who are just as bad as men, but yeah...anyway the video from before did make me really upset to the point of crying...maybe because I felt both myself and other people who are Ace, would be in danger if that ever became a thing...

but so far it doesn't seem like it has happen, so I guess we are safe.

but yeah, I guess I feel a bit like Pink Diamond/Rose Quartz from Steven Universe because of that video as well...and if some have watched Steven Universe, and know how White Diamond as well as Blue and Yellow use to be, some might understand...

the feeling of wanting to run away to another universe has crossed my mind, even if at the moment I could probably only take a Vacation through dreaming about it probably.

and yeah, one of the reasons I'm not a fan of what I found out...

might be because of one of my phobias, that goes along with my Semi-Androphobia...and is linked to the panic attack I had once around 2015...

anyway I don't think I want to talk too much about the whole not really being a big fan of Christian Nationalist that would be okay with such a disgusting thing...

at least not all Christians or any other Religious person is like those who think it's "okay" when really it isn't...and it still sounds like coercion...but they probably didn't know they were suggesting that, they probably would figure it out at some point...

or if they haven't yet, maybe we should give them time to come to that realization themselves...and well hope some can understand my feelings and thoughts about it, and when I'm able to...and if I feel like it, I will edit this to add in the name of the video that talks about the stuff that had got me really upset before...

and yeah I know that not all Religious People will accept that I believe in both the Heavenly-Father and Earthly-Mother now...

but at least some respect my different belief and don't go all Toxic-Religious on me and try to make me break away from the Divine Feminine...so yeah, it is good that not everyone is Toxic-Religious.