dansfenderbenders

[saintedbythestorm]

Time to start trying to get my medication renewed then... and fight the doctor or nurse or whatever about them trying to force tests on me... cause I can bet you anything they will do that again.

[kqysukii]

NEVER ENDING CHAPTER

chapter 1 ~

tw!; swearing, slight grief, couple arguments, lmk if there’s anything else!

~~~~

Chapter 1: Bittersweet Latte

__________________________

Thursday, 11:03am

Momma's home.

"I love you, baby.." My mother said wiping tears from her eyes.

"Ma', I'm only gonna be a couple hours away. I promise I'll visit every holiday, and I'll call you every day.." Chantelle says voice cracking, pulling her into a tight hug.

Chantelle Levines, a 21 year old girl who had just bought a new house in Atlanta. She had lived in Tennessee for most of her life, so this was a big step for her. She had got a job offer for a writer in Atlanta, and her family thought it was best if she moved there.

My mom smiled. "You're such a big girl now!" She said with her hands on my arms. My mom pulled me in for another hug, sniffling. "I love you baby.. please be careful. Make me proud."

"I will momma, don't worry." I say holding my suitcases walking towards the door. I open the door and turn around looking my momma in the eyes. She was such a strong woman. Raising me as an only parent, working multiple jobs to keep a roof over my head, she was my role model. There was a comfortable silence before I walked out the door, closing it behind me. Leaving the cinnamon flavored air, yellow and brown home, that the same woman raised me in.

I walk towards my car looking at what used to be my home. Leaving this place would be leaving all I've ever know behind. But I got this. I'll make my momma proud. And when I make her proud, I'm gonna buy her anything she wants. I'll repay her after all these years. And I just know my daddy's watching me from above. And I know if I have both of them, I can do anything. And with that, I pull off, and head for the airport.

Monday, 4:09pm

"Turn to the left on Main Street to reach your destination" My GPS says. A few minutes later, I'm staring at my new home. Not bad.

I open my car door, locking it behind me as I walk up to the front door of my house. My house is pretty big. It has two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a living room, kitchen, and dining room. I would probably end up making one of the bedrooms my office.

A couple hours later, I start to unpack some of the things I had with me. The moving van was supposed to be coming that Wednesday. Maybe I could go out for some coffee? I had nothing better to do.. why not?? I thought to myself. I put my shoes on, and pull my hair back. I try to lay my edges down, and I quickly put on some light makeup. Nothing special, just going to pick up coffee...and maybe some guys too. I laugh at myself, as I pick up my car keys. I need to calm down, I literally just moved here..

In the coffee shop..

Butterscotch Café

6:32 pm

I open the café doors as a little bell rings in sync with the door widening. It looked really cozy, if I do say so myself. You could tell all different types of people from college students typing on laptops, elderly reading newspapers, music producers, writers, and so much more. As I looked around studying my environment, I make my way to the counter where several workers look ready to go home. To be honest, I don't blame them.

"Hello, can I take your order?" The worker asked.

"Hi! It's my first time here, what would you recommend..?" I say holding my arm.

"Actually, our drink of the day is our French Toast Latte. Me personally, I think it's pretty tasty."

"Oh, then I'll have that!"

"Great!" He says tapping the digital screen. "That'll be $6.23"

Damn, Georgia EXPENSIVE.. I wince at the price, but it's whatever. "Alrighty.." "I say taking out a ten dollar bill and giving it to him.

I sit down at a booth to drink my coffee. The dim light from the sun makes it way through the giant window next to my booth. The reddish-brownish seats I sit on with slight coffee stains, and the fabric ripping. Nice. I take a sip of my drink, and it was pretty good. I was very picky when it came to drinks, so I was shocked I enjoyed it. While I was here, maybe I should try socializing; I don't know anyone here.

I look around for anyone I might find friendly, but I cant find anyone, really. Everyone is either staring at a computer, or already talking to someone. But there's a guy in the corner, he looks nice. As I'm building up enough courage to go over there, there's another girl. Shoot, well there goes my shot at meeting someone. The girl walks over to him, hastily. She looks mad. She starts to talk to him, and it looks like they're arguing. I cant really hear much, but what I do hear is

"Goddamnit, Mason! You always fucking do this. You know what, I'm done. I'm done with this— I'm done.." Her voice cracks. "I'm done with you. We're over."

Damn.

"What the hell, K'yana? What did I even do? You're fucking overreacting!" The boy states.

"Oh, I'm overreacting? You sure weren't saying that when you left me because you were mad! Then hooked up with that ho? Hell no." She yells.

"Yeah. Cause' you thought you were too good for me. Don't forget, Ky, I was the one who fucking helped you when nobody else did." He shouts back.

Every word of the argument seems to get louder, while I'm over here sipping my latte, watching. It gets so heated, that they get kicked out of the café. Outside, you can see her throwing her coffee on him, and storming off.

"This could be my chance to go over there.." I think to myself. I throw what was left of my coffee away, as I make my way to the door. He has his hand over his head as he sits down on the sidewalk. Poor guy.

I act like I'm just now seeing him, to make it look more casual. I don't want to just sit next to him and freak him out or anything.

"Hey.. you okay?" I say softly.

"I...who the hell are you?!" He snaps back.

Oh! I guess this is what I get for trying to help a stranger.

"My name is Chantelle. You are..?" I say reaching my hand out to help him up.

"None of your damn business." He snaps back again.

"Oookkayyy..." I say as I awkwardly step back from him. "Just..uh. Keep safe, I guess."

He turns his head to look at me. He squints his eyes in confusion. Before I could look back at him, I quickly walk to my car and start it. As I sit in my car, I think about the previous interaction. What the fuck was that. "Keep safe I guess??" I bury my face in my hands to muffle my scream because, what the fuck was that? So much for Atlanta.

a/n

tysm for reading!! this chapter is also on my wattpad that I wrote like a year ago😭 I hope this gets attention because it’ll give me motivation to finish this. Sorry if there’s any grammar mistakes! I copied and pasted from my wattpad without changing anything so idk. anyways, tell me any thoughts or requests you have!! I’ll write more series along with requests!! byeee !

[forgottenluck]

So, life update here.

I know i've posted a few of these recently, but life's kind of got me in a choke hold at the moment and I've had little time nor energy to be on tumblr.

Because lets face it, tumblr is very energy consuming. There's always some sort of drama going on in some corner, or the devs have decided to push another update....something's always going on, and it takes quite a bit of energy to push through and get things done.

That being said, things....are calming down for me a bit. (medical stuff under cut, as well as the rest of what i want to say.)

Mom has finally stabilized enough to where she's out of the ICU. The doctors still refuse to tell me how bad of a stroke she had, but from what I can see? It was pretty bad. She can barely talk, barely lift her hands. She has to have assistance for the most part eating. (not swallowing though, she's got a hell of a swallow reflex which is good.) Her memory is absolutely shot. I've come up to visit her every day i'm off, and she still asks me when she's going home. She doesn't remember me coming any other time.

As bad as it sounds, I'm glad this happened when it did. It puts further emphasis on the fact that I cannot take care of her by myself, which makes it more likely that insurance will pay for her to stay at a nursing facility. I'm not saying that I don't appreciate her, that i'm glad she's in the hospital....because I love her to death and want her to stay around for as long as she can. But I have reached the end of what I can do for her, had for a long time now...but was lieing to myself. I was destroying myself to care for her.

With her stabalizing, i've found myself with a bit more free time. Mosst of this right now is being spent unpacking and organizing. My whole life is in boxes and totes and it's....hard. A little bit every day. I finally have a desk set up and a few of my shelves for books up. my dresser is in the right place....I've got some more things to move out of the living room, but things are slowly coming together. Me and my roommate are getting together and buying the things we know we're going to need.

I've had to replace almost all my bedding, replace all the cookware...I've washed my clothes at least 5 times. it's been hard, and rough.

The other thing i'm trying to focus on is my...personal health. I'm trying to find a skin care routine for myself. Hair care. Body care. I've joined PlanetFitness to try and loose some weight. (i'm only 5'2" and almost 180lbs. i'm afraid if i don't start now, i'll hit that 200 mark) I've never really been able to actually care for myself, always been focused on mom, and her care that i've exhausted myself on my own.

I think the thing that will be the hardest to overcome....is the fact that I don't actually have to care for her anymore. I don't have to have her in the back of my mind; i can't stay out later than a couple of hours, I have to get home to get her food, i can't do anything without asking her first.....all of that doesn't exist anymore. I can stay out as long as I want. I only have to worry about myself for food and groceries. I don't have to ask anyone if i can even leave the house/apartment. It hit me today while me and my roommate were out at PlanetFitness, just how free I was.

And just how sad it was that I was just now getting to be free. I'm going to be 31 in september.....and all my life pretty much has been spent careing for her. My formative years? High school, college? All focused on her. I'm only just now experiencing what a fresh college student gets to experience once they leave home.

There's a lot that i have to figure out.....with myself, with my life. Where I'm going from this point. But one thing I know, is that i'm not leaving tumblr any time soon. While it may take me some time, and I may only have muse for specific things, specific people.....i'm not going anywhere.

Tumblr has gotten me through the roughest parts of my life. There's no way i'm abandoning it any time soon. I just...might take some time to cycle back around and get back to work. I just want to give updates on what's going on. Not many people may care, but someone might. And maybe, someone is going through something similar. A rough patch, a hard time. Might feel like the world is crashing down around them.

Take it from me; it gets better. It takes time. And sometimes, life just decides to hit you all at once. But it does get better. It took 15 years for it to get better for me. But it is getting better. Slowly, painstakingly slowly....but still, just a bit. Every day.

[bincognit0]

out & about + self-discovery.

what a day.

first, we dropped off our fur baby at my parents. it truly felt like we were dropping our kid off to have a proper date night. next, we hit this small diner. the bar sitting wrapped around the kitchen. service was quick and it was a unique experience. we ended with some apple pie, by then I was too stuffed. but, the ice cream was amazing.

another major component to our date was the film, poor things. i was deeply intrigued by all the buzz. to be honest, i very much wanted to watch anyone but you. but, i wanted to keep that to myself. truthfully, i wanted to pick the movie that would make me seem the most interesting to my husband. and for once, i'm not mad at that. we had to drive back to our city to be able to watch it because all the seats in downtown were already sold.

before we left, we stopped for a quick coffee. the place i wanted to go to was part barbershop and park coffee shop. and, that right there should've been my sign. to begin with, parking was a bitch and the neighborhood was sketch. once inside, the place had an odd smell. it was a weird mix of hair and coffee, except it produced an odd scent resembling neither. also, the bathroom situation sucked. it just felt exposed. not tucked away in some hallway. i didn't like it.

we drove in traffic for some time until we finally arrived to a nearby theater. the film was terrific. i'm so happy i went down that route. my husband and i went into it blindly and we were more than happy with the outcome. we enjoy doing that, and more often than not, it yields good results. afterwards, we stopped to pick up wine. when we got home, we started the docuseries, twin flames on netflix. it was crazy. we watched the first episode with popcorn, and moved on to watch forgetting sarah marshall.

it is now nearly 4am and i can't sleep. in my restless condition, i began to look for light pink blushes. i have a medium skin tone, so they either look ashy or somehow too orange. buying any makeup requires a bit of research as a brown girl. i succeeded and i can't wait to try them. i also went overboard and bought 5 charlotte tilbury lipsticks and one lipliner. some are minis so, i don't feel too bad.

i mean, i don't feel too-too bad. looking good is an investment well worth my money and time. i feel good and then my husband can't get enough of me. today, i got all dolled up again, only this time-i experimented with my look. i wore these low-rise true religion flare jeans, a black cropped tee, black cardigan, and platform boots that made me look like a bratz doll. my hair and makeup was done to the nines, and i had a cool red italian leather purse to seal the deal. i was on cloud nine.

i finally took out some of my winter wardrobe. it's finally cold enough to use it, only to discover that it was not what i anticipated. in my mind, i thought i was to unpack all of this heat. i was wrong. i only found some items i liked, some to hem, some of my staples and basics. this happens a lot. i have struggled with personal style for a very long time. my husband had to help me pick my outfit because i was doing a god-awful job at it.

i want to change that. i can feel myself connecting to my femininity. i also feel like dropping some acts. i used to think making somewhat cringey jokes to emulate cringy things (?) was funny and now i don't feel like doing that. that probably sounded weird, but sometimes i use the stupidest humor and i've realized most people go with it, but now, i can totally see them laughing at me when i'm not around. i just feel like being more cool, calm and collected? i hope it lasts. maybe its my age? like something finally clicked?

[cosmictulips]

Okay, so initially I wanted to do the tarot reading but then I got an intuitive message like I never have before. I am not sure how helpful this is or will be in the future but I just have to tell you I am almost dizzy. First I was seeing you and your sister in your room. You were on the computer, I think maybe studying for a lecture or something, you were quite serious and deep in thought, pensive, but very content. Your sister was laying on the bed, she has rainbow striped kneesocks and she’s watching gravity falls with her headphones on (Idk why this specifically stood out to me but it did), there is an open suitcase with a bunch of stuff in there. Maybe you‘re going to travel somewhere? this feels all really peaceful and both of you are at ease, something tells me that this comes after a time period where you two were so tense and on edge that sometimes you couldn’t‘ stand being in the same room but not because you hate each other on anything like that!! Rather you both were soooo fucking preoccupied with life that there was no way you could allow yourselves to relax even in the slightest. But now there is peace, you‘re breathing. It is late at night but there is no rush, you both just seem to enjoy each other’s company while doing your thing. Then the next scene I saw was you driving in a dark blue or maybe black car? Not sure but you are taking a right turn then you are on the parking lot of a huge mall, you are wearing a really colorful flows dress and you‘re laughing because *now don‘t shoot the messenger* for the first time in a very long time you do not feel as if you have to care about how much it will cost (I think you might be buying a bracelet or something, because I am seeing shiny metal). Then the next scene, I saw you at the concert for a split second and your face is so bright with the headlights and all and you‘re watching the stage but at the same time you‘re seeing Apollo and he‘s giving you a smile. Then I felt Hermes presence and he put his hand on your shoulder. But this was all just in the blink of an eye. Then the next and final scene: you and your sister are sitting on the couch, feet on the table, both of you have a hot chocolate (i think? Or Irish coffee idk but like a warm dring with whipped cream). It is dark outside and starts to snow, this has to be a few day‘s before Christmas because I heard „oh the weather outside is frightful but the fire is so delightful since there‘s no place to go let it snow let it snow let it snow“ you were watching rupaul‘s drag race first and the grinch second. Both of you are laughing and this whole scene just feels so so so safe. I think, however that this is a different apartment form the first situation, so maybe you weren‘t going to travel but to relocate? Not sure, but this feels so secure, so … i don‘t know what other word to use but there is stillness, calmness. Then I was like… what does this all mean? And I saw the star card and heard „you have to be a fox. You have to take the next step“ my fingers are tingling writing this down and I almost want to take a pen and sign my name somewhere. I feel like you‘ll know what this means either some parts now already or just when the time comes then you‘ll remember this message but yeah. Not exactly an exchange reading (sorry!) but I think still worth sharing. Now it‘s up to you to interpret this I guess????? Sorry if this is vague I don’t even know what to do with myself now lol. Sending you hugs and kisses <3

Helllooo friend!

there's actually a lot to unpack here and it's funny that I get this after having a dream of my own that was kind of similiar to this reading lmao. are we just sharing the same energy? you mentioned it in your other ask and I was like lolol maybe??? but now I'm like... maybe lol

OMFG

did YOU NOT JUST GET THE FOX CARD IN YOUR OTHER LITTLE THING YOU SENT ME.

and... dude

Apollo, Hermes ... and even aphrodite have been such bros for me lately lmao. one of the songs that was played at the concert was called "satellite" and part of the lyrics are "if you lead, I will follow. I will be your apollo alone in outer space" you know referring to the rocket

but like --- I swear to you it felt like I was just singing to and with apollo the whole time LOL. and like I carry hermes with me wherever I go and I was gushing to both of them about the concert lmao.

I have been hearing for awhile now that I'll be moving. moving to where I don't really know lol. but that star card indicates that something big is coming my way. it's all being kept vague for a reason and I will trust it.

like yea, I felt my bois and aphrodite at that concert lmao. like genuinely, it just felt like I grew a stronger connection to them lolol.

but yea, as for the rest of it it's funny cause Gravity falls is my favorite show lololol. and I've been catching my sister up with rupaul xD

butttt this actually gives me a lot of hope because we've been praying heavily for the day where we can just relax and not look at the price tag lolol

[black-sunbeam]

Pepero - Exo Lay Fanfic

Genre - Oneshot Fluff

Word count - 1671

So this is a Yixing fanfic that I wrote in high school and I finally decided to post it. Enjoyy

'Do you know the pepero game?' Lay asked me as we unpacked the snacks. 

I knew where this was going as I stared at the box of pepero sticks he was holding up. 

'No I don't' I replied, looking away, being totally dishonest. Of course I knew it and I was sure of one thing. There was no way I was going to do something that embarrassing.

'Do you want to know?' He urged getting all excited.

I sighed.

'Not right now Lay..'

'It's really fun.'

'Could you please pass me the biscuits' I said in a futile attempt to distract him.

He picked up the tin of biscuits and handed it to me. 

'Listen!' He literally squealed 'how it works is...'

'Where's the bread? We didn't forget to buy it right?' I clearly cut him off

Lay was silent as he shook his head and passed me the loaf of bread. I took it and continued stocking the other stuff, ignoring his presence. He looked at me for a few seconds before he asked

'Do you not want to know?' the disappointment in his voice was clear and I instantly felt bad.

'It's not that..' I said, feeling sorry 'Can we just concentrate on unpacking this stuff for now?..' 

I couldn't look into those dejected eyes as he looked at me and nodded silently and shoved the pepero box away. I could feel the depressed atmosphere as he shuffled around the groceries. The last thing I wanted was make him sad. I sighed. 

'Okay fine.. tell me..fast...'

He was elated to hear this and hurriedly pulled out the box of pepero. I turned away and started arranging the food in the refrigerator to avoiding any eye contact.

'It's really simple' he started 

'We take one stick. I put one end in my mouth and the other end goes in yours...'

I blushed at the details and I could feel the heat in my face. I was grateful to have the refrigerator cooling my head. 

'Then we start eating from the ends and our faces come closer...' he explained as I cringed.

I started picturing it in my mind which made my head spin. Just imagining it was bad enough...

'And... We kiss' 

'Huh?

Don't we leave a 2cm gap?' I replied unconsciously, looking up at him.

He stared at me, bewildered and I realised my folly. I quickly turned back into the freezer as he kept looking at me.

'You knew?' He asked

I blushed, my eyebrows slightly furrowing.

'Yes..'  I admitted

'I've seen it a few times on shows' 

His eyes never shifted as he examined me silently and I wished he'd look away.

'Look... I...' I began, scavenging my brain for an excuse, but before i could say anything he placed the pepero box on the kitchen counter and walked away.

I was left speechless as he strode towards the sofa and sat curled up on it with his legs up and chin touching his knees. I mentally punched myself about ten times as I watched him, pouting in the corner.

I sighed and walked towards him. He refused to look at me. So I knelt down on the floor in front of him and took his hands in mine.

'I'm so sorry Yixing. I didn't mean to lie to you like that. Will you forgive me?' 

He still wouldn't look at me

'Please..' I begged and his eyes softened 

He hesitated a bit but finally spoke

'You didn't want to do it with me..' he mumbled .

I was surprised when I heard that. So that's why he was depressed. I never saw it from his point of view. Was that how he interpreted it?

'No' I exclaimed 'I was just embarassed to do it'

He still pouted, melting my heart again.

I looked up at his crestfallen face and said,

'You know what? I want to do it'

I noticed his eyebrows rise in surprise. I got up and went to the kitchen counter. I took the box of pepero and opened it. I could see Lay watching me from the corner of his eye. He pretended to not have been looking when I returned with the box and knelt down on the floor in front of him again. 

I took one stick and held it in my mouth and leaned upwards, towards him. He had turned his head away but his steady eyes were watching me and he had a faint smile on his lips.

'Unghh'  I pointed at the pepero in my mouth, nudging his legs with my fingers.

He stared at me for five seconds before he looked away and abruptly chuckled.

'Unghh?'  I looked at him confused.

He put his legs down and with his left hand lifted my chin upwards as he leaned into my face, his eyes looking into mine.

'Oh you are so cute' he grinned smugly, 

My heart was instantly hit by rapid palpitations as he bit the other end of the stick.

He kept biting off pieces and I shut my eyes unable to bear looking at his face from such close proximity without fainting. He kept biting it off, coming closer each second when all of a sudden the pepero stick broke, his lips only two inches from mine.

I opened my eyes because I knew that was the end of the game. I felt a split second of relief that it was over when all of a sudden he held my face in his hands and pulled it close to his

And kissed me.

My eyes went wide open as he pressed his lips to mine. I couldn't even hear my heartbeats anymore. Only some distant, melodious, chiming bells. 

When finally after a long second our lips parted. He opened his eyes and looked at me, grinning and I stared back with shock on my face. 

I lost all the strength in my legs and collapsed on my behind, my face boiling hot. He smirked, enjoying my reaction as he got down on the floor and leaned towards me, crunching the pepero stick in his mouth.

'So did you like the game?' He whispered in my ear in a teasing tone, his breath tickling my neck and ears. 

My voice disappeared leaving just a knot in my throat and I flushed deeper. 

Chuckling again he faced me and our eyes met. He stopped laughing almost immediately and held my gaze for about ten seconds as his expression changed completely from teasing to serious before he placed his left palm on my cheek. I shuddered at the touch as his fingers reached to the back and dug into my hair, tangling it and gently pulling my head closer to his.

I tried to form comprehensible words but instead empty air escaped my mouth. I didn't even struggle this time when the gap between our faces kept decreasing, till finally our lips met again. 

I have absolutely no idea how to put into words what I felt at that moment. My heart was beating so fast that it hurt, like it was being punctured with sharp skewers from every side.

I held my breath and my mind went haywire due to the lack of oxygen. But the most unexpected feeling was that my body was reacting to him, to his every touch, wanting to close the distance between us. I didn't care if it hurt. I felt a wave of electricity passing through my nerves and I knew I was on the verge of passing out.

Our lips finally separated and I gasped for air. I looked at Lay to see him still intently looking at me. I held my aching chest with my left hand trying to calm my short-circuited heart, partially coming to my senses. 

I started taking deep breaths and our eyes met once more. He held me again slowly coming closer but I knew I was at my limit and with a swift movement, I held up my palm and covered his mouth.

He looked at me questioningly.

I shook my head taking a few deep breaths.

'That's.. all I can take...for one day..' I heaved, somehow finding my voice, my mind still going topsy-turvy.

His response was unexpected as he roared with laughter and backed away. I nearly collapsed to the floor, when he got up and lifted me in his arms effortlessly. He put me back on my feet and whispered chuckling 'Shall we continue unpacking then?' he remarked like nothing even happened.

I nodded dizzily, holding onto the side-table for support, trying to recover. 

He walked towards the kitchen, still shaking  with laughter and I watched his back as he walked. 

I was absolutely sure of one thing.

I was uncontrollably in love with him, and nothing could change that. I followed him with my numb legs, slightly tripping at each step. He held me to his side began unloading the rest of the groceries. I felt a sudden gush of warmth in my chest as i watched him. 

I still had the box of pepero in my right hand which I made absolutely sure to place in the far corner of the back shelf. 

I was trying to shy away from the thought of it but I knew that the unforgettable memories of today would always remain in my heart, making me red each time I thought of him.

                               ------X------

I went to the room the next morning. Lay had already left and I got a text that he'd be back by noon. I decided to cook something for lunch rather than ordering in again and went into the kitchen. The first thing I saw in the kitchen when i entered made my jaw drop and the blood flow right through my face.

The box of pepero was on the front shelf at eye level with a note stuck to it

- 'Nineteen sticks left' 

This is my very first fanfic. I hope you like it. It's clear who my bias is hehehe. Also I'm not really sure how the Pepero game works so I made up my own version here lol xD

[pbandjesse]

Today was a very good day. But I'm also very tired and my jaw hurts and every time I stand up my knee tries to buckle. Why. Unacceptable.

But regardless of how my body is failing me, today was pretty great. I woke up today at 8, answered some texts and slept for another hour. It was very much needed and was great. I got up and had breakfast. Chilled on the couch and got ready for work.

It was a nice morning. And soon enough it was time to go to work. It actually didnt take as long as normal so I was like 20 minutes early. But that was nice because I got to hug on James for a while. I went and got changed and came down to the desk for a bit. James was doing the firing so he went to get ready for that.

I played around on the computer, worked on my chapter. I expanded my secrions and eventually even got the conclusion started which is always very hard for me. But I'm making progress.

The firing was like 10 minutes earlu which should not have been a big deal. But a little after noon a woman came in and was really mad at me that the firing didnt happen exactly at noon. Like she wasnt yelling but it was a close thing. And like thats such a non complaint?? Barely anyone was onboard and James was trying to beat the rain that was coming. It was ridiculous abd it made my chest hurt with thag kind of fear and upset i get when im in a confrontation. I didnt like that at all.

But soon enough after that a woman asked why the spoons in the case had a point on it. And i didnt know! So i investigaited. From what I can gather spoons with a point are a french style that became popular in America in the 19th century and the point is so you know when to buy a new spoon! When it wears down from misuse and scrapping the bottom of the bowel you are supposed to grt a new one! Neat!

The rest of the day was pretty good. It started storming and I got to sit with James and just embroider and it was just so calm and good.

Ben, my photographer friend, asked me if I could help with a shoot and he would buy me dinner. So of course I said yes. At 330 I got changed, said goodbye to James, and went to meet Ben.

We had a fun filled afternoon. We had Panera. Talked about tattoos. Went to target. I got a candle and apple cider and cupcake mix. Because I haven't been in target in ages and I couldnt help myself. Im very excited for cider!

We headed over to the park and spent a couple hours working on his shoot. Honestly it was just beautiful. He had this idea with the flowers coming from his chest and just all the colors and textures of the pictures was so beautiful. I had a really good time. And I learned a little about flash photography. It was a good time. Poor Ben got very wet boots and squished all the way to the car.

I got to keep the leftover flowers and that was really nice! Perks!

I was only slightly sad because apparently I had said I was going to work at the museum tonight for their free night but i really reallu have no memory of this. So I feel really bad that they didnt have me there. They said it was covered and all good. But I feel like a jerk still. I'll apologize more tomorrow.

Ben took me home and I unpacked some stuff. I did my watercolor sketch for the week. I had some pie. I decided to bake tomorrow. And thats when I started not feeling so great. I went and put my velvet duvet on my bed. Since its officially fall. And I've been resting and watching the new Shane Dawson doc. Im going to go make some toast and get ready to sleep.

I hope you all sleep well tonight. Stay cozy!

[fanatic-flame-blog]

Today was... hard.

Today was a difficult day. I tried to clean my house all day. I tried to get my husband to help out and instead he wanted to buy new games and then play them. I get it. I want to relax too. We have family coming to town in 3 days and instead he wants to forget they're coming at all. They're coming for our son's birthday, he's turning 2. We live across the country from all of our family so the fact that they're making their way here is huge. Our son never gets to see them unless it's on video chat. You know it's... Just not the same.

We agreed this weekend is devoted to cleaning and unpacking the rest of the house. Yes, that's tedious. Yes, I know that. Yes, we end up tossing a lot because why the hell did we keep it in the first place? He did not want to clean. He didn't want to tidy, he didn't want to unpack a thing. He wanted to move things around so it looked cleaner without actually BEING cleaner 🤦🏻‍♀️

This started argument after argument with me usually folding and asking for the bare minimum. Fun fact, I am very pregnant, I need help. I'm due in about 1.5 months and lord my nerves and give a shits are fried. I can't bend down and pick things up like I need to, I can't stand certain smells without barfing. If you've been pregnant, I'm sure you know. So I ask for help that I rarely get and then beat myself up over till I'm just dead inside.

On top of my husband being in his own mood about cleaning and being an adult, our son decided to throw a massive fit because we asked him to say "Please". It's not a new word, he's said it many times before. This time, it was his trigger word and it sent him into a 30 minute long screaming tantrum and I wanted to throw him out the window. I was so done with the both of them. I gave in after about 4 minutes of trying to calm him down and still trying to get him to say "please". I gave him what he wanted and said "next time we say please and thank you" and then more screaming like I'd just smacked the shit out of him.

I gave him food, it was dinner time, and he finally calmed a bit. Then, he finished his drink. All hell broke loose. God forbid he drank all of his juice box and couldn't have another. Husband broke down and gave him another. Son squeezed it all over himself and then screamed more, this time his juice was gone and he was soaking wet. I couldn't win. There's nothing I could have done so I sent the two of them outside while I cleaned it all up. Apparently that's all my son wanted, to go outside. He could have said "outside" and we would have gone. He never did. He usually does.

I thought I was the one that was supposed to be a wreck and could cry any moment? Nope, today it's my toddler and I'm so glad it's bedtime and I can actually breathe a little. Today was just hard.

I really hope tomorrow is easier so I can finish the rest of my chores... That should have been finished today...

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Buster

Rio: Just got off the phone with Junior Buster: Yeah? Rio: Yep Rio: That was Rio: Unexpected Buster: I was on my way back home. Do you want me to turn around the other way? Buster: I get that it wasn't my place to speak for you Rio: No Rio: He convinced me you didn't convince him of this Rio: and with all he had to say, I believe him Buster: Good Buster: I'm not sorry Rio: As much as it would be easier to believe he's just got new Dad nerves about this Rio: it was a lot harder to tell Demi all he had to so Rio: that's not the easy way out, like Rio: not that there is one, in this situation Buster: Yeah Buster: Been there, had them. It obviously wasn't that Buster: Did he tell you about how it went between them? He hadn't spoken to Demi when we did Buster: I can guess but Rio: Your guess would probably cover it Rio: Not well at all Buster: I'm not sorry for that either. Better it happened now than down the line Rio: No, I agree Rio: Reckons he's at least convinced him that he can't just leave with her Rio: so that's something Buster: I'd kill him if he tried Rio: Buster Rio: Can't blame him Rio: or say you haven't thought the same thing before Buster: Yeah I can Buster: He shouldn't know what Junior was feeling, I knew yours Rio: Not everyone is us Rio: but yeah, its shit, really shit Buster: Well they should get on our level, babe Buster: I'm sorry I left you with nobody but the dog for company Rio: I've really brought our average down, haven't I Rio: Its alright, Messi's a great shoulder to cry on, used to all sorts the poor sod Buster: True Buster: Least I kicked myself out into the night and not him Buster: Can't have Jay mad at me as well as you Rio: She'd never forgive you, like Rio: but you know I'm not mad at you, idiot Buster: Yeah? Buster: You can be, if you need Rio: I ain't Rio: You've not done anything wrong here Buster: That's a lie but I don't wanna fight again Rio: Do you want me to go? Rio: Give me 10 to pack a bag Buster: No Buster: I want you to stay Buster: Both of you Rio: Are you sure? Really think about it Rio: Because you didn't sign up for this either Rio: You don't have to Buster: I've had plenty of time to think about it while you were pretending anything but this would happen Buster: Trust me Rio: Yeah Rio: Such a know-it-all, like Buster: Don't be mad I've taken your crown once Rio: You know you'd rather that than all the self-loathing Buster: 'Course Buster: I'm at Tesco raiding the newborn aisle so we don't have to take the piss by stealing Demi's essentials as well as the baby Buster: Need anything? Rio: Don't Rio: I feel so awful for him, I can't even be lighthearted about it Rio: Some pads, the big ones Rio: Sexy Buster: Don't. Be happy for yourself Buster: He'll still get to play daddy Buster: You still are. Original MILF, remember? Rio: I can't Rio: It doesn't feel real Rio: It might not be yet Rio: How are you being so calm? Buster: Let's go get your daughter Buster: It will then Buster: You can't get more real than a screaming baby, like Buster: You think I'm calm? You really have handed over your know-it-all crown, babe Rio: Can we Buster: We can Buster: As soon as I pay for my armfuls of baby bullshit Buster: Don't worry, there's nothing exciting, we can shop together for that Rio: are we allowed? Rio: are you sure? Buster: I promise Rio: I think I'm in shock Rio: have we really done this? Buster: I know Buster: But it's happening Buster: You can have everything you want Rio: That can't be true Rio: That doesn't happen Buster: It can Buster: Look at me, got it all, ain't I? Rio: Yeah Rio: Born for it like, posh boy Buster: I got you out of the 24 Buster: Can't say nothing Rio: Alright, no need to make me sound like I've come from the bargain bin, thanks very much Buster: I'm just saying we're forever on the up babe, nothing's changed on that score Rio: You promise nothing's changed? Rio: You said there was nothing left Buster: 'Cause you were lying Buster: I couldn't live that lie with, or for you Buster: I love you too much Rio: but Rio: what if he takes us to court and wins and we can't keep her Rio: will you still leave Buster: I'll never leave you again Rio: I need you, okay Buster: I need you just as much Buster: I'm not going anywhere Rio: I'm sorry it came to this Buster: I know Buster: But it's all going to be alright Rio: Yeah Rio: Its got to be, I've got to be Rio: if we're really doing this Buster: I know it's scary but I also know you can do this Rio: Poor Venus Rio: what if she won't bond with me Rio: she shouldn't have been away from me for this long so soon Buster: Yeah, I wish she hadn't been, but we'll figure it out Buster: At least it's happening now instead of weeks or months or years late Rio: I suppose so Rio: What are you going to tell the girls? Buster: The truth Buster: I don't see any way around it Buster: I'll just tell them that you're keeping her and she's part of the family now Buster: They'll be more excited than anything else I reckon Rio: I can give you time to have that conversation though Rio: so you don't have to do it right now Buster: It's fine Buster: We can do it together Buster: We've handled worse questions from Jay about her mum and everything Rio: Poor baby Rio: why can't anything ever be simple? Buster: Some things money can't buy, but you never heard me say that, yeah? Buster: This is good news, anyway, she loves being a big sister Rio: I'll never tell Rio: Who doesn't love having underlings to do their bidding? Rio: Gutted it ain't a boy, though Buster: Never gonna get one at this rate Rio: Unlucky Rio: Even Henry got one on his third attempt Buster: Well, technically I've only had two so far, babe so Buster: Not bested like Rio: Umm doesn't mean you get a free pass Rio: 'scuse me Buster: Yeah yeah Buster: You'll be too busy mothering to keep tabs on me Buster: Unlucky Rio: Fuck you Rio: I'm in a fragile state, at least lie to me that you're gonna be faithful Buster: No more lies, babe Rio: Yeah Rio: didn't exactly go to plan Buster: Just as well we've got a new plan Buster: And it's time to put it into action 'cause I'm done here Buster: Get yourself ready I'll be back soon Rio: Thanks Rio: For everything Buster: No need to thank me Rio: That ain't true Rio: You didn't give up Rio: on either of us Buster: I never will Buster: I love you Rio: I love you, Buster Buster: Venus is lucky to have you, don't forget that, yeah? Buster: You're a good mum, Rio Rio: I try Rio: and I'm going to keep trying Rio: that's all we can do, yeah? Buster: Even when it was killing you, you were trying to do the best thing for her, which you reckoned was being with those two Buster: That's not just trying Buster: That's giving it all Rio: We'd all do the same Rio: Regardless of how it hurts us, its what you do Buster: Not me, well selfish, like Rio: You're not Rio: You know you aren't Buster: Keep that to yourself, babe Buster: I've got a rep Rio: Do my best but Rio: building quite another rep all by yourself Rio: Junie and Mum were well impressed Rio: if you gonna show yourself up, I can't save you, like Buster: Yeah, well Buster: I'd do anything for you Rio: Stop Rio: You're too good for me Buster: No Rio: Are too Rio: but its alright, know you thrive on the stress so Rio: Welcome Buster: Cheers Buster: On that note, I'm pulling in Buster: Time to do this Rio: I'll come help you unpack Rio: Though you're probably being so dramatic about how much you got, as per Buster: Me? Never Buster: No clue how you got that idea