#I'm glad I didn't read this as a kid! I would've been SO MAD

[3mcwriting]

Any Fan's Dream, Part 25

Any Fan's Dream Masterlist

Synopsis:

When you look around and see Avengers Tower in front of you and Peter Parker beside you, you wonder how the hell you managed to get into the MCU.Keep reading

Sorry this chapter is a day late, I was remaking the taglist and that took a lot longer than expected so I just passed out after lol

Taglist: @secretly-sirens, @zeeader, @imdoingathingmom, @x-theolivia, @ainsley-official, @ourgoddessathena, @vine-enthusiast, @hoohoohope, @myfturn, @mjaudrey, @igotthisasajokeyetimstillhere, @starr60, @lauraashley93, @coldmermaidhologram, @daenerysluvrr, @viperchick47, @im-better-than-your-newborn, @mynightandstars, @qvnthesia, @liallerr, @cypherverze, @afraidofshrimp, @alexsmonstercan, @huntress-artemiss, @im-better-than-your-newborn, @marvelwomen-arehot, @benzinaa, @maxinehufflepuffprincess

After your interaction with Steve, you managed to find your way back to the entryway you had come in through. It was just a large rectangular living room with an open style kitchen in one corner and large ground-to-ceiling windows spanning two of the walls. There was a large television in front of the plush couches and one person pacing in front of them. 

Your eyebrows raised. 

For some reason, you hadn't really expected to see him.

The clearly stressed man raised his head when he heard your footsteps, freezing the moment he saw you.

"What's up, Mr. Stank?" you asked. "Sorry for disappearing and everything..." You rubbed the back of your neck sheepishly, hoping he wasn't mad at you. Especially since you would've done it again without hesitation. You weren't really sorry for leaving but more so for betraying his trust.

He looked shell-shocked, completely speechless for once. Well, how was he supposed to react when someone who he thought of as one of his own was standing right in front of him mere days after being stabbed? He had heard the guilt in Steve's voice, felt panic rise in himself at the thought of how badly you'd been injured. The idea that you were only inches from death and that your only chance to live depended on the technology of aliens did nothing to ease his worry. He knew Thor cared about you, but what if the people there didn't want to help you? 

He didn't want to lose another person he cared about.

And wasn't that what every single one of them felt at the thought of you dying?

You weren't really sure what to do with his silence, but hugs had been working for everyone else, so you figured you might as well try it. Besides, in your experience, hugs almost always helped you, even if it was just a little. Obviously, they couldn't really fix your problems but they helped to ground you and remind you that you weren't alone in them.

"Can I give you a hug, Mr. Stank?" 

His expression changed, relief softening his features. "Yeah, of course, kid."

You moved forward, hugging him happily. As you'd said before, you truly were a hoe for hugs. There was something just so comforting about them to you. You knew some people didn't really like hugs though so you always made sure to ask before you did so. After all, if the point was to comfort a person, why would you do something that would make them uncomfortable?

Luckily, with Mr. Stank he seemed to be grateful for the hug. 

When the hug ended, he patted your shoulder. "I'm real glad you're alright, kid." His voice was a little choked up, but you didn't bother to point it out. 

"Thanks," you grinned. "I'm glad you are too, Mr. Stank."

He smiled at your attitude, glad to see you could still smile the same. "What do you say to working in the lab for a while?"

"Ooh! Yes!" You loved all the time you spent in his labs, there was so much cool stuff in there and even more cool stuff that you could build!

~~

A couple hours later (it was only around noon, but it felt later to you because apparently there was a time zone difference from Asgard and earth), Nat came into the lab while you and Tony were drinking juice packets. 

"C'mon, (y/n)," she said as she pulled you out of the room. "You need to have something other than juice."

"Sounds good," you nodded, your stomach agreeing immensely. "See ya later, Mr. Stank!" You waved to the man as you got pulled out of the room, missing the fond grin on his face. You walked beside Nat as she led you to the main living room you had been in earlier. 

As the two of you got closer to the room, a delicious smell began to waft through your nostrils--a delicious, familiar smell. You understood all those dogs you'd ever seen that would sniff the air greedily, behaving much too similarly at that moment. You couldn't help it, though! It smelled so. Damn. Good. And you hadn't eaten in hours and during those hours you had napped, comforted people, and began building a pear cannon for Peter! You were only human! You needed that delicious food that was giving off that heavenly smell.

As the two of you stepped into the living room, you glanced to the kitchen side of the room, your eyes set on the woman who was sitting at the counter of the island. She looked up from her phone when she heard the two of you enter, smiling at you in a way that made your breath catch a little. It wasn't your fault! Wanda's smile was too damn pretty for your weak heart!

"Hey, (y/n)," Wanda greeted. "Nat and I thought we could celebrate you being all healed, so I made your favorite foods and Nat bought your favorite snacks!"

You felt your jaw drop, but couldn't register much else. 

Wanda grinned at your expression, before setting out dishes laden with your favorite food on the low table in front of the TV while Natasha grabbed a bag from the corner of the counter and placed it beside the table.

"This is..." your brain was refusing to work, "I mean—you two didn't have to do all this. It must've taken a while." Your too-slow brain wasn't allowing you to properly process the situation. You couldn't really blame it, though. How—in any dimension—were you to believe that Natasha Romanoff and Wanda Maximoff would know your favorite foods? Or even more ridiculous, how were you to believe that they would take the time to make it for you when they were incredibly busy people themselves? Like, they were literally Avengers.

"We wanted to," Natasha smiled. "Although, I can't say I made much of the food. That was Wanda. I just got snacks." She held up the bag.

"Well, I think of you as a friend, and you were just healed from an almost fatal wound, so I thought it was well-deserved." Wanda's voice was sincere enough that you were almost distracted from what she'd said. 

"You think of me as a friend?" you asked incredulously.

"Of course," Wanda reassured. "Am I not a friend to you?"

"No! I mean—no as in you're not not a friend to me—like, you are a friend to me, ya know?" you tried to explain, losing respect in yourself with every word you said.

Natasha laughed. "Calm down there, babe. We got you."

You let loose a relieved laugh. "Anyway, thank you for everything." You looked to both of them, hoping they knew just how sincere you were being. "I don't think I ever could've imagined having such wonderful people being my friends."

Wanda hugged you, making your brain short-circuit yet again, and laughed. "I think I should be the one saying that." 

"You both deserve friends as wonderful as each other," Natasha said, joining in on the little hug. 

When the hug was over, Natasha grabbed the TV remote as you grabbed your food. She turned on the TV, a familiar movie ready as the screen turned on.

They had set up your favorite movie.

~~

You got to watch two of your favorite movies with Natasha and Wanda, munching on the food Wanda had made and the snacks Nat had brought. Overall, it was practically heaven. To be honest, you were a little disappointed when they got a call and were forced to leave. 

Both of them gave you a hug goodbye which reminded you that you were being stupid getting disappointed because you had still spent four hours with both of them. You were lucky that they had the time to do such considerate things for you. Once they were gone though, you were completely lost as to what you should do for the remainder of your time there. 

You couldn't call anyone because you had broken the phone Tony gave you a while ago so you were just stuck on the couch scrolling through channels--that is, until Scott and Sam arrived in the room and Scott began pulling things out from the cabinets. 

"Dude, how do you know where everything is? You've been here like...2 days." Sam said, confused at the confidence with which Scott was pulling everything he needed out.

"What can I say? I'm a quick study." Scott pulled out a metal bowl and baking sheet. "Besides, if I don't know where something is, that's what looking is for."

"What are you guys doing?" you asked.

"Oh, hey, (y/n)," Scott greeted cheerfully. "We're baking cookies for my daughter, wanna help?"

"Sure," you smiled at him, thoughts flashing to the scenes with Cassie in them.

Huh. Since Steve and Tony hadn't really ended up fighting, Scott never got arrested. 

He wouldn't have to be put under house arrest and his relationship with Hope wouldn't end up horrible. 

Your smile got a little wider.

"Awesome!" Scott said. "Her favorite are snickerdoodles."

~~

"I don't think we followed the directions right," you proclaimed, looking down at the sad little heaps of dough that Scott had just pulled out of the oven.

"My nephews can bake better than you, Scott." Sam laughed, hitting Scott on the back jokingly. "I don't see a future in baking for you, my man."

"They can't be that bad," Scott protested, reaching to grab one only for it to start oozing when he did so.

Cue screeching from the three of you--screeching that ended up bringing Steve and Bucky into the room tensed and ready to fight. 

"What's wrong?" Steve asked, searching the room.

You were too busy laughing on the floor at the look on Sam's face to answer so Scott had to. 

"I'm afraid our cookies are alive, Captain." Scott answered, the serious expression on his face only making you laugh harder. 

"Oh," Steve didn't seem to know how to handle the situation. 

Bucky peered at the lumps of goo on the baking sheet and winced. "Those look disgusting."

"I didn't know we had two Captains in the room." Sam said, not taking his comment too kindly. "Captain America and Captain Obvious."

"I mean, we could always remake them," you piped up, finally recovering from your laughing fit. "It's only like five."

"You're right, (y/n)!" Scott gave you an appreciative look. "Let's get cracking!"

"Are you gonna join us?" you asked Steve and Bucky. 

Sam looked to Bucky. "Yeah. You gonna join us instead of just judging us silently, ya weirdo?"

"I don't know how much help we'll be." Steve answered. "But I don't see how we could make it any worse."

"Damn!" you put a hand over your heart. "That was uncalled for, old man."

~~

Contrary to what Steve had said, it could get worse.

In fact, the five of you didn't even get any cookies into the oven before a towel lit on fire and flour ended up on Steve's face.

You were almost crying from laughter at the look on Steve's face, clutching your stomach while he looked confused. You were forced into shocked silence when Steve threw a handful of flour at you. 

You gaped at him, looking like you had taken a dive into cocaine with how much flour was covering you. 

"What was that for?" you demanded.

"Stop laughing at me."

"Oh, you petty-" you threw a handful at him, hitting Scott on accident when Steve moved. 

Scott turned to look at you.

"I didn't mean it! I swear!" 

~~

With the kitchen covered in enough flour to bake a life-size cake statue of Thor, you were lucky to be pulled out before cleanup time. You would've felt guilty if not for the fact that everyone in that room had hit you at least once with a handful of flour. Even Bucky!

Either way, you didn't regret anything about that day--it was the most fun you'd had in a while. 

But now you were going home.

[multishipper001]

⚠️Under the oak tree spoiler from chapter 99⚠️

I catched up on the manhwa as I haven't been reading the updates for a while and BITCH THE SCREAM I LET OUT AT THIS SCENE

Ok, so, one thing you have to know is that I don't like Riftan. That man is nothing but a grown baby on steroids, and he has none of my respect. He's basically a self-centered asshole, and he seems no issue with bossing my girl Maxi around as long as he has his way.

So, as usual, Mr.Ego couldn't handle that his wife did something he didn't approve of, and like the manchild he is, he decided to use his pent up frustration to make his poor wife fucking MISERABLE.

Like DUDE. Even if the characters don't know about Maxi's backstory, it's clear as day that our girlie has issues. She finally tries opening up and standing up for herself, and this bitch, instead of helping the wife he "loves" so much, he just becomes one of her problems.

And no, I don't give a fuck how hot he looks like, a dick is a dick. Man, that guy gets a fucking meltdown whenever Maxi dares do do anything that he doesn't agree with.

Poor girl, how many times had she told Riftan that she doesn't want all the "princess treatment" and spoiling, and this fucker just DOESN'T LISTEN TO HER AT ALL. Then, obviously (:D) he gets mad that Maxi doesn't like something she stated she has no need for.

I get it, Maxi is quite fragile, especially compared to a knight, but that doesn't mean she's some helpless kid😭 every fucking character that spent time with Maxi starts noticing her development and that she's not the whiny spoiled rich kid they imagined her to be... EXCEPT FOR RIFTAN

He's supposed to be Maxi's biggest support, you know, being her HUSBAND and all, but noo, he'd have to make an effort to pull his head out of his ass, which seems to be a sacrifice he's not capable of making.

And Maxi, poor girl, she's trying SO hard to adjust to this man's whims and tantrum, but what's enough is enough. Any other woman who's been raised in a good environment would've left this man by now, but she thinks Riftan is hot stuff bc her dad was, somehow, even worse than this rat.

And THIS PART, THIS PART IN THE MANHWA

When she got mad I almost threw my phone across the room because GODDAMN FUCKING FINALLY GIRLLL

It was about damn time this ridiculous behaviour pissed you off. When I tell you I was READY for a good female-rage part to come... Which didn't, but whatever...

Being angry at people who treat you badly/abuse you is a part of recovery and I'm glad she's going forward 💕 I honestly love every character about this story...

EXPECT FOR RIFTAN. THEY COULD NEVER MAKE ME LOVE YOU, ASSHOLE

I'm a bit shocked about him, actually. Cause he's supposed to be the love interest & as a reader I'm supposed to root for him and Maxi to get together and fall in love.... If only he wasn't such a rat, it'd be easy.

Too bad his development peaked when he was five (and have been declining ever since)

[pantherlover]

Sleep No More Reaction

Holy SHIT guys, this book was AMAZING. I read it so fast I have a book-hangover. I'm very happy that the next book doesn't come out until the end of October, because I'm going to need at least that long to recover emotionally from this one.

Spoilers under the cut!

In no particular order, here are my thoughts:

Quentin is going to have a ROUGH time in book 19. I think he was the person who was least like himself in Titania's world - October was pretty different too, and Sylvester also wasn't having a great time, but there were still pieces of Toby that peeked out and Sylvester's *been* the Mad Duke before; it would've been unpleasant but not unfamiliar. Quentin never had the chance to be that person because Toby got to him first, and it must be pretty sobering for him to realize how bad he could've been.

I wanted to smack Etienne when he showed up and I'm glad Chelsea gave him an earful after she got her memories back.

I'm really glad we're getting a book from Tybalt's perspective, because he was not doing so good in this one.

I really feel like Team Original!Faerie could've gotten Toby on board a lot faster if they'd told her Titania was hurting kids. Toby was hesitant to help them fully even up to finding Luidaeg; the SECOND she met Raysel and Dean in Blind Michael's lands, she started back-talking Luidaeg and investigating things herself.

I'm so glad I re-read An Artificial Night before I read this book; I picked up so many things about the Ride I probably wouldn't have gotten otherwise.

Speaking of An Artificial Night, I was SO happy when Dame Altair popped back up; Seanan McGurie is So. Good. At callbacks and bringing back characters. I do hope we get to meet her in Real!Faerie; I feel this wasn't the best situation to judge her character.

Jessicaaaaaaaaa. She still calls Toby Aunt Birdie!

Grianne! I've loved Grianne since Late Eclipses, and I was so happy that she had such a big part in the book.

I honestly really loved August here? Growing up with someone clearly did a lot to cut through her mother's influence. I'm glad she got to keep her Lorden siblings *and* Toby.

The further we get in the series, the more I realize how much of a failure Amandine is; she fails as a wife she fails as a mother, she fails as a hero, I would even argue she fails herself because she can't seem to understand how to get the things that would make her happy.

Arden and Nolan's AU childhood was amazing and I hope a million fics come out of it (honestly I hope a ton of fics come out of Titania's AU in general; it's such a fun What If? scenario to play with).

Chrysanthe and Theron were awesome! I hope we see them again in another book.

So the baby's going to be named after a month, right? My bet would be June for May (and maybe Gillian?), but like - it has to be *one* of the months, right? (No one's popped up named after a month in AGES I'm dyyiiiiinnnnnggggg please please PLEASE let the baby be the next one!)

Literally the only complaint I had was that May didn't show up; I'm hoping she has a big part in Tybalt's book.

There's probably a bunch more things, but it's all I can think of off the top of my head. Maybe I'll add more if I think of anything. Anyways, if anyone loved the book as much as I did PLEASE come talk to me about it I'm losing my MIND!

[themosleyreview]

The Mosley Review: Talk To Me

I remember as a kid that all the witches and true Goth teens that were all about "the dark and endless void in which our spirit shall rest" lifestyle. Sometimes they would invite other kids to a party and at some parties they would have a seance or a ouija board would be brought out. They would claim to see stuff and then pass it on like a creepy ghost story throughout the halls of the school. Many films like Stigmata and The Craft were some of the inspirations and classic teen films about supernatural horror were everywhere. The level of originality and creative scary visuals got better then started dying off when the Paranormal Activity films started taking over. Now comes this film which takes a simple and universally friendly acknowledge of communication and twists it into something more sinister and creepy. That was the beauty of the concept and it is put to full use and nothing is held back. I loved the visuals of the many spirits and how the possession would violently take place. The sense of desperation, psychological and emotional trauma was on full display and its always fun to see how the characters handle it. I liked that certain characters were around only when needed instead of over crowding the screen even if a few of them were very one note.

Sophie Wilde as Mia was the lead of the film and she knocks it out of the park. The amount of desperation for wanting to rekindle the flame of young love and her need to fit in wasn't necessarily new, but her portrayal made it relatable. The quick turn of events for her life as we get to the main plot was astounding. Her rough emotional journey into madness was excellent and her performance kept me engaged. Marcus Johnson plays her father Max and I felt he was very one note. He was very good at delivering the emotional weight of the strained and distant relationship between him and his daughter. Alexandra Jensen as her best friend Jade was great and funny at times with her snarky remarks. Their friendship felt natural and the genuine moments of bonding between them was good. Joe Bird was really good as Jade's younger brother Riley. He represented the "younger brother looking up to older sibling" type and it was cute at times. He represented that last shred of innocence in the film. Miranda Otto is always great to see on screen and as Jade and Riley's mother Sue, she was a firecracker. She wasn't afraid to lay down the law in the house and I loved how she embarassed her daughter in a particular scene. Otis Dhanji was good as Jade's boyfriend Daniel. He is stuck in a love triangle between Jade and Mia and I liked the tension between them and I'm glad it didn't overshadow the story. Zoe Terakes was good the dealer of the school, Hayley. Hayley was the purveyor of "The Hand" and I liked her devilish enjoyment of the possession scenes.

The score by Cornel Wilczek was good and creepy in the more intense scenes. The use of silence is where this film excels. There is power in not using score in the most obvious moments of horror and that was used well here. I loved the design of the "The Hand" and the markings add that extra level of demonic iconography. Where I feel the film lacks is in the middle after the majority of haunts begin. I would've loved for a not so obvious twist in the psychological moment that kicks off the last 30 minutes of the film. I liked the visual foreshadowing earlier in the film and how it paid off. I've been a fan of the YouTube creators behind the wild and awesome channel RackaRacka, Danny and Michael Philippou. For a debut film, this was an fantastic supernatural horror film that plays to their strengths and shows that they have a bright future as storytellers on the big screen. I can't wait to see where they go from here. Let me know what you thought of the film or my review in the comments below. Thanks for reading!

[dalchiid]

I thought his ex was human. I guess my thoughts were that he was so harsh and cruel that he broke her, and she managed to escape him. Then she was maybe turned or made to save her life, but her being a vampire makes me wonder if she was strong like him, then what happened? Did they keep sustenance from her? It's interesting. -🌻

I was mad when he ripped up the letter before she could get Sunmi's number. I had to catch up, and these were good chapters. I'm happy that his ex confronted him, disappointed that we didn't have the courage, but can totally understand why. It was frustrating because he was probably controlling their minds, and even if he wasn't, they would've been loyal to him/them. I was happy that she confirmed not trusting Namjoon. I am looking forward to their answers on why they helped his ex if they chose to talk about it. It's like Tae and Koo avoid mentioning her, and Tae gets very angry because she broke his heart, but what does that mean? If she was held against her will and they knew it but ignored that and treated it as a true relationship, why just be mad with her? Also, we just met her, so how do we really know what happened? I've just wondered how they met and what happened and where things went wrong with Hoseok and his ex. Also, what Namjoon did to her to not trust him. I wondered if she could be pregnant and what that would mean for the household. Surprised Hoseok wasn't excited about it, but maybe you'll reveal more on why. I'm glad she kept her number though. I have to prepare myself for each chapter because I never know how it will go! -🌻

I don't think I ever specified that she's a vampire so that's my fault!

Minjeong was incapacitated a lot of the time because Hoseok was drugging her through whatever she ate or drank. She knew he was doing that but she kept consuming her sustenance because she was afraid she'd starve to death otherwise. We'll learn more about her story later on though.

I can say Hoseok wasn't controlling the minds of the officers but they were definitely biased.

Y/N will definitely be confronting Namjoon and Yoongi it's just a matter of doing so in secrecy. Especially with Yoongi.

Tae is upset with Minjeong because he saw it as she should have stayed with Hoseok no matter what and Hoseok drugging her was her own fault. That if she didn't attempt to leave him then none of this would have happened. The brothers are very forgiving of each others' flaws and so they think any of the negative things that they say or do is just a charm of theirs rather than what it really is.

Like I mentioned earlier we'll learn more about Minjeong's story. Y/N will make sure of it.

If Y/N would have ended up pregnant some of the brothers would have been happy and others not so much. Hoseok wouldn't mind but he thinks it's too early for that. He wants to wait it out a bit more before they attempt to have kids. He's pretty much enjoying having her all to himself at the moment.

Let's be happy Y/N didn't make a big show of looking down at her hand when Minjeong passed her the note (my dumbass probably would have if it happened to me lmao). And that Hoseok let her approach his ex in the first place!

I can't wait for everyone to read what else I have in store 😊

[bonesandthebees]

I'll have more detailed thoughts later but just gotta get out now, wow, fuck you Tommy

It's a great decision narratively. Like this is gonna have really fun consequences and the shift in the dynamic is interesting. It still left me so mad at Tommy. I think it's half my connection to the character and half my own background. Like I've stated before, I get really connected to Wilbur when reading his POV. That's been especially true in this fic. While I do want him to regain his identity at some point, I've been feeling to bad for him every time he's pushed farther than he wants to go. The personal bit is just that I'm a trans guy, so names are very important to me, obviously.

I hate how smart that was of Tommy. Give him a taste of what he wants, to be out of the temple, so that he doesn't ask too many questions. Goddamn.

Getting a little bit more into analysis mode... Tommy is forcing Wilbur to form a new identity by stripping him of his old one. He has no right to. He kidnapped Wilbur, and now he's taking the one thing Wilbur had left from him. Yet he's doing it out of love - he knows that Wilbur's sense of self is broken, and he does not care that it is not his place to fix it, he's doing it anyway. Like the parent who pushes their kid into the pool so that they learn how to swim.

It eerily reminds me of Phil in Stars.

I love feeling pissed. So thank you. I'm being so serious rn, my favorite stories are ones that get me emotional in any way shape or form

-🔥

okay I understand where you're coming from and I'm really glad you like the way the narrative is going, but I want to emphasize something. Tommy specifically said he could use a different name, he's just refusing to dehumanize the Pythia any further than he's already been dehumanized. If Wilbur had come up with some random name for Tommy to call him, he would've done it. Wilbur isn't upset because he doesn't like the name Wilbur specifically, it's because he's been forced to detach himself from his identity and now he's suddenly being called by a name again. It's less about the name itself, and more about the fact that Tommy doesn't want to call him by a title.

also I just want to say he's not stripping Wilbur of his current identity either. The Pythia is a title, it's a way to dehumanize him. Refusing to participate in that convention is Tommy's way of trying to remind him that he's a person. That he's more than just the Pythia. Is he going about it the right way? No, not really. But Tommy is an 18 year old who got raised by a literal terrorist death cult. The kid doesn't know how to go about this the right way, but it's coming from a place of genuine care. Tommy didn't know if the Pythia was ever going to willingly tell him his name. But he's heard the Pythia say so many times now that he's not meant to be an individual not supposed to be anything more than a vessel, but any attempt at trying to talk him out of this viewpoint just upsets him more. So Tommy decided the only way to get through to him was to rip the bandaid off.

I'm glad you enjoyed lol but I just want to emphasize yes what Tommy did was bad, but not exactly in the way you seem to think.

[alolanroy]

2024 Watch Thread-Part 3

Part 2: https://www.tumblr.com/alolanroy/743462089395470336/2024-watch-thread-part-2?source=share

Lensman (anime): Sometimes lost media is bad. I'm glad it was found, but it still wasn't good 3/10

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes: It got a few sensible chuckles out of us, but I'm glad they figured out how to make comedies funny after this. 5/10

Zombie vs Ninja (aka The Undertaker of Sohwa Provence). A South Korean parody of Chinese Kung-fu movies billed as ninjas for the US market. Imagine a turducken if every layer was racism. -5/10

Star Wars Jedi: Survivor: While my PC and Unreal were fighting for their lives, this janky game blew me away. Rarely do we get sequels that truly feel iterative, let alone head and shoulders better than their predecessors. It continually fed me new toys and mechanical twists. I think I'll remember this as both a fun action game and as an outstanding metroidvania. It made me remember that I liked Star Wars, and for that I am thankful. 9/10

Protodoid Delta: I see what they are trying to do here, but it just wasn't fun. just a lot of generic platforming and combat that didn't feel right. Weak buster shots and a three-hit melee I didn't find reliable do not a combat system make. 3/10

Blades: Not quite funny enough for the comedic premise, but for my friends who hadn't seen jaws, it still was enough of a thriller to hold their interests -5/10

Monster Squad: I feel like if this came out when I was a kid, this would have been my favorite movie of all time. The fun monster madness and tone was almost enough to distract me from how the horrible pan'n'scan always found a way to crop out the black buddy-cop, even when he was the one speaking. 7/10

Star Wars The Bad Batch: In all fairness, I stopped only a few episodes in, but this just felt like Dave Filloni playing with his action figures. No real tension, just a parade of his OCs talking to each other, mostly with the same voice. I don't really care to find out if it gets better, because all I've seen is people get excited that more characters from Clone Wars show up. I want a good show, not reminders of a good show. 4/10

Goldeneye: I'm glad Bond isn't quite as brutish with women as the franchise was historically, but while watching it with someone who had never seen a Bond movie before, it occurred to me how strange this movie is without the context it is trying to respond to. 6/10

Battle Star Wars: There wasn't much battle or wars in this one. The stars were allright, but I would've preferred maybe some different hallways or a second hill in the California desert. Hell, I think a second jpeg of the Earth might've gone along way. Besides one of the most funny-bad costumes I've ever seen, this was utterly forgettable. -2/10

Gundam Seed Freedom: This might actually be the most frustrating movie I have ever seen. It made me so mad that I, no joke, walked out to the lobby and stared at an arcade machine to cool off. The writing on display is insanely bad. The first half hour is a sequence of scenes where characters state their thoughts and exposit about a fanfiction-tier plot that barely makes sense. If you liked the cuck arc from Seed Destiny, you will love this movie. It doubles down on the concentric melodrama to a point where everyone has to just be cartoonishly mean-spirited and has the same ending as Destiny, down to the macguffin. 0/10

The Intruder (1962): The day of Roger Corman's passing, this film came up a few times. I took a chance and within a minute and a half I knew this would be a winner. I've never seen a film more quickly and elegantly set up that a character might as well be the devil. Shatner is absolutely fucking evil in this role and it is GREAT. The more I read about this film the more ballsy I realize it was. allegedly this was filmed using mostly actual locals given a watered-down script. All those teens actually went through integration the year before. absolutely wild. 10/10

The Last Man on Earth (1964): Wow, I can't belive that Will Smith Movie 'I am Legend' ripped this off. *Checks Wikipedia* Oh. 7/10

Vikingdom: When people say that a movie feels like a videogame, Ithink this is what they should mean. I would describe it as Jason and the Argonauts by way of a ps3 action game. Cheap as hell, but willing to go hard at random intervals. Shoutout to the sequence in the land of the dead. 6/10

The Cat Who Wore Sunglasses: I'm no expert on Czec new wave cinema, but I think that this was pretty neat. However, I'm not sure that it really fit the mood of a Costco Pizza movie night. 7/10

Dragonball: The Magic Begins: This movie is a laugh-riot mix of good wuxia action and bursts of some laughable CG...until it slows to a crawl at Kame House for like and hour and kills all its energy. The remaster they had on Amazon was gorgeous, but uncanny since these movies aren't usually accessible in any quality. The funniest takeaway was that the production interpreted anime hair as an 80s hong kong action lady perm, so Goku ended up looking a little they/them. -7/10

Blood of Zeus Season 2: I feel as though I can't speak for it much since this is clearly part 1 of a two part story, but it certainly is cut from the Castlevania mold. It does have better forward momentum than its predecessors, but the main party feels almost auxiliary to the other plotlines. I kinda forgot what they were supposed to be doing. 6/10

Everyone is in LA: I don't think the first batch of guests really grabbed me. If this ever got the chance to 'get good' they might be on to something. 4/10

Teldryn Serious: I get what they were going for, but it didn't really work for me. On the literal side, the quest objectives for the last third broke for me. Otherwise, I felt kind of confused because I guessed what was going on before I was supposed to, so I wasn't sure why the story hadn't caught up. 4/10

The Fall of the House of Usher: I think a lot of Japanese RPGMaker and VNs owe Poe and Corman money. Entertaining, but not mind-blowing 7/10

A.D. Police: It had some real cool energy and episodes, but its sure...uh... ended. 7/10

Gundam Twilight Axis: This is a prime example of the cutoff point between a series of scenes and a story 3/10

Skyrim-Mirai: I won't judge this too harshly since I really do feel teenage wish-fulfilment radiating off of this mod. When it clicked for me that Mirai has essentially the same narrative as Serana, and the romance post-game is longer than her main quest...I knew I had to meet it it's level. Not sure I like her ambiguous age, but I chalk it up to harmless fanfiction cringe. 6/10

Jiu Jitsu: With a little editing, this could have been an all-timer martial arts vs. predator mashup movie with a cool alien costume. Nick Cage is in it for a surprising amount and the martial arts is shot pretty fun. Sadly the movie as it exists starts off poorly and gives the impression that the movie is less ambitious than it might actually be. As a result I tuned out for the first half. 4/10

Dick Tracey: The funny makeup and production design does its best, but the awful pacing kneecaps the flow it has at the start. 4/10

Year One: uuugh -3/10

Wizards of the Lost Kingdom: We really had to make our own fun on this one. Except that gnomes, those were great -4/10

Jack-Of-All-Trades!? A Day in the Life of Master Micchi: The geats cast really is at its best once the series is over. These characters are just funny to follow around without the end of the world looming. 5/10

Kamen Rider Geats: 4 Aces and the Black Fox: This would have scored a full point higher if the main villains weren't a greasy discord mod/discord kitten pair that just did not fit the sick recolor of Geats 9. The brief pre-production view of Gotchard made me sad about what we ended up getting. 5.5/10

Kamen Rider The Winter Movie: Gotchard & Geats Strongest Chemy★Great Gotcha Operation: I know getting turned into a marketable plushie is a meme and all, but this was hilarious. Until it turns into a generic Rider movie in the last third, the puppets are funny as hell and the Geats cast shines so well against the mildness of the chemies. 6/10

[riddlerosehearts]

🐍 oh my god i had no clue there was a way around the character limit, thanks tumblr for being inconsistent across platforms 💀

Nico was my fave when reading the original series as well! Though I did end up latching onto Leo more when HoO came out, I still always have a soft spot for Nico.

Funny you say that about Jamil, I just saw some super awful takes abt him recently (again) that just made me feel like people are reading a completely different story, though part of that can be blamed on how the EN translation changed some stuff that kind of completely change the context of his situation.. honestly, given what you wrote abt Annabeth I think Jamil would also fit in Athena cabin - he's smart, capable, cunning and a strategist, plus he already has the gray eyes. He'd likely be the head of the cabin too.

I agree! Lots of people have pointed out there's a lack of Leo & Nico interaction in canon despite their similarities and I think that's such a shame, while I don't ship it romantically I really wish there could've been a friendship between them. I wish there was more emphasis on platonic relationships in general in HoO, so many things could've been explored further but we didn't get to :(

Nico being allergic to cats despite liking them is actually so adorable, I'm totally accepting that headcanon now. He tries to hold Grim then starts sneezing uncontrollably.

Me too! I'm usually reluctant to share my thoughts in case anyone reads it and thinks "there's no way you actually think that/that's stupid", but I'm really glad I can share with you and chat about ideas because it's so nice hearing what someone else thinks. Along with that I have made PJO OCs that I have been faaar too shy about showing people, but I they're precious to me and maybe I will post them one day...

Leo just using latest shows as bg noise would fit so well and be so funny lol, he'll know a few things here and there about whatever's going on but be completely wrong about some things that die-hard fans get mad at and give him a long lecture about the series that he barely retains because he didn't expect it. And Leo having fire hair can be uh, just a terrible accident where he lit his own hair on fire, for my "i just want to see it one time" convenience.

Now for a fun question, how do you think Leo & Nico would wear the NRC uniforms or dorm uniforms? Like how Idia never wears the blazer, Jamil wears a hoodie etc - how would they prefer to dress?

tumblr is such an inconsistent, buggy mess it's ridiculous sometimes. recently i discovered that i had blocked someone whose url i recognized but who i didn't ever remember blocking and don't know why i would've, so i unblocked them immediately but i was just like?? how did that even happen?? could've been a mistake on my part but i also wouldn't be surprised if it was a glitch 😭

i latched on so hard to nico as a kid because i was an edgy emo kid who really related to him ADKJGHDK. so of course as an edgy emo bisexual teenager i started loving him even more when house of hades came out. but like i said before, leo is easily my favorite of all the new characters from HoO! i have some criticisms of HoO as a whole but i like leo so much that i used to want to be a hephaestus kid mainly so he'd be my brother (and before that, i wanted to be a hades kid for reasons that are probably pretty obvious LOL).

oof, yeah, i do play twst EN and... okay, i was going to go off on a whole tangent here about jamil and kalim and how the localization watered down their entire fascinatingly tragic dynamic but it got so long that i realized it could practically be its own post. so i removed it and expanded it into its own post. it's here if you'd like to read it, but tl;dr is i agree with you completely lol. jamil is one of the most misunderstood and mischaracterized boys in the fandom and i think the changes EN made definitely have something to do with that, which frustrates me immensely because outside of certain choices made with both scarabia and pomefiore i tend to really enjoy the localization. the way they translate idia's dialogue is comedic gold.

anyway, though, i was also thinking athena might make sense for him! and i know i previously said riddle could be head counselor of the athena cabin, but i can totally see it for jamil too. although, i wonder, how would it affect things if kalim was also present at CHB? would jamil still need to keep his head down, make sure not to outdo him at anything, and reject any sort of position of authority so kalim wouldn't look bad? would he give the head counselor position to someone else (not kalim, i don't think they'd be in the same cabin) if it was offered to him? which reminds me, another idea i had is that i think it could be interesting if jamil was the son of a minor god while kalim was the son of an olympian, possibly giving jamil even more reason to resent him. or it could even be the other way around (say kalim's parent is a minor god and jamil's is an olympian, so jamil is more powerful than kalim but has to act like he isn't) too.

personally i do think romantic leo/nico is cute and it's a ship that i have a lot of nostalgia for since i read a ton of fics for it way back in the day lol, but i'm not shipping them in this twst AU! i'm a multishipper who loves nico and will together too and i really just wish leo and nico had gotten to be friends in canon. i strongly agree with you that HoO should've focused more on platonic relationships, and i actually basically said all of this recently in a post here!

okay, it would actually be hilarious if nico was still allergic to grim despite grim's constant insistence that he isn't a cat. and nico being like, well, i'm allergic to cats and i don't think it's the ghosts that are making me sneeze, sooo. and now i'm also thinking about nico coming at grim like idia in his labwear groovy askjdghd.

i feel like in general i'm so bad at explaining my ideas and i get worried about not making any sense lol! but at some point in the last few years i just sort of started saying fuck it, if i have something that i really wanna post on my blog i'll go ahead and post it and if someone thinks it's stupid then they don't have to follow me. i bet your PJO OCs are great, and you shouldn't be afraid to share them!

HMMM oh man, i'm nowhere near as creative as i wish i was when it comes to fashion because i'm bad at visualizing how things go together lol. but my first thought is that nico canonically insists on wearing his worn out old aviator jacket everywhere up until it literally gets torn to shreds. and then in TOA he buys a black leather bomber jacket and starts wearing that everywhere instead. so i think he'd insist on wearing his bomber jacket over his school uniform like idia does with his hoodie! he'd wear a black shirt instead of a white one, like vil does, and i could see him wearing the vest but i don't think he'd bother with the tie, blazer, or gloves. he'd also wear black converse and maybe he could add some more of his Emo Kid flair by wearing a cool studded belt or attaching chains to his pants or something, i think that'd be fun.

for leo, i would love to hear if you have a different idea than what i say because i'm not as sure about how i think he dresses! but i get the vibe that his main consideration is comfort and how well he'll be able to work in something, like he doesn't necessarily dress badly but he's very casual and doesn't wanna put a ton of time or thought into his clothing. so i could see him maybe wearing the gloves and blazer, but not bothering to put on the vest or tie or button his shirt up at the top, and just grabbing a pair of work boots for shoes.

[pigeonfancier]

And while I'm Elfquest posting on main --

I've gotten three of the Blood of Ten Chiefs anthologies in so far for my EQ-blog-and-readthrough venture, and I was always a little baffled that forum members largely refused to actually summarise the books when I was a kid! Because a lot of minor details that aren't even translated to the comic version of BOTC remain canon to the greater lore, so it's always felt as if the books should have their material considered canon until directly contradicted, rather than considered noncanon until directly referenced.

The preference for the latter was baffling! But from the things people did mention, I figured it was entirely the horrifying wtf of Stormlight's story. Which, you know, fair, that shit's fucked.

Did not realise it was:

Horrifying wtf of Stormlight's story

Preypacer Recognising Wreath! Then Zarhan immediately Recognising Wreath afterwards, and informing her to lie about the parentage of the resulting child, because lol not his problem

Zarhan Recognised Rahnee before she was born.

As well as probably this:

The hunt had mated within itself and back to their yellow-eyed ancestors. They'd become peerless killers and regarded the first-born as failures. Strength and success were what counted within the hunt, and it did not matter that their offspring were often misborn and did not survive their milk-days.

And maybe (but probably not) this:

Timmain was golden in their memory, as she was golden in all the stories the Wolfriders knew, and loved, about her. Her face hovered above the white-shrouded camp. Reflexively the tribe yearned to find peace and serenity in the tableau, and were brutally turned aside. The hollow-eyed men and women of this dreamberry tale were not high ones but merely tall. Owl cleared his throat and spoke hesitantly, using words that had long been forgotten by the tribe: malaise, alienation, negritude, and anomie. The Wolfriders, young and old, heard the sounds and understood them only as they described the dreamberry tableau. In their own minds the words were simpler: waiting-for-death.

Gotta love when the distant, troubled past is defined by.. a general feeling of discomfort of uncertain origin, a state of being isolated from one's group, "black culture", and a lack of usual social or ethical standards in a group..?

I was trying to figure out if this was perhaps just a remarkably poor word-choice on the authors' part in this short story, but lol:

Her protagonists often attempt to uphold existing social institutions and norms in the service of the greater good while the antagonists often attempt to exploit, subvert or radically alter the predominant social order for selfish gain.

Can't imagine it was just a poor word-choice that slipped past the author, the Pini's, and the editor.

These books are such a fucking mess.

[angelicyoongie]

I read chapter 8 wide eyed, sleep all forgotten.. Firstly regarding your authors note you absolutely need not worry.. It was a fantastic chapter both in terms of how you wrote it and how you managed to capture the tension, burdensome adoration, shame, wistfulness.. Like it was spot on really!!!

I re read chapter 7 before starting on the 8th and i kid you not I was holding my breath from the moment she was starting to rouse 🥲🥲

See the thing with these boys, they're acting normal like they didn't just do what did they did.. And it's very convincing.. Even the hurt they put out at being rejected is so convincingly real I am like.. Hey hang on.. Why is OC being mad at them 😂🥲👌 taehyung is so shameless I wanted to slap him really,what a brat!!

Jungkook apologising, I would like to believe there is some scope for redemption?? No??? I mean the scope diminishes itself with his last line when he says you won't have a choice please love us as if it's that easy🥴🥴🥴

These aren't soft yanderes right? They're the psychotic ones right? It's the whole soulmate trope messing me up because my train of thought goes "oh they won't hurt her" to "oh but they already did hurt her by stalking, drugging, confining her to a lonely cabin and taking away her choice"

I'm scared the OC will be punished if she decides to escape from that window 🥲🥲😩😩

Sorry for the long rant I just love this series to bits 💖

Thank you for writing me such a long and lovely message, it always makes the days/weeks of stressing about my fics feel so worth it 😭💖 I'm really glad you enjoyed the chapter despite my worries, that's very comforting to hear!

They truly are so lost in their own delusions that you almost get indirectly manipulated into feeling bad for them haha 🙈 Taehyung has hardly any inhibitions and that's part of what makes him so scary and unpredictable!

I don't think I would hold my breath for any redemption arcs anytime soon haha 😬 Jungkook is the softest of them but that doesn't mean much when he's been contributing to making her life so miserable 😩

I would say they're all somewhere inbetween. The softest type of yandere wouldn't kidnap her (probably wouldn't even approach her at all) and the most psychotic ones would've killed her friends and family to get her alone. So they're not the worst, but that doesn't mean they're good either, you know? Yup, that sums the conflict of the fic up very well haha 🙈

I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens 👀

Never apologize!! Thank you so so much!! 💖💖

[gold-kobold]

Hey, Goldie, did you watch RotT? If so, how did you feel about it?

ok so like

hear me out

i REALLY liked it

and don't worry, i think we can all pretty much agree that the m-preg was trash in every way and the ending was handled HORRIBLY, but like

i still??? had a great time with it despite those flaws????? like, i get why everybody's super mad, the ending of any film or series is essentially the most important part, and if you flub the ending, you're gonna get an ANGRY response, so the fandom's totally justified in that response, i think (save for harassing the writers or anything like that, don't do that shit oh my god you WILL be dead to me if you do that shit)

but like, i feel like there was a lot of good stuff in that movie that kinda got rug-brushed because of the "wtf factor" of the m-preg and the ending

(also, before i ramble on, let it be known that these are just my personal opinions and it's totally fine if you disagree!)

i feel like i don't even have to comment on the animation, that shit was HELLA good like omg THE ANIMATION WAS SO PRETTY I'M DYING except the staja babies those were nightmare fuel

anyways, the fights were REALLY amazing and suspenseful, and like, i've seen some people complain about nomura and strickler's deaths being pointless, and i do get that viewpoint a little (and btw they should've mourned nomura too like damn, okay main cast, glad to see who the favourite changeling is lmfao--) but honestly, i felt like their deaths were important in showing the sheer strength of the titans, and also in raising the stakes, if that makes sense?? i dunno, i thought it was a bold choice that kinda worked (for me, at least lol)

and hoo boy. toby. i'll, uh... i'll get into that in a minute. i'm gonna put it under a "read more" because a lot of my thoughts on THAT death and why it would've been really important to keep rather than reversing time involves some personal stuff on my side, so i won't bore you with those details yet lol

CAN I JUST SAY THAT QUEEN AJA WAS ONE OF THE BEST THINGS THOUGH--

Like, they really showed how tactical she's gotten in her new position, and hot damn, she just looked badass, i wish we got to see more of her shooting that cool gun afdgfdsfhdgjfhgk--

ALSO WANTED MORE ELI BECAUSE OMG I MISSED THAT DORK, he was also 10/10 amazing aaaaaaa

i honestly felt like the story itself was pretty solid most of the way through? it was kinda weird how they pretty much erased jim's "unbecoming" character development, but at the same time, it's like, worries and insecurities from your past CAN come up again even if you thought you beat them the first time, so it didn't totally throw things off for me because i kinda feel jim there in some ways -- i do wish they'd at least mention the similarities to the "unbecoming" episode, even if just in a throwaway line to show that it wasn't something completely forgotten about, idk

anyway, time-travel "fix-it" endings are the worst and i hate them vgfdasfhdjfhgh--

ON TO ME RAMBLING ABOUT WHY TOBY'S DEATH (AND EVERYTHING TBH) SHOULD'VE STAYED PERMANENT

there's honestly not that much more to say in how the ending of ROTT is basically just a slap in the face to everything we've watched so far. a lot of posts have summed up why this was such a frustrating writing choice better than i could. but oh boy, what got to me particularly was toby.

this isn't something i really like to talk about, so please don't message me about it or anything, but i feel like it's important to my point on this scene. so, to put you guys in context of the kind of feelings i'm about to talk about watching toby's death scene, i lost my best friend in middle school to a car crash. it's not totally comparable, obviously, but it's one of those things where like, as a kid, i didn't really think about death or loss of my peers as a thing that would happen, really? and then when it DOES happen it's like, "woah, what the fuck, i wasn't prepared for this on any fucking level" and it's just, like... a really hard-to-describe gut punch of mortality and loss at that kind of age.

the reason i mention this is because i can't recall a single fantasy-like tv show for young audiences in the same vein as trollhunters where they make a child main character's death permanent? like, i don't know how to describe this in a way that DOESN'T sound weird, when i saw toby's death, i felt a weird sense of, like... being seen, or something? like a life struggle similar to mine and similar to many other kids, though it barely gets talked about, was actually being recognized in a serious, long-lasting kinda way. i feel like a much stronger ending than reversing everything they did with a stupid time travel ex machina device is this, like...

just imagine, we get a shot of the characters a little farther into the future -- a stricklake wedding too, perhaps? but as a very end scene, the gang visits toby's grave, and acknowledge the loss, but also the times they all shared together or something--

idk. maybe people are just worried that's too dark a thing to show kids. but i feel like it'd be a really important thing to have in a media like this for those few that can relate to it and possibly move in the right direction about processing their own feelings about loss and stuff

anyway. there's also the complaint about how toby (and recently steve too) only ever got treated as comic relief as well, so this ending would've been more impactful if the writers had given more respect to toby as a character anyway, idk lol, i think i'm done rambling all the same

anyway, 7/10, not enough dictatious and notenrique

[devinescribe]

Liars

Chapter 13 of '100 Promises'

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

I am... very... very... sorry for not updating this. I've been trying to write for this, got started, halfway through I got bored of the concept, deleted it, and started over. It's still... meh, if I'm being completely honest, but I hope you enjoy

Warnings: talks and mentions of rape, talks and mentions of abuse, swearing, mentions of blood, mentions of bullying. I think that's all, but as always let me know if I missed any.

Finally a hearts game!

You were excited, and so was Niragi. It was low ranking so you weren't worried in the least.

There were a couple others playing with you, and you smiled. There was people to sacrifice if needed. "How fun!" You cheered. Niragi laughed, shaking his head. "You're a crazy bitch you know?" You heard someone say. You turned to face them, and smiled. Your smile looked so innocent, so pure. "Hopefully the craziest bitch you've ever met."

"Game: Maze Of Reflection (can I name things? No.)

Rules: Everyone will be partnered up. You will be asked questions that you can only answer truthfully. The questions will all have relate to you and your life. Your partner will get the questions they must ask you through the headsets on the table.  If you do lie, the headsets send a wave of the worst pain you've ever felt in your life. Once you've lied a total of 3 times, the headsets explode. There is no time limit. If your partner dies before you reach the end, you've basically won. You just find your way through the maze.

Clear condition: Make it to the end of the maze without lying to your partner 3 times.

The headsets will tell you who you're partnered up with. Game commences in two minutes.''

You skipped to the table, grabbing a headset. You noticed everyone except Niragi, Chishiya, and Last Boss, hesitating to grab one. "Well, come on now! You'll die of you don't grab one," you said. So cheerful. So excited. And for what? To watch the people in this room die? Maybe.

You put the headset on, and watched the screen load.

Partner: Player 59725

Below the number was a picture of Niragi. "Oh this is going to be so fucking easy!" Niragi exclaimed. You high-fived him. "Promise number two really saved our asses, hm?" You teased, remembering him saying something about keeping so many promises being dumb.

'Game start.'

You grabbed Niragi's hand, dragging him with you. "First question... oh, OK. What did your best friend promise to do if you were 28 and still single?" You asked. "That we'd get married," he answered. You heard his head set chime. "This is gonna be a bit too easy for my liking," you muttered.

"What cartoon characters did you idolize growing up and why?" Niragi asked. You bumped into a mirror and cursed. "Fuck... um... it was.... L Lawliet for his skills in solving things as well as his cleverness, Light Yagami for his twisted sense of justice, and Misa Amane for my fashion inspiration?" You said, trying to remember correctly. Your head set chimed.

This kept going on for a couple minutes, where you would ask each other a question, and the truth was told.  Then the mirrors lit up.

'Players 11037 and 59725 switch. Your new partners are player 25718 and 617834.'

''So I go with Chishiya, and you go with that guy?" You asked. He nodded with a groan. "Well, I was getting rather bored, weren't you?" You asked him. He looked at you confused. "What do you mean?" Niragi asked. "Well, we know all there is to know about each other. There's nothing new or interesting being found out right now," you explained.

Were you really bored of him? No, not of him. You would never be bored of him. You just wanted a fun and interesting game. You would never get bored of him. Niragi hoped you wouldn't. He didn't want to be alone.

"So, did you bore the game master somehow?" Chishiya teased when you got to him. "I guess you could say that. We have nothing to hide from eachother, so it was getting boring for me too," you explained.

"Who in all actuality took your first time?" Chishiya read off the screen. He looked at you, waiting for your answer. "Easy, it was Niragi," you answered. Then you felt a pain in the bottom of of your stomach as your headset beeped. A voice on the headset called you a liar, as the pain worsened, and you  screamed, falling to your knees. It hurt. Tears built up in your eyes as you tried to deal with the pain. "Are you lying?" Chishiya asked. "No, read the question again please? Just so I can figure out why I got it wrong. I know I'm not. I really did give him my first," you said, holding your stomach. It really was the worst pain you'd ever felt. It made you shudder. How did they know what was the worst pain?

"Who in all actuality took your first time?" He asked again. You thought for a minute.

'I gave Niragi my 'first'. The question is asking who took my first.'

You looked away. "It... it was taken... stolen... by... by a bully from school. One of the guys that tortured me," you stated. You had never admitted that out loud. You hadn't even told Niragi. You heard your head set chime, and looked at the mirrors. They were projecting you.

All of them. In the whole maze. You gasped, scooting back until your back was against the mirror behind you. You stared in horror as it replayed the words you had said. The thing you didn't want anyone to know had now been broadcasted to at least 14 people. The screen changed to Niragi.

"(Y/N) they did what?! And you- you didn't tell me?!" He shouted. "S-suguru, 'm sorry don't be mad at me," you squeaked, hiding behind your hands, as if he were in front of you. As if he would hurt you. "We'll be talking about this later," he said. Then the mirrors went back to being mirrors. Tears rolled down your cheeks. From the pain in your stomach and the embarrassment. The fear of the one person who you looked for approval of might leave you.

You stood up, and read Chishiya's question. "Who's the person you hate most?" You asked, wiping the tears away, holding your stomach. "Hm? Hate is such a strong word. I don't hate anyone-" Chishiya started, before holding his left hand. His eyes widened and he cursed, holding onto it. His headset beeped, and called him a liar. You guessed the pain worsened as he let out a groan of pain, followed by a small yelp when he tried to soothe the b pain. You went over to him looking at his hand in concern. "Are you ok?" You asked, grabbing his hand softly, your fingers barely ghosting over the skin. He hissed in pain, grabbing it back. "Fine. I hate my father. And my mother. I hate my parents," he answered. His headset chimed, and you looked a him in shock. You would've never guessed that was his trauma. "What? Little miss perfect grew up with a perfect family, didn't she? Got everything she wanted, the attention of people she loved?" He spat. You flinched. "Oh, look here's your question now. Who and what do you fear the most?" He asked. "My father and Suguru's father. And I fear being alone, getting hurt by people, as well as disappointing those I love and them leaving me," you answered. Your headset chimed, and you looked over at Chishiya. "Am I still little miss perfect with a perfect family?"

You two finally found your way through the maze, question after question. You didn't want to tell him some things, but it was better than dying.

'Last question is for both players. Tell the truth or you will be executed whether or not it was your third time lying.'

'Why is that the worst pain you've felt in your life?'

"Because... I was left handed. My parents might not have cared about me or anything having to do with me, but they sure as hell cared that I wrote with my left hand. They broke it once. Never wrote with it again," Chishiya answered. You grabbed his hand softly once more, and gave him a look of understanding.

"Mine has a few reasons. When... well when my first was stolen, it hurt. A lot. And when my father found out I gave my first to Niragi... he hurt my stomach. And the kids at school... the ones that tortured Niragi and I... they used to hurt me in similar ways to both reasons I said before," you said. Chishiya gave you a look that you couldn't read. Was it sympathy? Pity?

The screen chimed as well as phones a 'game complete message' across them both, and your headsets dropped to the floor. You grabbed his hand, pulling him out.

Outside, Kuina, Last Boss and another guy was out there. "My partner had a lot of secrets I guess," Last Boss muttered, wiping some of the blood from his arm. "Dude no way! He exploded on you?" You asked. He nodded, very annoyed at the fact they had. "Like, number 1, ew. Number 2, however,  that's pretty fucking cool. What did they have to hide they didn't want to tell?" You wondered. "So... about your maze fiasco? Why did it only broadcast yours? And you and Niragi were the only two who got separated," Kuina asked. "I don't know... but if the game master is going to be a dick, I'm going to start hating these games," you said. "Hey... (Y/N), can I talk to you?" Chishiya whispered, pulling on your arm. You nodded, letting him lead you out of earshot of the others.

"I'm... I didn't know about your family situation. I shouldn't have said you were little miss perfect and assumed," he said, looking off to the side. "I accept your apology," you smiled. "I-i didn't apologize," he stammered. "Can I hug you?" You asked. He looked around, before nodding. You pulled him into a hug, leaning down, and whispering in his ear, "I know that was your way of apologizing. Thank you for telling me the truth... I'm glad I know you a bit better."

"Everything you heard, you say nothing about, got it?" Niragi threatened his partner. They nodded, terrified of him. They left, and Niragi immediately looked for you. He saw you sitting in the backseat of the car. He gave you a look, and you lowered your gaze. Kuina glared at him, sitting besides you in the back. He went over, and sat in the driver's seat. He purposely sat far from you. Last Boss got in the back, Chishiya finally getting into the front seat.

Niragi didn't say a word. He didn't respond to you, Chishiya's taunting. Nothing. You tapped his shoulder, and tried talking to him. "(Y/N), I'm driving. We will talk later," he stated. Was he really that mad?

You rushed into the hotel, rushing into your room. You didn't want to talk to him anymore. He was being mean.

You took a shower, changing into your pajamas, and sitting on your bed. You knew that Niragi would barge in at any second. You knew he would. Even if you didn't want to talk to him, he would.

You heard the door creek open, and got ready. Would he yell at you? Call you names? These were things that you had never thought about when thinking about Niragi.

You didn't look up as he sat on the bed besides you. "We're going to talk about it. I know you don't want to, but we have to," Niragi said. You looked up at him. "Are you mad?" You asked, playing with the fabric of your shirt. "Kind of. Why... first, let me ask, when did this happen?" He questioned. "Mmm... last year of high school... about two months before I gave you my first," you responded. "It wasn't really your fi-"

"To me it was. I didn't give him my first Suguru. He stole it. Why the fuck do you think I was so nervous the whole time?"

"Yeah but it wasn't-"

"It was! I-i... it was to me. Think about it, if your car gets stolen, it's still your car, no? You didn't give it to them... Then... if they stole my first... I still... I didn count as my first. You were. I counted you as my first."

You bit your tongue to stop the tears. You didn't want to cry and seem weak. "I... I'm sorry I didn't tell you... I'm sorry you had to find out about it that way..." you whispered. "I know. It just... makes me a bit upset that you're the one who made promise 9 and you broke it. I wish... you had told me back then, so that I could've helped you," he stated. "You did. You helped me back then. Even without knowing," you said, reaching your hand out to touch his. He pulled back. "How!? I-i- You cried when I- is that why? How could I have helped you if I didn't even know about it?" He asked, raising his voice. You grabbed his hand softly. "Because you showed me that... when it's wanted, when it's with you someone you trust, and when it's with someone you love... sex is a positive thing. It's not something I should be scared of. You gave me a positive image of what it should be like," you explained. He looked at you in shock. He didn't think you had actually felt that way back then, and even now. But it made sense about why you made promise 40 after.

You lay next to him, catching your breath, your hands holding onto him. Every inch of your skin was pressed against his, as if he'd disappear the second you would let go. He held you just as tight.

"Sugu... let's make a promise, yeah?"

"What is it?"

"That if by the time we're 28, and still single, we'll marry each other."

"I'd like that."

"Promise 40, we promise that if by the time we're 28 and still single, we'll get married."

It made so much more sense to him now.

"If you say so..." he muttered. You pulled him into bed with you, getting under the covers. "Sleep in here tonight. Please?" You pleaded, having a pillow and a space for him on the other side of the bed. "Alright," was all he said before getting under the sheets with you. You hugged him, burying your face into his neck. "I hope you know all the neck and back pain I have endured from hugging and sleeping with your short ass," you whispered. He decided to let your comment slide. He'd would just let you relax from the game. Tomorrow was another day.

You hoped you didn't have nightmare again.

[pantherlover]

A Local Habitation Re-Read: Part 5

Hello again! Here's part 5!

Chapter Seventeen:

"Quentin, get something nutritious to go with your soda. A Snickers bar or something." Oh they were both SO lucky May showed up after this.

Oh, poor Luidaeg. She's finally met the person who will eventually be able to remove the geas on her, and she's a person who decides that summoning the night-haunts is an acceptable plan.

Of all the people at ALH, I might like Elliot the most (other than April). I respect a character that can just roll with with an unexpected situation.

Toby mentions that Raven-maids and Raven-men are skin shifters like the Selkies. Given how/why the Selkies were created, this makes me curious about whether the Raven-maids/men were created for similar reasons. In the story published with Be the Serpent, Luidaeg says that she cursed the Siren who murdered her love to join the Sky Kingdoms. Maybe that has something to do with how they came about?

I really do feel sorry for Elliot about Yui. I'm glad they got their wedding after everyone was brought back.

Chapter Eighteen:

Connor is noooooot equipped to help out with quests. You were going to take Toby's car back? *Really*?? You had ONE job, man.

Was Sylvester still the Mad Duke when Quentin started his fostering? I'm pretty sure it was mentioned somewhere, but I can't remember off the top of my head. If he was, that might be why Quentin thinks that 'breaking out into hysterical laughter' is a normal reaction in Shadowed Hills.

Connor's relationship with the Luidaeg is definitely something that I want to try to pay more attention to on this re-read. It would be interesting to see what I can pick up from it now that we know about the Selkies.

Okay, Connor, I understand that your marriage is unhappy, but you're still married. Gently resting your joined hands on Toby's cheek is not cool!

Toby was probably lucky that Alex showed up and distracted Connor; he probably would've gotten a lot angrier than that otherwise.

Chapter Nineteen:

Connor may not be equipped for quests, but he does know his role as coffee-provider.

"We need to talk to [the night-haunts], and this is the only way. Believe me, I don't want to. I'm scared stiff." Toby is the ultimate proof that repeat exposure works.

I think I'm appreciating the wistful 'what-could-have-been' of Toby and Connor's relationship more this time around. I don't think they would've worked out in the long run, but they might've been able to be better friends to each other. It's a little sad that they never got to learn how to be that for each other.

Fuuuuuuuuuck Aaaaallleeeeex. Just - SO many things wrong. First, I feel like he contradicts himself while he's explaining? Does it come naturally or does he not do it to every woman he meets? Second, is it supposed to be a *compliment* that he doesn't enchant every woman he interacts with? Like it means something that he liked her enough to give her no choice in how she felt about him??

I wonder why Gordan didn't sabotage the summoning; she and Elliot got all of the flowers together, she would've had plenty of opportunity. Was she that confident that the night-haunts wouldn't be able to tell Toby anything? Was she hoping that they'd come and eat her? Was she curious enough about the night-haunts that she wanted to see it play out?

The summoning ritual is SO creepy/cool. We don't see Toby doing any concrete 'spells' with her magic; she just forces her way through a situation until she gets a desired outcome. I wonder if having kids is going to make her try to find a more consistent way to do things so she can teach them?

Chapter Twenty:

As much as we learn about them in this chapter, I think the night-haunts are the longest running mystery in the series. I saw a meta a while back theorizing that, after the Roane returned, the night-haunts lost their most stable food source and were in danger of fading unless they found another way to sustain themselves. I'm not sure if this is the direction the series would take them, but it would be a good reason to call in Toby's debt to them.

This might be the first time Toby's ever been described than 'wiser than most who deal with [the night-haunts]'.

The mandrake doppelganger make me sad, and I'm trying very hard not to think that the 'created just to die' part is foreshadowing of any kind.

Forget all the blood magic; Toby's superpower is being able to connect with people so strongly that it affects them *after death*.

Chapter Twenty One

'Backups. They had backups for the backups in this place. It was amazing anything had been able to go wrong: they should've had backups for the people, too.' Funny you should say that, Toby!

'"Look, I'd hug you, but I'd get blood al over you." "I don't care," [Quentin] said, and threw his arms around my neck.' Oh, I'm so glad that Quentin and Toby found each other.

Whatever else you can say about Luidaeg, her bedside manner is still better than Gordan's.

Jan, at least, gets (minor) props for actually planning on telling Toby everything before she died. It is honestly a miracle *anyone* made it out of this alive given how willing everyone was to take their project to the grave.

That's it for this part! As always, please feel free to come talk to me about stuff!

[sillyteecup]

Sunflower

Scott McCall x black!reader

Warnings:

Mentions of death

Death

Literally one mention of sex

And my bad writing. Enjoy❤

Sunflower

Sunflower

My Eyes

Want you more than a melody

Let me inside

Wish I could get to know you

Scott's breakup with Allison had been tough and he had no plans to move on anytime soon. He found himself intrigued with the new dark chestnut skinned girl with the rich afro tied up into two huge puffs with sunflowers in them. She wore a short sleeved, lemon and white stripped button up shirt with a lemon rouched tank, long paperbag jeans with yellow sunflowers on the left pantleg, silver framed reading glasses and lemon and white custom Nikes. Scott approached her and sat across from her with the intention of being friends with her. For a second he watched in adoration as she smiled at the whatever she had just written before clearing his throat to catch her attention.

Sunflowers

Sometimes

Keep it sweet in your memory

I was just tongue tied

She looked up him, her eyes questioned Scott and he knew what they wanted to know. He would've answered much quicker if he didn't get lost in the hazel orbs that gazed at him at that moment. "Uhh..." she said snapping him out of his thoughts. "Oh uhm my name is Scott. McCall, captain of the lacrosse team," he mumbled. "Okay. Can I help you Scott McCall, captain of the lacrosse team?" she asked with an inquisitive eyebrow raised. "Uhm I noticed that I haven't seen you before and a friend of mine told me that you're new, so uhm you-uh wanna be uhm friends?" Scott mentally facepalmed himself for stumbling over his words so hard. 'Nice going McCall, she probably thinks you're a dork now,' he chastised himself. She giggled softly and Scott swore he had never heard anything as beautiful in his life. "Name's Y/N. Sure. We can be friends." He let out a sigh of relief and chuckled before diving into conversation with her.

And I dont wanna make you feel bad

But I've been trying hard not to talk to you

My sunflower (sunflower)

He introduced her to his pa-friends and they loved her instantly. Well Stiles was a little wary at first but he grew to like her too. She and Scott had a lot in common and became really close, hell she was giving Stiles a run for his money in the best friend department. Her favourite thing in the world was sunflowers. His favourite thing in the world was her. Scott always saw her as soft and fragile and he found himself falling for her, so he kept her away from all the supernatural drama by not telling her at all. He felt bad for keeping such a huge secret from her but he also felt better because he was protecting her. Little did he know that he wasn't the only one keeping secrets.

I couldn't want you anymore

Kiss in the kitchen like its a dance floor

I couldn't want you anymore tonight (tonight, tonight)

It was the night when the music teacher was killed. Scott ran to look for Lydia and told you to stay behind but her stubborn ass wasn't having it. He was fighting Jennifer Blake when Y/N ran into the room. "Y/N get out!" he yelled through a mouth full of canines. "Scott," she gasped. Everything after that was a blurr. Jennifer had thrown Scott into a table and stalked towards Y/N like she was some kind of prey. Scott tried with all his strength to get up but he was just too weak. He kept yelling for Jennifer not to hurt Y/N to no avail. Imagine his suprise when Y/N began to move at inhuman speed as she fought Jennifer. She fought long and hard but in the end she fell to her knees with a knife in her abdomen. Scott ran to her through his weak state. Everything around him shut down, all he could do was focus on her heartbeat as it slowed. He pleaded for her to stay with him as he held her. "I love you Y/N. Please. Don't," he sobbed. "Relax Scott I'm not dying," she groaned as she pulled the knife out. Everyone around them watched in awe as the wound underneath the grey t-shirt healed. They started flooding her with question after question, but not Scott. He just had one question. "What are you?" "I could ask you the same thing," she chuckled. "I'm a werewolf. What about you?" he asked. "Werewolf," she said as she flashed her eyes golden. "I love you too," she whispered as she pulled him into a passionate kiss.

Wondering headshake

Tired eyes are the death of me

Mouth full of toothpaste

Before I got to know you

It wasn't long before they actually got together. Nothing much had changed though, other than the kissing and sex. And as much as she was a great fighter, she was still his little sunflower. She stuck with him through everything. She was there when he became a True alpha, she was there when he, Stiles and Allison had to get rid of their darkness, she was there when Stiles was possessed and she was there, in his room, holding him as he cried in her arms hours after Allison died in his. Y/N didn't cry that night. She just wasn't the type to. Intead she was unusually quiet. "I should give you some space," she said as she got up to leave. "No. Stay. Please," he whispered.

I've got your face

Hung up high in the gallery

Out of this shade (sunflower, sunflower)

There was one instant where Y/N was jealous. Kira. Scott was jusy far too friendly with her and it made Y/N feel insecure. Maybe he liked Kira more than her. She came up with several reasons why: her hair, her skin, her body, her face. Kira was just better than her and it tore her apart. She wasn't mean to Kira about it though. How could anyone be? She's a whole ray of sunshine. Another reason for Scott to like her more. She started cancelling dates and plans because of it. She never cried about it though. She never told Scott she had anxiety because she didn't wanna seem like she was burdening or anything. At some point she stopped answering his calls and texts, and avoiding him all together. Not because she didn't love him anymore. But because she was afraid he didn't love her anymore. Oh how wrong she was. One afternoon as she was getting into her car, she felt someone gently grab her wrist and turn her around. "Y/N talk to me. You haven't been responding to my texts or calls. Are you okay? Have I done something wrong? If I have, how do I fix it?" he rambled. "You...I...I dont know," she whispered. "I'm sorry," he said, tears welling up in his eyes. "No! Its not your fault. I just got a little insecure," she reassured him. "Of Kira," she added quietly. He didn't say anything for 5 seconds before pulling her into a soft, loving kiss. "I love you." And he did. Hell so did she. She loved him more than sunflowers.

Your flowers just died

Plant new seeds in the mellody

Let me inside

I wanna get to know you

I don't wanna make you feel bad but I've been trying hard not to act a fool

My sunflower (sunflower, sunflower)

Y/N had only ever cried once in her life since she turned 5. "Scott! Scott no! NO! Mason who did this!" she screamed as she ran towards the stairs. She had an entire emotional breakdown at the sight of the lifeless corpse of the love of her life as Melissa tried her best to revive him. She would've helped if she had the strength but she didn't. Just the thought of living without Scott shattered her. Mason tried to comfort her but it was just all too much for her. The emotion was far too overwhelming and had come down on her harder than a tsunami on a single sunflower.

I couldn't want you anymore

Kiss in the kitchen like its a dancefloor

I couldn't want you more tonight (tonight, tonight)

I couldn't want you anymore

Kids in the kitchen, listen to dancehall

I couldn't want you anymore tonight

As if the heavens had heard her cries, Scott roared. His alpha eyes went back to brown immediately when he caught the sight of Y/N crying in Mason's arms. "Y/N," he said as he reached out to touch her. "I'm not ready to lose you," she said softly. He wiped her tears and kissed her forehead. She cleaned his wounds and stayed with him until they healed. She was a little bitter towards the rest of the pack except for Mason, Lydia and Kira because they didnt abandon him. The latter were victims of circumstance. Stiles and Liam on the other hand, she couldn't stand them. She never spoke to them until the end of the Theo Raeken/Lu Bête saga. And even then, it wasn't like she was extra friendly. She spoke to them because she had to. Scott wasn't mad at them though, he was okay as long as his sunflower was okay.

Sunflower

My eyes

Want you more than a melody

Let me inside

Wish I could get to know you

The rest of senior year came and went with thw Ghost rider saga. She was actually pretty glad to have Stiles back. Then came college. Y/N was supposed to leave for New York when strange animal occurrences got in the way. "How the hell is any of this more important than my college education?" she groaned as Scott, Malia and Lydia tried to talk her out of leaving. "It could mean that everyone's in danger," Lydia sighed. "Liam and his friends can handle it. Babe you're supposed to be headed for UC Davis. Malia, France! Lydia, MIT awaits you and I gotta go to Julliard," she yelled. "Come on. Please, its just a week," Scott said as his hands made their way to her waist. "Fine." A week turned a gruesome month, battling with something that uses your fears against you called the Anuk-ite. A week turned into a gruesome month of war with Tamora Monroe and her merry band of "hunters", aided by Gerard Argent. A whole month of death. But just like every battle they fought, they emerged victorious. She had just kissed Scott to help heal his eyes when she collapsed to her knees. Blood began pouring from her mouth as Scott rushed to her side. He began searching for the wound like a madman, hoping he could heal it. "Scott, baby. Its okay," she whispered. "No, no no," he mumbled after finding the bullet wound in her side. She had been shot with yellow wolfsbane and it was too late. "Why didn't you tell anyone?" he asked barely over a whisper. "We were too busy fighting to keep everyone else safe," she said with a proud smile. He cradled her body and sobbed. "Hey. You know sunflowers die right?" she chuckled softly. That's when Scott realized something. She was wearing the exact same outfit she wore when they met. Only this time her hair was tied into one ponytail. The sunflowers were replaced with sunflower clips. "I love you. I always have and I-I always will," she whispered feeling herself getting weaker. "I love you too. More than anything in the world," Scott sobbed. "Promise me you'll go on and be happy. Get married, have kids or not. Just be happy," she said with a smile. Everyone else was a crying mess. He listened as her heartbeat got slower and more silent. Her last petal fell and she went limp in Scott's arms. He begged her to come back between chokef cries, but deep down he knew that she was gone. For good.

Sunflower just died

Keep it sweet in your memory

I'm still tongue-tied

Sunflower, sunflower

Sunflower, sunflower

Sunflower, sunflower

"And that was Sunflower vol.6 by Harry Styles from his latest album Fine Line. Great song, makes me wanna grab my girlfriend and dance," the radio presenter said. Scott turned the radio in Argent's car down as they got closer to the pack. The song started playing after he told Alec his and his pack's story and he couldn't help but let his mind wander. He knew how much Y/N would've adored the song if she were still alive. Two years without her and he still felt like a part of him was missing, but he didn't let it stop him from fighting the war. Her last wish was for him to be happy and he couldn't help but think about how the end of the war would not only make him the happiest man alive. But it would also make her smile proudly at him from her sunflower garden in heaven. That would send him over the moon. God, how he missed her. They pulled over in the parking lot where the pack agreed to meet up, and Scott couldn't help but smile at his pack. They supported him through thick and thin and stuck together because they knew how you got when they didn't. "What are you thinking about?" Alec asked. "How the death of a sunflower can come with the growth of an entire garden," Scott replied as he made his way to the pack with a proud grin.

[litakino]

Yesterday was the 10th anniversary of Rose's death. Also, this November she would've been 30y/o.

She was a close friend of mine, and died of an aneurysm; she collapsed on stage while singing and playing the guitar, and died the next day.

Rose was the same age as my sister, two years younger than me, and her sister is my age and was my best friend. So the four of us were really close, almost like sisters. We would spend the summer holidays either with our family, or theirs, whichever family went to the beach that year.

She was such a big part of my life growing up, that it's weird thinking that she's "stuck" at 20, and I'm 32 now.

I'll try really hard to convey, how important she is to everyone who knew her. How missed she is.

She was so smart, like book smart, but also surprisingly insightful for a 20y/o.

I remember Rose telling me once "I wanted to know if I liked it, so I kissed a girl. But it's not for me". You have no idea how important that was for me. Like I've never even thought of the possibility of not being straight (raised catholic and very conservative), it's not that I was repressed, it was just something I never even considered before.

And she was from a family very much like mine, but able to break away and try her own path (it wasn't that she went around kissing people; and there's nothing wrong with being that person, but she just wasn't, I'm saying this to illustrate how important it was that she did it).

Rose also loved things with all her being. And she was never ashamed of the things she liked. Like she would go into forums and investigate about her heroes and know all there was to know about ER and Sarah McLachlan and Rent and U2 and musicals and Broadway and Wicked.

I'm writing because there's so much she would've done, so many what-ifs I feel I need to make her be present this way, this year.

She wasn't top of her class when she graduated high school, just because she didn't want to spend too much time studying. She was close second though, and that was just with minimal effort. She was a real life Hermione.

Also, Rose was tall, and big, and had long bushy hair. She had to buy her heels from drag queen shops bc her feet were so big, "regular" shoe shops didn't carry her size. And she was CONFIDENT. Like, loved to wear her hair down, big and all, no shits given.

And was really good at shopping for cool clothes, even though most traditionally "feminine" shops didn't carry her size (take into consideration, this was 2009/2010 and we grew up in a small city in Argentina, there weren't many shops available, and "plus size" meant grandma's clothes)

Her last birthday (2010) she rocked a really short shirt-dress with bright yellow tights, I can't even begin to imagine what her style might have been nowadays.

It took her some time to gain that confidence, went through the awkward baggy-pants-and-big-sweatshirt phase like most of us fat girls, but she already loved herself when she was finishing high school. It took me many more years to reach that stage.

I'm painting the best picture, since everything positive about her comes to mind these days.

That's not to say, she was perfect. She definitely wasn't. She was human and made mistakes and (I'm sure) hurt people.

She was loud and could be obnoxious sometimes, but there are very few teenagers and young adults who aren't.

Oh also, Rose really enjoyed singing. And she was really good at it.

She was studying to become an English teacher.

She was really spiritual, and sang in church every Sunday, and was part of the community.

I would love to speak to her now, about feminism and love and gender and sexuality and family. There's so much we didn't know back then, so much I want her insight into.

When I heard the Hamilton soundtrack, all I could think about was about her. And how much she would've loved it.

I want to have the opportunity to hear her rave about things like Lin Manuel Miranda, or Doctor Who, or Good Omens.

I'm glad Rose got to meet my (now) husband, and that she liked him is an endorsement like very few I can think of.

I wonder where she would be living now (I think Ireland or England, studying for her third master and singing in pubs some nights).

I know she would have finally found someone who saw her for who she was, and loved her for it. Perhaps a few whirlwind romances before that.

I wonder if she would've even wanted to have kids.

When Rose died, it was a shock, because no one saw it coming (both her parents are doctors, and the aneurysm was never diagnosed, she never had any syntoms before. And by the time she was rushed into the hospital, it was too late).

Afterwards, slowly but surely, all of her friends and family finished high school, then university. Some of us got married, some got kids. Some moved to other countries.

The year she died, I was out of the country, doing one of those work and travel programs, that encompass our summer (December through March), in WDW. It was something she had actually suggested, that she wanted to do, but last minutes backed out (I never knew why). I was far away from home, working 13-hour shifts (the holidays in the resort are madness). And after her death, a friend suggested some of us took the days off from two weeks, put them together, and take a 4-days trip to NYC. I didn't really have the money to do it, but said yes anyways because Rose wanted to attend Juilliard (childhood dreams), and so we said we were going to visit her in her break (more childhood dreaming). So I ended up eating rice and crackers for a few weeks in order to pay for travel and lodging, but it was so worth it. Everything there reminded me of her, of what she dreamed of doing, of becoming.

I miss her so much, and as I go through life and hit new "milestones", I wonder what she would be doing right now.

Yesterday some close friends and her family gathered (socially distant, and out in the open air) in our old high school. It's a place of 400 square meters, most of which are various sports' fields, and a small forest. It was a place she felt was home, and since the moment she said she wanted to become an English teacher, a spot was there waiting for her to finish her studies.

Anyways, there in the small forest, around the fallen walnut tree, people who loved her, and miss her, gathered, to remember her smiles and jokes and songs.

Her mother read a poem Rose wrote, and her sister sang the solo in "Seasons of Love".

It was lovely, and sad, and had her in every moment.

She is loved, and missed so so much.

[punkscowardschampions]

Amelia & Jac

Amelia: [okay so I'll put here what we said, for Jac's 18th Savannah sent her some flowers and Amelia binned them, obviously a big fight ensued and they haven't interacted from then in September to now which is nearly Christmas until Amelia sends her a christmas gift of the gay book with a portrait of Jac inside that'll just fall out when she picks it up and a chanel lipstick of some cute shade or other] Jac: [my vibe was if it was left on the step, leaving the book out there and taking the lipstick to send a message 'cos assumedly we'll walk past at some point as we live central] Amelia: [love that] Jac: If you were gonna take it upon yourself to decide I didn't want Savannah's gift, you should have also realised the same rule would apply to yourself Amelia: maybe Jac: No, you should have Jac: you wasted your money and time Amelia: I've got nothing else to do with either, so it hardly matters Jac: I'm not your distraction Jac: leave me alone Amelia: no, you're way more than that Amelia: but okay Jac: I don't have the energy for this Amelia: I didn't do this to force a conversation with you Jac: right Amelia: you're right, I shouldn't have got you anything Jac: you really shouldn't Jac: I don't want anything from you Amelia: alright, message received Jac: for fuck's sake Amelia: What do you want me to say? Amelia: it's been months, I miss you, I hate this Jac: You're about a lifetime too late for any of this Jac: things change Amelia: just go then Jac: Don't tell me what to do Jac: you haven't even apologized Amelia: because you're the only one who can tell me what I should or shouldn't do, okay then Jac: I declined your gift because I don't fucking want it Jac: that's my decision Jac: you can't force it on me Amelia: like it was my decision to get you one, even if you don't fucking want it Amelia: like it's my decision not to apologise when I'm not sorry Jac: it wasn't your decision to make Amelia: I know that Jac: She reached out to me Jac: and you ruined it Amelia: she didn't reach out, it was a cop out Jac: she remembered Jac: she didn't have to do anything Amelia: she didn't do anything Amelia: not even sign her name Amelia: fuck's sake,  and you're mad at ME for my lack of apology Jac: Yes she did, she sent my favourite flowers Jac: and yes I'm fucking mad at you, you don't even know what you started Amelia: at least hold her to the same standard Jac: No, because you aren't the same Jac: and this gift meant something to me, the gesture did Jac: and you couldn't stand that so you took it away Amelia: the false hope meant something to you Amelia: of course I can't stand that Jac: there's nothing false about it Jac: she was never here for my birthday before, not as my friend, she had no reason to remember, I'm blocked on anything that would tell her Amelia: because it's so hard to get around being blocked Jac: so, that would just prove she cared enough to look Jac: either way, that meant something Amelia: it doesn't mean she's coming back Amelia: or dumping her boyfriend Jac: it still means more to me than anything you could ever give or do Jac: so you deal with that Amelia: I can't Jac: You'll find my sympathy running a bit low Amelia: that's how I always find it Jac: I don't have the space in my head or my life to care about you Jac: alright, and I've never said different Amelia: yeah you have Jac: when? Jac: a million years ago when we were kids Jac: life's moved on from then Amelia: this year, things have happened that mean something, you've made space for me and cared about me Amelia: I don't need words, you lie whenever you speak anyway Amelia: and yeah, that's how long it's been, that's she's been gone and I've been here for you Amelia: you can't deal with that any better than you're telling me I have to Jac: I've only cared about myself Jac: that's facts Jac: you've been of some use and that's about as deep as it gets Jac: ask anyone, Amelia Amelia: No Jac: Yes Amelia: you love to make me look and feel crazy but I'm actually not Jac: because normal people throw other people's presents away Amelia: you know why I did Jac: and normal people let themselves be treated like this Jac: yeah, you're so right Amelia: there's a massive gap between normal and the levels of delusional you're trying to make me out to be right now Jac: I'm not trying to make you out to be anything Jac: I'm trying to get you to leave me alone, at best Amelia: and I've said I will Jac: then go Amelia: [does] Amelia: [gonna take this moment to tell you what the book is, We Are Okay by Nina LaCour it's obvs gay and YA again but we've lost the optimism of the previous Christmas because this one is about grief and loss and loneliness, basically this girl leaves her life behind without saying a word (again to go to college lol) after her grandad dies but then her friend who she's in love with and who I think is straight comes to visit her there so she gotta start dealing with all her shit, very apt Amelia well done. I think it does have a happy ending for said main character based on the title but not a fluffy one and she isn't getting with that friend I'm p sure] Amelia: [In clearer terms, this is a book about Marin, a girl who has lost her grandfather, and in doing so, pushed away her former best friend, Mabel. So when Mabel comes to town, Marin does not know what to do with the memories. Marin at once does not want Mabel here, regrets her being here, but also desperately wants Mabel to love her. She has walls up and she wants them down, but she is too terrified for them to ever come down. Marin has lost everything, including Mabel, her best friend and her maybe-something-more.  But it’s not a romance between Marin and Mabel. That is what is perhaps the saddest part. I once saw Nina LaCour talk live about this book, and she said something that perfectly sums up what is so arresting about this book: being queer and in love with your best friend is different than being straight and in love with your best friend. One is an experience in first love, and one is also that, but with an added experience of fear – not of rejection but of disgust. We do not want to hurt our best friends by loving them. We have learned to be ashamed of love and we carry that with us, through thick and through thin. BYE] Jac: [well, v on the nose, soz we won't be reading that hun and we didn't read the last one, so rude] Amelia: [maybe years from now bitch you will and you'll see what we were trying to give you] Jac: [perhaps but clearly not this one as it has essentially washed away lmao] Amelia: [something v poetic about a book about grief and loss and loneliness getting left on the step to disintegrate, when this is a film or netflix show I'll be v smug] Jac: [truly, the drama of it all] Jac: [setting it on fire is so last year, anyway, my thought is Amelia sees Jac and Jesse out somewhere but not out out like somewhere boring and every day which is confusing as it was to the fam 'cos she knows she's not talking or hanging out with them so she's like hmm] Amelia: [good idea but I don't know how I'm gonna be like oi what are you doing when it's none of your business hen LOL] Jac: [Jesse could talk to her 'cos we've established doesn't take a hint and it's like the most awkward] Amelia: [yeah because they are gonna be lowkey friends off and on even though she said they weren't after the vday thing last year so and maybe she asks about his gig he's meant to be doing or whatever cos he would've had to announce he ain't doing it on socials and everything like] Jac: [Jac just casually snapping at her like mind yo business Amelia] Amelia: [I'll pick the convo up after that fun little interaction then] Jac: [when you shoulda said nothing but it came out henny] Amelia: Don't talk to me like that Jac: Don't talk to my brother how's that Amelia: redundant Amelia: because I'll talk to him whenever I like as long as he's not the one upset about it Jac: Yeah, you've established you're a liar before now Amelia: No, we've established I have nothing to gain by keeping any promises to you Jac: and I give a fuck about what you wanna take from me Jac: you need to disappear, I don't want you in my life now, not even peripherally Amelia: I don't wanna take anything from you and I'm not Amelia: but disappearing isn't an option for a bit Jac: Contradict yourself immediately, it's really not a waste of my time Amelia: You're wasting your own time by continuing to have a go at me Amelia: when school's over we'll both be leaving, until then we're both stuck Jac: It wouldn't be a waste of time if you actually listened Amelia: likewise Jac: to what? Amelia: me obviously Jac: you have nothing I've ever wanted to hear Jac: and you're continuing to talk more bullshit now Jac: literally, mind your own business, it should not be hard Amelia: neither should getting your head around the concept that me talking to Jess isn't about you Jac: he isn't your friend Jac: he's my brother, I trump any kind of connection you had or wanna have for whatever sad reason Jac: so yeah, fuck off Amelia: if you want to make him choose, give him your bullshit ultimatum, I won't be Jac: No, you leave us alone Jac: it's like having a fucking stalker Jac: I am sick of the sight of you Amelia: I have left you alone like you asked Amelia: he's asked me to do no such thing Jac: You're pathetic Jac: get some friends of your own and you wouldn't have to cling on to someone being civil towards you Amelia: I've heard it all before Jac: then take the hint Jac: I'm so fed up of you and your moping Amelia: then take the 'advice' you're trying to give me and fuck off Jac: you see me coming, you should turn the other way Jac: I did not need to see you today, fuck's sake Amelia: yeah, I'll turn my desk around too, get back into detention, it has been a while Amelia: I wasn't looking for you, I don't want to see you either Jac: then it's in your best interest to run when you see Jesse coming then Jac: so glad you reached the logical conclusion, try to do it at the time next time, tah Amelia: bye then Jac: you're unbelievable Jac: you don't even feel remotely bad for what you've done Amelia: of course I fucking do Jac: bullshit Amelia: No it's not Amelia: but I'm not going to sit here and type out how and why I feel like shit when it means nothing Jac: you aren't sorry, you said, and you've not made any kind of attempt to actually make amends, not that you can now, it's too late Jac: it's all about how you feel and that you miss me and whatever else Jac: you don't care what I've been through Amelia: I'm not sorry for 🗑💐 but I'm sorry for hurting you Amelia: and that this means I'm not there now for whatever is happening Amelia: like you said, it's too late now Amelia: and like you also said, even if I was there, it's not good enough anyway so Jac: because this isn't some soppy book you read Jac: you aren't gonna save me and it'll all be happily ever afters Jac: this is real life and it's so much bigger than all this Jac: shit that you care about Amelia: yeah, it's my real life too Jac: none of this is real Jac: you're putting off getting one by kidding yourself that this will ever happen Amelia: it is to me Jac: just wait Jac: you'll find out soon enough Jac: this is nothing, all of it Amelia: maybe to you Jac: no fucking maybe Jac: you're a child, your problems are childish Jac: that's factual and I can't pretend to entertain it now Amelia: then don't Amelia: my problems aren't the same as yours because I'm not you any more than I could be Savannah fucking Moore, but guess what, it's not a competition Jac: they're non-existent Amelia: No, they exist, same as I do Amelia: but you don't have to bother about them or me Jac: Get over yourself, Amelia Jac: people have real shit going on, real stuff to deal with Jac: and you want anyone to care about your self-inflicted, whiney, entitled bullshit Jac: for what? 'cos you're an AMAZING friend, yeah, you don't use everything to your advantage or make it all about you Amelia: not really, I want you get away from me like you keep saying you want Jac: I didn't send you a present, loser Amelia: I didn't start a conversation about it Amelia: or keep this one going Jac: because you should feel fucking bad about what you did and you don't Jac: not even an eighth of what I do Amelia: I do feel bad, what do you want me to do to prove it, kill myself? For fuck's sake Jac: yeah good idea Amelia: nothing is good enough for you Amelia: you'd even twist that into something it isn't Jac: fucking try it Jac: I don't want you around Amelia: okay Jac: my life is ruined Jac: you don't get to be okay, you don't get to care about your pathetic crush Amelia: you don't get to tell me what to do or how to feel because your life is ruined Jac: Yes I do Amelia: No you don't Jac: really 'cos you've been pretty easy to manipulate this far Jac: don't act as if you've had say in anything Jac: that's about the only use you have had Amelia: well it's over, all of it Jac: call it like it hasn't been for months on my say so Jac: what is the point of you being alive, actually Amelia: I don't know Amelia: my parents, I guess Jac: good luck with getting that to last then Amelia: 🤞🍀🌠 Jac: give you 'til your late 20s before that stops being enough Amelia: it already isn't Jac: like I said, find some real trauma like the rest of us Jac: gives you something to cling to Amelia: or more to collapse under the weight of Jac: you don't even want to survive Amelia: and what? Jac: and that's the fundamental reason Savannah is better than you Jac: and I am too Jac: all I have is the shit behind me to drive me forwards Jac: and your ideal is to wallow in it Amelia: you've got a million reasons why, I don't care how they're numbered, to be honest Jac: you deserve the nothing you're left with and the nothingness that's coming Amelia: that's worked out perfectly then Jac: I swear to God you're lucky he was there Jac: any other day Amelia: yeah Amelia: you know what lessons to find me in Jac: I'm taking time off Jac: so you can have them Amelia: I really am lucky Amelia: maybe it'll make me care about 20 years in the future, like you do, or 5 or 1 Amelia: drive me forwards too Jac: unlikely Amelia: right now it is Amelia: I'm just trying to get through this conversation Jac: Jesus Amelia: my 🤔💭 exactly Jac: you clueless bitch Amelia: what am I supposed to be clued into? Amelia: we haven't spoken for ages Jac: and that's hardly a mystery Amelia: slag me off as much as you like, I don't know what's going on Jac: didn't inherit that off your mum then Amelia: clearly not Jac: yeah well when she finds out somehow you can hear all about it Amelia: finds out what? Jac: now you're gonna ask how I am Amelia: if you were in the hospital again or something that's more important than any of this bullshit Amelia: please just tell me Jac: no, because you did a grand gesture I didn't ask for so now I'm really all good Amelia: a Christmas present isn't a grand gesture Amelia: or what matters Jac: yeah, no shit it isn't Amelia: can you just Jac: what, tell you what's wrong with me? Jac: will that make you feel better Amelia: No Jac: yeah, that makes it almost seem worth it Amelia: forget it Amelia: I'll find out when everyone else does or I won't Jac: yeah Jac: your fake concern for 2 seconds was really comforting Amelia: nothing about this is fake for me Amelia: I don't know how many more times or ways I can make that fucking obvious Jac: you're all talk Jac: I expect nothing more or less from you at this point Amelia: because talking is all I can do Amelia: you won't take a 🎁 I'm not risking an actual gesture Jac: yeah, I heard Jac: nothing in it for you Amelia: okay, tell me I'm wrong Amelia: tell me there is Jac: no Amelia: say something Amelia: give me literally anything Jac: how many times can you be told it's not about you before you get it Jac: it's not about caring because I throw you false hope Jac: we were friends, once Amelia: which is exactly why I want you to tell me what it's really about Amelia: I care about you, I fucking love you Amelia: and something bad has happened Jac: depends on your point of view Amelia: put all of this bullshit between us aside and talk to me Amelia: you said it, we were friends Jac: I don't know if I actually want to hurt you this bad Jac: call me stupid Amelia: it's not about me, remember? Jac: still Jac: it's Amelia: you aren't going to talk to anyone else Jac: Jesse knows Jac: and my parents Amelia: that doesn't mean they know how you feel, just what's happened Jac: you won't be able to know either Jac: it isn't gay Amelia: this can still be one of those times where you say things to me that you don't to anyone else, if you want Amelia: if it'll help you Jac: Nothing will help me Jac: but I don't care Jac: I've got a baby Amelia: what? Jac: a dead one now Amelia: oh Jac: yep Amelia: when? Jac: it's why Jesse cancelled his gig Amelia: of course Amelia: that makes sense Jac: so now you know Amelia: yeah Jac: so yeah, there's nothing to be said or done and that's seriously it Amelia: okay, well I'm here if that ever changes Amelia: my mum's never gotten over it but I know talking helped her Jac: talking isn't going to assuage the guilt of creating and destroying life Jac: maybe I'll go pray but I doubt that does either Amelia: I don't know Amelia: there must be a reason therapy is so popular, you're the wannabe psychologist Jac: hope Jac: I'm not interested Amelia: alright, no talking Amelia: do you want to go out? Jac: and bleed over the four pairs of tights I'd have to wear to stop it running straight down my legs? Amelia: a no would be a perfectly acceptable answer Jac: yeah, it's perfectly acceptable to bother a therapist about it so you never mention it to anyone else Amelia: you're not going to mention it anyway, you've said as much Jac: that has nothing to do with your sensibilities Jac: if I wanted to, I could go into horrific detail Amelia: yeah, you could Amelia: you could also bleed all over my car if you wanted to Jac: Yeah right Jac: your entire street is curtain twitchers Amelia: we won't be hanging out on my street Jac: there's nowhere I could go that'll make me forget either Amelia: you've been stuck inside for days with your family, it's hardly a grand gesture to suggest taking you literally anywhere else Amelia: but okay Jac: Jess won't let me go anyway Jac: last time I said I'd hang out with you and he believed it I fucked your girlfriend so Amelia: you kissed her Jac: oh yeah Jac: same difference Amelia: no Amelia: there's quite a big difference Jac: maybe I told him I did then Jac: I don't remember Amelia: probably Jac: the outcome was the same is the point Amelia: the point is, Jess won't let you go Amelia: I got that Jac: I had to have someone come with Amelia: yeah Jac: not about to ask the poor sod who did it Amelia: have you told him though? Jac: yeah Jac: fucking embarrassing Amelia: I assume you're less likely to accidentally run into him than you are me Jac: I think I got points for dealing with it and being cool anyway Jac: go me Amelia: great Jac: it don't matter Jac: only would have if he'd kicked up a fuss Jac: but he didn't seem the sort and that's one less thing for me to feel guilty about so fuck it Amelia: does Darla know? Jac: I told her false alarm Jac: had to ask her about him so Amelia: then why do you think everyone's going to find out? Jac: people somehow always do Jac: I don't care anymore, not now Amelia: if my mum hasn't heard, it's unlikely Amelia: she knew about your alcohol poisoning immediately Jac: beneath her to have connections with an abortion clinic Amelia: she's not god squad Jac: close enough Amelia: my aunt had one after having Olivia, there was something wrong with the baby apparently Amelia: my mum wasn't protesting outside Jac: that's different then Jac: you have a reason, people can repeat that to themselves until they forget about it Amelia: you had a reason too Amelia: everyone does Jac: no, I had an excuse Amelia: you had a reason Jac: no, I didn't Amelia: yeah, you did Amelia: and if anyone else did it for the same reason you wouldn't call it an excuse Jac: Yes I would Amelia: you hate yourself, before this, after this and because of this Amelia: stop Jac: I didn't need to get pregnant, I did and then I killed it Jac: anyone who did that, I'd think exactly the same Amelia: you didn't mean to Amelia: and if you're going to punish yourself this hard for every mistake you ever make then you're going to last even less time than you think I will Jac: You don't act like that not not mean to Jac: all I need to do is live this year then I'll be doing what I actually want Amelia: and that's enough of a reason, don't you get that Jac: enough of a reason for what Amelia: you can't just have a baby you don't want Amelia: it's not like fucking lads you don't care about Jac: no one made me do any of it Jac: so it's not a reason Jac: it's stepping away from any responsibility Amelia: you made you Amelia: and you'd be a shit mum Jac: no, that's bullshit Jac: you tell yourself what you like about it but I know what I did Amelia: tell me you enjoyed it, any of the times Jac: it's sex Jac: that's one of but not the only point Amelia: say it then Amelia: what your point is Jac: Why am I repeating myself? Jac: I know what I did Jac: you aren't going to convince me otherwise Amelia: Why are you doing it? Jac: Well I can't anymore, actually Jac: 2 weeks minimum Amelia: but why have you ever? Jac: because I want to Amelia: you want Savannah Amelia: it hasn't helped you forget that, it won't Jac: neither do you but you didn't tell me not to do that Jac: I can still want to fuck guys Jac: end of Amelia: fine, I'll say it now Jac: yeah Amelia: I can't do this any more Jac: we aren't Amelia: we've said that before, it has to be different this time Jac: whatever Jac: you expect me to make promises to you? Jac: I don't fucking care, Amelia Jac: you deal with it, it's not my problem Amelia: okay Jac: Christ sake Amelia: What? Jac: Never mind, right, off you go Amelia: I'm not going Jac: 🙄 Amelia: you don't care, I heard you before Jac: you want it to be different this time Jac: do something about it Amelia: I'm not having sex with you, that's what I'm doing differently Jac: what's the point in that Jac: doing all the other shit, there's barely any difference Amelia: because I shouldn't have ever but I can't take any of it back Jac: we don't need to be friends either Amelia: we're not Jac: then leave Jac: why half-arse it, that's my point Amelia: I can't leave Jac: just the situation Jac: you don't actually need to kill yourself Amelia: no, I can't leave you Jac: don't be daft Amelia: I'm not repeating myself either Jac: please yourself Amelia: fuck you Jac: you'll be a long time waiting for a thank you Jac: I didn't ask for this Amelia: neither did I Jac: you have a choice Amelia: yeah, and I've made it Jac: and what? Jac: what would you like me to say? Amelia: don't say anything Amelia: I'd honestly love that Jac: yeah, I bet Amelia: the back and forth between utter lies and bullshit and brutal fucking honesty is worse than just the gaslighting Jac: then go away Jac: you're doing this to you Jac: I don't want you here Amelia: you're doing it to me Jac: no, I'm not Amelia: you are Jac: I'm literally telling you to go Amelia: you're always telling me to go Amelia: it's been over a year Jac: your lack of resolve is not my fault Amelia: if you really don't want me here, do something about it Jac: No, because I'm not crying about it Jac: if you feel so gaslit, fuck off Jac: don't reply, don't engage Jac: I don't owe you anything Amelia: you're literally complaining about it Jac: because you're crying wolf Jac: I can and will do what I want, that's how it's always been Amelia: It's no different for me, I've always done what I want too Jac: no, you're being horribly manipulated and used Jac: poor little Amelia Amelia: you fucking said it as a brag earlier Amelia: how easy it is Jac: so why are you repeating it back to me, like I don't know? Jac: you're waiting for me to deny it, or apologize and say it's not true and I care SO much Jac: get real Amelia: I'm waiting for you to stop Amelia: actually do anything you say you're going to Jac: why? Jac: why are you expecting me to act like I'm fine when I'm not Jac: keep making the same wrong call and act surprised when I do what feels right Jac: for fuck's sake, Amelia Amelia: I don't know Amelia: maybe because I'm not fine either but I don't treat you like this Jac: maybe 'cos you've got no willpower Jac: maybe 'cos struggling is a competition and I'm winning Amelia: maybe Jac: 🤔💭 on that Amelia: obviously Jac: fun never stops Jac: enjoy, like Amelia: 🎢 🎠🎪 Jac: 'tis the season Amelia: Merry Christmas 🎄🎅⛄ Jac: great Amelia: yeah Jac: make you feel better that? Amelia: 1. you literally don't care 2. neither do I Jac: I'm literally still bleeding from having my baby chemically expelled and you don't get any joy out of wishing me a Merry Christmas? Jac: what is the fucking point, if you're gonna be a cunt, commit to it Amelia: there's no point to any of this, we both get that Jac: nah, it actually makes me feel better to make you feel worse Jac: that's the point Jac: I have loads of them Jac: it's you who has zero idea what the fuck she's doing Jac: as per Amelia: oh well in that case, carry on Jac: if you hadn't worked that out by now, there is no hope for you Amelia: there's no hope for me anyway, as you've said repeatedly Jac: you seem pretty resigned to this whole victim thing you've got going on Jac: it's a fair observation Amelia: I'm sure it is Jac: yep, that's right, curl up into a ball 'til it's over Jac: fuck this Amelia: until what's over? Jac: the attack, whatever you wanna call it Amelia: I don't want to call it anything, I don't want to do this Amelia: you're the one who's getting something out of it, unless that's another lie Jac: then don't Jac: why the fuck are you still here? Amelia: because I can't fucking leave when you're in the middle of an abortion Amelia: for fuck's sake Jac: the good friend points are not being counted any more Amelia: I don't care Amelia: if this is all I can do, over nothing, then so be it Jac: you're gonna let yourself be a punching bag Jac: seriously Amelia: why not? Amelia: it's not like it's the first time, or that I haven't for things that matter less Amelia: and it's too late to change any of that Jac: because I want you to stop Jac: to fight back Jac: to not do this shit anymore Amelia: I'm not fighting you right now, even if I had the strength to ever Jac: it's like Jac: you don't understand how dangerous it is Jac: what if this was someone else Jac: do you wanna end up like that, getting knocked about and taken advantage of Amelia: I don't give a fuck about the future, remember? Jac: well stop it Amelia: no Jac: stop Amelia: no Jac: fine Jac: I'll go Amelia: okay, go