#I'm giving myself a pass bcs it's CHRISTMAS

[fantasticcloudcreation]

10pm. Exhausted, fucking spiraling. I'm not good at anything and no one likes me. At the same time I know that's not true but I feel like it rn. For no fucking reason besides the fact that I'm overworked and underslept and overstimulated. I'm just exhausted. I need a fucking hug.

I was walking to dinner earlier and KJ saw me and gave me a big hug and invited me to hang out sometime, I really should accept one of his invites one of these days. He's sweet and he's always hugging me when I need it.

Also, today was not the last day, the stage is halfway down, they extended the hotel room an extra day and I gotta be back at 8am 🥲

I am fucking Burnt Out and I don't even know what to do about it. I need to go hide in the woods for a week. I need to go find a friend to cuddle for eternity. I need to sleep and drink coconut water and cut my toenails and trim my hair and sit in a hot tub or swim in a waterfall or something. In reality, a whole list of things I need to do when I leave here; Christmas gifts, family time, rearranging all my shit at my mom's house; might visit friends on my way back north, wanted to go visit C while I'm in Miami, wanted to go to the nude beach over here; might do that actually, I think that'll be really refreshing after this gig. At the same time feeling like I need to just zoom back north so I can help my mom with all the shit and get my Christmas gifts sorted out. Idk. I'm fucking tired.

It's Dec 16 btw. I feel fucking fat bc they've been giving us terrible food for lunches this entire time. Like yeah it's free food and I need to eat or I'll pass out at work but at the same time it's terrible food so I still feel weak and awful and I probably would've felt better if I had just brought my own food. Telling myself it's just a bulk + cut thing but who knows. Who even cares at this point. I'm surviving. It's fine.

I'm over it. I'm spiraling. I'm going to sleep so I can wake up and do it all again tomorrow. Someone please hug me.

[emetogirl]

IRL story: I'm a physical therapist at an inpatient rehab facility, working mostly with the geriatric population. Patients come to us after hip surgery/falls/illness, etc. and we try to get them stronger so they can maximize their independence/mobility and return home. We have what we call "care conferences" with each of the patients' families where our director of rehab, the head nurse, the OT, myself, and sometimes an SLP all go over our recommendations for when they leave our facility.

All this to say, we were having one of these care conferences when I noticed my boss (the director of rehab, I'll call him Greg), push himself a little bit away from the table and wrap an arm around his stomach. I noticed immediately that his color was off, too, and he kept looking toward the doorway like he was calculating an exit.

No one else seemed to notice, so we kept giving our recommendations to the family. As the OT was going over her part, Greg hastily stood up his chair and said, "excuse me," and started making his way out of the conference room to the hallway, presumably to get to the bathrooms. He stopped at the doorframe, though, and kind of slid down to one knee. Later he told me he'd thought he was going to pass out.

Everyone else had caught on that something was wrong by this point, but I was way ahead of them. While they all started to ask Greg what was going on and if he was okay, I leapt up and grabbed the trashcan in the corner of the room and took it over to him. I was pretty sure I knew what was going to happen. He was green.

He threw up in the can instantly (I had to help him get his face mask off), and I felt so bad for him. Everyone made kind of a disgusted noise and I did my best to block him getting sick from everyone's view.

He was so embarrassed. He's a pretty young guy (we're the same age) and had only been the director of rehab for about two months. I could tell he was mortified that he got so publicly ill in front of his entire team and a patient's family. He kept apologizing even as he continued to throw up.

When he was through getting sick, I helped him stand up and walked him to his office where he could recover from the spectacle in private. He was in tears over what happened and I tried to reassure him that it was okay.

He threw up again after he tried some water I'd gotten him and I just kind of hovered awkwardly and patted his back.

It was definitely a weird, intimate, vulnerable interaction with my boss. But he was so gracious and thanked me profusely for helping him. I offered to drive him home (he only lives like 5 minutes away), but our SLP ended up doing it because she had finished seeing patients for the day and I still had a couple on my schedule.

Fast forward a couple of days, and lucky me must've caught his bug, just in time for the holidays, too. (This happened in December.) I woke up on Christmas Eve morning feeling SO nauseous and ended up spending my holiday camped out in the bathroom and throwing up like every 30 minutes. Landed myself in the hospital on Christmas Day to get fluids.

Good times all around.

Greg felt so bad that he got me sick that he went out and bought me flowers the day I returned to work. LOL. He's a pretty great boss.

OH MY GOD this one is my favorite one yet!!! Holy shit what a story, I feel so bad for both of you! I also work in healthcare and have a sort of similar story, this was the time that I was working in a mental health hospital, and me and the guy that were teching together were the only two people on the floor besides the nurse, so our patients really needed us. I could tell he wasn’t feeling well and he kept leaving the floor suddenly without telling me and then coming back, I assume bc he was getting sick or felt like he was gonna throw up. We were really good friends and so I just made him sit down and rest at the nurse’s station while I did rounds and everything. Once all our patients were asleep in their rooms I remember coming back to the nurses station and the poor thing was just sitting there with his eyes closed and I reached out and rubbed his back for a moment before I had to start my shitloads of paperwork for the night😂

[lokiinmediasideblog]

ok so now I can rant about JiM because it's my hyperfixation lol

when I learned that they made a JiM novel I was euphoric bc I always thought the novel format was the ideal form for the story because it's a very literary comic and I also love fantasy and the Thor side of comics but I HATE superhero as a genre and I also hate superhero comics and their completely messy continuity and bonkers logic, so to me, it's like by adapting this specific run into a book it felt like they've lifted the story from it's larger context so it could exist in it's own canon bubble without having to answer to anything that came before or after these events take place. I love that the only proper superhero that appears is Captain Britain and you only hear one or another superhero be mentioned in passing so I can easily ignore that there are superheroes in this universe and pretend it's just a regular fantasy novel. I noticed that the author took some liberties with the costume descriptions (Loki wears no cowl and Leah wears a golden circlet in lieu of her bone hairpins) and I took is as a cue to disregard the imagery from the comics and reimagine everything from description in a more LOTR-like fantasy aesthetic (nothing against the talented artists that worked on the comic, but I dislike how spandexy and futuristic some asgardian outfits look in the comics)

The prose is surprinsingly good for a novelization. Novelizations usually have very dry prose, but this one is witty, evocative, and in times even poetic, which makes it feel like it was an original literary work and not an adaptation. I don't agree that it feels like a companion to the comic because in many ways, it comes off like a more complete work than the comic, with an expanded insight into the characters.

I particularly like how Loki's inner thoughts made him even funnier and more loveable than in the comic, with his little asides and daydreams, and I love how it elevates his relationships. I particularly like how it shows that, even in his good innocent form, Loki is still jealous of Thor, which is something I never got from the comics. The comics give away the impression that Kid Loki just feels pure hero worship toward his brother and any sore feelings are out of his legitimate grievances about Thor being a lousy parent figure, but the comic shows that he inherited some of his older self's pettiest feelings, which makes his relationship to Thor more nuanced and adds up to the tension that he might go evil if he lets them take over. The prose format also enhanced his chemistry with Leah. I didn't care much about their relationship in the comics because it felt too one sided on his part, but with book!Leah I had a clear sense of how much she likes him back behind the walls she puts up that I never got from comic!Leah. Loki's romantic feelings for her feel more mature in this version, in the comic is too boy pulling pigtails of the girl he likes, but here he gets to be actually earnest about his love for her, and it made the two times he loses her actually hit for me. The added scene where he gifts her books for christmas was adorable and made me ship it. Oh, and I thought making King Arthur a grumpy boomer was a nice touch of humor.

On the downside I disliked how the book does a poor job of contextualizing some stuff and introducing new characters to an impact, which is a shame because I really wanted to recommend this book to people who don't do comics so they can become addicted to JiM like myself (I'm still going to do it lol). The book has no qualms taking some liberties to make the story feel more concise, but it should have taken more liberties to make it work in its format. It also was in a serious need of an editor, because there are some continuity errors. Overall is a good book, it's well written, it honors the story and characters, and that Marvel has chosen this particular story to relaunch in a different format shows it resisted the test of time and it is a classic run.

Definitely agree that Leah and Loki's relationship was much cuter in the book (he even got her furniture), and it was heartbreaking when he had to sent her to the past just after getting her back to keep his older self from hurting her. The things I liked most are Ikol's thoughts while being a magpie, and the ominous teasing as the "teller".

I felt the book got confusing when there were changes in settings, and definitely think it needed more editing. There was a distracting typo in one of the earlier chapters (can't remember where exactly).

I think they should have recapped a little with things like Thor's resurrection for example.

[gravehags]

impera ghouls' fav art medium bc I just dropped out of art school lmao I hope I didn't forget anyone (I kinda went overboard so it's a long one sorryyyy)

- Mountain's kinda obvious, but he really likes working with natural materials. Enjoys woodworking and land art. Despite his size, has very deft hands and is extremely delicate. Makes a trip to the farm each season to get some beautiful fresh and golden hay to weave it into ornaments and jewelry. And let me tell you that's a testimony to his skill cause I literally cried over hay last October and I had to soak it in water to be able to bend it. The texture was disgusting and I got destroyed at the critique anyway lol

- I've already said it before, but Cumulus is totally into stamp carving and linocuts. 11/10, very calming, probably has rough hands since you have to use lots of white spirit to get the ink of off the lino, and you gotta use a special rough scrub to get ink out of your skin. Puts her creations everywhere, gives you and the ghouls little cards and patches she printed herself :)

- Cirrus and Sunshine probably share the serigraphy workshop. It's a very delicate craft, especially when you go for traditional paper stencils. But worry not, ghoul claws are sharper and more precise than your average cutter. Though, a intricate multi-colored stencil implies there's a lot of drying time involved, especially on fabric. They always have some kind of brunch during that time, with tea and snacks and such. Invite you to join them if you happen to pass by. (it's them who print the merch I know it)

- Aether makes very cool metal sculptures. He's got both the strength and the patience for it. You know those adorable little bird-shaped garden ornaments made from scrap metal ? Yeah he did some because the local old ladies are always commissioning him to make them. Also the workshop's babysitter, has to keep on eye on Swiss and Dew when they start beefing with a circular saw on their hands.

- Rain is very skilled in needlework. Originally considered himself a better painter, since he's got a sharp eye and is good at color theory, but discovered all the ways you can use embroidery and sewing with an artistic approach during a workshop in his first year. Sewed a costume made out of dried orange peels and called it 'orange leather' once. Also interested in book binding. Will get snappy if the others call him a little grandma while he's embroidering.

- Phantom is a photographer, and a pretty good graphist as well. He's too shy to admit it, but he really does know how to present his work. Has the cleanest portfolio around, and is probably a huge perfectionist. I mean, perfectionism is kind of a must in art school but bug is an anxious wreck (give him a hug). Very gentle, handles the lenses and lights with lots of care. Mainly photographs landscapes and nature mortes, but enjoys taking portraits as well. Takes a lot of self-portraits and will very shyly ask you to pose for him. (I photographed myself as Judith in Klimt's Lilith II : Judith and Holofernes for an assignment and ngl would love to hold bug's head with my tits out on camera)

- Aurora makes little pop-up zines. It's a prefect way for her to give way to both her gentleness and chaotic nature. While pop-ups may look tedious to make, it's actually lots of fun, and you can get pretty chaotic with it too. Has a whole collection of patterned and textured papers, she made most of them. Probably has a 'cool paper stash' she hasn't touched because she doesn't want to 'waste them' and said paper is like Christmas wrapping paper from 2016 (it's me I'm guilty).

- Dew is more interest in contemporary art, especially sculpture. Little guy has no patience and likes to break stuff, I see it as a match made in heaven. Uses his fire ghoul abilities to burn different matters and experiment with them. Kinda see him as my friend who burnt a humongous quantity of human hair for a project. Was pissed no one cuddled him for two days because of the smell.

- Swiss is totally a performance artist. I mean, technically, all of the ghouls have a huge affinity with it, but Swiss especially. A big fan of contemporary composers like John Cage and Karlheinz Stockhausen, as well as Bahaus performance art. He likes to let loose, have fun exploring his body's and voice's capicities in an artistic light. Probably submitted some kind of sextape as a project, but it's okay because the professor likes provocative stuff.

- BONUS : all of them probably were nude models for the evening classes at some point. I haven't included anatomical study in the hcs because no one in their right mind would enjoy sitting on a stool and drawing Greek statues for 8 hrs straight, but none of them would mind being the models for the 2 hrs 6pm classes. Although they'll probably ask you for a massage afterwards because of how tiring it is to stay in the same position for so long.

-unhinged family anon

These are GORGEOUS omg thank you so much for sharing these they’re all so on point!! 🩵

[golbrocklovely]

I'm truly sorry for sending an ask about seg. I didnt think about any possible stress you may be under especially since you've mentioned you work retail and it's getting to be that hectic time of year. How do you like to destress when it gets to be too much? Do you have any stories about the absolute best/worst customer you've had to deal with? Does the holiday music lift you while working or drive you nuts? Favorite holiday song?

hey you're fine. i'm not upset at any of the anons that sent in asks about the SEG situation. i get it, yall want to talk about it and inform me. i appreciate it. i just had a stressful day and tbh i just don't care about this subject. seeing snc get needless hate over something that was dealt with is just deeply annoying. not to mention bc nothing is gonna happen until after thanksgiving, i would rather we all just wait to hear what gets said until then or straight up ignore SEG than give him more clout.

so, for all the years i've worked in retail, which now is 5... omg ew, i've actually never worked a black friday. first year my dad passed away, and then the past three year i've done overnights so i'm not around customers at all. this is my first time around customers this year, bc i just couldn't do overnights, and honestly... it's not that bad. it's not great, but it's mostly the store i'm working at that's upsetting me rather than the customers, which somehow is always the case anymore lol

i plan to leave as soon as i can. i can't stand the place i'm working in anymore. i pray i don't have to keep working in retail, but we shall see.

how do i like to destress? nap. like i fucking LOVE napping. i think i also have to nap more now bc i don't really drink caffeine anymore. i'll have an occasional soda or ice tea once in a while, but otherwise it's just straight water for me. so i usually just come home and nap. then when i wake up i'll either dance or sing to some emo music (got me like a 14 hour playlist of all my favorite songs) or i'll just watch some youtube vids.

i haven't had too many bad customers, thank god, but the one that always stuck out to me was during the holiday season the first year i work at my current store. so while i haven't worked really any black fridays, i have worked the lead up to christmas multiple times and i swear, i think ppl forget christmas is when it is with the way ppl coming in like the 23 of december buying all the random shit we have left.

so, i was up at the registers, and we have only self check out. i'm assisting ppl when i can and directing the line bc it's basically to the back of the store almost. the thing is, to literally come into the store, you have to pass the registers. so this shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that it's self checkout only. but these two women are next in line and i direct one to an open register. she immediately says "what, i have to do it myself?" i'm not in a good mood bc there is just too many ppl around (and this was pre-pandemic) and i was like "yes ma'am, you have to."

my thing was always if you ask me nicely to help you, i gladly will. but being a bitch to me will basically get you no help whatsoever.

she starts to scan her items, and scans one too many times. she starts yelling "oh my god, i don't know how to do this, i double scanned" loudly, i come over, clear off the extra item and then direct her friend to the next register, which is coincidentally was the one next to her.

the main lady goes back and forth with her friend, saying and cursing "i can't believe i have to fucking do this myself, i don't like this, why the fuck can't they help us." mind you, i work in basically a kid's store. there are plenty of children around. there is no need to be cursing that much, and i say that as someone who does curse a lot.

finally she finishes up and for some reason the register spit out her change really fast so her coins fell on the floor. she picks up one of the coins turns to me, and basically throws it at me and snidely remarks "here you go, since you clearly need it"

i about swung on her, but she's lucky i didn't.

that was really one of the very few times i ever had a bad customer. as for good ones, i think for the most part most of the customers i interact with are either normal or pretty nice. i did one time have to explain to a man what bluetooth was, which is great bc i know so much about it….. and then he told my manager i did an excellent job helping him understand. so that was nice :)

as for the holiday music…. it's 50/50 depending on my mood. sometimes it's not too bad, sometimes it's annoying. bc we play random pop songs (that most of you have probably never heard of) in between the christmas songs. so for every one pop song, we get two to three christmas songs. and we only just recently started getting mariah carey and actual well know christmas songs to play in the store. before, it was like random covers of popular songs, which is very strange to me but whatever lol

and my favorite holiday song… i'm actually gonna list my favorite christmas songs bc i think i have the weirdest taste in them lol

christmas don't be late by alvin and the chipmunks

santa baby by eartha kitt

last christmas by the glee cast

baby it's cold outside by the glee cast

feliz navidad by josé feliciano

obviously mariah carey and michael buble are the top ppl for christmas music. but genuinely… i love these songs more.

a lot of christmas songs make me sad now since my father passed, especially 'i'll be home for christmas'. so sometimes it's a bit hard to listen to christmas music. but i usually hold off on listening to until like the 23rd lol

[strawberriesancreamdrpepper]

I haven't updated in awhile about my life so here it is.

outside of not really losing much my after school gym classes start next week. it's kind of nice bc the gym teacher is my English teacher and she's really nice so hopefully she'll just let me run the whole time. I'm also going to start going to the planet fitness in my town again instead of my treadmill bc it's starting to get below freezing in the garage and I can't run in there. me and the girl I have a crush on are hanging out again tmrw, and I'm really excited. we're going to meet up in the outskirts of the city and then go back to her place to do homework. I baked her and her family cookies because I wanted to make a good first impression. hope I didn't do tm or seem like I'm too idk like I'm courting her. In a weird way. Idk. Anyway I've had a lot of homework and midterms are coming up before break starts so it's kind of difficult to stay active when I spend all my time sleeping doing homework excersising or thinking about her. honestly it's taking up a lot of time I sort of wish I could js get it over with and ask her out so I don't think abuut it all day. but I don't want to do it too soon even though I think she likes me back. she's been flirting I think, I asked one of my other friends who knows I have a crush on her and I sent her some of the texts we've had and she says that it's definitely flirting. not in a weird way but she has autism so I don't know how good she is at reading this type of social situation cause personal interactions is a struggle for her but I'm going off that. I really want to ask her out by the time Christmas break comes, I was thinking like the Thursday before the last day of school so that if she does end up saying she doesn't like me back I have the whole break to recouperate and be ready to face it when we go back. she's so pretty and funny though I just really like her. I haven't felt so happy in a long time. it's honestly taking my mind off my eating disorder, and that's sort of a relief. I love my an@ but sometimes it's tiring when all I think Abt is c@ls. she may be catching on a bit bc she keeps bringing me apples and asking if I eat them. I tell her no bc I don't and I don't want to lie to her but an@ always comes first. that's why I'm always hesitant to talk to people cause they don't deserve to deal with my problems but if I just hide it it won't really affect them? as long as I don't complain about it yk. I told her protocol if I pass out in front of her, because it may or honestly probably will happen at some point. she seemed a little freaked out and I hope I didn't scare her off but idk. but she texts me good morning everyday and like we text almost non stop and we've hung out when we can at school. tmrw I'm helping her catch up bc she was sick last week and fell behind in school. and I also have a lot of hw and I need to do some stuff so I will probably js try and get it all done and stuff and I'm sure it'll be fine. If my grades start to drop though I will have to put a little distance between us bc I have my priorities straight yk. I really want her to ask me out first cause I don't want to do it but also she's never dated anyone before so I don't really think she'll do it? Bc I've dated ppl before and she might feel weird idk. but idk. I feel awful about it sometimes. like whenever im not actively talking to her sometimes my mind js drifts and I come up with all the different reasons she would hate me and all the stuff I've said and done wrong with talking to her and how like she probably won't ever talk to me again and once she finds out how I'm actually like she will leave and never talk to me again like all my friends before her. idk I don't deserve friends atp. I think I'm ruined. but at least I have an@ and my grades. that's the only things I can really control atp and at least it keeps me busy and gives me a reason to keep going. even though I consider myself a terrible broken person I've been feeling really good recently. haven't binged in a bit which is nice. trying to yk not do that.

okay that's a lot so I think I'm going to go finish my laundry and go to sleep cause it's like almost 11pm rn. hope u enjoyed reading my rant about my life xx

[ireallydontunderstandpeopleatall]

Stephen

So it's Monday and probably about a week since I found out about Stephen's passing. Stephen I am sorry I am finally making this post but I have really just been trying to deal and I'll get into that a bit later.

About month ago I started calling Rose again after trying to distance myself from cheating ex and she brought up Stephen and mentioned she was told to reach out to him by her psychic which had me thinking about how I have not reached out to him in an unknown amount of time(but now I have learned it has been about a year ago from the time I am writing this post now (July 2022)) and I couldn't believe how long it has been since I have actually talked to him and I know in my mind I have thought about him from time to time and how thinking if I have no one else to hang out with, Stephen will always be around for me and plus hanging out with him will be a safe choice for staying platonic and I will get to get back to my normal life after seeing him, not like cheating ex who will latch on and won't let go.

Anyway rose said she had been calling stephen but can't reach him and thought it was weird he has not called her back so then I started trying him at random times for like 2 weeks but it had consistently went to voicemail right away and I'm like thats weird because his phone is always reachable or he will call back and I had left a voicemail. then finally last week I let rose know I called and the number said "this number cannot accept calls at this time" and i'm like ok what does that mean bc it's not "this number is not in service" so I tell rose and she goes to his house. she said there were a few cars out front which is about right and what I saw when I visited him at home. so she rang the doorbell but no one answered so then her friend suggested finding and obituary and she actually found one and i had googled his first and last name but nothing came up and also I did not want to put obituary at the end bc wtf i did not want that truth at all. then when I put in obituary and there it was, as clear as day and the result at the top, how could I have not found or seen this earlier.

March 21st it read he died suddenly in cedar rapids, iowa. I didn't even know stephen goes to Iowa. but anyways wtf. suddenly? why what happened and why does it have to be this way. you know I still owe you money right Stephen? and that's because you were always so willing to be helpful and giving, that's why i still owe you money. now why didn't I reach out during christmas and new years even? I know I had covid and was dealing with health stuff but I can talk to you about that stuff. I am so sorry. I have been so occupied with so many different things but I should have still kept in touch, you were such a good friend that I took so much for granted but have always been so grateful to know you.

you really meant it when you said you saw us as your good friends, I know that now, I have been surrounded with so many bad people that I assume someone as good as you might have had an agenda. which is just stupid seeing that people that actually did have agendas I just dived head first in. I have been so childish, immature, selfish and uncaring. I miss you so much Stephen, you deserved so much better. you did not deserve to die so young at 62, I didn't even know you were 62 you had so much life left. another death that will teach me not to take people for granted, but it has come at the hands of the two kindest people I have known.

I read the notes people left on your obituary page, saw your baseball pictures and I just cried, everything they said was so true about you, which means you were a consistent person with everyone and i should have appreciated you more. because I did not deserve you, you never judged us and you were so priviledged and had it all together and you never judged that I was poor, that I struggled, that we were from different worlds. you really are as sweet as they say. You did constantly smile like they said, i can still see your smile and I have through the years, you were so happy, so positive even after the negative experiences you told me about you were still so care free and courageous.

When rose was heading to your house I was thinking it would be nice to do another Tahoe trip since I have been wanting to travel more and we can try Tahoe again and see different things. I saw our Tahoe trip in my google maps history, it said 9 years ago, I cannot believe it has been that long, where has the time gone? you have never forgotten us, not once. you were always there to answer our call and thats why it was weird we could not reach you by phone.

I want to post your obituary picture here but I saw that you had many professional achievments from the same picture, i don't want someone to do a reverse image search and have your picture to be linked to this blog, i dont want to affect your reputation in any way.

anyway stephen i still dont know where you were buried and think it might be in california and im debating on reaching out to this person who has your name on youtube and I assumed it may be your son bc I know you have the same name and ask them about your resting place so I can see you and pay my respects.

I am so so sorry you were taken so soon, you will always be missed. you were one of my longest knowing friends and i think if my life was not such a mess that i would have had time to reach out more and spend time with you more and maybe show you how much i did appreciate knowing you. rest in peace old friend. thanks for the memories. <3

sept-9-1960 -march-21 -2023

[monstrous-femme]

1. What's something that always makes you laugh?

Archie's "bro I know ALL the secrets of this universe" speech from the Riverdale episode "The Jughead Paradox" which I'm tempted to type verbatim here hold on

Bro, I know ALL the secrets of this universe. I was at Ground Zero for the birth of Rivervale, the moment of Creation and Destruction, the THRESHhold of Revelation. I. Saw. Everything. The other Jughead, the dead coming back to life. The distortions. (With growing agitation) It's not a copy or a mistake like you think it is! It's another chance for me to be with my dad.

It's better in KJ Apa's voice bc he is a great talent when he wants to be but there you go.

2. If you were a character in a movie, book, or television show, what genre would you live in?

Realistically like, a cozy drama that's stakes are all about regular emotional things people go through and maybe some philosophy. Or maybe Bojack but like 200% less intense and sad, so you're left with funky animation, animal puns, and thoughts on the human condition but only the ones that don't make you cry too hard.

3. What is something that isn't real that you wish existed?

A cottage in the woods that I could disappear to sometimes with no real world consequences.

4. What's the dumbest purchase you've ever made?

Dumb is very subjective but I used to spend so much money replacing my shoes every six months bc I bought cheap ones that fell apart and even though I could afford nice ones it took me years to realize that was the obvious solution. Now I buy nice shoes and get them resoled etc as needed and don't really have to buy shoes.

5. What is an "everyday evil" you experience often? Something banal, but unfair.

Capitalism seems like a boring obvious answer but it's what I've got, but even more specifically it's capitalism and the ways it negatively intersects with how my autistic brain works.

6. A stranger is inhabiting your body for the day. What tip do you give them in passing?

I'm reading this as passing as in passing as me, and the answer is that I stim a LOT in various ways and I feel like if I was unusually still/non stimmy it would be clocked pretty quick even if people didn't pick up on exactly what it was that was different. Also be nice to trees they're all my friends.

7. What's your favorite footwear, and why is it boots?

Re my earlier answer regarding cheap shoes that break, Merrels and Doc Martens were the earliest shoes I bought for myself that were both comfortable and actually held up for multiple years. (Come to think of it the Merrels may have been a Christmas gift but if so they were ones I specifically requested so it still counts

Thanks friend this was fun!!

1. What's something that always makes you laugh?

2. If you were a character in a movie, book, or television show, what genre would you live in?

3. What's something that isn't real that you really wish existed?

4. What's the dumbest purchase you've ever made?

5. What is an "everyday evil" you experience often? Something banal, but unfair.

6. A stranger is inhabiting your body for the day. What tip do you give them in passing?

7. What's your favorite footwear, and why is it boots?

@dufrau @annieofhearts @sweepy-stringbean @lesbianlotties @monstrous-femme @bringbackgoth @ronance4life42 @ronanception

Idk, no pressure lol. I've been wanting to compile one of these.

[doctortreklock]

No Matter How Blessed You Are By Luck - December 26, 2019

Part of my Resolution19. Read it on AO3.

Prompt: Hands Made of Moonlight and Wind (x)

December is a month of remixes and sequels!!!

Fandom: Hamilton

Title: "It is impossible - no matter how blessed you are by luck, or the government, or some remote invisible deity gently steering your life with hands made of moonlight and wind - it is impossible not to feel a little sad." Welcome to Night Vale, Ep. 21

Words: 1887

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"This is never going to work, Dad," Philip hissed, leaning over the back of the bench seat.

Alex didn't look back at him. "It will, Pip," he assured his son. "Go look over the schematics again. Ask Theo what she thinks about using The Battle Hymn of the Republic for the timing."

"It's Philip," he corrected haughtily, before vanishing back into the rear of the van.

Alex could hear him and Theo talking in hushed voices behind him as he scanned the parking lot for the nth time. A glimpse of movement caught his eye, and he straightened up. Showtime.

He rolled down his window, ignoring the groans of complaint from the back as cold December air blew through the van. "Aaron!" he shouted. "Aaron Burr!"

Across the icy parking lot, Aaron Burr looked up and gave a wave of acknowledgement. He cut a dashing figure in a long coat, practically the dictionary definition of tall, dark, and handsome. As Alex watched, he turned from his original path toward the small French patisserie two shops down from the municipal parking lot and instead headed for Alex's van. He hurried, but stepped carefully, and even then Alex could see him slip once or twice in his smooth-soled dress shoes.

The grumbling behind Alex had gotten louder, but he'd been content to watch Aaron's approach, until Phillip's plea - "Dad, close the window; it's freezing back here!" - spurred him into action.

He quickly rolled up the window, then opened the door and stepped out of the van, shutting the door firmly behind him. "Aaron!" he greeted cheerfully.

A dozen feet from him, Aaron stopped, hunching his shoulders slightly against the wind and tucking his chin further into his scarf at the same time. "Alex Hamilton," he said, and his voice was a low, warm rumble. "I was hoping to run into you."

He'd expected Aaron exasperated, or even irritated. He'd expected Aaron polite, friendly, and distant. He wasn't sure what to do with Aaron warm and rumble-y. His grin faltered. "Aaron. I was just--" And while he was faltering, he suddenly remembered the Plan. The very good Plan. No, not the plan Philip and Theodosia were cooking up in the van behind him. No. this was a much better Plan that involved himself and one long-lost, recently relocated ex-boyfriend. His seduce-Aaron-Burr Plan. "I was concerned," Alex continued smoothly. "We need to keep a closer eye on Pip and Theo," he confided in Aaron, inching closer on the slick pavement. "I think they're concocting a scheme. I mean," he explained, "I know they're scheming: I've seen Pip's notebook and I swear that boy lays them out the same way I did." He barreled on before Aaron could interject. "Anyway, I think they're planning something big." He inched closer. "I've seen the schematics," he confided in Aaron, jamming his hands in his pockets for warmth.

Aaron sighed and hid his face behind his black leather gloves for a moment. "Alex," he said, his voice muffled before he let his hand drop to show a hint of warmth and good humor in his eye. Alex's heart skipped a familiar beat. "I don't know how you got Theo roped into this," Aaron continued, and his eyes were dancing, "but you and I both know that if Philip Hamilton is plotting anything, it's because you taught him."

"Well, I never--" Alex started haughtily, feigning indignation.

Aaron waved him off with an amused half-smile. "Now I don't have all day, so if you could just tell me what your harebrained scheme is so I can go buy a croissant, I would greatly appreciate it."

He looked warm and welcoming and like every good memory Alex had from his early 20s. A gust of cold wind blew across the parking lot and Alex shivered in his coat. Aaron braced his shoulders against the wind and Alex made a snap decision.

"Let's go get your croissant," he told Aaron. "And I'll buy you a cup of coffee." He'd meant it as a statement, but it turned into a question once it hit the air.

Aaron did a subtle double-take, and Alex tried to hold a confident smile. Yes, I did just inadvertently ask you on a date. You interested? Aaron had been his first boyfriend, his first real love. And then Aaron had gotten a different job and moved away like they hadn't been building something at all. And Alex and Eliza had found each other and gotten married and had children together and gotten divorced.

Meanwhile, Aaron had apparently gotten married himself and had a daughter before becoming a widower. And then two months ago he'd come back to the same corner of the world he'd left two and a half decades earlier. Why? Alex wanted to ask him. Why here? Why now? ...Does it have anything to do with me?

But of course he hadn't asked those questions, because Alexander Hamilton might have had a rambling tongue, but Aaron Burr was as silent as a tomb when he wanted to be. He'd yet to get up the nerve to say anything the half-dozen times their paths had crossed in the last few weeks. And Alex didn't know if he'd get the answers he wanted by asking anyway.

So apparently that meant he'd asked Aaron out instead.

"Okay," Aaron agreed slowly. "Coffee and croissants."

"Okay," Alex repeated. "Let me tell the kids we're going." He turned around and stepped carefully back to the van. He knocked on the window twice and loudly announced, "We're going for coffee. Don't get lost."

When he turned back, Aaron was watching him, an amused, heart-meltingly familiar half-smile lurking around his lips. Alex beamed at him. "On to the bakery."

The pair slipped and slid their way across the blacktop to the sidewalk.

"What's the scheme anyway?" Aaron asked, his breath steaming in the cool air.

"What? Oh, yes. Well," Alex said, getting more animated. "You're going to love this, Aaron. Hang on, wait up." He tugged lightly on Aaron's arm to stop him a few feet down the sidewalk.

"What?"

"I have to tell you before we get to the cafe," Alex explained, ignoring the traffic at his back.

"You're going to freeze to death before then," Aaron said, pointedly looking at Alex's bare fingers.

"It's fine," Alex said dismissively. "Anyway, you'll never guess who owns that French bakery we're going to."

Aaron hummed distractedly in response, tugging off his own leather gloves and tucking them in a pocket.

"It's George LeRoi, Junior!" Alex told him excitedly.

"Really?" Aaron asked. He reached out to pluck Alex's hands out of the air, warming them between his own palms. "The LeRoi from Royal Burger?"

Alex faltered. The gesture was familiar and caring and so instinctual, Alex wondered if he'd done it for his wife. If Theodosia had perennially forgotten her gloves the way Alex so often had. Or if she'd been prepared and practical the way Aaron was, and this muscle memory was reserved for Alex alone.

Aaron looked up at his uncharacteristic silence and gave Alex a small smile that warmed his eyes and told Alex everything he needed to know about Aaron's intentions.

"LeRoi?" Aaron prompted.

"LeRoi," Alex echoed breathlessly. "Right. George LeRoi's only son and heir. He didn't want the burger chain, but he did go to culinary school and opened this patisserie."

"And the heist?" Aaron asked. "Elaborate and over-complicated as usual?"

A cough and a "'Scuse me!" broke through the warm bubble they were standing in as Alex realized the pair were talking up the lion's share of the sidewalk. It wasn't a busy street, but that was no excuse to be rude. Aaron flashed a polite smile at the disgruntled woman trying to get past and stepped forward into Alex's space, never letting go of his hands.

Alex took a sudden breath at Aaron's closeness. He'd forgotten how close they were in height, how a couple inches either way made up the difference. He could feel the warmth emanating from Aaron all down his front, a sharp contrast to the chill up his spine. He hadn't been this close to Aaron since...since their last kiss, just before Aaron had broken up with him and driven away.

"I--I let Pip do a lot of the planning," Alex told him, trying to keep his voice normal. "So it's not as elaborate and over-complicated as, say, the great Christmas Waltz Caper, but it's not bad."

The skin by Aaron's eyes crinkled when he smiled. Oh, those crow's feet were going to be the death of him, Alex thought desperately. "Christmas songs in August," he reminisced, lightly rubbing the backs of Alex's warmed hands with his thumbs. "What do you have now that it's December? Love songs for Valentine's Day?"

"The Battle Hymn of the Republic," Alex told him absently, trying not to melt into him like a Hamilton-puddle. Even if that's totally what he felt like. Somewhere in here, his plan of seducing Aaron seemed to have gotten turned around. He couldn't honestly say he minded.

Aaron laughed, and Alex hadn't remembered how much he had missed the sound. He pulled a hand free and wrapped it around the lapel of Aaron's wool coat. He was just about to pull Aaron forward into a kiss - polite manners be damned, the man had warmed his hands - when Aaron was jostled and pushed forward, just catching his balance on the ice before he and Alex would have fallen into the street.

"Sorry, Dad!" Alex heard, and it took a second to register that that wasn't his child's voice.

He looked at Aaron in alarm, only to see the look mirrored back at him. A second pair of running feet caught his ear and Alex twisted to look around Aaron, only to see his own son skidding intermittently down the sidewalk past them. A glance further down showed Theo, almost back at the van already.

Slowly, Alex turned toward where the pair had come from, still clutching Aaron's lapel, ignoring the low swearing coming from the other man's mouth, to see George LeRoi, Jr himself cursing a blue streak in the door of the patisserie, literally shaking a broom like a cartoon caricature of an angry shopkeeper.

Alex could faintly hear the chorus of The Battle Hymn of the Republic echo down the street. Glory, glory, hallelujah. His truth is marching on...

He wasn't sure if the proper response here would be to laugh, to cry, or to call Eliza and preemptively claim ignorance.

"I'm going to kill you," Aaron told him calmly. "I'm going to pay bail for my sweet little girl whom your son has corrupted over the span of two months, and then I'm going to kill you."

"And then let me kiss you?" Alex asked hopefully, his attention snapping back to Aaron.

The smile that spread across Aaron's face was blinding. "If you like.

Screw later, Alex thought. If Aaron wanted this too, he was damn well going to make sure they got it.

So he tugged on Aaron's lapel and wrapped his other hand around the back of Aaron's neck and pulled him unresisting into a kiss.

Alex's lips were cold, but Aaron's were warm, and they would warm his soon enough. They always had before.

[girlsworlds]

its my last day of school!!!! now i gotta rush home to my 14.15 philosophy class bc its online... im not home in 45 minutes lmaoo also my lunch...

[bonez-yard]

Are you named after anyone?

My irl name or.. original name? I wouldn't say dead name bc I still like going by it- anyways, I was named after the Navajo Clan I was born into. I chose Bonez tho bc it sounded cool, and my grandma thinks I like it bc it was a nickname my grandpa used to give me as a child. (I go by both names fbfbbgfb)

When was the last time you cried?

Hhhhmmmm I believe Christmas Eve? I went to go visit my great grandmothers grave, since that was the day she passed away on. I wanted to bring her some flowers, alongside my uncle and aunt (grandma) that were buried next to her ^^

Do you have kids?

No. I sometimes think about adopting one kid, but I don't think I would be able to handle a kid all by myself aha

Do you use sarcasm?

Most of the time, sadly not everyone hears it

What's the first thing you notice about people?

Well, there's their appearance? Aside from that, I also notice their demeanor

What's your eye color?

Dark brown!

Scary Movies or Happy Endings?

Oh! Hhhmmmm can I say both? On one end, I like some scary movies, on the other, i also like happy endings, but it depends on what type of happy ending too

Any special talents?

Uh, well.. no? I dont think I have any jgjfncnc

Where were you born?

Arizona, USA ^^

What are your hobbies?

Writing, drawing, I like to go walking but I haven't done that in a while. Hiking (I have a fear of heights but you catch me hiking our mountain I will gladly do it), uuuhhhh playing video games. I think that's it dncncnnc-

Have you any pets?

Not currently. Someday I might adopt one, but only when I'm ready, and when I have a place of my own (that allows pets)

What sports do you play/have played?

I played softball and basketball. I may not entirely be a good player (in fact I was benched mostly for both, well more basketball then I was softball bc favorites-), but they were both sports that I liked playing. I was more of a.. what was it.. encourageble teammate.

...i was always stuck on a team with people who think their better just cause they're good at it *sobs*

How tall are you?

5"4

Favorite subject in school?

Mine was my English classes. Every teacher I had, I always befriended easily. They made me feel.. myself in a way. I enjoyed the writing and reading assignments. The only teachers I didn't like were my senior ones. (One spoke too much that I would forget about the assignment he gave us, and also it was a college course that I took- the other I just didnt like.. idk I kinda forgot why lmao)

Dream job?

To work in an animation studio. I of course.. have to study animation and background and.. everything else still- but I've always wanted to work in one ^^

I dont have much to tag,,,

@aquillaac3 @mightyfoz uhhhh that's all I got-

15 Questions, 15 Mutuals

I was tagged by @tc-doherty to share my answers. Thank you for the tag!

Are you named after anyone?  Not that I know of…

When was the last time you cried?  It was on February 8th of this year.  Because of some work stuff.  Sometimes my job is hard lol.

Do you have kids?  No.  But I hope to adopt one day.

Do you use sarcasm?  All the time.  Some might say too much.

What’s the first thing you notice about people? Good question.  Probably general demeanor and basic politeness/manors.

What’s your eye color? Hazel :)

Scary movies or happy endings? Are these two mutually exclusive?  What if I like both? ;-;

Any special talents?  Ummmm… no.

Where were you born? Pennsylvania, USA.

What are your hobbies? Writing, reading, music, videogames, photography, and I’ve recently taken up origami, too!

Have you any pets? Not anymore :( my beagle, Chase, passed away last January.

What sports do you play/have played? I haven’t played anything officially since high school, but I used to play basketball and softball.  And I played flag football and soccer for one or two seasons, too.

How tall are you? 5ft. 3in.

Favorite subject in school? Honestly, this always depended on my teachers.  But generally, it was English or history or both.  I also greatly enjoyed my sociology and macro social work classes when I got to college.

Dream job? Idk, man.  A job that would let me dismantle the mental health system in America from the ground up :)

Tagging: @lilithfairen, @emelkae, @my-writblr, @dysphorie, @gracemlachakwrites, @pathsofoak, @bowl-of-shortness, @asher-orion-writes, @italiangothicwriteblr, @papercutsunset, @up-in-flames-writing, @writingpotato07, @sleepyowlwrites, @dallonm

[thedreadvampy]

Attempting to grapple with the fact that they've changed the rules two days before I was going to travel to my mum's from "you can travel for the 5 days surrounding Christmas" to "you cannot leave the house or interact with anyone outside your household we're in full lockdown from this week"

like it's not about Christmas it's about. I have been keeping myself afloat with the thought of a brief reprieve where I get to go somewhere for a few nights that isn't full of black mould and from which I can see the sky or people passing or literally anything that isn't this

which is the least oppressive window in my flat bc at least out of this one you can see the sky if you crane up whereas the others are all the same alleyway but with a dirty plastic roof

I have been in this flat almost 24/7, I go out once or twice a week most weeks to get food or go for a walk but the last time I spent more than 4 hours outside this flat was early October.

I was already on my last legs with coping with this flat. It's made my health so bad being inside all day bc there's black mould everywhere and something I'm allergic to in my room and I haven't seen the sun in like 2 weeks. I was absolutely banking on having a couple of days at my mum's, somewhere nice and warm and not mouldy and where I can be outside without having to cope with people, and now I don't know how I'm going to cope with just this endless indefinite stretch of THIS

and I'm too agoraphobic to go outside on my own and I just wanted to go for long walks with my mum somewhere I didn't have to cope with crowds

possibly look at a cow or some birds

feel like there's something still moving outside my dingy little bubble because I cannot emphasise how bad it is to not be able to see or connect to ANYTHING outside your flat. I can't even leave the blinds open because the light in the alley is strobing and it gives me migraines but even if I could all I'd see if a wall and occasionally people passing by looking in. I don't see anything green or anything alive beyond people hurting past against a blank wall. Everything could be back to normal outside or everyone but me could be dead and I wouldn't know. There's barely even weather and seasons are just 'now it's slightly darker and you can hear rain'. I can't cope. I really can't.

[jimmymcgools]

From ch 17, "Through his airplane window once, Albuquerque had looked like an afterthought, dwarfed by the sky." all the way to the absolutely perfect ending! (since I'm about to chonk on this chapter 🥰❤️)

♥️💙♥️💙 thank you so much! this one got long, wow 

fic commentary meme and my answers

i am WEAK for an indulgent callback and this ending is the most indulgent and callbacky thing i’ve ever done. i really hoped it would give the chapter a sense of closure and finality -- or at least that’s the excuse i gave myself to go absolutely ham. 

Through his airplane window once, Albuquerque had looked like an afterthought, dwarfed by the sky.

i didn’t do it deliberately at the time i wrote chapter one, but at some point i noticed that interesting quirk of jimmy’s very first observation of abq. it’s all sky and mountains and nothing of the actual city: “Albuquerque makes a disgustingly beautiful first impression: the sky as big and curved and blue as he’s always heard it can be, streaked with paintbrush clouds.” 

It had looked like something ready to be forgotten

another callback to chapter 1. “Here, the architecture feels almost temporary, as if it’s been carelessly dropped on some enormous play-mat and forgotten.” i always try to use jimmy’s observations of abq to reflect how he feels about himself at that point. 

along with the thought of the heavy suitcases that he’d watched slip and shift in the overhead lockers before takeoff

i don’t think it really stands out enough to be anything, but i was stuck for list items here and i ended up trying to fold in some of that slippin’ jimmy gaze. the idea that maybe he’s not only looking at people to read them / figure out how he could scam them, but looking for these liability insurance $$ payouts waiting to happen. 

... along with the thought of their drive out to O’Hare, Jimmy silent in the passenger seat of the rental car, the radio off and Chuck’s grip tight on the steering wheel. 

oops--just remembered jimmy says chuck’s waiting in a taxi! 

Jimmy had listened to the line ring for what felt like forever, each silver chime spinning a silver thread across the city, winding toward his mother’s living room. 

more damn callbacks! when he thinks about calling his mother in chapter 9: “He imagines a line emerging from the handset, a thin silvery thread spinning off from his room and his street and then out of Albuquerque, crossing over the Sandias and shooting northeastward, over rivers and fields and Dust Bowl states, until finally arriving in Cicero, in his mother’s living room.” 

It echoed through the handset like it was being piped back to him, like the prison phone was just a sick joke, a closed loop, locked inside

so much of acb is jimmy trying to break out of these closed loops 

In a bright and steady voice, or at least his brightest and steadiest, he had said, “Hey, Mom. Something’s happened.”

law offices of james m mcgill, how may i direct your call! 🙂

It seems unfamiliar at first, but then the city starts to take shape, and he thinks he can see the squat skyscrapers of downtown, the geometric cubes that rise from the flat land. 

i wanted this to be the end point of a series, where jimmy’s first impression is the beginning, and him arriving back from cicero is the middle, and now only here is he finally familiar with the city. the next few sentences are kind of a walk through acb -- "squat skyscrapers of downtown” is similar to how jimmy sees the city in chapter 7 when they go to the movies, then we get central avenue/route 66 “historic and neon-glowed”, and then finally the airport on the “desert shore” like in chapter 14. 

Might even see Chuck’s house, still lit by lantern light. 

ofc jimmy’s thinking of the luminarias but the dramatic irony here was too good to pass up 🔥🔥🔥

And in the west now, clouds. As the sun vanishes below the horizon, they become briefly clear, shadowed with lilac and orange, and Jimmy can see their shape by the light on them. 

you’re going to have to forgive me for how damn metaphorical this is gonna get, but thinking of metaphors is one of the big ways i spark ideas for description, and this ending is really just an enormous chunk of description, so 💀

these clouds. these damn clouds. ever since hamlin snr told jimmy to find a space in the world only he can can fit, jimmy’s thoughts have kept returning to that idea -- and his mother’s innocent words, too: “you were really in no shape”. so the idea that, if he can figure out what shape he is, he’ll know which space he can fit.

and throughout the fic when i was stuck on kim description i’d play with light, and the idea of kim being a source of light, like the sun. the fireworks sequence is a big example, where i wanted to make her as bright as the fireworks, or at the holiday party: “Beneath the hanging Christmas lights, she’s luminous.” 

so when i wrote “and Jimmy can see their shape by the light on them” i was thinking about him seeing the shape of himself and therefore his place in the world because of kim. 

... but the clouds only become briefly clear.

(it’s also a little bit of inspired/stolen phrasing from the end of no country for old men: “and i could see the horn from the light inside of it.”)

If he watched for long enough, he thinks that he could also see them moving slowly, driven by high winds.

oh did you think i was done talking about these clouds? ☁️☁️☁️

this from chapter 11: “A display entitled Surviving in a Moving Landscape shows how the dunes can shift almost forty feet a year in places, driven by high winds”

“surviving in a moving landscape” ♥️ i always thought that was a really nice way to look at the characters of bcs. they’re the animals in the dunes having to adapt to survive, but also the dunes themselves. moving slowly because of these intangible forces on them, adapting to the forces, but changing forever for it. 

The winds move through him, too, hollowing him out.

a future callback, i borrowed "hollowing him out” again for chapter 5 of safs, so keep an eye out 👁

In the darkness, the flat land below the Sandias seems to go on forever, black and flickering with dying embers: scorched earth. 

if i had seen this specific image of abq from the sandias before i wrote the chapter, the light on the clouds would’ve been the city lights of abq -- even BETTER than the sunset! look at it! LOOK!

He can even smell them on the wind: the woodsmoke scent of evening

jimmy thinks of night smelling like woodsmoke on their drive along route 66, and then again on the forecourt of clines corners. bringing that back here with the idea that it’s coming from those imaginary fires of the city lights. 

And he thinks that his whole life since arriving in Albuquerque has been like a controlled burn: searing away the silk shirts and the fake Rolexes and the ice of Michigan Avenue until nothing remains—breath on a cold mirror vanishing—a blank slate. 

(peter griffin voice 👉AHH, AHH, 👉THERE IT IS)

the end here is inspired by this from “how to embrace a swamp creature” by tmg:

Alone with your bathroom mirror Try to get my head straight Breathe on the glass and wait for it to clear Clean slate

Burned back and clean. So he thinks about what he could build. 

jimmy thinking very much like kim here, and especially what she said in the last chapter about the desert being sterile. 

He thinks about his brother on a park bench, surrounded by luminarias. He thinks about a paper-wrapped book with fourteen words inside it.

i really wanted there to be some of chuck in this moment, even though i’ve ended up in such a shippery/kim place. 

He thinks of letting her move against him, move over him, move around him. Of letting her define the edges of him.

the same idea as the light on the clouds, but hopefully a little more apparent! 😂and more returning images, and the seed planted by kim in the white sands motel. 

there’s something so fragile about jimmy’s realisation here, i hope. he really is still doing so much of this for other people. it’s hard -- there’s something about slippin’ jimmy coming to abq and deciding to *dedicate years and years of his life to becoming a lawyer* that’s just... incredible. i tried to get to a place by the end of this fic where it made sense, and of course we all know he ends up doing it, but -- i always wanted there to be this inspiration from within himself to do it, too, outside of him just doing it to follow kim or to make chuck proud. 

but i don’t think he’s found it here, as much as the shape of himself is briefly visible atop the sandia peak. 

Jimmy wonders if he’s allowed to stay here all night, up on the Sandias. Up on this one high place.

oh jimmy if only you could stay up there forever. hamlin snr voice: perspective!!

He imagines waiting exactly here until the sun returns, until it rises behind him and breaks over the mountains. Like sitting beside Kim on the trunk of her car, their legs pressed together beneath the blanket.

this specific idea of holding off on seeing 🌄morning over the sandias 🌄at the end of chapter 16 came as i was planning that chapter. i was worried that ending with a sunrise would seem too final, seem too much like the ending of the whole story, and that chapter 17 would then end up feeling tacked on. 

Then, the dawn had seemed to reach out close enough to touch them, huge and breathless, warm fingers on his skin.

three rapid fire callbacks in these next sentences. first an inverse of this from chapter 6, when kim takes a cup of coffee from him: “He can feel the ghost of her fingers like sunlight on his skin.” 

And Jimmy had inhaled the colors of it: blue and gold and orange, streaks of brightness across the enormous sky.

then white sands: “as Jimmy inhales the air and the colors he thinks that there could be nothing more opposite of a Cook County jail cell than this exact spot in the middle of the White Sands National Monument.”

Morning sliding over the land. 

and this is so niche and impossible, but it’s “I watch the sun rise over this wall / I watch it break and slide” from “graffiti” by throwing muses, which is on the road trip playlist and shows up in chapter 10 with: “A smile crests Kim’s face like the sun over a wall.” but, you know. callback?

And now he stands on the edge of the viewing platform and he looks out into the darkness of the city. And he imagines it all bathed in light.

i said that i decided to shift the idea of the sunrise here because it felt too much like an ending -- and man, the noise i made when i realised that jimmy imagining the sun rising behind him was jimmy imagining the world before him finally illuminated. 

i also loved the idea of the weird clash of him standing there at sunset, at night, and imagining dawn. 

🌄🌄🌄☁️☁️☁️ thank you so much for asking!! 💙

[star-puff]

Miss Meg, I know how easy it is to get overwhelmed and how it is to not... be in the mood to write. Or just not in the mood to write a specific prompt.... but do you plan on posting anything for the fleur d’amour event soon? It’s one of my favorite events you’ve done and it’s so cute and I wanna read more of it 👉👈. I’m actually a botany major and I really enjoy your flower interpretations and the cute little aesthetics and your writing and just.... ALL OF IT 💚. Just was curious. If not, please know there’s no rush. I’m not going anywhere!! I was just curious..... 🥺

hi!! first of all i wanted to thank you for sending this in! being a botany major sounds so cool :o i'm honored u found enjoyment in my poorly researched flower interpretations 😭💘

the short answer:

yes, i plan on completing all the reqs sent in for fleur d'amour :)

the long answer:

i just don't know when :')

i'm going to be complete transparent with u, i think i somewhat overstretched myself in october. hosting two events so close to one another, i was underestimating the amount of people that would participate in each one. and honestly that's completely my fault. i think i was still in the summer mindset, schoolwork wasn't piling on me like it is now, my motivation for literally Anything was still,,,passable. and i thought i could handle it, because they were short and there weren’t exactly any requirements that needed to be met like word count or anything.

but as time slowly passed and i was churning out aesthetic by aesthetic i found my quality dropping? i would post an aesthetic and dread ever looking at it again bc i just. stopped being as proud of it as i was in the beginning. it's not completely burn out, at least i don't think so. i know that the people that sent stuff in have been waiting for a long time, and i’m sorry for that. i really am. but i wanted to be able to give you something that wasn’t half-assed, something that wasn’t mediocre. something i could be proud of. i hate to be the equivalent of the relative that gives you a gift card for christmas. or white socks.

i think i just needed time, but now 20-something days have passed since my last fleur d’amour post and i’m just feeling bad about not doing anything of the sort except Wait so. i’m currently trying to find a balance between writing without motivation yet still writing something i can look at without wanting to delete my whole blog sdlfkdf. and it’s not just with this, my normal writing has taken a toll bc i simply just Do Not Wish To Exist on this plane of existence atm. school is a bitch, is all i can say.

i feel like i just spent this post complaining about my own problems instead of explaining but i just. yeah. i’m really sorry. i promise i will complete Both of the events, because it doesn’t feel right to just...abandon it either. all the requests are still in my inbox, they haven’t been deleted at all. they’re just. in a stasis rn. i’m hoping thanksgiving + the holidays will give me the free time i need to regain the momentum i had a few months ago :’’)

again, thank you for sending this in; i’m thankful you like my writing for it enough to ask about it. much love, always <3

[okmcintyre]

Pick 5 shows, then answer the following questions. don’t cheat. tag 10 (or however many) peeps.

The 100

Friends

Grey's Anatomy

BtVS

Lucifer

1. who is your favorite character in 2?

Chandler Bing: if I really could only choose one!

2. who is your least favorite character in 1?

I never really warmed up to Abby, for some reason. Don't get me wrong: Paige Turco is incredibly talented, and there are aspects of the character that I respect (especially now that her story has come full circle). But Abby irked me, for some reason? Idk?

3. what is your favorite episode of 4?

3x10 Amends : Christmas miracles, Bangel, Xander camps out in the back yard, Christmas tree decorating, SNOW!? C'mon. That was magic y'all. 4x21 Primeval : Probably my favourite finale storyline: because it was such a love letter for the Scoobies to have them work as one Super!Buffy unit. 5x16 The Body : This episode got me through a lot of feelings after my mom passed. It's the most emotional, honest hour of television out there... imho.

(yeah I chose three 😃)

4. what is your favorite season of 5?

Lucifer: Season 3! A lot came full circle that season between the characters and old storylines, I think. PLUS some of my favourite stand alones are in that season AND so is my favourite scene of all time.

5. who is your favorite couple in 3?

Owen & Cristina, for sure. Meant to be!

(But also: Merideth & DeLuca, Arizona & Callie, Mark & Lexie, Bailey & Ben, Teddy & Tom, Amelia & Linc... because The cast is HUGE!!)

6. who is your favorite couple in 2?

Chandler & Monica! Chandler & Monica!

7. what is your favorite episode of 1?

4x13 Praimfaya, 5x01 Eden, 5x13 Damocles Part Two, 6x10 Matryoshka. (Yes I chose FOUR, I know I know...)

8. what is your favorite episode of 5?

4x02 of Lucifer: those two are trying so hard to make things work and then Lucifer jumps in front of the axe and THEN the scene between he and Chloe right after?? I lost my mind!! It's why I started watching the show.

9. what is your favorite season of 2?

Season 1 of Friends, as that is where my favourite episodes live! The one that started it all.

10. how long have you watched 1?

I started watching The 100 for the first few weeks it aired... then jumped on board watching live every week starting 5x01

(I watched up to 4x13 over the hiatus and HAD to find out if Madi was secretly a bellarke love child 😂)

11. how did you become interested in 3?

My wife and I used to watch ER together every week*... and in one of its earlier seasons: Grey's would air right after. Quite often we'd forget to change the channel after, and eventually Cristina Yang's sense of humor won us both over.

(*together as in: living an hour apart and watching at the same time, on the phone with each other lol)

12. who is your favorite actor in 4?

Anthony Stewart Head. Legend.

13. which do you prefer, 1, 2, or 5?

The 100 is one of my favourite shows of all time. But Friends has a trump card. It's THE show. If I could only watch one the rest of my life, that would be it.

14. which show have you seen more episodes of, 1 or 3 ?

I've seen every episode of both, but Grey's: because it's been on TV for fifty thousand years.

15. if you could be anyone from 4, who would you be?

I think I'm the most similar to Tara & Willow from BtVS (bc Im cliche like that!): but to choose just one I'd to go with Willow. We share a love of tech and a corny sense of humour!

16. would a crossover between 3 and 4 work?

In 3x01, Buffy could have gone to Seattle instead of LA: and had the doctors from Grey's Anatomy help her through the pain of losing Angel. Sure!

OR: In "Normal Again" she wakes up at Grey Sloan Memorial instead of LA. Has anyone fanfic'd that?

17. pair two characters in 1 who would make an unlikely but strangely okay couple.

I find myself looking Echo & Emori together after 6x08? Anybody else see that??

18. overall, which show has the better storyline, 3 or 5?

Between Lucifer or Grey's? I have to again: give it to GA: on account of their EPIC cast size and their keeping me interested after 15 years (!)

19. which has the better theme music, 2 or 4?

The Friends theme song is iconic AND a radio hit, you can't beat it! Sorry, Nerf Herder.

Tagging: (my last few notifs + anyone else out there in case you'd like to play along!) @blodreina-noumou @cheesemfcake @icantdoanythingwiththiswifi @loophole2000 @andersonbeard @uneminiplume @geekyogicheese

[rhodeythebetta]

12/19/19 - Tank update: noticed my s repens wasnt looking so great, poked at it a bit and it like disintegrated, same with my dhg. So, pulled both out, did a water change and still had high nitrates. Racked my brains to see what could've happened, only thing I can think of is that I put in root tabs like a week ago. First time I've ever used any kind of fertilizer in my tanks, so I double checked that I'd siphoned them all out and now I'm just gonna recheck the water in the morning. Rhodey is kinda down, still alert and responsive, just not very active. Not sure if its bc the water got pretty nasty for a bit or if its bc like all of his plants are gone. Pretty annoyed with myself rn honestly. Hoping everything will be better in the morning and I can just steal some java fern clippings from the snail tank so he has some more plants in his tank

12/23/19 - Tank update #2: tested the water again, parameters were 0 for ammonia and nitrites, 5ppm for nitrates.

Rhodeys quiet, alert, and responsive. Hasn't really left his rock unless disturbed, showed little interest in food, but perked up more after I added in some java fern cuttings.

I'm going to be quietly obsessing over Rhodey's water parameter for the next few days, or until he gets back to normal. I'm kind of hoping he just got shy, because I had to do 2 water changes right on top of each other and remove a bunch of his plants.

If all goes well this week, next weekend I'll pick up some more plants for his tank (and anchor his java fern cuttings). Thinking abt getting some bacopa and possibly some anubias or el niño fern, haven't decided yet.

12/261/19 - Tank Update #3: water parameters yesterday were 0ppm ammonia & nitrites, 10ppm nitrates, did a quarter water change. Will retest the water when I get home. Rhodey is getting quieter and less alert by the day, the only other time he has ever been sick was when he had fin rot right after I brought him home. I treated the fin rot with some salt bathes and he was fine. Someone told me that salt bathes help boost fish immune systems, so I tried giving him a salt bath Christmas eve and he passed out after abt 5sec in the bath. I pulled him out right away but hes looking even worse now. I've tried reading up on common illnesses seen in bettas, but there doesnt seem to be anything visibly wrong. He looks healthy, he just doesnt seem to have any energy. I'm planning on setting up a hospital tank for him this afternoon and I'll keep monitoring the water parameters in his tank, if anyone has any ideas on how to help my buddy, please let me know. Thank you if you managed to read this whole thing!

^this was him last night, he seriously just isnt doing well rn

He swam around a bit this morning, but just doesnt look good