strawberriesancreamdrpepper

[strawberriesancreamdrpepper]

asked her out and she said yesss

so I haven't been super focused on ed, just sort of maintaining 117 ish

gonna try and get under 110 by January 7th though ‼️

[strawberriesancreamdrpepper]

binged the rest of the week but I'm back on my shit rmw

gained all the weight back but ain't that js the truth

anyway gonna start going to the gym again too, last week before winter break!! def gonna lock in Fr this time

[strawberriesancreamdrpepper]

binged again for the 2nd time

going to liquid fast for the rest of the week, hope to get down to 114

[strawberriesancreamdrpepper]

okay post binge ik 115.8 which like I only gained 1lb so I think it's not a big deal. js gonna do like under 600 omad today after school and try and burn everything off. I calculated I need to burn 1500 today in order to burn everything inate yesterday off, so if I eat 500 I can burn 2000 from the day and then it'll be no big deal. maybe it's a blessing bc maybe it'll help stop me from maintaining like I have been for a week yk?

[strawberriesancreamdrpepper]

🕯️Manifesting🕯️

-25kg 🕯️

No more excess fats 🕯️

No more cravings 🕯️

No more binging 🕯️

No more excuses

I WILL BE THIN

I WILL LOSE WEIGHT

I WILL NOT EAT

🕯️🕯️🕯️

[strawberriesancreamdrpepper]

I binged really bad

Idk what to do

[strawberriesancreamdrpepper]

114.8 today

I'm going to fucking lose it.

[strawberriesancreamdrpepper]

when someone tells me to calm down or chill out even though I'm at school for 10 hrs a day and not even eating 1000 cals

[strawberriesancreamdrpepper]

114.6 again today? Idk what's happening

hopefully I'll lose tmrw

[strawberriesancreamdrpepper]

I think once I'm under 50kg I'm going to buy myself some clothes :D

[strawberriesancreamdrpepper]

ended up doing a metab day bc js wanted to see if it works

total 1460 cals

that's around my maintenance so I figured that's good.

going to lower to 800 limit for the whole week and and then week after I'll do a 5 day counted liquid fast with the same limit.

that's all bye bye

[strawberriesancreamdrpepper]

wow this is too close to home

[strawberriesancreamdrpepper]

I'm going to be at my gw by Christmas! The weight will js fall off.

reblog and make a wish! this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)

[strawberriesancreamdrpepper]

going to lower to 800 limit and focus on excersise and working out

[strawberriesancreamdrpepper]

115.4 today? I don't know what happened. I ate under 1000...

what do I do? I think next week I'm going to try and prioritize excersise. metab days are scary I really want to try and avoid it. do I lower my intake too? idk if it's possible to plateau so early in my wl because I've only lost 7 pounds.

[strawberriesancreamdrpepper]

I haven't updated in awhile about my life so here it is.

outside of not really losing much my after school gym classes start next week. it's kind of nice bc the gym teacher is my English teacher and she's really nice so hopefully she'll just let me run the whole time. I'm also going to start going to the planet fitness in my town again instead of my treadmill bc it's starting to get below freezing in the garage and I can't run in there. me and the girl I have a crush on are hanging out again tmrw, and I'm really excited. we're going to meet up in the outskirts of the city and then go back to her place to do homework. I baked her and her family cookies because I wanted to make a good first impression. hope I didn't do tm or seem like I'm too idk like I'm courting her. In a weird way. Idk. Anyway I've had a lot of homework and midterms are coming up before break starts so it's kind of difficult to stay active when I spend all my time sleeping doing homework excersising or thinking about her. honestly it's taking up a lot of time I sort of wish I could js get it over with and ask her out so I don't think abuut it all day. but I don't want to do it too soon even though I think she likes me back. she's been flirting I think, I asked one of my other friends who knows I have a crush on her and I sent her some of the texts we've had and she says that it's definitely flirting. not in a weird way but she has autism so I don't know how good she is at reading this type of social situation cause personal interactions is a struggle for her but I'm going off that. I really want to ask her out by the time Christmas break comes, I was thinking like the Thursday before the last day of school so that if she does end up saying she doesn't like me back I have the whole break to recouperate and be ready to face it when we go back. she's so pretty and funny though I just really like her. I haven't felt so happy in a long time. it's honestly taking my mind off my eating disorder, and that's sort of a relief. I love my an@ but sometimes it's tiring when all I think Abt is c@ls. she may be catching on a bit bc she keeps bringing me apples and asking if I eat them. I tell her no bc I don't and I don't want to lie to her but an@ always comes first. that's why I'm always hesitant to talk to people cause they don't deserve to deal with my problems but if I just hide it it won't really affect them? as long as I don't complain about it yk. I told her protocol if I pass out in front of her, because it may or honestly probably will happen at some point. she seemed a little freaked out and I hope I didn't scare her off but idk. but she texts me good morning everyday and like we text almost non stop and we've hung out when we can at school. tmrw I'm helping her catch up bc she was sick last week and fell behind in school. and I also have a lot of hw and I need to do some stuff so I will probably js try and get it all done and stuff and I'm sure it'll be fine. If my grades start to drop though I will have to put a little distance between us bc I have my priorities straight yk. I really want her to ask me out first cause I don't want to do it but also she's never dated anyone before so I don't really think she'll do it? Bc I've dated ppl before and she might feel weird idk. but idk. I feel awful about it sometimes. like whenever im not actively talking to her sometimes my mind js drifts and I come up with all the different reasons she would hate me and all the stuff I've said and done wrong with talking to her and how like she probably won't ever talk to me again and once she finds out how I'm actually like she will leave and never talk to me again like all my friends before her. idk I don't deserve friends atp. I think I'm ruined. but at least I have an@ and my grades. that's the only things I can really control atp and at least it keeps me busy and gives me a reason to keep going. even though I consider myself a terrible broken person I've been feeling really good recently. haven't binged in a bit which is nice. trying to yk not do that.

okay that's a lot so I think I'm going to go finish my laundry and go to sleep cause it's like almost 11pm rn. hope u enjoyed reading my rant about my life xx

[strawberriesancreamdrpepper]

114.6 for the third day in a row 🫥