strawberriesancreamdrpepper

[strawberriesancreamdrpepper]

hi hi, been writing some stuff, and wanted to share.

this one is called "solar flare"

with your soft hair, ricochet

golden flecks

stars on your nose and neck, I'll feel them for you.

together could we make the solar system, with the way I seem to circle around you, always coming back for more.

your solar flares allure,

I'm pulled in by your gravity.

if you are my world it only makes sense that when you collapse, a star in supernova, I am pulled into your black hole.

I get a hit everytime we're bare against each other.

it feels more real when I can hear you breathe,

it's like I'm a part of your system, you're a part of mine.

we work together in a flame until we both run out of oxygen;

it's like I'm breathing for the first time when I steal yours.

your skin sends sparks up and down my spine,

it's like my very cells will curl against yours.

mold myself to whatever shape youd like,

all i would like is to be yours.

you have that specific look in your eye,

the one that makes me feel special, glowing;

the one you can't fake.

we can be embarrassed together, is that not the most intimate thing there is?

our mistakes may be messy, but they're covered up by understanding.

[strawberriesancreamdrpepper]

i hate binging

[strawberriesancreamdrpepper]

“what are you eating today?” the fat already stored in my body, thank you!

[strawberriesancreamdrpepper]

had 825 today

walked a bit

drank some water

I'm so obsessed with Billie eilish rn bro it's so bad. she's so fine. I can't.

and my girlfriend. she's so fine. God bless women I honestly like 😞

I LOVE WOMEN 🙏

[strawberriesancreamdrpepper]

OKAY WHOSE READY DAY ONE HERE WE GO

no bullshit I'm sick of this if I don't lose I'm recovering

had a yogurt for breakfast: 110

I'm having a protein bar during break: 150

appl for lunch: 100 (they're small)

dinner is going to be a frozen meal of my choice, something about 400, less than 500

total: 760-860

drinking 1 L of water and then going on a 2 mile walk + some pt excersises my physical therapist gave me cause my back is injured I forgot to tell u guys abt that

we're so locked in it's insane, I'm tired of making excuses, I'm doing this and no one can stop me but myself so I'm fucking doing it

[strawberriesancreamdrpepper]

i know you guys missed me dw, life update

okay update. small update i did start ahem (im spelling it out so i dont get tmd) see you tee tee ee i en gee myself again. my girlfriend whom you may have followed the saga of me asking her out, has in fact learned about my ed and i just needed something okay. something js that i have that i can hide and keep to myself nothing crazy. she is quite supportive of miss anna though so thats nice. we kissed for the first time like 2 weeks ago and it was my first kiss so lowkey crazyyyyy but it was nice kising girls; offical opinion: um fuck yeah idk pretty nice.

but new plan as always ik ur sick of me saying this im sick of me saying it too but im LOCKING THE FUCK IN, i have a school trip on march 5th, okay i need to be like 107 at the HIGHEST so i need to loose like 11 lbs in a month. doable man doable. i dont know whther or not to make my limit 1000 or 1200, but im working out pretty consistently not too bad, im like 117-119 right now which is definitly not fucking ideal but like oh em gee i really gotta lock in. were doing this. remember back in june where i literally locked LOCKED in and lost sm and like it was only ruined because i visited my grandma? yeah i need to do that again. i was 115-107 in 2.5 weeks so i need to go from 119.4 ish to 107 in 4 weeks. yk? like i thik thats doable. i just need to be harder on myself. goal is if i think im gonna binge, dont fucking do that maybe go see you tee yourself instead fatty like goddamn. also need to do better in school bc im a freaking perfectionist idk and i have both a research paper thats like 8 pages and a huge english essay that im doing at the same time that is going to be really freaking hard so i need to be like consisten and not binge and food should be taken care of. BINGING MAKES ME SO MISERABLE IDK WHY I DO THIS AHHHHHHHHHHHH

anyway current plan, hide everything pretend im fine this tumblr now my life line, were looking at a rough fucking month but i shall prevail starve and die idk.

this is just what it's like to be 14 no? miss my pedo coach but i can't do that because i love my wife, but i seriously miss being able to talk to someone always about eating and being supported. but i love this girl too much to do that you dont understand. but damn, if you saw her youd understand. i just miss feeling heard sometimes so thats why im back on here.

going to start just like fucking spam posting too keep myself sane, your in for it man (me, im in for it, im actually looking down the barrel of a gn toeing the line of insanity) i just need to keep myself triggered and itll be great.

itll be fine, were chilling

[strawberriesancreamdrpepper]

asked her out and she said yesss

so I haven't been super focused on ed, just sort of maintaining 117 ish

gonna try and get under 110 by January 7th though ‼️

[strawberriesancreamdrpepper]

binged the rest of the week but I'm back on my shit rmw

gained all the weight back but ain't that js the truth

anyway gonna start going to the gym again too, last week before winter break!! def gonna lock in Fr this time

[strawberriesancreamdrpepper]

binged again for the 2nd time

going to liquid fast for the rest of the week, hope to get down to 114

[strawberriesancreamdrpepper]

okay post binge ik 115.8 which like I only gained 1lb so I think it's not a big deal. js gonna do like under 600 omad today after school and try and burn everything off. I calculated I need to burn 1500 today in order to burn everything inate yesterday off, so if I eat 500 I can burn 2000 from the day and then it'll be no big deal. maybe it's a blessing bc maybe it'll help stop me from maintaining like I have been for a week yk?

[strawberriesancreamdrpepper]

🕯️Manifesting🕯️

-25kg 🕯️

No more excess fats 🕯️

No more cravings 🕯️

No more binging 🕯️

No more excuses

I WILL BE THIN

I WILL LOSE WEIGHT

I WILL NOT EAT

🕯️🕯️🕯️

[strawberriesancreamdrpepper]

I binged really bad

Idk what to do

[strawberriesancreamdrpepper]

114.8 today

I'm going to fucking lose it.

[strawberriesancreamdrpepper]

when someone tells me to calm down or chill out even though I'm at school for 10 hrs a day and not even eating 1000 cals

[strawberriesancreamdrpepper]

114.6 again today? Idk what's happening

hopefully I'll lose tmrw

[strawberriesancreamdrpepper]

I think once I'm under 50kg I'm going to buy myself some clothes :D

[strawberriesancreamdrpepper]

ended up doing a metab day bc js wanted to see if it works

total 1460 cals

that's around my maintenance so I figured that's good.

going to lower to 800 limit for the whole week and and then week after I'll do a 5 day counted liquid fast with the same limit.

that's all bye bye